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Speaker 1: I've done a lot of things in the last ten years.

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Speaker 1: I created this podcast, started businesses, hosted a world tour,

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Speaker 1: and even wrote multiple best selling books. But one of

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Speaker 1: my favorite things I've accomplished is my newsletter. It's called

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Speaker 1: Weekly Wisdom. For the last four years, I've sent out

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Speaker 1: a newsletter every single Thursday. I write about spirituality, love,

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Speaker 1: life's challenges, and the practical things we can all do

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Speaker 1: every day to get closer to healing and well being.

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Speaker 1: Over seven hundred thousand people subscribe, which is still so

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Speaker 1: wild to me. I'm grateful to every person who takes

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Speaker 1: time out of their day to read it. This newsletter

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Speaker 1: gives me a chance to really channel, to express myself

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Speaker 1: and share my thoughts in a candid way with you.

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Speaker 1: No matter what I do, whether it's podcasting or entrepreneurship,

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Speaker 1: the craft I love perfecting the most is my writing.

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Speaker 1: I write for myself, for others, and for the world.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to start receiving my newsletter in your

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Speaker 1: inbox every Thursday, just go to j Sheddy newsletter dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's Jay Shetty newsletter dot com. The newsletter is one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent free and you can unsubscribe at any time.

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Speaker 1: I hope you will join me and I can't wait

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Speaker 1: for you to read it on Thursday. People underestimate the time.

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Speaker 1: I think it's so interesting, so many of us we

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Speaker 1: choose the worst times to have the best conversations. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people in their relationships will choose the moment

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Speaker 1: their partner walks through the door to have the most

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Speaker 1: difficult conversations. Now, that person maybe just had a stressful

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Speaker 1: journey home back from work, and you're thinking to yourself,

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Speaker 1: so did I, Well, guess what. You're not in the

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Speaker 1: right position either. Not only is the timing wrong for them,

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Speaker 1: it's the wrong timing for you.

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Speaker 2: The number one Health and Wellness Podcast, Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, Jon,

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you

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Speaker 2: come to listen, learn and grow.

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Speaker 1: I am so grateful to have you here. My name

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Speaker 1: is Jay Shetty. Thank you for joining me for the

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Speaker 1: next twenty to thirty minutes as we talk about the

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Speaker 1: tell Them Method. Now, I promise you this method is

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Speaker 1: going to transform your life. I believe it will change

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Speaker 1: the way you work with your colleagues. It will change

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Speaker 1: the way you talk to your parents, your partners, It

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Speaker 1: will change everything about your life, because more often than not,

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Speaker 1: we do the opposite. Instead of the tell them method,

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Speaker 1: we practice the tell everyone but their method. Now, let

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Speaker 1: me give you a quick overview as to what they

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Speaker 1: tell them method is. If you don't want to go

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Speaker 1: on a date with someone, tell them if you want

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Speaker 1: to cancel plans tonight because you're exhausted. Tell them if

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Speaker 1: something feels off to you and you don't want to

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Speaker 1: see someone again. Tell them. If you're anxious about a

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Speaker 1: project you're taking on at work and you're not sure

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Speaker 1: what to do with your bo us. Tell them if

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Speaker 1: you don't like to watch sports with your partner. Tell them.

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Speaker 1: If you usually wait till the last minute to tell

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Speaker 1: people you're not coming, don't do that, Just tell them.

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Speaker 1: More often than not, we don't tell them. We don't

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Speaker 1: tell people. We hold on to emotional information. We hold

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Speaker 1: on to our feelings, We hold on to words, We

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Speaker 1: hold on to energy that we're being compelled to share,

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Speaker 1: to give, to pass on. But we hold back and

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Speaker 1: we hold onto it. There's a famous Zen saying that says,

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Speaker 1: letting go is hard, but holding on is harder. Just

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Speaker 1: imagine yourself holding on to a piece of rope that's

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Speaker 1: being dragged from your hand. If you're holding on tightly,

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Speaker 1: gripping tighter and tighter and tighter, it's going to leave

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Speaker 1: a burn in your hand. And so often our emotions

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Speaker 1: that we want to share with others, that we want

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Speaker 1: to exchange, that we want to set free, are the

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Speaker 1: ones that we're holding onto so tightly. It's so important

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Speaker 1: that we actually tell people how we feel. And this

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Speaker 1: applies to both challenging and encouraging emotions. The other day,

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Speaker 1: I was talking to someone and I said to them,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just going to tell you how

