WEBVTT - Mindfulness & Being Present with Vanessa Bennett + Catherine Law 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.719 My name is Alex, and I have a pretty hard 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:10.079 time being present. Ah No, be all right, no alright, no, 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:19.680 be alright forever, No be all right, lit alright, no, 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:25.079 be al right. Ever, ever since I started working for me, 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.640 it was at fifteen years old, being here in California, 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:31.280 I've always focused so much on what's next, you know, like, oh, 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:33.080 I gotta do this tomorrow, or I have to do 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:35.519 this next week, or man, this big project is due 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:37.520 that day. And I think that's something that's pretty common 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.240 with all of us. Uh. And I actually remember seeing 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:43.920 an Instagram post and I thought it was not necessarily 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:46.879 the full truth, but something that I thought was interesting. Um. 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:50.200 And it was like an old ancient monk saying that said, 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.879 if if you're anxious, you're worried about the future. If 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.840 you're depressed, you're worried about the past. But if you're 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:57.720 neither of those, then you are present. You are living 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.440 in the now. And I really like that end. As 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:02.440 somebody who deals with their own mental health, I don't 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.320 think that covers the full spectrum of it all. But 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.640 I read that and I realized that's totally me, you know, 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:14.800 as somebody who my therapist has diagnosed me with anticipatory anxiety. UM, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:18.959 I very much so have a very hard time living present, 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:22.400 being present. UM. I can stay focused on a task 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.600 at hand, but I always have in my mind somewhere 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.920 this worry of what's coming next, or a kind of like, uh, 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:32.039 I forgot I have to do this next, or something 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:35.520 that's even kind of the kid in class the last 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.520 day of school before summer break where I'm like, come on, 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.039 come on, come on, come on, I need this to happen, 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:41.320 to need this to happen. And I've realized that that's 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:45.600 also kind of ailed me in the sense of I 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.400 don't really get to enjoy what's going on right there 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.840 in front of me. Since my you know, fifteen year 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:54.880 old start of working, you know, I've gotten into meditation. 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.400 Every once in a while, I downloaded different apps from 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:01.600 um Headspace to Calm to all of those different types 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:04.800 of apps. I've obviously worked with a therapist. I've done yoga. 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.200 My girlfriend got me into yoga, and so all of 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:10.160 those things have definitely helped. But I do still think 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:12.519 to this day that I have issues staying present and 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:16.400 staying focused, enjoying the highs of a certain moment, to 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:21.040 its fullest, you know, potential, and also working through the lows, 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.960 the moments um that I'm that I'm dealing with at 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:27.400 the time. And I started realizing as I was becoming 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:29.799 more honest, whether it's through my album, whether it's through 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.919 talking about you know, therapy, whether it's this podcast, that 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:34.680 a lot of people have that issue, that a lot 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.440 of people are stressed about what's coming next, or are 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:40.280 thinking about the past so much, or you know, I 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:42.480 have a lot of friends who have a d D 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.400 and a d h D and have just problems focusing 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.440 in general. And that's what really got me thinking, if 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:54.799 we're not present mentally, then where are we? No? What's up, y'all? 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.320 Welcome back to let's get into it. We are talking 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:03.040 about just being and no better person to be president 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:07.359 than somebody who has pretty much everything that that umbrella 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:10.960 covers under the sun. This lady is an associate psychotherapist, 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.079 a mindfulness coach, a yoga and meditation teacher, and in 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:17.600 addition to that, she's the co host of the Cheaper 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:22.440 Than Therapy podcast. My first guest Vanessa Bennett. How are you, Vanessa? 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:25.120 I'm great? How are you, Alex? I'm so happy that 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.040 you're here, and and I'm excited you You pretty much 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.720 like I said, you cover every topic of mindfulness and 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.079 being present that there is. So I'm excited to ask 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.320 you a lot of questions. Oh yeah, I'm excited to 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.600 answer what I can you. As my other guest, you 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.320 already know her. This is the crazy thing. You already 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:44.280 know her, but you don't know you know her. She 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:48.200 is the Let's get into It producer Catherine Law. She's 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.400 also a comedy writer, dog mom to one of my 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.440 favorite just the Cutest pug. Her name is Mimsy. If 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:55.720 you listen closely to some episodes, you might even hear 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.320 her snoring in the background. She's also the co host 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:03.000 of the podcast Driving to Disneyland Catherine Law. Katherine, how 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:07.400 are you hi. I'm doing great. It's a beautiful day today, 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.960 so just happy as can be. I am so happy 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.440 that you're here. You're here for every podcast. I'm just 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:15.800 excited that people get to hear you. Um, there's this 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:17.760 funny joke that we have. I have to call you 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.640 out that in between each segment. As soon as we finish, 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.400 we call it the Katherine Yea because she shaped you. 