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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's the Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Ryan had in this here.

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Speaker 1: She is life and spiritual coach and a hypnotherapist, which

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Speaker 1: I'm fascinated about, so we have to talk about that later.

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Speaker 1: You were a contributor at Poosh, Mind Body. You've done

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Speaker 1: all sorts of work and now you've opened your own

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Speaker 1: space called Sage and Sound. We're you're the programming director,

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Speaker 1: which I'm so excited to hear about that as well.

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Speaker 1: Um I was just telling you before we started though,

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Speaker 1: that our topic this month is gratitude. You know, we

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Speaker 1: pick a theme each month, and obviously with Thanksgiving, that

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Speaker 1: is a really really spot on topic. And um, I

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Speaker 1: guess I would start with saying, is there some way

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Speaker 1: in your practice, personal practice that you tie in gratitude

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Speaker 1: on a daily basis. I think gratitude is a frequency, right, Okay,

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Speaker 1: So we wanted to step into that, that flow, that

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Speaker 1: frequency of good because we're when we're edging in gratitude,

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Speaker 1: we kind of view life from a different perspective. We

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Speaker 1: have of a more um optimistic perspective and more optimistic

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Speaker 1: way of noting good. That's happening in real time. So

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Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of working gratitude in and I

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Speaker 1: think that gratitude and fear and more unfavorable emotions can coexist,

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Speaker 1: just like we can love and fear can co exist,

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Speaker 1: or faith and fear, or however it is. I think

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Speaker 1: we can just edge in these ways in which we

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Speaker 1: want to operate from, and we don't bypass. You know,

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Speaker 1: we talked about that a little bit earlier, you and

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Speaker 1: I about we don't want that fake gratitude. Everything's so

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Speaker 1: great and under the surface were like, you know, dying

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Speaker 1: and dying inside. Like that's over and we're not putting

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Speaker 1: like a false you know, um mask on top of

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Speaker 1: what's true for us. But I think we can acknowledge

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Speaker 1: what's true for us. I feel like ship, I'm really upset,

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Speaker 1: I'm angry, But where can I notice some good unfolding

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Speaker 1: in this non moment? Where is my couple of coffee

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Speaker 1: was really hot? Someone held the door for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that stranger just smiled at me. It's it's really creating

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Speaker 1: that practice of holding both things both things are true,

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Speaker 1: and that's when we get some emotional maturity because we're

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Speaker 1: not we're not allowing one feeling to run point in

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Speaker 1: our entire life. We're not negating it, we're just holding

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Speaker 1: space for it. And also, feelings aren't facts, Like no

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Speaker 1: one told me this as a kid, Like for some

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Speaker 1: reason when I got you know, and my self development path,

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Speaker 1: it was always like, what are you feeling? What are

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Speaker 1: you feeling? And putting all this importance and what we're feeling,

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Speaker 1: so yes, do that note how you're feeling, because we

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Speaker 1: have like thirty to sixty thousand thoughts a day, and

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Speaker 1: that's my hypnotherapist hat on, you know, because sixty yes

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Speaker 1: and there, and they're all bubbling up from the subconscious.

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Speaker 1: So we have all those thoughts and they dictate a mood,

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Speaker 1: they dictate a feeling, but they're also not that important.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's where we stop and grab onto

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Speaker 1: a thought and one thought comes on the screen, and

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Speaker 1: it's usually those habitual thoughts because they're like neural pathways

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Speaker 1: that have been etched in the mind and they like

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Speaker 1: they find their little groove. So if it's for you,

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Speaker 1: you get it for someone else, Like nobody likes me, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he likes me, so everything around you keeps calibrating

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Speaker 1: to that truth. Nobody likes me, so you start seeing

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Speaker 1: it everywhere. So anyway, I digress. There's a lot of

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Speaker 1: different points in what I just said, but truly, truly,

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Speaker 1: we can notice a thought and then we can still

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Speaker 1: try to move through it, say this is true for

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Speaker 1: me right now, I feel angry, and we can also

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Speaker 1: start looking around, like what good is unfolding in this

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Speaker 1: time and this moment instead of allowing that just runaway train.

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Speaker 1: I love that because then when I was reading about you,

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Speaker 1: one of the main things that jumped out to me

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Speaker 1: about your story was that it's not like you present

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Speaker 1: this perfect story of this perfect life, like you've had

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Speaker 1: great moments and you've had really hard moments from what

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Speaker 1: I read, And the bigger piece to me, and that

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Speaker 1: the one that really resonates with me, is that some

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Speaker 1: of your hardest moments, viewing from the outside, seemed to

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Speaker 1: be the catalyst for you to really like grow and evolve.

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Speaker 1: And so looking back, I would imagine there is a

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Speaker 1: sense of gratitude and just like you're saying, you had

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Speaker 1: that like matching feeling of you know, I'm sure those

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Speaker 1: were like very painful, very sad, very hard. There's a

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Speaker 1: lot of anger all of the emotions and now you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh wow, if without that, I could never be where

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Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, I mean that's true. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and that's true for all of us. I think any

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Speaker 1: good practitioner or healer or coach or therapists, if you're

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Speaker 1: holding space for someone, you have to have walked through

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Speaker 1: the yeah, on the hot coals yourself in some ways.

