Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, how are you. I'm doing good? How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good? This is Talia. We met. She is an author,
Speaker 2: a dating coach, and a matchmaker. Crazy that your last
Speaker 2: name is we Met do a lot? I mean everyone
Speaker 2: comments on that, right, that you're a matchmaker and your
Speaker 2: last name is we met. Tell me people comment on that.
Speaker 1: All the time.
Speaker 3: Well, the company, yeah, we Met through Italia, was birth
Speaker 3: for my name. I feel like I was born to
Speaker 3: do this.
Speaker 2: Oh that you are companies called we Met?
Speaker 1: Yeah, the company is called we Met through Italian. It's
Speaker 1: my last name.
Speaker 2: Oh that's brilliant. Okay, I didn't know that. I just
Speaker 2: because I didn't know how to pronounce your last name.
Speaker 2: I guess it is like French like we met, but
Speaker 2: it's wow. Okay, Well that's interesting. We met through Talia. Okay.
Speaker 2: So you are a high end matchmaker, which is a
Speaker 2: fascinating business. Would you call yourself a high end matchmaker?
Speaker 1: Yes, of course, it's only high end, only.
Speaker 2: High end matchmaking. Okay. So do you ever get any
Speaker 2: pushback or hate in that there's like an elitism to
Speaker 2: women wanting to marry a wealthy man. You know the
Speaker 2: old statement that moms say it's just as easy to
Speaker 2: marry a rich man as a poor man. So where
Speaker 2: do you stand on a that statement? And if you
Speaker 2: ever get any pushback, like people being like, oh what
Speaker 2: about someone's hard and it's not just about money and
Speaker 2: superficial and things like that.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't really have much to say on it.
Speaker 3: If someone is a female and they're doing really well,
Speaker 3: I think wanting equal above just makes sense. Now for
Speaker 3: someone who has new ambition in life, who you know,
Speaker 3: doesn't work or anything like that, who wants someone wildly successful,
Speaker 3: I think that's a little questionable.
Speaker 2: That's interesting. Okay, So that's an interesting take and an
Speaker 2: interesting nuance that we haven't discussed here yet. I love
Speaker 2: to find the pieces of the puzzle for the people
Speaker 2: listening because they're getting you know, you could be six
Speaker 2: figures for someone to hire you to match them, and
Speaker 2: they're getting this for free here. And so I like
Speaker 2: to give advice and notes that are accessible to all.
Speaker 2: You know, not everybody can go into Chanelle, including me,
Speaker 2: and get a bag, but you know, people can have
Speaker 2: game when they go out and date and look for
Speaker 2: someone equal or above is what you said. So it's
Speaker 2: funny because in this new dating era where I remember
Speaker 2: being in my twenties and wanting to like lock up
Speaker 2: my life by twenty six when I got married the
Speaker 2: first time. And I remember in my late thirties getting
Speaker 2: into a relationship because I felt some sort of a pressure.
Speaker 2: And it depends on where you are and the people
Speaker 2: you're surrounding yourself with, and you're kind of comparing yourself
Speaker 2: to that. So in my twenties, the whole group was
Speaker 2: getting married at twenty five, twenty four, twenty six, and
Speaker 2: like then in my late thirties, people were getting nervous
Speaker 2: because that's a really witching hour age. And even six
Speaker 2: years ago when I met my ex, I felt older
Speaker 2: and it was gonna be a problem. Now I'm even
Speaker 2: in a different range. But ironically I'm more confident because
Speaker 2: I feel like I know exactly where I am. I
Speaker 2: know I'm established, and so the crop is smaller. But
Speaker 2: it's like going into a store and knowing exactly what
Speaker 2: you want versus going into a mass mall and having
Speaker 2: no plans. So now I feel like it is interesting,
Speaker 2: and for me, the equal or above thing is critical
Speaker 2: based on my history, based on my negative experiences, and
Speaker 2: I'm confident about it because of what I bring to
Speaker 2: the table, where previously it was almost like an entitlement.
