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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So we'll stick around two minutes and we'll get into

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Speaker 1: the episode.

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Speaker 2: Another man is getting comfortable with my wife, but she

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Speaker 2: doesn't see the problem.

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Speaker 1: She just sees your new best friend.

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Speaker 2: My thirty four male wife thirty four female, and I

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Speaker 2: play pickleball with a rather.

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Speaker 1: Advanced group advanced in age or advanced in skill.

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Speaker 2: I'm not as good as the group I think advanced

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Speaker 2: at age or my wife, so oftentimes I will sit

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Speaker 2: out a few days just to not impede the group's play.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Snappin' fool fifty four

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Speaker 2: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime suppered. So our group

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Speaker 2: is primarily men that are all four point zero plus players.

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Speaker 2: They're good, Okay, I was gonna ask what that they're

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Speaker 2: good and my wife plays within the group because, to

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Speaker 2: be frank, the women I don't like playing with her

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Speaker 2: because of how aggressively she plays well. She needs to

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Speaker 2: find cooler ladies to play with at On top that

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Speaker 2: she is a stunning woman physically, there's some jealousy throat

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Speaker 2: in there as well.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I can't play pickupball with this hot it's too hot,

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Speaker 1: and she's too grissive, so hot and aggressive, I can't.

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Speaker 2: Now to the question, there is a guy in the

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Speaker 2: group that we have known for a few years who

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Speaker 2: very obviously has an eye for my wife. For the

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Speaker 2: first year or two, there was nothing of concern from him.

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Speaker 2: He was very casual talk to both of us when

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Speaker 2: the group would link up to play, et cetera. However,

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Speaker 2: in the last year or so he has become more comfortable,

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Speaker 2: especially in my absence. About eight months ago, my wife

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Speaker 2: and him were chatting and somehow they got on the

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Speaker 2: topic of married men and women being friends with members

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Speaker 2: of the opposite gender.

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Speaker 1: My wife said, there's nothing wrong with.

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Speaker 2: Married people being friends with members of the opposite gender,

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Speaker 2: just as long as one isn't attracted to the other,

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Speaker 2: quipped back, sure it is. You can be attracted to

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Speaker 2: someone and still be friends.

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Speaker 1: The thing is, yeah, but buddy comes from a long

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Speaker 1: line of windows. Ooh, because that was entirely transparent.

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Speaker 2: That was really obvious, buddy. That was so obvious, and

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Speaker 2: she didn't get that hint. She should get that hit.

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Speaker 1: She should get that hint.

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Speaker 2: I told my wife, that's what an F boy, and

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Speaker 2: you know it. She agreed, but also confided that they

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Speaker 2: were just friends and she's not attracted to him at all.

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Speaker 2: And I honestly believe her. She literally just said, you

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Speaker 2: can be friends with a member of the opposite gender

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Speaker 2: as long as one isn't attracted. Those were your rules,

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Speaker 2: and now she's changing them because she's not.

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Speaker 1: Attracted to Sophia. Rules are meant to be broken. Apparently,

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Speaker 1: she's just like, I'm not gonna interpret that as him

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Speaker 1: saying he's attracted to me.

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Speaker 2: She said, she agreed, She mean she oh, he said

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Speaker 2: that's what an F boy would say, and you know it.

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Speaker 2: She agreed, but said that she's not attracted to him.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward a month. A few months from that, she

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Speaker 2: comes home and is like, I need to tell you

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Speaker 2: something that happened at pickleball today. I was playing with

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Speaker 2: insert guy today and while we were playing my tanks, my.

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Speaker 1: Tank, She's trying to make him her insert guy, whoa wow, my.

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Speaker 2: Tank slid over and my sports bras strap was showing

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Speaker 2: sucker be her sports bras strap.

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Speaker 1: Was what what is this? Uh? What is his sticket?

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Speaker 1: That's the thing in a real strap brow her in

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Speaker 1: the ocean with the rest of the car battery that

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Speaker 1: like looks like this, that's what that. There's people who

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Speaker 1: just wear that to the gym.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, after the point he reached up, grabbed my tank

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Speaker 2: and covered my sports brad back.

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Speaker 1: Up your husband, no this other guy answer guys, yikes,

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Speaker 1: protecting your modesty. Modesty.

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Speaker 2: I kind of froze because I didn't want to make

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Speaker 2: a theen and we went about our game. That's so weird.

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Speaker 2: I told her again that was not typical of a

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Speaker 2: man to feel comfortable to reach up and touch another

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Speaker 2: woman or fix her outfit. How was you react if

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Speaker 2: you saw me reach up and fix another woman's clothing?

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Speaker 2: She said, I would likely see rad and we would

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Speaker 2: have a talk. A few weeks ago, one of her

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Speaker 2: best friends she met in law school was leaving and

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Speaker 2: the group had a lunch to celebrate her friend leaving

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Speaker 2: and another member of the group leaving for school. I

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Speaker 2: was unable to go due to prior obligations. When seats

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Speaker 2: were being acquired, my wife picked her seat and went

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Speaker 2: to go to the bathroom and grab a drink. Her

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Speaker 2: friend was still at the table and people were moving around.

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Speaker 2: One of the other guys goes, well, we should have

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Speaker 2: put insert guy next to Opie's wife. We all know

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Speaker 2: he has a crush on her. But the friend quickly

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Speaker 2: got up to go tell my wife what was going on.

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Speaker 1: Good friend.

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Speaker 2: She of course told me what happened, and I told her,

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Speaker 2: I mean, we knew this. Everything to this point is

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Speaker 2: pointed to this. It's a good point. Yesterday she was

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Speaker 2: at pickleball and she had shared a screenshot of a

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Speaker 2: post her employer made as a new employee spotlight, and

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Speaker 2: there was a pickleball comment in it. It also happened

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Speaker 2: to have her head shot on the post as well.

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Speaker 2: While at some point during the session he told her

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Speaker 2: you looked beautiful in that picture. She just smiled and

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Speaker 2: said thank you, and when about her day, again bringing

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Speaker 2: it to my attention when she got home and we

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Speaker 2: talked about how we know that he is attracted to her.

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Speaker 2: Any of these as one offs, whatever, but these are

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Speaker 2: series of events that are the bigger items. He also

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Speaker 2: will show up to random open plays that he sees

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Speaker 2: My wife sign up for He was shocked to see

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Speaker 2: me at an open play with her one day and

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Speaker 2: was taken aback when I went to shake his hand,

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Speaker 2: so much so that my wife said, what did you

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Speaker 2: see a ghost? He has commented multiple times on her

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Speaker 2: Perfumes asked her why her outfit style has changed from

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Speaker 2: tennis skirts to leggings, et cetera. This man is super creepy.

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Speaker 2: I feel like she's also. I mean, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: I might be reading into what we have so far,

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Speaker 2: but it feels like she's kind of uncomfortable with everything

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Speaker 2: that he's doing too. If she's telling ope all of.

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Speaker 1: This, yeah, no, it's one hundred percent exactly, that would

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Speaker 1: make me incredibly uncocked. My friends.

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Speaker 2: And then this guy was like touching my shirt and.

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Speaker 1: What to do? Like, I think I would just like

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Speaker 1: make like nonsense noises and like yelling from now on.

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Speaker 1: He tries like I would have after bringing this one

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Speaker 1: more time, Oh, it really hits the nose. That's uh,

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Speaker 1: she's an animal out all the courts people. Dang, what

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Speaker 1: was I saying, you want to play?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, So I think first clearly, yeah, you're right,

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Speaker 1: you're you're you're bringing this up to your partner. It's

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Speaker 1: like it's clearly an issue. It's like, do you need

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Speaker 1: to tell that guy, like, hey, leave me alone like that.

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Speaker 1: I'm clearly I have a husband, Like I don't like

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Speaker 1: the way that you're advancing upon me.

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Speaker 2: Amy Lymm says, to be a little fair to her.

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Speaker 2: I struggle with being super direct with certain men out

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Speaker 2: of fear of their response, especially when they come on strong.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean I've been in a lot of cases where

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Speaker 2: men have been very touchy, and I don't call them

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Speaker 2: out directly.

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Speaker 1: I just kind of try to avoid them. Do it

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Speaker 1: in that group at pickleball. Just have your husband flirt

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Speaker 1: with him and make it challengers too. Yeah. No, don't

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Speaker 1: make a challenger to this guy this kind of weird.

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Speaker 1: Don't don't make a challengers too with insert guy, Like

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Speaker 1: I swear, just make this guy not like you, because

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Speaker 1: next time he's like, looks so beautiful to they just

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Speaker 1: go like.

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Speaker 2: Like she wants to seem a little bit normal in

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Speaker 2: front of her other friends.

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Speaker 1: No, but then your other friends will be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: are you okay. We'll be like, yeah, no, I'm just

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Speaker 1: taking care of that guy. Don't worry about it. And

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Speaker 1: I'm just getting weird Steve off the court, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, out weird him. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: This morning, after thinking about it, I told her that

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Speaker 2: I felt like he was crossing some lines that I

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Speaker 2: am not comfortable with. And this is starting to become

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Speaker 2: concerning for me. Not because I don't trust her, but because,

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Speaker 2: as a married man who never brings his wife to

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Speaker 2: play or really talk about it, he's comfortable moving around

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Speaker 2: and acting like this, Oh he's married.

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Speaker 1: Oh he's he's married.

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Speaker 2: Wait wait when they went out together and all of

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Speaker 2: his friends were like, we know you have a crush

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Speaker 2: on her.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, he was married. What is wrong? Who were these?

