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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I'm Katie Curic and welcome to Next Question today.

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Speaker 1: As we venture intoday number who knows what of life

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Speaker 1: in the age of shelter in place and social distancing,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about loneliness. It's a feeling like

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Speaker 1: love and loss that is so universal that it's the

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Speaker 1: backbone to untold number of songs that will make your heartbreak,

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Speaker 1: like this nineteen sixty two classic by Bobby Bentonly I'm

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Speaker 1: Mr Roy Orbison's is a little more upbeat. And then

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Speaker 1: there's this one from John Prine, who died from COVID

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Speaker 1: nineteen on April seven, called speed of the Sound of Loneliness. See,

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Speaker 1: loneliness was already start need to be accepted as a

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Speaker 1: global problem even before this pandemic hit. And now, whether

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Speaker 1: you're alone or surrounded by people, that feeling of loneliness

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Speaker 1: may be even more profound. It's not only dangerous for

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Speaker 1: your mental health and can lead to problems like addiction.

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Speaker 1: According to a recent report by the National Academies of Sciences, Medicine,

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Speaker 1: and Engineering, loneliness is also tied to an increase in

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Speaker 1: heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and dementia. But this isn't news

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Speaker 1: to Dr Vivic Murphy, loneliness is not existing in isolation.

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Speaker 1: That's not just a bad feeling, but it's actually increasing

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Speaker 1: our risk or other conditions that are deeply impactful to

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Speaker 1: our life. As Surgeon General under President Obama, he identified

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Speaker 1: loneliness as this country's fastest growing public health crisis. Loneliness

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Speaker 1: is a subject to state. It's a feeling that the

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Speaker 1: connections that you need are greater than the connections that

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Speaker 1: you have, and that gap is what creates loneliness. It's

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Speaker 1: distinct from the objective state of isolation, which is more

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Speaker 1: of a description of the number of people you have

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Speaker 1: around you. So I can be surrounded by hundreds of

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Speaker 1: other people, like a student on a college campus or

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Speaker 1: someone who works in a large office setting, but I

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Speaker 1: can still feel profoundly alone. And by contrast, I may

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Speaker 1: only have a couple of people around me, but may

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Speaker 1: feel deeply fulfilled. It's about the quality of those relationships.

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Speaker 1: It's about can I be myself when I'm with somebody else?

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Speaker 1: Can I show up as my whole self? Um? Do

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Speaker 1: I believe that they accept me for who I am?

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Speaker 1: And can I do the same for them? His new

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Speaker 1: book Together, The Healing Power of human connection in a

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Speaker 1: sometimes lonely world explores this often invisible epidemic, which leads

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Speaker 1: me to my next question. Long before we were forced

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Speaker 1: into this physical separation, how did we all become so disconnected?

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Speaker 1: And what can we do to take better care of

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Speaker 1: each other? And who better to ask than Dr Murphy?

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Speaker 1: But first I wanted to see how he was doing,

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Speaker 1: you know, like everyone else, I've I've just been trying

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Speaker 1: to make sense of this and find some some blends

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Speaker 1: of order and the chaos that's become my life. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm working at home now, and I'm trying to take

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Speaker 1: care of our two kids, who are three and two.

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Speaker 1: My wife is in the same boat. Thankfully. We are

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Speaker 1: down in Miami, Florida with my parents and my sister.

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Speaker 1: This is where I grew up and most of my

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Speaker 1: family is still here. But I have a ninety year

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Speaker 1: old grandmother at home who recently fractured her head and

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Speaker 1: we're worried about her health. My parents are also, you know,

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Speaker 1: in their early seventies, and so we're concerned about their exposure.

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Speaker 1: So we're grateful to be together, but figuring out how

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Speaker 1: to keep everyone safe, especially when my father and sister

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Speaker 1: are seeing patients and clinic is a daunting prospect and

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Speaker 1: it certainly is a great source of stress right now.

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Speaker 1: So they're treating patients and then they're coming back home.

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Speaker 1: Are you worried about that? We're worried about them. We're

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Speaker 1: worried about my grandmother. Um. We were particularly worried about

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Speaker 1: them because, like many doctors around the country, they've had

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Speaker 1: a really hard time getting masks, so they have had

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Speaker 1: to see patients sometimes without the protection that they need

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Speaker 1: for themselves, and that makes work even riskier. You know,

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Speaker 1: they still go because they want to serve the patients

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Speaker 1: who need them, and they've tried to they've tried to

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Speaker 1: convert as many appointments to teleconferencing type consultations and such,

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Speaker 1: but you know, there are times where you need to

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Speaker 1: see somebody in person, need to examine them, and so

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Speaker 1: they're still seeing patients on the limited asis. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do worry about them. I worry about my grandmother

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Speaker 1: at home. I worry about my mother being exposed, and

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Speaker 1: I certainly worry about all the other friends I have

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Speaker 1: who are doctors and nurses in the front lines, who

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Speaker 1: are struggling to take care of patients without masks and

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Speaker 1: gowns and gloves. It's so infuriating to me that they

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Speaker 1: are doing so much for the public without proper protection,

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Speaker 1: not only for themselves, but of course they could potentially

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Speaker 1: spread it to other people as well. We're going to

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Speaker 1: talk about your book and about loneliness specifically, but as

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Speaker 1: someone who was the Surgeon General under President Obama, why

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Speaker 1: weren't we better prepared for this? Having been through Ebola

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Speaker 1: and Zeka during the Obama administration. A couple of things

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Speaker 1: that we learned is one is that you're always going

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Speaker 1: to stumble during these responses when you're responding to something new.

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Speaker 1: But what matters most of all is how you respond

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Speaker 1: to those stumbles, how quickly do get up, how transparent

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Speaker 1: are you in the process, and how quickly do you

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Speaker 1: learn from the mistakes that you made. The other thing

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Speaker 1: that really matters is that you lead with science and

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Speaker 1: with scientists. And this is not always easy because when

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Speaker 1: you get in front of the cameras in the briefing

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Speaker 1: room in the White House, it is incredibly compelling, and

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Speaker 1: to be able to get up there and say something positive,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's a huge uh. You know, in internal instincts,

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Speaker 1: you have to want to make people happy, to make

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Speaker 1: them feel better in a time of panic, and you

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Speaker 1: have to do that while also not stretching the truth

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Speaker 1: or misrepresenting science. And one that's why it's particularly so

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Speaker 1: important that not only elected leaders use science and the

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Speaker 1: decision making that they put also that they put scientists

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Speaker 1: in front of the microphone and give them the opportunity

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Speaker 1: to speak directly to the public about what we're learning

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Speaker 1: about the pandemic. I think when I look at the

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Speaker 1: current response, I think, yes, there were some stumbles, you know,

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Speaker 1: early on when it came to getting testing up and running.

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Speaker 1: To be fair, this was a pandemic that's greater than

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Speaker 1: really anything that we have seen perhaps in the last century.

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Speaker 1: So there's an extraordinary phenomenon that they were faced with here.