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Speaker 1: I feel, and I opened my heart to them. I

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Speaker 1: told them how much I appreciated them, how much I

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Speaker 1: admired them, how much they meant to me. And I

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Speaker 1: meant every word. And they were so shocked and taken

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Speaker 1: aback because they were just surprised that someone would actually

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Speaker 1: open up in that way and wear their heart and

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Speaker 1: their sleeve. And I said to them, I like living

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Speaker 1: that way because I'd rather say everything that matters to

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Speaker 1: me and be seen as foolish, stupid, weak, then to

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Speaker 1: hold it all back and miss out on an opportunity

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Speaker 1: for a beautiful relationship. Because what am I really losing

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Speaker 1: by sharing how I feel, I don't lose my dignity.

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Speaker 1: I don't lose my self worth because I can only

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Speaker 1: give that to myself. I don't lose my self esteem

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Speaker 1: because I don't give the keys to that to someone

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Speaker 1: else in my life. I don't lose anything. When we

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Speaker 1: think that opening our heart in a positive way to

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Speaker 1: someone else makes us the loser, it means we believe

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Speaker 1: that they have the power over us, when actually I

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Speaker 1: know for a fact that I opening up my heart

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Speaker 1: to someone, telling them how I feel, telling them how

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Speaker 1: much they mean to me, and protecting my future self.

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Speaker 1: I'm protecting my future self because hey, guess what, if

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Speaker 1: they react positively, there's a beautiful relationship here. If they

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Speaker 1: reject it, then I still know in the future that

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Speaker 1: I did everything within my capacity. I did everything I

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Speaker 1: could possibly think of. Now. Sharing positive or vulnerable emotions

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Speaker 1: is hard, but sharing a negative feeling towards someone is

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Speaker 1: even harder. Telling someone you don't want to go out

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Speaker 1: on a second date, telling your family that you don't

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Speaker 1: want to come over for the holidays, telling a friend

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Speaker 1: that you no longer want to hang out them. These

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Speaker 1: can be much more challenging conversations, and they rarely are

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Speaker 1: going to go how we want them to go, and

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Speaker 1: therefore we avoid them. We avoid tough conversations because we

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Speaker 1: don't want to deal with the consequences of what comes

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Speaker 1: from them. But the reason why we should tell people

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Speaker 1: how we feel is because if we don't tell them,

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Speaker 1: we'll probably tell someone else. If you don't tell someone

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Speaker 1: how you feel, you'll probably tell someone else how you

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Speaker 1: feel about them. We gossip about that person to another person,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes they find out, even in the most indirective ways.

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Speaker 1: When we gossip or take energy from a relationship into

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Speaker 1: another conversation, what we're doing is diluting two relationships. You're

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Speaker 1: diluting the relationship you have with the person you're scared

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Speaker 1: to tell because now you don't have a deep relationship,

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Speaker 1: and you're diluting the relationship with the person you are

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Speaker 1: telling because you're boiling down the quality and depth of

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Speaker 1: your relationship to be about gossip, to be about discrediting

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Speaker 1: someone else, to be about bitterness. Instead of building a

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Speaker 1: relationship on positive emotions, we're actually falsely bonding over negative emotions.

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Speaker 1: So let's say I want to tell someone that I

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Speaker 1: don't think that what they're expecting of me is in

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Speaker 1: line with my boundaries. Now, instead of telling them my

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Speaker 1: boundaries my expectations, I start talking about them to someone

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Speaker 1: else and saying, can you believe that person? They're always

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Speaker 1: just you know, they're always just like disrespecting my boundaries.

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Speaker 1: They're always disrespecting me. I don't just don't know what

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Speaker 1: goes through their head. Now. If I'm saying it in

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Speaker 1: order to figure out how to have a conversation with them,

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Speaker 1: that's healthy. But if I'm saying it just to get

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Speaker 1: it out there, then I'm not actually getting anywhere with it.

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Speaker 1: What happens is the next time I see that person,

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Speaker 1: I now get more confirmation bias. Confirmation biases where I

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Speaker 1: get more information to prove how I felt. I then

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Speaker 1: go back to my other friend and talk about it

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Speaker 1: all over again, and all of a sudden, I still

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Speaker 1: have this person in my life who disrespects my boundaries,

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Speaker 1: And now I have someone else in my life who

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Speaker 1: I could be building a healthy exchange with, but we

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Speaker 1: only talk about bitterness, pain and negativity. So instead of

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Speaker 1: telling someone else, tell them it completely sets you free.

