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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, and Sophia, Welcome back to Work in Progress. Today.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to introduce our guest musician, songwriter, mixed media

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Speaker 1: artist and writer Morgan Harper Nichols in a slightly different way.

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Speaker 1: I am going to read to you some of her

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Speaker 1: own beautiful words. She writes, I know you haven't done

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Speaker 1: everything perfectly up until this point, and there are still

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Speaker 1: so many unknowns that lie before you. But you must

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Speaker 1: remember how far you have come, Remember all of the

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Speaker 1: things you have already let go of, even if others

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Speaker 1: don't seem to notice, even if you don't feel like

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Speaker 1: your accomplishments reflect just how much time and energy you're

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Speaker 1: putting in. The important thing is to make room in

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Speaker 1: your heart for gratitude, even when there are a thousand

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Speaker 1: things on your mind and you don't need anyone else's

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Speaker 1: permission before you begin to do at You don't have

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Speaker 1: to wait until someone says, Wow, you're doing so well,

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Speaker 1: or you've come so far to know in the well

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Speaker 1: of your soul that you are healing and you're stronger

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Speaker 1: than you used to be. You do not have to

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Speaker 1: wait on anyone else to notice just how much progress

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Speaker 1: you are making. How lovely right it's moving, it's encouraging,

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Speaker 1: and that quote happens to feel incredibly important for work

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Speaker 1: in progress. If you love that piece, you can find

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Speaker 1: it on Morgan's secondary Instagram page at the storyteller Co,

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Speaker 1: also the name of an app she started. Her main

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Speaker 1: Instagram page is her name at Morgan Harper Nichols, where

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Speaker 1: she has one point seven million followers who all tune

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Speaker 1: into view her art and writing, her poems and musings,

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Speaker 1: and what she's created in music. Morgan's work is centered

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Speaker 1: around the question how can we create connection with this

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Speaker 1: in mind? She is a true renaissance artist and a hustler.

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Speaker 1: She's creating art and sharing it across her Agram feed,

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Speaker 1: her company, her blog Garden twenty four, her social media,

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Speaker 1: her YouTube, and she has a podcast plus. Her latest book,

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Speaker 1: How Far You've Come, just came out this April and

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Speaker 1: it's full of art, poems and thoughts on living a life.

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Speaker 1: Please join me for the soul strengthening and deeply enriching

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Speaker 1: conversation with Morgan Harper Nichols. I know you said that

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Speaker 1: your sister came and helped you with your setup. Was

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Speaker 1: that just the mic and the lighting or was it

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Speaker 1: the whole view of what I see. Right. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it was all the audio and then I do

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Speaker 1: the same thing for her. I help with all the visuals.

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Speaker 1: So we have a great little partnership. She does like

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Speaker 1: all the audio things and I do the visual things.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I love that. I love that. That makes

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Speaker 1: sense because your art is just the best. So I

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Speaker 1: imagine that you being a visual storyteller and and the

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Speaker 1: painting that you do and things makes you able to

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Speaker 1: really set up spaces beautifully too. Oh well, thank you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It kind of took me a minute to put that

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Speaker 1: part together though, because I am a very visual thinker

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Speaker 1: and I think and I can see things in my mind.

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Speaker 1: But it kind of took honestly, other people saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: your art, I think this could go on a wall.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I think you're right, Okay, let's

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Speaker 1: give it a try. So yeah, I think I'm I

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Speaker 1: think I'm kind of just now starting to come into that.

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Speaker 1: And then the whole like this past year of just

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Speaker 1: sitting in front of the computer all this time, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's try to just make this space beautiful, Like, let's

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Speaker 1: just see what happens. Maybe maybe I can figure it out.

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Speaker 1: That is so cool. Oh. I have so many questions

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Speaker 1: about how that realization about your art and your capabilities

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Speaker 1: came to be. But before we get into what you

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Speaker 1: do as a grown up, I want to know about

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Speaker 1: you as a kid, because you, like me, are a

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Speaker 1: born and raised Angelina at least early in your life.

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Speaker 1: Everyone looks at me like I have four heads when

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Speaker 1: I tell them I'm actually from l A. So please

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Speaker 1: tell me about being born here and where you were

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Speaker 1: born and everything you remember about it. Yes, I was

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Speaker 1: born in well, the Long Beach area, but specifically bill Flower,

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Speaker 1: and my family goes back two generations in the l

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Speaker 1: A area, and we actually moved. I mean, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of a sad story, but true. We actually moved not

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Speaker 1: too long after the riots happened. The Rottney King Ryot's

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Speaker 1: happened in the early nineties, and um, I'm a preacher's kid,

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Speaker 1: and my parents moved to Georgia, where my mom grew

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Speaker 1: up and they started to church. So the Georgia connection

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Speaker 1: was that your mother grew up there. Yes, yes, so

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Speaker 1: my dad is from Los Angeles South Central and my

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Speaker 1: mom from Atlanta. So yeah, we packed up, and I

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Speaker 1: mean I didn't pack I was a toddler, but they

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Speaker 1: packed up some and moved us south, and we would

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Speaker 1: go back to visit quite a lot. So we would

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Speaker 1: take road trips from the East coast to west, which

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Speaker 1: is just so wild to think about the patience my

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Speaker 1: parents must have had traveling with young kids across the country.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, we we would come back and visit, and

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Speaker 1: I was always just I mean, I still into this day.

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Speaker 1: I loved California. Yeah, I mean, the diversity of nature

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Speaker 1: here is so crazy to me. Yeah, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: love nature. I make art inspired by nature, but I've

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Speaker 1: gone even even deeper with that now. Like I bought

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Speaker 1: like a birdwatchers Bible, and I'm like, I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: a birdwatcher. I was like, how cool would that be

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Speaker 1: if I could just identify birds? Um u u day,

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Speaker 1: I'm actually really terrible at it. It's very hard. Um

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Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I thought they were gonna be distinct

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Speaker 1: enough for me to kind of get a little repertoire here,

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Speaker 1: but they're not. They're beautiful though, um so. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just just the depth of how many species there

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Speaker 1: are of plants, of animals, and it's just you could

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Speaker 1: literally go on a walk in the same neighborhood every

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Speaker 1: day for a month and see something new every time.

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Speaker 1: But it takes a lot of like practice to be

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Speaker 1: able to look in that way. And I think I'm

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Speaker 1: still learning how to do that, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's it's been really interesting making a hobby

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Speaker 1: out of just slowing down and and try to observe

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Speaker 1: and and look closer, just kind of just because m Yeah,

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Speaker 1: to make a hobby out of observing feels it feels

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Speaker 1: like a profound shift. Was the shift going from California

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Speaker 1: to Georgia? And I know that happened when you said,

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Speaker 1: you know, you were a toddler, But the road trips, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, the patients are your parents, You're right,

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Speaker 1: I got. But the back and forth, what was that

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Speaker 1: experience like as a kid, you know, coming here, going

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Speaker 1: back home to Georgia, that move? Did it did it

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Speaker 1: feel like a natural kind of change or did it

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Speaker 1: feel like you were thrust into a whole new world.

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Speaker 1: That is such a good question. It's interesting because since

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Speaker 1: I was young, and like, my very first memory is

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Speaker 1: actually in California, and um, maybe I was so young,

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Speaker 1: but I remember, um, and it was weird because I

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Speaker 1: had this memory. I was like, is this like a

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Speaker 1: recurring dream or something? But I asked my parents and

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Speaker 1: they verified. They were like, no, you described it perfectly.

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Speaker 1: And they were like, you're too young to remember that.

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Speaker 1: How do you remember that? But I remembered this. Um.

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Speaker 1: It was actually during the Rottney King riots and we

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Speaker 1: were sleeping on the floor and I told my parents

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Speaker 1: I was like, I have this memory of looking up

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Speaker 1: to the sky and I could see the street light

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Speaker 1: and I could just see like just beyond, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, there was so much sky and I could

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Speaker 1: just see for miles and miles just lying there as

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Speaker 1: a kid. I mean, I wasn't literally seeing for miles

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Speaker 1: and miles, but I felt like, wow, this sky is

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Speaker 1: just so big. Like here I am looking up in

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Speaker 1: this window and then it just opens up to this

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Speaker 1: massive sky and I was like there was an orange

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Speaker 1: street light like right there to the right. And my

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Speaker 1: parents like, yeah, that's exactly what you would have been

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Speaker 1: able to see from where you were. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if that was just kind of like intuitive or

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Speaker 1: inside of me, but I always felt like what the

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Speaker 1: West Coast and particularly California as a kid, I always

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Speaker 1: just felt like a sense of openness UM. And then

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Speaker 1: those young trips, those trips I would take when I

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Speaker 1: was young, kind of driving leaving West Texas into New

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Speaker 1: Mexico into Arizona, it was just like it felt like

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Speaker 1: the world was just opening up, Like it was just

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Speaker 1: like there's there's room here, there's like kind of like

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Speaker 1: permission to breathe. And I mean, of course I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have used that language when I was six, but it

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Speaker 1: just felt like, I don't not explain it, it it just

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Speaker 1: felt like open which was interesting because my experience being

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Speaker 1: in California, it wasn't like just hanging out chilling by

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Speaker 1: the beach, like you know, we were in like urban area,

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Speaker 1: like hanging out with family and stuff. But for me,

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Speaker 1: I just felt that sense of openness. And in contrast,

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Speaker 1: growing up in Georgia, I didn't feel that way. It's

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Speaker 1: something about UM, like a lot of the spaces were

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Speaker 1: relived in. There were so many trees, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I can't see enough of the sky

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Speaker 1: because like these massive oak trees are just reaching up.

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Speaker 1: And I always love to hear how people different people

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Speaker 1: interpret these experiences, because I've been with people who visit

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Speaker 1: the South for the first time and they're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, I love the trees, and I'm just like

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Speaker 1: I just want to give beyond the trees, like I

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Speaker 1: need openness, Like I feel like the trees are holding

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Speaker 1: me back. So yeah, even just some like a natural

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Speaker 1: like just nature itself, like I really did from a

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Speaker 1: young age, I kind of created this shift of like okay,

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Speaker 1: here on the East and the South, like I feel

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Speaker 1: kind of restricted, kind of restraint, and I was always

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Speaker 1: just like wanting that what I interpreted as like this

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Speaker 1: West Coast freedom. So yeah, in many ways, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm steel like that. But I do feel like

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Speaker 1: I have more of an understanding of kind of like

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Speaker 1: what was happening internally as a kid and why I

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Speaker 1: may have felt constricted growing up in Georgia. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it was just literally the trees. I think the

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Speaker 1: trees just kind of end up becoming symbolic of those

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Speaker 1: feelings of feeling stuck as a kid. When you talk

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Speaker 1: about what the trees might have been symbolic of, and

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Speaker 1: it's funny because having lived in the South, I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: about what it feels like to walk under those giant

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Speaker 1: oak trees, and I love them because they feel so

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Speaker 1: old and so wise. But when I think about them

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Speaker 1: through the lens of the memory you're sharing, I also

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Speaker 1: realized that because they're so big and they reach so

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Speaker 1: wide and they come down so low, you can kind

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Speaker 1: of feel like you're under an umbrella, which if you're

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Speaker 1: if you're seeking the vastness of the sky is quite

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Speaker 1: literally the opposite of that which you're seeking. So what

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Speaker 1: what do you think they became symbolic of? Was there

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Speaker 1: was there a shift for you in terms of a

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Speaker 1: bit of culture shock and what might have been happening

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Speaker 1: in a West Coast versus a southern community, or or

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Speaker 1: was you know you mentioned being a preacher's daughter. Was

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Speaker 1: there a sort of pressure to be that kind of

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Speaker 1: you know, perfect progeny of of a leader, which can

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Speaker 1: I know it can be so hard for a kid.

