Speaker 1: Press the music. Here we go wine down Hi Heart
Speaker 1: Radio podcast. There was one of those kind of days
Speaker 1: I'm just ready to start, so I have a special
Speaker 1: wind down today because she actually wants to introduce Hi. Everybody.
Speaker 1: It's me. My name is Sarah, and I don't have
Speaker 1: a ring, So let's just get that out of the
Speaker 1: way before we go further. Humpy Monday. Everyone. I'm wearing pink.
Speaker 1: You're wearing pink, and you're adorable sweater and your jeans,
Speaker 1: but I'm still noticing no ring on your finger. Not
Speaker 1: I mean, there are plenty, but not one on the finger.
Speaker 1: We just can't figure it out. So poor Sarah. You
Speaker 1: guys obviously know she's been dating the same man for
Speaker 1: six years, not months, not weeks, years, and she gave
Speaker 1: him an ultimatum that if he did not give her
Speaker 1: the ring by the new year, she was going to
Speaker 1: leave him. He does not have a ring, and she's
Speaker 1: still with me. Here I am, and here you are.
Speaker 1: So I feel like Sarah had to come on the
Speaker 1: show because so many people you turned off your comments
Speaker 1: section on Instagram. And it's not that I'm like scared
Speaker 1: or anything, because I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 1: were like coming into my d MS hot and I
Speaker 1: was like, listen. I was at a wedding for someone else.
Speaker 1: I got eighty seven comments on a picture of MENTI
Speaker 1: of them telling me how many days I have left.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can count. I know too, like I'm
Speaker 1: also wearing fur and like my hair looks really good.
Speaker 1: It would be nice if somebody told me you did.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why is everyone like coming at me? I
Speaker 1: don't know, because you get like everyone listens and they're
Speaker 1: best in the fact that you had eight more days too.
Speaker 1: At that time, was at a wedding and I'm on
Speaker 1: the dance floor and like you're I'm getting all these
Speaker 1: checks and people are like Sarah like your Instagram and
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, I look really good. And
Speaker 1: then it's like no, like you need to go see
Speaker 1: the comment, and I was like, I mean, well, then
Speaker 1: I felt bad because when it didn't happen on New
Speaker 1: Year's Day, I mean I was still giving hope that
Speaker 1: maybe New Year's Day. But when it when it was
Speaker 1: January two, I went to your page and so many people,
Speaker 1: so many people were deeming me emailing here. I heart
Speaker 1: radio and been like, what happened with Sarah? I mean
Speaker 1: people go to your page just to see if they
Speaker 1: didn't want people to like hey, when it's like I'm
Speaker 1: getting so many d I feel so bad for you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, listen, do you feel bad. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: in cobbo. I'm doing absolutely great, thank you, but like
Speaker 1: you had a no, I had a meltdown for sure,
Speaker 1: but like it could be worse, and I'm like, don't
Speaker 1: feel bad for me. Thank you for feeling bad, but
Speaker 1: like have you have you brought it up with ti
Speaker 1: amazing question, Mike, thank you for asking. So that was
Speaker 1: my New Year's like not resolution, but that was my like,
Speaker 1: okay January one to like when we got back to
Speaker 1: l A, I was like, I'm not bringing it up,
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna let it ride, and I'm I'll
Speaker 1: talk about it. You're really the only person I think
Speaker 1: I've talked about it with, because like my sisters, no
Speaker 1: one's like called me. We just like have not so well.
Speaker 1: We talked about it because we went to an event
Speaker 1: together a couple of days ago and I said, look,
Speaker 1: it's the elephant in the room. We got to talk
Speaker 1: about it, and then I don't want to talk about
Speaker 1: it again until you want to talk about it. So
Speaker 1: she basically said that she had a conversation with Tay
Speaker 1: and said I was like, we're not I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not bringing it up like I'm done, like because I
Speaker 1: had like a couple of meltdowns and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: tell I don't have meltdown. Sarah doesn't cry my only girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm not a crier. I'm not like a
Speaker 1: I flip out. But I had like a full meltdown,
Speaker 1: and I was like, get it out of your system,
Speaker 1: let it happen, and now we're done, like we're just
Speaker 1: But here's the question that I asked her in the car.
Speaker 1: I said, done until when done until April? I done
Speaker 1: until May. I thought about that, Okay, you thought about it.
Speaker 1: I think I can't set like a time. I can't what,
Speaker 1: let's November this year, No, because what I told you,
Speaker 1: don't go up with your finger because it's gonna be
Speaker 1: like what I said, like, okay, in case everyone forgot,
Speaker 1: I'm a scorpio. And until I really feel like I
Speaker 1: have to use that stinger, I can't just like be
Speaker 1: done because when I'm done, I'm done, I know. So
Speaker 1: like that's why I was like I could tell I
Speaker 1: wasn't ready, Like I wasn't really ready to walk away,
Speaker 1: but like, who knows. I feel like I just have
Speaker 1: to let it ride and then it's just gonna like happen,
Speaker 1: and like God forbid for him, Like he'll never come
Speaker 1: back from that if he's like when you're done, You're mean,
Speaker 1: you are so done. You don't talk to them, and
Speaker 1: you don't look in the direction, and you just you
Speaker 1: just shut your heart. And that's why I don't want
Speaker 1: that to happen to him, and I really don't think
Speaker 1: it will. But that's why I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to set a day. I'm not going to set
Speaker 1: a time. It's just gonna be like a thing. But
Speaker 1: here's the deal. We're planning, like we're planning a November wedding.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, how is that going to happen?
Speaker 1: I mean, listen where she wants long sleep. She wants
Speaker 1: a long sleeve November wedding done exactly, so long sleep
Speaker 1: November wedding, that's what she wants. She's referencing a photo
Speaker 1: in the room grow wearing a wedding dress and she
Speaker 1: had sleeves. But no, that's what she gets done. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk about it until June because
Speaker 1: I think by June, if you're not in her face, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're not engaged, by June, will be moving because
Speaker 1: you're moving to Nashville basically with my dude. I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of people are going there, so it kind
Speaker 1: of seems like sense. But so what do you want
Speaker 1: to say to everybody out there right now that is
Speaker 1: blowing you up that thank you? I think I don't know, well,
Speaker 1: because I understand that they care. Hello, I care about
Speaker 1: things are going on in people's lives that I don't know.
Speaker 1: But I think that people were more like frustrated, and
Speaker 1: it was like, look, I'm still standing, I'm still breathing,
Speaker 1: I'm okay. I chose not to leave, but I felt
Speaker 1: embarrassed for you, and you know what, That's what made
Speaker 1: me mad, as I felt like he you asked what
Speaker 1: for what you wanted and he didn't give it to you,
Speaker 1: and I feel like that's super disrespectful. It definitely hurt
Speaker 1: my feelings more than anything, Like my feelings were hurt,
Speaker 1: but I wasn't really embarrassed for other people. I was
Speaker 1: more embarrassed for like my family, like you, like for
Speaker 1: people who really knew what was going down. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Well, and all the listeners too. I mean
Speaker 1: it's kind of a slap in the face, it was,
Speaker 1: but I was more embarrassed, like being like with my
Speaker 1: sisters and them knowing how badly it wants. Just like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I did like that you said though, when you guys
Speaker 1: like addressed it and how you were like kind of
Speaker 1: because you do think like ti, even though everyone's like
Speaker 1: that's not true, You're like, no, yes, it is like
Speaker 1: a lot that you said. I believe, Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: don't think ties this kind of guy where he would
Speaker 1: out of spite not do it because of the publicity
Speaker 1: behind it. But you know, I don't think he even
Speaker 1: considers that. I don't think, so that's not the equation.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that because I could see some
Speaker 1: men being like, no, just because other people you brought
Speaker 1: other people into this doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm actually not going to for that reason. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you told him what you wanted, and that just makes
Speaker 1: me agree. So that's just my thing. Well, look, basically now,
Speaker 1: it's like get the skinner gets felt, but really like
Speaker 1: in real true life. It's like you're at that age
Speaker 1: or let's go it's Ready Player Too. I don't know
Speaker 1: who Player Too is, but I'm gonna go out and
Speaker 1: find him. WHOA I'm saying, like if he be like that,
Speaker 1: you know girl, No, I'm proud of you. I loved
Speaker 1: that Player Too. Isn't that the movie? It's Ready Player
Speaker 1: one movie, but your your Player one. So and he's
Speaker 1: we've been playing for quite a long time. But like
Speaker 1: you know, he knows you know well, We're very happy
Speaker 1: to have you on the show. I'm so happy to
Speaker 1: be because we've just family. It's I mean, you are
Speaker 1: our family, and we're just we're going through a lot
Speaker 1: right now. Michael and I are actually fighting in this moment.
