1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: Oh, baby, my baby, I need you, Oh how I 2 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: need you? What do you expect? As a production of 3 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio, I'm your host Heidi Murkoff and I'm 4 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,760 Speaker 1: a mom on a mission, a mission to help you 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:25,439 Speaker 1: know what to expect every step of the way. A 6 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: sleeping like a baby sounds so peaceful until you actually 7 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 1: see a baby sleeping, and then you realize it's anything 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: but peaceful, as you probably noticed the first time you 9 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 1: stood over your newborn's bassonet, wondering why her rest was 10 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: so restless and so noisy, and so many whimpers and 11 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: squeaks and strange little breathing sounds, you know, the ones 12 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,240 Speaker 1: that keep you standing over her bassonet in the first place, 13 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: and so much waking. Yes, newborns sleep a lot, but 14 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: usually not for more than two three hours tops at 15 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: a time, which explains why you're so tired with your 16 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: sleepy little bundle rousing often for feeds and changes and cuddles. 17 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: A full night's sleep for you, or even a nice 18 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: long nap maybe, but a parental pipe dream for now. 19 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 1: And though you knew this new tired normal was coming, 20 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: you might not have expected exactly how exhausting it would 21 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: be to care for newborn who spends so much time asleep, 22 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: you might even be wondering when or even if your 23 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: little one will actually sleep through the night, and when 24 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:43,400 Speaker 1: you'll feel comfortable letting her sleep without watching her baby steps. 25 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: You will get there eventually, I promise, But I'm not 26 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: gonna lie by eventually. I am not talking weeks, I'm 27 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: talking months. But in the meantime, we are diving deep 28 00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: today into newborn sleep. How much, how often, how to 29 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: do it safely and if and when? And how to 30 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: start making bed times and naptimes routine? Getting sleepier already, 31 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:16,399 Speaker 1: let's get started. I'm here with Emma. Sorry, I fell asleep. Good. 32 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: Then we're off to a good start. You knew it 33 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be easy to get newborns to sleep. Do 34 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: you think that it was harder than you actually expected? Yeah, 35 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: you don't really know until it's happening. I'm one who 36 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: enjoys her sleep, and so after I had Lennox, I 37 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: was desperate to literally do anything I possibly could do 38 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: to get them to sleep. So I broke every single 39 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 1: cardinal rule, every single thing that you're not supposed to do. 40 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,239 Speaker 1: I did just so I could sleep. You know, it's 41 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: survival of the sleepiest, you could say, when you're a 42 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,839 Speaker 1: new mom, So whatever gets to you through the night, 43 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: it's all right, yes, so, but it's how long you 44 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: keep up those half as they think, that probably matters. 45 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: What were some of the things that you did with 46 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: Lennox that maybe you didn't necessarily regret, but regret later 47 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: on when they became habits. Well, Lennox didn't sleep in 48 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: his crib or bass net. Lennox left in my arms, 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 1: and that went on for a very very long time, 50 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: like maybe a year ish, and so I really set 51 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: him up for disaster when it came to sleep. He 52 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: wasn't sleep tray until he was like four years old. 53 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: And that was not a mistake I was going to make. 54 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: With Seby. I was like, not again. This took like 55 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: fifteen years off my life, the exhaustion. I learned a 56 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: lot of lessons. I always rocked him to sleep in 57 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: my arms. He never napped in his crib. He only 58 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: napped on me. And so one thing that I was 59 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: adamant about with Seby is that he's going to learn 60 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: how to put himself to sleep. Lennox didn't get that advantage. 61 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I literally drove every single day for 62 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: three hours so he would sleep. Eventually he slept in 63 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: the car. I made every single classic mistake you could 64 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 1: possibly make. When you were a baby. We lived in 65 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: New York City, so we didn't have a car. What 66 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: I would do, I would put you in the stroller 67 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: and I would walk around. So actually it's better for 68 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: my health than driving around. But on a hot day, 69 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 1: nothing like it. Let me tell you, I would like 70 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: freak out because anytime the car would stop at a 71 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: stop way, I would like freak out, like gonna wake up? 72 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: Why did you put this stop sign? Right? The same 73 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: thing in New York City is a I'd have to 74 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: like be super gentle going over the curbs with the stroller, 75 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: and there were always potholes. But the other thing, you 76 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: have to stop for the light, for the pedestrian crossing lights, 77 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: and so it was a struggle. And then I'd go 78 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: into a store with the stroller and you'd immediately wake up, 79 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: so I couldn't even do my shopping good times. So 80 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: what did you do differently with sev Sev From the beginning? Okay, 81 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: now I'm lying. Now I'm lying for a few months 82 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: until my husband yelled at me to rock him to 83 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: sleep in my arms, and he knacked on me. I 84 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 1: did give it up. I ripped off the band aid 85 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: and he started to sleep in his crib and he 86 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: put himself to sleep. And to this day he is 87 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: an amazing sleeper. He puts himself to sleep. He is 88 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 1: my son where he looks nothing like me, but he 89 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: can sleep like his mother. I set him up for 90 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: a good, healthy life of sleep sleep success. Watch tonight, 91 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: He's gonna be up all night Murphy's law. Absolutely. And 92 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 1: you know with you, guys, I do remember we did 93 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: sleep training with you when you were about maybe four months, 94 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: five months, and then you slept well after that until 95 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: you started coming back into our bed when you were 96 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:46,040 Speaker 1: able to. That was super tough for you to quit. 97 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: I think you were twelve and you stopped doing that. 98 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, So I'd say that was some mistake, but 99 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 1: no guilt, live and learn, learn exactly. I would say 100 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: I made more of those mistakes the first time. Typically, 101 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: do make more mistakes with your first one. Same yeah, yeah, 102 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: And I'm putting mistakes in air quotes because you know, 103 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: it's not that you make mistakes, it's that you learn 104 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: on the job, and it's a steep learning curve, especially 105 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: when it comes to things like this. Yeah, especially when 106 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: you're tired. Yeah, And it's again with the desperate times, 107 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: and desperate parents take desperate measures. And the other thing 108 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 1: is you're trying to find the past of least resistance 109 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 1: to sleep, and the past to least resistance with a 110 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: baby or with a toddler is probably going to be 111 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 1: in your arms or with some other kind of comforting habits. 112 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: So you take the easy street when you're a parent sometimes, Oh, 113 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: yes you do. And you know, the whole time I'm 114 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 1: sitting there, I'm like, Oh, he's only gonna be a 115 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: baby one this is what I tell myself, so I 116 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: don't feel like the thing that's not gonna end up 117 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 1: going so great eventually. Yeah, the thing is they're not 118 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 1: going to be a baby for long, but they'll keep 119 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,479 Speaker 1: those habits for a lifetime. Exactly exactly. We're gonna try 120 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: to take easy street, give you some good tips along 121 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 1: the way that will make it even easier and hopefully 122 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: get your child to develop some good sleep habits. So 123 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break, and when week come back, 124 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: I am answering the biggest questions you have about your 125 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: newborn sleep and yours. Okay, mom, so this is my 126 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: favorite topic because it's sleep and if there's one thing 127 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: that I like, it's sleep. Let's go through some of 128 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: the biggest questions our listeners have about their newborn sleep. 129 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: How many hours should a newborn baby be sleeping? Well, 130 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,119 Speaker 1: sleep is definitely job one for babies, so they spend 131 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: more time sleeping than doing anything else, even feeding. My god, 132 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: how do I apply for this job? I think you 133 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: exceed the age requirement? But yeah, they feedle up, but 134 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: they don't feed as much as they sleep. About sixteen 135 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: out of every twenty four hours are spent sleeping, and 136 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: that's really for a good reason, because sleep is when 137 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: babies do some of their best growing and some of 138 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: their best developing, So it is always time well spent, 139 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: as it should be, especially when it's interspersed with frequent feedings, 140 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: and breastfed babies are gonna need those feedings even more 141 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: than formula fed babies. And all newborns are sleepy. That's 142 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 1: the way they're born, and that's so that they can 143 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,359 Speaker 1: do all that important growing and developing. But some newborns 144 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: are actually especially sleepy and early on. Some babies are 145 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,720 Speaker 1: completely content to sleep through feeds, and they actually shouldn't 146 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 1: do that. It sounds counterintuitive, but it's really important to 147 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: wake a sleepyhead for feeds if he doesn't wake up 148 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: on his own and he doesn't demand them himself. It's 149 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: not easy. You can try unswaddling some skin to skin, 150 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: a cool cloth, sitting baby up in your lap, of course, 151 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 1: supported that might help. And here's the trick. It's way 152 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: easier to wake a baby up from rapid eye movement 153 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: rem sleep active sleep than it is during deep sleep. 