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Speaker 1: You know what, what do you think gave you that

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Speaker 1: that feeling of um wanting to expand? Oh wow, what

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Speaker 1: you just said that actually just made me even think

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Speaker 1: about this in a layer deeper that I had really

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Speaker 1: thought about it before. Yeah, when when you were talking

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Speaker 1: about the trees being you know, these old, wise like

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Speaker 1: massive presence it's like, yes, it's that, but also, especially

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Speaker 1: if you're a kid or like you said, the child

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Speaker 1: of a leader or something like, you can feel lost

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Speaker 1: in the shadows of that. It's like two things are

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Speaker 1: happening at once, Like you recognize the greatness of it,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, it's like, well, what the

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Speaker 1: heck am I doing here? Like this is great without

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Speaker 1: me being here. And I think that when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid um and it became even more apparent kind

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Speaker 1: of moving into my preteen and teen years, I became

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Speaker 1: even more conscious of it. I was very aware that

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Speaker 1: specifically in the Atlanta area. I mean Atlanta has so

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Speaker 1: much rich history, specifically for black people. I mean you

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Speaker 1: have like prestigious historical black college universities there. I mean

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Speaker 1: this is a place where I mean Martin Luther King like,

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Speaker 1: I grew up specifically in Stone Mountain, which has like

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Speaker 1: a lot of history that has to do with the

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Speaker 1: Civil rights movement. And I my mom was an educator

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Speaker 1: and I was homeschooled, and I mean we were always

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Speaker 1: like either in the history books or everywhere we went,

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Speaker 1: She's like this happened there, We did that, you know

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Speaker 1: this this happened in nine like all of these things

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Speaker 1: like we were very much so like being educated on

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Speaker 1: the history. So I think for me, I kind of

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Speaker 1: felt in some ways of like, wow, here I am

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Speaker 1: surrounded by all of these like I was. I grew

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Speaker 1: up being surrounded by like black entrepreneurs, like people like

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Speaker 1: doing things like in the community, and I'm like, everyone's

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Speaker 1: so great, So what am I doing here? Like what

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Speaker 1: am I supposed to do? And it was hard because

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Speaker 1: I was more introverted. I had a hard time communicating

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Speaker 1: with people and really kind of putting myself out there.

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Speaker 1: So I felt this sort of like almost in a way,

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Speaker 1: I kind of felt shame. Like it's like, wow, I

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Speaker 1: have I'm in this place where people literally moved to

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Speaker 1: the city to like do great things and dream big

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Speaker 1: and and create, you know, things for the community, and

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Speaker 1: here I am like I can barely like form a

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Speaker 1: sentence without getting sweaty palms, and it's just like who

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Speaker 1: am I supposed to be? And it was just so

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Speaker 1: it was so challenging because I my parents are They're

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Speaker 1: still this way, like they were just so supportive, but

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Speaker 1: I just I kind of felt like I'm gonna let

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Speaker 1: him down. I'm like they're like Oh, you're so talented.

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Speaker 1: You could do this, you could do that, And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh boy, I don't think I can. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I could rise to the challenge. Guys. So yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think kind of going back to those trees, it's just

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Speaker 1: like you're you're there among something that's so much greater

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Speaker 1: than you, and while you can admire it, you can

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Speaker 1: also kind of feel lost in the shadows of it

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Speaker 1: and question what your significance is. And I say, you mean,

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Speaker 1: but but I think you know. It's interesting because I

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Speaker 1: think that the specific is actually universal. You're talking about

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Speaker 1: your specific experience. But I do really believe that that

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Speaker 1: feeling of what do I contribute here is so universal,

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Speaker 1: and I think all of us can, probably in this moment,

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Speaker 1: feel something in our chest that makes us not along

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Speaker 1: with that truth. And I think it is compounded now

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Speaker 1: especially I mean, God, I think about you as a

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Speaker 1: sensitive kid trying to figure it out. I think about

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Speaker 1: me as a sensitive kid trying to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And now I think about all these kids who grow

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Speaker 1: up with the Internet, where everyone's comparing their insides everybody

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Speaker 1: else's outside, and I can't imagine how small it must

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Speaker 1: make so many people feel, and I mean, really, it's

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Speaker 1: one of the reasons I wanted to do this show

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Speaker 1: in the first place was to really dig in because

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Speaker 1: every single person I've ever met has a story of

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Speaker 1: trying to find themselves, trying to understand what worth is

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Speaker 1: where it comes from, figuring out what they really don't

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Speaker 1: understand and what they're still trying to learn and and

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Speaker 1: from the outside. So many of the people who I

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Speaker 1: get to interview on this show are people who their

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Speaker 1: communities look at as you know, quote unquote having it

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Speaker 1: all figured out, and it's like, nobody has anything. What

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Speaker 1: are you talking about? We have no idea what we're doing,

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Speaker 1: no idea, no idea, And I wonder, and this this

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Speaker 1: might go really deep, but I can't help but see,

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing your story like a movie, which really strikes

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Speaker 1: me about what an amazing story to other you are

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Speaker 1: because you're painting a picture for me in my head

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Speaker 1: at least of a visual language that I understand. And

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Speaker 1: I think about this little girl being in l A

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Speaker 1: in that moment of incredible tumult and pain and such

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Speaker 1: deep pain for the black community and such a such

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Speaker 1: a historical kind of tent pole for police brutality and

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Speaker 1: lack of accountability and all of these things that are

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Speaker 1: enormous social constructs, and you were just a little girl,

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Speaker 1: and your family, from what it sounds like anyway, is

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Speaker 1: saying we're not staying here for this and choosing to

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Speaker 1: move and setting up life, you know, in your mom's hometown,

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Speaker 1: setting up their church, the Kingdom City Church install in

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Speaker 1: Mountain as you mentioned, and and the the at best

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Speaker 1: potential for sort of leadership and inspiration of a faith community,

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Speaker 1: the historic goal leadership and inspiration that comes from that

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Speaker 1: community for you know, the entire civil rights movement and

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Speaker 1: social progression and also as you said so specifically rich

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Speaker 1: for the black community. And then what the Atlanta Black

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Speaker 1: community is as this incredible community. And I have this

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Speaker 1: feeling of kind of wanting to take a deep breath

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Speaker 1: for that little girl, because there was fear, and then

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Speaker 1: there's legacy, and then there's family and love and faith

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Speaker 1: and all of these things baked into it. And I

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Speaker 1: imagine that that's a lot to try to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to process as a small child, the kind of

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Speaker 1: best and worst of it all. And where do you

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Speaker 1: fit in? Yeah, I'm just oh sorry, I just have

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Speaker 1: to remind myself I was on a podcast, Mark and

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Speaker 1: you can't just sit here and not your head, because yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was just taking that in. That is so true

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Speaker 1: and it's such just you just reflecting my own story

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Speaker 1: back to me. It was just such a reminder of

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Speaker 1: how how till this day I still need to continue

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Speaker 1: to nurture that young Morgan and tell her that you

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Speaker 1: just said that. All I've been thinking is like I

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Speaker 1: just want to hug the girl and be like, Hi,

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Speaker 1: like my little kid inside that I have to hug

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Speaker 1: a lot wants to hug your little kid. Let's oh

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Speaker 1: my goodness. Oh yeah, And I love that you said

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Speaker 1: play because I that's honestly been such a huge word

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Speaker 1: for me right now. It's just how can I remember

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Speaker 1: to play? And it is amazing to me that as

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Speaker 1: a kid, while I was like this sensitive kid taking

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Speaker 1: all these things in, that I was still able to

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Speaker 1: be imaginative and play and even if I was just

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Speaker 1: playing by myself, like I was having the time in

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Speaker 1: while life. So yeah, that's something that you know in

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Speaker 1: today's time that I have to for the sake of

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Speaker 1: my own mental health, like I have to find ways

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Speaker 1: to continue to play and I've been like keeping crayons

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Speaker 1: around or like the past few months and just like

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Speaker 1: originally bought them for my little one, um, but he

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Speaker 1: barely touches them. I'm I'm the main one using them.

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Speaker 1: And even just that practice, UM for me, it's just

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Speaker 1: it just kind of takes me back to like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that that six year old me, that that kid me.

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Speaker 1: It's it's like still inside of me, and I have

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Speaker 1: to continue to nurture that version of myself. How do

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Speaker 1: you feel like you do that? How do you find play?

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Speaker 1: How do you hug little Morgan in your life? Now?

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Speaker 1: When I make something that I'm really proud of or

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Speaker 1: have be about, and I feel no pressure to share

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Speaker 1: it whatsoever mm hmm, and I just look at it

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Speaker 1: and say that was good. I had a lot of

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Speaker 1: fun with that, and nobody else has to be a

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Speaker 1: part of it. And when I get to that place,

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Speaker 1: like I know that that is that's the heart of

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Speaker 1: nurturing that part of myself. And I just think about

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Speaker 1: the work it takes to be able to be kind

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Speaker 1: to yourself that way, and I I wonder when did

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Speaker 1: that ability to express yourself begin? Because I'm you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm so I'm so curious about now, But I'm so

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Speaker 1: curious about your childhood too. I just want to know

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Speaker 1: all the things. And I think about what we know

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Speaker 1: so far about the move and the church they began

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Speaker 1: in your life in Atlanta, and that that sense of

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Speaker 1: trying to find identity d And I think about you

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Speaker 1: being an artist creator, and I wonder, what's that pathway

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Speaker 1: you know? Were you were you painting and drawing as

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Speaker 1: a little girl, you know, at at eight or nine

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Speaker 1: or ten, were you finding that voice? Did that come later?

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Speaker 1: Kind of what how did that all start? I was

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Speaker 1: always drawing and writing stories for as long as I

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Speaker 1: can remember. I started keeping a diary at age eight,

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Speaker 1: and I have kept that going until today. I it is,

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Speaker 1: I mean it is, like it's hard to even say.

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Speaker 1: Like writing is like an extension of me. I mean it,

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Speaker 1: it feels like a part of me. I used to

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Speaker 1: treat my my sound weird. But I used to treat

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Speaker 1: my journals like they were actual beings. Like I would

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Speaker 1: introduce myself, like in the beginning of the first page

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Speaker 1: is I'm like, hello, I'm working, um here's my life.

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Speaker 1: And I would tell my life story every time. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you might also want to know this about me. It's

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Speaker 1: kind of greepy. Going back and reading some things, I

390
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: was really invested. I found one of them not too

391
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 1: long ago when I literally cut off a piece of

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Speaker 1: my hair and it's like and taped it inside of

393
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Speaker 1: the journals, like, here's what my hair looks like. I'm

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00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: talking to the journal I was like, Wow, we're good. Okay,

395
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Speaker 1: so yeah, Needle's say. I got really creative with the

396
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Speaker 1: page and and bringing that page to life, like I

397
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Speaker 1: was just really interested in that. Just any color pencil,

398
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Speaker 1: any marker. I mean, I was like, oh, I haven't

399
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Speaker 1: tried these dollar store watercolors. Let me just try this

400
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: and see what happens. But it was interesting because for

401
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Speaker 1: a very long time, it didn't feel like something that

402
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Speaker 1: I could share with other people. If if my parents

403
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Speaker 1: saw it and my sister saw it, I was fine

404
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: with that, but it was never like, Okay, you know,

405
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Speaker 1: show it to your aunt, you know, show it to

406
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Speaker 1: the neighbor. It was never like, oh, let's put what

407
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Speaker 1: you made out there for others. Even if if my

408
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Speaker 1: parents tried to encourage me to do that, I was

409
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Speaker 1: very hesitant, And I mean I wouldn't have used these

410
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Speaker 1: words then, but I think it was a sacred space

411
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Speaker 1: for me. I think it was just this whatever this is,

412
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Speaker 1: like I feel calm, I feel at peace when I'm

413
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Speaker 1: doing this, when I'm sketching, when I'm doodling, when i'm writing,

414
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Speaker 1: and I'm not sure I'm ready to let that go yet.

415
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Speaker 1: So the first time I started to really kind of

416
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Speaker 1: let that go willingly and and and say, Okay, I

417
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: guess I can share some of this maybe with others.

