Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew mcarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. It's available ever.
Speaker 1: Rescue your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see you by Jesson. I'm gonna stay, bro,
Speaker 1: I cannot talk. I'm gonna stage. Yes, stop lasting. I gotta,
Speaker 1: I gotta Jackson tell me all right, it's my life. Guys.
Speaker 1: How are you guys doing tonight? I can't believe I'm
Speaker 1: in Atlanta. You look good. All the beautiful black people. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cade and I and we're the Ellis. You may
Speaker 1: know us from posting funny videos with our boys and
Speaker 1: reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. I
Speaker 1: make you need derby most days. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of the
Speaker 1: live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about. Through the lens of a millennial married couple.
Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 1: Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one,
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We're about to take Phillows off to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ask starts now, Heyo, what's good job? Back in February,
Speaker 1: before all the news about coronavirus broke, when we could
Speaker 1: still go outside and be around other people, we went
Speaker 1: down to Atlanta to do an episode of dead Ass
Speaker 1: live at the Variety Playoffs. We're hoping that this episode
Speaker 1: is a little bit of joy and escape in these
Speaker 1: uncertain times, especially because a t l y'all were lit. Okay,
Speaker 1: this was our largest live audience ever and the energy
Speaker 1: that I felt on stage was unmatched. We had DJ
Speaker 1: Executive come down from New York to get the crowd
Speaker 1: hyped before we got out and it was on. It
Speaker 1: was definitely our most exciting venue because Atlanta is like
Speaker 1: our home away from home, away from home when we're
Speaker 1: not in l A or New York or Jamaica. Atlanta
Speaker 1: is definitely a place where we rest our heads and
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. So much love. We appreciate you guys, it
Speaker 1: was dope. But before we get into it, this is
Speaker 1: not our usual dead Ass episode. We wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure the dead Ass Live experience was unforgettable. So our
Speaker 1: friend Brian Jordan Jr. Was there to m C and
Speaker 1: we got you to play a game with us. We're
Speaker 1: calling it the newly Wed Game, but of course it's
Speaker 1: the dead Ass Edition. So we'll tell you more about
Speaker 1: that in a minute, but first let's get into it.
Speaker 1: This is dead Ass Live in Atlanta. So what's some
Speaker 1: of Atlanta? Oh my goodness, y'all like a dream come true.
Speaker 1: I feel like at this point in our lives, it's
Speaker 1: like born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. Of course,
Speaker 1: y'all know we're in relocated. It's Brooklyn, Brooklyn in the house,
Speaker 1: all right, Brooklyn cutting Hi. Oh my god, I feel it.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. So now we're in l A now, But
Speaker 1: I feel like Atlanta is somewhere like we were supposed
Speaker 1: to be eventually. Feels I have this feeling, like deep
Speaker 1: deep down inside that at some points I'm gonna end
Speaker 1: up here. Where's the best part of Atlanta to be? Though? Well,
Speaker 1: I heard when I had to care, Oh don't ye
Speaker 1: thet we're in my car. I heard somebody in the
Speaker 1: back sat down in decado people people gritorial bad. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: joying to join your ladies and gentlemen, Maurice. They ain't
Speaker 1: standing up for you know, So ladies and gentlemen. One
Speaker 1: of the most important times of Dead As podcasts, as
Speaker 1: you guys know, it's story time, right and because soon
Speaker 1: you said Carrie, say karayoke, you're like carryoake. You don't
Speaker 1: like carry. I don't know why I couldn't hold a
Speaker 1: note if you put it in my hands. I don't
Speaker 1: know why people always do that to you, but whatever.
Speaker 1: So you know, we're all my couples and how many
Speaker 1: couples have we gotten here? Couples representing so who made
Speaker 1: this a day night? And when they had bought tickets
Speaker 1: for the other one. That's yourself, that's your self. That's
Speaker 1: the same how they turn on the lights a little bit,
Speaker 1: everybody left. There's so we're all the single people at
Speaker 1: so you had a single people? Ah, So y'all are
Speaker 1: gonna enjoy the story time because since you're single, you
Speaker 1: you haven't experienced this yet. You see, I'm nervous about
Speaker 1: the story time because I actually wanted to tell a
Speaker 1: story time today, but did that claim that he had
Speaker 1: the story of all stories. So I'm low key nervous
Speaker 1: to see what you're about to take. You know, you
Speaker 1: don't gotta you don't be nervous. It's a great story.
Speaker 1: It's a great story. So New Year's well, Christmas time,
Speaker 1: we spent Christmas time with my parents. Everybody knew that, right, yes,
Speaker 1: So we spent two weeks trying to have quiet sex
Speaker 1: because the kids was in one room, her parents was
Speaker 1: in the next room, our kids in the next room.
Speaker 1: Her grandmother was underneath us. So you know, we are
Speaker 1: in her her brother's old bed. The bed is mad crickety.
Speaker 1: So my brother listen working apparently in that bed. What's
Speaker 1: my brother? Shout out to my brother where Tristan Triston
Speaker 1: put some work in the bed. The bed was mad loose,
Speaker 1: so I couldn't even get no working. Like every time
Speaker 1: I movie, it was like, so that's my song. So
Speaker 1: we spent the whole two weeks having probably some of
Speaker 1: the most terrible sets we've had in a long time
Speaker 1: because we couldn't do what we wanted to do. So
Speaker 1: she was just like heavy, baby, don't worry me, don't
Speaker 1: worry when we get back. Do we get back to
Speaker 1: l A. I got you, I got you. You tell
Speaker 1: me that's how you sound your hand be like this
Speaker 1: and you here, you'd be doing this with you're here.
Speaker 1: Even when she don't got her wiging out here short,
Speaker 1: she's still don't like I got comping today in my
Speaker 1: hand shot, you know, but you know, go ahead, you
Speaker 1: get it. So I'm like, I'm like, and I was
Speaker 1: already pissed, and I'm like, you know what, I don't
Speaker 1: got No. She was like, do you have any requests?
