Speaker 1: I did kind of always like come come ast me.
Speaker 1: Why you've seen those porns where people make like come
Speaker 1: popsicles or like or like save loads, like like I
Speaker 1: have like a jar full of people's like yellowing loads.
Speaker 1: So when I was twelve years old, I I'm already nervous.
Speaker 1: I had to continue. I had one pair of boxers
Speaker 1: that I jerked off it. Okay, wait wait can you
Speaker 1: can you really like flannel where they like they were
Speaker 1: a plaid mat, but specifically they were Invader Zim boxers
Speaker 1: that I bought at hot topic, so many twists and
Speaker 1: turns and when I, you know, was discovering my sexuality,
Speaker 1: you know, when it was milk and time. But on
Speaker 1: those Invaders in boxers. Every time you say invaders and boxers,
Speaker 1: and they were if I like smacked them, they would
Speaker 1: have like cracked open the how crusted they were. But
Speaker 1: you watched them, but you washed them occasionally. But like
Speaker 1: I was jerking off a lot, you know. But I
Speaker 1: like distinctly remember the night before my freshman year of
Speaker 1: high school, maybe just like go in four or five
Speaker 1: times and that evening into those Invaders in boxers and
Speaker 1: being like, Okay, I think it's time to throw these out.
Speaker 1: So you did eventually throw them? I did eventually. And
Speaker 1: you know we're talking about masturbation because today we're going
Speaker 1: to be talking about porn and erotica and things we
Speaker 1: could fact too. Yeah, and uh, if the opening anecdote
Speaker 1: any indication that this is not going to be a
Speaker 1: disgusting conversation. Oh, we're getting We're getting nasty. The virgins
Speaker 1: should be primed. Please prepare yourself. Yes, we are going
Speaker 1: to dig into our search histories, into our parents DVD collections,
Speaker 1: and into you know, our own experiences with corn throughout
Speaker 1: our lives, because this is like a virgin in the show.
Speaker 1: We give yesterday's pop culture, Today's takes. I'm Mozdomine and
Speaker 1: I'm Fran Toronto Virgins. We are coming to you live
Speaker 1: from two different posts. Technology really has brought us so
Speaker 1: far to this moment. I'm so I'm so happy. I
Speaker 1: love science. We are finally going to talk about the
Speaker 1: finale of Interview with the Vampire. Um TikTok finally figured
Speaker 1: out that I have been watching it and so now
Speaker 1: I'm getting nothing but listat edits fan can fan cams.
Speaker 1: I think we have graduated from calling them fan cams
Speaker 1: to edits. That's what That's what the kids are saying.
Speaker 1: I don't know that's what gen Z calls them. I
Speaker 1: think fan cams is fan cams is very kind of
Speaker 1: millennial terminology. Oh god, I hate aging myself on this podcast,
Speaker 1: but I hope we are millennials. We're old, We're ancients.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, don't remind me. Yeah. So, the
Speaker 1: first season of Interviewed the Vampire has ended. I thought
Speaker 1: the finale was so good. It was so unexpected. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's what's been great about the whole first season of
Speaker 1: the show is, you know, as someone who knows the
Speaker 1: source material, knowing what the story was working towards, and
Speaker 1: then seeing the ways in which they altered and and
Speaker 1: subverted those expectations was really exciting. Like, obviously, you know
Speaker 1: that the first season is going to end with them
Speaker 1: attempting to kill Lestat, and they still do, but the
Speaker 1: way it happens is so different. Um, and so what changes?
Speaker 1: So you know in the original novel, there's no big
Speaker 1: party or anything. The plan progresses much more straightforward. You know,
Speaker 1: Claudia drugs these two little twin boys, Listat drinks from them.
Speaker 1: One of the vampire rules is that you can't drink
Speaker 1: for them from the dead, where you will die yourself.
Speaker 1: Claudia is the one who splits Listat's throat, and then
Speaker 1: they toss him into the swamp and he later you know,
Speaker 1: feeds on alligators to you know, kind of regain some
Speaker 1: of his strength. Um And in this finale, you know,
Speaker 1: there were parts of that. They're like there were still
Speaker 1: the twins, they still drugged them. But then there was
Speaker 1: the whole twist of Antoinette having been turned, and the
Speaker 1: sort of like false memory that Louis actually refused to
Speaker 1: burn Lestat's corpse because he couldn't handel killing his lover,
Speaker 1: and then at the end, and then at the end
Speaker 1: we find out that maybe none of this is real
Speaker 1: because Rashid revealed himself to be Armand, and it's like
Speaker 1: obvious that he has been manipulating Louie. One of the
Speaker 1: sort of details that I saw in a tech talk
Speaker 1: that someone pointed out is that in that special room,
Speaker 1: all of the bookcases are like on the ceiling, so
Speaker 1: only someone who could fly could reach them. So it's
Speaker 1: just more signs that Armand is manipulating Louis. So who's
Speaker 1: Urmand in the franchise. I don't really, I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not in on the lore like that. Yeah. So Armand
Speaker 1: is one of the oldest living vampires. He is a
Speaker 1: lover of Louise. In the original novel and film, he
Speaker 1: and Louis meet when Claudia and Louie are in Paris
Speaker 1: and to Armand is you know, the person who leads
Speaker 1: to Claudia being killed, but he and Louis become lovers.
Speaker 1: He also in the books has a relationship with Daniel,
Speaker 1: the journalist, and we kind of got a flash of
Speaker 1: that in the show of Daniel's memory of meaning Louie
Speaker 1: and Armand in the seventies. So maybe we'll see that
Speaker 1: play out in season two. But Armand is a very
Speaker 1: manipulative figure, so it's clear that all is not right
Speaker 1: between him and Louie. And I'm just very interested to
Speaker 1: see where this goes, because the whole first season was
Speaker 1: about telling the real version of this story that's already
Speaker 1: been told, and now we're finding out that now there's
Speaker 1: another layer to that. So who knows what the real
Speaker 1: version of the real version is and which we're going
Speaker 1: to find out in season two. I guess I guess so.
Speaker 1: I the episode was so good. I love Claudia. I'm
Speaker 1: really hoping that maybe in this new version of the
Speaker 1: story of Claudia isn't dead and she's going to come
Speaker 1: back in it in the present, and I don't want
Speaker 1: my girl gone. The experience of watching Interview with a
Speaker 1: vampire is truly just waiting for people to kiss. I
Speaker 1: think that people to people to sort of give long
Speaker 1: monologues about something like there was that scene where Louis
Speaker 1: and Lestat were on the balcony, and like, you look
Speaker 1: back on it and it's clear, like obviously Lestaton knew
Speaker 1: that they were going to try to kill him, and
Speaker 1: he was having this like whole emotional moment of like
Speaker 1: talking about how he loved New Orleans, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what's he talking about? It was a lot. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: I felt similarly when I was watching The Crown this weekend,
Speaker 1: because I did watch at all. Did you watch any
Speaker 1: of The Crown? I haven't started the new season yet.
Speaker 1: I just have been so busy with moving. So I
Speaker 1: will give my non spoiler kind of a preview for you.
Speaker 1: Can you really spoil a historical show? Yeah? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: That you're like, I don't know, if you know, I don't,
Speaker 1: Well she does. She doesn't die. I think she dies
Speaker 1: in the next partum apparently I think that the franchise
Speaker 1: ends with her death questions, So she didn't die in
Speaker 1: this season. No, she doesn't die in this season. Now, okay,
Speaker 1: well that is a spoiler, is it really? Because I
Speaker 1: thought that I thought with her dying, I don't I know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So my my non spoiler preview into The Crown for
Speaker 1: you going in is that I wouldn't say it's mid
Speaker 1: as it is just slightly less thrilling, which like a
Speaker 1: lot of like the previous seasons of The Crown are good,
Speaker 1: like with like the fucking like fog and the mud slides,
Speaker 1: and like the intrigue and like the sexcapades, and you know,
Speaker 1: this season, I think that the thing that changes the
Speaker 1: chemistry so much is the casting of Emelda Stanton and
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Debeccky, who I think are giving extremely specific performances.
Speaker 1: And this is the evil queen right, like, this is
Speaker 1: the world's most powerful imperialist, like reaching the point of
Speaker 1: her life where she is the least popular and will
Speaker 1: remain the least popular until she dies and then the
Speaker 1: same thing with you know, Princess Die is that we
Speaker 1: have this like complex character who is someone who's like chaotic,
Speaker 1: like mentally like needs a lot like more support than
Speaker 1: she's getting. And like I mean, long story short, I
Speaker 1: think that they're both playing slightly edgier, slightly soapier versions
Speaker 1: of these characters that have like opinions on them, right,
Speaker 1: and so if you like the Queen, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: like Emilda Stones. I wonder, I think it's it's interesting
Speaker 1: that you point that out. And I wonder if that
Speaker 1: was sort of an intentional casting choice because the you know,
Speaker 1: produce there's of the show know that they're going into
Speaker 1: the era where the Queen is no longer a sympathetic
Speaker 1: figure and Emil de stant it, I mean, hello, she's professor,
Speaker 1: professor Ambridge. Maybe it was like that's I was worried
Speaker 1: that it was two on the nose, and I do
Speaker 1: think it is a little too on the nose because
Speaker 1: Emilda is extremely expressive and the Queen is not, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like she is like like she
Speaker 1: she's never ever showing emotions, and Emila stan is like
Speaker 1: giving us like downt now be kind of you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like, and I appreciate doubt now be
Speaker 1: but it does feel different from a lot of the
Speaker 1: realism we were getting with Olivia Coleman and Claire Foy,
Speaker 1: who portrayed emotionlessness with such depth and dynamism. Olivia was
Speaker 1: so good and just you know, Claire Foy is the
Speaker 1: version of the queen that I fell in love with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those were the glory days. Yeah. So I just watched
Speaker 1: for the first time the first two seasons in my
Speaker 1: depression Spiral and New York. I watched like nineteen episodes
Speaker 1: of The Crown in like one weekend, And yeah, that
Speaker 1: that it's such a stark dichotomy. But when you do
Speaker 1: finish the season, we should have a chat about it,
Speaker 1: because I had so many things I wanted to talk about.
Speaker 1: For sure, we actually have a lot of Netflix stuff
Speaker 1: to talk about today, including um, did you ever get
Speaker 1: around to watching any of Young Royal Season two? I
Speaker 1: only watched the first episode, but I did. I did
Speaker 1: revisit the first season because I hadn't really actively watched it.
Speaker 1: I think I had it on I think I was
Speaker 1: going to say on background, but how can you how
Speaker 1: can you watch? How can you watch a show in
Speaker 1: another language on background. I can't it's I mean, I can't. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just probably maybe didn't retain so much. But it's
Speaker 1: only six episodes long with something well yeah, they're very
Speaker 1: short seasons. Um um, you liked it. I really liked it.
Speaker 1: I thought it was I mean, I was obviously so
Speaker 1: happy it returned. I think the setup for the season
Speaker 1: it's just, I mean, what is the way to put this.
Speaker 1: It's it's like the perfect fan fiction, you know. It's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, and you saw the first episode, so like
Speaker 1: the setup is like the perfect angsty setup. It's like
Speaker 1: they broke up because of something the Prince did to Simone,
Speaker 1: and Simone like has a new boy who's interested in him,
Speaker 1: and will Willie is like still in love with him
Speaker 1: and is jealous, and it's like just like all the
Speaker 1: perfect angsty tropes coming together in the best way. I
Speaker 1: did finish the second season, and I was so impressed
Speaker 1: with the storytelling, so impressed with the acting. I think
Speaker 1: the actor who plays Prince Willim is so good and
Speaker 1: I think this will be the start of a really
Speaker 1: interesting career for him. And you know the ending, I mean,
Speaker 1: you'll see if you if you ever get around to
Speaker 1: finishing it. I liked that, you know, who knows if
Speaker 1: there will be a third season, but it does have
Speaker 1: a very definitive and also hopeful ending, and I really
Speaker 1: appreciated that in case there isn't anymore. Uh, and I
Speaker 1: just thoroughly enjoyed it. And you know, I don't like
Speaker 1: teen shows shows, teen shows. I just don't think teenagers
Speaker 1: are real people, so I like, I just can't watch
Speaker 1: anything that's about them, and especially with this, it's like
Speaker 1: they're actually played by teens, so it's kind of even
Speaker 1: more like that. But I really loved it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I I cannot wait to watch a second season. I'll
Speaker 1: let you know what I think. But like, speaking of realism,
Speaker 1: we have you know what is essentially a historical drama
Speaker 1: Falling for Christmas starring Lindsay Lohan. Yes look original Christmas. Yes,
Speaker 1: friend and I watched Following for Christmas last week. Lindsay
Speaker 1: Lohan is the new Queen of Christmas, affirmed I've determined
Speaker 1: as Yeah, you know, the thing about this movie is
Speaker 1: like it is exactly what it promises. It is a
Speaker 1: you know, Christmas rom com, the kind poorly written Christmas
Speaker 1: it promises that the trailer. The trailer specifically is like
Speaker 1: this is going to be bad. I think it it
Speaker 1: what it promises that it is exactly the kind of
Speaker 1: Christmas movie that Netflix has been making a lot the
Speaker 1: past couple of years, sort of following in the legacy
Speaker 1: of like Hallmark Christmas movies, very formulate plot and tropes,
Speaker 1: and I think it's very aware of those things, like
Speaker 1: literally every twist I predicted. Yeah, and you also pointed
Speaker 1: something out to me that I'll never not think about,
Speaker 1: which is the way that people are lit in these films. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like washed out with like these like overhead, Like
Speaker 1: it's so crazy. It is very it's very bright. Both
Speaker 1: of her love interests were gay. It must be sad
Speaker 1: well and one of and one of them is confirmed
Speaker 1: to be I mean at least by at the end
Speaker 1: of the movie. But you all throw a twist. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But her fiancee, who she spoiler alert doesn't end up with,
Speaker 1: also like meets this poacher in the woods who rescues him,
Speaker 1: and I thought that's who he was going to end
Speaker 1: up with because there was such a vibe between them
Speaker 1: and there were things like he said something about how
Speaker 1: he had such big hands and I think, I mean,
Speaker 1: even though he did eventually end up with like Lindsay's
Speaker 1: assistant who worked at the hotel, I just think he,
Speaker 1: he and the poacher should have wound up together because
Speaker 1: they had a beautiful, beautiful love and lots of sexual chemistry.
Speaker 1: It's something that you and I noticed immediately is that
Speaker 1: Lindsay was good. Like she was saying she was amazing,
Speaker 1: and I felt like, I feel like she you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I went into this movie being like this is
Speaker 1: going to be such hot garbage. And she has a
Speaker 1: reputation in Hollywood and has for so long for being
Speaker 1: someone that is impossible to work with and um like
Speaker 1: declines the quality of a production in a lot of
Speaker 1: different ways. And like I I'm just so happy to
Speaker 1: see her back in movies. And I do hope this
Speaker 1: means she can do more ship because she's really good
Speaker 1: at doing this right. She's good at doing rom coms,
Speaker 1: she's good at doing slapstick, okay, physical comedy. Um and
Speaker 1: she also has like a humanity and a likability I
Speaker 1: think that just most actresses can't create. It's like the
Speaker 1: movie start quality, Like Julia Roberts c Yeah, when we
Speaker 1: were talking about it, at dinner the other night, I
Speaker 1: think Lawla said that she just feels very turned on,
Speaker 1: and and that is absolutely how I felt watching the movie,
Speaker 1: watching her whole press tour. The light is back in
Speaker 1: her eyes, and you know, maybe she will be the
Speaker 1: new Quein of Christmas and do one of these movies
Speaker 1: like every year, every couple of years, or maybe she'll
Speaker 1: you know, do something else next. I would love to
Speaker 1: see her in a horror movie or something, because Lindsay
Speaker 1: was so good in like every movie she did when
Speaker 1: she was one of the most famous people in the world,
Speaker 1: and there is potential there for her to make a return.
Speaker 1: She is very talented, and you know, watching these interviews
Speaker 1: and like pressed stuff she's doing, you realize, like Lindsay
Speaker 1: really at one point she was the most famous person
Speaker 1: in the world. She has all the hits, she has
Speaker 1: been in, all of these like films that have left
Speaker 1: indelible marks on pop culture, and so much of it
Speaker 1: is because of her performance in them. So I'm happy
Speaker 1: to see her back on my screen and I want
Speaker 1: her to stay there. To me, she's like right for
Speaker 1: the picking too now because okay, she's actually assented to
Speaker 1: this part. This like height of celebrity where her celebrity
Speaker 1: is a part of the performance, right, And so the
Speaker 1: nostalgia for Lindsay Lohan, I think is something that should
Speaker 1: that like a kind of Darren Aronofsky or like that's
Speaker 1: like a crazy thing to say about, like or like
Speaker 1: I don't even mother to Can you imagine like a
Speaker 1: prestige director taking what Lindsay does and giving it like
Speaker 1: a totally different vessel, like, because I think that what
Speaker 1: we see, the kind of meta nature of Lindsay Lohan
Speaker 1: in a movie and what she means to us culturally
Speaker 1: is something that has like a lot of thematic depth
Speaker 1: and if like a really amazing director got ahold of that.
Speaker 1: I also think, like obviously I want her to do
Speaker 1: rom comes too, but like she would eat in like
Speaker 1: a prestige erotic thriller or something like that, Well she's
Speaker 1: done those well not prestige. But have you ever seen
Speaker 1: have you ever seen the movie I Know Who Killed Me? No?
