Speaker 1: This is like and Gavin and I heard radio podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I like the energy. Gav. You threw a
Speaker 1: curveball there to everybody. I appreciate it. My name is Brooks. Like,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. This is how men think. That
Speaker 1: beautiful voice you just heard there was the music superstar
Speaker 1: Gavin DeGraw. Goot to see you man, Good to see you, buddy, accolades.
Speaker 1: I feel good. I try and brag you up every day,
Speaker 1: so you keep coming back. Man, it's working. I'm coming back.
Speaker 1: I'm not even leaving. You're not leaving. Even put my
Speaker 1: cot in here camping with our sponsor r E I.
Speaker 1: I was just at r e I today. You want
Speaker 1: me to pick you up a tent and please do.
Speaker 1: Maybe some day, if we get you a check from
Speaker 1: the show, that you might be able to get an
Speaker 1: apartment here in town. I would love that you come
Speaker 1: stay in our house for at the time. I'll stay
Speaker 1: in your gym. He's just say in my gym, No,
Speaker 1: I know you. That's the most active room in the house.
Speaker 1: Don't say that. Could you put the weights down? Leave
Speaker 1: them down? Brother. I always like seeing your smiling face,
Speaker 1: So thank you for coming. Dmitri. How are you, buddy,
Speaker 1: I'm doing well. You look well? Yeah, yeah, you look
Speaker 1: like oh I do well? What do you mean? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I do? I mean oh, yoh, yeah, thank you. I'm
Speaker 1: handing out the compliments. You compliment like nobody's business. And
Speaker 1: I'll take it every day. I like it. I like
Speaker 1: throwing it out there, like making people smile. Ryan, what's up, brother,
Speaker 1: Good to be here. That's all you're that's all you're
Speaker 1: hitting this with. I'm sharing a microphone right now, so
Speaker 1: it's difficult. Oh he's Ryan's very upset here. Amy. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll get me on to that. And I gotta say this.
Speaker 1: Does does Rick not look tan? Rick looks exceptional to health?
Speaker 1: He does. I've been in the sun for fourteen straight days. Now, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the key? Brother? It was just a vitamin? Does vitamin?
Speaker 1: You just kind of sit back on your chair and
Speaker 1: your beach chair and wear your speedo and let the
Speaker 1: sun kind of touchdown on your skin. Did I say speedo?
Speaker 1: I just threw up in my mouth. I'm like, god,
Speaker 1: letting the sun speed Oh yeah, you don't wear speedos? Holdo,
Speaker 1: it's the best way to get the best. You want
Speaker 1: me to show you my tan line. Yes, please, there
Speaker 1: it is. That's hot. Great, So hold on, I just
Speaker 1: threw up in Gavin's mouth, Rick, true question. Do you
Speaker 1: wear a speedo? I wear a speedo? There you have
Speaker 1: a guy forgot he played water polo. That's probably where
Speaker 1: it came. But I don't know if he's just like
Speaker 1: shorts now or are you still going like a pool?
Speaker 1: You know with with the family, I may wear some
Speaker 1: board shorts. Why did you want to stinger quotes on pool?
Speaker 1: Is this a pool or not air quotes or when
Speaker 1: it's not really what it's supposed to be. So you
Speaker 1: said pool, I don't know what that means. We did
Speaker 1: go to Europe and we went to a pool air
Speaker 1: quotes and I sported the speed of the entire time
Speaker 1: and I was proud, awesome, full euro Yeah, good for you.
Speaker 1: I have respect for that man having super uncomfortable right now.
Speaker 1: I believe that's jealousy of Rick. It is. Your comfort
Speaker 1: level is off the chart. Well let's get to it here, gentlemen.
Speaker 1: We have a super I'm super excited for today. We
Speaker 1: have an incredible guest that we want to welcome to
Speaker 1: the show. Her name is Sharie Heally. So today's episode
Speaker 1: is group therapy, and Sharie is a life coach. She's
Speaker 1: gonna help us through. We've all had conversations with her.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to introduce you to our audience right now.
Speaker 1: You will describe yourself as a possibilitarian? Am I saying that? Correct?
Speaker 1: I love that. That's the first time I've ever heard
Speaker 1: that word. So I love that. She is a possiblitarian. Uh.
Speaker 1: Been in the industry for twenty years. Her number one strategy.
Speaker 1: I love this part about your bio. Number one strategy
Speaker 1: is pure joy, absolutely lovely. I'm sure you're gonna yeah.
Speaker 1: It's a secret to our true potential in every life
Speaker 1: area of life. Does one on one coaching workshop speaking.
Speaker 1: I could read this for days as hold on Google.
Speaker 1: We'll get to that Google X, Genitech, Nike, YouTube, Apple,
Speaker 1: Go Daddy, you name it. She's worked with them. Um,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show, Charie. Thank you for your time
Speaker 1: for being here. Uh and can you elaborate? Is there
Speaker 1: anything I missed in that bio? Oh? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Ah Man, I'm here to cause an epidemic of joy.
Speaker 1: I love it. That's it. She's just a ray sun China.
Speaker 1: I used to apologize for that. It used to be
Speaker 1: that I'd go and I'd give you know, talks and keynotes,
Speaker 1: and that was like the message on slide fifty six.
Speaker 1: And I'm just not about apologizing anymore. Don't realize it's
Speaker 1: like the number one business strategy, it's the number one
Speaker 1: strategy for relationships. It's everything, it's what we all want.
Speaker 1: So can you give us a little background to your
Speaker 1: history in this space? How did you get started? What
Speaker 1: was your motive to start? But first off, how long
Speaker 1: have you been in it? And how did you get
Speaker 1: your start? Oh? Yeah, it's a great question. I wanted
Speaker 1: to do it when I got out of college. I
Speaker 1: was just twenty three and life coaching had become a thing,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh man, I studied like psychology
Speaker 1: and communications and all this signed me up. And then
Speaker 1: I started training and I thought, who's going to listen
Speaker 1: to a year old barely started living. So I gave
Speaker 1: myself some more study time. And I remember working in
Speaker 1: l A, actually staring out at the ocean and a
Speaker 1: board meeting, and I kept hearing the word bottom line,
Speaker 1: bottom line, and then it sort of dawned on me
Speaker 1: that this was not my bottom line. It wasn't It
Speaker 1: wasn't mine. My bottom line is to figure out how
Speaker 1: to get people out of bed and do what they're
Speaker 1: here to do. I enjoy the ride. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love that you said you help leaders get what
Speaker 1: they want so they can change the world. But really
Speaker 1: that can be anybody. Everybody's a leader. Uh. And to
Speaker 1: discover our true potential in every area of life. So
Speaker 1: have you had? That was a pivotal moment for you.
Speaker 1: And then you sort of made a personal switch as well,
Speaker 1: and also made a professional switch. Yea. Yeah. Then I
Speaker 1: finally gave myself permission, like I got the permission slip
Speaker 1: to go for it, because I felt like I was
Speaker 1: old enough, you know, and it was time. And I
Speaker 1: think we've all talked already. And I know you all
Speaker 1: want something to all of our listeners want something, and
Speaker 1: at a certain point in life that want just becomes
Speaker 1: almost unbearable. You have to get it. And so I
Speaker 1: made the leap and and left the whole corporate scene.
Speaker 1: And I think that helps now because I was in
Speaker 1: the hairball of the corporate scene and I can I
Speaker 1: can talk to my clients about it. I know what
Speaker 1: they're in But yeah, I feel like I'd been given
Speaker 1: so much. I learned so much from many great teachers.
Speaker 1: And there's an old saying that information that goes unshared
Speaker 1: becomes a burden. Yeah, beautiful. So I felt like I
Speaker 1: had to give. It was my turn, and that's actually yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's a calling. My tagline is
Speaker 1: bring it. The world needs you, and and on social
Speaker 1: like I founded the Luminaries because I believe we all
Speaker 1: are luminaries. We all have a g to give that
Speaker 1: if not shared, is lost to the world forever. What
Speaker 1: a superpower? Superpower? Can I ask you a question? What
Speaker 1: is your favorite part about being a life coach? The
Speaker 1: thing that just brings you the most joy. It is
Speaker 1: the same thing that I said to Sister Maureen in
Speaker 1: fourth grade when I was asked to make a list
Speaker 1: of my favorite things, and everybody else said like ice
Speaker 1: cream and like tahoe and stuff like that, and mine
Speaker 1: was good talks. Wow, you came to the right place.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm so happy, like this is sitting here
Speaker 1: with you guys having good talks. It's like, what would
Speaker 1: cream and tahoe stop? We're going to Amy's. So let's
Speaker 1: do some group therapy. So for our audience listening today.
Speaker 1: We have all had one on one conversations with Shari
Speaker 1: on the phone prior to this conversation, and every guy
Speaker 1: has something that they want to work through in their life.
Speaker 1: We touched on on the very first episode of this podcast,
Speaker 1: what's something you're desperate to change? And now we've discuss
Speaker 1: something with each personally with Sharie that we are wanting
Speaker 1: to change in our life. And full disclosure, we've each
Speaker 1: uh said that it's okay for her to open up
Speaker 1: about our private discussion so that we can all try
Speaker 1: and grow and help each other move through these issues
Speaker 1: that we're each individually facing. So I'll leave it up
Speaker 1: to you, Shari, You and Dmitri had a conversation. Uh,
Speaker 1: do you want to elaborate on what that conversation. I'll
Speaker 1: give you listeners kind of the outline of what we
Speaker 1: talked about, and then Dmitri and I are going to
Speaker 1: go after it. Okay, bring it the world needs, Yes,
Speaker 1: bring it, the world needs. So Dmitri's um and and
Speaker 1: this isn't the framework of everything that we're that we
Speaker 1: do in these sessions, right, It's there's something that you
Speaker 1: want and I'm here to help you get it right
Speaker 1: and here to help you enjoy the ride in getting it.
Speaker 1: So you talked about how you have a deep awareness
Speaker 1: that life is short and you want to enjoy it,
Speaker 1: and because of that awareness, it actually robs you of
Speaker 1: the enjoyment at times, because you'll be, for instance, on vacation,
Speaker 1: your favorite place to be on a beach with music
Speaker 1: and tropical cocktails, drink during the day, right, and then
Speaker 1: instantly that awareness kicks in and you're thinking about it
Speaker 1: being over. It's going to end soon, and then you
Speaker 1: can't be present to it anymore. And so we were
Speaker 1: sort of we paused at that moment. I said, all right,
Speaker 1: when I see you again, we're going to try to
Speaker 1: figure out how to create that presence in you. Or
Speaker 1: you would ask like, how do I deal with the thoughts?
Speaker 1: Because the awareness is both the curse and the gift.