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Speaker 1: You have to be away shower, you know, or a

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Speaker 1: light bearer, and that gets into the woo woo portion

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Speaker 1: of this will be more. Um, I think you can't

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Speaker 1: hold space for someone else the shadow or darkness truly, truly, truly,

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Speaker 1: I mean, and I can get it through textbooks, but

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Speaker 1: I don't know that people trust that you have you

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Speaker 1: can hold that experience, the depth of that. And so

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Speaker 1: I definitely feel it's my privilege and my honor to

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Speaker 1: be able to be one of those people in this time, um,

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Speaker 1: in this very pivotal time on our planet. And I

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Speaker 1: definitely have been to the dark places. Yeah I am

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Speaker 1: this week, I have nineteen years in recovery. Wow, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Yes. What that means is it just means

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Speaker 1: that nineteen years ago a window of grace opened and

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Speaker 1: I crawled through it because I really truly think that

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Speaker 1: it was a miracle. It was one way and I

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Speaker 1: could not get out of that darkness. I could not

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Speaker 1: I couldn't leverage it, I couldn't um I think my

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Speaker 1: way out of it, I couldn't act my way out

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Speaker 1: of it. It was really truly the depths, the dark

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Speaker 1: knight of the soul. And I was in a relationship

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Speaker 1: that um was so very dramatic, and so it was

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Speaker 1: that's what happens when two people are in their their cups,

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Speaker 1: and it was, you know, it just really hard to

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Speaker 1: see your way out of and then, like I said,

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Speaker 1: this window of grace open. I don't know why. It

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Speaker 1: was just my time. I don't know if it was

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Speaker 1: because I had some karmic uh loopholes that I had

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Speaker 1: built up in some karmic you know, bank currency. But

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Speaker 1: it was my time to to walk into a new

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Speaker 1: lifestyle and someone away show or showed me the way

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Speaker 1: this is, tried this, and for me it was a program.

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Speaker 1: It was a new and new blueprint that I could

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Speaker 1: work off of, and I didn't have a blueprint. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was doing the best I could with

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Speaker 1: the tools I had, which I was using dull tools,

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Speaker 1: and I was using a hammer instead of this through driver,

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Speaker 1: and I was I had really no tools. My best

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Speaker 1: thinking got me to that place in my life, and

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Speaker 1: I thought it was about all the outside things and

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Speaker 1: why did I do that? I got all the all

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Speaker 1: the people, places and things, and it's still couldn't save

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Speaker 1: me from myself. That isn't that I was thing though,

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Speaker 1: Like we always that's the goal of I feel like

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Speaker 1: what society preaches us, that our teaches us that life

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Speaker 1: should be is like get the things, get their relationship,

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Speaker 1: get the money, get the status, get whatever it is

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Speaker 1: that looks pretty on the outside. But just like what

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Speaker 1: you were saying earlier, like if the inside doesn't match,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have a problem. You're gonna blow it up,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna feel unworthy. Yes, And I thought that it

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Speaker 1: was in mothering. I thought it was in wifing, and

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Speaker 1: I thought it was in red carpeting, and I thought

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Speaker 1: it was in all these other places that we hold up.

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Speaker 1: But truly, I was looking for that relationship with myself.

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Speaker 1: And I know that sounds corny, but I wanted that

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Speaker 1: feeling of connection. And I didn't know I've been misled

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Speaker 1: to believe, and I bought it that it was out

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Speaker 1: there and I could um just grab onto it. And

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Speaker 1: so I was this greedy, hungry, piggy little girl who

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Speaker 1: was pretending to be an adult and just more more more,

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Speaker 1: I was insatiable. And you really push up against the

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Speaker 1: wall fast when you do that. And I'm so glad

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Speaker 1: that my descent was swift and it was quick, and

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Speaker 1: it was public and it was it really was like

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Speaker 1: this isn't working, yeah, And so I know there was

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Speaker 1: another window of grace. As the timing it was, it

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Speaker 1: was a short and intense period of time, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad that I crawled through that window of grace.

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Speaker 1: And I do want to say, like, I look back

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Speaker 1: on that version of me that almost years ago, I

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Speaker 1: guess years ago, and I like, I love that girl.

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Speaker 1: I love her desperateness, I love all of her. I

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Speaker 1: love her scrappiness, I love her grasping. You know, I

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Speaker 1: folded her into who I am, and it's teacher from

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Speaker 1: that place of knowing her intimately, just like we talk

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Speaker 1: a lot about the inner child, and we talk a

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Speaker 1: lot about the subconscious. We talk all these aspects of

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Speaker 1: who we are, and this is an aspect of who

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Speaker 1: I am, and I'm not running from her. You know.

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Speaker 1: In my early days of recovery, was like trying to

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Speaker 1: put as much space between her as possible. We've all

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Speaker 1: had that. I want nothing to do with her. She

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Speaker 1: wants to destroy everything, And then was probably true, so

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Speaker 1: that running, But then you stop and you're like, oh Jesus,

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Speaker 1: she's still in there, and that's still that voice that's

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Speaker 1: like more, we're getting more, but is gonna have some more?

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Speaker 1: Like it's and I know it's her and so and

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Speaker 1: she's dear and sweeten, all those good things, and so

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Speaker 1: I have her under you know, Um, I just folds.

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Speaker 1: She just folds into who I am, you know. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I'm so grateful that I've had that experience. I'm

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Speaker 1: so grateful that I burned everything to the ground that way. Um.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't do that on purpose, but that's

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Speaker 1: what happened. And from there I could build something else

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Speaker 1: that was solid, truly was meaningful. And then in turn,

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Speaker 1: you know, for the rest of my life, what I'm

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Speaker 1: doing one day at a time is really just turning

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Speaker 1: around and offering it back up to someone else. You know.

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Speaker 1: In the beginning, I worked with women, with only women,

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Speaker 1: and I still mostly gravitate to women in my practice.

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Speaker 1: And but um, what a gift, what an honor? Truly

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Speaker 1: I've said a few times, but it's true. It really

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Speaker 1: is like what could be? And part of why I

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Speaker 1: burnt out because I was looking for purpose and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't find it. M and I couldn't find my purpose.

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Speaker 1: And I knew I had this grand purpose and I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm fully in it now. But it's so fantastic that

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Speaker 1: purpose came through that dark knight of the whole. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love referring to it as a window of grace

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Speaker 1: that you walked through like that, because again, that takes

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Speaker 1: away I think when something is painful, my brain immediately

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Speaker 1: wants to deem it as bad and it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. But all the emotions in this world are

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Speaker 1: actually for a purpose, I believe, And it's just like,

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Speaker 1: what is it bringing to your attention? And like your

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Speaker 1: work now, I mean you're the spiritual life coach and um,

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Speaker 1: you know, relationship expert, and like you were saying earlier,

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Speaker 1: if I'm going to someone and I'm like they're saying

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Speaker 1: to me, hey, it's gonna be Okay, I want to

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Speaker 1: know that they walked through that first and they're okay.