Speaker 1: But I have heard amazing thing. Um it's one of
Speaker 1: the worst movies I've ever seen. But it does involve
Speaker 1: a subplot where Lindsay gets one of her legs amputated
Speaker 1: and then has a prosthetic that has to be charged
Speaker 1: or else, like she won't be able to walk and
Speaker 1: during a crucial chase sequence, like her leg powers down
Speaker 1: because she forgot to charge it. It's a really it's
Speaker 1: a really insane, insane movie, and she's a stripper in
Speaker 1: it and she has a twin. Wow, incredible. I mean,
Speaker 1: now I really want to watch that, but you should.
Speaker 1: It's not worth watching. But like, see there's a version
Speaker 1: of that movie that's like directed by like Sofia Coppola
Speaker 1: or like or like you know, like the guy that
Speaker 1: did Ex Machina or whatever. I could maybe see her
Speaker 1: going the way of like what's been happening with Nicholas
Speaker 1: Cage this year where he did that where he did
Speaker 1: that movie that was sort of meta. I think you're
Speaker 1: right that if she's going to do something prestige, her
Speaker 1: celebrity has to be part of the film. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: would be so good. I don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
Speaker 1: Do you remember what was the first media you were
Speaker 1: titilated by viscerally? Viscerally? Because unfortunately, and yes, I was
Speaker 1: one of those children, no one told me what jerking
Speaker 1: off was. I figured it out on my own without
Speaker 1: any instruction or knowledge of what masturbation was. Is that
Speaker 1: not crazy? Um? But it was. I did not masturbate
Speaker 1: to porn. What did you masturbate? Because I think I
Speaker 1: knew what porn was. But uh, you know, as we've established,
Speaker 1: my internet at home had like parental parental locks, child
Speaker 1: safety stuff on it, so that the very first thing
Speaker 1: that I ever consumed in a in a pornographic sense
Speaker 1: was I was playing as you ever play mall tycoon?
Speaker 1: Uh no, it's like it's like roller coaster tycoon if
Speaker 1: you never played roller coaster tycoon. I played roller coaster okay,
Speaker 1: but instead of building a roller coaster, you know, theme,
Speaker 1: instead of building a theme park, you're building a mall. Yes,
Speaker 1: so much better. It was so fun, Like I'd let
Speaker 1: you know, to me, malls our theme park. And that
Speaker 1: is pornographic, like like being like here's my auntie An's like,
Speaker 1: here's where like my little like women's department store is,
Speaker 1: here's my you know what I mean. I'm not really
Speaker 1: seeing the comparison that how it's pornographic, but I'm sure
Speaker 1: you'll get there. I just know not actually, um, So
Speaker 1: what happened was I'm in a very pure time of
Speaker 1: my life. I actually don't even know how old I was,
Speaker 1: probably early early teens, not high school yet. I remember
Speaker 1: during puberty, yes, during puberty, Yes, a normal a pretty
Speaker 1: normal time, still not knowing what masturbation was, still not
Speaker 1: knowing about the world that the secular world around me.
Speaker 1: I remember like building my little mall and seeing that
Speaker 1: inside this little like clothing store whatever, there are like
Speaker 1: little sims like changing in their changing rooms. I'm not joking.
Speaker 1: And you jerked off to that. And when I tell
Speaker 1: you that, the that the person that I jerked that,
Speaker 1: the sim that I jerked off to, had no nipples,
Speaker 1: no vagina, like was barely like looked like a little
Speaker 1: like monopoly piece like. So what got you off was
Speaker 1: playing God? What what got me was playing God and
Speaker 1: knowing makes so much And the fact that I could
Speaker 1: see her change because it was a woman. No, it was,
Speaker 1: it was it was okay, I remember, I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: I could have been a non I know it was
Speaker 1: definitely a woman. Um, how do you know? Did you ask?
Speaker 1: I didn't ask because you were playing God. Yes I was.
Speaker 1: But the fact that I was watching her, the voyeurism
Speaker 1: of it, I brought myself to completion and rose to
Speaker 1: completion and theode rose. I don't know what masturbation was.
Speaker 1: So when I completed, so to speak, I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I dying? I literally I was like, this
Speaker 1: is bad? Do you? But like there is something wrong,
Speaker 1: like this is this is rotten? Just this is bad,
Speaker 1: and I like made a mess of myself. I luckily
Speaker 1: was alone, like in this part, and like in the house.
Speaker 1: I remember running back to my room and being like,
Speaker 1: what is this stuff? You know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: it was I was freaking out. And then of course
Speaker 1: that opened up what would then be a lifetime of
Speaker 1: hurricane and jerkin to whatever I could find. Um, what
Speaker 1: about you? What was the what was the in seminary incident?
Speaker 1: If you will not in seminary? I mean, I think
Speaker 1: the first time I ever found I've talked about this before,
Speaker 1: the first time I ever found like a piece of
Speaker 1: media erotic was Halle Berry and Kyle mcla Backlin in
Speaker 1: the Flintstones movie. They just had this like crazy sexual
Speaker 1: chemistry that I think was the first time I felt
Speaker 1: sort of the stirrings of bisexual desire within myself. But
Speaker 1: the first time I ever masturbated to something was I
Speaker 1: was at my dad's house one weekend, because you know,
Speaker 1: I'm a child of divorce, and we did like every
Speaker 1: other weekend my dad's and he and my brother had
Speaker 1: gone out for something, and I was snooping, because like,
Speaker 1: if there's one thing I'm gonna do when being left
Speaker 1: alone somewhere, it's snoop, of course, and I can picture
Speaker 1: it so vividly in this blue denim duffel bag and
Speaker 1: my dad's closet that was like very obviously like a
Speaker 1: thing that things were hidden in. I found a VHS
Speaker 1: of a porn that was about like naughty schoolgirls, and I,
Speaker 1: you know, put it in and I had never seen
Speaker 1: people having sex on screen before. And there was like
Speaker 1: a really hay very teacher in it who fucked all
Speaker 1: the girls and he he became my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And so I would constantly try to get my brother
Speaker 1: my dad to go do stuff without me, which wasn't
Speaker 1: hard because we didn't have any of the same interests.
Speaker 1: So I could stay home alone and just fab it
Speaker 1: to that video. And then this was also around the
Speaker 1: same time that my mom had just gotten remarried and
Speaker 1: my stepdad had a subscription to Playboy. There were always
Speaker 1: playboys in our house once we moved in with him,
Speaker 1: and they were playboys, playboys everywhere, and I just had
Speaker 1: like eleven twelve and I just had unrestricted access to them.
Speaker 1: So yeah, those So actually, both of my father figures
Speaker 1: are like the people who gave me, you know, entree
Speaker 1: into pornography, which I guess like kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of jealous because my parents really were tried
Speaker 1: and true, like pornography is the devil. Like there was
Speaker 1: not a lick of anything erotic in my house. Like
Speaker 1: my parents definitely had a sex life, but like it
Speaker 1: was not one that included pornography. I really didn't consume
Speaker 1: porn until like probably like middle end of high school
Speaker 1: for the first time. I was very precocious because this
Speaker 1: was also the time when I started reading fan fiction,
Speaker 1: and as you know, a lot of fan fiction is porn,
Speaker 1: so I was chafing myself reading a lot of Buffy porn.
Speaker 1: There was one story specifically that I will never forget
Speaker 1: because I don't know why I found it so um scintillating,
Speaker 1: but it was a story in which Angel for some
Speaker 1: reason was in the hospital being take care of by
Speaker 1: a nurse, which like would never happen because he's a vampire. Um,
Speaker 1: and the nurse gave him a hand job. And I
Speaker 1: used to go back to that story all the time
Speaker 1: and jerk off to it. And there was something about
Speaker 1: it because like I was a die hard Bengel shipper,
Speaker 1: and there was something about Angel cheating on Buffy that
Speaker 1: I like both hated and also was so turned off
Speaker 1: by God this nurse, this nurse who like she knew
Speaker 1: they would never be together, she knew he loved Buffy,
Speaker 1: but she was gonna jerk him off anyway. Oh my gosh, okay, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: you're actually um on your uncovering something very deep right now,
Speaker 1: um fan fiction. I was not in the fan of
Speaker 1: the online fan fiction world. However, I definitely wrote my
Speaker 1: own erotica in high school about yourself. I am pretty
Speaker 1: sure I was putting myself. I was putting myself into it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I had him. I had like a spiral bound
Speaker 1: notebook that the covers I had um encased in duct tape,
Speaker 1: you know how like we used to like duct tape
Speaker 1: the covers of like our Yeah. Yeah, So it was
Speaker 1: like one of those duck tape was very multib and
Speaker 1: I filled this notebook with feelthy, disgusting erotic stories about myself.
Speaker 1: The only one I can really remember, there's this one
Speaker 1: that was like a kind of pool party scenario, and
Speaker 1: I remember like it was something about like taking off
Speaker 1: this girl's swimsuit without her noticing, and then she stands
Speaker 1: up in like her swimsuit is off, which is like
Speaker 1: obviously problematic and bad, but like but like I was
Speaker 1: in I was in high school whatever, but literally, like
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say is like these stories were
Speaker 1: like actually barely erotic, like they were. They were weird,
Speaker 1: like well, when you're not young, you just need the
Speaker 1: barest suggestion you have eroticism, nudity contact, yeah, and then
Speaker 1: you just dry hump yourself like on a pillow or whatever.
