WEBVTT - Just B Dating: Chemistry isn't Compatibility...VIP Matchmaker Thalia Ouimet

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hi, how are you. I'm doing good? How are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm good? This is Talia. We met. She is an author,

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<v Speaker 2>a dating coach, and a matchmaker. Crazy that your last

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<v Speaker 2>name is we Met do a lot? I mean everyone

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<v Speaker 2>comments on that, right, that you're a matchmaker and your

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<v Speaker 2>last name is we met. Tell me people comment on that.

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<v Speaker 1>All the time.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, the company, yeah, we Met through Italia, was birth

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<v Speaker 3>for my name. I feel like I was born to

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<v Speaker 3>do this.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh that you are companies called we Met?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the company is called we Met through Italian. It's

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<v Speaker 1>my last name.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh that's brilliant. Okay, I didn't know that. I just

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<v Speaker 2>because I didn't know how to pronounce your last name.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess it is like French like we met, but

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<v Speaker 2>it's wow. Okay, Well that's interesting. We met through Talia. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>So you are a high end matchmaker, which is a

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<v Speaker 2>fascinating business. Would you call yourself a high end matchmaker?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, of course, it's only high end, only.

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<v Speaker 2>High end matchmaking. Okay. So do you ever get any

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<v Speaker 2>pushback or hate in that there's like an elitism to

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<v Speaker 2>women wanting to marry a wealthy man. You know the

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<v Speaker 2>old statement that moms say it's just as easy to

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<v Speaker 2>marry a rich man as a poor man. So where

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<v Speaker 2>do you stand on a that statement? And if you

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<v Speaker 2>ever get any pushback, like people being like, oh what

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<v Speaker 2>about someone's hard and it's not just about money and

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<v Speaker 2>superficial and things like that.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't really have much to say on it.

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<v Speaker 3>If someone is a female and they're doing really well,

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<v Speaker 3>I think wanting equal above just makes sense. Now for

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<v Speaker 3>someone who has new ambition in life, who you know,

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<v Speaker 3>doesn't work or anything like that, who wants someone wildly successful,

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<v Speaker 3>I think that's a little questionable.

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<v Speaker 2>That's interesting. Okay, So that's an interesting take and an

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<v Speaker 2>interesting nuance that we haven't discussed here yet. I love

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<v Speaker 2>to find the pieces of the puzzle for the people

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<v Speaker 2>listening because they're getting you know, you could be six

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<v Speaker 2>figures for someone to hire you to match them, and

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<v Speaker 2>they're getting this for free here. And so I like

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<v Speaker 2>to give advice and notes that are accessible to all.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, not everybody can go into Chanelle, including me,

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<v Speaker 2>and get a bag, but you know, people can have

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<v Speaker 2>game when they go out and date and look for

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<v Speaker 2>someone equal or above is what you said. So it's

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<v Speaker 2>funny because in this new dating era where I remember

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<v Speaker 2>being in my twenties and wanting to like lock up

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<v Speaker 2>my life by twenty six when I got married the

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<v Speaker 2>first time. And I remember in my late thirties getting

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<v Speaker 2>into a relationship because I felt some sort of a pressure.

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<v Speaker 2>And it depends on where you are and the people

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<v Speaker 2>you're surrounding yourself with, and you're kind of comparing yourself

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<v Speaker 2>to that. So in my twenties, the whole group was

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<v Speaker 2>getting married at twenty five, twenty four, twenty six, and

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<v Speaker 2>like then in my late thirties, people were getting nervous

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<v Speaker 2>because that's a really witching hour age. And even six

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<v Speaker 2>years ago when I met my ex, I felt older

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<v Speaker 2>and it was gonna be a problem. Now I'm even

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<v Speaker 2>in a different range. But ironically I'm more confident because

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I know exactly where I am. I

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<v Speaker 2>know I'm established, and so the crop is smaller. But

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<v Speaker 2>it's like going into a store and knowing exactly what

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<v Speaker 2>you want versus going into a mass mall and having

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<v Speaker 2>no plans. So now I feel like it is interesting,

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<v Speaker 2>and for me, the equal or above thing is critical

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<v Speaker 2>based on my history, based on my negative experiences, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm confident about it because of what I bring to

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<v Speaker 2>the table, where previously it was almost like an entitlement.