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Speaker 1: Like to see someone else and go, I want what

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Speaker 1: she has because I know she's been down here too.

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Speaker 1: To me, that speaks volumes like that is the thing

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Speaker 1: that draws me in every time. So, UM, I want

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Speaker 1: to talk a little bit about relationships because something else

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Speaker 1: you touched on was just the relationship with ourselves and

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Speaker 1: a love where you're mentioning the part about in all

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Speaker 1: of this stuff, like you were looking outside of yourself

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Speaker 1: for all the things, And yes, it could sound cheesy

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Speaker 1: for us to say, like but always it was within myself,

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Speaker 1: but it is the truth. Yes, So how important you

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Speaker 1: know if I'm having you put on your relationship hat

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Speaker 1: here a little bit because I want to talk through

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Speaker 1: some of the stuff that you work with people on. Um,

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Speaker 1: how important would you say the relationship to ourselves is

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Speaker 1: to our relationship with others? Oh, it's everything. It dictates

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Speaker 1: the quality of our relationships. I mean, how do you

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Speaker 1: feel about yourself? Is what you're calling in. And that's

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Speaker 1: not just say that I haven't had angels show up

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Speaker 1: on my timeline of human beings who loved me because

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Speaker 1: I couldn't love myself yet, so that has happened also,

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Speaker 1: that's also true, okay, But I do feel like our

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Speaker 1: perception of what we're worthy of and the degree to

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Speaker 1: which we allow love in and we allow love to

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Speaker 1: flow out UM certainly dictated by um the sinner stability

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Speaker 1: that we have. So you know, we can be someone

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Speaker 1: who gives out a lot, so you know that flow

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Speaker 1: can be imbalanced because we're seeking love through someone else

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Speaker 1: by our giving, and it's really holding and trying to

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Speaker 1: control and manage that relationship. But when you don't have

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Speaker 1: to do that anymore, can you imagine the freedom and

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Speaker 1: you really just trust everyone's coming and going. Like I

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Speaker 1: have four kids, they are all these different stages of growth,

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Speaker 1: they're coming and going. You know, relationship I'm married now, UM, well,

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Speaker 1: I deeply trust our relationships move and how they're organic.

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Speaker 1: That's not to say I'm not going to fight like hell,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not going to work my hardest to be

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Speaker 1: my best within that, but I also just trust the

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Speaker 1: ev and flow of things, so I'm not holding tight

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Speaker 1: to anything. That's what it feels like, and it feels

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Speaker 1: like freedom. That's what it feels like because I can

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Speaker 1: tell you that there were a few relationships in the

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Speaker 1: span of my in between my marriages where I was

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Speaker 1: working this out, and those where my greatest teachers. Those

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Speaker 1: those relationships that have in the dating period of time

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't ready for my relationship with my husband

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Speaker 1: that I have. Now we've been there fifteen years. And

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Speaker 1: longevity is not a gauge of success. I just want

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Speaker 1: to say that I have of all known couples that

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Speaker 1: have been together two decades and you're like, it's time's

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Speaker 1: all right. Yeah, So it's not about who says that

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Speaker 1: you have the longest twins. I think it's about who's

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Speaker 1: using tools within the partnership and like putting the lens

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Speaker 1: back on yourself within partnership because we're mirroring to each

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Speaker 1: other all the time, and that's when it gets really interesting.

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Speaker 1: So when you're seeing yourself focusing on their behaviors, what

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Speaker 1: they're doing, what they're thinking, what they're saying, I could

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Speaker 1: just get them to do this, you've lost the plot

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Speaker 1: right not to say that we can't share our needs

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Speaker 1: and wants when you do this. I feel that if

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Speaker 1: we want to stand up for ourselves, we want to

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Speaker 1: set boundaries with behavior and things like that. And obviously,

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Speaker 1: if you're in a you know, relationship that's not feeding

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Speaker 1: you and sustaining you in some way funk out, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's time to leave. I don't even know if we

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Speaker 1: can swear here, but I'm in the Okay, thank you. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's time to leave, right if it's not working and

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Speaker 1: you've and the person is not hearing you listening all

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Speaker 1: those other things and you may be pulled in the

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Speaker 1: third party or there's behaviors that are unacceptable. I have

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Speaker 1: to say that just as like, have you like stop working,

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Speaker 1: they're working too hard. It's not going to happen, um,

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Speaker 1: because we can only do so much and everyone gets

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Speaker 1: to be how they want to be, but we get

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Speaker 1: to decide who you want to be. Information to that

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Speaker 1: insanity or not right. So there's that. But I think

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Speaker 1: going back to those relationships, I was in these emotionally

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Speaker 1: unavailable relationships and I look like the like, the most

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Speaker 1: amazing person in those partnerships because I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: still loving, I'm just holding space for you whenever you're

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Speaker 1: ready step into this love bubble. And they were like

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Speaker 1: running away, and you know, it's like I look like

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Speaker 1: the hero. But really what shifted it when I realized is, um,

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Speaker 1: how am I emotionally unavailable to myself? How am I

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Speaker 1: afraid to show up in partnership fully? Because I keep

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Speaker 1: calling in these people. And that's when you get talking

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Speaker 1: about the subconscious. We call in where we need to heal.

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Speaker 1: We call in the partner that helps us to heal

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Speaker 1: that part of ourselves that's still in shadow. This sounds

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Speaker 1: like a lot of gobbledygoop, but I can tell you

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Speaker 1: that boots on the ground. When you get that, you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, it's nothing. It's me. It's totally me,

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Speaker 1: and I'm creating all of this, yes, so that I

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Speaker 1: can heal. We're like this incredible self healing mechanism and

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Speaker 1: our subconscious is like managing. You could call it the

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Speaker 1: higher self, you can call the subconscious. You know, the

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Speaker 1: subconscious gets a lot of a bad rap, and it's

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Speaker 1: truly moving us into alignment when we start paying attention.