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Speaker 1: What is this friend group? God has a pickleball group.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't stop laughing because I thought of a way

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Speaker 1: to make him stop talking to you forever. You go

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Speaker 1: up to him really excitedly, and you say, I had

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Speaker 1: a dream last night. I ate seventy two pounds of

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Speaker 1: parmesan cheese and I gave birth to a cheese baby.

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Speaker 1: I think that's supposed to be our child.

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Speaker 2: But sometimes sometimes they like the weird stuff.

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Speaker 1: And then if he likes that, you need to go

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Speaker 1: all right. Actually I hate you. I think you're just yes,

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Speaker 1: actually walking back you say doesn't work. If that actually

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Speaker 1: makes him go I'm thinking I'm in love, then you

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Speaker 1: go okay, sorry, I hate you.

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Speaker 2: One time I told a guy that he remind to

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Speaker 2: me and my brother, and he was like.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't I'm nothing like her brother, Like okay,

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Speaker 1: immediately no, no, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then he tried to match with me when

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Speaker 2: I was at the time, I was using hinge and

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Speaker 2: he tried to match with me twice.

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Speaker 1: What's not your brother here? Is weird?

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Speaker 2: Her response was, I just think that he's known me

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Speaker 2: us for three years. If he was planning to try anything,

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Speaker 2: I just feel like he would have tried by now.

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Speaker 2: Three years is quite a slow burn, even if he

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Speaker 2: wanted to be.

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Speaker 1: That calculated man's playing the long game.

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Speaker 2: Dude, he has tried by now.

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Speaker 1: There's no way she's actually unaware of it.

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Speaker 2: I'm confused because he literally has crazy. He's already been

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Speaker 2: making moves to me, he has been trying. He's getting

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Speaker 2: more comfortable, but she seems to think otherwise.

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Speaker 1: To her, he's also been tried. Why are we not

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Speaker 1: being honest about But the thing is like she already

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Speaker 1: agreed with op about this. I think she just doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to do the political the social politic mumbo jumbo.

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Speaker 2: What are your guys' thoughts? And there is an update, folks,

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Speaker 2: But what do you? What does op you do?

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Speaker 1: Well? I think first you need to be like, you know,

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Speaker 1: stop walking on it eggshells around this guy. If you

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Speaker 1: really don't like the way he talks to you, just

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, this is my wife. It's my wife, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or like your at your wife should be like yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm married. Yeah. This is when you talk to me

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Speaker 1: like that weird. You know, you're kind of tiptoe on

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Speaker 1: the line of like are you being friendly or are

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Speaker 1: you being flirty? Just stop doing that? Yeah, stop it?

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Speaker 1: And then if he doesn't stop it, you go, hey,

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Speaker 1: remember that thing we talked about literally, never talk to

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Speaker 1: me again. Now I gave you an inn. I said

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Speaker 1: you can just talk to me like a friend. But

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Speaker 1: you can't do that. So now you're done, done, So

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Speaker 1: again I'm going to scream in pig lad chaw to.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, that's not pig laden. What was that?

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Speaker 2: I just say chaw to watch out cha, but that

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Speaker 2: would be watch it?

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Speaker 1: What is it? Eamscray? I think i'd be scream, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: scram I messed up. I messed up.

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Speaker 2: Wife and I talked about the situation on Friday, voice

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Speaker 2: my concerns and how his actions, while small, are certainly

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Speaker 2: calculated and the moves of someone that's waiting in the

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Speaker 2: wings for us to have a run of crap days

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Speaker 2: which would allow him to be there in her eyes,

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Speaker 2: but also not that I'm worried about her per se,

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Speaker 2: but him if he decides he's not happy with rejection

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Speaker 2: when he decides to be bold. She agreed that she

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Speaker 2: can see where I'm coming from and how his actions

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Speaker 2: are small enough to try and stay close. She also

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Speaker 2: said that the only one that she felt weird about

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Speaker 2: was when he fixed her shirt unprovoked again. She told

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Speaker 2: me how she was uncomfortable causing a scene in the moment.

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Speaker 2: She also said that she's going to be more bold

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Speaker 2: with him when things come up in the future, since

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Speaker 2: keeping the peace while being cold shouldered hasn't really done anything. Okay,

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Speaker 2: well that I think that is relevant information that she's

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Speaker 2: been trying to kind of keep distance, but also because

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Speaker 2: they have mutual friends who they're all playing together with,

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Speaker 2: she's trying to kind of manage.

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Speaker 1: Which is which is true. Like when you find a

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Speaker 1: good pickleball group.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, all of the ladies are jealous of her.

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Speaker 1: She found the people she can be aggressive with. These

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Speaker 1: are just the people who need to be playing. I

258
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Speaker 1: think you just need to hit him with the ball.

259
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:14,560
Speaker 1: That is no good technique.

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00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,520
Speaker 2: You go super hard and you just keep pelting him

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Speaker 2: with the pickleball.

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Speaker 1: That is yeah, that is That is essentially a high

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Speaker 1: level tactic.

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Speaker 2: They had another guy joined the group a few weeks ago,

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Speaker 2: and he was even more bold, and she took care

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Speaker 2: of it like a champ. Guy who's okay.

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Speaker 1: The guy, I'll be the guy who's playing this music.

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Speaker 1: Mine got a problem. Yeah, it's just not a.

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Speaker 2: Good play Okay, well f you.

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Speaker 1: Oh well let's go. If you wanna what.

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Speaker 2: You wouldn't be able to f me in your dreams?

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Speaker 1: Dude, that's flirty? Am I crazy? That's insane? Flirty?

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Speaker 3: That was so flirty depends on the tone, but also yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's flirty.

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Speaker 1: He said, he said, that's a bad playlist, and then

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Speaker 1: he said you are you want to go? And she

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Speaker 1: was never f me even in your dreams. This sounds

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Speaker 1: like a corn parody. I'm sorry. I think that makes

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Speaker 1: any sense. That was weird. It's very corns. That was

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Speaker 1: really weird. That doesn't that wouldn't make sense. No, that

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Speaker 1: didn't make any sense. So he did the moment nothing.

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Speaker 1: I think she was like fu.

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Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, okay, if you want, and

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Speaker 2: she's like, you wouldn't be able to handle.

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Speaker 1: Oh, So he was yeah, I think that's what they're applying.

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Speaker 1: But I I don't know. I don't know about that one.

287
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,439
Speaker 1: That's not really champion behavior. No right there.

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Speaker 2: Guy has been ostracized from the group after the way

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Speaker 2: he's acted. Also, we stay in this group because ninety

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Speaker 2: percent of the group is a good group. There is

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Speaker 2: a core of three to four guys that have their

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Speaker 2: own group chat that are the weirdos. One is openly

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Speaker 2: cheated on his wife. Why are we hanging out with

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Speaker 2: this guy? The other is the guy from above, and

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00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,800
Speaker 2: one or two others. The other fifteen to sixteen folks

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Speaker 2: are great people that know my wife and I very well.

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Speaker 2: In the end, there's just a few bad apples.

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Speaker 1: In the group. Why why are we hanging out with

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00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,960
Speaker 1: bad apples? And there are comments what's up with the

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00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,320
Speaker 1: squad of dudes who cheat on their wives?

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Speaker 2: I know, like, I'm sorry that if I was a

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Speaker 2: challengers challenge on your wife group chat, I'm if I

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00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,840
Speaker 2: was in a group of like ten, Like I have

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Speaker 2: a group of ten friends, actually have a group of

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00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:15,800
Speaker 2: fifteen friends.

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Speaker 1: We get it cool, I've got a lot of it. Wow.

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Speaker 4: If I knew that four of those fifteen people were

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Speaker 4: openly making you know, some of the people in the

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00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:31,600
Speaker 4: group uncomfortable, cheating on their partners just overall kind of suck,

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Speaker 4: I'd be like, let's get them out of the group.

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Speaker 1: Let's not invite them to pick a ball. The butterfly

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00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,920
Speaker 1: efict butterfly effect. How so butterfly effect, You take those

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00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,880
Speaker 1: people out of the group, they start the world where

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Speaker 1: within seven months time, the entire group is dissolved and

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00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 1: a third global conflict has a run. Dude, Wow, you're right.

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Speaker 1: None of that would have happened if you would have

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Speaker 1: just just kept a couple of bad apples in the

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Speaker 1: I mean that's not even look of four bad apples

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Speaker 1: in a group of sixteen, that's a cent sally, a

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Speaker 1: twenty five percent apple being bad rate.

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Speaker 2: Well, she said ninety percent, which bad or he said

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Speaker 2: ninety percent?

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Speaker 1: With that, Yeah, that's not true. Because that's three or four,

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Speaker 1: four out of sixteen, that's twenty five percent. Okay. Also,

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Speaker 1: you can't say like three to four guys. It's either

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Speaker 1: three or four. Yeah, is one of them not bad?

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Speaker 1: Is it only three guys? Sometimes? Sometimes bad? He's in.

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Speaker 1: That's a big difference. You got you have to tell

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Speaker 1: me bad apples instead of four bad apples. That's not

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Speaker 1: twenty five percent bad apples, exactly, it's like less than

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Speaker 1: twenty that's crazy. Comments Comment one.

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Speaker 2: But your group openly joked about this guy having a

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Speaker 2: crush on your.

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00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,360
Speaker 1: Wife, the married guy.

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Speaker 2: I know, right, he wasn't ostracized for his greeper bs.

336
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,320
Speaker 2: He's still around with the group's blessing to keep being

337
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 2: a creep with a crush on your wife, and your

338
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 2: wife still isn't shutting him down. She didn't think twice

339
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 2: about shutting the other guy down. But was that really

340
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:51,600
Speaker 2: a shutdown?

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Speaker 1: Comment two.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like a rather toxic group of people, to be honest. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: picklebull gets shoe talks. I mean like, actually, I've only

344
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 2: played pickleball once and it was at Vidcoon.

345
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Speaker 1: Last year with Sam. Yeah, it's all about that. Oh,

346
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 1: it's all the love of the game code. Are you

347
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: ready if there's pickleball and it's all imdoing the whole time.

348
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,120
Speaker 2: To be clear, it was like on a rooftop and

349
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,600
Speaker 2: there was no one else there. It was just me

350
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 2: and Sam playing pickleball, and then Riley was playing basketball.

351
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 2: I would play pickleball and it was so odd. It

352
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 2: was like ninety five degrees to direct sun. Okay, anyway,

353
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 2: comment to sounds like a rather toxic group of people.

354
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 2: To be honest, This plus the teenage high school crap

355
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 2: with arranging so the guy and your wife sit next

356
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,160
Speaker 2: to each other and openly joking about it. I'm be

357
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,480
Speaker 2: looking for a new club or park to plan. Update two.

358
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Speaker 2: So it's been about a month since this was posted.

359
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,880
Speaker 1: Some things Wait, I'm sorry what I wanted to say?

360
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,520
Speaker 1: What did you want to say? Should we not be

361
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 1: telling the wives of these people? Yes, we should be.

362
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 1: They've been cheated on absolutely if it's like literally, if

363
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 1: you've been secret group lore, if you've.

364
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 2: Met the wives at least once one time and you

365
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 2: know they're actively cheating on them. After I made this post,

366
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 2: I sat down with my wife and we had a

367
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,360
Speaker 2: very conducive conversation. After talking to me and her best

368
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,439
Speaker 2: friend as well as sourcing out to chatchebutie. She agreed

369
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 2: that he was in fact being forward and was physically

370
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,040
Speaker 2: and likely emotionally interested in her. She agreed to start

371
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,359
Speaker 2: being more dismissive and firm with his comments, actions, et cetera,

372
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 2: in hopes of sending a message while also keeping the

373
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Speaker 2: peace within the group. You've ever seen a lead balloon fly? Yes,

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00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,960
Speaker 2: that's about how the situation went. Over the course of

375
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 2: the next few weeks. She did exactly what she said

376
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,359
Speaker 2: she was going to do. He would make a comment,

377
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,239
Speaker 2: and then she would be a little more crass and

378
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 2: dry in her response. Well, I believe he got the message,

379
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 2: but to him, that message was, oh, she's playing harder

380
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 2: to get first incident, they listened to music when they

381
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 2: play pickleball on the outdoor courts. The song Me and

382
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,399
Speaker 2: Missus Jones by Billy Paul came on, song about adultery.

383
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,640
Speaker 2: As the song ended, several games ended as well. As

384
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 2: they were sorting out partners. The problem guy says, come on,

385
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 2: missus insert wife's name. He nor anyone in the group

386
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,880
Speaker 2: has ever called her by her last name. It has

387
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 2: always been a first name basis. She said, not sure

388
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: what made you call me over like that? But that's

389
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 2: reserved for business meetings and the hours between nine and five.

390
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 2: He kind of tucked his tail and went about his day.

391
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:18,399
Speaker 1: Like, Okay, we're fully ignoring this man's every word and

392
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:23,159
Speaker 1: his presence, Like I just not even on non existence.

393
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 1: I'm not even talking to him. Why, like A who

394
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,040
Speaker 1: said that? Did any want to hear anything? Yeah? I

395
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,439
Speaker 1: didn't hear anything. Didn't hear his hearing? I thought I

396
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,399
Speaker 1: almost heard something.

397
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,360
Speaker 2: Must have been the wind or a pickle ball. Second incident,

398
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 2: on a different day, as they were leaving the entire

399
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 2: group was walking out to the parking lot, he told

400
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 2: her to hold on. I have something to give you.

401
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 2: She waits. Why no, Yeah, you're saying I don't want that.

402
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, I can't. I'm busy give it to someone else,

403
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 1: But more so because.

404
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,160
Speaker 2: She was talking with one of the group members about work,

405
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 2: same profession. He comes back and hands her cologne. I

406
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 2: know you like your perfumes and cologne. I got this

407
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 2: in sample box and figured you might like it. It

408
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 2: was obviously used because it was half empty.

409
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 1: Did this cornball really just give her like half of

410
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,120
Speaker 1: cologne that he uses? So weird? As like a, well,

411
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,399
Speaker 1: do she'll have sent memory of me?

412
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: Well also if she you know, if maybe his stupid

413
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,919
Speaker 2: plan is that she wears it and then op is like,

414
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,199
Speaker 2: are you hanging out with another man? You smell like

415
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 2: someone else? I just and then he's like, you smell

416
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 2: like that guy at the court. Maybe that's his dastardly plan.

417
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 1: Like I just want everyone to know, like you can

418
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: tell people to like get out of your face and

419
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 1: like leave you alone, and like you can you can

420
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 1: be mean, you know, like in a situation that warrants it,

421
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,400
Speaker 1: like this guy who's like harassing you and just won't

422
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 1: leave you alone. I will say you can do that.

423
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 2: I don't think she's the a hole for like these responses,

424
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 2: because I do understand being very uncomfortable and having a

425
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 2: person who's like kind of in the group and you

426
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: don't really know how to respond to that. However, I

427
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: would encourage her to go to the other people in

428
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 2: that group and saying this person is making me very comfortable,

429
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 2: and then if they.

430
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 1: Don't do anything, then you know that you don't want

431
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 1: to hang out with those people. You know, I don't

432
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 1: know about that. You don't know about well, I don't

433
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,640
Speaker 1: know if it's the entire and again this goes into

434
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,840
Speaker 1: why this is, like why people will just put up

435
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: with this, because then it goes into like the group

436
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 1: politics and stuff and like all of that social bs.

437
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 1: But like, I don't think it's the job of everyone

438
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: else in the group to like wrangle in this one

439
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,679
Speaker 1: guy's behavior, Like I think, I think, I mean, no,

440
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 1: you can tell people like, hey, has anyone else had

441
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: an issue with this guy, but like the whole group

442
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,920
Speaker 1: shouldn't be like, hey, guy, like you need to change it.

443
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,479
Speaker 2: I mean more so instead of them confronting, let's not

444
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 2: invite him, you know, Like I feel like that's more

445
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 2: of the solution.

446
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, well, yeah, because that's yeah, just putting

447
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: it out there, like, hey, if anyone else doesn't like

448
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 1: this guy, I certainly don't. Yeah, but I think definitely

449
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 1: because this guy's problem is if he just stopped behaving

450
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 1: like this with her, yeah there would be no issue.

451
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 1: But he keeps acting like he's like which is why

452
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 1: I think keeps being a flirty man.

453
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,360
Speaker 2: If she feels like she can't directly confront him, then

454
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 2: I think getting other people in the group on her

455
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 2: side would be easier. She simply replied, thanks, not my speed,

456
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 2: but I'll see if my husband use my name likes

457
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 2: it for himself.

458
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: She said.

459
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 2: His body language shifted noticeably, and he then said, I

460
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 2: also have this. You should try it, and he handed

461
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: her a foreign bottled beverage. She again said, oh, thanks,

462
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,919
Speaker 2: I'll be sure to try it with my husband use

463
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 2: my name again, a noticeable change in body language. He

464
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,479
Speaker 2: then responds, I think maybe I've gotten too comfortable as

465
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 2: a husband, to which my wife responded, I mean, do

466
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 2: you need to speak it into existence or what? He

467
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 2: simply said, Maybe I need to reassess my actions.

468
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 3: This man is going through plan ABCD anything that didn't work.

469
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 2: My wife simply responded, if you feel that way, you

470
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 2: probably need to trust your gut. Did he just have

471
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 2: like a aha moment?

472
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: What just happened? I'm so confused? Was that really him

473
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 1: being like, wait, what are my Valuesay? Wait a minute,

474
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,640
Speaker 1: hold on, you don't you keep mentioning your husband? Maybe

475
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,360
Speaker 1: I should think about my wife. Oh crap, I'm one

476
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 1: of those Oh you're not my wife. I've just been

477
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: confused this.

478
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 2: Whole time until I thought you were my wife legit spirally.

479
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's like wait a minute, she's been rejecting

480
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,719
Speaker 2: all of my advances. Maybe I should direct some of

481
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 2: that to my wife. Final incidents Tuesday, my wife gets

482
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 2: home from playing and is acting weird. I ask her

483
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 2: what's wrong, and she says nothing. Are we gonna really

484
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: play this game? What did he try today? Well, he

485
00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 2: wasn't there. He called me in the middle of my workday,

486
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,639
Speaker 2: like nine thirty this morning. That is not the middle

487
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,879
Speaker 2: of your workday. Yeah, that's like the start unless she

488
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 2: works at five.

489
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 1: She doesn't. You don't know that, I do. How do

490
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 1: you know that? Do you stuck her? Because we've already

491
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: done this ninety percent? Nuhuh? What ninety percent that we

492
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: already had the anyway, I don't want to get into it.

493
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 1: It's fine.

494
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: I don't want to get in now. I know it

495
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 2: works schedule me. Oh her.

