Speaker 1: Guess what decision we're about to make.
Speaker 2: Horrible decision.
Speaker 3: Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrorable Decisions. I
Speaker 3: gotta make it sound like I'm a rapping now since
Speaker 3: you know, like, okay, never mind, you know I do
Speaker 3: the white boys, I do the singing voice, I do
Speaker 3: the Jamaican not Jamaican boys.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be a rapper today, y'all. Welcome. You already
Speaker 2: noticed your girl Mindy.
Speaker 4: B giving white woman the dating of black guys. Wow,
Speaker 4: go ahead, whenever people do this with their hands, I
Speaker 4: guess so first.
Speaker 3: So that's how I do Fall seven Chapter City blah
Speaker 3: blah blah.
Speaker 4: Okay, my name is Weezy. Welcome back to another episode, y'all.
Speaker 4: Now you know we actually me. We don't like to
Speaker 4: have celebrities over. We've had some decent.
Speaker 1: Love with the rapper we have.
Speaker 2: They've been kind of cool, and I'll be honest y'all.
Speaker 3: Today we are joined by Vic Mensa, who if you
Speaker 3: have been listening for seven years, I'll be honest. You
Speaker 3: were one of the guests that I used to say
Speaker 3: could never come on here because I don't believe anybody
Speaker 3: that I would ever fuck or want to shoot my
Speaker 3: shot at can come and mix business with pleasure.
Speaker 1: Now he likes getting neiggas. That's why you know it's
Speaker 1: had it.
Speaker 3: I'm actually mad he's in here with a jacket because
Speaker 3: he's all over the ground with no shirt.
Speaker 2: But y'all, Big Mins is here. But now after meeting you,
Speaker 2: you're such a kind soul. I just know we're cool.
Speaker 2: We could be cool, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: And y'all, he is a faithful man. So y'all didn't
Speaker 3: know they exist, but we have one today in the building.
Speaker 2: Big thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all man, So we you know, have you ever
Speaker 1: repeet on someone?
Speaker 5: Look, no, I've never done that.
Speaker 1: Really, I'll think just like it didn't call for it
Speaker 1: or questions smell.
Speaker 6: I don't want to kick shame nobody, you know what
Speaker 6: I'm saying, But I ain't really what I'm on. I
Speaker 6: kind of was having a thought about that the other day,
Speaker 6: like how you want to invite like good ship into
Speaker 6: your life, but you want people to just bee on you.
Speaker 2: So actually i'm finding back scorted on before.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it's probably happening, so it's just well no,
Speaker 3: also fun fact to piss actually if you are stuck
Speaker 3: like survivor. Right if you're in like an island and
Speaker 3: you're there or a forest or a desert, to actually
Speaker 3: say you can drink your piss it's actually healthy for you.
Speaker 4: I honestly like, I've never done it, but I feel
Speaker 4: like if I did, or when I do, I'll say,
Speaker 4: drinking is not gonna be the thing I do.
Speaker 2: Drinking it let me get a splash and you're.
Speaker 3: Stuck on an island. That's why I said, hold on,
Speaker 3: I made it. This is a survival chit status here. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm not into it and you're not, but I wanted to, like,
Speaker 3: maybe not what drinking pistol?
Speaker 1: No drinking? I thought you are no girl there, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god.
Speaker 3: But I wanted to get into this because I had
Speaker 3: a conversation with you a couple months ago and you
Speaker 3: taught me something. Honestly, I can't believe that there are
Speaker 3: still things I'm learning. I'm excited for the horrible decision
Speaker 3: we're gonna get into you going through a sex and
Speaker 3: love addiction anonymous program, which we're gonna really get it
Speaker 3: into because we've had like the Reformed Boy conversation before.
Speaker 3: But who you were in your twenties, and who you
Speaker 3: are now has changed through meditation, has changed through this program,
Speaker 3: has changed through finding yourself has changed through sobriety.
Speaker 1: Why do you feel may find us after they get
Speaker 1: a girlfriend?
Speaker 2: Well that she she looked up and found the hill
Speaker 2: bigger we just have not. Wait.
Speaker 4: Let's let me ask you that when meeting your girlfriend,
Speaker 4: were you completely through your program? Did you feel like
Speaker 4: you were ready to be in a committed relationship or
Speaker 4: did it volunteer left?
Speaker 6: I met her after the program for sure. You know,
Speaker 6: I felt like I'm manifested coming into my life in
Speaker 6: a lot of ways.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: I was praying about finding that love, you know, something genuine.
Speaker 5: Because everything else is what I've known. You know so much.
Speaker 3: Better now real quick, we have Sierra's prayer. We need
Speaker 3: big Minsu's prayer.
Speaker 5: Sierra's so so Sierra's.
Speaker 3: Prayer was manifesting Russ. You manifested a woman that was good.
Speaker 3: So I want to know what she looked like. So
Speaker 3: I want the prayer.
Speaker 2: So what's the prayer? Can you share it? So for
Speaker 2: any men listening who want to manifest a relationship the
Speaker 2: way you have after being healed, you could close your
Speaker 2: eyes big. Yes, we're doing this. We're doing this.
Speaker 1: Oh, let's all do it again.
Speaker 2: Come on, we're gonna close our eyes to big.
Speaker 3: We need to know what was in the manifestation and
Speaker 3: what was in the prayer to get the woman that
Speaker 3: you have today.
Speaker 6: Come on, it was simple, man. It was just like,
Speaker 6: come on, we It was just like, God, bring me
Speaker 6: real love.
Speaker 5: That was it. No, it's not.
Speaker 2: That is not enough for real, real love.
Speaker 3: He's looking for a real live now.
Speaker 4: When she came into your life, when people say that
Speaker 4: they meet the person that's for them, they know instantly
Speaker 4: to take you a second, How did it happen?
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know the first time we really went out
Speaker 6: and I just locked in with her. It's been like
Speaker 6: that ever since, you know what I'm saying. So I
Speaker 6: guess in that moment, I did.
Speaker 3: Know what was what was different from from like we
Speaker 3: always asked like what made her the one or what?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, like in terms of actually
Speaker 2: being committed.
Speaker 5: You know, I often have trouble like.
Speaker 6: Really connecting with women that i'd be with sexually, you
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, Really like on a mental level,
Speaker 6: like intellect, taste, you know what I'm saying, pool of reference, literature,
Speaker 6: like culture, some ghetto like for it to all be
Speaker 6: there was that was really rare and was just different
Speaker 6: from the women that I've been messing with, you know
Speaker 6: what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: All of that was mainly just like physical shit. You
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Did you wait to find out all of those things
Speaker 3: about her before having sex? Because like I think, the
Speaker 3: sex is one of those things that can complicate, especially
Speaker 3: if it's really good. Sometimes I don't care to really
Speaker 3: know much else about a nigga. I ain't even gonna
Speaker 3: hold you like this is good. Hopefully you're a great
Speaker 3: person as well, but also I don't care.
Speaker 1: If you're not her.
Speaker 2: Was there was there a pause to learn her a
Speaker 2: little bit more before being intimate or do you find
Speaker 2: did you find like that was your your jesuit the
Speaker 2: woman that you also had sex with after that maybe
Speaker 2: you didn't care to get to know them more.
Speaker 5: I mean, you know, I'm a nigga, so I'm trying
Speaker 5: to guess the show quick.
Speaker 6: But I'm not like pushy though, you know, I'm like
Speaker 6: somebody to drop you off, not kiss you, you know
Speaker 6: what I mean?
Speaker 5: And just.
Speaker 4: I swear that I feel like had been the most
Speaker 4: interested in me. Do that what they don't necessarily make
Speaker 4: a move too quick? And I've always thought about it,
Speaker 4: like do you remember when I was like, why won't
Speaker 4: this dude sucked me last year?
Speaker 2: Well he was celebrated.
Speaker 4: No, he wasn't the Dreamville nigs A different nigga. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: the one that had met Jamsville. And we were going
Speaker 4: on these great dates and I felt like I was connected.
Speaker 3: That's because you saw me.
Speaker 2: I want, no, you do love going on dates.
Speaker 4: By the way, do you know that I didn't know,
Speaker 4: uh if you because we've never met, so, but I know,
Speaker 4: like there was even.
Speaker 1: A co fuse.
Speaker 4: I think you were gonna do something with me, like
Speaker 4: they had sent me an email with you then I know, horrible.
Speaker 1: So I was like, I don't think I was staring
Speaker 1: at him, but I feel like I noticed it.
Speaker 4: So to explain, Vick was on a date with his
Speaker 4: girl at this restaurant. I was on a date with
Speaker 4: the dreadhead I've been dating, and right after we said
Speaker 4: hello to each other, he really looks at me like this,
Speaker 4: how you know this?
