1 00:00:14,956 --> 00:00:31,996 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hay Slight Changers will be back in your feed 2 00:00:32,076 --> 00:00:35,236 Speaker 1: with new episodes soon, but in the meantime, I wanted 3 00:00:35,276 --> 00:00:37,756 Speaker 1: to share an excerpt from an audiobook I think you 4 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:41,756 Speaker 1: might enjoy. My colleague at Pushkin, Rachel Batsman, is out 5 00:00:41,796 --> 00:00:44,996 Speaker 1: with a new book called How to Trust and Be Trusted. 6 00:00:45,836 --> 00:00:50,356 Speaker 1: Rachel's an Oxford University professor who studies trust. I love 7 00:00:50,396 --> 00:00:53,116 Speaker 1: how Rachel thinks about trust as being the glue for 8 00:00:53,236 --> 00:00:57,036 Speaker 1: human connection. In her book, she debunks all sorts of 9 00:00:57,076 --> 00:01:01,476 Speaker 1: misconceptions about trust, for example, the idea that more transparency 10 00:01:01,556 --> 00:01:04,396 Speaker 1: is always better, or that relying on your gut intuition 11 00:01:04,636 --> 00:01:07,636 Speaker 1: is a good way to decide who or what to trust. 12 00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:10,916 Speaker 1: She also gives us actionable advice on how to get 13 00:01:10,916 --> 00:01:14,716 Speaker 1: better at trusting others and ourselves. The best part she 14 00:01:14,836 --> 00:01:17,316 Speaker 1: talks about how getting better at trusting can help you 15 00:01:17,396 --> 00:01:22,436 Speaker 1: take more risks, be less controlling, and cope better with change. 16 00:01:22,596 --> 00:01:24,716 Speaker 1: My favorite lesson, and the one you're going to hear 17 00:01:24,756 --> 00:01:27,396 Speaker 1: about today, is about how you can be a more 18 00:01:27,396 --> 00:01:31,596 Speaker 1: trustworthy person. So here's Rachel Batsman reading from her book, 19 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:33,356 Speaker 1: How to Trust and Be Trusted. 20 00:01:39,356 --> 00:01:44,116 Speaker 2: How do you get someone else to trust you? It's 21 00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:48,716 Speaker 2: a big question that affects so many different areas of 22 00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:55,036 Speaker 2: our lives. Here's the thing. We can't make another person 23 00:01:55,516 --> 00:02:01,196 Speaker 2: trust us is ultimately not in our control. But we 24 00:02:01,316 --> 00:02:07,076 Speaker 2: do have the power to make ourselves more trustworthy. I'm 25 00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:09,876 Speaker 2: going to give you some tools to help you've become 26 00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:15,636 Speaker 2: a more trustworthy person in ways that you might not expect, 27 00:02:16,676 --> 00:02:19,196 Speaker 2: and I'm going to teach you how to earn the 28 00:02:19,236 --> 00:02:27,196 Speaker 2: trust of other people. Understanding how trustworthiness works is incredibly empowering. 29 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:32,596 Speaker 2: I've witnessed just how much it can transform people's careers 30 00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:50,356 Speaker 2: and relationships. We're going to begin by unpacking how trust 31 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:56,116 Speaker 2: between people really works. Over the years, I've been asked 32 00:02:56,156 --> 00:03:01,156 Speaker 2: a lot of questions about trust, but the most popular 33 00:03:01,276 --> 00:03:11,236 Speaker 2: question is how do I build more trust? The question 34 00:03:11,956 --> 00:03:23,196 Speaker 2: in itself is revealing build more trust. When I'm teaching 35 00:03:23,316 --> 00:03:26,476 Speaker 2: leaders and students, I ask them to put a coin 36 00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:32,076 Speaker 2: in a jar every time the words building trust are mentioned, 37 00:03:34,196 --> 00:03:38,596 Speaker 2: and it's for within a couple of hours. Let me 38 00:03:38,716 --> 00:03:44,396 Speaker 2: explain why the problem with building trust is. It's a 39 00:03:44,836 --> 00:03:51,276 Speaker 2: power over way of thinking about relationships, a traditional, pretty 40 00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:56,116 Speaker 2: top down concept of leadership. If I tell others what 41 00:03:56,316 --> 00:04:02,196 Speaker 2: to do, they will follow, but trust is earned through 42 00:04:02,236 --> 00:04:06,756 Speaker 2: what's known as a power. With dynamic, you have to 43 00:04:06,796 --> 00:04:11,476 Speaker 2: be trustworthy and then people decide whether to give you 44 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:16,516 Speaker 2: their trust. So the trust giver is the person with 45 00:04:16,716 --> 00:04:22,236 Speaker 2: the power to decide. Try to think of trust not 46 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:27,196 Speaker 2: as a fixed thing, but more like energy, fluid and flowing, 47 00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:34,156 Speaker 2: something you have to continuously earn. So let's commit right 48 00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:40,436 Speaker 2: now together to making a small but important language change. 49 00:04:40,596 --> 00:04:46,116 Speaker 2: I want you to replace building trust with earning trust. 