Speaker 1: I agree with that. Yeah, can I can I ask
Speaker 1: you a question like, let's say if you because we
Speaker 1: all get your group texts we're doing something during Dame,
Speaker 1: we get you with a little tail on the dock
Speaker 1: or on the beach, and it frustrates the rest of
Speaker 1: us are jealous of the life you live that every day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yes. But my question to you is, if you
Speaker 1: go on a week long vacation, how early on into
Speaker 1: that vacation will that mindset start to dominate or to
Speaker 1: come up. I'm good for for the first few days, basically,
Speaker 1: if it's a week's vacation. So I was just on
Speaker 1: a vacation recently. We got there on a Saturday, So
Speaker 1: by Tuesday ish, I was thinking, okay, tomorrow's Wednesday. And
Speaker 1: then it's like then, you know, then we're rolling towards
Speaker 1: the end, and so I start thinking all right, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm and I still have fun, but in my
Speaker 1: head it's like, okay, well, you know, three more days,
Speaker 1: two more days, Tomorrow's the last night, and it's like
Speaker 1: and then I have to kick into a mode where
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, well, what's the next thing that you
Speaker 1: know that that's exciting, because you know, life is hectic
Speaker 1: and it's like you come back from vacation, you gotta work,
Speaker 1: the kids go to school or whatever, and and even
Speaker 1: though you have moments in those days that are fun,
Speaker 1: you know everything you're being pulled in all different directions.
Speaker 1: So it's very hard to get that same feeling that
Speaker 1: you have when you're just away somewhere. So yes, I
Speaker 1: you know, around the middle, I started thinking and then
Speaker 1: it's like a clock in my head and I still
Speaker 1: have fun on those last days. But I'm well aware
Speaker 1: that it's But can I just ask, uh, is it?
Speaker 1: Is it sort of like these are the last days
Speaker 1: of my vacation, or these are the last couple of
Speaker 1: days of my vacation, and I'm getting older, and well,
Speaker 1: I don't know how many more of these are going
Speaker 1: to be and we're all gonna die and all this
Speaker 1: kind of staff for Is it just like I just
Speaker 1: have a couple of days left vacation. Can I still
Speaker 1: enjoy the rest of the vacation. No, it's that I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't have an impending thought of doom or anything
Speaker 1: like that. I don't think like my life is shorter.
Speaker 1: And thanks for pointing out that I'm getting old, that
Speaker 1: I should start thinking about that. Um, I don't start thinking.
Speaker 1: I don't think about myself being old. I don't think
Speaker 1: the end of the world. I don't think of anything
Speaker 1: like that. So it's a good question. But no, it's
Speaker 1: just it's simply just this is such a nice time,
Speaker 1: and I even look even this podcast, I look forward
Speaker 1: to this. We're having a great time, and in my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, we probably got like an hour left. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I kind of feel the same way almost when
Speaker 1: you go on vacation on the second or third day,
Speaker 1: you have so much time you like, I don't really
Speaker 1: when I go that happens to me. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. Like every day we're so programmed, like Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go work out, I'm gonna go to the office,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go home and we're gonna make dinner
Speaker 1: and go to baseball practice or whatever. Like everything is
Speaker 1: so kind of scheduled and plan where it's like when
Speaker 1: I do get free time, even if I'm at home
Speaker 1: or not on vacation, I'm like, huh, what what should
Speaker 1: I do? Like I guess I'll go clean the garage
Speaker 1: or you know, And that I feel that way on
Speaker 1: vacation as well, where I'm like what's next. Like to me,
Speaker 1: it's almost the travel aspect of it is the fun part,
Speaker 1: and then when you get to go where you're doing
Speaker 1: nothing is the like the depressing part, which is this
Speaker 1: part you should be enjoying. The only difference between you
Speaker 1: and me is you do that and no speedo in
Speaker 1: his jeans. It is it to treat just vacations that
Speaker 1: you feel this way, or is it other aspects of
Speaker 1: your life that you're also counting down the days or
Speaker 1: wondering how much more of this you have left? And
Speaker 1: the reason I ask is as that was being described,
Speaker 1: I could not agree more with that whole mindset. And
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this. The best day of the year
Speaker 1: for me is Christmas Day. I love Christmas more than anything.
Speaker 1: The worst day of the year as Christmas because when
Speaker 1: Christmas morning comes, I say, and I this happens every year,
Speaker 1: Like I do not want to open all the presents
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning because it's over now and
Speaker 1: I have to wait an entire year until Christmas yet,
Speaker 1: so I want to just do like one and then
Speaker 1: let's have breakfast. Or if my wife's like, okay, you open,
Speaker 1: like you have more left, and like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: why don't you open because I want that pile to remain,
Speaker 1: because I don't want Christmas to be over summertime like
Speaker 1: putting off or maybe you know I have September November
Speaker 1: in the last decade and I'm just I do like
Speaker 1: I scroll them away and you budget your presence. If
Speaker 1: are my love language, how many how many you have
Speaker 1: at your house? Affect other aspects of your life. To
Speaker 1: Christmas is as a prime example. I love the lead
Speaker 1: up to Christmas. The you know, there's just decorations everywhere,
Speaker 1: there's music, the Christmas you know, the whole thing. And
Speaker 1: then yeah, but when that Christmas Day comes, like I
Speaker 1: look forward to Christmas, and then it's like, oh, it's Christmas.
Speaker 1: It's now, Now, it's done. Now we get three. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys heard what Gavin said
Speaker 1: when you were laughing, because he said, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1: And this is something that's really true that I learned
Speaker 1: from all of you and and continue to with every
Speaker 1: man I've ever worked with, is there's always a good reason, right.
Speaker 1: What do we talk about, Brooks, The truth, the truth
Speaker 1: behind the behavior. So while you're stressing, worrying, can't enjoy Christmas,
Speaker 1: you know you all want to slow down. You said
Speaker 1: it on another call to what you desperate to change
Speaker 1: is that you want to be able to slow down
Speaker 1: and enjoy life. And so it's a struggle because you
Speaker 1: all have so much to give. You want to you
Speaker 1: want to I think ultimately, Dmitri, you want to enjoy,
Speaker 1: you know, and ultimately Rick wants to find happiness and comfort.
Speaker 1: And Ryan you talked about wanting to reach full potential,
Speaker 1: chasing potential. There's so much to do and there's so
Speaker 1: much to go, give and get. You know that it's
Speaker 1: it seems to be in conflict with the slowing down
Speaker 1: and enjoying. But like I said before, joy is the
Speaker 1: ultimate strategy. It's what we're here for, and you're already
Speaker 1: a very good practitioner of it, Dmitri. So my goal
Speaker 1: with you would be to talk about how to cultivate
Speaker 1: more presents so that you can really get it when
Speaker 1: it's there for you, you know. Yeah, can you elaborate?
Speaker 1: Is there any like, is there any because for people
Speaker 1: listening that can that this resonates with? Is there any
Speaker 1: actionable items or specific tactics or tools that you could share.
Speaker 1: But I'm all about the you know, the practical ways.
Speaker 1: So so you had said, Dmitri that there was a
Speaker 1: worry in you that once the good time was over,
Speaker 1: you were sort of like looking at your watch for
Speaker 1: when's the next time. Like we'll take the vacation as
Speaker 1: an example. That third day in you're already thinking about
Speaker 1: when's my next one, you know, and is that usually
Speaker 1: months away? Yeah? I mean yeah, I mean summertime. There's
Speaker 1: a few more so summertimes basically the Christmas book end
Speaker 1: on the other side, So there are there are some,
Speaker 1: but it's yeah, it's it's usually a few months away,
Speaker 1: or you know, something to that effect. Yeah. So the
Speaker 1: practices is finding that beach mindset with even a non
Speaker 1: alcoholic or a real alcoholic cogtail in the moment to moment,
Speaker 1: you know, not thinking that it's only going to come
Speaker 1: a few times a year. I mean, that's always an option.
Speaker 1: You are free, it's a out. It's about slowing down
Speaker 1: in the body, in in vacation and being fully present
Speaker 1: to vacation, which is the easiest, but the hardest is
Speaker 1: when you're not on vacation and cultivating the vacation mindset
Speaker 1: moment by moment. So like right now, you just said
Speaker 1: that you're in the podcast, but you're thinking it's going
Speaker 1: to be over soon and we're also having a great time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and not in a completely in the depressed way like
Speaker 1: oh my god, it doesn't consume me, but in my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, I know this is and and
Speaker 1: maybe that's a defense mechanism. Maybe I know you know
Speaker 1: this way. I don't get super hurt if I know
Speaker 1: that that things come to an end. Does it rob
Speaker 1: you of any does it rob you of any joy
Speaker 1: in the moment or is it just a thought that's present. No,
Speaker 1: it's mainly just a thought this present. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: can't have that pop into your head knowing that there's
Speaker 1: an end to something you're enjoying without it having some
Speaker 1: sort of effect. But um, but it doesn't rob me
Speaker 1: of the joy. I still have a great time. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you nailed the tool. Though. Both of you are talking
Speaker 1: about being in your head, and your question to me
Speaker 1: when we talked was what do I do with the thoughts?
Speaker 1: And it's all about getting down into the body. It's
Speaker 1: about like taking an elevator from the head down to
Speaker 1: the heart or down to the body. And I mean
Speaker 1: we could all practice that. We've probably all felt this,
Speaker 1: like at the gym or at working out or yoga,
Speaker 1: when you have to ground down and get into your
Speaker 1: skin so you can actually be present. Where where do
Speaker 1: you feel that the most? When you can really be present,
Speaker 1: when you're just you're not up here in your head. Um,
Speaker 1: you mean like a specific situation. Well, yeah, where I'm
Speaker 1: sure there are areas in your life where time sort
Speaker 1: of stops and you experience that presence. It's really sitting
Speaker 1: or sitting around. It's funny that we're doing this now,
Speaker 1: but it's sitting around with a group of people, could
Speaker 1: be family, could be you know, these guys here are
Speaker 1: with And when you're just sitting around and you're talking,
Speaker 1: you're laughing, that's the time I don't think about anything.
Speaker 1: The sarcastic comments fly. Just we're just having fun and
Speaker 1: there's no you're not because you're not thinking about you're
Speaker 1: not worried about anything. It's just this is this is
Speaker 1: a fun moment. And that's why, you know, you bring
Speaker 1: up Maybe you're sitting around, you know, and you're having
Speaker 1: a you're having a drink or whatever and laughing, and
Speaker 1: really that's the sweet spot for me because it's like
Speaker 1: and and again, it doesn't matter. It's not specific. It's
Speaker 1: not my always, my family is not always my friends.
Speaker 1: It's not like there's a certain group that dominates that.
Speaker 1: But it's it's that just you know, and it's probably
Speaker 1: if I were to try and analyze it, which not
Speaker 1: my job to do, I guess, but it's it's probably
Speaker 1: shrugging off the stresses of life and it's just like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is the moment. We're just laughing and having a
Speaker 1: good time. Yeah, there's a part of you that's settled
Speaker 1: enough that you allowed yourself to just get out of
Speaker 1: the head and be you know what I think it is.