Speaker 2: And a lot of women just want to meet someone
Speaker 2: and think that they're going to walk in and Prince
Speaker 2: Charming is gonna sweep them like pretty women. But that's
Speaker 2: a fairy tale and that's a prescripted film. And obviously
Speaker 2: these are blanket sweeping statements. There are pretty woman exceptions,
Speaker 2: there are fairy tale exceptions. But if you're saying equal
Speaker 2: or above, are you saying that from an accomplishment and
Speaker 2: financial standpoint? When women are looking for men, they should
Speaker 2: be looking for someone equal or above, Meaning you don't
Speaker 2: think it's a great idea for someone to date someone
Speaker 2: who has significantly less than them or drastically more like,
Speaker 2: what should how should women be treating that aspect? Right?
Speaker 1: No, exactly.
Speaker 3: I think that for women who are well accomplished, who
Speaker 3: have done big things, I think dating down is only
Speaker 3: going to cause issues in the long term because then
Speaker 3: later on. I've seen it time and time again where
Speaker 3: men feel emasculated and they feel there's just something that happens.
Speaker 1: And what you know, men are like, no, it's not
Speaker 1: a big deal, it's a big deal. They're really just.
Speaker 3: Trying to convince themselves, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: a man wants to feel like they're the provider, they're
Speaker 3: the protector. And I have yet to see a very
Speaker 3: very successful woman with someone who you know, picked someone
Speaker 3: wait further down than them and then it ended up
Speaker 3: working out for them.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2: You're just going by institutional knowledge, and I experienced it,
Speaker 2: and there's a lot of data that I found out
Speaker 2: afterwards and hearing from a lot of women that if
Speaker 2: the woman and we and I always say every time
Speaker 2: I'm on here, I'm like, I know, I'm setting women
Speaker 2: back one hundred years. This is just what goes on.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure you deal with a lot of that
Speaker 2: now in twenty twenty four with the gender dynamics, and
Speaker 2: I'll take all that heat here on the show. I'm
Speaker 2: not putting it on you. I'm saying that I have
Speaker 2: experienced and found out a lot since I opened up
Speaker 2: this topic, that a gender disparity when the woman is
Speaker 2: the moneyed partner, and it's significant. We're not talking about
Speaker 2: if the woman's wealthy and the man's a different kind
Speaker 2: of wealthy, or if he you know, one is a
Speaker 2: scientist who's won awards all over the world, and then
Speaker 2: that's a different version. But if it's a woman with
Speaker 2: a man and they're justifying the fact that he's not
Speaker 2: working anymore and he followed her for her career and
Speaker 2: he's saying home, there are exceptions, but there is a
Speaker 2: disparity and there becomes a power struggle and it comes
Speaker 2: out in different ways. And I've had the exact same experience,
Speaker 2: So it interestingly puts me in a position, for example,
Speaker 2: where I'm being open about what I'm looking for, and
Speaker 2: I think a lot of women don't want to be
Speaker 2: honest about what they're looking for. They think they're going
Speaker 2: to be thought of as a gold digger if they
Speaker 2: want to be with someone who's smart and accomplished. But
Speaker 2: I think that many women may not want to do
Speaker 2: the work themselves. They just want to get that. They
Speaker 2: want to sign up for that. And I think it's
Speaker 2: a message for if someone if a woman wants a
Speaker 2: man like that, that they should work on themselves and
Speaker 2: work on their own career. Otherwise there'll be a disparity
Speaker 2: in that direction too, where the woman doesn't have the
Speaker 2: money and the man does. And then that also bleeds
Speaker 2: out later.
Speaker 1: No, for sure.
Speaker 3: And I think what women tend to forget is that
Speaker 3: if you have nothing, you bring nothing to the table
Speaker 3: other than your looks, right, you have no real job
Speaker 3: like whatever, And then you marry someone very, very wealthy,
Speaker 3: you have to remember that if he leads you, like
Speaker 3: what grounds do you stand?
Speaker 1: Like? Do you have financial stability to get back on
Speaker 1: your feet?
Speaker 3: You know? These are things that I think in this
Speaker 3: day and age, women are starting to think, Okay, hold on,
Speaker 3: I should really have something going for my in case
Speaker 3: things don't go right, I have something.