Speaker 1: We're putting on a professional stage. No, I can't feel it.
Speaker 1: Trust me in the room right now, you guys made
Speaker 1: Mark lie not even looking at you because I'm still angry.
Speaker 1: She hasn't made eye contact with me. I'm really so far,
Speaker 1: so far since we've been I have a professional and
Speaker 1: I have a great how you are. That's why, Yeah,
Speaker 1: can we bring up what we started talking about, Tina,
Speaker 1: look at me now. I'm not looking at you because
Speaker 1: I'm still piste off at you, so I'm not going
Speaker 1: to look at you. So can we can we discuss
Speaker 1: what we started talking about when Sarah, when you were
Speaker 1: over yesterday or the other day, about the Kate Hudson thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Mike really wants to talk about this. I
Speaker 1: really want to talk about the fact I've been stewing
Speaker 1: in this. He literally stewing. He heard him say, what
Speaker 1: the F bomb? You're welcome Easton. I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: So Michael got real upset because our friend Leslie, she
Speaker 1: sent us like a screenshot of people's tweet that said,
Speaker 1: Kate Hudson opens up about raising her daughter Rainey with
Speaker 1: a genderless approach, her daughter with a genderless approach. Did
Speaker 1: you read the article though? Did you read more into
Speaker 1: it about what that means? Because sometimes genderless might be
Speaker 1: falling at me. Can you guys just tell me what
Speaker 1: that means? Well, that's the thing I think. No, no,
Speaker 1: because maybe they're genderless as in, hey, we're gonna like
Speaker 1: for example, Leslie, Leslie bought Jolie a lawnmower and said,
Speaker 1: I I don't buy gender like I don't buy gender
Speaker 1: appropriate thing. So for Jolie, she bought her a lawn lawnmower,
Speaker 1: and then maybe for Jace, she'll buy him a broom set.
Speaker 1: So maybe that is as far as she's going, maybe
Speaker 1: because that's genderless or is it genderless as in you
Speaker 1: can maybe if they're they're going farther whereas and you
Speaker 1: can be whatever? What was whatever that is? Did she say?
Speaker 1: What did she say? So? Did you read the article? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't read the article. I saw enough. But is
Speaker 1: it is? It? Is it? Um? Was it something where
Speaker 1: she said, you know, you can be a male or
Speaker 1: a female? Is that genderless? I guess I'm confused what
Speaker 1: I think there's a difference here where it's not talking
Speaker 1: about remember when we had justin his wife on bald're
Speaker 1: talking about they're talking about feminism, which that was about
Speaker 1: a quality. So that's different genderless. I feel like that's
Speaker 1: just it explains itself like genderless, and even if it's
Speaker 1: about something a surface level as toys, it's like what
Speaker 1: so you're going to purposely go out of your way
Speaker 1: and say, here, Jay's, here's some barbies. So she said
Speaker 1: she's not going to let her kid or no, I
Speaker 1: guess you're right. Yeah, I think I think at least
Speaker 1: we should have the facts. Yeah, and then you can
Speaker 1: interpret it however you want. So, she says, we still
Speaker 1: don't know what she's going to identify as. And she
Speaker 1: said when press during the interview about whether raising her
Speaker 1: new daughter was different from raising her two boys, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really change my approach, but there's definitely a difference.
Speaker 1: I think you just raise your kids individually, like a
Speaker 1: genderless approach. She continued. I will say that right now,
Speaker 1: she's incredibly feminine in her energy, her sounds, and her
Speaker 1: way because she's biologically a female. Michael, oh, Michael letters,
Speaker 1: send your emails to and it's very different from the boys. Now.
Speaker 1: I think that can mean, you know, like you don't
Speaker 1: automatically have to make the bedroom pink. You could let
Speaker 1: your kid decide what colors they like, right Like Jolie
Speaker 1: likes green. That's her favorite color right now, so so
Speaker 1: I guess green she so like. Obviously, though what she's
Speaker 1: doing is by by her kind of choosing to not
Speaker 1: do things like the little girl. She's going to be
Speaker 1: a girl she was she was biologically born as a female.
Speaker 1: Part Let's say she's going to not buy pink, or
Speaker 1: she's gonna not do, so her daughter's going to grow
Speaker 1: up ly liking Yeah, that's what I'm a little maybe blues.
Speaker 1: Why can't girls were Jolie's blue clothes. I'm nothing, I
Speaker 1: have nothing to instead. No, I don't either. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying if she grows up, okay, So like, let's say
Speaker 1: you grow up only listening to like a certain type
Speaker 1: of music, You're only gonna like that music. You get
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So by her saying like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let my daughter choose, well, you're really not because you're not.
Speaker 1: Like you're putting blue and right in front of if
Speaker 1: it's not pink, and you're gonna put paining her room blue,
Speaker 1: then you're then you're saying, hey, like blue. What makes
Speaker 1: you so angry about this? Because all of this talk
Speaker 1: about the sexual identity and everything, I get, Like, I
Speaker 1: get like people they might not feel like the gender
Speaker 1: they are. I have no issue with that. But when
Speaker 1: it comes to a child and they're bio, they're born
Speaker 1: and their biological parts are male or female, that is
Speaker 1: black and white. That is how your higher power, whoever
Speaker 1: you choose to believe in, science, evolution, God, whatever, that
Speaker 1: is how you were created biologically, scientifically created. So now
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it's oh, no, he's born with
Speaker 1: he was born with a penis. But you let him
Speaker 1: decide if he wants a penis. What a lot of
Speaker 1: people are going to disagree with you, please, they will,
Speaker 1: And that's fine, and that's everybody can be entitled to
Speaker 1: their own feelings and opinion. But as we progress, maybe
Speaker 1: as a human race, try looking at it, maybe a
Speaker 1: little more openly or with a different perspective. Okay, but
Speaker 1: let me ask you something if just like the whole
Speaker 1: topic we're talking about with painting the room pink versus
Speaker 1: painting room blue, So if you have a son that's
Speaker 1: born and you say, all right, well, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to call you a boy. I'm just gonna call you
Speaker 1: a child or a thing or an it or whatever,
Speaker 1: And aren't you aren't you really steering your your son
Speaker 1: or your daughter in a in a opposite direction like you.
Speaker 1: They don't they're not gonna know what to identify with.
Speaker 1: They don't even know, they don't even know well enough
Speaker 1: until they're older. So how what are you supposed to
Speaker 1: do when you're When Julie comes to us and we say, hey,
Speaker 1: you're a beautiful little girl. Oh no, I'm sorry, you're
Speaker 1: a beautiful little child. Yeah. And she wants to wear
Speaker 1: a dress. Oh, Joey, you don't have to wear a dress.
Speaker 1: You can wear you can wear this to Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think that's fine. I think it's very complicated. But that's
Speaker 1: my only Did she do this with her boys or
Speaker 1: she just doing it with the girl? Great question. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm actually interesting and I will do this. Get
Speaker 1: this so that you can because I I think that
Speaker 1: you're you have your opinion. Everybody's intild to it. I
Speaker 1: think if we had a parent in here that has
Speaker 1: a child that was biologically born a girl but identifies
Speaker 1: as a boy, then you could I think, so what
Speaker 1: they go through or the child so time out. I
Speaker 1: think that's different than what he's saying, because what I
Speaker 1: heard you say that if for some reason, let's say Jason,
Speaker 1: obviously we were raising him as a boy and we're
Speaker 1: calling him a beautiful little boy and blues and all
Speaker 1: those things. Um, but if he comes to us when
Speaker 1: he is ten years old, says mommy and daddy, I
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a girl that you're not going
Speaker 1: to You're going to love him. That's what you you're
Speaker 1: just saying. He's just saying to not persuade them in
Speaker 1: the very beginning. If you don't treat them how they
Speaker 1: biologically are created from an early age, then they're not
Speaker 1: going to know. Let them make up their mind. If
Speaker 1: you don't, then you're making the mind for him. And
Speaker 1: this is, by the way, this is how he acts
Speaker 1: when we argue. So he doesn't like respect having an opinion.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. I'm going to throw
Speaker 1: out an example that's a little you know, to the side,
Speaker 1: and then you guys can discuss it. So my little niece, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: who is I just worship her, I love her. And
Speaker 1: I said, oh, Chelsea, you're so cute. And she said, Auntie,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be cute. I want to be athletic. Okay,
Speaker 1: So that's not anything to do with gender, but like
Speaker 1: it really was thought provoking for me because she's so
Speaker 1: into gymnastics that she doesn't want me to go you're
Speaker 1: so cute, You're so cute. She wants to be athletic.
