1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: Tragically, one of our moms ended up being killed by 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: an ex boyfriend in a domestic violence incident, and it 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: was just a terrible situation that I'm mad at God, 4 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: I'm mad at our community. I'm like, who's doing anything 5 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: about this? Why isn't there somebody doing something about this? 6 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: John I'll sake. That was kind of the moment when 7 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 1: God's like, well, what if somebody is you? 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 2: Oh? 9 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 3: You mean who is somebody? I think we say that 10 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 3: a lot. Who is somebody? How to do something about that? 11 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: What if you're not somebody? And I knew it was 12 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 1: a calling. I was super excited about this whole idea 13 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: of what if we start something for teen moms because 14 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,199 Speaker 1: there isn't a place for teen moms to go in 15 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: the Denver metro area after twenty three years, where the 16 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: only residential program that a parenting teenage mom can go to. 17 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 3: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. 18 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 3: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father, 19 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 3: I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm a football coach in inner 20 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 3: city Memphis. And that last part unintentionally led to an 21 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 3: oscar for the film about one of my teams. 22 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 2: That movie is called Undefeated. 23 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 3: I believe our country's problems are never going to be 24 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 3: solved by a bunch of fancy people and nice suits 25 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 3: using big words that nobody ever uses on CNN and Fox, 26 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 3: but rather by an army of normal folks. That's us, 27 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 3: just you and me deciding, Hey, you know what, maybe 28 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,960 Speaker 3: I can help. That's what Lisa Steven, the voice you 29 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 3: just heard, has done. Lisa is a former teen mom 30 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 3: who went on to build the only home for teen 31 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 3: moms in the entire state of Colorado, and their resource 32 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 3: center serves over two hundred and eighty teen moms per 33 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 3: year with free empowerment programs and early childhood education, and 34 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 3: now three other communities have adopted their model. 35 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 2: I cannot wait for you to meet Lisa. 36 00:01:51,040 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 3: Right after these grief messages from our general sponsors. 37 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 2: Lisa Stephen, Welcome to Memphis. 38 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 4: Well, thank you. 39 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 2: Where the heck is our? Where are you from? Arvada? 40 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: With Arvada, Colorado? Just west of Denver, just a suburb 41 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: of Denver. 42 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,519 Speaker 2: Suburb of Denver, got it? 43 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 3: Well, thanks for being here, Thanks for coming all that way. 44 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 3: You've got somebody hitched to your post over there? 45 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: Who's that I do my husband almost forty years in February. 46 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 4: That's my husband. 47 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 3: Congratulations, that's awesome. Hey John, thanks for thanks for making 48 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 3: a truck with her. 49 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 2: It's good to meet you. So you guys got here 50 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 2: about three days ago. 51 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 4: We did. We're well, if we're going to get invited 52 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 4: to Memphis, we got. 53 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 2: To see Memphis. What's going on in Memphis? 54 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: So Alex offered to do a potlock and give us 55 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: pulled porky made all by himself. 56 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 4: Was amazing. 57 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 3: That's you know, it's almost sacrilegious that a dude from 58 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 3: Chicago to Memphis and cooks pork. 59 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: But maybe the cultures weren't off on him. How was it? 60 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 4: I think? 61 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: So it was the best meal we've had, really really 62 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: good for you. 63 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 5: You slow cook it for twelve hours. You beat any restaurant. 64 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 2: That's it. You slow cook it. What'd you base? Did 65 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 2: you season it or based it? What did you do? Yeah? 66 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 5: It's got a rub. So my one of my best 67 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 5: friends is like an expert chef. So he's like really 68 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 5: figured out this special. 69 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 2: Rub and he gave it to you. 70 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 5: Oh yeah, so I know how to make it now, 71 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 5: this rub? 72 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 2: I bet it was? Yeah, Well that's good. Thanks for 73 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 2: not screwing it up for our guest. 74 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 5: I invited you to come. You missed out on my barbecue. 75 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like there was a game like old 76 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 4: miss game. 77 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, there was everywhere with Max. 78 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 5: We're at the game. 79 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, we took care of South Carolina as 80 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 3: we should. 81 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 2: All right, So what are you stay in Memphis? 82 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 4: We were at the Arrived Hotel, which was fabulous. 83 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 5: I told them both options to be clear, Bill, and 84 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 5: they chose there, and I said, it's my favorite though, 85 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 5: but they chose He. 86 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 4: Did okay, and he had a discount that sealed the deal. 87 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 2: So what did you do Memphis? What'd you drag John 88 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:01,839 Speaker 2: around doing? 89 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: Well, we took all the advice of the people at 90 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: the potluck. So we went to the Bass Pro Shop 91 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,119 Speaker 1: and went in that free standing elevator. 92 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 4: Scared me to death. 93 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 2: People think pass Pro Shop, but this is a different experience. 94 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: It is a different experience. It's like an amusement parking there. 95 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: Went to Shelby Farms at dinner. 96 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 2: There, biggest nicipal park in the United States. 97 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: Yes, we went to the Civil Rights Museum. We're staying 98 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: right across from that. 99 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 2: Was very the civil amazing. 100 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was amazing, super educational, just did some driving around, 101 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 1: went to a brewery. 102 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 2: Good. Yeah, cool. Well, I'm glad. I hope you've enjoyed Memphis. 103 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: Oh man, it's so cool. It's very different than anywhere 104 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: I've been before. 105 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 4: Very well. We went to Beale Street too. It wasn't crowded. 106 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 3: It was like quiet Friday or Saturn on Saturday, Saturday 107 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 3: during the fall. We don't have a lot of professional 108 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 3: football here, right, you got Atlanta and you've got Tennessee 109 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 3: Titans in Nashville, but that's it. The next the next 110 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 3: team's Dallas. So the Mid South, the Deep Delta South. 