Speaker 2: How you know all? He knows?
Speaker 7: What?
Speaker 2: What about it?
Speaker 5: He looked like a really nice guy.
Speaker 7: Well yeah, right, so he's not like a slick of
Speaker 7: pretty Ricky Kodak dread, but yeah he is.
Speaker 4: I love when you said a little ghetto. I love
Speaker 4: it elevated nigga that still got a little of it
Speaker 4: in him. I love seeing and not saying that locks
Speaker 4: mean that by any means, but just I love seeing
Speaker 4: a little bit of edge to somebody that does live
Speaker 4: their life in a certain way, because we don't put
Speaker 4: the two together. And so even when you were talking
Speaker 4: just now, I've really found that, like, men are not
Speaker 4: making me excited intellectually, I'm starting to feel like I'm
Speaker 4: smarter than them. Even when you wrote up literature, like
Speaker 4: if you didn't read forty eight Laws of Power, like
Speaker 4: do you even read? Like I feel like that's kind
Speaker 4: of like the surface level shit that's happening. When they
Speaker 4: didn't say they like art, they don't know what the
Speaker 4: fuck they're talking about either. No, you know, even if
Speaker 4: you just want to explore it and you don't understand,
Speaker 4: like just at least experiencing it. It's like it's really
Speaker 4: difficult to meet people, not even men, women, people that
Speaker 4: are on the same wave as you. When it comes
Speaker 4: to like when you're somebody that opens your brain up
Speaker 4: to more, because for the most part they're just not there.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's even just the conversation.
Speaker 3: I mean I was a little embarrassed to be like,
Speaker 3: I went on the best date of my life at
Speaker 3: thirty two years old, and the nigga took me to
Speaker 3: the botanical gardens that ain't to teach me about trees.
Speaker 2: I said, well, how you just know what out trees?
Speaker 2: Like this nigga, I was in pressed.
Speaker 3: Then after the botanical garden, he took me to Barnes
Speaker 3: and Nobles.
Speaker 2: Don't do me. He took me to Barnes and Nobles
Speaker 2: and we started going about books.
Speaker 3: And this nigga was really into Greek mythology, and so
Speaker 3: you know, I want a self help book.
Speaker 5: I'm like, well, Gz just.
Speaker 2: Released the book let me, and he like, now, let
Speaker 2: me tell you about the Greek mythologists.
Speaker 3: Or whatever the art them niggas you know who I'm
Speaker 3: talking about, Aristotle them.
Speaker 2: And they're like, oh, like collects the art. I thought
Speaker 2: it was like artimist or something.
Speaker 5: He might be one, right, Aristotle.
Speaker 2: See Okay, So.
Speaker 3: Anyways we go and I felt like not only was
Speaker 3: it one of my best dates just because he had
Speaker 3: everything planned out. We went from an Ethiopian restaurant, took
Speaker 3: the botanical gardens to Barnes and Nobles to then ended
Speaker 3: it at a fucking bath house with massage.
Speaker 1: Oh he was he said Aristotle.
Speaker 3: Was crazy and we didn't have sex after, which was
Speaker 3: crazy because I had given niggas plicity for a lot
Speaker 3: less so I felt like, damn, this is fucked up, right,
Speaker 3: But I was just like wow.
Speaker 2: I was like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: You can do all of it?
Speaker 2: You can teach them bitch how to ring and you
Speaker 2: still won't.
Speaker 3: Get a.
Speaker 5: Point no.
Speaker 3: But I think that that's where I think dating has
Speaker 3: come to be with me as well, Like the not
Speaker 3: that I'm gonna safe your sexual because I need you
Speaker 3: to have that, dude, but knowing that I can now
Speaker 3: go on a date or have a conversation and we
Speaker 3: can have things to where I'm learning from you, you're
Speaker 3: learning from me. That's now become like a sting, Like
Speaker 3: if you can't talk, what week as my key? While
Speaker 3: I'm not going on no dates right now because these
Speaker 3: niggas can't.
Speaker 6: No fast, I feel like I got to be able
Speaker 6: to learn from somebody, you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 6: I just think that that heightens the connection as well,
Speaker 6: Like things will be purely physical and it gets played
Speaker 6: out so far as for me, you know what I mean,
Speaker 6: that's never not gotten old.
Speaker 3: Is this your first time where the relationship is romantic
Speaker 3: but also there's a friendship there. I think that's what
Speaker 3: has been my issue, is not building a friendship with partners.
Speaker 6: Yeah maybe low key you're like that, I was a
Speaker 6: dog gas man my last some of that.
Speaker 2: So we want to hear around we're meeting nowadays, But
Speaker 2: is it how you've become reformed?
Speaker 4: Tell us about the time maybe you were on tour
Speaker 4: whatever the fuck and you were like, okay, I might
Speaker 4: need to slow down, like this is fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: Maybe there was three of them, maybe there was five.
Speaker 2: Five five at once?
Speaker 5: Yeah, what was it?
Speaker 4: So here's where I'm always curious to know when it's five?
Speaker 4: Was it something to where you were almost getting exhausted
Speaker 4: or you're just in this sea of scurator?
Speaker 2: You're the you were the curator.
Speaker 6: I mean, you know as a curator be an artist
Speaker 6: as well, but like it's like you don't get exhausted, just.
Speaker 5: Curate the vibe, I mean, put it together.
Speaker 1: How does it start? You write people over?
Speaker 2: It was a club? Were all of them friends?
Speaker 3: Or you just brought five different women that you saw
Speaker 3: in the club, brought them to the table and they
Speaker 3: all agreed to go home with you.
Speaker 6: I used to have parties in my crib a lot, Okay,
Speaker 6: I lived in La you know, and that was just
Speaker 6: a crazy time.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: L a house parties. I've heard a lot about.
Speaker 6: It necessarily orchestrated, but you know, those things happen.
Speaker 3: I want to know how you get women that don't
Speaker 3: know each other to join it? Like what was that conversation?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 2: Was there much cloud? Cloud is crazy?
Speaker 5: Woud It's super crazy? Right?
Speaker 6: The whole vibe is crazy, the whole thing I mean,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean. It's like I look back
Speaker 6: at that time, at this stage and be like I
Speaker 6: just didn't have an understanding of energy, you know what
Speaker 6: I mean. I wouldn't take on that energy of so
Speaker 6: many strange people at this point. You know, if I
Speaker 6: knew what an exchange of energy was, if I knew
Speaker 6: how that could help build or destroy.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. In my own life, okay, but.
Speaker 4: Can't you just live in that frivolous moment. Do you
Speaker 4: think that when you're having sex like that, it's always
Speaker 4: taking on energy? Or can a nigga just fuck buy
Speaker 4: bad bitches and like going about their day?
Speaker 1: Do you maybe you think that they can't.
Speaker 6: I think anybody can do whatever makes them happy. You know,
Speaker 6: For me, that shit ain't make me happy though, you know,
Speaker 6: That's how I ended up in the fucking program.
Speaker 3: Oh but also the men listening are like, nigga, what
Speaker 3: you mean? Five women ain't make you happy?
Speaker 6: That's how I ended up in that program, man, you know,
Speaker 6: because I just realized that my ceaseless pursuit of meaningless
Speaker 6: sex was just another band ad, It was just another drug.
Speaker 6: It was always interconnected with alcoholism, with drug addiction. And
Speaker 6: I mean felt foul afterwards, you know what I mean.
Speaker 6: I didn't feel like I probably felt in some sense
Speaker 6: like patriarchally proud, you know what I mean. But I
Speaker 6: also felt unclean and I was just trying to mask
Speaker 6: emotions with sex. Sex was a moment for me when
Speaker 6: I could be in control, I could be powerful, I
Speaker 6: could be.
Speaker 5: Validated.
Speaker 6: Validation, I would say, is the main driving force between
Speaker 6: all that shit, and this was really about the physical thing,
Speaker 6: was really about a pleasure thing as much as it
Speaker 6: was about escapism, you know, just from depression.
Speaker 5: And feeding an ego and anything it tanked your depression more,
Speaker 5: you know, in my experience.
Speaker 1: Okay, how old were you when you entered the program
Speaker 1: and how old are you now?
Speaker 5: I'm thirty now. I was twenty five when I did
Speaker 5: that program.
Speaker 1: You did that at twenty five. I feel like, I mean,
Speaker 1: who is it thirty eight?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 3: That was that was a young time to be able
Speaker 3: to like be that self aware.
Speaker 6: I couldn't separate that from drug addiction though, and that
Speaker 6: was a separate sex addiction from drug drug addiction.
Speaker 5: I had to.