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<v Speaker 2>And a lot of women just want to meet someone

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<v Speaker 2>and think that they're going to walk in and Prince

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<v Speaker 2>Charming is gonna sweep them like pretty women. But that's

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<v Speaker 2>a fairy tale and that's a prescripted film. And obviously

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<v Speaker 2>these are blanket sweeping statements. There are pretty woman exceptions,

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<v Speaker 2>there are fairy tale exceptions. But if you're saying equal

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<v Speaker 2>or above, are you saying that from an accomplishment and

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<v Speaker 2>financial standpoint? When women are looking for men, they should

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<v Speaker 2>be looking for someone equal or above, Meaning you don't

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<v Speaker 2>think it's a great idea for someone to date someone

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<v Speaker 2>who has significantly less than them or drastically more like,

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<v Speaker 2>what should how should women be treating that aspect? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>No, exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>I think that for women who are well accomplished, who

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<v Speaker 3>have done big things, I think dating down is only

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<v Speaker 3>going to cause issues in the long term because then

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<v Speaker 3>later on. I've seen it time and time again where

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<v Speaker 3>men feel emasculated and they feel there's just something that happens.

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<v Speaker 1>And what you know, men are like, no, it's not

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<v Speaker 1>a big deal, it's a big deal. They're really just.

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<v Speaker 3>Trying to convince themselves, because at the end of the day,

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<v Speaker 3>a man wants to feel like they're the provider, they're

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<v Speaker 3>the protector. And I have yet to see a very

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<v Speaker 3>very successful woman with someone who you know, picked someone

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<v Speaker 3>wait further down than them and then it ended up

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<v Speaker 3>working out for them.

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't seen it.

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<v Speaker 2>You're just going by institutional knowledge, and I experienced it,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's a lot of data that I found out

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<v Speaker 2>afterwards and hearing from a lot of women that if

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<v Speaker 2>the woman and we and I always say every time

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<v Speaker 2>I'm on here, I'm like, I know, I'm setting women

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<v Speaker 2>back one hundred years. This is just what goes on.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm sure you deal with a lot of that

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<v Speaker 2>now in twenty twenty four with the gender dynamics, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'll take all that heat here on the show. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not putting it on you. I'm saying that I have

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<v Speaker 2>experienced and found out a lot since I opened up

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<v Speaker 2>this topic, that a gender disparity when the woman is

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<v Speaker 2>the moneyed partner, and it's significant. We're not talking about

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<v Speaker 2>if the woman's wealthy and the man's a different kind

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<v Speaker 2>of wealthy, or if he you know, one is a

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<v Speaker 2>scientist who's won awards all over the world, and then

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<v Speaker 2>that's a different version. But if it's a woman with

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<v Speaker 2>a man and they're justifying the fact that he's not

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<v Speaker 2>working anymore and he followed her for her career and

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<v Speaker 2>he's saying home, there are exceptions, but there is a

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<v Speaker 2>disparity and there becomes a power struggle and it comes

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<v Speaker 2>out in different ways. And I've had the exact same experience,

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<v Speaker 2>So it interestingly puts me in a position, for example,

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<v Speaker 2>where I'm being open about what I'm looking for, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of women don't want to be

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<v Speaker 2>honest about what they're looking for. They think they're going

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<v Speaker 2>to be thought of as a gold digger if they

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<v Speaker 2>want to be with someone who's smart and accomplished. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think that many women may not want to do

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<v Speaker 2>the work themselves. They just want to get that. They

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<v Speaker 2>want to sign up for that. And I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>a message for if someone if a woman wants a

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<v Speaker 2>man like that, that they should work on themselves and

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<v Speaker 2>work on their own career. Otherwise there'll be a disparity

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<v Speaker 2>in that direction too, where the woman doesn't have the

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<v Speaker 2>money and the man does. And then that also bleeds

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<v Speaker 2>out later.

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<v Speaker 1>No, for sure.