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.240 I mean, we're recording now, so I'm gonna do my 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:27.320 best impression of it. This is as soon as we finish, 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:29.480 as soon as we take a break. She was like this, yea, 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.840 she does. She does the a S L movement that 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:38.400 is that means applause and uh and and it's amazing. 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.480 So Catherine has been an incredible and extremely vital part 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.240 of this podcast, and I'm so excited to have you 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:46.680 as a guest. Oh, I just feel so good about it. 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:50.599 I'm just so happy. Well, listen, we're talking about being mindful, 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:54.440 being present, and we have some really cool topics. First, Vanessa, 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.240 you and I are gonna be talking about there's no 0:04:56.480 --> 0:04:59.080 time like the present. We're gonna take a break. Then 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:02.040 we're gonna get to a conversation of me and Catherine 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.720 talking about mindfulness and distraction. We're gonna take a break, 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:07.960 and then lastly, the three of us are going to 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:13.120 have an all out open conversation about next level mindfulness. 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:15.880 We have some awesome topics, but before we get into them, 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.200 I have a question that I ask every single one 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:20.880 of my guests, and that question is what are you 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:25.239 doing to improve yourself? This week? Um, We've had answers 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.280 all over the board, from fitness things, people just giving 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.040 themselves a break, people trying a new hobby, getting at 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.800 a new skill. I'll give you both some time to think, 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:37.680 and I'll go first. This week I decided that I 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:41.240 wanted to help other people as much as I can. UM. 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:44.000 For me, by growing up, it's always been a big 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.320 deal to me, Like my father always said to you know, 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.880 to serve others, help others, be a helping hand as 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:52.080 much as you possibly can. And with quarantine, I've kind 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:55.239 of slowed back on that because helping other people usually 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.400 means being with other people, and being with other people 0:05:57.600 --> 0:05:59.240 is a no no for me at this point in 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:03.040 my life. UM, So I've actually this week decided, you 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.240 know what, I can still wear a mask and help 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.200 other people. I can still help other people in other ways. 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.560 And so, for instance, I help my girlfriend move a 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:13.960 couch into her apartment this week, um I've gone shopping 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:16.200 for groceries for some other people who can't do it. 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.440 And it's really honestly um for me in my brain, 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:21.920 it helps me feel a lot better about life, and 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:24.240 and I feel like by doing a good thing, I 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.880 can hopefully inspire other people to do good things, and 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:28.680 and that That's what I've been doing this week to 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:32.480 improve my life. Yeah, Catherine, you have an answer for me. 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.880 You're also a vet. You hear this every time a 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:38.000 nurse answer. I know. I actually like thought to myself 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.000 last night, I was like, what am I doing to 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.720 but um? And this actually feeds directly into what we're 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:48.640 gonna be talking about today. Um. One thing that I've 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:53.640 been doing for myself is giving myself a goal for 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:57.159 like what time I want to be done with obligations 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.760 during the day. And you know, we're going to talk 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.400 a bit about distraction and all that good stuff. But 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:06.680 for me, knowing what I need to be done is 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:12.280 helping me to get started earlier, because what sometimes happens 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:13.960 with me is like, Okay, I know I have to 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:17.280 do X, Y and Z during the day, and I 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:20.600 can tend to like put that off, especially with coronavirus stuff. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.040 I'm like, well, I just have to read a couple 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:23.400 of articles and then I just have to you know, 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.800 I just have to educate myself and everything else that's 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:29.680 going on. So the start time gets pushed later and 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:31.120 later or later and I finished what I have to 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.000 get finished. But it means I'm working super late, and 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:36.800 then I'm sort of stressed about it all the morning 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.120 and I don't really ever get that relaxation time in 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.720 the evening. So I'm giving myself like an end point 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:45.400 every day where like this is my goal, and then 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:46.960 even if I will pass it by like an half 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:50.080 hour or an hour, it's still like relatively what I 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:52.800 want to be done. So then I have a relaxed evening. Yeah, 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.880 I love that. I love that. All right, you got 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:58.600 something for us, Vanessa, I do well. First off, I 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.560 want to say that I was thinking, Alex when you 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:03.120 were sharing yours, that that actually is something that's a 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.240 great practice um in when we're working on I don't 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.560 want to use the word treat, but treating depression is 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.560 actually being in service to others. So it's actually been 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:14.160 shown that a way to be present, um and pull 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.920 yourself out of a depressive space is actually to help 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.440 other people, um, who are less fortunate than you. So 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.800 look at you. I didn't even realize there we go, Hey, 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.680 maybe that's why I've been happier this right exactly? Um, 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:27.240 I think for me, uh, and I'll say it's this 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:29.240 week because it's been top of mind. But it is 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.520 something that I try really hard to keep bringing back 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:37.560 up is um asking for what I need? Yeah. So, Uh, 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:39.480 you know, one of the things that I've done a 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.319 lot of my own personal work on and that I 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.559 actually teach a bunch of classes around is codependency. And 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.080 one of the hallmarks of codependency is not being able 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.240 to speak up and ask for what you need, um 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:51.959 let alone actually sometimes be able to know what it 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.880 is that your needs and wants are. Uh. So I've 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:56.480 done a lot of work around it, and I think 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.840 for me, now I know what my needs and wants are, 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:00.679 have gotten to that point, and now it's actually just 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:04.599 verbalizing it and speaking up for myself. Wow. I love that. 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:06.600 I love that. What a great way all three of us, 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.520 What a great way to segue straight into this topic. 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.520 So Catherine, as you know, we'll see you in a bit. 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.280 Vanessa's time for us to go one on one, and 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.480 we're talking about no time like the present. As I 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:22.439 mentioned before, psychotherapist, mindfulness coach, you teach yoga, you teach meditation, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.839 So we're just going to dive straight into it. We 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.600 want to talk about being present and uh, this thing 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:30.520 that often happens where our bodies are in one place, 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.560 but our minds are somewhere completely maybe on the other 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:36.079 side of the world. Why is it so hard for 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.960 people to exist in the present? Well, I think, first 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.480 and foremost, we tend to overlook the fact that some 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:45.679 of this is actually biological. Some of it's actually um 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:49.720 a survival mechanism. A lot of our anxiety, for example, 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.679 is actually triggered by our brain's way of thinking it 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.280 needs to keep us safe. So we have what we 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:57.760 call in therapy and negativity by us. That's the way 0:09:57.760 --> 0:09:59.719 that our brain works, And so we tend to be 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:03.240 Why are to be looking out for danger at all times? Right? 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.559 And so you can imagine a million years ago that 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.480 might have looked like, is there a tiger in the bushes, 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:09.240 It's going to jump out and eat me? Right, But 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:12.200 our brains don't evolve that quickly, and so now here 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:15.240 we are still scanning our environment for constant threats and 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.840 constant danger and always being ten steps ahead looking out 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:21.760 for this might happen, This could happen, And yet we 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.559 don't have tigers in the bushes jumping out to eat 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:26.080 us anymore. And so a lot of people don't realize 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.599 that you're working against biology. I don't say that to like, 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:31.560 you know, say it's impossible. I just say that almost 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.079 rather to give you compassion for the fact that it's 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.959 hard and it's hard for reason. Okay, okay, So that 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:40.040 being said, mindfulness it's a word that you know, you're 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:44.160 mindfulness coach. What does that mean in in contrast to 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.880 this biological kind of battle that we're already battling. What 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:51.199 is mindfulness and why is that kind of the term 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:55.640 that we've we've coined for being present? Right? So the 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:59.680 best definition of mindfulness is um one that John cabots 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:01.880 In It really came up with. He's one of the 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:05.000 leaders in the mindfulness field. Uh, And he says mindfulness 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.520 is being aware of the present moment as what's going 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.400 on right now at any given moment, and doing it 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:15.560 without judgment. So it's not just enough to be aware 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.560 and present with what's happening now, whether that's physically what's 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:21.559 happening around you, whether that's the body sensations, whether that's 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.280 the emotions, whether that's the thoughts, but it's also doing 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:29.640 it without judgment. Oh okay, Okay. We were talking Catherine 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:31.199 and I before, and we did I like to do 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.360 a bit of research on on our guests that we have. 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.600 And I saw you recently posted this this quote, dealing 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:40.160 with the dropped shoe is less paralyzing apparently than waiting 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:42.880 for the shoe to drop, um. And I was thinking 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.120 of that as you were explaining the biological sense of 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:49.559 back in the day, they were worried you had to 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.160 look over your shoulder because there could be an absolute 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:55.719 destruction of your whole life right behind you. Kind Of 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:57.240 when I read it, that's what I kind of picked 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.360 up on, is like, Yeah, now in today's world, we've 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:01.800 worried so much. It's like, oh my gosh, what if 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:03.160 I spilled that glass of water? What if I spill 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.040 that glass of water? And it's often a bigger mess 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.719 than cleaning up a spilled glass of water itself. Why 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:11.800 do you think that is? And and what are your 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:13.480 thoughts on that old thing? Well, and I think that 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:17.720 actually speaks to what you were saying earlier about anticipatory anxiety, right. 