Speaker 6: I had to be able to view those things as
Speaker 6: you know, pieces of same larger entity of being within
Speaker 6: myself and be like because the drugs was like go
Speaker 6: kill me. You know what kind of drugs the ones.
Speaker 3: That kids, I mean, even the ones that aren't supposed
Speaker 3: to kill you or laced now with so much everything.
Speaker 4: The pills is like the crazy thing too, because when
Speaker 4: I was growing up, I feel like estasy was like
Speaker 4: rave ship. And now when I hear future talk about it,
Speaker 4: I'm like what the fuck apen? I thought this is
Speaker 4: for white people.
Speaker 6: But that's what it used to be, right, that's what
Speaker 6: we thought. It's crossed over, Like, it's for sure crossed over, definitely.
Speaker 1: So what twenty five?
Speaker 4: You had enough self awareness to enroll yourself in a
Speaker 4: program like that, But who were other people in your lives?
Speaker 4: Was there even maybe a woman that kind of told you,
Speaker 4: a woman that you cared about, you know, that you
Speaker 4: maybe risked something with and you realize I have.
Speaker 5: To do this, Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 6: I mean I always had a girlfriend too, so there
Speaker 6: was a constant process of like cheat then lie lie, Lie, deny,
Speaker 6: And I was just such a guilty cloud that followed
Speaker 6: me through everything in my life. And it's just this
Speaker 6: web of lies. It's terrible to live that way, you
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, And just to acknowledge and realize
Speaker 6: I'm hurting people that I love so much because I
Speaker 6: can't love myself. So I was I was sitting down
Speaker 6: with a woman who is my publicist, and she introduced me,
Speaker 6: you know, showed me what the program was. Because every
Speaker 6: time we would sit down, it would be more like
Speaker 6: a therapy session, and I'd be stressing about how I'm like,
Speaker 6: you know, trying to hide this that from my girl,
Speaker 6: and she was like, sounds like this is distressing you
Speaker 6: a lot.
Speaker 3: That's what I was going to ask, Like, we know
Speaker 3: what damage the drugs could have. I understand the depression,
Speaker 3: but how is sex and this love addiction essentially like
Speaker 3: ruining your life?
Speaker 2: Essentially?
Speaker 6: I think if you don't face your issues, then they
Speaker 6: just grow, you know, of their own they grow their
Speaker 6: own momentum.
Speaker 5: And like that was helping to just destroy my life.
Speaker 6: Also because I think one thing men don't consider is
Speaker 6: the karmic balance of their actions.
Speaker 2: Keep going, please, this is what we want to hear.
Speaker 2: Men in the room, men listening. There is a karmic
Speaker 2: reaction to your life decision to start.
Speaker 5: It's a real karmic reaction.
Speaker 6: And I never really considered the truth of how damaging
Speaker 6: it is to continued a lot someone that loves you.
Speaker 6: And it wasn't until I was lied to by someone
Speaker 6: that loved that I loved. You know, one of my
Speaker 6: guys that turned on me, robbed me, and I'm like, man,
Speaker 6: I've never treated you like this. I've always been solid
Speaker 6: with you, a hunted with you. And I had to
Speaker 6: start thinking about myself and I'm like, oh man, I've
Speaker 6: been doing the exact same thing to my woman, you know,
Speaker 6: And it's like, cheating is just the way of the world.
Speaker 5: That's what men are taught, that's what we believe. Is
Speaker 5: what question is it?
Speaker 6: I don't remember the class, all the movies, you know
Speaker 6: what I mean, all the artists, everybody you idolized leaders,
Speaker 6: powerful men that have never been characterized by their honesty
Speaker 6: and truthfulness with their women. Kings have concubines, rappers got groupies.
Speaker 6: Even the most famous ones do it with the best relationships,
Speaker 6: the best lives.
Speaker 2: I never thought of that.
Speaker 6: You know, you a kid looking up and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 6: that's how I'm supposed to be. This is what it
Speaker 6: means to be a man of power.
Speaker 1: I don't know if most men can get like I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 4: Just even you're talking about how you read, like, I
Speaker 4: just don't think for real.
Speaker 6: Well, it was a book that really, I ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 6: It was a book that started to really change my
Speaker 6: mentality on things.
Speaker 5: Was Belle Hooks All about Love.
Speaker 6: It was real, we real cool. All about Love is
Speaker 6: an amazing book too, you know. I love Belle Hooks.
Speaker 6: In general, but we Real Cool was the one that
Speaker 6: contextualized things for me because it gave me historical precedent
Speaker 6: to why we as black men act a lot of
Speaker 6: the ways that we do.
Speaker 5: Let me, let me.
Speaker 2: Real cool write it down and you note.
Speaker 4: Now my other question is being that you sound like
Speaker 4: an anomaly one you guys looking for real? Third and
Speaker 4: second second, do you think that I don't know? So
Speaker 4: you're making me think about something you're talking about in
Speaker 4: terms of a man that has a relationship. What I
Speaker 4: feel like the most of us see today and tell
Speaker 4: me if I'm wrong. Is the man who may not
Speaker 4: have a relationship, but they have multiple women. There may
Speaker 4: be noncommittal, maybe even unfulfilled, but they're just living this
Speaker 4: fast life. Do you think that your ideology can really
Speaker 4: fit for that person because they may not feel like
Speaker 4: they're hurting anybody, especially if they're not committed.
Speaker 1: There's so many situations.
Speaker 6: Ideology for myself is one of truth, you know, And
Speaker 6: that's what I think that men are not ready to
Speaker 6: embrace though. Even if you don't have a girlfriend, you
Speaker 6: still finessing your homes mm, so they don't find each other,
Speaker 6: you know.
Speaker 2: And write and be like girl let's get on a
Speaker 2: phone call.
Speaker 1: I've got on my phone call this ship.
Speaker 2: Yep, we both had. Hey, Barbara, this is sure.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 3: It's crazy she got Aristotle? Did I just trigger you
Speaker 3: the Aristotle?
Speaker 5: My bed.
Speaker 1: No, she's a bad bitch. I see why he was
Speaker 1: wucking with her.
Speaker 5: Begga that both of y'all was with.
Speaker 1: Other women, other people, same scenario.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no no, not the same.
Speaker 3: But this is how you know had the nerve to
Speaker 3: be celibate big Do you know the first question this
Speaker 3: bitch asked me on the poone was I just want
Speaker 3: to know real?
Speaker 1: Was he fucking you.
Speaker 2: The man and still was cheating?
Speaker 5: He thought he was, He was celibate.
Speaker 6: Eddie was cheating celibately yolevantly.
Speaker 1: If we found out, you probably know him. I hate him.
Speaker 4: But anyway, what we found out was that like he
Speaker 4: was just sucking our energy up. He had a project coming,
Speaker 4: and she was like, I would feel him like feet
Speaker 4: on me, and I think the same. She's like, you know,
Speaker 4: like these men fucking need theirro in weird ways and
Speaker 4: it's not the sex. And then she made a great
Speaker 4: point which was even deeper to me. Imagine having these
Speaker 4: beautiful women, boss bitches whatever. That every girl that we
Speaker 4: had had some kind of power position, powerful position. She's like,
Speaker 4: imagine them begging to fuck you and like wanting you
Speaker 4: so bad.
Speaker 5: It was no. These R and B singers are different, though,
Speaker 5: I will.
Speaker 2: R and B now look at he went straight to
Speaker 2: that nigga.
Speaker 5: Saying, because that's R and behavior.
Speaker 2: Behavior, R and behavior behavior is crazy. So wait, what's
Speaker 2: the difference then, because I know you've been around them,
Speaker 2: what is the difference between rapid behavior and R and
Speaker 2: B behavior R and behavior? I like R and beha.
Speaker 5: I only.
Speaker 3: Have I ever been with I've been with a ship,
Speaker 3: not been with an R and B nigga. But it's
Speaker 3: because they're a little tiny.
Speaker 5: R and behavior.
Speaker 6: It's like, man, I mean all of their music is
Speaker 6: about relationships with women, all of it. So I think
Speaker 6: that they have to carry up a lot of antics
Speaker 6: from my perspective.
Speaker 5: Okay, not the ship.
Speaker 6: On y'all R and B guys, but it seems like
Speaker 6: that's your that you need that creatively. So it's like,
Speaker 6: you know they'd be wild and like, I ain't even
Speaker 6: gonna tell you the type of story.
Speaker 3: Please share a story you don't have to say a name.
Speaker 3: We don't give names here, but what's the story.
Speaker 5: This was reckless. This was like prime R and B behavior.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, talk to me.
Speaker 5: Oh man, I was messing with this girl.
Speaker 2: Oh this is your behavior?
Speaker 6: No, okay, no, she was like famous, her friends famous.