Speaker 1: Like I don't have no requests because whatever I asked
Speaker 1: for you don't give me anyway. And she was just like,
Speaker 1: I got you, trust me, I got you. Right, So Booma,
Speaker 1: I said, if I tell you what I want, I
Speaker 1: expect that when I get back. Gentlemen, if she asked
Speaker 1: you what you want and you tell her what you want,
Speaker 1: isn't it there that you get what you ask or correct? Okay? Okay,
Speaker 1: So now we get back, right, it's Wednesday, Right, Wednesday,
Speaker 1: we get back. I'm ready to go. I'm sitting there.
Speaker 1: I get out of the shower, sit down on the bed,
Speaker 1: you know, because I get down, shower, sit on the bed.
Speaker 1: I'm ready for her to do. I think what I
Speaker 1: said to her was I wanted her to put on
Speaker 1: some heels. I wanted her to dress up like a
Speaker 1: schoolgirl little dress right, or librarian or librarian either one
Speaker 1: or cheery either one. And here's me on Amazon Prime like, okay, cheers,
Speaker 1: skirt good Prime two days got it? Okay? So I
Speaker 1: said all of this right, And she had just did
Speaker 1: a photo shoot, and she had this long this long weave,
Speaker 1: and she had on these contests. So I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to see all that on Wednesday. So now
Speaker 1: I sit down and back to my shower. I oiled
Speaker 1: myself up because I want to look good for her,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Because I got If I'm
Speaker 1: asking her to put all this together, I gotta put
Speaker 1: myself together. So I did some push ups, some crunches,
Speaker 1: got out the shower, shindy, air dried, air dried, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I'm sitting here now. She
Speaker 1: turned the lights low. She put this blanket by the fireplace.
Speaker 1: I was sitting up right, ladies, Yeah, okay. She comes
Speaker 1: to see out of the bathroom and she has on
Speaker 1: a leotard. So now I'm sitting here and looking at
Speaker 1: her likeness, and she's doing some sort of what she
Speaker 1: going was seductive Beyonce. Thence she don't got the wagons,
Speaker 1: she don't got the contacts. So I'm just sitting there.
Speaker 1: Now she's trying to do her some something things. She's
Speaker 1: trying to know when she doing this, she little mess.
Speaker 1: Yet give me a little more credit than that. Did
Speaker 1: y'all see what I just did when I walked out here,
Speaker 1: all right, So it was a little better than that. Right.
Speaker 1: So now she's doing her rub up on me, right,
Speaker 1: And when she was rub up for me, she liked
Speaker 1: to rub before me get to her special happy place.
Speaker 1: And when she feels that I'm in my special happy place,
Speaker 1: you know, what's time to get busy. So now I
Speaker 1: got a point to prove because she didn't dressed us
Speaker 1: the way that asked her to dressed up. So I'm
Speaker 1: mentally fighting my special happy place. So it's like and
Speaker 1: I'm in my mind, I'm like Dan, she put a
Speaker 1: stink down set. Actually tell her what you really call
Speaker 1: my body suit? I was getting there all the more disrespect.
Speaker 1: So when she feels like it's not where she likes it.
Speaker 1: She turns around, she goes, what's the problem. So I
Speaker 1: go nothing, because I gotta prove a point. So she's like, no, devil,
Speaker 1: I noticed something wrong. And I'm like, now I forget.
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it, but I really
Speaker 1: want to talk about it. But I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: me all the time, so that she said, to guys,
Speaker 1: you're telling me. I said, fine, you asked me what
Speaker 1: I wanted. I told you what I wanted. You came
Speaker 1: out here wearing nothing that I asked you. And she
Speaker 1: was like, I turned her life down. I put the
Speaker 1: fireplace on, I put the for I said, I didn't
Speaker 1: ask for none of that. I asked for a schoolgirls shoe,
Speaker 1: a lot brari, and you gave me here and it's
Speaker 1: dry ass letatard. When I said that, I asked, that
Speaker 1: was savage fenty okay, Rianna be busting it down and
Speaker 1: that stuff. So when I said that, it's shuck a nerve,
Speaker 1: and she stormed off and said, you know what, the
Speaker 1: guy ain't got time for these bullshit. You called my
Speaker 1: liatar drawing. I'm going to sleep now. I'm mad because
Speaker 1: I didn't really want to stop. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: tell how I felt and I want to keep going.
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, how are you gonna just get
Speaker 1: up on for me? With the lead tron on? We
Speaker 1: had plans. She was like, I'm going to sleep about
Speaker 1: So that she's like, what's this big problem? I said
Speaker 1: to the most importantly, you ain't even have on the heels.
Speaker 1: I like the heels. So that she's like, the guy
Speaker 1: I stopped talking, I'm going to sleep. I fine, I
Speaker 1: don't wanna talk about this anyway. So now I'm talking
Speaker 1: to myself and she talking to herself calling the old
Speaker 1: sorts is I don't know what she was calling me.
Speaker 1: So I walk into the bathroom right, and when I
Speaker 1: walk into the bathroom, I see all the heels that
Speaker 1: I brought anem y'all, see how the closet is right.
Speaker 1: All I see is read bottoms and all this other stuff.
Speaker 1: So I got mad, perfectly lineup, color coordinated, all that.
Speaker 1: So I got mad. So what I did? I ran
Speaker 1: it there but naked. All the shoes do all the shoes,
Speaker 1: all of my shoes, y'all, from disrespect every single roll.
Speaker 1: He's kicking shoes through the bathroom. All. I've never seen
Speaker 1: this man so violent with shoes before kicked all the
Speaker 1: shoes and then she laughing and out here and say,
Speaker 1: you know you stipid because you're dick still on medium.
Speaker 1: I'm like being it was, so I'm like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: how bad are you that you're walking around here? You're
Speaker 1: still like all my shoes? Like what if my shoes
Speaker 1: go to you? So now she's talking ship to me
Speaker 1: while I'm picking the shoes around and I'm getting down mass.