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<v Speaker 3>And I think what women tend to forget is that

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<v Speaker 3>if you have nothing, you bring nothing to the table

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<v Speaker 3>other than your looks, right, you have no real job

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<v Speaker 3>like whatever, And then you marry someone very, very wealthy,

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<v Speaker 3>you have to remember that if he leads you, like

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<v Speaker 3>what grounds do you stand?

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<v Speaker 1>Like? Do you have financial stability to get back on

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<v Speaker 1>your feet?

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<v Speaker 3>You know? These are things that I think in this

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<v Speaker 3>day and age, women are starting to think, Okay, hold on,

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<v Speaker 3>I should really have something going for my in case

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<v Speaker 3>things don't go right, I have something.

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<v Speaker 1>To fall back on.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, that's what this conversation is helping. And that's what

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<v Speaker 2>I've been trying to say to young women because they're

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<v Speaker 2>being marketed fairy tales. They're being marketed the dress, the

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<v Speaker 2>multi billion dollar wedding business, but they're not being marketed

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<v Speaker 2>education on the relationship. And I do think you're an

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<v Speaker 2>ex I think I don't think that people think of

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<v Speaker 2>matchmakers as experts on relationships. I think they think of

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<v Speaker 2>them as connectors. But I actually, from having met a

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<v Speaker 2>few that are good, you know good, that it seems

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<v Speaker 2>like they're good or at least have a different perspective

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<v Speaker 2>and an expertise that you guys are experts on relationships too,

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<v Speaker 2>like because you're hearing all the stories of the people

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<v Speaker 2>that are coming to you about what didn't work out before.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that correct?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, So I always say I'm a great dating coach.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, I wrote a book and I talk about

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<v Speaker 3>how to attract the right guy and all those things.

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<v Speaker 3>To my book, I wouldn't say I'm a relationship expert.

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<v Speaker 3>I would say that I definitely understand what it's like

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<v Speaker 3>to be single and how to attract and how to

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<v Speaker 3>practice discernment intuition. And it's crazy how women don't realize

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<v Speaker 3>how intuitive they are.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, you have to use that when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to dating.

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<v Speaker 3>Your nervous system will always tell you if he's mister

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<v Speaker 3>right or mister wrong. As far as relationships go, of course,

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<v Speaker 3>I can speak on the successes of my business and

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<v Speaker 3>the people that are married, but you know, as far

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<v Speaker 3>as like, yeah, I definitely would say I'm a dating coach,

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<v Speaker 3>not a relationship coach.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're a dating coach and you get you

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<v Speaker 2>and you connect people that end up getting together and

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<v Speaker 2>they sustain, then it's not just about someone attracting and

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<v Speaker 2>getting because I could do that all day long. There's

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<v Speaker 2>got to be another piece where it's attracting the right

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<v Speaker 2>person that's right for you. So at least if you're

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<v Speaker 2>not a relationship coach and you are a dating coach,

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<v Speaker 2>but you're also like a connectivity right match coach, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>how do you know what's the right match for someone?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, and how much is chemistry? How much is

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<v Speaker 2>like culture and background? How much is education philosophy?

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<v Speaker 1>Can we talk about chemistry for a second.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, this is the biggest mistake I think people make

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<v Speaker 3>in dating is they will meet someone that there's so

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<v Speaker 3>much great chemistry with and then all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 3>the rose colored glass come on right because the chemistry

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<v Speaker 3>is through the roof your heart's just and you're in

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<v Speaker 3>the like honeymoon phase. You're still like dating early stage,

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<v Speaker 3>and because there's so much chemistry, you're not even realizing

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<v Speaker 3>that it's actually not a match. You guys don't share

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<v Speaker 3>the same values whatsoever. You guys could never build together.

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<v Speaker 3>You guys should just have incredible chemistry and you just

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<v Speaker 3>have so much love for each other because it's like magnets,

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<v Speaker 3>you know. But we just have to remember that chemistry

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<v Speaker 3>doesn't equal compatibility.

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<v Speaker 2>It's amazing. It's amazing because we were talking recently about chemistry,

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<v Speaker 2>compatibility and communication, and compatibility isn't discussed enough. And that's

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<v Speaker 2>I think. I always say, like, I'll get in the

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<v Speaker 2>wrong car and the car is going somewhere and I

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<v Speaker 2>knew that the sign was wrong, but I just got

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<v Speaker 2>in anyway. And I think it's the chemistry that gets

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<v Speaker 2>you in the wrong car, and then all of a

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<v Speaker 2>sudden it's the habits, the in laws, the culture, the job.