50 00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:50,836 Speaker 2: I know this might sound like I'm being nitpicky, but 51 00:04:50,996 --> 00:04:55,236 Speaker 2: this shift in language is a key step towards other 52 00:04:55,356 --> 00:05:04,556 Speaker 2: people trusting you. Let's do an exercise together. Please think 53 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:11,996 Speaker 2: of someone at work who really trusts you. You got it. Now, 54 00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:16,116 Speaker 2: write down a few words that best describe why you 55 00:05:16,196 --> 00:05:23,996 Speaker 2: think they trust you. I'm going to guess some of 56 00:05:23,996 --> 00:05:27,436 Speaker 2: the words that might have come up. Perhaps you wrote 57 00:05:27,436 --> 00:05:34,076 Speaker 2: down reliable, supportive, caring, or honest. Or perhaps you don't 58 00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:37,116 Speaker 2: really know why people trust you, you just feel it. 59 00:05:38,716 --> 00:05:42,236 Speaker 2: Let's meet someone who knows a thing or two about 60 00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:46,796 Speaker 2: earning the trust of other people at work. In fact, 61 00:05:47,076 --> 00:05:50,756 Speaker 2: they're kind of an expert, and that's because they have 62 00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:54,236 Speaker 2: to earn the trust of a very distrustful group. 63 00:05:55,196 --> 00:06:02,676 Speaker 3: Teenagers saw it La Radastits. They're Oregon, Illinois. 64 00:06:02,516 --> 00:06:06,036 Speaker 2: Kim Radistits, or as her student's call her, Miss Rad 65 00:06:06,476 --> 00:06:08,756 Speaker 2: was named the twenty twenty two Teacher of the Year 66 00:06:08,796 --> 00:06:12,476 Speaker 2: in ill Illois. She has taught Spanish for sixteen years 67 00:06:12,476 --> 00:06:15,916 Speaker 2: to more than a thousand high schoolers, and what she's 68 00:06:16,036 --> 00:06:20,076 Speaker 2: learned is before she can begin to teach her students Spanish, 69 00:06:20,436 --> 00:06:22,836 Speaker 2: she first has to earn their trust. 70 00:06:23,596 --> 00:06:26,716 Speaker 3: I don't believe students really care what you know in 71 00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:29,516 Speaker 3: terms of content until they feel like you care about 72 00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:32,396 Speaker 3: them as humans first and that they can trust you. 73 00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:36,636 Speaker 3: And in learning a foreign language in particular, like learning Spanish, 74 00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:40,476 Speaker 3: they need to trust that it's okay to make mistakes 75 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:42,356 Speaker 3: and it's okay to feel silly, and that they're in 76 00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:44,956 Speaker 3: a safe space, because I think that psychological safety is 77 00:06:44,996 --> 00:06:49,036 Speaker 3: important when you're trying something new, especially as a fourteen 78 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,996 Speaker 3: year old, when you're trying to look cool in front 79 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:51,676 Speaker 3: of your friends. 80 00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:55,716 Speaker 2: It's Rad gets to work on earning her students trust 81 00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:57,876 Speaker 2: before they even enter the classroom. 82 00:06:58,756 --> 00:07:01,396 Speaker 3: I have looked at my rosters of students that are 83 00:07:01,436 --> 00:07:04,956 Speaker 3: going to be in my class this upcoming year, and 84 00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:09,556 Speaker 3: I have identified students that struggled in eighth grade, and 85 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,716 Speaker 3: I have started to do some background research on what 86 00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:16,196 Speaker 3: it was that put that student in that position. Is 87 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:19,876 Speaker 3: it a student that struggled with Homer completion, Is it 88 00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:24,716 Speaker 3: a student that had adverse childhood experiences. I'm talking to 89 00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:28,116 Speaker 3: their teachers from last year already to find out what 90 00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:31,876 Speaker 3: kinds of things were happening with that student, because I 91 00:07:31,956 --> 00:07:34,076 Speaker 3: want to make sure that every single one of my 92 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:37,716 Speaker 3: students when they walk into my room is known. 93 00:07:38,076 --> 00:07:41,356 Speaker 2: On the very first day of school, ms Rad sets 94 00:07:41,516 --> 00:07:45,396 Speaker 2: clear expectations about how the class will go. 95 00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:51,156 Speaker 3: What I do is a lesson where I introduce myself 96 00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:56,156 Speaker 3: completely and totally in Spanish. I purposely will choose vocabulary 97 00:07:56,196 --> 00:07:59,716 Speaker 3: that sounds like words in English, and from there I 98 00:07:59,756 --> 00:08:04,076 Speaker 3: talk to them about how with language learning, there are 99 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,596 Speaker 3: going to be times where they're going to have to 100 00:08:05,636 --> 00:08:07,476 Speaker 3: take risks, and there are going to be times that 101 00:08:07,516 --> 00:08:09,916 Speaker 3: they feel silly, but I will know ever ever put 102 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,516 Speaker 3: them in a situation where they're completely lost. 103 00:08:13,716 --> 00:08:17,916 Speaker 2: And then she keeps working to earn her students trust. 