496
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

497
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 2: At first he was just talking about how he's having

498
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 2: marriage problems and things aren't well at home. Then how

499
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 2: one of his buddies in the group called him and

500
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 2: asked him why he seems so attached to me at

501
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 2: pickleball and is always following me around like a puppy

502
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 2: as a married man. Then out of nowhere, he blurts out,

503
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 2: I just need to say that I'm not a cheater,

504
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 2: and I just told him. I'm not sure where all

505
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: this is coming from or what this is all about,

506
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 2: but this is incredibly inappropriate. I'm happily married and I'm

507
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 2: zero emotional and physical attraction to you. I value the

508
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: friendship that we have had, but that's all we ever

509
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 2: were slash r.

510
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 1: She said.

511
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: The total conversation was around twenty minutes that consisted of

512
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,679
Speaker 2: him sounding overall confused and conflicted.

513
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: See now that was not the right response to me

514
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 1: being like blah blah blah. But I still value your friend.

515
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 1: You should be like, hey, so I'm just gonna say

516
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: you need to leave me alone. Yeah, don't call me

517
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 1: with these thoughts. Don't call me, don't text me with

518
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: don't come me these kinds of ideas. You're clearly going

519
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: through something and you should work it out with a professional.

520
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 1: Don't talk to me about this kind of stuff ever. Again.

521
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: I told her that he was essentially wanting her to

522
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 2: bare her heart as well and validate the emotions he

523
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 2: was having so that he didn't feel guilty for having

524
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 2: the feelings and emotions that he was having for her.

525
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 2: She is still playing with the group because he's only

526
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 2: one of like twenty five to thirty people within the group.

527
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: The numbers have changed, it was sixteen before. Well, pickleball

528
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: is the fastest growing sport. What is this?

529
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: However, she plans to create more distance between them during

530
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,479
Speaker 2: days they are both at the courts.

531
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: Why are we at? Why is the energy that this

532
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: is like impossible? Like you can just go to a

533
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: place that this guy's at and literally look right through

534
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: him like he's made out of glass. Yeah, we don't

535
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 1: have to entertain a single thing, he said. We can

536
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 1: literally just ignore him. And if people in the group

537
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 1: start going, hey, what's what's up with OPI and the

538
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: problem guy, like they seem to be having problems, then

539
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: you can go, yeah, we're having problems because he keeps

540
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 1: flirting with me even now we're both married.

541
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 2: She's also of the same mind that if he tries

542
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 2: anything else or falls back into old habits, that it

543
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 2: will be time for me to step in and more

544
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 2: or less assert my opinion on the matter with him.

545
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: There is a third update. I hope they're playing a

546
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 1: new sport. Yeah, I hope they're just playing like botchy ball,

547
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 1: water polo, well, okay, I do.

548
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 2: Want to say I understand that, you know, maybe it

549
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 2: would be more effective if she was more aggressive about it,

550
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 2: you know, and said certain things. But I do also

551
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 2: understand the frustration of wanting to just play a game

552
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 2: and you have this weird, creepy man who won't stop

553
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 2: flirting with you, and you try and give him hints

554
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,439
Speaker 2: in a nice way. Doesn't work, so you try and

555
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 2: be more direct. Doesn't work.

556
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: Here's mine. I'm like, he still keeps coming. My perspective

557
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: on that is like it's like a debt and like

558
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 1: you can either like pay it in like little chunks,

559
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: like you have a discomfort or an uncomfortable debt to

560
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: pay because this guy is annoying you and is like

561
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: flirting with you, and at some point it's gonna get uncomfortable.

562
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 1: There's gonna be a confrontation. You neither like parse that

563
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: out over a long period of time like has been

564
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,439
Speaker 1: going on, which is Kyle over and over and over

565
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: and where you can just do that lump some leave.

566
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: We'd no, like I do think that then you it's over. Yeah,

567
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: that's not I mean I don't know if I would

568
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: do either. Like it's all contextual I'm just saying, like,

569
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty discomfort. It's like you have those

570
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: two different ways of going about it. I definitely think

571
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: it would be effective, but I do think it's hard

572
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: to do. It's I think people just think it's harder

573
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: than it really is. You can really just like this

574
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 1: guy keeps flirting with you, you just walk up, Hey, literally,

575
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: you flirt with me like that one more time and

576
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: I'm done speaking to you.

577
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 2: I think that's hard to do for people, though, but

578
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: it's it's just hard until you say it, yeah, and

579
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 2: then it's like, oh, it's done. But I know, I

580
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 2: think a lot of things that people think are hard

581
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 2: to do are maybe easier once you actually.

582
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 1: Like everyone thinks riding a bike is hard before they've

583
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 1: done it exactly, but it's still hard.

584
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 2: It feels hard to do, you know, yeah, but you

585
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 2: can still do it. You just have fundamentally different mindset.

586
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: Sometimes you need to just you need to confront something.

587
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 2: It's hard to do for some people who have trouble

588
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 2: with confrontation. Yeah, but there is a third update.

589
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 1: Just because things are hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do them.

590
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: I agree.

591
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 2: Update three. This has been roughly a two and a

592
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: half to three month ordeal. So had a huge talk

593
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 2: with my wife over the weekend. We talked last week

594
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 2: about how this was affecting her mentally. A lot of

595
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 2: these emotions stemmed from the mess that her and I

596
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 2: went through due to my RJ and the judgment that

597
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 2: I was placing on her due to that. Did he

598
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 2: explain what RJ is? Due to my RJ? Due to

599
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 2: my RJ, my renal juice to you and the judgment

600
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 2: that I was placing on her due to that and

601
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 2: some meds my psych put me on that amplified a

602
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: lot of the emotion, which, in her words, inevitably caused

603
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: her to put walls up around me because she didn't

604
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 2: feel like at the moment that she could be open

605
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 2: and real with me because I really wasn't me during

606
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 2: that time. Fast forward to this weekend. You basically was

607
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 2: like I was hat in a very our time navigating this.

608
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 2: For a few reasons, I hate that what started as

609
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: a very solid friendship was spoiled by his feelings. He

610
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: really was a close friend that shared a lot of

611
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 2: my paints as a child. So I felt seen in

612
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 2: a different way than I have ever been seen, which

613
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 2: ultimately turned into being seen as more than a friend,

614
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 2: and I didn't realize it because I was being naive

615
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: about the situation because of what we had going on

616
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 2: at home between us. I didn't want it to be

617
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 2: true as much as you were telling me it was. However,

618
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 2: some of what you said really stuck with me and

619
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 2: kind of made me open my eyes to the situation.

620
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 2: When you said so, when you told him that males

621
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: and females can be friends as long as one isn't

622
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 2: attracted to the other, why is it suddenly okay now?

623
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: When you said that, it kind of slapped me in

624
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 2: the face and told me to wake up. Because you

625
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 2: were right. I set a boundary and I allowed him

626
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 2: to test it and prove that it wasn't true. Then

627
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 2: you also said that this has gone out of hand.

628
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 2: It's like you're sitting on the couch every night when

629
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 2: you get home because you're so worried about losing his friendship.

630
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 2: It prevents us from mending our relationship. His friendship is

631
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: taking priority over our marriage. Who are trying to patch

632
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 2: two holes on a sinking ship, but you're patching the

633
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 2: one that ultimately is above water in comparison to the

634
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 2: other one that is actually sinking the ship. It was

635
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 2: at that moment that I realized what I was doing

636
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 2: and where this was sending us. With all of that said,

637
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 2: the way that you handled all of this without getting mad,

638
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 2: without judging me for my emotions surrounding this, just handling

639
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 2: it in the way you did, brought down the walls

640
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: I had put up over the last few months. It

641
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 2: more or less signaled to me that you were back

642
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: and that I was safe to be open and honest

643
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 2: with you with this, and there wasn't going to be

644
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,239
Speaker 2: some kind of judgment on the back end of this.

645
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 2: And that was all from OPI's way. That's I think

646
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 2: that's a very very reasonable and well thought out answer.

647
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: It feels like she is kind of sat with her

648
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 2: feeling an emotion and I think taken.

649
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: Up, well, there was some context there we had no

650
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: I well, clearly like the we shared childhood traumas and

651
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: like confided in each other, like okay, so like it

652
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: wasn't just like some creepy guy who crush on you.

653
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: It is a friend, right who got a crush on

654
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 2: her and then she was trying. So I think that

655
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 2: does explain why there's like a friend that she cared

656
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 2: for and you know, valued who got this crush on

657
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 2: her and she was trying to save the friendship, which I.

658
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: Think should make it even easier to be direct about it,

659
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: because you just go to this guy, you'd be like, dude,

660
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: you're talking to me like I'm your wife. Do you

661
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: realize that what are we doing here? Stop it? Why

662
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: are you acting? You've got one? It's not me one

663
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: of those, So what are we doing? It says it's John,

664
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: your og host here. We're gonna get back to the stories,

665
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: but he's a quick three minute break of asprom our sponsors.

666
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 2: We of course talked more, but that was the gist

667
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 2: of it. By the way, this is that you can

668
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 2: listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Just

669
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 2: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search up. Okay,

670
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 2: straight time. There is a little bit left do this story.

671
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: But do you have any final thoughts because it feels

672
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: like they, I don't know, get in front of the stuff. Yeah,

673
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: I feel like if you just get in front of stuff,

674
00:30:58,520 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: it's a lot easier to do.

675
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 2: I also appreciate that Ope didn't I mean, she said

676
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 2: it too, but he didn't like to approach this conversation

677
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 2: with like accusing.

678
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: Her of anything.

679
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: It was really just saying, hey, I don't know your

680
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 2: feeling about this. This is how I see the situation,

681
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 2: and this is how it's making me feel, and like

682
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 2: if you could address this, that would be great. And

683
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: even when it like was going on for a minute,

684
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 2: it was never like, hey, you're doing something, You're cheating

685
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: on me.

686
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: It was like, hey, please address it. Yeah.

687
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 2: I think that really helped her not feel so defensive,

688
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 2: because I think a lot of times we have stories

689
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 2: where a partner gets defensive.

690
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: There's oh my god, what do I do? Squeeze? No, wheeze,

691
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: wheeze harder, caught a moth in her hand? What do

692
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: I do? You squeeze it? Oh? I don't want to

693
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: have mothcuts? Can I open a door? Moth cuts? Can

694
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: someone open a door? Just let it go?

695
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 2: He caught it, ah, l it it's gone, it's not

696
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 2: dead anyway, let's finish the story off. I ultimately feel

697
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 2: like we have navigated this challenge to our relationship at

698
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 2: this point. Time will tell, of course, but over the

699
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 2: last few days lash week, we have felt normalcy settling

700
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: back into our relationship.

701
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: No advice needed, but always welcomed.

702
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 2: If anyone has navigated this type of situation before comment one,

703
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 2: it seems like there are a lot of missing details.

704
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 1: In your first post.

705
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 2: The situation is being framed as a friend pushing boundaries

706
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 2: and it being a very one sided issue, with your

707
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 2: wife not shutting it down firmly. However, in this post,

708
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: you're describing an emotional affair, or at the very least

709
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 2: the beginning of one. What I did not get that

710
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 2: from this post. They're just saying that because it was

711
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 2: like the trauma thing, we confided in each other. Yeah, oh,

712
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 2: I can't confide to your friends.

713
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: No, no, mine and multiple people.

714
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 2: There is a classic cheater blame shifting going on. You

715
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 2: were emotionally unavailable and that's why she didn't shut it down. Wow,

716
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 2: really reading into nothing there. I also not really seeing

717
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: a resolution to the primary issue here. You confronted her again,

718
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 2: she blamed you, but finally acknowledge. Yeah, this looks fishy.

719
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 2: But you don't say whether anything has or we'll be

720
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: done about the friend. Does she agreed to stop playing

721
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 2: with them or the group? We already know that she's

722
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 2: gonna keep playing with the group. Oh, she said you'll

723
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: shut it down now we already know that she said that.

724
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 2: Or are YouTube just gonna rugsweep this and hope it

725
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 2: goes away. Did he even read the last update? This

726
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 2: guy did not read that last update. Oh p downvoted

727
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 2: nineteen times. To be fair, there are some missing details.

728
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: Back in January, after eight years of marriage seventeen together,

729
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: it came out that she was not honest about the

730
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: number of Spicy related partners she had prior to us

731
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 2: getting together. Nothing exponential, but more than disclosed, and chose

732
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: not to disclose them because they were ons.

733
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: One night stands. Oh wow, I got that one one

734
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 1: night stanzas well. Then there weren't really part of that. That

735
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 1: was definitely a guy that she had done something with. Huh.

736
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 2: Thus sent me into a Someone said something.

737
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: It was something jealousy, reactive retroactive jealousy, attroactive jealousy.

738
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 2: No day was down I think more sure, Yeah, I

739
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: think it was down more jealousy, something jealousy.

740
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 1: Where is like, girl, I don't know. I'm thinking that

741
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: you've been with more than one person. I'm jenus retroactive jealousy.

742
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 2: Retroactive jealousy, which ultimately landed be in therapy, trying to

743
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 2: sort up my issues that I was facing withholding. This

744
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 2: was one hundred percent at the beginning of an emotional affair,

745
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 2: and that's part of the dirty details that we have

746
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:15,879
Speaker 2: discussed that.

747
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't outline in this.

748
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 2: The resolution is that she's one hundred percent on board

749
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 2: to shut down, slash out anything he says or tries.

750
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 2: I'm not going to force her to stop playing with

751
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 2: that group as long as we can keep this intact.

752
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 2: He's also going to start to navigate away from the

753
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 2: areas he's at on the court when they are playing.

754
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 2: At the same time, having her stop playing with the

755
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,839
Speaker 2: group means she has to stop playing at the most

756
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 2: active court in our area. It was discussed, but ultimately

757
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,800
Speaker 2: isn't the most conducive option. I have one thought about

758
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 2: the one night stand thing. That's not unless he said,

759
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 2: like what's your body count? That's not like partners, Like

760
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a different question.

761
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 1: Could be demantic. Yeah, I don't know, Like if you

762
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: I don't know.

763
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 2: I feel like if you're saying, like, oh, how many

764
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 2: partners have you had, you wouldn't say like how many

765
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 2: people that you've been on like two dates with?

766
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: Sorry, I just you just reminded me of that. Have

767
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: you seen the movie Phenomenon with no John Dravolta, No,

768
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: you just I can't really explain it. I'm not gonna

769
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: spoil whatever. It's shut up.

770
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 2: But yeah, I feel like that's I'm just wondering if

771
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: she actually lied or if he just found out that

772
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: she had hooked up with more people than he thought.

773
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: You know, That's what I'm wondering. This is why you

774
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,959
Speaker 1: should never play pickleball. That's the moral of this story.

775
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: Pickleball is going to ruin your marriage and everyone's marriage

776
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,399
Speaker 1: ever played pickleball? Other thought.

777
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 2: Now he's confirming that it was an emotional Well, I

778
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 2: don't understand like it was an emotional I was raising

779
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 2: a little bit of an eyebrough at the end where

780
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: it's like she's being like, well, now I feel like

781
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 2: you're back, and it's.

782
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 1: Like, where did he go? Where did you go? Did

783
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: he he left? So yeah, that does make me go like, well,

784
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: that does sound like she's trying to make like now

785
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: it's there's an excuse for something, which an excuse because

786
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 1: you didn't do anything. It was that other guy. Yeah,

787
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: I guess unless you were just entertaining it the whole time.

788
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 2: Maybe because she said that she was like talking about

789
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:04,399
Speaker 2: trauma with this guy.

790
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even care about like anything

791
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: in this story other than like if i'm op, I'm like,

792
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 1: is my wife comfortable playing pickleball? Yeah? And it's like,

793
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,480
Speaker 1: if this guy makes you uncomfortable, let's deal, make it known,

794
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: make a problem, be problematic. And I got a lot

795
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: of comments being like, you know, women can't confront men

796
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: because it's you know, scary, it can be potentially physical,

797
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 1: and it's like fair in a group pickle there's fi

798
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: people in the group.

799
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's like the after you know here

800
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 2: that they might come after.

801
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: Self defense items.

802
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 3: It's true number one words, Yes, the pen is mightier

803
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:44,760
Speaker 3: than the sword.

804
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 1: But folks, that's the end of that story. And we've

805
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: got another one. My husband and i's bedroom life disappeared,

806
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: so I gave him an ultimatum, where'd it go? Bringett

807
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: a wee. Before I get into this, I want to

808
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: stress I know something is definitely wrong with my relationship.

809
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: I just have no idea how to approach it or

810
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: what to do at this point. By the way, this

811
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: comes from user whiskey tea fox Shot and if you

812
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

813
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 1: slashowcase storytime subburd it. My husband and I started dating

814
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 1: six years ago and we were married for the last

815
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: three years. We had a very active, spassive sleep life.

816
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: When we were first dating, we'd have some weekends where

817
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 1: we were basically living in the bed three terms a day. Dang,

818
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: no more, dang, you has not have a job. About

819
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: a year and a half into the relationship, he asked

820
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 1: me to move in together and we got engaged shortly after.

821
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: Once we were engaged, a spase sleep life screeched to

822
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: an immediate halt. I kept bringing it up, and he

823
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 1: would say he thinks it's because we both moved from

824
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 1: drafty houses into a high end apartment that we'd be

825
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: snuggled all the time for warmth, which would lead to

826
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: the spicy times. But I also noticed if I tried

827
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,320
Speaker 1: to send him many spicy messages and make flirting comments,

828
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: he would change the subject pretty quickly. I chalked that

829
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: up to the wedding nerd and we got married. No,

830
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: don't chalk things up to wedding nerves.

831
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 2: Have conversations, Yeah, and then if he says, oh, it's

832
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,439
Speaker 2: just wedding nerves, you got an answer. But let's let's

833
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: have those conversations.

834
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. We had a three week honeymoon in the Caribbean

835
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 1: where we did nothing but lounge around with each other

836
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: pretty much, even though I tried to initiate a few times.

837
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 1: We didn't have the spice to sleep at all on

838
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 1: our honeymoon. We should your pretty ditch your bread flank.

839
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 2: If we're going from three times a day to nothing,

840
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 2: you're red flak. You gotta have a convo. You gotta

841
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 2: have a convo, girl.

842
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: When we got back, I threw on some aspicylree and

843
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: tried to surprise him when he came home, and he

844
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 1: burst out laughing.

845
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 2: Ooh, no, no, what are we doing?

846
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: No? No, bad, oh god, ooh. At that point I

847
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: flipped out and pointed out that something is obviously wrong

848
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 1: and that this is too soon in a marriage for

849
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,760
Speaker 1: something like this to happen. He said that the wedding

850
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 1: was really stressful for him and he needed to unwind.

851
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,240
Speaker 1: At this point, one of my friends mentioned something seemed

852
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: different about my husband. None of them are in the

853
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: loop as to everything going on after this, continuing the

854
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 1: same way. I brought it up again and he said

855
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: that the truth is that he feels trapped in the

856
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: apartment with me. We both went from living in houses

857
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 1: to living in a one bedroom together. That seemed fair enough,

858
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: and we bought a house together. This did not change

859
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 1: our situation in terms of the bedroom. Why is he lying?

860
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm so confused. What is that you didn't have to marry?

861
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: Do we live in an apartment. It's like, because we

862
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: live in.

863
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 2: The same room and now I'm dropped, and so they

864
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 2: got a house and presumably different bedrooms. Babe, here's the truth.

865
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: We don't have any south facing window, so I just don't.

866
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 1: I don't really feel bit energized enough to do anything

867
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 1: with you throughout the day.

868
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: The house is just a little drafty man. Babe, here's

869
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 2: the truth. The floor, it's not hardwood.

870
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: The esthetics in this house are not at a place

871
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 1: that makes me want to make babies with you.

872
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,760
Speaker 2: The crown molding, babe, terrible.

873
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no joke. I can. Okay, So this did

874
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: not change our situation in terms of the bedroom. But

875
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: since we keep money separate, which I do not recommend,

876
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 1: I have student loans and houses are expensive. I picked

877
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: up a second job, bartending three nights a week to

878
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: make sure I wasn't stretching my money too thin. Then

879
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: the excuse became you're never home. He started getting angrier

880
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 1: and angrier about me never being home, even when I

881
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,959
Speaker 1: pointed out all the time I was actually at home.

882
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's something else going on here, and he's trying

883
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 2: to make it your fault.

884
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: Do you have a secret gay husband?

885
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: Like I think he just was seeing someone else done?

886
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 1: Oh, secret cheating husband? Yeah, yeah, there's a secret tunnel.

887
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: And should we do a poll? Is it secret cheating husband?

888
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: A secret gay husband?

889
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 2: I just think slightly Shosa sounds like he'shiding his true sexuality.

890
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 2: I don't know about that, because she said that they

891
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 2: had a year of not to say that someone's you know,

892
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 2: identity is fluid. But I do think that that would

893
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: be well, no, I don't know how much sense it

894
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 2: would make after literally a year of him seeming pretty

895
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 2: into it. But of course he could have seen to

896
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 2: himself and then realized that that wasn't who he was.

897
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:08,280
Speaker 1: So that is a story like that the other day,

898
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: That is totally possible. It is fluid. My money's on gaycation.

899
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 2: I think I'm just gonna go with a plain old

900
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,439
Speaker 2: cheating and it could well could be either or this.

901
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: Is a man I'm goingacation.

902
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 3: I'm going the embarrassed route because miss Jaybert's said something

903
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 3: about being embarrassed. But like we don't know exactly, but

904
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 3: I think he's embarrassed of.

905
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: Something like about himself, something like something something, Yeah, something

906
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 1: you're going to So if he was going to cheat

907
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 1: a route, you're going the His speciality is speciality, yes

908
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: oo slightly. Toad says that it's because it's like the

909
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: marriage was the finish line. Now he doesn't fake it

910
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 1: any but he.

911
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 2: Was faking it when they got engaged.

912
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like I don't know, going from three times

913
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 1: a day to I mean, I get it, not like

914
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 1: you can slow your role, but like it seems like

915
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: it's non existent.

916
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 2: Now yeah, interesting, Let's see if we can find out.

917
00:41:56,840 --> 00:42:00,879
Speaker 1: Let's find out. Okay, all right, okay.

918
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: Oo Nana Lisa Cherila says std.

919
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: Oh or he got right underneath it. He got injured

920
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: and now has the ED. He is the ED. He

921
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: is ed, which yep, he's ed. Boy, now, oh boy,

922
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 1: I want this secret gay husband though. Let's go. I

923
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,919
Speaker 1: went out with my friends less frequently to make sure

924
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: I was around and available, but all that did was,

925
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: you know, my social life, and not boost our relationship. Ben.

926
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: It started getting worse. I would get home from my

927
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: bartending shift and he'd start yelling at me. It usually

928
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 1: started with you're never home, but it was pretty erratic.

929
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 1: He'd switch subjects and things he was angry about switched

930
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: pretty quickly, but he would also say some really hurtful things,

931
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,919
Speaker 1: such as, I'm not attracted to you. If you want

932
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: to have spicy sleep, go f someone else. I kind

933
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: of fell into marrying you. It was the path we

934
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: were already on, and I felt like I couldn't do

935
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: anything to stop it. You have the personality of a

936
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 1: five year old. What adult tears up at an effing puppy?

937
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That's a man who's like,

938
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: please divorce me, divorce me. I'm screaming at you to

939
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: divorce me.

940
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 2: He just told you, He literally told you what he's like,

941
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 2: and then he started saying things like he wasn't attracted

942
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 2: to me, and he just felt like he had to

943
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 2: marry me.

944
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: What does that mean?

945
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 2: It means that you should divorce him. He's just admitted

946
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 2: to you that it just felt like he should have

947
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: been freaking married to you, and that's why he did it,

948
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 2: not because he was actually in love with you.

949
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyway, let's get into the rest of this story.

950
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: Let me be clear, I do not want to be

951
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 1: with someone uninterested in being with me. But whenever I'd

952
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: bring it up the next day, he'd act like I

953
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: was exaggerating the fight and what he said and say,

954
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 1: of course those things aren't true and that he loved

955
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 1: me very much. What just on that alone, I'm like,

956
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,879
Speaker 1: and I'm still gone. I am still ay.

957
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 2: If you're using those comments during an argument, then.

958
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 1: We can't be married. Yeah.

959
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 2: If you're using I'm not attracted to you as appointed

960
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,359
Speaker 2: an argument, even if it's a.

961
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: Lie, bye bye bye. If I told him I thought

962
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 1: he didn't love me in the romantic way, it usually

963
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: brought him to tears and just a side note that

964
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,440
Speaker 1: I've been in shape since the start of our relationship

965
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: and that hasn't changed. I didn't know whether or not

966
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: to believe him. In my experience, people tend to accidentally

967
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 1: say what they really mean when they're angry. So I

968
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: took these things to heart and became really, really sad.

969
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: I was randomly bursting into tears throughout the day, but

970
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: whenever I brought up how I felt, he insisted I

971
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: had to trust what he said about being interested in

972
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: me and attracted to me and wanting to be married

973
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: to me. I ended up seeing a counselor for a

974
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 1: bunch of sessions. She helped me feel attractive again, like

975
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: I deserve to be treated well and that my expectations

976
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 1: of someone that I'm pretty recently married to aren't unreasonable

977
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: at all, which made me feel more empowered to take

978
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: action and leave him and leave him right. I think

979
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 1: we're getting there. Okay, she's working up to it. He

980
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: started recording him yelling at me, so you have the evidence, yeah,

981
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: food back, and then I collected a few and then

982
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,720
Speaker 1: played them for him during the day, and he actually

983
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,319
Speaker 1: looked genuinely shocked. He said it seemed like he was

984
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: saying things just to hurt me, and that he didn't

985
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: mean anything he said, but he also didn't remember saying

986
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 1: any of them.

987
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 2: Okay, either he's lying or he has a medical issue.

988
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 1: Yeah go, If that's true, you need to go immediately.

989
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:26,839
Speaker 1: To the emergency room.

990
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 2: If anyone ever says you show them a video of

991
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 2: them yelling at you and they.

992
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 1: Said, I don't remember saying any of that.

993
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 2: Take them say okay, then we're going to the doctor. Yeah,

994
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: we're getting you medically checked out because.

995
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: You are brain tumor. Skate's time for ood is scanopolis.

996
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:44,399
Speaker 1: And then if he goes, oh, no, no, I don't

997
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: need that, and then you go, oh, so you're lying

998
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: to me. So it's John og Host. We're gonna get

999
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 1: back to the stories. Put a quick three minute break

1000
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors. He said he was committed

1001
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 1: to fixing this for the future, and he said he

1002
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: and he started counseling. So then he took me out

1003
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: on a super date of sorts, nothing really fancy, but

1004
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 1: all the things I like to do, and it was

1005
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 1: a really fun, exciting night. All of a sudden at

1006
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:08,279
Speaker 1: the bar, he went from smiling to angry in a

1007
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 1: matter of seconds. He snapped at me about something. I

1008
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: insisted we go home, and he spent the rest of

1009
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 1: the evening yelling at me.

1010
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: Dude, I think this man like actually as like mental healthish.

1011
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:20,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like that's not that's not normal.

1012
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: That's not normal, Like he's got a problem.

1013
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 1: Is he drinking? Was he drinking the other times he

1014
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,879
Speaker 1: was mad at you question? It seems like you got

1015
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 1: to the bar and then he immediately started doing all

1016
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 1: that stuff that he's been doing. So is he drinking?

1017
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: Renie says.

1018
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 2: Schizophrenia and bipolar also manifest in twenties and thirties. I

1019
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 2: feel like that I am now convinced that this is

1020
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 2: some sort of like mental health thing because this is

1021
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:42,439
Speaker 2: not normal. Behave.

1022
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that doesn't make any saying I don't remember doing that.

1023
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be really concerning.

1024
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 1: I mean, that'd be such a bold faced lie. If

1025
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: it was a lie, I think you would never even

1026
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: try to say that, especially when you have video proof. Yeah,

1027
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: I'd be like, officer, I don't know who that is

1028
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: on video stealing that car. That's it's not me. It's like, sir,

1029
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: we arrested you in this vehicle. I remember that. I

1030
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: don't remember that. I don't remember that. So the next

1031
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 1: day I said I thought we needed a divorce. He

1032
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: begged me to try couples counseling instead. I told him

1033
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,280
Speaker 1: that whatever was happening was an issue he was having,

1034
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 1: and that he needed to figure that out before I'd

1035
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: even be interested in counseling. I drove over to the

1036
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 1: bar I work at for a few hours, not working.