Speaker 1: I similarly used to draw just like naked bodies and
Speaker 1: like really like not well but like even just drawing
Speaker 1: a boob, I would just like, oh, I used to
Speaker 1: draw like we we've mentioned on previous episodes, Like I
Speaker 1: used to draw like Greek mythology figures. I used to
Speaker 1: draw like superheroes or whatever, but like all of their
Speaker 1: suits would be like too small for them, so like
Speaker 1: they're yes, they looked fully like this on this Jennifer
Speaker 1: Anderson a lure cover like right now of like the
Speaker 1: teeny tiny like chanel like nipple clamps over her like
Speaker 1: huge breasts. That's what like my drawings look like. But gag.
Speaker 1: I remember writing all these erotic stories and then reaching
Speaker 1: like an apex of my shame because I was still
Speaker 1: a Christian. I wasn't supposed to do any of this stuff,
Speaker 1: and I reached it like a kind of come to Jesus,
Speaker 1: so to speak. Mon came to Jesus, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't be doing this anymore, and rose should you not?
Speaker 1: I ripped out every single page we just so said,
Speaker 1: can you imagine if I still had this, this this talisman,
Speaker 1: I'm artifacts pretty sticky. Yeah. I ripped out every single page,
Speaker 1: tore it into teeny tiny little pieces, and then took
Speaker 1: the pile of pieces, you know, I took the tiny
Speaker 1: piees and soaked them in water and my bathroom to
Speaker 1: verify the no say yes so that well that's what
Speaker 1: they could never be discovered. Like I'm not joking. I
Speaker 1: created my art, my art into this like pulp this
Speaker 1: you made, you made, you turned it into sculpture, mixed media. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was paper. But you know, I think like early
Speaker 1: fumblings are all about shame and like the fear of
Speaker 1: getting caught. I did get caught once by my mom.
Speaker 1: So the way that when the house I grew up in,
Speaker 1: my brother and I had two bedrooms, um, and then
Speaker 1: like a shared what we used as an office in
Speaker 1: front of our bedrooms. Like that's why I would sitting
Speaker 1: and do my homework. That's where our computer was. But
Speaker 1: it was like the room that you had to go
Speaker 1: through to get to our bedroom, so like was not
Speaker 1: in any way securable. You know, I couldn't lock the
Speaker 1: door because like my brother would need to get in
Speaker 1: or get out. But I still like would stay up
Speaker 1: late until the night after my brother was asleep because
Speaker 1: he was a heavy sleeper. I would be out there
Speaker 1: like it in fan fiction. And then eventually, like I discovered,
Speaker 1: you know, how to find porn on the internet, and
Speaker 1: like specifically gay porn. And there was one night when
Speaker 1: I was just like sitting there and jerking off and
Speaker 1: the door opened and my mom walked in, like obviously
Speaker 1: she knew what was happening, and like I knew what
Speaker 1: was happening, but she just kind of was like dinner's ready,
Speaker 1: and then like closed the door and it just there
Speaker 1: was nothing said about it. Oh my god. Really that
Speaker 1: was the only time I ever got caught, um, but
Speaker 1: I was so ashamed of it. And then, like I think,
Speaker 1: very soon after that, I asked for my own computer
Speaker 1: that was in my bedroom, And so my bedroom had
Speaker 1: a wall of closets on it, and I moved a
Speaker 1: little desk into one of the closets and put my
Speaker 1: computer into into the closet, and like I would just
Speaker 1: be up all like listening to the Wicked soundtrack and
Speaker 1: jerk it off, listening to Evanescence and jerking is there's
Speaker 1: a scene in there that could be jerked off to?
Speaker 1: There's a sex scenes and the sex scene between Pharaoh
Speaker 1: and Alphabo. Yeah, isn't isn't it? Isn't it sexy? Or
Speaker 1: it's I mean it's sexy, but not. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: the thing is, when you're a horny teenager, and especially
Speaker 1: a horny teenage boy, I think, like, I mean, at
Speaker 1: least that's my experience. That's how I was socialized. Everything
Speaker 1: is that you can make anything sexy. Where I got
Speaker 1: most of my horn from the Internet was downloading it
Speaker 1: off of lime Wire and Napster. I wish how to
Speaker 1: do that. I want to know. I'm going to show
Speaker 1: you a video. I don't really want to say the porn.
Speaker 1: I just want to see if you recognize the screenshot
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's so indelible. Do you know
Speaker 1: this one? No? Actually no, you don't know? Though why
Speaker 1: I don't think so? So will you read the caption
Speaker 1: that read we we might beleeve it out but real
Speaker 1: pound And it's definitely I have definitely seen someone like
Speaker 1: tweet this before and be like if you know, you know,
Speaker 1: and like everyone knows this is a video that has
Speaker 1: been They're not They're not real brothers, are they? They
Speaker 1: might be? Have you ever seen check Twins? I think
Speaker 1: like that's the whole thing is that they are actually
Speaker 1: have you have you seen check Twins on TikTok? I've
Speaker 1: seen I've seen I've seen porn of Check Twins. Are
Speaker 1: you talking about the Bellamy Twins? Well? No, okay, are
Speaker 1: they Bellamy? I don't know. I I they're not. They're
Speaker 1: not the type that I look for imporn, So I've
Speaker 1: never seen porn. But I saw them all over TikTok
Speaker 1: and I was like, who these like gay boys are
Speaker 1: really good friends. And then like someone, I heard someone
Speaker 1: talk about them on the podcast about how they're twins
Speaker 1: that look and I was like, what like these innocent
Speaker 1: TikTok tweens these guys look like and not and not
Speaker 1: like in a boyfriend twin way, like in a same
Speaker 1: gene pool web. Okay, look, there are a lot of
Speaker 1: things that are considered social taboo that like we all did.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about incest. There's no one in my
Speaker 1: family that I want to fuck. Yeah, that's listen. If
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones and specifically House of the Dragon have
Speaker 1: proven anything, it's that people are turned on by incest. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I actually yeah, so I do think at a
Speaker 1: certain point in my life, I became, you know, a
Speaker 1: porn connoisseur. I did stop eventually jerking off to fan fiction,
Speaker 1: but I did um still read erotica. There was this
Speaker 1: website I don't I would love to know if either
Speaker 1: if you or Phoebe ever visited it, litt erotica dot com.
Speaker 1: It was a website that was like an archive of erotica.
Speaker 1: And there was this one story that I used to
Speaker 1: jerk off to all the time that I has still
Speaker 1: like as recently as like three years ago, went and
Speaker 1: found it. And it's because the name is so specific
Speaker 1: that like I'll never forget it and we'll always be
Speaker 1: able to find it. What is the name? It's called
Speaker 1: Uncle Ronnie's new whore Ronnie. Wait, they had to say,
Speaker 1: like Ronnie, I guess that's very moon struck of you. Um,
Speaker 1: you don't so you don't need pictures to get there? No,
Speaker 1: at and and and in recent years, definitely post transition, UM,
Speaker 1: my desire became much less centered around porn um and
Speaker 1: im like I was always able to jerk off two
Speaker 1: things that weren't images. And I think that the way
Speaker 1: that has progressed is that now, um, like in my thirties,
Speaker 1: I sometimes am just masturbating, like not even necessarily too fantasies,
Speaker 1: but just like to the sensation of my body alone.
Speaker 1: Although there is one particular memory I do go back
Speaker 1: to a lot when I need to come. I used
Speaker 1: to go to the sex party when I was in college,
Speaker 1: and one time fucked this guy who was just like
Speaker 1: so hot, and he wore this red underwear and I
Speaker 1: will just never forget the image of him like on
Speaker 1: top of me, like riding my dick in the middle
Speaker 1: of like a room full of people fucking. And that's
Speaker 1: always like when you talk about spank bank, like that
Speaker 1: is I turned my own experience into the porn. Uh.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing I will always go back to. Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: I UM also have a memory in my spank bank
Speaker 1: and it's when I sucked this masseuse and like mid massage,
Speaker 1: and it was like, so I've already told you the story.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get into it for the virgin
Speaker 1: sorry virgins, um, I tell I tell the story actually
Speaker 1: an episode of Food for Thought. You can find it.
Speaker 1: But like I it is actually like it was the
Speaker 1: creation of my own pornography, like my real life pornographic experience.
Speaker 1: And I was like I literally was experiencing it, and
Speaker 1: I remember being like I feel like I'm in a
Speaker 1: porn right now, Like this is a yag, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Do you have any Have you ever
Speaker 1: taken video of yourself sucking? Um? Actually, unfortunately no, I've
Speaker 1: had I've had someone else take videos, like well we
Speaker 1: had sex, but uh no, I get most of the
Speaker 1: people that I have sex with I don't trust that much. Well,
Speaker 1: that's why you keep it on your phone, because I
Speaker 1: have videos on my phone of of situations, but I
Speaker 1: was the one who took them, although the guy was
Speaker 1: the one who suggested it, but he never asked for
Speaker 1: the videos, And like, I mean, I don't think I
Speaker 1: would really have cared there are naked pictures of me
Speaker 1: on the internet. Don't go looking for them. There are
Speaker 1: no naked pictures of me on the internet. And to
Speaker 1: be honest, I'm offended. Like I actually like I send
Speaker 1: my nutes to everyone, and I feel like they should
Speaker 1: have leaked by now, and like there's just like really
Speaker 1: horrible website that like, you know, like tries to find
Speaker 1: It's like a reddit where you like try to find
Speaker 1: people's nudes or whatever, which is like literally organized sexual assault. Um.
Speaker 1: But anyways, there's a page for me. We're like people
Speaker 1: were like, we can't find friends nudes or whatever, and
Speaker 1: I was like, should I drop one? You should drop one?
Speaker 1: Just drop one one to the people. I do, though,
Speaker 1: masturbate to the videos of me having sex regularly. I
Speaker 1: think it's it's really hot. Although the thing that I
Speaker 1: hate about them is that I had a really bad
Speaker 1: sunburn in them, and it's very distracting. Not a bad sunburn.
Speaker 1: Oh no, was it like a specific shape or was
Speaker 1: it just because I had been wearing like a strappy
Speaker 1: dress so I had like my my, I'm like all
Speaker 1: read except for one thing. Look look now, you know
Speaker 1: next time you were you know, heavier SPF. I guess um.
Speaker 1: I definitely have a hidden folder on my phone where
Speaker 1: you know people who have consentually sent me like videos
Speaker 1: or nudes like I returned to them definitely, And I
Speaker 1: would probably prefer that over porn a lot of the
Speaker 1: time because part of what gets me off is intimacy
Speaker 1: and and knowing that it's a possibility for me, which
Speaker 1: is kind of crazy. But like I obviously like consume
Speaker 1: porn to love porn, Twitter love porn, Tumbler, r I
Speaker 1: p oh my god, tumbler porn, and air i p um.
Speaker 1: Are there specific tropes that you look for in porn
Speaker 1: or do you consider it to be quite a wide rain. Well,
Speaker 1: I need a porn with the story, Like I like
Speaker 1: the setup more than the fucking the people. I need
Speaker 1: to know why we're there. I need to know who's who.
Speaker 1: I need the position. But I just need like at
Speaker 1: least a scene at the I need, you know, because now,
Speaker 1: so much of porn is like when you want like
Speaker 1: porn Hub, it's you know, like a six minute preview
Speaker 1: of a longer video that's pay wald er, like on
Speaker 1: someone's only fans. But they still give you a little
Speaker 1: bit of the set up in the beginning before they
Speaker 1: get to the good stuff. But I'm just still I'm
Speaker 1: still shook that this is I've like never in my
Speaker 1: life paid attention to a porn snared. Actually, there's one
Speaker 1: porn that I can think of that takes place in
Speaker 1: the fourth of July where this guy puts his dick
Speaker 1: in a hot dog bun and and put the mustard
Speaker 1: on it. Yes, and they also try to I'm not joking.
Speaker 1: And in this point it's like it unfortunately has a
Speaker 1: porn actor that he's like the most basic twank ever,
Speaker 1: but like I always watch his porns. But in this
Speaker 1: same point, they also play ping pong with their dicks.
Speaker 1: They literally try It looks painful. They literally try to
Speaker 1: hit the ping pong balls with their erect penises. Have
Speaker 1: you ever done drugs off someone's dick or had or
Speaker 1: had someone do drugs off your dick? I have a
Speaker 1: vague I have an unfortunately a really vague memory of
Speaker 1: doing of of doing coke off someone's dick, but I
Speaker 1: can't really replace it, which is really bad. I've done
Speaker 1: so I was really up. I've done coke off a
Speaker 1: couple of people's sticks, and ally it's hot. It's just
Speaker 1: it's actually not hot. It's mostly silly. Okay, Actually, let's
Speaker 1: let's say that porn is silly at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. Porn really is kind of silly. Porn is
Speaker 1: is goofy Mormon porn is really funny to me. Well,
Speaker 1: I was, okay, so like, let's talk about it. I
Speaker 1: am technically a porn star. I have appeared in a
Speaker 1: porn in a in a like specifically goofy porn. For
Speaker 1: anyone who you know doesn't know this best the parting
Speaker 1: actress Hello, I was a featured performer in A Tale
Speaker 1: of Two Cocks. Um I was. I got flew out,
Speaker 1: I was flown out to London to be in porn
Speaker 1: starring the cock Destroyers Rebecca Moore and our friends and
Speaker 1: um Sophie and our good friend friend of the podcast
Speaker 1: for my Mitchell former podcast. Um. So yes, that is
Speaker 1: a very a goofy porn that I've never seen all
Speaker 1: the way through. I've only I've seen my scenes. I've
Speaker 1: actually never watched any of the sex from it. I have,
Speaker 1: but it was really being on a porn set was
Speaker 1: pretty funny. Yeah, what was What were some of the
Speaker 1: things that you remember? Um well, I mean, obviously my
Speaker 1: experience was a little different because you know, I was
Speaker 1: there to like be in the porn interview Rebecca and
Speaker 1: Sophie and like it was, you know, kind of non
Speaker 1: traditional in that way. Although I guess like men dot
Speaker 1: Com does this, especially like bringing you know, kind of
Speaker 1: gay icons and like putting them in bonds and just
Speaker 1: like a like a cameo. Kim Petras was in a
Speaker 1: mean dot com. I think wasn't like fair Pheromone was
Speaker 1: in an dot com. I don't know. I wrote a
Speaker 1: porn for Manila Luzon that I don't know if they
Speaker 1: ever actually made. But I like the day that I
Speaker 1: was on set, they weren't filming any fucking They were
Speaker 1: only filming the framing scenes. So I loved that because
Speaker 1: that's my favorite part. Of course, love the narrative. But
Speaker 1: I think like it was, it was very fun. It
Speaker 1: was very tedious, Like I mean, it's like with any
Speaker 1: set it's like hurry up and wait. You know, you
Speaker 1: just like spend most of your time waiting and then
Speaker 1: like then they need you when they need you, and
Speaker 1: you have to like come right now, and um, I
Speaker 1: mean literally come right now. I didn't. Um. I'm sure
Speaker 1: porn have having not been a leading perform a leading
Speaker 1: performer in an adult film. I'm sure it is, you know,
Speaker 1: somewhat tedious, but it must be impossible. It sounds so
Speaker 1: hard to me. But like, does money turn you on
Speaker 1: in porn? Um? Narratively, like if if Lady Gaga's Beautiful
Speaker 1: Dirty Rich video was adapted into a porn that would
Speaker 1: be number one people people fucking on money? That would
Speaker 1: be hot. Wow, Okay, I love that. I want to
Speaker 1: know more about like what tropes you like seek out
Speaker 1: in porn or like if there's something you specifically if
Speaker 1: not one like for me, it's like it's it's usually
Speaker 1: about voyeurism or something that's like public or and or
Speaker 1: actually and it is and like this is actually a
Speaker 1: need for me imporn. I can't do like the slow
Speaker 1: and low stroker, like I can't do someone who is
Speaker 1: like giving like emotion and like passion, like I just
Speaker 1: actually want to be like thrown around and hit like
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But that's all I want
Speaker 1: to see important. But that's actually brings me to a
Speaker 1: good question. Is the porn that you actively seek out,
Speaker 1: is that actually a reflection of the sex that you
Speaker 1: want to have, or is it totally divorced from the
Speaker 1: sex you want to have and it's purely fantasy or
Speaker 1: is a little bit of both, maybe a little bit
Speaker 1: of both. I definitely, um, there are a lot of
Speaker 1: things imporn that I would not enjoy in real life.
Speaker 1: Like I don't think I would enjoy a gang bang
Speaker 1: at the end of the day. I would probably enjoy
Speaker 1: like the first like ten minutes of it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like are the first like the person
Speaker 1: getting fucked or as one of the bangers. Honestly, either
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, Probably you could just leave pretty quick,
Speaker 1: I think being the star. If I was the one
Speaker 1: getting banged, I would probably get too anxious anyways, But like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that does not sound fun. I mean,
Speaker 1: some of our bravest warriors are gang bang bottoms. Ye,
Speaker 1: gang bang bottoms with like braver than the marine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: holds the size of like tennis balls. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like prolapsed as flashed through my head. But
Speaker 1: like I yeah, no, I like fisting porn. Not really No,
Speaker 1: actually don't. I don't. And I actually feel like I
Speaker 1: kind of had to, Like I was, I was. I
Speaker 1: was with someone recently who like forced me to fist them,
Speaker 1: and I was so it was it was hot because
Speaker 1: they were enjoying it. But like like fisting people, I know,
Speaker 1: I just here's that. I have no problem with fisting.
Speaker 1: I like, I just like it. For me. It's it
Speaker 1: wasn't hot, and I think it has a lot to
Speaker 1: you with like how beat up this hole was. And
Speaker 1: I was just like I was like, oh my god, girl,
Speaker 1: I mean, fisting bottom a lot of times you're causing
Speaker 1: like permanent alteration to like the size and shape of
Speaker 1: your whole. And I was like to Dr Evan gold
Speaker 1: Evan Goldstein, that also is like something to not endorse
Speaker 1: on the pot like botox and your anus, Like you
Speaker 1: should you should not be doing that, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, unless you have to, of course, but like
Speaker 1: don't like plan to ruin your whole, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like everyone, even fisting bottoms, need to be
Speaker 1: careful about how they like engage. Anyways, what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say is this person like was one of those
Speaker 1: like bottoms where like their their whole and they're like
Speaker 1: there the inside of their body is like so desensitized
Speaker 1: to like any kind of sex that they could only
Speaker 1: come if they get like hit by a car, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. That's really like how it is.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I was like, I just I
Speaker 1: was like, I just topped you for like an hour
Speaker 1: and a half, bro, like couldn't feel like, yeah, exactly
Speaker 1: called people bro when you suck them never never, never,
Speaker 1: And if anyone called me bro, I would call them
Speaker 1: out bottom out there. If you're listening, don't listen to her.
Speaker 1: You are beautiful. Your asshole is beautiful just the way
Speaker 1: it is. Okay, wait, here's here's a nasty question. Since
Speaker 1: you asked me about being a bro or just be
Speaker 1: getting called a group bro, what are some things? Is
Speaker 1: there anything that happens during sex that you would just
Speaker 1: never happen in real life or something that that that's
Speaker 1: like something that something that you know has occurred during
Speaker 1: sex where you just like that is antithetical to like
Speaker 1: who I am as a person. But I just did
Speaker 1: it because I was horny in in the moment. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know about sex so much, but I definitely
Speaker 1: feel that way about like porn and I watched you know,
Speaker 1: there are there are are porns that I have watched
Speaker 1: or types of porn that I watched that the second
Speaker 1: I come, it's like I have to throw my computer
Speaker 1: against the wall and then it breaks into a million
Speaker 1: pieces and go into witness protection. It's like like the set.
Speaker 1: Like the second I feel to come, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: have to call myself. I am the most susting person
Speaker 1: in the world. Yes, it's post First of all, that's
Speaker 1: a scientific phenomenon post quatal tree stie have balance. It's
Speaker 1: why I still watch all pouring on my phone in
Speaker 1: an incognito window, even though it's my phone. It is
Speaker 1: literally I also so I now no longer use incognito
Speaker 1: mode on my computer. If you typed in literally any
Speaker 1: letter is gonna be dripping, and especially if you type
Speaker 1: like x or whatever, like just never into my anyways,
Speaker 1: um x x X. Ryan is so good at finding
Speaker 1: photoshopped nudes of male celebrities just by looking up celebrity
Speaker 1: name gay x x X. That is that is the formula.
Speaker 1: I love fake celebrity needs. They're so funny. They're so funny.
Speaker 1: But when you find either a really bad one or
Speaker 1: a really convincing ones, those are the job that can
Speaker 1: really get you home. Um yeah, I can seem a
Speaker 1: range of porn. I'm actually pretty proud of that. Like
Speaker 1: if you if you went to my like porn Twitter,
Speaker 1: like I I like a range of things, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I drink into some really basic porn like little you know,
Speaker 1: like just like twunks, like like basic white twunks with
Speaker 1: the little baby voices that are like like sometimes yeah,
Speaker 1: like I hate that ship, but it's like so it
Speaker 1: happens that. Yeah, I mean I definitely, certainly, I certainly
Speaker 1: have desires that I am shamed by. But there's nothing
Speaker 1: that I do in my actual physical sex life that
Speaker 1: I'm not like happy to own up to. But I
Speaker 1: think that's also as a product of not being very kinky.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty vanilla, and that's that's I mean, Well, I
Speaker 1: think you're seeing you're I think you think you're vanilla
Speaker 1: in comparison to your friends, but I don't I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're holy totally, I wouldn't go, well, the
Speaker 1: kind of the kind of sex that I'm usually seeking
Speaker 1: out is pretty tame. I you know, I like very
Speaker 1: basic kind of you know, you love missionary, not not missionary,
Speaker 1: but like, I'm really more interested for play than fucking.
Speaker 1: But I really like asses, Like I love I love holes.
Speaker 1: I just I love eating people out. It's like my
Speaker 1: favorite thing to do. Um and I mean and fingering people.
Speaker 1: And that's why I like, I do like fisting, even
Speaker 1: though I haven't done it that much. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think there's anything that I'm into sexually that I'm I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to own up to, because I also have
Speaker 1: had a life and a career where I have been
Speaker 1: very open sexual to pretty much the entirety of the
Speaker 1: people I know and the Internet. That's actually true of
Speaker 1: me as well. I've talked about pretty much almost every
Speaker 1: sexual experience I've ever had on Food for Thought, and
Speaker 1: I I think for me one of the things that
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that I actually really like in bed.
Speaker 1: But I think it's just kind of like what the like.
Speaker 1: I love when guys are like, I'm gonna get you
Speaker 1: so fucking pregnant, you know what I mean? When guys
Speaker 1: are Yeah, when guys are like Yeah, you want like
Speaker 1: daddy's milk or something like something, do something disgusting. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: nobody's specifically them. Yeah, like I'm gonna get you so
Speaker 1: fucking pregnant, like literally, like they will not stop talking
Speaker 1: about getting me pregnant, and that to me, it's like
Speaker 1: a little jennerifirming. I'm not gonna lie. But the idea,
Speaker 1: I mean total is body horror to me, like I
Speaker 1: could never, would never be pregnant. Ever, I don't believe
Speaker 1: though that what you're saying is that you're into white
Speaker 1: twins is the most shameful porn thing that you're into. Definitely,
Speaker 1: let's dig a little deeper, you think, OK, so, what's
Speaker 1: the kind of porn that you, you know, engage with
Speaker 1: that you are ashamed by, that you are comfortable revealing
Speaker 1: to the virgins? This is a safe space, um well
Speaker 1: from all the thousands of people listening. Yeah, to be honest,
Speaker 1: I'm not really ashamed, so to speak. Congruoss to me,
Speaker 1: like like anything that you think people would think you
Speaker 1: should be ashamed of. Yes, I mean I love coercive
Speaker 1: porn like I love coercion. I don't watch rape poorn
Speaker 1: if that's like your kink like, you know, that's like
Speaker 1: a whole other conversation that we don't need to have.
Speaker 1: But like I do like when people are like like
Speaker 1: kind of they don't want it, So like when the
Speaker 1: character doesn't want do well, do you do you watch
Speaker 1: gay porn where one of the guys is straightercive porn? No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that doesn't get me off. Straight people don't don't hate
Speaker 1: I hate that. That's the majority of gay porn is
Speaker 1: still centered around the idea of getting a straight guy
Speaker 1: to it's not sexy to me, but you know what
Speaker 1: the closest thing that sexy to me is is fraternity
Speaker 1: brother porn. Oh really, yes, there's this there's this psych
Speaker 1: called fraternity X And it's all like these like college
Speaker 1: quote unquote people like like hazing each other and the
Speaker 1: coercion of that. I feel like people would like be
Speaker 1: like you should be so ashamed of that, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: it's it's like a part. It's like I think, like
Speaker 1: like hazing porn. It's like hazing porn. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: isn't that really like so not me? Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: so not you that it kind of I kind of
Speaker 1: get it. The thing the trope, the things that if
Speaker 1: they're I'm attracted to do a lot of things. And
Speaker 1: I think that the through line and most of the
Speaker 1: porn that I watch is about a power dynamic. I
Speaker 1: think that's actually true probably of most people, but like
Speaker 1: for me, I I do like specifically like a specific
Speaker 1: sub and a specific dom somewhere in the mix of
Speaker 1: what this is. And I in my own sexual life
Speaker 1: like playing both roles. And that's something I've only recently
Speaker 1: discovered it by myself. I feel. Have you ever watched
Speaker 1: porn in public in like a theatrical um arena? No,
Speaker 1: not outside of or outside of like Eastern Block, you know,
Speaker 1: going to the Eagle or whatever where there's porn on
Speaker 1: the walls. So you've never been to one of those
Speaker 1: like adult xxx like video like porn stores that have
Speaker 1: the video booths. Have you? You give that vibe? Okay? Well,
Speaker 1: so you know I went to college in in like
Speaker 1: posted Giuliani in New York City when those were like
Speaker 1: not as available but still existed, and like um, you know,
Speaker 1: especially in like midtown um in Chelsea and Hill's Kitchen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to like go to the place where they
Speaker 1: have the video booths and you know, they're like glory
Speaker 1: holes or like you see someone's like in a room
Speaker 1: with the door open, jerking off, and you know, things
Speaker 1: happen that I would be very into that. It's some
Speaker 1: it can be hot, um, I mean it was hot
Speaker 1: for me. Was like one of the early ways I
Speaker 1: found just to like find people you know before your
Speaker 1: um like when you're still figuring out cruising, that is
Speaker 1: a way to get laid. I also have watched um
Speaker 1: porn that someone made in the room with them. Did
Speaker 1: we talk about this? Did I talked about Definitely? Not? Okay.
Speaker 1: I when I was in like when I lived on
Speaker 1: the Lower Side, Um, like right after college. We my apartment.
Speaker 1: There were five of us who lived there and we
Speaker 1: were friends with like a lot of the people who
Speaker 1: lived in our building. And our upstairs neighbors were this
Speaker 1: straight couple who we used to hang out with a lot.
Speaker 1: They were like very cool and one time, we remember this,
Speaker 1: one time we went up to their place and they
Speaker 1: like there was a video camera set up and I
Speaker 1: think one of us jokingly asked, like, what were you
Speaker 1: guys like filming yourself having sex? And right shar was there, yeah,
Speaker 1: and she was like and they were like, yeah, actually,
Speaker 1: like do you want to watch it? And like a
Speaker 1: party of us like watched as they turn a projector
Speaker 1: up to the up to the ceiling and like the
Speaker 1: watching their sex table and people and people like slowly
Speaker 1: filed out like one after one, until by the end
Speaker 1: I was like one two people left watching it. I
Speaker 1: don't remember. I don't think I was like, I wasn't
Speaker 1: into it, but it was just fascinating to me that
Speaker 1: these people like clearly enjoyed showing that off to us.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that would be that if I was the
Speaker 1: person showing people this this porn, like that would be
Speaker 1: hot to me. I would love for someone to like
Speaker 1: the idea of people consuming porn about me. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: really hot, Like I avoid easy sex. Wow, I think.
Speaker 1: But that's why it's the kind of I just don't
Speaker 1: understand how they got there where there they were, like,
Speaker 1: let's ask these neighbors who we don't know if they
Speaker 1: want to watch. They probably baited us by leaving that
Speaker 1: camera out. They wanted us to know. They wanted you
Speaker 1: to know they were freaks. They were. I mean, but
Speaker 1: no judgment, right, no judgment. We're not king shame. But
Speaker 1: you are also do kink shame a little bit. The
Speaker 1: thing for me is, like, again, I am not super kinky,
Speaker 1: and I find a lot of kink to be kind
Speaker 1: of embarrassing just because for me personally, just because the
Speaker 1: amount of set up in negotiation and like props and stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't have time for all of that. I think that, yeah,
Speaker 1: that there is some part of that sometimes when you're
Speaker 1: doing when you're in the moment and you're like trying
Speaker 1: to like be kinky or whatever. I consider myself like
Speaker 1: lightly kinky. It does feel kind of silly. I can't
Speaker 1: do role play really, I can never commit to a bit.
Speaker 1: I don't want to inhabit a character. I've done some
Speaker 1: role well, you know, I was a b F a
Speaker 1: acting major. The pain role play I used to do
Speaker 1: was in chat rooms. So that okay, that I can
Speaker 1: do roleplay over text. Yeah, so that website I was
Speaker 1: mentioning before litt erotica had a chat site and I
Speaker 1: used to go into there and I would pretend to
Speaker 1: be a teenage girl. Oh, I do have a question
Speaker 1: for you. Have you ever watched straight porn? Um? No?
Speaker 1: Not I I really I've never Okay, actually, no, that
Speaker 1: I have watched um, and then porn of Lorena Bob.
Speaker 1: It's like ex husband, the guy that got chopped off.
Speaker 1: I watched like most of that porn. Did you find
Speaker 1: it arouse? No, not at all. I was watching her
Speaker 1: research purposes. It was actually like the least sexy thing
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. But like, no, to answer your question, no,
Speaker 1: not really, but but you do occasionally. I do watch
Speaker 1: straight porn. I mean I did when it was all
Speaker 1: that was available to me, obviously as a teenager. Um,
Speaker 1: and then like whitched, you know, primarily to gay porn
Speaker 1: and like post transition. Yes, I do watch straight porn sometimes,
Speaker 1: but like the thing about poor and post transition is
Speaker 1: like gay porn makes me feel depressed about the fact
Speaker 1: that I'm not having gay sex anymore. Straight porn makes
Speaker 1: me dysphoric, and trans porn just makes me sad and crazy.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel crazy. Yeah, So like that is
Speaker 1: part of the reason why I don't watch poor, or
Speaker 1: why I don't masturbate to porn as much, is because
Speaker 1: all of it is a little loaded in these different ways,
Speaker 1: and the straight porn is really its own thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with that, as is gay porn. Transport also
Speaker 1: is like mostly not made for trans people, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? But I love, um, I watch a
Speaker 1: lot of poor little trans men. Oh yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: even I was thinking of trans I was only thinking
Speaker 1: of trans woman when I said that. Actually, but I'm
Speaker 1: kind of newly into watching transmask porn. Do you watch
Speaker 1: any um like weird porn, like tentacle porn, or like
Speaker 1: monster porn or animated porn. I watched an animated porn recently.
Speaker 1: That's like of mons. No, it's of monsters. Fucking I
Speaker 1: have to show you. I've seen a lot of porn. No,
Speaker 1: this is like I think these are actually the monsters
Speaker 1: from Silent Hill, fucking not Silent Hill, and like they're grotesque,
Speaker 1: and I love monster porn. I um, don't love monster porn.
Speaker 1: It's just for the virgins. These are two open brains
Speaker 1: like muscly like they look like kind of like exoskeleton
Speaker 1: muscular chure. Yes, and then just like skulls and talents
Speaker 1: and one of them and one of them is using
Speaker 1: like a ten foot long tongue to eat the other's ass.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't even realize that was what was happening.
Speaker 1: So okay, I love love love animated porn. I love
Speaker 1: like Mr x tune or whatever the funk that guy is.
Speaker 1: I don't I should subscribe to his patreon, honestly, because
Speaker 1: we should be supporting porn like with our dollars, like
Speaker 1: porn creators with our dollars. But I also like every
Speaker 1: time aim that, like we get that like five second
Speaker 1: ad for like the porn game that will make you
Speaker 1: come in thirty seconds, you know what it's like, This
Speaker 1: is like trying we bet that you will come in
Speaker 1: thirty seconds watching this porn game. And it's like two
Speaker 1: of the most like bulbous, like they look like literally
Speaker 1: like slick filled to the brim with liquid and covered
Speaker 1: in oil, and they're kind of like to me humanoid,
Speaker 1: and that to me is kind of weird and that
Speaker 1: and that thing really turns me on. But I've never
Speaker 1: actually tried the porn game. Have you watched? Have you
Speaker 1: seen the porn of Tarzan? And my low? I did
Speaker 1: more than made I unfortunately, Yeah, like I know, I
Speaker 1: also jerked off to it. I I don't not all
Speaker 1: the time, but it's definitely been multiple times and it's
Speaker 1: an excellent Okay, actually no, no, let's pick it apart.
Speaker 1: The sounds effects my God. The sound effects are good,
Speaker 1: the sounds of the fucking, so I have the sound
Speaker 1: of the great I have a theory though about the
Speaker 1: dial because sometimes the dialogue and these porns based on
Speaker 1: intellectual property, like like copyrand intellectual property. Sometimes the things
Speaker 1: that they're saying to each other are like very random,
Speaker 1: like like he'll get fucked in the ass, and like
Speaker 1: Mila will go or something like you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like they probably use like a sound from a video game. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're using video games or like I watched I've I've
Speaker 1: watched this port a couple of times recently. It's animated
Speaker 1: porn of like a humanoid lab being fucked by a
Speaker 1: like humanoid maybe great Dane. And it's the sound like
Speaker 1: the sounds are definitely coming from a video game or something.
Speaker 1: Great Danes are hot. Great Danes are hot. Tony the
Speaker 1: Tiger is hot. I would let Tony the Tiger do
Speaker 1: anything he wants. Older Simba after he stops being a teenager. Yes,
Speaker 1: who else is always in porn? Like like cartoon characters, Hercules, Hercules, Dad,
Speaker 1: if you want to talk about incess porn. You and
Speaker 1: I texted each other a lot of but it was
Speaker 1: during the Hercules episode everybody was for work. You know
Speaker 1: what I love is trans Disney princess porn. I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's like she male Disney princesses where they
Speaker 1: look the same but they just have huge cost Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I would be very into that. Actually, I'm
Speaker 1: not into it like sexually, but I think it's funny.
Speaker 1: Some porn is just funny. Some porn is just objectively funny.
Speaker 1: But wait, wait, wait, what porn is funny and gets
Speaker 1: you off? I guess like that. The Tarzan one is
Speaker 1: kind of that, yeah, animated stuff. That's the July porn
Speaker 1: where they hit hit the ping pongs with their day.
