1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, on dating, on work, on sex, parenting, 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM 4 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be 5 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're 6 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: gonna read this one right here, right now. Buggle up, 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you. Here it ease. 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. Thank you, nephew. Subject your single unless you're 9 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: married is the subject? All right? Dear Stephen Shirley. I 10 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: am thirty six years old and I've been in a 11 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: great relationship for four years. A year ago, I noticed 12 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: a change in my man and changes in our sex life. 13 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: If I initiated sex, he made up excuses like he 14 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: has acid reflux and he's scared sex might give him 15 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: a heart attack. Then I saw a text on his 16 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: phone that said I love you too. I asked about it, 17 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: and he said he texted her some relationship advice that 18 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: was only responding to her. He said, it's no big 19 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: deal to love a friend without romantic involvement. I told 20 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: him if he continued to send messages like that, he 21 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: was going to need some relationship advice too. After that, 22 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: he changed his password to his fingerprint to access his phone, 23 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: so I had to be creative to find out if 24 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: he was sneaking around with another female. I checked to 25 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: social media direct messages and all of the proof was there. 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,759 Speaker 1: His advice in quotations to her was to leave her 27 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: man and be with him. I found out he'd introduced 28 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: her to his mother as his future wife, and that 29 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: broke my heart. I sat and wrote him a note 30 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: telling him what I had seen and told him i'd 31 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: be at my sister's while I figured things out. He 32 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: called me and said he loves me, but he's not 33 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: in love with me. He also said he is not 34 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,279 Speaker 1: in love with the new girl, but he's very close 35 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 1: to it. He apologized to me and said I have 36 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: every right to be hurt, but I shouldn't be upset 37 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: because we were just dating, not married. He said, technically 38 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: he's single, and so am I. Why did he stay 39 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: with me with four years and use me until something 40 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: better came along. We talked about marriage, but I guess 41 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: he had other plans. I was blindsided and I feel 42 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 1: like a fool. I am moving out of his house 43 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 1: and his life. Where did where did I go wrong? 44 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: While technically he's single and so are you. That part 45 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: is true, and you do have every right to be upset. 46 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: You can be upset if you want to be upset. 47 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: I'm sorry this happened to you. Four years is a 48 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: long time for this to be the outcome. And you know, 49 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: I'm sure you were hoping for way more, something a 50 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: little more permanent, like marriage, since you mentioned marriage in 51 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: your letters that you guys talked about it. But you know, 52 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: I say this better late than never, because it is 53 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: clear that this man is not for you. He said 54 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: he loves you like you can I guess love a 55 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,639 Speaker 1: pet or something. But he's not in love with you. 56 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: So the best thing for you to do is to 57 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: let him go. The quicker you do that, the sooner 58 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: you can get on with your life. But the lead, 59 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 1: the learning process is gonna be gonna be hard for you. 60 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 1: You say, where did you go wrong? That's the hard part. 61 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: He was getting everything he wanted from this relationship, sex 62 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: with you, all the benefits of marriage. You were living together, 63 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: you know, and and even with that, he still considered 64 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: you guys single. So these are the lessons that you 65 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: gotta that you gotta, you know, watch and learn so 66 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: you won't make these same mistakes again. You weren't getting anything. 67 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: You weren't moving toward a commitment from him. Uh, So 68 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: you know, I just don't. I mean, you know, how 69 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: did you play a part in this? I guess is 70 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say. You played a part in 71 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: this because you allowed this to go on like this. 72 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: You're just dating a man and living with him for 73 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: four years. You were hoping for something more, but you 74 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: didn't get that. You wanted to marry him. You know, 75 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: you guys never disgusted only when he brought it up. 76 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: What about what you wanted? And what about you know, 77 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: what he thought about what you wanted? You could have 78 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: found these things out a little earlier in the relationship 79 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 1: if you just, you know, done some digging like you 80 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: did when you were trying to find out if he 81 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: was sneaking around cheating on you. So I guess what 82 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: I'm saying is let this be a lesson. I think 83 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: you should let this one go. Hopefully you have since 84 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: you moved out and everything. But next time, you know, 85 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: you have a right to speak your mind and let 86 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: them know what you want. And like Steve says in 87 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: his book, Act like a lady, Think like a man. 88 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: Makes some standards and requirements so you won't end up 89 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,559 Speaker 1: in the same position giving four years of your life 90 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: to a relationship that really is going nowhere and you're 91 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: not getting what you want, but they get everything they want. 92 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: So learn from this and move on. Steve subject, you're 93 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 1: single unless you're married. That's complete and utterble. Every adult 94 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 1: knows that if you're not married, you can be in 95 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: a relationship. You're not single, y'all lived together. Single people 96 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:32,160 Speaker 1: can do single things. The problem you have is when 97 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: you're not single, but you're performing as though you are single. 98 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: If you're in a committed relationship, living with a person 99 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,600 Speaker 1: is a committed relationship. Marriage is a committed, committed relationship. 