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Speaker 1: But what I think were I think they could probably

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Speaker 1: be stronger and almost certainly do better, is when it

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Speaker 1: comes to making evidence based decisions, pulling out the stops

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Speaker 1: and using every level we have to make sure that

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Speaker 1: our healthcare workers have the materials that they need, and

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Speaker 1: whether that means activating the the d p A earlier,

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Speaker 1: which was a lot of that gives the government ability

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Speaker 1: for the Defense Production Act that's right. So whether it

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Speaker 1: means activating the Defense Production Act earlier and using every

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Speaker 1: lever to take over the supply chain and ensure that

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Speaker 1: we're both producing and distributing materials where they need to go,

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Speaker 1: you know, there are several things I think that we

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Speaker 1: could have been uh, just bolder and stronger and quicker

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Speaker 1: to do when it came to this response. And the

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Speaker 1: reason that speed matters so much is that when it

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Speaker 1: comes to pandemic response, speed equals life saved. If you

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Speaker 1: look at the curves the model of the models that

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Speaker 1: have been constructed not just in the US but around

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Speaker 1: the world of the pandemic response effort, what you see

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Speaker 1: is that even a one day delay in instituting stay

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Speaker 1: at home measures or a strict mitigation efforts actually increases

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Speaker 1: significantly the number of lives that are ultimately lost. So

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Speaker 1: speed is of the essence here. The last thing I

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Speaker 1: would say is about communication, though you know, one of

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Speaker 1: the things that it was abundantly I think clear to

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Speaker 1: many of us, both in republican and democratic administrations during

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Speaker 1: these kind of responses, is that the most important asset

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Speaker 1: you have in this kind of response is public trust,

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Speaker 1: and you have to preserve that and treat it as

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Speaker 1: a as a sacred bond and a sacred investment, if

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Speaker 1: you will, And that means that you've got to make

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Speaker 1: sure you're communicating openly and honestly with the public about

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Speaker 1: what you know and what you don't know. And the

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Speaker 1: reason trust is so important is because during pandemics like this,

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Speaker 1: there are times where you're going to need people to

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Speaker 1: take action that might be quite painful for them to do,

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Speaker 1: but it is essential to be able to get the

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Speaker 1: pandemic under control. And we're seeing that right now where

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Speaker 1: we're having to ask people to stay at home and

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Speaker 1: to not go to work, not go to school, not

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Speaker 1: go to college, not visit their friends. This is extremely

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Speaker 1: painful both economically and socially and emotionally for people. But

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Speaker 1: people will only follow what you're telling them to do

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Speaker 1: if they trust you, and so you you can't squander

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Speaker 1: that trust by stretching their truth or by contradicting each

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Speaker 1: other being inconsistent in your message. You've got to be

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Speaker 1: very clear and how you communicate. Many of the people

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Speaker 1: listening right now are focused on keeping their families safe,

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Speaker 1: but you could change one letter in that word, and

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Speaker 1: they're also focused on keeping themselves and their families sane,

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Speaker 1: and that's where the topic of loneliness comes in because

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Speaker 1: for many people, they are sheltered in place by themselves.

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Speaker 1: It's hard enough with a family getting along with a spouse, homeschooling,

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Speaker 1: working from home. The pressures are really unparalleled, I think.

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Speaker 1: But then you have people who are all by themselves.

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Speaker 1: And we're really here to talk about loneliness today because

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Speaker 1: that's something that you've been focused on for a few

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Speaker 1: years now. You decided to take this issue on when

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Speaker 1: you were the surgeon General in the Obama administration, and

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Speaker 1: I'm curious how it caught your tension and why, O Katy.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think that I would focus on loneliness. When

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Speaker 1: I began my tenure, I had spent a lot of

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Speaker 1: time thinking about what my priorities would be. I had

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Speaker 1: in fact, spoken and testified in front of the Senate

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Speaker 1: and shared what my priorities would be, and loneliness was

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Speaker 1: not on that list. But what happened to me is

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Speaker 1: I was really educated by people around the country who

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Speaker 1: invited me to their homes and into town hall meetings

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Speaker 1: in their communities, and you being ad to tell me

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Speaker 1: stories about what it was that was on their mind. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been going to those meetings with usually a simple question,

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Speaker 1: which is how can I help? And I heard stories

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Speaker 1: that were not entirely surprising, about opiod addiction, about violence

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Speaker 1: and communities, about people's struggles with depression, and anxiety by

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Speaker 1: their worries that their children might be using social media

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Speaker 1: too much. But what was interesting in what I did

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Speaker 1: not expect to hear was it behind so many of

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Speaker 1: these stories, where threads of lonelines us, with so many

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Speaker 1: people saying to me, you know, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: have to deal with all of these issues on my own.

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Speaker 1: I feel like no one has my back. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I disappeared tomorrow wouldn't matter. I just feel invisible.

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Speaker 1: And so even though people didn't come up to me

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Speaker 1: saying hi, my name is Vebic or my name is

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Speaker 1: Katie and I'm struggling with loneliness, when they would say

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Speaker 1: those things, it made me wonder if they felt alone.

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Speaker 1: So I began surfacing it more proactively in conversation, and

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Speaker 1: what I experienced also surprised me again, which was that

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Speaker 1: I saw these visceral looks of recognition in people's faces,

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Speaker 1: saw it in their eyes, that kind of recognition that said,

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Speaker 1: I've felt this before, or people who are close to

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Speaker 1: me have experienced this, and I'm aware of it. And

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Speaker 1: that was true. Whether I was talking to people in

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Speaker 1: remote villages in Alaska, whether I was talking to members

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Speaker 1: of Congress in DC or to parents in Oklahoma, people

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Speaker 1: seemed to deeply connect with the issue of loneliness, and

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Speaker 1: they weren't always comfortable with it. In fact, they often

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Speaker 1: felt a sense of shame when admitting to their own loneliness.

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Speaker 1: But it was familiar, and that was my first signal

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Speaker 1: that there was something deeper going on in the country

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Speaker 1: that I had not previously paid enough attention to. I

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Speaker 1: had noticed it in my own life. I had struggled

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Speaker 1: with loneliness and not a lot as a child, and

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Speaker 1: many times during adulthood, including during my time a surgeon general,

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Speaker 1: I had seen loneliness a lot among my patients, noting

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Speaker 1: that so many of the people who came to our

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Speaker 1: hospital and sought care came alone and at some of

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Speaker 1: the most critical moments of life, during major illnesses when

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Speaker 1: they had to make decisions about treatment, and even Katie

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Speaker 1: at the time of death, that they're only people who

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Speaker 1: were with them were They're my fellow doctors and nurses

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Speaker 1: in the hospital, but there was nobody else who was

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Speaker 1: there to witness those critical moments and help them in

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Speaker 1: their decision making. So I had seen loneliness, I had

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Speaker 1: seen it up close, I had felt it personally, but

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Speaker 1: I had no idea, Katie, how common it was. And

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Speaker 1: it was those experience, as it was those conversations that

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Speaker 1: include me into something that I had been missing. Tell

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Speaker 1: me about your own experiences with loneliness as a child

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Speaker 1: um as as a child of immigrants. I know that

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Speaker 1: you struggled with feeling different and alone. I did, Katie.

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Speaker 1: You know I I always really blessed to have some

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Speaker 1: amazing people in my life, most of all my parents

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Speaker 1: and sister, who who were just my ultimate safety nea

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Speaker 1: and whenever I came home, I felt safe and secure.

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Speaker 1: I felt loved, I felt seen, I felt value. But

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Speaker 1: school was a different matter entirely. When I would go

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Speaker 1: to school as a very shy kid who had trouble

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Speaker 1: approaching other kids, I found it hard to make friends.