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:19.760 And that quote is actually by Glenn and Doyle from 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.000 her new book Untamed, which is phenomenal if you haven't 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.680 read it. Um. And she talks about how for many 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.679 of us, we work ourselves so much up, Like you 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:29.360 were saying, what the glass of water that might get 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.040 spilled that if I'm so worried that I'm going to 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:34.680 spill this glass of water, I'm never going to actually 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:38.439 drink the glass of water right and enjoy how amazingly 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.680 refreshing that glass of water could actually be, right, because 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:43.760 I'm terrified I'm going to spill it. And so if 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:46.000 you think about it in that way, it's like, how 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:52.360 many wonderful, amazing, scary, life giving, life affirming opportunities and 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.400 experiences are we missing out on because we're so terrified 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:58.400 of what could possibly happen that we don't even ever 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.880 allow ourselves to experience those things. Okay, And I think 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:05.439 the thing that's crazy to me is the one connection 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:08.920 that I find, at least through all mental health issues, 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:12.680 through all mental illnesses, is the lack of being present. 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:14.800 You know, like I had said in that quote that said, 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.679 you know, if if you're depressed, you're often living in 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.000 the past, if you're anxious, you're often living in the future. 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.920 But regardless, if you are dealing with any form of 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:26.000 mental health issues, you know, one of the immediate side 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:29.000 effects of that is the lack of being present. And 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:31.000 that's in all things, that's it. That's not only in 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.599 like the bad times, that's in the good times. You know. 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.800 I remember my first panic attack ever. I had at 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.240 Disney World with my family on a paid vacation with 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:43.160 a Disney guide and like we were doing like it 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.199 was an absolute dream vacation, and I had one of 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:47.199 my worst panic attacks. And I think back on that 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.240 a lot, especially as we're talking about being present and 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:54.439 I was so not there? Why is it hard to 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:58.880 stay present? Like? How how is it that hard even 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.839 in the good times? Why is it? Why is it 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:03.360 hard to escape even when you're happy and you're in 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:07.040 a place where you should be enjoying life to the fullest. Well, 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:08.360 I think that it's actually a little bit of that 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.319 quote that you read from Glenn and Doyle that I posted. 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.520 I think it's like this, When things are bad, we're 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.960 hoping and wishing they were good. When things are good, 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.000 we're waiting for the other shoe to drop and for 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.280 them to be bad. Right, And so it's like we're 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.360 always in this place of like what if, what if? 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.720 What if? Um, and we're never actually just able to 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.040 be in that moment of whatever is going on. Right. 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:29.320 And I think the reality is for most of us, 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:30.840 we you know, like I said, we do have a 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.760 negativity bias that it's it's a neurobiological thing, but part 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.560 of it is we are so uncomfortable with being uncomfortable, right, 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:42.280 that we will do anything that we possibly can to 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:45.440 not feel the fields, to not feel the anxiety, to 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.400 not feel the sadness, the overwhelmed, the anger, all the 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.400 things that we would say quote unquote or negative emotions, right, 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.120 And so usually we're trying to push those away and 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.840 we're trying to focus on something else. The problem is 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:01.600 is that we cannot kind of selective numb or selectively 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.440 drown out. So what I mean by that is when 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.400 you think about let's say like alcohol, for example, if 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.520 I'm drinking alcohol, I can't only numb the bad, I 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.560 also numb the good. So it's similar in the way 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.920 that we wire our brains. If I'm wiring my brain 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:17.480 to always be I don't want to be in the negative. 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.280 So I'm just going to pay attention to something else 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.560 and not be present with what's going on. It feels yucky. 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:23.920 It's gonna also kind of bite you in the ass. 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.120 On the other side, too, because then you're also not 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:28.520 going to be present in the positive as well. It's 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:30.760 a muscle. You've got to strengthen it for good and bad. 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:35.280 That sucks, I mean, like it's hard. Doesn't that suck? 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:38.040 Like you can't just like there's not two off switches. 