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Speaker 1: So those compulsive behaviors, those patterning, it's about where are

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Speaker 1: the places where you haven't shown the spotlight yet? It's

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Speaker 1: your sister, like, it's you calling this in to highlight

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Speaker 1: yet again, there's a place here that needs some attention.

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Speaker 1: And so again you're in this partnership with yourself where

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Speaker 1: you realize that you're not You think it's the guy.

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Speaker 1: You think it's about getting married, You think about having

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Speaker 1: all these other externals that you mentioned before, But it's

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Speaker 1: really about creating these contexts to keep knowing you, to

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Speaker 1: keep expressing more love. And I just mentor that would

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Speaker 1: say to me, how much more can you love yourself

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Speaker 1: right now? With the ship that's going on? And there

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Speaker 1: was always that question, and that would like laser into

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Speaker 1: the story that I was telling myself or that narrative,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, yeah, how much more love can

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Speaker 1: I grive to myself? And that would look different at

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Speaker 1: each time. What do I need? That's that's a novel

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Speaker 1: thing to ask, what do I need right now? Isn't

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Speaker 1: that crazy? That that is the likes? And sometimes the

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Speaker 1: last thing that would ever come to my brain totally

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Speaker 1: think about, right because we're reparenting, right and that's like

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Speaker 1: what do you need? You say that to your chi,

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Speaker 1: what do you need right now? That's going on for

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Speaker 1: you right um, because you're really upset, like speaking to

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Speaker 1: yourself in that way. No one's going to do that work.

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Speaker 1: There is no rescue party, no one, no therapist, Like

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Speaker 1: it's this is when it's just you and your mind,

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Speaker 1: you and your willingness, and to get curious, what do

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Speaker 1: you need right now? How can I show up for you?

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Speaker 1: And it sounds selfish because it's me, me, me, but

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Speaker 1: ultimately you can't show up and you're not giving from

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Speaker 1: overflow if you're not asking those questions. It is intending

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Speaker 1: intending to that, you know, it's asking, listening for the

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Speaker 1: answers and intending to it. Yeah, it's interesting. The mirroring

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Speaker 1: piece of relationships is something that I've it's just been

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Speaker 1: brought into my awareness this past year where I really

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Speaker 1: got it, like I've heard it, but I couldn't quite

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Speaker 1: grasp what that meant. And so it's interesting now though,

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Speaker 1: because it kind of it's like you can't actually just

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Speaker 1: bitch about your ex or whatever, like oh, he's such

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Speaker 1: an asshole, because it's like, yeah, but you still brought

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Speaker 1: him in, so like what was that like? Just having

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Speaker 1: to take that responsibility in and of itself, it kind

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Speaker 1: of takes away the like, um, it's not glamorous to

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Speaker 1: bitch about our excess, but like you have to face

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Speaker 1: yourself too, and that to me is such an interesting switch,

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Speaker 1: Like I've started dating now again, um after a year off,

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Speaker 1: and it's so interesting going in with that mentality of

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Speaker 1: like why the people that are coming in are coming

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Speaker 1: in and also just looking at a love that you

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Speaker 1: mentioned the part about how unavailable we are to ourselves,

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Speaker 1: Like if you're bringing in an unavailable partner, there's a

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Speaker 1: part of you that's unavailable too. And I just couldn't

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Speaker 1: get that for a long time because as you have described,

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Speaker 1: like I was a giver and you know, like I

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Speaker 1: thought I was showing up so much in relationship, but

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Speaker 1: I wasn't showing up for me at all, Like it

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Speaker 1: was all looking for it outside. Can you talk a

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Speaker 1: little bit about that, like how do we show up

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Speaker 1: for ourselves more? Mmm? I love everything you just said.

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Speaker 1: Think that's beautifully said. I don't know thank you to

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Speaker 1: add to that. It's a process. It's just I think

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Speaker 1: the first thing is that paradigm shift of it's me, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's me showing up in all these partnerships, these things

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Speaker 1: getting reflected back, and then taking it one step further

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Speaker 1: than that, it's why is this here for me? What

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Speaker 1: is this here to show me. So it's that curiosity

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Speaker 1: and then just sticking with it. You know, it's not

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Speaker 1: going to happen overnight, but I think a lot of times.

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Speaker 1: And here's the therapy portion of it. We're working out

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Speaker 1: our primary caregivers. It's not sexy, it's not sexy covered No,

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Speaker 1: that is not. It's all projection. So what heart needs healing.

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Speaker 1: And once you close those loops, then you start feeling

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Speaker 1: attracted to different types and so this like, I never

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Speaker 1: I don't trust the when the seas part and you

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Speaker 1: see someone across the room, that's just your subconscious and

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00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 1: they're subconscious. It's just I mean, there are twin flames

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Speaker 1: and soul you know, soul mates and things like that.

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Speaker 1: But let's keep it super real. It's rare. In flames

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Speaker 1: are rare. It's become this like it means that two

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Speaker 1: souls are split. It's just it's not. It's not and

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Speaker 1: we've just made it. Let's pronacaves much on flame. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not. And I don't actually subscribe to that. You

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Speaker 1: complete me. Oh god, now they're the unhealthiest mentality. My god. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And you can feel that feeling when you're aligned with

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Speaker 1: someone and but it's like two holes come together, you know.

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Speaker 1: And so I think we're really we're really pushing against

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Speaker 1: programming because the matrix that we live in is all

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Speaker 1: about that. You know, It's all about I'm lost and

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Speaker 1: then you found me and then you know, um and

397
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Speaker 1: this trauma and the real housewives of it all. It

398
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 1: looks like this, and women relate to each other this

399
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 1: way and relationships and a relationship until there's like ship

400
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Speaker 1: flying and like that's just when you start to shift

401
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 1: the frequency of that. But just being able to sit

402
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Speaker 1: in silence with someone, of just being able to be

403
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,879
Speaker 1: to really delight in who you are when you're with someone,

404
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 1: and noticing how you feel um and how you feel

405
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Speaker 1: more whole within yourself when you're with them. Like those

406
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Speaker 1: are things like you can start breathing life into. That's

407
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Speaker 1: when you know you're onto something good. Yeah, how do

408
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: we Like you've talked a lot about this subconscious and

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Speaker 1: I know that's a lot. I mean that's what hypnosis

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Speaker 1: is really addressing, right, I mean your work with it's

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Speaker 1: one modality. Okay, So can you what I think I've

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Speaker 1: heard you say in another interview that something in the

413
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Speaker 1: nineties of our thoughts are coming from our subconscious? Is

414
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Speaker 1: that right? I mean that is the majority of ours.