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<v Speaker 2>So when you're dating, how do you slow down the

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<v Speaker 2>game and not make it so clinical because you want

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<v Speaker 2>it to be sexy and you want there to be chemistry,

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<v Speaker 2>And how do you discern between the chemistry and the compatibility.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you make the compatibility sexy too?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I think the first thing is there has to

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<v Speaker 3>be chemistry. It cannot work if there's no chemistry. Great,

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<v Speaker 3>So it's kind of like, Okay, first, do we vibe?

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<v Speaker 3>Is there energy flow? Like do we just enjoy each

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<v Speaker 3>other's company? Is there chemistry? I always think that's the

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<v Speaker 3>first thing. Now, by the way, this is for someone

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<v Speaker 3>who you know doesn't have a matchmaker. This is for

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<v Speaker 3>someone who's just out there dating see if there's chemistry.

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<v Speaker 3>If there is, then let's ask intentional questions. Let's peel

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<v Speaker 3>the layer of the onion to really see do we

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<v Speaker 3>view the world in the same way?

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<v Speaker 1>Could we build something together?

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<v Speaker 3>So what that looks like is politics, religion, especially if

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<v Speaker 3>you want to raise children together. Another big one I

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<v Speaker 3>would say is you know what do you value? What

0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:27.040
<v Speaker 3>is your lifestyle? Because the number one reason for divorce

0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:31.480
<v Speaker 3>is financial differences and financial struggles, and so how someone

0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.680
<v Speaker 3>spends their money could be a huge factor to whether

0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:36.640
<v Speaker 3>or not that you guys are a compatible match. You

0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:38.920
<v Speaker 3>can have the craziest chemistry in the world, but you

0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.520
<v Speaker 3>spend your money so differently, and one person values such

0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.760
<v Speaker 3>different things on how they want to spend their money.

0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:46.360
<v Speaker 1>That it affects the relationship.

0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.560
<v Speaker 3>But it's constantly a struggle, like how you want to vacate,

0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:51.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, how often do you want to vacate? Or

0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.440
<v Speaker 3>do you spend all your money on you know, shopping

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:55.320
<v Speaker 3>or you know.

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:56.880
<v Speaker 2>So the money stuff has to get out of the

0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.760
<v Speaker 2>way fairly soon without being too aggressive, like it just

0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:02.040
<v Speaker 2>has to cut naturally, Like I like to shop, and

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.640
<v Speaker 2>I like to go to Europe, and I like to

0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.839
<v Speaker 2>ski and like that type of stuff, Like the superficiality

0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.560
<v Speaker 2>needs to come forward because then there becomes judgment, right.

0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.480
<v Speaker 3>I definitely think lifestyles a huge one. Like, for example,

0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 3>if someone spends all their money on traveling to go

0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.120
<v Speaker 3>to mountains to go hiking, and that is where the

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.840
<v Speaker 3>hiking equipment's expensive, and they spend all their money on that,

0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.520
<v Speaker 3>and that means nothing to you. You don't value it whatsoever,

0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:27.680
<v Speaker 3>and you're more the kind of person who wants to

0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.160
<v Speaker 3>go travel to Europe and enjoy nex dinners or go shopping.

0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Like that's not a compatible fit.

0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:34.880
<v Speaker 3>Like even if the chemistry is great, like you guys

0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:37.200
<v Speaker 3>are going to constantly argue about where the money's going.

0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:39.439
<v Speaker 2>Well, this is interesting. So I was speaking to someone

0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:43.560
<v Speaker 2>the other day that is a very successful person, I

0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:48.880
<v Speaker 2>mean by global standards, a very successful person, and they

0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:53.679
<v Speaker 2>are an extrovert and he, you know, you could tell

0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.560
<v Speaker 2>that he's like traveling all over the world and doing

0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:58.520
<v Speaker 2>interesting things, and you could tell he's a people person.

0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:03.120
<v Speaker 2>And I feel that women often want to like pretend.

