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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we.

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Speaker 3: Have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick tum minute ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 4: My friend introduced me to a guy. Now I'm losing

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Speaker 4: my favorite coffee shop.

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Speaker 3: Well, that just sucks. Not again.

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Speaker 4: I live alone in a city and I've had some

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Speaker 4: trouble making friends. I go to the same cafe every

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Speaker 4: day and the owners have taken on almost a parental

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Speaker 4: role since my family's so far away. I'm close with

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Speaker 4: them and I trust them and they care about my

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Speaker 4: well being. So when one of the owners, Sarah, gave

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Speaker 4: me the number of another regular Derek, I trusted her judgment.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user wrong competition, and

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Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, submit them

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Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay Storytime separate it. I know

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Speaker 4: Derek a little bit from spending time in the cafe.

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Speaker 4: It's a small place and we both sit at the

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Speaker 4: counter so we can chat with the owners. Usually we

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Speaker 4: sit next to each other. We've chatted about movies. He

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Speaker 4: once helped me with my language homework, and he's generally

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Speaker 4: in the cafe, hanging out most afternoon, sometimes reading, sometimes

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Speaker 4: working on his computer. He's also friends with the owners

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Speaker 4: of the cafe and has always seemed like a nice person,

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Speaker 4: so I certainly wasn't against getting to know him better.

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Speaker 4: When Sarah gave me his number yesterday, she was selling

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Speaker 4: him pretty hard. I asked her about the book she

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Speaker 4: was reading and she said, Derek lent it to me,

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Speaker 4: And when I asked about a card game, she said,

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Speaker 4: Derek taught it to me, so I said, okay, I

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Speaker 4: get it. I'll text him. I texted Derek after I

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Speaker 4: left the cafe, and I thought it was maybe a

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Speaker 4: bad idea, because if things went south, it would be

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Speaker 4: uncomfortable to see him in the cafe almost every day.

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Speaker 4: But it seemed like Derek had already set things in

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Speaker 4: motion by asking Sarah to slip me his phone number

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Speaker 4: in the first place. Derek told me that he could

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Speaker 4: use more friends in the neighborhood and that he'd like

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Speaker 4: to get to know me outside of the cafe, so

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Speaker 4: he went for a few adult sodas. So last night

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Speaker 4: I learned that Derek is thirty one. Yay, unemployed boo

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Speaker 4: and he sees passed away people. He's a full on weirdo,

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Speaker 4: which is fine. I still had fun hanging out with him,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't feel unsafe for a threaten until I

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Speaker 4: got home. In the ten minutes it took for me

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Speaker 4: to get into my apartment and get ready for bed,

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Speaker 4: Derek sent me about twenty messages about how he wanted

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Speaker 4: to kiss me and asking if he could come upstairs.

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Speaker 4: I told him no, thank you for a fun evening,

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Speaker 4: good night, and went to bed. My phone overnight and

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Speaker 4: when I woke up I plugged it in. He had

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Speaker 4: sent me more messages confronting me about blocking his number,

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Speaker 4: which I didn't do. These messages were over the top

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Speaker 4: and intense, and honestly they worry me a bit. It's

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Speaker 4: obvious to me that I need to back away from

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Speaker 4: this person, but right now I have no idea how

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Speaker 4: to do this gracefully. I wouldn't mind a friendship, but

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Speaker 4: he's made it clear that he's interested in a romantic relationship.

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Speaker 4: I just want to be able to get coffee and

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Speaker 4: enjoy myself without any awkwardness. What can I do? What

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Speaker 4: should I say to Derek? And should I tell Sarah

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Speaker 4: that this guy freaked me out. We have a small update.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for your advice. I just went to have

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Speaker 4: some coffee and talk with Sarah. I didn't tell her everything,

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Speaker 4: but I told her I found Derek a little strange

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Speaker 4: and she asked me what happened, and I told her

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Speaker 4: what he said about seeing ghosts. I mentioned in one

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Speaker 4: of my comments that Sarah shares some of Derek's interest

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Speaker 4: in spirituality and mindfulness. We talked a little more about this.

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Speaker 4: She's a very open minded person. Sarah knows Derek believes

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Speaker 4: he sees and hears ghosts and said she wasn't sure

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Speaker 4: if it was true, but she didn't believe he was deranged.

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Speaker 4: I probably misunderstood some of what he was telling me

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Speaker 4: about seeing passed away people because we weren't speaking English. Okay.

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Speaker 4: She asked me overall how I felt the date went,

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Speaker 4: and I told her that he was getting pretty intense.

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Speaker 4: He's too old for me, and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: She told me that she thinks Derek is a good boy,

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Speaker 4: but agreed that he can be a little over the

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Speaker 4: top and told me to let her know if he

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Speaker 4: did anything else that made me uncomfortable. Do we tell Sarah,

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Speaker 4: I think.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what's what's Sarah's relation to Derek again?

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Speaker 4: He just goes to the cafe as well, like their friends,

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Speaker 4: like their friends, and he's he's like a regular.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I feel like you could like how Opie, how careful

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Speaker 5: Opie is being around Sarah makes it feel like Sarah's

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Speaker 5: like related to him like a mom or something or

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Speaker 5: like that.

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Speaker 4: Very it's very possible that Sarah's known Derek longer than

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Speaker 4: Opi because he's been going there longer. He's a little

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Speaker 4: bit older, okay, and they share the same interest and

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Speaker 4: maybe they have a tighter connection than Opie and Sarah do.

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Speaker 4: And she doesn't want maybe she doesn't want to ruin

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Speaker 4: that relationship very much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so.

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Speaker 5: Or maybe she's worried that like she won't be believed.

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Speaker 5: I guess it's like they know Derek Moore or something.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, I think it's totally fine, and tell Sarah like, yeah, actually,

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Speaker 5: there were more things that made me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the fact that Sarah's asking, Ope, did you do

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Speaker 4: anything else that made you uncomfortable?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Like is this more?

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Speaker 4: Is this common?

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Speaker 1: Ye?

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Speaker 2: So?

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Speaker 4: And we have some comments Common Number one screenshot the text.

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Speaker 4: Tell Sarah about your date and your reservations about his

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Speaker 4: mental well being, and show her the screenshots. She is

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Speaker 4: the owner, she has the right to refuse service if

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Speaker 4: she feels someone is a threat to other customers. You

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Speaker 4: also say they have a parental role to you. Someone

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Speaker 4: in that role would likely want to protect you. Don't

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Speaker 4: blame her for setting you up. It doesn't sound like

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Speaker 4: you took much convincing, so his facade of normalcy must

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Speaker 4: be pretty good. And don't demand she banned him from

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Speaker 4: the store, But explain that you aren't comfortable around him

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Speaker 4: and let her take the lead and see what she does.

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Speaker 4: Good comment as for Derek, lock him. Don't try to

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Speaker 4: be his friend after he has already pestered you to

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Speaker 4: this extent. Oh P says, I'll let her know what happened.

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Speaker 4: I feel guilty, some like it's my fault for letting

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Speaker 4: this happen. I'm sure Sarah thought we'd been a good pair.

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Speaker 4: She wouldn't have known about the huge age difference, and

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Speaker 4: she never would have sent me on a date with

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Speaker 4: a guy that she didn't think was a good person.

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Speaker 4: And we have an update. So I had been meeting

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Speaker 4: to post an update about this for a while, but

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Speaker 4: never got around to it. And then last night something

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Speaker 4: really big happened. And I think it's really important that

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Speaker 4: you guys keep in mind. This is all happening in

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Speaker 4: my second language. Nobody involved in this story speaks English

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Speaker 4: except Sarah a little bit. So where we left off

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Speaker 4: with my last posts, I had had a conversation with

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Speaker 4: Sarah about Derek that made me feel better. Derek later

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Speaker 4: reached out to me apologize, said he was a little

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Speaker 4: wasted too much on an empty stomach, and that he

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Speaker 4: was embarrassed about his actions. I'm sorry, you guys, but

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Speaker 4: I agreed to hang out with him again, this time

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Speaker 4: over coffee. Things were fine, and he further integrated me

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Speaker 4: into the neighborhood by introducing me to the people he

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Speaker 4: knows and inviting me to join other neighbors for drinks

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Speaker 4: and such. He opened up to me about a traumatic

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Speaker 4: event that happened to him in the past and about

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Speaker 4: his mental illness. He brought me around his family and

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Speaker 4: his nieces, who were all lovely. Other people seemed to

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Speaker 4: adore him. I really liked all of this, and we

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Speaker 4: quickly fell into a romantic relationship. What I guess the

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Speaker 4: second chance was well worth it, I guess. Derek seemed

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Speaker 4: to be almost flaunting the relationship around the neighborhood. I

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Speaker 4: had one other conversation with Sarah where she asked me

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Speaker 4: some questions about how I felt about him. I explained

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Speaker 4: that I liked him, but felt confused and that he

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Speaker 4: was moving quickly. She told me in English, so I

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Speaker 4: know she was serious, take your time. Soon after this,

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Speaker 4: Derek broke things off with me, very suddenly and rather forcefully.

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Speaker 4: I found his sudden change of heart very confusing and upsetting.

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Speaker 4: A week after he broke up with me, I asked

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Speaker 4: him to come over to my apartment to talk about

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Speaker 4: what happened, and we agreed to remain friends since we'd

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Speaker 4: have to see each other around the neighborhood now. I

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Speaker 4: spoke all about this with Sarah, who told me that

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Speaker 4: she didn't know anything about it and said that she

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Speaker 4: was sorry. About a week after I agreed to remain

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Speaker 4: friends with Derek, he invited me out for a drink,

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Speaker 4: gave me a necklace, and we got a little bit intimate.

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Speaker 4: But he clearly told me do not talk about me

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Speaker 4: at the bar, which I found strange. What is going on?

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Speaker 4: What is this story where this story was making sense,

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Speaker 4: and now I'm confused.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like maybe he's got someone else suddenly

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Speaker 5: and now he can't.

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Speaker 3: He's cheating with Ope.

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Speaker 4: Perhaps very possible, but this is again you just show

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Speaker 4: I think why OP was so like open to it,

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Speaker 4: because you're like, oh, wow, he's actually like a popular guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: Like he's a talk of the town. People know him,

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Speaker 4: and I like that. Yeah, and I yearn for, you know,

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Speaker 4: just to get make this more my home, which makes sense.

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Speaker 4: Why rush into the relationship just like that, It just

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Speaker 4: it kind of jumped there.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Ah, it feels weird.

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Speaker 4: Something's not adding up, feels weird. This is getting longer

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Speaker 4: than I wanted it to be, So I'm going to

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Speaker 4: jump to last night. Sarah and the other woman who

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Speaker 4: owns a cafe are a couple. They've been together for

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Speaker 4: ten years, and they invited me to spend Christmas Eve

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Speaker 4: with them since they knew I would be alone. I

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Speaker 4: brought up Derek, of course, and asked him why they

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Speaker 4: thought that he wouldn't want me to talk about him

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Speaker 4: in the cafe. Sylvia, which I'm assuming is Sarah's partner.

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Speaker 4: Sylvia played dumb until we had some privacy, and then

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Speaker 4: she revealed to me that she and Derek had had

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Speaker 4: a relationship while he was seeing me. At first, he

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Speaker 4: had lied to her and said that we were strictly platonic,

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Speaker 4: but that lie quickly fell apart. Sarah said that she

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Speaker 4: wanted to talk to me about it, but never had

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Speaker 4: the opportunity because we were always in the cafe. She

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Speaker 4: apologized that some days she had acted cole towards me,

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Speaker 4: which I hadn't noticed, and she said that after a

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Speaker 4: few weeks, she had insisted that Derek choose either her

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Speaker 4: or meat. Apparently he chose her. Soon after that, she

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Speaker 4: ended things with him completely. The next evening, he invited

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Speaker 4: me out for a drink to try and rekindle things.

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Speaker 4: By the way, you can rekindle things and rekindle with

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Speaker 4: us with full episodes with stories just like this. Just

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Speaker 4: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, or your favorite podcast

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Speaker 4: app and search Okay Storytime, where we have a plethora

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Speaker 4: of amazing stories and some crazy stories and some weird

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Speaker 4: stories just like this one. Uh, there's a little bit

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Speaker 4: more to this story. But Angie, what the heck is

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Speaker 4: going on here?

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Speaker 3: I don't have a lot of hope for it.

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Speaker 5: I don't, but I hope that Opie like or I

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Speaker 5: want ope to not want to be friends with this person. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: but I have a feeling that she's gonna forgive because.

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Speaker 4: She has other support system.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's seemly she did that when they started dating.

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Speaker 5: I'm glad that Derek got dumped by Sylvia because, yeah,

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Speaker 5: he doesn't deserve either of these people.

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Speaker 4: It does seem like Opie is a person who easily

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Speaker 4: forgives because again, one night she's like he was really

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Speaker 4: weird and all that stuff, and the next time you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm into him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't seem that like confrontational.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Harvey conversation hard for standing up for herself probably,

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Speaker 5: but this is a great time to practice that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, don't get back together with Derek. Very obvious. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: what Sarah did was kind of messed up. She She's like,

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Speaker 4: I didn't have the opportunity to tell you, especially if

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Speaker 4: you're going to the cafe, I don't know every day,

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Speaker 4: I mean to tell me. You didn't have an opportunity

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Speaker 4: to like five seconds or like a minute, like hey,

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Speaker 4: Derek shooting on you exactly with Sylvia or whoever. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: very questionable. But let's get to the end of the story.

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Speaker 4: So Sarah apologized to me. She said she felt stupid

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Speaker 4: and like a bad person, but that she had been

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Speaker 4: feeling old and unattractive lately. She is fifty. I told

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Speaker 4: her that I wasn't upset with her at all, just shocked,

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Speaker 4: and that I was sorry. I had been so oblivious

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Speaker 4: to the real situation, so I definitely didn't see that coming.

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Speaker 4: I'm not going to confront Derek about this. I'm just

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Speaker 4: going to let it go and move on. Sorry for

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Speaker 4: acting like an idiot. I wish I could say I've

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Speaker 4: learned something, but I probably haven't. Merry Christmas, everybody, and

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Speaker 4: we have comments coming. Number one. Wait, wasn't Sarah the

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Speaker 4: one who set you guys up on a date while

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Speaker 4: she was I don't know, let's omit that one. Why

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Speaker 4: would she do that? These people sound strange. Ope, if

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Speaker 4: you love the coffee shop that much, by all means,

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Speaker 4: but I wouldn't be attending their family Christmases and being

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Speaker 4: all buddy buddy. Ope. Derek wasn't playing both of them.

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Speaker 4: Sarah and Derek were playing. Ope?

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Speaker 5: What?

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Speaker 4: I am so confused?

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Speaker 5: I feel like we always get the most confusing stories

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Speaker 5: when we're in here.

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Speaker 3: Why, I don't get it, no sense?

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Speaker 4: Who was it supposed to be Sarah because it said Spee.

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Speaker 5: Because you know, we didn't hear about Sarah Sarah, Sarah

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Speaker 5: and O and Derek were playing pee.

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Speaker 4: I'm so confused. Maybe awful story.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe she was maybe Opie saying that meaning like

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Speaker 5: they never like told her. They were just kind of like, hey,

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Speaker 5: like we're just gonna be dating. But like Derek has

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Speaker 5: to choose.

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Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, and.

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Speaker 3: Don't get it. I have another flder is at the end.

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Speaker 3: That's the end.

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Speaker 4: That's the whole story, the end of the whole story.

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Speaker 4: So it makes zero sense.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend lied about his life for three years.

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Speaker 4: Now, uh, double it and make it six years.

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Speaker 5: I'll try to make this as short as possible, but

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Speaker 5: it's going to be long as heck because there is

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Speaker 5: so much lying going on. My boyfriend and I have

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Speaker 5: been dating for almost three years, living together for two

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Speaker 5: We have a pretty good relationship, obviously with ups and downs,

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Speaker 5: but we make it work and are happy. By the way,

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Speaker 5: this comes from intelligent to add three four one two

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Speaker 5: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 5: to our slash Okay storytime. It's separddit A little background

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Speaker 5: on me and my boyfriend for context. I come from

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Speaker 5: a single parent home. My father was absent, My father

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Speaker 5: was Slash is by no means perfect, but she did

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Speaker 5: her best with what she we report. Life was never

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Speaker 5: easy for us, but we had each other since I

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Speaker 5: was pretty young. I wanted to pay her back someday.

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Speaker 5: I've worked incredibly hard to be able to do so.

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Speaker 3: I've helped her.

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Speaker 5: I help her financially as much as I can, and

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Speaker 5: regularly pay her bills and send her cash. I'm also

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Speaker 5: her only living child now, as my brother passed away

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Speaker 5: five years ago, which basically left me to help her.

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Speaker 3: I don't care. I love my mother and the right

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Speaker 3: thing to do is to help her when she needs it.

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Speaker 3: But it is stressful.

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Speaker 5: This is relevant because my boyfriend described coming from a

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Speaker 5: somewhat similar past, and it is something that we have

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Speaker 5: bonded over. Having the mutual experiences seemed to bring us closer.

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Speaker 5: He told me that he also helped his parents financially

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Speaker 5: and would often and we would often vent to each

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Speaker 5: other about the stress it brings. I'm not one to

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Speaker 5: confide to many people, so having someone who I felt

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Speaker 5: like actually understood me was meaningful to me.

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Speaker 3: So here is where the lies come in.

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Speaker 5: And I need someone to either tell me I'm not

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Speaker 5: crazy and this is effed up, or that I am

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Speaker 5: crazy and it isn't a huge deal.

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Speaker 3: I'm fine with either.

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Speaker 5: When we met, my boyfriend lived in a condo in

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Speaker 5: a pretty swanky part of the city. I live in

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Speaker 5: the northeast. He told me that he owned that apartment

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Speaker 5: in condo. I found this to be interesting slash odd

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Speaker 5: because he was twenty eight at the time, and I

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Speaker 5: know this property is upwards of sixty six hundred and

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Speaker 5: fifty thousand dollars on the low end, and he was

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Speaker 5: in an entry level job for only like two years,

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Speaker 5: so the numbers just didn't really add up. Whatever, maybe

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Speaker 5: he's good at saving. But then since living together, I

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Speaker 5: never once sought a piece of mail for mortgage payment,

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Speaker 5: electric bill, taxes, nothing, not for a two whole years.

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Speaker 1: Very odd.

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Speaker 5: Also, when we started living together, he didn't have his

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Speaker 5: room rented out in the former apartment yet, so he

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Speaker 5: was still responsible for the portion of the rent. He

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Speaker 5: would send a Venmo payment to his mother on the

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Speaker 5: first of every month for his portion. I don't own property,

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Speaker 5: but I can't think of a scenario where I would

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Speaker 5: venmo my mom to pay the mortgage on a property

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Speaker 5: I supposedly own. Getting more odd, he would then go

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Speaker 5: to his parents' house for an afternoon and come back

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Speaker 5: really upset. Usually when I would ask why, it was

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Speaker 5: because they were having financial problems and he needed to

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Speaker 5: help them out. I totally understood this and supported him.

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Speaker 5: He literally lee has cried on my shoulder.

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Speaker 3: About this many times. He tried to start a company

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Speaker 3: years back and ended up getting into debt. Somehow.

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Speaker 5: He told me that this debt was seventeen thousand dollars

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Speaker 5: and that he paid it off. I'm confused because I

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Speaker 5: met him only two to three years ago, after the

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Speaker 5: supposed debt occurred and the company dissolved, and it was

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Speaker 5: already paid off. He told me when he moved back

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Speaker 5: home after the business failed, he was seventeen k in

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Speaker 5: debt and living at his parents' house working at a

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Speaker 5: minimum wage job. How someone with a minimum wage job

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Speaker 5: pays off that much debt in three years, I'll never know.

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Speaker 5: We got into a fight a few weeks ago, and

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Speaker 5: I finally had enough and confronted him about these things.

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Speaker 5: Long story short, he doesn't help his parents. They actually

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Speaker 5: pay his phone bill, and this was all a lie.

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Speaker 5: He doesn't own that apartment, He didn't pay off that

359
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Speaker 5: debt from his company. He initially told me that his

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Speaker 5: parents helped pay it off, and then like three minutes

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Speaker 5: later he came clean and so that his business partner

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Speaker 5: paid it off.

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Speaker 3: So I have.

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Speaker 5: Literally no idea what the truth is here, and if anything,

365
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,360
Speaker 5: in my eyes, his parents are the ones who are

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Speaker 5: financially supporting him. Now I'm dating a thirty one year

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Speaker 5: old man who doesn't pay his own phone bill, was

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00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,800
Speaker 5: lying to me and or completely fabricating aspects of his

369
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Speaker 5: life for three years, and then, when confronted about it,

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00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,320
Speaker 5: continue to make up lies and then come clean about

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00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,440
Speaker 5: it five minutes later. I'm obviously concerned that he could

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Speaker 5: lie for this long about fundamentally important things like our

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Speaker 5: values and so on.

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Speaker 3: I sincerely thought that I would marry this man. He

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Speaker 3: seems to understand me like no one else, and to

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Speaker 3: be a truly caring and genuine person. Now I'm having

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Speaker 3: a hard time rationalizing actually planning a life around someone

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Speaker 3: who would not only lie about their background and family,

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Speaker 3: et cetera, but also financial aspects. Aside from that, I

380
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Speaker 3: now can't tell what is the truth and what is

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Speaker 3: a lie.

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Speaker 5: I've also noticed other things that he has lied about,

383
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Speaker 5: called him out on it, and he.

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Speaker 3: Has denied it outright to my face.

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Speaker 5: I see this as a form of gaslighting, as I

386
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 5: know I'm not wrong, but he is trying to convince

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Speaker 5: me otherwise.

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Speaker 3: Am I overreacting? Is this a white lie that went haywire?

389
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,200
Speaker 5: Or is this actually a series of complete and utter

390
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,120
Speaker 5: bs use to manipulate me? And also, isn't insane for

391
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 5: me to actually consider a life with this man?

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Speaker 3: Any advice is appreciated. There are some.

393
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 5: Comments, but oh boy, oh wow, I want to hear yours.

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Speaker 4: This guy's a pathological liar. Yeah, why would why did

395
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Speaker 4: you even say these are little white lies? No, he's

396
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Speaker 4: been lying to you for three years straight about everything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: But also you haven't met his family? Yeah, like you

399
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 4: have been three years in, three years in and you

400
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,080
Speaker 4: and you haven't met his family. Would have been like, oh,

401
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,000
Speaker 4: we're like we're supporting him, like, and you I would

402
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,640
Speaker 4: have brought up like, oh so he owns a complex, right,

403
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 4: Like yeah, right. No, yeah, oh he says, you got

404
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 4: like he's helping you guys out, Like, how's that going? No, yeah, they.

405
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 3: Would expose everything, probably why he didn't want them to

406
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 3: meet them.

407
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:44,600
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, whoa, this is you are okay? First thing first, OPI,

408
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,200
Speaker 4: you are not overreacting. This is all you think you

409
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 4: were dating somebody and you're dating a completely different person. Yeah,

410
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 4: lied to you consistently. You don't even know what you

411
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 4: said to yourself. You don't even know what's real and

412
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:56,800
Speaker 4: what's not real.

413
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:01,800
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly. Yeah, No, this is so insane. You're again

414
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 3: definitely not in the wrong.

415
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,239
Speaker 5: This is complete a utter bs used to manipulate you,

416
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 5: because you know, if all this stuff isn't true, then

417
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 5: he was just agreeing with you for all this. Like,

418
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,560
Speaker 5: you don't know this man, You don't know him any

419
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,160
Speaker 5: like anymore. It is clearly everything is a lie, so.

420
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,120
Speaker 3: You don't know him. That means you don't know who

421
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,639
Speaker 3: you want to marry in this situation anyway.

422
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, the idea of him is what you want to marry,

423
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,480
Speaker 4: but that's not him, not him anymore at least we

424
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 4: that's what well we know. Yeah, and I I don't

425
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 4: want to like downplay anything, but I guarantee you to like,

426
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 4: because he related his trauma traumatic pass with your traumatic pass.

427
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,240
Speaker 4: I don't want to downplay that, but he possibly lied

428
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,199
Speaker 4: about that to like share that connection with you and

429
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,640
Speaker 4: be like, oh, like he gets it, he gets me. Yeah,

430
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,439
Speaker 4: this is I get him, I get he, We get

431
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 4: each other.

432
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

433
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,159
Speaker 4: So I don't want to say he's lying about that,

434
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 4: but he could be potentially well lying about that time.

435
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 5: I mean, it seems like he is because they pay

436
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 5: for like his This is ridiculous. I yeah, I think

437
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 5: it's definitely safe to say that he is lying about that.

438
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,239
Speaker 3: So oh my god, yea, yeah, who do you have

439
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:01,720
Speaker 3: some comments?

440
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 5: How?

441
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,120
Speaker 3: Number one says, this isn't a white lie.

442
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 5: This is a huge web of lies on which he's

443
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 5: built the foundations of your relationship. I would forever be

444
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 5: wondering what else he's lied about. Get out, Oh, he says,

445
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 5: this is the issue for me. It honestly wouldn't be

446
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 5: as big of a deal if this wasn't like a

447
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 5: huge part of our relationship, bonding and confiding in one another.