415
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Speaker 1: We're just walking around completely unaware. Is that? Okay? Can

416
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Speaker 1: you explain this to me? Because I just don't. Like

417
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Speaker 1: I'm starting to get it. And then the more I'm

418
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Speaker 1: addressing the like the mirroring and what I'm bringing in,

419
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Speaker 1: like it is clicking. But how do we know? Like

420
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Speaker 1: how can we trust ourselves then? Because it's like what

421
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Speaker 1: part is this old programming that I'm driving that's driving

422
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Speaker 1: the bus of my life? And then what is actually

423
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Speaker 1: where I need to be? And like I'm in alignment

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Speaker 1: with myself? Like how do we know? This is a

425
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: great question. I think when you have repetitive thoughts and patterning,

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Speaker 1: and it's safe to say that that's the subconscious. Okay,

427
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: that's like rerouting thing that it's just there's just noticing that,

428
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 1: Like where what are phrases that you say to yourself

429
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: is what'll work when I'm working with the client, and

430
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: be like, what are repetitive phrases for you? What are

431
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: beliefs that you have that you like, Um, it's usually

432
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: stuff you've picked up from childhood. I mean, we are

433
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: in this kind this is the part where I'm gonna

434
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 1: explain the different brainwave activities. Yeah, it's the science part

435
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: of this and it's not um just bear with me.

436
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: So we're in this beta state right now. It's really

437
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 1: about output. So the brain's moving really quickly in these

438
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: data waves. Below that's alpha, which is kind of when

439
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: we space out when we drive from A to B

440
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: and we don't remember how we got there. We're kind

441
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,360
Speaker 1: of in alpha most times when we go into meditation Nalpha.

442
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 1: Below that's Theta data is the magic state where the

443
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: subconscious is in play. And then below that is delta.

444
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 1: So they bring me of activity. Just get slower and

445
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 1: slower and slower. Yeah, so when you go to sleep

446
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: at night, you're in delta. Delta sleep data is what

447
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: we drop into do hypnosis. So a great hypnotherapist will

448
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 1: drop you into that Theta state and from there they

449
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: will um upload these new ideas you have around something, okay,

450
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,919
Speaker 1: like I can attract abundance, that I am in flow,

451
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: that I love myself, that I can release this harmful

452
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,360
Speaker 1: way of coping smoking addictions. Like this is where they'll

453
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: drop you into the magic Theta state. And this in

454
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: the brainwave activity state that is receptive to new ideas.

455
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: So context from the ages of zero to seven, we're

456
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 1: in theta oh so every yep, we're little sponges. We're

457
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: just walking around in THETA state, and after seven we

458
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 1: pop out. Then we're going through these different brankway back

459
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: to you can imagine it makes sense. You land in

460
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: a human body, your soul, and you're like, oh, what

461
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 1: do I need to notice survive? Right, So you're picking

462
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: up picking up and you're reading what love is, what successes,

463
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:22,719
Speaker 1: what safety feels like, what abundance feels like? Just rocked

464
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: my world? Sorry that from zero to seven that doesn't

465
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 1: My whole life makes sense. Okay, So anything you've picked

466
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 1: up from your parents about ideas around money and love

467
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: and stability and security and um sense of self would

468
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: have been through those times. So it's really easy to

469
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: if you can go back to what your parents said

470
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: during those times and remembering phrases money doesn't run, treats whatever,

471
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: Those those little phrases, those are the things that are

472
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: running your life under there. Those have been put into

473
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 1: the database, that's your hard drive. It's been wired now,

474
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: and that's why people feel this helplessness, this this power

475
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 1: or listeners sometimes around their best thinking their conscious mind

476
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: that says, I want this to be different, but then

477
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: the subconscious keeps rerouting to that true north of what

478
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 1: it's what's in the hard drive. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah,

479
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: it is frustrating. But my friends are getting frustrated with

480
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,120
Speaker 1: me because, like when I talk about this dating stuff, um,

481
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: you know, one of the narratives amongst my friend grade.

482
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: But I think this is a lot of women in general,

483
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 1: is there are no good men out there, Like I

484
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: don't know if you've heard, you know, and I'm yeah,

485
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: and I've lived that way. It's been probably my last

486
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: decade living in that mentality. And what do you know,

487
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: all I've brought in were men who validated that narrative,

488
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 1: you know, over and over, and I was just like,

489
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: see there it is. It's like, but of course our

490
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,360
Speaker 1: brains are amazing and that they will keep doing that.

491
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 1: So if we believe that, then yes, we're gonna pull

492
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: something in that makes that true. And so what I've

493
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 1: been trying to say is it's kind of what you

494
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: were saying about the abundance place, Like I come from

495
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: a place of abundance, Like love is abundant. There's a

496
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 1: scarcity like amount of love in this world, you know,

497
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: like there are amazing there's multiple relationships for me, and

498
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: like whatever I'm supposed to be in right now, um

499
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: is here to teach me something. And like that shift

500
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: has completely changed dating for me, like completely, and it's

501
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 1: taken away so much of that power. Go ahead. Yeah,

502
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 1: I know I was gonna say, quick life hack. If

503
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: someone says something like that and you can feel that

504
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 1: it has torque to it, yeah, say cancel, cancel, cancel, okay,

505
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 1: And so my brain doesn't cancel, can okay, And then

506
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 1: you can affirm something to yourself, say my person is

507
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: making their way to me, and I'm making my way. Yeah,

508
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: and I can't wait. The subconscious loves expectation, loves hope.