0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking of one woman that I know of who's

0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.280
<v Speaker 2>married some major men, and her reputation within a very

0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.160
<v Speaker 2>small circle is that she kind of is the one

0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 2>who will be like, oh I like that too, or

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.880
<v Speaker 2>I do that too, et cetera. And there's a fine

0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:21.319
<v Speaker 2>delicate balance in letting someone know how you're different from them,

0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:22.800
<v Speaker 2>because you want to make sure that that's not a

0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:25.560
<v Speaker 2>red flag for them. Because while it's interesting to quote

0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 2>unquote get and capture someone who seems great or good

0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:32.439
<v Speaker 2>looking or successful, I'm not interested in the wrong car

0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 2>that I'm getting into or someone's getting into the wrong

0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:38.440
<v Speaker 2>car over here. Like I'll say I'm ninety five percent homebody,

0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:41.760
<v Speaker 2>five percent lunatic, because I want someone to know that

0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.440
<v Speaker 2>if they're going out every night and want to entertain

0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.280
<v Speaker 2>and do things in big groups and go on six,

0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:50.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, couple vacations, that's not my personality. So how

0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.119
<v Speaker 2>much in the beginning are you supposed to like combine

0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:57.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, captivating and capturing and being honest, you know,

0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.360
<v Speaker 2>because also opposites. You could also point out that ipposites

0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.480
<v Speaker 2>do attract. So it doesn't mean we're supposed to be

0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:04.360
<v Speaker 2>the same exact person. There can only be There should

0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.640
<v Speaker 2>only be one peacock in a relationship, in my opinion,

0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:08.640
<v Speaker 2>So it doesn't mean you need two peacocks, But how

0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.560
<v Speaker 2>much are you supposed to go through that?

0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.680
<v Speaker 1>Wait? Wait, can we the peacock theory?

0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Let's hear go.

0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I call it the rock star theory. Where there's a

0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:17.240
<v Speaker 1>star and a rock.

0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:20.240
<v Speaker 3>Someone's super stable, more low key, you know, more in

0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.160
<v Speaker 3>the background, and then the star and like the rock

0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:24.720
<v Speaker 3>star couple is always thriving.

0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:25.600
<v Speaker 1>It just worked.

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:31.479
<v Speaker 2>Wow, that's so the rock and the star interesting theory. Interesting.

0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:33.720
<v Speaker 1>I do different couples.

0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:34.800
<v Speaker 3>When I'm out in a bow, and I always like

0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.280
<v Speaker 3>an analyze, like who's the rock, who's the star, and

0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:38.880
<v Speaker 3>then like my girlfriends and I will recapin like, oh,

0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:39.720
<v Speaker 3>that was definitely the star.

0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 1>He's definitely the rock, like and it worked.

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:46.720
<v Speaker 2>Wow? Okay, but how but what if there's one person

0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:49.400
<v Speaker 2>who's like the star and then the other person's boring

0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 2>and the star needs like light, you know what I mean?

0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.000
<v Speaker 2>What about the one person Doman Rock.

0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:54.960
<v Speaker 1>Doesn't have to be boring.

0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.560
<v Speaker 3>He just doesn't mind letting the star being a light,

0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.520
<v Speaker 3>letting her shine. He's not a bored I don't know.

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 3>He came funny and adventurous and all the things, but

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:04.800
<v Speaker 3>he's more of the I don't need to be in

0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:05.200
<v Speaker 3>the light.

0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Like you got it, you know.

0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.840
<v Speaker 2>So how much of your crazy should you show early?

0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:11.360
<v Speaker 1>How much crazy? Okay?

0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:11.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.720
<v Speaker 1>Wait, so going back to that question, So, here's the thing.

0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:17.720
<v Speaker 3>When you for your friend that's always agreeing like oh yeah,

0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:19.920
<v Speaker 3>me too, me too, here's the thing.

0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.920
<v Speaker 1>You can put it on that phase for only so long.