154 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: Deep sleep is a beast to try to wake them 155 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: up from old habits die hard, Yes they do, okay, 156 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: So what about all that moving around and all those 157 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: sounds they're making when they're sleeping. Babies are notorious dunes 158 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: and that weird breathing that always made me panic. It 159 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: makes everybody panic. Remember all that rum sleep that you 160 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: did during pregnancy, that was the reason you did all 161 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: the tossing and turning. Well that in the hartburn and 162 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 1: the being all night. But that was dream sleep. That's 163 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 1: the rem sleep. And so if you ever stood over 164 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: sleeping baby, and oh my god, if you haven't done that, 165 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:53,839 Speaker 1: you absolutely should, because that's when you see those little 166 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: eyelids moving around and those ridiculously cute faces that they make, 167 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: those little pouts and the smile those and the frowns 168 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 1: and the puckers, and that's when they make all of 169 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: those precious little sounds, those little squeaks that make you 170 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 1: melt into a pool of slush, and for us it's 171 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: just point cute. But baby brains are actually working overtime 172 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: during rem sleep. That's when babies do a lot of 173 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: their serious brain development. They're learning and processing information that 174 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: they soak up when they're awake, so it's never a 175 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: waste of time. In fact, interestingly enough, premise do more 176 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: of that REM sleep, and that's probably because their brains 177 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: need that extra development time that they otherwise would have 178 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: gotten on the inside. Now, something else you might notice 179 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: while you're watching and listening your baby sleep is how 180 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: irregular your baby's breathing is. During active sleep, it can 181 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: seem really rapid, it can seem very shallow, and then 182 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: you have those long pauses between breasts, and that's where 183 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: parents often go into panic mode. And then you hear 184 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: those occasional little snorts and grunts, But all of that 185 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,439 Speaker 1: is normal. That's the good news. It's not going to 186 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: stop you from standing over the bassinet anytime soon. But 187 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: it's normal. It's called periodic breathing, and it's standard for 188 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: newborns when they're in the ram phase. And of course 189 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: then you have deep sleep, which babies alternate with active sleep, 190 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,800 Speaker 1: and they do that about every thirty minutes. Deep sleep. 191 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: It's also going to make you panic occasionally because they 192 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: sleep so soundly, they're so still there, breathing is so 193 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: quiet that sometimes you have to just give them a 194 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: little jiggle to make sure they're still breathing. Not that 195 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: I've ever done that, Yeah, me neither, No, never done that. Okay, 196 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: So should we really wait out the whimpers before picking 197 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,319 Speaker 1: them up? Or should we just go in here to kill? 198 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: I mean, we all learn this eventually, but I'm trying 199 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: to help my sisters and brothers out so you don't 200 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: have to learn the hard way. Unless it's time to 201 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: wake up for feed, wait to pick up your baby 202 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: if they're just doing that little light whimpering, that fussing, 203 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: because they're going to do a lot of that when 204 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: they're and rem sleep and they might still be sleeping 205 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: and if they're still sleeping and you jump in to 206 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: pick them up, then you're going to interrupt that sleep. 207 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: So it's not the same as crying it out at all. 208 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: We're not even going they're not at all at this point. 209 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 1: But those little whimpers when they're still sleeping, you don't 210 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: have to necessarily pick them up right away, and you're 211 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 1: going to figure out the difference between crying and whimpering, 212 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: and you know that sleepy fussing pretty soon, and when 213 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: they fall and cry, that's when you pick them up, unless, 214 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: of course, it's time for feet. If if it's time 215 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: for a feet, then you go for it anyway and 216 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: wake them up, and it's going to be easier to 217 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: wake them up during rem sleep. But sleeping like a baby, 218 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: that is a load of crap because they are super 219 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: super noisy when they sleep. Okay, so mixing up days 220 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: and nights, why do newborns do that? And what can 221 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: be as parents do? So you did this? Why I 222 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 1: did this? Most babies do this if you think about it, 223 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: they spend nine months in the dark literally day and night. 224 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: It's all the same in the womb cocoon. And if 225 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: you also think about it, when do babies do most 226 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: of their kicking when they're in utero when you're pregnant, 227 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: when do they kick They do it at night? Why 228 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: because that's when you're lying down and during the day, 229 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 1: when you're up and around, they're lulled to sleep by 230 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 1: the movement, So it's only natural that they would continue 231 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: that pattern after they're born. So it is natural. It's temporary. 232 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,719 Speaker 1: Usually takes a few weeks of adjustment to life on 233 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: the outside, but babies typically stop mixing up their days 234 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: and nights on their own, and you can help me 235 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: that realization with just a few basic tricks. First would 236 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 1: be have your baby do most of her daytime sleep 237 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: in a light room and have her do her nighttime 238 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: sleep in a dark one, so that you're making that 239 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: distinction light is for lighter sleep and dark is for 240 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: deeper sleep. Second would be to keep her daytime sleep 241 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 1: sessions shorter, so you don't want to let her sleep 242 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: more than three hours at a time during the day 243 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: and then waker if she goes longer than that. And 244 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: during the day you can be super engaging. That's the 245 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: time to pull out all the simulation stops, to do 246 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,480 Speaker 1: lots of chatting and singing and all those silly faces 247 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: you were waiting to use. And at night, when your 248 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 1: baby wigs only do the necessary diaper changing, you want 249 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: to keep that to a minimum. So if you have 250 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: to change, great, but go for it with a light 251 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: super low. Don't pull out your phone or turn on 252 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: the TV when you're doing feeds, and keep all the 253 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: communications to whisper or softly sung lullabies so that the 254 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 1: baby gets the idea that nighttime is not party time. Right. 255 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: One thing you shouldn't try, though, and a lot of 256 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: parents learn this The hard way to is try to 257 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: keep your baby up all day thinking that he's going 258 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: to sleep better at night. That does not work. That 259 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: backfires big time babies need daytime naps, and infants need 260 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: lots and lots of daytime sleep, and overtired babies actually 261 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: sleep less well, not better, and the same I think, Emma, 262 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: you would agree could be said for overtired children. That 263 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: is so true when Sebby is overtired, I always think 264 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: he's gonna sleep great that night, and he is up 265 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 1: at the breaths crack of dawn. So yeah, okay, one 266 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: should we expect for a baby to sleep through the night. 267 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: I guess like not the first day, And how do 268 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: you know it's okay to skip the middle of the 269 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: night feedings. Yeah, so every baby is different. Newborns, whether 270 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: they're breast or formula fed, or they do a combo, 271 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,120 Speaker 1: they need to eat several times at least during the night, 272 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: and they definitely should not do anything approximating sleeping through 273 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: the night. Even most three or four months old babies 274 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: still need at least one middle of the night feeding, 275 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: maybe two, and a lot of them continue needing at 276 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: least one until they're pushing six months, and especially breastfed babies, 277 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: since breast elk is more easily digested, babies need that 278 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: refill more frequently. Now. Metabolically speaking, older babies can go 279 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: without the middle of the night feed once they've reached 280 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: twelve pounds, but a lot of babies reached twelve pounds 281 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: in the early early months, and so that might not 282 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: hold true. And also many babies, whether metabolically they need 283 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 1: to or not, they don't choose to. And that's fine 284 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: because you know, easy for me to say, But what 285 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: you can do if you have a midnight muncher who's 286 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: left twelve pounds in the dust and is still feeding 287 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 1: the night away is trying to gradually extend the time 288 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 1: between feeds by a few minutes a night. You know 289 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: or not, if you have to do what feels best 290 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: for you and what's comfortable for you. And also remember 291 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: when a baby wakes with a whimper, look before you 292 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: leap if you've already just fed her, because she might 293 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: be sleeping or she might settle back to sleep given 294 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: a chance. Something else to try. If you're feeling like 295 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: an all night diner and the nightly special is your boobs. 296 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 1: Make sure the baby is getting a full feed before 297 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: your baby nods off, because otherwise they're having a midnight snack, 298 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,400 Speaker 1: not a midnight meal. And the other thing is with breastfeeding. 299 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: If your baby is only getting a few SIPs, that's 300 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 1: the hind milk, that's the skim milk that will not 301 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: keep them full for the night. So you want to 302 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: make sure that a baby at least finishes one breast 303 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: before she conks out again, so she won't wake up 304 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 1: hungry again in twenty minutes. And also you've got to 305 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: keep in mind sleeping through the night sounds great, but 306 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you put your baby down to 307 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 1: sleep at seven pm and they wake up at seven am. 308 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 1: At least, not this early in the sleep game, even 309 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: for really good sleeper. Maybe it'll mean a seven or 310 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:53,439 Speaker 1: eight o'clock bedtime, then a ten eleven pm snack, and 311 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: then maybe after some time, if you're lucky, they'll sleep 312 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: till five maybe six, then a little more bottle or breasts, 313 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: and then they'll go back to sleep for a couple 314 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 1: of hours after that, and gradually. The idea is to 315 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 1: expect the longer stretches of sleep to come at night 316 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 1: and to get longer and longer, and if they don't 317 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 1: get longer, then we can talk later. You know. Sleep 318 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: training isn't something you should even think about doing until 319 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 1: your baby is closer to six months. Definitely not before 320 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: four months. But check with the pediatrician. Okay, mom, So 321 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: what exactly is safe sleep? What does that mean? Obviously, 322 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: if you have a newborn, it's going to be a 323 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: while before you get that full night's sleep right, But 324 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: you will rest easier if you know your baby is 325 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: sleeping safely, if not soundly, and that means doing absolutely everything. 