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Speaker 1: You let go of the baggage of holding onto it.

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Speaker 1: You now no longer holding on to the multiple conversations

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Speaker 1: you'll have about this scenario, which means you've made space

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Speaker 1: for other things. It also allows for you to get

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Speaker 1: a reason. And this is the difference. I think so

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Speaker 1: often when we want to share something hard or harsh

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Speaker 1: or negative with each other, we don't realize that it

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Speaker 1: can be done in a beautiful and powerful way.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: It's so important to recognize that it's about how you

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Speaker 1: say something, not what you say. We think it's all

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Speaker 1: about what we say, when really it's about what we

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Speaker 1: are meaning to say, how we say it, tension with

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Speaker 1: which we share it. And often I find a question

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Speaker 1: is far better than an accusation. If you want to

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Speaker 1: tell someone how you feel, it's better to tell them

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Speaker 1: with a question as a way to check. So to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know whatever I say that, I don't like it

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Speaker 1: when you talk about me like that in front of

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Speaker 1: this other person. I wanted to ask you why you

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Speaker 1: still continue to do it? Where does it come from? Now?

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Speaker 1: This allows you to check in a way that doesn't

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Speaker 1: put the other person on the defensive, hopefully doesn't make

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Speaker 1: them feel like they have to be critical, And now

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Speaker 1: you're actually asking them a question where they get to

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Speaker 1: explain themselves. I think we underestimate the value of how

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Speaker 1: something said. We have forgotten how to communicate in a

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Speaker 1: non violent, non confrontational way. It's interesting, right we think

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Speaker 1: that if we're right, no matter what the other person's

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Speaker 1: reason is, we're going to confront them, and so because

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Speaker 1: we're trying to avoid confrontation, we avoid communication. But actually,

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Speaker 1: healthy communication can help us avoid confrontation for no reason. Often,

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Speaker 1: if I think someone's behaving with me in a certain way,

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Speaker 1: I'll check in with them and say, hey, you know,

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Speaker 1: I noticed this. I just wanted to know if you

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Speaker 1: notice it or where does it come from. All of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, now we're on the same page, We're on

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Speaker 1: the same level. I'm not calling that person out, I'm

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Speaker 1: not making them look bad. I'm not you assuming that

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Speaker 1: they're acting a certain way, and I get the opportunity

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Speaker 1: to get an explanation. I'm not asking for a defense,

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Speaker 1: I'm asking for their insight. And I think this is

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Speaker 1: so important because so often we've watched so many courtroom

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Speaker 1: dramas where all we know how to do is put

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Speaker 1: someone in their place, and then that person kind of

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Speaker 1: has to defend themselves and stand up for themselves. And

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Speaker 1: now we're not getting anywhere because now we're doing the

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Speaker 1: same thing back. It's so important to tell people through

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Speaker 1: a question, tell people in a non confrontational, non violent way.

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Speaker 1: It's also brave to tell people how we feel, because

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Speaker 1: when we don't, we feel self righteous, but we automatically

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Speaker 1: assume that that person is unaware or wrong. I found

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Speaker 1: that when I tell people how they feel, they get

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Speaker 1: a chance to tell me how they feel, and often

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Speaker 1: I realize we're far far closer than we think. So

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Speaker 1: I'll give another example. The other day, I was pitching

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Speaker 1: an idea. The idea got rejected and I didn't really

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Speaker 1: get any feedback, so I said to the team, I said, hey,

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Speaker 1: I didn't get any feedback that I felt was valuable

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Speaker 1: or insightful. We've got feedback, but the feedback felt pretty vanilla.

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Speaker 1: It felt pretty you know, standard feedback. And it was

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Speaker 1: hard for me to say, hey, I don't think we

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Speaker 1: got any insightful or reflective feedback, but I thought it

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Speaker 1: was healthy to say that because I was acknowledging we

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Speaker 1: did get feedback, but it wasn't to the degree that

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Speaker 1: would help me. And I want to learn and I

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Speaker 1: want to grow. All of a sudden, I got some

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Speaker 1: amazing feedback, and actually, when I listened to it and

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Speaker 1: took accountability, I could totally understand why the idea got rejected.

