1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: fm to get started on. 11 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 2: This week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 3: You know, it's really common in a self defense class 13 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 3: to come and say like, oh, man, if I had 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 3: just taken this class, like, however many years ago, that 15 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,919 Speaker 3: thing would never have happened to me, right, And that 16 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:52,599 Speaker 3: is such like sad self victim blaming. You know, we 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 3: want you to forgive yourself because whatever you did in 18 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 3: that moment was enough to get you to this moment. 19 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:04,400 Speaker 3: You're here now and. 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 21 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: like you. We we're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, a 22 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 23 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techy and motivational speaker. In a 24 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please 25 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 26 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,680 Speaker 4: fiboys to fake friends, and create a safe space where 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 4: black women can just be. 28 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 2: Lady. 29 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 4: Today, we have a special guest who's all about empowering 30 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 4: women to heal from trauma and take their power back. 31 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 4: Linda lu is the executive director of Impact Bay Area, 32 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 4: an Oakland nonprofit that has taught self defense since nineteen 33 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 4: eighty five. Linda holds a master's degree in public health 34 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 4: and extensive experience working with policy advocacy and fundraising at Impact. 35 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 4: She loves combining her love for nonprofit leadership, helping people 36 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 4: empower themselves, and addressing trauma. Linda, we are so happy 37 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 4: to have you here. Welcome to her space. 38 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,639 Speaker 3: I'm so excited here. Yay, yay. 39 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:16,080 Speaker 1: We are so happy to have you here. And so 40 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: we are going to step into our quote of the day, 41 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: which is, if you don't respect her, you obviously don't 42 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: deserve her considering all the amazing work that you do. Linda, 43 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,920 Speaker 1: that quote was really fitting for our conversation today. 44 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, that quote should be attributed to everyone all the time. 45 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 4: So Linda, we're just going to start from the top. 46 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 4: If you can just tell us what prompted you to 47 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 4: begin helping others heal from trauma. 48 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 3: Yeah. So one of my very first jobs was working 49 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 3: in a group home with emotionally disturbed teenagers, and that 50 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 3: really opened my eyes to a lot of traumatic experiences 51 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 3: that these young people have had in their lives. And 52 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 3: sort of as I developed my own mindfulness practice and 53 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 3: began teaching mindfulness practices, it really kind of made me 54 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 3: see that people move around the world reacting to not 55 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 3: so much things that are even happening in the present moment, 56 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 3: but you know, we're reacting based on our past experiences 57 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 3: and our future fears and sort of acting out of 58 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 3: fear and insecurity sometimes and not really being able to 59 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 3: respond in the present moment, which also kind of takes 60 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 3: away from your ability to enjoy the present moment. So 61 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 3: that's why helping people heal from comment is so important 62 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 3: to me. 63 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: Okay, And so as you say that, like, as I 64 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: was listening to you, you talked about mindfulness and incorporating 65 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: being in the present. And I know that your degree 66 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: is in public health, and so mindfulness is kind of 67 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: like a deviation from a public health a public health background, 68 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: So can you talk about how you got into mindfulness 69 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: and kind of shifted if there was a shift from 70 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: public health. 71 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I think that, Well, one, I went 72 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 3: to grad school because my GRE scores were going to expire. 73 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 3: But to you know, I think that public health is 74 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 3: a really big umbrella. And you can think of it 75 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 3: very narrowly as epidemiology and how diseases spread and changing 76 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 3: people's health behaviors, but I really think of it as 77 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 3: a term that encompasses that individual behavior change. And when 78 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 3: you think about just simple things like you know, our 79 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 3: diet and exercise, people don't make choices often because of 80 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 3: you know, it's not because they don't know that exercise 81 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 3: is good for you, it's because it doesn't always feel good, 82 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,239 Speaker 3: and so kind of like the whole person is really 83 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 3: important to those public health type behaviors. But I also 84 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 3: think that public health has a lot to do with 85 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,679 Speaker 3: social justice and the idea that people are at risk 86 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 3: for poor health outcomes because they belong to certain groups, 87 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,479 Speaker 3: they live in certain geographies, and those are also the 88 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 3: same populations that tend to not have access to the 89 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 3: tools that we can teach related to mindfulness and helping 90 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 3: yourself improve your life. So when I started being a 91 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 