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Speaker 1: And one of the scariest times of the day for

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Speaker 1: me was not when a test was being administered. It

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Speaker 1: was actually lunchtime, when I had to go to the

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Speaker 1: cafeteria and wonder if I was going to be sitting alone,

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Speaker 1: and that makes me cry of the Well, it turns

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Speaker 1: out I wasn't alone in this loneliness. But there's so

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Speaker 1: many young people, you know, and people who are older now,

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Speaker 1: when they think back on their their times in elementary school,

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Speaker 1: they recall moments like this. And what's so interesting about

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Speaker 1: loneliness among kids is that we tend to focus a

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Speaker 1: lot on bullying as the experience that is really traumatic

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Speaker 1: and harmful to children, and with good reason. It's common,

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Speaker 1: it's consequential, we should pay attention to it. But loneliness

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Speaker 1: is interesting because even though it can be a byproduct

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Speaker 1: of bullying, even though it can be a risk factor

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Speaker 1: for bullying, it's also its own separate thing. When she

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Speaker 1: would peek kids experience of loneliness, often what they'll say is,

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Speaker 1: nobody did anything bad to me. They just pretended I

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Speaker 1: didn't exist. They just didn't notice that I was even there.

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Speaker 1: And that is the experience that I found an interview

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Speaker 1: after an interview with parents who had kids struggling with loneliness,

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Speaker 1: that was true to their own experience. And so for me,

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Speaker 1: you know, thinking about those moments in elementary school, thinking

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Speaker 1: about how I would just wait and watch the clock

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Speaker 1: and be so excited when I finally hit three o'clock

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Speaker 1: in the bell rang, so I could just run out

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Speaker 1: to the front and seeing my mother waiting in the

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Speaker 1: car for me and jump in and go home. When

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Speaker 1: I think about those moments, um, I'm struck by by

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Speaker 1: a couple of things. One is the shame that I

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Speaker 1: felt around feeling so lonely. You know, to this day,

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Speaker 1: i'd actually never talked to my parents about that loneliness

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Speaker 1: that I experienced. Yeah, I never have, and at the

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Speaker 1: time I didn't because I was ashamed. I thought that

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Speaker 1: saying that I was lonely was like saying, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was I wasn't fit enough to make friends, or

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Speaker 1: I wasn't likable. I was socially deficient in some way.

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Speaker 1: Now I don't tell them about it or talk to

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Speaker 1: them about it, not because I'm ashamed of it, but

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Speaker 1: because I don't want them to feel bad. I don't

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Speaker 1: want them to think that I was in pain as

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Speaker 1: a child and they didn't know about it, or that

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Speaker 1: they did something wrong, because they didn't do anything wrong. Oh,

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Speaker 1: thank goodness, you had them because I as you tell

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Speaker 1: the story of the VIC I think about kids who

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Speaker 1: don't have loving parents and are lonely at school. And

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Speaker 1: I know your loneliness was exacerbated by the fact that

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Speaker 1: you're you know, you're Indian, and a lot of people

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Speaker 1: didn't appreciate or understand your family special customs and traditions.

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Speaker 1: It was an interesting thing because I went to a

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Speaker 1: school that had growing up in Miami, Florida, that had

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Speaker 1: a large African American and Latino population, and diversity was

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Speaker 1: is there in some respects in the school, Yet in

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Speaker 1: terms of my own cultural background, there was nobody else

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Speaker 1: other than me and my sister in the school who

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Speaker 1: were of Indian descent. Now that in and of itself

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Speaker 1: wasn't problematic, except that, you know, we found that many

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Speaker 1: kids who didn't understand what kind of Indian we were would, uh,

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Speaker 1: would think that we were Native American, would call me,

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Speaker 1: you know, tomahawk boy, would make all of these jokes about,

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Speaker 1: you know, about Native American culture, which you know, frankly

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Speaker 1: didn't even apply to me, but felt offensive nonetheless, And

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Speaker 1: they were all of these um sort of It was

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Speaker 1: around the time and that the movie Indiana Jones was made.

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Speaker 1: And this may not be remarkable to most people, but

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Speaker 1: for people of Indian descent, that movie was highly traumatic

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Speaker 1: because they painted this picture of India that was inaccurate

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Speaker 1: and frankly quite offensive. You know. So we had all

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Speaker 1: these kids in school who thought that we ate monkey brains, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, and who thought that we ate cockroaches and

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Speaker 1: and and all kinds of insects, and they just thought

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Speaker 1: it was all disgusting. You know where we came from,

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Speaker 1: but they had no idea what it was like. But

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Speaker 1: they took this from Indiana. Jones and the Temple of Doom.

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Speaker 1: That's so interesting. Yeah, And it's funny when I when

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Speaker 1: I talked to the Indian men and women who were

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Speaker 1: of my age and when I mentioned that movie, I've

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Speaker 1: seen many of them shutter because they recall these conversations

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Speaker 1: that they had to have with kids in elementary school

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Speaker 1: informing them that no, they did not have cockroaches for dinner. No,

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Speaker 1: that's not something that we eat. This shows how shows

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Speaker 1: how impactful cultural uh, you know, events like a movie

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Speaker 1: like that. I would never strike me that that was

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Speaker 1: very traumatic and triggering for for people in that community.

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Speaker 1: It was. And you know overtime, you know, as I

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Speaker 1: got older, it was easier to have a thoughtful conversation

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Speaker 1: with people and say, hey, that's actually not what we

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Speaker 1: do at home. In fact, most of us are vegetarian.

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Speaker 1: But but you know, in elementary school, when you're in

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Speaker 1: fourth or sixth grade, like you know, the conversations a

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Speaker 1: bit different. Middle school can be a little rough. So

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Speaker 1: you know, I would say that those experience, as painful

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Speaker 1: as they were, they certainly gave me an appreciation for

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Speaker 1: how difficult this social experience can be for children in school,

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Speaker 1: especially in a culture that's largely built around extroverts, and

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Speaker 1: where the notion of you know, being alone or even

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Speaker 1: wanting to spend time alone and sort of looked at

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Speaker 1: as evidence that something be wrong with you. Up next,

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Speaker 1: how we can avoid a social recession in the wake

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Speaker 1: of this pandemic and use this time to appreciate and

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Speaker 1: strengthen our most important relationships. At the start of two

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Speaker 1: thousand and fifteen, after being appointed the nineteenth Surgeon General

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Speaker 1: of the United States, Vivic Murphy criss crossed the country

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Speaker 1: on a listening tour, which is where he was surprised

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Speaker 1: to find that loneliness was an almost ubiquitous experience among Americans.

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Speaker 1: It was a realization that would reshape his mission. You know,

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Speaker 1: traditionally the Office of the Surgeon General has focused on

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Speaker 1: deeper would causes like physical activity and nutrition, but this

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Speaker 1: was an unexpected one and I started to see very

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Speaker 1: clearly in these conversations, and as I delve into the

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Speaker 1: science behind loneliness, of which there was a surprising amount,

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Speaker 1: I started to realize that loneliness is not existing in isolation.