Speaker 1: It might be that possibly that you're sort of decompressing
Speaker 1: and checking out from some of the everyday stresses, which
Speaker 1: you've talked about openly on the podcast before. But I
Speaker 1: also think it's like getting to know you men, you
Speaker 1: have a massive heart, and it's apparent how much you
Speaker 1: love your family and your kids and value that quality
Speaker 1: time with them. You always speak like it's beautiful to
Speaker 1: watch you speak about your family, and so part of
Speaker 1: that might just be the sadness like, oh, I want
Speaker 1: this to last forever, and I know that it's I
Speaker 1: only have three more days of it, you know, like
Speaker 1: it's just your you have so much joy doing that
Speaker 1: with your family or doing it, Like we see how
Speaker 1: much joy you have on this podcast that it's you
Speaker 1: want to keep it. We all want to keep these things.
Speaker 1: It's funny you say that. When I was little, we
Speaker 1: were getting a dog, a family dog, and they asked me,
Speaker 1: my parents asked me what dog I wanted and I
Speaker 1: said I wanted a puppy that wasn't going to grow
Speaker 1: up that was And they're like, well that doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well there goes that. That isn't
Speaker 1: that That's the truth behind the behavior. Like, that's what
Speaker 1: we're trying to find out is men have behavior like
Speaker 1: yours is a behavior out of love. You want these
Speaker 1: times with special people to be everlasting. So it's not
Speaker 1: an issue. It's not a flaw, it's not a you know,
Speaker 1: it's and I think as we get into the Ryan's
Speaker 1: and ricks and the rest of us our issues, it's
Speaker 1: these are great men have issues out of love. Um
Speaker 1: I agree. So giants to wrap this up, uh sharid.
Speaker 1: So lastly, like, what does Dmitri do to overcome this
Speaker 1: so he can be more present and have the most
Speaker 1: joyous experience and then leave there in peace. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you two things because your gift is awareness.
Speaker 1: That's what we talked about. If you could give a
Speaker 1: gift of a lifetime of one thing to your family,
Speaker 1: to the people you love the most. You set awareness,
Speaker 1: so let's use that. That's your highest value. So expand
Speaker 1: your awareness. I asked you to get down into your
Speaker 1: body right and slow down, because the only way to
Speaker 1: manufacture time, which is what you're asking for, or to
Speaker 1: stretch time, is presence. So that requires actually slowing down,
Speaker 1: and that starts in the body. So it's hurt, you know,
Speaker 1: just putting on the brakes and allowing yourself to just
Speaker 1: be here right now. And I think we can all
Speaker 1: feel ourselves get to heavy in our chair, shoulders, come down,
Speaker 1: deep breath, just be in your heart exactly like Brooks said,
Speaker 1: that's who you are, and then expand your awareness three
Speaker 1: sixty Like you're already doing that, but you're in the future.
Speaker 1: So try expanding the awareness in the present, like so
Speaker 1: that you can feel the air, you know, it's warm out,
Speaker 1: it's summer. You can taste the drink fully like it's sensual.
Speaker 1: You can listen to your kids laughter like you're so
Speaker 1: in it. It's full on, three D, full color. Every
Speaker 1: single one year sense is taking it in because a
Speaker 1: lot of time it's just the brain and that's not
Speaker 1: even a sense. It's like it's just the brain going,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's the hack to get out of
Speaker 1: the head. But then there's one more thing, that part
Speaker 1: of you that says, oh, man, I don't want the
Speaker 1: puppy to grow up. I don't want the boat ride
Speaker 1: to end. How old is that part of you? That voice?
Speaker 1: M hm um. I don't know. I mean, um, it's
Speaker 1: a distinct part of your sonality. Because we're made up
Speaker 1: of all these different parts. I'm guessing that that part
Speaker 1: is a little young. Yeah, it is when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, Yeah for sure. Yeah. So what would you
Speaker 1: tell your kids if they were like, DoD oh my god,
Speaker 1: you know, it's almost over. You have to talk to
Speaker 1: that part of yourself like you would to your kids.
Speaker 1: I bet you'd tell them something amazing. You're right, man,
Speaker 1: sucks kid. Can I just add one thing, So, when
Speaker 1: you're on the vacation, do you kind of sit back
Speaker 1: and let your kids go do their own things, or
Speaker 1: do you engage with the kids on whatever activities or
Speaker 1: your wife for say, or whatever. Like I was just
Speaker 1: on a on a baseball vacation trip last week and
Speaker 1: my daughter was the only one that was staying in
Speaker 1: all the house with the other families and so there
Speaker 1: are no other little kids around. So like, what really
Speaker 1: got to me was engaging with her and doing actual
Speaker 1: things with her during that time frame, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously you're you're not killing time, but you're kind of
Speaker 1: like so we went and got to be begun, We
Speaker 1: went and got fireworks, we went and made a fire,
Speaker 1: you know. And it was to me it was that self.
Speaker 1: It fulfilled so much just having that. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: one on one, but it was also just doing activities
Speaker 1: with her and not being like, oh, I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: to do the barbecue and sit on my phone and
Speaker 1: do whatever. Um, and that really helps me. Now that's true.
Speaker 1: I'm and I'm definitely in it for the same reason
Speaker 1: like not to speak in such weird things, but the
Speaker 1: same reason I want the poppy that won't grow up.
Speaker 1: I want to play with it. So when I go
Speaker 1: on vacation and I'm definitely in I play with the
Speaker 1: kids and I do this. It's not I'm not one
Speaker 1: of those guys like go do your thing and I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna sit here in a lawn chair and drink
Speaker 1: a beer. When you're when you're when you're performing the
Speaker 1: activities with your kids. You know you're jumping in doing
Speaker 1: these things with the kids. Are you thinking to yourself,
Speaker 1: are you thinking, I'm having this is a great time,
Speaker 1: I'm in this, I'm having this activity. Or are you
Speaker 1: think I'm making great memories? I'm making great memories. I'm
Speaker 1: making great memories. You know, no, because I actually I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't care. So I mean, for the kids, the
Speaker 1: memories are important. I don't care so much about making
Speaker 1: memories for me because the same reason when I got married,
Speaker 1: I told my mom she wasn't allowed to bring a
Speaker 1: camera to the wedding because I was so I was like,
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do is you're gonna sit there. I
Speaker 1: know you're gonna sit there and take pictures and and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I can't wait to see this picture,
Speaker 1: and this is gonna great, and you're gonna miss what's
Speaker 1: happening at the wedding. So I said, we have a photographer.
Speaker 1: They're gonna take pictures. You can look at them all.
Speaker 1: I said, but you cannot bring a camera because I
Speaker 1: don't want you to miss things by taking So I'm
Speaker 1: not about you know, I'm not I'm definitely not thinking
Speaker 1: about memories about making them like, no, this is great.
Speaker 1: Everybody sees this on Instagram being the kids on the beach.
Speaker 1: So your mom stood by the corner and brought a
Speaker 1: paintbrushing and easel and paint, did the whole wedding just
Speaker 1: as Okay, it looks terrible, by the way. Sorry to
Speaker 1: wrap up with you, Dmitri Is. I want you to
Speaker 1: raise the bar on your own awareness. Dive in even deeper,
Speaker 1: more fully, feel even more joy when you're in it,
Speaker 1: because it'll make it last longer. And I'm going to
Speaker 1: remind you of your mantra, the thing that's going on
Speaker 1: in your brain all the time anyway, when you ask yourself,
Speaker 1: what's my end game and what is your end game?
Speaker 1: My end game is you would just enjoy life exactly,
Speaker 1: So dive in more fully. And that little voice in you,
Speaker 1: the little boy that shows up and says, but it's
Speaker 1: going to end soon, just tell them, tell him to
Speaker 1: go have a cocktail memories from life. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I think that that does make a lot of sense,
Speaker 1: and that is something that I probably haven't processed obviously haven't,
Speaker 1: but it seems like a relatively simple jumping off point,
Speaker 1: and I could see how that would work, and I'll
Speaker 1: definitely definitely try that more Brown. Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it. We're gonna go to break. When we
Speaker 1: get back, we are going to go to Ryan. Back
Speaker 1: from break. This is Brooks like and how men thinking.
Speaker 1: We have Sharie Healy with us. We're doing group therapy today.
Speaker 1: Thank you Dmitri for being the sacrificial lamb to go
Speaker 1: first and heiled it. And now we're onto my dear
Speaker 1: friend Ryan. You were in the hot seat, my man,
Speaker 1: So Shari take it away Ryan's face. I wish you
Speaker 1: could see. Let's just get this over. When is this
Speaker 1: going to end? Okay, maybe it's time Brooks that we
Speaker 1: tell them how I see men so that Ryan can
Speaker 1: relax a little bit. Yeah, on our conversation, you just
Speaker 1: spoke beautifully about man and it was you got into
Speaker 1: this work. I believe to help serve women and really
Speaker 1: learned a lesson yourself about men. Correct. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I originally started this because I felt like I could
Speaker 1: change the world, since I believe that we all have
Speaker 1: a gift to give that my gift would be that
Speaker 1: if I could make every woman happy, then I would
Speaker 1: make all the men into ldren happy. By default. So
Speaker 1: I started there. But then I, in working with women,
Speaker 1: needed to really and for myself to get to a
Speaker 1: place where I felt like I could more understand men.
Speaker 1: I had had a really long history of bad relationships
Speaker 1: and and I thought, there's no way guys are bad.
Speaker 1: It's there's something more for me to learn here. So
Speaker 1: I think through a lot of study of you, guys,
Speaker 1: I learned that men are spectacular and that you really
Speaker 1: truly are here for the highest reasons. I think I've
Speaker 1: never met a man who cares about his partner who
Speaker 1: doesn't want her to be happy. You have tons to give,
Speaker 1: and I think it's almost overwhelming when you can't find
Speaker 1: a way to give what you want to give, and
Speaker 1: you try so damn hard and you're just trying to
Speaker 1: do it right. And I don't know that we as
Speaker 1: women always make it very easy. We have a lot
Speaker 1: of feedback for you so well. I appreciate it, very
Speaker 1: kind words. And for the listeners. I want everyone to
Speaker 1: realize that when Saris said that men are spectacular, she
Speaker 1: was looking directly in my eyes. I was so with
Speaker 1: that said, I know that, um, what you're cooking right now?
Speaker 1: We have an ammy in the in the room who
Speaker 1: has very strong feelings about your challenge. So I'm going
Speaker 1: to lay it down and then probably Emmy will want
Speaker 1: to jump right in. Um, you have a habit behind me.
Speaker 1: You have a habit of worrying, correct I do. I
Speaker 1: I stress about certain things. Yes, for the very good reason,
Speaker 1: because I believe there's always a good reason for our behavior.
Speaker 1: That you are chasing potential. You want to reach your
Speaker 1: highest potential. You think that it would tragic for anyone
Speaker 1: to not really reach the limits of their human potential.
Speaker 1: And you and I talked about how there is no
Speaker 1: zenith of perfection. There's no moment at which you arrive
Speaker 1: really until you declare you're enough, until you declare that
Speaker 1: moment right, because there's always more. We talked about great
Speaker 1: beings who look like they've checked all the boxes, who
Speaker 1: would tell us, no way, there's still so much more.