Speaker 1: To fall back on.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what this conversation is helping. And that's what
Speaker 2: I've been trying to say to young women because they're
Speaker 2: being marketed fairy tales. They're being marketed the dress, the
Speaker 2: multi billion dollar wedding business, but they're not being marketed
Speaker 2: education on the relationship. And I do think you're an
Speaker 2: ex I think I don't think that people think of
Speaker 2: matchmakers as experts on relationships. I think they think of
Speaker 2: them as connectors. But I actually, from having met a
Speaker 2: few that are good, you know good, that it seems
Speaker 2: like they're good or at least have a different perspective
Speaker 2: and an expertise that you guys are experts on relationships too,
Speaker 2: like because you're hearing all the stories of the people
Speaker 2: that are coming to you about what didn't work out before.
Speaker 2: Is that correct?
Speaker 1: Well, So I always say I'm a great dating coach.
Speaker 3: You know, I wrote a book and I talk about
Speaker 3: how to attract the right guy and all those things.
Speaker 3: To my book, I wouldn't say I'm a relationship expert.
Speaker 3: I would say that I definitely understand what it's like
Speaker 3: to be single and how to attract and how to
Speaker 3: practice discernment intuition. And it's crazy how women don't realize
Speaker 3: how intuitive they are.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you have to use that when it
Speaker 1: comes to dating.
Speaker 3: Your nervous system will always tell you if he's mister
Speaker 3: right or mister wrong. As far as relationships go, of course,
Speaker 3: I can speak on the successes of my business and
Speaker 3: the people that are married, but you know, as far
Speaker 3: as like, yeah, I definitely would say I'm a dating coach,
Speaker 3: not a relationship coach.
Speaker 2: But if you're a dating coach and you get you
Speaker 2: and you connect people that end up getting together and
Speaker 2: they sustain, then it's not just about someone attracting and
Speaker 2: getting because I could do that all day long. There's
Speaker 2: got to be another piece where it's attracting the right
Speaker 2: person that's right for you. So at least if you're
Speaker 2: not a relationship coach and you are a dating coach,
Speaker 2: but you're also like a connectivity right match coach, Like,
Speaker 2: how do you know what's the right match for someone?
Speaker 2: I mean, and how much is chemistry? How much is
Speaker 2: like culture and background? How much is education philosophy?
Speaker 1: Can we talk about chemistry for a second.
Speaker 3: Yes, this is the biggest mistake I think people make
Speaker 3: in dating is they will meet someone that there's so
Speaker 3: much great chemistry with and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: the rose colored glass come on right because the chemistry
Speaker 3: is through the roof your heart's just and you're in
Speaker 3: the like honeymoon phase. You're still like dating early stage,
Speaker 3: and because there's so much chemistry, you're not even realizing
Speaker 3: that it's actually not a match. You guys don't share
Speaker 3: the same values whatsoever. You guys could never build together.
Speaker 3: You guys should just have incredible chemistry and you just
Speaker 3: have so much love for each other because it's like magnets,
Speaker 3: you know. But we just have to remember that chemistry
Speaker 3: doesn't equal compatibility.
Speaker 2: It's amazing. It's amazing because we were talking recently about chemistry,
Speaker 2: compatibility and communication, and compatibility isn't discussed enough. And that's
Speaker 2: I think. I always say, like, I'll get in the
Speaker 2: wrong car and the car is going somewhere and I
Speaker 2: knew that the sign was wrong, but I just got
Speaker 2: in anyway. And I think it's the chemistry that gets
Speaker 2: you in the wrong car, and then all of a
Speaker 2: sudden it's the habits, the in laws, the culture, the job.
Speaker 2: So when you're dating, how do you slow down the
Speaker 2: game and not make it so clinical because you want
Speaker 2: it to be sexy and you want there to be chemistry,
Speaker 2: And how do you discern between the chemistry and the compatibility.
Speaker 2: How do you make the compatibility sexy too?
Speaker 3: Well, I think the first thing is there has to
Speaker 3: be chemistry. It cannot work if there's no chemistry. Great,
Speaker 3: So it's kind of like, Okay, first, do we vibe?
Speaker 3: Is there energy flow? Like do we just enjoy each
Speaker 3: other's company? Is there chemistry? I always think that's the
Speaker 3: first thing. Now, by the way, this is for someone
Speaker 3: who you know doesn't have a matchmaker. This is for
Speaker 3: someone who's just out there dating see if there's chemistry.
Speaker 3: If there is, then let's ask intentional questions. Let's peel
Speaker 3: the layer of the onion to really see do we
Speaker 3: view the world in the same way?