111 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:07,359 Speaker 3: We're college people, yes you are. So on Saturdays, Oh. 112 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 4: There was football. That's why it was playing. 113 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 3: In Athens or Oxford or Starkville or Vandy or up 114 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 3: at Columbia, Missouri, or Fayettevilla in Arkansas. 115 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 2: Are down at Baton Rouge. We're going over to Auburn. 116 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 3: Or Tuscalos for Alabama. So the city and then so 117 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: it's Friday and Sunday on the weekends from the fall 118 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 3: that are busy, but then after the fall it's to 119 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 3: set it on. But anyway, did you go in any 120 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,280 Speaker 3: of the bars did you check out? 121 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 1: But we went, well, we didn't go in there. We 122 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: went into Absinthe and it was like dead. So we 123 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: sat at the bar and just talked to the to 124 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: the bartender. It was so fun. Yeah, he had played basketball. 125 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,720 Speaker 1: He was telling us about his basketball career. 126 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 2: It was a greaol place. 127 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was cool. 128 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 2: Well good. 129 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,679 Speaker 3: And Memphis is different because we're such an old city. 130 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 3: Not many people know, Like in nineteen sixty Memphis was 131 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 3: the fifth largest city in the country, So it's it's 132 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 3: a big city, a cool downtown and there's a lot 133 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 3: to do, but it's got to kind of old school 134 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 3: vibe to it. And for all everybody who goes and 135 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 3: joys it says the exact same thing. 136 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 2: I've just never been in place like it. 137 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 4: It's the architecture is crazy. It's really cool. 138 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 2: It's pretty. 139 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: A lot of cool National Historical Register buildings that we 140 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: walked by. 141 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 2: Actually live in one. Oh really, my house is on 142 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: the Register of Historic Places. So we're I live in 143 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 2: a place called Central Gardens, which is back in the 144 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 2: late eighteen hundreds early nineteen hundreds was the country. Now 145 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 2: it's center city, and so all those houses were built 146 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 2: one hundred years ago. There's a bunch of them that 147 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: were protected on the National Register back in the seventies 148 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 2: when people are trying to rip old stuff down and 149 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: put up apartments, yep. So to protect the area, they 150 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 2: put a ton of the houses on the National Register. 151 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 2: And yeah, so very cool. 152 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 4: Up keep probably one hundred year old house. 153 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 3: It's horrible, it's but Lisa likes it. So I do 154 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: as I say as I'm told. 155 00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 4: It's good. 156 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 2: All right. So I'm so glad you got to enjoy 157 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 2: our city. 158 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 3: And I could sit and talk about I'm a native 159 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 3: Memphion and I love my town. And the press does 160 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 3: a really good job of trying to highlight all the 161 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 3: bad things about every city, right, and everybody who comes 162 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 3: here feel safe, loves the people, loves architecture, loves the vibe, 163 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 3: loves the energy and the culture, and leaves saying, hey, 164 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 3: Memphis is a cool place, and it just takes more 165 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 3: people to. 166 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 2: Get here to see. 167 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 4: Come on people, come on down to memphisis yeah. 168 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 2: That's right, if you ever come back. 169 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 3: Come in May, the World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest and 170 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 3: one weekend and then the next weekend is Riverbeat, which 171 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 3: is along Tom Lee park along the river or stage 172 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 3: is set up and there's five or six acts going on, 173 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 3: and then it ends with the Memphis Symphony and it's 174 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 3: just really cool. So enough of that, let's get into you. 175 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 3: You are the founder of Hope House, Colorado and the 176 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 3: author of A Place to Belong, the true story of 177 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 3: a teen mom, a humbling leadership journey, and a house 178 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 3: called Hope. When I read it, when Alex sent me 179 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 3: your prep and I read that, I immediately knew, Okay, 180 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 3: I'm going to enjoy this. 181 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 2: Okay, I gotta be careful. 182 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 3: I enjoy all of our guests, some of them I 183 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 3: dive into more personally, and I knew I was going 184 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 3: to like this, So we'll get to it. But Germane 185 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,719 Speaker 3: to all of that is absolutely how you grew up, 186 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 3: how you met John Yea and honestly, the person I'm 187 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 3: going to call the hero of your life, which might 188 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 3: have been your mother in law, which I find really 189 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 3: in But I don't believe none of what you do 190 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 3: now happens without how you grew up and what your 191 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 3: world was. So I think it's important to kind of 192 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: briefly explain your background, where you came from, how he 193 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:03,680 Speaker 3: came up why and then uh, then we'll get into 194 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 3: uh what evolved, and then now what you're doing, which 195 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 3: is phenomenal. So tell me about you, Yeah, tell me 196 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 3: about young Lisa. By the way, So if I say Lisa, right, 197 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,960 Speaker 3: so that's good me, John, I'm not talking about your 198 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 3: wife about mine, all right? 199 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 2: So there we love it right. 200 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,839 Speaker 1: Well. I will say writing the book, a good bit 201 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: of writing the book was about what happens when you 202 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: say yes to God. And I didn't want to write 203 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 1: the book. So saying yester to God to write the 204 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: book was was a biggie for me because I didn't 205 00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: ever talk about my background or my past. 206 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 4: I talked about being a mom. Yeah, this was the 207 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,079 Speaker 4: first time ever. Yeah. 208 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 2: Shame. 209 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: Yeah that it just felt so personal and kind of private. 210 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 3: And I didn't talk about my upbringing openly until probably 211 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 3: my mid thirties. 212 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 4: Well so you get it. Yeah, it just it's so funny. 213 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 2: It was for me, it was shame. 