Speaker 1: So when we talked about the worry and I asked
Speaker 1: you what it costs you or if you enjoy it,
Speaker 1: you said, well, I don't know that I would give
Speaker 1: it up because it's a means to an end. I
Speaker 1: think it's who I am, and it's what's going to
Speaker 1: help me reach my potential. Yeah, I believe in many
Speaker 1: ways stress is a necessary evil on the path to success.
Speaker 1: That's the most concise way I can put it that
Speaker 1: if you're not stressed, you are therefore complacent, and there
Speaker 1: is nothing worse than complacency, because if you're complacent, you'll
Speaker 1: never achieve What is achieving it is to find it's
Speaker 1: it's an individual thing. Your definition of achievement could be
Speaker 1: different than mine, and that's fine. It could be financial,
Speaker 1: it could be personal goals, whatever it may be. I
Speaker 1: think a little stress, and I understand it. It's all
Speaker 1: relative and there's a happy medium there because stress can
Speaker 1: also be crippling and and the abilitating. But like I
Speaker 1: think a certain level of stress, if it is driving
Speaker 1: you and and allowing you to push yourself to an
Speaker 1: uncomfortable level and then achieve things that you otherwise wouldn't,
Speaker 1: then it's a good thing. And I would argue stress
Speaker 1: in that case is is allowing you to realize potential
Speaker 1: you otherwise would not be able to realize. Is it
Speaker 1: stress or is it motivation? Like where we talking about?
Speaker 1: Like is this stress or are you just an uber
Speaker 1: motivated guy? Like the verbiage I think for our listeners
Speaker 1: is very important. Question is one of the more astute
Speaker 1: questions for you just blew your mind peanuts. Is it
Speaker 1: stress or is it motivation? Because I think motivation is
Speaker 1: a powerful thing man, But stressed to me seems like
Speaker 1: a Brooks is nailing this because it is motivation that
Speaker 1: I would love for you all to have. But Ryan
Speaker 1: turns it to stress and worry, and then he thinks
Speaker 1: it's productive, and I think it's counterproductive. I see, I
Speaker 1: see the two their synonyms. Like, well to what I said,
Speaker 1: what so what is your end game? Your endgame is
Speaker 1: to constantly be stressed in trying to hit this ultimate thing?
Speaker 1: What's the ultimate thing? Are you just gonna keep chasing
Speaker 1: be stressed and keep chasing greater stuff until it's a
Speaker 1: it's a fair question. I think you want to look
Speaker 1: back on your life when when you're on your deathbed
Speaker 1: and say I accomplished everything I could have could have
Speaker 1: accomplished with my God given abilities. With you know, I
Speaker 1: I was able to accomplish the most that I possibly could.
Speaker 1: So you're you're in a legacy search, is what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. I don't want to look back and say
Speaker 1: I could have done more or I did not realize
Speaker 1: my potential where I underachieved. Here's the distinction though in
Speaker 1: the motivation. There's joy in the worry no joy. And
Speaker 1: I know on a previous podcast you said you wanted
Speaker 1: to slow down and enjoy. You know, I think that
Speaker 1: we talked about that being something that you wanted full potential,
Speaker 1: but because it brings joy. Right. So the hack on
Speaker 1: this one is they always say you can't go after
Speaker 1: something like I want to be a millionaire. You know,
Speaker 1: I want to because why because it'll give me freedom?
Speaker 1: You know. Well, then you need to know freedom now.
Speaker 1: You need to be able to experience the joy of
Speaker 1: it now. So right at the end of your life,
Speaker 1: are you gonna say, oh, I accomplished all my goals
Speaker 1: or are you gonna say I had a really good time?
Speaker 1: Well when you when you do Wold in that voice,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm gonna say it, he said,
Speaker 1: I wish I had a different voice. Well, where Amy
Speaker 1: needs to go is she needs to value your value.
Speaker 1: This is your highest your highest pursuit is his achievement.
Speaker 1: Amy doesn't share that in the same way. Question when
Speaker 1: you die, you're going to be dead anyway, Just to
Speaker 1: remind you you don't know what you accomplished, probably, but
Speaker 1: are you do you want up that path for your
Speaker 1: own satisfaction or for somebody else that you're leaving behind
Speaker 1: to be like, Wow, my dad was the such and
Speaker 1: such accomplish her. Yeah, I mean with with the success,
Speaker 1: with the success I will have, I have will have
Speaker 1: built a life that my family reap the benefits of.
Speaker 1: With my hard work and with the stresses that I endured,
Speaker 1: we all would have had a better life as a
Speaker 1: result of it. That is the hope there. We just
Speaker 1: got to the truth behind the behavior because you want
Speaker 1: to give so much to your family. We talked about
Speaker 1: you wanting to give your wife the ultimate life. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's absolutely right. And I think there's a competitive element
Speaker 1: to me, and it's it's just in my DNA that
Speaker 1: I it's a zero sum game like I, if someone
Speaker 1: else is winning, I'm losing. I need to I need
Speaker 1: to be as good as I possibly possibly can be.
Speaker 1: I and I again, I don't understand why that can
Speaker 1: be perceived as such a negative thing. To want to
Speaker 1: realize potential and to not underachieve. What are you sacrificing?
Speaker 1: Is there anything that's negative that's affecting you in that pursuit.
Speaker 1: It's it's a good question, Kevin, I would say that.
Speaker 1: When you will answer, I would say, I think about
Speaker 1: because it's it's there are sacrifices that are made, but
Speaker 1: there are sacrifices that you're making in the short term
Speaker 1: so as to provide more benefits and a better life
Speaker 1: in the long term. So you have to make these
Speaker 1: sacrifices along the way so as to create some opportunities.
Speaker 1: Are you trying to convince me or convince you when
Speaker 1: you tell me that? I believe that, and no, like
Speaker 1: Amy clearly doesn't believe that. That's fine because I know
Speaker 1: you very well. So my thing is, I see how
Speaker 1: you compare yourself to others, and if you don't achieve
Speaker 1: what they have, you deem yourself a failure. And I
Speaker 1: just disagree with that so much. Would you tell the
Speaker 1: specific story, I'll tell you a couple of stories. The
Speaker 1: first so the too. So we're just saying happy birthday
Speaker 1: to Brooks. Brooks just turned thirty six. I am thirty six.
Speaker 1: So in that moment, rather than celebrating Brooks is now
Speaker 1: thirty six year on Earth, I thought to myself, Wow, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're the same age. Brooks has made probably like thirty
Speaker 1: million over his NHL contracts. We're the same and what
Speaker 1: have I made? Like he were the same age? And
Speaker 1: this guy who I love has made exponentially more money
Speaker 1: than me and is so much more successful than me
Speaker 1: from a monetary standpoint. God, man, that's longer than the
Speaker 1: actual song Happy Birthday. Yeah it happened. That annoys me,
Speaker 1: So I'm like, but do you think that attitude is
Speaker 1: you said you want to give your your wife the
Speaker 1: best life that she can possibly have. Is having that
Speaker 1: attitude and that kind of negative competitiveness and that's stress
Speaker 1: to be better? Is that giving her the better life now?
Speaker 1: Or you're just waiting for the end and be like, Hey,
Speaker 1: wasn't that a great life? That the thing would be?
Speaker 1: If you would ask my wife, she would say she
Speaker 1: doesn't care about money, al right, And I'm bringing this
Speaker 1: on myself and I admit that, but like, yeah, I do. Again,
Speaker 1: it's not all about money. But but the Brooks example
Speaker 1: is one that crossed my mind when he turned the
Speaker 1: same age as me. And then I spent twenty minutes
Speaker 1: on Google looking up all your salaries on Wikipedia, and
Speaker 1: then when and then when you got injured, I wondered, like,
Speaker 1: is it a guaranteed contract that in the NHL or
Speaker 1: did he get paid out on guaranteed? So that's depressing.
Speaker 1: I was hoping at least if you got injured, you
Speaker 1: didn't get the full turn. If you want, we gotta
Speaker 1: give this, sure you can you do. I I stand
Speaker 1: strong on women do not do this. We do not
Speaker 1: compare ourselves to other women and deem our value or
Speaker 1: our success based on money. We I I stand strong
Speaker 1: on that somebody, another girlfriend of mine that has made
Speaker 1: more money is in no way more successful than me,
Speaker 1: or do I even think about it, because that's not
Speaker 1: how we look at it. And Brooks is not the
Speaker 1: richest thirty six year old. So when you get to
Speaker 1: that final thing, right before you're about to die, you're
Speaker 1: going to look back and you're gonna say, are you
Speaker 1: Are you gonna say, hey, that was a great life
Speaker 1: I achieved all I can. Are you gonna say you
Speaker 1: know what I could have done better? Because that's the
Speaker 1: attitude you're taking through your entire life or on your death.
Speaker 1: Better You're gonna go work is going to be strangling
Speaker 1: me on my definitely thing yeah, tell me. Does do
Speaker 1: your wife and kids ever say anything about your worry
Speaker 1: about me? Yeah? My wife said, says often that I
Speaker 1: am stressed, and how can she? She has asked me
Speaker 1: in the last year two take on less professionally so
Speaker 1: as to free up some brain space and bandwidth, to
Speaker 1: just be more relaxed because it consumes me and so
Speaker 1: but I refused to do that, and I doubled down
Speaker 1: and say, like, I can handle it because I want
Speaker 1: to just continue to go a hundred miles an hour.
Speaker 1: And is your potential only a dollar number? Is there
Speaker 1: another definition of potential? Look it makes when you, guys,
Speaker 1: when we have this conversation, I am like in real
Speaker 1: time thinking about how I'm being perceived in this conversation.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it does seem as if I'm chasing the dollar,
Speaker 1: and in some ways I am, and I think I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm alone in that pursuit. Um. But yes.
Speaker 1: The other example is my wife's father, My father in law,
Speaker 1: was very very successful professionally, retired very very young. It
Speaker 1: made a great living, and he he's an outlier. There
Speaker 1: are very very few people that were would ever be
Speaker 1: able to have the success he had in the short
Speaker 1: amount of time, and I think to myself, that is
Speaker 1: the bar that has been set. That my wife grew
Speaker 1: up in a great family with a a father who
Speaker 1: provided to an unbelievable level for the family, and they
Speaker 1: were able to go on unbelievable trips and do things
Speaker 1: that like very few families got to do. So in
Speaker 1: my head, I say to myself, if I do not
Speaker 1: provide at least the same childhood and lifestyle that my
Speaker 1: I grew up with for her and my son, I
Speaker 1: will have failed and that will be that will be
Speaker 1: gut wrenching for me to feel as if I was
Speaker 1: unable to provide the same quality of life that she
Speaker 1: grew up with. Yeah, so there's the good reason there's
Speaker 1: you are not being judged, certainly not by me or
Speaker 1: probably a million listeners, because she is a little bit
Speaker 1: because she wants you to be happy. There's a good
Speaker 1: reason there too. I want to set up a go
Speaker 1: fund before you. But yeah, but here's how we hack it.
Speaker 1: So I want to give you, guys, each like a
Speaker 1: tool to walk away with the the experiencing of potential
Speaker 1: reached every day is what I want for you. That
Speaker 1: that's going to be the hack that gets you to
Speaker 1: enjoy the ride, because I don't want to take away
Speaker 1: the dollar number. You should get it. Oh you had
Speaker 1: to bleep me, sorry, you should. You should absolutely go
Speaker 1: get it. But I think the quality of the getting
Speaker 1: it is what we all want for you, and I
Speaker 1: know you do too, and your wife does and your
Speaker 1: kids do. So the quality of enjoying the ride happens
Speaker 1: by every night when you hit the pillow you check
Speaker 1: off I reached my potential for today. That you have
Speaker 1: some measure of the reaching of potential every single day,
Speaker 1: because like you and I talked there, every day you're alive,
Speaker 1: there's going to be a higher bar for the next day.
Speaker 1: So give yourself the credit for every single day at
Speaker 1: least one one way in which you reach your potential.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's countless. Yeah. Can I step in here
Speaker 1: for something? No, okay, keep counting your money. The easiest
Speaker 1: way for me to be happy is if you just
Speaker 1: open up your wallet and chot Right now, let me
Speaker 1: let me say something from my own personal spirits because myself,
Speaker 1: I think you guys in here, Demetri, you've opened up
Speaker 1: about wanting to make more money. Um we I think
Speaker 1: everybody listening to this. I think everybody wants to make
Speaker 1: more money. The more money you have, the more you
Speaker 1: can give and do with an effect and possibly influencing
Speaker 1: people's lives. So, yeah, we want to make more money.
Speaker 1: But being something I've been through personally Ryan is being
Speaker 1: in a locker room. It's also you have to keep
Speaker 1: in mind what's current. So I could sign a contract
Speaker 1: some of the ones you looked at at and I
Speaker 1: could be one of the top paid guys on the team,
Speaker 1: and I feel amazing right, Like it's in order, I'm
Speaker 1: one of the top dogs on the team getting compensated amazingly.
Speaker 1: To three years go by, I'm still on that contract
Speaker 1: and somebody else signs a contract that's bigger than mine,
Speaker 1: and even though I might play more minutes or have
Speaker 1: more points or a bigger role, their compensation is higher
Speaker 1: than mine. Now I had to learn how to deal
Speaker 1: with that because I'm like, you're paying this guy that
Speaker 1: I want mine torn up. I want to renegotiate. I want,
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, that's gonna rob
Speaker 1: me of joy. And also why should I not be
Speaker 1: so damn happy for that guy that he worked his
Speaker 1: tail to earn that, you know, like because you're better
Speaker 1: than him. But but I understand what you're saying. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying as well, because you're saying,
Speaker 1: I play more minutes and I'm better than this guy,
Speaker 1: yet he's getting paid more than me. That's not fair.
Speaker 1: But also the landscape has changed since I signed a contract.
Speaker 1: That so that that has changed, um and you knowingly
Speaker 1: enter when you enter a long term contract, you know that.
Speaker 1: But also I think it robs you. Like if you
Speaker 1: have gratitude, if you appreciate that person and the joys
Speaker 1: in their life, I think you can appreciate it more
Speaker 1: in your life. Versus comparing and always trying to divide
Speaker 1: yourself will put yourself on an island. But my question
Speaker 1: for you is I I didn't achieve all the things
Speaker 1: I wanted to in my National Hockey League career. Far
Speaker 1: from it, like a fraction of all the things I
Speaker 1: wanted to achieve, didn't even make close to the amount
Speaker 1: of money I wanted to make, did not win a
Speaker 1: Stanley Cup, thousands of things I didn't achieve. But I
Speaker 1: look back at my career and say, damn, did I
Speaker 1: play my ass off? And was I out of every
Speaker 1: single day? And so I don't have the achievements that
Speaker 1: I want or everything that I wanted. But at the
Speaker 1: end of my life, I want to look back and said,
Speaker 1: I had so much damn fun every day and I
Speaker 1: gave everything I had to it and the rest is
Speaker 1: out of my control. Can I tell you how good
Speaker 1: it made me feel when you were listing all the
Speaker 1: things you didn't achieve that I told you. He's irritating.
Speaker 1: So Gavin, I have a question for Gavin. Does a
Speaker 1: hit song mean more to you than another song just
Speaker 1: because that one became a hit and made you money
Speaker 1: when a deep track might be a better song or
Speaker 1: mean more to you, like what brings the fulfillment the well,
Speaker 1: there's different, good question. I mean, there's different levels of
Speaker 1: fulfillment for me. UM with different you know, with different
Speaker 1: types of songs. There's there's gonna be material there that
Speaker 1: that doesn't make you any money, you know, UM, at
Speaker 1: least not directly. A lot of what we call B sides. UM,
Speaker 1: there's records that are almost like entire B sides that
Speaker 1: I've made, you know, or we just remember. After I
Speaker 1: cut my second record, UM, I was disappointed in the
Speaker 1: production that was overproduced for my taste, you know. And UM,
Speaker 1: I didn't dislike the record. I just felt like it
Speaker 1: was heavy handed production wise, and um, the and the
Speaker 1: mix was over just things that were just designed to
Speaker 1: make it sound a little bit too much in what
Speaker 1: the marketplace was out at the time, you know, which
Speaker 1: is very anti my my uh my mode as far
Speaker 1: as being an artist is concerned. So within a few months,
Speaker 1: I cut another record, UM with completely different songs, just
Speaker 1: because I wanted to make a record that was the
Speaker 1: opposite of what was a commercial sounding record. UM. So
Speaker 1: by doing that, I still had I still had hits
Speaker 1: on the record that I had made UM that second record,
Speaker 1: but I got more more pleasure and more fulfillment from
Speaker 1: the record that hardly sold anything that nobody marketed. And
Speaker 1: on top of that, ironically, I got more longevity career
Speaker 1: wise by making a record that was artistically admirable and
Speaker 1: critically more impressive. UM And in my opinion, it prolonged
Speaker 1: my career far longer than chasing uh uh pop success
Speaker 1: could have. I mean, don't get me wrong, playing those
Speaker 1: playing the hits at a show typically that's why why
Speaker 1: fans come to hear the hits, you know. UM, But
Speaker 1: I but I don't think that. I don't think that's
Speaker 1: my fan base. My fan base wants to hear good songwriting. Um.
Speaker 1: And so by making a record that wasn't necessarily quote
Speaker 1: unquote hit oriented record that just really sounded authentic, that
Speaker 1: gave me the time to another record that could just
Speaker 1: satiated me and the quote unquote marketplace um musically. Um So, ultimately,
Speaker 1: long term, the record that I made that I didn't
Speaker 1: have any so called hits on it really did very
Speaker 1: well for me and prolonged my career and actually made
Speaker 1: me a lot of money over time, not in record sales,
Speaker 1: but but but by elongating my my my life as
Speaker 1: a as an artist. UM So, I do understand, but
Speaker 1: so many versions of this, this argument and that you
Speaker 1: want to be the best, and you want to maximize
Speaker 1: your earning potential, you want to put in all the
Speaker 1: time required. Personally, for me, I rarely ever thought to myself,
Speaker 1: I need to practice. As an athlete, probably you feel
Speaker 1: more of that because you get to a certain level
Speaker 1: and you either have to be the best or you're
Speaker 1: not the best and you're not going to play. Or
Speaker 1: of course there's then they apply the business element to that,
Speaker 1: which is you may be better than someone else, but
Speaker 1: you're costing more money. They need to spread out the roster, right.
Speaker 1: And the same thing happens musically in some ways where
Speaker 1: someone may say, well, we invested X amount of dollars
Speaker 1: in this artist, we need to recoup this money and
Speaker 1: we have to do it let's say per artist basis, right,
Speaker 1: So so they chase may chase some success in that regard.
Speaker 1: I hear what what you're what you're saying regarding being
Speaker 1: the best because as an artist, for me personally, I
Speaker 1: never really thought to myself, I need to go practice.
Speaker 1: That's not really how I operate. I love to play music, right,
Speaker 1: So I mean if I had a guitar at my apartment,
Speaker 1: once I leave here, I probably go grab a drink
Speaker 1: and then go back to my apartment and just sit
Speaker 1: around and you know, write songs, um just because I
Speaker 1: want to. You know, it's not about I need to
Speaker 1: put in the time like an athlete really has to
Speaker 1: put in the time, because you know, if you spend
Speaker 1: five days on the couch, you may be over overresting, right,
Speaker 1: But it's also the same I played hockey because I
Speaker 1: love to, Like that's my question for you is are
Speaker 1: you having fun in your day? Do you love the chase?
Speaker 1: Do you love what you do because that's a motivation.
Speaker 1: Do you love the task or just the idea of
Speaker 1: winning at the task? No, I enjoyed the task for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But but and then, but when you get a little
Speaker 1: bit of taste of success, I want more and successes.
Speaker 1: And I would love for you, Gavin to do to
Speaker 1: list all of the things that you've failed to him.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you. I mean, I I could, I could,
Speaker 1: I could listen, I could list to you all the
Speaker 1: songs that I've marketed that just that just were a
Speaker 1: total with you know what I mean, Songs that I
Speaker 1: thought were obvious hits, you know. Um, I mean I
Speaker 1: remember I remember complaining to Billy Joel. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I got the songs on the radio and
Speaker 1: it's a big hit. But I have this other song
Speaker 1: right now and I think it's a bigger hit, but
Speaker 1: no one will play it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And we had this really great conversation and I thought, Okay, cool, cool,
Speaker 1: and I walked away thinking of myself. That didn't help
Speaker 1: me either. I mean, I just complained to my idol
Speaker 1: and I was STARTI I still walked away like this sucks,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I just got to talk
Speaker 1: to my idol, you know, and I was still just
Speaker 1: you know, disappointed to the fact that I I believed
Speaker 1: in something musically that could help, that should have happened
Speaker 1: in my mind, you know, as an act, thinking this
Speaker 1: song should be a hit if no one will play it.
Speaker 1: But you know it's not. It's not all up to me,
Speaker 1: and it's not even it's not even up to somebody else.
Speaker 1: It's just it happens or it doesn't happen. You still,
Speaker 1: you keep grinding because you love to grind. I love
Speaker 1: to grind because I'm passionate about what I'm doing. So
Speaker 1: to me, it's it's me loving my own cooking, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Is it coming over for dinner?
Speaker 1: It's great, and you know, a couple more people are
Speaker 1: sitting at your table thinking this guy can't cook worth it?