104 00:08:18,276 --> 00:08:23,436 Speaker 2: Throughout their first week. She has them fill out questionnaires 105 00:08:23,516 --> 00:08:27,676 Speaker 2: about their lives and incorporates those details into her lessons, 106 00:08:28,756 --> 00:08:33,156 Speaker 2: she opens up and shares personal stories about how as 107 00:08:33,196 --> 00:08:36,276 Speaker 2: a child she visited Mexico, where her mother was born, 108 00:08:36,836 --> 00:08:40,556 Speaker 2: but that she struggled to communicate because she wasn't fluent 109 00:08:40,596 --> 00:08:45,836 Speaker 2: in Spanish. And she also praises her students at every 110 00:08:45,996 --> 00:08:52,556 Speaker 2: small success, and after just five days she usually gets 111 00:08:52,596 --> 00:08:56,396 Speaker 2: a sign that all that work is starting to pay off. 112 00:08:57,156 --> 00:09:00,916 Speaker 2: It happens during a school sports festival called Red and 113 00:09:01,076 --> 00:09:01,796 Speaker 2: White Night. 114 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,236 Speaker 3: I say to students, how many of you are going 115 00:09:05,316 --> 00:09:06,756 Speaker 3: to be at Red and White Night? And you see 116 00:09:06,756 --> 00:09:08,596 Speaker 3: all the hands go up like, oh my gosh, I'm 117 00:09:08,636 --> 00:09:11,956 Speaker 3: so excited to go tonight. I said, if you see 118 00:09:11,996 --> 00:09:14,476 Speaker 3: me tonight at Red and White Night, what are you 119 00:09:14,516 --> 00:09:18,796 Speaker 3: going to say? And the kids, I'm like getting emotional 120 00:09:18,876 --> 00:09:22,076 Speaker 3: thinking about it. They get so excited. They're like they 121 00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,476 Speaker 3: either say, well, if we see you at the volleyball game, 122 00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:25,996 Speaker 3: we're gonna say when I was side of this, But 123 00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:27,356 Speaker 3: if we see you at the football game, we're gonna 124 00:09:27,356 --> 00:09:30,356 Speaker 3: say when I's not just like, that's absolutely correct. When 125 00:09:30,356 --> 00:09:33,196 Speaker 3: I get to the game, you see students going out 126 00:09:33,236 --> 00:09:35,556 Speaker 3: of their way. It's like playing where's Waldo? But they're like, 127 00:09:35,556 --> 00:09:37,796 Speaker 3: where's miss rad They're like looking for me because they 128 00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:39,396 Speaker 3: want to be the first student to get to use 129 00:09:39,436 --> 00:09:43,436 Speaker 3: their Spanish that night. So that's when you see, like, Okay, 130 00:09:43,996 --> 00:09:47,116 Speaker 3: if they're willing to take their learning outside of the classroom, 131 00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,516 Speaker 3: then I'm pretty sure the trust is there. 132 00:09:50,436 --> 00:09:55,836 Speaker 2: How did Miss Rad un that trust? It's incredible to 133 00:09:55,876 --> 00:10:01,236 Speaker 2: consider that we're never taught what makes people trustworthy. The 134 00:10:01,276 --> 00:10:04,796 Speaker 2: good news is that there is a proven way to 135 00:10:04,956 --> 00:10:09,956 Speaker 2: learn how to be a more trustworthy person and how 136 00:10:09,956 --> 00:10:15,236 Speaker 2: to cultivate more trusting cultures. Just like Ms Rad's classroom, 137 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:21,516 Speaker 2: The answers lie in a framework known as the traits 138 00:10:21,556 --> 00:10:27,596 Speaker 2: of trustworthiness. It comes from decades of social scientists studying 139 00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:32,956 Speaker 2: how people make trust decisions. I've taught the traits of 140 00:10:32,996 --> 00:10:38,276 Speaker 2: trustworthiness to thousands of people, from university students to CEOs 141 00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:42,676 Speaker 2: of fortune five hundred companies, and now I'm going to 142 00:10:42,716 --> 00:10:48,876 Speaker 2: share it with you. Here's how it works. At its 143 00:10:48,956 --> 00:10:56,836 Speaker 2: highest level, trustworthiness is made up of two parts, capability 144 00:10:57,316 --> 00:11:03,396 Speaker 2: and character. Capability traits are about how we do things. 145 00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:10,316 Speaker 2: Character traits are about why we do things, or I 146 00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:14,156 Speaker 2: like to think of it as doing things and doing 147 00:11:14,276 --> 00:11:21,356 Speaker 2: the right things. On the capability side, the most important 148 00:11:21,396 --> 00:11:29,716 Speaker 2: traits are competence and reliability. On the character side, the 149 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:39,076 Speaker 2: most important traits are empathy and integrity. These two characteristics 150 00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:43,956 Speaker 2: influence whether people feel like you want to support them, 151 00:11:44,476 --> 00:11:48,996 Speaker 2: that you're on their side. This is how we start 152 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:59,076 Speaker 2: to form deep trust. So you might be thinking, what's 153 00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:03,836 Speaker 2: the right mix or balance of traits. It's a great question. 154 00:12:04,836 --> 00:12:07,116 Speaker 2: This goes back to a key point from chapter one. 155 00:12:07,716 --> 00:12:12,556 Speaker 2: Trust is highly contextual. So say you're trusting a surgeon 156 00:12:12,636 --> 00:12:17,316 Speaker 2: to perform a heart operation, Undeniably, their competence is the 157 00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:21,436 Speaker 2: most important trait. They might lack a bedside manner, but 158 00:12:21,556 --> 00:12:25,916 Speaker 2: be the most experienced in skilled surgeon. If you're trusting 159 00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:29,756 Speaker 2: a teacher like miss Rad to educate your kids, their 160 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:33,836 Speaker 2: competence is probably really important to you. And this is 161 00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:37,236 Speaker 2: something that miss Rad has picked up on without even 162 00:12:37,316 --> 00:12:38,036 Speaker 2: realizing it. 163 00:12:38,836 --> 00:12:41,596 Speaker 3: When I first communicate with parents, I do low the 164 00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:44,076 Speaker 3: competence route. You made me think about that, in that 165 00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:46,956 Speaker 3: the very first communication that I have with parents is 166 00:12:46,996 --> 00:12:50,396 Speaker 3: me flashing my I mean, truthfully, like flashing my credentials. 167 00:12:50,876 --> 00:12:54,276 Speaker 3: I am a graduate of Northern Illinois University who studied 168 00:12:54,276 --> 00:12:57,436 Speaker 3: Spanish language and literature, and I've visited Mexico every year you. 169 00:12:57,356 --> 00:13:01,116 Speaker 2: Know, while Miss Rad ends trust from the parents by 170 00:13:01,116 --> 00:13:04,556 Speaker 2: flashing her credentials, she earns trust from her students. Who's 171 00:13:04,556 --> 00:13:07,716 Speaker 2: showing them she cares about them. And one way she 172 00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:10,876 Speaker 2: does that is by all always wearing this apron. 173 00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:15,356 Speaker 3: So I wear a waitress apron while I have a 174 00:13:15,396 --> 00:13:18,356 Speaker 3: dozen of them, actually, but the signature one has lamas 175 00:13:18,356 --> 00:13:21,716 Speaker 3: on it, very very fancy. But it has eight pockets, 176 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,356 Speaker 3: so I have lots of pencils in my apron. In 177 00:13:24,396 --> 00:13:27,516 Speaker 3: addition to that, I carry sticky notes that I utilize 178 00:13:27,636 --> 00:13:31,956 Speaker 3: as reminders for students, like reminders on behavior or missing assignments, 179 00:13:32,276 --> 00:13:35,436 Speaker 3: but also sticky notes of praise. So if a student 180 00:13:36,036 --> 00:13:38,236 Speaker 3: is shy and doesn't like it when I provide them 181 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,036 Speaker 3: with praise publicly, I can write hey, nice job on 182 00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:43,396 Speaker 3: that and stick it on their desk. I mean, I 183 00:13:43,396 --> 00:13:46,396 Speaker 3: have a spare schedule because students always ask questions about 184 00:13:46,396 --> 00:13:49,156 Speaker 3: the schedules and there just little things like that. 185 00:13:50,516 --> 00:13:53,636 Speaker 2: Miss Rad gets in space that trust is earned through 186 00:13:53,796 --> 00:13:59,716 Speaker 2: micro moments and not grand gestures, through consistency, no intensity. 187 00:14:00,596 --> 00:14:04,836 Speaker 2: She also gives her students a lot, but doesn't initially 188 00:14:04,876 --> 00:14:07,196 Speaker 2: expect trust in return. 189 00:14:08,596 --> 00:14:11,596 Speaker 3: I will that one thing that I have learned to 190 00:14:11,716 --> 00:14:14,676 Speaker 3: never do is to make the comment I have gone 191 00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:17,996 Speaker 3: above and beyond, or I have done everything, and you 192 00:14:18,036 --> 00:14:20,636 Speaker 3: won't meet me halfway until wag your finger at a student, 193 00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:24,596 Speaker 3: you know, because then to them, I think the message 194 00:14:24,676 --> 00:14:26,876 Speaker 3: is that everything that you have done up until that 195 00:14:26,916 --> 00:14:30,036 Speaker 3: point has been transactional. You've done that thing because you 196 00:14:30,116 --> 00:14:33,316 Speaker 3: wanted me to do this. I don't believe that's how 197 00:14:34,236 --> 00:14:36,756 Speaker 3: a good relationship should work. 198 00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:42,556 Speaker 2: Our frame around trust should always be relational, not transactional. 199 00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:50,116 Speaker 2: So now let's learn about each of the four traits 200 00:14:50,116 --> 00:14:54,196 Speaker 2: in more detail and how you can put trustworthiness into practice. 201 00:14:55,116 --> 00:14:58,196 Speaker 2: We'll start with the first trait that makes someone capable, 202 00:14:58,516 --> 00:15:04,036 Speaker 2: and that's the trait of competence. Imagine you're pitching to 203 00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:06,996 Speaker 2: win work from a new client. It's a job you 204 00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:11,916 Speaker 2: really want. You're up against two competitors, both do exceptional work. 205 00:15:12,556 --> 00:15:15,036 Speaker 2: You want to demonstrate that you can be trusted to 206 00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:18,236 Speaker 2: do this job and do it really well. So how 207 00:15:18,236 --> 00:15:22,276 Speaker 2: do you convey your competence to the client? I want 208 00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:25,316 Speaker 2: you right now to take a moment and think about 209 00:15:25,756 --> 00:15:30,436 Speaker 2: how you would do this. How would you demonstrate your competence? 210 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:40,116 Speaker 2: So what did you come up with? Well, let me 211 00:15:40,236 --> 00:15:42,436 Speaker 2: share with you a couple of key things to convey 212 00:15:42,556 --> 00:15:47,276 Speaker 2: when it comes to demonstrating your competence. Firstly, you have 213 00:15:47,476 --> 00:15:52,356 Speaker 2: the skills, the knowledge, experience, resources, and time to do 214 00:15:52,396 --> 00:15:55,916 Speaker 2: what you say you're going to do. And secondly, you 215 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,236 Speaker 2: are honest about what you can't do or don't know. 216 00:16:00,196 --> 00:16:04,276 Speaker 2: Pretending you can do everything actually hurts trust, but humility 217 00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:11,076 Speaker 2: is rocket fuel for earning trust. Highly competent people set 218 00:16:11,116 --> 00:16:15,436 Speaker 2: clear expectations around what they can do and what they 219 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:19,756 Speaker 2: can't do. The same can't always be said for overly 220 00:16:19,956 --> 00:16:25,676 Speaker 2: confident people. Yet so often we can flate competence with confidence. 221 00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:30,476 Speaker 2: It's a trap that's so easy to fall into. The 222 00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:34,276 Speaker 2: person who speaks louder, the person who speaks first, the 223 00:16:34,316 --> 00:16:38,196 Speaker 2: person who seems to know everything about well everything, the 224 00:16:38,236 --> 00:16:42,636 Speaker 2: person who always shouts about their achievements. As I once 225 00:16:42,676 --> 00:16:46,276 Speaker 2: heard it put, some people are just more glitter than glue. 226 00:16:48,476 --> 00:16:51,716 Speaker 2: So when it comes to being trusted, don't let confidence 227 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:59,436 Speaker 2: outweigh competence. Be honest about your abilities and commitments. The 228 00:16:59,516 --> 00:17:04,396 Speaker 2: second key ingredient of capability is the trait of reliability. 229 00:17:05,476 --> 00:17:09,636 Speaker 2: Reliability has a lot to do with our relationship to time. 230 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:14,516 Speaker 2: How responsive I'm respectful of time we are, and it's 231 00:17:14,556 --> 00:17:17,076 Speaker 2: all about how consistent we are in the way we 232 00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:21,276 Speaker 2: show up. Being reliable means people can depend on and 233 00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:24,156 Speaker 2: ultimately trust you because they know what to expect. 234 00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:27,596 Speaker 3: So I have one rule and one rule only, it's 235 00:17:27,596 --> 00:17:28,476 Speaker 3: hard to screw it up. 236 00:17:29,556 --> 00:17:31,876 Speaker 2: Again. Let's mis wrap the Spanish teacher. 237 00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:36,316 Speaker 3: And the rule is that I have a wireless doorbell 238 00:17:36,396 --> 00:17:39,316 Speaker 3: in my classroom, and the students know that when I 239 00:17:39,436 --> 00:17:41,756 Speaker 3: ring the bell, they have to stop whatever it is 240 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,356 Speaker 3: they're doing, whether it be a game, whether I'm having 241 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,876 Speaker 3: a conversation, if they're up out of their chairs, they 242 00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,716 Speaker 3: have to stop what they're doing, and they need to 243 00:17:48,756 --> 00:17:53,036 Speaker 3: listen for directions. And by having that one rule and 244 00:17:53,076 --> 00:17:55,956 Speaker 3: one rule only, students aren't confused as to what the 245 00:17:56,036 --> 00:17:59,076 Speaker 3: rule is. I make sure to practice the rule throughout 246 00:17:59,156 --> 00:18:02,596 Speaker 3: the week to reinforce when they get the rule correct. 247 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,156 Speaker 3: But I'm really able to use that bell to redirect 248 00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:08,636 Speaker 3: any other kind of negative behaviors that might be happening 249 00:18:08,676 --> 00:18:11,196 Speaker 3: in my class, and it really just takes that one. 250 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,876 Speaker 2: Ms Rad's one rule is an example of the power 251 00:18:16,036 --> 00:18:21,756 Speaker 2: of consistency. Consistency is the stabilizing force that enables people 252 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:26,636 Speaker 2: to read your reliability. It allows people to know where 253 00:18:26,676 --> 00:18:30,076 Speaker 2: they stand and what they can expect from you. So 254 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:33,676 Speaker 2: let's try a quick exercise to reflect on your own 255 00:18:33,756 --> 00:18:39,796 Speaker 2: reliability at work. Now, I'm going to ask you five questions, 256 00:18:40,276 --> 00:18:42,996 Speaker 2: and I want you to rate yourself one to five 257 00:18:43,196 --> 00:18:48,236 Speaker 2: on each one being needs work and five being stell up. 258 00:18:48,916 --> 00:18:52,276 Speaker 2: Now be honest. If you've got a pencil, then grab 259 00:18:52,316 --> 00:18:55,076 Speaker 2: it and write your numbers down as we go along. 260 00:18:56,796 --> 00:19:02,436 Speaker 2: Question one, how often do you reschedule meetings at short notice? 261 00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:13,876 Speaker 2: Question two? Do you consistently show up on time? Question three? 262 00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:17,716 Speaker 2: Do you run calls and meetings within the time set? 263 00:19:21,196 --> 00:19:25,476 Speaker 2: Question four? Are you responsive to people within a time 264 00:19:25,516 --> 00:19:32,516 Speaker 2: frame they expect and find me? Question five? Are you 265 00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:35,596 Speaker 2: consistent in your mood, energy, and behavior and how you 266 00:19:35,636 --> 00:19:41,316 Speaker 2: sharp at work? As I'm asking these questions, you might 267 00:19:41,316 --> 00:19:45,516 Speaker 2: be thinking, Hmmm, I do often move meetings at the 268 00:19:45,596 --> 00:19:49,796 Speaker 2: last minute. Hmmm, I do always find myself always running 269 00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:54,396 Speaker 2: just a few minutes late, or I find it really 270 00:19:54,436 --> 00:19:58,676 Speaker 2: hard to respond to everyone's request on time. Don't worry. 