WEBVTT - Lisa Bilyeu: How to Master Your Ego and Build Radical Confidence 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.840 When you've got that voice telling you you're no good. 0:00:02.920 --> 0:00:05.280 Who do you think you are? And you're not pretty 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.480 and people are going to make fun of you, you 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:10.200 start to really listen to that voice. When you voice 0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:12.920 your fear, the fear actually ends up being less. Why 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:15.000 is it that if you name something, you feel. 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:16.079 Better about it, Because most of. 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:18.320 Us we want to stop feeling the ego. We want 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:20.960 to pretend it doesn't exist, we want to villainize it. 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.560 But what if it be freaking superpower? 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:28.840 I'm Radley d Wlukiah and on my podcast A Really 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:32.839 Good Cry, we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:36.800 a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:40.080 allow you to tune in to learn, connect and find 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:40.880 comfort together. 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:42.080 Okay, Hi, Lisa? 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:43.120 What I holpi? 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:46.360 Lisa Billiu is in the building people, and before we 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.479 get started, I need to tell you the story of 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:52.600 one how we met and two what she represents for 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:53.360 me in my life. 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:55.200 First of all, thank you for being here, Thanks for 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:56.520 having me so grateful. 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:00.840 Lisa is the person who well, let me just start 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.280 off by saying she has a book out called Radical 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:05.560 Confidence and the reason I'm mentioning this first off is 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.280 because she is somebody who I don't know whether you 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:11.560 know this. I think I've told this day in the past, 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:16.759 but inspired and pushed me to actually become more confident 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:18.800 in my life from the moment that I met her, 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:20.440 And it was. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:23.720 The first podcast. Her podcast was the first podcast. 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:25.679 I ever went on. It's called Women of Impact. And 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:27.360 when she first asked me to be on it, we 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:31.160 had become friends. We were meeting up regularly, hanging out, 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:33.480 and she asked me to come on the podcast. And 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:36.119 I was like, why would I come on your podcast? 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:37.240 Like for what reason? 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.440 What would I talk about? What would we talk about? 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:41.240 And you said, you know, it's going to be conversational. 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:42.959 We're just going to have a conversation, just like we're 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.560 having now while we're having coffee. And I remember the 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:47.560 day of I was honestly going to call her and 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:50.600 be like, I cannot come. I'm ill, there's something wrong 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:54.320 with me. There's no way I'm making it to your podcast. 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:57.320 But you have been from the moment I met you 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.240 such an incredible hype woman, and like you exude did 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:02.920 so much confidence from the moment I met you that 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.360 it you know how they say, the energy that you. 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:06.920 Carry you can pour into other people. 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:10.080 You did that to me, and so somehow from all 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:13.200 the words of encouragement you gave me, I ended up 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:16.080 coming onto that podcast. And let me tell you, that 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.640 podcast not only did it open up so much in 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.000 me and gave me the confidence to realize what I 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.280 had within me, the amount of people still to this 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.960 day that come up to me and tell me that 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.480 they cried with me in the podcast, that it helped 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.600 them go through so much of what they were going 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.960 through and gave them hope for the future, purely because 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.920 Lisa believed in me before I believed in myself and 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.720 gave me the platform an opportunity to prove to myself 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.480 that I could do something that I wasn't comfortable doing. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:44.960 So thank you for that. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:47.800 Oh my god. I mean, here's the thing. I just 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:51.200 saw you. I know I saw you, and when. 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.960 You're not in that person's head, I don't carry the 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:59.080 insecurities you carry. So I just see this very bubbly, sweet, 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:04.760 kind in intellectual, driven, ambitious like friend, and so I 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:07.160 didn't carry all the insecurities that you carry. 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:08.760 So when I asked you to come on my show, 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:09.480 I was like, of. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.160 Course you should come wat. You need to teach you 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:17.760 other women how you think. And then I saw that 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:20.200 was when I then saw your insecurities because I didn't 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.360 actually even see it, and you were ming and you 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.720 were r ring and you were asking me a thousand questions, 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:27.960 and I was like, wow, I didn't expect it because 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.960 I just see the shine that you bring into every 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:35.040 fricking room. And I think, and as a friend, I 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:38.080 think that that's the important part, is that it is 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:41.840 our jobs to highlight the beauty that we see, to 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:45.320 help that person or our friends out of their negative 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.240 loop that maybe they have an internal loop that they're 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.760 telling themselves then they're going right. So whatever loop you 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:55.040 were on me just telling you exactly how I felt, Yeah, 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:57.760 it just like breaks that cycle and then hopefully allows 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:00.360 you to then rewire. And then obviously you saw the 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:04.119 knock on effect that other people were receiving your message 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:07.800 so well, and then hopefully that then became the stepping 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:09.640 stones to then you building your own confidence. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.600 It really was, And even just having that conversation, it 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.760 wasn't even the knock on effect other people. It was 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:18.000 the effect that it had of me even opening up 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.599 and having that conversation with you, to have someone who 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.400 was like actively asking me questions that I hadn't even 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:27.280 thought about my life well, actively listening and you were 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:29.479 asking me questions within the questions, and I was like, gosh, 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:31.400 I haven't thought about any of this, but I'm having 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:33.279 to think of it in this moment and unwrap it 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:35.599 in this moment. So it was it was basically like 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:37.200 a therapy session for me. You gave me a free 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:41.520 therapy session, Thank you. But you have this book out 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.920 called Radical Confidence, and I want to ask start off 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.920 by asking you what do you feel radical confidence means? 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.239 Like what is radical confidence on a day to day basis? 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:51.480 Yeah, So people used to say that I was confident 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:54.599 or think that I was confident, and it's like going 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:56.520 back to that negative voice in your head. It's like 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:59.280 when you've got that voice telling you you're no good 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:01.960 and who do you think you are? And you're not 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:04.080 pretty and people are going to make fun of you, 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:07.000 Like you start to really listen to that voice. And 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.159 so when people saying I was confident, I was like, 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:11.680 I don't understand what you mean because I don't feel it. 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:14.000 And what I realized was people saw that I had 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:17.560 radical confidence, which means that I feel utterly insecure. I 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:19.920 don't know what I'm doing, I don't believe in myself. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.960 I have a negative voice, but I still take steps 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.800 forward into action, and it's the action piece that turns 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:30.080 into me getting good and me getting good and competent. 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.760 Is then what leads to me being confident. And what 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.200 I thought was though in just telling people, oh, you 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:37.560 don't feel confident, I'll do it anyway, that is the 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:41.720 worst advice right, Like, it winds me up because when 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:43.520 people say just do it anyway, you know it's not 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.680 easy just to do it anyway. So for me, it's like, Okay, 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:49.400 I know I need to move forward. I can't stay 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.800 still otherwise I'm not going to build my confidence like 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.680 a muscle. So how do I take action? How do 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.080 I get started? And so to me, it's about a blueprint. 0:05:57.400 --> 0:06:00.720 It's about putting steps together before you even start something 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:04.160 so that when you get started, you don't fail. You 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.960 don't let that negative voice this persuade you to do 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:08.560 something else. 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.000 Is putting on your armor before you go on the battlefield. 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:12.120 Yeah, exactly. 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:14.720 Or I just imagine, let's take your podcast for example, 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:15.480 I bet you. 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:17.520 I know you well enough. It was like, do I 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.359 do it? Do I not? Oh my god? But if 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:21.080 I get started now, I'm going to be held to it. 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.039 Well, if I signed this contract, does that mean I 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:24.400 have to commit to like the weekly things? 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:26.120 What happens if I have nothing to say that week? 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.039 Right? Or what if I feel about I don't know 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:29.480 what to do? 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.920 The second though, you go, Okay, there is this fear, 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:34.800 but what. 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.120 Am I going to call it? Yeah? 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:39.680 Yes, you don't hire a team yet, you haven't even 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:41.800 told anyone, but you're like, what am I going to 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:42.080 call it? 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:43.480 If it was to do it, what would I call it? 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:45.760 Yeah? And then the step second step, what would the 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:46.479 set look like? 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:49.480 So what you're doing is you're starting to put these 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:53.240 tiny little steps in in making decisions whether the bigger 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.880 picture isn't so overwhelmed you don't get started in the 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:57.960 first place, because if I was to sit here and 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:01.200 go all right, rady, you're going to do and build 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:04.080 the biggest postcasts in the world, get started right now, 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:05.960 and you'd be like, oh god, you would freeze. 