Speaker 1: Now you're gonna pick every last shoe up and call
Speaker 1: look for it and put it back. That's going to
Speaker 1: do that? And I said, I'm not picking on shoes up.
Speaker 1: And then she's like, well, the shoes gonna be and
Speaker 1: to we move out because I'm not touching the shoes.
Speaker 1: I said fine. Then I looked down and I had
Speaker 1: a gash on my foot because I kicking one of
Speaker 1: the shoes. There you go. So now one of my
Speaker 1: spiky red bottoms. I don't know what. None of the
Speaker 1: band aids is in our house. So I'm walking around
Speaker 1: the house with a bloody foot. I'm lamming drawers, slamming drawers,
Speaker 1: doing all sorts of stuff, and all I hear how
Speaker 1: the room is I'll bet you're looking for them. Damn
Speaker 1: bandays time, I'm like, stop talking to me, Stop talking
Speaker 1: to me, wrapped my foot in the towel. I tried
Speaker 1: to go to sleep. Dick still on medium this whole time.
Speaker 1: This what Then we went to sleep. She ain't say
Speaker 1: nothing to me. I will go first. You know what
Speaker 1: the worst part of his whole story is, guys, I
Speaker 1: got o c D. So when I woke up, I
Speaker 1: saw all the shoes and I was like, oh, and
Speaker 1: I wasn't touching not a one. So now I'm meaning,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, is this like a U work
Speaker 1: hue with blue? Is this less blue? Is midnight? And
Speaker 1: she walked in there and she was just like, you
Speaker 1: know you're stupid, right, And I was like, you know
Speaker 1: you love me, right, and she was like yeah. Then
Speaker 1: we had set in the closet and then but the
Speaker 1: shoes back in color order. And for all you single
Speaker 1: people right who look at people, for example, y'all look
Speaker 1: at us, and I hear these people say this all
Speaker 1: the time. Oh, y'all. The relationship goes. We have more
Speaker 1: nights like that where we fight and argue and call
Speaker 1: each other names that we do the time that you
Speaker 1: see on Instagram or what's just taking you pictures with
Speaker 1: each other? Like, there are so many nights where we
Speaker 1: just spend trying to figure out what exactly each other wants.
Speaker 1: And the purpose of the story is just recently could
Speaker 1: people have been asking us like how does it feel
Speaker 1: to be relationship goes? And I kind of feel like
Speaker 1: it's a burden that I really don't want because we're
Speaker 1: so flawed as individuals, and I think that it's unfair
Speaker 1: for people to look at us and think that everything
Speaker 1: is perfect. So we just want you all to know
Speaker 1: that we have the same exact issues everybody else in
Speaker 1: here has. Every body. I'm pretty sure your husband, a
Speaker 1: boyfriend has knocked all your shoes off with his thick
Speaker 1: and meet him. I'm pretty sure you know. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure your girl probably said that she was gonna do
Speaker 1: something and do it. It happens, and when it happens,
Speaker 1: don't quit on each other. Don't quit on each other,
Speaker 1: man stick with each other. So I will go for
Speaker 1: tonight since it's Valentine's Day week was to find the
Speaker 1: ideal couple. So today y'all are going to be a
Speaker 1: part of the podcast. You're all excited about that. So
Speaker 1: right here is where we ask for three couples to
Speaker 1: join us on stage for this game. We needed a
Speaker 1: dating couple, an engage couple in the married couple. So
Speaker 1: let's get to know them a little bit. A couple
Speaker 1: of pass guys. Give them a round of applause. All
Speaker 1: three couples, all right? We had dating, engaged and married
Speaker 1: thirty three years? All right, So how long have you
Speaker 1: guys been dating? Eight months? Eight months? Y'all, don't we're
Speaker 1: in that new no phase ever to be young again.
Speaker 1: I love it. What is the best and worst thing
Speaker 1: you bring to the relationship? Yes, and I got tricky
Speaker 1: on y'all. The best thing that I bring to the
Speaker 1: relationship is probably planning a date night. Okay, so you're
Speaker 1: that fool man, So that means that you're spontaneous date
Speaker 1: night planning. I love it, young lady. The best thing
Speaker 1: that I bring to the relationship ship is caring about
Speaker 1: his football players like they're my own. I love that.
Speaker 1: So she's a nurturer. I love that. And the worst thing,
Speaker 1: the worst thing, I am a one word connoisseur. She
Speaker 1: will she will tell me how she feels, and I
Speaker 1: will blatantly hit her with him. Okay, you're trying to die,
Speaker 1: young lady. All right, m uh, this is not good.
Speaker 1: I'm working on okay, but when we are in an argument,
Speaker 1: I'm the first one to walk out the door. And
Speaker 1: you know what, transparency, This is a church free zone.
Speaker 1: We got, we got? Thank you so much. Can we
Speaker 1: have engaged? Couple of must week up wearing a dead
Speaker 1: ass That's one of my favorite pieces of Birch Lawyer
Speaker 1: has dead ass merchant nights on though it's not gonnae age.
Speaker 1: And how long you've been engaged? I've been engaged for
Speaker 1: two years? Come on, y'all, come on now, we was
Speaker 1: engaged years too. When who don't be one an? One
Speaker 1: year too long? Right? It may sound like an issue,
Speaker 1: but we want to we want to do it right.
Speaker 1: Interested absolutely, What how are you doing? You're doing your way? Yes,
Speaker 1: my name is Nash. I'll be tween seven and April.
Speaker 1: He's started thirty. Nice, So tell us what's the best
Speaker 1: worst thing you've been to a relationship. I'm like a thing.
Speaker 1: I'm a prof I'm a perfectionist, so I can pick
Speaker 1: out his flowers a little bit. Okay, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like, because I want to elevate him. I
Speaker 1: want him to be the best him that he can be.
Speaker 1: I can see him. You know that's good. That's when
Speaker 1: clocked that up. She's gonna bringing him brave and I'm
Speaker 1: very ambitious, very ambitious. There you go. So, what's the
Speaker 1: worst thing you bring to the relationship. I'm working on it.
Speaker 1: I don't I'm working on Tell him it's most things.
Speaker 1: She thank you loud. Here you go, a brother. Best
Speaker 1: thing you bring to the relationship proble myself from being
Speaker 1: a provider, for sure. That's important. That that's important, building wealth,
Speaker 1: generational wealth. What's the worst thing? Probably the exact opposite
Speaker 1: of what they were doing, though I'm not very transparent.
Speaker 1: It is. Communication is a problem I'm working on. So
Speaker 1: you're working on it. I love that you see your
Speaker 1: true Okay, rip the man, you see a trem thanks
Speaker 1: in thirty three years. She got her purse back, But
Speaker 1: I love it. Three years introduced us to yourselves. Well,
Speaker 1: this is my wife, Kelly, all right now, okay, so
Speaker 1: here's where we ran into a little technical difficulty. We
Speaker 1: had a hiccup in our audio recording and part of
Speaker 1: our married couple's intro and the first round of our
Speaker 1: game did not get recorded, so sorry about that, but
Speaker 1: shout out to Kelly and Clayton. They were our couple
Speaker 1: who was married the longest in the audience, and they
Speaker 1: came dancing down the aisle, married thirty three years. They
Speaker 1: were really a whole lot of fun. All right. Now,
Speaker 1: now that you've met our contestants, it's time for the
Speaker 1: newly way game dead ass addition, which one of these
Speaker 1: couples knows each other the best? Which one is the
Speaker 1: ideal couple? So here's what we did for We gave
Speaker 1: each couple paddles that said him or her, and we
Speaker 1: had partners stand back to back so they could not
Speaker 1: see each other. Then they had to answer questions like
Speaker 1: who takes up more space in the bed? Or who
Speaker 1: is more likely to cook for the entire family? Who
Speaker 1: is more likely to agree with Codeine's mantra budgets are
Speaker 1: made to be broken. That's one of my favorites. Whichever
Speaker 1: couple answers matched the most was our winner. That's one
Speaker 1: who is more likely to lose their keys? And whilete
Speaker 1: t one, oh look over, ron one is over. Everybody,
Speaker 1: give a round of the blow. Would you believe it
Speaker 1: or not couple was the first couple of eliminating. I
Speaker 1: was shocked. I'm not gonna lie. I was shocked. They
Speaker 1: came down. They had so much swag, they were very
Speaker 1: exciting to watch, and they were fund people. But they
Speaker 1: ain't know ship about each other. I was gonna like, damn,
Speaker 1: how y'all still married? But you know it is what
Speaker 1: it is. You know you love his love. You know
Speaker 1: you love how he gotta loved. We down to the
Speaker 1: ny pritty. So in round two we were left with
Speaker 1: the engaged couple and the dating couple. We did a
Speaker 1: quick round of five questions. Be down to the knitty gritty.
Speaker 1: All right, you already hold the paddles up to your chest,
Speaker 1: no cheating. If you turn the paddle down early, I'm
Speaker 1: deducted the point. I'm the paddle police, paddle police, you're already.
Speaker 1: Question number one, who shot their shot? First? Three? Two? One?
Speaker 1: Let us see? Okay, okay, all right, okay, right? Question
Speaker 1: number two, who is more likely to be late? Three
Speaker 1: to one? Oh, so we have a lead in lead
Speaker 1: by the cats right online online. They're both taken the
Speaker 1: blame right right. Question number three, who is more buckead
Speaker 1: meaning who is more boogie three to one? Don't? Who?
Speaker 1: Who is the last two questions? This is a chance
Speaker 1: to catch up. Who is more likely to get lost
Speaker 1: while driving? Read to one? Don't this is the last one.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I guess you know if you're not
Speaker 1: a buckheads this who's more bluffs? It's more bluff more bluffes.
Speaker 1: So if the cops came knocking, who is more likely
Speaker 1: to sit? Read two? One time? This too so much?
Speaker 1: All right, we can we get some music for our
Speaker 1: I tell poke, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I After
Speaker 1: eight well, our dating couple got off to a big
Speaker 1: league and they kept it for all two rounds. I
Speaker 1: don't think they got a single question wrong. After only
Speaker 1: eight months together, we crowned our dating contestants, our ideal
Speaker 1: couple of the Nights. So what I said was when
Speaker 1: they get married a couple of months from now, because
Speaker 1: they seem like they're on a rocket page to get
Speaker 1: it together. Me and Codeine got to be the ringbarrel
Speaker 1: and the flower girl. Listen, don't tempt me with a
Speaker 1: good time. I love a good wedding, I love an
Speaker 1: open bar, and I love to get rest up. So
Speaker 1: I will be there pitching all the flowers down the aisle. Okay,
Speaker 1: congratulations to our ideal couple, and thank you again to
Speaker 1: our three contestant couples for being such great sports and
Speaker 1: playing with us. Yes, so, so we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break and move into our live listener letters after
Speaker 1: we get into some ads. Baby, this for the record, there,
Speaker 1: it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is
Speaker 1: one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story,
Speaker 1: it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from
Speaker 1: my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the
Speaker 1: return to glory. This is All American, a new series
Speaker 1: from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger
Speaker 1: was don know who he is in the history of golf,
Speaker 1: no question in my mind. And this season, with the
Speaker 1: help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the
Speaker 1: story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling,
Speaker 1: what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is
Speaker 1: out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite
Speaker 1: podcast app. All right, we're back and it's time for
Speaker 1: my favorite listener letters. But this one was with a twist.
Speaker 1: So since we had a theater full of all y'all
Speaker 1: we said, you know what, let's open up the floor
Speaker 1: for live listener letters. Here we go. So this is
Speaker 1: the one of the show. We get to speak to
Speaker 1: our audience, listen to us. Who has questions about life?