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Speaker 1: It started with my grandfather, and my grandfather is I. I

419
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Speaker 1: I feel like I take a lot from him. He's

420
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 1: just he's very curious, like he's just he's the kind

421
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 1: to sit at the kitchen table with a dictionary and

422
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 1: just read the dictionary, like he's just like, let's learn

423
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: some new words today. And until this day, he's still

424
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: like this in his eighties. And when I was fourteen,

425
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: I actually went over the house and he had started

426
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: collecting instruments from yard sales and teaching himself the instrument.

427
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:22,199
Speaker 1: So he bought like drums, said, bass guitar, electric guitar.

428
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Speaker 1: So we're at their house and he was like, Hey,

429
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: come check out this new guitar I got. And I

430
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Speaker 1: was just like I said, yes, because it was just

431
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Speaker 1: like my grandfather, I wasn't really like, you know, that

432
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: invested in the idea of a guitar. Bus like at sure, okay,

433
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 1: I'll go look at his guitar. So I picked up

434
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:47,959
Speaker 1: the guitar and till this day, I've never had anything

435
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 1: like this happened in my life. I heard what I

436
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 1: can only describe as the voice of God just literally

437
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 1: say in my ear, you're going to use this, and

438
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: it was like the most audible like I've never had

439
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: until this day, I've never had any moment like that,

440
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: and it just shook me. I was like, I don't

441
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: know what that was. I don't know what that was about,

442
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: but okay, there's something with this guitar. And when he

443
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: showed me, like how to play a chord, I was

444
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, there's something to this. I don't know

445
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: what it is. So he let me take the guitar

446
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 1: home and I taught myself to play and that was

447
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,719
Speaker 1: the very first time that And it's funny because that

448
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: was the first art form that literally makes the sound.

449
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 1: So it's like you can't hold music in and I'm like,

450
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: if you're gonna play music, eventually, someone's going to hear it,

451
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 1: and in a way, I feel like the guitar kind

452
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 1: of became this Like so, this sounds like a negative word,

453
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 1: but for me it wasn't. Um It was kind of

454
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 1: like a barrier, like between me and the world. It

455
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: was like, as long as I have this, I can

456
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 1: share some of myself. I have something to And again,

457
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 1: they sounds like such negative words, but it wasn't negative

458
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: for me at the time. It was like I wasn't

459
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 1: so much hiding behind it, but it was like, this

460
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: is assistance that I need to be able to be

461
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: out there in the world, and maybe I can share

462
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: some of the stuff that's inside of me. I don't

463
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: think of that as negative at all. I I think

464
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: it's actually quite profound to know yourself enough, even as

465
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 1: a young kid, you know, as a as a child,

466
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 1: as a teenager, to say I am and I'm path,

467
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: I am an open channel. It is hard for me

468
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: to be bare chested out in the world. It's it's beautiful,

469
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: but it's painful. I I think about the way a

470
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: guitar rests over you. It's like it's a shield for

471
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: your most vital organs, and never thought of it that way.

472
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: I just got chills when you said that. I mean,

473
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: what a beautiful version of armor, right, Like to be

474
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 1: able to hold something that makes you feel safer but

475
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: that also allows you to give beauty to other people.

476
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 1: That's a pretty incredible thing. Wow. Well, thank you for

477
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: saying that that way. I never thought, yes, I do too. Yeah,

478
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: that that really stubs it up perfectly, because it felt

479
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: it felt like it chills, like it didn't feel like, oh,

480
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: I'm you know, trying to I was like, no, this

481
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: is this is helping me be out here. This is

482
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: making it possible for me to be out here in

483
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,479
Speaker 1: this scary world where I'm encountering people that I don't know,

484
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: that don't know me, and you don't know how they're

485
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: going to react to your art or your words or

486
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: your story. And yeah, that was that was a huge

487
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: turning point for me. And and and I still, I mean,

488
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: I don't I don't play guitar every day now, but

489
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: I mean I still feel a sense of that every

490
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: time I pick it up. I really do. I love that.

491
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: Do you remember when you first performed in front of

492
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 1: an audience. I don't remember the exact first time, but

493
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: it was a whole string of really bad performances with

494
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: patient people, very patient loving people in my life. I'm

495
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: sure my mom was so like she still this way,

496
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 1: and she's like, we're gonna get your music out there.

497
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: We're gonna get it out there. And she was just like, oh,

498
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: I know, you're gonna sing at coffee shops. So she

499
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: would just like going random coffee shops like can my

500
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 1: daughter come in here and sing? So it was stuff

501
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: like that. It was so um and I'm I'm glad

502
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: she did it. But back then I was just like,

503
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: what am I getting myself into? But one thing that

504
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: was nice I remember as I as I started to

505
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: learn how to tune my guitar and pace myself through

506
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 1: the songs, when people started to like leave me tips.

507
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: So I would like play coffee shops and stuff, and

508
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: you know, being a teenager, I mean it's like, you know,

509
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: any little dollar, it's just like, oh my gosh, just

510
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: like I can get paid for this. Um. That was

511
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: that was really nice. So yeah, it was UM. I

512
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: used to there's a town in the Atlanta area in

513
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: Lanta call five Points, and I used to do um

514
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: when I was like eighteen. I used to like bust

515
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: out there a little known fact about me. I don't

516
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: talk about that much, but I used to set up

517
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: my guitar, open my case and just play on the street.

518
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: And it's so wold that I was like with my

519
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: personality and how kind of subdued I naturally am. I'm like, yeah,

520
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: I don't know what came over me, um, but some

521
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 1: kind of way. Yeah, I was out there. Do you

522
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: think finding that kind of more what would you call that,

523
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: like a public facing identity as a musician at eighteen,

524
00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: had anything to do with you starting school outside the

525
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: home at sixteen? Because I think about you know, you're

526
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: talking about your mom always having a history lesson and

527
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: a thing to point out and leading you know, you

528
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 1: in home school. Then to go into a traditional school environment,

529
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 1: was that like a wild change for you or or

530
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: was there something about the the amount of time that

531
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: you got to be home and the way that you

532
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: learned to kind of protect your energy that made you

533
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: feel ready at sixteen? That's such a good question. Yeah.

534
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 1: So I graduated from high school at sixteen, and then

535
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: I went to college, moved on campus. I was I

536
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: was only like forty minutes away from my house. The

537
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,719
Speaker 1: school was very close to home. Yeah, I was like.

538
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: My mom was like, I was like, you know, you

539
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: could live at home if you want to save money.

540
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm I'm a grown up. I'm gonna

541
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: move on campus. So I just I just always think

542
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: that was so funny because I thought I was really

543
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: doing something. I mean I was, I mean, I was

544
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 1: sixteen in college, but I was just like, I've moved

545
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: three five minutes away, so um yeah. I think what

546
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: happened was that I knew because I was two years

547
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 1: younger than everyone, which by the way, I wasn't planning

548
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: on telling people. They're just so happy to be a

549
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: girl from my hometown who recognized me. Like at orientation,

550
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: I was like, aren't you sixteen? Why are you here?

551
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I don't blow everyone knows um,

552
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: So everybody found out pretty quickly, so I think honestly,

553
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: from that moment, I was like, well, I've got to

554
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: prove that I'm worthy of being here. So I really

555
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: I kind of went into a little bit of like

556
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: a survival mode. I think if just like, don't mess

557
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 1: us up more again, Like you need to perform well

558
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 1: in class, you need to perform well socially, like make

559
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: friends get involved with every activity. So I just packed

560
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: my schedule with every possible thing, like try to be

561
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: likable to everyone. I think I just felt like I

562
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: had something to prove, you know. It was just like

563
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 1: if you're gonna be a sixteen year old in college. Also,

564
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: I was at a predominantly white school as well, so

565
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 1: you know, being a black female sixteen year old, I

566
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: was conscious of that. I was just like, yeah, if

567
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be here, I felt like I had to

568
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: the pressure of, like I really do have to kind

569
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: of go above and beyond. And I think that version

570
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 1: of me being eighteen busking in Atlanta, like that was

571
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,280
Speaker 1: a part of that too. It was just like, Okay,

572
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 1: if you're gonna be a musician, you gotta make yourself

573
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: stand out. So let's go. Let's go singing radio Head

574
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:48,359
Speaker 1: in Atlanta because that's what people do. So yeah, yeah,

575
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: I think a lot of that season of my life.

576
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 1: I can look back on that and say, oh, Morgan,

577
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 1: you were putting so much pressure on yourself. Like it's like, yes, yes,

578
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: put yourself you know, take your up out of your

579
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 1: comfort zone, challenge yourself. But I've learned now it's like

580
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: you also have to be gentle with yourself, and you

581
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: also have to to know what your limits are. And

582
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 1: I was really pushing myself. I was I really felt

583
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: like I had something to prove. Yeah, I mean to

584
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: enter college so young and to constantly be trying to

585
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: prove to everyone that you know, I'm growing up enough

586
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: to be here. I know enough to be here. Whatever

587
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,760
Speaker 1: it is that's inside of your mind at the time,

588
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 1: I would imagine that felt like a lot of pressure.

589
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 1: How do you feel like you began to take that

590
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 1: pressure off of yourself, because I know that after college

591
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,240
Speaker 1: you you pursued an m f A. UM for everyone

592
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 1: at home, You've got a Master's of Fine Arts and

593
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: Creative Writing. I dropped out, you did. Yes, I'm I'm

594
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: an m f A drop out. The Internet lies sometimes,

595
00:35:55,800 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: according to Google, you have one, so right. Yeah, it

596
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: was so funny. I actually, um actually google my net

597
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,320
Speaker 1: work the other day. I was like, Wow, Google thinks

598
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: I really got stuff together. I've done that, And I

599
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to cut that out and put

600
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: it on my vision because if the Internet says maybe

601
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 1: someday it could be true. Yeah exactly. I was just

602
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: so I was like, let me just see I was

603
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 1: honestly shocked. Something came up and it was just like

604
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,720
Speaker 1: here's what we're gonna earn from being in the music industry.

605
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, that is absolutely hilarious. But thank you Internet.

606
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: You know. Well, the funny thing is I had someone

607
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: like sass me when I was talking about universal healthcare

608
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: on Twitter and like their comment was like, yeah, it

609
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: easy to say when you're worth blah blah blah, And

610
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 1: I was like what And I don't know why. It's

611
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 1: like it's stuck with me because I was like, it's

612
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: so specifically, I'm not have this little internetural get this

613
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: specific number. And then I was like, huh, I wonder what.

614
00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 1: So I googled it and I was like, oh, that's

615
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: where they googled this and they think it's true. And

616
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: that's larious. It's it's really something. I also giggle because

617
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: like I also get screamed out. I don't know, actually

618
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: know what your thoughts are on this, but we can

619
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: talk about it. I get screamed out a lot on

620
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: the Internet for like, if you think, you know healthcare

621
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 1: should be free for everyone, you're a socialist. And I'm like, well,

622
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: I just actually think that. Lots of other nations that

623
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 1: are capitalists in nature habit and why can't we we

624
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: have so much money here? Where does it all go?

625
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: And and I started laughing, and I was like, I

626
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: guess maybe the reason that I'm okay with a redistribution

627
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: is because I'm an artist. And like the thing that

628
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: nobody knows is that when you're an artist, like you pay,

629
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 1: everyone on your team eats together. So it's like ten

630
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: percent goes to your agent, and ten percent goes to

631
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: your manager, in five percent goes to your lawyer, and

632
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: three percent goes to financial human and then there's another

633
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: three percent that goes to the p are humans that

634
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: work on your strategy. And then like and I started

635
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: like listing out all the percentages and then I was like,

636
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 1: oh yeah, because I like, you know, of it goes

637
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 1: away before I get it. Yeah, And I'm like I

638
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: can live on this, Like I'm cool with my just

639
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: under like, and everybody else deserves their percentages too, And

640
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe I kind of am a democratic socialist.

641
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I was like, it seems to

642
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: be working great for you know, the majority of us

643
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: who make art, So why can't everybody else figure it out?

644
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 1: Like the government. I honestly can say that healthcare is

645
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 1: I am super passionate about that because I, like you

646
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 1: just said, it's just it's like, yeah, if if we

647
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: can't agree on like philosophical differences, like can we at

648
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 1: least just agree to like take care of each other's

649
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 1: like physical health like that to me just seems like

650
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: the bear minimum. And not only should it be the

651
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 1: bare minimum from a moral perspective, but even if we

652
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: take our empathy out of it, from a fiscal perspective,

653
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 1: it is cheaper as a nation to keep people well

654
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: then it is to only take care of them once

655
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: they've gotten sick. Yeah. It actually it would pay for

656
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: itself so many times over if everyone could just go

657
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,479
Speaker 1: to the doctor, and if people didn't have to rash

658
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: in their insulin, and if people didn't you know, wind

659
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: up meeting triple root canals because they couldn't afford to

660
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,439
Speaker 1: go to the dentist when they had a little pain

661
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 1: in one of their teeth. It's like, it's so I think,

662
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,760
Speaker 1: this idea that you know, you've got to make people

663
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: work for it is so insidious when you see the numbers.

664
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 1: Like my favorite person on the internet and in government

665
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: is Katie Porter when she whips out that whiteboard and

666
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 1: breaks down the math. I am just in, I'm like

667
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: on the computer, like, go Katie. I just love her

668
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 1: because she really she makes it makes sense and it

669
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: is funny to me. And it's a it's a strange,

670
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: roundabout way to get back to your story. But we

671
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: have theoretically all in whatever faith tradition we've grown up in,

672
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 1: we've grown up with the universal truths of faith, which

673
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: essentially say love thy neighbor, which say we're supposed to

674
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: serve each other, which say that the greatest leaders who

675
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: inspired you know, books about God, the universe, whatever you

676
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: want to call it, all leaned into the communities that

677
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:42,360
Speaker 1: were the most marginalized and showed up to serve those people.

678
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like, shouldn't we do that with like medicine, anybody.

679
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 1: I think about this all the time. Um, I mean

680
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: even more so over the past year. I mean, it's

681
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: just become so apparent evidence. My mom has a chronic

682
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: pain condition and it's just what I've seen her go through.

683
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 1: My my my dad's her primary caregiver, and when I've

684
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: seen them go through, Yeah, it's just I'm like, yeah,

685
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: we shouldn't be here. Um, it shouldn't be this difficult.

686
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's something that I I spent a lot

687
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: of time about and when we were forming my company,

688
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 1: like I was like, I don't care what it takes,

689
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: Like everyone's gonna have health care. Um, I'm like, and

690
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: and the best we can find, because I mean, it's

691
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: like I said, I know, like it's a bare minimum.

692
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: I'm like for people to be able to breathe. So

693
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I I write a lot about breathing, and

694
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not just a medical metaphorical thing,

695
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:54,439
Speaker 1: Like I'm talking about physically breathing, physically being able to

696
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 1: go into the doctor's office and know that you're safe

697
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: and know that you're gonna get the care that you need.

698
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,439
Speaker 1: I just feel like we have we have a long

699
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: way to go. But I also just want to say

700
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 1: thank you to you because you're someone who who I

701
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: see that has a level of specifically Internet bravery that

702
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 1: I do not have. And I'm just like, I am

703
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: cheering you hot. I'm like, teach me your ways because

704
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,760
Speaker 1: it's it's it's so sad that it is controversial, Um,

705
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,800
Speaker 1: that it's political. Um. Kind of going back to my story.

706
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: I was actually thinking about this this morning, actually, And

707
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 1: I've kind of struggled a little bit in recent years

708
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: with faith conversations because I grew up in a version

709
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: of a Christian tradition that was African American, that came

710
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: from descendent of slaves. So for me growing up, it

711
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't like a political controversial thing to like

712
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 1: talk about justice and oppression in the same conversations that

713
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 1: you're talking about Jesus. It's like those weren't. It's not like, oh,

714
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,760
Speaker 1: you got political. It's like, no, this is real life.

715
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: Um and and it's only political because it's always political

716
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 1: if people are involved. But it became very hard for

717
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: me over the past few years of just like, wow,

718
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: some people are just now recognizing for the first time

719
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: that if you're going to be a person that belongs

720
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: to any faith or you know, religion and love is

721
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: a part of it, then the conversation about oppression and

722
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 1: social justice and many other things just too a many

723
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 1: have to be a part of it too. And and

724
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: I recognize that that's a hard conversation to have, and

725
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: and I definitely do try to have grace, but I'm

726
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: also a human being who who gets really frustrated about like,

727
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: shouldn't be this complicated. I'm with you. The people listening

728
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 1: at home can't see me. Now I'm the one that's

729
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: just nodding. I'm like, I'm with you, And I must

730
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: imagine because I think about this feeling is emotionally connected

731
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: to humans, as I do the only way I know

732
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: how to output that love and the kind of sacred

733
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 1: rage that comes from seeing injustice happen, because people should

734
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: be met with justice and love and the opposite is painful.

735
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: So it's like, I gotta get it out somewhere. So

736
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: I got to write about it, and I got to

737
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: talk about it on the internet. And I think about

738
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: lessons I've learned from my parents, and I really have

739
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 1: such just emotional vulnerability when I have conversations with my

740
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: friends who are now you know, young parents, and you

741
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:45,839
Speaker 1: know you as a mom. How is that experience for you?

742
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,399
Speaker 1: Because I I'm at a stage in my life where

743
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: I have that experience now by proxy with you know,

744
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: the first friends and my group of friends who've had kids,

745
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 1: and I'm so overwhelmed with them, and then I'm like,

746
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 1: what is it going to be like when Mama am

747
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: I just gonna be crying all the time? Like, does it?

748
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: Does it feel bigger? Has has having a kid changed

749
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 1: you know, your view on the world, on on love,

750
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 1: on faith, on on how we interact with each other?

751
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:21,399
Speaker 1: M hmm. That's such a good question. I I feel

752
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 1: like having a child has taught me so much that

753
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,359
Speaker 1: I I don't quite have the language for it yet.

754
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 1: Even though I've been apparent for almost two years now,

755
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: it's still I still very much so feel like a newbie,

756
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 1: kind of like we're talking about like no one knows

757
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: what they're doing. I'm like, how did I become responsible

758
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 1: for human being? So trying to figure that out. All

759
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: my friends and kids say that though, they're like, you

760
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 1: just give me a baby, And it's so I mean,

761
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 1: it regularly gets really primal. I'm just like are you fed?

762
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: Are you warm? Are you are you clothed? It is

763
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 1: very much so like okay, yeah, all those things. Okay,

764
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: we're doing good. Because I'm a very curious person, like

765
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 1: I love to learn new things, like I love new experiences.

766
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, give me all the things. However, I do

767
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: kind of have like blind spots maybe you could call

768
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 1: them of like where it's really hard for me to

769
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 1: kind of lean in. And I would say a big

770
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: thing for me that has been a big the biggest

771
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 1: challenge is what does community look like now? Like I've

772
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 1: never really had like a lot of parent friends around um,

773
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,760
Speaker 1: and then with this past year, you know, I haven't

774
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: been hanging hanging out with people, so I'm there is

775
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 1: some anxiety there of like whoa, what does it look

776
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: like to not only like try to even that word

777
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,880
Speaker 1: raise a kid. That's such a weird word. It's just

778
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 1: like raise a child. I'm like, I just I don't know.

779
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: I can't wrap my head around it. How do I like,

780
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: how to look after guide this person you or whatever

781
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 1: into being an adult while doing that with other adults

782
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: who are doing the same thing, and you know, maybe

783
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: we don't do it the same way and what does

784
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: that look like? And I don't know because I'm just starting.

785
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: But I do think that one thing I have seen

786
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: that has given me some hope in that area and

787
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 1: some permission to breathe is that I ended up with

788
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 1: a child who is incredibly outgoing and easy going. And

789
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: it's so interesting watching him, um, even just from a distance,

790
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: interact with other humans like where we live, there's, uh,

791
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 1: there's a street nearby, and like there's like a gate

792
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: and everything. But sometimes like I'll just like hold him

793
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 1: up until you can see over the fence and he

794
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 1: will just wave at all the cars and he's just like, hey,

795
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, people, people, And he's so just energized

796
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: by other people's presence, and I'm like, wow, he's not

797
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 1: thinking about how am I going to connect with these people?

798
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 1: Am I going to see them again? You know? I like,

799
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: are we going to be best to control? Like he's

800
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: just like present to who is in front of him,

801
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:17,359
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, I've got to find that in myself, um,

802
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 1: because I put so much pressure on myself of like

803
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: on how do I fit in the world, how do

804
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: I fit in this community, how do I fit in

805
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,879
Speaker 1: that community? How do I what does what does this mean?

806
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:28,879
Speaker 1: You know? What does it mean? Now? Post COVID all

807
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 1: of these different things, And it's just like he's just

808
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: open and curious and just willing to be present with people,

809
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: and so much of it is just that so many

810
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 1: of the other things are boundaries that we've created. I Mean,

811
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: it sounds so cliche to say, but it's like kids

812
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 1: on a playground are not thinking about, you know, the

813
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:54,439
Speaker 1: social hierarchies and things like we as adults do. And

814
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 1: I'm just trying my hardest to just like learn that

815
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: from him, or relearn that from him, if you will,

816
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 1: because I still know it. But yeah, yeah, I love that.

817
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: I really love that. And you're right, you know, I think,

818
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: weirdly for me, working in film and television kind of

819
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:20,720
Speaker 1: was my lesson learned the hard way on that stuff

820
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: a little bit, because I am such a person who

821
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 1: loves community and craves a sense of home, especially because

822
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: usually when I'm working, it means I have to leave

823
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:33,280
Speaker 1: my home. And it wasn't until I kind of flipped

824
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: the script and said, when I am in this space,

825
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: when I am on this stage, when I'm working with

826
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: these people, I want to love them like they're my family.

827
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 1: And when I go off to the next stage with

828
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 1: the next group of people, I want to love those

829
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: people like they're my family. And the sad reality is

830
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: you don't have room for so many families, but you

831
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: can love the ship out of people when they're in

832
00:49:56,360 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: front of you, and then just see and maybe you'll

833
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 1: talk to them all the time and maybe you'll talk

834
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:05,239
Speaker 1: to them every once a year and maybe it'll be

835
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: a holiday check and who knows. But I realized I

836
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,840
Speaker 1: had to get over the paranoia of well, what's it

837
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: going to mean? And how long are we going to

838
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: be friends? And you know, do they care as much

839
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 1: as I care about this thing? And it's like, it

840
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. My My job is to love the people

841
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 1: in front of me. And this show has been such

842
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 1: a great kind of exercise there. Look at every single

843
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: person who I sit with on the on this zoom,

844
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're so cool. I hope we can be

845
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: friends forever. And that's the feeling I want to have,

846
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 1: whether we get to be or not. I want to

847
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: be in this cocoon of thought and idea, sharing and

848
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 1: vulnerability and and to offer it out there and to

849
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:52,399
Speaker 1: just let it be enough, whatever this is, to let

850
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:56,240
Speaker 1: it be enough. And And it didn't strike me until

851
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 1: you told me that story about your son that it

852
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 1: really were acquires, a freedom from expectation, to be so

853
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: emotionally open and present and to not get obsessed in

854
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: the moment was what comes after? Wow, what you just

855
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: said that was so freeing like for me, and I

856
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 1: hope anyone else who hears this, because that is huge.

857
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 1: And I feel like, in some ways what what you

858
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 1: just said is, at least for me, it feels countercultural

859
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of times value is

860
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 1: kind of evaluate if that's the right way of saying,

861
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: by like who you know and how many connections you have,

862
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: and who's all in your group, and and oh look

863
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 1: how many people they had come to that event, you know,

864
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 1: how many people can you get together or whatever? And

865
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 1: it's like or we've hung out once or a couple

866
00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:00,400
Speaker 1: of times, and that was just as beautiful and valid

867
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: and there was no expectation that, Like that's just so free.

868
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 1: So thank you for sharing that, because I want more

869
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: of that in my life. And I think it gives

870
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: it gives me their permission to kind of like lean

871
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,839
Speaker 1: in more to those moments without that fear or anxiety

872
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 1: or or paranoia about what it has to be later.

873
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: I think that's really good. M hmm. Yeah. And it's

874
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 1: not easy, Like I definitely I'm much more of a

875
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: hoarder than a minimalist, and that goes for humans and

876
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 1: experience it. Like I just I don't know, I have

877
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 1: such a my mom and I always laughed at. This

878
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: probably comes from, you know, my grandmother who literally like

879
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: came to the US as an immigrant on a boat

880
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: and was like the kind of person who was always

881
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 1: like take this help from the hotel, like, and she

882
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: had drawers of little things that she had collected from everywhere.

883
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 1: And I think I have a little bit of that

884
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 1: tendency that the nervousness of like, well what if what

885
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: if we don't have this tomorrow and what And for me,

886
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 1: I really as that that can be so poisonous and

887
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 1: to to attempt to release that a little bit it

888
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: requires some introspection. But I think for me figuring out

889
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 1: that if I set the goal of b as present

890
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 1: here with no expectation, it kind of it gives such

891
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 1: a deeper potential and a more real emotional runway. And

892
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 1: it's not easy because I also have, you know, crippling

893
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: social anxiety, and I'm really struggle being around strangers and

894
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:36,439
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh man, you know, but I gotta

895
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 1: deal with my ship because I'm a grown up. Oh god,

896
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 1: I yeah, I I love that. I love what you

897
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 1: just said, and I love that you just you know,

898
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 1: affirmed how how hard it is, Like it's something you

899
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 1: have to kind of think about and and even just

900
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 1: having self awareness of like, oh, this actually is probably

901
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 1: beyond me in the sense that it's could be in

902
00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:01,360
Speaker 1: my ancestry a little bit, like there could be something here. Yeah,

903
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 1: that's why I'm and I'm just so interested in just

904
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: hearing your story as well, because I considered like, to me,

905
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 1: acting is like the pinnacle of like, I don't know

906
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: what y'all tap into, because you have to be present

907
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:19,840
Speaker 1: in a different way because it's it's you. It's it's you,

908
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,760
Speaker 1: but it's not you, and it's just a great mystery

909
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:25,839
Speaker 1: to me. I know nothing inside of the field other

910
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 1: than just watching and admiration, and I feel like you

911
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 1: just end up learning so much about connection and human

912
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 1: relationships that's just really unique. And this is kind of

913
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 1: a tangent, but I think one of the reasons why

914
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: I do love watching film and television is because I

915
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed with autism this year, which has been

916
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: kind of like a yeah, it's it's been kind of

917
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 1: a huge change in my life, a lot of affirmation

918
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,479
Speaker 1: for a lot of the struggles that I've that I've

919
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 1: dealt with in my life, especially socially and communication wise.

920
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 1: And it has been a lot of movies and TV,

921
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:15,319
Speaker 1: a lot of fictional stories that ended up helping me

922
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:22,359
Speaker 1: learn about human connection, and I all, I often can

923
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,880
Speaker 1: think about how I kind of like having that fictional

924
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: separation because it's like that was so created by human being,

925
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,799
Speaker 1: Like the people acting on screen, the people writing it.

926
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 1: These are all still human beings with lived experiences who

927
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 1: are all kind of like working together to create this

928
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: experience for us that feels very humid. Did you happen

929
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 1: to watch Amy Schumer's documentary I Have No Pregnancy? Oh

930
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 1: my goodness. Okay. It's a three part doc and it's

931
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 1: basically all shot on her iPhone and her husband's iPhone

932
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:02,479
Speaker 1: and her husband Aisle. They it's before they had their son,

933
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 1: which is what the whole doc is about. Um, but

934
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:11,120
Speaker 1: her husband was diagnosed with autism and the way they

935
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 1: discuss it and the way, you know, she as his partner,

936
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:20,320
Speaker 1: learns how to understand his communication skills, UM and patterns,

937
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 1: and that he understands things he might need to tell

938
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 1: her that wouldn't necessarily strike him to express, but that

939
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 1: she needs to know the whole It is so beautiful.

940
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 1: They are such a cool pair and it is the

941
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: rawest realist. Like there's shots in this thing where I

942
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, Amy, Like, I'm just like, girl,

943
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,840
Speaker 1: you just let us all see that. Okay. Like the

944
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 1: the amount of respect that I just like put on

945
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 1: that story. It's very special. And it's one of the

946
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 1: things that I watched in lockdown. I was like, this

947
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 1: is incredible. I will I will definitely check that out. Yeah,

948
00:56:55,600 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Yeah, there's not a ton one

949
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 1: of stories out there about autistic adults. It's it's very

950
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 1: hard to find our stories, um. And that's even why

951
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 1: I've started to share mine, just because it's it's a

952
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: really mysterious journey in the sense of it's, yeah, I

953
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: don't have a lot to look at, so I am

954
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 1: always looking out for other people's stories as well. Okay,

955
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 1: one other one I will share with you. Then I'm

956
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 1: kind of a documentary junkie. These are both docts, UM.

957
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 1: But there's another documentary UM that a family made about

958
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 1: their son who is also autistic, and he is much

959
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: further on the scale of being nonverbal and not being

960
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: able to communicate, and the thing that he always loved

961
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 1: from the time that he was little, that he really

962
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:56,919
Speaker 1: responded to were animated Disney films, and what they discovered

963
00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: is that over years of repetition of watching these movies

964
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 1: is even for someone who who began as being nonverbal,

965
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: the films gave him a pathway to understanding emotional communication.

966
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:14,600
Speaker 1: And essentially there's a doctor who the interview in the

967
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: movie who talks about how because in cartoons reactions are heightened,

968
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: it created a blueprint for him of human emotion and

969
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 1: it is I mean what I tell you, it's called

970
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:30,480
Speaker 1: life animated. If I didn't say that already, I want

971
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 1: I tell you that when I watched this movie, I sobbed.

972
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 1: I was just like like I could not I couldn't

973
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 1: even thinking about it. I'm like tearing up. It's so beautiful.

974
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 1: And then you know, the work that a family did

975
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,560
Speaker 1: to figure out how to create lines of communication with

976
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: their son is is really really special. Um. And to

977
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:55,040
Speaker 1: your point, I think when there's not a lot of

978
00:58:55,560 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 1: not a lot of a catalog of stories to look too,

979
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 1: I think it almost becomes even more important that even

980
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 1: if a story doesn't line up with your own, that

981
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 1: it's still made available so you know, for if that

982
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: might be fun for you or anyone listening to watch,

983
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: I highly recommend it. I'm definitely going to check that

984
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 1: out because even as you were sharing that, it made

985
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 1: me realize one of my favorite films that I have

986
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 1: that I watched so much is the Pixar film Inside Out,

987
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:31,440
Speaker 1: which is all about your emotion favorite and it is

988
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:34,439
Speaker 1: exactly what you describe the scenes. I mean and if

989
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 1: I were I mean, I'm definitely fear. Absolutely like fear

990
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: embodies so much what happens inside of you. Um. So yeah,

991
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 1: that was that was um yeah. Even just when you

992
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: were sharing that, I was like, oh, there's probably there's

993
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 1: probably some deeper reasons that's so. I connect with that

994
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 1: movie so much. It really I really appreciate the way

995
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: it lays it out. Not to be like a complete

996
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,760
Speaker 1: creep who knows your entire background, but I do, aside

997
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 1: from Google lying to me that we've got an m

998
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: f A but also like good for you also take

999
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: your degree in your googlet and just right into the sense.

1000
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 1: But it really strikes me. Um, And I feel like

1001
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 1: for the audience listening at home, I should give the precursor.

1002
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 1: You released your first album in which I want to

1003
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 1: talk to you about. But the thing that this conversation

1004
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:30,439
Speaker 1: about communication, he's really making me even more in awe

1005
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 1: of is the project you started in you set a

1006
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 1: goal to write a million poems to strangers over the

1007
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: course of your life, and in Seen you started writing

1008
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: personalized letters for strangers as part of that project. And

1009
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 1: the idea, now knowing what I do, that you set

1010
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 1: out to communicate in the most vulnerable way with one

1011
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 1: million strangers, despite the fact that because of who you

1012
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,920
Speaker 1: are and how you are, that level of vulnerability can

1013
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 1: often feel painfully expository. Girl, How did you decide to

1014
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: do this? It's it. I thought it was brave before

1015
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: I knew everything, and now I think it's like brave

1016
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 1: and impossible and amazing, Like how did you make that decision?

1017
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 1: And how does this new information about your makeup affect

1018
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: how you do that? Yeah, and it's interesting because the

1019
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 1: album actually connects to how how I ended up at that.

1020
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: So when I released my first album music album, I

1021
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: was super excited. I was like, well, I get to

1022
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 1: do this. However, I was in an interesting place, so

1023
01:01:50,920 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 1: I think other artists may feel this too. When you

1024
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 1: work on something that you were really passionate about working

1025
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 1: on and then it's all, and then it's just like

1026
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 1: now you have to spend X amount of time depending

1027
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: on what the project is, promoting it and marketing it.

1028
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: And then it's just kind of like if your project

1029
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 1: that you're working on doesn't like shoot off into the

1030
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 1: Sunset is not the most successful thing, then you don't

1031
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,959
Speaker 1: always get to just like work on another project right away.

1032
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 1: So that's where I was. I I'm super proud of

1033
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 1: the music I made, super proud of the album, but

1034
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:31,880
Speaker 1: it didn't top any charts. It didn't lead me to

1035
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:35,320
Speaker 1: get on a bunch of tours like that didn't happen,

1036
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 1: so um, And I mean this is not unique to

1037
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: music artists. Lots of people deal with this, but yeah,

1038
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 1: you end up kind of waiting around trying to figure

1039
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: out like, Okay, how am I going to keep this going,

1040
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, and you end up taking a lot of

1041
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 1: different jobs or just random background work and which I

1042
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 1: was doing. But I was like, I love to I

1043
01:02:57,120 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 1: love to create. Though I was like, I was, I

1044
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 1: could do this, but I'm like I missed that that

1045
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 1: process of like being in the studio and writing songs

1046
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 1: and thinking about stories and thinking about who might be

1047
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 1: on the receiving end of um. This song. I was

1048
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 1: always very very visual about it, Like when I was

1049
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:21,000
Speaker 1: sit down in songwriting sections, I'm like, Okay, who are

1050
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 1: we writing for? As sometimes the writer would be like, oh,

1051
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: let's write for you know this demographic, I'm like, No,

1052
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 1: what's their name? What time of day are they going

1053
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:32,000
Speaker 1: to be listening to this song? Like I want to

1054
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,960
Speaker 1: create like a whole character for every single song that

1055
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:38,920
Speaker 1: I wrote, because it just I don't know, like on

1056
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 1: the listening end of music, it feels very intimate, like

1057
01:03:41,880 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 1: like I know this person didn't they didn't write the

1058
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 1: song for me, but it feels like they did. Like

1059
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: it feels like they wrote it for me. And I

1060
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 1: just felt like, if I'm going to make our I

1061
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 1: want to do my best to try to create that

1062
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 1: experience for someone else. So yeah, I just found myself

1063
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 1: kind of hitting some walls because I wasn't a music producer,

1064
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 1: so I couldn't just like go in the lab and

1065
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 1: just like make my own thing. Um, believe me, I tried,

1066
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:16,960
Speaker 1: but I tried again. I have my sister Jamie, she

1067
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 1: is she is one of those music artists who can

1068
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 1: get in and produce it. And I'm like I, I

1069
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,080
Speaker 1: just couldn't couldn't figure it out. I'm just not wired

1070
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,280
Speaker 1: that way. So I was kind of stuck because I

1071
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I can't afford to like self produce

1072
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 1: a record. I can't preford to do that. I financially

1073
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,919
Speaker 1: can't afford to do it. But I love to make

1074
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 1: art for individual people. I'm like, that is where I

1075
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 1: come the most alive. And I think it came from

1076
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:48,760
Speaker 1: not again. I didn't know I was autistic at the time,

1077
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 1: but it came from struggling with communication and struggling socially.

1078
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 1: Art felt like a place where finally I can connect

1079
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,919
Speaker 1: with people in a meaningful way. Finally I can get

1080
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:04,800
Speaker 1: to hear and connect and exchange stories. So it's like,

1081
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 1: I gotta find a way to keep that going, you know,

1082
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:10,120
Speaker 1: hitting these walls with music. How can I keep that going?

1083
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:14,800
Speaker 1: So that's actually what led me into poetry was the

1084
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 1: realization that Okay, I may not be able to produce

1085
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:21,000
Speaker 1: a song, but I can write a poem. I don't

1086
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,640
Speaker 1: need a producer for that. Um, all I need is

1087
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,840
Speaker 1: a is a good spell check and it can go

1088
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 1: out in the world. I was like, this, this I

1089
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:32,960
Speaker 1: can do. I can do this, and it did feel

1090
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 1: like like a reduced version of what I was doing before,

1091
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 1: Like I did feel that way at first. I was like, wow,

1092
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 1: I was a few months ago, I was sitting in

1093
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 1: a studio. I mean few years ago. I was sitting

1094
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:49,760
Speaker 1: in a studio writing songs and producing, and musicians were

1095
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 1: coming in with their fancy instruments and creating these special sounds.

1096
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:56,560
Speaker 1: And now I'm just sitting here with a notebook and

1097
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 1: trying to say something. So it did feel like a

1098
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 1: lesser version um at first, but I was like, it's

1099
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 1: all I have and I have to do something, like

1100
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:10,640
Speaker 1: I have to create. So that was kind of how

1101
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:16,200
Speaker 1: it started. And then I recognized as I was slowly

1102
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:20,800
Speaker 1: starting to share these poems, new poems, what comes to me?

1103
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:25,840
Speaker 1: When I was reading Instagram, d M s, I was

1104
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 1: responding to emails like just individual people who were responding

1105
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 1: to my poems. Like that's when I would think of

1106
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 1: something new, when I was literally talking to someone and

1107
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:38,760
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't have to like make

1108
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:42,760
Speaker 1: up characters. I can just write to actual people and

1109
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: it's still excites me and I still do it. Do

1110
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 1: you keep a record of how many you've done so

1111
01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:54,120
Speaker 1: far I keep losing count. Is there like a poetry

1112
01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:59,920
Speaker 1: accountant out there somewhere, Please please hit me up if

1113
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: that exists, if you inventory poems, because I keep losing cow.

1114
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,400
Speaker 1: It is in the thousands. I mean, I've counted at

1115
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: different points, like four thousand, six thousand, like just based

1116
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:18,960
Speaker 1: on the trouble is that I started responding directly to

1117
01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:21,880
Speaker 1: Instagram d m s and there is no way of like,

1118
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 1: I would take screenshots, but there's no way to like,

1119
01:07:25,560 --> 01:07:28,680
Speaker 1: you can't like I have a number for the scent

1120
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:30,600
Speaker 1: emails that I said, because I can look at the

1121
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 1: scent inbox. But I've done so many Instagram d ms

1122
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:35,760
Speaker 1: and they don't allow you to, like, they don't have

1123
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,440
Speaker 1: like a scent feature. So I must feel like you

1124
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: would need like a if you screen grab them like

1125
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 1: every day at the end of the day, you'd need

1126
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 1: to dump those screen grabs into a Google or something

1127
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 1: and then you can count, like yeah. And the reason

1128
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:55,120
Speaker 1: why I said a million, which is such a wild number,

1129
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:57,760
Speaker 1: it honestly was I did the math and I realized

1130
01:07:57,800 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 1: that I was like, this would take me decade to do,

1131
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 1: and I was like, coming from the music industry, which

1132
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 1: is oftentimes for me at least, it felt like a

1133
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:11,800
Speaker 1: very rushed, you know experience, like you know, if you're

1134
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:15,240
Speaker 1: not like famous by especially if you're a woman, like

1135
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 1: it's just like it's it gets really difficult, it gets

1136
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,360
Speaker 1: really hard to get support. Um. So I was like,

1137
01:08:24,439 --> 01:08:27,920
Speaker 1: I need something that I can't if I want to

1138
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 1: stick with it, I can age into it. I can

1139
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:37,360
Speaker 1: I can grow into a project and not worry about like, oh,

1140
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:41,720
Speaker 1: if this doesn't reach bestseller's lists by this time, then

1141
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:45,360
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. I'm like, no, I want something in

1142
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: my life that's not like that, and that allows me

1143
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 1: to like spend time with it over years and years

1144
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:56,800
Speaker 1: and years. So you know, I'm four years and four

1145
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:59,639
Speaker 1: well five years in four years in so we'll see,

1146
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:02,680
Speaker 1: we'll see how many, how many years I think to

1147
01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:08,120
Speaker 1: have something that isn't tied to outcome is so important,

1148
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:12,599
Speaker 1: you know. Again, that's part of the reason I did this. There,

1149
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:16,559
Speaker 1: it's not about a rating or whatever. It's it's mine

1150
01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:19,880
Speaker 1: and it's creative and it's fun and it's expansive and

1151
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:22,160
Speaker 1: and I love my job doesn't mean I don't love

1152
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,599
Speaker 1: my job. It just means I needed something other than

1153
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:31,360
Speaker 1: my job that was incredibly fulfilling. I wonder too, you know,

1154
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:36,840
Speaker 1: how did in the wake of the album coming out

1155
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:39,679
Speaker 1: and you beginning all of this, how did it become

1156
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:44,879
Speaker 1: an art and poetry project online? Because I just opened

1157
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:47,280
Speaker 1: my phone to double check and I'm like, yeah, we're

1158
01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:51,360
Speaker 1: up to one point seven million followers on Instagram and

1159
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:54,360
Speaker 1: your account is truly one of my favorite things to

1160
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:57,120
Speaker 1: look at, Like if I scroll through it, the colors

1161
01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:59,120
Speaker 1: and the way that the paintings are done and the

1162
01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:03,080
Speaker 1: poems on it just makes me feel so happy every

1163
01:10:03,120 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 1: time I look at it. It makes me feel seen,

1164
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:10,639
Speaker 1: It makes me feel emotionally open, and you grew something

1165
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:20,040
Speaker 1: this giant community so authentically. So how did that overlap

1166
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:24,719
Speaker 1: with this million Poems to Strangers project? How did this

1167
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:29,120
Speaker 1: poetry and then painting and art? How did that all

1168
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:31,760
Speaker 1: kind of come together into this perfect storm which has

1169
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:34,080
Speaker 1: led us to your latest book, which we're going to

1170
01:10:34,120 --> 01:10:40,640
Speaker 1: talk about. Yes, So it started with the first poem

1171
01:10:40,680 --> 01:10:44,559
Speaker 1: that I ended up writing was a poem I wrote

1172
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:48,320
Speaker 1: about kind of my frustrations that I was experiencing at

1173
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:53,679
Speaker 1: that time with my music career, that I was really

1174
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:57,840
Speaker 1: struggling and kind of the breaking point for me. Was

1175
01:10:58,439 --> 01:11:00,720
Speaker 1: it was the finances. Honestly, I was just at a

1176
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 1: point where I was so tired. I knew that I was.

1177
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:08,080
Speaker 1: I knew that I was physically giving my all. I

1178
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:11,880
Speaker 1: mean I was, I was saying yes to everything. I

1179
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:14,280
Speaker 1: was just like, Okay, you gotta pay your dudes, you know,

1180
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 1: work your way up. I was exhausted and broke, and

1181
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,200
Speaker 1: I was just like, I can't maintain both of these

1182
01:11:21,240 --> 01:11:23,360
Speaker 1: at the same time. Like I could do one, but

1183
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:27,120
Speaker 1: tired and broke They're just not a good combination. And

1184
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 1: I was just like, I have no time to do

1185
01:11:29,400 --> 01:11:32,440
Speaker 1: anything else. I'm tired. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere,

1186
01:11:32,520 --> 01:11:35,559
Speaker 1: like I'm I. I have people who are supporting me,

1187
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:37,880
Speaker 1: and I'm super grateful of it, but like I still

1188
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:40,880
Speaker 1: can't really like get to that point where I'm like, Okay,

1189
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,559
Speaker 1: I'm good, Um, I can afford healthcare kind of like

1190
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:45,640
Speaker 1: what we're talking about, like I didn't have healthcare. Just

1191
01:11:46,560 --> 01:11:50,679
Speaker 1: just all of those things just just falling on my shoulder,

1192
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:53,200
Speaker 1: feeling like a failure, feeling like I let my family down.

1193
01:11:53,240 --> 01:11:56,720
Speaker 1: So I wrote a poem about that, and that was

1194
01:11:56,880 --> 01:12:03,519
Speaker 1: in the end of and the following January. I ended

1195
01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:05,799
Speaker 1: up finding out that it had been repinned on Pinterest

1196
01:12:05,880 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 1: over a hundred thousand times, and until this day, I

1197
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,839
Speaker 1: don't know how that happened. I didn't have any tags

1198
01:12:13,880 --> 01:12:16,400
Speaker 1: on it at that time, like by me putting it

1199
01:12:16,439 --> 01:12:18,960
Speaker 1: on Pinterest. I was just sort of like just barely

1200
01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:22,360
Speaker 1: putting this out there, like even the original poem, like

1201
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:25,000
Speaker 1: that poem that I wrote, the way I wrote my

1202
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:27,200
Speaker 1: name on it is super weird, like I wrote it

1203
01:12:27,240 --> 01:12:31,639
Speaker 1: like off to the side. I was barely owning this poem,

1204
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:35,400
Speaker 1: like I was barely putting my name on it, barely

1205
01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:37,479
Speaker 1: putting it out there. Until this day, I have no

1206
01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:40,200
Speaker 1: idea who pinned it and repinned it and repinned it,

1207
01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:43,519
Speaker 1: but some kind of way that happened. And I started

1208
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:46,720
Speaker 1: to see people that I knew started to see the

1209
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:50,559
Speaker 1: poem on Instagram and they were messaging me saying, Hey,

1210
01:12:50,560 --> 01:12:53,800
Speaker 1: there's like a poem, but like it's like your name

1211
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:56,599
Speaker 1: on it. Did you write this? I was like I did.

1212
01:12:56,840 --> 01:12:59,800
Speaker 1: I don't know how people are finding it, So that's

1213
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:01,439
Speaker 1: what I went back and looked at Interest and I

1214
01:13:01,479 --> 01:13:05,559
Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, somebody found it somewhere, and um,

1215
01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:08,960
Speaker 1: the poem is it's essentially it just says, when you

1216
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:11,439
Speaker 1: start to feel like things should have been better this year,

1217
01:13:11,880 --> 01:13:15,040
Speaker 1: remember the mountains and valleys that brought you here, And

1218
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:18,320
Speaker 1: the premise of the poem is is really just something

1219
01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:20,920
Speaker 1: that I really desperately needed to believe. At that time,

1220
01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:23,599
Speaker 1: I felt like a failure. I felt like I let

1221
01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:26,320
Speaker 1: everyone down, and as it turns out a lot of

1222
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:31,080
Speaker 1: other people we're feeling that way. So it was then

1223
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:33,920
Speaker 1: that I started to receive d M s also from

1224
01:13:33,920 --> 01:13:36,000
Speaker 1: people that I did not know, who are saying, hey,

1225
01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:39,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if you like write poetry, but I

1226
01:13:39,400 --> 01:13:41,320
Speaker 1: you know, write more poetry, but I like this one

1227
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:44,559
Speaker 1: poem you wrote. It really spoke to me. And it

1228
01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:47,840
Speaker 1: was when people started sharing their stories with me that

1229
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:51,839
Speaker 1: I was like, that's when those poems, like new poems

1230
01:13:51,840 --> 01:13:56,280
Speaker 1: started to come. And it was it especially happened when

1231
01:13:56,720 --> 01:14:02,679
Speaker 1: it was young women, like eighteen year old girls, nineteen

1232
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:06,320
Speaker 1: year old girls, girls in high school, just the stuff

1233
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:08,559
Speaker 1: that they were like, here's what I'm going through. I'm

1234
01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:12,000
Speaker 1: just like, WHOA, Like, you shouldn't have to be going

1235
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:14,639
Speaker 1: through this, And I'm like, I wrote this poem about

1236
01:14:14,680 --> 01:14:20,080
Speaker 1: like career challenges, and people are sharing these like like

1237
01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,240
Speaker 1: they we don't even know each other, and they're sharing

1238
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:26,680
Speaker 1: these really vulnerable stories with me being so vulnerable, and

1239
01:14:26,720 --> 01:14:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I can't fix this. I don't know

1240
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:32,600
Speaker 1: what the answers are. The only sort of like response

1241
01:14:32,640 --> 01:14:37,280
Speaker 1: I could give was just like poetic words of just

1242
01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:40,960
Speaker 1: trying to I'm like, at least maybe I can just

1243
01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 1: help her feel seen. I was like, this is the

1244
01:14:44,160 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 1: kind of work I want to do. I'm like, this

1245
01:14:46,360 --> 01:14:50,439
Speaker 1: is this is exciting to me. So that I spent

1246
01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:55,040
Speaker 1: kind of asking those questions of like what is this.

1247
01:14:55,200 --> 01:14:58,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm really excited about it. I don't know why,

1248
01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:00,880
Speaker 1: but like maybe I kind of want add some color

1249
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:04,839
Speaker 1: to these poems. Um. I'm not I'm not a trained

1250
01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:07,720
Speaker 1: artist visual artist, but I do like to draw, I

1251
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:12,759
Speaker 1: like to paint. So I just started experimenting. And then

1252
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:17,280
Speaker 1: it was in October that it just finally clicked and

1253
01:15:17,320 --> 01:15:20,639
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can just I can invite

1254
01:15:20,640 --> 01:15:24,720
Speaker 1: people to share if they want to. I mean, you

1255
01:15:24,800 --> 01:15:26,840
Speaker 1: obviously don't have to if you don't want to, but

1256
01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:30,479
Speaker 1: if they want to share, I'll just write something directly

1257
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:32,160
Speaker 1: to them. I was like, let's just see what happens

1258
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:35,280
Speaker 1: with that. And the first thing I did it. I

1259
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:39,519
Speaker 1: got quite a few messages from people who didn't even

1260
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:41,320
Speaker 1: follow me. They're just like, hey, I heard you're writing

1261
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,599
Speaker 1: for people like I don't even know if you'll see this,

1262
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:47,479
Speaker 1: but I just want to share. And I thought that

1263
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:51,040
Speaker 1: maybe I would have like the stamina to do it

1264
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:54,760
Speaker 1: for a few weeks. But here I am, all these

1265
01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:57,719
Speaker 1: years later, and I'm still a part of my practice.

1266
01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:01,400
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this sagram d ms as much anymore

1267
01:16:01,560 --> 01:16:05,640
Speaker 1: because they're really hard to keep track with, but email, especially,

1268
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,880
Speaker 1: I I'm still there. That in box is still open.

1269
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:12,400
Speaker 1: I'm still responding. And if someone wanted to send you

1270
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:15,400
Speaker 1: an email, where would they do that. It's Morgan at

1271
01:16:15,479 --> 01:16:21,400
Speaker 1: Morgan Harper Nichols dot com. So that's the email. And honestly,

1272
01:16:21,439 --> 01:16:25,680
Speaker 1: I think what kind of contributed to the growth was

1273
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:28,680
Speaker 1: that I I was. I think I was just so

1274
01:16:28,760 --> 01:16:31,880
Speaker 1: excited that like something I made was just being seen.

1275
01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:35,679
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, man, I spent like two years working

1276
01:16:35,680 --> 01:16:38,720
Speaker 1: on the album that was just like crickets. Um, I

1277
01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:41,519
Speaker 1: shouldn't say crickets. Thank you to everyone who listen to

1278
01:16:41,600 --> 01:16:43,559
Speaker 1: my songs, but you know, I'm like, I spent all

1279
01:16:43,560 --> 01:16:46,040
Speaker 1: these all these years and money working on the album

1280
01:16:46,040 --> 01:16:49,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like poems and art on my iPad and

1281
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:52,600
Speaker 1: people are connecting with it. So I was super I like,

1282
01:16:52,760 --> 01:16:54,320
Speaker 1: encourage you. I was like, if you liked it, you

1283
01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:57,720
Speaker 1: can share it. I was like, feel free, like share it, reposted,

1284
01:16:57,920 --> 01:17:00,800
Speaker 1: do whatever you want with it. So I think that

1285
01:17:00,920 --> 01:17:03,000
Speaker 1: could have been a huge part of it. And then

1286
01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:06,240
Speaker 1: the final thing I'll say is that I end up

1287
01:17:06,240 --> 01:17:11,120
Speaker 1: finding out again with Pinterest, people were taking screenshots of

1288
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:13,679
Speaker 1: the art that I was making and they were posting

1289
01:17:13,680 --> 01:17:17,960
Speaker 1: it on Pinterest, and people would write phone wallpaper, and

1290
01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:21,680
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm making phone wallpapers. So I

1291
01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:24,120
Speaker 1: didn't even think about the fact of like putting art

1292
01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:28,400
Speaker 1: on the Instagram story that format. People were taking screenshots

1293
01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:31,360
Speaker 1: at it and using not only using it as phone wallpapers,

1294
01:17:31,400 --> 01:17:34,480
Speaker 1: but then posting it on Pinterest, saying here's the wallpaper

1295
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:37,040
Speaker 1: you could use. So there's a lot of my art

1296
01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:40,080
Speaker 1: on Pinterest that I didn't even upload because I was

1297
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:41,960
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, you can share it, you can do

1298
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:45,680
Speaker 1: whatever you want with it. And then, um, yeah, when

1299
01:17:45,680 --> 01:17:47,640
Speaker 1: I asked people today, a lot of people how they

1300
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:49,280
Speaker 1: found what I did, they say, oh, yeah, if I

1301
01:17:49,320 --> 01:17:52,840
Speaker 1: saw your wallpapers on Pinterest, So thank you to all

1302
01:17:52,880 --> 01:17:55,720
Speaker 1: the all the people who helped make this happen. I mean,

1303
01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:59,240
Speaker 1: I really think the the credit goes to that for sure.

1304
01:17:59,360 --> 01:18:04,080
Speaker 1: And then how did you wind up at the book? Yeah?

1305
01:18:04,240 --> 01:18:07,439
Speaker 1: So I always wanted to write books. I was like,

1306
01:18:07,479 --> 01:18:09,559
Speaker 1: that seems fun, but I have no idea how to

1307
01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:13,080
Speaker 1: do that, you know, in terms of getting the connections

1308
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:16,839
Speaker 1: and things. But my publisher found me through Instagram actually,

1309
01:18:17,439 --> 01:18:20,360
Speaker 1: and it was literally like a dream come true. They're like,

1310
01:18:20,400 --> 01:18:24,800
Speaker 1: we want to do hardcover book, full color, full of

1311
01:18:24,960 --> 01:18:28,160
Speaker 1: poetry and art. And I was like, that sounds amazing.

1312
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:31,720
Speaker 1: Sign me up. So I said yes, and yeah, the

1313
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:35,280
Speaker 1: latest one is How Far You Have Come? And I

1314
01:18:35,320 --> 01:18:38,760
Speaker 1: started writing it at the beginning of the first Lockdown,

1315
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:43,080
Speaker 1: and I was in a place like literally everyone else

1316
01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:46,760
Speaker 1: of I have no idea what's ahead. I don't know

1317
01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:49,280
Speaker 1: how to plan for what's ahead. I certainly don't know

1318
01:18:49,280 --> 01:18:52,720
Speaker 1: how to write a book for what's ahead. And what

1319
01:18:52,840 --> 01:18:54,640
Speaker 1: I found was I was like, well, at least I

1320
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:59,719
Speaker 1: can look back. I can look back at the miles

1321
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:04,080
Speaker 1: I've already traveled, so kind of going back to like

1322
01:19:04,120 --> 01:19:07,400
Speaker 1: what we were originally talking about. The book actually starts

1323
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:10,000
Speaker 1: with a road trip and It starts with a road

1324
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:12,439
Speaker 1: trip that starts in Atlanta, Georgia, when I was six

1325
01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:15,200
Speaker 1: years old and we were going to California, and I

1326
01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:18,559
Speaker 1: stopped in eight different states. And I tell stories and

1327
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:22,480
Speaker 1: I've written poetry and created art around these different themes

1328
01:19:22,520 --> 01:19:27,839
Speaker 1: of just honoring the journey and just seeing really owning

1329
01:19:27,880 --> 01:19:32,920
Speaker 1: our stories and just seeing them for seeing the beauty

1330
01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:36,160
Speaker 1: and them. Um. I think it's for me. I know

1331
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:40,120
Speaker 1: it takes time and looking back to find beauty in

1332
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:44,200
Speaker 1: a lot of chapters of my life. So yeah, I

1333
01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:46,320
Speaker 1: just hope that it helps others do that too, if

1334
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:48,920
Speaker 1: just like I don't know, maybe they're somewhere on the map,

1335
01:19:49,400 --> 01:19:52,080
Speaker 1: somewhere I've lived, somewhere I've been, that I can kind

1336
01:19:52,080 --> 01:19:55,799
Speaker 1: of look back and reclaim that moment as as something beautiful.

1337
01:19:56,600 --> 01:20:00,040
Speaker 1: I think that that's such great advice for people to

1338
01:20:00,080 --> 01:20:03,800
Speaker 1: remember that what might today feel hard or feel like

1339
01:20:03,880 --> 01:20:06,200
Speaker 1: part of the struggle is something you will look back

1340
01:20:06,240 --> 01:20:10,559
Speaker 1: on and see differently. What do you hope comes next?

1341
01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:18,000
Speaker 1: I mean your art, your community, your poetry, UM, your paintings,

1342
01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:24,160
Speaker 1: your books, your your site. I mean there's so much

1343
01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:27,439
Speaker 1: that you're working on. What do you what do you

1344
01:20:27,479 --> 01:20:32,120
Speaker 1: hope is on the horizon. You know. I'm trying to

1345
01:20:32,160 --> 01:20:35,479
Speaker 1: figure that out because i feel like I've just been

1346
01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:38,080
Speaker 1: in like survival mode over the past. Here I'm like,

1347
01:20:38,439 --> 01:20:42,080
Speaker 1: just get through it more again. Like it's like just

1348
01:20:42,160 --> 01:20:44,760
Speaker 1: get through, you know, get through writing this book, get

1349
01:20:44,760 --> 01:20:49,000
Speaker 1: through releasing the book, all these things. But one theme

1350
01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:52,639
Speaker 1: that has been coming up so much for me is

1351
01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:57,120
Speaker 1: I love I love kids books, I love kids movies.

1352
01:20:57,560 --> 01:21:02,920
Speaker 1: So I want to write something like four kids. So

1353
01:21:03,160 --> 01:21:07,080
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what that is because I

1354
01:21:07,120 --> 01:21:09,320
Speaker 1: think now I am riding it four kids, but I

1355
01:21:09,360 --> 01:21:12,120
Speaker 1: also think that there is like a demographic of adults

1356
01:21:12,120 --> 01:21:14,080
Speaker 1: and I'm a part of it, like where we just

1357
01:21:14,200 --> 01:21:17,960
Speaker 1: love kids though we love kids movies, like we just

1358
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:19,920
Speaker 1: like it's like an escape, Like it just makes you

1359
01:21:19,920 --> 01:21:23,000
Speaker 1: feel like a kid again. So I'm really interested in that.

1360
01:21:23,120 --> 01:21:25,400
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what it is. I feel

1361
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:29,080
Speaker 1: like it has something to do with nature and animals,

1362
01:21:29,240 --> 01:21:31,960
Speaker 1: and it's probably because I'm getting into a lot of

1363
01:21:32,000 --> 01:21:35,000
Speaker 1: that with my son, and yeah, he really motivates me.

1364
01:21:35,040 --> 01:21:37,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I kinda I kind of remember my animals,

1365
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,640
Speaker 1: Like I I was like showing him a picture of

1366
01:21:39,680 --> 01:21:41,160
Speaker 1: like an eel, the other day, I was like, Oh,

1367
01:21:41,240 --> 01:21:43,360
Speaker 1: I don't think that's the eel. I think there's something else.

1368
01:21:44,479 --> 01:21:47,880
Speaker 1: Let's circle back to that. So it's like I'm doing

1369
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:50,920
Speaker 1: a lot of like trying to remember a lot of

1370
01:21:50,960 --> 01:21:54,440
Speaker 1: things and and there's yeah, there's just some like curiosity

1371
01:21:54,439 --> 01:21:58,679
Speaker 1: and fun in that. So I've been like drawing animals lately,

1372
01:21:58,920 --> 01:22:01,080
Speaker 1: Like there's like a humming on my Instagram. I'm really

1373
01:22:01,120 --> 01:22:05,920
Speaker 1: proud of it. Yeah, and then I've been doing a

1374
01:22:05,920 --> 01:22:08,240
Speaker 1: little bit of that on my podcast, like doing a

1375
01:22:08,320 --> 01:22:12,040
Speaker 1: little bit more storytelling, talking about what I've learned from

1376
01:22:12,080 --> 01:22:15,960
Speaker 1: animals and different things in nature. So yeah, I'm really

1377
01:22:15,960 --> 01:22:19,960
Speaker 1: excited to see see what comes of that that. It's

1378
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:22,400
Speaker 1: funny when you talk about your art, you know, being

1379
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:28,280
Speaker 1: on Pinterest. I've I didn't even realize, um that my

1380
01:22:29,720 --> 01:22:32,559
Speaker 1: writing was writing, you know, the way that I'll just

1381
01:22:32,960 --> 01:22:36,080
Speaker 1: write a short essay on Instagram or talk about something

1382
01:22:36,760 --> 01:22:40,760
Speaker 1: happening in the world. And it was actually the inspiration

1383
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:44,720
Speaker 1: even for the name of the podcast, just offhanded one day.

1384
01:22:44,760 --> 01:22:46,439
Speaker 1: You know, when you're really in flow and you say

1385
01:22:46,479 --> 01:22:48,479
Speaker 1: something and you look back and you go, wow, yeah

1386
01:22:49,080 --> 01:22:52,400
Speaker 1: that resonant. Yeah, I'm really in it today. That's what

1387
01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:55,240
Speaker 1: happened to me, and I was I was asked a

1388
01:22:55,320 --> 01:22:58,760
Speaker 1: question and I think again, something I really needed to hear,

1389
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:04,680
Speaker 1: And what came through me was you are allowed to

1390
01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:09,160
Speaker 1: be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.

1391
01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:13,320
Speaker 1: And that quote of mine, And when I think about it,

1392
01:23:13,320 --> 01:23:15,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've been working on TV since I was

1393
01:23:15,240 --> 01:23:18,679
Speaker 1: twenty years old. I've said a lot of dumb ship

1394
01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:23,120
Speaker 1: that's recorded forever, and this one thing of all the

1395
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:26,520
Speaker 1: things that I've ever said, it took off and likewise

1396
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:30,639
Speaker 1: took off on Pinterest, and I didn't know anything about

1397
01:23:30,680 --> 01:23:33,120
Speaker 1: even how to use that platform, and honestly still don't,

1398
01:23:33,160 --> 01:23:35,760
Speaker 1: aside from the copious amounts of boards I keep for

1399
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:38,160
Speaker 1: like Upstate New York barn. I don't live in New York,

1400
01:23:38,240 --> 01:23:43,759
Speaker 1: but I fantasized that something. Oh I wish Pinterest didn't

1401
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:46,479
Speaker 1: come up with those like like the groups inside of

1402
01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:54,040
Speaker 1: the bars because I have like different homes from I'm

1403
01:23:54,040 --> 01:23:56,559
Speaker 1: a lunatic. Now it's like fifteen foot farm table. I'm like,

1404
01:23:56,600 --> 01:23:58,800
Speaker 1: what am I doing? I don't live on a farm,

1405
01:23:59,360 --> 01:24:03,920
Speaker 1: but I you know, I had this moment where all

1406
01:24:03,960 --> 01:24:06,280
Speaker 1: these people started tagging me. I was like, what's going on.

1407
01:24:06,760 --> 01:24:10,960
Speaker 1: Liz Gilbert, who was like an icon to me, shared

1408
01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:13,320
Speaker 1: a piece of art that someone made of my quote

1409
01:24:13,320 --> 01:24:15,840
Speaker 1: on her Instagram, and I was like, what is happening?

1410
01:24:16,240 --> 01:24:18,720
Speaker 1: And just like, I don't know, five or six weeks ago,

1411
01:24:18,760 --> 01:24:21,840
Speaker 1: the pandemic has really ruined my ability to understand time.

1412
01:24:21,840 --> 01:24:25,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, when was that? Um? Janet Jackson shared it

1413
01:24:25,280 --> 01:24:27,760
Speaker 1: on her Instagram and all these people were like, you

1414
01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:30,040
Speaker 1: got a credit at Sophia Bush, this is her quote,

1415
01:24:30,200 --> 01:24:32,080
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't even know what to

1416
01:24:32,280 --> 01:24:34,760
Speaker 1: I don't even do I care Like Janet Jackson read

1417
01:24:34,840 --> 01:24:37,719
Speaker 1: something I wrote, what's happening? Like I need to talk

1418
01:24:37,720 --> 01:24:40,559
Speaker 1: to her about my entire childhood listening to her music

1419
01:24:40,560 --> 01:24:45,040
Speaker 1: on a walkman, Like this is insane. And I guess

1420
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:47,840
Speaker 1: I get so excited because that felt like such a

1421
01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:50,880
Speaker 1: weird experience for me, and You're the first person I've

1422
01:24:50,880 --> 01:24:54,320
Speaker 1: ever spoken to has had that also. But it it

1423
01:24:54,439 --> 01:24:58,719
Speaker 1: brings me back around, not only to this incredible feeling

1424
01:24:58,720 --> 01:25:00,880
Speaker 1: I now have that not only would our adult salves

1425
01:25:00,960 --> 01:25:04,160
Speaker 1: be friends, but clearly so would our inner children. But

1426
01:25:04,240 --> 01:25:07,599
Speaker 1: I wonder on the subject of our quotes on Pinterest,

1427
01:25:09,520 --> 01:25:12,479
Speaker 1: what for you? And this really is my favorite question

1428
01:25:12,520 --> 01:25:15,600
Speaker 1: to ask everyone who comes from the podcast what it

1429
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:19,000
Speaker 1: feels like the work in progress of your life right now.

1430
01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:25,000
Speaker 1: For me, the biggest thing right now is just really

1431
01:25:26,040 --> 01:25:30,000
Speaker 1: learning how to own what makes me different and own

1432
01:25:30,080 --> 01:25:33,160
Speaker 1: what makes me who I am, and and my autism

1433
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,160
Speaker 1: diagnosis has helped with us a lot in the therapy

1434
01:25:36,200 --> 01:25:41,799
Speaker 1: that I've been in since then. It's just it's I carried.

1435
01:25:42,240 --> 01:25:45,080
Speaker 1: I've carried so much shame in my life around feeling

1436
01:25:45,120 --> 01:25:48,479
Speaker 1: different and for a lot of different reasons and a

1437
01:25:48,479 --> 01:25:50,760
Speaker 1: lot of different pockets, a lot of different kinds of

1438
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:55,240
Speaker 1: social groups, and it's I feel like it's now I'm

1439
01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:59,120
Speaker 1: becoming more self aware of like, but you don't have

1440
01:25:59,200 --> 01:26:03,479
Speaker 1: to stay there. There's a whole part of really owning

1441
01:26:03,479 --> 01:26:05,880
Speaker 1: who you are that I owning who I am that

1442
01:26:05,960 --> 01:26:10,519
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just now coming to and like

1443
01:26:10,600 --> 01:26:15,080
Speaker 1: this myself so silly to other people. But I mentioned

1444
01:26:15,160 --> 01:26:18,519
Speaker 1: the humming bird on my Instagram um that I made

1445
01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:22,080
Speaker 1: not too long ago. I'm really proud of um. And

1446
01:26:22,320 --> 01:26:24,800
Speaker 1: for me, it's not even just sort of aesthetically what

1447
01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:28,479
Speaker 1: happened with this hummingbird, but it's the fact that I

1448
01:26:28,520 --> 01:26:32,840
Speaker 1: can remember points in my life where I wouldn't have

1449
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:36,760
Speaker 1: even allowed myself to just be at all of a

1450
01:26:36,840 --> 01:26:40,360
Speaker 1: hummingbird because I felt like that wasn't the cool thing

1451
01:26:40,439 --> 01:26:44,200
Speaker 1: to do, or that wasn't what was trendy, or this

1452
01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:45,679
Speaker 1: is what you know. If you're gonna be in the industry,

1453
01:26:45,720 --> 01:26:48,559
Speaker 1: you gotta be into these things. And I was like, yeah,

1454
01:26:48,600 --> 01:26:52,360
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter like if this is a popular motif

1455
01:26:52,520 --> 01:26:56,719
Speaker 1: or not. This is meaningful to me on this day,

1456
01:26:56,760 --> 01:27:00,280
Speaker 1: in this hour, and I'm going to spend like these

1457
01:27:00,320 --> 01:27:03,800
Speaker 1: twenty minutes watching this hummingbird YouTube video so I can

1458
01:27:03,840 --> 01:27:07,800
Speaker 1: get my sketch just right, just because. So yeah, that

1459
01:27:08,080 --> 01:27:12,040
Speaker 1: just that small thing was very symbolic of there are

1460
01:27:12,360 --> 01:27:15,320
Speaker 1: millions of other moments out there like that waiting for you.

1461
01:27:16,240 --> 01:27:18,800
Speaker 1: And if I want that for others, I have to

1462
01:27:18,880 --> 01:27:23,120
Speaker 1: walk in that myself and I have to fully embrace

1463
01:27:23,360 --> 01:27:27,640
Speaker 1: all of these little quirks and interest and thoughts and ideas,

1464
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:31,679
Speaker 1: no matter how random or you know, whatever they seem.

1465
01:27:31,920 --> 01:27:35,280
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like I'm very much so a

1466
01:27:35,439 --> 01:27:39,200
Speaker 1: work in progress and that area of learning to really

1467
01:27:39,240 --> 01:27:44,360
Speaker 1: fully own who I am. M hmm. It's beautiful and

1468
01:27:44,400 --> 01:27:47,640
Speaker 1: it really touches me to hear you talk about in

1469
01:27:47,720 --> 01:27:49,439
Speaker 1: order to do that, you have to give yourself the

1470
01:27:49,479 --> 01:27:54,160
Speaker 1: same grace that you want for other people. Yeah, yeah,

1471
01:27:54,240 --> 01:27:56,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want, I want that. That's why I

1472
01:27:56,800 --> 01:28:00,160
Speaker 1: want for everyone else, Like not even just people my

1473
01:28:00,280 --> 01:28:02,800
Speaker 1: life that I know, but for strangers. I'm like, yeah,

1474
01:28:02,840 --> 01:28:04,680
Speaker 1: I want. I want the best for you, Like I

1475
01:28:05,200 --> 01:28:07,639
Speaker 1: that's what I want. So I have to have that

1476
01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:10,960
Speaker 1: same level of grace for myself. I have to thank

1477
01:28:11,000 --> 01:28:13,000
Speaker 1: you so much. This has been really wonderful.