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Speaker 1: That's not just a bad feeling, but it's actually increasing

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Speaker 1: our risk or other conditions that are deeply impactful to

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Speaker 1: our life, conditions like cardiovascar disease and depression and anxiety

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Speaker 1: and dementia. There was some very interesting studies out of

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Speaker 1: Brigham Young University showing that loneliness is strongly associated with

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Speaker 1: a reduction in lifespan as well, a reduction that is

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Speaker 1: similar in magnitude to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day and

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Speaker 1: greater than the magnitude of mortality impact seen with obesity

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Speaker 1: or with sedentary living. But I was also seeing the

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Speaker 1: stories of people who were struggling with opioid addiction and

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Speaker 1: with addiction to alcohol that there was this profound sense

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Speaker 1: of loneliness that they spoke about that just came through

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Speaker 1: in their stories and the writing of the book. I

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Speaker 1: I delved more deeply into these stories and visited people

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Speaker 1: who had spent many years in prison as well to

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Speaker 1: understand more about the origins of the life of violence

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Speaker 1: as they described it that they had led and there too,

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Speaker 1: with so many of them told me was that it

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Speaker 1: was their loneliness at a young age had led them

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Speaker 1: to join gangs. Um it was a sense of loneliness

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Speaker 1: and still a nod at them, you know, during their

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Speaker 1: time in prison and when they got out afterwards. So

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Speaker 1: again and again and again, it seemed that loneliness was

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Speaker 1: not only common, but it was driving us to do

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Speaker 1: things that were often harmful to ourselves and to the

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Speaker 1: people around us. When I read your book that I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about all the mass shootings that I've covered

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Speaker 1: and the fact that the shooter, the perpetrator, is often

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Speaker 1: described as a loner. So I started thinking about violence,

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Speaker 1: gun violence and other kinds of violence and thinking that

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Speaker 1: loneliness was at the foundation of those events as well. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and it's true when you look at the notes that

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Speaker 1: are left by the perpetrators of mass shootings, they often

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Speaker 1: do speak to loneliness, often directly. So I want caveat,

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Speaker 1: don't want to make here is is The message here

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Speaker 1: is not that everyone who's lonely is dangerous or violent

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Speaker 1: in some way. But the message here is that when

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Speaker 1: we don't address our loneliness, it can manifest in a

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Speaker 1: whole variety of ways. It can make us shrink back

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Speaker 1: deeper into our shell, and we can experience greater depression

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Speaker 1: and anxiety. It can cause us to be more aggressive

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Speaker 1: or angry or irritable with people, even in our own family,

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Speaker 1: people that we love. Um, it can lead us to

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Speaker 1: reach for things to numb the pain that we're feeling,

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Speaker 1: things that may not be good for us, like alcohol

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Speaker 1: or unhealthy food. And so as we think about this

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Speaker 1: deeper emotional pain that I found so common in the

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Speaker 1: stories of people around America, what I realized is that

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Speaker 1: a lot of this pain is manifest in loneliness. But

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Speaker 1: there's a flip side to this as well, which is

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Speaker 1: that social connection, it turns out, is an extraordinary source

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Speaker 1: of healing. And when I think about the things that

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Speaker 1: I prescribed as a doctor, that I studied in medical

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Speaker 1: school and in my residency training, the medications that could

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Speaker 1: help people, the exercises that could strengthen them. We never

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Speaker 1: really studied social relationships. We never thought of that as

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Speaker 1: a tool for improving your health, for staving off illness.

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Speaker 1: But I came to see that social connection is one

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Speaker 1: of the most powerful resources we have. It enables us

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Speaker 1: to not only be healthier, but to perform better and

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Speaker 1: to show up better, whether it's for our family, in

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Speaker 1: school or at work. More than the US adult population

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Speaker 1: admits to suffering from loneliness. It's complicated, but in an

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Speaker 1: age when we're ostensibly more connected than ever, how did

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Speaker 1: we get to this point. Well, I think there's no

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Speaker 1: one single thing that led us here, about a combination

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Speaker 1: of factors that ultimately have contributed to the loneliness we're

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Speaker 1: experiencing today. I think one of them is we are

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Speaker 1: certainly more mobile than we were fifty or seventy five

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Speaker 1: hundred years ago, which creates extraordinary opportunities for us, but

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Speaker 1: also means that we leave communities that we've come to

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Speaker 1: know and that serve as anchors, and that can be

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Speaker 1: a lonely experience. The other factor is the way we

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Speaker 1: in which we use technology. I think is also contributing

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Speaker 1: to a weakening of our connections with each other. This

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Speaker 1: is not intrinsic to technology itself. In fact, technology, at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, is a tool, and the

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Speaker 1: question of how we use it, how we design it,

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Speaker 1: is what makes the difference between whether it's strengthens or

434
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 1: weakens our connections. It's interesting because technology is serving such

435
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: an important purpose now, but I just hope when this

436
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: pandemic is over, people won't keep relying on it and think, well,

437
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: I don't have to have that human interaction. I don't

438
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: have to have the face to face connection. I can

439
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,719
Speaker 1: just FaceTime my friend. And one of the points in

440
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: your book is human connection. There's no substitute for that.

441
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: One of my hopes, Katie, is that is it we

442
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: can come out of this moment of so physical distancing,

443
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: that we can emerge from this pandemic with a greater

444
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: appreciation for the value that our human connections bring to

445
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: our lives. You know, as I walk around the circle

446
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: that I grew up on, you know, these days in Miami,

447
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 1: I find that there are more and more people who

448
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 1: are outside, but they wave enthusiastically and smile in ways

449
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: that they've never done before. It's almost like they're hung

450
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 1: agree to see another person. When cars drive by around

451
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: our circle, I see the drivers slowing down and then

452
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: waving furiously, and then I wave furiously back because I'm

453
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: also so excited to see another human being. And so

454
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 1: the question is will this last? Can we hold on

455
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: to the deepening appreciation that we have for human connection,

456
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: and also can we use this time to actually deepen

457
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: our connections even though we're physically distant from each other.

458
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 1: A few things that I think can be quite helpful

459
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: in moments like this is Number one, to make sure

460
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: that we're spending some time each day connecting with someone

461
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: we love, whether that's on video conference or by phone,

462
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: or writing to them to say that we're thinking of them.

463
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: When you do that consistently, day in and day out,

464
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: that can really build a lifeline to the outside world.

465
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 1: The second, I think it's important to think about the

466
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 1: quality of that time. This is a moment where we

467
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: can refocus on the quality of our interactions with each other.

468
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: When you put away distraction and you give somebody the

469
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: gift of your full attention, what you do is you

470
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 1: actually stretch time. Five minutes of a conversation where somebody

471
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 1: is listening fully to you, and when you are openly

472
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: sharing with them can be more deeply fulfilling then thirty

473
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: minutes spent in distracted conversation. But I also finally think

474
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: that the third way we can really build our strengthen

475
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: our connections with each other now is to serve each other.

476
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 1: One of the great learnings that I took away from

477
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 1: the research and stories that I encountered in this book

478
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: is that service, it turns out, is the an unexpected

479
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: but powerful solution to loneliness because when we help other people,

480
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: what we do is we shift the focus from ourselves

481
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: to somebody else in the context of a positive interaction.