214 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 4: Yeah. 215 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,520 Speaker 3: I was ashamed when I was in circles of people 216 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 3: that I respected. Yeah, and I heard the stories of 217 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 3: their beaver cleaver, wonderfully organic lives. I felt ashamed. Yeah, 218 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 3: And so I hid that part of me until I 219 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 3: started to understand that the reason I am who I 220 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 3: am is because that's such a big part of me, 221 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 3: and then I had to I had to embrace it. 222 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 4: But so true. 223 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: Well, and I think there was a lot of like, 224 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: just my dad died in twenty sixteen, and there was 225 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: a lot that I couldn't have written the book when 226 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 1: he was alive, because even when you grew up in 227 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: a home that's you know, an abuse of home life, 228 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: you still love your parents. 229 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 4: You still want your parents to be proud of you. 230 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,599 Speaker 2: So hard for people to understand that. 231 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, Like, there was a lot of stuff I 232 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: just couldn't have said while he was still alive because 233 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: it would have been so hard for him to hear 234 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: and hurtful for him. And you know, even when you 235 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: don't have a great relationship, you don't want to you 236 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: don't want to step on. 237 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 2: Your folks and not if you have empathy. 238 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: No, yeah, I guess not if you have empathy. But yeah, 239 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: I grew up in a pretty had a household. My 240 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: dad was an alcoholic, didn't work a lot of the time. 241 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: He and my mom had pretty major, you know, big 242 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: blow ups, and I pretty much felt like I was 243 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: the kind of the protector and provider for my younger siblings. 244 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,959 Speaker 4: I was the oldest of four and. 245 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: Two the twins for a year behind you. 246 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 4: Yep, yeah, really close. My poor mom. 247 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: I look back now, I'm like, you do not have 248 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,559 Speaker 1: empathy until you have your own children. But she had 249 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: four kids under the age of three. So she had 250 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: me a year later, almost to the day, had twins, 251 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: and then a year after that had another baby. 252 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 3: Look, that's the worst I've heard beyond ours. Our kids 253 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 3: are four to three, two and one. 254 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,319 Speaker 4: Oh man, Yeah, you did it right. 255 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,559 Speaker 3: So we had four and four years and your mom 256 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,439 Speaker 3: had four and three, and it is. 257 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 4: What a challenge. 258 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,959 Speaker 3: Wouldn't change anything in our life with our children and 259 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 3: what it ended up being. But boy, when you're young, 260 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 3: it's rough. I can only imagine your mom. 261 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 4: Yeah, me too. 262 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: You know you don't have any You don't think about 263 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: it when you're a kid, but then when you grow 264 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: up and you have children, it's like, how did no wonder? 265 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 4: She yelled a lot, like we must have driven her bananas. 266 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: But but yeah, so it was a typically I say, 267 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 1: I grew up feeling like I was walking on eggshells. 268 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: You were kind of just always waiting for you know, 269 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 1: something not good to happen, and then very unfortunately, my 270 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: my little brother. So there were myself and then my 271 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: brother and sister were twins, and then our youngest sister, Jenny, 272 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,439 Speaker 1: and my brother Chris died in a backyard accident. He 273 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:35,080 Speaker 1: tied my jump rope to our swing set and got 274 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 1: his neck caught in it somehow and unfortunately passed away 275 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: when he was six and I was about seven. 276 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 3: Seven. 277 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was a it was. 278 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: A defining moment in our family's life. I think my 279 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: parents were pretty they were rough before that, but they 280 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: were really broken after that and just pretty much no 281 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 1: hope for. 282 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 2: Their did do when he worked. 283 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: Uh, you know, the thing was my dad was so smart. 284 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: He such a you know, waste of talent and brain power. 285 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 1: He went to school of Minds to become a geologist. 286 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: And unfortunately, when my brother died, he was about I 287 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: think he was maybe a year away from graduating and 288 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 1: he dropped out of school at that point. So he 289 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: kind of I mean, honestly, he didn't do something in 290 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: the you know in quotation marks. There was no like 291 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: career path that he had. It was kind of sometimes 292 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 1: he worked at it. Once he worked at a paint store. 293 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: Another time he was working at a it was like 294 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: a linens doing laundry at a linen's place, Like he 295 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: just kind of did jobs. So well, no, he never 296 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: earned Well, yeah, we were on what you called food 297 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: stamps back then, and my mom would make we called 298 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 1: it she called it magic milk, but it was essentially 299 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: powdered milk, which tasted terrible. So she would put like 300 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 1: a little drop of food coloring in the bottom of 301 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,959 Speaker 1: your cup and then pour the water into the milk 302 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: and so it would turn color while you know, while 303 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: she was pouring it. So she got us to drink 304 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: our milk by calling it made milk. But but yeah, 305 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 1: we were uh, you know, off and on on you know, 306 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: food stamps, and they were just borrowing money from their 307 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,079 Speaker 1: folks all the time. 308 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,680 Speaker 4: I'm assuming to pay the rent. 309 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 3: Did what did the arguments stem from that you grew 310 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 3: up constantly barged with And was it ever taken out 311 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 3: on you or more just your mom? 312 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 2: And I don't think it's just your mom. 313 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, that's I mean, actually that's really intuitive question. 314 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 4: It was my dad primarily. 