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Speaker 1: I could actually reflect and comprehend why we didn't get

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Speaker 1: a yes. And when I communicated that and communicated the

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Speaker 1: heart of the pitch, it actually led to our much

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Speaker 1: more powerful positive conversation. Again, it was a hard conversation

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Speaker 1: for me to have because I didn't want to look desperate.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to look needy. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: look like I was forcing things over. And what I

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Speaker 1: realized is I could explain all of that right. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: we think, well, I don't want someone to think I'm XYZ,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm not going to say it at all,

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Speaker 1: rather than saying to them, hey, I'm not trying to

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Speaker 1: be XYZ, but this is how I'm feeling. Let's figure

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Speaker 1: this out. Know is how it makes such a difference.

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Speaker 1: We have to tell people why we think what we think,

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Speaker 1: not just what we think. We have to explain to

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Speaker 1: people why we're feeling the way we're feeling, not just

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Speaker 1: what we're feeling. So often we just tell people our emotions.

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Speaker 1: We don't explain our emotions, and when we explain our emotions,

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Speaker 1: we give them an opportunity to explain this when we

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Speaker 1: tell people how we feel, and more importantly, as I'm

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Speaker 1: saying here, we tell people how we feel and why

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Speaker 1: we feel that way, and we've recognized that we can

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Speaker 1: take some accountability for it. It gives us a sense of closure.

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Speaker 1: We've realized that we've done everything within our power, we've

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Speaker 1: done everything within our means, we've taken control. We've focused

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Speaker 1: on everything we can control, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: be distracted by what we can't control, and that creates

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Speaker 1: such a powerful sense of self respect. We get an

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Speaker 1: understanding that we have the ability to really stand up

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Speaker 1: for ourselves, we have the ability to really recognize how

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Speaker 1: we're feeling. And I think this hits very closely to

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Speaker 1: why I partnered up with match, and what I really

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Speaker 1: found was I wanted to create a space where people

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Speaker 1: could connect based on their values. And this was really

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Speaker 1: really important to me because I feel that everything I'm

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Speaker 1: saying here is because we don't realize that our core

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Speaker 1: values have such a big impact in terms of long

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Speaker 1: term success. If you ignore core values, you're thinking in

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Speaker 1: the next five months. If you take on core values,

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Speaker 1: you're living in the next five years. And for anyone

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Speaker 1: who's interested and invested in building a long term, long lasting,

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Speaker 1: powerful relationship, this mindset is huge. Ninety three percent of

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Speaker 1: match members say that shared core values are a crucial

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Speaker 1: indicator of relationship success. Now, another reason why it's important

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Speaker 1: to tell people is because of what's actually happening inside

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Speaker 1: of us. According to a researcher named Nelson, three things

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Speaker 1: happen when an emotion is experienced. The first is we

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Speaker 1: develop an emotional vibration. The second is we feel the

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Speaker 1: emotion and any thoughts or physical sensations associated with it.

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Speaker 1: This is where the mind and bodies interconnectedness come into play.

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Speaker 1: And number three, we move on from the emotion by

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Speaker 1: processing it. But here's the interesting thing. According to Nelson,

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Speaker 1: when the second or third step mentioned above gets interrupted,

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Speaker 1: the energy of the emotion becomes trapped in the body.

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Speaker 1: As a result, you might experience muscle tension, pain, or

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Speaker 1: other ailments. Express your emotions to yourself, explain them to others.

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Speaker 1: Express your emotions to others. Explain them to others so

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Speaker 1: that they have the opportunity to understand them. When we

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Speaker 1: do that, we release it from being stored in the body.

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Speaker 1: Nelson says, the phrase trapped emotions usually means that you

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Speaker 1: want to say something, but you're blocking it from yourself,

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Speaker 1: and then that repressed negative emotional energy comes out as resentment,

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Speaker 1: being passive, aggressive, It can come out as an overreaction.

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Speaker 1: It can come out as depression and stress. Of course,

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Speaker 1: and mind body therapist Kelly Vincent compares trapped emotions to

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Speaker 1: carrying around a large backpack. It weighs us down, it

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Speaker 1: impacts our mood, and it drains our energy. So now

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Speaker 1: that you're not saying how you feel to someone else,

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Speaker 1: you're now carrying this backpack of emotions into every interaction

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Speaker 1: you go to. And what we're really saying is I

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Speaker 1: don't want to put in the effort to unpack this backpack. Right.

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Speaker 1: Think about it when you've gone on vacation and you

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Speaker 1: don't want to unpack a suitcase. So now you'll pack

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Speaker 1: it again for the next trip, and you're now carrying

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Speaker 1: everything from the first trip for the second trip as well.

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Speaker 1: So what you've done is you've just made it harder

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Speaker 1: and heavier for yourself. You've just made it more and

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Speaker 1: more challenging for yourself when it doesn't need to be.