482
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: That's so important because when we are chronically lonely, one

483
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: of the paradoxical things that can happen is that we

484
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: start to focus more and more on ourselves, which makes

485
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 1: it harder to connect with others. The other thing about

486
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 1: service is that it reaffirms to us that we have

487
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: value to bring to the world, which is so critical

488
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: because chronic loneliness can also chip away at our self

489
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: esteem and make us believe that we're actually lonely because

490
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: we're not likable or because we're not lovable, even though

491
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: that's not the case. So this is a time when

492
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: a lot of people need help, a lot of people

493
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: need the service that we can render. And service in

494
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: this moment doesn't necessarily mean volunteering in a soup kitchen.

495
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: It can mean checking on a neighbor who might be

496
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: elderly and might be worried about going to the grocery

497
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: store and exposing themselves. It could mean calling a friend

498
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: who might be struggling to homeschool their kids and fellow

499
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: work at the same time, just to say, I'm thinking

500
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: about you. I want to know how you're doing. What

501
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: I can do. Can I spend some time talking to

502
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: your twelve year old just to give you a break? Exactly? Exactly?

503
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: That can be immensely mentally helpful. We talk about loneliness

504
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: affecting older people, of course, but I was surprised and

505
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: interested to read that one of the peaks of loneliness

506
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: happens in young adulthood. Part of me was surprised, but

507
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: part of me wasn't, because I look at my college experience,

508
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: for example, and I compare it with my daughters. When

509
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: my daughter had downtime in college, she'd often lie in

510
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: her bed and be on her computer and writes and

511
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: watch some really highbrow show like The Real Housewives as

512
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 1: a way to kind of get her brain off more

513
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: important things. And I thought, when I had downtime in college,

514
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: I would sit in the hallway eating popcorn or cup

515
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: of soup that I made on my little hot plate,

516
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: or we'd all share a pizza, and we would just

517
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: sit around b seen talking about everything and anything. And

518
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: I thought, Wow, what a change, because it's so easy

519
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: to have downtime alone now it is. And one of

520
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: the things that's happened in the modern world is that

521
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: all of that white space that we used to have

522
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: in our lives, those few minutes or a few hours

523
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: in between meetings or tasks when we would just sit

524
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: and think, or maybe pick up a book and read,

525
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 1: or maybe just take a walk and let our mind wander.

526
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: Those moments have all been sucked away. They've evaporated, because

527
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: those moments are now filled with our devices. That's right.

528
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: There's something about solitude and about taking our minds off

529
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 1: of a specific task that can facilitate our thinking in

530
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: our creativity. We tend in the modern day to look

531
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 1: at that as time wasted, and in fact, we look

532
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: at our phones as efficiency tools, so that if we

533
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 1: have five minutes and we can clear out five emails,

534
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: you know what, we're waiting for the bus, then that's great,

535
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: that's maybe more efficient. I can be on the subway

536
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: and listen to an audiobook or catch up on the news,

537
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: and I have just saved time. And there is undeniable

538
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: efficiency that comes from our devices. But I think what

539
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 1: has happened is that because we have perhaps lost sight

540
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: of the value of solitude, we've allowed it to be

541
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: edged out more easily. And that solitude is important not

542
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 1: just for our creativity, but for allowing us to reflect

543
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: on our own experiences. You know, one of the things

544
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: I realized in the when I was studying and understanding

545
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: loneliness more deeply is that the foundation for connecting to

546
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: other people is a strong connection with ourselves. And a

547
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 1: strong connection with ourselves is marked by understanding our value

548
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: and our worth. It's a feeling of being centered and grounded,

549
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,959
Speaker 1: and that comes when we have self knowledge, which comes

550
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,479
Speaker 1: from in part time spent reflecting, but it also comes

551
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 1: from self compassion. And self knowledge and self compassion I

552
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,959
Speaker 1: would allow us to accept ourselves. The compassion pieces perhaps

553
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: the harder of the two though, because many of us,

554
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: myself included, we're raised in a culture that tells us

555
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 1: that being hard on ourselves is how we push ourselves,

556
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: it's how we achieve more. And we don't want to

557
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: be soft on ourselves or cut too compassionate, because then

558
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: we won't strive as much and will lag behind. It

559
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: turns out that that can be taken to an extreme,

560
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: which it often is, where people beat themselves up to

561
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 1: no end, and that ultimately destroys their confidence and makes

562
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: it harder, I think, for them to approach other people

563
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: from a healthy state of being. So this is, I think,

564
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: to me, one of the great important lessons I took

565
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 1: away from the book, and frankly, on a personal level,

566
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: one of the personal struggles I have. I've never been

567
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: sort of a naturally self compassionate person. I think I

568
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: naturally am, but for many years that I have not

569
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: been that way. Um And so part of my own

570
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: struggle as I seek to build a more connected life

571
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: is to find ways to be more compassionate, both towards

572
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 1: others but also toward myself. Are you worried about a

573
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: social recession that could be even more damaging than an

574
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:11,760
Speaker 1: economic one. I do think it. You know, this moment

575
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 1: where we're so deeply worried, appropriately so about the impact

576
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 1: with COVID nineteen is when we were talking a lot

577
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: about the direct health impact and the economic impact of

578
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 1: social distancing. But I think that there's another equally important

579
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: impact here, which is an impact on our social lives.

580
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 1: And I do worry that in our response of COVID

581
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: nineteen that we will not only sustained damage to our

582
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: health and to our economy, but that we will also

583
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: incur a cost to our social lives, to our social health.

584
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: And the longer this period goes on, with people being

585
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: separated from each other, we run the risk of incurring

586
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 1: a social recession, which is marked by deepening loneliness. But

587
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: I don't think that that's inevitable. I think there's a

588
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: choice that we can make here about whether we allow

589
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: the current moment to not only physically distance our from

590
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: each other, but socially distance ourselves from the people we love,

591
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 1: or on the other hand, we can use this moment

592
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: to recenter ourselves on their relationships that matter to us,

593
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: to recommit to spending time with the people that we love,

594
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: even if it's virtually and making sure that time counts.

595
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: We can re commit ourselves to helping and serving not

596
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: only the people we know, but the strangers around us

597
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: who form a part of our community. You know, in

598
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 1: these moments like this, so many people would give anything

599
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: just to be able to go sit in a coffee

600
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 1: shop with strangers, to be able to walk around a

601
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: grocery store and see other people shopping without fear that

602
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 1: there be at their source of infection. It turns out

603
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: it's not just our best friends and our spouses. It's

604
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: also our friends, our acquaintances, and the strangers who we

605
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 1: may not know in our community who form the mental,

606
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: complicated and rich networks that ultimately help us feel connected.

607
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: So I do think that as much as we are

608
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: at risk for a social recession, we can also come

609
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: out of this with a greater sense of why relationships

610
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,399
Speaker 1: matter and appreciation for the fact that it is our

611
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: relationships that are the foundation on which we build everything else,

612
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: And this is our moment to realize that we can

613
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: make those relationships stronger. If I had one credo for

614
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: this book, Kay, it would be put people first. That's

615
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: the most important lesson that I took away from this

616
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 1: book and a society that is often centered by default

617
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: around the acquisition of wealth and reputation and power as

618
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 1: sources of worth and meaning, it's important that we reconfigure

619
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 1: ourselves and say, actually, people and relationships are our greatest

620
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: source of strength and power and health. So let's design

621
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 1: our workplaces in school is around strengthening connection. Let's decide

622
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 1: to spend our time and attention on people and prioritize

623
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: them in our lives. And let's also think about relationships

624
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 1: in the context of our politics, recognizing that the polarization

625
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 1: that we are experiencing, the difficulty that we're having coming

626
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 1: together to take on big issues, is just a reflection

627
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:28,359
Speaker 1: of the deeper erosion of relationships that we've had over years.