0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:26.360
<v Speaker 3>At one point that person is going to use their

0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:29.240
<v Speaker 3>intuition and say something doesn't feel right, you know, like

0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.280
<v Speaker 3>she agrees with everything I say. And you need to

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.840
<v Speaker 3>be authentic when you're dating. If you were not authentic

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.040
<v Speaker 3>and you were agreeing with everything saying that you also

0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.240
<v Speaker 3>enjoy doing the same things when you really don't, that

0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.920
<v Speaker 3>is doing you such a disservice because, like you said,

0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.960
<v Speaker 3>you get in the wrong car, and that's that's like

0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:49.040
<v Speaker 3>blocking you from meeting the right person where you genuinely

0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:50.560
<v Speaker 3>do have all those things in common.

0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.440
<v Speaker 1>So I think being authentic is the ultimate advice I

0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:53.880
<v Speaker 1>would give.

0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:58.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay, and where are you? We've talked about sex on

0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.680
<v Speaker 2>here and to me, to me, I feel like the

0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:06.240
<v Speaker 2>game the rules. Men can see through them if they're

0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:08.720
<v Speaker 2>not being authentic, Like if a woman is just let's

0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:11.000
<v Speaker 2>say a woman's really getting intimate with someone, but they're

0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.280
<v Speaker 2>just going to withhold sex, but the guy knows they

0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:17.280
<v Speaker 2>really are just making that rule for themselves, and the

0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.560
<v Speaker 2>woman's like really being methodical and playing the game. I

0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.920
<v Speaker 2>think that is as much of a turn off as

0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:27.120
<v Speaker 2>someone like playing fast and loose too early, Like don't

0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I think that someone should exude confidence, and it can

0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:32.920
<v Speaker 2>come in many ways, but it doesn't mean like you

0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:34.640
<v Speaker 2>do this, you don't do this. So where are you

0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:37.040
<v Speaker 2>on sex? Do you think that someone should do what

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.440
<v Speaker 2>they actually want? Or you think there should be some

0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:41.160
<v Speaker 2>version of a game and a rule, like where are

0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:41.960
<v Speaker 2>you on sex?

0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:47.560
<v Speaker 3>I really think that there's no number or no timeline

0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:49.440
<v Speaker 3>of like this is the rule when it comes to sex.

0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:52.520
<v Speaker 1>However, what I will say is.

0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.560
<v Speaker 3>That it does complicate things when you have sex too early,

0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.480
<v Speaker 3>because it blurs kind of like the rose colored glasses.

0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:00.560
<v Speaker 3>If the sex is through the roof and you're having

0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:02.600
<v Speaker 3>a grand time and you're like, wow, this is my

0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.040
<v Speaker 3>compatible partner in this way, but none of the other

0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.240
<v Speaker 3>stuff makes sense. You might end up sticking around a

0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.639
<v Speaker 3>little too long because it's the wrong car, but it

0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:13.000
<v Speaker 3>drives really well. So I think waiting and really getting

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.320
<v Speaker 3>to know that person first is just the best approach.

0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, that's back to your discussion about chemistry. You're saying

0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.480
<v Speaker 2>the same thing you're saying, you're lying on the chemistry.

0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:24.840
<v Speaker 2>It's clouding you. But you don't think in twenty twenty

0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.160
<v Speaker 2>four that someone's judging someone for having sex if they're

0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.560
<v Speaker 2>adults and like they're attracted to each other. Like it's

0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.320
<v Speaker 2>like we're you know that someone's judging Oh, she's slept

0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.040
<v Speaker 2>with me on the first date, she's promiscuous, or he's

0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:37.320
<v Speaker 2>a player or anything like that.

0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 3>Now, I think in this day and age, we hear

0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.960
<v Speaker 3>so many one off exceptions of well we met, we had,

0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.159
<v Speaker 3>you know, sex on the first day and whatever. Like

0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.359
<v Speaker 3>I've heard that so many times now where I'm like,

0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:49.640
<v Speaker 3>there's an exception to the rule.

0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:51.200
<v Speaker 1>Is it best practice?

0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:54.600
<v Speaker 3>No? Would any matchmaker dating coach say that's best practice?

0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:54.760
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:55.480
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:56.639
<v Speaker 1>So, And I think just

0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:58.639
<v Speaker 3>Like taking the time to really get to know someone,

0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.240
<v Speaker 3>it's just you're better off for it because then you're

0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:04.360
<v Speaker 3>you're not wearing the roast colored glasses.