WEBVTT - Joel McHale 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:03.800 My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:08.600 is joy. I talked to interest in people about what 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:14.680 brings them happiness. Joel McHale is about as tall as 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.799 a person should be, and he's funny and he's my 0:00:17.880 --> 0:00:19.000 friend here he is. 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:27.800 What were you doing when you were eighteen? 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:28.440 Oh? 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.920 Man, that's made me feel very nervous. Let's see eighteen, 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:34.519 I was in a what were you doing? You You 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:37.440 were sporty, so that was very sporty. That saved you 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:39.440 probably from the world of drugs. 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.440 So we yeah, my brothers and I had already totaled 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.880 five cars and my dad was like, I'm going to 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.800 have a tick and he was like, I'm having a 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:49.800 tremor because of you guys. 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:50.880 That make me so nervous. 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.800 How come you total cars? I mean were you driving them? 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:55.200 Stealing them? No? 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:57.960 No, we just weren't great at It took us a while. 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:00.920 You know, it's like learn It is like learning a sport. 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:04.320 We just were very lucky we didn't get hurt. But 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:07.080 I think of you like you're. 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:08.800 Kind of all American though, So when you were crashing 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:12.560 those cars, you were crashing them in a wholesome, reasonably wholesome. 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:16.080 Oh very much. Yeah, I crashed them into like a Walmart. Yeah, and. 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.160 Yeah I was very charitable and you were and you 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:23.520 were sober when you were crashing those cars. Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:25.920 Though you know, there was people in my high school 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:29.399 who weren't so yeah, I was. I really enjoyed my 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:30.400 teenage years. 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:32.280 Did you really like I loved play like I was 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:34.760 terrible at school, but I loved playing sports and I 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:35.400 loved it. 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.720 Was like you were like a proper like football player, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:39.520 like a tight end. 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:39.759 Right. 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.640 Well, I played one year in high school and then 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:45.480 I joined the team when I was a freshman in 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.200 college out of sort of a whim but as far 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.160 as like so, I had played a few years. 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:53.520 But I played baseball and basketball. And see that's very 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:55.960 impressive and wholesome and good. That's why you're in such 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:57.560 great shape now because you got into it when you 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.559 were young. Oh no, this is desperation. 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.640 Some of my friends who are way better athletes now, 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:06.680 they look like, you know, oh, like a swollen alien 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:11.400 that happens to you, Like guys, wait, like a blob. Now, 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.120 they're just like a blob with multiple you know, like the. 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:16.720 Thing do you know that, But that could be great 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:19.000 shape for the thing I mean that species. 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:21.280 Oh you're right, you know, I mean you're you're applying. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.160 It could have been a very lean, lean thing that 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:27.840 just devoured human being. It was only devouring protein. It 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.799 wasn't there wasn't any carbohydrates. 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:30.800 It was on that diet. 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.240 Was that diet again? The protein the keto diet Keto 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.919 with the Zatkins, Well you think is with those dice 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:38.640 because I've tried them all, the keto one in particular. 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.680 I think you pooped like once every couple of weeks. 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.320 It's does notice not enough for me? 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.720 Well I say it and date it and David and 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.920 David analyzed no uh souf door Dodley. 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:49.120 Used to do. 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.320 He used to like in his diary every mom and 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.240 he would start talking about what his poop was, Like. 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:58.160 What are you like the guy that one of the 0:02:58.240 --> 0:02:59.840 greatest painters ever? 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:04.960 Well, you feel like he was pretty he was okay, okay, yeah, 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.800 he was a great draftsman, but something of a of 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:11.280 a shulman. I think you think the the melting clocks 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.799 were just a bit muck or the tiger bursting out 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.320 of the cow. You know, you know what I like, 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:21.520 I like a sort of blue huge Senorita on velvet. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:25.360 Now you go at something Elvis, maybe on velvet velvet Elvis, 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:27.079 who was the artist? 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:28.240 I think I was? 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.240 I think so yeah, I think that's the one that 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.160 that made him get drunk afterwards. You like, what have 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:40.240 I done with the Italian of French? I can remember 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:47.559 that sounded like neither, what have I done? 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:49.280 Now? 