628
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: And we know that when we're able to build relationships

629
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: with other people that it makes it easier for us

630
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: to communicate with them, to listen to them, and to

631
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: overcome difficult problems together and define common ground. So what

632
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: are some of the things that you saw being done

633
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: by individuals or at a community level and wrote about

634
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: in your book Together that we could learn from And

635
00:37:56,080 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 1: so one of the encouraging things about this journey of

636
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: writing this book on Loneliness and Social Connection is that

637
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 1: as much as one might think it was hard to

638
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: hear these stories of loneliness and it was, it was

639
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: also inspiring to see the many ways that people have

640
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 1: found to build connection into their lives and their communities.

641
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 1: There is great hope for us to in building a

642
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 1: more connected world, and I think there are some concrete

643
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: things as individuals that we can do to strength and

644
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 1: connection our lives. One of them is is focusing on

645
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 1: the quantity of time that we spend with the people

646
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,359
Speaker 1: we love, recognizing that many of us can go days

647
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 1: and days without even having a ten minute conversation or

648
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 1: fifteen in a conversation with someone who's meaningful to us.

649
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: But one of the keys to building strong, strong connections

650
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 1: is to recognize that small steps can make a big difference.

651
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,760
Speaker 1: That the five, ten, or fifteen minutes you might spend

652
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:57,720
Speaker 1: calling a dear friend, or writing to an old mentor

653
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 1: or video conferencing with your parents. These are moments which

654
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,880
Speaker 1: seem very small, but they can have a powerful impact

655
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: on how you feel in the moment and how connected

656
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: you feel in the long term. The second thing I

657
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 1: found is important to focus on is the quality of

658
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 1: time that we're spending with each other and making sure

659
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: that that time is as undistracted as possible. When we

660
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: focus on other people with our full attention, it brings

661
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,399
Speaker 1: a richness to that interaction that really does a stretch time.

662
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: And so quality matters. And that doesn't mean we should

663
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: never use our devices. We absolutely should um But even

664
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 1: if that means that we spend less time with people,

665
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 1: but we make it high quality time, that's the better

666
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: choice to make. I don't think we have to wait

667
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: until the end of our lives to build a life

668
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: that's centered around people. I think we can make that

669
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: decision right now, and if we do, then I think

670
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 1: we will give ourselves a better opportunity at living a

671
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: life of greater health, greater strength, and also deep, deep fulfillment.

672
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 1: Vivic Murphy's book is called Together, The Healing Power of

673
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: Human Connection in a sometimes Lonely World, and I highly

674
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: recommend it. It's out now. When we come back, a

675
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 1: massage therapist tells us what you can do to combat

676
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: your own loneliness. The coronavirus pandemic has upended life as

677
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: we know it. As we do everything we need to

678
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 1: try to prevent the spread of COVID nineteen. Whether you're

679
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: living in a house with six increasingly annoying people just

680
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 1: like I am j K, or living in an apartment

681
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 1: on your own, this new world is, let's face it, lonely,

682
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 1: So I wanted to see how some of you were

683
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: coping and if you've found ways to help ease the isolation.

684
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: Sarah Horowitz from Brooklyn said the loneliness she's feeling is

685
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: all too familiar. I was widowed suddenly six years ago

686
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 1: at the age of forty two, so I've been dealing

687
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: with loneliness for a while now. And the thing that

688
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 1: is getting me through now is I joined an organization

689
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 1: called the w Connection, and there's chapters around the country

690
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 1: and it's an organization for widows and it's not a

691
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 1: bereavement group. It's more a support group and how to

692
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: move forward in your life. And right away early on

693
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: they got online with Zoom, so we do our meetings

694
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: on Zoom now and we're getting to meet women from

695
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,280
Speaker 1: all the different chapters, which has been really um nice.

696
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 1: So it's just been a lifesaver during this And then

697
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,919
Speaker 1: the other thing I've been doing is once a day,

698
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: different times of the day. It's not the same every day,

699
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 1: and I just blast a song. I pick a song,

700
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:06,280
Speaker 1: and I just danced around my apartment and I opened

701
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: the window. And I'm on the second floor, so I

702
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: know people probably look up and wonder what the heck

703
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: is going on, but it just releases the stress. And

704
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: I just kind of flailed around the apartment for one

705
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: song's worth, lasting the music. Amy McMullen, who's quarantined alone

706
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: in Birmingham, Alabama, shared this story about a kind act

707
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: that helped make her situation a little less isolating. My

708
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,399
Speaker 1: seventy one year old mother who's recently with it, has

709
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:41,400
Speaker 1: two Westy dogs. She is Lindlaine. I doubt and really

710
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: breaks my heart, my sister's heart, not to be able

711
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 1: to be with her right now, but I matter. This

712
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: past Sunday in between our towns, of all her groceries

713
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: and she wanted to give me Easter baskets, so she

714
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: had made for my naieces who live in my town.

715
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 1: She included in her hall in the Easter basket for

716
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: me and tucked intoide my Easter basket was one of

717
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 1: her Westy dogs, little Lacie. She just insisted that I

718
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: take her because she knows what loneliness is, not just

719
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 1: from the quarantine, but from this past year experiencing such

720
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: great loss. She knows how much a dog can help

721
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: earn those times. And she wanted to give me a

722
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: reason to get outside, something to care for, a reason

723
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: to walk, a reason to get out in the sunshine,

724
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: and someone to keep me company. I'll push back, and

725
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: we argued back and forth, but we all know that

726
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 1: mother's no best and so ultimately relented, and it truly

727
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: has been the best gift. Lucy has been something else

728
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,280
Speaker 1: to fake us on and something else to worry about,

729
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,800
Speaker 1: a companion by me during those isolated work hours and

730
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 1: the after hours, and the barking in the background, I

731
00:43:55,320 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 1: gotta say has made for great conference called distractions. So ultimately,

732
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful to my mother for sacrificing one of

733
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: her dogs to me. And it truly just praves that

734
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: dogs are man's or in this case, single quarantine. Female

735
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 1: best friends, cuddling our pets, and dancing around our living

736
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: rooms are fantastic ways to help combat these intense feelings

737
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: of loneliness. But there's something else that can help us

738
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 1: find that human connection that Dr Murphy was talking about

739
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: something that's right at our fingertips. Touch is essential in

740
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: reminding us of who we are both as individuals. Touch

741
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: literally keeps us grounded in our own bodies, but then

742
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 1: also just as important, physical contact reminds us who we

743
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: are as families and as communities. David Loebinstein is a

744
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,280
Speaker 1: massage therapist in New York City and for fifteen years

745
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:03,479
Speaker 1: he's run of private practice called Full Breath Massage, where

746
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: he uses touch every day to help others, or at

747
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: least he did until recently, like most of the rest

748
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 1: of us, I had to close my business nearly a

749
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:19,720
Speaker 1: month ago. This was brutal. I dearly missed my clients,

750
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, as you can imagine, my touch

751
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: other people professionally for a living. So not being able

752
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: to touch other people except for my my wife and

753
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 1: my my kids has been surprisingly challenging for me. So

754
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: David did what so many of us are doing these days.