271 00:19:59,516 --> 00:20:03,636 Speaker 2: People tend to describe themselves as a late or always 272 00:20:03,676 --> 00:20:10,276 Speaker 2: on time person, But reliability is ann inherently tied to 273 00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:14,556 Speaker 2: your personality. It's a skill. When we look at reliability 274 00:20:14,636 --> 00:20:19,196 Speaker 2: through this lens, it's something you can work on and improve. Now, 275 00:20:19,596 --> 00:20:24,156 Speaker 2: this next part may seem a bit scary, but it 276 00:20:24,196 --> 00:20:29,356 Speaker 2: can really help. I encourage you to ask your colleagues 277 00:20:29,476 --> 00:20:33,476 Speaker 2: the same five questions and for them to rate you. 278 00:20:35,196 --> 00:20:39,316 Speaker 2: The revealing thing is not the total score, but if 279 00:20:39,316 --> 00:20:42,116 Speaker 2: there is a gap between how reliable you think you 280 00:20:42,196 --> 00:20:47,156 Speaker 2: are and how reliable others think you are, remember this 281 00:20:47,236 --> 00:20:50,116 Speaker 2: is something you can work on. Even if the gap 282 00:20:50,236 --> 00:20:53,596 Speaker 2: is big, you can work towards closing it, and that 283 00:20:53,636 --> 00:20:58,636 Speaker 2: will only earn you more trust. So let's do a 284 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:03,836 Speaker 2: quick recap on the capability side of being trustworthy. To 285 00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:08,156 Speaker 2: become more trusted around your capability or how you do things, 286 00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:14,356 Speaker 2: it's important to demonstrate both competence and reliability. First, be 287 00:21:14,476 --> 00:21:18,156 Speaker 2: clear about what you can and can't do. It's closely 288 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:23,116 Speaker 2: tides being realistic about the commitments and promises you make. Second, 289 00:21:23,676 --> 00:21:29,436 Speaker 2: be responsive and respectful of time. And finally, be clear 290 00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:35,796 Speaker 2: and consistent with your expectations. This can be as simple 291 00:21:36,436 --> 00:21:40,036 Speaker 2: as letting people know when you respond to an email 292 00:21:40,316 --> 00:21:44,876 Speaker 2: and when you won't miss rad is a master of 293 00:21:45,036 --> 00:21:55,916 Speaker 2: expectation setting with her one rule. Now to the other 294 00:21:55,996 --> 00:22:01,076 Speaker 2: side of trustworthiness. These are the character traits of empathy 295 00:22:01,516 --> 00:22:07,436 Speaker 2: and integrity. Learning how to put empathy into practice can 296 00:22:07,476 --> 00:22:10,756 Speaker 2: be hard, but it's key to earning trust at a 297 00:22:10,876 --> 00:22:15,196 Speaker 2: much deeper level. Now, something that often confuses people about 298 00:22:15,236 --> 00:22:18,676 Speaker 2: empathy is this idea that we should put ourselves in 299 00:22:18,756 --> 00:22:23,156 Speaker 2: someone else's shoes. I get it. Is it really possible 300 00:22:23,156 --> 00:22:25,836 Speaker 2: to relate to the lives and the diverse experiences of 301 00:22:25,996 --> 00:22:29,676 Speaker 2: everyone you work with? I've also heard from managers and 302 00:22:29,756 --> 00:22:34,036 Speaker 2: leaders that they struggle with empathy along similar lines. Everyone 303 00:22:34,116 --> 00:22:36,876 Speaker 2: keeps telling me I need to be a more empathetic person, 304 00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:40,956 Speaker 2: But how can I truly know how someone is feeling? 305 00:22:41,596 --> 00:22:45,116 Speaker 2: Or I just don't have the time to listen to 306 00:22:45,196 --> 00:22:50,236 Speaker 2: people's problems. Saying I feel for you can be comforting 307 00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:57,436 Speaker 2: to hear, but what comes after that? Let's reframe empathy 308 00:22:57,516 --> 00:23:02,636 Speaker 2: as being curious as to how you can best support someone. 309 00:23:03,236 --> 00:23:05,956 Speaker 2: A simple but significant shift is to move from the 310 00:23:06,036 --> 00:23:11,916 Speaker 2: language of feeling to the language of acts. How you 311 00:23:11,996 --> 00:23:16,356 Speaker 2: feeling or are you okay? Becomes how can I help you? 312 00:23:17,556 --> 00:23:20,236 Speaker 2: I know it sounds basic, but it works. Wonders for 313 00:23:20,476 --> 00:23:26,276 Speaker 2: earning trust in the workplace. MS rad has always been 314 00:23:26,316 --> 00:23:30,556 Speaker 2: an empathetic person, but there was one student who really 315 00:23:30,636 --> 00:23:33,636 Speaker 2: helped her learn how to better practice empathy. 316 00:23:35,596 --> 00:23:39,596 Speaker 3: I met a young man at freshman orientation who told 317 00:23:39,636 --> 00:23:42,876 Speaker 3: me that night that he hated school, there was nothing 318 00:23:42,956 --> 00:23:45,076 Speaker 3: that I could do about it, and that he wasn't 319 00:23:45,076 --> 00:23:49,716 Speaker 3: going to learn any expletive word Spanish. And what I 320 00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:53,436 Speaker 3: learned was that this young man suffered from a lot 321 00:23:53,476 --> 00:23:57,556 Speaker 3: of advers childhood experiences. He had a parent that was incarcerated, 322 00:23:58,156 --> 00:24:02,916 Speaker 3: his grandparents had fostered him, and his grandfather had died 323 00:24:02,956 --> 00:24:05,596 Speaker 3: the year before I met him, and so this young 324 00:24:05,636 --> 00:24:07,316 Speaker 3: man was just really angry, and he was in a 325 00:24:07,356 --> 00:24:10,876 Speaker 3: really bad place, to the point where there was a 326 00:24:11,276 --> 00:24:13,596 Speaker 3: the school district was considering perhaps putting him in an 327 00:24:13,596 --> 00:24:18,596 Speaker 3: alternative placement, And as a young teacher, I decided that 328 00:24:18,636 --> 00:24:20,036 Speaker 3: I was going to do everything in my power to 329 00:24:20,076 --> 00:24:20,796 Speaker 3: prove him wrong. 330 00:24:22,716 --> 00:24:26,836 Speaker 2: Instead of waiting for him to trust her. 331 00:24:26,276 --> 00:24:28,836 Speaker 3: I showed him that I trusted him, And I think 332 00:24:28,876 --> 00:24:33,356 Speaker 3: that part was huge. I think that he just had 333 00:24:33,356 --> 00:24:37,196 Speaker 3: this assumption that adults didn't like him and that adults 334 00:24:37,556 --> 00:24:40,316 Speaker 3: didn't trust him, and so I actually put him in 335 00:24:40,316 --> 00:24:43,516 Speaker 3: a couple of leadership roles throughout the school year, and 336 00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:46,236 Speaker 3: that's a little bit of success that I don't think 337 00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:49,316 Speaker 3: he experienced in any other content areas. 338 00:24:49,356 --> 00:24:52,036 Speaker 2: And just like miss Rad learned from the student, the 339 00:24:52,076 --> 00:24:54,356 Speaker 2: student eventually learned from miss Rat. 340 00:24:54,916 --> 00:24:58,476 Speaker 3: He ended up finishing Spanish one, even though he said 341 00:24:58,516 --> 00:25:02,396 Speaker 3: he wouldn't learn it. He took Spanish two his choice. 342 00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:07,516 Speaker 3: He graduated high school in four years despite concerns that 343 00:25:07,556 --> 00:25:10,596 Speaker 3: he wouldn't. And now he's doing really really well in 344 00:25:10,716 --> 00:25:13,676 Speaker 3: our community, and I still hear from him. We've known 345 00:25:13,716 --> 00:25:15,436 Speaker 3: each other for eleven years. I still hear from him 346 00:25:15,436 --> 00:25:18,476 Speaker 3: at least once a month. So I think the trust 347 00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:20,316 Speaker 3: is there, to say the least, because he doesn't have 348 00:25:20,396 --> 00:25:22,196 Speaker 3: to talk to me anymore now that he's not in 349 00:25:22,236 --> 00:25:23,796 Speaker 3: my classroom, but he chooses to. 350 00:25:24,716 --> 00:25:26,476 Speaker 2: Miss Rad had to give him trust. 351 00:25:26,636 --> 00:25:29,796 Speaker 3: To earn the trust, you have to show them that 352 00:25:29,876 --> 00:25:35,716 Speaker 3: you trust them before they give you their trust. So 353 00:25:35,756 --> 00:25:38,476 Speaker 3: it's a leap of faith. I mean it is in 354 00:25:38,476 --> 00:25:40,156 Speaker 3: his case. It was a leap of faith for me. 355 00:25:40,716 --> 00:25:44,996 Speaker 3: But I believed that he could be a better version 356 00:25:44,996 --> 00:25:47,036 Speaker 3: of himself that he had than he had showed other people, 357 00:25:47,036 --> 00:25:49,716 Speaker 3: because I saw glimpses of it throughout the year, and 358 00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:52,116 Speaker 3: so I just trusted that we would get. 359 00:25:51,996 --> 00:25:56,556 Speaker 2: There miss Rad's curiosity about how she could really support hers. 360 00:25:56,596 --> 00:26:00,436 Speaker 2: You created what's known as a trust loop. You show 361 00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:03,796 Speaker 2: your trust to someone who finds it hard to trust back, 362 00:26:04,316 --> 00:26:08,476 Speaker 2: and you don't expect anything in return. But over time 363 00:26:09,156 --> 00:26:11,716 Speaker 2: and they do start to trust you, you recognize it 364 00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:16,516 Speaker 2: and reciprocate by showing more trust, and so a powerful 365 00:26:16,636 --> 00:26:25,756 Speaker 2: and beautiful trust loop forms. Okay, and now for the 366 00:26:25,796 --> 00:26:31,756 Speaker 2: final trait of trustworthiness. It's a big one. Integrity. It's 367 00:26:31,836 --> 00:26:36,236 Speaker 2: hard to forgive or forget decisions that lack integrity. It 368 00:26:36,276 --> 00:26:39,396 Speaker 2: doesn't matter whether you're leading a small team, a big team, 369 00:26:39,476 --> 00:26:43,276 Speaker 2: a sports team, at school team, or an entire country. 370 00:26:43,556 --> 00:26:50,396 Speaker 2: Everything starts and ends with integrity. Ultimately, practicing integrity comes 371 00:26:50,396 --> 00:26:55,316 Speaker 2: down to one word alignment. Doctor Zeus summed up integrity 372 00:26:55,436 --> 00:26:58,596 Speaker 2: well when he wrote, I meant what I said and 373 00:26:58,716 --> 00:27:01,876 Speaker 2: said what I meant. So let's reflect on a few 374 00:27:01,876 --> 00:27:06,556 Speaker 2: ways integrity is put into practice at work. Do you 375 00:27:06,596 --> 00:27:10,396 Speaker 2: always do what you say you're going to do? Do 376 00:27:10,476 --> 00:27:15,276 Speaker 2: your values align with how you live your life? Do 377 00:27:15,316 --> 00:27:19,436 Speaker 2: you keep the promises that you make? And the big one, 378 00:27:19,796 --> 00:27:23,716 Speaker 2: are you honest about your intentions and interests with your 379 00:27:23,716 --> 00:27:30,756 Speaker 2: clients and colleagues. These questions are a powerful compass for 380 00:27:30,836 --> 00:27:34,996 Speaker 2: deciding what to do, but more importantly, what not to do. 381 00:27:37,516 --> 00:27:43,276 Speaker 2: Decisions around what not to do can take courage, but 382 00:27:43,356 --> 00:27:49,396 Speaker 2: they are critical to earning trust. Consider an employee who 383 00:27:49,476 --> 00:27:54,316 Speaker 2: stands up and says, we should not work with that client, 384 00:27:54,916 --> 00:27:58,756 Speaker 2: no matter how much they're going to pay us, because 385 00:27:58,796 --> 00:28:04,596 Speaker 2: our values just don't align. When you think of times 386 00:28:05,356 --> 00:28:10,036 Speaker 2: when trust has broken down, it's most lead you to 387 00:28:10,276 --> 00:28:16,796 Speaker 2: some