Speaker 6: Her friend's boyfriend was famous. You know, We're at strip
Speaker 6: club and I'm standing right here. I got my thug
Speaker 6: with me. Shout out to Loco with the mask. Were
Speaker 6: right here. We're chopping it up my girl right here,
Speaker 6: you know, probably where you are.
Speaker 5: And then.
Speaker 6: Her friend's boyfriend was like, where you are? So I'm
Speaker 6: talking to my friend. We're all so close, but it's
Speaker 6: strip club, you know, so we can't really hear them.
Speaker 6: I come to find out that later, come to find
Speaker 6: out that he was telling her the whole time.
Speaker 5: Well, we're right there, like you look so motherfucking good tonight.
Speaker 2: This was an R and B nigga plane.
Speaker 5: Right there, you know what I mean? Right there. Proximity, Yeah,
Speaker 5: that proximity.
Speaker 2: It was kicking game in front of you.
Speaker 5: I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't hear
Speaker 5: that nigga whispering her, you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: You know and he's like, man, he's doing He's going
Speaker 6: crazy with it to the point where, like, you know,
Speaker 6: eventually he kind of blows his cover because they was
Speaker 6: in a car with somebody else. He didn't know it
Speaker 6: was another person in the car, and he was telling
Speaker 6: her like, it's your sexy yes in the back seat.
Speaker 5: It's his girl's birthday too.
Speaker 1: Wait, I missed that.
Speaker 5: I forgot that part. His girl is around, This is
Speaker 5: girl's birthday. We're all together, you know, it's like a
Speaker 5: double day in understand.
Speaker 6: I mean, there was a group of people you know,
Speaker 6: and man and then later.
Speaker 5: This was prime R and behavior.
Speaker 6: This was when I knew these niggas was different and
Speaker 6: they was playing by different rules.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 6: What I mean was he had kind of in front
Speaker 6: of his move because there was another person in the
Speaker 6: car that he didn't know when he last came on
Speaker 6: to her. So she's, you know, she's tripping all night.
Speaker 6: You know, later on she's like, man, I don't want
Speaker 6: to tell her ruin her birthday and all this shit,
Speaker 6: this R and behavior. He went and told her friend
Speaker 6: before she did and flipped the script said she.
Speaker 2: Came on, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 5: I was like, Yo, these niggas ill though. You gotta
Speaker 5: respect that.
Speaker 2: Everybody was like Usher stopped dancing on my bit like that's.
Speaker 5: What because it's different. It's different.
Speaker 6: It's levels to the ship, like you got a talent
Speaker 6: that ain't his dick, you gotta respect it like it's
Speaker 6: They treat that ship like an art form.
Speaker 4: Like me, ask you what do you think it is about?
Speaker 4: As a normal Okay, I'll say two things. Now that
Speaker 4: i'm industry, I understand why industry people date because it
Speaker 4: almost kind of feel safer. You're dating someone that's your
Speaker 4: same pay, you can do the same shit, you know how.
Speaker 2: To move maybe well whatever, I know.
Speaker 4: I'm just saying that's the reason I understand. But when
Speaker 4: we're looking at comments on the Shade Room, every single
Speaker 4: person says, why the fuck do these rappers pass around
Speaker 4: the same bitches?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 4: For you to watch somebody do that with the woman
Speaker 4: that you're with, what do you think it is? Is
Speaker 4: it because you've had her? Why do you think it
Speaker 4: is that people like sharing the same women?
Speaker 1: Because it's not even the men.
Speaker 4: Men are always gonna have vigital on any day, but
Speaker 4: women specifically, Why do you think men like sharing the
Speaker 4: same girls or wanting the girl.
Speaker 1: I ain't never seen your girl before.
Speaker 3: I just thought she was a body. And I have
Speaker 3: an answer to this, but I want to hear yours.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 6: I think it's chasing status cloud, you know, recognition, status symbols.
Speaker 6: I think we are predisposed to like few women as objects,
Speaker 6: something to be had, you know, maybe owned, or least
Speaker 6: and give him back at least a car.
Speaker 5: You release a riari because you want to see you
Speaker 5: in a riri, right, So.
Speaker 1: It's just about fucking to me.
Speaker 3: It's not much different than what I feel like when,
Speaker 3: which is why it's very hard. And I'll probably never
Speaker 3: post my partner at this point. He has to stand
Speaker 3: a basement and I'll never bring him out in public.
Speaker 3: But well, because when when women see you with a man,
Speaker 3: especially if they're fans of no I mean, I'm not
Speaker 3: really going to put him in a basement, listen, I'll
Speaker 3: make sure to feed him. Well, he can actually have
Speaker 3: video games down there. At this point, I don't want
Speaker 3: him to leave. But when women see that you're with someone,
Speaker 3: especially if they're a fan of bars, men are fans
Speaker 3: of each other even though they're in the same industry, right,
Speaker 3: so it comes to where, oh if this man dated them,
Speaker 3: if I get the same type of bitch, I'm on
Speaker 3: that man's caliber. And it's the same thing that women
Speaker 3: do with men. Oh he dated this bitch. Oh, so
Speaker 3: if I date him too, we the same. And I
Speaker 3: think it's more people feeding into their egos to be
Speaker 3: able to get the men that they see their competition giving.
Speaker 5: M M.
Speaker 2: That's what I just think of it.
Speaker 3: I think it's just insecurity, and I think they want
Speaker 3: what other people have because it don't nobody want you,
Speaker 3: don't nobody wants you.
Speaker 2: I think we all still go in wanting people that
Speaker 2: other people want.
Speaker 4: I mean, I do think that the that the larger
Speaker 4: issue is the competitiveness of it.
Speaker 3: But what's even stranger is it almost.
Speaker 4: Brushes away all the patriarchal like notion that like you
Speaker 4: want a girl that no one's had.
Speaker 3: That's why I get so confused. They want a lady
Speaker 3: in the street, but a freaking sheeting a hoe. But
Speaker 3: y'all date the same bitch over and over. You want
Speaker 3: your ass hate, but then you want me to be
Speaker 3: a virgin?
Speaker 2: How are we doing? How can I be both at
Speaker 2: the same time? Like, you are not gonna say, look
Speaker 2: he got the sound drop ready, y'all were not doing the.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 3: I want to get into our vanillaship real quick, because
Speaker 3: in terms of the relationships you've had in your past,
Speaker 3: there's a word that they're saying should now be brought
Speaker 3: into the dictionaire. With cupping season coming up, I wanted
Speaker 3: to know if either of you guys were familiar with
Speaker 3: slow dumping. Slow dumping is when one partner distances themselves
Speaker 3: physically and emotionally from a romantic relationship. Rather than expressing
Speaker 3: their desire to end it, they literally will show up
Speaker 3: and start being less of who they've been, hoping that
Speaker 3: you then are fed up and you choose to do
Speaker 3: the breaking. This can also be referred to as fizzling,
Speaker 3: and fizzling is when a dater incremently puts less effort
Speaker 3: into the relationship until it reaches the point where the
Speaker 3: other partner stops it or they both stop communication altogether.
Speaker 5: Fizzling as slow dumping.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, the one fizzling is where it just pretty
Speaker 3: much communication just ends up stopping because you're fizzling the
Speaker 3: relationship out without express.
Speaker 6: Slowly move, slowly move, Yeah, I'll do that so we
Speaker 6: don't go well, to me, that's in that's in uh dating,
Speaker 6: but not in when you're in a relationship.
Speaker 3: This specifically is when you're in a relationship instead of
Speaker 3: ending it with the person, you.
Speaker 2: A lout or you.
Speaker 3: Slow dump them to where you just start showing up
Speaker 3: to be such the wrong partner for them that you're
Speaker 3: waiting for them to break it off. And I want
Speaker 3: to know if either of you have either done that
Speaker 3: at all, whether past relationship or felt like someone slow
Speaker 3: fizzled you out or slow dumped you.
Speaker 6: I think I've slow dumped. You've slow dumped for sure.
Speaker 6: We don't know that I'm meant to do it intentionally,
Speaker 6: but just.
Speaker 1: Okay, being less invested, just.
Speaker 5: Being over it.
Speaker 6: And my mind is started being like mean, you know,
Speaker 6: just for no reason about.
Speaker 5: It, you get mean little shit. For sure, I try
Speaker 5: to watch that ship. But I realized my homegirls do that.
Speaker 6: I wasn't even conscious of it at that time until
Speaker 6: I look back and I'd be like, damn, why was
Speaker 6: I acting like that?
Speaker 5: You know? I mean, just be over it and be
Speaker 5: just tired.
Speaker 3: You know, what would make you be tired and so
Speaker 3: over a relationship but you don't end it?
Speaker 2: What would keep you to where you.