1037
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 1: I just needed to get out and told a person

1038
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,879
Speaker 1: I don't know very well what was going on, and

1039
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 1: she suggested that he has an adverse reaction to booze,

1040
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: which was your thought? I mean, yeah, I mean I

1041
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: don't know about adverse reaction. I just was thinking like

1042
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 1: that when he drinks, does he just turn into a

1043
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: piece of an unfun guy? Like it doesn't explain the

1044
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 1: not sleeping with her, Yeah, and like not remembering. When

1045
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 1: I came back, my husband presented the same theory about himself.

1046
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: He said he thinks he has a really adverse reaction

1047
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: to booze and shouldn't drink anymore. I didn't really think

1048
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: he'd stop, but he stopped cold turkey, and it hasn't

1049
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,280
Speaker 1: started again since. Fast forward to now. Our spices sleep

1050
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 1: life hasn't changed at all, and he's almost euphoric about

1051
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,840
Speaker 1: not drinking. He's cheerful and he's very kind to me,

1052
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 1: but nothing at all has changed about our spicy sleep life.

1053
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: I brought up couples counseling again and he said he

1054
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: didn't think we need it because of how much better

1055
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,879
Speaker 1: he's doing now that he isn't drinking anymore. I don't

1056
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: want to ruin his recovery by pushing hard on the

1057
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 1: fact that things are still not good. He insists he's

1058
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,279
Speaker 1: attracted to me and loves me. I don't know if

1059
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: I should trust him when he says that, and I

1060
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 1: feel stupid for even thinking that maybe I should trust

1061
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: that he actually feels that way. I do know he

1062
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: feels affectionate towards me generally, but we really feel like

1063
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 1: roommates who are best friends. And that's probably why I've

1064
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,239
Speaker 1: put up with all of this, because when it comes

1065
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: down to it, we get along really, really well. I

1066
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: just don't know what my next step should be or

1067
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: what I should even be feeling about this. Sometimes I think, well,

1068
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 1: if everything else is fine, why spicy sleep so important?

1069
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 2: Because it's important to you, It's an important part of

1070
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 2: your relationship for you, and if that's like something that

1071
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 2: you want in your relationship, then you're allowed to ask

1072
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 2: for that.

1073
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I did.

1074
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 2: And if he's like I never want to have spices

1075
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 2: sleep again, that's his own prerogative.

1076
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: He's also allowed to say that. But then you guys,

1077
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 1: aren't you guys don't work together? Did he scoundrel? This

1078
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 1: kept lasted? No, that's like it. No one's allowed to

1079
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,919
Speaker 1: do that. One person gets to do it per year.

1080
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,760
Speaker 1: That's it. Don't act like you don't know the rules.

1081
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 1: We all play the lottery for the same reason. That's

1082
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: why they call it the genetic lottery. Just being able

1083
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 1: to do.

1084
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: That, dude, that's like a dystopian We should write it, Yeah,

1085
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:31,280
Speaker 2: the lottery, except instead.

1086
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: Of doning death by a snoop snoop. Sometimes I think,

1087
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 1: why is that even important? But it really is important

1088
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:40,760
Speaker 1: to me. Plus, I feel like he might be hiding

1089
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 1: all these feelings about me. Then again, he seems so

1090
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,879
Speaker 1: genuinely shocked by hearing himself say all those mean things

1091
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 1: about me. Could there be something else going on with him? Well,

1092
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 1: if my theory is true and he's secretly gay us,

1093
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 1: I think if he can play the secret to himself,

1094
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: he's going to be really good at playing the secret

1095
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 1: to you.

1096
00:49:57,840 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 2: I think there's a big chance that he might be ace.

1097
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe like he just like realized he

1098
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I'm not interested in and she's already married.

1099
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: To me, so now we don't have to do that.

1100
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,959
Speaker 1: He settled. He settled. He's like, I'm yeah, I'm good,

1101
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 1: are you? Is this is the ride now? I'm just

1102
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 1: taking it easy.

1103
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like he's not even thinking about like that

1104
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: being an important thing.

1105
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 1: Day buddy hung up the spurs, in which case, you

1106
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 1: guys aren't aren't a good match. Edit. I should actually

1107
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: emphasize it isn't just spicy sleep. If I go in

1108
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: for a kiss, he pulls back, so it's just a

1109
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: pet tells me he doesn't really like kissing and doesn't

1110
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 1: understand the appeal. Yeah, this man is a update. Seriously,

1111
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: thanks so much. After reading all these comments, I'm going

1112
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: to give him an ultimatum. I'm going to tell him

1113
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 1: that there is definitely something wrong and that he has

1114
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: to go get his hormones checked and see a psychiatrist.

1115
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: After that, we're going to a couple's counselor to talk

1116
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: about the things he has said about me. And if

1117
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: it isn't tied to a hormone thing, the spastest sleep.

1118
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,799
Speaker 2: But if he's saying I don't even I've like if

1119
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 2: he's like, you should ask him like, have you never

1120
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 2: liked kissing. Have you just like always thought that was

1121
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:02,960
Speaker 2: kind of bad and you just did it because I

1122
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 2: was into it?

1123
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: Like you should ask him that, Yeah, did you hate

1124
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 1: kissing when we were mixing our fluids all the time?

1125
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 1: That did that? Also grossed me? I hate that I

1126
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: didn't get out. I didn't like that get out.

1127
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: But yeah, this person says ace, it sounds like I

1128
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 2: think that we read a lot of stories where a

1129
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 2: person like thinks like, oh, they have to do this,

1130
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 2: and then they get into a relationship where they get

1131
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 2: married and they're like, oh, well, now I don't have

1132
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 2: to because I'm already like locked this person down, or

1133
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 2: or they just think I don't know, like the they

1134
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 2: just no longer feel the need to pretend.

1135
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: That they're into it.

1136
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 2: But yeah, I definitely have a conversation about that, and

1137
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 2: see if girl, his feelings have changed.

1138
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: Leave him. Why don't we even talk? I have a

1139
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 1: conversation with him about it. If somebody ever says that

1140
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 1: to you, leave, well, no, but I'm not attracted to you.

1141
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 1: I don't think this. I don't think that you don't

1142
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 1: remember saying that. That's crazy. You should go to a

1143
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: doctor figure out why you said that. But I'm gonna leave.

1144
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: I think you don't absolutely like me.

1145
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 2: However, I do think I do think just having a

1146
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:04,320
Speaker 2: conversation because they were married is helpful.

1147
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:06,880
Speaker 1: They've done that, They've done it and done it and

1148
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 1: done it, and it's still not fixed. He still is

1149
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 1: not physically attracted teaching.

1150
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:13,800
Speaker 2: I do think that they should not be together because

1151
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:17,320
Speaker 2: clearly they have different, you know, thoughts and feelings about

1152
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 2: what they want in a marriage. Say buddy, I I

1153
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 2: shuly the best conversation regardless, okay, and the underlying issue,

1154
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 2: and then we'll explore either moving forward or divorce.

1155
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: If he's unwilling to do that, we start the divorce process.

1156
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 1: There's an update from two years later. I hope you

1157
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: just saved all that time and money and you just

1158
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,760
Speaker 1: freaking left this guy. Yeah. I know my original post

1159
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: is so old, but the biggest update only recently happened.

1160
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: My therapist suggested I post about it here to help

1161
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: sort out how I feel right now, and also as

1162
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,800
Speaker 1: a warning to other people. I feel like I've grown

1163
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 1: so much in the last few years, and maybe I'm

1164
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 1: a bit less naive or maybe a bit more bitter.

1165
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 1: However you'd like to put it through interacting with the comments.

1166
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 1: I came up with an ultimatum, I would give my home.

1167
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 1: He needed to get medically tested, he sees someone psychologically

1168
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,479
Speaker 1: and couples counseling. I decided ahead of time that he'd

1169
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 1: have to do the legwork for this. I had already

1170
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: done so much legwork for this relationship, and I wanted

1171
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: to make sure I didn't hold his hand through this either.

1172
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 1: He took it surprisingly well for what the conversation was.

1173
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: There were tears on both sides, but he agreed that yes,

1174
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: he would be willing to do these things for the

1175
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: sake of the relationship. And then days passed and a

1176
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 1: week past I finally brought it up again and it

1177
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,439
Speaker 1: caused a minor fight where he told me he needed

1178
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 1: to do this sort of stuff on his own time. Okay,

1179
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: come on, but we already no, we've already done this

1180
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: because this isn't about your time, it's about our time.

1181
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 1: And this is literally you proving yeah, that you're prioritizing this.

1182
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 1: The thing is that he can.

1183
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: Have, you know, that period of self discovery, but it

1184
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be with you. You can say, yeah, okay,

1185
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 2: you need that time to figure out yourself.

1186
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you have that time. We're gonna go

1187
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 1: separate ways.

1188
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't need to wait for him or

1189
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 3: whoever is in the situation. You know, sometimes it's better

1190
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 3: to let them go and let them and figure it

1191
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:02,360
Speaker 3: out on themselves rather than, you know, put yourself on

1192
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 3: a shelf and like, no, it'll happened, it'll get fixed. No,

1193
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 3: it's not fair to you. Yeah, dude, read what are

1194
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 3: you Wheezy?

1195
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: From Toy Story two. I'll take the suit put up

1196
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 1: on that shelf. Cle you waiting for gado. A few

1197
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 1: more weeks passed and I realized that he didn't care

1198
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: enough to do something about this. It was a hard

1199
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 1: thing to realize, but it was as clear as day.

1200
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 1: I headed over to a friend's house to talk things out,

1201
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 1: clear my head and come up with a plan for divorce.