315 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: Was he was just an angry guy and when my 316 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: when they were together, it was pretty much directed at 317 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: my mom. After they got divorced, it was directed primarily 318 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: at me, sometimes my sisters, but someone who's just got 319 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: you know, those kinds of anger issues. They're they're kind 320 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: of always aiming at somewhere. But the funny thing was like, 321 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: when he was in public, he was charming, like people 322 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: loved him. He would could talk to anybody, and uh, 323 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 1: and I think that's maybe not that uncommon, it's but 324 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: behind closed doors it was kind of a different a 325 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: different story. Like a lot of the things that make 326 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: you such an engaging and energetic person can also be 327 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: things that can be turned differently. 328 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 4: When you're at home. 329 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 1: And something sets you off and you kind of never knew. 330 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: And actually that was one of the things that was 331 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: hard when we first got married because John's parents didn't 332 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: really fight ever in front of the kids, almost never 333 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 1: fought in front of the kids, and so he grew 334 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 1: up thinking that parents don't fight, and I grew up 335 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: thinking you fought over who put the manaise on what 336 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: shelf and the refrigerator. So I would start these fights 337 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: and he'd be like, why are we fighting about this? 338 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: Like we had to figure out you didn't have to 339 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: fight about where the man is. 340 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 3: That's an interesting part of the story is that folks 341 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 3: who haven't grown up in trauma don't understand that that 342 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 3: trauma becomes common and normal, and then it's kind of 343 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 3: how you expect to act in life when you become 344 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,760 Speaker 3: an adult, and the very thing that you hate the 345 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 3: most you can become if you're not careful. 346 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 4: Yeah. 347 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: Man, we talk about that all the time at Hope House, 348 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: because I mean, you do what you've seen done, You 349 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: behave in a way that you've seen modeled. So if 350 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: you monkey do exactly if you haven't seen something modeled. 351 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: Which is why my mother in law is such a 352 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: hero in my life, because my in laws modeled for 353 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: us something different. They modeled healthy parenting and healthy relationship 354 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 1: and healthy marriage and faith, and that was different than 355 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: how I had grown up. 356 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 3: And now a few messages from our gender sponsors, But first, 357 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 3: I hope you'll consider signing up to join the army 358 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 3: at normal Folks dot us. By signing up, you'll receive 359 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 3: a weekly email with short episodes summaries in case you 360 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 3: happen to miss an episode or if you prefer reading 361 00:16:46,760 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 3: about our incredible guests we'll be right back. So there 362 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 3: was one night that I think really matters. After your 363 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 3: brother died, you guys moved to Wyoming, I think, and 364 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 3: there was a night that your dad chased your mom 365 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:20,360 Speaker 3: around Jarles house trailer because he was jealous, and that 366 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 3: kind of set off a string events that changed things. 367 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:23,679 Speaker 2: Tell us about that. 368 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, he you know, when he was not drinking, he 369 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,440 Speaker 1: was not maybe the most friendly, but when he was drinking, 370 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,160 Speaker 1: he kind of didn't even know what he was doing. 371 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: And by the time we moved to Wyoming after my 372 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: brother died. 373 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 2: He was working on where did your brother die? Where 374 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 2: we live? 375 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: We lived in wheat Ridge, Colorado, so another suburb of Denver. 376 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 2: Did you go to Wyoming for work? 377 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 4: Yeah? 378 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,359 Speaker 1: He got a job on an oil rig, which he hated. 379 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 1: He didn't like the work, he didn't love the people 380 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: that he was around. I think he was just generally 381 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: unhappy and honestly, he. 382 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 4: Was just sad. 383 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 1: I mean, my brother's death just was I figured out 384 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,640 Speaker 1: in life. You know how terribly devastating that was for him, 385 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,239 Speaker 1: and I think he rapped up she didn't. You know. 386 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: The interesting thing is I actually never heard them fight 387 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: about my brother's death, like they thought about dumb stuff, 388 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 1: but they never They really kind of managed to get 389 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: through the briefly there for you know, maybe six months 390 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:25,880 Speaker 1: after his passing, they managed to get through that without 391 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: I think they kind of retreated into their separate corners 392 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: and just were trying to breathe and survive. But once 393 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: we moved to Wyoming, it was kind of all all 394 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: bets were off. He was just kind of off his 395 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: rocker by the time we got there. Yeah, he so 396 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 1: he never wanted my mom to work, even though I mean, 397 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,640 Speaker 1: he had a real issue with jealousy, and I think 398 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: he thought if my mom worked, she'd meet somebody else 399 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 1: or something like that. So he never wanted her to work. 400 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: But when we moved to Wyoming, we were in a 401 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: situation where they needed the two incomes, and so she 402 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 1: got a at the elementary school. And I don't know 403 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: what he was thinking, or I mean, I don't think 404 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 1: my mom ever cheated on my dad, but he had 405 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: something in his head about something that was going on 406 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: at the school and decided to, you know, start a 407 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 1: big fight about it. And there was one in particular 408 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: night where he brought I was helping my mom peel 409 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 1: potatoes at the kitchen table. 410 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 4: So I saw him come. 411 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 1: Into the trailer from the shed outside with I think 412 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 1: it was my grandpa's shotgun and it was wrapped up 413 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,919 Speaker 1: in a blank or like a towel, and took it 414 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: in the bedroom and stuck it in the bedroom. And 415 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: that next morning my mom essentially didn't let us go 416 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: to school, and we got on a bus and left Limean, Wyoming. 417 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 2: And do you think he was capable? 418 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think unfortunately, the truth would have been the like, 419 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 1: we would have been one of those headlines where somebody 420 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: does something terrible and then turns the gun on themselves 421 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: because he was he could get he would be in 422 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: a state of mind where he didn't really know what 423 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,919 Speaker 1: he was doing. Anger was really kind of running the show. 424 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,400 Speaker 4: And so that was. 425 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, unfortunately, I think probably my mom was right to 426 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: pack us up and get us out of there. I 427 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 1: was thirteen, and then my sister was twelve and eleven, So. 428 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 3: Eleven and twelve year old little girls yep, trying to 429 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 3: get through life, living with nothing but chaos and arguments. Yeah, 430 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 3: I can't imagine at that age you didn't share with 431 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 3: your sister's dad walked in with a gun. 432 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 4: Uh No, I did not tell them. 433 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:35,880 Speaker 2: No. 434 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: I mean again, I was sort of the I was 435 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,239 Speaker 1: probably more of the mom figure than my mom was 436 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, and so I was protecting them. Yeah, 437 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: I mean there were was not infrequent for me to 438 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: hide them in the closet and play dolls and stuff, 439 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,159 Speaker 1: just to you know, don't ignore whatever's going on out there. 440 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just let's go. They did not. 441 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: It wasn't you know, like some of my poor mamas 442 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,880 Speaker 1: have grown up with very major physical abuse in their childhoods, 443 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: both for themselves and between their mom and might not 444 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 1: have been their dad whatever. Guy, My parents were not 445 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: incredibly physical with each other, but there were definitely times 446 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: where it got physical and was more scary when they 447 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, got going. 448 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 2: So the gun in the shed, wrapped up in the 449 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 2: corner of the bedroom. That was enough. 450 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, that was. 451 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 2: This has gone on too long? Yeah, So he runs 452 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 2: off to work, I assume, yep, he went to work. 453 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: She just got us on a bus and we went 454 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: to her parents, who lived in Longmont, Colorado, which is 455 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 1: about I don't know, half an hour forty five minutes 456 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 1: north of Denver. Lived there for a couple of years 457 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 1: and then. 458 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,199 Speaker 2: Know what, was going on. 459 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 4: Your grandparents they did, Yeah, they knew it was, and. 460 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 2: They must have hated your father. 461 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 4: They were not fans. 462 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:59,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, so they were probably relieved to see y'all show 463 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 3: up because as they're thinking, Okay, she's getting herself and 464 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 3: the girls out of this most Yeah. 465 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 4: I think so. 466 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,719 Speaker 1: But I think there was also a period of, you know, 467 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: looking back now as an adult, I'm like, man, kind 468 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 1: of feel bad for my grand on grandpa on some 469 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: level because they ended up sort of taking on raising 470 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: us a little bit for that year and a half 471 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,440 Speaker 1: or so that we stayed there, which kind of robs 472 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,679 Speaker 1: you of getting to be grandparents when you're the one. 473 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 3: It also robs you of working your butt off your 474 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 3: whole life to actually have some you time. 475 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 2: And now all the U time's gone. Yep. 476 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 3: I figured with four kids, I'm going to have one 477 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 3: show back up at our doorstep, and the statistics say it, yes. 478 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 3: Good news is we have a guest house at our house. 479 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 3: Because those old houses, you know, they have carriage houses 480 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 3: out back. So we called that the future loser house, 481 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,959 Speaker 3: which while these jerk shows up and there's a loser, 482 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 3: we'll just stick them out there and we'll still be 483 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,479 Speaker 3: able to walk around and have naked Pizza Tuesday inside 484 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 3: the main house. 485 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 5: You just said that, that's awesome, thanks me form, And 486 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 5: I think you said that on the podcast. 487 00:22:58,359 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 2: Naked Pizza Tuesday. 488 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 3: I thought it was tago the greatest day of the week, 489 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,480 Speaker 3: Nick and Pizza Tuesday. 490 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 5: What's the kids or that they got an quill? 491 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 4: You just need to make sure your kids know that, 492 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 4: and then they won't come home. 493 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 2: We don't want to. 494 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:12,800 Speaker 4: We don't want to be there for naked Tuesdays. 495 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,679 Speaker 3: It's you talk about you talk about being scarred walking 496 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 3: on your fifty year old parents eating pizza neck in 497 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 3: the living root. You won't ever come back over. We 498 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 3: did about that, John, Yep, Okay, so hilarious. 499 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 2: Let's get back onto the story. I believe. 500 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 3: By the way, what's today Tuesday? And Lisa's been out 501 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,399 Speaker 3: of town and she lands at seven o'clock to night. 502 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:47,640 Speaker 3: John's okay, all right, So I'm sorry, I'm a little off. 503 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 3: I'm a little off. Script I can't remember. Okay, So 504 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 3: you moved to your grandparents in Long Colorado, which is 505 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 3: a suburb of thirty minutes or so. Okay, so you're thirteen. 506 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, chaos everywhere yeah, I got to. 507 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 3: Believe that at least at your grandparents' house, she could 508 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 3: breathe a little. There wasn't any hiding in the classes, 509 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 3: playing dolls. 510 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that was I mean, definitely, there was a 511 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 1: lot more order in their household, for sure. 512 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:16,240 Speaker 4: Unfortunately. 513 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I know now working with kiddos 514 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 1: who are coming out of trauma, but you come out 515 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: of trauma and you're, you know, you're just kind of 516 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: not normal. 517 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 4: You're so. 518 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,440 Speaker 1: I didn't do great at school, had some bullying at school, 519 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 1: had a hard time making friends. I don't think I 520 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 1: was I don't think I did a great job of 521 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: making friends. I was very I wasn't in a good space, 522 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 1: and neither were my sisters. And my mom was working 523 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: all the time. She got a job in Denver, so 524 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,920 Speaker 1: she was driving like forty five minutes back and forth 525 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: to work, and so we were mostly with our grandparents. 