Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I hear a radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, what's up. It's Jane Kramer and it's The
Speaker 1: Wine Down. Oh my goodness, I'm so excited. I've been
Speaker 1: wanting to do a podcast for years. And UM, I
Speaker 1: think for those of you that don't know who I am, Um,
Speaker 1: I get ten minutes to tell you who that is.
Speaker 1: I think I need a little bit more than ten minutes.
Speaker 1: But UM, to start, I'm a mom. I have a
Speaker 1: beautiful two year old daughter. Her name is Jolie, and
Speaker 1: she's the love of my life and she's the reason
Speaker 1: why I do everything. Um, I'm married, and I say
Speaker 1: that with caution because, um, you know, my life is
Speaker 1: extremely public and it's been it's been a crazy journey
Speaker 1: because I have I've I've had a couple of marriages
Speaker 1: under my belt. Um, but I wouldn't really call the marriages.
Speaker 1: I would call them glimpses of things because one I
Speaker 1: met when I was nineteen and then we went to Vegas.
Speaker 1: The other one I was only married to for a
Speaker 1: week and now he's my best friend. And um, you know,
Speaker 1: now I'm married and we've been married for it'll be
Speaker 1: three years. In may happily a couple of months. But um,
Speaker 1: that's besides the point and we'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1: But um, wait a minute, did you just say you
Speaker 1: were married to somebody for a week? Yeah? How did
Speaker 1: you get divorced so fast? No? Okay, Well here's the deal.
Speaker 1: We were. He's not my best friend, which is the
Speaker 1: funniest part of all of it. His wife is like
Speaker 1: truly my my best friend here in l A. Um
Speaker 1: and I we have like weekly dinner family parties. Um,
Speaker 1: but we were. We were dating for three years and
Speaker 1: then he was fourteen years older than me. Um, in
Speaker 1: the age wasn't an issue. But what the issue was
Speaker 1: is we were just I was going right, he was
Speaker 1: going left. And but as I'm such like a love
Speaker 1: addict at the core, I just I always wanted to
Speaker 1: please him. And um, but you know my dream I
Speaker 1: was I was going to Nashville. He was here in
Speaker 1: l A. And um, I was just finishing one tree hill.
Speaker 1: Long story short, it was just one of those things
Speaker 1: where I walked on the aisle and was like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be married to this man. Oh no, wait,
Speaker 1: was it a full on wedding with the wedding the
Speaker 1: wedding and everything. Yeah, it was the whole. I mean,
Speaker 1: so what we say is we laugh and we say
Speaker 1: we had a beautiful party. We were not married. Married
Speaker 1: to me is like what I'm in now, Like we
Speaker 1: are like in it, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: we're fighting for it. We have a child, like we're
Speaker 1: working on our marriage. To me, that's marriage, not just
Speaker 1: like a wedding. And so I think I've only been
Speaker 1: like for me, I've only been married once but on
Speaker 1: paper three. But let's go back, let's go back to
Speaker 1: the one week marriage, but one like marriage. You when
Speaker 1: did you decide you needed to get a divorce the
Speaker 1: day I married him? The day you married him? So
Speaker 1: you guys didn't go on the honeymoon, you didn't, Well
Speaker 1: we went up north after because we got married up
Speaker 1: North Michigan. Um, but I just I knew. I actually
Speaker 1: called the wedding off two weeks before. But then I
Speaker 1: was like, well, we have like an okay exclusive and
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to ruin people's plans. So
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, well maybe maybe like
Speaker 1: maybe i'll feel something different, Like maybe I'll walk down
Speaker 1: the aisle and I'll feel something different. But I knew
Speaker 1: that if I stayed married him, we'd have kids and
Speaker 1: then we'd end up divorce, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't want, Like I grew up in a divorce family
Speaker 1: and for me personally, like I just knew, like if
Speaker 1: I knew walking down the aisles shouldn't be married to
Speaker 1: this man, I should divorce him now absolutely, And it
Speaker 1: was like the greatest thing that ever happened, because now
Speaker 1: he's married to this amazing girl named Julie and they
Speaker 1: have a beautiful son, and Camden and Jolie are like
Speaker 1: besties and now we all hang out. I was just
Speaker 1: texting with her there in Hawaii right now, and they're
Speaker 1: coming back and then we're having dinner tomorrow night. That's
Speaker 1: and he's an actor John with and Check, so he
Speaker 1: um and he's he's like my acting coach too, so
Speaker 1: whenever I have auditions he helps me. And yeah, did
Speaker 1: you ever feel like you wanted to be the runaway
Speaker 1: bride where you just didn't show up? Oh? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't do it. I just felt so bad
Speaker 1: for people like I wanted to, like because I wanted
Speaker 1: to have that beautiful day. I wanted to be in
Speaker 1: love with him. It's a thing I like every part
Speaker 1: of me, like was just like because I did, I
Speaker 1: do love like I still I love John. I think
Speaker 1: he's a great guy. Would we have ever worked? No,
Speaker 1: like not at all. Okay, So we're his parents, both
Speaker 1: of his parents there? Yeah, and your parents ever? Everyone
Speaker 1: was there, and girl, it was beau. It was a
Speaker 1: beautiful wedding. Did your parents know? No? No? What about
Speaker 1: his parents? His dad and I never really got along.
Speaker 1: He's like real old school, like cop and I was
Speaker 1: like this little young little like name to marry your son.