1202
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 2: Liner is, you've had your conversation. As I said, you've

1203
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 2: realized nothing is going to chain, and now it's time

1204
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 2: to leave.

1205
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 1: There you go. I drove home in a few minutes

1206
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 1: before I arrived, I got a phone call that his

1207
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:45,759
Speaker 1: sister was in a coma and passing away. No, well

1208
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 1: that's a curveball, no, but terrible curveball. No, I booked

1209
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 1: him tickets to go see her. She passed away a

1210
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:56,840
Speaker 1: few hours after he saw her. Dang, she left behind

1211
00:54:56,880 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: two teens girls. Ah, who we you were now partially

1212
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 1: responsible for?

1213
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 2: That is I mean awful in general, but such terrible timing.

1214
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 2: Lego Pie is now obviously gonna feel obligated to stay

1215
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:11,799
Speaker 2: with this guy.

1216
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: Oh hikes, this is awful. I don't know what you

1217
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 1: did in your past life to deserve this situation. Nice man,

1218
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 1: that's what a mess. So I pushed my pain down

1219
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:25,440
Speaker 1: and decided to be the best aunt I can be

1220
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,399
Speaker 1: to these two girls. I also got myself a dog

1221
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,879
Speaker 1: best decision ever in this situation to keep my own

1222
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 1: spirits up. I worked really hard at this and felt

1223
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 1: like my husband and I were getting closer in the process,

1224
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 1: where recently I started realizing that everything we were doing

1225
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 1: for the girls was initiated through me and not him,

1226
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: so I started paying more attention. He was getting annoyed

1227
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: at me making a big deal over surprise care packages

1228
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 1: their schools suggested we send in and other things like that.

1229
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: I was starting to resent that he wasn't caring for

1230
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: his nieces in the same way than I was on

1231
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 1: the youngest niece's graduation day. I asked him if he

1232
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 1: thought the other parents there would be getting flowers for

1233
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: the graduates and if that's something we should do, And

1234
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: this is when he totally lost it me. It was

1235
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 1: a string that started with him yelling about how I

1236
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,120
Speaker 1: get too concerned about these sorts of things and ended

1237
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 1: with a rand about how I buy too many crackers

1238
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,480
Speaker 1: when company comes over for dinner.

1239
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 2: This man is not mental issues, and please leave. Also,

1240
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:24,440
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if like these these young girls have graduated

1241
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 2: like high school, if they're eighteen. Because if they're eighteen,

1242
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 2: because I think she said that when the youngest graduated,

1243
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 2: if they're eighteen, leave him. They can still hang out

1244
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 2: with you now they can make their own decisions. Leave.

1245
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 1: Indeed, by many crackers company comes over, How am I

1246
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 1: supposed to keep my rage contained? Yeah? This started changing

1247
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 1: the lens I was looking at him through again. Also

1248
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 1: at this point I felt like my nieces had launched

1249
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:50,360
Speaker 1: into the world with lives of their own. Yeah. I

1250
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,319
Speaker 1: started re seeing the eye rolls when I talked, the

1251
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: cutting remarks about my intelligence, Oh and the utter lack

1252
00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 1: of spicy sleep. So I started talking to people. I

1253
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 1: started seeing a therapist and together we all came up

1254
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,439
Speaker 1: with a plan to discuss everything with him, probably ending

1255
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 1: in divorce, though I never took that as a definite

1256
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 1: take the divorce. Do not want a divorce.

1257
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 2: I'm so confused. I'm so confused. It's been so long.

1258
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 2: It's been so long, like dealing with this of being

1259
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 2: like I want to divorce him, and then not divorcing him.

1260
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like we have like a scheme and

1261
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 1: a plot and a plan, and their friends involve.

1262
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 2: I told you that he's not attracted to you and

1263
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 2: he doesn't love you.

1264
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 1: You have that on video. Go look at the video.

1265
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 2: If you need to show the video to judge. Get

1266
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 2: a divorce.

1267
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: We need to go more Ernest Hemingway style with our

1268
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: writing there, right, we need to get straight, cut to

1269
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 1: the point, immediately, no fluff. You're writing like, ah, help,

1270
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 1: English major Lord of the Ring, who's a flowery author

1271
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: who writes with a lot of Jared Tolkien. Yeah, what

1272
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 1: is this the Silmarillion? Yeah, you're writing the Silmarillion. You

1273
00:57:56,840 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 1: should be writing a one page poem. Yeah, exactly, Thanks, Sophia.

1274
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 1: You always need an English major in your life to

1275
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: help you, Ali, yupa literary reference, isn't that right? Graduated

1276
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 1: from Oxford.

1277
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 2: Yep in Harvard Medical School Oxford.

1278
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: You need to create the conglomeration of all of yours

1279
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 1: yrvox yar of Oxford al yarverfar there you go? Okay okay.

1280
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: I decided we had a different view of what a

1281
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 1: relationship and marriage should be. My plan was to present

1282
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 1: that to him calmly and let him give his opinion

1283
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 1: of how he sees things. I had a work trip,

1284
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: so I took the time to recoup. I went on

1285
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 1: a long hike, and even though I'm not really religious,

1286
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: I prayed the whole dang time about this. So when

1287
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 1: I got home, in the calmest and most even tempered

1288
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 1: way I could, I explained the situation as I saw

1289
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 1: it and asked for his feedback. What do you mean?

1290
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: I thought? You said? Why to keep my friend? And

1291
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 1: I rehashed what would happen if he cried and begged

1292
00:58:57,480 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 1: for a chance to change, or what to do or

1293
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: wrap where to go if he got really angry? But

1294
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 1: nothing prepared me for his reaction. What did he have?

1295
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 1: Like Confettian streamers? And he was like yeay through a parade.

1296
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 1: He agreed with me. He said that everything felt forced

1297
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: to him and that this wasn't a natural relationship. That

1298
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 1: he married me because that was the path he was on,

1299
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 1: and since he wasn't planning on having kids, it's not

1300
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 1: like that mattered all that much. Remember when he told

1301
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 1: you all of this. Believe him the first time he

1302
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 1: told you that. He tolls you this. Remember when he

1303
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 1: told you this two years ago. In fact, he prefers

1304
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 1: being alone generally. Oh dangs, he schizoid affected. That's crazy.

1305
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: He then finished by asking if I thought we could

1306
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 1: get couples counseling. I calmly said that, given what he

1307
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: just said, I didn't think that was an option. He

1308
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 1: immediately started trying to talk next steps, who gets what,

1309
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 1: et cetera. He brought up that he could probably technically

1310
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 1: fight for alimony, but that he wouldn't and he said

1311
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:51,919
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't fight for my dog if I don't

1312
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: fight to go after his separate finances. I think this

1313
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: was the most painful in the moment reaction I could

1314
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 1: have had from him. I told him I would give

1315
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 1: him some space that night, so I drove to my

1316
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 1: friend's house and cried my eyes out him not fighting.

1317
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,439
Speaker 1: It is ultimately better for the long run. But it's

1318
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: really hard to realize that you're a husband of five

1319
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,400
Speaker 1: years and partner for eight never really loved or cared

1320
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 1: for you five.

1321
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 2: I didn't realized you were together for five I thought

1322
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,280
Speaker 2: it had been two years, at least three five.

1323
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 1: He told you like three years ago that he was

1324
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: he didn't love you. Opikin says, I should have listened

1325
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,479
Speaker 1: to my gut all You should have listened to him. Yeah,

1326
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,360
Speaker 1: he didn't need to listen to your gut because he

1327
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: told it, like very clearly told you. Well, I hope

1328
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 1: we've all learned that valuable lesson today. I thought you

1329
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 1: were going in. No, just the valuable lesson that when

1330
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 1: your partner is like I literally want nothing to do

1331
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,800
Speaker 1: with you, don't stay with them for another two to

1332
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 1: three years. Nope, even if they say I don't even remember, say, well,

1333
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 1: you said it to me buddy till I'm gone. Should

1334
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 1: have listened to my gut all along. And by the way,

1335
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 1: you can listen to full episodes with stories just like

1336
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:59,919
Speaker 1: this on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

1337
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 1: to podcasts. All you have to do is search. Okay,

1338
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 1: story time, and then you have access to over two

1339
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 1: thousand episodes.

1340
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,520
Speaker 2: And we have a little bit left to this episode.

1341
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 2: Let's just finish her off.

1342
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had that talk last night. I'm currently sitting

1343
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: in a coffee shop typing all of this out. I'm

1344
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 1: a relatively attractive person, Okay, humble brag, and I channeled

1345
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:22,240
Speaker 1: my frustrations over the last few years into lifting and

1346
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 1: working out almost every day, so I'm hopeful when it

1347
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 1: comes to love in the future. Oh he's just so buff.

1348
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm so ready for love. Yeah, tear someone's

1349
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: heart in half like a phone book. I don't really

1350
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 1: know what my next step is, so I might drive

1351
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 1: to my brothers. I might look for a storage facility.

1352
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:41,840
Speaker 1: It's a bit overwhelming to think about. Overall, I'm so

1353
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: grateful this is happening now, and then I won't be

1354
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 1: looking back at my life when I'm eighty five, disappointed

1355
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 1: that it never really started. I have my life in

1356
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 1: front of me and it's a big, scary place. But

1357
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,400
Speaker 1: after I finished crying my eyes out, it's one step

1358
01:01:53,440 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 1: in front of the other, and thank you everyone for

1359
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 1: all your help, And that is the end. Of that story. Oui.

1360
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 2: It's also the end of this episode, so if you

1361
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:04,560
Speaker 2: love us, make sure you subscribe.

1362
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,400
Speaker 1: We love you and see them Aro