526 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 2: Who were traumatized show shop children. Yeah, Yeah, who got. 527 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 3: Jerked out of whatever little home they had in the 528 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:57,119 Speaker 3: middle of the night. Yeah, Who've lost a brother, Yeah, 529 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 3: who have a drunk father who's abusive. I mean, yeah, 530 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:02,880 Speaker 3: making friends. 531 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 4: Friends is on top of your list, It's really not. 532 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, but it was when we left, when my mom 533 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,679 Speaker 1: got to the point where she was making enough money 534 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: and we moved to Wheat rich Colorado, another suburb but 535 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: closer to Denver, and that was the year I started 536 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,679 Speaker 1: high school. That was kind of a great like new start, 537 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: like okay. 538 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 2: News story, reset, nobody knows. 539 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:28,119 Speaker 1: Nobody knows, and you know, kind of had an opportunity 540 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: to just you know, be a different person, and that 541 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 1: was great. 542 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 4: I made some good friends. 543 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 2: I had a reset to did you starting high school? 544 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 4: And that was at the start of high school. 545 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 3: Again, I needed another reset after that because that didn't 546 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 3: particularly work out end up working out great. But I 547 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:50,439 Speaker 3: do know the feeling of these are new people. This 548 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,120 Speaker 3: is a new place. It's far enough away from where 549 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 3: it came from that I can be me now and 550 00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 3: let's see where that goes. 551 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 4: You went high school here in Memphis, born and ruished. 552 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I went from the city to the count 553 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,159 Speaker 3: So in Memphis is a big enough place that twenty 554 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,200 Speaker 3: miles in the city is like two completely different places. 555 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 2: And so I did a theresa. I understand the. 556 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 3: Feeling as all, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's liberating a little. 557 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 4: It was, and it was high school is good. 558 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 1: Great from the perspective of there's new things to try, 559 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,119 Speaker 1: Like I joined the choir and joined at the drama club, 560 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: and there were things to do to kind of keep 561 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:32,919 Speaker 1: you busy. 562 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:33,880 Speaker 4: My mom worked a. 563 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,400 Speaker 1: Ton, so she was just kind of never home, and 564 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: my sisters were doing better and making friends in their schools. 565 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,719 Speaker 2: So life isn't terrible. 566 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, life's not improved. Yeah, life's improved. Yeah. 567 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 3: And you know, you have some grandparents that love you 568 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 3: and you can fall back on too, so you have 569 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 3: some feeling of security that you did. 570 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 2: Not have before. 571 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 4: Yeah. 572 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely a feeling of being a more normal teenager. 573 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:03,320 Speaker 2: We'll be right back. 574 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 3: The title of this thing, you're you're I mean, you're 575 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 3: the founder of Hope House, Colorado, what you get. But 576 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 3: the title is the true story of a teen mom. 577 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,399 Speaker 3: And we're in high school. So I imagine something's happening 578 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 3: here pretty. 579 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 4: Certain, pretty quick here. 580 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, so naked Pizza Tuesday. 581 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 3: Pizza Tuesday is not for high school. No, high school 582 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 3: is high school? Is naked back seat? 583 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 2: That that is? 584 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 4: That's pretty much true. 585 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 5: You're making John take us through it? 586 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 1: Not Yeah, Well I laugh all the time because I. 587 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 2: Was not a friend of drama or something like that. 588 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 4: He went to a different high school. 589 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, I was chasing him. 590 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,440 Speaker 1: So he I had a friend named Liz who had 591 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: this like her mom had this pea green like nineteen 592 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:09,679 Speaker 1: seventy four buick. 593 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 4: It was enormous. 594 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 1: It was a boat, and the kids would go like 595 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: cruise around the high school or around the mall. 596 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 4: Sorry the mall. 597 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:17,640 Speaker 2: This is you had. 598 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 3: You and I must be close the same age because 599 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 3: some of the things you're saying. But I graduated high 600 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,080 Speaker 3: school in eighty six. 601 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:29,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, John two. All right, so we're all 602 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 2: the we're all basic. 603 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 4: No, he's older than me. He's ten days older than me. 604 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 3: Okay, So anyway, when you say cruise in the mall, boy, 605 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,400 Speaker 3: does that bring back memories. 606 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 4: What you did on Friday night? Yes? 607 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: And well we had a square mall, and so the cars, 608 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: all the cars would go one way around the mall 609 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: in a circle, and then another set of cars would 610 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: go the other way around. 611 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 2: The mall, and everyone I'd get in and go in 612 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 2: the food court. Yep. 613 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: And like as you were passing these kind of two 614 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: rows of rotating cars, you'd wave at someone if you 615 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 1: thought they were cute, like to pull over. 616 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 4: So I tell the story today. 617 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, you all young people who have what is 618 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,680 Speaker 1: it swipe right and swipe left, we were doing that 619 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 1: way before you like we just we would wave it. 620 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 4: We were just doing physically, like yeah, that's right. 621 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: So here comes this like we're in this very embarrassing 622 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: p green buick and here comes this like totally souped 623 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 1: up like Nova Chevy Nova. I always get the year wrong, 624 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 1: nineteen seventy four, nineteen seventy two. 625 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 4: I get it wrong every time you. 626 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 2: Had seventy two fixed up Nova. 627 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I bet you were the town's clown. 628 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 2: And that thing. It was so fun car car. Yeah. 629 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 2: So was it was it John or the car that 630 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 2: got your attention? 631 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: Well kind of both. Yeah, so the car definitely got 632 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: our attention. My friend Liz was driving. Every time we 633 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 1: went cruising. She got the driver. So here comes this 634 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 1: Nova and this guy's pretty cute, and I'm like we're 635 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,240 Speaker 1: waving at him, and I'm like they're never gonna pull over, 636 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 1: but they did, and I'm like, I get the driver 637 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: this time. 638 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 4: You always get to talk to the driver. 639 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: So they get out and he's like his car is 640 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 1: loud and awesome. And cool, and he's like not talking, 641 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: he's like totally shy, but so cute. So we got 642 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: in the Yeah, we sat in the back seat and 643 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 1: just chatted that night and then made plans to meet 644 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,520 Speaker 1: at the mall the next night, and yeah, take it 645 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: from there. 646 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,280 Speaker 4: About a year later, I was prob. 647 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: I was a sophomore, Wow, junior, and he was a sophomore. 648 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 4: I was a junior. 649 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 1: He was. 650 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 2: And you said in a year later, you're pregnant. 651 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 4: Yeah a year later, Yeah, a year later, I was 652 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 4: a senior. He was a junior. 653 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,680 Speaker 1: I had started school at four, and he his parents 654 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: held him a year he started at five. 655 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 656 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: A year later, we're sitting in that same souped up 657 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 1: nova outside of the clinic getting the results of a 658 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: pregnancy test. 659 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 2: So we met here, we conceived here, and that would consider. 660 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 1: Yes, and yes we were and so my my wedding proposal. 661 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 3: Was interesting to me is I think there's a lot 662 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,560 Speaker 3: of stories of teenage pregnancy. I think few win married 663 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 3: fifty years later. 664 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 4: That's pretty rare. Definitely beats the odds in that. 665 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 2: Regard, Yeah, really specially. 666 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, it definitely beats the odds. 667 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 1: Every once in a while we meet another couple that 668 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 1: were teen parents and got married and are still married, 669 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 1: and we're like, dang, we got to be friends because 670 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: there are very few, very few married couples still. 671 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. So we were so literally high school sweethearts. 672 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, literally high school sweethearts. 673 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 2: But now you're pregnant as a senior in high school. 674 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 2: He's a junior. Yeah, and. 675 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, plans changed a little bit. 676 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 2: I mean, we got parents to talk to and everything. 677 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: So yeah, his proposal outside the clinic was, what are 678 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,200 Speaker 1: you doing a week from Friday. I'm like, well, I 679 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: guess we're getting married a week from friday. 680 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 5: So he I mean, I love you so much the 681 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:55,800 Speaker 5: rest of my life with you. 682 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: That was probably in there somewhere ten years later. He 683 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: did it right, got on one knee, We did the whole. 684 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 2: The fact that. 685 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 3: A junior in high school at Yall's age, yeah, I 686 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 3: felt that sense of responsibility and willingness speaks a lot about. 687 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:15,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot John and where it. 688 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 1: Comes from, all about him, and a lot about his parents. 689 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 1: And I say this that so when we telling my 690 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,360 Speaker 1: parents that I was pregnant was not that big. I 691 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: mean I was not that concerned about that. My mom 692 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 1: was not really active in my life. 693 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: My dad really didn't care what that. 694 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 4: I didn't really care what my dad thought. 695 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,000 Speaker 1: But telling his parents was a whole other thing, because 696 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: I'd gotten to go to their house for dinner, I'd 697 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 1: come to know their family like I did not want 698 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: them to be disappointed in me, and I didn't want 699 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: them to be disappointed in him. And to top it off, 700 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,680 Speaker 1: his mom has a chronic kidney disease. She had gotten. 701 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,600 Speaker 1: This is my warning to anybody listening. She had gotten 702 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,280 Speaker 1: strep throat and didn't take care of it. Was sick 703 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: in bed for like two weeks and didn't go to 704 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: the doctor. Well, strep throat goes to here one of 705 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: your organs. If you don't, you'll get better, but it 706 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: will go somewhere in your body. So don't let a 707 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: sore throat go forever. So she let us our throaw 708 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: go really bad sickness and didn't do anything about it. 709 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 1: Found out when she was pregnant with her fourth that 710 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 1: she her kidneys were shutting down. This strip had gone 711 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,440 Speaker 1: to her kidneys. So she's on dialysis and had been 712 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: for most of John's life, since he was like six 713 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: years old. So we're going to tell his parents that 714 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 1: you know, what the news is, and we're down in there. 715 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: They had like a kind of a wreck room where 716 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: his dad would do they would do dialysis at home, 717 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,040 Speaker 1: and his dad would you know, set it all up 718 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: and put the needle in her arm and all that. 719 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,440 Speaker 1: It was really really good at doing that. And they'd 720 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,479 Speaker 1: watch a movie. So we're down there standing on the 721 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: you know, yellow shag carpet and just they're watching a 722 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,440 Speaker 1: movie and we're just standing there for like an hour 723 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: in the room, in the room like just they know 724 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 1: he has something to say, but he just can't. 725 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,720 Speaker 2: They just stay. They just literally let you stand there. 726 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 4: Yep, they sure did. 727 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,320 Speaker 1: And you know they you know, they knew what was coming. 728 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 1: They had to have at least it gave him time 729 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,280 Speaker 1: to think of what something was coming. 730 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 3: And so no one ever looked over and said, what's 731 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 3: going on? Why are you two lurchers standing in the 732 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,520 Speaker 3: corner like that? What is up with y'all? They just 733 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 3: they let you burn. 734 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 4: Yes they did, Yes, they did. It was good. 735 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,080 Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I say this, it was probably What 736 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 1: came next was to me the single greatest act of 737 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: parenting that I got to be a part of, or experience, 738 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:28,799 Speaker 1: and that is when he finally said, you know, we're pregnant. 