326 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,919 Speaker 1: Experts recommend to minimize the risk of SIDS or sudden 327 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,400 Speaker 1: infant death syndrome. This is the must do stuff. And 328 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: you know it's important when I say it's must do, 329 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: because there's so little must do in my book, literally, 330 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,919 Speaker 1: But when it comes to safe sleep, it must do 331 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,440 Speaker 1: and safely. It starts with the right position right from 332 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: the start. Flat on his back, not on his side, 333 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 1: not on his tummy, not at a semi recline like 334 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: in a swing or in a car seat. Flat on 335 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 1: his back is flat out the safest way for a 336 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:26,440 Speaker 1: baby to sleep. A pacifier for sleep is really also protective. 337 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 1: That's what the research shows. If your baby will take one, 338 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: if he doesn't take a passie, you don't have to 339 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 1: stress out. Location also matters. Safest place for your baby 340 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 1: to sleep is in your room, next your bed, but 341 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: not in your bed. So being close to a parent 342 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,159 Speaker 1: during sleep we know is protective against it. Mind you, 343 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: nobody is going to sleep soundly that way, least of 344 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: all you, what with all those baby noises and startles 345 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: and tossing and turning. But baby will sleep more safely, 346 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: and that's what it's all about. Safe sleep space, A bassinet, 347 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: a pack and play with, a as it insert, or 348 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,680 Speaker 1: a crib are all safe for sleep, assuming they're new, 349 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: they've passed safety requirements, no old models or ones that 350 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: might have been recalled, and definitely no antiques. Unsafe sleep 351 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 1: spaces are unfortunately baby's favorites. So and I hear this 352 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: all the time from mom's My baby loves sleeping in 353 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: a doctat I know we're not supposed to put the 354 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,199 Speaker 1: baby in in the docatad for sleep, but that's the 355 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: only place my baby will sleep. Loungers, nest docatots, poppies, 356 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 1: all of those are fun for hanging out, but not 357 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: for sleep, and baby sleep way better in those spaces 358 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,840 Speaker 1: because they're so super cozy, but they are not safe. 359 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: And the same thing for swings or seats or rock 360 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 1: and plays, and those have been recalled for that reason. 361 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: Anything that puts baby at a semi recline. Yes, babies 362 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: will not offer them, absolutely because they love that motion, 363 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,959 Speaker 1: and some babies will sleep in them given the opportunity 364 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: for hours at a time. But for safety's sake, as 365 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: soon as you can move a baby into a safe 366 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: sleep space if they fallen asleep in a swing or 367 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: in a seat, and don't let babies nap in those. 368 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,920 Speaker 1: You notice when a newborn is in that position, their 369 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,640 Speaker 1: heads flopped forward and that can lead to their airway 370 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: being blocked, and it can also lead to tightening of 371 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: the neck muscles called tora colis. So definitely none of that. 372 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 1: And also no sleeping on so fuzz even if you're 373 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: sitting nearby and you think your baby can't roll over yet, 374 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: so why not put them on the sofa they'll sleep better. No, no, no, 375 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: no armchairs, no bean bag chairs. And don't forget my motto. 376 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: This is something I taught Lennox when he was about 377 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: to become a big brother, and he loved repeating it. 378 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: What goes in the crib nothing but the baby. Nothing 379 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: in that safe sleep space. Otherwise it's not a safe 380 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 1: sleep space anymore. No pillows, no positioners, no blankets, no 381 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: rolled up blankets as positioners, no blankets. It's for a 382 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,639 Speaker 1: tight swaddle, and no swaddles at all once you have 383 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,920 Speaker 1: a baby Houdini who can escape from the hoose, because 384 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 1: loose bedding is also unsafe. And no soft toys, no wedges, 385 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,439 Speaker 1: no bumpers, just a baby flat on his back on 386 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:21,479 Speaker 1: a firm, tight fitting mattress covered by a tight fitting sheet. 387 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: I did listen to you about all this stuff. I 388 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: didn't have a docta talk. I didn't have any of that, 389 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: And those are fine to have to clarify. If you 390 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: use a doctop for lounging, that's perfectly fine. That's great 391 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: as long is they're awake or you're supervising, but don't 392 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 1: let them sleep in it. And also if there's a 393 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: chance that you're gonna fall asleep with your baby and 394 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: one of those things, that's also a risk. Okay, so 395 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: what if you fall asleep with your baby on top 396 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 1: of you. We all have picture of our husband's sleeping 397 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: with the baby on top of them because it's just 398 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:07,359 Speaker 1: oh so precious. I love them, And that's totally fine 399 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: if you're awake and taking that picture of the baby 400 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: is sleeping on dad. Yeah, you know, it's so tempting. 401 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: It is so hard not to fall asleep when you're 402 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 1: so tired your baby's on top of you. Breastfeeding moms 403 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: especially because the breastfeeding hormones make you so so sleepy, 404 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: so it happens. It's gonna happen, But it's much safer 405 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 1: to put your baby down in that safe sleep spot 406 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: as soon as you can before you fall asleep and 407 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 1: no matter where you're sleeping, but especially on a sofa 408 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: or recliner. What happens with that sometimes this baby can 409 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:46,440 Speaker 1: fall off or become entrapped, and that's super dangerous, especially 410 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: well clearly if you're sleeping. And I know, I know, 411 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,120 Speaker 1: it's the best feeling in the world to have a sweet, 412 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: sticky baby on your chest or in your arms, but 413 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: it's just too risky to take that chance. I mean, 414 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 1: what about co sleeping? Is there right way and the 415 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: wrong way? You know I did it, and I know 416 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 1: you did. You told me not to. I didn't listen, 417 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,199 Speaker 1: which is not a massive surprise, you know. But the 418 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: thing is, the term co sleeping is actually confusing. It's 419 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: way more accurate to say room sharing versus bed sharing. Now, 420 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 1: room sharing is recommended for preventing SIDS, completely recommended, but 421 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 1: bed sharing is not recommended. And I know a lot 422 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: of people say you can do it safely, but the 423 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: AP and all other experts, most of other experts are 424 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: not going to agree with that. There are lots of 425 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,000 Speaker 1: tight spaces that a baby can be come and trapped in. 426 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: And also if you could be sure that nobody would 427 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,720 Speaker 1: roll over during the night like a heavy sleeper might 428 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: and moms do sleep much more lightly around their babies 429 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: in general. That's what the research shows, but it's just 430 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: not something experts want you to risk. There are so 431 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:02,919 Speaker 1: many variables and it's really hard to completely modify or 432 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 1: control all of them to make bed sharing safe. Once again, 433 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 1: I get it, I totally get it. If I'm gonna 434 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 1: be honest, there is nothing in the world I'd rather 435 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 1: sleep with, sorry Eric, than a sweet smelling bundle of baby. 436 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,360 Speaker 1: But as tempting as it is and convenient for feeding, 437 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: because babies right there and can nip as they want to, 438 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: you gotta put safety first. Okay, but how can you 439 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: get them to sleep? Should we swaddle? Should we use 440 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,880 Speaker 1: white noise? What about putting them down the sleep these 441 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: are see? For me, I'm team white noise. I can't 442 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:43,640 Speaker 1: sleep without a white noise machine. My kids can't sleep. Yeah, 443 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 1: I know, I know, And there's a good reason. Fat 444 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,480 Speaker 1: babies are creatures of comfort, and they're creatures of habit, 445 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: and that's especially true when it comes to sleep. They 446 00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 1: are comforted by what they are used to, and what 447 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: they're used to is being in I'm gonna say it 448 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 1: again that womb cocoon. No, not the womb cocoon. They're 449 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 1: all snug and they're tightly wrapped and they have very 450 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 1: little room, so they can't move around and they're in 451 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,640 Speaker 1: a fetal position, and by the time they're moving closer 452 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:16,399 Speaker 1: to the exit, they really can't. They have no space 453 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 1: at all, and so tight spaces are there their happy place, 454 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: not wide open spaces. And that's why so many of 455 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: them enjoy being swaddled, not at all. Every baby is different. 456 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 1: Some prefer their hands or their feet to be free, 457 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: but for most, you know, it's a wrap. It's a wrap, 458 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: sleep sack, hybrid sleepsack, swaddle, those are great too. They'll 459 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 1: also prefer a smaller sleep space, so a cradle or 460 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: a bassinet or a bassinet insert at first is way 461 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: better than a crib for sleep if you can get 462 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 1: one now. Motion motion. It's not realistic for you to 463 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: keep up rocking around the clocks, but when you rock 464 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 1: a baby to sleep in the early months, that's absolutely 465 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,719 Speaker 1: fine because they're used to that. It's comforting, and especially 466 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 1: during the day when you're moving around, they're used to 467 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,120 Speaker 1: that movement, and bassnets that rock can help you keep 468 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 1: that motion going after you put your baby down. There 469 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,800 Speaker 1: are also some high tech versions that come with high 470 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 1: price tags. My worry about those is that they are electronics, 471 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: so they keep rocking on their own. The thing about 472 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 1: that is they can be super addictive and super expensive, 473 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: and some babies end up hating all of that motion. 