3: yoga teacher and teaching mindfulness, I was working in juvenile 92 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:45,279 Speaker 3: hall with young people of color and trying to just 93 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 3: create like a little tiny bit of space where you 94 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 3: could get these young people to take a deep breath 95 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 3: and hopefully that leads to you know, being more calm 96 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,720 Speaker 3: and having better control over emotion and you know, making 97 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 3: better decisions in the long run. Maybe I don't know. 98 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 4: And Linda's speaking of being more calm. So I met 99 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 4: you a couple of years ago. Linda has corporate clients 100 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,840 Speaker 4: as well, and so I remember you coming to my job. 101 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 4: They said we were having a women's self defense class 102 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 4: and I'm like, uh, yes, sign me up. So I 103 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 4: remember going to the class. It was so great. It 104 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 4: was actually, I believe it or not, a very calming environment. 105 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 4: It was just such a positive space. I felt very empowered. 106 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 4: And I recall you talking about some of the self 107 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,919 Speaker 4: defense classes that you all had an impact Bay Area, 108 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 4: and so I'm like, oh, I want to sign up. 109 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 2: I want to do this. 110 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 4: And when I did a bit more research, I was like, 111 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 4: this is amazing, this is so valuable and for me 112 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 4: the monetary investment was just a bit too much at 113 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 4: that time. 114 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 2: It wasn't in my budget. 115 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 4: However, I heard that you were having a woman of 116 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 4: Color Basics course, and so Dom and I signed up 117 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,160 Speaker 4: for that course. We were able to do that through 118 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 4: a scholarship, which was so incredible. And I want to 119 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 4: talk about why you even created a women of color 120 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 4: basic self defense course because we benefited so much from that, 121 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,359 Speaker 4: So we have to tell you how that was so 122 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 4: impactful for us too. 123 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I definitely benefited from teaching that course. Great deals, 124 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 3: So I appreciate that, you know, and and I think 125 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 3: it's the same as the motivation behind having a women's 126 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 3: self defense course, Right, there's a social context to violence, 127 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 3: and the way that we experience violence, the way that 128 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 3: we experience trauma, has everything to do with all of 129 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 3: our identities. So, you know, having an affinity space where 130 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 3: you don't have to constantly explain why this is a 131 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 3: problem that you face every day, and you don't have 132 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 3: to sort of justify why it's needed just felt really important. Actually, 133 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 3: one of the women who was in the class, I 134 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 3: met her probably in my first month of working at Impact, 135 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 3: and she had just finished taking the women's Basics course, 136 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 3: and she said to me, I wonder how different this 137 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 3: would have been if I hadn't been the only woman 138 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 3: of color in the room. And I put that away 139 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 3: because I was learning to be an executive director and 140 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 3: to run this organization. And we finally brought it to 141 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 3: Fruition because it's true, you know, we live in a 142 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 3: culture where women of color are not always lifted up, 143 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 3: and we're not always valued, we're not always listened to, 144 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 3: and our experiences are not always seen. And so I 145 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 3: felt like it was really important for us to have 146 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 3: this space where we could feel empowered together because I 147 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 3: think when we're off on our own, there's a lot 148 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 3: of stuff in the world that's out there to make 149 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,479 Speaker 3: us feel less powerful. 150 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,079 Speaker 1: Yes, and as I you know, I reflect back on 151 00:08:56,120 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: the course because it's been about six months, and when 152 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: I think back to being in that space, you are 153 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: absolutely right that it felt something felt incredibly safe about 154 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: being in a place where we're learning about how we're 155 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: learning about how to protect ourselves. We were addressing some 156 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 1: of our vulnerabilities, but it felt so safe to be 157 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: surrounded by women of color who could identify and understand 158 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: the things that are unique to women of color. 159 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you know, obviously, women of color 160 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 3: is such a big term. There's so many different identities 161 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 3: that each of us brings to that group, and so 162 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 3: it's important to honor those differences as well and to 163 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 3: recognize that, you know, the things that each of us 164 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,559 Speaker 3: face are different. But at the end of the day, 165 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 3: we all s so have this really important thing that 166 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 3: we do share. And I think what was so beautiful 167 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 3: about that space for me was that, you know, I 168 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,959 Speaker 3: didn't and as I've talked about this course with people, 169 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 3: I have had to sort of explain why it's important. 170 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 3: And I was like, finally, I'm in a room where 171 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 3: I don't have to tell people why. 172 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 2: Yes, exact we get it. 173 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 4: And London for those of our cause, you know, we're 174 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 4: going to have listeners that may not have had the 175 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 4: chance or opportunity to attend to self defense class. I 176 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 4: think that impact Bay Area is just a whole different 177 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 4: I mean, I've had a concept of what it's like 178 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 4: to attend to class, but can you just talk about 179 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 4: the structure and like some of the unique components, because 180 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 4: it was it was definitely something I didn't expect, but 181 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 4: it was super useful the way the class is structured 182 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 4: and other folks that are in the class with us 183 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 4: and all that good stuff. 184 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you know, one thing that's really important 185 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 3: that we talk about at Impact is the idea of 186 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 3: the best fight being no fight. And I think when 187 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 3: most people think about self defense, they're like, cool, we're 188 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 3: gonna come and like hit things. And I think that 189 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 3: at Impact, when we think of self defense, we are 190 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 3: thinking of yeah, if somebody physically attacks you. But also 191 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:21,319 Speaker 3: every day when there are people crossing your boundaries, making 192 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 3: inappropriate comments, asking questions that are none of their business, 193 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 3: people persistently you know, touching you or hitting on you, 194 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 3: like all of these sort of everyday boundary crossings that 195 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 3: happen with strangers and with people that are in our lives. Like, 196 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 3: all of that calls for self defense. It doesn't always 197 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 3: call for hitting someone in the face. But just like 198 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 3: you need to practice physical skills, we believe it's really 199 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 3: important to practice those converbal boundary setting skills. And then 200 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 3: we do know that there is research suggesting that people 201 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 3: are more likely to set verbal boundaries if they have 202 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 3: some physical skills to back it up. And the way 203 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 3: that we teach physical skills is with a person wearing 204 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 3: a padded suit. We refer to them as suited instructors, 205 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 3: and they play characters that cross your boundaries and you 206 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 3: get to sort of practice under adrenaline and full force, 207 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 3: so you get to feel the power of your own body. 208 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 3: Because we have so many messages in our society telling us, oh, 209 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 3: women have no upper body strength, women aren't strong enough 210 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 3: to overpower a big person, you know, but there really 211 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 3: are just so many techniques that you can use that 212 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,559 Speaker 3: can be super effective. And so we give you the 213 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,959 Speaker 3: opportunity to feel that power in your body and to 214 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 3: write a different story in your mind about how powerful 215 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 3: you are. 216 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 4: I love that and I think one of my favorite, actually, 217 00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 4: well everything. 218 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 2: Was my favorite of the qua. I'm just gonna share 219 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 2: it too. 220 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 4: One was just owning my voice, Like I don't remember 221 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 4: a time where I had an opportunity to yell or 222 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,199 Speaker 4: scream and it wasn't looked down upon, right, because sometimes 223 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 4: as a woman, if you say something in a certain way, 224 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 4: oh you're a bitch, right, or oh you're moody, or oh, 225 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 4: people say, oh it's at that time of the month 226 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 4: and things like that. But us, I think we had 227 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 4: a was it a no circle. Yes, yes, our no 228 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,719 Speaker 4: circle where we all just like screamed at the top 229 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 4: of our lungs. It definitely felt uncomfortable, I think in 230 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,680 Speaker 4: the beginning, but the more we did it, you know, 231 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 4: every class, it was like I felt confident and comfortable. 232 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, I said, no, damn it, Okay, you know what 233 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 2: I mean. It just felt really good. 234 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: And I would also add that for me as a therapist, 235 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: like I find myself like in my profession teaching people 236 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: about how to set boundaries, and you know, and I thought, okay, 237 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: well I have a good grasp on how to do this, 238 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: and taking that class, like I think when you said 239 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 1: that that experience of pairing the physical with the verbal 240 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: enhances the verbal that resonated with me so much because 241 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: since taking that class, I find myself like being so 242 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: much better at setting my own personal boundaries. And like 243 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: I said, as a I'm a therapist, and. 244 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 2: So I'm like, I should. My thought was, I should. 245 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 3: Know how to do this. I've got this. 246 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: And six months after the class, I'm like, I mean, 247 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: you had it, but now you really have it. 248 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 4: And I want to say the other this is one 249 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 4: of the most I think powerful moments was when at 250 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 4: the end of the class, we had an opportunity to 251 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 4: think back to a traumatic experience that we may have 252 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 4: lived through. And this is something that my therapist encouraged 253 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 4: me to do as well. But we had an opportunity 254 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 4: to sort of relive that moment, but be your savior 255 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 4: in that moment. So we got to determine how that 256 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 4: incident played out. Right, So, you know, I remember situations 257 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 4: where I maybe didn't stand up for myself, and so 258 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 4: in the class, I would have had an opportunity to, 259 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 4: let's replay that incident, but now I'm going to stand 260 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 4: up for myself, right, Or let's replay an incident where 261 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 4: you know, I may have been violated as a child 262 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 4: and I could then come in and save myself. And 263 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 4: I think doing something like that is just so powerful 264 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 4: for the psyche, for your being, for your mental health 265 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 4: in general. 266 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I had an experience many years ago. I was 267 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 3: like grabbed and groped by someone on the street. And 268 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 3: my takeaway from that, the story that I told myself 269 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 3: in my head repeatedly since that happened until up until 270 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 3: I took an impact class, was well, I guess if 271 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 3: something were gonna happen to me, I would just freeze 272 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 3: like I did in that moment, and I reiterated that 273 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 3: story in my mind about how if something were to 274 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 3: happen to me, I would be frozen and I would 275 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 3: not know how to fight back or do anything. And 276 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 3: so I think that there's just like this really powerful 277 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 3: thing about getting to rewrite that story. There's like a 278 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 3: pretty old ted talk that Tima Minda a Shade tells 279 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 3: about the danger of a single story. And I think 280 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 3: that we often have that single story in our own minds, 281 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 3: that we perpetuate that like, oh, this thing happened and 282 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 3: I didn't do a good job. I wasn't strong in 283 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 3: that moment, and so I'm telling and then I tell 284 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 3: myself and over that because I wasn't strong in that moment, 285 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 3: I'm not strong. And I think that giving people the 286 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 3: opportunity to sort of rewrite that story or introduce an 287 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 3: alternate ending can be really powerful. 288 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 4: And can we talk a bit about like what happens 289 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 4: when someone is like surprised. 290 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 2: I definitely resonate with what you're saying. 291 00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 4: I know a lot of friends and I've even felt 292 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 4: that with myself where something has happened and I look 293 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,639 Speaker 4: back on it, I'm like, why the fuck didn't you 294 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 4: say something or do something? I beat myself up so 295 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,680 Speaker 4: much and it's kind of embarrassing and I feel a 296 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 4: lot of shame around it. So we definitely want to 297 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 4: hold space for anyone that has been victimized or that 298 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,440 Speaker 4: may not, you know, have responded in the way that 299 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 4: they wanted to in that situation. But what actually happens 300 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 4: to us in our bodies when we experience shock or 301 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,240 Speaker 4: when something like that happens where someone gropes you and 302 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 4: you're like, I always thought I would be the person 303 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 4: that you know that would say fuck off, you know, 304 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 4: and beat this person up, but you you didn't do 305 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: that in the moment. 306 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: Can you talk about what happens for us? 307 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean as human beings, As mammals, we all 308 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,879 Speaker 3: experience an adrenaline freeze. People talk all the time about 309 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 3: a fight or flight, but it's actually way more complicated 310 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 3: than that. Most of us have a freeze response, and 311 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 3: there are all kinds of other other responses that people 312 00:17:54,640 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 3: have to startling or frightening experiences. And in our classes, 313 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 3: we try to utilize the suited instructors playing all kinds 314 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 3: of sketchy characters that give you the experience of having 315 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 3: that adrenaline freeze and being a little bit startled or 316 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 3: frightened and then working your way through that. And one 317 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 3: of the really important reasons that we always teach people 318 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 3: to use their voice is when you're talking, you're also breathing, 319 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,719 Speaker 3: and breathing is a really powerful way to help yourself 320 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,400 Speaker 3: move out of that adrenaline freeze. As humans, we probably 321 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,360 Speaker 3: can never fully eliminate the freeze response, but we can 322 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,120 Speaker 3: certainly move out of it and still fight. 323 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 4: So, whether it's you saying something to say something like 324 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,919 Speaker 4: I'm alive, I'm okay, I'm here, whatever you say, just 325 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,199 Speaker 4: say something to kind of get yourself to breathe in 326 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 4: that moment where you may want to hold your breath 327 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 4: right exactly. 