Speaker 3: Now are, start starting to behave in a way that's
Speaker 3: not yourself instead of just ending that relationship if that
Speaker 3: person's making you.
Speaker 5: Feel that way.
Speaker 4: For both of y'all, I guess I mean for me,
Speaker 4: I definitely slow dumps because I felt sorry for that
Speaker 4: person at the time that I was dating. Okay, I
Speaker 4: felt like I kind of had to be around. Also,
Speaker 4: dating people that are going through something is really tough.
Speaker 4: I think you have to have a lot invested in them.
Speaker 4: For example, like depression is just one right, but if
Speaker 4: someone's grieving, even like you kind of got to stick
Speaker 4: with them throughout. You got to stick with them through
Speaker 4: their mean phase. Help issues with someone like sometimes it's
Speaker 4: hard you start to resent them. So I had definitely
Speaker 4: felt that ship way too deeply, like it was okay,
Speaker 4: just too much on me. And then I also felt
Speaker 4: like shit because I didn't want to be with them anymore.
Speaker 4: But then at the same time, I'm like, now I
Speaker 4: gotta fake it just because you said, which I'm sad to.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm sad to.
Speaker 5: No, I did.
Speaker 3: I did want it because before we started, Uh, well
Speaker 3: your turn, he said, I am a fizzler.
Speaker 2: He literally was like Oh yeah, I do that ship
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 5: Why no, I think.
Speaker 2: When we go somebody, don't we don't want to like
Speaker 2: come off like old first, be cold and like some
Speaker 2: fucking bitch.
Speaker 5: I'm out of heat. So it's like, let just pull
Speaker 5: back a little bit at a.
Speaker 3: Time to hopefully they play off the way they didn't
Speaker 3: need to, maybe like inspire conversation.
Speaker 1: More than a relationship.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 4: I do that with like the talking phase, Like if
Speaker 4: a nigga does something that gives me the itch, but
Speaker 4: I feel like we've been on a few dates, maybe
Speaker 4: I feel wrong to cut you off all the way,
Speaker 4: or maybe you don't even deserve that much of a conbo.
Speaker 4: I will definitely take two days to sex back. Sorry,
Speaker 4: podcasting is so hard.
Speaker 2: I hate so much.
Speaker 1: I'm really going through it. Yeah, that's what I'll be doing.
Speaker 6: That's like that mean with that fat nigga with the
Speaker 6: dreads and he just kind of disappears.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, exactly what it is?
Speaker 6: I think with my girl, man, when I was acting
Speaker 6: like that, it was like I had been going through
Speaker 6: something and she was so supportive and so instrumental. He
Speaker 6: actually asked me that earlier. She was one of the
Speaker 6: people that was like so instrumental in helping me to
Speaker 6: get better, and was looking that look past so many
Speaker 6: things that I felt so emotionally connected to her even
Speaker 6: though I didn't want to be with her no more.
Speaker 6: You know, maybe there was a sense of fear of
Speaker 6: losing like that support.
Speaker 1: Even though you didn't want to be with her anymore.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that you could stick through it.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I was actually gonna say.
Speaker 3: I think there's also a narrative though, women, if you
Speaker 3: stick with the man through his bullshit, through his cheating,
Speaker 3: through his.
Speaker 5: He gonna rock with you.
Speaker 3: He's gonna give you this ring because he didn't drug
Speaker 3: you through the mud, and you will realize bit and
Speaker 3: you will ride or die Like there's women too.
Speaker 1: That's the only true.
Speaker 6: That that troubles me though, because it's like women will
Speaker 6: never let something go for real. And so if you're
Speaker 6: now gonna build what's supposed to be a healthy relationship
Speaker 6: on all the bones of like your past, same unhealthy relationship,
Speaker 6: it's always going to be in the back of her
Speaker 6: mind that hurt you always.
Speaker 2: You can forgive, but you can't forget.
Speaker 3: You think that there should be an element of not
Speaker 3: forget that shit happened to if you forgave me.
Speaker 6: No, I'm just being real, like, I don't know if
Speaker 6: she ever really gonna forgive you everything.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this.
Speaker 4: You just made me think because at first I didn't
Speaker 4: realize you were talking about the same person when dating.
Speaker 1: When you hear women.
Speaker 4: Talking about how they've been cheated on or had some
Speaker 4: trun I'm in their last relationship, is it completely a
Speaker 4: turn off for you?
Speaker 1: Like, do you feel like, I don't know.
Speaker 5: Say they've been cheated on? Trauma?
Speaker 4: The example, one of my friends, who's actually a good dude,
Speaker 4: went on a date with a girl he likes and
Speaker 4: on the second date, she started telling him about bad experiences.
Speaker 4: He's like, bro, Like she's so dope, Like I just
Speaker 4: am not gonna be like dealing with her in the
Speaker 4: trauma from her baggage. She's like, I already traveled too
Speaker 4: three times a week, you know what I'm saying for work.
Speaker 1: Now she's gonna be thinking I'm going.
Speaker 5: To add more baggage. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think that a woman can maybe like dumped down
Speaker 4: on you too quick or like, does that ever turn
Speaker 4: you off?
Speaker 1: The woman's been through some shit.
Speaker 6: I've never thought that that would turn me off, because
Speaker 6: I think it would be because and you did through that,
Speaker 6: you know, so I've never I've never seen it that way.
Speaker 6: And we all got trauma on our own levels and
Speaker 6: our own experiences. So I wouldn't hold that against a
Speaker 6: person personally, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't think I would, but I know I've, like
Speaker 3: I said, I'm going to go into dating just differently
Speaker 3: now like apparently I got going.
Speaker 4: I think I would from women if they were so angry.
Speaker 4: I think when someone's talking like they're still mad. I've
Speaker 4: always said on this podcast, when I meet men and
Speaker 4: they talk nicely and kindly about their excess, I love
Speaker 4: it because I just, to me, that's just a quality
Speaker 4: that we don't see.
Speaker 1: People are so ready to shoot on someone.
Speaker 4: Friendships too, you know, like there's friends I don't talk
Speaker 4: to anywhere, but I had amazing friendships with them in
Speaker 4: that in that moment, And so when you see someone, yeah, you.
Speaker 5: Know that that's a red flag for something, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Because you're scared, like.
Speaker 3: And a lot of people that have that, Like when
Speaker 3: you're falling out a lot, or like you're really angry,
Speaker 3: I start to wonder, like what am I about to
Speaker 3: see in you that you haven't shown me yet, because.
Speaker 4: It might be it's almost too much. And I do
Speaker 4: believe that like through getting to know someone, their past
Speaker 4: relationships tell you a lot about it. I think, for example,
Speaker 4: even though you and I have both been through painful relationships,
Speaker 4: I think something I would learn about you, You guys
Speaker 4: had such an explorative sexual side to your relationship, right.
Speaker 4: I think what that shows me is that like, you're
Speaker 4: not not even beyond the non monogamy more than like
Speaker 4: you're a pleaser, but you also want to enjoy your
Speaker 4: own sexuality with that person. I would know that if
Speaker 4: I was dating you, I can't expect you to just
Speaker 4: be all about me when your own pleasure is part
Speaker 4: of your relationship. Like I think your sexuality with him did.
Speaker 4: There's where people will say you let him fuck a
Speaker 4: bunch of it's is I actually never looked at it
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 2: Well, but we did that because I wanted to be
Speaker 2: with women.
Speaker 3: I know, and I think you showed that's the same
Speaker 3: thing with you though you had a lot of relationships
Speaker 3: with women, but you also really like women. So I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't know. To me, it's going to be tough
Speaker 3: going into dating with the struggle of what that relationship
Speaker 3: looked like. Because I was non monogamous, I allowed you
Speaker 3: to some and even the word allowed. We allowed each
Speaker 3: other to be ourselves, and that still left me betrayed,
Speaker 3: cheated on.
Speaker 1: But that's mad pressure for a nigga.
Speaker 4: Imagine if you met a girl like I think and
Speaker 4: me and you both are last relationships were like this, right,
Speaker 4: I think when niggas meet me and they hear my
Speaker 4: ex and I were having mad three stems, like the
Speaker 4: fact that last lap birthed so many hoes come to
Speaker 4: my house, it's insane, like the bow I was upstairs,
Speaker 4: the downstairs, the upstairs, like it was like at one
Speaker 4: point it almost was sad that I was fucking so
Speaker 4: many girls that a last They always just like anyway,
Speaker 4: the point is telling that to another man. They're like,
Speaker 4: oh shit, now I've got to keep up with this,
Speaker 4: Like they know that this is something that was exciting
Speaker 4: for me in my last relationship.
Speaker 1: So am I going to be the nigga that boring?
Speaker 4: Like I do think you can tell a lot from
Speaker 4: how someone kind of moved what they're into.