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:52.360 I must give Oh my gosh. 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:53.880 Now I would just think. 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:54.880 Of you, are you an artificial? 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:55.640 How are you like? 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:59.520 Seriously, I'm good at faking it. Sarah, isn't That's what 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:01.920 it's going to say. Sarah's really smart with the arts. 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:04.400 She knows all that stuff. I took one class in 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.400 college the history of Renaissance art was kind of a 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:10.680 you know, a survey, and that really set me up 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:11.480 grade for parties. 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:14.280 So you could say, the girl, that's how you go, Sarah, 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:17.679 isn't it? You were like, yeah, do you like felsquiz? Yeah? 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.599 It was like, you know Giado's chapel, Oh nice in Padua. 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:23.320 And then you could see you were born in Italy 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:25.119 because I was forget I mean, you were born in Italy, 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:27.120 so you can do the whole what's the coming ago. 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:29.039 I don't understand your language. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.400 A lot of this you can't see it on the microphone, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.160 but I'm just taking the tips of my fingers and 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:34.599 doing that. 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:36.320 Do a lot of this. You know what that is. 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:38.880 That's the upside down. Emuse Right there, that's what you do, 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:39.680 the upside down. 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:43.480 Emuse. Wait where were you born New Zealand? Were you really? 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:43.880 No? 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:47.560 I was born in Calland like, but but it is 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:51.040 people bring up the time, like, oh, you're born like 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:53.800 like I had anything to really do with it other 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:56.159 than a pyrrhic Well yeah, but I mean with HBU 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:59.799 when you left Italy thirty one, Well, so you're gonna 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:03.600 go like you know two, but can you speak Italian? 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.320 No? I did lose my passport there. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.640 It got stolen and I walked into the American consulate 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.120 and they were they kept coming back, and because they 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:13.599 saw that I was born in Italy, they were like, 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:17.599 they were so confused. I'm like, I lost my passport. 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:21.800 Do you have any bubble gum? I don't know what's 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.400 going on. I can't buy any peanut butter. And they 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.919 were like, you're not an Italian. I'm like, well not 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:28.200 kind of what's. 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.360 The coming to go. I kind of find that's bad, 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:32.520 isn't it? No, it's good. 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:34.800 You know what do you know what happens in Glasgow. 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:38.520 There's a big Italian community in Glasgow and the Italians 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:42.600 that like, especially like second generation. They speak Glasgow accents, 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:47.000 but but they have Italian Glasgow accents. So it's amazing 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:48.840 sentence that hey, how you used to do? And then 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:51.160 you come at to my show up and maybe we 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:53.080 come over to you. You like it the feshion chips, 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:57.320 it's very very strange. I love it that that needs 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:59.960 to be a show. Well, Italian Glass region. Yeah, that's 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:01.880 it's a great thing. That's got to be a show. 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:05.200 And I'm guessing the food game got up. Oh my god, no, 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:09.160 buddy country. When the Italians and the Pakistanis and the 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:13.400 Indians came to Scotland, they improved it by like a 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:16.400 thousand percent because up until that point all we ate 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.080 was like mud and then custard to Christmas all made 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.320 of potatoes, mud, mud and custard. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.360 It was mud and del Christmas and then back to 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:24.280 mud in January. 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:27.599 But you got Kashta for Christmas Day made of mud, mud, custard. 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:30.600 Obviously I'm assuming now. I mean obviously with the food revolution, 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.040 now there's like high end Scottish cooking where oh my god, yeah, 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:35.719 the Hagis has never been better. 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:37.840 Yeah, I mean in the higas Is. Actually it's like 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:40.599 a well you're a foodie guy. I do like food, 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.160 but yet you want to eat one meal of the day. Yeah, 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:46.080 it's a you know, it's a duality that yeah, well 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.120 the young aduality, or maybe it's just a straight up 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:50.400 eating disorder. 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:52.520 Oh I hope so do you think so? 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.560 I've just thought it could be just well, uh, you know, 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:57.120 I try to keep below a certain weight. 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:59.120 I want to be one hundred and twenty two pounds 0:06:59.120 --> 0:06:59.600 all the time. 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.240 Dude, that's never I have to lose it. I have 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:05.200 to lose seventy Your arm with one hundred and twenty 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.960 two finds. Look at that arm, that's an amazing During 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:09.840 the pandemic only one you look like a crab that 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:10.440 lushed the fight. 