474 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: And that's after you've already laid down the big box 475 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: for the basternet. Something else babies are used to, and 476 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 1: now we're getting to the white noise. They are used 477 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: to sleeping with noise. And you think the uterus would 478 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: be a pretty quiet place, but it's actually louder than 479 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,679 Speaker 1: you would expect. There's your heartbeat, the gurgling of your 480 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: tummy from all of that gas, the sound of your voice, 481 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: other sounds around the house, like dogs barking, laurence honking. 482 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 1: If you live in a city, so a newborn is 483 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,360 Speaker 1: likely to sleep better. One is not completely quiet with 484 00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 1: white noise machine, a fan going, saw music, or a 485 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:05,439 Speaker 1: soother that imitates uterine or heartbeat sounds. Now you know, 486 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: people say, well, should you keep the house quiet when 487 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: baby sleeping? You can try to minimize lots of extra 488 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,200 Speaker 1: extraneous background noise, but the reality is they're going to 489 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: have an easier time sleeping when they're older if they 490 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,720 Speaker 1: can sleep through your phone ringing or the doorbell ringing 491 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,159 Speaker 1: than if they were used to complete quiet. So what 492 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: about not putting them down asleep? That's what I did 493 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: with Len and Sevy, always awake when I put them down. 494 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,240 Speaker 1: So you're talking about trying to put them down awake 495 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 1: instead of asleep. Correct the idea that they need to 496 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 1: fall asleep on their own. Yeah, it is so so 497 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: hard for young babies not to fall asleep when they're feeding. 498 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: I mean it's almost I would say it's almost impossible. 499 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: So it's not as easy as saying, oh, I'll just 500 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: put my baby down awake and that way he'll learn 501 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: to fall asleep. So I mean that is ideal, but 502 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: it's not super realistic. Listen, any chance that you can 503 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,479 Speaker 1: do that and put them down drowsy. You want them 504 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: drowsy but still a little bit awake so they can 505 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 1: travel the last few inches to dreamland on their own, 506 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: and you know your baby will, as a creature of 507 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 1: comfort and habit, get used to any of those comforting 508 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: habits that you've created, the feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep. 509 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: I wouldn't worry about that. As long as you kick 510 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: those sleep crutches by the time you reach the six 511 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: month mark, it's really all good. And you know then 512 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: there's always the question. This was an issue for me 513 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 1: constantly when you were a baby, Will she stay asleep 514 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 1: once I put her down? And the answer is it's 515 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: pretty dicey. I do that with you. When you were 516 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 1: a baby. I'd rock rock, rock, rock rock. It would 517 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: take all that rocking effort. You finally asleep. I'd say 518 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: a prayer, I'd rock some more. I'd say another prayer, 519 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 1: and then I would try to stop breathing right and 520 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: I ever so gently put you down, and the moment 521 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: you would hit the mattress gently because I was super 522 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: gentle with you, you'd wake right up. I swear I'm 523 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: getting anxiety just talking about that right now. I'm getting 524 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: anxiety hearing it. It's so hard, and this is one 525 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: of the problems that a lot of moms have. For me, 526 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: it was probably had a lot to do with the 527 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: fact that my arms are so short, so having a 528 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 1: mattress that's a little bit higher up, if you're vertically 529 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: challenged like me, that could help. And also a rocking bassonet. 530 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 1: We didn't have a rocking bassonet. But when you put 531 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,480 Speaker 1: them down and then rock a little bit, do some shishing, 532 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: and hopefully they'll fall back asleep. When should we put 533 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 1: our baby on a sleep schedule? And what exactly should 534 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: that newborn sleep routine look like. So again, we're we 535 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,760 Speaker 1: are taking baby steps the road to sleeping through the night. 536 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: Let's just say it might be a long and winding 537 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: road in some homes. But the first steps on the road, 538 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: no matter where it leads and how long it takes, 539 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: are good sleep habits and a good sleep routine. So 540 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 1: before we dig in, I've got to clarify. A sleep 541 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:21,400 Speaker 1: routine is not a sleep schedule. Newborn babies don't have schedules, 542 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: and they're not supposed to have schedules. They might start 543 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,840 Speaker 1: to fall into some kind of pattern of sleep on 544 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 1: their own, and they might not, because again, every baby 545 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: is different, and some babies, by nature they're more regular 546 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: and others are by nature more irregular. But it's not 547 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: something that we as parents can or should impose on 548 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: them in the first few months. The only exception is, 549 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: as we mentioned before, waking up a baby when it's 550 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: time for a feet if they've gone too long without one, 551 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: or encouraging a little extra daytime play to help a 552 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,240 Speaker 1: baby distinguish between days and nights. But beyond that, you 553 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: do not want to mess with those natural cycles. Now, 554 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: once babies two or three months old, you might start 555 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 1: to notice a rhythm, if not a full on pattern 556 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 1: to waking and sleeping. So it's not going to be 557 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: a schedule, but it'll be a little bit more of 558 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: a predictable pattern. Sleep, wake, eat, sleep, wake, eat sleep. 