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:06.920 Yeah. 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:10.200 But if I said to you just today on a Monday, 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:12.240 let's say, what name would. 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.520 You call it, Yeah, and then not you Tuesday, what 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:17.200 would you just set look like? And then on a Wednesday, 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:20.040 who would your first guest be? All of that now 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:24.040 doesn't become overwhelming. Now, that is how you gain radical 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.760 confidence in order to become confident at the end. 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:28.680 That's so true. I was just thinking of the way 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:29.280 that you're saying it. 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:31.360 And they do say little steps at a time, but 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:33.960 the way that you've just described, I'm like, yeah, you're 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:37.440 almost creating it in your imagination before it's happening. Yes, 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.960 you're almost experiencing it before it's happened, and therefore your 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:43.440 body and your mind become a little more like you're 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:45.280 dabbling your toes in it. You're like, Okay, let me 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:48.160 just test the waters, see how I feel if I 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:51.240 was to do it. Let me hypothetically create this scenario. 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:54.800 And then your mind kind of realizes that, oh, I've 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.080 created this scenario and I actually don't feel too weird 0:07:57.120 --> 0:07:59.480 about it, and this name actually feels really great, and 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:01.800 said that I've created, I actually we like it and 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:05.280 create excitement rather than the fear. Exactly, it takes over 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:06.360 the fear that you're feeling. 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:10.920 Yeah, I interviewed this neurosurgeon, and it basically is neuroplasticity. 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.400 And so what you're doing is your when you voice 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:16.760 your fear, when you like picture your fear, the fear 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:18.080 actually ends up being less. 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.600 Now I really like to understand why. 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:22.400 Yes, right, because I really want to be able to 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:25.560 impact myself in order to achieve or to set a 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:26.600 goal and then achieve it. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.120 So why is it that if. 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.320 You name something you feel better about it, because most 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.120 of us in the fear don't bloody want to talk 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:37.520 about it, right, So what she explained to me was, look, 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:41.720 when you label something as fearful and you try to 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:43.800 forget about you try not to look at it. The 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.559 second happens, all of your anxiety comes to the surface. 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:49.360 But if you name something, what you're doing is you're 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.880 telling and framing it in your mind like it's normal. 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:58.520 And so this is why things like manifestation really works, 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:01.199 because if you don't manifest let's say, for instance, you're 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:02.760 just like, all of a sudden, someone comes to you 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:04.760 and they're like, I'm going to offer you a podcast 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.200 the fear of Oh my God. A podcast who's gonna 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:07.480 listen to? 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:08.079 It? 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.120 Will all come rushing forward. 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.240 Now, if you've manifested, if you've been thinking about it, 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.360 you're telling your body, this isn't fearful. 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:18.560 You're ready, it's ready. You will correct exactly. 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:21.199 You've prepped yourself for it so that the second then, 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:23.920 if you've been doing the work, when you eventually then 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:26.600 get your podcast, the fear on day one won't be 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:31.160 as extreme because you've done all that neuroplasticity and frame 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.640 rebuilding your mind into not seeing that as something fearful 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.439 but seeing it is something exciting. 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:38.480 Yeah, I remember hearing this code, and I don't think 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:41.880 I'm saying it exactly, but it says the sword of 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:43.280 knowledge can cut through fear. 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:44.320 And so what that. 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.720 Means is like, it's exactly what you're saying. When you 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.200 are able to identify it doesn't mean that you know everything, 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.839 but when your body and your mind sees it as 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:57.240 being familiar, like anything unknown, we create fear around So 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.400 how do we get how do we get around that? Well, 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:02.520 if it's unf familiar, make it familiar, and then you 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:06.040 don't you don't feel the fear anymore. And so creating 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.440 the labels or creating that visual in your mind, or 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:14.960 making something feel more familiar reduce it, or understanding it 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.760 better reduces the fear that you feel from it. 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.120 Yeah, I mean, and you can take this too, from 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:23.000 you know, building a podcast to even like religion. Let's say, 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:26.319 it's like, I think that the power of religion really 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.040 does almost make you think about death in a lighthearted way. 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:34.120 And so if you believe that, okay, this isn't just 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.680 one life, that there actually are multiple lives or I 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:38.719 interviewed this woman that was one hundred and three years old, 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:39.840 gladdess that I was telling. 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.120 You about amazing. 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.559 I said to her, she has a ten year plan 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:48.000 and she's one hundred and three, and so I didn't 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:50.120 want to be disrespectful, but I wanted to know the truth. 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:52.240 I was like, in all honesty, how do you have 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.840 a ten year plan? And she was like, well, maybe 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:57.800 I make it make but I don't. But at least 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.880 I know what I'm always working towards. And then she says, 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:04.040 and then when I die, she's like all the people 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.520 that died before me. Because her children, some of her 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:09.160 children have died, because she's one hundred and three, She's like, 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.360 I don't grieve them not being here because I just 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.560 know that when I die, it's a do you believe so 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:17.560 she's going to she believes she's gonna have a party. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.160 On the other side because you know her daughter who 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.680 passed away, her brothers, and so there's no fear. So 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.760 when you just have acknowledged it, you look at it, 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.320 you see the positive side of it instead of the 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:33.200 negative side. You now literally can eliminate that fear. And 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.280 when you know that, now you can almost use that 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.600 framework in anything you want. 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.640 Yes, absolutely, I think about that with death as well. 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:46.080 I feel like when I started understanding different spiritual practices 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:47.840 and what connected to me the most was the soul 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:51.640 is eternal, and so that changed my whole perception and 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:55.440 view of fear in this lifetime, of what this physical 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:58.400 body means, of what it means to live in this body, 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:01.320 what fear actually means to my body versus my heart 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:04.200 or my soul. And so whether people believe it or not, 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:07.520 for me, that reduced the amount of fear that I 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:10.120 was even feeling about my day to day life, about 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:13.080 my family, about everything around me, that I was creating 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:14.880 so much anxiety and fear around me. 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.200 I don't know if you've heard this recently. 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:18.959 I just discovered it, and I love talking to you 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:22.520 about new studies and stuff. So I've been having problems 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:24.120 with my health. You know, I've been struggling for a 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:27.080 long time. But recently we've identified that it could be 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:30.440 my liver. Wow, Okay, And what I heard recently is 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.560 the liver is the organ of anger, and that you 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:36.400 have organs that are related to every emotion. 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:38.080 Yeah, tell me, I had no idea. 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:38.880 Yes, every emotion. 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:42.439 And there's this incredible chart, and I think in my 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.160 first episode I talk about this where there's this incredible 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:48.680 chart where they did heat senses of the body of 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:52.760 what emotion light what part of your body lights up 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.720 with different emotions. And so I've heard that the liver 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:01.640 is the organ for anger, but there's also like when 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.480 you feel angry, you know how they say hot headed. 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.960 So apparently the heat rises in the body up till 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:08.840 the head. So when someone's feeling angry, they did like 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.400 heat senses on people, and the head is the place 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:14.160 that gets like the hottest during anger. And so in 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.680 different parts of the body, like for women when they're 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.040 feeling really emotional and sad, it's in the pelvis area 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.680 or the hips area. And that's why even in yoga 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:25.320 when I do my yoga teacher training. The key exercises 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:29.720 that are recommended for women for emotional release are hip openness, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.280 because we hold so much and which makes sense because 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.680 you know a lot of women's for women especially, our 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.920 body is prone, especially by a certain age, start to 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:44.480 start creating certain hormones for giving birth, for menopause, for 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:44.920 whatever it is. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:46.559 And so all of our hormones lie. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:49.520 Within the area, and so apparently our emotional release all 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:51.800 lies in our hip flexes. And so there's so many 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.600 different parts of our body that one whole different emotions, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:59.720 but two whole different types of different types of our traumas, 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.280 and the different energy that we hold in our body 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.480 from every past experience that we have. 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:08.680 It is fascinating. And I'm reading the book. I read 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.840 it a long time ago, but the body keeps the score. 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.800 I've been recommended that I just restarted it today, in fact, 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.480 because I want to understand this, because again, how do 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.440 we connect the body with our mind and the mind 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:21.040 with the body. 