Speaker 1: He's like, what is my He probably thought his son
Speaker 1: was going through a midlife crisis, honestly because I was
Speaker 1: like twenty six and he was in his forties. So
Speaker 1: and what about the mom? Oh, she's like they're great,
Speaker 1: They're awesome, and you know they still I mean I
Speaker 1: have not seen them since the wedding. Every time I like,
Speaker 1: I know they're in town right now. So I texted
Speaker 1: Julie and I was like, Hey, does Jolie want to
Speaker 1: play with Camden? But I don't think they want to
Speaker 1: see me, so that we're not cool yet. But Julie,
Speaker 1: John and I are great Okay, And how long has
Speaker 1: it been? So it's been almost eight years? Wow? But
Speaker 1: I mean like again, like we weren't like, yes, we
Speaker 1: we were. We dated for three years and what was
Speaker 1: it like then? So back and forth because he had
Speaker 1: just gotten divorced from Christina appligate. Oh my god, he
Speaker 1: called me Christina so many times? Do it in bed?
Speaker 1: Not in bed? Not in bed? No? But maybe like
Speaker 1: I don't, like I don't remember that, but no, he
Speaker 1: would call me sometimes I would just be and I
Speaker 1: think I always wanted to be better than her, like
Speaker 1: I wanted to be like because he was so hurt
Speaker 1: from that relationship. Did she end it with him? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that's tough when you were rebound for him. He
Speaker 1: had plenty of rebounds before me. But and you was
Speaker 1: like his first girlfriend after Christina, and you feel like
Speaker 1: you two were codependent on each other. No, I he was.
Speaker 1: He like didn't want me at all in the beginning,
Speaker 1: but I like forced myself on him, like because we
Speaker 1: did a movie together called prom Night, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's the guy from that thing you do.
Speaker 1: He's so hot and um, and then we hung out
Speaker 1: and then he's just like, you're too young, and I
Speaker 1: was like, no, I'm not immature, I swear, and and
Speaker 1: then it was just one of those things where I
Speaker 1: just I kept wanting his love and attention and affection.
Speaker 1: And that's like what a love addict is, Okay, And
Speaker 1: so what was the relationship? Like how much time did
Speaker 1: you spend another like that? I mean three years? We
Speaker 1: probably were together like a year, like two years? And
Speaker 1: did you break up a lot? Yeah? We broke up
Speaker 1: a lot because he would there really like oh him
Speaker 1: all the time, and I beIN, please, why don't you
Speaker 1: want to be with me? Um? He just didn't want
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. He's like, I'm just I'm not ready. So
Speaker 1: and I just waited and stayed and passed so many
Speaker 1: like and every time I got in a good relationship
Speaker 1: with someone, he'd always come back. And then I'd of
Speaker 1: course break up with that person and date him and
Speaker 1: date him. And then when he was ready to commit
Speaker 1: to you, that was when you were like, I know,
Speaker 1: but it was because we had different Um, we were
Speaker 1: just so we were too different at that point. Okay,
Speaker 1: but your best friends, but just too different so we
Speaker 1: couldn't be married. Now I know, people are like, well,
Speaker 1: you guys are best friends, like why wouldn't you guys work?
Speaker 1: Because him and Julie work, like she can handle his stuff.
Speaker 1: There's certain things as a wife that I could not
Speaker 1: handle that he does. That makes sense. I understand that.
Speaker 1: Like he's you know, he's really really really actory. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, can you just like stop and just
Speaker 1: because he needs the attention? Does he? I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I know, I like attention. I know, I mean all
Speaker 1: actors like attention. But it's just it's yeah, and there
Speaker 1: is a dark side too, and you know it's it's heavy,
Speaker 1: and it's like I like more of the light with
Speaker 1: the heavy and sometimes like and Julie can balance it
Speaker 1: so well, like I support it supported and I would
Speaker 1: be like, like he he would write a script and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, that's awful, and that's not a supportive wife,
Speaker 1: you know, but I didn't. It's an honest one, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's not a nice one. And Julie like supports
Speaker 1: his like thoughts and ideas well. That makes sense? And
Speaker 1: what about now? What about? Now? What about now? Me?
Speaker 1: Do you like still consider yourself a love addict? I
Speaker 1: can I have always be a love addict. I just
Speaker 1: I love because and you have to be careful with
Speaker 1: that because it's like, you know, there's times when you
Speaker 1: know my husband and I are good, and it's like
Speaker 1: you have to really hone in on that love addiction
Speaker 1: because you don't want to find it somewhere else. You
Speaker 1: gotta keep finding it in the relationship, right, And do
Speaker 1: you think about that sometimes? If you guys are right, No,
Speaker 1: I think I think everyone has like healthy fantasies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I would I'd probably never admit that to him,
Speaker 1: But now that he's probably hearing this, now he knows,
Speaker 1: he knows. No. I mean, I think it's that's a
Speaker 1: tough question because I would be mad at him for
Speaker 1: having those fantasies, right, So I shouldn't either. But sometimes
Speaker 1: I fantasize about being divorced and having the house to myself.
Speaker 1: And that's why my fantasy not about being with someone else.
Speaker 1: It's about being alone, having space, space, just being like
Speaker 1: left alone for a day a Wednesday, every Wednesday, every Wednesday.
Speaker 1: Does he does he demand a lot? Does he know
Speaker 1: my husband is he's great? I mean, obviously it's very public.
Speaker 1: Our our our separation was extremely public. And his stuff,
Speaker 1: which you know, well, I'll talk about later in in podcast. History,
Speaker 1: but um, we're working on it. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Like marriage is, whether there's infidelity, whether there's um issues
Speaker 1: in the marriage, you always have to work on it. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think someone that has a perfect marriage I call
Speaker 1: BS two right away absolutely because you have to grow.
Speaker 1: That means that you're actually not working on your marriage
Speaker 1: then to me personally, right because you're not growing, you
Speaker 1: have to grow together and the people that don't grow together, like,
Speaker 1: we're both willing to work. That's the thing. I'm willing
Speaker 1: to work. He's willing to work. That's what's making this
Speaker 1: relationship not end catastrophically. Yet you go to therapy so
Speaker 1: much therapy, but I love therapy. I think it's great.
Speaker 1: Do you do individual and marriage individual marriage And he's
Speaker 1: got his whole in his own thing that he goes
Speaker 1: to as well. So it's it's both of us. You know,
Speaker 1: you actively working in the marriage. You guys are in it.
Speaker 1: You guys are really putting the work. It's tough. I
Speaker 1: mean sometimes, like after couples therapy, it's really close to
Speaker 1: our house, so a lot of the times I walk
Speaker 1: home just because I just need like a minute. It's
Speaker 1: tough because you're talking about things. It's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: wish it was a complete fairy tale and perfect, but
Speaker 1: it's not. But at the end of the day, like
Speaker 1: it could be. If you really truly work on it
Speaker 1: and both partners are willing to work on it, then
Speaker 1: you could have a beautiful relationship. I love that. So
Speaker 1: here's the deal. I need as much help as all
Speaker 1: of you guys do, and I'm I'm constantly on my
Speaker 1: comments looking at what you guys want and what I
Speaker 1: need to is. So I'm gonna have not only celebrity
Speaker 1: moms on here. I'm gonna have life coaches. I'm going
Speaker 1: to have sex experts. I'm gonna have a marriage therapist
Speaker 1: because I know we all need some help. I know
Speaker 1: I do. Caroline's wisen um. She is a life coach
Speaker 1: um works with mom issues, relationship issues, or even just
Speaker 1: life and you can find her at Caroline's Wicksen dot com. Caroline, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you. I'm good? How are you? I'm doing great?
Speaker 1: Thank you? So can you tell our listeners, um, just
Speaker 1: a little bit about you your background? Yeah? Absolutely so. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm a women's someone will help and life coach. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm really passionate about you. Know, connecting, connecting to two um.
Speaker 1: And my background is in psychology, so I have also
Speaker 1: have a master's in counseling psychology, and I specifically now
Speaker 1: work with mothers to really reclaim themselves, you know, their
Speaker 1: identity after becoming a mom, which so many times get
Speaker 1: so lost. Um, and then also reclaiming your health both
Speaker 1: part of that's amazing. And I'm here with producer Jen too,
Speaker 1: and we were just having that conversation about how it's
Speaker 1: that's that's what I'm personally dealing with, is how to
Speaker 1: be able to separate being a mom and then my
Speaker 1: career because I have we have a lot of guilt
Speaker 1: with that too. So what would be like your advice
Speaker 1: for me and mom's out there that are having that problem,
Speaker 1: but having that guilt problem specifically guilt, but then also
Speaker 1: so I guess two things, guilt and then also how
Speaker 1: to how to have my things, like how to have
Speaker 1: my purpose and all of this. Mm hmm yeah, So
Speaker 1: like really like how do you reclaim yourself as a woman? UM?
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of times, you know, like
Speaker 1: the most common thing that I really hear from from
Speaker 1: moms in in my work, if I don't even know
Speaker 1: who I am anymore? Right, that real sense of loss
Speaker 1: that like I don't even know what happened to the
Speaker 1: woman who I once was. And then there's this whole
Speaker 1: idea in our society and culture of like bouncing back
Speaker 1: and getting that woman back and getting that life back.
Speaker 1: And what I always tell my clients and what I've
Speaker 1: seen a lot of time talking about, is that it's
Speaker 1: not about um, you know, getting back what who you
Speaker 1: once were, but really needing that person that you are now,
Speaker 1: and really needing the woman, the mother that you've evolved into,
Speaker 1: because she has changed, like she's different physically, you know,
Speaker 1: like her value system has changed dramatically, And so really
Speaker 1: approaching this topic with a really open mind and open
Speaker 1: heart and really finding out who are you now that
Speaker 1: you've undergone this massive transition? Um? I think. And then
Speaker 1: another point to that is I think something that is
Speaker 1: really important obviously is time. Like so many moms struggle
Speaker 1: with time, and like not even moms right, like everybody
Speaker 1: nowadays struggling with time, UM, and becoming really good at
Speaker 1: delegating and understanding what are at the areas and subchecks
Speaker 1: that you can actually take care of, UM, And what
Speaker 1: do I think that you can really delegate to other people,
Speaker 1: and how can you really structure a support system and
Speaker 1: a tribe around you that is supporting you in you know,
Speaker 1: integrating motherhood into your life. M you know what. I
Speaker 1: love that. Here's my problem with it though, when because
Speaker 1: I sat down with my therapist and I it's just
Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm doing everything, and she goes, well,
Speaker 1: start trying to ask people for help. So but when
Speaker 1: I asked people for help, for example, like my daughter
Speaker 1: had split up in our crib and it took me.
Speaker 1: It was so hard for me to ask my nanny
Speaker 1: to clean the sheets. But why didn't the nanny just
Speaker 1: clean this cheats well? Because she didn't know that she
Speaker 1: had like spit up in there. And so I had asked.
Speaker 1: I asked, nanny, I said, and it was like I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I'm gonna practice like what my therapist
Speaker 1: told me to do. So I was like, can you
Speaker 1: please change the sheets in like the crib room, you know,
Speaker 1: in her nursery. And I come home and she didn't
Speaker 1: do it. So I'm like, this is why I don't
Speaker 1: ask people to do something, because it doesn't get done
Speaker 1: like I have to just I'm just gonna do it myself, right,
Speaker 1: So that's like where it's like how do I how
Speaker 1: do I delegate? But if I don't like the way
Speaker 1: that it's done or if it's not done, how do
Speaker 1: I deal with that? Well, if it's not done, then
Speaker 1: you know, maybe we're not getting the right kind of support,
Speaker 1: like you honestly like made people that you can trust
Speaker 1: and rely on. Um, and who are you know like
Speaker 1: also like obviously like willing to help you. UM. I
Speaker 1: think that whole like hesitation to ask for help like
Speaker 1: that is really unless so that we can train. I
Speaker 1: think the more we can train ourselves to ask for help,
Speaker 1: the easier it becomes, and the more trusting we also become.
Speaker 1: As we were experiencing over time, but I asked the
Speaker 1: person for help, and they did it, and it was
Speaker 1: done in a way that it was accessible for me
Speaker 1: and for everybody else and from like basically like having
Speaker 1: positive experience, positive experience, positive experience that is current to
Speaker 1: build your trust muscle. It's hard though, So it's really hard,
Speaker 1: and it's really hard to find a team that like
Speaker 1: really you know, puts into your life. Stuff Like a
Speaker 1: friend of mine always as higher really slowly for anyone
Speaker 1: who comes into your personal house. Yeah, hey, true or false.
Speaker 1: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. M M agree.
Speaker 1: I agree with that too. Why do people think that
Speaker 1: that's true though, because it's the easy way out, you know.
Speaker 1: But if you're really talking about creating lives that are
Speaker 1: really fulfilling for ourselves, because a lot of people set
Speaker 1: up for a mediocre life, right. I was texting your
Speaker 1: coach and I was like that, she's gonna say true,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna say b as to that. You are
Speaker 1: a true life coach. People should definitely all right, here's
Speaker 1: another one, true or false. Um, if you can beat them,
Speaker 1: join them. If you can't beat them, join them. She's
Speaker 1: passed again. But here's the problem. People think that's like
Speaker 1: true stuff can beat them. Yeah yeah, but then you're
Speaker 1: just sacrificing yourself and your own values and that's not
Speaker 1: a good way of living. She's she is. And it starts,
Speaker 1: doesn't it, Caroline. It starts with girls when they're like
Speaker 1: really young in their peer groups. Yeah, and boys too.
Speaker 1: I mean, like develop developmentally. They go through like a
Speaker 1: twinship face right where they are basically trying on what
Speaker 1: it's like to be like the other people and they're
Speaker 1: like copying everything that somebody else is doing. But I
Speaker 1: think that's where, you know, like our parenting comes in
Speaker 1: at some point where we also have to encourage them
Speaker 1: to be true individuals and a lot of that happens
Speaker 1: of role modeling. Right, how can use it to your
Speaker 1: own values? So how can use it to what's really
Speaker 1: important to you? How can you actually speak with an
Speaker 1: authentic voice? And that's what your children will learn? Right?
Speaker 1: Question about that with relationships? What do you what's your
Speaker 1: advice about an argument in front of your children? Is
Speaker 1: it something where it? Because here's here's my problem. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be like, oh, we're just like perfect
Speaker 1: and people don't argue, And it's like what is what
Speaker 1: is the line with with that and raising you know,
Speaker 1: showing your children certain things? Yeah, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: like an argument like it can be like something where
Speaker 1: you're feeling like, Okay, we're actually coming to a solution
Speaker 1: and we're like having a people of conversation. We just
Speaker 1: have different opinions, but we're coming to a compromise. I
Speaker 1: think that's great for your children to be able to watch,
Speaker 1: But if it's a really heated argument, and where like
Speaker 1: basically like the foundation of safety of the family feels
Speaker 1: at risk to a child, I think it's left would
Speaker 1: be taken into another room. So what's the word I
Speaker 1: think table it or like like what's the like not
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean? Like how do you
Speaker 1: how do you stop something? Then like how do you
Speaker 1: stop the argument? So I think you know one of
Speaker 1: you or both ideally like you have to agree, like
Speaker 1: if this happened. Confusually this kind of thing like it happened,
Speaker 1: and then later on you're like, shoot, like this really
Speaker 1: something that happened. You know. Um, then you basically say,
Speaker 1: like the next time, I'm feeling the seats coming up again,
Speaker 1: because usually work of us feel speech when anger rises
Speaker 1: in the body. When I'm feeling the sensation in my body,
Speaker 1: it's going to be my responsibility to say, let's stop
Speaker 1: this conversation now, And that's resument when the kids are
Speaker 1: in bed or when you know, when we're out of
Speaker 1: out forever, because I want to like finish it. Also,
Speaker 1: you're heated saying you're not really in the moment. You
Speaker 1: are in the moment of the anger, so you're not
Speaker 1: thinking about anything else around you. How do you how
Speaker 1: do you deal with It's really hard moms wanting to
Speaker 1: separate to there because sometimes I feel lost as not
Speaker 1: only a mom, but as a wife too. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, it's just like who Like like
Speaker 1: you said, like who am I? Because I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: a I'm my wife, I'm a mom, But like what
Speaker 1: other where's my Where's Janna? Like where did she go?
Speaker 1: Because I'm just trying to please everybody in the family. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I mean this is again like moms tell me
Speaker 1: I'm losing myself, and dad, it's a husband tell me,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm losing my wife. What happens a
Speaker 1: lot because women have the tendency because they drive us crazy.
Speaker 1: That's why they don't know that, you know what, pusnant
Speaker 1: were just talking about that because he goes he's like, why, oh,
Speaker 1: he made a comment about Mother's Day and it was like,
Speaker 1: moms are magical And I go, why did you just
Speaker 1: make that voice? And he goes, oh, sorry, I didn't
Speaker 1: realize it was a Mother's Day ad And I'm like,
Speaker 1: we are magical. We do everything. And he's like, you
Speaker 1: don't do everything? And I was like, where's our daughter
Speaker 1: going to preschool. He's like, I was like, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: like you wouldn't think to like like, we just take
Speaker 1: care of it. We don't ask you to help us,
Speaker 1: like I mean, like we we take care of all
Speaker 1: of it all. Who's does he know where her dentist is?
Speaker 1: She wouldn't even know when she has to go to
Speaker 1: the dentist. So it's like, but like, but we put
Speaker 1: all that pressure on us. But here's the problem. And again,
Speaker 1: like I know how you say to delegate. So I
Speaker 1: could be like, honey, make an appointment, and I know
Speaker 1: he would, but he wouldn't do it when I want
Speaker 1: him to do it, right, it would be two days
Speaker 1: from now, yeah, or like a month from now of course.
Speaker 1: So it's like again, it's like that's where I feel
Speaker 1: like we we um almost like force us, not force ourselves,
Speaker 1: but like we're the reason why we're losing ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we're not delegating. Like Caroline just said, we need
Speaker 1: to delegate. We have to well, because I think in
Speaker 1: order to delegate effectively in hisself, that goes back to
Speaker 1: what we were talking about earlier. Um, we do have
Speaker 1: to trust the other people and we also have to
Speaker 1: allow other people to do it their way right. So
Speaker 1: like if I'm, for example, like I'm usually a person
Speaker 1: who cooks dinner because I'm also want to food and
Speaker 1: kind of like with them in our family. And if
Speaker 1: I now told my husband to make dinner and he's
Speaker 1: starting to make something that you make, like he's not
Speaker 1: going to make the dinner that I make. But I
Speaker 1: have to be okay with that. It's strategic incompetence, and
Speaker 1: I just got with the expectations, like he's he's purposely
Speaker 1: screwing up something because he's like I don't want to
Speaker 1: have to do that, like when they go to the
Speaker 1: grocery store and forget to buy four or five things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and here's the deal. I know, I'm like giving my
Speaker 1: husband hard time, but he is great because he does
Speaker 1: he does, you know, help the laundry, although he's never
Speaker 1: he's like, these pants don't fit her anymore. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: because there's six months pants, Like you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you could have put them like away, Why are
Speaker 1: you putting those on our daughter? Like it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't think he's ever like, you know, helped. I don't
Speaker 1: know how those were still in her door because usually
Speaker 1: I make sure that her clothes are put away that
Speaker 1: don't fit her anymore. But somehow those got in there,
Speaker 1: probably because he kept putting them on her like dot her.
Speaker 1: But um, you know, I mean he does help, but
Speaker 1: it is hard because again, like as moms like I
Speaker 1: feel like we do put that pressure on ourselves. And
Speaker 1: having a life coach help us, I think is would
Speaker 1: be beneficial for me, Oh for sure. So what what
Speaker 1: do you do? Like? How do you is it like
Speaker 1: is it like a therapy session? Do I sit down
Speaker 1: and talk to you? Is it something where you know,
Speaker 1: is it like a weekly thing? Is it a monthly thing?
Speaker 1: Or how does that work with a life coach? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it can look in different ways. The way
Speaker 1: I work with my clients is UM basically how you
Speaker 1: really greatly? Because we said is it like does it
Speaker 1: like therapy? Um? That basically life coaching focus is much
Speaker 1: more on the future and really connecting you with your
Speaker 1: intuition and your desired outcomes going forward versus traditional therapy
Speaker 1: really focuses more on your past and really overcoming things
Speaker 1: that happened in your childhood or in your past that
Speaker 1: you're you know, not able to move away from. UM
Speaker 1: and So in coaching, I worked with my clients every
Speaker 1: two weeks, so we speak on the phone every two
Speaker 1: weeks UM, and we discussed in our lives what are
Speaker 1: their block and then also what are we UM? What
Speaker 1: do you want to achieve? Like what do you want
Speaker 1: to get to UM? And then according to that we
Speaker 1: plan very pretty strategic and set the big action stuff UM.
Speaker 1: And then they have two weeks to implement and they
Speaker 1: have unlimited email support. So I work with my clients
Speaker 1: where you know, they can write me an email whenever
Speaker 1: UM they need to in order to update me on
Speaker 1: if something is working at something is not working, and
Speaker 1: then we kind of problem solved from they're amazing. That's awesome. Well, Caroline,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I really appreciate Where can we
Speaker 1: find you out? UM? iFIT it's Caroline six, the dot
Speaker 1: coms Caroline b A r O l I N E
Speaker 1: and the kicks them VS and cebra w I c
Speaker 1: K s O N. And are you on Instagram or
Speaker 1: need those? I'm on Instagram and my Instagram handle is
Speaker 1: ko tick fun so c A R O V w
Speaker 1: I c K s O N. Amazing. Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. We really appreciate it. And this is definitely
Speaker 1: something that I know that I'm going to need. So
Speaker 1: hopefully your mama is out there got some good info too,
Speaker 1: So thanks Caroline, have a great day. Thank you. Right
Speaker 1: all right, So these days you can get practically everything demand,
Speaker 1: like our podcast, which you can listen whenever you want,
Speaker 1: when it's convenient for you. And did you know you
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Speaker 1: Click on the radio microphone at the top of the
Speaker 1: homepage and type in Janna, that's stamps dot com and
Speaker 1: enter Janna. Okay, um, should we talk about sex on
Speaker 1: the show? I think sex? What I mean? It's curious
Speaker 1: because I think sex and marriage is a huge issue. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I have found married and not having sex there is
Speaker 1: a problem that is not being talked about. I mean
Speaker 1: my ex we didn't even sleep in the same bedroom
Speaker 1: for the last two and a half years. That's because
Speaker 1: you guys didn't like each other. Yeah, yeah, because were
Speaker 1: you not attracted to your husband? Were you ever? I
Speaker 1: think so? I mean that was so long ago. We
Speaker 1: had to have been attracted to him to get married. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I was so young. I was so young? Really? Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you probably yeah, I'm sure I was. There was
Speaker 1: a there was a time. Did you ever think about so?
Speaker 1: Then you how long? What was the longest you went
Speaker 1: without sleeping with your husband? Probably about three years? Three years?
Speaker 1: No sex? Did you master me? Can we talk about that? That?
Speaker 1: Can talk about that much? It's too much because I
Speaker 1: will talk about it. That's the problem. I am. So
Speaker 1: we just go too far. What didn't you just go
Speaker 1: to want to know if you guys think we're going
Speaker 1: too far, I will stop. I will peg this right
Speaker 1: on up. But here's the problem. If you guys want
Speaker 1: to be open book with me, we can talk about
Speaker 1: it all. If you want to send me in your
Speaker 1: questions or your comments, um, you can email me at
Speaker 1: Jane Kramer at iHeart media dot com. And if you
Speaker 1: have any questions about sex or what you should do,
Speaker 1: Like I have a friend she doesn't sleep with her husband,
Speaker 1: and I have a hard like they have to like
Speaker 1: schedule sex. I'm like, well that's boring. How often do
Speaker 1: they schedule it? I think it's like every other month,
Speaker 1: like it's second or having sex that's like what like
Speaker 1: the therapist had recommended. So it's like and for me
Speaker 1: it's like I actually want to have more sex than
Speaker 1: a husband, which is an issue. So was it always
Speaker 1: that way with him? With Michael? Yeah, well he has
Speaker 1: he's got like intimacy issues, which is something that we
Speaker 1: can talk on. Somebody like that. It's tough. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: like word really it's so tough. So that's something I
Speaker 1: think we need a marriage counselor on the show for
Speaker 1: that talk. I think so too, because that's that's something
Speaker 1: that like he is working on. But it's really hard
Speaker 1: for me because I'm like, well, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be intimate. Why can't we just like have sex? But
Speaker 1: he connects, he connects to two and you're able to
Speaker 1: next like making love with intimacy, and I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not. We don't have to make love right now.
Speaker 1: We can just have sex like you can even yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean like it's cool, but like I for some reason,
Speaker 1: like I need that, like like I don't need the
Speaker 1: fore play. Let's just get to it. I'm fine even
Speaker 1: if I don't climb the hill. Yeah, yes I can.
Speaker 1: It's still like I don't know. I sometimes I think
Speaker 1: it's bad, but I do equate love with sex like
Speaker 1: that he wants me because he's with me, right, But
Speaker 1: that's part of the love addict. Yes, ding ding ding.
Speaker 1: But it's like, man, I feel so rejected as a husband, right,
Speaker 1: and that's not good. When men feel rejected, that's when
Speaker 1: they start to look outside of the marriage. But here's here,
Speaker 1: and here's the issue with me, which is what I
Speaker 1: was like because I wanted sex. I'm like, why did
Speaker 1: you cheat on me? Like I was willing to have
Speaker 1: sex with you. So that's that's the part that stings
Speaker 1: me because I'm like, I begged you for sex, right,
Speaker 1: I wanted to have But that's a totally different issue,
Speaker 1: I know. But that's what's like, there's that that rejection
Speaker 1: piece that I have to work on. So it's like
Speaker 1: when he doesn't want to sleep with me, because for me, personally,
Speaker 1: i'd be happy with I'd be happy with like three
Speaker 1: times a week, like full on three times a week,
Speaker 1: like me actually trying like maybe like twice a week, okay.
Speaker 1: And what about him? What do you think he wants?
Speaker 1: I think he'd be okay with like ones or not
Speaker 1: even once every other do you what do you think
Speaker 1: people do in those situations? Like you guys have been
Speaker 1: going to therapy, what what is the therapist saying, Well,
Speaker 1: we haven't really gotten there because we have so many
Speaker 1: other issues that we have to work on. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's definitely an issue in therapy, but I think that
Speaker 1: something we're still like working on and he's working on
Speaker 1: because sometimes like it doesn't have to just be sex,
Speaker 1: but I still want to be able to like I
Speaker 1: want to make out, I want to do those things.
Speaker 1: Do you people? I feel like don't make out what
Speaker 1: does he kiss you when he sees you? Does he
Speaker 1: is he affectionate? Y ask? But again I'm I'm more affectionate,
Speaker 1: like again like he because he has that like intimacy issue,
Speaker 1: Like I would be like I have way more p
Speaker 1: d A. But now I've like gone back from that
Speaker 1: because I know he doesn't like it as much. So
Speaker 1: it's like, well, then I'm not being myself and that's
Speaker 1: not doesn't feel good for me, and so like we're
Speaker 1: trying to find that healthy balance. But that's the thing,
Speaker 1: Like when I talk to my other girlfriends, it's like
Speaker 1: I'm having sex, it's like whether you want to or not,
Speaker 1: do you want your husband stepping out on you know,
Speaker 1: like have sex with them whether you want it or not.
Speaker 1: But then don't be a log because they're like, well,
Speaker 1: of course I don't want to sleep with you because
Speaker 1: you're just like laying there. But then if the person
Speaker 1: really doesn't want to sleep with the guy, it's really
Speaker 1: married exactly, I don't know. I mean some things, I
Speaker 1: get it. You don't want to have sex, you're tired,
Speaker 1: you've got baby puke all over you, Like I get that.
Speaker 1: But then at the same time, you should. Also, you
Speaker 1: have to have investment in your relationship, and part of
Speaker 1: an investment is having sex. I think it is, But
Speaker 1: I also have women that don't. They aren't just very
Speaker 1: sexual and they don't they've never like masturbated before, and
Speaker 1: I find that crazy. You have friends who have never
Speaker 1: mastered ever, And I'm like, let me walk you into
Speaker 1: a hustler store and buy you a rabbit, like it'll
Speaker 1: just change your life? Is that? Like? Do you start
Speaker 1: buying mom on Amazon and giving giving one in a while?
Speaker 1: I have an old faithful let's just call her old faithful.
Speaker 1: She's been a round. And how does your actually feel?
Speaker 1: Like my husband? We don't really talk about that, really no,
Speaker 1: because it's it's a very touchy subject in the household
Speaker 1: because I don't want him doing that. But does he
Speaker 1: he better not? He must, he can't, he must be
Speaker 1: it's weird again, I can't. It's like it's a it's
Speaker 1: a tough topic because you know it's again. Once there's
Speaker 1: like infidelity, things just kind of go. It's there's different
Speaker 1: boundaries that needs to be in place interest him, Okay,
Speaker 1: boundaries and do you feel like you're on the other
Speaker 1: side of that? Oh, no, No, there's still trust issues.
Speaker 1: I think there's I am trusting him more, but I
Speaker 1: think you always have to continue to work on the trust.
Speaker 1: But I'm willing to talk more about sex if you
Speaker 1: guys are so, if you have any questions. Jannekramer, I
Speaker 1: heart media dot Com, Let's talk about it. What is
Speaker 1: pan sexual? Pan Sexual is a term that a lot
Speaker 1: of millennials are using. They're more on the spectrum of sexuality.
Speaker 1: It does has nothing to do with gender, um race age, anything.
Speaker 1: It's just they can fall in love with the human being,
Speaker 1: so they don't even consider themselves that liquid. Isn't there
Speaker 1: something another liquid thing? It's like, it's like fluid, fluid fluid,
Speaker 1: I'm fluid, Like, isn't the same thing? It's pretty much
Speaker 1: the same thing. It's like you're on a spectrum of you.
Speaker 1: Just it doesn't matter the gender you're just if you
Speaker 1: fall in love with Nikki, who's a girl, happens to
Speaker 1: be a girl, You're in love with Nikki the human
Speaker 1: beings you could ever fall in love with a girl.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I WoT love me well, I
Speaker 1: love you like I'm gonna make you fall in love
Speaker 1: with me and I'm getting we're gonna make out with me?
Speaker 1: But um, I feel totally connected to you. But I
Speaker 1: am so right now so so so mand um, I
Speaker 1: I think that I you know what, I've never told
Speaker 1: this before. Ever. There was this waitress at Friday's. Um.
Speaker 1: I was in high school and I don't remember her name,
Speaker 1: but I had the biggest crush on her. She was
Speaker 1: like short hair lesbian. Oh wow. But she was like
Speaker 1: cool and like confident and like sexy, and I would
Speaker 1: like catch myself flirting with her and I was like,
Speaker 1: am I No, I just like I've never I've never
Speaker 1: forgot about her. Wow, weird, right, But I would go
Speaker 1: for like more of the like short hair girl, so
Speaker 1: more boyish. Yeah, like I'm obsessed with like um oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I just read her name. She's married to
Speaker 1: the writer Glendalon Glennon Doyle. She's married. She's a soccer
Speaker 1: player Abby, Abby wand box. I have a girl crush
Speaker 1: on her? Did you ever have? Never? I don't think
Speaker 1: I could actually go through with it. Yeah, So I've
Speaker 1: never done that. I've never even kissed a girl, even
Speaker 1: though I want to sing this song I kissed a girl. No,
Speaker 1: but I've never kissed a girl like I mean, I've
Speaker 1: like kissed on like but not like as in like
Speaker 1: a lesbian way, lesbian way. He didn't make no no
Speaker 1: no no. But I've I've never had that, but I've
Speaker 1: I've never thought forgot about the Friday's girl And where
Speaker 1: was she? Where did she? I was a waitress in
Speaker 1: Michigan at Friday's. Wow, Yeah, that's never forgotten about her.
Speaker 1: I've never what's her name? I don't remember. I had
Speaker 1: a hard time keeping a job when I was in Michigan.
Speaker 1: I would just go from job to job. Where did you? Oh?