448
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,480
Speaker 5: I mean, I come from a harsh background, and I

449
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,360
Speaker 5: had a difficult life growing up, and it was very

450
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 5: special to me to have someone who I thought could

451
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 5: at least mildly understand. I've also told him so many

452
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,919
Speaker 5: painful and personal things while he was lying to me NonStop. Apparently, Okay,

453
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,119
Speaker 5: so that seems like it's a big part of your relationship.

454
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,560
Speaker 4: I'm saying what I exactly said, like, your traumatic past

455
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,479
Speaker 4: is your traumatic past. But he tried to relate everything.

456
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,480
Speaker 4: He tried to relate to that, and you don't even

457
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 4: know that's real.

458
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,760
Speaker 5: That's insane, Yeah, because I mean, I'm sure there's more

459
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 5: to your relationship.

460
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 3: This isn't the only thing.

461
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,679
Speaker 5: But if this is something that you connected about and

462
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 5: something that you valued him for, then that's one problem.

463
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 5: But again, the fact that he lied to you about

464
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 5: all of that is just like, there's no reason for

465
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,760
Speaker 5: him to do that. But we do have an update.

466
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 5: My previous posts got more attention than expected, so I

467
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 5: figured I would update.

468
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 3: Well, it's over.

469
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 5: As many of you suggested, I couldn't possibly build my

470
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,120
Speaker 5: life around someone who lied so pathologically good. I initially

471
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 5: agreed to work on the relationship provided that my ex

472
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 5: get therapy to work through why he felt so compelled

473
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 5: to lie about so many aspects of his life. I

474
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,560
Speaker 5: also requested that he come clean to his parents, my parents,

475
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 5: and anyone else he lied to or embellished the truth to.

476
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 5: He agreed to this and seems genuinely interested in working

477
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 5: on things and himself. I really wanted it to work

478
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,359
Speaker 5: out and was willing to accept that maybe he was

479
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 5: just wildly and scure, or had some attachment issues or

480
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 5: something that caused him to act this way. I waited

481
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 5: four months for the therapy and confessions to happen, and

482
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 5: they never did.

483
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 1: Not.

484
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,919
Speaker 5: Surprisingly, for those of you who were confused about how

485
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 5: I didn't know that he did not own this apartment

486
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 5: for so long, or thought that I had never met

487
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 5: his parents, I had met them many many times. But yeah,

488
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 5: to be honest, they are pretty cold people who I

489
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,959
Speaker 5: never really connected with that much and was definitely not

490
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 5: comfortable enough to be like.

491
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 3: Hey, is not about the logical liar or is all

492
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 3: of this true?

493
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,359
Speaker 5: On top of that, he also told a lot of

494
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,120
Speaker 5: these lies to his parents as well, so they wouldn't

495
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 5: have been keen to what I was talking about anyway.

496
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 3: I got to the point.

497
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 5: Where basically anything that came out of his mouth seems

498
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 5: like a lie, or at least a half truth to me. Also,

499
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 5: I lost respect for someone who could lie so easily

500
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 5: and then not even feel guilty enough or any remorse

501
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,800
Speaker 5: come clean about it. I'm pretty honest, almost to a fault.

502
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 5: So the cognitive dissonance there that occurred from being with

503
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 5: someone who had basically opposite values for me was tough.

504
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 3: And you know what's never tough.

505
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:37,640
Speaker 5: Going to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple podcast, whatever, your favorite podcast stepp.

506
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 3: Is and searching.

507
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 5: Okay, story time and you're gonna find full episodes with

508
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,440
Speaker 5: more stories just like this one.

509
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 3: There is a little bit more to the story. But good.

510
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 3: I am glad they are broken up.

511
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 4: You did it, you, you did the easiest thing. Yeah,

512
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 4: so proud of you. Yeah, we didn't have to tell

513
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 4: you. You already knew.

514
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 3: You already did a job.

515
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 4: Girl.

516
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 5: I'm sure there were a lot of other things that

517
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 5: he was hiding, but I don't even care. I've been

518
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 5: single and living alone for a week. To be frank,

519
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 5: I'm killing it. I am now responsible for one hundred

520
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 5: percent of my rent and I barely have any savings left.

521
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 5: But I still feel like a giant weight has lifted

522
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 5: off my shoulders. Crazy how that works. I want to

523
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 5: Thank all the people who gave me the hard truth

524
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 5: straight up and encouraged me to leave. Even though it

525
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 5: was all coming from internet strangers, it still helps to

526
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 5: hear people tell you that.

527
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 3: You deserve more than what you're getting.

528
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,920
Speaker 5: I'm so happy and I must be giving off a

529
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 5: much better buye because I've already had two dates and

530
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,640
Speaker 5: been asked for my number a handful of time.

531
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 3: I'm a server at a restaurant.

532
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 5: I well, I sound like a weenery a hole, but God,

533
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 5: does it feel good to remember that you're not as

534
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 5: worthless as someone made you feel. Thanks Reddit, and if

535
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 5: any of you are in a relationship with someone who

536
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 5: is like this, get the f out and don't look back.

537
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 4: Yeah for op Yes, positive positive ending there. Yeah he

538
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 4: got out of it. You that's crazy, Like you get sure,

539
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 4: it's been like a week, but imagine like a month ago,

540
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 4: You're like, I'm going to marry this guy. I want

541
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 4: to marry this guy. Yeah, that's wild. My girlfriend wants

542
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 4: to take a stressful job and I'm against it.

543
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 3: I have to save you from the stress. Girl friend.

544
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 4: We have been together for seven years now. She's twenty eight, female,

545
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 4: and it has been thinking about taking a stressful job

546
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 4: which will leave her with no time to do anything.

547
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 4: We did that before, when we were right out of

548
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 4: college and we didn't have any money at all. It

549
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 4: was hard. I twenty seven mail was able to handle

550
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 4: the soul destroying nature of sixty plus hours a week

551
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 4: a bit better than her. By the way, this comes

552
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 4: from user Revolutionary Exam forty five And if you want

553
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, submit them to the r

554
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,919
Speaker 4: slash Okay Storytime subpret it. She was a mess. She

555
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 4: leaned a lot on me emotionally to get through it.

556
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 4: She was close to burnout. She was starting to become unhealthy.

557
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 4: She also had a habit on lashing out on me.

558
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 4: She always apologized, but I don't like being yelled at,

559
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 4: being yelled at else me up and those three years

560
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 4: were the only time we got into yelling matches. It was,

561
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 4: without a doubt, the worst years of my life. We

562
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 4: had to move from my job and she was able

563
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 4: to get a much less stressful job and higher pay job.

564
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 4: She became much more happier, I would hope, so a

565
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 4: lot less annoyed, and we were able to patch our

566
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 4: relationship In Are You Closer? I told her that if

567
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 4: she took that job, I would have to think about

568
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 4: where this relationship is going if I can't handle the

569
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 4: emotional turmoil that comes with it. I realized that it

570
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 4: was not the right thing to do, and I'm a

571
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 4: fool for letting my fears and panic take over make

572
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 4: a manipulive attempt to force her to not take the job.

573
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 4: I am planning to apologize for this. I thought we

574
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 4: had paid our dues and could try to climb the

575
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 4: ladder slowly, try to build our life slowly, get married

576
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 4: and start a family. We have talked about this and

577
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 4: she says she wants all the same things, but I

578
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 4: don't know anymore. She wants to take a job which

579
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 4: is really great pay and what has set set us

580
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 4: up for great things. We are really comfortable right now,

581
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 4: and even if she takes another less stressful job, it

582
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 4: would not be a huge difference. She is promising me

583
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 4: that she will handle it better this time. My emotional

584
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 4: reaction is not to trust her on this. I know

585
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 4: that is unfair, but she almost said the exact same

586
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 4: words when we were in the bad patch after fights.

587
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 4: But the thing is, if she doesn't, I don't think

588
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 4: I will have the courage to leave her when she

589
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 4: is struggling. I won't be able to deal with the guilt.

590
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 4: I don't know why she's doing this. We are doing well.

591
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 4: I know that she isn't a greedy or materialistic person.

592
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,160
Speaker 4: She loves her workplace and culture. She has a scope

593
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 4: for promotions. She loves her work. It seems really odd

594
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 4: that she wants to switch all the all of a sudden,

595
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 4: especially to something which would be so destroying. When I

596
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 4: asked her about it, she said it is the money,

597
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 4: and I asked her if it is worth the money.

598
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 4: She just shrugged and changed the topic. Someone pointed out

599
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 4: that it could be something that may have happened to

600
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 4: her at her current workplace. I really fear I have

601
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 4: f things up due to setting an ultimatum and hurt

602
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 4: her feelings a lot. I feel like a crappy boyfriend.

603
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 4: She was willing to move for me, even when she

604
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 4: was reluctant to do it. She just pointed out that

605
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 4: I am placing my career above hers and that I

606
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 4: didn't get to dictate what she did with her career.

607
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 4: And we have comments. Yeah again, it's it's the thing

608
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 4: of how you went about that conversation, and you know

609
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,880
Speaker 4: this is like this is about me, not you. It's

610
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,880
Speaker 4: like what about how is this going to work for us?

611
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 4: Kind of thing? Yeah, And you know last time again

612
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: you did have a brief conversation about it, but giving

613
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 4: her the ultimatum, it just doesn't work. Man.

614
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, ultimatums are never never a good idea. But I

615
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 3: feel like if.

616
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 5: Your initial emotional reaction is to not trust her, then yes.

617
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 4: That that's yeah.

618
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, because also too, I mean with trust, like you

619
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 5: can you know except that she's saying that and believe

620
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 5: her with that and say like, okay, cool, I'm glad

621
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 5: you think it'll be different. Yeah, but keep an eye

622
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 5: out because you don't know if it actually will be

623
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 5: until it's happening. Yeah.

624
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 4: And the worst part is, and I know it's probably

625
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 4: just a traumatic thing that happened when you guys were

626
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 4: going through high stress. And again, you guys have grown

627
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 4: up and you guys have matured. You did this right

628
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 4: after college and that was probably high strung. What is

629
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 4: it seven years later or six years later? What have you?

630
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 4: Things can change over time. She may be better with

631
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 4: high stress. You don't know that until she does it.

632
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 4: And then you when that first you don't know until

633
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 4: you try exactly, and it's kind of crappy on op

634
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 4: not trying to call you out, but it seemed like

635
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 4: you had no support for her. There was no like

636
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 4: positivity like yes, like oh my god, you got you

637
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 4: have another job, like what about your workplace? But like

638
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 4: that's so great, like I'm so excited for you, or

639
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 4: like that's cool your Your first initial thought was yeah,

640
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 4: that's a no no, Yeah, that's like I don't like

641
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 4: that a little bit. Yeah, at least show some you know, support. Yeah,

642
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 4: you've been together for some years. You'd think just a

643
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 4: little bit of support. We have some comments come in.

644
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 4: Number one, she is right that you don't get to

645
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 4: make her professional decisions, et cetera for her. However, if

646
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 4: she is going to take this job and not have

647
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 4: a repeat of the past again lashing out, you will

648
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 4: both need an action plan. Whether we like it or not,

649
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 4: our jobs, income, and other practical aspects of life can

650
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 4: have an impact on our partners. Although we should be

651
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 4: making our personal decisions just for our partner, being in

652
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 4: a healthy relationship sometimes demands compromise and at least consideration

653
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,199
Speaker 4: of how our choices will affect our significant other. In

654
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 4: regards to an action plan, how is she going to

655
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 4: deal with the stress. It's no good saying you'll just

656
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 4: deal with it. You need to have it, and you

657
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 4: need to have an idea of How will she agree

658
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 4: to start seeing a professional a therapist if the stress

659
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 4: becomes too much? Will she learn new healthy helping mechanisms

660
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 4: to employ when things become too much? Will you both

661
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 4: work on developing a trigger to de escalate tension if

662
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 4: it becomes too much. You will also need to separate

663
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 4: set appropriate boundaries with her Again. If she needs to

664
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 4: vent about work or get snappy you distress, but it

665
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 4: gets excessive to the point it is affecting your mental

666
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 4: well being, you may need to set a firm boundary.

667
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 4: Couple's therapy can help with this. If you are unsure

668
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 4: of how to set healthy boundaries with each other again,

669
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 4: you can agree in advance that if she feels she

670
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 4: is lashing out and the situation is escalating into a row,

671
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 4: you can remove yourself from the situation temporarily to give

672
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 4: you both time to come down. Fighting often causes a

673
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 4: psychological reaction in us, similar to fight or flight that

674
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 4: makes it very hard to think clearly or be generous

675
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 4: in understanding to the other person. If you agree to

676
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,399
Speaker 4: remove yourself temporarily from instances where then this occurs, it

677
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 4: will allow both time to calm down and come back

678
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 4: to each other to discuss the issue with more kindness.

