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Speaker 1: Is there anything more awkward than those first few days

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Speaker 1: right after someone at your company gets let go.

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Speaker 2: Oh isn't that the worst?

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Speaker 1: There's all this weird tension in the air. You don't

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Speaker 1: know what to say. Well, luckily we solved that problem

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Speaker 1: by telling the guy that the new company he's about

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Speaker 1: to join already has a plan on how to fire him.

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Speaker 2: Problem solved.

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Speaker 1: You are welcome.

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Speaker 2: Right now.

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Speaker 1: Hi, Nathan, Yeah, here's this.

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Speaker 2: I'm calling from Incorporated. My name is Betty. Betty don't Betty?

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Speaker 1: How you doing.

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Speaker 2: I'm great? And I hear that you're starting at the

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Speaker 2: office next Monday. So welcome to the team.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. I'm looking forward to it. It's gonna

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Speaker 1: be fun.

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Speaker 2: Well, it is my job to help onboard you.

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Speaker 1: Cool, so like email, log in, security, all that sort

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Speaker 1: of stuff.

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Speaker 2: You got it exactly.

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Speaker 3: But before we can do that, we do have to

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Speaker 3: finish your offboarding plan.

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Speaker 2: Off boarding uh huh, you know, for when you leave

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Speaker 2: the company.

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Speaker 3: We like to get that handled ahead of time to

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Speaker 3: avoid any mess.

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Speaker 1: What happens if I end up staying there?

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Speaker 2: Oh, I mean nobody stays forever. You're gonna have to

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Speaker 2: leave one day?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you never know.

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Speaker 2: It could be downsizing or a firing. We just have

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Speaker 2: to have it in writing.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just confused because I've never heard of anyone

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Speaker 1: doing off boarding when they were getting hired.

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Speaker 2: No, I hear that sometimes. Let me see if I

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Speaker 2: can clear this up for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be fantastic.

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Speaker 3: Actually, in the past, we've had some pr issues when

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Speaker 3: we've let employees go, you know, when it's kind of

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Speaker 3: our fault. Yeah, but that's not a good look for management.

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Speaker 3: So we're not doing that anymore.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So we're going.

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Speaker 3: To make sure that we're in charge of the narrative

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Speaker 3: no matter what really happened.

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Speaker 2: You can't see, but I'm winking over the phone to you, wink.

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Speaker 1: We So basically, you're going to be writing a story

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Speaker 1: of how I leave the company at some point.

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Speaker 3: Actually, you're gonna pick the story. We're just going to

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Speaker 3: give you options. Option A embezzlement, pretty white collar.

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Speaker 2: I like that one.

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Speaker 1: Wait.

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Speaker 2: Option B lude behavior in the office.

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Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, hang on, I'm trying to process what

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Speaker 1: this actually is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what story you like best?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: I do have a really good third option for you.

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Speaker 3: Option see public intoxication and urination at an off site

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Speaker 3: office event.

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Speaker 2: No, it doesn't even feel like it's your fault.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this is just weird. You're telling me I have

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Speaker 1: to pick one of these ways. You're gonna let me

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Speaker 1: go in the future.

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Speaker 3: Well, not like you're actually gonna do it. We're just

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Speaker 3: going to say that you did so nobody looks good.

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Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, I think it's pretty fair. Last week,

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Speaker 3: a new employee chose public defecation.

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Speaker 2: What you're lucky that's not even on the list.

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Speaker 1: No, no, this is this can't be allowed in this

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Speaker 1: day and age.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I do think I need to remind you though.

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Speaker 3: We can't pay you your signing bonus until you pick.

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Speaker 1: The greatest thing. No, my signing bonus has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with your weird off boarding problems.

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Speaker 2: Those are the rules, though I.

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Speaker 1: Haven't even started at the company yet.

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Speaker 3: You know what I can do. I can just click

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Speaker 3: undecided and you.

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Speaker 2: Know what that means. It means that I get to

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Speaker 2: spin the wheel.

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Speaker 3: Wait, why is there?

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, embezzlement. That's fun.

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Speaker 1: No, I cannot do this.

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Speaker 2: Hold on, I just need to put that in your record.

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Speaker 2: Let me type it in.

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Speaker 1: No, you can't put that down.

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Speaker 2: Oh you sound worried.

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Speaker 3: Let me remind you again, nobody's gonna see this until

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Speaker 3: you leave the company.

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Speaker 2: That gonna be a long time.

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Speaker 3: In fact, most people never leave because they don't want

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Speaker 3: their offboarding story to get out.

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Speaker 1: That's the program. You just hold that over them as blackmail.

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Speaker 2: Pretty creative, right.

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Speaker 1: It's not creative. It's illegal.

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Speaker 3: It's not what your friend Carl said. When we ran

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Speaker 3: the idea by him. He said it was a great idea.

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Speaker 2: For a phone tap. Yeah, wait what.

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Speaker 1: This is crazy.

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Speaker 3: I'm telling you this isn't real.

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Speaker 2: This is Brooke from the radio show Brook and Jeffrey

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Speaker 2: in the Morning. We're doing a phone tap on you.

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Speaker 2: It's just a prank phone call.

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Speaker 1: Are you freaking kidding me?

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Speaker 2: Carl said he just wanted to congratulate you on.

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Speaker 1: Your new job. Oh my god, I thought.

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Speaker 3: You would be more excited about the embezzlement choice that

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Speaker 3: the wheel landed on. We could spin it again if

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Speaker 3: you want me to throw in public defecation on there.

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Speaker 2: You know, look at that you slept with the boss's daughter.

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Speaker 3: Wake up every morning with phone taps weekday mornings on

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Speaker 3: the twenties, Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning