Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica, I'm Mila.
Speaker 1: Happy hump day.
Speaker 2: Happy hump day, bitches.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm great? Yeah, I am. Today's a good day. Because
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Bad Choices is officially trademarked in the United States.
Speaker 1: Y'all ha, y'all can't take our shie.
Speaker 2: I saw ours Good Mom's Bad Choices for life. Bitches. Congratulations, congratulations.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's official now. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think we've been official, but now everyone else knows.
Speaker 2: But the government said it's official, so no one can
Speaker 2: steal it. It's official now, it's official official. That's all
Speaker 2: I know. It's just no one can steal it, right,
Speaker 2: That's all that means. I think so, and we can
Speaker 2: sue people as they try and use it. We could
Speaker 2: do a season.
Speaker 1: Is the fun out of you? Hey?
Speaker 2: You better take that off your page?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What does that say? Good Mom's I can't wait
Speaker 1: to ceasee a bitch?
Speaker 2: Call our lawyers.
Speaker 1: Hello, I wish, I wish a bitch would try to
Speaker 1: wish a bitch would tempt me to cease her.
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to pay us five dollars for using
Speaker 2: that on your social media.
Speaker 1: Fuck that five thousand.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's how it works.
Speaker 1: Okay, well it doesn't either way.
Speaker 2: We have the power to use the attorney.
Speaker 1: How are you a laws on our side?
Speaker 2: The laws on our side because we do the business thing.
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good, I'm great. It's you know, it's summertime.
Speaker 1: It's hot as fucking l a blood ever June. It's
Speaker 1: sledover June. I hope you guys have been sled ever
Speaker 1: in your life. Away whatever it's ludovering means to you.
Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm great, good, I am doing good. I
Speaker 2: was gonna blast you right now because I know your business,
Speaker 2: bast I was just gonna say, if you wanted to
Speaker 2: tell about your like weird experience over the week, but
Speaker 2: my weird experience with what one of your boyfriends.
Speaker 1: First of all, okay, I no, he wasn't your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: He's never my boyfriend, let's be clear. Second of all,
Speaker 1: what do you want to blast that he's crazy? Nigga's
Speaker 1: be tripping.
Speaker 2: We already knew that I was entertained by the story.
Speaker 2: I thought maybe our people would be entertained too.
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, so basically, where do I start. I
Speaker 1: got all the red flags. I ignored them.
Speaker 2: You didn't have sex, which.
Speaker 1: Is I did not have sex because I was, you know,
Speaker 1: last month we were abstaining from sex, and and even
Speaker 1: before that, because I actually started talking to him in
Speaker 1: February and we've never had sex, like from February all
Speaker 1: the way through May. And yeah, he was just I'm
Speaker 1: sure he's a nice person. He is just a needing
Speaker 1: of support.
Speaker 2: That's the nicest way I've ever heard of. Bitch say
Speaker 2: Nick is crazy he needs better help. Literally. Well, I
Speaker 2: guess I shouldn't say Nick is crazy because that's like no.
Speaker 1: I mean, so, you know, I was kind of off
Speaker 1: him because he was tripping about. You know, he gets
Speaker 1: weird around his birthday. I don't know what happened on
Speaker 1: his birthday, but he doesn't really fuck. He doesn't like,
Speaker 1: he's low energy on his birthday. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe i'll take you out on your birthday.
Speaker 1: He agreed, and he's like basically was like like no,
Speaker 1: never mind, and I was like, okay, whatever. I kind
Speaker 1: of pushed it aside. And then anyway, fast forward to
Speaker 1: I was eating dinner by myself and he hit me
Speaker 1: and was like I'm gonna come hang out with you,
Speaker 1: come like pull up on you. And I could just
Speaker 1: tell like his energy was like very chipper, and he's
Speaker 1: not like a chipper type of nigga. He's like very
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, okay, you know. So I was like,
Speaker 1: why the fuck is he so fucking chipper? And he
Speaker 1: came and was just like very combative. Like I asked
Speaker 1: him like, so, how is your day and he was
Speaker 1: like was fine. I was like, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: be positive. What was the best part of your day?
Speaker 1: And he's like, la traffic and I'm like okay. And
Speaker 1: then he goes, what's the most disappointing thing happening in
Speaker 1: your life right now? And I was like, I guess what?
Speaker 1: And I said nothing. Actually, I was like, of course
Speaker 1: I feel disappointment, but in like in the moment, but
Speaker 1: I usually am able to release that I don't really
Speaker 1: have anything disappointing in my life. Actually, my life's going
Speaker 1: pretty fucking great right now. Besides you sitting across from
Speaker 1: me with your negativity, And I said, that's what I said.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't really have any negative
Speaker 1: things in my life. Whatever it isn't for me isn't
Speaker 1: for me. And then he was like okay, black Queen, Okay,
Speaker 1: Queen Queen. I was like fuck And obviously he was
Speaker 1: being facetious and sarcastic, like he was not black queening
Speaker 1: me like Happy Bay would.
Speaker 2: And then the part where I really didn't like, oh,
Speaker 2: the part that really pissed me off. Well, I'll beat
Speaker 2: his ass. I'll beat you, I'll find you, and I
Speaker 2: will curse you out for this one mister Oh.
Speaker 1: Then he said, you know you carry your loads so light.
Speaker 1: You must have a light load. And I was like,
Speaker 1: not really, I just you know, I have good days,
Speaker 1: I have bad days. And he's like, yeah, well, if
Speaker 1: we put all of our problems in a box and
Speaker 1: we shook it up and you picked out one of
Speaker 1: my problems like it would be very you would not
Speaker 1: like that. You would run. And I was like ok okay,
Speaker 1: and I was like why would I run? He's like,
Speaker 1: you want me to rehash my traumas and I was
Speaker 1: like you brought it up, Like what the fuck is
Speaker 1: wrong with you? And then I was like okay, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really know how I'm so at this point,
Speaker 1: like in the last three months I've known this person
Speaker 1: it's been incredibly hard to get to know him, Like
Speaker 1: he doesn't share anything with me, Like I've told you,
Speaker 1: we don't really talk. We just like cuddle, Like he
Speaker 1: shows up to my house, we say like four words,
Speaker 1: then we cuddle, and then we fall asleep, then we
Speaker 1: wake up and then that's it. But I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, because he's a Gemini, and like I feel
Speaker 1: like me and Geminis have this like unspoken like it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be said certain things at least that's
Speaker 1: what that's like.
Speaker 2: The way you treat your trauma, the way that's a trauma.
Speaker 1: That's my trauma response to Geminis. I'm like, you're so mysterious,
Speaker 1: but we just don't need to say anything. I just
Speaker 1: know you already anyway. So I was just like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really understand how I'm supposed to get to
Speaker 1: know you if you don't want to share anything with me,
Speaker 1: Like anytime I ask you anything personal, you literally just
Speaker 1: don't want to share it. So what are we doing?
Speaker 1: And he was like, your thinking is so menace that
Speaker 1: you can't pick up my breadcrumbs and figure it out.
Speaker 1: You want me to deliver the whole loaf nigga.
Speaker 2: If you think I'm gonna fucking chase your motherfucking bread
Speaker 2: crumbs through the magical forest like this is a goddamn
Speaker 2: fairy tale, you've already lost your shit.
Speaker 1: Minuscule, minuscule mother.
Speaker 2: I don't like that.
Speaker 1: It was disrespectful.
Speaker 2: It's very disrespectful, and it's very gaslighting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was like, and he was just like
Speaker 1: heights like I could just in between the conversation, like
Speaker 1: when we weren't talking, he was just like staring at me,
Speaker 1: like smiling, and I was like staring at him smiling
Speaker 1: and then like laughing because I was like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong with you? So anyway, after he said
Speaker 1: that disrespectful shit, I was like, I don't like your energy,
Speaker 1: and I think you should leave now. And then he
Speaker 1: was like what and then like I saw like tears
Speaker 1: well up in his eyes. I was like, you are
Speaker 1: a fucking psycho. And then I was like I don't
Speaker 1: like your energy. You should leave now. And then he
Speaker 1: dapped me and walked away. And then I immediately called
Speaker 1: my friends and I was like, am I crazy? I'm
Speaker 1: not crazy? This nig's crazy. And then I had this
Speaker 1: whole conversation on Slack because Yo, Slack community. I'm loving
Speaker 1: Slack because I have all of the tribe over there
Speaker 1: just like giving me advice. I'm giving them advice. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I sent them what happened and they were like, yo,
Speaker 1: he's crazy. And then in the morning I get a
Speaker 1: text basically saying that he was drunk and that he
Speaker 1: doesn't remember anything that was said, but that he remembers.
Speaker 1: He disappointed me, and then I wrote to him. I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not disappointed. I just know where we stand. I'm cool.
Speaker 1: I hope you figure out whatever the fuck you need
Speaker 1: to figure out peace. And then he was like, well
Speaker 1: what did I say? And I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to retell you what I said so that we
Speaker 1: can debate whether or not it's true. And he was like, well,
Speaker 1: I need it for point of reference, and I was like,
Speaker 1: point of reference. Don't fucking drink, don't invite people into
Speaker 1: your space around your birthday if you have trauma, and
Speaker 1: also maybe don't date at all until you figure out
Speaker 1: your traumas. Bye, am getting on a boat then, by
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. Yeah, Then I got on a boat that
Speaker 1: day with my fucking amazing tribe of people that are
Speaker 1: not negative and are positive and thought, huh.
Speaker 2: Don't need that person in my life.
Speaker 1: But more scary than anything is that before I got
Speaker 1: on this boat, my friend s Bashan came to my
Speaker 1: house because we're driving together and I hadn't been outside yet,
Speaker 1: and so he opens the door and he's like, Erica,
Speaker 1: why are there flowers on your window? And I was like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about. He's like, there's sunflowers on
Speaker 1: your window. Now rewind like a week before this conversation
Speaker 1: where he was, you know, disrespectful. We went to the
Speaker 1: farmer's market and I casually said, like, I don't even
Speaker 1: I didn't even know if he heard me. Apparently he did,
Speaker 1: because you know, manipulators hear things because they know how to,
Speaker 1: like they pull things from like little things that you
Speaker 1: say to like make you feel like you're fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, oh my god, I love
Speaker 1: some flowers. Those are my favorite flowers. So fast forward
Speaker 1: to his spiral and then him delivering first of all,
Speaker 1: cheap assed sunflowers on my car. But I saw the
Speaker 1: sunflowers on my car and then I knew for sure,
Speaker 1: like you're absolutely crazy, and also this manipulation might work
Speaker 1: with certain women, and maybe it would have worked with me,
Speaker 1: like the four or five years ago, because there was
Speaker 1: something like when I saw the flowers, I was like oh,
Speaker 1: And I was like what, No, No, what the fuck? Hell? No?
Speaker 1: First of all, when did you come a.
Speaker 2: Little crazy the first when you told me the story?
Speaker 2: The first thing I thought, it's like, Oh, he's used
Speaker 2: to fucking with like dumb ass bitches. No, for sure,
Speaker 2: Like I know there's bitches are like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: why are you being mean to me? Like why are
Speaker 2: you treating me this way? What's wrong with you? Like no,
Speaker 2: uh uh nope.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so mm hmm. That's done. But what was the
Speaker 1: point of Vie airing out this thing? Oh? Nothing to
Speaker 1: confirm that men are crazy.
Speaker 2: I I just wanted to say men still be acting crazy,
Speaker 2: and be careful. Be careful out there, ladies. They will
Speaker 2: trick you, and they will try you, and they will
Speaker 2: confuse the shit out of you. But we're here to
Speaker 2: tell you it's not you, it's them.
Speaker 1: You know what. It felt really good, And I've done
Speaker 1: this a few times over the last few years to
Speaker 1: just really flex my boundaries. It's my new favorite flex
Speaker 1: is like flexing my boundaries and the follow through, because
Speaker 1: the follow through is most important, and I'm following through.
Speaker 1: But when I told him you should go, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm that bitch.
Speaker 2: And also, I want to be clear, I'm not saying
Speaker 2: only niggas be crazy, because I know these bitches be
Speaker 2: absolutely crazy too. So same goes for men. If you
Speaker 2: are dealing with some crazy bitches and they show you
Speaker 2: the signs that they're the fuck crazy, exit stage left immediately.
Speaker 1: Because also, Gemini matter are absolutely crazy. It's confirmed for
Speaker 1: me now, I know for sure that I will never ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 1: ever ever date a Gemini man. They are unstable humans
Speaker 1: unless they've had extensive therapy. I'm good.
Speaker 2: I'm half Gemini woman, but I'm not. I don't have
Speaker 2: any issues. I am perfectly perfect and healed. Anyway, I'm
Speaker 2: happy that I've just exposed me. I've persuaded you to
Speaker 2: tell your business. You want to pick a card for
Speaker 2: the tarots.
Speaker 1: Sure, let's pick a card. Okay, today's card is the
Speaker 1: page of swords.
Speaker 2: Tell us what the page of swords means? This Pagemilamia, okay,
Speaker 2: the Lucky the page of Swords. New ideas, curiosity, thirst
Speaker 2: for knowledge, new ways of communicating, flexing your boundaries, flexing
Speaker 2: your mother fucking boundaries. Okay, the page of Swords is
Speaker 2: full of energy, passion, and enthusiasm. When this card shows
Speaker 2: up in a tarot reading, you are bursting with new
Speaker 2: ideas and plans for the future. You may be excited
Speaker 2: about starting a new project, pursuing a new approach, or
Speaker 2: learning something new. I feel like we've got this recently.
Speaker 2: I think we did too. Should you pick another one? Alright?
Speaker 1: It comes up.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of ideas, so that would make
Speaker 2: perfect sense. The challenge, however, is whether you can keep
Speaker 2: it up. As with all pages, the beginning always looks promising,
Speaker 2: but you need something else to follow through and.
Speaker 1: Keep up The pace feels accurate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are very eager to execute an idea that
Speaker 2: you have been having or someone else shared with you. You're
Speaker 2: quite passionate about it and you cannot wait to share
Speaker 2: the progress to others. It is time to be talkative,
Speaker 2: open up and talk about these ideas constructively. Hmmm cool,
Speaker 2: it's a birthing, birthing of ideas and partnerships.
Speaker 1: Sounds like what we do every week, story of our lives.
Speaker 1: What is today's affirmation? M Spirit? What will you deliver
Speaker 1: through me today? I feel like today's affirmation is don't
Speaker 1: be afraid to flex your mother fucking boundaries.
Speaker 2: Don't be afraid to flex your mother fucking boundaries. I
Speaker 2: am flexing my mother fucking boundaries. I am flexing my
Speaker 2: mother fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1: And I just want to say again that boundaries only
Speaker 1: work you have followed through. Guys, like, don't talk that
Speaker 1: shit and then don't be about that shit, like do
Speaker 1: it follow through. That's the hardest part. It's really easy
Speaker 1: to talk shit. It's really easy for me to say
Speaker 1: I'll never speak to this person again. And I'm not
Speaker 1: even saying I may never speak to this person again,
Speaker 1: like I may encounter him and I actually wish him
Speaker 1: a lot of love because I see a lot of
Speaker 1: light in him. But there's it's cloaked and darkness. And
Speaker 1: that's what I think I was like anytime I would
Speaker 1: see him, like show me some light, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god.
Speaker 2: There it is.
Speaker 1: But you got to follow through. The follow through is everything.
Speaker 1: So don't be afraid to flex those motherfucking boundaries and
Speaker 1: follow through.
Speaker 2: People respect the boundaries they have no choice to. People
Speaker 2: do not respect where they keep fucking with you. I'm
Speaker 2: fucking with you, and they just say, know they can,
Speaker 2: They just like throw you around like a back dog,
Speaker 2: like she'll be back, She'll be back, exactly. I've done
Speaker 2: that shit for many years. Erica is a firm boundary holder.
Speaker 2: I have not been, but I haven't always been either.
Speaker 2: I mean, I have not always been. And you know,
Speaker 2: today we are going to go down memory lane a
Speaker 2: little bit. Today.
Speaker 1: Me and Mila, you know, have been reflecting a lot on,
Speaker 1: you know, our history with sex. You know, at the
Speaker 1: beginning of this month, we shared our virginity stories and
Speaker 1: just how we got to where we are now and
Speaker 1: the journey, and so I've been reading my old JOT
Speaker 1: diaries and my follow through game was pretty weak.
Speaker 2: You know, it's even more interesting than revisiting our diaries.
Speaker 2: First of all, it's even more interesting because we're sitting
Speaker 2: here with our producer and apparently every teenager didn't fucking
Speaker 2: journal their life away, but apparently Erica and I did
Speaker 2: very early. But it's pretty interesting reading like revisiting our
Speaker 2: teenage and even fucking seven year old selves. And then
Speaker 2: also we're reading The Ethical Slut together right now, so
Speaker 2: it really does dice. It's caused me to dissect the
Speaker 2: things we've been taught our natural behaviors, even as children,
Speaker 2: Like even as children, like the natural like lustiness and
Speaker 2: the attraction and the things that we have as natural
Speaker 2: human beings, you know, and like obviously we're conditioned to
Speaker 2: certain certain ways as women and as boys, et cetera.
Speaker 2: But like reading The Ethical Slut and really dissecting the
Speaker 2: reasons in which like people have the belief systems that
Speaker 2: they believe, and like a lot of times why those
Speaker 2: relationships don't work out, and then coming to these our
Speaker 2: sex positive selves now is really a really good insight
Speaker 2: on the way we were taught and the things we
Speaker 2: believe and the things we're revisiting and reteaching ourselves for sure.
Speaker 1: I mean I was telling Meila, I was like, I
Speaker 1: think that I was an ethical slut off the bat,
Speaker 1: but they're an unethical slut. No, I was ethical. I
Speaker 1: was trying to figure out the ethics, but everyone was
Speaker 1: like shaming me and confusing the fuck out of me.
Speaker 1: But I think innately before someone told me what relationships
Speaker 1: are supposed to look like, Like even I was reading
Speaker 1: my seven year old notes to my about boys that
Speaker 1: I liked like. There was no judgment. It was just
Speaker 1: like I like him.
Speaker 2: I like him.
Speaker 1: Why can't I like him? We can like each other.
Speaker 1: Let's all hang out, you know, versus like I'm in
Speaker 1: love but maybe I'm not because I also love this boy.
Speaker 1: But maybe I don't love him because I can't love
Speaker 1: two people. It's not possible, you know.
Speaker 2: It's like, I know, I just read something else like
Speaker 2: and I love him because he's all mine and nobody
Speaker 2: else's Jesus Christy little Psycho twelve year old.
Speaker 1: If you don't, if you guys have to listen to
Speaker 1: our episode sledever whatever did we talk about that we're
Speaker 1: going to be actually doing a book club starting in
Speaker 1: July with the Ethical Sleds. We want to encourage you
Speaker 1: guys to purchase The Ethical Sled wherever you you know,
Speaker 1: buy books. It is the third edition that we're reading.
Speaker 2: It's a purple cover because they've added some things because
Speaker 2: it's been out for quite some time, like a decade,
Speaker 2: so they've added some pronouns and you know, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're just up with the times and you know.
Speaker 1: And it's by hose By, it's by a Janet Hardy
Speaker 1: and Dossy Easton, and I just want to read the
Speaker 1: first page just so you guys get a little preview
Speaker 1: of what it is that we are diving into in July,
Speaker 1: and really like it's really like helping me understand where
Speaker 1: I'm at in my own views and relationship and also
Speaker 1: like where I us and all the things that people
Speaker 1: tell children, kids, mothers, all of them. So Paige one
Speaker 1: who is an ethical slut. Many people dream of having
Speaker 1: an abundance of love and sex and friendship. Some believe
Speaker 1: that such a life is impossible and settle for less
Speaker 1: than what they want, feeling always a little lonely, a
Speaker 1: little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream but are
Speaker 1: thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions,
Speaker 1: and decide that such dreams must stay in the realm
Speaker 1: of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover that being
Speaker 1: openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not
Speaker 1: only possible, but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.
Speaker 1: People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries,
Speaker 1: often quietly without much fanfare. In this book, we will
Speaker 1: share the techniques, the skills, and the ideals that have
Speaker 1: made it work. For them. So who is an ethical slut?
Speaker 1: We are many many others are. Maybe you are too.
Speaker 1: If you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy
Speaker 1: both hot and profound, if you dream of an abundance
Speaker 1: of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your desires
Speaker 1: and seeing where they take you, then you've already taken
Speaker 1: the first step. So I'm in.
Speaker 2: Sign me up, DOSSI I'm in.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I know. As I've read this book, it's
Speaker 1: been so interesting. They go through and they talk about
Speaker 1: all the myths around sex and just like even why
Speaker 1: marriage was created, which was really just survival and like
Speaker 1: meeting more people around to kind of like make sure
Speaker 1: everyone could eat.
Speaker 2: And oh and then there's a part in there they
Speaker 2: touch on like some history of sex. And one of
Speaker 2: the things that they touch on is during like Nazi
Speaker 2: times during the Holocaust, they were saying how they pushed
Speaker 2: for people not to have more sexual encounters and sexual
Speaker 2: experiences because they contributed that to having free thinking. The
Speaker 2: more in tune with your sexual desires you were and
Speaker 2: more likely you were to act on them, the more
Speaker 2: likely you were to think freely and then go against
Speaker 2: the powers that be which to me makes a lot
Speaker 2: of sense.
Speaker 1: There's this other I'm gonna read this one little part.
Speaker 1: I'm read two because there's they're important. I think they're
Speaker 1: talking about just like the psyche and like what happens
Speaker 1: what women are fed, and like basically they're just saying
Speaker 1: female sexuality is a commodity, and like commodities, it's made
Speaker 1: more valuable by its rarity. So a woman who shares
Speaker 1: sex widely is reducing her own market value, which literally
Speaker 1: is just how women are shamed constantly, constantly, like.
Speaker 2: We're like humans or something.
Speaker 1: Think about like when you first start having sex or
Speaker 1: like cooking up with boys and they want boys always
Speaker 1: ask how many people have you, like had sex with
Speaker 1: out hommy ho you made out with, and they like
Speaker 1: want an actual number because that's as.
Speaker 2: An adult niggas asking me that. I thought that.
Speaker 1: I think it kind of ended like around my in
Speaker 1: my mid twenties.
Speaker 2: I thought someone ask me as early as like thirty one,
Speaker 2: and he was obviously a child. I'm like negative, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know, front, I'll say. And then there's also this idea
Speaker 1: that if you really are in love, you will automatically
Speaker 1: lose all interests in others. So basically, yeah, like, once
Speaker 1: you're in love, there's no more sexual attraction or more
Speaker 1: lusting over anyone else than if you do, then you're
Speaker 1: clearly not in love.
Speaker 2: And that's crazy, that's absolutely insane. I mean, yeah, but
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I was an avid cheater early on,
Speaker 1: like when I first started dating.
Speaker 2: Same because a lot of us are because of these reasons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like I think, I mean obviously daddy issues.
Speaker 1: I was definitely seeking attention in men and men might
Speaker 1: not men, let's get this straight, boys. Because I was
Speaker 1: I did, I wanted love. I didn't really know what
Speaker 1: it felt like to be loved by a man or
Speaker 1: a boy per se in any capacity. Really. My stepdad
Speaker 1: kind of came into my life around I would think
Speaker 1: I was like nine or ten. But like those like
Speaker 1: anchors and roots, they need to be put in there
Speaker 1: way before that, you know, and I never had that.
Speaker 1: And so when I started getting interested, when boy started
Speaker 1: getting interested in me, and I was a mature child,
Speaker 1: like not just physically because I was like my body
Speaker 1: matured rather quickly, but even in like my mindset. I
Speaker 1: think because my mom worked a lot and all the
Speaker 1: people that I was that were around me were always grown.
Speaker 1: So I was listening to a lot of adult conversations.
Speaker 1: People would always tell me how grown I was and
Speaker 1: like that. It was like a good thing, and so
Speaker 1: I like went with that even more, like I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm mature, like you know, I think you have also
Speaker 1: like that's like kind of detrimental to children as well,
Speaker 1: like telling a child that, like, oh, you're so mature,
Speaker 1: you're so mature. I get it, Like yes, it makes
Speaker 1: it's this like badge like you're meaning like you are intelligent,
Speaker 1: are intelligent, or like you're not annoying. Basically you're not annoying.
Speaker 1: But for me, it was something that like I kind
Speaker 1: of wore like a badge like I am mature, like
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: Ye like oh, like i'm sixteen, but no, don't worry,
Speaker 2: I'm a mature Like even when I was dating or
Speaker 2: fucking inappropriately men at sixteen, same thing, Like like I
Speaker 2: just you couldn't tell me that I was like the
Speaker 2: rest of the sixteen year olds by but proven by
Speaker 2: these fucking journals, clearly I.
Speaker 1: Was right right because you are you're a baby, but
Speaker 1: people are keep validating your maturity and then you start
Speaker 1: to believe it, and then you start wanting to partake
Speaker 1: in mature activities.
Speaker 2: I read I had done my natal chart like a
Speaker 2: while ago, and I remember I didn't even know a
Speaker 2: natal chart can like go this deep, but basically it
Speaker 2: said that, and it identify with this that whatever was
Speaker 2: going on in my house all that time, there was
Speaker 2: not a lot of attention on me, which was not
Speaker 2: My parents were obsessed with each other. My mom obsessed
Speaker 2: with my dad, Like it was like they were teenagers,
Speaker 2: but in they had a house and two kids. Literally
Speaker 2: they were just in their own world. And I remember
Speaker 2: the natal chart said you were always trying to like
Speaker 2: be heard and seen. So you've realized that talking eloquently,
Speaker 2: having adult conversations, adults would pay attention to you, and
Speaker 2: that's how you began to conduct your interactions by being
Speaker 2: smart and like being mature. Oh and I distinctly remember
Speaker 2: some bitch, dumb bitch my uncle was dating. My uncle
Speaker 2: was talking in the kitchen and like she started to
Speaker 2: curage and she's like, oh my god, I forgot I
Speaker 2: was talking to you like that. You're a kid. And
Speaker 2: of course I thought, like, yeah, I'm mature. And then
Speaker 2: inevitably people are like, oh, you're grown. You better watch her,
Speaker 2: she's grown, and.
Speaker 1: It starts to work against you.
Speaker 2: Well, you start to believe the things that people tell you,
Speaker 2: and like grown is a big like you know, they
Speaker 2: that's a big thing for girls. I've never heard a
Speaker 2: little boy be called grown. True, that's never been said,
Speaker 2: like and I don't even know if, like do white
Speaker 2: parents use the term grown. It's such a like it's
Speaker 2: like you grow, you grown, You better watch her. She fast,
Speaker 2: She's gonna be fast. And inevitably you begin to believe
Speaker 2: those things, like it's very important how you talk to
Speaker 2: your kids. Even I have to check myself about this,
Speaker 2: because you do begin to believe those things, and then
Speaker 2: you start dabbling in grown and fast shit. And I
Speaker 2: think it's a combination of two things, you know, or
Speaker 2: there's a lot of combinations of things. I think sometimes
Speaker 2: we are just born with Lesti's spirits, you know, or
Speaker 2: like more sexual than others for sure, you know. And
Speaker 2: then I think sometimes there's grown ups telling you shit
Speaker 2: that you begin to believe to yourself. And then sometimes
Speaker 2: there's like there's been something that's happened to someone you know,
Speaker 2: like you've been touched, ormalisted or stimulated in some ways,
Speaker 2: and so there are sexual things, but overall it's super important.
Speaker 2: Like I think this whole A lot of our shit
Speaker 2: from the show comes just comes naturally, but like this
Speaker 2: has been This wasn't obviously intentional, but this has been
Speaker 2: an interesting journey while reading our journals and by reading
Speaker 2: these books and really dissecting like the root of our
Speaker 2: our openness and how dedicated we are to constantly just
Speaker 2: reflecting and checking in on ourselves and like our relationship styles.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you've been listening to the show for
Speaker 2: like six months, you know this is a fucking constant thing.
Speaker 2: Am I open? Am I polly? Am I monogamous? Do
Speaker 2: I want to be married? Am I slut? Am I home? No? No?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Am my partner and my secondary partner. I have a
Speaker 2: boyfriend and my unicorn. Oh we have boyfriends. Yeah, both
Speaker 2: of us. We're constantly figuring it out because we were
Speaker 2: told a lot of shit and we've believed a lot
Speaker 2: of shit. So congrats to you for continuously dissecting your sexuality.
Speaker 1: You too, you too. I you know, Mela, me and
Speaker 1: Meila are writing a book.
Speaker 2: We're writing a book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're writing a book and We'll share more about
Speaker 1: that later, but it's very exciting and it's been just
Speaker 1: really I've had to really reflect on my past and
Speaker 1: why I am who I am now and what brought
Speaker 1: me here, and reading these journals like really brought me back.
Speaker 1: And I've really been reflecting on that maturity aspect because literally,
Speaker 1: so I heard it so often like you're so mature,
Speaker 1: You're so mature, and then like my body matured and
Speaker 1: then they'd be really be like, wait, how old are you?
Speaker 1: You're thirteen? Oh, I thought you were eighteen, like twenty two,
Speaker 1: Like twenty year old men hitting on me when I'm
Speaker 1: in middle school, you know, and like I'm not interested
Speaker 1: in them. Like I was still immature in the ways
Speaker 1: that I liked boys my age, but I also liked
Speaker 1: knowing that I was grown, you know, and that I
Speaker 1: could navigate even with a little like younger boys even
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit more mature than you, oh for sure,
Speaker 1: you know, and like it's just crazy and.
Speaker 2: And the attention you get from that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So yeah, speaking of you know, going way back, way
Speaker 1: way back, I found a journal from nineteen ninety five.
Speaker 1: I found two journals. One had a lock on it
Speaker 1: because I'm a Scorpio child and I don't want no
Speaker 1: one reading my shit. And apparently I lost the key.
Speaker 1: Jamila had to bust the goddamn lock open. It was
Speaker 1: it was like it was a hello. It was a
Speaker 1: cropy sanrio crop too.
Speaker 2: The frog.
Speaker 1: So this one is from February second. Oh wow, there's
Speaker 1: band aids on here?
Speaker 2: What is this where you wanted to blackout?
Speaker 1: Oh? Like I did. Look, I used band aids to
Speaker 1: block out things and I didn't want people to read anyway.
Speaker 1: This one is from February second, nineteen ninety five. Dear Diary.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm in second grade, I still miss Max.
Speaker 1: He is so nice. He and my cousin He My
Speaker 1: cousin is also so nice, just like Max. I can't
Speaker 1: believe they're almost like twins. And I wish that I
Speaker 1: can see Max and my cousin David and play Nintendo
Speaker 1: with them. What would we play? This is the next day,
Speaker 1: Dear Diary. I wish Flora was a little nicer. So
Speaker 1: Flora is like my family member and also helps me
Speaker 1: with Iri. So she was my nanny when I was
Speaker 1: a child, and she's now my daughter's nanny. If you've
Speaker 1: been listening, for a while. Then you've heard me talked
Speaker 1: about Flora. But this is from ninety five, So, dear Diary,
Speaker 1: I wish Flora was a little nicer than she is
Speaker 1: right now, because last night I was mad. I wish
Speaker 1: I didn't have to clean my room and I was
Speaker 1: trying to play the piano overnight and it's really fun.
Speaker 1: But Flora was not being nice and Stephen and Jessica
Speaker 1: were pushing me. At school, I told the teacher and
Speaker 1: she got in trouble. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Speaker 1: That was very very very very very funny. Today at
Speaker 1: my house, I wanted to make eggs, but Flora said no,
Speaker 1: I don't know what she's talking about. I know how
Speaker 1: to make eggs. I've made them before. Then I went
Speaker 1: upstairs and I almost broke my ankle because Rama, I
Speaker 1: think I almost broke my ankle. Also today, stupid Sean
Speaker 1: almost broke my ankle at school because he pushed me.
Speaker 1: Why are so many boys pushing me?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Why? As we got an argument, but
Speaker 1: then we made up. That's ninety five, Erica.
Speaker 2: Wow, it sounds very similar to twenty twenty one Erica.
Speaker 1: And apparently I also had friends right in my journal I.
Speaker 2: Have either day, did you tell the people that who
Speaker 2: were the two boys that you liked? When was your.
Speaker 1: Cousin Max and David? Max was No, David was my cousin.
Speaker 1: And I remember, like I literally remember I went to
Speaker 1: a wedding. I probably only met David like twice like
Speaker 1: that moment, but he's stuck in my memory for years.
Speaker 1: I remember loving David till I was like around nine.
Speaker 2: Oh, because you said you were dancing with them the dance.
Speaker 1: Right, So we went to the someone's wedding and like
Speaker 1: he was like the boy and he was dancing. We
Speaker 1: were dancing together, and that was my first time ever
Speaker 1: like playing with a boy and then being like huh,
Speaker 1: I like like you, like this is like not normal,
Speaker 1: Like this isn't the same as like last week when
Speaker 1: I was dancing with the other guy, Like this is
Speaker 1: like I like you? And I was obviously like yeah,
Speaker 1: like six or seven. Oh yeah, and my daughter is
Speaker 1: six right now?
Speaker 2: Well, I told you Luna has expressed for likings for
Speaker 2: a boy in her class because he acts like an adult.
Speaker 2: I like him because he acts aid and acts like
Speaker 2: an adult.
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: I don't want to know is that Aiden's mom. I'm like,
Speaker 2: you need to calm down. She's like, no, I don't
Speaker 2: like him. I just like him. I just want to
Speaker 2: be his friend. I'm like, okay, that's fine, but I
Speaker 2: can It's so where what is it start to turn?
Speaker 2: Because I remember having a crush on.
Speaker 1: My car the dance floor. Apparently I had a crush on.
Speaker 2: My cousin too, because he was cute. I guess I
Speaker 2: thought he was a little older than me.
Speaker 1: Is with incestual love.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the first access you have. You gotta do
Speaker 2: what you gotta do. You gotta find the attractions. You
Speaker 2: cousin come over here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just remember David.
Speaker 1: I remember Max. I remember Max. We played at the
Speaker 1: park one time, and I think we played twice ever
Speaker 1: in life. But you would have thought Max and I
Speaker 1: knew each other for years, like because I literally thought
Speaker 1: about Max every day. I remember like lusting over him,
Speaker 1: but not lusting like I want to even Like it
Speaker 1: wasn't even like I wanted to kiss him. He was
Speaker 1: just ever wanted to be around him. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to hang out with him. I wanted to talk to him.
Speaker 2: I remember feeling that way about a little girl who
Speaker 2: was still like I grew up with her, but I
Speaker 2: remember thinking like, I can't wait to get back over there.
Speaker 2: I must see Asia. You know it really makes me
Speaker 2: this most these conversations, mostly when I'm looking for what
Speaker 2: is the moment in which bitches start acting crazy?
Speaker 1: Well, let me tell you it's obsessed. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you when I started acting crazy. I have a habit
Speaker 1: in my journal right here.
Speaker 2: Please tell me what I think.
Speaker 1: It was probably also ninety five, so I didn't put
Speaker 1: the date, but handwriting looks similar. Okay, actually looks still better.
Speaker 1: It might be end to ninety five, Dear Carmen. So
Speaker 1: this is I'm writing to my friend in my own diary,
Speaker 1: Dear Carmen. When I was in first grade. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was six. When I was in first grade, Stephen
Speaker 1: liked me and I liked him. But then my friend
Speaker 1: Brenda said he likes Jessica. I don't like Jessica. She's mean.
Speaker 1: I never liked her. She always uses me, fucking Jessica.
Speaker 2: Oh that's when we start cutting bitches for guys like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck you, Jessica. You like him too. I just
Speaker 2: I really want to know at what point do women like,
Speaker 2: is it the Disney movies? What the fuck? Because every
Speaker 2: single fucking journal entry for like fifteen years, it's like
Speaker 2: Thomas Danian boys Boys Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys kiss hug,
Speaker 2: good boys. He came over boys boys Boy. I'm like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is happening?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to read some boy journals.
Speaker 2: There are none. They don't give a fuck. They're playing
Speaker 2: basketball and scratching their balls, jacking off. Bitches are reacting crazy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. If I have a son, I'm definitely
Speaker 1: getting my journal and making them right so that I
Speaker 1: can do a case study.
Speaker 2: It's a great idea. We might need to get pregnant
Speaker 2: just for that.
Speaker 1: Does any do any listeners have any sons that write
Speaker 1: in journals share their entries. Oh that was another thing
Speaker 1: because so while I was going through my journals and
Speaker 1: I was talking to Mela, because Mila shared before like
Speaker 1: she has a lot of trauma about like her parents
Speaker 1: and people reading her journals and like our exes reading
Speaker 1: her journals and just like not feeling safe in the
Speaker 1: space that you felt safest. And I was like, so
Speaker 1: Iri has a journal, and like so does Luna, Like
Speaker 1: are we gonna read their journals?
Speaker 2: And she was like, we have to fucked up.
Speaker 1: I was like, what are we gonna cause the same trauma?
Speaker 1: We like repeating the trauma. But I'm like, you're right,
Speaker 1: like I need to know what the fuck is going on.
Speaker 2: I mean, we're gonna read them, but we're gonna not
Speaker 2: act like we read them.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's what our parents thought they were
Speaker 1: gonna do too.
Speaker 2: Now our parents are different, our parents are not. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm reading some of this shit, and apparently I must
Speaker 2: have really dug my trauma deep into a black hole
Speaker 2: that I've forgotten about, because I mean, I remember hating
Speaker 2: living in my household and thinking it can't wait till
Speaker 2: I get the fuck out of here. But these are
Speaker 2: like even more clear that my parents were paying me
Speaker 2: absolutely no attention. So I'm like, oh, this is October eighth,
Speaker 2: two thousand and four, so what like seventeen years ago?
Speaker 1: Some shit?
Speaker 2: I get you, really, sixteen, dear journal, It's been a
Speaker 2: while anyway. Shit seems to never go well with me
Speaker 2: right now. It seems as though everybody in my house
Speaker 2: is a stick up their ass, and I'm irritated of
Speaker 2: everybody doing damn there nothing sitting around bitching about everything.
Speaker 2: You talk back, You're disrespectful. How the fuck you expect
Speaker 2: me to respond when all you do is scream and complain?
Speaker 2: And I'm not mean and I don't have an attitude
Speaker 2: until someone gives me a reason have one. And fuck that.
Speaker 2: You're sixteen. I don't need to talk to you. Bullshit.
Speaker 2: Fuck you if I was five. It's the same shit.
Speaker 2: Don't expect what you don't give. This is me. I'm
Speaker 2: the same exact time. I can't stand being here. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I want to run away. I can't wait till I
Speaker 2: move out. I won't be coming back. So I thought,
Speaker 2: I can't read that because my dad will go to
Speaker 2: jail more trauma. I've forgotten about gonna give him. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna give him a pass on that one. And on
Speaker 2: top of that, me and Thomas, I don't know. He
Speaker 2: can't use the phone at his house. He won't buy one,
Speaker 2: so if he doesn't go to work, we won't speak.
Speaker 2: It's frustrating when you need someone, where the hell are they?
Speaker 2: It's hard, even though it's it's somewhat out of his hands.
Speaker 2: He gets these fucking mood swings and starts. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: I've been loving niggas. It's smooth sings since the fucking
Speaker 2: early two thousands, bringing up all these necessary people from
Speaker 2: my past. And he's like, why won't you be with him?
Speaker 2: Or you're a liar When we don't talk, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like you're talking to guys, and and he does
Speaker 2: this a lot, a lot out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: Basically he basically he's shaming you.
Speaker 2: He's slept shaming me early. I yeah, Uh his name
Speaker 2: Thomas Thomas.
Speaker 1: Where's Thomas at now?
Speaker 2: Oh? He's not doing well. That's the one I told
Speaker 2: you I saw digging in the trash can on Ventura.
Speaker 2: He started using drugs and he had a lot of
Speaker 2: trauma that I was aware of. And now I believe
Speaker 2: he's on the streets. Thomas, I'm gonna have to tell
Speaker 2: a Luna about that. Let me tell you how your
Speaker 2: first loves change tremendously. Okay, I don't know what the
Speaker 2: fuck I'm talking about. Oh wait, hold on, He says,
Speaker 2: at least Nat was honest, at least Chanelle was appreciative, Like, damn,
Speaker 2: leave me feeling insecure. If they're all these things that
Speaker 2: I'm not, then why the fuck are you with my ass?
Speaker 2: Then he's confusing the hell out of me. Then ten
Speaker 2: minutes later he apologizes and says he didn't mean it,
Speaker 2: but too late. But I've already heard how great these
Speaker 2: bitches were and it ain't easy to forget. So now
Speaker 2: I keep comparing myself, feeling insecure as hell.
Speaker 1: Oh baby, we.
Speaker 2: Haven't really seen each other, and shit just isn't going
Speaker 2: smoothly between us as of now. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 2: I'm always here to make shit work on this relationship
Speaker 2: because I love him and I know there's nobody else
Speaker 2: for me. So I'm patient with our situations because he's
Speaker 2: patient with me.
Speaker 1: But I just don't sound doesn't sound patient at all.
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like that at all, Jamila. But I
Speaker 2: just want to make him happy. I don't want him
Speaker 2: depressed or feeling alone or unhappy. He says that a lot.
Speaker 2: I'm just not happy the past year, blah blah blah,
Speaker 2: Like damn, I haven't done shit.
Speaker 1: About you.
Speaker 2: I just want to be the cure to all his
Speaker 2: problems in pain and make everything right. Good night. WHOA,
Speaker 2: I need therapy. I still need fucking therapy.
Speaker 1: I want to be the cure to all his problems
Speaker 1: and pain.
Speaker 2: Good night, can I talk to you roun the cancer
Speaker 2: of my I'm such a cancer Jesus. You know, one
Speaker 2: of the most common DMS we get is always about
Speaker 2: how to introduce yourself to weed. I know this is
Speaker 2: big scary thing, especially as a mom or as a parent.
Speaker 2: We have all this stigma around it. But like we
Speaker 2: always say, we have the most stress, and it's hard
Speaker 2: for us to give you, you know, top notch weed
Speaker 2: advice because we live in LA and we've kind of
Speaker 2: found our way on our own, because we've had the
Speaker 2: grace to really have trial and error.
Speaker 1: You know what. I love that this book by Danielle
Speaker 1: Simone Brand really covers all of the bases. It's called
Speaker 1: Weed Mom, The Canny Curious Woman's Guide to healthier relaxation,
Speaker 1: happier parenting, and chilling the fuck out.
Speaker 2: I really love this book because it not only touches
Speaker 2: on like everything you need to know about weed, but
Speaker 2: also just the basics about THHC, about CBD, about what
Speaker 2: to look for at the dispensary, and it kind of
Speaker 2: gives a lot of tips about how to chill the
Speaker 2: fuck out. I think as moms it's hard to just
Speaker 2: relax and feel guilt free and indulging, and Danielle really
Speaker 2: breaks down like how cannabis can enhance your life, even
Speaker 2: your sex life and self care. And I just I
Speaker 2: love this book so much because she's even given me
Speaker 2: a better outlook on my cannabis use and a better
Speaker 2: way to understand it and even you know, tell my
Speaker 2: talk to my friends and family about my cannabis use.
Speaker 1: So make sure you go check out her book. You
Speaker 1: can find it on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, and even
Speaker 1: online at Walmart.
Speaker 2: Get weed Mom in a store near you, and we'll
Speaker 2: be doing a book club with weed Mom in August,
Speaker 2: so be sure to get it so you can read
Speaker 2: along with us and we can discuss it and we
Speaker 2: can dive into this because it's time for moms and
Speaker 2: weed to be destigmatized.
Speaker 1: Amen.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, so you know, I you know, I told
Speaker 2: you that I linked up with a unicorn for me
Speaker 2: and my man, right, I know. And most amazing thing
Speaker 2: ever is usually when you're looking to seek a threesome,
Speaker 2: it's hard to find where to find a third person.
Speaker 2: But field app made it so easy. We found a
Speaker 2: girl we liked, we messaged for a little bit, and
Speaker 2: we went out last week.
Speaker 1: That's so sexy.
Speaker 2: It's super sexy and super fun, and I'm really excited
Speaker 2: to see where this triangle love goes.
Speaker 1: I love Field because it's for anyone, whether you're into
Speaker 1: vanilla sex, kinky sex, thirty some sex, group sex, all
Speaker 1: the sexes. They have every single kink you could possibly imagine.
Speaker 1: On this app. You will fulfill your fantasies and.
Speaker 2: You will find your community.
Speaker 1: You'll find your community and fulfill all your fucking fantasies,
Speaker 1: literally fucking fantasies. And here's some great news you guys.
Speaker 1: You can download the Field app for free and support
Speaker 1: our show by using the link in this episode's description.
Speaker 2: Just click the link in our episode to get the
Speaker 2: Field app for free today. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: I also re along with the fact that I was
Speaker 1: boy crazy as well, that I was an early manifestor.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize I was manifesting, but as I read
Speaker 1: my journal, like page by page, there were things that
Speaker 1: I would say that I wanted and then like twenty
Speaker 1: pages in, I had, but I never acknowledged it because
Speaker 1: I was always so fucking hard on myself. I was
Speaker 1: always felt like I wasn't doing enough, even in like
Speaker 1: my talents, like there was I had this whole chap,
Speaker 1: like this whole like long thing I'm not going to read,
Speaker 1: it's so fucking long, basically saying that like I booked
Speaker 1: this film and I was in Atlanta, and I was
Speaker 1: feeling so insecure, and that I didn't feel like I
Speaker 1: deserved to be there, and that I didn't work hard
Speaker 1: enough even though I fucking booked it and I was there,
Speaker 1: like and that like I didn't deserve it, and that
Speaker 1: I needed to move to New York and then I
Speaker 1: needed to go take classes in New York so that
Speaker 1: I can be better. And then what did I do?
Speaker 1: I moved to New York and I took classes to
Speaker 1: be better. Still never acknowledged that I did. That. Still
Speaker 1: was hard on myself, Like even said, there was a
Speaker 1: one passage where I was saying that, like I can't
Speaker 1: wake to move out of my mom's house. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to go back to college. I hate college.
Speaker 2: I'm hoping something comes up.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping something comes up. And then like a month later,
Speaker 1: I'm on tour with Macy Gray. It was just like
Speaker 1: not realizing that like everything that I was writing was
Speaker 1: somehow manifesting, even though I didn't believe it, which let
Speaker 1: me know how powerful I was, even though I was
Speaker 1: like contradicting myself constantly, and now no, and now like
Speaker 1: being the manifestor that I am and that we are
Speaker 1: like and being in a positive space and seeing how
Speaker 1: positive thoughts, how quickly they materialize, you know, I wish
Speaker 1: That's why I'm so excited to be encouraging that and
Speaker 1: Irene now, you know, like and really putting a word
Speaker 1: to it and giving her like a toolbox so she
Speaker 1: understands like what it is that she's doing, because I
Speaker 1: didn't realize what I was doing. I also I didn't
Speaker 1: realize how incredibly insecure I was.
Speaker 2: I mean, clearly I was too. Natalie and that bitch
Speaker 2: Chanel were just making me feel incredibly insecure. I've been
Speaker 2: leting niggas make me feel insecure for his centuries. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: There was this poem that I read, Oh my.
Speaker 2: God, my favorite Erica has a long I have to
Speaker 2: go to my mom's house and refurbish some journals. But
Speaker 2: Erica has a long, twenty year bid of journals over here,
Speaker 2: and I'm kind of jealous of my trauma. I realized
Speaker 2: that a lot of my writing trauma that I developed
Speaker 2: a secret language because I'm a psycho and writing was
Speaker 2: such an important part of my childhood and a part
Speaker 2: of my channeling my feelings and being like therapizing. It's
Speaker 2: crazy how like time it's all the same, you know, Like, essentially,
Speaker 2: I stopped writing a lot because I've had like four
Speaker 2: hundred instances where my parents, my teachers and people I
Speaker 2: was fucking read my journals. I was probably cheating, they
Speaker 2: found out. And so during my pregnancy and during that
Speaker 2: time where I really wish I had record, I was
Speaker 2: so terrified to write because my baby daddy read all
Speaker 2: my shit. But I see how like the talking on
Speaker 2: the podcast kind of has facilitated that same thing. And
Speaker 2: even right now as we're writing a book, as we
Speaker 2: have this grand, amazing opportunity to write this book, and
Speaker 2: we've i mean, I've questioned it, like how the fuck
Speaker 2: am I writing a book? I'm an author, I'm having
Speaker 2: the opportunity to write a book, even though it clearly
Speaker 2: I had been authoring for four hundred years. But there's
Speaker 2: that questioning of it, you know. But like this, even
Speaker 2: these journals are a manifestation of what the fuck we're
Speaker 2: doing right now it's crazy. But anyway, I'm really jealous
Speaker 2: that you have vivid memories of your pregnancy and that
Speaker 2: relationship that I was too afraid to have. Are you
Speaker 2: going to share your poem or which one?
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna before I go to the poem,
Speaker 1: because the poem was about my baby daddy and social
Speaker 1: media because Instagram started and then I was tripping. But
Speaker 1: this was actually the person I lost my virginity too.
Speaker 1: So this person, his name was Kyle, and he went
Speaker 1: to the all boy high school behind my house. And
Speaker 1: you would have thought I knew him for a long time,
Speaker 1: but I didn't.
Speaker 2: Well, I've teenage. In teenage years, a week is.
Speaker 1: Like four months at least. So I actually had a
Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time that I was with and we
Speaker 1: had been together for like nine months, and like we'd
Speaker 1: never had sex, of course, like we'd like made out.
Speaker 1: He like fingered me. Maybe I like gave a blowjaw,
Speaker 1: because like when you're in like eighth grade at a
Speaker 1: private school, if you're not occasionally giving blowjobs and you're
Speaker 1: prude and nobody wants to be proved.
Speaker 2: I don't think I gave blue jobs when I don't
Speaker 2: think I gave blow jobs, and thirteen.
Speaker 1: I gave like one or two.
Speaker 2: It was occasional ocrobably. I was like, I might have
Speaker 2: waited till.
Speaker 1: I remember my first blowjob. It was in Oh my,
Speaker 1: I don't remember. It was behind the alley in Santa Monica. Like,
Speaker 1: oh God, this is so sad. I'm sorry, mom, Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ is so sad. Also, this goes along with my
Speaker 1: like virginity story where I lost my virginity in the
Speaker 1: backyard and a shed, like just not beautiful moments that
Speaker 1: you'd hope your child would have when like having these moments,
Speaker 1: Like God. Anyway, this is from February fourteenth, Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: two thousand and three. Hey baby, what's up? I'm just
Speaker 1: was this is z was up? I'm just writing this
Speaker 1: letter to say Happy Valentine's Day. Damn, I can't believe
Speaker 1: it's already been a year that I've been knowing you.
Speaker 1: Oh no, this is this is an old one. I
Speaker 1: remember last year you wrote me a letter, so I
Speaker 1: thought I'd write you one this time. This time last year,
Speaker 1: I was with that nigga Aaron, and of course tripping
Speaker 1: over yos and then we all know what happened the
Speaker 1: day after Valentine's Day, and it's literally a picture a
Speaker 1: stick figure of people fucking.
Speaker 2: One stick figure benover went behind the other stick. I
Speaker 2: don't think I've also ever made stick figures in that figurine.
Speaker 2: The boy you were a freak.
Speaker 1: Lol, too bad this V Day you were sick aka cheating. Anyways,
Speaker 1: after all that went down, I was sprung on you
Speaker 1: and then the drama began. Let me refresh your memory,
Speaker 1: and then I underlined Megan, Damn, that was messed up.
Speaker 1: But it's cool because I got me a boyfriend, even
Speaker 1: though you think he looks like a gargoyle. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I did have a boyfriend. I had another boyfriend at
Speaker 1: this time too. Because Kyle wouldn't commit to me. He
Speaker 1: was like the private school all boy ho I. I
Speaker 1: wanted to lock him down. I was going to make
Speaker 1: him settle down, because that's what bitches do. We will
Speaker 1: settle down. That guy that will not settle down.
Speaker 2: Is that a part of our like like our DNA manifesto,
Speaker 2: because I feel like like that's just our goal in life.
Speaker 1: And Kyle kept trying to tell me he wasn't going
Speaker 1: to settle down like he was actually an ethical slut. Okay,
Speaker 1: then you and her breakup, and Carrie and I break up,
Speaker 1: and now we're back to where we started, which I
Speaker 1: think is a good thing because I missed you. Man.
Speaker 1: I'm also writing this letter to say thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to all my shit with Carrie that I know
Speaker 1: you didn't want to hear, but listened. Anyways, anyway, back
Speaker 1: to the subject of Valentine's Day, which I guess symbolizes love.
Speaker 1: I also wanted to let you know I love you
Speaker 1: and have loved you for a while, but you already
Speaker 1: knew that. Just thought i'd tell you again. You mean
Speaker 1: so much to me, and I hope that we stay
Speaker 1: knowing each other for a long time because maybe one
Speaker 1: day we can turn what we have into more. That's
Speaker 1: really up to you, because you're the one who doesn't
Speaker 1: want to ruin what we have, which I understand. But anyways,
Speaker 1: Happy Valentine's Day, baby, Love Always, Erica Psycho very confusing,
Speaker 1: I go this was the vol did I not? Maybe
Speaker 1: I didn't give him these letters. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I have these letters that I did not give them
Speaker 1: to him. I don't know.
Speaker 2: You're just getting your feelings out this one.
Speaker 1: Was from the year before before. This is the when
Speaker 1: I read him before I wrote him before I lost
Speaker 1: my virginity, because I was going back and forth and
Speaker 1: saying that I really like my boyfriend, that he's done
Speaker 1: nothing wrong, and I really like him, but I also
Speaker 1: like you. And that was me trying to be an
Speaker 1: ethical slut and telling him like, look, I really like you,
Speaker 1: but I also like this guy, but like I can't
Speaker 1: stop thinking about you, so maybe we should just hang
Speaker 1: out and like just take it slow. And then literally
Speaker 1: twenty four hours later, I lost my virginity to.
Speaker 2: Him, Let's take a bolt, here's my ass.
Speaker 1: There, you go, meet me in the shed. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: so interesting to read that, And you know, that was
Speaker 1: a really defining moment in my life, him losing my
Speaker 1: virginity and then him like being really careless with that,
Speaker 1: like he didn't really give a fuck. And not only
Speaker 1: that was I think I shared too that when I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity, I didn't bleed and he didn't believe
Speaker 1: that I was a virgin and it's kind of like
Speaker 1: shamed me, and I thought there was something wrong with me,
Speaker 1: Like why didn't I bleed? Is my pussy broken? Like
Speaker 1: what the fuck, and not having anyone to really talk
Speaker 1: to anybody about that with except maybe like my thirteen
Speaker 1: year old friends who obviously don't know shit about cherry
Speaker 1: popping and virginity. When really I wish I would have
Speaker 1: been able to ask my mom now, I really wish
Speaker 1: I could have been able to be like, Mom, look
Speaker 1: this happened. I know you're not gonna love it, but like,
Speaker 1: is my pussy broken?
Speaker 2: Mom? I just need to know this guy told me
Speaker 2: my pussy's broken? Is it true?
Speaker 1: Or no? Okay?
Speaker 2: Thanks? But he said that I had sex? Did I?
Speaker 2: I'm confused?
Speaker 1: Well, because then I kind of like then I started
Speaker 1: seeking I literally would have sex with people sometimes to
Speaker 1: just I needed to get validated to know that my
Speaker 1: pussy was good because of that trauma, because I was like,
Speaker 1: is it not good? Does that not mean it was good?
Speaker 1: And he said I was experienced. He said I seemed
Speaker 1: experienced and that I didn't belied, and so basically I
Speaker 1: lied and that I probably wasn't a virgin was shaming.
Speaker 2: I could see where my like Thomas not leving me back.
Speaker 2: I started to be like, fuck niggas, fuck niggas, fuck
Speaker 2: them on, I don't need them and then I started
Speaker 2: acting crazy.
Speaker 1: Speaking of crazy, I'm just gonna go read this last poem.
Speaker 1: This is my last entry, guys, and you can't wait
Speaker 1: for me to read all my.
Speaker 2: Diary entries specifically for this.
Speaker 1: But I did, like when me and my baby daddy
Speaker 1: started dating, I started, I didn't write as much. There
Speaker 1: were moments that I wrote, but I remember distinctly when
Speaker 1: Instagram was created and I started posting and he started posting,
Speaker 1: and at the time, like, you know, no, I think.
Speaker 1: I don't think anyone had a lot of followers. But
Speaker 1: I had moved to New York. Actually we had broken up.
Speaker 1: I had moved to New York, and he was like
Speaker 1: claiming he loved me still and wanted me back, and
Speaker 1: I was just so annoyed, and I was like, why
Speaker 1: don't you ever post me on Instagram? And so I
Speaker 1: wrote this poem to express myself. And it goes a
Speaker 1: little something like this January twentieth, twenty fourteen. It seems petty,
Speaker 1: but it's not. It makes me feel small. So stop,
Speaker 1: am I a secret? Like the thoughts you go to
Speaker 1: sleep with? We had this talk before social media and
Speaker 1: whoores I know you think it's silly. My friends ask
Speaker 1: what's the dally, so post my picture? Let them know
Speaker 1: you my nigga, ain't afraid to show post my picture
Speaker 1: just one time. Let these girls know you are mine. End.
Speaker 2: That was beautiful.
Speaker 1: Did he post my picture?
Speaker 2: No, I posted your picture every day.
Speaker 1: But the needing of the validation, like I needed him
Speaker 1: to validate me publicly. I needed him to you know what.
Speaker 1: I think part of it too is like even with
Speaker 1: the guy that I lost my virginity to, he never
Speaker 1: validated me publicly either, Like we never he was never
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. It was never like we were never linked together,
Speaker 1: and like I wanted so desperately to be like him,
Speaker 1: to call me his. And I think that's why I
Speaker 1: also became addicted to relationships. I was a serial relation
Speaker 1: in the past. I've been a serial relationship person because
Speaker 1: it gave me the validation of like, I'm yours and
Speaker 1: you want me to be yours, and you're gonna tell
Speaker 1: people that I'm yours and you're gonna post it on Instagram,
Speaker 1: God damn it, Facebook, and also friends her.
Speaker 2: Friend validation is super important. I'm realizing because I'm reading
Speaker 2: this shit and it's like, oh, he was nice to me.
Speaker 2: I'm in love. I'm sure it's love, but I'm also
Speaker 2: reading my parents were disrespectful to me, and they didn't
Speaker 2: tell me nice things, and they were like always criticizing me,
Speaker 2: criticizing me, criticizing me, And clearly the criticizing caused me
Speaker 2: to seek any type of affirmation and validation from niggas,
Speaker 2: and when they didn't do that, I'm like, what the fuck?
Speaker 2: And I'm just searching for this validation. But like how
Speaker 2: we talk to our kids is important and vital because
Speaker 2: those they will go search for that shit elsewhere, and
Speaker 2: even if it is an empty well of fucking compliments.
Speaker 1: Well, that's why the the father role is so important
Speaker 1: to girls. It's so fucking important, and like it's something
Speaker 1: that like I, you know, my co parenting situation is
Speaker 1: what it is, and you know, I wish that we
Speaker 1: were closer, and I wish that I could, I don't know,
Speaker 1: just give him some perspective on like certain things that
Speaker 1: are that like I wish that I had as a
Speaker 1: young girl that I would have heard from my father, Like,
Speaker 1: your father is supposed to be the first person that
Speaker 1: validates you, not some stupid ass little boy you know
Speaker 1: who doesn't even know what the fuck that means. And
Speaker 1: it's not even the little boy's fault. You know, he
Speaker 1: doesn't know.
Speaker 2: He's learning too, right, He probably is experiencing fucking trauma
Speaker 2: in his own house.
Speaker 1: Right, And it's just so important, like the role that
Speaker 1: dads play in daughters' lives, because my dad was literally
Speaker 1: not around at all, and so I was constantly trying
Speaker 1: to like, I remember feeling like, oh, that's what that
Speaker 1: feels like. Oh I like that, Oh okay, And I
Speaker 1: just want my like my daughter to a be able
Speaker 1: to come to me, whether she loses her virginity in
Speaker 1: a shed or not, and be able to talk to
Speaker 1: me about it, and like, obviously I might be disturbed,
Speaker 1: but I would much rather just take it on the
Speaker 1: chin and be able to have that conversation with her
Speaker 1: than like her never speak to me about sex again
Speaker 1: and then in such a toxic, unhealthy way sleep with
Speaker 1: way too many people in closets at parties, in weird spaces,
Speaker 1: trying to search for some sort of like fulfillment. Okay, Amy, I'm.
Speaker 2: Reading, Oh my god, this is kind of traumatic. I'm
Speaker 2: reading When I got an abortion when I was sixteen,
Speaker 2: in how my parents weren't supportive, and it's like throughout
Speaker 2: this entire time, from the day I found out I
Speaker 2: was pregnant, all I needed was support through my friends
Speaker 2: and Thomas. I received that. There's nothing more I could
Speaker 2: have asked for. It's the most stressful and hardest, most
Speaker 2: painful event of my life thus far, and quite honestly,
Speaker 2: after the way you've reacted this is to my parents,
Speaker 2: I'm still glad I didn't inform you the day first day,
Speaker 2: because had I, you would have added to the guilt
Speaker 2: I was already feeling. You made a comment saying I
Speaker 2: told my mom most recently and she got so pissed.
Speaker 1: She got pissed.
Speaker 2: Did you remember she denied it. She said I would
Speaker 2: never say that. But the proofs here says you made
Speaker 2: a comment saying you don't care to just throw your
Speaker 2: baby in the trash the day after I had an abortion.
Speaker 2: You have no idea how much that hurts or how
Speaker 2: that makes me feel. This event has really made me
Speaker 2: feel as though in the future had something just as
Speaker 2: draststick come up in my life. No, I honestly wouldn't
Speaker 2: tell you based off how you dealt with this situation.
Speaker 2: Because of this, you're gonna take away my privileges to
Speaker 2: leave the house, see my friends and my boyfriend. You
Speaker 2: think because I'm having sex that every time I leave
Speaker 2: the house that's what I'm gonna do, or every time
Speaker 2: I go somewhere I'm lying so I can be with
Speaker 2: Thomas to go have sex for you probably, Well, No,
Speaker 2: I don't lie about who I'm with or where I'm at.
Speaker 2: I'm very honest about those things. I've been honest, and
Speaker 2: I don't think it's fair that because now you know
Speaker 2: I'm sexually active, you're gonna lock me up, because honestly,
Speaker 2: that only leads to more lying. There are girls that
Speaker 2: go to my school and have sex in the church
Speaker 2: because it's empty after school. I know of girls super
Speaker 2: sexual acts behind trees, people have sex anywhere. I'm not
Speaker 2: one of those people. I was, but I'm trying to
Speaker 2: make you understand that that shouldn't be an issue. And
Speaker 2: as far as my grades go, they're not horrible, but
Speaker 2: I admit second semester they could have been better. But
Speaker 2: it seems now that now that you know I'm involved
Speaker 2: with Thomas on a sexual level, you're blaming my grades
Speaker 2: on that. Just to remind you, Thomas and I have
Speaker 2: been dating for almost a year, and first semester I
Speaker 2: was doing just fun. It's no surprise that doing second
Speaker 2: semester my grades seem to drop because it's the end
Speaker 2: of the year. But that's my fault, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to change that this year by staying up throughout the
Speaker 2: entire year. When I set my mind to do something,
Speaker 2: I'm going to do it because I know I'm capable
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: Better talk that shit.
Speaker 2: I need you to understand that I'm taking that taking
Speaker 2: away privileges isn't the appropriate response to this particular situation
Speaker 2: my parenting skills at sixteen. Honestly, I need you to
Speaker 2: be here for me and support me, not putting me
Speaker 2: down or making me feel guilty. It's heart already as
Speaker 2: it is for me to be here for the same reasons.
Speaker 2: But I live with you. You're my mom. It means
Speaker 2: the most coming from you.
Speaker 1: You know. It's so crazy, like kids literally telling their
Speaker 1: parents what they need from.
Speaker 2: Them and they're like fuck and their parents are like, no.
Speaker 1: No, fuck that you don't need that, and it's like
Speaker 1: you're literally saying like, if you just created this space,
Speaker 1: I would be able to tell you, and I would
Speaker 1: I want that. Please give me that, please, please, And
Speaker 1: I would tell that to my mom too. I'd be like,
Speaker 1: why don't you think I tell you anything? Because every
Speaker 1: time I tell you, you get upset and then she
Speaker 1: would be like, you're being dramatic, and then she would
Speaker 1: get upset and then I'd be like, this is why
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you shit. It's like I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. And I have to check myself too,
Speaker 1: because it keeps going to cycle where parents literally forget
Speaker 1: what it was like to be kids. And I don't
Speaker 1: care what they say. They say they do remember they don't,
Speaker 1: or they choose or they just choose not to, or
Speaker 1: they get too emotional because it's their kids, you know.
Speaker 1: And I get it, like I get I get that.
Speaker 1: I think I don't actually get it all the way yep,
Speaker 1: because my daughter's only six and she has yet to
Speaker 1: tell me she's had sex and a shed. But but like,
Speaker 1: I hope that I can just remember these moments, and like,
Speaker 1: I want to encourage you guys. If you guys are
Speaker 1: at home, and you guys are journalers when you were
Speaker 1: a kid, go back and read your journals. You might
Speaker 1: be surprised about the things A that you forgot the
Speaker 1: maturity level in which you had in some cases. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously you're a child, and the ways that even your
Speaker 1: parents overcrossed your boundaries, you know, because kids are not
Speaker 1: allowed to have boundaries for some reason, right, Like you're
Speaker 1: not allowed to have boundaries, You're not allowed to have privacy.