Speaker 1: But I'm like, isn't it delicious? You know They're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: sure thing. You know, if they don't come back over
Speaker 1: for you know, next weekend, guess how good you are
Speaker 1: of a ship. The one thing I want to add
Speaker 1: Ryan is is I think what I want to hich On,
Speaker 1: is self fulfillment, Like what's fulfilling to you? You know,
Speaker 1: is it getting that win, whether it's monetary reason for
Speaker 1: monetary reasons, or is it you know, sitting back and
Speaker 1: saying I just accomplished that or I'm doing this or
Speaker 1: you know. And I think that's what Brooks and Governor
Speaker 1: Bull touching upon. It's like, and as you go through life,
Speaker 1: think those accomplishments or that fulfillment will even change, you know,
Speaker 1: like even using Dmitry as an example, like he's trying
Speaker 1: to find fulfillment while he's sitting on his ass on vacation,
Speaker 1: you know, and I think if you or sitting on
Speaker 1: my ass, But I think finding that fulfillment, whether it's
Speaker 1: monetary or whatever that reason is, I think that will
Speaker 1: really help. You know, you just said that better than
Speaker 1: me Rick when I was asking him to experience his
Speaker 1: potential every night. You know, it's like taste, taste what
Speaker 1: you did every day, experience the self fulfillment. And I
Speaker 1: just have to I want to take you off the
Speaker 1: hot seat because I know here's but I see you
Speaker 1: as the ultimate provider. You're just two giant giver, and
Speaker 1: I think expanding your definition of providing. You're you're always
Speaker 1: going to bring in the money. I know you'll never stop.
Speaker 1: And if you could look at if I was your wife,
Speaker 1: If if I've got a guy who loves me that
Speaker 1: hard and is trying so hard to give me this
Speaker 1: ultimate life, that's enough. She already won the lottery with you.
Speaker 1: And everything else beyond that is gravy. You've already checked
Speaker 1: the box from providing. We promised to text you all
Speaker 1: our failures everything. Yeah, as Gavin asks repeatedly, Amy, when
Speaker 1: do we get our checks? D Let's celebrate your giving mook,
Speaker 1: I have a massage. We'll be back after the break.
Speaker 1: Jump into my man Rick and what he's dealing with.
Speaker 1: Back from break, we are do we group therapy, and
Speaker 1: we're getting to, like we said, the truth behind the
Speaker 1: behavior of these good serves, these good gentlemen. Now onto
Speaker 1: you Rick, Rick, you are in the hot seatom okay,
Speaker 1: do you want to dive into your conversation with Rick? Okay? Wreck, Hello,
Speaker 1: so good, I'm next. You're on the hot seats. So
Speaker 1: we had our little mini session and I'll give the
Speaker 1: listeners a little wrap up of what we discussed that
Speaker 1: you're challenged with, right, now or what you'd like to shift.
Speaker 1: And I would sum it up in that you are
Speaker 1: comfortably stuck, yes, right, comfortably stuck. Yeah, that you've you've
Speaker 1: had a habit of putting yourself last, because, like we've
Speaker 1: been talking about, there's always a good reason, right for
Speaker 1: the things that men do. And the good reason is
Speaker 1: because you're phenomenally loyal and you you really care you
Speaker 1: you carry a lot of guilt if you don't deliver
Speaker 1: you and so you have made choices in your life
Speaker 1: that I think are not producing the kind of freedom
Speaker 1: that you really want. Yeah, exactly. And I feel that
Speaker 1: way a lot, you know, even like at my home space,
Speaker 1: or my workplace or really kind of just in general
Speaker 1: at everything. And I feel that if I don't sometimes
Speaker 1: reach to a particular potential, that I consider myself a
Speaker 1: failure at times when there's no reason to do that,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's I just need to step back
Speaker 1: and let it, let it go. And I have a
Speaker 1: really hard time with like letting it go, you know,
Speaker 1: whether it's um, you know, feelings or something may have
Speaker 1: happened to me and really kind of talking to that
Speaker 1: other side of my brain, you know, I'm usually listening
Speaker 1: to the one side that's saying, oh, this is what happened,
Speaker 1: or this is what you're going through, or this is
Speaker 1: what's happening, instead of kind of peeling that other layer
Speaker 1: back and listening to the other side saying just take
Speaker 1: a rest, don't don't listen to that person over there anymore,
Speaker 1: or don't give that person to give that person a break,
Speaker 1: you know. And I and I put so much onto
Speaker 1: myself about that that, um, it affects my relationships with
Speaker 1: my friends, my family, my kids, you know, whatever that
Speaker 1: may be. Yeah, we all have that voice inside of
Speaker 1: us that's, you know, trying to help us be better,
Speaker 1: be perfect, perform higher, better, more faster, you know. And
Speaker 1: what I wanted to ask you was like, how do
Speaker 1: I how do I shift that from listening to the
Speaker 1: I don't know if negative is the right word to
Speaker 1: use for that voice, but shifting from to the other voice,
Speaker 1: you know, or or the other side of it to
Speaker 1: help me actually steer my path, my life path through
Speaker 1: whatever I'm trying to go through. Yeah, it's the best question.
Speaker 1: It's universally, but we're all challenged with and I think
Speaker 1: that's important for everyone to know that it's not just
Speaker 1: some of us that have that voice. I think it
Speaker 1: comes into our awareness when we're really little, and it's
Speaker 1: a survival mechanism. So the shortcut, because I'm all about shortcuts,
Speaker 1: like practical tools, right, the shortcut is really first off,
Speaker 1: recognizing what's the psitive intention? Again, what's the good reason
Speaker 1: for that little voice in you? Right? What do you
Speaker 1: think it wants for you? Right? I feel like it
Speaker 1: wants it wants me to do what I want to
Speaker 1: be doing and not kind of being tied to what
Speaker 1: somebody else wants or maybe a society thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's that big or not, but focusing on
Speaker 1: what I want to be doing and not like what
Speaker 1: I should be doing or what you know, like I
Speaker 1: should be in a in a relationship or I shouldn't
Speaker 1: be in a relationship, or I should be you know,
Speaker 1: in a work situation or a non work situation, and
Speaker 1: really listening to that other side of the voice saying, hey,
Speaker 1: you know that this isn't right, or you know that
Speaker 1: this is right. No, it doesn't always have to be negative,
Speaker 1: but you know that this is right. Go do that, um.
Speaker 1: And That's what I'm really struggling with in all aspects
Speaker 1: of my life. Yeah, So if that little voice actually
Speaker 1: wants the same thing for you that you know in
Speaker 1: your higher self you want for you, which is freedom. Right,
Speaker 1: I think every one of us is here to experience
Speaker 1: at our highest level is freedom and love. And so
Speaker 1: you're talking about also when we had our session, that
Speaker 1: your highest value is happiness. You want that for your kids,
Speaker 1: you want that for your wife, you want that for
Speaker 1: all these guys. You know, that's what you're trying to give.
Speaker 1: And so my question for you is is do you
Speaker 1: think that you can have that happiness and freedom and
Speaker 1: be successful. I definitely think I can. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: and I think the biggest thing is for me is
Speaker 1: trying to overcome that obstacle of that other side. Now
Speaker 1: I know what is going to make me happy. I
Speaker 1: know what how to get to that point. Um, And
Speaker 1: I think you know, and talking to you and everybody
Speaker 1: else is trying to, you know, to leap over those
Speaker 1: those boundaries that are put that my I'm putting in
Speaker 1: front of myself really trying to follow that path. Well,
Speaker 1: the leap is first recognizing that that voice has a
Speaker 1: high and positive intention for that one. First, that's what
Speaker 1: I need to do. Yeah, and then don't fight it
Speaker 1: because we all want to like, oh the part of myself,
Speaker 1: you know, or like try to shut up and make
Speaker 1: it quiet, and it will not until you direct it
Speaker 1: towards the goal. So I think the shortcut for you then,
Speaker 1: after recognizing the good reason, is going into the athlete,
Speaker 1: the athlete in you, because that's that's probably a part
Speaker 1: you know that really drives you in a good and
Speaker 1: a healthy way. Like you've got this big race coming up,
Speaker 1: you're swimming, and you identify as an athlete, and that
Speaker 1: driving us to be congruent with who we think we
Speaker 1: are is what you use. So instead of going into
Speaker 1: the beat down and oh my god, I'm not there yet,
Speaker 1: or oh my god, I don't feel free or I'm
Speaker 1: not happy yet, and you know, you feel that gap
Speaker 1: from where you are and where you want to be,
Speaker 1: you go onto athlete mode because I think, there you
Speaker 1: know how to be on a team, but you also
Speaker 1: know how to be at your highest performance, right, Like,
Speaker 1: tell me what it's like when you're swimming. What how
Speaker 1: do you think does that voice even register when you're swimming?
Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of funny, it's powerful, you know,
Speaker 1: and there's a voice. That's that's thinking, and that's why
Speaker 1: I actually love swimming and doing the workouts because it
Speaker 1: allows me that kind of freedom or time to think
Speaker 1: about a lot of things, you know, and that um,
Speaker 1: you know, I feel like that is powerful and that's
Speaker 1: the voice I need to continue to listen to while
Speaker 1: I'm swimming and so or playing water polo or you know,
Speaker 1: exercising in the gym, and and for me, it just
Speaker 1: makes me overall feel good and strong, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: even physically, but definitely mentally, you know, like I've just
Speaker 1: accomplished something and that workout or I just accomplished something
Speaker 1: in that race across Lake Tahoe, or I accomplished whatever.
Speaker 1: And that's the part that I need to continue to
Speaker 1: listen to and and can get me over that, you know,
Speaker 1: get me through to tap into that more literally going
Speaker 1: to cut and paste it. Yes, you know, there are
Speaker 1: people who've struggled with lists or challenges in life that
Speaker 1: you know, no one could cure. And I know one
Speaker 1: of my teachers uses this technique to literally cut and
Speaker 1: paste the mindset or the freedom that this person would
Speaker 1: feel when he's surfing, and he could go from lisping
Speaker 1: in one moment, barely able to get out a word
Speaker 1: to putting himself on the board, feeling the ocean, feeling
Speaker 1: the salty air, and all of a sudden he speaks,
Speaker 1: as clear as you me, that is wild. It's a choice, right,
Speaker 1: So that's that's the short kind. I think the other
Speaker 1: side of it is, you know, it's getting to make
Speaker 1: that decision to turn into the athlete or to go
Speaker 1: down that path and to be that positive, make those
Speaker 1: positive decisions, but to also you know, I deal with
Speaker 1: the regret that I've left back, you know, like what
Speaker 1: either whether it's a person or an individual or you know,
Speaker 1: leaving somebody or something and saying, hey, that's not you know,
Speaker 1: we didn't finish what we started. And that's the part
Speaker 1: I have a really trouble, troubled I'm with with dealing mentally,
Speaker 1: you know, with that of like whether it's usually it's
Speaker 1: in like a work situation, right or you know, right, Well,
Speaker 1: if we go back to this really resourceful side of you,
Speaker 1: the athlete, the athlete probably won't quit when he's swimming
Speaker 1: across like Taho, right, you won't give up. So you're
Speaker 1: applying again that same blueprint to the job. Even though
Speaker 1: this is a race you don't want to swim anymore,
Speaker 1: not by myself, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, So again,
Speaker 1: I think it's in that moment you think about you're
Speaker 1: here in this lifetime to experience happiness and freedom. So
Speaker 1: there's that athlete in you who says, and I know
Speaker 1: what race to enter in, right, you know if this
Speaker 1: is a race that just cutting it. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to enter that anymore if I know I can't finish it.