Speaker 1: I worked at Appleby's, Friday's Um American Grill. I worked
Speaker 1: at Joe's Crabshack, Greek Island. I love Greek Island. Yeah. So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, my boyfriend would have like a soccer game
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to show up for work. That
Speaker 1: was the problem. And I was like good. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: apparently I am really boring because everyone's like telling me
Speaker 1: about like they're always like, what shows do you watch?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, the one show I did watch
Speaker 1: was over Scandal, right, So I'm like, you know what
Speaker 1: I watched? You want to hear what I watched. I
Speaker 1: was like Puppy Dog Pals, Mickey Mouse in the Roadster Clubhouse,
Speaker 1: Like that's the stuff that I watched. Transformer Like me,
Speaker 1: Everyone's like, you don't watch Westworld or you know Handmaid's Tails,
Speaker 1: Like I would love to, but by the time it's
Speaker 1: eight o'clock, I want a glass of wine, I want
Speaker 1: my bed, and I want to go to sleep. That's it, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many times I've watched Bolt? That's
Speaker 1: actually really good. I just watched it the other day.
Speaker 1: It was really cute. Just in the past three days.
Speaker 1: Have you seen Up? Have I seen Up? It's so good.
Speaker 1: It's so sad, though, I mean, this is like, but
Speaker 1: I feel like we should. This is okay because you
Speaker 1: and I are so busy and we just watch like
Speaker 1: Up and um Tangled and all those shows. Let's challenge
Speaker 1: each other to watch a show. So it'll be like
Speaker 1: instead of a book club, it'll be a show club.
Speaker 1: Which which show? Which show do you want to watch? Well?
Speaker 1: I kind of want to watch Handmaids Tale. I've heard
Speaker 1: that's really good. Okay, so let's do this because I
Speaker 1: know it's challenging. Let's watch two a week. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's pretty I can do that. I can do
Speaker 1: that Tuesday and Thursday night. Sure, get on this Sunday,
Speaker 1: I'll do Wednesday. I'll do Tuesday Wednesday and when we'll
Speaker 1: talk about it and then we'll talk about it because
Speaker 1: I feel like if I'm not getting because if not,
Speaker 1: then I'm just gonna sit down and watch like Kardashian
Speaker 1: reruns until I like get tired enough and fall asleep
Speaker 1: and I'll watch, you know, season twelve begun. We need
Speaker 1: to like, we need to be we need we need
Speaker 1: to be cool moms. Okay, like we need to have
Speaker 1: some fun for ourselves. We need to be cool moms. Um,
Speaker 1: and you guys feel free to join us and watching
Speaker 1: Handmaid's Tale and we can like binge talk about it
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, we can talk all about it because
Speaker 1: I feel like for the moms out there that are
Speaker 1: just have pop past in their brain, we can now
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, have you watched handmaid Stale? And like
Speaker 1: you can like feel a part of the conversation. It's
Speaker 1: a gradual bene. Okay, it's not a binge at all.
Speaker 1: It's just reasonable binge. It's a small binge to a week.
Speaker 1: We're going from zero to two huge. That's huge, that's
Speaker 1: two hours. I'm gonna have so much more like knowledge
Speaker 1: in life and I'm just gonna walk around being like
Speaker 1: the Handmaids Tale and we're just no idea what it is.
Speaker 1: It's so excited handmaidge. There's nuns in it. Oh cool
Speaker 1: there about the nuns. Do you have a thing for nuns?
Speaker 1: Is that your girl across a none? But oh, speaking
Speaker 1: of your blonde girl that you loved? Um, who are
Speaker 1: your girl crushes? Do you have them? Celebrity celebrity gerty
Speaker 1: girl crush? Well, you know, Kate Hutson cut her hair.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of digging on her now she's got cut Yeah,
Speaker 1: Katie Perry too, I'm not into her. No, No, Kate Hudson.
Speaker 1: Kate Hutson, she's got great style. But honestly, you know,
Speaker 1: I would say Kate Hudson ill like cry style and
Speaker 1: then um, oh man, that's kind of a tough one.
Speaker 1: But you know whose Instagram? I look at a lot.
Speaker 1: Who is Um Chloe Kardashian. I love Chloe. She's not
Speaker 1: my girl crushed though, Um Drew Barrymore because she's so cute.
Speaker 1: She has everything going on and I want to drink
Speaker 1: rose with her because I just think i'd have her
Speaker 1: on a drink that is so fun um in Sandra Bullock,
Speaker 1: I love her, love her. She's so classy. She is
Speaker 1: She's always kept it classy, even when she was going
Speaker 1: through the worst time of her life. Just the one
Speaker 1: worst time I know he was that was he did
Speaker 1: her wrong. That was just she is great that she's
Speaker 1: just pure class. Yeah, and she's a mom, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I like her a lot. Speaking of Kate Hadson's about
Speaker 1: to have a baby, a baby girl. Yeah, we should
Speaker 1: have her on. I just would love to talk to
Speaker 1: her like how she bounced because she's been married three times.
Speaker 1: I know, well, you know, with three different kids from
Speaker 1: three different daddies. So I'm curious all musicians like her.
Speaker 1: She's got a type. She's definitely definitely got a type.
Speaker 1: But I will, you know what. I love her mom
Speaker 1: because when I got as soon as I started announcing
Speaker 1: that I was getting divorced, I was like, I'm never
Speaker 1: ever getting married again. I'm going to goldieh on it
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. I mean, it's working for
Speaker 1: right because they wake up every morning and they make
Speaker 1: the choice to stay together. There's not a piece of paper. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: this is so much about it. I'm so excited. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for listening. Um, this has just
Speaker 1: made my entire world. I hope you guys enjoy it
Speaker 1: as much as I have. UM and Jen, you're so sweet.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here with me. Anything you guys
Speaker 1: want to talk about, please let me know any advice,
Speaker 1: what you just anything, I mean, let's talk about it all.
Speaker 1: Email me at Janne Kramer at iHeartMedia dot com and
Speaker 1: we'll be back next week and we'll wind down together
Speaker 1: again