Speaker 1: Like I feel, yeah, and here I am wearing hot
Speaker 1: pink sweaever, but like I feel like children are going
Speaker 1: to go through their own things, but like three four
Speaker 1: or five, six, like how old does this baby? Three
Speaker 1: months old? Six months old? Like yeah, and they're not
Speaker 1: even gonna go there at that age, it's going to
Speaker 1: be so like if someone gets her a blanket, a
Speaker 1: pink blanket, is she's just gonna give it away. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm just I'm confused. Well, yeah, I think that's
Speaker 1: parts confusing. Then also you're what kind of I think
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, Mike, is you're also confusing the
Speaker 1: child of what they are who they are, So you're
Speaker 1: not only in this day and age is who we
Speaker 1: are and I'm still figuring myself out. I'm still confused.
Speaker 1: I mean not about my gender. And I can't even
Speaker 1: imagine how hard that would be to not identify or
Speaker 1: or you know, have those thoughts of I know, I'm
Speaker 1: soppos like a boy, but I like a girl, and
Speaker 1: so I can't even imagine that that like that being
Speaker 1: torn like that and now understanding and not feeling things.
Speaker 1: But if you know, again your parents and we're not
Speaker 1: saying you can be whatever you want, because then it's confusing.
Speaker 1: It's like you are a boy, and if he comes
Speaker 1: to us later on it says that he thinks he's
Speaker 1: a girl. That's his decision, not we're not just because
Speaker 1: society has stereo types of boys in blue and girls
Speaker 1: in pink? What is wrong with that? Let the kid
Speaker 1: decide when they get older and they know who cares.
Speaker 1: That's the way society has been for years. It's not
Speaker 1: a big deal. Well that's what it's like. It's not
Speaker 1: like we're in like the like. It's not like the
Speaker 1: girls like mom, I want to like I want to
Speaker 1: go place, you know what I mean. That wouldn't be
Speaker 1: weird if she was like, mom, like I want to
Speaker 1: be a tomboy. Okay, So then it's like, why not
Speaker 1: just let her? Yeah, get there? I get that. But
Speaker 1: then I also think, Michael of society. Shouldn't some things
Speaker 1: in society change? Yes, absolutely, shouldn't be like, well, that's
Speaker 1: how it is in society, and this is but I'm
Speaker 1: talking about things like that, like the colors or you know,
Speaker 1: to boys, you're gonnauy different toys. Fine, Am I gonna
Speaker 1: buy Jason a pack of Barbies? No? Why not? Because
Speaker 1: he's gonna play with g I Joes. If he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to play with him, he wants to play with
Speaker 1: Jolie's Barbie's fine. Fine, you can have that choice. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you basically you're making him, but I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: choosing to raise my son as a son. But if
Speaker 1: he comes to you and wants to be a girl,
Speaker 1: you would be okay with that absolutely, because I can't
Speaker 1: even imagine having that. I'm just confused, confusion. I will
Speaker 1: say to be open minded and that maybe help people
Speaker 1: out there that are getting piste off and listen to me,
Speaker 1: say go on. This rant is to Amy's point, maybe
Speaker 1: years down the road, society gets to a place where
Speaker 1: some psychologists and doctors get together and they write a
Speaker 1: book on how to raise a child genderless appropriately and scientifically,
Speaker 1: where it's not you're not forcing them in either direction,
Speaker 1: but it's truly somehow they figure out how to be neutral,
Speaker 1: not depriving them of something or the other right where
Speaker 1: they where it's like, hey, if you do this, if
Speaker 1: you get pink, you get blue or whatever. It may be,
Speaker 1: like maybe that can happen in the future, but then
Speaker 1: what do you do with names? Like her daughter's name
Speaker 1: is Rainy Rose, but yeah, she's genderless, Like what you know,
Speaker 1: launch your neighbor name. I'm sorry, I don't want to
Speaker 1: call it a girl. I don't want to call her
Speaker 1: daughter a girl. Name it a mutual name, you know,
Speaker 1: that could be either way. A Leslie, that could be
Speaker 1: a male or female. Leslie's not gonna like you for
Speaker 1: that comment. Sorry, Leslie. We just met a girl named Michael. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true, we did so. I mean, you know him,
Speaker 1: give your every child, it's going to have a name
Speaker 1: that can go either way. I wonder if she's like
Speaker 1: actually taking it this seriously? Are we all just getting
Speaker 1: up in arms about nothing? But it's not even about
Speaker 1: Kate Hudson really personally. It's it's just about this whole
Speaker 1: theme society right now. And oh, don't call my son
Speaker 1: a boy because let him decide. We may have interpreted
Speaker 1: from her what was two sentences? Quite like are we
Speaker 1: going with? But that's okay because you're having an interesting
Speaker 1: discussion right again, It's not about her, It's about takeaway Michael.
Speaker 1: If you really listen to yourself, is that if one
Speaker 1: of your kids came to you, you're going to love
Speaker 1: them and accept them no matter what, wouldn't matter. That's
Speaker 1: what everybody should hope for. Yeah, absolutely, and how we
Speaker 1: how we're raising our children are their gender that they
Speaker 1: are right now, that they biologically were born as I
Speaker 1: just really God created. We believe in God, Jesus Christ.
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Speaker 1: He has five friends that work for Zipp Recruiter and
Speaker 1: they all say they absolutely do find you the best people.
Speaker 1: So it's like, sometimes you know, if you want a
Speaker 1: good someone who coach for a company asked the people
Speaker 1: that work there. No, I love that. By the way,
Speaker 1: Amy texts me and Michael about two weeks ago and
Speaker 1: was like, does Michael still want a motorcycle? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, babe, did you look at your text message?
Speaker 1: Holy moly, I think you're going to get a free motorcycle.
Speaker 1: And Michael's like, oh my god. I was like, tell
Speaker 1: me I'm not gonna get a motorcycle. Tell me I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna get a motorcycle and something we have to
Speaker 1: do or whatever. And so then I'm like texting Tory,
Speaker 1: I'm texting East and I'm texting Amy like trying to
Speaker 1: figure out. I'm like, She's like, finally, she says, well,
Speaker 1: it's not You're not getting a motorcycle. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I always just a guest. I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: that's a balloon plate, honey, where are we at with
Speaker 1: Today is a bad day to ask her? I don't know.
Speaker 1: She's not too thrilled with the way our morning's call. Um,
Speaker 1: where where you're not getting a motorcycle? That's where it's
Speaker 1: at right now today, That's where we stand in this minute,
Speaker 1: right now, maybe later today, depending a couple of therapy
Speaker 1: after this, so we're for sure not talking the rest
Speaker 1: of the day. I'll take it. I'll take the kids
Speaker 1: tonight if you want to go get some rest. What
Speaker 1: and by rest I think he means out. So sure.
Speaker 1: Uh so Michael wants a motorcycle, I said, every guest
Speaker 1: that we've had on is pretty much shot it down.
Speaker 1: Boris everybody else? Literally everyone? When why the only person
Speaker 1: that says yes to motorcycles my friend Rachel, who because
Speaker 1: her husband has a motorcycle. I'm just very yes. Three,
Speaker 1: I'm just very fearful for the fact that when you
Speaker 1: do have a motorcycle, you're gonna hurt yourself really bad,
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna have You're going to be the
Speaker 1: guy from the upside, which is fine, but I just
Speaker 1: don't want you to hurt yourself. Great film, by the way,
Speaker 1: so good. We just thought the other night so good.