kind of misalignment of intentions. On the flip side, 388 00:28:17,316 --> 00:28:21,636 Speaker 2: if you have an alignment of intentions and interests, that's 389 00:28:21,716 --> 00:28:28,076 Speaker 2: when deep trust forms. In the end. Miss rad is 390 00:28:28,116 --> 00:28:31,076 Speaker 2: such a great teacher because her students understand that she 391 00:28:31,276 --> 00:28:32,436 Speaker 2: is on their side. 392 00:28:33,756 --> 00:28:36,356 Speaker 3: When you feel known and you feel veiled, you take 393 00:28:36,396 --> 00:28:39,596 Speaker 3: pride in your work and you want to you're motivated 394 00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:41,396 Speaker 3: to do the work and to do the work well. 395 00:28:41,436 --> 00:28:43,996 Speaker 3: And I think that's what happens in my classroom is 396 00:28:43,996 --> 00:28:46,436 Speaker 3: that my students know that I'm endlessly rooting for them, 397 00:28:46,876 --> 00:28:49,796 Speaker 3: and as a result, they're kind of They're not kind of, 398 00:28:49,836 --> 00:28:52,156 Speaker 3: they are they're taking ownership of their own learning so 399 00:28:52,196 --> 00:28:54,316 Speaker 3: that they can show it off and that we can 400 00:28:54,356 --> 00:28:57,076 Speaker 3: celebrate that together, and that's a beautiful thing when you 401 00:28:57,076 --> 00:28:58,356 Speaker 3: can get to that point. 402 00:28:59,116 --> 00:29:03,156 Speaker 2: In other words, Ms Rad's intentions are beautifully aligned with 403 00:29:03,236 --> 00:29:08,916 Speaker 2: the best interests of her students. Ultimately, earning trust is 404 00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:12,436 Speaker 2: at how we interact and behave with people over time. 405 00:29:13,436 --> 00:29:17,756 Speaker 2: Are we able to clearly communicate our capabilities? Can we 406 00:29:17,836 --> 00:29:22,196 Speaker 2: demonstrate our character? Do the people we work with and 407 00:29:22,396 --> 00:29:27,476 Speaker 2: for know what to expect of us? The traits of trustworthiness, 408 00:29:27,796 --> 00:29:31,156 Speaker 2: I promise will help you earn trust with all different 409 00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:39,516 Speaker 2: kinds of people. So let's recap what we've covered. First, 410 00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:45,796 Speaker 2: think about the context. There's that word again, context. What 411 00:29:45,916 --> 00:29:50,516 Speaker 2: is the most important trait I should be demonstrating and 412 00:29:50,636 --> 00:29:57,316 Speaker 2: leading with in this particular context. Second, it can be 413 00:29:57,516 --> 00:30:04,956 Speaker 2: easy to conflate competence with confidence. To avoid this, make 414 00:30:04,996 --> 00:30:10,876 Speaker 2: sure you're clear about what you can and can't do. Third, 415 00:30:12,036 --> 00:30:17,916 Speaker 2: being reliable is a stabilizing force in any relationship. How 416 00:30:18,036 --> 00:30:24,356 Speaker 2: clearly and consistently do you convey your expectations? What's your 417 00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:30,156 Speaker 2: equivalent of Miss Rad's bell or even her apron. Fourth, 418 00:30:31,276 --> 00:30:36,916 Speaker 2: if you're struggling with empathy, I'd recommend changing your frame. 419 00:30:38,196 --> 00:30:44,756 Speaker 2: Think of empathy as being curious and make it action orientated. 420 00:30:45,156 --> 00:30:49,596 Speaker 2: Instead of asking how are you feeling? Ask how can 421 00:30:49,636 --> 00:30:57,076 Speaker 2: I help? And finally, when practicing integrity, keep one word 422 00:30:57,276 --> 00:31:03,516 Speaker 2: in your mind alignment. Are my interests really aligned with 423 00:31:03,596 --> 00:31:08,116 Speaker 2: the other person? And if they're not, should I be 424 00:31:08,196 --> 00:31:14,916 Speaker 2: taking this action or making this decision? Now? I'd love 425 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:19,796 Speaker 2: for you to identify one thing, just one thing to 426 00:31:19,876 --> 00:31:27,876 Speaker 2: put into practice or to do differently to be more trustworthy. 427 00:31:28,676 --> 00:31:31,276 Speaker 2: And let me leave you with one question as we 428 00:31:31,356 --> 00:31:35,516 Speaker 2: head into the next chapter. Can you think of a 429 00:31:35,596 --> 00:31:38,116 Speaker 2: time when you've had your trust broken? 430 00:31:52,156 --> 00:31:54,476 Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed that lesson from how to trust 431 00:31:54,556 --> 00:31:57,836 Speaker 1: and be trusted. You can find the audiobook at pushkin 432 00:31:57,956 --> 00:32:02,836 Speaker 1: dot Fm, slash Audiobooks, Audible, or wherever you get your audiobooks. 433 00:32:03,356 --> 00:32:05,716 Speaker 1: We'll be back with another episode of A Slight Change 434 00:32:05,716 --> 00:32:09,716 Speaker 1: of Plans on February twenty fourth. Until then, thanks for listening. 435 00:32:20,316 --> 00:32:23,516 Speaker 1: A Slight Change of Plans is created, written, and executive 436 00:32:23,516 --> 00:32:27,476 Speaker 1: produced by me Maya Schunker. The Slight Change family includes 437 00:32:27,516 --> 00:32:31,676 Speaker 1: our showrunner Tyler Green, our senior editor Kate Parkinson Morgan, 438 00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:35,876 Speaker 1: our producers Britney Cronin and Megan Luvin, and our sound 439 00:32:35,916 --> 00:32:40,396 Speaker 1: engineer Erica Huang, Louis Scara wrote our delightful theme song 440 00:32:40,596 --> 00:32:44,236 Speaker 1: and Ginger Smith helped arrange the vocals. A Slight Change 441 00:32:44,236 --> 00:32:47,436 Speaker 1: of Plans is a production of Pushkin Industries, so big 442 00:32:47,476 --> 00:32:51,036 Speaker 1: thanks to everyone there, and of course a very special 443 00:32:51,076 --> 00:33:06,076 Speaker 1: thanks to Jimmy Lee 444 00:33:09,276 --> 00:33:10,476 Speaker 3: Do Will de