Speaker 1: You know, it did get me there. I have watched
Speaker 1: some you know, um like Marvel parody. There's a Captain
Speaker 1: America Fox the Winter Soldier porn that's like men dot
Speaker 1: com or something, and it's like, I don't even think
Speaker 1: I jerked off, Like it was just silly. Yeah. At
Speaker 1: a certain way, you have to look at yourself and
Speaker 1: you're like, what is my life? Where am I? Well?
Speaker 1: I you know, I don't um get off to fan
Speaker 1: fiction anymore, even though I still read fan fiction. Sometimes
Speaker 1: they do think it's like very find it very scintillating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely reaching a purity in my life where I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm getting horny from fewer and fewer things,
Speaker 1: or that the things I think that, Yeah, that is
Speaker 1: kind of depression. Babe, Um, does danger make you horny?
Speaker 1: Do you like like auto erotic asphyxiation or any kind
Speaker 1: of arotic Do you like being choked? I love, love,
Speaker 1: love being choked and choking and porn. And I do
Speaker 1: love when like a guy will like, you know, put
Speaker 1: put his foot on your neck or whatever, like while
Speaker 1: he's like fucking things like that. Like that was one
Speaker 1: of one of ties early porns, very iconic image of
Speaker 1: him having his face stepped on. While I love that.
Speaker 1: I used to it used to be his um like
Speaker 1: profile photo of my phone for a really long time. No,
Speaker 1: not that. Oh, we love tie At, one of the
Speaker 1: best out there. Yeah, he's so good. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of I love Sharrock. I'm trying to think of
Speaker 1: my favorite porn. No. I love seeing Tie in ads
Speaker 1: on like porn Hub when I'm scrolling looking for things. Wait,
Speaker 1: let's also talk about the search for the right porn,
Speaker 1: because baby, the way, it could take me forty five
Speaker 1: minutes to find the exact right thing that will get
Speaker 1: me to come in under two minutes. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: But why is that? Because, like you, I primarily start
Speaker 1: searching on Twitter, like I just kind of go through
Speaker 1: and I tried to latch onto something where I was
Speaker 1: like that's what it's going to be, and then I
Speaker 1: try to find the longer video or whatever, like how
Speaker 1: do you like how similarly you know, I will like
Speaker 1: start with a sort of like general search and then
Speaker 1: find something that I'm into and then look at the
Speaker 1: related videos for that because I'm I'm actually it's the
Speaker 1: algorithm that's finding me the thing that's actually gonna work.
Speaker 1: Because sometimes for me it's like one science. I love science,
Speaker 1: I love algorithms. I love being data minded. We have
Speaker 1: the technology. Because we have the technology, we love to
Speaker 1: be surveiled. Um I Yeah. Sometimes it's like as simple
Speaker 1: as like a porn actor or whatever. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've never seen you before, and like I want to
Speaker 1: find something with whatever. And other times it's like I
Speaker 1: actually want to see like this position, or like I
Speaker 1: actually want it to be like Jackhammer sex, or like
Speaker 1: I needed to be in a shower, I need to
Speaker 1: see your ass from the side. Or what about when
Speaker 1: you want a specific porn and you can't find it,
Speaker 1: you know you're not going to be able to come
Speaker 1: until you find it. Yes, It's like it actually becomes
Speaker 1: like a stupid mind game at this point because you
Speaker 1: very well could just calm, you could just come, But
Speaker 1: it's gonna be so much more satisfying if you find
Speaker 1: that specific thing that you're looking for. And sometimes I
Speaker 1: really feel like I'm not going to be able to
Speaker 1: come unless I see that thing that is what I'm
Speaker 1: hot for. It is I think like from a sexual
Speaker 1: health perspective, it's healthier to like edge right, Like it's
Speaker 1: it's better to prolong the process than to like have
Speaker 1: Lovian le training your body to come in two minutes um,
Speaker 1: which is why a lot of people come in two minutes.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, I think the thing about like
Speaker 1: gay porn in general is that just like because like
Speaker 1: men make gay porn, it's very difficult to find porn
Speaker 1: that that feels like it's actually for either of us,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of times like I'm even if I'm turned on
Speaker 1: by things or like the whatever is going on, it's
Speaker 1: like really hotter. I'm not going to get like get
Speaker 1: to completion for like whatever. A lot of times I'm
Speaker 1: just like like this is like why can't someone just
Speaker 1: make something that feels good after I come? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Kind of even I'm just not even
Speaker 1: expecting what what you want? Like a non binary porn
Speaker 1: kind of but like not no, like I I really
Speaker 1: they're obviously they're like non binaries like like only fans
Speaker 1: or whatever they've subscribed to. But like it's just it's
Speaker 1: not the lens. The lens is still gay mail porn,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Well, the lets I'm well,
Speaker 1: you know, the lens, and I think probably the entire
Speaker 1: industry is just centered around men men exactly, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if it's the male point of view. Yes,
Speaker 1: and obviously there are there's like arthouse porn and like
Speaker 1: independent porn that like U is trying to like you know,
Speaker 1: fix some of these things, but like literally like like
Speaker 1: whether it's straight porn or like trans girl porn or
Speaker 1: like gay or lesbian porn, like a lot of times
Speaker 1: that porn still has the male gaze on it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean and sometimes the male g a
Speaker 1: y s. Yeah exactly exactly, But I don't know. I
Speaker 1: would love to produce like radical, radically different porn. I
Speaker 1: think that would be so fun or like in erotica,
Speaker 1: Like I I'd love erotica. Didn't you write erotica? I
Speaker 1: did right in erotica for you porn and then they
Speaker 1: like a ghost in me. But I still got paid,
Speaker 1: which is great, and now it's gonna be published in
Speaker 1: like a coffee table book of hellme Ester. But I
Speaker 1: meaning erotica is great. We should bring erotica back. Writing
Speaker 1: sex scenes is really hard. Oh really? Yeah, Well I
Speaker 1: just I've I've written to from my novel now, and
Speaker 1: I like it's so I know what I think is sexy,
Speaker 1: and like I also know what I like what's going
Speaker 1: too far, and like you know, I still I like
Speaker 1: want it to be kind of like vague and like artful,
Speaker 1: but like still sexy. And that's such a hard balance
Speaker 1: to strike. Yeah, it really is, because like eroticism is
Speaker 1: usually in what you don't show or what you don't say,
Speaker 1: and so which is why erotica like a lot of
Speaker 1: times just goes all the way. And so when you're
Speaker 1: trying to write something that um Garth Greenwell, amazing writer
Speaker 1: has a lot of like thoughtful kind of teachings and
Speaker 1: writings about erotica specifically, and the balance we strike between
Speaker 1: something that is like garish to something that is beautiful. Um,
Speaker 1: but like both are good. You know, like you could
Speaker 1: totally write something that is a little porny and still
Speaker 1: make it funny, memorable. Um, real right, like the realness,
Speaker 1: the realness. Yeah, because that's what I wanted. My porn
Speaker 1: is reality more than anything. And also what I want
Speaker 1: my porn is RuPaul. No, oh my god, would you
Speaker 1: watch RuPaul get fucked? No? If if like RuPaul's knew
Speaker 1: it's got leaked? No, no, no, no, I would not
Speaker 1: want to be scarred for life? Would you you would? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think he's so hot with not. Next week we
Speaker 1: will be taking a journey into the wardrobe as we
Speaker 1: discuss Nan Yeah, Tilda Swinton, Tilda Swinton, Mr Tubness Paine.
Speaker 1: But yeah, stay tuned for that slide into our d
Speaker 1: M s at like a virgin nine and tell us
Speaker 1: what nasty, kinky porn you're into or I mean maybe not,
Speaker 1: but that could cross the mountain dream I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: just can say if you want, you can know, don't, don't,
Speaker 1: don't Actually I don't want to know. Tell us what
Speaker 1: makes you horny? But like in a chill, I don't know. Like,
Speaker 1: let's not get to Paris. So unless unless, unless you're
Speaker 1: unless we are just a couple of shy girls. Um okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the d m s are always You can always give
Speaker 1: it a shot. You can, Yeah, you could totally give
Speaker 1: it a shot, but don't give it a shot into
Speaker 1: like a Virgin. Full hold, but don't slide into full hole.
Speaker 1: Send full hole to like a version, leave us a
Speaker 1: review on Apple podcast It helps us out so much,
Speaker 1: even if you know it's like a little spicy. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm your co host Rose Dammy. You can find me
Speaker 1: anywhere online at Rose Damn you and I'm fran Tarata.
Speaker 1: You can find me at France, squish co. Wherever you want.
Speaker 1: You can subscribe to Like a Virgin anywhere you listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts and leave us a rating on Spotify or
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Speaker 1: a Virgin is an i Heeart Radio production. Our producer
Speaker 1: is phoebe Under, with support from Lindsay Hoffman, Julian Weller,
Speaker 1: Jess Crane, Chitch and Nikki tour until next week. Bye.