Speaker 1: Could we build something together?
Speaker 3: So what that looks like is politics, religion, especially if
Speaker 3: you want to raise children together. Another big one I
Speaker 3: would say is you know what do you value? What
Speaker 3: is your lifestyle? Because the number one reason for divorce
Speaker 3: is financial differences and financial struggles, and so how someone
Speaker 3: spends their money could be a huge factor to whether
Speaker 3: or not that you guys are a compatible match. You
Speaker 3: can have the craziest chemistry in the world, but you
Speaker 3: spend your money so differently, and one person values such
Speaker 3: different things on how they want to spend their money.
Speaker 1: That it affects the relationship.
Speaker 3: But it's constantly a struggle, like how you want to vacate,
Speaker 3: you know, how often do you want to vacate? Or
Speaker 3: do you spend all your money on you know, shopping
Speaker 3: or you know.
Speaker 2: So the money stuff has to get out of the
Speaker 2: way fairly soon without being too aggressive, like it just
Speaker 2: has to cut naturally, Like I like to shop, and
Speaker 2: I like to go to Europe, and I like to
Speaker 2: ski and like that type of stuff, Like the superficiality
Speaker 2: needs to come forward because then there becomes judgment, right.
Speaker 3: I definitely think lifestyles a huge one. Like, for example,
Speaker 3: if someone spends all their money on traveling to go
Speaker 3: to mountains to go hiking, and that is where the
Speaker 3: hiking equipment's expensive, and they spend all their money on that,
Speaker 3: and that means nothing to you. You don't value it whatsoever,
Speaker 3: and you're more the kind of person who wants to
Speaker 3: go travel to Europe and enjoy nex dinners or go shopping.
Speaker 1: Like that's not a compatible fit.
Speaker 3: Like even if the chemistry is great, like you guys
Speaker 3: are going to constantly argue about where the money's going.
Speaker 2: Well, this is interesting. So I was speaking to someone
Speaker 2: the other day that is a very successful person, I
Speaker 2: mean by global standards, a very successful person, and they
Speaker 2: are an extrovert and he, you know, you could tell
Speaker 2: that he's like traveling all over the world and doing
Speaker 2: interesting things, and you could tell he's a people person.
Speaker 2: And I feel that women often want to like pretend.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of one woman that I know of who's
Speaker 2: married some major men, and her reputation within a very
Speaker 2: small circle is that she kind of is the one
Speaker 2: who will be like, oh I like that too, or
Speaker 2: I do that too, et cetera. And there's a fine
Speaker 2: delicate balance in letting someone know how you're different from them,
Speaker 2: because you want to make sure that that's not a
Speaker 2: red flag for them. Because while it's interesting to quote
Speaker 2: unquote get and capture someone who seems great or good
Speaker 2: looking or successful, I'm not interested in the wrong car
Speaker 2: that I'm getting into or someone's getting into the wrong
Speaker 2: car over here. Like I'll say I'm ninety five percent homebody,
Speaker 2: five percent lunatic, because I want someone to know that
Speaker 2: if they're going out every night and want to entertain
Speaker 2: and do things in big groups and go on six,
Speaker 2: you know, couple vacations, that's not my personality. So how
Speaker 2: much in the beginning are you supposed to like combine
Speaker 2: you know, captivating and capturing and being honest, you know,
Speaker 2: because also opposites. You could also point out that ipposites
Speaker 2: do attract. So it doesn't mean we're supposed to be
Speaker 2: the same exact person. There can only be There should
Speaker 2: only be one peacock in a relationship, in my opinion,
Speaker 2: So it doesn't mean you need two peacocks, But how
Speaker 2: much are you supposed to go through that?
Speaker 1: Wait? Wait, can we the peacock theory?
Speaker 2: Let's hear go.
Speaker 1: I call it the rock star theory. Where there's a
Speaker 1: star and a rock.
Speaker 3: Someone's super stable, more low key, you know, more in
Speaker 3: the background, and then the star and like the rock
Speaker 3: star couple is always thriving.
Speaker 1: It just worked.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's so the rock and the star interesting theory. Interesting.
Speaker 1: I do different couples.