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:11.080 What happened? 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.800 Just just work in one arm. The clog got ripped 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:16.840 off during the pandemic. I was like, if I don't 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:18.200 work out every day, I'm gonna. 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:19.960 Just But you're in great shape. Well, I mean you 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.600 look like you're thirty years old. Thank you for saying that. 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:24.760 Well, it's also the hair transplants that helped too. 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.040 You've got a hair transplant, and you've got and you 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:29.840 work out. Yeah, I transplanted all this down here up there. 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:32.640 I don't believe you, because it would be much curlier 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.880 and finer. You have no idea what it's like down there. Oh, 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:37.600 live hair. It's not fair. 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:39.440 This is the hair I always wanted. 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:40.240 Well my hair. 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.600 You wan my hair man, and you know it was 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:44.920 great because you have some gray hair, like you went 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.800 gray early and it was hard to tell what your 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:48.320 age was. 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:54.280 Not anymore. Well, I disagree you because you have you have. Dude, 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:58.360 I'm sixty one, yusual. I know, let's be so terrifying. 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.800 It's terrifying. I mean like when I get up in 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:03.760 the in the morning, like just stand up out of bed, 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:07.040 like crickety noises, like like all my buons click, and 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:09.840 your wife is like, uh oh, she's she thinks who 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:10.800 dropped the matches? 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.280 You get a hip replace maternity while you were sleeping. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.040 I thought about it, but you're you look great. 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:18.560 I'm okay, I'm okay. 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:20.880 I I also eat one meal a day, but then 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:22.520 what I do is I eat all day. 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.840 It's a day is dark today I am, And I. 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:26.680 Think I may have an eating disorder a little bit. 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:30.040 I have an unhald I have an unhealthy pathological relationship 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.840 with food, for sure, because like I'm staying in a 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.520 hotel right now, right, you know the drawer that has 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:38.200 candy in it? Yeah? Yeah, I went to that drawer 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.520 yesterday and I was like a raccoon. I just like 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:43.160 ate everything, Like the wrappers roll everywhere and everything. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:46.600 It's a mess. And I so I it's if it's 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:47.760 in front of you, You're gonna eat it. 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:48.720 Yeah, I'm like the dog. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.560 You know, if you bring groceries home and you leave 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:53.240 them in the room with me. 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:56.800 I need them, see, I scream out loud, get behind me, 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:00.400 Satan when I see that candy. And sure people in 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.720 the other rooms complain because they think Satan's and you're right, 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.360 but it's good for me to just declare it and 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:09.720 then and then I usually flush it all down the 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:10.760 toilet with the cocaine. 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.160 I did that. I didn't, no way, Yeah, I tried that. 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.520 I was on tour and there was like they give 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:17.839 you know, sometimes you go to play a casino or something, 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:21.120 they say, oh, enjoy the chocolate basket, you know of 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:23.520 So there was a basket of chocolate in my room 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:25.440 and I was like, I don't know what to do 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:27.079 because it was the middle of the night. So I 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.920 dipped to end the toilet so I wouldn't eat it. 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.560 And then you ate it. Then that's like you know me, 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.040 but you burn You still didn't stand up and stuff 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:37.000 like that around you ever do it? 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:40.840 Though I do, it's been harder. I take gigs like 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:44.040 casino gigs. I'm like, I can get there, do it. Yeah, 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.800 but I haven't had as much time to work on stuff, 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.199 so there's a lot of you know, there's a lot 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:53.880 of scrambling and writing jokes to where I'm going and 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:55.400 talking about like that's all right. 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:56.480 Here we are in Calgary. 0:09:56.679 --> 0:10:00.559 Yeah, and so I have one more gig and then yeah, and. 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:01.600 You're not going to do it anymore? 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.880 Well, no, I want. I love doing it. Yeah, it's great. 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.080 It's you've learned a lot of calories doing it. 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:06.720 I used to. 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:07.440 I don't anymore. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:09.520 I just stand there now. I'm like Gaffigan, No, I 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.400 just stand there and say things. I'm like, sweary Gaffigan. 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:17.360 I feel like Affagan's he's beginning to move towards a 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:19.760 you know, it's getting it's getting edgi. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:20.960 Yeah, it's get a little edge. Hear. 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:22.600 Well. You know Jim, when he started out, it was 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:25.360 pretty edgy, and then he made the stylistic choice to 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:29.840 stop swearing. I couldn't do that, no, I I tried it, 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:31.600 and then I'll tell you I did it a little bit. 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:32.120 I was worre. 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:35.720 I did a couple of shows with Lano and Arsenio 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.120 Hall during the summer in casinos, and they said, you 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:40.000 have to do a PG thirteen show, So I did, 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.360 and I kind of liked him. You can't tell fuck 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.040 I'm PG thirteen. No, and I think you get one. 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.679 But Arsenio went on first and he used to hope, So. 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:52.480 You know, I'm like, oh, well, okay, it's one for 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.080 the night. Want not one per person? 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:54.480 I don't know. 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.360 I just I didn't want to risk it because you know, 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:57.400 people get mad at you. 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:00.320 I think Leno should come out with a special called 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:01.360 Fucking Shit Up. 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:06.280 And just blow away. It would be huge. 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:10.360 He is an amazing stand up I mean still, I 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.440 was like I was watching him because I'd never seen 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.160 him live, and I was watching him, like, damn, I 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:15.640 get it. 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.560 You know it's differently you ever seen him live? I 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:19.559 have never seen him. 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:24.200 It will blow your mind or some it'll blow some hard. 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:27.720 Something will get blown. I did the car show with him. Yeah, 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.160 oh yeah, I did that. Yeah, but it didn't obviously 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.400 it's not the same thing. Well, he wasn't doing stand up, 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.400 but it's much the same. I said to him, I 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.440 don't know if I know my act, and he said, 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.760 just keep talking. They don't know this scrap. Keep talking. 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.600 That's true, So you should do that when you're worried 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:44.120 about do I have enough material? 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:45.240 Just keep talking. 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:49.160 Oh, if it's not funny, they'll just think you're you know, you. 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:50.560 Know that good. But that's all right. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.360 Why I tried, though, they'll think he tried. He stood 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.720 up there and talked into the microphone. I did do 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:01.600 a show in Texas, and they're like, I I didn't 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:03.760 realize it that they wanted to be a clean show. 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.080 Okay, so did you do it? 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.199 I opened up in prayer right and said, Dear God, 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:14.200 please help me not to say fuck or shit so much. Yeah, 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:18.280 and then I put out a squear jar and and 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:19.600 then so there was like a bud. 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.000 It actually worked, did it? Did they forgive you? They 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:23.600 did well. 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:25.600 The weird part is that like there was like four 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:30.920 big rich like Yellowstone donors, right. Two of them were 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:34.040 very like conservative as far as talk, and then the 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:36.200 other two were screaming fuck at me. They were like, 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:39.000 so fuck, we don't care, all right, and so I 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:40.719 was like, I don't know what to do. 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.240 It's the duality of man, it's right there. It's the 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:45.679 young in dilemma. You know, it's just one way or 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.440 another way. It's Mogliani making the veil. But now it is. 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.800 Do you think that if you when you stop swearing, 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.160 do you feel like I'm betraying my country? 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.000 No, I feel like I'm doing better. I feel like 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.079 I'm finally grown up. And then I don't know. It's 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:02.280 it's difficult you when people say things like the stuff 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.719 that makes me angry it is when people say, well, 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.920 good comedian doesn't have to swear. I'm like, well, so 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:10.560 then Richard Bryor is not a good comedian. Yeah, anywurth 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.120 is a bad comedity. I mean, that's absurd. It's language, 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.840 and language is glorious. And I you know, when you 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:19.839 mentioned Scottish people and swear. Nobody swears like Scottish people. 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:22.880 It's beautiful Scottish and Irish people. It's kind of like 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:28.559 it flows so well, unbelievably wonderful sweariness. But yeah, I 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:30.600 suppose I do feel like I'm betraying the country when 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:32.560 I don't swear, So fuck it, I'm not gonna not. 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:33.280 Gonna do it anymore. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:35.240 Do you do your kids swear? 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:37.960 I'm afraid they do. Yes, I do mine. 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:38.679 Yeah. 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.720 My parents did not like swearing at all. So I felt, Yeah, 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:45.400 when I got out of the house, you really let fly. 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:47.600 Well look at this shit. Yeah, And I think it 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:48.439 was a reaction. 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:49.160 Did you leave that? 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:50.880 Did you leave the house early? I mean when you 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:52.319 when you were young. 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:55.760 We're like eighteen seventy kind of I went to college 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:58.560 and moved out. But then were you a dorm guy? 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:00.120 But you like you know, I was in a fratern 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.040 for one quarter and I did not like it. 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.840 I kind of ma, you're too smart. Oh well, I don't. 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:08.400 Think there im smart and you're sensitive, you really are. 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:10.599 You'd lose your fucking mind. 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:10.800 In that world. 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:14.120 No, And so I moved back home and because it 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:15.760 was like I was like, ah, this will be temporary. 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:19.040 I'll finish out the year. Yeah, and then I just 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:21.880 never did. I stayed home for college. My mom worked 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.000 at the university I went to, so my mom and 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.400 I drove every morning to college together. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.400 I must have got so late when you were in college. 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:34.120 Turn it over your mom. Hey, who's getting out of 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:35.880 that Toyota Camray? It's right. 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:37.040 But here's the thing. 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.800 I mean, handicaps. But you'd Sarah met pretty early on. 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:40.600 I mean you were young. 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:40.840 Yeah. 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:43.360 I got married when I was twenty four, and you're 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:45.600 still married and still happy. Yeah, it's great. 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.600 I can't believe again, as I said, someone agree to 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:49.240 have sex with me. 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:50.880 Well, you know, she's an odd woman. 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:54.880 You know, she's a fascinating person that she's got unusual taste, 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:55.480 and that's great. 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.160 It works, you know what I talk about charity and. 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:01.640 And she's artistic. She makes an unusual shape and a 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:03.920 juxtaposition of forms and stuff. 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:05.680 How do you know so much about what I look 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:06.280 like down there? 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.040 I don't know if that's what you look like down 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.240 there to guess based on what you've told me, and 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.440 also you you removed all your hair from there? Nothing? 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:19.920 Do you know what hand skins? I'm in so much pain. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:22.000 Oh no, that's that's bad. Is this what you end 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:23.000 up talking to Leno about? 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:24.760 We talked about cars. I think a little bit. 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:29.360 I really hope everything die from what he's doing. He's okay, 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:30.040 he's all right. 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:32.960 He tried, he's I was like, oh, this is I 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:34.840 hope this, this is becoming a pattern. 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.880 Now. Well, he showed me, he said, do you know 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:42.880 I see the photographs of the operation. I'm like, uh no, 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:47.240 but yeah, so on his phone he has photographs. So 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:50.520 while they're fixing his face after the burns and the 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.280 surgical procedure, I was like, who's taking the photographs? Jamon 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.480 Hey said, Darctor, He's taking the photograph that I did. Yeah, 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:00.800 take these photographs and they he's it was his face 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:01.280 with all that. 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:02.280 I mean, it's crazy. 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.920 It's like and then how many months later did he 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:06.040 wipe out on the motorcycle? 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:08.120 It was It wasn't It was like two months. It 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.800 was like, but you're a car guy, I am, but 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.880 I don't. Are you motorcycles too? 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:13.720 No? 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:14.440 No, me neither. 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.760 I'm done with that. You I that for that is 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.080 a young man's game. That is a game to play 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:20.960 when you don't have kids. 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.240 You know, I had an accident when I was forty. 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:26.720 Do you ever have an accident on a motor bike? 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:29.480 No, I've had bike accidents, but I can't imagine what 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:31.480 it would be like going triple to speed. 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:35.120 It's unbelievable. Man, I being hit by some big fucking dudes. 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:37.560 But and some of you you played football, right, so yeah, 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:40.400 it's worse than that. It's worse than that, and you 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:41.080 aren't And I. 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:42.000 Was, oh my god. 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:45.800 I was like, it's so painful. And then about I 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:49.440 don't know, maybe three weeks ago, I fell off a horse. 0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:53.200 What the what were you doing on a horse? I like, 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.280 I like being on horses. Okay, you know Megan is horses. 0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:58.640 Well that's true, so I have to like, but you 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:00.440 fell off fell off a horse. 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:01.360