Speaker 1: Like you said, when you need to, let's say, swim
Speaker 1: a race or run a race, you go into athlete
Speaker 1: mode if you're going to make a leap, is what
Speaker 1: you said. I need a certain number of things, remind you.
Speaker 1: You said, I need answers, I need clarity. I need
Speaker 1: to know how I'll manage. I need excitement. I need
Speaker 1: to know who's going to drive. You need to like
Speaker 1: know all the things. And I'm sure you mapped that
Speaker 1: out a lot when you actually are competing, right, so
Speaker 1: you've lined everything up to know that you can win.
Speaker 1: So did you ever have a coach back in the
Speaker 1: day doing all the sports? Oh yeah, I've had multiple
Speaker 1: m very strict, like rigid coaches. I've had two very
Speaker 1: you know blessed in high school and then in college
Speaker 1: that were amazing coaches. I mean, but very strict, very stringent.
Speaker 1: You know, work. It's all about working hard. And they
Speaker 1: made you better and they made it they made me better.
Speaker 1: They maybe you know, like powerful and you know, to
Speaker 1: withstand the tests of either a failure or whatnot. Right,
Speaker 1: So do you allow yourself that when it comes to
Speaker 1: the career and to success. I don't right now, you know,
Speaker 1: And and I need to um and I and like
Speaker 1: we were talking about, like I map all those those
Speaker 1: things out in my head, you know what I want
Speaker 1: to do, but I don't put it into action. Yeah. See,
Speaker 1: I think that's really common. I think we all understand
Speaker 1: the need for a coach when it comes to sports.
Speaker 1: And then somehow we adult and we go out into
Speaker 1: the world and we're supposed to figure it all out
Speaker 1: on our own. And there are people who actually have
Speaker 1: walked the path before you who could say, hey, Rick,
Speaker 1: not a race you need to run anymore, or here
Speaker 1: are a number of things that you could do two
Speaker 1: millimeter shift here there to make it actually enjoyable and freeing,
Speaker 1: and so you don't have to carry this guilt or
Speaker 1: we talked about how you had set out to deliver
Speaker 1: like six things when you signed on for this particular gig, right,
Speaker 1: And I feel like the other side of you know,
Speaker 1: I look at it and I'm like, I have to
Speaker 1: do it all myself. When I don't the realities, I
Speaker 1: can turn to, you know, somebody else and ask them, hey,
Speaker 1: you like and being okay with asking for that help
Speaker 1: and saying, hey, can you help me with this? Or
Speaker 1: you know, that person may know something better about something
Speaker 1: you know something else, and so it's hey, do you
Speaker 1: mind helping me in this? In this aspect? Is that
Speaker 1: something you find universally guys struggle with. I think so, yeah,
Speaker 1: they definitely do, you know, because it's like, well, you're
Speaker 1: gonna need to do this myself, and you know, and
Speaker 1: and I you know a lot of successful people and
Speaker 1: I don't care about success all that much, but it's
Speaker 1: it's they they have asked people along the way, you know,
Speaker 1: and they do have those coaches, you know, whether it's
Speaker 1: in sports or life or whatever, and mentors, And I
Speaker 1: think that's that's something that I really need to kind
Speaker 1: of focus on. It's the same thing You're just going
Speaker 1: to go back to being the athlete and going, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would have asked my coach how to improve my stress.
Speaker 1: How right, it's not an admission that you don't know something.
Speaker 1: And I think you guys put so much pressure on
Speaker 1: yourselves to know everything, and they just want to Actually,
Speaker 1: we should say this out loud. They want I think
Speaker 1: women want to ride you harder, not knowing how hard
Speaker 1: you're riding yourself already, Like why are you work so
Speaker 1: much and why aren't you x y Z for me
Speaker 1: when you're really battling this part of yourself and just
Speaker 1: trying to give, Like if you could tell your family, look,
Speaker 1: I am here to deliver happiness. I am the happiness
Speaker 1: delivery man. That is what I'm going for every day.
Speaker 1: I know that if you're trying to give that to others,
Speaker 1: you have to give it to yourself Otherwise it comes outsideways.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work. And I'm the first to admit I
Speaker 1: mean I solo preneuring. You know. I thought I could
Speaker 1: do it all on my own, and it took a
Speaker 1: long time to realize that that is just no strategy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if I'm here to deliver joy in the same way
Speaker 1: that you're here to deliver happiness, I gotta be like
Speaker 1: feeling it right, you know, so that when you're just
Speaker 1: around me, you get it. And I think that's the
Speaker 1: other thing is like there are days where I feel incredible,
Speaker 1: and whether it's a whether it's something positive happened at
Speaker 1: work or at home or with you know, or even
Speaker 1: working outside of it. You know, I always kind of
Speaker 1: revert back to physical working side, working outside of it,
Speaker 1: like Okay, I'm gonna now get back on track and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go swim and that's gonna make me feel good.
Speaker 1: And it does make me feel good. But it's like
Speaker 1: if I don't, there are days where I do. It's
Speaker 1: it's the days that that feeling isn't there. How do
Speaker 1: I deal with it and my coping it with something
Speaker 1: else in my you know, how do I jump out
Speaker 1: of that feeling that day and being Mr Happiness? Yeah
Speaker 1: that's the yes. I mean, how long have you practice
Speaker 1: swimming forever? Yeah? You're going to be doing this for
Speaker 1: It's a choice in any given moment. And I think
Speaker 1: it's about defying our culture. Really. I think our culture
Speaker 1: has taught us ever since you know, the Industrial Revolution
Speaker 1: or somewhere around there, that it was just work harder, faster,
Speaker 1: and more correct. You know, like we're all still machines
Speaker 1: when we get into business mode. And I think there's
Speaker 1: a new moment, a new way where we need to
Speaker 1: access more of our heart, We need to access more
Speaker 1: of our creative ativity and you know, our intuition and
Speaker 1: some of these skills that are beyond just producing results.
Speaker 1: We need human skills, we need e Q all of
Speaker 1: that and that comes from you feeling like a well,
Speaker 1: happy man, correct and that. I feel like if you
Speaker 1: get to that point, you that trickles down to everything else, people, environment,
Speaker 1: whatever you're you know you're trying to get to. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's amazing. Yeah, I think it's the the strategy.
Speaker 1: I think it's the strategy for being a greater partner,
Speaker 1: It's the strategy for being a greater dad, for being
Speaker 1: greater at your work. Is if you know, we all
Speaker 1: know those great leaders that show up who just have
Speaker 1: that calm to them, they're satiated. You know, we've got
Speaker 1: to say no more machine. And I know Ryan loves
Speaker 1: working hard. We talked to him. I don't think we're
Speaker 1: going to take that away from him, but maybe you can. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's see the role model for Ryan. Yeah, it, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. I have a question for you, Shury,
Speaker 1: just on what you just mentioned because and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of listeners can resonate with this. Certainly I do,
Speaker 1: and I think these guys will as well. To be
Speaker 1: successful in what every industry or career you are in,
Speaker 1: there has to be something about you that is extremely driven. H.
Speaker 1: So there is an innate personality in you that has
Speaker 1: allowed you to succeed to the level and the degree
Speaker 1: and elevate above others uh currently in your life. Now,
Speaker 1: how do you balance how how can somebody with that
Speaker 1: engine also balance it with dialing back a little bit
Speaker 1: because it's innate in them and it's a it's been
Speaker 1: a blessing in their life to allow them to succeed.
Speaker 1: But how do we then put the governor on that
Speaker 1: and back off the full speed or full throttle and
Speaker 1: back off some of this dressed like Ryan's talking about
Speaker 1: her some of the having the draw job control me,
Speaker 1: like Rick's talking about, like how do we how do
Speaker 1: we have that engine and also have control to bring
Speaker 1: it back? Yeah, that's the best question. And I get
Speaker 1: that all the time from leaders at Google and Nike
Speaker 1: and YouTube and I mean, really a high powered, high paced.
Speaker 1: If I pull back on the throttle, someone else is
Speaker 1: going to take my job, passed me by. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'll give you the perfect metaphor. It's super simple. Phil Edwards,
Speaker 1: one of the world's greatest surfers, said, the best surfer
Speaker 1: out there is the one having the most fun. And
Speaker 1: you go out to surf the waves. Nobody a goes
Speaker 1: out for a bad time. Be you're cool. When there
Speaker 1: are no waves, you wait, you hang out, talk to
Speaker 1: your buddies, you wait. You enjoy being in the water,
Speaker 1: being out there. And then when the waves come, even
Speaker 1: when you get thrown down into the rip, you're there
Speaker 1: for that. You you go at it with everything you've got,
Speaker 1: no matter what's being presented to you, because you want
Speaker 1: to have fun, because you're hungry for the fun. Right. So,
Speaker 1: I think if you have that mindset, that maybe there's
Speaker 1: a new way upon us. Maybe the old way, the
Speaker 1: industrial era taught us you have to do more, harder, faster, grind,
Speaker 1: be stressed. That's what it looks like to work hard.
Speaker 1: A lot of us were raised that way. Maybe we
Speaker 1: question that and say, actually, when we're relaxed, we have
Speaker 1: access to our prefrontal cortex. We have access to our heart.
Speaker 1: We can actually be a channel. We can listen to
Speaker 1: our own intuition. We have access to way more than
Speaker 1: just the machine appear. They talk about it with sprinters too,
Speaker 1: Like you ever watch a hundred meter dash in the Olympics.
Speaker 1: They zoom in on sprinters faces and are their cheeks bouncing?
Speaker 1: You guys ever see this? Are their cheeks bouncing while
Speaker 1: they're running. So they're running the fastest race on earth
Speaker 1: with full exertion, yet to be fully relaxed so that
Speaker 1: your cheeks are actually bouncing. It seems like a contradiction,
Speaker 1: but it's a state of flow. It's it's really like
Speaker 1: gave as an artist, you know, when you're in a
Speaker 1: state of flow, like or as a TV exact like,
Speaker 1: things are just coming and you aren't thinking they're just
Speaker 1: you are innately in it and reacting. As an athlete
Speaker 1: the same thing, to find that balance between super intensity
Speaker 1: but absolutely relaxed. And I think that's presence what you're
Speaker 1: talking about, fully presence. Sometimes it's not about faster. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just fun, like really how much fun? And just
Speaker 1: when I was here and you Talkedmitri something, my wife
Speaker 1: and I always talked about is when we go on
Speaker 1: on a vacation, we might have one day that's like
Speaker 1: a paramount amazing, my god, We're gonna do something incredible today,
Speaker 1: so it's bungee jumping, and the next day is just
Speaker 1: sitting by the pool. I challenge her. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: just because we did something incredible yesterday, we have to
Speaker 1: make today better. I want today to be better. I
Speaker 1: don't want each day of my life to be worse
Speaker 1: than the day before. My challenge in my life is
Speaker 1: to make my life better. Everything good day. And I
Speaker 1: say that to people every day, the best day of
Speaker 1: my life today. But like when you're on your relationship
Speaker 1: with your on your vacation with your family, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think if you're thinking how can I have the most
Speaker 1: fun today would sort of help subside the oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is ending in three days, you know, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure you do it, like I know you. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you do it. But maybe being more mindful of even
Speaker 1: just saying that, like I just want to have the
Speaker 1: best time ever today and I'll think about tomorrow when
Speaker 1: tomorrow comes. I think, Yeah, what you brought up about
Speaker 1: flow is everything. And in the flow state. We feel
Speaker 1: fully alive. I think we could all agree that that's
Speaker 1: what we want, you know, the fully alive feeling of
Speaker 1: like that full enjoyment, and that means like maybe you're better,
Speaker 1: better better. It's just, oh my god, how can I
Speaker 1: so taste this flavor? Because this flavor being by the
Speaker 1: pool is very different than bungie. I have a sort
Speaker 1: of a governing question in in my life is how
Speaker 1: can I give everything to this? Yeah, is sort of
Speaker 1: how I if I'm on the phone with somebody, how
Speaker 1: can I give everything to this phone call? If I'm
Speaker 1: on this doing this podcast, how can I give everything?