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.600 And for me, you know, I joke, but I'm actually 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.800 really serious. I want to live till I'm over one hundred. 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:29.160 But women is something like even though women live longer 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:32.320 than men, we end up living in worse health twenty 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:33.640 percent of our lives. 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:34.320 More than men. 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:37.640 So even though we live longer, we actually live in 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:39.920 more poorer health in our life than men do. 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:41.840 Well. 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:46.360 So married men live longer than single men because they've 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:49.040 got a woman to tell them, don't text and drive, 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:51.120 go to the doctor when you've got. 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:52.440 A headache, things like that. 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.560 But married women live less as not as long as 0:14:56.680 --> 0:15:00.600 single women because we're take caretakers. That is so interesting, actually, 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:02.920 I stat from doctor Amon himself. 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:03.800 Wow. 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:08.520 Yeah, So when I think about our lifespan, when I 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.080 think about how we show up every day, when I 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:15.240 think about what we're doing people pleasing, what that's doing. Internally, 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:18.240 I'm really starting to pay attention. I'm starting to really 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:21.280 understand like the organs and things like that, and I think, like, 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.600 if you have lung issues, it's a sign of fear 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:25.840 because again, like your lungs is the thing that. 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.520 Ys like rung titan, like, it's the it's where the 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.680 fight or flight responsib really lies in your breath and 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:36.720 if you're yeah, it's it's so fascinating. I I was 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.800 thinking about the fact that we were talking about armor earlier, 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.520 and I remember the first time I saw you, I 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.480 was just so like enamored by. 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.040 How badazzled you were, Like you were like you were. 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.040 Decked out, you had the change, you had, all the bling, 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:51.960 you had your. 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:55.680 Watches and as she has today. But it also like. 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:57.840 After I met you, I was like this, there was 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.720 something about you that stood out and it was the jewels. 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:02.240 And it wasn't like what you were in, yes, that 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:05.040 obviously stands out, but it was like how you were 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.400 carrying yourself with that. And I thought about armor that 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.840 we just spoke about now, and how I felt like, 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.560 you know, I know you always wear Superwoman somewhere wonder 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:16.040 a wonder Woman, wonder Woman got we and I think 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.000 you had that from when I first met. 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.480 Oh this necklace, yeah, I've had for like seven years. 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.480 Yeah, And so I remember seeing that and I was like, gosh, 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.440 she really does have this wonder Woman presence about her, 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.200 Like you walk in the way that you carry yourself, 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.600 what you're wearing, like you've always been very mindful about 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.600 the way that you dress and what you put on 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:35.640 your body and it and it being a symbol of 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:39.120 who you are. And so I wanted to ask how 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.840 you've how that's evolved in your life, and whether it's 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:46.160 like a tooling technique for creating this confidence and how 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:47.760 how how they marry together. 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:51.920 Yeah, it's super deliberate. So I set a goal and 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.000 I think, how do I actually get to it? Now? 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.240 Flashing back to me being from North London. 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.720 Greed girl, like at the age of ten, I was 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.960 bully for my looks. I had the unibrow, I had 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:05.760 the braces that went all the way around the head. 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:10.399 And how many of us carry the bullying the idea 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.359 of who we are with us for the rest of 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.080 our lives. And I realized as I started to get 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.520 into my twenties and my early thirties that the way 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.159 that I was showing up was absolutely dictating the results 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.800 that I was getting in life. And so when I 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.680 wasn't achieving something, when I was so fearful over something, 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:32.200 I wouldn't go after it. And so I said, okay, Lisa, 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.000 just ask yourself what do you actually want? And at 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:36.720 the time, I was a stay at home wife, right, 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:39.040 I was supporting Tom, I was cooking for him, I 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.880 was cleaning for him, and I wasn't happy. And at 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:43.400 the time, I was like, I just want to have 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:46.120 the courage to tell my husband I'm not happy because 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:47.200 it's not his fault. 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.400 I didn't tell him. So how do we build our 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:52.400 courage in order to say the hard thing? 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:52.720 Right? 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:54.879 So when you say, Okay, this is what I'm struggling in, 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:57.680 this is the goal. I just need confidence. At the time, 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.000