679
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 4: This is just one example of a boundary that may

680
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 4: be worth discussing. There's something wrong with rescinding your ultimatum

681
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 4: if you regret it and having an open discussion with

682
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 4: her about how you feel. You can tell her that

683
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 4: you regret giving an ultimatum, but you made it because

684
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 4: you are scared of a repeat of past behaviors. You

685
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 4: may not understand her reasons for wanting this job, but

686
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 4: that doesn't matter. It's down to her at the end

687
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 4: of the day. But that doesn't mean that you should

688
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 4: just accept any unfair treatment that may arise as a result.

689
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 4: You need to work together on this and figure out

690
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 4: how you are going to combat it moving forward. Wow,

691
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 4: that comment is a therapist. Literally, that was a great

692
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 4: That was no flus. That was one hundred and ten percent.

693
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 4: I'm giving you an a plus plus. Yeah, good job. Absolutely,

694
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 4: that was really good. Wow, that was like perfect, that

695
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 4: was incredible.

696
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, because like that like changed my mind a

697
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 5: bit because Yeah, I think at first I was a little.

698
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,679
Speaker 3: More on OPC. I'm like, yeah, like she shouldn't need

699
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:25,360
Speaker 3: the job whatever.

700
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 5: I mean, I guess I didn't really know if she

701
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 5: should or not, but I think, yeah, like if it's

702
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 5: you're right, If if it's it's something that you should

703
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 5: be celebrated, it's not something that you should decide. And

704
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 5: if if the problem is the stress causing problems, then

705
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 5: you can't just like not take the job because it's

706
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 5: going to be stressful, because stressful things are going to

707
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 5: come up in your life in general.

708
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just can't keep doing this, yeah, because guess

709
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 4: guess what that's going to build up more stress, Yeah,

710
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,719
Speaker 4: and more resentment. So yeah, exactly, Again, what that commater

711
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 4: said was perfect work a game plan out because she

712
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 4: says one thing, You say one thing, and those are

713
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 4: just words. Actions speak louder than words, exactly, So you

714
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 4: won't again, back to my point earlier, you won't know

715
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 4: until you get there, right, right, And if it gets there,

716
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 4: then how do you work from that?

717
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

718
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 5: What happens when you like start a family or you

719
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 5: have you know, extended family problems where there's like health

720
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 5: or something like like that causes stress anyway, and you

721
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 5: can't just devoid that stuff, So you got to figure

722
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 5: out how to deal with stress first.

723
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. Again, you guys are a couple,

724
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 4: but you guys are also your own separate beings. Yeah,

725
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 4: you guys want to build each other up, not take

726
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 4: each other down exactly. Oh Pee, this post really helped

727
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 4: calm me down. I don't think she'll be up for

728
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 4: therapy or counseling, and I don't think bringing it up

729
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 4: right now will be helpful. We have talked about therapy

730
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 4: before and she was very reluctant about it. But I

731
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 4: do think we can talk about it and make a

732
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 4: plan of some kind which doesn't involve therapy in producer

733
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 4: stress and allows us to have a healthier relationship. Okay,

734
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 4: I feel a bit frustrated, not understanding why she is

735
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 4: doing this. When we had to move from my work,

736
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 4: I spent a lot of time explaining why I wanted

737
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 4: to do it, trying to make a sense of how

738
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 4: our relationship would look what how it look like, and

739
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 4: spending a lot of time mapping out the impact it

740
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 4: will have on her career. I know she isn't required

741
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 4: to do it, but it kind of is hurting me,

742
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 4: and we have an update. I twenty seven mail, would

743
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 4: like to think everyone who took the time to give

744
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 4: me valuable advice. It helped me realize I was going

745
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 4: about it the wrong way and possibly ruined a relationship

746
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 4: of seven years. Yesterday we sat down and had a

747
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 4: proper conversation. I apologized to her for lashing out with

748
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 4: an ultimatum. I explained how scared I was of things

749
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 4: sliding back. She twenty a female, was able to understand it,

750
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 4: and she also pointed out how hurtful me sitting down

751
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 4: an ultimatum was. I talked about mapping out a plan

752
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 4: so that we don't slide into the mess we had created.

753
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 4: I think me being open to the idea of her

754
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 4: working allowed her to be vulnerable and reveal why she

755
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 4: wanted to chase money. Okay, she wants to put down

756
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 4: roots in the city and buy a house here. She

757
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 4: grew up in a pretty unstable circumstance and moved around

758
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 4: a lot. She's adamant that we have our own house

759
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 4: before we get married and have kids, and the home

760
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 4: market here is booming. She also thought that it was

761
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 4: a bit embarrassing to be so fixated on owning a

762
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 4: house and wanted to take the whole burden on herself.

763
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 4: Oh I really love this woman. I know that her

764
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 4: actions in the past have not been great, but even

765
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 4: after that, I trust her to be kind by the way.

766
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 4: I trust you to join episodes with stories just like

767
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 4: this one. Just go to Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, any of

768
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 4: your favorite podcast app and look up Okay, storytime, do it.

769
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 4: There's a little bit left to this story. But Angie,

770
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 4: this is looking pretty great.

771
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 3: I think so too. We've got communication, we're working through things.

772
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 5: You know.

773
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have we have planning out, we have reasons.

774
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 4: This is great.

775
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're possibly saving a seven year relationship, right is great?

776
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 4: And you know how you're saving it just by talking

777
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 4: to each other, not by pointing the finger. But it's like, hey,

778
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 4: why are we doing this? Okay, Like you know, it's

779
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 4: like a building block you're building exactly do you want

780
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 4: to build each other out your relationship? I love it,

781
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 4: love it. Let's finish the story. I think this perspective

782
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 4: is not something I could have ever thought of. I

783
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 4: come from a more privileged background, and even though my

784
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 4: parents raise us to be independent, but we always knew

785
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,479
Speaker 4: that if things got ugly, we had a safety. She

786
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 4: never had that, and I understand her need to create one.

787
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 4: After we stopped crying and talking, we went through the

788
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 4: budget and talked about areas where we could cut expenses.

789
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 4: She really doesn't want to change jobs, so we are

790
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 4: planning on her asking for a raise, and I think

791
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 4: I will start looking for a new job. I am

792
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 4: pretty indifferent about my workplace and I don't mind jumping

793
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 4: ship to increase my salary. She is happy and would

794
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 4: have disliked to move to another company. I have to

795
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 4: really thank the people here for helping us talk it out.

796
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 4: I'm planning on bringing up counseling on a later date.

797
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 4: We have a lingering issue on communication that we need

798
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 4: to sort out. Okay, okay, great, Wow, amazing.

799
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 5: Even if the communication isn't perfect, at least you know

800
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 5: that and you know that you can communicate to fix that.

801
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 4: And again, Rome wasn't built in a day, exactly, things

802
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 4: won't get fixed in a day. It takes time, It

803
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 4: takes time, it takes trust, and it takes effort, and

804
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 4: that's all you need to do. And it needs to

805
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 4: be positive. You know you don't want to be negative,

806
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 4: because if you put into those thoughts negative thoughts, it's

807
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 4: gonna have negative output. So a negative outcome you don't

808
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 4: want that true.

809
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 3: So exactly, So it looks like it's ending pretty well.

810
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, good, good on you guys.

811
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

812
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: Here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

813
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of fads from our sponsors.

814
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 5: I contacted my excess fiance without his permission.

815
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 3: He got furious.

816
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: Uh I would too.

817
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 5: I thirty female, was engaged to Anthony thirty two male,

818
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 5: four years ago. Our relationship ended for a number of reasons,

819
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 5: but we had been together since high school.

820
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 3: We did not have the best ending and there was

821
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 3: a lot of hurt.

822
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 5: I moved across the country when I moved out of

823
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 5: our shared at home. We cut contact following our split

824
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 5: and have remained no contact ever since. We have mutual friends,

825
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 5: so I still occasionally receive updates about his life, and

826
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 5: I am sure that he receives the same. By the way,

827
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 5: this comes from Dense Entrance seventy eight eighty one and

828
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 5: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

829
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay story time subreddit. So five years ago,

830
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 5: Anthony's mother, Liz, passed away after a long illness, and

831
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 5: because we were engaged, Liz had given me a letter

832
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 5: and wrapped gift that she wanted me to give to

833
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 5: Anthony on our wedding day. It was not specific to

834
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 5: our wedding day, but since she knew that she would

835
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 5: not be there, she decided that I should be the

836
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 5: one to do it. She asked me to just keep

837
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 5: it between us. She did not want her ex husband

838
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 5: or other kids to know. Eight months later, when we

839
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 5: actually called off the wedding, I had forgotten about these items,

840
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 5: as I had stored them in my childhood bedroom for safekeeping,

841
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 5: and in the midst of moving across the country, I

842
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 5: left the items behind, which I am aware was careless.

843
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 5: Fast forward to now and I recently learned that Anthony

844
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 5: is engaged to Beth, who is in her thirties, and

845
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 5: my first thought was that I'm really happy for them

846
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 5: and wish them all the best. I then was thinking

847
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 5: about our canceled wedding and his mom. I really loved

848
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 5: her like a second mom, and I was struck with

849
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 5: the sinking feeling that I still had the letter and

850
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 5: gift from her, and that I had never returned it

851
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:48,760
Speaker 5: to the family.

852
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 3: I then remembered.

853
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 5: Liz asking me not to share it with her other

854
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 5: children or ex husband, and while I was unsure the

855
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 5: exact reason, I think it's because she had done the

856
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 5: same for her other children. But I'm I'm not sure

857
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 5: who is holding on to their letters and gifts hmm.

858
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 3: I brought it up to my.

859
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 5: Husband and explained how guilty I felt about still having

860
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 5: these things, and I just didn't know what to do. Together,

861
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 5: we talked through all the different options. I could have

862
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 5: called him, but felt that it would ruin the surprise

863
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 5: on the actual wedding day, which is what his mom wanted.

864
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 5: I could have contacted a sibling, but then it felt

865
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 5: like it would have ruined their surprise since they are

866
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 5: not married yet. I thought about relatives, but I just

867
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 5: didn't know who, so I settled on Beth. It just

868
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 5: felt right that Liz wanted it to come from his

869
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 5: soon to be wife. I reached out to her via

870
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 5: social media DM and wrote her an extensive letter detailing

871
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 5: what I stated above. I told her that she could

872
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 5: do with this information what she wanted, but that I

873
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 5: would be in my hometown next month and would love

874
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 5: to get these items to her.

875
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 3: Apparently this was the wrong thing to do. Oh oh.

876
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 5: She told Anthony about this message, and he is pissed

877
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 5: that I reached out to her.

878
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 3: He says that I have no business contacting his fiance.

879
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 5: I am torn now because I was honest trying to

880
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,399
Speaker 5: honor his mother's wishes and return the items.

881
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 3: To their rightful owner.

882
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:04,919
Speaker 1: I see now.

883
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I really felt like I was doing the right

884
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 5: thing for everyone. And we do have some comments, but

885
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 5: I want to hear your comments.

886
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 3: Riley.

887
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 5: Do you think that she's a whole or not for

888
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 5: reaching out to this fiance.

889
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: I don't think so, because it's above her and her

890
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: own intentions. She's honoring people that, you know, his mom

891
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: that's passed. Other people may not see that. Yeah, stand

892
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: that maybe clear some stuff up, maybe afterwards, be like, hey,

893
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,399
Speaker 1: people are gonna be mad, but just do you help

894
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: me out be on my side here because I'm trying

895
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: to honor his mother.

896
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's fine.

897
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think it's that big of video.

898
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, I really get that I might look weird, you know, like, oh,

899
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 5: what my fiance's ex wife is texting me telling me

900
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 5: to like give him something that she was gonna give

901
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 5: on their wedding day or I guess ex fiance, but

902
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 5: that never happened. This feels weird, but at the same time,

903
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 5: like it really does seem like her intentions were pure

904
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 5: and then she really just didn't know what to do.

905
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,439
Speaker 1: She's just passing along a message, she's giving a gift back.

906
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 1: She's not trying to get in her advantage at all.

907
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 5: Absolutely, and it wasn't even from her in the first places,

908
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 5: from the mom so it's not like she was trying

909
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 5: to give him a present, you know.

910
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,320
Speaker 3: She was just like, oh shoot, forgot to delivered that.

911
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,360
Speaker 5: But the verdict from the comments is not the a

912
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 5: hole some questions from the comments. Was it a bad breakup?

913
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 5: OPI responds it was not great. I had gotten a

914
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 5: job in another city. We both agreed that I should

915
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 5: take it, and then he decided at the last minute

916
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 5: that he didn't want us to go. I ultimately decided

917
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 5: to go anyway, and he thought I would stay. He

918
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 5: was very angry that I.

919
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 3: Did not stay.

920
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 5: His version of events is usually that I left him

921
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,959
Speaker 5: right after his mother passed away.

922
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:52,359
Speaker 3: Ohp.

923
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 5: He is responding now to a downvoted commenter who is

924
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 5: saying bringing up his passed away mom and talking behind

925
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 5: his back to his fiance are pretty terrible things to

926
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 5: do when you could have sent those items to him. Oh,

927
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 5: he says, I guess I figured I could give her

928
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 5: the choice to share these things with him on their

929
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 5: wedding day instead of robbing him of that moment. I

930
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 5: still felt like it was her choice how to go

931
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 5: about it, since it was intended to be given by

932
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 5: the bride at the wedding. This was his mother's intention,

933
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 5: the commentary says, because if it were really important to

934
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,959
Speaker 5: you to deliver them because you want to honor his mom,

935
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 5: you would have not forgotten about it until it was

936
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 5: convenient to you.

937
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 3: He responds, A we called off our wedding and I

938
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,439
Speaker 3: moved three days later.

939
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,439
Speaker 5: I've only been home to my home state one time

940
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 5: since that day, and it was for my brother's wedding,

941
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 5: So I did not go back to my parents' home,

942
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 5: where my old bedroom has boxes of things from my

943
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 5: canceled wedding, including my wedding dress.

944
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 3: Oh uh yeah, I honestly, i'd probably forget about it.

945
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna lie because if you're like, this isn't

946
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 5: even your present, right, you're just passing it on and

947
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 5: then and then the wedding doesn't even happen.

948
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 3: That's gonna be on your mind like crazy, and moving away.

949
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 1: Like separate yourself from the breakup and moving away exactly.

950
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 5: That would slip my mind. Not gonna lie. I'm very

951
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 5: forgetful in general. So yeah, all this stuff is happening.

952
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 3: I'm not remembering that.

953
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 1: President for me what you have left our son with

954
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 1: me for like three weeks straight though that was on purpose.

955
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 1: I love. We have a son named Guava and he's a.

956
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 5: Copy bar that we got, a little pink copy bar

957
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 5: with a green apple on his head.

958
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:27,760
Speaker 1: Yep, he's the best.

959
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 3: He's the best son we could ever ask for.

960
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: Uh, doesn't require a lot. Don't don't frustrate that.

961
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 5: Don't clip that and send that to our future children

962
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:39,760
Speaker 5: that might end up poorly.

963
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 3: But anyway.

964
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 5: I met my husband a few weeks after I moved,

965
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 5: and we got married during the pandemic, so I have

966
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 5: not had a ton of time to think about my ex.

967
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 5: It was his engagement that made me think about Liz,

968
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 5: and then about the gift and the realization that it

969
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 5: was tucked in one of those boxes that I left

970
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 5: years ago, so why not just mail the package. I honestly,

971
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 5: I would not have known where to mail it. I

972
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 5: do not know where they live, and I did not

973
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,280
Speaker 5: want to ask any mutual friends because I honestly.

974
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 3: Wanted to keep them out of it.

975
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 5: I wanted it to be best's decision right, not tell

976
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 5: the ex's fiance herself or give it to his family.

977
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 5: I know I could have reached out to him or

978
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 5: his siblings, but not without spoiling his mom's plans.

979
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 3: She wanted him to have it on his wedding day

980
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 3: from his wife. I was trying to honor her wishes.

981
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 5: I thought about all the possible scenarios and chose the

982
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 5: one that I thought most reflected what his mom would

983
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 5: have wanted and also gave everyone a choice. If I

984
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 5: told him, it ruins that moment between them. If I

985
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 5: told a sibling, steals their future moment. But I told

986
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,959
Speaker 5: his dad, I risked him.

987
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 3: Not knowing about any of this and not following through.

988
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 5: I thought about his mom's sister, but I'm not sure

989
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 5: what the status of that relationship is. The Only person

990
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 5: that I could think of that was in a position

991
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 5: to not cause all that collateral damage is the person

992
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 5: who is in my former position when the gift and

993
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 5: letter were handed over. Okay, Like, yeah, I think she

994
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 5: really had to put his headshels.

995
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 1: This is the only way, really.

996
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I feel like maybe she could have risked

997
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 5: spoiling something with her siblings or something like that.

998
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 3: But still, it's like, you really didn't mean anything bad

999
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,240
Speaker 3: by it. I think she should be forgiven.

1000
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 5: H Opie clarifies that the letter wasn't written for her,

1001
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 5: but for her ex fiance. No, she wrote her son

1002
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 5: a letter when he was a little boy and he

1003
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,479
Speaker 5: was to open it on his wedding day. Oh wow,

1004
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 5: so she wrote it when he was a kid. That's

1005
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 5: that's really special.

1006
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 3: Then, oh my gosh.

1007
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 5: She planned to give it to him herself, but she

1008
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 5: knew that she was not going to make it, so

1009
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 5: she gave it to me to share with him, with

1010
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 5: instructions to give it to him at our planned first look,

1011
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:41,839
Speaker 5: I was.

1012
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 3: Not in the position to a question of passing away woman.

1013
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 5: I also thought that I would be marrying her son,

1014
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 5: so it seemed like a simple talk. I never thought

1015
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 5: I would be in a position of having to pass

1016
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 5: it on to someone.

1017
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 3: Else to give to him.

1018
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 5: But here I am Opie's comments on the move and

1019
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 5: when the ex told her that he wouldn't go. So

1020
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 5: we were planning the move together before she got six,

1021
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 5: since we both originally wanted to get out of our

1022
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 5: hometown and moved to my current city. We put those

1023
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 5: plans on hold when his mom got sick, and I

1024
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 5: waited until he was ready to restart our plans before

1025
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 5: pursuing a job in said city. It was eight months

1026
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 5: between his mother's passing and the move. It was four

1027
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 5: months after that that he told me that he was

1028
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 5: ready to start the process. He also had a job

1029
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,320
Speaker 5: lined up, but worked for his family business in our hometown,

1030
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 5: so he could give up the new job without an issue,

1031
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 5: whereas I had already quit my job. I get that

1032
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 5: I'm the one that moved, but he is really the

1033
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 5: one that ended the relationship by changing everything three days

1034
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 5: before we were.

1035
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 3: Set to move.

1036
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 5: I am not saying that he is to blame, but

1037
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 5: your interpretation of what happened is far from reality. And

1038
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 5: he told me four days before we were set to

1039
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 5: move that he wasn't going. I was going because I

1040
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 5: was starting a new job a week later, and we

1041
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 5: had given up.

1042
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 3: Our apartment and I signed a lease in my new city.

1043
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 5: We went to bed that night and I asked him

1044
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 5: if he would ever join me the next day, and

1045
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 5: he said probably not. So I told him that I

1046
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 5: think the relationship is over and we need to call

1047
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 5: off the upcoming wedding, which was three months away. He

1048
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 5: was very, very upset, and he left to stay at

1049
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 5: his dad's house. The movers arrived the next day and

1050
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 5: they took my stuff and I stayed at the hotel

1051
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 5: near the airport. That night for my early flight, I

1052
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 5: boarded the plane and I have not been back except

1053
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 5: to his tend my brother's wedding, which was not in

1054
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 5: my hometown.

1055
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 3: So I did not return to my parents' home. And

1056
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 3: we do have an update. But ouch, that would suck.

1057
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 1: That's so tough on both of them. Mom, Yeah, houses,

1058
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 1: here's a feel ready to make that step because he

1059
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: needs to be there for his family. He seems like

1060
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 1: a pretty big family guy.

1061
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1062
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 1: Then he's like, well, we already signed the lease.

1063
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 3: Yeah I gotta go.

1064
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 5: I don't blame her at all for still going, because yeah,

1065
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 5: she already said the lease. She quit her current job,

1066
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 5: so that that's just so tough though.

1067
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 3: H My goodness, yeah, uh, breaking up of three months

1068
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 3: before your wedding. Oh ouch man ouch.

1069
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 5: But we do have an update, so in case anyone

1070
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 5: is interested in an update to this story. So I

1071
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 5: heard from Anthony again over the week, but this time

1072
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 5: it was a phone call, which I was very surprised about.

1073
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 5: We have not spoken a word to each other since

1074
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,839
Speaker 5: the day that we broke up. Well, he was at

1075
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 5: a get together with friends on Saturday, and he was

1076
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 5: still pretty angry about my reaching out to Bed. He

1077
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 5: was telling some of the partygoers about the interaction and

1078
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 5: that I should have never reached out to her, and

1079
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 5: the following is what he told me about their reaction

1080
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 5: to the conversation. I guess the people that he was

1081
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 5: talking to, who are not friends that I've kept in

1082
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 5: touch with, thought that he was overreacting.

1083
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 1: Okay, good, He's a bit hurt from this.

1084
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 5: They told him that it sounded like I was trying

1085
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 5: to fix a mistake that I made and did not

1086
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 5: mean any harm. So then his best friend Mike asked

1087
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 5: him why he was really angry. And I want to

1088
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 5: ask you to go to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever

1089
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 5: your favorite podcast app is and search Okay, storytime because

1090
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 5: you're gonna find more full episodes of stories just like

1091
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 5: this one.

1092
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 3: Do you have a theory there's a little bit more

1093
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 3: to the story, but he.

1094
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: Is still in love with her.

1095
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 5: Oboy, oh boy, that'd be crazy.

1096
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 3: I want to know how much do we know?

1097
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 5: How much time has passed? I don't think three years

1098
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 5: That's what I would want to guess. But are we

1099
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 5: just guessing that?

1100
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1101
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 5: Okay, I just wonder, like, you know, if if like

1102
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 5: a significant amount of time has passed since they called

1103
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:26,280
Speaker 5: off their engagement and then the uh, he got engaged

1104
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 5: with this new girl, because I feel like that that

1105
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 5: does change things. Maybe he didn't have time to get

1106
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 5: over her or something woos but let's find out. Anthony

1107
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 5: said that this got him thinking about his reasoning and

1108
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 5: he realized that he wasn't actually mad about my contact

1109
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 5: with Beth, but the fact that four years ago, here's

1110
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 5: our answer, I actually moved and cut contact. He said

1111
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 5: that when he decided not to move, he was sure

1112
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 5: that I would change my mind, and that when I

1113
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 5: left it was a total shock to his system and

1114
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 5: he was really angry with me. I acknowledged that the

1115
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 5: way that I left was terrible, but also implored him

1116
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 5: to take responsibility that he completely blindsided me and left

1117
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 5: me with very few options. He apologized for this and

1118
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 5: for his anger, and I apologize for leaving and cutting contact.

1119
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 5: I let him know the dates that I will be

1120
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 5: in town and I will happily send the items to

1121
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 5: them if he gives me his address. Instead, he asked

1122
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,479
Speaker 5: if he could come pick them up, which I said

1123
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 5: was fine. Overall, it was a good conversation that I

1124
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 5: am glad we had. I doubt that we will ever

1125
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 5: be friends, but I am glad that we seem to

1126
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 5: be at peace with each other.

1127
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:29,280
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

1128
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: I started dressing down around my ex husband's new wife

1129
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 1: to make her feel comfortable just for the drive. You

1130
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 1: are right, my ex husband M let's call them Gary

1131
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: for the purpose of the story, and I female. Both

1132
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 1: approximately thirty ish give or take six months difference, have

1133
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 1: been divorced for five years, separated for six, and have

1134
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 1: a seven year old son. The divorce was h double

1135
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: hockey sticks in more ways than one. On My ex

1136
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: was a office cleaner at the time. He'll even admit

1137
00:46:58,960 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: that that means.

1138
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 3: D A D bag.

1139
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, d bag, that's all it is. We meant to

1140
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: say orphus, you said office because I can't spell. By

1141
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Accomplished Rough twelve. And if

1142
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 1: you want to make your own stories, what are the

1143
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 1: r so I show, okay stories, I'm subredded. So the

1144
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: short story is he cheated and then brought the woman

1145
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: home and had me feeder at my table.

1146
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,439
Speaker 3: What how does that work?

1147
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 1: Okay? So this is what happens. I cheat on you

1148
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 1: and then I bring it around and say, hey, make

1149
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: us both sandwiches.

1150
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 3: Hey, this is my bestie. Can you make us dinner please?

1151
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 3: That's crazy.

1152
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:37,319
Speaker 1: I cooked a full home made meal and everything. I

1153
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 1: was four months postpartum in pain from additional procedures that

1154
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: were necessary due to some medical malpractice that occurred during labor,

1155
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: in addition to my initial diagnosis of severe that the

1156
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 1: obgnyn told me i'd likely had at the beginning of

1157
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: my pregnancy, which they had biopsy twice. It eventually came

1158
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:59,359
Speaker 1: back the beginning, but originally they wanted me to have

1159
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 1: a pregnancy termination to be able to perform the bob see,

1160
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: and I decided to continue. I don't think Gary ever

1161
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: forgave me for that, and it probably led us some

1162
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: resentment that led to the cheating. All he adores our son.

1163
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 5: That's interesting, so he wanted to follow through with the

1164
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 5: pregnancy termination.

1165
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:18,919
Speaker 3: Yeah dang, but.

1166
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:23,720
Speaker 1: He likes the son now well out hope. Nothing against

1167
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 1: people that would have chosen differently, But it's my choice

1168
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: and I'll personally never regret choosing my son. I needed

1169
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: some repairs because of the medical malpractice. Nurse pulled a

1170
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: semi inflated Fawley catheter and enriched myretho to shreds while

1171
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 1: I was in labor, so for medical purposes, I wasn't

1172
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 1: exactly available spicy relatedly initially, and then it hurt a

1173
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: lot and there was a bunch of miscommunication. He said.

1174
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: She was a former coworker slash friend who'd come through town,

1175
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: and I needed to make it special if I could.

1176
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:56,280
Speaker 1: I was a stay at home mom at the time

1177
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 1: because of my recovery from birth and the procedures. It

1178
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: didn't make sense to send our little baby to daycare

1179
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: when I couldn't work, really, and if I was able

1180
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: to work, it would barely cover the cost of daycare.

1181
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: Like I said, this is the short version. There was

1182
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 1: so much more going on and it would more than

1183
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,840
Speaker 1: fill up the word amount in this the prequel, essentially

1184
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: to show the turnaround In the end, he ended up

1185
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:19,280
Speaker 1: with the NASTD that he gave me from this woman.

1186
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 1: While curable, it left me functionally sterilized due to scarring

1187
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: and my postpartum state. While I have some things can't

1188
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,479
Speaker 1: be done to fix it. Time is my biggest friend here.

1189
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 1: My new obg NYN has been monitoring this and it's

1190
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: hopeful that the scarring is finally starting to fade.

1191
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 3: Seven years later, seven years man.

1192
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: Like you looked in a mirror and broke it. That's

1193
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 1: the curse you got here. Since our separation and divorce,

1194
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: he actually manned up and went to therapy and made

1195
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 1: himself a better man and gave me a full apology

1196
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: in every way he could. He was and is someone

1197
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 1: I could have been officially co parenting with and trust

1198
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 1: with our son's safety, but not the safe of my

1199
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 1: own heart and help. Needless to say, we never got

1200
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 1: back together. It sounds bad, I know, but I never

1201
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,879
Speaker 1: doubted he loved our kid, just that he didn't love

1202
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 1: me in the way that I needed it. In the end, yeah,

1203
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: he sees our kid almost every weekend, goes out of

1204
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: his way to school events, etc. He's a good dad,

1205
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: and Gary's mom is amazing. This woman has loved me

1206
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 1: like I was her own since I first met her.

1207
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: She was never wavered in her acceptance of me and

1208
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: her love. Even through the divorce, she was accepting and supportive,

1209
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 1: more so than my own mother at the times. She

1210
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 1: is my bonus mom and I'm beyond lucky that I

1211
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: have her in my life. About four years ago, he

1212
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,399
Speaker 1: met my son's stepmom, Laurel female thirty two, fake name.

1213
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 1: They dated for two years, got engaged, then she got

1214
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: pregnant about a year and a half ago. They got

1215
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 1: married eight months ago. I know other people saw, but

1216
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:48,759
Speaker 1: she was the only one I remember the name of

1217
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 1: at all. At this point, we agreed to tell each

1218
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 1: other the names of the people we were dating for

1219
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,799
Speaker 1: safety reasons with her son, so we knew who was

1220
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: around and names that didn't surprise us. I never thought

1221
00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 1: about that.

1222
00:50:58,560 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 3: I didn't think.

1223
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: About that either, Like when you're co parenting and dating, yeah,

1224
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Hey, by the way, I'm seeing this

1225
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 1: person right right. I like that. I like that. I

1226
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: dated a few people when I initially started dating again

1227
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 1: about three years ago, only really dated two people seriously

1228
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: for longer than three months, and I have been in

1229
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 1: my current relationship for two years now. I couldn't ask

1230
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 1: for a better man in al ways. I could spend

1231
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 1: years on poetry dedicated to describing all the ways my

1232
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 1: Alvin thirty one fake mal is my piece and how

1233
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 1: he loves me and sings for me in a chickenmunk voice.

1234
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: However it is too short. Cuddles are life, no pressure,

1235
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 1: no nothing, just consistent physical reassurance. He's there and has

1236
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: my back, A brush of the shoulder, quick ham grass there,

1237
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 1: kissing the forehead or cheek, a quick squeeze at the

1238
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: hip or shoulder when moving around me in the kitchen. Dang,

1239
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: I didn't know what Appa was, just tall, thought it

1240
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:49,959
Speaker 1: like I thought it was like this.

1241
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 3: Big at most.

1242
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I never felt so secure and connected and confident

1243
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: in my life. He literally redecorated his house after I

1244
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 1: mention how something be a safety issue for my son

1245
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,879
Speaker 1: after lett him meet him after three months of dating,

1246
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: He's already cleaned out a bedroom for him for when

1247
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,879
Speaker 1: we will move in and made it clear it's on

1248
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: my schedule, but he's doing his part because he intended

1249
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 1: to marry me from the date one.

1250
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 3: Oh wow ah, this is so sweet. Everyone gets yourself

1251
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:19,840
Speaker 3: at Alvin.

1252
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: He got new curtains and betting after finding out my

1253
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: favorite color for his bedroom. He put up bookshelves for

1254
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,879
Speaker 1: me as we finally started moving things in. I didn't ask,

1255
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything, but he's changing a room in

1256
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 1: a dang library for me because I mentioned it once

1257
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: one day time on our first date. It was my

1258
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 1: to do dream. Am I really getting off track? Sorry, Alvin.

1259
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 1: She's got the Alvin eyes.

1260
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 3: Here, guys. So sweet.

1261
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 1: Alvin is the love of my life, and the way

1262
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 1: he loves me is beyond anything I could believe to

1263
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 1: be real. I'm very lucky and very well loved. He

1264
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,360
Speaker 1: knows I might not be able to have another child,

1265
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:57,760
Speaker 1: and it's fine with it either way. Laurel was always

1266
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 1: really interested in who I was dating and seeing to

1267
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 1: be on edge a lot, especially when I started losing

1268
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 1: weight and dressing nicer again because I could actually fit

1269
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 1: my clothes again. I started dressing down initially around her,

1270
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 1: wearing baggy clothes, a little to no makeup. I even

1271
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,359
Speaker 1: put my hair up when I noticed how uncomfortable she

1272
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,399
Speaker 1: seemed to be with me around Gary's Mamma vance and

1273
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:20,359
Speaker 1: she seemed more comfortable. Look, I'm not meaning the brag

1274
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 1: or anything. I'm pretty like getting called cat called at

1275
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: twelve pretty.

1276
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,799
Speaker 5: Getting called like in the middle of the day, yea,

1277
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 5: rather than getting cat called once she would turn twelve.

1278
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, not at noon age twelve, any cat called around

1279
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 1: lunch time.

1280
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:42,800
Speaker 3: I was like, I guess because like if it happens

1281
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 3: red night, we're doing double chickd up during this lunchtime,

1282
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 3: which happens. But I was like, Okay, I guess that's

1283
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 3: like a. I guess that's like a I don't know.

1284
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 3: Why is this sad? Flex though?

1285
00:53:57,239 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think we should be flexing about any

1286
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 5: sort of cat calling things like, yeah, I was cat

1287
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 5: called since I was a minor. Yeah, I'm so pretty

1288
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 5: that people disrespected me and too.

1289
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: Like when I was a child, I've been hot for

1290
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: a while now. Yeah, it's like age. She might have

1291
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 1: been lunched on too. We did not mean you.

1292
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 3: Guys are probably right about that, but just watching it's okay.

1293
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 5: If you don't get cat call at twelve ideally still

1294
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:27,720
Speaker 5: means we're.

1295
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 3: Cackll Yeah, hopefully you're not being cat called.

1296
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,759
Speaker 1: I used to win beauty pageants and it was a

1297
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,359
Speaker 1: bat arena. Eighteen years even overweight, I still have an

1298
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 1: hour glass figure that is more than a bit over

1299
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 1: full in the right places, and with hair down my

1300
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:47,279
Speaker 1: back that looks like spun gold in summer. I'm used

1301
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 1: to the idea of making other women on comfortable.

1302
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 3: Dude, I love this. I love this confidence eropene, this

1303
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:56,800
Speaker 3: is great pop off queen.

1304
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,440
Speaker 1: It was so great girl, it really is.

1305
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am here for it. Yeah.

1306
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:07,320
Speaker 1: Laurel is adorable. A bit mo mousey, but cute and

1307
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 1: petite and much more boyish, obviously athletic a build even

1308
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,840
Speaker 1: post part of the meat. So still very pretty, just

1309
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 1: in a different way. At the time, I didn't mind

1310
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 1: less drama, better for everyone, mind her discomfort for me

1311
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 1: compared to dealing with some resentment around me and taking

1312
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: it out on my son. And she genuinely seemed to

1313
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: love my son at the time. How could I complain

1314
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: about that? But as time went on, things kept happening

1315
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 1: slip center facade, or maybe it was something else. Once

1316
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:35,919
Speaker 1: Gary and Laurel were engaged, Laurel went to Gary's mother

1317
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: and said she didn't need me anymore because she had her.

1318
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 1: I overheard it, and Mama's response had me crying. My

1319
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 1: relationship with her is not defined by her relationship to

1320
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 1: my son. She's my daughter because I say she is,

1321
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:51,120
Speaker 1: and she is the mother of my grandson, so there

1322
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 1: is no replacing people. Each relationship is unique. That being said,

1323
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 1: I am their mother and mistreat my children, and that

1324
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 1: will define my relationship with you. I love that woman

1325
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 1: like crazy. But this was one of the first signs

1326
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 1: of things to come. With Laurel taking all the leftover

1327
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 1: his mama, Gary's mom was counting on and packing them

1328
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:12,440
Speaker 1: for herself after a family meal, leaving nothing for her

1329
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: and taking the last of the soda cans too. Happened

1330
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: three times before Mama put her foot down, eating all

1331
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 1: the food that was specifically textures safe for my son

1332
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: and aside for him after being told he couldn't eat

1333
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 1: the other without gagging, consistently bad mouthing Gary in front

1334
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: of his son over things that are just pure petty.

1335
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 1: Keep in mind she is a stay at home mom

1336
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 1: and her kid is in daycare, not cooking something that

1337
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: she likes every night, working too much, not doing the

1338
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:41,439
Speaker 1: laundry right, including taking too much time with his son,

1339
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 1: which also means bad mouthing our kid. I just motherly

1340
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,800
Speaker 1: rage is a thing. And from what she is loudly

1341
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,240
Speaker 1: always complaining to me, what I'm getting is he cooks,

1342
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:55,360
Speaker 1: he cleans, he does laundry, he works, he picks up

1343
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 1: the kid from daycare, he takes her daughter to the doctor,

1344
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: and she loved to on he hasn't cheated either.

1345
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 3: That tells me that maybe, yes, I mean, maybe that's

1346
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 3: not necessarily.

1347
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: Mean that was working, but it's it's just stopping someone,

1348
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 1: that is it.

1349
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that just kind of is like why

1350
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 3: would you mention that?

1351
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 1: But maybe she hasn't figured out if I make him

1352
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: do all the things, he has no time to cheat.

1353
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 3: Listen, great tactic, Great tactic. Write that down everyone. Yeah, No,

1354
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 3: that just just like it's like, why would you even

1355
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 3: mention that.

1356
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 5: It's like, oh, oh my husband hasn't like you know,

1357
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 5: it just it just feels like, oh, my husband hasn't

1358
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 5: robbed from any banks, so he must be a great person.

1359
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 3: It's like, well, why was that in question? He No

1360
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 3: one should be doing that, you know what I mean?