Speaker 3: When I'm out in a bow, and I always like
Speaker 3: an analyze, like who's the rock, who's the star, and
Speaker 3: then like my girlfriends and I will recapin like, oh,
Speaker 3: that was definitely the star.
Speaker 1: He's definitely the rock, like and it worked.
Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, but how but what if there's one person
Speaker 2: who's like the star and then the other person's boring
Speaker 2: and the star needs like light, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: What about the one person Doman Rock.
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be boring.
Speaker 3: He just doesn't mind letting the star being a light,
Speaker 3: letting her shine. He's not a bored I don't know.
Speaker 3: He came funny and adventurous and all the things, but
Speaker 3: he's more of the I don't need to be in
Speaker 3: the light.
Speaker 1: Like you got it, you know.
Speaker 2: So how much of your crazy should you show early?
Speaker 1: How much crazy? Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wait, so going back to that question, So, here's the thing.
Speaker 3: When you for your friend that's always agreeing like oh yeah,
Speaker 3: me too, me too, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You can put it on that phase for only so long.
Speaker 3: At one point that person is going to use their
Speaker 3: intuition and say something doesn't feel right, you know, like
Speaker 3: she agrees with everything I say. And you need to
Speaker 3: be authentic when you're dating. If you were not authentic
Speaker 3: and you were agreeing with everything saying that you also
Speaker 3: enjoy doing the same things when you really don't, that
Speaker 3: is doing you such a disservice because, like you said,
Speaker 3: you get in the wrong car, and that's that's like
Speaker 3: blocking you from meeting the right person where you genuinely
Speaker 3: do have all those things in common.
Speaker 1: So I think being authentic is the ultimate advice I
Speaker 1: would give.
Speaker 2: Okay, and where are you? We've talked about sex on
Speaker 2: here and to me, to me, I feel like the
Speaker 2: game the rules. Men can see through them if they're
Speaker 2: not being authentic, Like if a woman is just let's
Speaker 2: say a woman's really getting intimate with someone, but they're
Speaker 2: just going to withhold sex, but the guy knows they
Speaker 2: really are just making that rule for themselves, and the
Speaker 2: woman's like really being methodical and playing the game. I
Speaker 2: think that is as much of a turn off as
Speaker 2: someone like playing fast and loose too early, Like don't
Speaker 2: I think that someone should exude confidence, and it can
Speaker 2: come in many ways, but it doesn't mean like you
Speaker 2: do this, you don't do this. So where are you
Speaker 2: on sex? Do you think that someone should do what
Speaker 2: they actually want? Or you think there should be some
Speaker 2: version of a game and a rule, like where are
Speaker 2: you on sex?
Speaker 3: I really think that there's no number or no timeline
Speaker 3: of like this is the rule when it comes to sex.
Speaker 1: However, what I will say is.
Speaker 3: That it does complicate things when you have sex too early,
Speaker 3: because it blurs kind of like the rose colored glasses.
Speaker 3: If the sex is through the roof and you're having
Speaker 3: a grand time and you're like, wow, this is my
Speaker 3: compatible partner in this way, but none of the other
Speaker 3: stuff makes sense. You might end up sticking around a
Speaker 3: little too long because it's the wrong car, but it
Speaker 3: drives really well. So I think waiting and really getting
Speaker 3: to know that person first is just the best approach.
Speaker 2: Well, that's back to your discussion about chemistry. You're saying
Speaker 2: the same thing you're saying, you're lying on the chemistry.
Speaker 2: It's clouding you. But you don't think in twenty twenty
Speaker 2: four that someone's judging someone for having sex if they're
Speaker 2: adults and like they're attracted to each other. Like it's
Speaker 2: like we're you know that someone's judging Oh, she's slept
Speaker 2: with me on the first date, she's promiscuous, or he's
Speaker 2: a player or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Now, I think in this day and age, we hear
Speaker 3: so many one off exceptions of well we met, we had,
Speaker 3: you know, sex on the first day and whatever. Like
Speaker 3: I've heard that so many times now where I'm like,
Speaker 3: there's an exception to the rule.
Speaker 1: Is it best practice?
Speaker 3: No? Would any matchmaker dating coach say that's best practice?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So, And I think just
Speaker 3: Like taking the time to really get to know someone,
Speaker 3: it's just you're better off for it because then you're
Speaker 3: you're not wearing the roast colored glasses.