Speaker 1: Um So, I just what do you mean what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts on a motorcycle? Sarah? I mean really like not.
Speaker 1: He's got two kids, not a shot, and he's getting sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I went to work out this morning and
Speaker 1: this is my second watch and I'm wearing pink. I'm
Speaker 1: just all over the place. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm done.
Speaker 1: Two kids that will be super proud. You have a question, though,
Speaker 1: you know I like to be in the middle. Um
Speaker 1: what you just like? Is it like the thrill? I'm always, always,
Speaker 1: always always wondered one. I couldn't get one when I
Speaker 1: was younger and single because I was playing football, and
Speaker 1: that's like would have been the worst thing ever. Is
Speaker 1: there something we can replace it with? Like do you
Speaker 1: want to go skydiving? Yeah? Another motorcycle? What about video games?
Speaker 1: That allow video games? Back in the house. I know
Speaker 1: that actually doesn't even entire one because I don't even
Speaker 1: have at the time. So when you have the time,
Speaker 1: we'll ride a motorcycle. Do you want it for like
Speaker 1: day to day or do you want it for like
Speaker 1: a random Sunday after Sunday afternoon. I just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't I just I'm fearful now because everyone's telling
Speaker 1: me how dangerous it is and how badly you can
Speaker 1: kill yourself. Yeah, it's just like a core. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe today I say, sure, why don't you
Speaker 1: get a motorcycle drive off a cliff? You know in
Speaker 1: the scenario? Sure, what we guys go do that thing
Speaker 1: that they did. No, I can't even para shoot or
Speaker 1: what's that called para sale? I did that one time
Speaker 1: on spring break and I was having a panic attack. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't even so like if you could replace it
Speaker 1: with something that would make you equally as aroused, like
Speaker 1: alight fast back. Okay, let's get him that. Fine, how
Speaker 1: do we get how do we do that? Seven something fastback? Sure? Google?
Speaker 1: But yeah, like next week, maybe not next week, a
Speaker 1: couple of years. Okay, So we have a he's going
Speaker 1: to be calling in though I don't know who he is,
Speaker 1: but apparently he's going to arouse us with a motorcycle.
Speaker 1: I like it. Stay tuned. But before we get into
Speaker 1: a car accident, in our motorcycle motorcycle accident, we're going
Speaker 1: to brush our teeth with quip. You do, talk me
Speaker 1: all about it. My brother in law got him for
Speaker 1: my whole family for Christmas. I'm like, dead serious and
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed to give him to all of us for Christmas.
Speaker 1: They're like super cute, but you know, obviously, starting a
Speaker 1: healthy routine and sticking to it are two very different things. Inevitably,
Speaker 1: we all skimp on that full night of sleep, skip
Speaker 1: a workout or two or three or four more brush
Speaker 1: ours or twelve or this is my thing, brush our
Speaker 1: teeth with a tired old toothbrush, which is gross. We're
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Speaker 1: it sticks on your mirror. Two ye the best part.
Speaker 1: Thanks Charlie. All right here to weigh in on the
Speaker 1: motorcycle debate that is raging. By the way, though, can
Speaker 1: you just when he walked out of the room is
Speaker 1: when you actually said your thoughts on it? And I
Speaker 1: was like, funny how he said his thoughts after the
Speaker 1: six ft six man walked out of love. I just
Speaker 1: don't get it, and everybody's different. I don't get motorcycles.
Speaker 1: I don't get that. I don't get motorcycle guys. I
Speaker 1: don't get motorcycle guys. I hear them go buy my house,
Speaker 1: and it's really loud and it's annoying. Motorcycle guys are annoying.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry they go buy on the white line. We're
Speaker 1: all stuck in traffic. We all hate them, we do
Speaker 1: of haters. Anyway, Joining us now is Dr Don Vaughan,
Speaker 1: who has an angle on this. Dr Vaughan, Hi, are
Speaker 1: you Vaughan? Good to be here? All right? So what
Speaker 1: what is your angle on this? Yeah? I mean my
Speaker 1: angle is that I don't have a personal angle, but
Speaker 1: I do have some science about it. Um. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean people have long talked about motorcycling and how
Speaker 1: they feel about it, but no one's actually been able
Speaker 1: to rigorously study if what writers report is real or
Speaker 1: if it's just something that people say. So we actually
Speaker 1: we gotta study, funded up by Harley David, sent to
Speaker 1: look at fifty motorcycle riders, and we scan their brains
Speaker 1: and took hormone samples before, during, and after riding and
Speaker 1: driving a car. And what we found was that, um,
Speaker 1: riding a motorcycle actually decreased io markers of stress by
Speaker 1: about so that means that from before after about twenty
Speaker 1: five minute ride, we saw that people actually showed a
Speaker 1: decrease in hormonal soda. Yeah, soda swinging on a swing
Speaker 1: more or a diary swing. Um. Well, Interestingly, driving in
Speaker 1: a car didn't show that so I'm not sure swinging
Speaker 1: on a swing would either. Um, and I'm not here
Speaker 1: to add the key to either the perspective. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone needs any data to tell you that riding
Speaker 1: a motorcycle is more dangerous than driving a car, and
Speaker 1: driving car is probably more dangerous than sitting at home
Speaker 1: and getting on the internet. But um, you know, if
Speaker 1: people want to make their own choices, there are some
Speaker 1: interesting mental effects we saw too, which shows that while
Speaker 1: riding a motorcycle there's actually changing brain state. Uh. And
Speaker 1: the change of brain state looked like people were able
Speaker 1: to get more focused, presumably because they're focusing on the
Speaker 1: road and not on anything outside that's distracting up there
Speaker 1: the focus and there, so you can immediately see a
Speaker 1: change in the brain state during by the point two minute, right,
Speaker 1: so you know they are there are differences, and no
Speaker 1: one has studied it because it's not easy to study
Speaker 1: someone going tips on a motorcycle and scanning their electrical
Speaker 1: brain activity. But we were able to pull it off.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you were able to find the only people
Speaker 1: that haven't killed themselves yet on a motorcycle to be
Speaker 1: able to undert market sized But yeah, is there any
Speaker 1: reason to question this study since it was paid for
Speaker 1: by Harley Davidson. Oh, I think that's a that's a
Speaker 1: great one. It's a really interesting point generally because I
Speaker 1: love that the public thinks that scientists are these like
Speaker 1: objective robots who look at data objectively and that it's
Speaker 1: all HiT's all fine. But you know, you look at
Speaker 1: you look at drugs studies, you look at this results
Speaker 1: that people get. Do you know who fund studies on
Speaker 1: drugs that are related to you know, cancer and addiction.
Speaker 1: It's the National Institute It's on It's from the n
Speaker 1: i H. But if the National Institutes on drug abuse,
Speaker 1: they have a particular agenda, they have things that if
Speaker 1: you want to get another grant, you better believe that
Speaker 1: we as scientists have a unconscious or sometimes conscious bias
Speaker 1: to find different results. It's also say that generally know,
Speaker 1: anything any scientists is trying to say you have objective
Speaker 1: data is either lindy or trying to tell you something.
Speaker 1: Um what we did find? Uh? I promised them. I said, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, this is an academic study. Whatever I find,
Speaker 1: I find and I can publish it. That we happen
Speaker 1: to find these particular results they're just they're more like
Speaker 1: in the realm of fact, I don't know if they're
Speaker 1: necessarily good or bad and the kind of person that
Speaker 1: you are. So I can understand completely that some people
Speaker 1: have no interest in writing a motorcycle that that doesn't
Speaker 1: find with me um and for other people like I
Speaker 1: don't know. You know, Look, we're in the most stressful
Speaker 1: period of human history where you're constantly bombarded with information.
Speaker 1: Social media is out of control, and I think people
Speaker 1: do look for ways to to modify their stress. So
Speaker 1: if it's swinging on a swing, go for it. You
Speaker 1: hopping on a motorcycle, all right, that's the choice that
Speaker 1: you want to make. I'm probably the wrong guy to
Speaker 1: get into debate about it because as just a personal perspective,
Speaker 1: I'm a life and skydiver. I get something that when
Speaker 1: I go into the lab and play with p values
Speaker 1: and data for ten hours a day, that just doesn't
Speaker 1: give you everything I need. So for me, getting and
Speaker 1: jumping out of a plane dout and that just works
Speaker 1: for me that if I don't, it's just like if
Speaker 1: you don't get out and go to the gym after
Speaker 1: a while, then you also feel stressed out and not
Speaker 1: everybody feels that way. So there is no scientist has
Speaker 1: the answer for you. There is no like perfect life
Speaker 1: to live. All I've interested in is everybody has a
Speaker 1: different avenue on their mental health or it works that. Um,
Speaker 1: this one just hasn't been talked about or rigorously studied enough.
Speaker 1: I mean I respect that. You know, you're basically saying, hey,
Speaker 1: just like use skydive may not be the safest thing,
Speaker 1: but it's something that you know gets you centered and
Speaker 1: chill and relaxed, So don't owners. Yeah, yeah, you know what. Look,
Speaker 1: it's so funny because my family, for a while, I said, oh,
Speaker 1: don't know, I was talking about getting a motorcycle because
Speaker 1: I would I would be drive in l A traffic
Speaker 1: to U C l A, every single thing, and I
Speaker 1: would come home and I was so pissed, so angry.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't even leave the lap until ten
Speaker 1: o'clock at night because there's so much damn traffic at
Speaker 1: the angry and it was the craziest thing. But one
Speaker 1: day in my family said, you know what, why don't
Speaker 1: you get a motorcycle? And I was blown away because, look,
Speaker 1: I still don't. I don't ride because I didn't have
Speaker 1: time to take the course and make it happen. But
Speaker 1: it was so interesting, was like, look, I'd rather take
Speaker 1: you and this, you know, whatever the changes and risks,
Speaker 1: I don't know, have you to be happy and and
Speaker 1: something that feels good for you. And it's but its
Speaker 1: found it interesting that so many people report that a
Speaker 1: lot of people are skeptical, fair enough that people say
Speaker 1: all sorts of things. You don't know whether to believe
Speaker 1: that were not. But there does seem to be something
Speaker 1: real about for some people. And it's a it's a
Speaker 1: it's a biased sample. These are people who are experienced
Speaker 1: motorcycle riders. That's not a munch of people. We train
Speaker 1: depth so they happen to get this stress relief and
Speaker 1: it works for them. Well, I think that's fascinating and
Speaker 1: I actually have something a little more important to talk
Speaker 1: to you about though. Are you single? Oh my taken,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at your picture right now. I'm like, you'd
Speaker 1: just be so great for tany r ad but cute
Speaker 1: little dimple, you know, like smart, smart scientists. But it
Speaker 1: has to be you know, it had to be somebody
Speaker 1: who can handle talking like a dork. Good on her.
Speaker 1: But well, I appreciate your thoughts and your wisdom and
Speaker 1: your neuroscientology. Everybody had it back. Make whatever choice works
Speaker 1: for you. Thanks by So where do we stand now?
Speaker 1: Does that change anything? Janna? No, because he basically said
Speaker 1: that whatever you like to do gives you like him
Speaker 1: golf and go golfing what ever? And that was the
Speaker 1: Harley Davidson paid for it. That's that's the stupidest thing
Speaker 1: I've ever heard. Do we already know that, we already
Speaker 1: know that you would love to ride a motorcycle. It's dangerous.
Speaker 1: You have two kids, you have a family, But right now, sure,
Speaker 1: go right off a cliff. I don't care. I'm that's dangerous.
Speaker 1: Opposite baby, opposite witch today not today, sorry, not today?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I can't come hanging up the head you
Speaker 1: want to get Just do whatever you want. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I don't care anymore. So what was the important thing
Speaker 1: we have to talk about? Why are you looking at
Speaker 1: me like that eating your chocolate? I just, oh, I
Speaker 1: just I'm annoyed with you today, it's all Why because
Speaker 1: I apologize and do the right thing, and then he
Speaker 1: totally take away my apology in the car because it
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough for you, even after after he said
Speaker 1: after he said, you know, if that really meant a
Speaker 1: lot to me, thank you so much. And then you
Speaker 1: throw that in the car while we're in the car
Speaker 1: parking in the I Heart radio garage about my BS
Speaker 1: apology and I'm like, damn, that was a heartfelt apology. Well,
Speaker 1: I appreciate. I apologize for taking away from your apology.
Speaker 1: I do I docks. Have we covered why you were
Speaker 1: apologizing in the first place. You always just want to
Speaker 1: get it goes there. I get scared, but I yeah,
Speaker 1: this is what I love about this show. It's like
Speaker 1: a cake. What got it with a knife, you know,
Speaker 1: because like the center, there's no Well. I walked in
Speaker 1: and Sarah looked at me and I was like, I
Speaker 1: hate my husband. And again we all know I'm wearing pink,
Speaker 1: so like stood up and put my arms up and
Speaker 1: she just looked at me. I was like, and she
Speaker 1: comes over and shows I hate my husband. I was
Speaker 1: feeling excited, but it should have worn my black. Would
Speaker 1: you like to start, honey? I mean, what is there?
Speaker 1: I apologize for coming back on your apology. I accept it.
Speaker 1: Is it about the Mark wants to know? Apologizing the
Speaker 1: first place. Um, Jane is feeling a lot of stress
Speaker 1: and pressure right now because she's just busy all the time,
Speaker 1: Like she always has content to shoot in social media,
Speaker 1: stuff to post and just it's just she's doing everything
Speaker 1: and being a mom, being a rock star and all that. Well,
Speaker 1: you know now that I'm not doing the medical sales gig,
Speaker 1: this is my gig, and then other stuff that we're
Speaker 1: building as a brand together is my job as well.
Speaker 1: Which a lot of things are an infant stage, so
Speaker 1: there's only so much you can do, right And so
Speaker 1: Jane is just feeling a lot of stress because a
Speaker 1: lot of this stuff immediate immediately right now is is
Speaker 1: up to her, and she just kind of feels like
Speaker 1: she has to do all the work sometimes and wants
Speaker 1: me to help out in other ways. And we still
Speaker 1: are working out communication where sometimes you know, she might
Speaker 1: kind of unload unload on me or expect something from
Speaker 1: me when I don't know, Like I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: out this whole world, this whole influencer entrepreneur, entrepreneur, self
Speaker 1: employeed type of world. I've always been structured, you know,
Speaker 1: So this is entrepreneurial. Is that the way? Yeah? So
Speaker 1: she's she's used to to kind of being her own
Speaker 1: motivator and used to that. Again, this whole world I'm
Speaker 1: figuring out, so I don't always know what I might
Speaker 1: need to be doing or taking care of. And we
Speaker 1: had we were on a hike at Priming the other
Speaker 1: day and we had a discussion about content stuff and
Speaker 1: it was finally a good open conversation, educating me on
Speaker 1: why we need things, what what we should be taking
Speaker 1: pictures for content And so now I'm like, okay, thank you.
Speaker 1: Now I know. Now it's explained to me. Now I'm
Speaker 1: mindful when I'm at home or we're doing stuff why
Speaker 1: we might need to take pictures or why we might
Speaker 1: not need to do certain things. Because before that, just
Speaker 1: saying hey we need content stuff, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know what the hell that means. I don't even
Speaker 1: know what the questions ask. It's just you. You have
Speaker 1: the social media platform. I just assume you're taking care
Speaker 1: of it, and so which is wrong to assume. And
Speaker 1: instead of saying I should you know, I could have
Speaker 1: been saying, hey, what can I do? Explain this to me?
Speaker 1: I could have been more proactive on that front. But
Speaker 1: so it's been a lot of that, and Jane spent
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure and I just again, while I'm
Speaker 1: still learning, I need to take a more proactive approach
Speaker 1: on helping out in different ways. And something out of
Speaker 1: my pressure that I shouldn't have said that was not
Speaker 1: very nice and not very nice. It's not that it
Speaker 1: wasn't nice, it just I shouldn't have said it, and
Speaker 1: it's a big trigger for him. So honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: have a issue saying what it us because I feel
Speaker 1: like nowadays, with women growing in in the world financially
Speaker 1: and everything like that, there are probably more husbands at
Speaker 1: or spouses that deal with this as males where their
Speaker 1: wives make more than them or they make the money,
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. And so her comment was
Speaker 1: she was so frustrated. She was like, well, I have
Speaker 1: to do everything. I'm the one making the money. And
Speaker 1: that's like an ultimate trigger from me ever since at
Speaker 1: the beginning of our relationship, because pretty much from the
Speaker 1: beginning of our relationship was when I was retiring from
Speaker 1: football making really good money. So that's always been something
Speaker 1: that weighed on me. And now when I felt like
Speaker 1: we were finally in a place where we're we're co workers,
Speaker 1: were doing stuff together. We're building this brand. We have
Speaker 1: so many different olive branches that we're putting out there
Speaker 1: and directions. And then to still hear that that's such
Speaker 1: so validating the one making the money. I said, I
Speaker 1: I feel the pressure to make the money. That's what
Speaker 1: I said. I have to make all the money. No,
Speaker 1: I have the pressure to make the money like the money,
Speaker 1: which is said to him, regardless of value said it.
Speaker 1: We both know what the outcome was, right, we both
Speaker 1: know how it made me feel, right and which I said,
Speaker 1: I'm very sorry, but he says, I have a very
Speaker 1: hard time apologizing. Initially, you do because I have a
Speaker 1: reason of why I say things right and right and
Speaker 1: again so because of our lack of communication. Your reason
Speaker 1: behind saying things is because really you just wanted me
Speaker 1: to help with more content stuff. You wanted me to
Speaker 1: help do some more research on some things that maybe
Speaker 1: we can set up for future endeavors, which again are
Speaker 1: things that I might not think of because I'm still
Speaker 1: new to all this, right, and for me, it's more myself.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm very insecure, and so I put the pressure
Speaker 1: on me because if this doesn't doesn't work, then I'm
Speaker 1: the failure. And then I've just totally made him take
Speaker 1: a leap of faith to to do all this stuff
Speaker 1: with me. And if this podcast fails, if our book
Speaker 1: thing falls apart, if our show docuserius falls, if all
Speaker 1: these things don't happen, Mom and Babes doesn't like, if
Speaker 1: these things don't happen and I'm not successful, that means
Speaker 1: that we're not successful. So that's all the pressure on me,
Speaker 1: and that means that then we're both broke. And and
Speaker 1: then I let I made him, not made him. I
Speaker 1: you know, he left a great job to to do this,
Speaker 1: but if if I can't build it because of my name,
Speaker 1: then we're screwed. And so that's all the pressure on me.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, that's like working together, living together,
Speaker 1: being together, and like there's a lot going on. You know.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting though, to bring it all the way
Speaker 1: back around to what we talked about at the beginning
Speaker 1: of the show, is that you both are in a
Speaker 1: gender old school society, gender role reversal, and it is complicated.
Speaker 1: It is no matter how many times people say like
Speaker 1: I'm cool with it, I'm cool with the being Mr Mom,
Speaker 1: it's it's hard well. And what made it worse today
Speaker 1: was I had a shoot today, a photo shoot at
Speaker 1: the house for some promotional thing, and I we were
Speaker 1: having an issue with um overloading the nanny. We don't
Speaker 1: want to make sure that so we're kind of having
Speaker 1: an issue there, and so I said to him, Hey,
Speaker 1: can can the nanny take Jolie to the park because
Speaker 1: I can't have her here while I'm shooting this stuff.
Speaker 1: So you know, I can have Jason while I'm doing
Speaker 1: the shoot, but then if you don't mind just putting
Speaker 1: him down. But all he hears is that his stuff
Speaker 1: that he was going to do was not important because
Speaker 1: because I make the money that he so that his
Speaker 1: his time wasn't important. And I'm sorry, that's what That's
Speaker 1: what when I said that, that's what it made you feel,
Speaker 1: because that was not my intent at all for you
Speaker 1: to feel that at all. And I believe that. I
Speaker 1: believe that it was just unfortunate timing because of what
Speaker 1: was said last night, and then this morning with it
Speaker 1: being a decision, ran like at the top of the
Speaker 1: morning and said something we discussed last night. It was hey,
Speaker 1: you know, even though she said even though you said, hey,
Speaker 1: I can watch Jase while I'm doing the shoot. In
Speaker 1: my head, I'm I'm in a corner. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: can't watch Jace while you're doing a shoot, Like that's
Speaker 1: whatdiculous superwoman, and I you don't have to. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can take him. But then I felt like it
Speaker 1: was regardless of what I had to do or didn't
Speaker 1: have to do this morning, that was not. I felt
Speaker 1: it like it wasn't even acknowledged. It was like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter what how I read into it, what
Speaker 1: she didn't say and she didn't mean, but because of
Speaker 1: my fears and triggers, I read into it like whatever
Speaker 1: you had to do, it doesn't really matter right now,
Speaker 1: like I have to do this, I have to work.
Speaker 1: So basically, watch ja swam ar Nanny takes Jolia to
Speaker 1: the park, and that's what's gonna happen where I'm like,
Speaker 1: it was not I'm not saying it was, but that's
Speaker 1: where I went because of just recent events and just
Speaker 1: the way that panned out. I'm like, so, therefore, to
Speaker 1: just wrap this up, I then apologize for how he
Speaker 1: felt when I made that comment, and then that we
Speaker 1: should communicate more. And then he really sincerely appreciate the apology,
Speaker 1: and then somehow we started fighting again the heart parking
Speaker 1: lot garage on the way that he said that my
Speaker 1: apology was b asked, which makes me so angry because
Speaker 1: it's so hard for me to apologize anyways, So the
Speaker 1: fact that I did it from a good place and
Speaker 1: didn't say but afterwards or and afterwards. Then when he
Speaker 1: said that, I was like, mother, you're ready to easton
Speaker 1: like letting it out today. Anyways, here we are. I
Speaker 1: feel like this is therapeutic, though I don't think this
Speaker 1: will be the last of this discussion too well. We
Speaker 1: have couple therapy after this, so I'm just like, this
Speaker 1: day sucks. Good times. Well, on that note, we have
Speaker 1: a really interesting caller on this show man. So this
Speaker 1: is Caitlin, and I will let Janna sort of talk
Speaker 1: a little bit about it, but she is from Love
Speaker 1: after lock Up. I just we just need to get
Speaker 1: her on the phone because I have to ask her. Hey, Caitlin,
Speaker 1: so you're with the Wine Down crew. It's me, my husband,
Speaker 1: and my girlfriend Sarah. Hi, guys, I have so many
Speaker 1: questions to ask you, so let me just start from
Speaker 1: the very beginning. You're dating someone you're dating someone that's
Speaker 1: in prison. Yeah, how does somebody? How does that happen?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Not only was he inpertance that he
Speaker 1: was also missing a tooth. Totally not my thing. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry he's missing a tooth. I haven't got some pictures
Speaker 1: of him, but he's totally missing a bottom tooth and
Speaker 1: I referred to it as a toothholes. You know, I've
Speaker 1: never been a role that would a date one in
Speaker 1: prison or v that was missing a true how did you?
Speaker 1: How did you? How did you meet him? Oh? So
Speaker 1: I actually we met while he was incorthrated m I
Speaker 1: kind of yeah, while he was in prison close Guest City.
Speaker 1: He had a friend posted an ad on from Craigslist. Wait,
Speaker 1: you can do that from jail. You can go on craigslist.
Speaker 1: So he didn't do it hisself, as friends did it.
Speaker 1: And I'm literally sitting there on the couch one day
Speaker 1: like Ford, just kind of you know, looking for So
Speaker 1: she's entertained my Craig post, asked right, and I stumble
Speaker 1: across this picture and I like, holy crap, he's cute.
Speaker 1: And that was battle she wrote from it. Oh, so
Speaker 1: can I ask what he's in jail for? Um, he
Speaker 1: was in for the possession um and eluding. So the
Speaker 1: eluding was um kind of I guess avoiding on that.
Speaker 1: So so how's it going now that you guys are
Speaker 1: with each other constantly? Well, I mean it's a world
Speaker 1: of difference going from twenty minutes uncles together. I'm telling
Speaker 1: you that one. Um, you know, and it's we're adjusting.