739 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: You know, there could have been recriminations and anger and 740 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: tears and them the responsible. 741 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,839 Speaker 2: Your losers. What are you going to do the rest 742 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:38,360 Speaker 2: of your life? 743 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 3: This is going to be everything everything I can hear, 744 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 3: all all the things snap, things that I might have 745 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:46,240 Speaker 3: said to my daughter. 746 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 4: Can't yeah, exactly and instead, which. 747 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,200 Speaker 2: I'm sad to say, but I probably would have. 748 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,960 Speaker 1: Well, and you know, I'm sure when they were and 749 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 1: that's the thing, probably later in private, those things might 750 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,359 Speaker 1: have been said between the two of them will never know. 751 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,920 Speaker 1: They won't ever tell us that. But in that moment, 752 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 1: what they did was say, all right, let's have a 753 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 1: conversation about what parenting looks like and what marriage looks like, 754 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: and sat us down and said, you know. 755 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,280 Speaker 2: The two of them, yeah, both had the same reaction. 756 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,719 Speaker 1: I mean, I thinks long probably started but ish, yeah, 757 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,839 Speaker 1: like I'm pretty sure his dad was not real thrilled. 758 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 4: But he didn't show that. 759 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 1: I Mean, what he showed was all right, you're going 760 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: to be you know, you're grown ups now, Like you're 761 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 1: gonna have to act like grown ups and this is 762 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,160 Speaker 1: what it's what it looks like they gave us some 763 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: great marriage advice in that probably half hour that we 764 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 1: sat and talked. They essentially, the way I remember it 765 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: and what I experienced, was that they didn't judge us, 766 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 1: they didn't shame us, they didn't stigmatize us, which is 767 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 1: the exact example of what we do now at Hope House. 768 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 2: I'd to say this is a reason all of this matters. 769 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 1: The reason all of it matters is they modeled what 770 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 1: healthy parenting looks like and poured and concern and empathy 771 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 1: and care and whatever internal feelings they were feeling. They 772 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: didn't put those on us. They saved that for later. 773 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,320 Speaker 2: John, I got to ask you from way across the 774 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 2: room over there, hold. 775 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:16,839 Speaker 5: On, I let them get on, Mike. If you're gonna 776 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 5: do this, well. 777 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 2: I just it'll be quick, is I know? 778 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 5: But people got to be able to hear it. 779 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,040 Speaker 2: All right, Well, you can stand over here. 780 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,840 Speaker 3: I'm really saying this is off script, but I'm just curious. 781 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,839 Speaker 3: Is that how you remember your parents, even as an 782 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 3: adolescent growing up? 783 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,080 Speaker 2: Just those kind of folks. 784 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,799 Speaker 6: Yeah, they were very calm and loving and supportive of 785 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,920 Speaker 6: one another. And I mean I didn't always feel it 786 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:45,880 Speaker 6: when I was, you know, a kid growing up, but 787 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,399 Speaker 6: like I mean, I was. I was scared to say 788 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,440 Speaker 6: something to something like that, but I didn't think that 789 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,840 Speaker 6: it would go get out of the house. 790 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:56,040 Speaker 2: You know. 791 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 6: I thought I would be supported, but you almost never 792 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 6: know until you say, you know. 793 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,719 Speaker 2: Did you know going in that after you said what 794 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 2: you had to say, did you feel like ultimately you 795 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,000 Speaker 2: would be supported or did you feel like they would 796 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 2: lose their every lother minds? What was your expectation of 797 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,600 Speaker 2: their response to what you were going to tell them. 798 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 6: I definitely thought they would be disappointed, you know, you know, 799 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 6: the conversations you know we had about the birds and 800 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 6: the beesless don't till you're married, So you know, I'm 801 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 6: sure they weren't not happy with with this happening, But 802 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:36,840 Speaker 6: I mean I felt that they would be supportive. 803 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 2: But you're still scared about it too. 804 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:49,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, so thank you. So, Yeah, what was your expectation 805 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 3: of what his parents were going to do? 806 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 1: You know, I don't know if I necessarily had an expectation. 807 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,000 Speaker 1: Mostly I you know, like John said, I just didn't 808 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,200 Speaker 1: want them to be disappointed. 809 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 2: Were you not scared? 810 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,080 Speaker 4: I didn't, I was. 811 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't really really, No, one's ever asked me that 812 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 1: I didn't ever really think about that. 813 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:09,399 Speaker 4: No, I wasn't really. 814 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 1: I think I knew them enough by then, had spent 815 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:15,320 Speaker 1: enough time in their home that they didn't yell about stuff, 816 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:16,800 Speaker 1: they didn't fly off the handle. 817 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,680 Speaker 2: Even then they felt I. 818 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:20,560 Speaker 4: Think they felt safe. 819 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, that's what I'm trying to find out. 820 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,839 Speaker 1: Such a good question. I've never actually had it put 821 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,399 Speaker 1: that way, but yeah, I think they felt safe. 822 00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 3: The reason I'm asking is because I believe we are 823 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 3: as age and wisdom and experience makes us, continues to 824 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,319 Speaker 3: evolve us and mold us. I think we are a 825 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 3: collection of the most important experiences of our life. 826 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:46,800 Speaker 4: That's what I believe you true. 827 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so. 828 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:55,280 Speaker 3: Even if you haven't fully recognized it, I would think 829 00:38:56,400 --> 00:39:03,839 Speaker 3: that safety made a very big situation in your life manageable, 830 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,480 Speaker 3: which I would say translates to what you do to 831 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:14,879 Speaker 3: me definitely. And that concludes Part one of our conversations 832 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 3: with Lisa Stephen and guys, you do not want to 833 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,920 Speaker 3: miss Part two. It's now available to listen to together. Guys, 834 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,879 Speaker 3: we can change this country, but it starts with you. 835 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:38,440 Speaker 3: I'll see in Part two