Speaker 1: We want to ask us for our advice. See. The
Speaker 1: funny thing is the show you can an email dead ass,
Speaker 1: I said gmail dot com. So thanks for me quite anonymous. However,
Speaker 1: at the live show we have a mic genera wave
Speaker 1: your hands, let them see the spotlight or do we
Speaker 1: have a spotlight? Oh so, don't be shy. Now's your
Speaker 1: time to come on up. Okay, brother right here, And
Speaker 1: this is great because normally the women want to company
Speaker 1: ask all the come on rather tonight. So come on
Speaker 1: down and we're gonna see what he has to ask us,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna talk him through and see if we
Speaker 1: can give our two cents like we normally do. All right, okay,
Speaker 1: if you if you have a question next you can
Speaker 1: get behind them. Yeah, you have somebody on day. Don't
Speaker 1: be shot. Come on down, good night, brother. How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you guys? All right? Though? All right?
Speaker 1: With the leopard print? My wife are we're magic? She
Speaker 1: is matchic? Alright, now, all right, So my wife could
Speaker 1: I've been married for four years. We have two kids,
Speaker 1: and level year old and a eight month daughter. Son
Speaker 1: is eleven and daughter is eight month. We're both social life,
Speaker 1: both career driven. So one of the things that we've
Speaker 1: been struggling with is trying to balance being career driven,
Speaker 1: being parents, and also our social life. So how do
Speaker 1: you guys balance those things? Who? That's something that we
Speaker 1: get a lot because I think we give the illusion
Speaker 1: a lot of the times, maybe through social media or
Speaker 1: the the the content that we put out that we
Speaker 1: have the scales completely balanced and everyone gets everything they
Speaker 1: need all the time. And the truth is is that's
Speaker 1: not the case. And so I want you to know
Speaker 1: that you're not alone because we're sharing that. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure many people who are raising children, you know, who
Speaker 1: are married, are looking for ways to kind of div
Speaker 1: you things up. UM. I would tell a lot of women,
Speaker 1: especially moms particularly, you're just women who are looking to
Speaker 1: have the career and the family or they just want,
Speaker 1: you know, they want it all, um, to just know
Speaker 1: that sometimes you have to let the chips fall where
Speaker 1: they may, um, and then just begin to pick up
Speaker 1: the pieces and prioritize after that, and just know that
Speaker 1: not everything can get everything, or not everyone can get
Speaker 1: everything at the time, so sometimes things may have to falter.
Speaker 1: But just know that if you can kind of prioritize
Speaker 1: and just kind of lay things out in a way
Speaker 1: that things are gonna get taken care of within your
Speaker 1: time frame, then it kind of works out in the end.
Speaker 1: People just have to kind of understand. Like I my
Speaker 1: husband sometimes feel I feel badly for him because he
Speaker 1: feels like he falls to the bottom of the totem
Speaker 1: pole out of the times. Um. But it requires conversations
Speaker 1: sometimes and just be really a lot of time for
Speaker 1: him and a lot of time for the things that
Speaker 1: are necessary and important to me. So that's how I
Speaker 1: kind of try to juggle things a bit. But it's
Speaker 1: always gonna be a constant juggle for sure for me
Speaker 1: being very deliberate. Friday's is day night. That's my wife's
Speaker 1: tim Can nobody take that time, whether it's a booking,
Speaker 1: depending on the money. There's a lot of money, and
Speaker 1: she'd be like, we get paid, but Fridays, Friday's nothing
Speaker 1: else getting in the way of that. I called my
Speaker 1: mother in law, can you watch the kids? My brother,
Speaker 1: my sister, anybody. I just need help and make sure
Speaker 1: Friday's is for her. Sundays his family time. That's my boys.
Speaker 1: So on Sundays can nobody getting away of that. That's
Speaker 1: me and my boys. Monday through Thursday, that's my time.
Speaker 1: That's where I go out there and get this money.
Speaker 1: So from Monday through Thursday, she knows my mother in
Speaker 1: law who lived with us, No and my boys. No,
Speaker 1: leave Daddy alone because Daddy's trying to get that time
Speaker 1: for us for the weekend. So let him do his
Speaker 1: thing during the week. If you're deliberate and you prioritize
Speaker 1: everything else a phone in line, appreciate that you appreciate it. Hillo,
Speaker 1: My question is, Um, I am currently dating now and
Speaker 1: I've never had to battle with um dealing with for
Speaker 1: the first time, I've been dealing with being too educated.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like as a black woman with several degrees,
Speaker 1: I feel like dating I avoid bringing that up because
Speaker 1: I constantly like it's it's a hindrance for me. And
Speaker 1: I've noticed that in dating, Like what advice can you give?
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to dim my life because you should,
Speaker 1: and and Um, I just want some advice like how
Speaker 1: do you navigate conversations when you know you're dating and
Speaker 1: they're asking you know you're currently school with you know,
Speaker 1: what do you do? And you say you have X,
Speaker 1: Y and Z And it's like, WHOA, she's too educated
Speaker 1: for me? Like what what advice do you give? Because
Speaker 1: I'm finding that as a hindrance. The first thing I'll
Speaker 1: give you as a dude is if you tell a
Speaker 1: young man that you're interested in that you're educated, and
Speaker 1: you get scared, that's the wrong man to be talking
Speaker 1: to you. So that's a simple that's a full is that, Like,
Speaker 1: the only thing we have is black people to lean
Speaker 1: back on is our education. Majority of us do not
Speaker 1: come from generational wealth. The only way we can build
Speaker 1: it moving forward is about being educated. So if he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to educate himself, he's afraid that you're educated,
Speaker 1: you can't possibly build with him moving forward. So you said,
Speaker 1: you know what, brother, I'm out and move on. You
Speaker 1: don't hit it with a thank you because at least
Speaker 1: at that point you're you're doing yourself a favor. You're
Speaker 1: doing a favor and you know at that point it's
Speaker 1: probably not going to end up working. But also to
Speaker 1: what is your approach like whenever you're meeting someone for
Speaker 1: the first time, are you someone that rattles off your
Speaker 1: degrees and then you feel like, you know, how do
Speaker 1: you think it comes up that maybe you can maybe
Speaker 1: all to that in the sense that good point. That's
Speaker 1: a good point. So how do you normally approach a conversation?
