WEBVTT - JENNIFER A. NIELSEN: "Once Upon A Climb" 0:00:04.559 --> 0:00:07.840 Happy New Year, my friends. Have you recovered from the 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:12.119 holidays yet? No me either. We had a big family 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:16.680 birthday party this weekend and it definitely extended our festive moods. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.400 There's still bits and pieces of Christmas strown about my house, 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:24.680 as well as leftover party supplies and the flotsam and 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:27.600 jetsam of a busy family. But this is the first 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:30.960 full week we're back to our regular routine, back to school, 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.000 back to work, back to life, so I suppose we'll 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.280 settle into this new year soon enough. Did you make 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:42.000 a bunch of New Year's resolutions, and if so, how 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:46.239 many of you already broken? I gave up that nonsense 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:49.560 years and years ago, too much pressure, too much kicking 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:53.480 myself when I failed in my resolve. Instead, as I've 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:56.320 shared with you on social media and in my newsletter, 0:00:56.760 --> 0:01:01.160 I like to set some sweet intentions, be more present, 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:06.960 react less, to love more. Inevitably, However, there will be 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:10.120 things I need to accomplish in the coming year. Maybe 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.880 it's something to do with work, or family or my farm. 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:16.280 But there are always things to do, and I'm going 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:18.440 to get some help this year from a little book 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:23.000 I found and chose as my January Book Club Pick. 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:27.760 It's called Once Upon a Climb, Five Steps Every Dreamer 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.959 Should Know, by New York Times bestselling author Jennifer A. Nielsen. 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:35.959 Jennifer has been writing books for a long long time, 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:40.280 but once believed she wasn't very bright. She was even 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.360 told she would never succeed as a writer. Well, she 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.679 is very bright, and now she's published over twenty three 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:52.560 books that include several series, the Ascendant Series, many historical novels, 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:56.480 a bunch of other works. Jenn has won multiple awards, 0:01:56.480 --> 0:02:01.280 including the Sidney Taylor Notable Book Award, multiple State Book Awards. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:05.360 She's been the keynote speaker at writing and publishing conferences, 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:11.720 inspiring countless readers and attendees. She's compiled her hard earned 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:16.280 life lessons, her advice, her insights for achieving success into 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:20.520 five simple steps, all for dreamers who want to reach 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:25.120 their own personal summits. And she accepted my invitation to 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.079 join me today on our first episode of Love Someone 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:34.280 with Delilah season six, is that even possible will get 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.200 caught up with Jin and hear what advice she's sharing 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:40.920 with others about her own climbing experiences. Just as soon 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.960 as we shine some light on one of our podcast 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:48.120 sponsors that are helping to bring these wonderful, insightful conversations 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:52.320 your way. As we welcome in the new year, I 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:55.120 hope you plan on spending much of it connecting with 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.960 friends and loved ones. There's no better way to do it. 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:02.880 If you ask me, then over a cup of Constant 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:07.560 Comment tea from Bigelow Tea. I recently toured the Bigelow 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:12.800 headquarters and was treated to a tea tasting lesson given 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:18.239 by third generation president and CEO of Bigelow t Cindy Bigelow. 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:22.840 It was an amazing experience. I witnessed their state of 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:27.560 the art blending and packaging operations and met their state 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:32.440 of the heart employees. The Bigelow family has been blending 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:37.280 tea for over eighty years, with top quality ingredients and 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:41.200 a lot of love. My fave is Constant Comment, but 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.840 with over one hundred and fifty varieties, they have a 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:48.960 blend to suit every palate, for every season and every occasion. 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:54.520 Maybe you're more of an earl gray or lemon ginger drinker, 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:58.160 You'll have to go to Bigelot dot com and see 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:02.280 all their many blends. Start your winter mornings with a 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:05.640 steaming mug of Bigelot. You can find it at your 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:09.400 favorite store and at bigelot dot com. Right now they 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:14.080 have some brand new blends ready to share with you. 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:20.800 Welcome to Love Someone Today, twenty twenty four, Jennifer Nielsen. 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:25.440 Welcome aboard. You are our first guest, Jennifer on this 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.479 new season. What is the season six? 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.240 Sure? Well, wow, what an honor to be here. And 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.200 happy New Year to everybody. 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.919 Happy New Year. So, Jennifer, you have written several books 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:39.360 and you are known as a motivator, as a life coach, 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.800 as a speaker, kind of like a cheerleader, Like you 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.320 cheer people on. You help them to reach their goals. 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.240 You help them to reach the goal line. 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:50.320 Well, I mean, why else are we here but to 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:55.360 move forward the best we can and then to bring 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.000 other people with us. And so yeah, of. 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.640 Course, So my question was when you we're in junior 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:02.880 high or high school, did you did you have the 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:04.040 pomp poms? 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:11.240 No? No, I was the kid who, particularly early junior high, 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:15.279 who I could walk down a hallway and not have 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.600 anybody say hello to me. I could be missed entirely. 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:21.760 And that was it. And then by ninth grade, I 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:24.440 sort of got it figured out. And I wasn't the 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:30.840 pomp pom person, but I at least started to understand 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:34.240 that there was a path forward for me, and so 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.200 at least I started to figure me out by then. 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:42.400 By ninth grade, I had nothing, nothing figured out by 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:46.080 ninth grade except that Wesley Henshaw was the cutest boy 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:48.240 you know in my class. That's what I had figured 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:49.279 out by ninth grade. 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.560 Oh, I had that figured out. But I also, you know, 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:56.040 I started too, not Wesley, right who I'm sure was adorable, 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.760 but no, I just started to figure out that there 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:03.159 were things I was good at and that there was 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:07.160 something I could do in my life with the things 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.000 I was good at. And I also realized there were 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:10.680 things I was abysmal at. 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:16.040 Stop right there, Confession session. Got to share what, Jennifer, 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:19.920 are you most abysmal at? Like, what is something that 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.240 used to bother you that you couldn't do and now 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.880 that you've embraced it, you can own it and say 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.120 I don't care. I don't care that I can't fill 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:28.720 in the blank. 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.839 You know, it's interesting. I do care, but not for 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.440 the reasons that a person might think. And this this 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:39.000 is the reality of it. I am abysmal with math, 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.960 really really bad at it. And here's my illustration of it. 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:48.240 In my junior year of high school, first term, I 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.520 flunked math F and I've been a good student. And 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.159 I got an F in math. And not because I 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:58.760 missed assignments or because I was bowing out. 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.039 Or because you were out of the with Wesley Hinshaw. 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:05.599 No, none of that, and I would have gone. But no, 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:10.320 it's I earned an F. My best efforts scored me 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:14.680 an F grade. And so in second semester, I thought, 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.760 I'm going to pick it up right. I can't. This 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:20.240 is not acceptable, and I worked harder at it, and 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:24.720 in my second term I earned a D minus. No, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:26.760 I shouldn't say that I didn't earn a D minus. 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:29.800 I earned another F. The teacher gave me a D 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.520 minus so that I could have credit for the class, 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:36.239 and that was a charity give. And a third term 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:40.120 I dropped it and I didn't take another math class 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.520 for the rest of my junior year. I didn't take 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:46.760 math in my senior year. I chose a college based 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:49.680 on my major so that I didn't have to take math. 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:53.800 My college is because they accepted my minimal Act score 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.880 as you don't have to take the required math class 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:01.680 with my minimal Act score. I have never had a 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:05.160 math class since then, and I walked out of that 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.680 first semester of my junior year in math convinced I 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:13.040 was stupid because how could you be a smart person 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.960 and earn an F How could you ever do that? 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:21.160 And I was convinced I was not very smart until 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:25.160 college when I heard this philosophy about intelligence and I 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:28.600 thought it was brilliant. It's the idea is that every 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.319 one of us is really great at some things and 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:36.480 not great at other things, and so there's multiple intelligences. 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.199 It's not a number, it's not an IQ. It is 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.559 here's where I'm a genius, and here's where I'm abysmal. 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:47.040 And that's okay. You can be brilliant. Your life is 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:51.600 not a IQ number. And that revolutionized my life. 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:54.800 Isn't that a beautiful thing to know? When I accepted 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.520 that about myself because you and I are very much alike. 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:02.760 It sounds like I was able to parent my children better. 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:04.720 Yeah. 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:08.120 Yeah, because once I accepted about myself and embrace the 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.600 fact that there are some things I am genius at 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:14.640 but most stuff, I'm not not only am I not genius. 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:18.000 I earn an F in many areas of my life 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:22.400 and that's okay, that's okay. And once I could embrace 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:27.520 that about myself, I went, oh, oh. 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.200 Well, and that's the problem, right when we judge our 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.000 ability to achieve anything based on what happens to get 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:35.800 measured in school, and that's never fair. We're never fair 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:37.880 to ourselves when we do that, or. 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.440 Gets valued by our parents. If our caregivers are people 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:44.679 that raise us or whatever, have a value system that 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:49.240 values math, or values reading above all else, or values 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:55.160 a college education or whatever, we can feel like a 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:56.559 complete failure. 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.920 Right, And that's why I think for me that I 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:03.960 idea of multiple intelligences was so revolutionary because it gave 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:08.640 me permission to be me and that I wasn't measured 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:12.440 by the worst of myself nor the best of myself. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.800 I'm just me And that seems to be working out 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:16.600 pretty well. 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:18.760 Some days better than others. 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:23.640 Right. So it's a new year. Share with us, how 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.520 on this climb we can make it to the top 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:27.880 and see that vista. 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.079 Well, I think that's just it, right, is talking about 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:33.319 what it is to make it to the top. So 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.760 I do live in an area with mountains, and the 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.520 thing is, you see what you believe is the summit, right, 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.040 and you put your eyes on it, and you're like, 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:43.760 that's where I'm trying to get to. That's your whatever, 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:46.800 your resolution, your dream, your goal, and you put your 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:50.080 eye on that summit. And the thing is when you 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:53.080 reach that summit and you're like, now I have done it, 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:57.560 what you realize is that's not the actual summit of 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:01.480 the mountain. That there's something higher still, but you couldn't 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.640 see it because your eye was on the lower summit. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.320 And so the idea is that every one of us, 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:11.880 every one of us in life, we are climbing, and 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.480 that's how it should be. We should never get to 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:18.320 a point where we say now I've arrived and nothing 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:21.040 more is required of me, because that's when our muscles atrophy, 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:23.880 that's when we lose that hunger and passion. And so 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:26.000 the idea of for twenty twenty four, it's not about 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:29.480 having some resolution of like, Okay, now I'm going to 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.640 reach this summit. You were climbing last year, and you're 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.360 going to be climbing again this year and next year 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:38.959 you will continue to climb. And it doesn't matter where 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:43.080 you are at on the mountain. All that matters is 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:45.840 that you say, if I can do nothing else today, 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.200 I will hold the ground I have, and if it's 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:52.480 a good day, I'll take a step up. And if 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:56.000 it's a great day, I will discover an amazing view 0:11:56.320 --> 0:12:01.760 right where I stand. And that's okay. That's okay even 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:04.199 if all you do is hold the ground you have. 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.200 So you live in the mountains, do you actually climb 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.079 the mountains? Like do you are? 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:09.200 You? 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:10.040 Yeah? 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:14.200 Yeah? But I absolutely am in the mountains as often 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:15.040 as I can be there. 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.600 So Jennifer, tell me how we can share with our 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:22.400 listeners some steps they can take to find that pure 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:27.320 joy in their life, in their marriage, in their relationships 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:30.679 and their parenting in the new year. Kind of leave 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:34.840 some of the negativity behind. Get some simple steps. I 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:35.440 like simple. 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.720 I think you look at who your team is. So 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:44.440 I was in a writing conference once and it was 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:46.640 just this huge conference. You know, you're sitting in a 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:49.559 room of seven hundred other people, all of them trying 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:54.040 to get published. And I overheard this woman once and 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:57.040 she had come with all of her big dreams and 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.440 hopes and excitement, and then she sat in a room 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:04.280 with six hundred and ninety nine other writers and she 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:08.360 said why me, Like, why would I ever presume that 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.480 I could have my dream? Because six hundred and ninety 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:14.000 nine people in this one room are trying for the 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.600 same thing I am. And she just thought, there is 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:21.240 no way I could ever get to where I want 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:23.840 to go in life. And I heard her, and I 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:28.000 thought that was so heartbreaking because she was walking away 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.760 from something she had entered that writing conference passionate about, 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:36.800 and she was checking out so quickly, and so I 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.560 wanted to do something that spoke to her and to 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:44.600 say that somebody else's success will not cause your failure, 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:49.120 and that there is room for everybody on the mountain 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:51.720 because we're not all headed to the same spot. And 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:53.920 so how do we find success? I mean, number one, 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:58.080 we stopped comparing right that it if somebody is a 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.959 little further along the trail than we are, well that's 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.560 not keeping us behind on the trail. It means they 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.840 are where they are. And what we hope is that 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.960 if you are higher on the trail than somebody else, 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:13.760 you have a responsibility to reach behind you and say, hey, 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.680 I don't know if you saw this rock in the trail, 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:19.560 but I stumbled over it, and I want you to 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:21.960 notice it because I don't want you to stumble there too. 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.800 I think that's our obligation. And I think if we're 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.480 a little bit behind on the trail, it's our obligation 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:31.120 to reach ahead and say, I'm struggling here, can you 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.840 take my hand and just pull me for a little bit, 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.680 And that we each have those obligations to each other 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:41.360 in life, and that's how we all continue to climb. 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:45.520 And so if you are listening as a parent, it 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.320 is okay to reach out and say, look, I need 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:50.960 a hand up, I am exhausted, or I don't know 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:53.880 what to do, because I guarantee there is somebody. Whatever 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.400 you're facing, somebody is ahead of you on the trail 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.360 and they can help answer your questions, or they can 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.200 just sit with you and enjoy the view where you 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.040 are and let you catch your breath. If you're aspiring 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:10.040 to a certain dream, then stay on the trail and 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.640 keep your eye fixed on the summit that you are 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.960 headed to. And if you don't know what you want 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:20.120 in life, well then at least get on the mountain. 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.840 Because sometimes we think if we're busy that that means 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.880 we're making progress, and sometimes all we're doing is walking 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:32.360 in circles. So get on the mountain and move uphill. 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.240 I was talking with a young lady who's a part 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:51.000 of my extended family yesterday and she's twenty and she said, 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.520 I just I don't even know where to start, Like 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:55.320 I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:59.600 Yeah. Well, and sometimes we change a lot, right where 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.800 things priorities to us when we're eighteen years old. We 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:06.640 might have different priorities at twenty five, and so then 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.320 we're like, well, did I waste that time? And of 0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:11.800 course not, there's there's no waste of anything we do 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:15.720 that you know has personal growth. So it's like she'll 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:19.360 figure it out. But in the meantime, do things for you. 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:23.320 And if you get to school and it's the wrong 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.120 school for you, change schools. And if you get into 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.400 a major and it's the wrong major for you, you're not 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:32.240 locked into that even if it's like your postgraduate work. Fine. 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:34.920 You know, we all know people in this life who 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.840 hit a reset button and said, you know, the path 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:39.960 I was walking, it wasn't taking me in the direction 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:43.080 I wanted to go. Fine, So one of the things 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.960 I talk about in this book is about your climbing 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:51.240 team and who you choose for your climbing team. And 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:55.000 so I had published, like I was on book number four, 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:58.280 and somebody really close to me in my life at 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.840 book number four said, so, so are you actually serious 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:05.560 about this writing thing? And I'm like, well, I mean, 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.439 I have spent now nearly fifteen years of my life 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:12.560 pursuing this so and I was so frustrated, and I thought, 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:16.560 how could she say that she loves me and not 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:20.360 understand this is one of the top priorities in my life. 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.080 How could she really love me? And it was really 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.600 frustrating for a while. And then one day I realized 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:29.679 she does. She does love me, she does care about me. 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.639 But she's not on my climbing team. She is not 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.600 that person. And it doesn't make her evil. It just 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.439 means she's not on that team that I'm taking. You know, 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.440 I do need cheerleaders, I do need guides, I do 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:44.280 need people, you know, porters to help me carry the weight. 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.639 And there's a place for her in my life, but 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:50.720 just not on my climbing team. And so if you 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:53.199 decide to shift gears entirely, and you're like, you know what, 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:55.760 this is actually the direction I want to go. Of course, 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.399 there will be people who are not going to get it, 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.240 and they love you, they care about you, and they 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.080 want what's best for you, but they just may not 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:08.160 be on your climbing team. And that's okay. Just listen 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:11.200 to the voices who say I will walk this with you, 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:12.320 and they are out there. 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:16.439 Do you have any clues for young people who need 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:20.240 to switch out members of their climbing team and need 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:25.879 to distance themselves, Like, how do you gracefully say you 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:26.240 know what? 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:27.000 Great? 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.720 You stay here or head back down to the bottom. 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.800 I'll catch up with you, but I need somebody who's 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:37.480 gonna be helping, not pulling me down. 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:42.720 There will always be those people, right, And usually the 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.280 people who pull you down are the people who tried 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:49.280 and failed, or the people who never tried because they're 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:53.720 convinced they will fail. And I heard that once somebody 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:57.359 just say, I never listen to the failures. In other words, 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:59.439 and it's not like a life failure. But if somebody, 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:02.120 for example, is like, hey, you know what, I want 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.639 to be a dancer. You know I want to be 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:08.960 a professional ballerina. And so then they talk to people 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:11.560 who tried to become a professional ballerina and they didn't 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:13.120 make it, and they're going to say, oh, you'll never 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:16.720 make it, and they can be your friend. You just 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.880 know they are not the ones you're going to turn 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:25.640 to for tips for success. But also, I firmly believe 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:30.200 that we whatever our passion is or our interest is, 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:34.600 wherever we find joy, that the reason we find it 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.480 is because we've already been given all of the tools 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.879 to succeed. We might need to refine them, we might 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.960 need to work on them, but to understand that you 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:46.680 are given everything you need to succeed in the thing 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:49.399 you want to do, if only you will use what 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:52.520 you already have. And then to be content with the 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:55.960 idea that as you are, you are already enough. You 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:59.280 don't have to prove yourself. You don't have to do 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:03.360 anything other than to say, as I am, I a 0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:04.960 good enough for this world. 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:09.080 Right there, right there, somebody needs to make a T 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:14.040 shirt with that on it. Great market, It isn't that beautiful? 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:17.439 Because it's the truth. It's the truth. And for me, 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.800 because I'm a person that believes in a higher power. 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.800 I'm not a cosmic accident, you know. I'm not just 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:27.280 a bunch of cells that happen to come together accidentally. 0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:31.040 I'm an on purpose, and I believe everybody I meet 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.320 is an on purpose. They're here on purpose. 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:36.960 I think that's beautiful. I agree with it. 0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:39.800 So, if you're an on purpose and you come to 0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:43.440 the realization that you're enough, you're smart enough, you are 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:46.360 capable enough, you have enough gifts and talents that are 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:50.560 uniquely you to do that thing that you were meant 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:54.680 to do, why do we waste time and energy worrying 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:59.160 or fussing or feeling insecure or like we're not enough? 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:04.720 I you know, because we're listening to the wrong sources. 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:07.199 And very often I feel like we are. We are 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:09.719 our own worst critic. We stare in the mirror and 0:21:09.720 --> 0:21:14.399 we criticize, and we disparage, and we say things to 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:18.280 ourselves we'd never say to anybody else in the universe ever. 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:21.199 You know that one woman out of a group of 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.800 seven hundred in a room would never say to another writer, 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.520 you could never make it because of everybody else in here. 0:21:27.600 --> 0:21:30.800 That would never enter her mindset. But she was perfectly 0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:35.600 willing to discredit herself in a way she never would 0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:38.840 not for another six hundred and ninety nine people. And 0:21:39.480 --> 0:21:41.560 I think we have to be so careful about the 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:44.880 script that we write for ourselves, because if the script 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:46.840 is I will never make it to the summit, then 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:49.919 you'll never make it, and not because you can't, but 0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:52.200 because why would you bother doing all of the client 0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:55.000 if you're telling yourself there is no summit for you. 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:58.280 So I think the biggest thing is to say yes, 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.639 of course, and I might stumble, and I might go 0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:04.760 downhill as often as I go uphill, I might fall 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:10.080 and land in a very dark place. But then to say, 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:13.320 at the end of the day, I will I will 0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:14.680 continue climbing. 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:17.080 How many books have you published now? 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:23.440 I think I'm at twenty three. 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:26.440 Perhaps, Wow Wow, Okay, so you said choose our climbing team. 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:29.359 We got there. You've got a few more points. And 0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:33.000 I think that the next two, especially especially number four 0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:37.480 on the list of notes across the crevass and choose 0:22:37.520 --> 0:22:40.720 your root. I think these are kind of important for 0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:45.199 somebody who their resolution or their decision this year is 0:22:45.280 --> 0:22:48.479 to stop being my worst enemy, stop being my worst critic, 0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:53.000 and start pursuing that thing with passion that I've always 0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:55.840 wanted to do. They're assembling their climbing team. 0:22:55.920 --> 0:23:02.640 What next after we assemble our climbing team, choosing our route, 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:06.280 understanding that there are a lot of different ways to 0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:10.040 get to any specific point. And I think this speaks 0:23:10.080 --> 0:23:13.320 to this young woman you are speaking to over the holidays, 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:15.760 that everybody in her life says, well, this is the 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:19.200 route you have to go, This is the one acceptable route, 0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:22.240