755
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: He went online and now twice a week he holds

756
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: massage tutorials on Instagram Live to instruct other people, whether

757
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: you're alone or with others, about how transformative touch can

758
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 1: actually be. We need to recognize that a lot of

759
00:45:54,800 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: the difficulties that we are feeling are the symptoms of loneliness,

760
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: of isolation, of distancing, and all of those things manifest

761
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 1: in our body, both emotionally and physically. So loneliness is

762
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: that anxiety that wakes you up in the middle of

763
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: the night. Loneliness is that um gut clenching feeling in

764
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 1: your in your intestines. Loneliness is that that racing in

765
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: your hearts, the feeling of that that vice grip that's

766
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:39,879
Speaker 1: clamping around your shoulders. Even though the body is this reservoir,

767
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: is this feel this this place that feels like all

768
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: of these awful things are manifesting, The body is also

769
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: the solution. The body is the place that we can

770
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 1: turn to. The body is the place that we can uh,

771
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: we can learn from as a way to move through

772
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:07,280
Speaker 1: this feeling of loneliness, this feeling of isolation. The body

773
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 1: is where we can return to ourselves, can know ourselves

774
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 1: so that even in this moment of incredible uncertainty, we

775
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 1: can be conscious of who we are and how we

776
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: are going to move through this moment by moment, day

777
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: by day. Today, David is sharing with us two techniques

778
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 1: to help you and your quarantine partners feel a bit

779
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 1: more grounded. He'll walk us through something we can do

780
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: to ourselves. But the first technique is for a partner.

781
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: So grab a friend, your husband, your wife, your significant others,

782
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,720
Speaker 1: your child, and follow along to give them a moment

783
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 1: of zen. You are going to instruct your partner to

784
00:47:56,360 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 1: sit in a hard backed chair, not a couch or

785
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 1: something super smushy, right, but a dining room chair or

786
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: a desk chair. The key is that your partner should

787
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:16,479
Speaker 1: scoot their lower back and their glutes all the way

788
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 1: to the back of the chair so that they feel

789
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: like they are fully supported um by the back of

790
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: the chair. In this position, you want um. You want

791
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: your partner to feel like they are sitting on their

792
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 1: sits bones. Okay, similar to how you might do in

793
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 1: yoga class. So make sure that you've guided your your

794
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 1: partner um into that position, sitting in the chair long

795
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: and and upright. Now, for this shoulder sinking technique, you

796
00:48:55,760 --> 00:49:00,760
Speaker 1: are going to use your forearms. You want to stand

797
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:05,239
Speaker 1: behind your partner, so you're standing at the back of

798
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: the chair. Okay, So you guys should both be looking

799
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 1: in the same direction, right, both facing forward. Your forearms

800
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: should be a little bit higher than their shoulders. Okay,

801
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: if the chair is super tall, or if your partner

802
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: is super tall, you want to just pause for a

803
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: moment and get a stool or get a short chair

804
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: that you can stand on so that you're a little

805
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 1: bit more elevated. Okay, So I want you to imagine

806
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: the place where if you follow them, their neck all

807
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 1: the way down to the base of the neck, right

808
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:50,439
Speaker 1: right where the base of the neck meets the top

809
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 1: of the shoulders. That's where you want your forearms to be. Okay.

810
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: You don't want to use your elbows, because your elbows

811
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 1: can be a little pointy. You just want to use

812
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:05,959
Speaker 1: that broad base of the of the forearms. Okay. So

813
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: now I want you to think of placing both of

814
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: your forearms right on your partner's body. So your right

815
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:21,399
Speaker 1: forearm on their right upper shoulder right or what we're

816
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,280
Speaker 1: calling the top of their shoulder on the right side,

817
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 1: and then your left forearm at the top of their

818
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:33,800
Speaker 1: left shoulder. Okay, you're not doing anything. You're not applying

819
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 1: any pressure here. You're just placing your arms. You're introducing

820
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 1: your contact. Now, the single most important thing that you

821
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 1: are going to do is next. You are going to

822
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 1: slow down your exhalation. You are going to feel your

823
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: own body tall and long and loose, and then you're

824
00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 1: just going to follow that next ex lation all the

825
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: way down to empty. However long that breath is for

826
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 1: you is fine. This technique and every massage technique will

827
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 1: feel far better if you, the giver, are relaxed, so

828
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:31,839
Speaker 1: feeling that long, easy exhalation. I want you, on the

829
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:38,840
Speaker 1: next exhale to just think of tipping your body weight forward,

830
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:44,359
Speaker 1: pouring your body weight, if you will, into your forearms,

831
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: so that you are giving your partner some pressure into

832
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: those top of the shoulder spots. Okay, but you're doing

833
00:51:54,800 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 1: so in a way that is gentle. You're not pressing

834
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 1: down with your arms and muscling into their shoulders. You're

835
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 1: just pouring your body weight into their shoulders. Check in

836
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:18,080
Speaker 1: with them, see how the pressure is. Chances are, with

837
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 1: all the stress we're all feeling, they'll be happy with

838
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:24,919
Speaker 1: a little bit more pressure. So then on your next exhalation,

839
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 1: you can think of just tipping a little more of

840
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 1: your body weight forward, Okay, sinking a little bit deeper

841
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: if they want more pressure. You can even think of

842
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: rising up onto your tiptoes and then on that next exhalation,

843
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:52,240
Speaker 1: sinking your body weight down into the shoulders. Now, chances

844
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 1: are your partner will not be complaining right now, and

845
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: your partner will be happy to have this go on

846
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: for a good long time. The key here is that

847
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 1: you do not need to get fancy. You don't need

848
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 1: to do any special tricks. You just need to give

849
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: your undivided attention to your partner. You need to just

850
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 1: give your body weight, your breath to your partner. Now,

851
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: if they're ready for a little bit more, you're also

852
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 1: welcome to instruct your partner to gently stretch their head

853
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:32,879
Speaker 1: from side to side and front to back so as

854
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 1: you'll see and as they will tell you, you can

855
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 1: maintain that easy pressure. And then you can just instruct

856
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 1: your partner to think of bringing their left ear towards

857
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:54,520
Speaker 1: their left shoulder, very slowly, taking five or ten seconds,

858
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 1: just gradually stretching. What they will feel and what you

859
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: will feel is where your right forearm is making contact.

860
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 1: All of those muscles will be lengthening, will be stretching

861
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:15,280
Speaker 1: underneath your pressure, So that can be a beautiful way

862
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 1: of continuing to lengthen and soften those tissues all the

863
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: way along the right side of the neck and shoulders.

864
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:29,759
Speaker 1: Then just as slowly, you can have your partner come

865
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,839
Speaker 1: back up to neutral, and then they can do the opposite,

866
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 1: so following their left ear towards their left shoulder, just

867
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 1: as slowly, holding for as long as feels comfortable there

868
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: at whatever pressure feels comfortable, and then coming back up

869
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 1: to center. Then, last, but not least, you can instruct

870
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,799
Speaker 1: them again just as slowly to think of bringing their

871
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: forehead down towards their feet. You can sinc with both

872
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,799
Speaker 1: of your forearms into those tops of the shoulders, and

873
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: as they stretch forward, they'll feel that delicious lengthening along

874
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: the back of the spine. And then whenever they're ready,

875
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: they can come up two center. You want to end

876
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 1: this technique as slowly and with as much love as

877
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:49,760
Speaker 1: you began the technique, and then you can gleefully tell

878
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 1: your partner that it's their turn. Now. For those of

879
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: you who are isolating by yourself, or frankly or just

880
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:07,959
Speaker 1: sick and tired of the people that you're isolating with,

881
00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,479
Speaker 1: I also want to be clear that you can use

882
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 1: your own body as a resource. You can, in essence

883
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: contact yourself. You can feel a little less lonely, uh,

884
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:23,439
Speaker 1: just by getting a little bit more in touch with

885
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 1: your own body. So one of my favorite tools to

886
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 1: make that possible, UH is to use two tennis balls.

887
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: What I do very simply is I placed two tennis

888
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,800
Speaker 1: balls in a long like a tube, sock, even a

889
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:46,879
Speaker 1: piece of pantyhose is okay. I stuff one ball all

890
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: the way down to the bottom where the toes are,

891
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: I tie a very tight knot. I stuff the second

892
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 1: tennis ball in all the way down to that not,

893
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 1: and then I tie another very tight not. So what

894
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: you have here, in essence is like two sausage links, okay.

895
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: And what you'll see is that this um ball and

896
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 1: sock combination can be used as a um as a

897
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 1: device for you essentially to sit on or to lie on,

898
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: as a way to release some of those muscles that

899
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 1: are hard for you to touch yourself. So the technique

900
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 1: that I want to discuss right now is actually using

901
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:42,360
Speaker 1: these balls to sit on in a chair. In my experience,

902
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 1: sitting on these tennis balls can be a marvelous way

903
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 1: to counteract just some of that feeling of stress intention

904
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 1: that comes from working a lot. And in addition, they

905
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: can also remind us of our bodies. They can ground

906
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: us in our bodies when we use these um balls.

907
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 1: Just to be clear, you don't have to use tennis balls.

908
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 1: They have a little bit of squish to them, so

909
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 1: it's why I think they're beneficial. But you can experiment

910
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: with frankly, with whatever round objects you have in your house,

911
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 1: because I know our our means are a little limited

912
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 1: these days, so improvise however you like. Once you have

913
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 1: made your balls in a sock contraption, I want you

914
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 1: to find a chair that's relatively hard. Ideally your feet

915
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:38,439
Speaker 1: will be able to touch the ground, since that will

916
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 1: help to further ground you. And then you're going to

917
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 1: place the two balls in a sock on the seat

918
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: of the chair, closer towards the back of the chair,

919
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: and then you're just going to sit down gently. The

920
00:58:56,440 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: goal here is that the balls will rest right at

921
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 1: the top of your hamstrings, so right where your hamstrings

922
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 1: meet your sits bones. When you have found that spot,

923
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 1: you'll see you might need to just roll around a

924
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: little bit to find the place that feels right. The

925
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 1: key here is that you'll find the position that has

926
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:36,400
Speaker 1: a um even a slight sense of discomfort right These

927
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 1: are very unusual muscles were not used to them being

928
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: touched unless you're a regular devotee of massage. Okay, so

929
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: they can be quite sensitive. You don't want the contact

930
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 1: to be painful, but it it is. Okay if it

931
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 1: feels there's just a little bit of discomfort, but it

932
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 1: should feel like a satisfying discomfort, one that you can

933
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 1: breathe into and then when we're here, we just focus

934
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 1: on finding the very bottom of our exhalation. You can

935
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: literally think of that breath out as sinking your body

936
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: further down into the balls. You can think of these

937
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: muscles hamstrings, hips, glutes, and just imagine them melting ever

938
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 1: so slightly each time you exhale. As you exhale further,

939
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 1: you can also imagine the muscles of your back, the

940
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 1: muscles of your shoulders, the muscles of your neck also

941
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 1: melting ever so slightly. The beauty of these two balls

942
01:00:56,320 --> 01:01:01,040
Speaker 1: is they provide a place for our awaren us. We

943
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 1: almost never right, unless for example, we're giving birth right

944
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 1: or we have a really bad case of hemorrhoids. We

945
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:13,960
Speaker 1: never think about these particular muscles, but they are literally

946
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 1: at the seat of us. Okay, So if we can

947
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:22,200
Speaker 1: be more aware of the this seat of us right

948
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 1: literally of our pelvis. We can be more grounded, we

949
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,919
Speaker 1: can be more present in our own bodies. So by

950
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 1: following this exhalation, we're encouraging physically our musculature to sink

951
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 1: and soften and release. So that feels good just on

952
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 1: a physical level, okay, but then also on an emotional

953
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 1: level and even on the level of our autonomic nervous system.

954
01:01:56,720 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: That slow, easy exhalation is what bringing us back into

955
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:06,240
Speaker 1: our own body. It's what's getting us out of that

956
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:10,200
Speaker 1: fight or flight instinct that we are often locked in

957
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:13,200
Speaker 1: these days, where we're constantly worried about what's going to

958
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 1: happen next. It allows us to just be in this breath,

959
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: in this moment, right here, right now, which can be

960
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 1: a great gift that you can give your own body

961
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: and brain. I feel more relaxed already. How about you

962
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:41,600
Speaker 1: if you want to revisit these exercises or actually see

963
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 1: how they work. David provided us some short video tutorials

964
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 1: that will be in our morning newsletter wake Up Call,

965
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 1: and on my social media channels, and if you want

966
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:58,920
Speaker 1: to learn more massage techniques, David is doing these Instagram

967
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 1: live tutorials on Wednesdays and Sundays at four pm Eastern time.

968
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:08,440
Speaker 1: You can find those by searching David Loebinstein. That's spelled

969
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:14,640
Speaker 1: s T i n E on Instagram. And that's it

970
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 1: for this week's episode. I hope it's helped ease some

971
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 1: of the anxiety and loneliness of this unprecedented situation and

972
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 1: perhaps inspired you to reconnect with people without distractions, whether

973
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:32,240
Speaker 1: through conversation service or touch. For the most accurate and

974
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: up to date information on the coronavirus and how to

975
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 1: keep you and your family safe, make sure you go

976
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 1: to the CDC and the World Health Organization websites. You

977
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 1: can also get wake up Call every morning in your email,

978
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 1: where we're diligently reporting on the day's most pressing news.

979
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 1: Just go to Katie Correct dot com and sign up.

980
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 1: Until next time and my Next Question, I'm Katie Correct.

981
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:08,439
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening everyone, and stay safe. Next

982
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 1: Question with Katie Couric is a production of I Heart

983
01:04:10,960 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: Radio and Katie Kurik Media. The executive producers are Katie Curic,

984
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:18,840
Speaker 1: Courtney Litz, and Tyler Klang. The supervising producer is Lauren Hansen.

985
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 1: Our show producer is Bethan Macaluso. The associate producers are

986
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 1: Emily Pinto and Derek Clements. Editing by Derrek Clements, Dylan

987
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 1: Fagan and Lowell Berlante, Mixing by Dylan Fagan. Our researcher

988
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:37,240
Speaker 1: is Gabriel Loser. For more information on today's episode, go

989
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:40,000
Speaker 1: to Katie Curik dot com and follow us on Twitter

990
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Katie Kurik. For more podcasts for my

991
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:49,720
Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast,

992
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows