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Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,

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Speaker 1: your host, narrator and author. We hear at the ten

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Speaker 1: minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or

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Speaker 1: rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to

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Speaker 1: pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human

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Speaker 1: condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.

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Speaker 1: Today's offering is entitled College Boy. It could easily be

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Speaker 1: subtitled Life on Easy Street or Made in the Shade.

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Speaker 1: Ed's young, spoiled, apathetic takes a whole lot for granted,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't like to push himself physically or mentally. He

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Speaker 1: just wants to slide and glide. Ed's a zoomer college boy.

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Speaker 1: The old man gave young Ed the ultimatum, get a job,

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Speaker 1: go back to school, or hit the road. Jack Eddie

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Speaker 1: really couldn't blame the old man. It had been over

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Speaker 1: a month since he'd sort of quit school. He hadn't

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Speaker 1: gone back after Christmas break, couldn't take any more psych statistics, economics,

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Speaker 1: or history of the ancients. During this time. He hasn't

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Speaker 1: done dick, at least not in the get Ahead in

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Speaker 1: life department. He's smoked some dope, tied on some fine

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Speaker 1: rye and ginger ale, buzzes at limbs where he shoots

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Speaker 1: pool and throws darts. He's gotten laid a few times,

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Speaker 1: though not by any prime candidates to bring home to

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Speaker 1: meet mom. And now now Eddie has found what he

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Speaker 1: tells his smoke and pub buds is absolutely the world's

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Speaker 1: cushiest job, one hundred percent busting. What what is it?

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Speaker 1: Stockbroker christ snow elephant trainer, you're a ass well what then?

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Speaker 1: Get this plant waterer? Say what bro Yep made in

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Speaker 1: the shade blade made in the shade plant waterer? Ed

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Speaker 1: works at Flows Florist up in Chester works back here

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Speaker 1: in the greenhouses. Flow's got three giant greenhouses out behind

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Speaker 1: her shop where she sells flowers and plants and pots

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Speaker 1: and potting soil and lawn ornaments like gnomes and those

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Speaker 1: little smirking irish wise asses what do you call them? Leprecauns?

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Speaker 1: Fucking a leprecauns. Eddie arrives at work about seven forty five.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't have to show till eight, but after just

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Speaker 1: a couple days he realized if he's snuck in early

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Speaker 1: and went straight back to the greenhouses. He could avoid

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Speaker 1: all the gibber jabber with the blue haired ladies who

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Speaker 1: work up front and the douchebag drivers who run the

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Speaker 1: delivery vans for Flow morons, dumb as houseplants, dead enders.

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Speaker 1: Eddie whistles while he works while he waters using a

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Speaker 1: fine mist and picks the dead leaves off the ficus

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Speaker 1: and violets and roses, spider plants and strawberry begonias and philodendrons.

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Speaker 1: What Flow calls the world's most indestructible houseplant. A husband

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Speaker 1: couldn't kill it. At nine point thirty, he takes his

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Speaker 1: fifteen minute break out behind the giant mulch pile. It's

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Speaker 1: colder than a witch is tit out here, plus the

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Speaker 1: north wind blows a freaking gale, but he still manages

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Speaker 1: to get his spliff lit, takes two good hits licks

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Speaker 1: his thumb and index finger extinguishes the burning ember. Eddie,

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Speaker 1: as happy and calm and mellow as any human has

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Speaker 1: the right to be on this god forsaken planet, drifting

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Speaker 1: all alone through infinity, emerges from behind the mulch pile

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Speaker 1: and floats back toward the rear greenhouse door. He's got

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Speaker 1: some root bound ivy plants to repot, and with this

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Speaker 1: delightful little buzz boosting his spirits and a playlist of

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Speaker 1: little Nazas and Dojia, cat Edge, Searhan and Dua lip

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Speaker 1: hopping and be bopping in his AirPods. Well, well, hell,

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Speaker 1: the morning feels just super steady and dan dandy. He

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Speaker 1: pulls open the door. Eddie, for the love of God,

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Speaker 1: there you are. It's Flow, red faced, face on fire, Flow, ancient, pitiless,

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Speaker 1: hard as nails, with the gimp leg and the right

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Speaker 1: shoe with the four inch sole wearing blazes. Have you been, Eddie? Well,

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Speaker 1: I was never mind follow me, Follow you upfront, up front.

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Speaker 1: You have a driver's license, correct, Eddie. Flow marches on

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Speaker 1: that gimp leg like old General Washington himself, closing in

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Speaker 1: on Trenton. It's Benjamin, Eddie. He's sick, some stomach thing.

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Speaker 1: He threw up all over the bathroom. I sent him home.

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Speaker 1: You need to cover me cover. I need you to drive, Eddie,

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Speaker 1: I need you to deliver. Drive deliver. Ed feels like

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Speaker 1: he's well two stone to drive, let alone deliver. Flow

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Speaker 1: turns and faces him. She's close enough he feels her

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Speaker 1: spittle on his face. It's the busiest goddamn day of

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Speaker 1: the year, Eddie, do you hear me? The busiest goddamn

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Speaker 1: day of the year. Over six hundred orders to get out,

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Speaker 1: six hundred orders, and I'm down a driver on Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, mutter zaid who knew. Minutes later, Edie climbs

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Speaker 1: into the van and tries to make himself comfy after

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Speaker 1: freaking out. Flow assured him the job was as easy

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Speaker 1: as taking out the trash. A husband could do it.

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Speaker 1: Everything is all programmed, the route, the directions, the deliveries.

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Speaker 1: All ed has to do is drive the van, take

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Speaker 1: the flowers to the front door, and say thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for shopping at Flo's neighborhood florist. And at first

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Speaker 1: all goes well. The big GPS screen on the dash

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Speaker 1: displays fifteen o three Valley Road as his first stop,

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Speaker 1: and below the address the turn by turn directions two

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Speaker 1: fifteen o three. He arrives twelve minutes later, grabs the

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Speaker 1: box of pink roses out of the back with the

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Speaker 1: same address, and with a royally stoned smile on his face,

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Speaker 1: he makes the delivery to a very nice lady who

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Speaker 1: hands him a twenty dollars tip. One down, sixty four

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Speaker 1: deliveries to go. The next dozen or so go off

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Speaker 1: without a hitch. This Ed thinks is easy schmazy, maybe

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Speaker 1: even easier than back in the greenhouses. But then well,

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Speaker 1: then the proverbial shit begins to hit. The florist van.

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Speaker 1: Backing out of a tight driveway, big bushy hedgerow on

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Speaker 1: the driver side, tall pines on the passenger side, he

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Speaker 1: catches the large passenger side mirror on a hanging limb.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh. He checks it out, curses several times. The

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Speaker 1: mirror hangs by a thread. Ed has no choice. He

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Speaker 1: rips off the mirror entirely and tosses it onto the

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Speaker 1: passenger seat. Oh man, Flow is gonna chew my ass

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Speaker 1: out for that, And then like three stops later, his

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Speaker 1: buzz all burned out. The GPS goes down on one

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Speaker 1: second and dead the next. Christ now what he calls

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Speaker 1: the store doesn't mention the mirror. Flows screams, oh for

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Speaker 1: crying out loud, Eddie, I have no time for this.

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Speaker 1: Try to reset the thing. If it won't reset, use

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Speaker 1: the print out. Be sure to match the address with

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Speaker 1: the package. That's the key, but how will I find

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Speaker 1: the address? Is slow? The houses I have like forty

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Speaker 1: more go but don't have a clue where any of

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Speaker 1: them are. God, use your phone, college boy, your phone.

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Speaker 1: The GPS on your phone show some goddamn initiative, you idiot,

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Speaker 1: and Flow hangs up. Eddie types the next address into

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Speaker 1: the Google Maps on his iPhone, finds it, makes the delivery,

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Speaker 1: types in another address, makes another delivery. It's slow going,

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Speaker 1: but at least he's moving, emptying the damn van of

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Speaker 1: all these stupid flowers that'll be dead in days. And then,

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Speaker 1: because well, because he's been playing tunes NonStop, his iPhone

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Speaker 1: goes dead and he has no way to recharge it.

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Speaker 1: It starts to snow, just lightly at first, but then well,

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Speaker 1: a little heavier. He asks a cop for directions to

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Speaker 1: six six ' six Maple Lean tells him, but on

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Speaker 1: the way, Eddie gets turned around, turns left when he

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Speaker 1: should have turned right. Finally, frustrated, he leaves the box

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Speaker 1: of two dozen red roses at a house that he

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Speaker 1: thinks is six sixty six Maple Lane. It's not jittery now,

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Speaker 1: and a little flumixed, Ed begins to contemplate his future

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Speaker 1: a couple more years of college, and then slide into

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Speaker 1: the old man's money printing biz. Okay, not the most

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Speaker 1: exciting or challenging work on earth, but definitely beats this bullshit.

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Speaker 1: Snow really coming down now the afternoon, flying by, Ed

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Speaker 1: decides to take a hit, just one, just one little hit,

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Speaker 1: to cool himself off, calm himself down. The next half

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Speaker 1: dozen or so deliveries definitely wind up at the wrong houses,

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Speaker 1: and then as dusk begins to gather, the GPS suddenly

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Speaker 1: pops back on again. Too bad. The side roads are

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Speaker 1: all mucked up with six inches of wet snow. The van,

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Speaker 1: running on some less than stellar tires, flow loaths spending

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Speaker 1: money on overhead, slips and slides all over the road

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Speaker 1: like a drunk on ice skates. Eddie slides, swerves, hits

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Speaker 1: a mailbox and knocks the driver's side mirror off. The

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Speaker 1: van doesn't even bother to pick it up, just leaves

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Speaker 1: it there on the wet street and drives on. Takes

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Speaker 1: another hit, tells himself he's like the postman, makes his

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Speaker 1: deliveries no matter snow, sleet, rain, hell or high water. Hell,

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Speaker 1: it's not worried his future is secure. The van slides

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Speaker 1: going down a steep driveway, hits a stone wall, crunches,

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Speaker 1: the front bumper shatters the driver's side headlight. Wow, says Ed. Finally,

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Speaker 1: just after seven pm, Eddie, on one working headlight, makes

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Speaker 1: his final delivery, just sort of tosses the box of

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Speaker 1: flowers up onto some random porch. He takes a nice,

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Speaker 1: big hit to celebrate. The empty van finally gets back

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Speaker 1: to Flows around seven thirty. She looks him up and down, demands,

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Speaker 1: where in blazes have you been? What in blazes took

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Speaker 1: you so damn long? Eddie man moody gps in that van?

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Speaker 1: Flow and some pretty funky weather out there. You looked

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Speaker 1: out the window lately. Ed doesn't mention the damage to

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Speaker 1: the van or the dozens of deliveries that likely went awry.

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Speaker 1: The phone rings, Flow answers. Eddie sees Flow glance at

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Speaker 1: him and scowl. Undoubtedly an irate customer looking for his

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Speaker 1: or her Valentine's Day. Roses Ed, certain there will soon

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Speaker 1: be hell to pay, decides to vamouse scadattle. Definitely time

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Speaker 1: to get out of dodge avoid the wrath of Flow.

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Speaker 1: At home, he drinks a couple beers, eats a cold chicken,

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Speaker 1: Leggy finds in the fridge and says to his old man,

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Speaker 1: you know, Dad, you know I've been doing some soul

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Speaker 1: searching lately, some serious thinking about my future, and you know, well,

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Speaker 1: I've decided I made a mistake, maybe even a pretty

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Speaker 1: big mistake. College is definitely where I belong. In fact,

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Speaker 1: I think it's best if I if I high tail

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Speaker 1: it back there first thing in the morning. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: listening to this original audio presentation of college Boy, narrated

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Speaker 1: by the author. If you enjoy today's story, please take

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Speaker 1: a few seconds to rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast.

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Speaker 1: The Ten Minute Storyteller is produced by Andrew PLEGLSI and

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Speaker 1: Josh Coladney and as part of the Elvis Duran Podcast

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Speaker 1: Network in partnership with Iheartproductions. Until next time, this is

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Speaker 1: Bill Simpson, your ten Minute Storyteller,