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Speaker 1: That's why it's so important to tell them now. I

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Speaker 1: was reading an amazing medically reviewed article by Jennifer Littner

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Speaker 1: on Healthline and it was talking about how trapped emotions

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Speaker 1: and extreme cases can actually create trauma. She talks about how,

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Speaker 1: according to a twenty fifteen survey of almost sixty nine

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Speaker 1: thousand adults across six continents, over seventy percent of respondents

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Speaker 1: reported exposure to a traumatic event, while thirty point five

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Speaker 1: percent were exposed to four or more. Right, this could

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Speaker 1: be a breakup or before, she says, it could be

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Speaker 1: a major illness, it could be losing your job. And

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Speaker 1: what ends up happening is that when we don't share

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Speaker 1: or express that emotion on how we feel, that can

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Speaker 1: end up being stored in the body. And if you've

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Speaker 1: not read this brilliant book called The Body Keeps the Score,

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Speaker 1: I highly recommend it. And when we're carrying around these

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Speaker 1: emotions and we don't tell people how we feel, we

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Speaker 1: don't tell people how we feel about them, we don't

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Speaker 1: tell people how they've made us feel, we end up

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Speaker 1: blaming ourselves. We end up blaming them rather than engaging

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Speaker 1: with them. We can end up taking that stress out

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Speaker 1: on loved ones and so a lot of negative energy

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Speaker 1: gets trapped in the body when it's not released in

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Speaker 1: that way. And so I want to ask you, when's

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Speaker 1: the last time you've been feeling a headache? Because there's

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Speaker 1: something on your mind and your heart that you've been

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Speaker 1: wanting to say. And here's what I'd recommend you do.

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Speaker 1: Tell them, because if you don't tell them, you'll spiral.

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Speaker 1: If you don't tell them, you will regret it later.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why we're not telling them is we

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Speaker 1: don't think about this. I want to help you come

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Speaker 1: up with a five step formula for how to understand

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Speaker 1: how to tell them. The first thing is they're not

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Speaker 1: in front of you. What would you say if there

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Speaker 1: were no edits right, if you didn't have to filter it,

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Speaker 1: if you said it with all the anger, if you

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Speaker 1: expressed it with all the pain, all the tension, what

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Speaker 1: would it sound like? Write it out, audio it out,

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Speaker 1: say it out loud? How would you express your pain, stress,

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Speaker 1: tension towards someone without thinking about how they digest it,

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Speaker 1: let it out without them there? I ideally would say,

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Speaker 1: write this down if you can journal it, because the

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Speaker 1: next step is focused on what you actually are trying

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Speaker 1: to say. As you now edit this, you're now extracting

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Speaker 1: the explanation from the expression. It's not that you're taking

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Speaker 1: the emotion out of it, but you're taking the accusatory,

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Speaker 1: the blaming, the judgment out of it so that you

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Speaker 1: can truly explain how you feel over expressing what you

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Speaker 1: think of them. So you're editing now in order to

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Speaker 1: make it make sense to someone else. I couldn't be

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Speaker 1: more excited to share something truly special with all you

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Speaker 1: TA lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea,

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00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 1: if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good

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Speaker 1: for you, listen to this RADI and I poured our

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Speaker 1: hearts into creating June Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you

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Speaker 1: because we believe in nurturing your body and with every

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Speaker 1: sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and

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Speaker 1: a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused

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00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,959
Speaker 1: with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like

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Speaker 1: superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress

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Speaker 1: and find balance in your busy life. Our super five

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Speaker 1: blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, Ushwa, ganda, acirolla, cherry,

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Speaker 1: and Lion's made mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism,

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00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack

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Speaker 1: your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function even better.

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Speaker 1: We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying

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Speaker 1: That's drink Juni dot com and make sure you use

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Speaker 1: the code on purpose. The third thing, which I think

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Speaker 1: is really important is figure out the best time to

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Speaker 1: say it. People underestimate the time. I think it's so interesting.

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Speaker 1: So many of us we choose the worst times to

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Speaker 1: have the best conversations. A lot of people in their

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Speaker 1: relationships will choose the moment their partner walks through the

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Speaker 1: door to have the most difficult conversations. Now that person

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Speaker 1: maybe just had a stressful journey home back from work

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Speaker 1: and you're thinking to yourself, so did I, Well, guess what.

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Speaker 1: You're not in the right position either. Not only is

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Speaker 1: the timing wrong for them, it's the wrong timing for you.