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna say I was a nun. I'm lying.
Speaker 6: I feel like I never really know you know what
Speaker 6: I mean? Like I rarely even get that deep with people.
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying, What do you mean like
Speaker 6: to even pick up on red flags? Like I've always
Speaker 6: had a girlfriend, you know, I was like a kid.
Speaker 1: What's your son dat?
Speaker 5: I'm a gemini, not as getting into signs.
Speaker 1: What's your birthday?
Speaker 5: June sixth? Okay?
Speaker 6: You know, so I always had a girlfriend since I
Speaker 6: was a kid, and but I'd be doing a lot.
Speaker 6: I would just be so I would not be invested
Speaker 6: enough to even be like acknowledging flags red, yellow, whatever,
Speaker 6: Like I'd be like.
Speaker 3: What do you think you were having girlfriends? He said
Speaker 3: everything was bad, bitch, companionship especial if you knew you
Speaker 3: couldn't be faithful.
Speaker 6: It's probably a motherly thing, man, It's probably psychological, like
Speaker 6: some Sigmund Freud ship.
Speaker 2: He's a reader, y'all. He's a singing Freud, right, Yo.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of Freudian shit that I feel like
Speaker 1: men say to me when they like when I like,
Speaker 1: maybe if I'm rubbing them or massaging them and they
Speaker 1: start to like tell me I'm nurturing, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: because your head is on me, like this is like
Speaker 1: some mommy shit it is. It's totally like it's sick. Well,
Speaker 1: but here I am be like daddy, oh god.
Speaker 3: Well, I wanted to get into this twelve step program
Speaker 3: that you went through, because to do it at twenty
Speaker 3: five is crazy, but also getting to the point where
Speaker 3: you're like, nah, I have this problem and I would
Speaker 3: like to seek help for it. I kind of want
Speaker 3: to go down them and at any point I would
Speaker 3: love for you to be like this was a hard
Speaker 3: step for me, or this step really pushed me to
Speaker 3: keep going, Like alcohol Anonymous, the first step is admitting
Speaker 3: that you have a problem, right, and so step one
Speaker 3: says we admitted that we were powerless over sex and
Speaker 3: love addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable. You
Speaker 3: talked about how you felt like it was connected to
Speaker 3: the to the drugs as well, and why that became unmanageable.
Speaker 3: The second one was that you came to believe that
Speaker 3: a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Speaker 3: What did that mean specifically? Because to me, when I
Speaker 3: read this, there is a lot of God talk and
Speaker 3: I'm not very religious.
Speaker 5: So for someone who I was not at all either.
Speaker 3: You're not very okay, So what does what does this
Speaker 3: mean when you're not looking at this from a religious standpoint,
Speaker 3: because again, when we go down it, the word God
Speaker 3: is used often.
Speaker 6: Well, you know what, really the first most significant thing
Speaker 6: that I recall from it was the celibacy.
Speaker 5: So you start and your celibate. You know, I'm going
Speaker 5: through the program. Now get this.
Speaker 6: So I was celibate for like eight months or something
Speaker 6: like that, and this first step whatever second step. I
Speaker 6: was not religious at the time, Okay, So I decided
Speaker 6: to make my higher power my grandmother. So I got
Speaker 6: this that of her on my hand. I was gonna
Speaker 6: put give it to Granny because it's basically like unloading
Speaker 6: your burdens from yourself and giving them to your higher power.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: When you're going through everything alone, that shit could be
Speaker 6: so isolated and it's so difficult.
Speaker 5: If you can.
Speaker 6: Invite a higher power, whatever that means to you, if
Speaker 6: you believe in cosmic divine order, if you can invite
Speaker 6: your faith in that into what you're doing. Because my
Speaker 6: grammy Granny, seeing me doing anything, I'll do this reminds.
Speaker 5: Me of my poet, let me do it.
Speaker 4: There's an episode of True Life MTV was like addicted
Speaker 4: to porn and the dude made the password I love.
Speaker 5: It.
Speaker 6: Just you just made me think about the program though,
Speaker 6: because sometimes I would go to the sex Addicts meetings,
Speaker 6: Like I went to one of those and I was like, man,
Speaker 6: I don't know if I got the same problem these
Speaker 6: niggas got, because.
Speaker 5: They was like, you know, my life is in shambles.
Speaker 6: I'm on skid roll and I'm still like jack it
Speaker 6: off behind the tent, and I'm like, gang.
Speaker 5: Got the same issue? Gay? Well, I mean I think.
Speaker 3: That that's what we talk about too, in terms of
Speaker 3: the hierarchy of things, right, Like, sometimes we don't recognize
Speaker 3: anything's an issue because when.
Speaker 2: We look at the other end of the spectrum, that
Speaker 2: is crazy.
Speaker 5: Are you masturbating when I was celebrating now?
Speaker 1: Oh wait?
Speaker 5: Oh oh wait?
Speaker 2: Why not? Was that a part of the program, They said.
Speaker 6: You, Well, I was just trying to gain control over
Speaker 6: my sexuality, over my body, you know what I mean.
Speaker 6: I felt like I had been sober from alcohol or
Speaker 6: weed or whatever drugs at different points of time. I
Speaker 6: had done that before. Sex was the only area where
Speaker 6: I felt very powerless, and I had to really connect
Speaker 6: it to my to health. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 6: like I feel like having depression or you know, anxiety,
Speaker 6: things like that, which I was deep in the throes
Speaker 6: of at that time, is being unable to cope with
Speaker 6: the constant urges of your mind towards the morose, the negative,
Speaker 6: self destruction, et cetera. You know, to put that in
Speaker 6: the context of the program about sex and love addiction,
Speaker 6: it was like I didn't feel like I could control
Speaker 6: the compulsions to you know, fucking ambitious.
Speaker 1: Like masturbating my But wait, what's your advice?
Speaker 5: Then?
Speaker 6: I just wanted to be in norug. I just wanted
Speaker 6: to be like in control of myself. You know, do
Speaker 6: you think we all need vices?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 2: When you ask what's your advice?
Speaker 3: Do you feel like, as human beings we all need
Speaker 3: something that we know is the program?
Speaker 5: Food?
Speaker 1: I don't know, did you gain weight? Did you get fat?
Speaker 6: WHOA?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, like what did.
Speaker 1: You indulge in?
Speaker 7: That?
Speaker 1: Felt like maybe the gym was in it.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Spending money. Were you spending a lot of money?
Speaker 5: Did you I spent a lot of bread.
Speaker 6: But you know, the thing about the program is like
Speaker 6: it's really more about relationships though, So it was more
Speaker 6: about like dependency and attachment and validation. And there were
Speaker 6: people in there that weren't having sex at all.
Speaker 5: It was just like, you.
Speaker 6: Know, fully in the throes of like obsession about their
Speaker 6: ex wife or what it may be.
Speaker 5: It was really about relationship. That's why I really went.
Speaker 6: You know, but at the time, Vice, I think when
Speaker 6: I was celibate, I don't know if I don't think
Speaker 6: I was sober at that time.
Speaker 1: You know, it was like I need something I'm not.
Speaker 5: You know. It was like also.
Speaker 6: During that time, you know, trying to keep trying to
Speaker 6: keep women off of me in that moment was crazy
Speaker 6: because they'd be like, you know, I just got in
Speaker 6: the gym for the first time, Like I looked like
Speaker 6: a grown man for the first.
Speaker 5: Guy, and you were celibate, super high. I got Chase
Speaker 5: coming to my house and I'm telling them, like, you know.
Speaker 1: If I suck your dick, is it still selling?
Speaker 6: I said, I can't do this with you. You know,
Speaker 6: I'm celibate for this amount of time. So April, you know,
Speaker 6: how do women receive you? She was like, well, what
Speaker 6: about April twenty eight. I'm like, if you don't get
Speaker 6: the funk out of my house way over here?
Speaker 4: Oh god, this was but he did see. This is
Speaker 4: why when you say you're celibate, you don't have a date.
Speaker 1: You just mentioned a date.
Speaker 4: He had object that had to finish for his celibacy, right,
Speaker 4: So like that's why I like, I keep saying, like
Speaker 4: what is it too? Because abcident and celibacy, celibacy seems
Speaker 4: like there's a date there, and so there.
Speaker 3: Wasn't actual date for you. You set a date in
Speaker 3: your celibacy journey.
Speaker 6: I don't even know if that if that was a
Speaker 6: real date or if that was like sebtrary and I
Speaker 6: just told her that the goal was to get through
Speaker 6: this program. Okay, okay, okay, So you're supposed to, like
Speaker 6: when you do it, you're actually supposed to stop seeing.
Speaker 5: Like women in general. I don't even think you're supposed
Speaker 5: to like kick it.
Speaker 6: With your female friends or your male friends, vice versa
Speaker 6: when you start doing a program. It was a whole thing, honestly,
Speaker 6: because it was like I had just met a woman
Speaker 6: that like I was super into, you know, and she
Speaker 6: was flying, super smart, she resonated with me on a
Speaker 6: lot of those levels in the same you know, vein
Speaker 6: of professional ship or whatever. And so then I had
Speaker 6: to cut my contact with her though, you know, and
Speaker 6: I'm thinking it was only supposed to be for a month.
Speaker 6: So I'm thinking, man, I'm gonna come back. She's still
Speaker 6: gonna be there. You know, she didn't disappear for real.
Speaker 4: I was hurt you for coming back, and I was hurt,
Speaker 4: but taking the time for yourself and like actually coming back.
Speaker 6: I was glad I did ultimately, you know, because there
Speaker 6: was a moment. It was like in that celibacy and
Speaker 6: just that moment of self reflection. I was in a
Speaker 6: hotel room one time in New York. Actually I just
Speaker 6: like broke down in the hotel. I felt, you know,
Speaker 6: that I was perceiving that this woman was starting to
Speaker 6: love me or something, and I just felt so unlovable,
Speaker 6: you know.
Speaker 5: I felt like just guilty and terribly about myself. So
Speaker 5: I broke down.
Speaker 6: I'm like crying all crazy and feeling like I can't
Speaker 6: be loved, you know.
Speaker 5: I go and tell my sponsor.
Speaker 6: And he's like, these is old British students, but you
Speaker 6: have to stop seeing this woman immediately, So I told
Speaker 6: her that, but I was so salty though when I
Speaker 6: came back and she was gone, I was hurt. But
Speaker 6: it was like, ultimately I had to sacrifice in order
Speaker 6: to learn the skills and the tools with which I
Speaker 6: can be a better man. I could be a more
Speaker 6: integrated person, of more integrity.
Speaker 2: And that was step four.
Speaker 3: Step four is you made a searching and fearless moral
Speaker 3: inventory of yourself, and you just explained what that was.
Speaker 2: I skipt up.
Speaker 5: The inventory was a different thing.
Speaker 1: What do you mean?
Speaker 5: It was like, what.
Speaker 2: Did you have to create a list of how bad you?
Speaker 5: This is the inventory I think it is. It's not
Speaker 5: two inventories.
Speaker 2: No, no, this is the only inventory you really noticed.
Speaker 5: This is step This is step step was crazy.
Speaker 6: It was like, you have to make a list of
Speaker 6: all the sexual experiences you've ever had, data from childhood,
Speaker 6: not just when you had sex, but any type of
Speaker 6: sexual experience if you can remember the person's name, name, Uh,
Speaker 6: what did basic details of the situation are and also
Speaker 6: the motivation behind it.
Speaker 2: So so right after doing that, though, and I want
Speaker 2: to get into you actually calling these people because there's
Speaker 2: another step.
Speaker 3: So after this step, you make the inventory. You then
Speaker 3: admit to the God and to yourself and to another
Speaker 3: human being of the exact nature of the wrongs that
Speaker 3: you did to these people. Then it says you humbly
Speaker 3: ask God to remove your shortcomings. But after you made.
Speaker 4: That up for a second, yes, why are you admitting
Speaker 4: that you did something wrong by fucking somebody?
Speaker 1: Can we talk about that?
Speaker 2: Well, maybe it's the treatment of that person not oh,
Speaker 2: or was it the fucking of them as well?
Speaker 6: In the inventory? I just remember I was sitting at
Speaker 6: a diner in la and I was there for about
Speaker 6: sixteen hours.
Speaker 2: You know how many millions do you order?
Speaker 6: Sitting there straight sixteen I was trying to rack my
Speaker 6: brain for every you know, woman on tour in Berlin,
Speaker 6: you know, girl at music festival something, you know what
Speaker 6: I mean, Like I.
Speaker 1: Have guys from fire truck my phone, and.
Speaker 5: The motivations for all that shit.
Speaker 6: Man, it was like, that's when I realized that it
Speaker 6: wasn't about sex, you know, I realized it was just
Speaker 6: about validation.
Speaker 5: It was about seeking control, seeking power. And by the
Speaker 5: time I.
Speaker 6: Got you know, one hundred and fifty something, I got
Speaker 6: to like my girlfriend something I was That's when it
Speaker 6: just hit me.
Speaker 5: That's when I really that's when I broke down and.
Speaker 1: I was like, is there were more after her?
Speaker 6: Well a lot of those were while I was with her,
Speaker 6: you know, And it was just like to have to
Speaker 6: look so blatantly at like the plane I put these
Speaker 6: people through, these women that I loved, to look so
Speaker 6: clearly at the and to see that it was like
Speaker 6: just for my own insecurity. It was all my own insecurities.
Speaker 6: That's the part that hit different, you know. And then
Speaker 6: I quit after a couple of steps later. Wait, so eight,
Speaker 6: I got to make it?
Speaker 3: So the list is the making Yeah, so step eight
Speaker 3: so you didn't make it a twelve eight is made
Speaker 3: a list of the persons we get harmed and become
Speaker 3: willing to make amends with them.
Speaker 5: All that was the whole purpose. That was why I
Speaker 5: wanted to do it.
Speaker 4: So once I got ye, this isn't for celebrity but
Speaker 4: ho hoes, Like I guess it is, But like I
Speaker 4: feel like when I've heard about love, addiction and stuff.
Speaker 4: I've listened to some podcasts and it's always these people
Speaker 4: that are like in a small town that go crazy.
Speaker 4: But I really be thinking, like, could you make a list?
Speaker 4: Could I make it like I have of all the names.
Speaker 3: And even when you make the list on air, I
Speaker 3: had to help you because you forgot something.
Speaker 2: I mean, I get like, yeah, well, you're allowed to
Speaker 2: forget people.
Speaker 5: I'm sure. I'm sure I forgot.
Speaker 2: The list.
Speaker 5: I'd be forgetting ship all the time. I'd be having
Speaker 5: an ax niggas like.
Speaker 3: That's not where you're supposed to laugh, Britney render forgot
Speaker 3: hers at thirty five.
Speaker 2: Ye, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm if I don't
Speaker 2: have to know all of them and I can still make.
Speaker 5: A list, How on earth could I remember everything was
Speaker 5: about it? Oh?
Speaker 3: I okay, how on a Well, I'm not gonna lie
Speaker 3: when you said one fifty I knew you were forgetting names.
Speaker 2: I have you painned it way more than one fishy.
Speaker 1: Ain't gonna lie when you said one fifty. Thing to say.
Speaker 3: Like I said multiple, That word has five in a night, buddy,
Speaker 3: But you.
Speaker 1: Know, like for the average wait, let me let me
Speaker 1: watch my words. Okay.
Speaker 4: The hoes that I know, these are not I batties,
Speaker 4: the women, These are not the I G batties with
Speaker 4: crazy access. These are just regular hoes in the city.
Speaker 4: They about foty niggas by a thirty. Now add in
Speaker 4: some money, adding a dick, and add in clout there's
Speaker 4: no way you're.
Speaker 2: Like, I just can't.
Speaker 1: These are bitches that shout out to my friends. I
Speaker 1: ain't saying a dance like.
Speaker 4: I really think men could fuck on average, I think
Speaker 4: and be okay with their lives.
Speaker 1: Probably five different women a week.
Speaker 2: Oh they could fuck. Yeah, I'm just.
Speaker 4: Saying like for for regular, like I really believe you
Speaker 4: could do one every other day, Like I really do.
Speaker 3: I've seen well with that mindset then, and I don't
Speaker 3: think you are irens fucking dumber And I need to
Speaker 3: ask a man their body count? But is that something
Speaker 3: that would steer you away from a man if he
Speaker 3: had said he had been.
Speaker 4: Through this many women? I think I want a datah,
Speaker 4: I want a niggay. Do you and your girl be
Speaker 4: sharing host stories?
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: Oh they're not really a thousand, but I'll take a
Speaker 3: nigga five hundred plus disease free.
Speaker 4: Five hundred is a lot, but I'm going up to
Speaker 4: fifty two. Do you and your girls share stories in
Speaker 4: a fun way?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 4: Have you been able to make your stories like this
Speaker 4: thing of like I've healed.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's crazy story.
Speaker 2: You don't talk about it. I love doing that ship.
Speaker 2: I want to know. I want to know the type
Speaker 2: of rock star a person was.
Speaker 5: I don't know what.
Speaker 2: You don't want to well, you don't want to know
Speaker 2: what she did?
Speaker 5: No chance, no no, no no no.
Speaker 1: It looks like a very nice girl. But when you
Speaker 1: see a baddie like that, it's like, So.
Speaker 3: With stopping this program, then at step eight you have
Speaker 3: four more to go. What did then your self journey
Speaker 3: look like and preparing yourself to be a better partner
Speaker 3: with the next person or whoever you got with after
Speaker 3: your celibacy journey, after the healing. What what were those
Speaker 3: conversations by yourself without the program?
Speaker 6: You don't think it took time to really sink in.
Speaker 6: I definitely hit a you know, but I stayed out
Speaker 6: of relationships so I could, so.
Speaker 5: I cannot lie, right. Yeah. The biggest thing for me
Speaker 5: was always the lion. You know.
Speaker 6: It was never that I have no judgment for people
Speaker 6: for sex that when you asked about that, I don't
Speaker 6: think sex is something you have to apologize to God for,
Speaker 6: you know. I think maybe in that step I would
Speaker 6: have interpreted that as like apologizing to God or admitting
Speaker 6: to God that like I knew I made bad decisions,
Speaker 6: because most of those were bad decisions, you know what
Speaker 6: I mean, those were horrible decisions, very explicitly by the name.
Speaker 6: That was the definition of horrible. That's why I would
Speaker 6: have been admitting to God. But you know, after that, yeah,
Speaker 6: I just kept kept doing my same thing. But it
Speaker 6: was like something had changed in me and I couldn't
Speaker 6: pretend that I didn't know why I was doing this anymore.
Speaker 5: So it just took away a lot of the flippant like.
Speaker 6: Senseless sex, or at least the ability to pretend with
Speaker 6: myself like this was good for me, like this was
Speaker 6: a good look, this was a good move because I
Speaker 6: had already done this inventory of myself and realized that, man,
Speaker 6: I was tearing myself apart with this shit, and this
Speaker 6: shit was about shit I need to go deal with.
Speaker 5: This was about emotional issues. This was not about these women.
Speaker 6: So let me figure out how I can address myself
Speaker 6: and grow stronger in these places of weakness. So I
Speaker 6: don't feel like I need to go hit a girl
Speaker 6: off Instagram to be validated. Is there another way I
Speaker 6: can gain validation.
Speaker 4: Man, No, I just it's a life I need. Don't
Speaker 4: think that, like, I don't know, it's weird. Listening to
Speaker 4: you talk makes me feel good, like I could maybe
Speaker 4: meet a man that is younger and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, aware of but I just don't see.
Speaker 2: I mean, but I think i'm me either. And I
Speaker 2: was just with a fifty year old action like that,
Speaker 2: acting like he was twenty one, lying. But I don't
Speaker 2: think I acknowledged it until when you said in the
Speaker 2: very beginning that honor and honesty is not something that
Speaker 2: got a man praised as much as it did the
Speaker 2: conquering and the power and how many women he had.
Speaker 1: This is fucking game of thrones.
Speaker 2: And I didn't think.
Speaker 3: I didn't think I more, I didn't think I even
Speaker 3: looked at it like that. And so when you could
Speaker 3: see here and realize that those people and I mean,
Speaker 3: I'll be honest, maybe this is the thing that I'm
Speaker 3: going through right now in the self inventory of when
Speaker 3: I look back at.
Speaker 2: The bodies that I have no praise, this is it.
Speaker 1: It didn't make Meigga say that Queen, knock it out.
Speaker 1: This is too much. This is medieval shit.
Speaker 2: I don't want no King not being you know an
Speaker 2: I was one of those.
Speaker 5: Couldn't you tell a really nice guy.
Speaker 2: Does he hit you with the grand minsing?
Speaker 1: He was definitely you know, I don't like it, but
Speaker 1: I definitely.
Speaker 3: So he just doesn't tell you, girl, I get greetings
Speaker 3: love type shit readings love.
Speaker 1: He definitely talks about the spiritual plane run.
Speaker 5: I could peep that whole shit.
Speaker 1: Why do you think we were read a fucking being rush?
Speaker 3: Did the way that you spoke to women or like,
Speaker 3: as in a general like, if there became a greater
Speaker 3: deal of respect for them through you knowing how much
Speaker 3: you harmed them, did the way you speak to them
Speaker 3: change at all?
Speaker 2: Did the way you showed up with them change?
Speaker 6: I definitely try to watch the way I speak to women,
Speaker 6: you know, I mean and just like be respectful and
Speaker 6: appreciate women. At the same time, though a lot of
Speaker 6: time when I was dealing with mad women, it was
Speaker 6: like I really didn't care though, you know, so I
Speaker 6: was not emotionally invested in these women would become very
Speaker 6: emotionally invested in me, and maybe I could be guilty
Speaker 6: if it wouldn't be love bombing, I would just be
Speaker 6: myself and I'll talk to them like I talked to
Speaker 6: you all.
Speaker 5: I would talk about Jazz, I would talk about.
Speaker 6: X Y, bringing mom, bringing on my motorcycle or something,
Speaker 6: you know, and they'd be like straight in love.
Speaker 3: But I'm like, we just had this conversation. All you
Speaker 3: got to do is hold a conversation.
Speaker 4: I realized my best advice I ever got is the
Speaker 4: dude in the studio with Alex literally said to me,
Speaker 4: I'm going to tell you something so you aren't hurt anymore.
Speaker 1: The last dude I dated was doing all the ship
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 4: I couldn't understand why he was picking me up while
Speaker 4: we were cudding, while we're going to these nice restaurants.
Speaker 4: He was like, it's not you. This is how he
Speaker 4: dates people, and this is how he does it alone.
Speaker 4: He's laying up with you when he's done because he
Speaker 4: wants to cuddle. He's having breakfast with you because he
Speaker 4: wants company.
Speaker 5: I wasn't doing all that though. I was never. I
Speaker 5: wasn't dating.
Speaker 2: I'm not just talking to them on the motorcycle, and
Speaker 2: they liked me.
Speaker 5: I never. I never dated a lot of people for
Speaker 5: though I ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 2: I just told one hundred and fifty buss that now dating,
Speaker 2: I wasn't dating.
Speaker 6: I've had a few girlfriends in my life, like you know,
Speaker 6: easily fit on one and other than that you.
Speaker 2: Have sex more than once.
Speaker 1: It's dating.
Speaker 6: Yep, He's like, I don't think so.
Speaker 3: Tell people where to find you. If you've got something
Speaker 3: new pop give us.
Speaker 4: If you got any music a lot that I would
Speaker 4: say speaks to the man that you've talked about today,
Speaker 4: I think would be really dope, like just about whether
Speaker 4: it be women treating him right, love bombing, or any
Speaker 4: of like.
Speaker 1: This kind of stuff. I think it'd be really cool
Speaker 1: to listen to it.
Speaker 6: I like just I would send people to my new album, Victor,
Speaker 6: that's out now and you can find me at vict
Speaker 6: Messa everywhere.
Speaker 4: Can't sign the Damns because he has a girlfriend unless
Speaker 4: you guys, well you are their plans to open it.
Speaker 5: Up as as.
Speaker 2: He's like, no, Pindor's box.
Speaker 1: That's let's get all right, get him out of here.
Speaker 2: We have y'all.
Speaker 3: Make sure you guys get Victor. And I'm sorry I
Speaker 3: always have to tell everyone here we go. One of
Speaker 3: my favorite was the autobiography. That album is what introduced
Speaker 3: me to you and was absolutely phenomenal and he talks
Speaker 3: about home Records and a whole bunch of other cool
Speaker 3: stuff on that album as well, So y'all make sure
Speaker 3: you guys stream it, purchase it, do what you gotta do.
Speaker 3: Follow him at vic mensa. And even though he has
Speaker 3: a girlfriend, he's also really good to look at because
Speaker 3: he came with a jacket today. He don't wear as
Speaker 3: much clothes on his Instagram, So make sure you follow
Speaker 3: him at vicpncer. And again, make sure you guys support
Speaker 3: us by going over to our patreon that's patreon dot com,
Speaker 3: back Slash Horrible Decisions, and we also on tour pus
Speaker 3: us host. Most of it sold out on the East Coast,
Speaker 3: y'all because y'all fuck with us, But go ahead and
Speaker 3: get your tickets on the East Coast if there's any
Speaker 3: left in your city, and if not, we will post
Speaker 3: the flyer of when we are there in the cities.
Speaker 3: And for people that cannot make it, they normally sell
Speaker 3: their tickets off in the comments, so there's still is
Speaker 3: a chance they already miss the international dates. Yespect us too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're on international tour anyways, guys.
Speaker 3: Thank y'all for tuning in to yet another episode of
Speaker 3: Horrible Decisions.
Speaker 1: Bye Nice,