509
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 1: So you can say I can't wait to meet my person. Yeah,

510
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: I can't wait to step into this flow of love

511
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: that's on its way to me. Things like that. Find

512
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 1: her phrasing that that's true to you because these things

513
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: that I would say to myself because I was dating

514
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles, which is a really small pool, and

515
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 1: it's all about age, position, you know, all those things status, youth,

516
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: yes said age, Yeah, I can't I can't say that enough.

517
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 1: And I had, you know, I just people would say

518
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: to me, you have two kids and you're thirty. I

519
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: was such a baby. I was like, thirty years old?

520
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: Are you to tell you now? Um? So, yeah, I

521
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 1: think I think those things are just these are little

522
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: ways to disengage from these beliefs that keep getting perpetuated. No,

523
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 1: and there is enough, and we find each other and

524
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: there's a lid for every pot. Used to say that

525
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: to you, but I love that. And so you know,

526
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: if you're if your person isn't showing up just saying

527
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: he's getting ready for me, they're getting ready for me.

528
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm getting ready for them. They're getting ready for me.

529
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: You know, we're not ready yet. And so and this

530
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: is a beautiful thing because it's like I can have

531
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: fun in between, don't need to do ship. All I

532
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: have to do is just keep focusing on my own healing,

533
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: getting curious about where I'm at, trying to close loops,

534
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: noticing patterning just gently, softly. We can't catch sixty thoughts,

535
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: but we can notice a mood that we have a

536
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: feeling that we have Oh what was I just thinking

537
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: that created this thought and mood? Yeah? And then backtracking

538
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: and say is that true? Yeah, and just parceling through.

539
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 1: And I can tell you that that work is so precious,

540
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: it is so dear, and you can have people like

541
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: the path and I've had so many great mentors littering

542
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: my path along the way, and I've had a lot

543
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: of um may have been very fortunate that way. But

544
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: when it comes to this again and again, it's about

545
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: this work that you do with yourself, this gentle, loving

546
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: lens that you keep bringing to everything and repatterning the subconscious.

547
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: You don't have to change it and shift it and

548
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 1: like you know, away from the I like you don't

549
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: do it. It's just gentle, it's just loving. And so

550
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: I just want to go back to one more. I

551
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: like to put tools in people's hands. When you go

552
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: to sleep at night, when you're going through these states

553
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: that I talked about, from beta, alpha, theta into the

554
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: delta sleep, that is the time to repeat those affirmations.

555
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 1: That is the time to program. You don't need a

556
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 1: subconscious specialist. I'm giving you these these little kills now.

557
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: When you're going to sleep, that is the time to

558
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: say your affirmations. That is the time to reprogram your

559
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: own subconscious mind, because only you can really do that.

560
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: The degree all hypnosis is self hypnosis. It's the degree

561
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: that you allow it. You know, people thinking you talk

562
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: about that, what do you mean? It's the degree we

563
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: allow it. Because I'll have clients coming into the degree

564
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: that they allow themselves to drop into there, it's their suggestibility.

565
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: It's the degree to which they allow themselves to drop

566
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 1: into that Theta state. So I can navigate, and I

567
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: have different ways of doing that, I have different powern techniques,

568
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 1: whatever that is that I learned and that you know,

569
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 1: I use um and also have the tool of my

570
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: voice and those sorts of things. But at the end

571
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: of the day, it's the degree to which someone is

572
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: willing mm hmm. And so you are your own best healer.

573
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: You can use be deliberate and conscious and mindful about

574
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: when you want to drop into this Theta state, and

575
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: you can do it through breath, you can do it

576
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: through intention. You're taking three dep breaths and then just

577
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: counting from ten down to one in your waking state,

578
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: that will drop you into alpha data and then from

579
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: there to your affirmations. From there set your intentions. But

580
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 1: the most potent times when you're falling asleep, because you

581
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: definitely have to move through that state to get into sleep.

582
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: So instead what we do as our head hits the

583
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: pillow and we're like worrying, thinking about the day tomorrow,

584
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: how the day didn't go well. So I would say,

585
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: keep a little journal next to your bed, right out

586
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: all the thoughts, get them all out, just let them

587
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: just find their way out on paper. And then you

588
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: talked about gratitude at the top of this and the theme,

589
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: so I would write ten gratitudes, okay, up, pledge your

590
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,479
Speaker 1: your frequency, al your frequency, right, ten things you're grateful

591
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: for the day. And then then you're really setting the

592
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: tone for the subconscious as you're going to sleep into

593
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: that theato you're in that frequency of good, that frequency

594
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: of abundance, because that's what gratitude is. Yeah, and so

595
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: then you're going to sleep with that top of mind. Okay.

596
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: I love that you um said that the subconscious loves hope,

597
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: because I mean that that actually makes so much sense

598
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: to me. But I do think specifically we're keeping on

599
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: the dating topic like that is one of the hard

600
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: parts of dating, right, You get excited and then it

601
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: doesn't work out, and I think that we're so conditioned

602
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: to again think that's a failure or like why why

603
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: am I not meeting this person or whatever. And one

604
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: of the things that's really helped me lately is doing

605
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying. Like it's just like if something

606
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: happens and it doesn't work out, and like the universe

607
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: is protecting me, like rejection is your biggest protection, you know,

608
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: kind of thing, and like and also is what am

609
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: I feeling right now? A lot of times I'm just

610
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 1: lonely and it's like, okay, but I'm again not talking

611
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: to myself. I'm having I have no connection to myself.

612
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: And most of the time I can satisfy that pretty

613
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: quickly if I actually just even address like, oh, I'm

614
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: sorry you're lonely. It's like no one else is really

615
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: going to fully be able to give me that ever.

616
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,479
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been in relationships and felt that, so

617
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: I know that to be true. Um, but why does

618
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: this subconscious like hope, can you tell me a little

619
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: bit more about that? Because it's always calculating, it's trying

620
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: to you know, it's it's trying to it's rerouting to

621
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: keep you safe. It really runs the autonomic nervous system.