559 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,720 Speaker 1: But the periods of wake time, hopefully they'll come more 560 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: often during the day, are gradually going to grow, and 561 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: as baby becomes more alert and more sociable and way 562 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 1: way more fun to play with. But even a three 563 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,680 Speaker 1: months old is so active and engaged and sociable and 564 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,960 Speaker 1: smiling and you know, starting to giggle. They'll still be 565 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 1: sleeping upwards of fourteen even sixteen hours a day. It's 566 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: just that they're doing slightly longer stretches than a newborn, 567 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,640 Speaker 1: and hopefully those stretches will come at night. Now, sleep routines, 568 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 1: that is a can do, and it should do. It's 569 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: not a must do because we have very few of those, 570 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: but you can start doing it right from the start 571 00:32:55,880 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 1: on the plus side a predictable bedtime routine. It's easy 572 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 1: to establish soothing on both sides. It's best of all, 573 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 1: the long term payoff potential is huge. You have a 574 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 1: baby who hopefully comes to anticipate bedtime and associate the 575 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: routine with falling asleep, and ultimately, one day or one 576 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 1: night in the future, hopefully not too too too far 577 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 1: distant future, they fall asleep on their own. But again, 578 00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: babies are creatures of habit and comfort, and what a 579 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: bedtime routine does it creates a comforting habit that's so 580 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: consistent it becomes routine. You have a predictable series of 581 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 1: steps that gently apply the breaks to a baby's mind 582 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: and body, and it starts to clue baby in the 583 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 1: bedtime is the time to stop buzzing and start getting sleepy, 584 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,040 Speaker 1: and hopefully it lays down a foundation for that childhood 585 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: of of happy bedtimes and healthy sleep, and that at 586 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: least is the long term goal. Keep it simple, keep 587 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 1: it consistent. A warm gass or even a sponge bath 588 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: if you're not doing a nightly bath, low lights, soft music, 589 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: a mellow vibe, turn off the TV, turn off the 590 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,279 Speaker 1: notifications on your phone, a massage, and you can use 591 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 1: lavender scented lotion to get them extra sleepy, quiet cuddles, 592 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,400 Speaker 1: even a story. And yes, you can start reading to 593 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,839 Speaker 1: your baby on the first night, just to get into 594 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: the habit. Some rocking, some lullabies, shishing, and then fingers 595 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:35,600 Speaker 1: crossed sleep. Okay, so i'ma you're a tired mom, perpetually tired. 596 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: What's your best advice to those tired moms out there. 597 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,719 Speaker 1: I want you to understand that I even when they're 598 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 1: out of the house, you're always going to have that 599 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,879 Speaker 1: mom worries. So no matter what age they are, you're 600 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,680 Speaker 1: going to be concerned and you're gonna they're your kids. 601 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,800 Speaker 1: So just know that you will never sleep like before 602 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 1: you had children. That's a cherry thought. I think the 603 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: ultimate irony is once they start sleeping through the night, 604 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: you've already lost that ability for a lifetime exactly. So 605 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,800 Speaker 1: we're going to be the same. But it will get better, moms, 606 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: it will get better. We'll get better. It's a new normal. 607 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 1: It's the new normal, and you'll get used to it. 608 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 1: You golfed, ask who needs sleep? You got a coffee, 609 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,800 Speaker 1: You're fine, You're gonna get some sleep. Don't listen to Emma, 610 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 1: here's the safe and comfy sleeping Baby Belove, my baby Belove. 611 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 1: I need you, Oh how I need you. Thanks for listening. 612 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:42,080 Speaker 1: Remember I'm always here for you. What to Expect is 613 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 1: always here for you. We're all in this together. For 614 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 1: more on what you heard on today's episode, visit what 615 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,359 Speaker 1: to Expect dot com slash podcast. You can also check 616 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 1: out What to Expect when You're Expecting, What to Expect 617 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 1: the First Year, and the What to Expect app. And 618 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,880 Speaker 1: we want to hear from you. Connect with us on 619 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: our community message board or on our social media. You 620 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 1: can find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma 621 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 1: Being wt E and of course at What to Expect. 622 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:18,440 Speaker 1: Baby Love is performed by Riley Peterer. What to Expect 623 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,840 Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. From more shows 624 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: from I Heart Radio, check out the I heart Radio app, 625 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows 626 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: in my Arms, what Don't You Stay? Leja Nieda Baby 627 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,360 Speaker 1: Boo Baby