Speaker 1: I mean, I there were things that I don't think
Speaker 1: that I thought about, things that I don't think that
Speaker 1: he thought about. But getting out of prison alone is
Speaker 1: a huge adjustment. And then you know, so a girlfriend
Speaker 1: and that hasn't been there, you know, and he's not
Speaker 1: used to relationship. It's all been a huge adjustment. What
Speaker 1: is your family thing like when you told them what
Speaker 1: was going on? So initially, you know, I kind of
Speaker 1: got some I don't have a huge family. Um. Actually
Speaker 1: there's like a lot of tragedy within my family within
Speaker 1: a lot or five years and I'm sorry that so like,
Speaker 1: realistically I don't have a whole lot less but the
Speaker 1: family you know that I do have. Initially they were supportive,
Speaker 1: but then that's just release. They kind of started to
Speaker 1: get closer. They're like, really know how we feel about this,
Speaker 1: and while I can understand and appreciate that, you know, well,
Speaker 1: they don't have to go to bed with them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm going to do me. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: you know, okay, it sounds it sounds bad. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not one to judge. I'm not I'm please don't
Speaker 1: think this is what we're trying to judge you. I'm
Speaker 1: not judging. I mean you found love in a very
Speaker 1: different way. And I mean, is he is he doing
Speaker 1: better for himself? Is because I because I I talked
Speaker 1: to you for two seconds and you already seemed so sweet,
Speaker 1: and you seem like you've been through a lot, and
Speaker 1: so I want to make sure that you're okay and
Speaker 1: that he's not going to keep doing these bad things,
Speaker 1: because I would love for you to have something stable
Speaker 1: and have a great man there for you. The stability
Speaker 1: is definitely like what what my goal for like is
Speaker 1: currently you know, and that and I have had many,
Speaker 1: many lengthy conversations about I guess expectations from one another
Speaker 1: um and he honestly from I would probably say the
Speaker 1: fourth or fifth email, and I felt some sort of
Speaker 1: sense of comfort from him that I never felt from
Speaker 1: anyone else. So he, oddly enough, you know, has made
Speaker 1: some graduates and this and that. You know, um, he
Speaker 1: kind of opened a lot of doors for me, um,
Speaker 1: and I think we both want to do better. You know,
Speaker 1: life is hard in us. We make mistakes, learn from
Speaker 1: them to move on and do better every day. So
Speaker 1: you know where our heads has been since the beginning? Really,
Speaker 1: did you feel any loss of intrigue once he got
Speaker 1: out where It's kind of like, yeah, where maybe that
Speaker 1: was part of the initial experience and attraction and infactuation
Speaker 1: and was like, oh man, this is kind of exciting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was any of that lost like once he cut out.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. I don't know. I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know what everybody's vision of prisoners, but I don't
Speaker 1: think prisoners sexual um any means I've heard he told
Speaker 1: me a story's about taking a bird bath, and that's
Speaker 1: especially bathing in your toilet in front of your celly,
Speaker 1: and that just does not sound attractive to me at all.
Speaker 1: But you know, there there's there's been stuff that I've learned,
Speaker 1: like she doesn't necessarily like to pro laundry away, or
Speaker 1: maybe it doesn't necessarily make it in the laundry basket
Speaker 1: or you know, but I think that's a man, just
Speaker 1: a man. Oh man. You know, my grandpa was the
Speaker 1: same way. My grandpa would leave his dirty socks from
Speaker 1: the hallway and then my grandhaway they want. I mean,
Speaker 1: it is totally amancing. But you know, coming into the relationship,
Speaker 1: not sending even one night together, I had been without
Speaker 1: a shirt on. I have no idea of what he
Speaker 1: was going to be like, and him me even you know,
Speaker 1: so it's been a crazy life. I have a question
Speaker 1: for you for signing a lot. Well that's that's good. Um,
Speaker 1: the first time you guys had sex, you can technically
Speaker 1: have sex. I was in prison, right, Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: guess podical visits are things that I think it's different
Speaker 1: from state to state. You have to be married, um
Speaker 1: for thirty month time organs they'll let you do overnight. Um.
Speaker 1: Physical much was super limited. You know. We had four visits, um,
Speaker 1: and I would go, you know, sit at the prison
Speaker 1: and visit with him for six between six and eight hours,
Speaker 1: and it was like you get a seventh seconds, you know, embraced,
Speaker 1: whether it be a hug or a kiss, and that
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the visit, and then another step
Speaker 1: for the end, but there in between, I mean, these
Speaker 1: guys get gets one hand. You can hold one hand.
Speaker 1: If you're holding two hands, somebody comes over in the
Speaker 1: one hand, you're doing too much or you're like for
Speaker 1: too close to hit that. Wow. I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: some people get away with more than that, But I'm
Speaker 1: too big of a chicken to even attempt it because
Speaker 1: I don't want to go to jail or prison. No,
Speaker 1: thank you? How old are you? Thank you? I'm pretty true.
Speaker 1: Do you want kids? Yeah? Yeah? With him? Yeah? Is
Speaker 1: he the same? Is he older? Younger? He is twenty nine?
Speaker 1: Get it. My husband's younger than mine too. We're cougars.
Speaker 1: I love it. Love After lock Up is on we
Speaker 1: TV Friday's ten nine Central, So I'm like, I'm watching
Speaker 1: it every Friday. Strigued. I never watched, but now I
Speaker 1: want to watch it. It's so weird because I mean,
Speaker 1: it's weird for multitude of reasons, like the way the
Speaker 1: show came about. I mean, it wasn't something that we
Speaker 1: or I for say, I guess because he couldn't really
Speaker 1: do it for prison. Um, I didn't go seek sing
Speaker 1: it out. They found us. And it's been a complete whirlwind,
Speaker 1: and you know, Friday night come around and I'm like,
Speaker 1: how am I watching myself on television? What is going on? Like?
Speaker 1: And some of this stuff, I'm like, oh, did I
Speaker 1: really say that? I'm gonna go hide now? And how
Speaker 1: do you deal with the negative? Judgmental people that you
Speaker 1: know are thinking? What the hell is wrong with this? Lady? People?
Speaker 1: People people have judgemental I mean, that's just your society
Speaker 1: is um. You know, I'm guilty of the same. Would
Speaker 1: I seek somebody out online to speak negatively of them
Speaker 1: without ever having a conversation with them? So absolutely not.
Speaker 1: And my thing of the negativity, Like, obviously, I know
Speaker 1: that it's gonna be there. People are gonna have opinions,
Speaker 1: but let them have them again, I'm only confirmed with
Speaker 1: I'm going to bed with it, right and really, like,
Speaker 1: you know, let's embrace positivity. Life of heart enough as
Speaker 1: it is without you know, people talking. Yeah, let's let's
Speaker 1: be nice and let's all get along and I help
Speaker 1: each other do better. Well, I mean I love that outlook.
Speaker 1: So I mean I'm rooting for you guys. Are as
Speaker 1: long as you're happy, that's that's all that matters. And
Speaker 1: uh yeah, dang, girl being happy and like being good
Speaker 1: to one another, and I don't you're significan another. I
Speaker 1: mean people want it can't be good to one another.
Speaker 1: And well, Caitlin, love you and best of luck to you,
Speaker 1: and and uh and Matt and I'm now I'm super intrigued.
Speaker 1: So I'm definitely gonna be watching Love after lock Up.
Speaker 1: So thank you for coming on our show. We really
Speaker 1: appreciate it. That's what's so fun than you guys. I
Speaker 1: really didn't know what to say because I was super
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with because I have so many questions. Well, no,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to like because I didn't because
Speaker 1: when I when Amy first told me about this idea,
Speaker 1: I was like, man, what the hell is wrong with her?
Speaker 1: She's crazy? I was saying all these things she's but
Speaker 1: then when she's talking she sounded so nice. Where I
Speaker 1: was like, I felt bad for being so judgmental, and
Speaker 1: then I who am I to freaking judge in anybody?
Speaker 1: I know? But like, are you ever scared? Like I
Speaker 1: wanted to be, like, do you get scared when you
Speaker 1: go to sleep? Like I don't know? Yeah, he had
Speaker 1: it was possession. It was what does that mean? It
Speaker 1: could be could be weapon or could Isn't that what
Speaker 1: Robert Downey Jr. Went to prison for? He went to prison,
Speaker 1: and I would marry him, But I feel once you're in, like,
Speaker 1: you know, like there's got to be some like he's
Speaker 1: seen some stage. Well yeah, I mean finding someone in prison.
Speaker 1: I mean again, even having the idea you you he
Speaker 1: she found matt imprisoned. To me, that's just so insane
Speaker 1: and so crazy and she's got to have the craziest
Speaker 1: messed up life. But then when she's talking, it's like, again,
Speaker 1: who the hell are we to judge? Who the hell
Speaker 1: are we? And for everyone listening right now probably things
Speaker 1: like that that girl is crazy. Who the hell are
Speaker 1: we to judge? I really have nothing to say because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I mean, look at our situations. The relationship
Speaker 1: is moving past with people people that you two are
Speaker 1: crazy for coming on a podcast and arguing with the
Speaker 1: jow I know and back after infidelity, and you're crazy
Speaker 1: for saying with a man for six years, And I
Speaker 1: say people are obsessed with love after lots. Well, now
Speaker 1: I really like in trees watching it, like, but I
Speaker 1: feel bad not for judging her because she sounds so sweet.
Speaker 1: She has no family. I'm like, God, I I was
Speaker 1: that trolling. Maybe it's like kind of one of the
Speaker 1: like she was saying that. I don't know. So Rumbert
Speaker 1: Downey Jr. Did go to prison, jail or prison, I
Speaker 1: don't know the difference. Um, prison is like no joke.
Speaker 1: He was possession, same as this guy. So everybody does
Speaker 1: deserve a second chance because look at what he's done, right,
Speaker 1: I mean the guy that I was married to that
Speaker 1: went to prison for the things that he did to me.
Speaker 1: I remember he found a girl in prison and at
Speaker 1: first I was like, who ever want to date him?
Speaker 1: He's awful? But if again, if people change and people grow,
Speaker 1: I mean clearly he didn't because he ended up you know,
Speaker 1: repeating patterns. But it's just you know, Steve Avery had
Speaker 1: like multiple multiple girlfriends and wait, oh I had like
Speaker 1: seasons of Fonce's there's something about watch. Do you think
Speaker 1: it's something about the individual, whether it's being the female,
Speaker 1: the non con where something in their life, some kind
Speaker 1: of traumatic event where they need like they feel like
Speaker 1: they're the answer for somebody who needs help. Right, there's
Speaker 1: something I make up that there's something deeper in their email.
Speaker 1: She had never like felt the way like whatever they
Speaker 1: were Like, maybe because because he was relying on her,
Speaker 1: like he was feeling safe and comfortable, like she needed
Speaker 1: to feel needed essentially, you know, so maybe that validates
Speaker 1: certain things in somebody that makes you feel. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then it kind of you said to I thought that'd
Speaker 1: be interesting, that appeal, like, oh this is dangerous and scary.
Speaker 1: That sounds sexy. But no, I'm like, straight I would
Speaker 1: be in fear. Well, I mean Tie is like, I mean,
Speaker 1: he's straight out of freaking Baker Laurel. But would be
Speaker 1: very scary. Yeah, not that he would hurt you, but
Speaker 1: like what if he was like yeah, like you know,
Speaker 1: I did some things, I mean, murders a whole different.
Speaker 1: But if you're a drug person with your possession drugs,
Speaker 1: you know, some bad people people want to come and
Speaker 1: talk to you. I mean it's scary. You know, they
Speaker 1: can like kill people from prison. All right, Well we're
Speaker 1: gonna make things prettier. Oh my god. You know what
Speaker 1: they don't have in prison, functional beauty. They don't have
Speaker 1: good shampoo, and they don't have a good conditioner. But
Speaker 1: we do. Okay, so people in jail don't know this frustration,
Speaker 1: but I sure do bottles on bottles piling up in
Speaker 1: your bathroom, each one falsely promising a miracle solution. I
Speaker 1: feel like my shampoo conditioners are just filled with chemicals
Speaker 1: and do nothing for my hair. But no, seriously, That's
Speaker 1: why I'm very thankful for Function of Beauty shampoo conditioner,
Speaker 1: because not only do they customize what I need for
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Speaker 1: use the code Jana at checkout for off your first
Speaker 1: order at function of beauty dot com. Do you really
Speaker 1: shave my down there? You don't want, dude, No, it
Speaker 1: hurts you shave? Yeah. The only time I wax as
Speaker 1: when I was pregnant because I couldn't reach down there,
Speaker 1: and it hurts now way, I I shave all the
Speaker 1: way and I shave with his razors every time he
Speaker 1: always goes, did you use my razor? And I go, okay,
Speaker 1: we'll just we'll talk about that next week. Um, do
Speaker 1: you have an email mark? Actually, this is a pretty
Speaker 1: juicy one if you don't mind. If you have time
Speaker 1: from anonymous, those are always the best ones. My husband
Speaker 1: and I have been having the same argument for about
Speaker 1: eight years because he's a very sexual person. He wants
Speaker 1: it all day, every day. Even when I was young,
Speaker 1: I was never really crazy about sex, and if I
Speaker 1: wasn't in the mood, he would watch porn and handle
Speaker 1: it himself. At first, I didn't care and handle it.
Speaker 1: At first, I didn't care. I was tired of pregnant
Speaker 1: or sleep your pride. But then I started having issues
Speaker 1: with it. Why did he want to look at other
Speaker 1: naked women? What was wrong with me? I am making
Speaker 1: a huge effort and I'm trying new stuff out of
Speaker 1: my comfort zone. But my question is how do you
Speaker 1: feel about it? From the man and woman prospect? Am
Speaker 1: I being ridiculous? I'll start, You're not being ridiculous. You
Speaker 1: have to figure out what's right for you in your marriage,
Speaker 1: and it's for me. I feel like I'm not pretty
Speaker 1: enough or good enough knowing that my husband is doing
Speaker 1: that with other to a screen and I don't think
Speaker 1: it's all. I don't think it's okay. I think it's cheating,
Speaker 1: and that is my stance on it. Sarah. Um, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say same. Does t I watch porn? No?
Speaker 1: Have you google searched his sister in the beginning? He
Speaker 1: did in the beginning. No, I mean, like, I listen,
Speaker 1: let's let me make it very clear. The only thing
Speaker 1: I'm searching for right now is one thing and one
Speaker 1: thing only. The only thing I'm typing into his computer,
Speaker 1: by the way, which I got from Tanya. She was like, no,
Speaker 1: you know you have to like get on his phone
Speaker 1: and get places and then it'll just pop up, like
Speaker 1: you just start googling things and they so anyways, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for anything other than like Harry Winston
Speaker 1: dot com. Michael, Yeah, I mean what Janna said, it
Speaker 1: depends on your marriage. Um, if it works in yours, fine,
Speaker 1: If it doesn't, then talk to him about it. But
Speaker 1: I mean the fact that she said he wanted sex
Speaker 1: all the time and she was never really crazy about sex.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, you know, if she's not gonna give
Speaker 1: it to him, and that's something that she you know,
Speaker 1: they they've talked about and it's okay. Then okay, but
Speaker 1: it looks like she's trying now, So I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know. This is a discussion. You gotta find out
Speaker 1: what works for you. It doesn't bother me at all,
Speaker 1: because did you guys read fifty Shades of Gray? But
Speaker 1: that's like the girl version of that. Yeah, so you're
Speaker 1: kind of fine, and I don't know, maybe you watch
Speaker 1: something like that, but like, it doesn't bother me. It's fine.
Speaker 1: Who cares? So anonymous and it bothers some, it doesn't
Speaker 1: bothers other others. You gotta find out why it bothers you.
Speaker 1: And there's there's multiple issterous here. What is it? He
Speaker 1: wants it more than she does, and then the second
Speaker 1: guy doesn't. Well, my husband, that's all our time. I'll
Speaker 1: see you next week on wind down. Do you need
Speaker 1: needing new? We didn't need to. Thank you, Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank my wife because she does all the work here.
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