622
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 1: So that's the technical piece and so it's fighting flight,

623
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: you know, fears, all of those things. So it's always scanning,

624
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: it's always looking. And so when we usually were like um,

625
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: thinking fearful thoughts like this isn't you know if I

626
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: do this? And so it's it's how we can manage.

627
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: You know, when you're trying to get out ahead of something,

628
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: you can think the worst so that you can keep

629
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: your expectations that way. So instead it doing that by

630
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 1: just constantly like you're doing. I love how you're reframing

631
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 1: and just saying, um, rejection is God's protection or the

632
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: universe protection, right, and you're just trusting that it's always

633
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: rerouting for you. I think the subconscious wants to please us.

634
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,280
Speaker 1: It wants you know, if it had its own quality

635
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: to it. It's trying to be faithful based on programming,

636
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: and so it really is you know, I know, it's

637
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 1: very moving. It really is of how we are this

638
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 1: self healing mechanism and it's all working for us to

639
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: move us into alignment to heal. And so let's just

640
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: keep feeding it and nurturing it and giving it things

641
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 1: that to chew on that are actually beneficial other than

642
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: letting it be unfortunately, weird is unconscious and it's just

643
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: a runaway train being led by the senses. And then

644
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 1: that's we pick up at habits and see, think about

645
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: nail biting. Let's use that like someone somehow some put

646
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: their finger in their mouth. They felt a little nail

647
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: between their teeth. They've heard that click, and they felt

648
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: this release of um stress and so the subconscious took

649
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: note of that. The subconscious took note of that that

650
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: first time and said, oh wow, this works for her,

651
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And then you find yourself putting your

652
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: fingers in your room and overrides the conscious mind. You see,

653
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: so that you're doing that and you want your you're

654
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: chasing that first feeling of relief. That's what happens with

655
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: the drinker, that first Yeah, that's why it's housed in

656
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: the subconscious because it's the same thing you took that

657
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: first drink. You felt that click, that click, and so

658
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: people always say, I'm chit was chasing that first drunk,

659
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 1: that first time where I felt that buzz, and it's

660
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: just like it never is going to be as good

661
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 1: as that first time. Ever. It's like this exercise and

662
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: futility in the bottom keeps dropping lower and lower. It

663
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: really is this um, this insane chase for that first

664
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: buzz that happened, and the subconscious had recorded that, and

665
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: so it's like this is good for her, you see,

666
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 1: it wants to please you. So we just want to

667
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: keep uploading more positive experiences. And so when good things happen,

668
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 1: saying this is good, take note of this. This is

669
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,720
Speaker 1: good when you have a moment of love with someone,

670
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,479
Speaker 1: maybe you've had an intimate moment with them, or maybe

671
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 1: just saying more of this, please, more of this please.

672
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: You are such a master creator, you Kelly. Everybody listening like,

673
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 1: I know your power. Step into your power, my god,

674
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: stop art sourcing it. We're an incredible mechanism. It's all

675
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: available to you. Just pick up more tools to manage.

676
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: That's all that's really. It's about self soothing. And I

677
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 1: teach a class here at Age and Sound called the Tools,

678
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,439
Speaker 1: and it's an express class and I love that because

679
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,919
Speaker 1: I just want to put tools in people's hands. So

680
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: not everybody wants to sit in a breath work class

681
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 1: or meditation will offer all those things sound experiences, but

682
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: just give me tools in my hands, so I can

683
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: figure out ways to self regulate, because that's everything. When

684
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: I can do that, then I have some I have

685
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: a shot it self mastery. And if you don't know,

686
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 1: it's going to be in the bottom of a bottle.

687
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: It's gonna be whatever, the medicator, whatever it is, the

688
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: Netflix and chill or whatever that You're going to keep

689
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: looking there because it's worked at one time, but it

690
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 1: probably outgrown it and you're ready for more, but it

691
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,320
Speaker 1: keeps rerouting to that. So gaining more tools is really

692
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: where it's at, and they're going to change what worked

693
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: before it doesn't work today. You're sitting and doing this meditation,

694
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 1: you know it's on you. Keep showing up, keep doing

695
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: that excitement around how you self soothe. I love just

696
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: even hearing that about self soothing because like you and

697
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: I have the recovery piece in comment. And so when

698
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: I first started recovery, I remember being like god, I

699
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: just because I was thirty and I felt like just

700
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: the funk up kind of you know, like everyone else

701
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: had it kind of figured out, and why wasn't anyone

702
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: else's life falling apart? Why was mine calling apart? And

703
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: it was a very like I guess that's a victim mentality,

704
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: but it's also like just it felt so heavy and like,

705
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: oh why me? And since I've done it for so

706
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: long now, it's sort of like a recovery is just

707
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: a tool of mine. Like it's just like the steps

708
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: give me something tangible to do when I'm in these

709
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: you know, really intense periods of my life or hardships

710
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,839
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. And I always say to people,

711
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: I wish everyone had a program, and not because like

712
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: I'm just you know, thinking like everyone has to be

713
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: in twelve steps, but it's just really great tools for life.

714
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,959
Speaker 1: And so I loved you're offering that at Stage and Sound.

715
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,240
Speaker 1: Can you tell us a little bit just about stage

716
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 1: and sound in general? And then what else people could find?

717
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 1: I will I just want to pay you back on

718
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: that because I have another class that actually called the

719
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 1: Spirituality of the Twelve Steps. Okay, so it's just stilling

720
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: just the essence of each step and how anyone because

721
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: I've heard the same thing you've heard. God, I wish

722
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,399
Speaker 1: I had a problem, Like now you don't, right, right,

723
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: but yes, but it is an incredible blueprint and so

724
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: what is the essence of each one? How are you,

725
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: How can you admit powerlessness and unmanageability in how you

726
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 1: show up in your life on where you're like less hustle,

727
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: more flow, you know. Um, and then what's your relationship

728
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: to higher power? How can you tune your well in

729
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: life over to it? So it's just like this gentle

730
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 1: look at sort of what we've all benefited from and

731
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: we've built our life from the ashes back with and

732
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: so so that was that's been like a particular joy

733
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:40,399
Speaker 1: to create classes around that. Um. The study is such

734
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 1: a beautiful space within stage and sound. It's really the

735
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: hardest age and sound. This isn't an Upper east Side

736
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: five thousand square foot space and closed during the pandemic. Yeah,

737
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,399
Speaker 1: so much closed, and we've been missing community. I mean

738
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 1: my practice, I had been doing workshops and one on

739
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 1: one all over the world and people showed up during

740
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: that period of time just feeling so destabilized and really

741
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: wanting to learn how to anchor into themselves. So I've

742
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: been doing that on Zoom off my my farm in Pennsylvania.

743
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 1: And so this opportunity came to join these two friends

744
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: that were Upper East Siders that kept having to go

745
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 1: downtown to get their acupuncture. All their treatments they're you know,

746
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 1: non toxic, many petty, all these different things, and they

747
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: wanted to create a space where they could have a

748
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 1: meditation and breath work and sound and in these classes.

749
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: And so as programming director, it's been such a joy

750
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: and a dream to think about where can we meet

751
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: people right where they are on their journey. Someone who

752
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: doesn't want to show up for meditation or breath might

753
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: want to show up and do a mindful writing class

754
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: to learn how to drop into themselves, to learn how

755
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: to just be with themselves, Like what could that look

756
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 1: and feel? Like? We have a class on practical mysticism.

757
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 1: Again we keep going to clairvoyance or other people to

758
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: pull our taro. How about you learning how to read

759
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: your own sun sign? How about you learning how to

760
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: pull your own car? You know. So we have this

761
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 1: incredible astrologer who's like thirty five years and written books since,

762
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: so she teaches the class here as well. And then

763
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: we have all kind of life coaches and authors teaching,

764
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: but how to manifest abundance, how to heal relationships. You

765
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 1: have a men's class because this space is really saturated

766
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: with women a lot of times. So we had to

767
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 1: create men to have their own space to do that,

768
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 1: and he's incredible. UM. And then we just had these

769
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: sound practitioners that honestly just came off of tours with Oprah.

770
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: We have two of them. When is Breath and one

771
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: Nick Nicholas Proutley and the other one is Jackie Kmpwell

772
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: and she was on all the sound the Sound tour

773
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 1: with her and now she's actually going to do a

774
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 1: sound experience this evening, which I'm going to benefit from. Amazing,

775
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it. What do you find the

776
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: benefit of sound? Because I have done a million sound

777
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: bath and for me, it is my entire body feels

778
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: like it shifts the energy just completely, like the vibration,

779
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 1: Like I feel my entire body vibrate. Can people through

780
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: that because I don't know that a lot of my

781
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 1: listeners are even aware of the healing parts of sound. Well,

782
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:13,240
Speaker 1: everything is vibrating, everything is energy all around us. It's

783
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: it's like just we talked about gratitudes of frequency. Um,

784
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,240
Speaker 1: sound is a frequency and it really cuts through noise

785
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: in the mind and the body, and um, we're just

786
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,280
Speaker 1: very sensitive to it. And so to listen to sound

787
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: in that way it's almost like UM, just an immersion,

788
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: and it can really drop a resistance, like someone who

789
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: can't sit for meditation necessarily, who has a lot of thoughts.

790
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: It really can carry them on this ocean of um experience,

791
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 1: quiet stillness, UM. It can really laser through. I've had

792
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 1: a lot of resistant clients who don't want to meditate

793
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: and sitting out of my mind is just too busy.

794
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: But they can avail themselves to sound and the frequency

795
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: of sound, and we offer different practitioner. So some of

796
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: them do more Tibetan bowls and that's a different sound

797
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: with gongs, and some of them do more crystal bowls

798
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: and that's a different experience. And then some of them

799
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 1: we have laying down so it's more about you know,

800
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 1: being in shivasan after yoga class when you just stay

801
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: there and you just allow that. And so we have

802
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: a different practitioner on Sundays that offers more to enliven,

803
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 1: more to align, more to set intentions. So it's using

804
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 1: sound in different ways and UM. So it's less of

805
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 1: a sound bath and it's more of a sound meditation.

806
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 1: I like that difference. Yeah, Yeah, if you're listening and

807
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: you're like Okay, y'all, okay, sound and sound bold and

808
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: all the stuff don't not get to you. Try it good,

809
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: try answer good, try it So STA didn't sound is

810
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: in New York. If you guys are up there visiting?

811
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 1: Where else can people find you? Though? If they aren't

812
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: in New York and they maybe want to work with

813
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: you privately? Do you still do the zoom sessions? Not

814
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: as much anymore. I'm really here. My focus has been

815
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 1: here any year. I have been helping to build this

816
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 1: and it's just so beautiful to come back into community again.

817
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 1: And that's what I'm saying. It's like all these things

818
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: have been happening online, and there's nothing like the energy

819
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: of being in a room of like minded people. When

820
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: you know that from meetings, you know that from it's

821
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,720
Speaker 1: just different. It feels different. And to hear other people

822
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: share about where they're at and we're working in vacuums

823
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 1: like online and order their therapists and our coaches and yeah,

824
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 1: and it's something that's so cracking to have that community again.

825
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm really focused on in building not here,

826
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: But I write a lot still on my Instagram page

827
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: and that's it. Ryan dot happened. So that's I'm just

828
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 1: constantly using that as a place where I express thoughts

829
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 1: and feelings and things that are going on and things

830
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: that I'm working with in the space. And yeah, so

831
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: a lot of healing pools there. You guys can follow

832
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: her there. I'll put her Instagram handle in the description

833
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: of this podcast. And also just the Stage and Sound

834
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 1: website and your personal website is really great as well,

835
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 1: just telling your story and things like that. Of course,

836
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 1: thank you so much. This was such a delight for me.

837
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 1: This after a little yeah, thank you of course. Thank

838
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: you guys so much for listening, and thank you Ryan

839
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: for being here. Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge

840
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 1: podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we believe everyone has a

841
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: little velvet and a little edge. Subscribe for more conversations

842
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: on life, style, beauty, and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever

843
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.