Speaker 1: Like it's traumatizing.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm right home able more. I know,
Speaker 2: it's really making me crazy. I think if I don't
Speaker 2: get out of the hell out of my house soon,
Speaker 2: I'm going to have a nervous fucking breakdown for real.
Speaker 2: It's like a struggle you can't win or even fight. Ah.
Speaker 2: It's like when you push the gas and end up
Speaker 2: on the same spot. It's like I want to come
Speaker 2: up for air, but I can't. It's a suffocating situation.
Speaker 2: You make me feel lonely and ashamed to be me,
Speaker 2: afraid to recognize my own feelings. You make me feel
Speaker 2: like I don't know if this is about a nigga
Speaker 2: or my mom. I feel like my dreams will never amount.
Speaker 2: You make me feel like who I am is not
Speaker 2: who I'm planned on me being. I'll finish tomorrow, can
Speaker 2: I I'm too tired to talk to complain any longer.
Speaker 2: It's true. And you know what, even like reading the
Speaker 2: Ethical Slut and having this conversation, I guess like the
Speaker 2: bottom fucking line of the world is niggas be honest
Speaker 2: with your kids and with yourself and with the people
Speaker 2: you're fucking because at the end of the day, it's
Speaker 2: still what the truth is. And like, if your kids
Speaker 2: can't be honest with you, if you can't be honest
Speaker 2: to yourself, if you can't be honest with your kids
Speaker 2: about the shit that you've done, they won't be honest
Speaker 2: to you. And this fucked up cycle continues and continues
Speaker 2: and continues because people are afraid and ashamed to just
Speaker 2: be who the fuck they are teenager seven years old?
Speaker 1: Another read your journals, guys, if you did it, read
Speaker 1: your journals and reframe your parenting based on your journals.
Speaker 2: And actually, I take it back, I'm not gonna read
Speaker 2: my kid's journal because me developing this entire language that
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to transcript later, it is gonna
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do this to her because there's obviously
Speaker 2: trauma in the pudding.
Speaker 1: Ah well, what that said, do we have time for
Speaker 1: horror stories? I mean, or is this do we have
Speaker 1: any time for Let's just do one? Should we do one?
Speaker 2: Just do one quickly?
Speaker 1: I think that you know we asked you guys at
Speaker 1: the beginning of the month to send in your virginity stories,
Speaker 1: and some of them were horse stories. So I feel
Speaker 1: like this is a good What am I trying to say?
Speaker 1: These are good ones? Okay? So how did you lose
Speaker 1: your virginity?
Speaker 2: Whose?
Speaker 1: Stories? On a bathroom floor? At fourteen? I believe my
Speaker 1: introduction to sex shaped my overall relationship with sex. It
Speaker 1: wasn't about me, it didn't feel good. I didn't have
Speaker 1: a voice. I was there for someone's use, and I
Speaker 1: was too young to understand that I wasn't valuing myself
Speaker 1: and that it was supposed to be special and even
Speaker 1: an impactwing experience. While I enjoy sex now, I'm still
Speaker 1: being forced to re examine my relationship with it and
Speaker 1: approach it in a way that makes me actually feel empowered.
Speaker 1: This Woor story is after a college party, my two
Speaker 1: friends and I decided to go back to the dorms
Speaker 1: with these three guys that we knew. We paired off
Speaker 1: and started making out with the guys, and then someone
Speaker 1: yelled switch, so we switched makeup partners. But the last switch,
Speaker 1: I was paired up with my crush and decided not
Speaker 1: to miss out on the opportunity and chose him to
Speaker 1: be my first YEP, I lost my virginity in a
Speaker 1: dorm room with a few of my college friends switching.
Speaker 1: He was fine as fuck and I was having the
Speaker 1: best time.
Speaker 2: You know, I think sometimes we put too much pressure
Speaker 2: on the virginity breaking. I think I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 2: tell Lena it's important, like it's important. But like I
Speaker 2: think movies and shit put too much pressure on it.
Speaker 2: I told you, like I lied for years about where
Speaker 2: I left. I had lost my virginity because I was
Speaker 2: ashamed that I did with some random assnaket. But like
Speaker 2: I've survived.
Speaker 1: This one is a true horror story. Where'd you lose
Speaker 1: your virginity? Ugh in the back of a car, bled everywhere,
Speaker 1: and then he told the entire school. Then someone spread
Speaker 1: a rumor I had aids what it was traumatizing.
Speaker 2: Kids are terrible people.
Speaker 1: What the fuck Aids?
Speaker 2: It's only std they knew.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Last one, I was about fifteen and we
Speaker 1: were dating as far as I was concerned you and
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, I love how we you're my boyfriend.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: It was in the car and it was horrible. It
Speaker 1: lasted maybe five minutes, and his dick was super small.
Speaker 1: I didn't even feel the dick, just pressure that small
Speaker 1: to this day, one of the worst experiences I've ever had.
Speaker 1: Then he had the nerve to play me and started
Speaker 1: dating my friend, but he gave her an STD so
Speaker 1: I guess she got the karma.
Speaker 2: You one, Okay, Well, that's it, Okay, I have one.
Speaker 2: One time I snuck over Thomas's house that I was
Speaker 2: in love with at that time. And when I say sneak,
Speaker 2: I mean take the bus four hundred miles to Devonshire
Speaker 2: and I don't even know where, just go to his
Speaker 2: fucking house and back and lie and say. I was
Speaker 2: in dance practice and he was living with this friend
Speaker 2: of his and his dad and his dad's sons and daughter.
Speaker 2: And I was supposed to be over there. And guess
Speaker 2: why while we were middle fucking because I was also
Speaker 2: wearing like lingerie underneath my uniforms because I was a
Speaker 2: progressive teenage slut. And the dad came home and this
Speaker 2: nigga is like get in the closet, and I was
Speaker 2: like so scared to get caught because just I don't
Speaker 2: know this Nigga's dad and he was a dad, had
Speaker 2: this deep ass floors. I had to get in the closet,
Speaker 2: jump off the dick, get in the closet, and I
Speaker 2: can hear him like, oh the fuck is in my house.
Speaker 2: I was like shaking in the closet and then he
Speaker 2: opened slides to the closet rope and I was like,
Speaker 2: get out of the closet. It's okay, just get out
Speaker 2: the closet. I was like fucking traumatizing. I mean, I mean,
Speaker 2: I was my virginity.
Speaker 1: But did you walk to the bus back or what?
Speaker 1: How'd you get home?
Speaker 2: I had you had to get home. I had to
Speaker 2: get on the bus back. But I was going through
Speaker 2: great lengths to get the dick, hiding in closets, getting
Speaker 2: cursed up by people's parents. But I just remember being
Speaker 2: so scared and ashamed, but still getting the dick committed.
Speaker 2: We don't have to do this more often. We have
Speaker 2: so many entries. I know, I didn't we get to
Speaker 2: dissect this good enough.
Speaker 1: Well, anyway, you guys, maybe we'll do another episode full
Speaker 1: of diary entries specific to different topics, because I have
Speaker 1: a lot of different topics, have many many topics.
Speaker 2: Get your book, Get Ethical Slut, the Purple version, the
Speaker 2: newest edition, so you can read it along with us.
Speaker 2: Eric and I will be in Travels in the Jungle.
Speaker 2: So if you have not followed our Instagram, this is
Speaker 2: a good time good moms underscore bad choices. We will
Speaker 2: be in the jungle in Costa Rica, writing a book
Speaker 2: and getting into shit, so makes she follows on Instagram. Also,
Speaker 2: please rate and review this episode because it matters. And
Speaker 2: you just listen to this whole shit for free, so
Speaker 2: that's free. Do it.
Speaker 1: And also, we're going to be in New York the
Speaker 1: first week and second week of July, so we are
Speaker 1: planning a little meet up with our New York tribe,
Speaker 1: so look out for that. I'm really excited to finally
Speaker 1: get back to New York. The last time we were
Speaker 1: in New York was right before COVID. We had an
Speaker 1: amazing dinner.
Speaker 2: Oh we're trying to do a part two of that dinner.
Speaker 2: If you were at the first dinner in twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: please reach out to us via DM again because we're
Speaker 2: gonna do it again. Yeah, it's I think if we
Speaker 2: should just close it for those people, like just those people,
Speaker 2: those people who were there last year. I mean that,
Speaker 2: I don't know, whatever, We'll figure it out.
Speaker 1: Hit us up, Hit us up. And if you haven't
Speaker 1: joined our Slack community, our message board, please please do so.
Speaker 1: You know, I noticed that I posted something on Instagram
Speaker 1: the other day and that was kind of triggering for
Speaker 1: certain moms that I feel like they don't have a tribe.
Speaker 1: You know, I totally understand that, like meeting new moms
Speaker 1: and meeting new parents can be really intimidating. And that's
Speaker 1: why this community is so important, because we have people
Speaker 1: in there from all over the United States that want
Speaker 1: to connect. They want to meet other moms in their city.
Speaker 2: And they're if they fuck with us, they're open minded, cool,
Speaker 2: chill mom. So that's the whole point.
Speaker 1: Right, And so we actually have a channel on Slack
Speaker 1: where you can drop where you're at, where you live
Speaker 1: and connect with the mom in your city. And that's
Speaker 1: what this whole thing is about. So make sure you
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Speaker 1: our Slack community. And I love you guys, right, this
Speaker 1: socord let's says
Speaker 2: Ranza.