100 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: So y'all in a relationship. He ain't single. I'm a 101 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: thirty six year old. I've been in a great relationship 102 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: for four years. Boy, this one went down here pretty fast, though, 103 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: been a year ago. Changing your man sex life. If 104 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: I initiated sex, he made up excuses like he had 105 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,599 Speaker 1: acid reflex and he scared sex might give him a 106 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: heart attack. Wow, this is called pre existing conditions. Who 107 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: let's acid reflex? Stop them from having sex. I don't know. 108 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: I've vomited and won't it six, Oh good grows. I've 109 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: had diar real sex on that night. On that note, 110 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: we'll have part two of your response, sir, get yourself 111 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 1: together coming up in twenty three minutes after the hour 112 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: Today's Strawberry Letters subject you're single unless you're married. We'll 113 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 1: get back into it right after this. You're listening to 114 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: all right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's Strawberry Letters. 115 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: Sub check your single until you're married. Well, okay, that's 116 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: how you want to go with it, but I think 117 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: it's bogus the way he played this woman year ago 118 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: had a wonderful relationship. She thirty six that sex in 119 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: the chance had a change in a sex life if 120 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: she initiated sex. The dude made up excuse like he 121 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: had acid reflux and he was scared that sex might 122 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: give him a heart attack. You thirty six, First of all, 123 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: how old is he? Because if he's the same age 124 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: as you, he in bad shape. He's scared sex gonna 125 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: give him a heart attack. I have had sex to 126 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,559 Speaker 1: try to have a heart attack. Prince wrote a song 127 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: that says, when we make love, crazy in love, having 128 00:07:52,840 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: a hundred million look too hard, attax, damn you. That 129 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 1: was a song. When we make love is like having 130 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: a hundred million little heart attacks. That's a song. You 131 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 1: make love to have a heart attack. Now he don't 132 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: want to have sex because he's scared attack my heart. 133 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: This is not about you, sir. No, I'm telling you 134 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: how wrong this dude is. All right. Then you saw 135 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 1: a phone. The text on the phone say I love 136 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: you too. Then you confronted the man about it, and 137 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: he said it ain't no big deal. He was giving 138 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: her some romantic advice, which he was. But the thing 139 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: of it is is you told him if he continued 140 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: to see a message like that, that she was gonna 141 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:48,199 Speaker 1: need some romantic advice too, all right. So he changed 142 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,199 Speaker 1: the pass where he put his finger on and everything 143 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: right now. So now she got creative and went through 144 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: his messages and found out on social media that he 145 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 1: had advice to her was to leave her man and 146 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: be with him him. And you find out he induced 147 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:09,319 Speaker 1: her to his mother as his future wife. That broke 148 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: her heart. Then you wrote him a note. You told 149 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: him that you be at your sister's house while while 150 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 1: you figured this out. Then he didn't hit the whole 151 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: crux of the whole letter. Right here, he called you 152 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 1: said he loves you, but he's not in love with you. 153 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: You need to be in love to marry somebody, and 154 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: everybody on this show could tell you that you got 155 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: to be in love folk show. Definitely you got to 156 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: get to marry somebody. So that that's a bummer right there. 157 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: He also said he's not in love with the new girl, 158 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: but he's very close to it. Did you not get 159 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: a text that said I love you too? That's right, 160 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: it was in the text. So now he just trying 161 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: to let you down soft. But then here he goes 162 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: he apologized to you and said you got every right 163 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 1: to be hurt, but I shouldn't be upset. See this, 164 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: this dude right here, he knows how to draw the 165 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: difference between upset and hurt. Like them two ain't the 166 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: same damn thing. Right, You got every right to be hurt, 167 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: but you shouldn't be upset because we were just dating, 168 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 1: not married. Ye fool, we lived in your house. This 169 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: ain't dating. We live together. In some states that's called 170 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: common and law, So technic he's singling, So am I 171 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: Why did he stay with me four years and use 172 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 1: me until something better came along. First of all, sister, 173 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: stop beating yourself up. You don't know that something better 174 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:02,959 Speaker 1: has come along. That's true. You don't know that. Let 175 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: me tell you something else I want you to do. 176 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: We had talked about marriage, and I guess he had 177 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: other plans. I was blindsided. I feel like a fool. 178 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 1: I'm moving out of his house in his life. Where 179 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: did I go wrong? You didn't go wrong? Nowhere, You 180 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: didn't go wrong. See that's what happens to a lot 181 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 1: of ladies or dude becomes an a hole, and then 182 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: all of a sudden you take the blame and where 183 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 1: it like you did something. You got a man that 184 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: the lied. We wasn't we wasn't we were single food, 185 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: she lived in your house. You find a message that 186 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: say I love you too. He tell you he ain't 187 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: in love with her, but he closed. How the heir? 188 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 1: Are you close in love? What is excuse there? What 189 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,319 Speaker 1: is that I'm not in love with her but I'm close? 190 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 1: There ain't no songs about now. It's songs that say 191 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: I believe, I believe, I believe I'm falling in love. 192 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 1: That's a song, but the key word he said, I 193 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: believe I'm falling in love. Did the Ain't no song 194 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: out there going? Stay with me? I'm almost damn, I'm 195 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: almost in love with you. Hey, come on now, stay 196 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: with me. I'm almost dare I'm almost in love with you. 197 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:46,079 Speaker 1: Almost almost damn me damn kind of kind but I 198 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: don't know when. Oh, don't wait a while alone, I'm 199 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 1: almost in love. Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letters 200 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: after the new hit song I'm Almost in Love on 201 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on 202 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: demand as well. Coming up at forty six minutes after 203 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,839 Speaker 1: the hour and trending political news. President Trump said no 204 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: one likes him because of his personality. We'll talk about 205 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: it right after this. You're listening to the Stave Harvey 206 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: Morning Show.