1361
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 1: So I just just stopped holding back, starting dressing up again. Honestly,

1362
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 1: the heck a lot better, and Mama and my for

1363
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 1: all practical purposes adopted siblings seemed happier that I'm just

1364
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 1: being me again. So number one am with a hole

1365
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: for my attitude and frustration on this that I accidentally

1366
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 1: set her up to hate me when I stopped holding

1367
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 1: back for her comfort when she started being passive aggressive

1368
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 1: in her actions towards my mama and my son. Number two,

1369
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 1: She's always wanting to be in the middle of conversation

1370
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 1: about Gary's and my sons, having her own ideas about

1371
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,479
Speaker 1: how to raise them, which would it be an issue

1372
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,439
Speaker 1: except she's trying to shut down all communication between Gary

1373
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 1: and me, stop co parenting essentially at this point, not completely.

1374
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 1: We will make it work still, but it all came

1375
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 1: to a head this weekend. We've got an update. Trying

1376
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 1: to get in between the co parenting. Seems to be

1377
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 1: fully platonic in co parenting, like, yeah, it's like this

1378
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 1: is a business.

1379
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 3: We're just co parenting like we should because we have children.

1380
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 5: But yeah, she's just like John's and insecure it seems,

1381
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 5: and trying to get in the way, and it's just like, not.

1382
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 3: Not good. This is not gonna have good outcome.

1383
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,920
Speaker 1: I feel, Sovie. Do you think there's any a holary

1384
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: coming from Ope right now?

1385
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 5: Uh?

1386
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 3: From my limited grasp on the story, I don't know.

1387
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 1: Thanks Sophia, we got an update.

1388
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:24,360
Speaker 3: Okay.

1389
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: It'd been planned for a week that our son would

1390
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 1: spend Friday night with Gary and Laurel to have some

1391
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 1: time with his dad and sister, but plan to go

1392
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 1: and stay with Alvin to get more work on the

1393
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: house together and get some adult alone time. Alvin lives

1394
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: two hours away from where Gary and Laurel live stay

1395
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 1: an hour away from where I live currently. I get

1396
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 1: the initial message from Laurel about what the plan is

1397
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: around three forty five pm. I am driving. I can't reply.

1398
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: I dropped my son off at four fifteen with his dad,

1399
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: and I get back to my place around five ish,

1400
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 1: eat quickly, lunch, throw the last of the things I

1401
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: need in a bag along with a couple more items

1402
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 1: to move out, and I don't I've forgotten the text

1403
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 1: message from Laurel at this point and get back on

1404
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 1: the road asap. I have double triple checked at this point,

1405
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,640
Speaker 1: and the message says nothing about the little girl my

1406
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: son's sister being sick. This matters for later when I

1407
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: reached Alvin's house. I have fourteen messages from Laurel raging

1408
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:15,320
Speaker 1: asking when my son is going to be there. The

1409
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 1: baby is sick and I need to get my son

1410
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 1: or I need to tell him to come home. He

1411
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 1: even calls me to tell me I need to make

1412
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 1: that decision with her on the phone on speaker. His

1413
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 1: dad's arguing in the background, not harshly, just protesting the

1414
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: way she is doing this, and I'm not happy, but

1415
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: I'm almost two hours away. My bio mother, my mother,

1416
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: bio amazing woman too, had agreed to be on contact

1417
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: for emergencies. Gary had her number. I told him that

1418
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't do anything right now because I couldn't. I

1419
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,840
Speaker 1: wasn't just down the road. I also mentioned that Gary's

1420
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 1: mom I told them stop by. I later found out

1421
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 1: at this point get tossed my son things out the house,

1422
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 1: and my axe is the only reason his wife didn't

1423
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 1: stuff him in a car. My son is now having

1424
01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 1: nightmares about being punted out of the house for the

1425
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 1: past two nights, still watching to see if it happens

1426
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,720
Speaker 1: this time. It was at this point I hung up,

1427
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 1: praying I made the right call. I'm sure I did.

1428
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 1: Not Indian. Gary handled it and took his son to

1429
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 1: his mom's house to spend the night and stayed there

1430
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: with him. Out of the a hole for making him

1431
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 1: be the one to handle it and not being the

1432
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,640
Speaker 1: bad guy to my son making him come home.

1433
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:16,959
Speaker 3: No, you're not the a hole.

1434
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: No, just dropped your son off thinking it would be

1435
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 1: a regular weekend and Rural had her pants on fire.

1436
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, so definitely not. Yeah, they are also parents.

1437
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 3: They can figure it out too.

1438
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:31,240
Speaker 1: This is Gary's mess defix.

1439
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. He's Gary's son too.

1440
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:36,840
Speaker 1: If his sister was sick for two days, I could

1441
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 1: have been told earlier and that would have changed the

1442
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 1: plants he has. Gary got the little one to the

1443
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 1: doctor and it was just allergies. By the way, if

1444
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 1: you have any allergies from the BS you go through

1445
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,400
Speaker 1: every day, the way to cure it is taking a

1446
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: daily dose of okay, story time. All you gotta do

1447
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 1: is go to your favorite podcast platform, Apple, Spotify, Ourheart

1448
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: Radio for's your poke storytime, A press play on one

1449
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 1: of the many stories we have there for your allergies

1450
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 1: to go way of the daily BS you go through.

1451
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:06,800
Speaker 1: That's right, we got an update too. Oh, gosh, Gary

1452
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: and Laura, we're gonna stay together hopefully not.

1453
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 5: I mean, I kind of agree with Sophia Colan's comment

1454
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 5: where it's like, yeah, he kind of deserves her after

1455
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 5: what he did, OP, but OP doesn't deserve to keep

1456
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 5: dealing with this so hopefully, Like, yeah, if they stay together, whatever,

1457
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 5: But the fact that they have to copare it, and

1458
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 5: that she still has to be involved with OP. She

1459
01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 5: clearly is like trying to go against Opia at any

1460
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 5: moment she can. She doesn't deserve to deal with that,

1461
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:38,320
Speaker 5: So get her out of the picture there.

1462
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 1: Get her out O.

1463
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 3: My goodness, I can't wait.

1464
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:48,760
Speaker 1: Keep off a hole moves from OP Sophia. Nice, nice, Okay,

1465
01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:52,600
Speaker 1: all right, I'm still only clear from OP Sophia's perspective.

1466
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 1: You have Sophia's stay up of approval. Update two. All right,

1467
01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 1: no more nightmares last night, which is one of the

1468
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 1: most immediate of my concerns outside of just keeping my

1469
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 1: kid away outside of mandatory visits, which his dad has

1470
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:09,160
Speaker 1: already confirmed he's willing to work on me with until

1471
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,439
Speaker 1: we have a chance to actually talk in person. Neither

1472
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:13,479
Speaker 1: of us want our kid to go through this again,

1473
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 1: and any spent the nights and visits will be taking

1474
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 1: place at Gary's mom's house if my son wants one

1475
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 1: before this is all sorted. It's a patch job for now,

1476
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 1: Gary and I know it, but it lets our son

1477
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 1: have access to his dad and sister with more witnesses

1478
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:28,600
Speaker 1: for safety.

1479
01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:31,320
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1480
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1481
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

1482
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 6: I told my ex'es mother that I refuse to marry

1483
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,160
Speaker 6: him because of his family.

1484
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:44,960
Speaker 3: I gotta marry the whole family comes. It's a package deal.

1485
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: There we go.

1486
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 6: I'm still reeling from this myself. We are Indians, and

1487
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:52,040
Speaker 6: respecting our elders is drilled into us firsthand.

1488
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 3: But this feels crazy to me.

1489
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:57,480
Speaker 6: X twenty four male and I twenty three female, dated

1490
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 6: for a year in high school. A year and I

1491
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 6: got good grades and entrance tests, left for a good university,

1492
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:06,080
Speaker 6: moved for higher studies abroad, and I swear I haven't

1493
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 6: seen or heard from this guy after leaving high school.

1494
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:10,280
Speaker 6: Last I heard from old friends was that he was

1495
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 6: doing a very good job in his career. I haven't

1496
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 6: been home in two years, so I came back to

1497
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,880
Speaker 6: see my parents, and because of some issues, I am

1498
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 6: stuck here for an extra month. By the way, this

1499
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 6: comes from Infinite Ads seventeen thirty five and if you

1500
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 6: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1501
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:27,880
Speaker 6: slash Okay storytime separate it. So again, we grew up

1502
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 6: in different circles. My parents were never friends with my

1503
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:33,479
Speaker 6: ex's mom, who, since we were in middle school, would

1504
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:36,760
Speaker 6: hound my mother in parent teacher conferences on how nice

1505
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 6: it must be to come to your daughter's school on

1506
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 6: acy cars. And now my ex's family could never do

1507
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 6: that because they are humble people. What they're just sweating profusely. Oh,

1508
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:49,080
Speaker 6: we could never do that.

1509
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:53,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just we're so humble, we're what. My dad

1510
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 3: takes nobody's barbs.

1511
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:58,440
Speaker 6: And after that he would loudly ask my exes parents

1512
01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:00,920
Speaker 6: every time he saw if if they needed to be

1513
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 6: dropped off somewhere, and I found out later that his

1514
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:05,360
Speaker 6: mom used to tell my friends if I was not there,

1515
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,919
Speaker 6: that my parents were show offs. Still, she was nice

1516
01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:11,440
Speaker 6: to me my entire school life. Both my ex and

1517
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 6: I competed to be the highest in class. We came

1518
01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:16,360
Speaker 6: from a pretty large town but went to the same

1519
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:19,280
Speaker 6: school for years. And I was one of his closest friends.

1520
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:21,560
Speaker 6: I also happened to be the eldest daughter of a

1521
01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 6: brown household with a mother who has been sick for years,

1522
01:05:24,640 --> 01:05:26,800
Speaker 6: and I have been picking up slacks since I was eleven.

1523
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 6: When I lived at home, I used to handle the

1524
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:31,560
Speaker 6: majority of tours, took care of my younger sister, and

1525
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 6: managed my studies. I didn't do it to get recognition,

1526
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 6: and my parents never told me to do all of

1527
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:39,720
Speaker 6: these things. They were just constantly in and out of hospitals.

1528
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 6: But my exes mom got it into her head that

1529
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:44,520
Speaker 6: I would be the perfect daughter in law. Mind you,

1530
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 6: I was a kid, her son was a kid. We

1531
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:49,040
Speaker 6: were in high school. And even though we are a

1532
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:53,800
Speaker 6: fairly progressive community Bengali's, he came from a severely conservative

1533
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:57,360
Speaker 6: family where women never worked, house helped was not allowed,

1534
01:05:57,520 --> 01:06:00,960
Speaker 6: and you can't wear anything except traditional. I would literally

1535
01:06:01,240 --> 01:06:02,800
Speaker 6: rather stab myself.

1536
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 3: In the eye than have married him. Dang man, someone

1537
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:10,960
Speaker 3: said that about me. Ouch, ouch, how it hurt.

1538
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 6: After telling my ex this is what led to our breakup.

1539
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 6: Ex's mom saw me after a long time when I

1540
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 6: was out with my mom and sister at a function.

1541
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 6: Immediately hugging me, telling me how pretty I've become, et cetera.

1542
01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 6: I was very respectful and made small talk, then went away,

1543
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 6: except the next day she calls my dad up and

1544
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:31,800
Speaker 6: sends her son's match to me. She told my dad

1545
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:34,439
Speaker 6: I'm not getting any younger. Her son is doing very good,

1546
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 6: and she has known for years how responsible and talented

1547
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:39,560
Speaker 6: I am at household work, how this was the best

1548
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 6: opportunity for.

1549
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:42,560
Speaker 3: Ex and me. My dad passed the phone to me and.

1550
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:45,880
Speaker 6: Told me to analyst myself, is this like arranged too?

1551
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:49,200
Speaker 6: I think the mother is trying to arrange it, but

1552
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:53,800
Speaker 6: not successfully. At first, I was very polite and told

1553
01:06:53,840 --> 01:06:55,560
Speaker 6: her I didn't see her son that way, and that

1554
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:57,640
Speaker 6: I've lived abroad and was not going to marry for

1555
01:06:57,720 --> 01:07:00,919
Speaker 6: at least five years. She got at that and told

1556
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:03,040
Speaker 6: me her son liked me a lot and I should

1557
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 6: be respectful of my elders, and that she was praising me,

1558
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:08,320
Speaker 6: so I should be considerate of her proposal. I was

1559
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 6: just done, and I told her our family was not

1560
01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 6: accepting her son and there was no way I was

1561
01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:16,480
Speaker 6: gonna marry into her ultra conservative family.

1562
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:18,520
Speaker 3: I told her not to bring this up ever again,

1563
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:19,360
Speaker 3: and hung up.

1564
01:07:19,640 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 5: My ex calls me after years, we hadn't blocked each

1565
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,720
Speaker 5: other because the breakup wasn't that bad. But he was

1566
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:29,000
Speaker 5: so mad that I apparently made his mom cry, And

1567
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,440
Speaker 5: how I am so high up on my horse that

1568
01:07:31,520 --> 01:07:32,800
Speaker 5: I'm looking down on him.

1569
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 3: That's crazy. Why don't you have a horse?

1570
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,680
Speaker 5: Huh? Sor right?

1571
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 3: I have a horse. Sorry, I'm really cool. I mean

1572
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:45,560
Speaker 3: I don't get taller or get your own horse. God

1573
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:50,000
Speaker 3: did really easy fixed here that someone doesn't want to admit.

1574
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:56,520
Speaker 6: I told him his mom was ridiculous, and why on

1575
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 6: earth would you ever think I'd sacrificed my happiness to

1576
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:03,000
Speaker 6: be to his family. We got into a pretty nasty fight,

1577
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 6: and I ended up telling him to go cry on

1578
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:08,160
Speaker 6: his mommy's lap. I think there will be more drama

1579
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:10,640
Speaker 6: after because I know he and his mom are people

1580
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:14,920
Speaker 6: who go around spreading misinformation. But my own mom thinks

1581
01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,960
Speaker 6: I was too rude. She says I could have handled

1582
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:20,599
Speaker 6: it more respectfully or made up a lie. My mom

1583
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 6: is a very soft hearted person, and she feels I

1584
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:25,519
Speaker 6: have made my ex's mom feel lesser than us. Two

1585
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:27,479
Speaker 6: of my old school friends I don't talk to them,

1586
01:08:27,600 --> 01:08:30,040
Speaker 6: sent me text on how they expected better of me,

1587
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:31,600
Speaker 6: and this is why they don't like me.

1588
01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:32,519
Speaker 3: I don't care.

1589
01:08:34,320 --> 01:08:37,760
Speaker 6: I don't understand why people from high school are messaging you.

1590
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:42,040
Speaker 3: That's so weird. Yeah, have we not moved on? Have we?

1591
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 5: Like they you were rejected so long ago, long just

1592
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,160
Speaker 5: accepted instead of being like, oh I just by the way,

1593
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:54,479
Speaker 5: I still remember you're a terrible person to you you

1594
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:57,960
Speaker 5: a tall woman on your horse, you tall woman.

1595
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:01,880
Speaker 6: But the fact that my mom thinks that I was

1596
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:04,280
Speaker 6: wrong is making me feel really bad.

1597
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

1598
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 3: And there is an update? You're not a n a hole?

1599
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1600
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,760
Speaker 5: I mean, like maybe you didn't need to hang up

1601
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 5: the phone like that, I guess. But also like she

1602
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,840
Speaker 5: was calling and being rude. Yeah, so it's like I

1603
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:17,719
Speaker 5: think your mom.

1604
01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:22,160
Speaker 6: Is operating from probably like respect your elders kind of standpoint, like, oh,

1605
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:23,800
Speaker 6: you can't be rude like that.

1606
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:27,160
Speaker 3: But yeah, I doubt she means she wants you to, like,

1607
01:09:28,280 --> 01:09:31,559
Speaker 3: you know, marry this guy. Yeah, it's like, well I don't.

1608
01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:34,439
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna marry him. She said that she wanted

1609
01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:37,679
Speaker 3: me as a as a daughter in law. Yeah, hopefully

1610
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:38,519
Speaker 3: she doesn't think so.

1611
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 5: Now cool, because I don't want to be that don't

1612
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:44,640
Speaker 5: want to be that update. I booked a ticket and

1613
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,080
Speaker 5: I'm going back home to my city in two weeks.

1614
01:09:47,320 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 5: I would have stayed longer, but there are too many

1615
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:52,439
Speaker 5: cultural programs around this time of the year. And well,

1616
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,640
Speaker 5: as much as I love my parents, I love my

1617
01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 5: late night walks with my friends and waking and eating whatever,

1618
01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 5: which living under your parents proof is not possible. Ex

1619
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,080
Speaker 5: His mom called my mom after getting her number from

1620
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,160
Speaker 5: the old parents WhatsApp group of my high school.

1621
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:09,120
Speaker 6: This woman is crazy. My mom is scared. She may

1622
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,160
Speaker 6: be one of those psychotic ones.

1623
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:13,880
Speaker 3: She called my mom and told her.

1624
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,880
Speaker 6: They got off on the wrong foot and she got

1625
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:18,559
Speaker 6: too excited at the prospect of me being in the family.

1626
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:21,240
Speaker 6: But her son said he wouldn't marry anyone else. Creepy,

1627
01:10:21,479 --> 01:10:24,519
Speaker 6: so please consider. I thought the Sun was mad about

1628
01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:26,040
Speaker 6: being rejected, didn't.

1629
01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:28,360
Speaker 3: He messaged like three years her and and he.

1630
01:10:28,439 --> 01:10:30,519
Speaker 5: Was like, hey, just by the way you're you still suck.

1631
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:33,519
Speaker 5: You're still a terrible person for rejecting me. Yep, but

1632
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:41,000
Speaker 5: he he loves her. Yeah, he's like yanking her pigtails and.

1633
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:44,880
Speaker 3: He's saying, marry may except they're out of high school.

1634
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:50,559
Speaker 3: Except he's a weird. Then it becomes weird. You grow

1635
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 3: up and yeah, yanks, someone's pigtails. Now it's all weird,

1636
01:10:54,479 --> 01:10:56,880
Speaker 3: going weird.

1637
01:10:58,080 --> 01:11:00,679
Speaker 6: My mother told her she would never me to marry

1638
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:02,320
Speaker 6: a man who did not have the guts to talk

1639
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:04,519
Speaker 6: to me myself and got his mother to do his

1640
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:05,240
Speaker 6: work for him.

1641
01:11:05,520 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 3: Yay mom.

1642
01:11:06,520 --> 01:11:08,960
Speaker 6: My mom had a very stern tone towards her. She

1643
01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:11,479
Speaker 6: told both my ex and his mom that since we

1644
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 6: are snobs, then these snobs are not ruining their daughter's

1645
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:18,280
Speaker 6: life by forcing her to marry into such a conservative,

1646
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 6: problematic household. Ye nice. And yes, since they think we

1647
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:26,280
Speaker 6: think of them as lower than us, they are lower

1648
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:30,320
Speaker 6: than us. Oh shoot, yeah, She's like, yeah you think

1649
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:31,120
Speaker 6: that is true.

1650
01:11:31,439 --> 01:11:34,080
Speaker 3: It's true. Sorry, we have horses and still we're tall.

1651
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:37,599
Speaker 3: They don't, so they're short. Just how it works.

1652
01:11:39,600 --> 01:11:41,840
Speaker 6: I just want to make sure you are being sarcastic

1653
01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:44,839
Speaker 6: about horses, right, Okay, Yeah, they don't actually have horses,

1654
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:46,599
Speaker 6: but if they.

1655
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:48,560
Speaker 3: Did that I'd be really okay. I yeah, because I

1656
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:50,680
Speaker 3: thought you were joking, But then I like you were,

1657
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:53,000
Speaker 3: like wait a second, We've done this too many times.

1658
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:54,160
Speaker 6: Be super hard.

1659
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:54,880
Speaker 1: Focused on this.

1660
01:11:57,160 --> 01:11:58,719
Speaker 3: I just got a double shot.

1661
01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:02,680
Speaker 6: It isn't, so they should stop bothering us because we

1662
01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:06,080
Speaker 6: are such awful people and they are so humble. I

1663
01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:08,080
Speaker 6: know letting my ex piss off my mom was the

1664
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:12,080
Speaker 6: right move because she's actually terrifying when mad. By the way,

1665
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:15,840
Speaker 6: you know what isn't terrifying listening to full episodes of

1666
01:12:15,880 --> 01:12:20,120
Speaker 6: stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1667
01:12:20,240 --> 01:12:23,240
Speaker 6: or i art radio and search a boocused story.

1668
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:24,360
Speaker 3: Time to it.

1669
01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:26,960
Speaker 1: Do we do it? Do it?

1670
01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:29,559
Speaker 3: But there's a little bit left to do this story.

1671
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:33,559
Speaker 3: Do you have any final thoughts they're weird related or otherwise.

1672
01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:38,479
Speaker 3: I think they're weird. If they are weird, they're.

1673
01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 1: Trying to guilt trip in their own weird way. You

1674
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:44,599
Speaker 1: think you're better than us, We don't deserve you, ye?

1675
01:12:45,560 --> 01:12:45,600
Speaker 4: No?

1676
01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:48,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think you're so high and mighty.

1677
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:49,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1678
01:12:50,160 --> 01:12:52,960
Speaker 3: It's like Doctor Draken from Kimbosa when he goes you

1679
01:12:53,280 --> 01:12:55,639
Speaker 3: think you're roll that much?

1680
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:56,080
Speaker 4: You're not.

1681
01:12:57,200 --> 01:13:00,720
Speaker 3: You're not. I get the reference, do you?

1682
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:01,760
Speaker 5: Mm hmm?

1683
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:02,479
Speaker 3: Okay.

1684
01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:06,320
Speaker 6: It's like whenever Doctor Dragon is beat bike Impossible, he's

1685
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:06,760
Speaker 6: always like.

1686
01:13:07,280 --> 01:13:07,960
Speaker 3: Can't buzzard?

1687
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:09,439
Speaker 4: You think you all that?

1688
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:10,479
Speaker 1: But sa not.

1689
01:13:11,080 --> 01:13:13,880
Speaker 3: That's what she literally just beat him. Yeah, she's like, wow,

1690
01:13:14,479 --> 01:13:18,519
Speaker 3: she is all that is just all that he laid

1691
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:19,479
Speaker 3: the house boots.

1692
01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:24,960
Speaker 6: But yeah, these people are weird. Stick with your mom

1693
01:13:25,080 --> 01:13:27,760
Speaker 6: and your dad who are standing up for you, and

1694
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:29,080
Speaker 6: block this guy.

1695
01:13:29,760 --> 01:13:32,599
Speaker 1: And that guy's gonna stay with this Yeah, and that's

1696
01:13:32,760 --> 01:13:35,879
Speaker 1: sad for him. Yeah, she can't marry.

1697
01:13:35,760 --> 01:13:40,719
Speaker 3: Mom on it's been years. It's been years. It's crazy years.

1698
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:42,679
Speaker 3: But there is an update.

1699
01:13:42,920 --> 01:13:44,840
Speaker 6: My sister and I were laughing when Mom was on

1700
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,760
Speaker 6: the call, so I didn't hear the last part, but

1701
01:13:46,920 --> 01:13:49,160
Speaker 6: she told me she handled it and I should focus

1702
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:52,000
Speaker 6: on my work and on not letting such idiots bug

1703
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:55,400
Speaker 6: me again. Turns out it was my exes idea shocker

1704
01:13:56,280 --> 01:13:59,040
Speaker 6: as I suspected, and he made his mom pester me

1705
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:01,920
Speaker 6: to agree to be with again. I still don't understand why,

1706
01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:04,439
Speaker 6: because my ex has made it very clear how much

1707
01:14:04,479 --> 01:14:07,280
Speaker 6: he hates me and everything I stand for. He said

1708
01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:10,200
Speaker 6: my independence would make me a horrible wife, but he's

1709
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:12,439
Speaker 6: drawn to you like a moth to the flame. I

1710
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:15,639
Speaker 6: am selfish and can't love anyone, et cetera. Every time

1711
01:14:15,720 --> 01:14:18,880
Speaker 6: I replied I can love you, are just not worth it,

1712
01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:22,240
Speaker 6: he would yell at me. Yeah, our breakup all those

1713
01:14:22,360 --> 01:14:25,040
Speaker 6: years ago looking back, seems pretty funny to me. I

1714
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:27,720
Speaker 6: had a trusted mutual friend deliver a sober message to

1715
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:29,880
Speaker 6: my ex that I did not like him. I stopped

1716
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:32,559
Speaker 6: liking him at seventeen and have always considered him an

1717
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:35,559
Speaker 6: annoyance at best. There was no way anything was happening,

1718
01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,120
Speaker 6: and he should apologize to his mom for embarrassing her.

1719
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:40,000
Speaker 6: From what I heard back, he told our friend he

1720
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:41,840
Speaker 6: understood and wouldn't bother me again.

1721
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:44,519
Speaker 3: So there it is.

1722
01:14:45,200 --> 01:14:47,160
Speaker 6: As much as I like drama, I am thinking of

1723
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,360
Speaker 6: skipping it for the next couple of visits to my parents,

1724
01:14:49,640 --> 01:14:52,000
Speaker 6: so I think I'll ask them to come stay with

1725
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:55,040
Speaker 6: me instead. And that is the end of that story.