Speaker 1: I never say anything. They're the ones who usually ask,
Speaker 1: and I avoid it because of what I've experienced before.
Speaker 1: It's usually like what do you do for work? And
Speaker 1: the conversation is to, oh, what's cool you went to?
Speaker 1: And then you know it gets into that and you
Speaker 1: can see like the reluctance when I start talking about it,
Speaker 1: So I never bring it up. I'm me. I'll give
Speaker 1: you a little bit of transparency. Sometimes it may be
Speaker 1: difficult for him man, because he may feel like if
Speaker 1: you say your degrees that you may come with a
Speaker 1: certain amount of baggage where you feel like you're automatically better.
Speaker 1: He may feel that way. So I wouldn't go off
Speaker 1: the initial response. Continue to talk to him if you're interested,
Speaker 1: and if he continues to give you that energy to bounce,
Speaker 1: but don't don't damn it, don't dam your light, continue
Speaker 1: to be who you are, and ultimately somebody's gonna come
Speaker 1: that wants that light that you have, and it's a wrap,
Speaker 1: y'all gonna build something great and you're gonna just be
Speaker 1: shine and doing your things together because she got the masses.
Speaker 1: I don't I hear about it all the time. I
Speaker 1: love it though, Thank you, thank you so much. Hi.
Speaker 1: So my question is, so, my question is, um, how
Speaker 1: do you go about someone saying oh, when you're asking like,
Speaker 1: what do we're doing? Type question? And it's oh, I
Speaker 1: want to go with the flow. What depends on what's flow? Like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, depends on what's flow. That's a fair
Speaker 1: question and it's a fair answer. Sometimes you don't know
Speaker 1: what you want. You got to meet people first, right. However,
Speaker 1: when you do meet people, I would think that anyone
Speaker 1: who's out there dating, because I have been dated in
Speaker 1: a long time, so I speak kind of hypothetically, I
Speaker 1: would think that I'm dating with some sort of intention,
Speaker 1: So not sure what my I'm not sure what your
Speaker 1: intention is, but I know what my intention is, and
Speaker 1: I think that's something that should be clearly stated in
Speaker 1: the very beginning, that should be after the first a
Speaker 1: second conversation, maybe first a second date. Is that typically
Speaker 1: how we go all those dators out there, single people?
Speaker 1: How does that work? Yeah? More or less. No, So
Speaker 1: we don't have intentions when we date. We just go
Speaker 1: with the flow. Let's explain something to y'all. Let me
Speaker 1: explain something to y'all. All right, all right, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna beat dead ass. All right? As a as a brother,
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily go into every conversation knowing I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a marriage and four kids with this woman. Sometimes, right,
Speaker 1: sometimes I noticed I said four kids aren't want You're right?
Speaker 1: That went right on my head on purpose. Sometimes, and
Speaker 1: this is an answer for you. Sometimes you really don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't know, and sometimes it takes time to
Speaker 1: build a connection with someone. What you do is you
Speaker 1: take that answer and say, hey, I'm gonna go with
Speaker 1: the flow. Okay, we're gonna go with the flow, but
Speaker 1: you're gonna set personal boundaries for yourself of what you're
Speaker 1: willing to accept and non accept. And then once you
Speaker 1: set those personal boundaries for yourself, if that person is
Speaker 1: not willing to move with the flow you're trying to flow,
Speaker 1: you move on, but you don't have to have a flow.
Speaker 1: You can't just be so rigid in the beginning on
Speaker 1: the first conversation and say I'm going with the flow.
Speaker 1: Now I want kids. So that ain't gonna work. It
Speaker 1: ain't gonna work. I'm just staying. So that's the question.
Speaker 1: The question I have is are you still around, You're
Speaker 1: still going with the flow or what? It's only been
Speaker 1: like six months? So you've been going with the flow
Speaker 1: for six months? Hold on, sammerdown, summerdown. You met somebody
Speaker 1: with the flow nineties? Six months? Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: want to live in another state. Don't talk this young
Speaker 1: lady live in another state, like, I will not allow it.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is in six months at least we've
Speaker 1: been going with more than a flow. Now, well, he
Speaker 1: also lives at a state. I'm twenty five. I was saying,
Speaker 1: we was going with for eight years. That's what you
Speaker 1: call it. That's cut us podcasts, everybody. I appreciate the time. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll be damned, no, no, no, the flow all right,
Speaker 1: but that's news to me. You see, I told you
Speaker 1: you're always constantly learning about your partners. So I'll learn
Speaker 1: something we do tonight, all right. So what we're gonna
Speaker 1: be doing for the rest of our lives. It's going
Speaker 1: with the flow. Why you ask this, dusk, It's a
Speaker 1: valid question. Ahead. That's gonna be a new hashtag when
Speaker 1: y'all see gold with the Flow under my pictures on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Down you know where it's started, right, I'm just out
Speaker 1: here in this freestyle and going with My words were
Speaker 1: taken out of context. It was the network they played
Speaker 1: that clip. I don't know what We're gonna have a
Speaker 1: great aversion when a shady boots, shady boots, shady boots. Listen, listen, listen,
Speaker 1: tread lightly. You asked him, right, where are we going?
Speaker 1: How about rather than asking him you tell him where
Speaker 1: you want to go? Tell him where you want to go.
Speaker 1: I'm all right, so where we're going? So there you go. Question.
Speaker 1: I think we had time. Maybe one more. All right,
Speaker 1: let's see seys. What's up? Hi? CoDeeN? Hi? What's your name? Dominique? Dominique?
Speaker 1: What's going on this? Hi? The bell? You know, I'm
Speaker 1: waiting for her to say, shut up the bell? But
Speaker 1: everybody kind of late, I'm sorry, everybody kind of segued
Speaker 1: into the question. I'm a singleton us. But the biggest
Speaker 1: thing in my last relationship was just dealing with We
Speaker 1: were both professionals. He had a PhD. I have my
Speaker 1: d v M. All right, wonderful, we're on our careers.