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.200 There's like one off switch. You turn it all off 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.400 or you turn it all on. And this is like, ah, 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.440 but that's the that's the idea of being fully human, right, Like, 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:49.120 you can't be fully human if you don't get both 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:52.040 bad and good, light and dark, right cold and hot, 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.840 Like you can't. You can't. I want to switch from 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:57.880 wearing your psychologists had in your mindfulness coach had. I 0:15:57.920 --> 0:15:59.280 want to turn it into a little bit more of 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.720 a human converse station. What got you into this? You know, 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:04.680 like what led you here is that? Was it your 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.720 own experiences? Was it seeing other people and trying to 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:09.800 find a way to help tell me more about your 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.920 own story? All of the above, really, I mean, you know, 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:15.560 for me it was through my own work. So up 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:17.640 until it's not that therapy was ever taboo, and my 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:19.720 family we just never really talked about mental health. I 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.080 mean I definitely kind of grew up in a family 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.600 and a town that was very like, you know, blue collar, 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.600 pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you know, if you're 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.680 in a bad place, just get through it kind of thing. 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:32.000 And when I moved to New York actually to be 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:33.800 a TV producer when I was young, I was in 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.360 my early twenties, I remember that I was just kind 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:40.400 of angry and like piste off and agitated all the time. 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.080 And I didn't even actually realize that until a good 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:44.720 friend of mine kind of put the mirror up to 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.160 me and called me out on it. And I wasn't 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:49.240 sure why, and so I ended up actually taking her 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.840 referral going to see her therapist and had this experience 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.200 where I was ten minutes into meeting this woman for 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.080 the first time, and she opened my eyes to something 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.160 that was a relationship baseding that I had struggled with 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.040 kind of my whole life, and it just melted me 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.280 and changed my entire world. And I remember from that 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:12.760 moment on just being insatiably curious about my inner workings, 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.159 like how things you know, develop, childhood stuff like all 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.360 the things. And I just fell down the rabbit hole. 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:20.240 And so through that, I said, oh, I want to 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.399 do what you do, but I hadn't gotten to that 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.080 place yet. I went, Oh, I want to teach yoga, 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:25.840 and so I got my teacher training and then I 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:27.440 was like, oh, I want to do yoga therapy, and 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:28.960 so I did that, and then I was like, I'm 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.159 gonna take an attrition program. Oh I'm gonna take a 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.280 mindfulness base kind into therapy. I basically was like collecting, 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:40.080 you know, certifications like Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts, your kid, 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.440 just collecting the badges over and over. And you know, 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.600 it helped me so much because over those years of 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:49.560 taking like collecting those badges, my whole life changed in 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.520 the sense of I got more present, I got more calm, 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:56.400 I became more grateful. I became just happier. And it's 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.159 not like happy. I hate when we say this thing 0:17:58.240 --> 0:17:59.920 of like I want to be happy, as if happy 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.760 is something that's like tangible on a shelf that I 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:06.320 can reach for, right, But I knew that I was 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.840 happier because I was I was more present in my life. 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:13.159 I was more kind of aware of the good I was, 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.120 you know, So it just it changed my entire being. 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:17.760 And then through that I just said, you know what, 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:20.199 I want to give this to other people. I want 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:22.480 people to understand that, yes, it's it's tough work to 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.119 be present constantly and ship nobody's good at it, not 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:29.040 even me. Um, It's worth the work because it can 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.679 alter your entire existence. And so from there I decided, Hey, 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.040 I'm going to go back to grad school. And like 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:37.080 my thirties, I left a relationship, moved across the country 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:40.119 by myself, landed in l A, was going to school 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.720 full time while working as a producer full time, and 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:44.440 I just like did the grind and I made the 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:48.119 I made the transition, and so wow, what a story. 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:49.879 And I want to I just want to reiterate that 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.880 one part though, where you gave in or you kind 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:55.120 of said all right and you started seeing a therapist 0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:57.960 and that breakthrough moment like you had mentioned. I think 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:01.000 anybody who's really committed you a therapy is something where 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:03.600 you get what you give if you really do commit 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:05.480 and give to it. I think all three of us 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:08.160 here Um and I can speak for Catherine just because 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:11.359 we've had some great conversations already about it. It is 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:13.520 so worth it. And I want to be like, we 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:15.679 can be the voice today if you need it, if 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.280 you've been waiting for a sign or or somebody to 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:21.399 tell you go see a therapist. Like I've had moments 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:23.600 where like I was like, I don't know about therapy, 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:26.000