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Speaker 1: The next thing is you don't know how heavy their

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Speaker 1: day was, so they're already carrying a load, and now

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Speaker 1: they don't have the ability to carry your load. On

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Speaker 1: top of it, you've now reduced the probability that they

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Speaker 1: have the conscientiousness and the compassion in that moment to

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Speaker 1: be present with you. Did they have any capacity? You're

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Speaker 1: speaking to them at a time where their emotional capacity

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Speaker 1: is so reduced. And it's really funny because we think,

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Speaker 1: in this moment, well, they should get it, they should

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Speaker 1: understand it. It's it's so important to me. They don't

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Speaker 1: have any other time when actually you could have made

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Speaker 1: it a lot easier for yourself to bring it up

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Speaker 1: at a time that they could digest it. The other

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Speaker 1: important thing, not just time, is to figure out the

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Speaker 1: best place to say something. I think sometimes again, we

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Speaker 1: choose the worst place to have the best conversations. We

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Speaker 1: do it over dinner when someone's just trying to eat.

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Speaker 1: We do it passive aggressively when someone's friends or family

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Speaker 1: is around them. We do it when the person's trying

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Speaker 1: to disconnect from everything while watching a TV show, rather

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Speaker 1: than setting a time in a place. We take up

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Speaker 1: any opportunity because we think it's so important, but anything

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Speaker 1: that's truly important. If you think about in the workplace,

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Speaker 1: you set in a appointment, you set a meeting to

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Speaker 1: have important conversations. We've got to do that even with

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Speaker 1: the people we love. Right, And the biggest one, which

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Speaker 1: I think we underestimate is that we're usually quite attached

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Speaker 1: to the result, and really what we need to do

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Speaker 1: is be detached from the result. Now, how do we

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Speaker 1: do that. We want them to change. We want them

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Speaker 1: to know how we feel. We want them to feel

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Speaker 1: bad about it. We want them to get the point

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Speaker 1: that maybe all these expectations we have, well, the truth

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Speaker 1: is all of our expectations are not helping us. They're

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Speaker 1: actually setting us up for failure. Instead of sharing all

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Speaker 1: of this in a way that we hope that they go, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I get it, I get it, I'm going to change completely,

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Speaker 1: which is our artificial hope, we could share it and

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Speaker 1: actually to see where they're coming from. We could actually

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Speaker 1: try and understand what their blocks are. We're actually try

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Speaker 1: and comprehend what their challenges are because guess what, that's

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Speaker 1: going to give us a lot more information, a lot

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Speaker 1: more ability to grow, a lot more insight into what

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Speaker 1: can be solved. Now, this is going back to the

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Speaker 1: simplicity of tell them method. Let's look at that example.

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Speaker 1: If you don't want to go on a date with

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Speaker 1: someone and you go out just because you feel guilty,

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Speaker 1: Now they think there's a chance they're being strong along.

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Speaker 1: Now you're feeling worse on day four that you keep

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Speaker 1: stringing them along. And now on day eight you've got

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Speaker 1: to tell them anyway, right, you're not going to let

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Speaker 1: it go all the way to them expecting you're going

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Speaker 1: to propose to them, and well maybe you might. And

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Speaker 1: then now you've got to do even the harder job,

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Speaker 1: because if you just told them in the first place,

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't have all that later on pain. Some of

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Speaker 1: you wait till the last minute to tell someone you're

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00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 1: not coming to the party. Guess what, that lets them

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00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 1: down more than if you told them a month in

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00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: advance and gave a good explanation. Tell them, tell them,

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00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: tell them, because guess what, you don't then have to spiral.

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00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: You don't have to think about that emotion that exchange

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00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: for the next three weeks. You can actually create space

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00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 1: for the life that you want to build. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for listening. This helps you. I hope you

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00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: pass it on to a friend and remember I'm forever

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00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 1: in your corner and always rooting for you. And next

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00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: time you're struggling to express how you feel, just tell them.

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00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 1: I promise you it will make a huge difference and

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00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: save you so much mental space, so much mental time,

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00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 1: and so much mental energy. Thank you. Hey everyone, If

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Speaker 1: you love that conversation, go and check out my episode

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00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 1: with the world's leading therapist Lourie Gottlieb, where she answers

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Speaker 1: the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it

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00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out that space right now, you won't want

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Speaker 1: to miss this conversation.

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Speaker 2: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard

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Speaker 2: to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold

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Speaker 2: hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely.