Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow from New York City,
Speaker 1: the only city in America gets the show the intended news.
Speaker 1: He's The Daily Show with your host, John Michael Jamo. Fuck.
Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm John Legoijambo and as
Speaker 1: a New Yorker and a big fan of this show,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to be here hosting this week, and
Speaker 1: I'm especially glad to be hosting during Hispanic Heritage Month.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, that was moronic. Come on, it's
Speaker 1: not Hispanic Heritage Month. That's in September. Come on, that
Speaker 1: was a test, y'all. Oh my god, I have a
Speaker 1: lot to teach y'all this week. But never mind, we
Speaker 1: got a great show for y'all tonight. So let's get
Speaker 1: into the headlines. Okay, let's kick things off with Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: That's right, the man so bad at sex he pays
Speaker 1: people not to talk about it. Yep, we're still all
Speaker 1: waiting for the cops to arrest him for lying about
Speaker 1: his affair with a point Start. But until then, he's
Speaker 1: continuing his presidential campaign and staying focused on the important
Speaker 1: issues like lying about his affair with the point start.
Speaker 1: Former President Trump used his first official campaign rally in Wago,
Speaker 1: Texas to denounce the legal threats against him. People see
Speaker 1: it's bullshit, and they go and they say it's unfair.
Speaker 1: The District Attorney of New York, under the auspices and
Speaker 1: direction of the Department of Injustice in Washington, DC, was
Speaker 1: investigating me for something that is not a crime, not
Speaker 1: a mystere mean, not an affair. I never liked horse face.
Speaker 1: I never liked I know, it's just not that's terrible thing.
Speaker 1: That wouldn't be the one. There is no one. We
Speaker 1: have a great first lady, Wow, wow, nice saved bro.
Speaker 1: You could actually see his brain try to turn the
Speaker 1: car around and his mouth was driving. I didn't have
Speaker 1: an affair, and I've never had an affair, and I'm
Speaker 1: actually I actually never had sex because you know, I'm
Speaker 1: a virgin and the best and biggest virgin ever. By
Speaker 1: the way, I do the worst Trump impersonation. I suck
Speaker 1: at doing Trump, but yeah. Over the weekend, Trump kicked
Speaker 1: off his twenty twenty four campaign in Waco, Texas. I
Speaker 1: love that Trump's running for office and from the law
Speaker 1: at the same time. How great is that He's gonna
Speaker 1: be the first presidential candidate who's gonna be giving speeches
Speaker 1: from his getaway car. Oh yeah, my fellow Americans, you've
Speaker 1: got a low lead in fleshhead. We got to get
Speaker 1: a handle on China and most galling. You have to
Speaker 1: crack down a crime. You're never turn me alive your page. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think my Trump depersonation is getting better, don't you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just being nice. I know I love him, all right,
Speaker 1: let's move on to international news. Two weeks ago, the
Speaker 1: French government raised the retirement age from sixty two to
Speaker 1: sixty four, setting off a wave of sometimes at violent protests.
Speaker 1: And while the protests definitely focus attention on the issue,
Speaker 1: at this point, they've been going on for so long
Speaker 1: that they've become part of the how do you say
Speaker 1: the ambiance? Take a look at this viral video from France.
Speaker 1: Diners in the city of Bordeaux, unfazed by demonstrators protesting
Speaker 1: against recent changes to the retirement age. Even with a
Speaker 1: raging fire nearby, these people are still managing to enjoy
Speaker 1: their wine in conversation at an outdoor cafe. Man, these
Speaker 1: people are so chill. I won't even sitting next to
Speaker 1: the bathroom in a restaurant like that, and they're getting
Speaker 1: a table next to a riot. But hey, the French
Speaker 1: aren't going to let a little fire get in the
Speaker 1: way of having an affair with another man's wife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but while you're French and you're offended, could begin. But
Speaker 1: I guess I'm not surprised. If you want to scare
Speaker 1: the French, you've got to do something really terrible, like
Speaker 1: put wine in a box. What is this, hardspis? I said, horse,
Speaker 1: not horse. Okay, just okay, Yeah, I'm not getting canceled
Speaker 1: because of y'all. All right. The only unacceptable seat in
Speaker 1: a French cafe is sitting next to American tourists. I
Speaker 1: demand another table. They all the California and Bougelas I'd
Speaker 1: rather sit in. You know, I hope that couple's not
Speaker 1: on their first day because that's gonna be hard to top.
Speaker 1: Imagine in five years, she's gonna be like, you never
Speaker 1: take me to violent protests anymail. All right, now, let's
Speaker 1: move on to another story. When I first started talking
Speaker 1: with people about guest hosting the Daily Show, I said,
Speaker 1: you know, what I really want to do is spot
Speaker 1: like some great latinos American society. And I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: because because I think it's so important to use my
Speaker 1: position to uplift la rasa, you know, boto. So so
Speaker 1: let's spend the wheel and see who our first subject
Speaker 1: is going to be. Wow. Yeah, no, no, it's well
Speaker 1: George Santo's God help me. Well, well, you know, you
Speaker 1: know what, to be fair, we can't really take blame
Speaker 1: for this guy because we don't even know if he's
Speaker 1: really Latino or not. Okay, oh right, so what do
Speaker 1: you do now? Congressman George Santo struck a deal with
Speaker 1: prosecutors in Brazil to settle a charge that he defrauded
Speaker 1: a shop clerk out of thirteen hundred dollars worth of
Speaker 1: clothing and shoes. Under the deal, Santos will formally confess
Speaker 1: to the two thousand and eight crime and pay damages
Speaker 1: to the victim. Lawyer for Santos requested the deal in
Speaker 1: lieu of a trial, arguing that Santos is now gainfully
Speaker 1: employed and resocialized. Those are his words. In twenty ten,
Speaker 1: the congressman told police that he wrote bad checks from
Speaker 1: a check folk that he stole from an elderly man
Speaker 1: who his mother was caring for in order to purchase
Speaker 1: the items. Wow. What a gigantic ass, which I know
Speaker 1: Brazilians are usually into, but not like this. Oh that
Speaker 1: offends you? Come on in the way. You have to
Speaker 1: respect Santos though a lot of Republicans just want to
Speaker 1: end social security. But Santos has the balls to take
Speaker 1: an old man's wallet directly from his pocket. He actually
Speaker 1: stole from an elderly man his mother was caring for.
Speaker 1: And that's on top of stealing from a homeless veteran's
Speaker 1: dying dog. Is there no atom? Is there nothing too
Speaker 1: low for this guy? George Thompson sees a Make a
Speaker 1: Wish kid and he says he's, oh, that's a jackpot.
Speaker 1: And finally, let's chick it on Florida because you know
Speaker 1: they're at it again. Oh yeah. Last week, a principle
Speaker 1: was forced to resign after parents complained that a sixth
Speaker 1: grade teacher showed a pornographic photo of Michelangelo's David. Like,
Speaker 1: I know you're saying to yourselves, how is this controversial?
Speaker 1: It's Michelangelo for crying out love. But this is Florida,
Speaker 1: and Florida Floridian parents there are like, I don't care
Speaker 1: which ninja turtle carved it. You guys are shark. You
Speaker 1: guys are shark. Do you know how backward you seem
Speaker 1: when people in the fifteen hundreds seem more progressive said
Speaker 1: than you. Medieval people's idea of medicine was drilling a
Speaker 1: hole in your skull and pumping it full of mercury.
Speaker 1: And Floridians, Floridians are going, these guys are just too
Speaker 1: sophisticated for us, you know. And the David is a problem.
Speaker 1: They're really going to have a problem with the Venus
Speaker 1: de Milo. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Not because of the breast,
Speaker 1: but because, if you know your art history, she originally
Speaker 1: had two dicks for arms. Obviously, you people are art historians. Looking.
Speaker 1: If they're going to ban any biblical figure, it should
Speaker 1: really clearly be Jesus. I mean, look at him in
Speaker 1: that boy pose hanging on the cross. Okay, I'm sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: excuse me one minute. Please, Oh bless me, Father, for
Speaker 1: I have sinned. I called Jesus a but I know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna rod in hell. But the writers made me
Speaker 1: do it. I swear, I swear is the writers all right?
Speaker 1: For more on this story, if you go live to Florence, Italy,
Speaker 1: where Ronnie Chang is standing in front of the job. Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean hit in front of David, who, from the
Speaker 1: looks of things, just got out of a cold shower.
Speaker 1: I mean, I knew people in the past wal smaller,
Speaker 1: but god damn, I mean, even if you're justice pets
Speaker 1: for inflation, is still a little underwhelming, all right. I mean,
Speaker 1: look at that. His his balls are longer than his dick.
Speaker 1: I've never seen a guy that can tidy for himself
Speaker 1: with his own nuts. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, come on, come on, man,
Speaker 1: We're here to talk about education, not body shame of
Speaker 1: biblical figure. Are you telling me this isn't small? Come on, man,
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, I don't know. I thought that
Speaker 1: was pretty big, all right, medium at least? Oh yeah, yeah, John,
Speaker 1: this is medium. Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure. This
Speaker 1: is why they invented the telescope during a Renaissance, so
Speaker 1: they could see this dude's dick. Ronnie, Ronnie. This is
Speaker 1: one of the most iconic works of all time. It's
Speaker 1: the Michael Jordan of nudes. Everyone thinks it's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, because every guy who sees it is thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: thank god, I got thot doing too bad. I mean,
Speaker 1: this statue is a huge confidence booster. Bro, Bro, you
Speaker 1: gotta stop focusing on the day. Come on, don't you
Speaker 1: think it's messed up that you can't even show a
Speaker 1: statue in Florida schools? Now? No, it's wife Florida rocks
Speaker 1: refused to be cultured in any way. Books, band, renaissance,
Speaker 1: art band, reruns of Queer Eye Band. Basically, if you
Speaker 1: can't shoot it or drive a monster truck over it,
Speaker 1: Florida thinks is gay and therefore a band. Don't you
Speaker 1: think this is bad for the kids. I mean they've
Speaker 1: lost their great opportunity to be inspired by art. Are
Speaker 1: you kidding me? John? Florida kids have the greatest opportunity
Speaker 1: right now. If your school board it's so stupid that
Speaker 1: they think the statue of David is pornographic, you get
Speaker 1: convinced that anything is inappropriate. Yo, Florida kids, tell your
Speaker 1: parents that Algebras too woke? All right, mob. This number
Speaker 1: also identifies as a letter identified ass a letter, So
Speaker 1: it's the same with chemistry. Just tell your parents you
Speaker 1: found all that oxygen is made out the same adams
Speaker 1: bonded together, so every time you'll breathe, it's gay chemistry band. Ronnie,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on, that's gonna backfire on those kids.
Speaker 1: Come on, they're not gonna graduate without knowing anything. Oh
Speaker 1: they won't know anything. Oh, don't worry. They can always
Speaker 1: get a job on the Florida school Board. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you, Ronnie chatting everybody? All right, when we come back,
Speaker 1: I'll show you my worst audition tape. So don't go away, y'all.
Speaker 1: Welcome for the Daily Show. Yo. I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: host this week. And as I always say, it's such
Speaker 1: an honor to be a voice for Latinos on TV
Speaker 1: and film. But as I also always say, I wish
Speaker 1: the honor wasn't so rare. Hollywood still struggling with representation
Speaker 1: on screen. According to a twenty twenty study by the
Speaker 1: usc Adenburger Inclusion Initiative, Latino performers appearing in only five
Speaker 1: percent of speaking roles in twenty nineteen's top one hundred
Speaker 1: movies despite being eighteen percent of the total US population.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I mean it's crazy. Latinos are almost
Speaker 1: twenty percent of the country, but we're barely represented in
Speaker 1: film and television, especially since every movie last year took
Speaker 1: place in the multiverse. Come on, you're telling me there
Speaker 1: ain't one to mentioned that's in the heights more. And
Speaker 1: then when there is a good Latino role, it's going
Speaker 1: to people like James Franco. Well, guess what if white
Speaker 1: people can take our roles, I'm gonna take theirs. That's right.
Speaker 1: When they do the TV series based on Gwyneth Paltrow's
Speaker 1: ski accident trial, I'm gonna be Goingneth Paltrow, he hit me.
Speaker 1: He hit me so hard he knocked the egg right
Speaker 1: out of my vagina. Try not to visualize that. Please.
Speaker 1: The truth is, I myself have faced this type of discrimination.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't tell you how many times in
Speaker 1: my career I've been told at auditions that I sound
Speaker 1: to Latino, not Latino enough, that Latinos don't want to
Speaker 1: watch all Latino's, all sorts of madness. Sometimes I wish
Speaker 1: I could put all those casting directors and executives into
Speaker 1: one room and bring you guys in with me, just
Speaker 1: to hear the kind of shit that I've been told. Luckily,
Speaker 1: it turns out the Daily Show has the technology to
Speaker 1: do just that. And you're gonna be all right, I
Speaker 1: promise you. And see that was quite spectacular, John, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much, thank you, thank you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I'm impressed. You're very articulate. Oh yeah, and no accent
Speaker 1: full sentences. Huh, John, I almost forgot you're not white.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, me too, me too. And can you imagine
Speaker 1: if you were white, superstar alert, you'd be one of
Speaker 1: the big white guys like Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Tom
Speaker 1: Hardy Spitball. Have you thought of changing your name to
Speaker 1: Tom Tom like Wasazama? Oh yeah? Or how about a
Speaker 1: Tom leg with Tom would do a double Tom thing?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know. I like that, Hey Tom
Speaker 1: Tom mash or something. If you do a little more Latin, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but but also also less Latin, So waiting more or
Speaker 1: less Latin exactly? Just do what you did in a
Speaker 1: George Lopez show. I'm not I'm not on your doorge
Speaker 1: Lopa show, or I try I might be thinking of
Speaker 1: George Lopez. It's don't understand what you mean by do
Speaker 1: it less Latin. Well, John, Latin people don't want to
Speaker 1: see Latin people. They want to see white people, white
Speaker 1: people named Tom. Well, you know how there's Hot Saltza
Speaker 1: and Mile Sauza. Will people want to catch him. Well
Speaker 1: it speaking of anybody you want to hit? Oh? Hell yeah,
Speaker 1: chucked me? Got you all? That's ficy? What's in the tomato?
Speaker 1: All right? Right about this from the top, and this
Speaker 1: time John can do us a version that's a little more.
Speaker 1: You know, Street aren't playing a doctor, a Latin doctor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but who's not Latin? Oh but hold this, Panna just
Speaker 1: in case. Oh you're welcome. Hey, what the hell's wrong
Speaker 1: with you? Guys dom saying hey, hey, wait wait jo
Speaker 1: is loco? All right, all right, stay tuned because when
Speaker 1: we come back, my homegirl, the outspoken Anna Navar will
Speaker 1: be joining me on the show. So don't go away,
Speaker 1: by y'all. Welcome back to The Daily Show, my guest
Speaker 1: tonight as an Emmy nominated co host of The View.
Speaker 1: She's also a CNN political commentator and one of the
Speaker 1: most badass latina's walking this planet. Please welcome Anna Navarro.
Speaker 1: Do you because you're gonna look at that a Latina,
Speaker 1: guess and the Latino host to the people at So
Speaker 1: people at home, you're not watching only be shown. It's okay,
Speaker 1: it's still a Daily Show. Listen. Part of me wants
Speaker 1: you're not to emphasize that because I'm afraid immigration might
Speaker 1: show up at any moment. Yeah, and then again, and
Speaker 1: then I remember Donald Trump's no longer president. We ain't
Speaker 1: getting deported, right. I love as you start right out
Speaker 1: of you go out it right out of the gate.
Speaker 1: I love that about your Listen. It's only taken ten
Speaker 1: hosts for them to have a Latino host who's PLC.
Speaker 1: I wasn't luntin. I'm really happy that I'm here, and
Speaker 1: I always I'm always grateful to you because you do.
Speaker 1: You are so consistent. You've been consistent your entire life
Speaker 1: and l elevating voices. I thank you, thank you. Listen,
Speaker 1: it's taken ten. Let's not up. Yeah, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to start. There's no way we can look at
Speaker 1: this great audience that we got here. Yeah. They love
Speaker 1: it when you toss it to them. They just work
Speaker 1: to themselves on camera anyway. You know, Republicans are so
Speaker 1: good at coming after latinos. I mean they go to
Speaker 1: our WhatsApp, they go to our Spanish stations. They throw
Speaker 1: in the trigger words like a socialism and authoritarianism. Why
Speaker 1: are the Democrats falling behind? What? Why? Why are the
Speaker 1: Democrats not coming after us. Listen. I think first of all,
Speaker 1: they take it for granted, right. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people thought, you know, they're not gonna vote for
Speaker 1: Donald Trump. They I mean, that's the alternative that they're
Speaker 1: going to vote for the Democrats. And that's not the
Speaker 1: way to do it. Also, people need to understand, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how long we have to say this,
Speaker 1: you can't show up six weeks before an election, and
Speaker 1: you have to show up. And this is the same
Speaker 1: for African Americans, for Latinos, for any group put into
Speaker 1: the group, show up at the last minute and expected
Speaker 1: dat them and they have to fight hard against this socialism,
Speaker 1: communism type of label. I remember Joe Biden getting asked
Speaker 1: at a town hall BC town hall. I remember him
Speaker 1: getting asked, you know, your opponent, Donald Trump says that
Speaker 1: you're a socialist? Are you a socialist? And he laughed,
Speaker 1: He laughed, and he said, do I look like a socialist?
Speaker 1: Now I get where he's coming here. Right. If somebody
Speaker 1: said to me, Anna, you know, are you a Martian?
Speaker 1: I would laugh too. But we need more than laughter.
Speaker 1: We need him to come back with it. We need
Speaker 1: him to fight back. You know what we need him
Speaker 1: to say, we need him to say. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you what socialists do. They attack the free press, They
Speaker 1: attack political opponents, attack private businesses. Guess who's doing that
Speaker 1: in America today? Right? Right? Right? See, gee, you know
Speaker 1: what's happening. You know what, you know what time it is.
Speaker 1: That's why I love talking to you, because you know
Speaker 1: what is going on. Um. Also, how we get divided
Speaker 1: sometimes Latino people get divided? Is it us doing it?
Speaker 1: Is it them doing it to us? I mean Nicaragan's Cubans, Columbians,
Speaker 1: Puerto Ricans. Aren't we stronger together and better together? It's
Speaker 1: like I don't we know how to do math? Listen
Speaker 1: by themselves. Cubans are three and a half percent, right,
Speaker 1: Mexican Americans are eleven percent together. And guess what if
Speaker 1: we build alliances with other groups like African Americans, we
Speaker 1: are unstoppable. Black and brown together, man, Black and brown
Speaker 1: together was so strong together. Why aren't we getting together?
Speaker 1: The Black Caucus, the Latino Caucus in DC? We also
Speaker 1: need the gay call us because we need to accessorize.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but we You know what we need to
Speaker 1: understand as different communities is that we can't fall victim
Speaker 1: we can't fall prey to Let's compete for the same
Speaker 1: small piece of pie. No, damn it, Give me a
Speaker 1: bigger piece of pie so that we can eat. And
Speaker 1: we need to understand that we rise upwards together. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's too easy to pit us against each too easy,
Speaker 1: and we have to and not only we have a problem,
Speaker 1: because not only the problem is that we get focused
Speaker 1: on Uh did they cross the border? Did the border
Speaker 1: cross us? Were they political refugees or are they economic refugees?
Speaker 1: Were they rich before the revolution in Cuba Venezuela and
Speaker 1: the Karawa, or that they come here because they were poor?
Speaker 1: Who cares? There's much I know, John, Yeah. The people
Speaker 1: who hate you, the people who hate me, don't care, Papa.
Speaker 1: They don't care how much of your DNA came from
Speaker 1: Spain or how much of it came from Indigenous America.
Speaker 1: They care that you're a Latino and they want to
Speaker 1: otherize us. So as as soon as and the quicker
Speaker 1: we realize that and that we have to band together
Speaker 1: and fight against discrimination, bigotry together, the more powerful we
Speaker 1: will be and not fall prey. Yes, baby, that's why
Speaker 1: I love you, because you bring the truth to Bruze it. Yeah. Together,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do it. Dabynet, Money, Dad, systemhood and unity Together,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do it. In congratulations on your new show.
Speaker 1: Thank you do that. You focus on the different groups
Speaker 1: and you say we all yeah, we are all all
Speaker 1: better together, stronger together. Absolutely, thank you of our for
Speaker 1: the best, amazing, amazing. You should have check out the
Speaker 1: view weekdays on Avery two. Okay, we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick pea break, but we'll be right back after this
Speaker 1: because I've been drinking too much. Damn Puffy. That's our
Speaker 1: shock of the night. But before we go, please consider
Speaker 1: supporting Vocal Latino. They're a grassroots organization focus on educating
Speaker 1: and empowering young Latino voters, so if you can't support
Speaker 1: them in their work, please donate at the link below.
Speaker 1: Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 1: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast What's
Speaker 1: the Daily Show weeknights and eleven ten Central on Comedy
Speaker 1: Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Clubs. This
Speaker 1: has been a Comedy Central podcast