328 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: And I'm so glad that you brought that up, because 329 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 1: I think that like when I think back to how 330 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 1: we sometimes teach in the general psychology class when we 331 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 1: teach and sometimes I think in anatomy classes too, where 332 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: they teach about like the sympathetic nervous system, and they 333 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 1: often do teach only that fight or flight response. And 334 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 1: you are so right that, like so many of us 335 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 1: experience that freeze and because that's a piece that's not 336 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: often talked about. A lot of people experience shame around 337 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: freezing in those moments, and so can you talk to 338 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 1: us a little bit about how you work with people 339 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: as they're trying to heal from maybe going into that 340 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 1: freeze response. 341 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. I first want to say, you know, I really 342 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: appreciate you bringing up the idea that we beat ourselves 343 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 3: up about it, because I think one of the really 344 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,919 Speaker 3: important things that we want people to do is to 345 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 3: forgive themselves. Yes, because what we say to folks who 346 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 3: are sort of like, you know, it's really common in 347 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,920 Speaker 3: a self defense class to come and say like, oh, man, 348 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 3: if I had just taken this class, like, however many 349 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 3: years ago, that thing would never have happened to me, right, 350 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 3: And that is such like sad self victim blaming. You know, 351 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 3: we want you to forgive yourself because whatever you did 352 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 3: in that moment was enough to get you to this moment. 353 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 3: You're here now, right and and there's no right or wrong. 354 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 3: You did what you needed to do in that moment 355 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 3: to be here and to be alive right now. So yeah, 356 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 3: but I think that you know, if you if you 357 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 3: have that freeze response, congratulations, you're human. 358 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 2: I mean that's real. 359 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 3: Then that's real. 360 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: Sometimes we do have to remind ourselves of that that 361 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 1: we are human and we're flawed and we're animals, like 362 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: that's why, wait, this is the animal response. 363 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:50,679 Speaker 2: That we have. 364 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 3: And so, you know, in class, we try to help 365 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,720 Speaker 3: people practice all kinds of different techniqe that they can 366 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,240 Speaker 3: use that and you know, one of the things that 367 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 3: we always say is also that self defense is about choices. 368 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 3: So not everything that I suggest is going to work 369 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,199 Speaker 3: for every person. And so we try to present like 370 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 3: a big, a big collection of tools that you can 371 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 3: choose from. And if one, you know, grounding technique works 372 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 3: really well for you, If one way of talking or 373 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 3: breathing helps you feel present in the moment and able 374 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 3: to respond to what's happening around you, then that's great. 375 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 3: You know. And in our classes, when we have students 376 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 3: practice various scenarios, you always have your whistle instructor, who's 377 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 3: like your coach, standing next to you, providing you with coaching, 378 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 3: with support, or just kind of a presence next to you, 379 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 3: because we know we want people to know that they're 380 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 3: not alone, because that is a strategy that attackers use 381 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 3: they are harassers. 382 00:21:59,200 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 1: You know. 383 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 3: They want you to feel isolated in your victimhood, and 384 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,199 Speaker 3: they want you to feel like, you know, nobody cares, 385 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,680 Speaker 3: nobody knows that this is happening to you, but we're 386 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,640 Speaker 3: actually you know. The other reason we do these classes 387 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 3: and in groups is we try to build community because 388 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 3: we want folks to know like, we're with you and 389 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,119 Speaker 3: you're we're strong together. 390 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:23,639 Speaker 2: That's beautiful. 391 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,879 Speaker 4: And if we have let's say a lady's listening and 392 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 4: she's like, this is great, I totally resonate with the content. 393 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,639 Speaker 4: But what practical tips can I use to just feel safer? 394 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 3: Right? 395 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 2: I think the world we live in is something else. Today. 396 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 4: I try not to watch the news too much because 397 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 4: my mental health just cannot take it. Okay, So if 398 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 4: you were to share maybe like five best practices or 399 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 4: just tips that we can use, whether it's self defense gadgets, 400 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 4: or if it's like certain moves or statements that we 401 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 4: can use to just be safer when we're out and about, 402 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 4: what would those be? 403 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:58,000 Speaker 3: One primary one really is that I would encourage everyone 404 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 3: to listen to their intuition and really tap into your intuition, 405 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 3: particularly as women. We have most of us been socialized 406 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,639 Speaker 3: to ignore our own intuition because we are supposed to 407 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 3: always be hind and accommodating and sweet, and even when 408 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 3: we are feeling unsafe, when we are feeling like somebody 409 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 3: is crossing our boundaries, we feel this compulsion and I 410 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 3: feel it to give people the benefit of the doubt, 411 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 3: to make other people feel safe and comfortable, and we 412 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 3: often prioritize that over our own safety and comfort. So 413 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 3: I think, really just being aware of your intuition and 414 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 3: listening to it and honoring it is really important. I 415 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 3: think another really important thing that we've talked about already 416 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 3: a lot is using your voice. Most people think that 417 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,439 Speaker 3: you have to be a skilled martial artist or you 418 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 3: have to have lots of training in fighting in order 419 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:02,160 Speaker 3: to defend yourself against being attacked. But a lot of times, 420 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,159 Speaker 3: you know, what people want is to steal your phone 421 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 3: or to attack you physically and then get away. So 422 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 3: if you're using your voice and you're using it loudly, 423 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 3: you're drawing attention that this person doesn't want, and it 424 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 3: can be really helpful to scaring them off. It can 425 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 3: be really helpful to managing your own adrenaline, and it 426 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,919 Speaker 3: can be really helpful in getting help from people around you. 427 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 3: I don't really have any particular recommendations around gadgets or tools. 428 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 3: A lot of times we get asked about carrying things, 429 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 3: and our classes are designed to use the tools your 430 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,919 Speaker 3: body that you always have with you. But if you 431 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 3: choose to use self defense tools, we always recommend that 432 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,719 Speaker 3: people practice practice using them before you're in a situation 433 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,879 Speaker 3: that's highly adrenalizing or scary, so that you're not fumbling 434 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 3: digging through your purse trying to find whatever it is 435 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 3: and then trying to figure out how to use it 436 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 3: while somebody is bearing down over you. Also, it's really 437 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 3: important to try and practice setting boundaries with people in 438 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 3: small ways because if you get boundary setting is a 439 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 3: muscle that gets stronger as you practice it. So even 440 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 3: if it's just like little things, and you know, the 441 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:29,119 Speaker 3: holidays are a great time to practice boundary setting people 442 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 3: in your life, but it just makes you stronger and 443 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 3: more confident in your ability to do that when you're 444 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 3: in a more challenging situation. 445 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 2: That's a really good point. 446 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 4: And Linda, I feel like I learned this one from you, 447 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,199 Speaker 4: but like, don't be afraid to just make yourself, like 448 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,639 Speaker 4: do what you have to do to be comfortable. And 449 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 4: I'll give you an example. So sometimes I'll be walking 450 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,439 Speaker 4: and if I feel like someone's creepy and they're behind me, 451 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,880 Speaker 4: usually I'm like, oh, let me just keep walking. Right, 452 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 4: like you said with the first tip, like I don't 453 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 4: want to look weird, I don't want to like be dramatic. 454 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 4: But now what I do is I will straight up pause, 455 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 4: I'll walk to the side, and I'll let the person 456 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 4: pass me if I feel uncomfortable. And I used to 457 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 4: be really uncomfortable doing that, but now it's like, let 458 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 4: me let them get in front of me, or let 459 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 4: me cross. 460 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,399 Speaker 2: The street or go into a store. 461 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 4: So I may take a detour just because something didn't 462 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 4: feel right about that person, right. 463 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And you know you don't have to like 464 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 3: have a bad feeling then immediately become a barbecue becky 465 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 3: and call the police or right, because we know that 466 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 3: a lot of times those feelings can be complicated. Right. 467 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 3: There can be your intuition, and then there can be 468 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 3: things that we've seen in the media or experiences we've 469 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 3: had with particular people in the past that like influence 470 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 3: the stereotypes that we all hold. So you know, we 471 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 3: be careful about encouraging people to listen to their intuition, 472 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 3: but then practicing some awareness of looking around and seeing 473 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 3: if the person's actually doing anything that might pose a threat. 474 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 3: And then you know, there's all kinds of strategies that 475 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,120 Speaker 3: you can use, like let the person pass duck into 476 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 3: a store whatever it is. You don't actually have to 477 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,679 Speaker 3: confront every person that sets off your intuition, bellels. I mean, 478 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 3: because they would never we would never go to bars 479 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,120 Speaker 3: or exactly public places ever again. 480 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: Right right, And I think sometimes too with that, it's 481 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 1: about tapping into, like for each individual person, figuring out 482 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,879 Speaker 1: what's the difference between your intuition and those implicit biases 483 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,400 Speaker 1: or stereotypes that you mentioned, because some oftentimes we get 484 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 1: those confused. 485 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know it comes up sometimes in our classes, 486 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 3: and I just like, I just I'm like, you know, 487 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,919 Speaker 3: y'all have to do your own work around that. 488 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 2: Go do your work, okay. 489 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: Which is something that I thought was so important about 490 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: the women of color class that we took was that 491 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 1: we were able to have those conversations in a way 492 00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:00,640 Speaker 1: that I think wouldn't have gone over as well if 493 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: we had been one of two women of color in 494 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: a class full of women, or if the instructor had 495 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: been a white woman. You know, And so I think again, 496 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: I guess I can't stop thanking you enough for giving 497 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 1: us that opportunity to have that space. 498 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 3: Well, you know, I feel like it was really important 499 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:26,560 Speaker 3: for me to also be in that space because I 500 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 3: cannot speak certainly for all women of color, but I 501 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 3: can speak for myself and saying that, I don't think 502 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 3: that I have before impact. I don't think that I 503 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 3: felt a sense of entitlement to my own freedom and safety. 504 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 3: I don't feel like I felt like I should always 505 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 3: be comfortable and safe. And I think that it's easy 506 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 3: to feel that way when you are part of a 507 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 3: community that's always being robbed of your bodily autonomy. You know, 508 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 3: you're brought up in a society where it's normalized and 509 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 3: okay to be sexually assaulted or sexually harassed on a 510 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 3: regular basis. And you know, I think that it's important 511 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 3: to me because I know lots of women of color 512 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 3: who don't, who have normalized it to the extent that 513 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 3: you know, it feels like we don't. We don't bother 514 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,320 Speaker 3: saying anything about it, because it's just what how the 515 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 3: world is. 516 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so sad when you really sit down and 517 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 1: like when you really think about it or try to 518 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: unpack that. And so I think that the work that 519 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 1: you're doing at Impact is so so important because you're 520 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: providing this opportunity for women to feel safe and comfortable 521 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 1: protecting themselves. 522 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 4: Now, Linda, we're going to lighten the mood up just 523 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 4: a little bit, or actually a lot of it, a 524 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 4: lot of it. 525 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 2: We're going to lighten up the mood. Okay, we're ready 526 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 2: for this. We hope you're ready, Linda. 527 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 4: So just just just sit back and take this all 528 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 4: in now, Linda, because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the 529 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,280 Speaker 4: multifaceted woman and believe that it's okay to be classy 530 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,400 Speaker 4: and ratchet. You can still be elegant and dance to 531 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 4: strip club music, we want to invite you to the 532 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 4: oh you clatch It segment? 533 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,160 Speaker 2: Linda, do you take on the challenge? 534 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,160 Speaker 3: Okay, I don't know what I'm agreeing to, but okay. 535 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: What this is Okay, I appreciate you being down for 536 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: the cause, Like, let's do it. Okay, So question number one, 537 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done. 538 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I'm really not a very spontaneous person. I 539 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,080 Speaker 3: cannot think of a spontaneous thing that I've ever done. Okay, 540 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,719 Speaker 3: there we go, true, but I can't think of one. 541 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 2: You'll think of one like tomorrow. Oh, let me get 542 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 2: back to that. Yes, well what about number two? What 543 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 2: about this one? Linda? What is your biggest pet peeve? 544 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 3: Oh, other than the normal like white supremacy, racism, blah 545 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 3: blah blah. Okay, this one just I don't know if 546 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 3: this is the biggest, but it came up recently. You 547 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 3: know people that clip their nails in public, oh, like 548 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 3: on the bart, like on the bus, and let that 549 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,480 Speaker 3: sound the sound of the clipping, and I know something 550 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 3: is flying somewhere, like I can't know. 551 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,560 Speaker 2: Don is loving this right now. 552 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Oh my god. 553 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 4: That's a good one. That's a really yeah, I would 554 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:37,280 Speaker 4: agree with that. 555 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: Speaking of cringe worthy things that people do, what is 556 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: the most cringe worthy outfit you've ever worn? 557 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 3: Ah? I mean I had a whole phase, like my 558 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 3: twenty one year old Houcci phase that was like comprised 559 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 3: of stretchy polyester things. I can think of the skirt 560 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 3: that I had that was like ankle length, but I 561 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 3: had this big slit that went all the way basically 562 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 3: up to my underwear. I thought, I was so cute. 563 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 3: You do what? 564 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: I feel like that brings back like the late nineties, 565 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 1: early two thousands. 566 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 2: Like ye, as soon as you. 567 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 1: Started describing it, I was like, I feel like there 568 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: was something similar to that in my in my closets someware. 569 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 3: Yep, yep. 570 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 2: She's like, that's right right. The next question, what's your 571 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 2: biggest guilty pleasure? 572 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 3: Oh? So, like, okay, I can't believe I'm gonna confess 573 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 3: this now. I have this rule where I don't watch 574 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 3: movies or television if they don't have people of color 575 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 3: as main care. 576 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 2: Oh I love that. 577 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 3: But also I really like Christmas rom coms, and most 578 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 3: of them star kind of mildly attractive white people falling 579 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 3: in love with small towns. So that sounds like. 580 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 1: A Hallmark channel or Lifetime channel. 581 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:25,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, so that we got it first exclusive you. 582 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: Oh, Linda, what is your favorite dream? 583 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 3: Oh? This is not going to be a particularly ratchet 584 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 3: answer because I have never I have actually never had 585 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 3: alcohol in my life. 586 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 2: Wow. 587 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:46,360 Speaker 3: Wow, So it's not going to be exciting. 588 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:51,240 Speaker 2: Ginger beer. Ginger beer, ginger beer is good. I like that. 589 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,600 Speaker 1: And kudos to you for never having alcohol. We we 590 00:33:55,640 --> 00:34:00,080 Speaker 1: live in a society that like promotes alcohol consumption, So 591 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: kudos to you for setting a boundary. 592 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 3: Before I even knew it. 593 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 2: Yes, you're right here. 594 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 3: You go. 595 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 2: You were destined for this. Well, we appreciate you. 596 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 4: We want to just thank you and honor you for 597 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 4: the work that you do, for the impact that you've 598 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:22,120 Speaker 4: had on our lives, and we just we're so grateful 599 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,600 Speaker 4: for you your insight and your knowledge, and we'd love 600 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,600 Speaker 4: for you to just share with our listeners where they 601 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 4: can find you on social media or where they can 602 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 4: connect with you or attend one of your future classes. 603 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 2: Yes, so give us all the good stuff. 604 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, so, you can find Impact Bay Area at Impactbarea 605 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 3: dot org. We are on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter 606 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,279 Speaker 3: when I remember that, we have a Twitter account. But 607 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:54,440 Speaker 3: we are actually really excited that we are already planning 608 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 3: our next women of Color Basics class. It's probably going 609 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,399 Speaker 3: to be at the end of February, so look out 610 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 3: social media and on our website for information about that. 611 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 3: And we're also brewing up a virtual impact book Club. 612 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 3: If you enjoy booky things related to powerful women and 613 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:28,240 Speaker 3: women's empowerment and other awesomeness boundary setting kind of stuff, 614 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:33,279 Speaker 3: also keep an eye out on that. So yeah, I. 615 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,279 Speaker 1: Love a good book. So I am going to look 616 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,440 Speaker 1: forward to this to this book club. 617 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 3: Yay, thank you for having me. I am going to 618 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 3: say something, I'm pretty disappointed that in the Cladjet segment, 619 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 3: I did not get to talk about my deep love 620 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:47,759 Speaker 3: for Cardi B. 621 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:52,760 Speaker 2: But do it right now, let's. 622 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:57,080 Speaker 3: Tell us I'm obsessed with Cardi B. I just really 623 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 3: love her. I love it. 624 00:35:59,040 --> 00:35:59,960 Speaker 2: What do you love about Cardie? 625 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 3: She just says what she wants to say. She uses 626 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 3: her voice. And there's a line in one of her 627 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:13,080 Speaker 3: songs that's like, Pussy's so good, I say my own 628 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 3: name during sex. 629 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:20,479 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, right, I love it. 630 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 3: We never get to talk about ourselves in that way, right, Like, 631 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,319 Speaker 3: It's not how women are supposed to talk and be. 632 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,040 Speaker 3: And I love that She's just like that. 633 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,920 Speaker 2: I love it. On that note, boom drops, Mike. 634 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her space. Please note 635 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 636 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 637 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,880 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 638 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 639 00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,600 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 640 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:04,280 Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today 641 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,720 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 642 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 643 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 644 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:17,560 Speaker 4: Twitter at herspace podcast or check out our website at 645 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:22,319 Speaker 4: herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat after me, 646 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,320 Speaker 4: I know that everything is working out for my good, 647 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,920 Speaker 4: even when things don't go as planned. 648 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, Lady.