Speaker 1: We graduated in the same year. But it was just
Speaker 1: this kind of how do you not overbear the relationship?
Speaker 1: How do you keep things kind of handled? Because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you are at my level. We're about both at each
Speaker 1: other's level. But he always was insecure. So as a
Speaker 1: woman in the relationship, how or as a man, well,
Speaker 1: this gonna happen with a woman too, How do you
Speaker 1: guys maintain that balance of not making someone feel like
Speaker 1: they're less achieved than the other. It's funny, and I
Speaker 1: talked about this a lot, and it's not in terms
Speaker 1: of a level of one having more achievements than the other.
Speaker 1: I think the things that we've struggled with more recently,
Speaker 1: it's like, for example, as business partners, our style of
Speaker 1: doing things, which is funny. I won't go into too
Speaker 1: much detail, only because we just did a podcast like
Speaker 1: on this for about season three, so uming season three
Speaker 1: is gonna be out our second y'all No March fourth,
Speaker 1: March four, so I know March fourth um, But there
Speaker 1: was many times that because the VAL's method and process
Speaker 1: in doing things was different than mine, he would sometimes
Speaker 1: either look down on it or he would not take
Speaker 1: me seriously in that moment, and for me, I then
Speaker 1: ended up feeling like I was inadequate or I was
Speaker 1: the lesser of the two because I was working through
Speaker 1: my own process to get things done. Now, I dealt
Speaker 1: with procrastination a lot, and I've said that before many times,
Speaker 1: so he saw sometimes when I was really trying to
Speaker 1: get stuff done, it was just me being a procrastinator,
Speaker 1: but in turn, I was actually working through my process
Speaker 1: to get things done. I work differently. I'm a last
Speaker 1: minute kind of person. I'll bang it out and I'll
Speaker 1: get that A on that paper, because you know, people
Speaker 1: just function and operate differently. So one thing that we
Speaker 1: had to do more recently was kind of give each
Speaker 1: other space to to be able to be our own entities.
Speaker 1: And I think the lions got blurred for us a
Speaker 1: lot because being together eighteen years, married almost ten, A
Speaker 1: lot of times the lions get blurred and then in
Speaker 1: turn causes a lot of resentment. Intention So that's how
Speaker 1: we've dealt with it recently. Is to kind of give
Speaker 1: each other space to do our own thing, and then
Speaker 1: we'll touch face when necessary, because it was taking a
Speaker 1: toll on our marriage now because when I was dealing
Speaker 1: with him as a business partner, I'll be pissed at
Speaker 1: something he did then and then it carries over to
Speaker 1: me being his wife. So at that point, don't touch me,
Speaker 1: don't kiss me. I want to look at you. I
Speaker 1: want to spend time with you because I'm still mad
Speaker 1: about what happened when we're on the clock, and then
Speaker 1: I had to learn, you know what did that. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we have to punch out and know how to divide
Speaker 1: and separate the two. Thank you. I agree he's gonna
Speaker 1: through everything. I stayed from here on out going with
Speaker 1: the flood. Absolutely. Valentine's Day is flying. No, I agree.
Speaker 1: We put a boundary in our marriage and said and
Speaker 1: we we prefaced everything by saying this. I'm speaking as
Speaker 1: a business partner. So with everything I say at this point,
Speaker 1: you know I'm talking about the business. I don't ever
Speaker 1: want to be punished as a husband for something I
Speaker 1: say as a business partner. Once you begin to separate that,
Speaker 1: you start to realize that the person that's speaking to you,
Speaker 1: was speaking to you from a different per a different
Speaker 1: purpose than he is is your husband or wife. So
Speaker 1: as partners, I wouldn't get so caught up in the
Speaker 1: degrees and what you do for your hustle because, like
Speaker 1: Dan said, her hustle is different than mine, but we're
Speaker 1: both hustling. If you're both hustling and working together, continue
Speaker 1: to work together. But you got to put that barrier
Speaker 1: in the middle at some point in the day and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: now I'm just your lover, I'm your best friend, I'm
Speaker 1: your homie. Let's talk about something else. If you separate it,
Speaker 1: you'll be able to find that divide and communicate effection. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but of course, still offer encouragement because we all need
Speaker 1: a little encouragement motivation every now and again. You know
Speaker 1: what kind of separate the two for sure? Okay, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. We got time for one more question, more question,
Speaker 1: Sorry y'all, y'all gonna email us dais at gmail dot
Speaker 1: com and we'll get to tell us you at the show,
Speaker 1: so we know for sure that y'all at the show.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all for coming up. Hey guys, knowing my name
Speaker 1: is Ontario, Ontario. Hey there where my fiance ten years.
Speaker 1: I got a simple question. It's like the hardest thing
Speaker 1: when it comes to food and you ask each other
Speaker 1: what you want to eat and the female says, I
Speaker 1: don't know what he saying. When it comes to food
Speaker 1: and you asked her what she wants to eat, she says,
Speaker 1: she don't know. You pick, and you pick something and
Speaker 1: I don't want that. I'm gonna be a hunt's honest.
Speaker 1: When I asked her what she want to eat, she
Speaker 1: knows what she wanna eat, like she knows I'm listening.
Speaker 1: I think that's give her grace. She asked you to pick,
Speaker 1: you pick something, she don't like what you pick, give
Speaker 1: her grace to change your mind. And then once she
Speaker 1: changed your mind, say okay, David, because I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you right now. In marriage, sometimes there is just no
Speaker 1: who fucking answer, brute like it's no answer. Sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: telling the truth. Bro, you're gonna rack your brains trying
Speaker 1: to out. Stop trying to rack your brain. Understand that
Speaker 1: y'all a very different beings, that'd be different. So when
Speaker 1: she started doing stuff like that, just look at just
Speaker 1: remember why you love kay. See what I'm saying, Maybe
Speaker 1: finishing you try to sentences and all that. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: something simple like that. That's mine. Don't need a trip
Speaker 1: on that. That was quick. We actually got time for
Speaker 1: one more. Somebody having in the way. Yes, I was yo,
Speaker 1: I wasn't letting y'all go shout out to Ferrick Paddicky
Speaker 1: Jim straining the boys. My wife is here. She didn't
Speaker 1: even know that I was down here. I told I
Speaker 1: was coming to get a drinking a live. She's right there.
Speaker 1: You left your wife, wife because I got a serious question, wife, serious?
Speaker 1: Is it gonna get you back home tonight? Or you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to much gonna cost? But it don't matter
Speaker 1: how much sense is enough? Listen? We got to meet
Speaker 1: in Greek tickets, So if you don't want to answer
Speaker 1: it right now, make sure you answer it later. Please,
Speaker 1: I got another one, so listen, um, all right, listen
Speaker 1: when you are amen? Who is as attracted to your
Speaker 1: wife as I'm attracted to my life? Enough? Right enough,
Speaker 1: with respect, with respect, I don't blame you, so all right?
Speaker 1: Enough is never enough. You see the woman that you've
Speaker 1: fallen in love with, you only get to choose one
Speaker 1: that you want to marry. You want to give for
Speaker 1: that love all the time. So to be honest, she
Speaker 1: could give it to you every day, every other day,
Speaker 1: it's never gonna be enough because you're always gonna want more.
Speaker 1: You under want more. It's the truth. Right. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing, right, And this is what I had to learn.
Speaker 1: Our bodies are made differently, very very differently. There are
Speaker 1: things that I'm able to do and get up for
Speaker 1: that she can't necessarily get up for every single day, right,
Speaker 1: And he's not. He has no problems getting up for anything.
Speaker 1: So it takes a certain level of discipline to be
Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship and find happiness as a man.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you that it's not it's not easy. It's
Speaker 1: not easy. But what you gotta remember is if you
Speaker 1: tell her and she works hard enough to help you
Speaker 1: as much as she can, you gotta be appreciative of
Speaker 1: it because there's no other option, or it's death. You see,
Speaker 1: I had to come close to me death. It don't
Speaker 1: matter because to be honest, there was a point where
Speaker 1: we were trying to do it every day and full transparency.
Speaker 1: Her body couldn't take it. Her body, she physics Lee
Speaker 1: could not take it. She was getting sick. We had
Speaker 1: to go to the doctor. There were things happening, and
Speaker 1: I'm like that, but I was putting it on it.
Speaker 1: I was putting it on her. I was putting I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to be your girlfriend. I was we y'all
Speaker 1: think about it. We've been together since eighteen Imagine how
Speaker 1: much test stops there on. She had to deal with
Speaker 1: eighteen NFL and then how many times I had to
Speaker 1: reinvent the wheel after kids, after all those different things.
Speaker 1: Ladies out there with kids, y'all know how it goes.
Speaker 1: It's not Listen, it's not it's not easy. And and
Speaker 1: this is the truth. There has to be a certain
Speaker 1: amount of empathy as a man for your wife, and
Speaker 1: there has to be a certain amount of empathy as
Speaker 1: a woman for your men. If y'all can express that
Speaker 1: empathy and continue to work to make that spark happen,
Speaker 1: there's never gonna be a number that I can tell
Speaker 1: you that's gonna be exact. Y'all just got to continue
Speaker 1: to work. Because we've been together eighteen years, we still
Speaker 1: have this debate. It never goes away, It never ever
Speaker 1: goes abait. We debated about this last week. Last week,
Speaker 1: Bro last week. So just love on your wife and
Speaker 1: I will give you this one tip. Find out ways
Speaker 1: that can make her get in the mood when she
Speaker 1: may not want to be in the mood, you know.
Speaker 1: But for us, we have these conversations and we talk
Speaker 1: about it bluntly, and that's how we get through it.
Speaker 1: We're able to laugh about it now and make jokes.
Speaker 1: But the ship wasn't always funny and still ain't funny
Speaker 1: what we still talk about it now, so it would
Speaker 1: be the same thing. Should be funny to some time.
Speaker 1: Don't be funny as long as funny is what you
Speaker 1: knocking my shoes with it, that's what's funny. But my
Speaker 1: wife love you guys. We moved that here because we
Speaker 1: all thank you so much out in here because of us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we heard Johan, he's John Ty of her in the show,
Speaker 1: so happy, Oh damn, oh goodness, and we moved to
Speaker 1: l An It's right. We might circle back, Like I
Speaker 1: said at the top of the show, we might circle Yeah. Nah,
Speaker 1: you don't follow us, why causing all this trouble with
Speaker 1: this sexual you won't even live here. I hope y'all
Speaker 1: single women chumping sides we get outside. Nah, Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here with us. We
Speaker 1: love y'all. Give yourself to a round of applause. Bryant
Speaker 1: Short and Junior. Come on, Ryan, give a round of
Speaker 1: applause for Brian Shorty. Julia, give a round of applause
Speaker 1: for Djae I huge thank you to everyone who came
Speaker 1: out to our Atlanta show. We can't wait to be
Speaker 1: back and do it again. Let me tell y'all, it
Speaker 1: was such a good time. It was unbelievable and we
Speaker 1: really really love you all. Shout out a t L.
Speaker 1: Be sure to follow us on social media. That's I
Speaker 1: am devout and I am Subscribe to dead Ass on Stitcher, Spotify,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you're listening right now. If you're
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcast, make sure you rate and review
Speaker 1: us dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher.
Speaker 1: We are produced by Jackie Sojico and Dinor Opinion. Our
Speaker 1: executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple and
Speaker 1: Kristin Torres. Our Chief content officer is Chris Bannon. Our
Speaker 1: studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and
Speaker 1: Last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen's
Speaker 1: We'll Back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We
Speaker 1: have a podcast going on right now as part of
Speaker 1: the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a
Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to
Speaker 1: the Distraction, right now. It's out. Do it. Please,