Speaker 1: And it kind of keeps you present because I'm not.
Speaker 1: That's why I have to this on the end of
Speaker 1: that question, because it's not that it's not the next thing.
Speaker 1: So you know, if you're doing a concert, how can
Speaker 1: I give everything? Or a game just tonight, I know
Speaker 1: we got eighty two game season, but just tonight, you know,
Speaker 1: and then a conversation on the phone or going to
Speaker 1: a meal with friends or something. It's really in my
Speaker 1: life to help me keeping present, just reminding myself, how
Speaker 1: can I give everything I have to this? I so
Speaker 1: experience that with you like the whole entire time I've
Speaker 1: been with you today. That's that's exactly you have that
Speaker 1: presence we're talking about. I think I got it because
Speaker 1: I didn't have it. I had some of the same
Speaker 1: things as as Dmitri, like, oh my god, I'm five
Speaker 1: years into my career. My career is how much long
Speaker 1: am I going to play? You? No? I only have
Speaker 1: X amount of time to win, an x amount of
Speaker 1: time to make money, you know, like an athlete has
Speaker 1: an earning potential, right, Like I think I had to
Speaker 1: develop that, right. So you just mentioned Brooks giving everything
Speaker 1: you have into anything you do, a phone call being
Speaker 1: an example. So, Shari, the question I have for you
Speaker 1: is Brooks has proven to be a serial facetimer. He
Speaker 1: refuses to have normal phone calls and only FaceTime. So
Speaker 1: when you had your pre interview, did you guys FaceTime
Speaker 1: or did you talk like normal civilized human beings normal
Speaker 1: human we call connected us. Oh nice, So it's on Amy,
Speaker 1: But did you know there's three way FaceTime? You could
Speaker 1: face time and and pastor. And I think the problem.
Speaker 1: The problem is Brooks is very handsome, so that is
Speaker 1: giving his best is by doing face. My question to
Speaker 1: wrap things up and again the vibe I'm getting from
Speaker 1: the three of you, and really we put the three
Speaker 1: of you in the hot seat, is this go go
Speaker 1: more more do do? And what I'm wondering from Gavin
Speaker 1: Brooks Shari, if we all slow down a bit, do
Speaker 1: we actually accomplish more? Because I'm certain we do. Like
Speaker 1: I feel that that when you like, for example, when
Speaker 1: you're trying to be creative, you can't be creative when
Speaker 1: you have forty seven emails and the phone's ringing into
Speaker 1: this and people are talking to you. You have to
Speaker 1: like go somewhere else or be quiet. So would it
Speaker 1: help these three to just slow down and relax? I
Speaker 1: will say what you whispered into my ear to a
Speaker 1: minute ago, Is this this like a difference between men
Speaker 1: and women? And I will say no. With all the
Speaker 1: work I've been doing with men, the very first thing
Speaker 1: that I take them through is slowing down and getting
Speaker 1: into your body so that you can actually feel and
Speaker 1: then do anything well. And I think that's what I'm
Speaker 1: constantly talking about as a soul pace, right, the pace
Speaker 1: at which you are most connected to yourself and others.
Speaker 1: And it's different for everybody, Like I think Ryan it
Speaker 1: might be that you just super enjoy the hustle. And
Speaker 1: it's not to say that that's wrong, it's only like
Speaker 1: it cost you and are you okay with the cost?
Speaker 1: And I think that the slowing down is really the
Speaker 1: ultimate performance hack. And our world is going way too fast.
Speaker 1: We all know it. To your point, Amy, yes, I
Speaker 1: would something that I've been very aware of in my
Speaker 1: life and I'm working on is and I hope this
Speaker 1: maybe can resonate with you Ryan. Less projects, bigger ones,
Speaker 1: less decisions, bigger ones are just I'm because I came
Speaker 1: out of hockey world. Is my oyster opportunities. I want
Speaker 1: to do. This could pulled this way that way. I
Speaker 1: want to try dabble in this because now I have
Speaker 1: time to explore thoughts that I've had for thirty five
Speaker 1: years that I could never allocate resources to before. So
Speaker 1: it's I'm kicking tires everywhere and I've found it's been
Speaker 1: exhausting and I'm not getting real true fulfillment and purpose
Speaker 1: in my life. And so I've tried to move some
Speaker 1: stuff aside and say no to stuff and do less,
Speaker 1: less projects, bigger ones, And I hope this podcast turns
Speaker 1: into a big thing That's why I'm hearing Amy quite
Speaker 1: often tart like investing in it because I want this
Speaker 1: to be a powerful platform um and less decisions but bigger,
Speaker 1: more meaningful ones. Does that resonate at all? Yeah? Great,
Speaker 1: You're great bro. Now, mad I like the hell out
Speaker 1: of you. Do you like him? I mean you have
Speaker 1: to look at him? I mean you just got it.
Speaker 1: I feel I feel like you. I feel like you're
Speaker 1: I feel like you have so much figured out life wise.
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like you're on a real
Speaker 1: path for true satisfaction in your life. It's unusual to
Speaker 1: see can you give me a thank you? I appreciate
Speaker 1: that You're very welcome. You won't make you wanted. I
Speaker 1: think Ryan did and clinch his teeth during that. So
Speaker 1: we're making progress. Jealous, could I ask you? Is because
Speaker 1: I'm very happy, I'm very fulfilled and like, I love
Speaker 1: my life. That being said, I love to learn and
Speaker 1: grow and challenge and there's so much that I don't know.
Speaker 1: But like what what specifically in my life in the
Speaker 1: time that we've known each other leads you to say
Speaker 1: that your openness to discuss your feelings. Is there a
Speaker 1: true rarity amongst men in my opinion, a lot of
Speaker 1: male friendships are much more on the surface. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not such an expose into someone's desired
Speaker 1: path in life. And and like to listen do you
Speaker 1: speak about and actually to listen to a lot of
Speaker 1: you guys speak about the things that you want to
Speaker 1: improve in your lives and admitting certain things better lives.
Speaker 1: I've never been around a group like this in my
Speaker 1: whole life where guys spoke like this to each other,
Speaker 1: you know, to just talk about the game, talk about
Speaker 1: the bar and uh, you know, talk about your your
Speaker 1: your crazy uh parts of your life. Never about the
Speaker 1: things you wanted to improve as much about your life
Speaker 1: and your dreams and things like that. And Sarah actually
Speaker 1: really refreshing appreciate it, man, I think it's honestly, I
Speaker 1: think it's because of one trade. I think I'm very
Speaker 1: curious why you're holding my hand. Before that was a
Speaker 1: pure lie. Don't lie to the people. But I think
Speaker 1: I'm very curious. I think I'm I think for me,
Speaker 1: personal development and personal growth have always been paramount. It's
Speaker 1: led me to chase my dreams, it's led me to
Speaker 1: try new opportunities like this, podcast. It leads to new friendships,
Speaker 1: it leads to uh, discovering so many new things. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I think I'm just I'm the same as you, Ryan.
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely curious of maximum potential. I love driving the
Speaker 1: tip of the sword, like what are humans capable of?
Speaker 1: I love that in athletics for myself, I also love it,
Speaker 1: and just in athletics in general, what's the human body
Speaker 1: capable for of? But also spiritually mentally, Um, how can
Speaker 1: we transcend time? Something I'm trying to do is to
Speaker 1: try and do in a week what others would do
Speaker 1: in a month, And so that's I can't. We can
Speaker 1: all only work so hard. So I need to apply
Speaker 1: intelligence in different ways. And um, I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: just constantly a student of life. You are too. I
Speaker 1: love I love listening. I love I love our panel
Speaker 1: like I love listening to you guys. I come in here,
Speaker 1: and I've said it on many of the interviews. This
Speaker 1: is a sharing platform. But as much as it is sharing,
Speaker 1: I learned four times five times as much as I
Speaker 1: ever share in here. So this is coming into a
Speaker 1: classroom really a study of the world and interesting education.
Speaker 1: We have terrific guests like Shari that comes on for
Speaker 1: us to help us out. So for the listeners, I
Speaker 1: hope it's so we try and share what we can,
Speaker 1: but also for us, I mean thank you. It's a
Speaker 1: learning platform. You gentlemen opening up those are issues that
Speaker 1: are near and dear to your heart and sharing them
Speaker 1: vulnerably with our audience is incredible. Mmm. Um. For our listeners,
Speaker 1: where can because you are exceptional, you touched us all
Speaker 1: today street, where can they find you? Uh? Should anybody
Speaker 1: want to reach out to you? And they should? Where's
Speaker 1: the best place to contact you? Thank you? Guys. I
Speaker 1: just want to say the world needs more men like you.
Speaker 1: It's been such an honor to be with you all. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm at Shari Healy dot com. Yeah c H E
Speaker 1: R I E H E A L E Y and
Speaker 1: easily easily found on Instagram for the Luminaries The Luminaries
Speaker 1: Luminaries Instagram dot com. Yeah. Well, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for being here with us. And to put a bookend
Speaker 1: on a bow on this episode, we will be putting
Speaker 1: a picture of Rick and a speedo up on a
Speaker 1: Man Think podcast on Instagram and that and that is
Speaker 1: our definition of success. That's it for this episode group
Speaker 1: therapy around one. I'm sure we're gonna do more of those. Uh.
Speaker 1: That was a lot of fun though. Thank you guys
Speaker 1: for listening. As always, if you have any questions or comments,
Speaker 1: reach out to us please and take care of one another.
Speaker 1: This is for you, Danielle. Love one another and we'll
Speaker 1: see you guys right here next week. Bang. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: it's Brooks and one last thing before we let you go.
Speaker 1: If you like today's episode, we would love to get
Speaker 1: a five star review from you on iTunes and if
Speaker 1: you could possibly share it with a friend, that would
Speaker 1: be amazing as well. We always look forward to your questions, comments,
Speaker 1: or insights, so you can send us an email at
Speaker 1: men at I heart radio dot com and also follow
Speaker 1: along with us on Instagram at how Men Think Podcast