WEBVTT - Time Does NOT Heal All Wounds 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:06.159 In order to make it to this meeting, I left Durango, Colorado, 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:11.520 eighteen hours ago and had a six hour drive to 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:16.760 the airport, a three hour flight, a forty five minute 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:19.000 walk from the terminal to baggage claim, an hour and 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:21.640 a half drive from the airport to the hotel. Then 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:24.520 I got to the hotel and wasn't allowed to check 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:26.639 in until later, even though I was absolutely tired. I 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:30.000 didn't sleep overnight for all of those reasons, But the 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:32.720 reason I did it was because working with my producer 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:36.960 for this podcast is important, and producing the best podcast 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:40.080 we can is important. Having a strong relationship with my 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.120 producer is important. But that meant I was gonna have 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:44.800 to be a little bit uncomfortable. I'm gonna have to 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.760 be tired for a little bit longer than I wanted 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:49.319 to be. So we think we don't have enough time 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:51.680 because there's not enough minutes in the day, but that's 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:55.360 actually not true. There are lots of minutes in the day, 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.960 but we prioritize our own comfort. The easiest thing for 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:02.680 me to do today, after a long travel day, literally 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:06.920 about eighteen hours from door in Durango to door in 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:10.000 New York City, the easiest thing for me to do 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:12.440 to keep myself comfortable when I got to my hotel room, 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:15.680 take a shower to wash off the travel, and go 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:20.560 to sleep. The hardest thing for me to do is 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.360 to fight the urge to go to sleep, stay awake, 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.560 stay focused, stay alert. But I did that because that 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:28.680 is more in line with the person that I want 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.320 to be. So when you're on a healing journey, you 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.600 have to make more decisions that are in line with 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:37.600 the person that you want to be. And understand that's 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:40.319 going to come with some sacrifice, that's going to come 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.600 with some uncomfort, that's going to come with some difficulties, 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:46.360 but it's the good difficulty. It's the kind of difficulty 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.920 that's in line with who you want to be. There's 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:52.280 a difference between hard and hard, you know what I mean. 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:55.120 Like it was hard for me to stay awake in 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.240 extra ninety minutes to make sure I was alert and 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:02.279 available during this meeting. But that's a good heart because 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.240 that's me doing something that I'm proud of, that's meaningful 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.239 to me, that's important to me. And I think we 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:10.919 have this excuse like, oh, there's just not enough time 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:13.680 in the day, but the actual truth is you're just 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.920 in love with you with being comfortable, and you're not 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.360 willing to suffer. You're not willing to sacrifice, you're not 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.280 willing to grind, You're not willing to be uncomfortable, because 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:26.560 if you were, then that's how you make something a priority. 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:29.959 We think making a priority means we create more time, 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:33.520 but that's not true. Making something a priority is you 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.000 accept more uncomfort. You can go to the gym and exercise, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.640 but if you have a trainer, you're going to go 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.640 a bit further because they're going to push you further 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.520 into your uncomfort. They're going to push you beyond your 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:49.400 comfort zone. So can you identify your own behaviors and patterns? 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:51.880 Of course you can. Can you pay attention to them, 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.160 of course you can. But who's going to hold you 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.680 accountable to change them? And who's going to hold you 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.640 accountable to do the difficult work associated with changing them. 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:04.320 That's literally the whole entire point of psychotherapy is so 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:08.400 that you can go further beyond your comfort zone and 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:12.800 further into your healing journey while being held accountable, while 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:16.560 being supported, while being pushed in a healthy way, to 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.480 be able to change the kind of patterns that are 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:32.360 causing problems in your life. Up until this point, we 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:34.560 have learned a great deal about each one of these 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:42.240 family members. Who is Jay. Jay is a strong, strong woman, 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:46.640 And I think Jay is such a strong and independent 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.880 woman because she's had to learn how to live her 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:56.480 life without praise, or at least consistent praise, and without 0:03:56.560 --> 0:04:01.720 support from someone around her. And she's learned how to 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:06.240 succeed on her own without those things, which is an 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:11.000 incredibly rare trait. Jay is also someone I think that 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:16.360 takes her unbelievable gifts and strengths for granted and kind 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:19.719 of expects everyone to function at her level. Jame's one 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.960 of the most fascinating people that I've ever met, because 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:27.920 almost every time we spoke, I learned something fantastically new 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:32.760 about Jay that I didn't know in the previous sessions. 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.640 I learned about degrees she had gotten, roles she had 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:38.800 played in the military, some amazing accomplishment she had a 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:43.440 tieved in her life. It blew me away. And I 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.559 think sometimes Jay expects everybody to function at her level 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.280 because and not in a mean way, but I just 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.640 don't I don't always think Jay recognizes her own greatness 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.599 and how unique it is for her to be so great, 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.159 and she thinks everyone should function at that level. I 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:03.160 think it's important to recognize your own uniqueness and your 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:06.159 own gifts and your own traits for a couple of reasons. 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:09.640 Number one, because it allows you to build your own 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:15.080 self esteem and your own self like sense of self value. 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:17.960 But it also allows you to be more patient and 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:21.680 understanding with the people around you because you start recognizing 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:26.599 your own uniqueness and not holding people accountable to your level, 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.640 and will allow everybody around you to be who they are. 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.760 In a previous session, I asked jaa write down some 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:36.120 of the things that she's good at. Here are a 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:37.719 few that she shared with me. 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:46.160 I show up for others, A good listener, good at 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:52.000 encouraging others, good at helping people with their finances, a 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:56.840 good mom, oh, good at taking risk, and good at 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:58.000 taking care of my plants. 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.200 How do you know you're a good listener. 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:03.440 Because I feel like when I have conversations with people, 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:07.040 it's not one sided, like we talk, we listen to 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:13.440 each other, and we're both like we're both engaged in 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:17.400 the conversation. At least with most people. I feel that way. 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.560 Most of my well, all my friends, I would say, 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:22.279 and that I just I mean, like I feel like 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:25.320 when I'm talking to a friend or a family member 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:32.159 and we're having a conversation, I don't just wait to speak, 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.640 like I try to really hear what they're saying. 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:38.400 Do you enjoy that about yourself? 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:44.039 Yeah? 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:47.760 Excellent? Okay? And how do you know that you're good 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:49.920 with helping your friends with their finances? 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:55.440 Because people usually ask me for that kind of insight, 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:58.680 So I imagine that I'm good at it if they wouldn't 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:00.720 be asking if I wasn't if I was bad at it? 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.760 What is it about you that lets them know you're 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:06.280 the kind of person that they can ask that. 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:13.120 Because it's something that I talk about as a topic 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:17.040 that I bring up. And I know a lot of 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:19.920 people don't like to talk about money, but I do. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:22.480 I like to talk about it. I like to help 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:28.560 people think about budgeting and ways to invest their money 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:34.840 and give them ideas, and they seem to be receptive 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:36.760 of it self. 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.320 Reflection is just the ability to look at yourself and 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:44.480 have an honest look at yourself. Are you doing the 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:46.480 things you want to be doing? Are you pleased with 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:48.120 who you are? And what you're doing. Are you in 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.600 line with your goals, hopes and dreams and living the 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.200 kind of life that you'd like to live. Judgment is 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:56.760 very different because judgment is when you add value to 0:07:56.880 --> 0:08:01.160 those things which leads to a negative place. Like for example, 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:03.320 I can look at myself and say, you know what, 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:06.520 I didn't eat the things that I should be eating, 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:08.920 So tomorrow I'm going to do better. That's just a 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:13.320 self reflection. So judgment has a value attached to it, 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.160 and that value can be positive or negative, but is 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:20.400 usually negative. And I'll give you an example. If I 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.560 am thinking to myself, all right, you know what, I 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.200 had a long travel day. I ate a lot of 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:28.480 fast food. I ate a lot of greasy, gross food. 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:30.640 Not really pleased with that. So tomorrow I got to 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:32.319 do better and make sure I get back on the 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:35.040 rhythm that I want to be on. That's just a 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:39.600 self reflection. The judgment becomes and now I'm really disappointed 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:42.160 in myself. I could have and should have done better, 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:47.520 and that actually demotivates us. That leads to us actually 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:51.200 not growing and feeling good, and it makes it harder 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:53.800 for us to get back on track. So self reflection 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.080 is simply the analysis of how am I doing and 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.760 what do I need to change? Judgment attaches a value 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:03.600 to it, and that value usually leads towards problems. 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:07.680 I realized after doing some self reflecting, like the way 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:11.280 I grew up, I felt like my mom really never 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:13.520 paid me any mind. So I don't know if that's 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:15.920 like because I'm a third child or the oldest girl. 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.320 I'm not really sure why she's kind of aloof in 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:23.120 that way anyway, but I always felt like, no matter 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.920 where I was in the world, she really didn't I 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.840 won't say she didn't care, but she never expressed to 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:36.280 me that my presence was important to her. So because 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:39.600 of that, there's like this piece of me that likes 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:44.320 to be acknowledged and likes to be you know. So 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:46.680 I just like to feel like, Okay, you care that 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:47.680 I'm actually here. 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:52.920 Having the ability to visualize and focus on a future 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:57.880 that has not yet occurred is everything. I mean, it's 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.120 so incredibly important. If you can can't see it, you 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:04.240 can't be it. I think we all believe in the 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:08.120 power of manifestation, and those things happen for people who 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.160 are really focused on what they want to achieve and 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:13.200 what they want to have, and most people don't. Most 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.480 people are just kind of living life. Most people pay 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.719 more attention to what they don't want versus what they 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.680 do want. So when you see me talking to jay 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.920 in that way, I'm asking her like, I want you 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:29.439 to envision the life that you want, and the more 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.080 you can envision it, the more likely you are to 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:37.080 have it. And that's an incredibly important skilly Where do 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:40.280 you want to be? Like if you made an investment 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.600 and all of a sudden boom, you've got enough money 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:45.199 to go out of middle class? Like, where do you 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:45.560 want to be? 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.360 Oh, I want to be a millionaire by the time 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.480 forty five, that's my goal. I don't need you need 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:56.400 forty two. So I got a lot of work to. 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:58.560 Do, But that's cool. You got a lot of time. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.600 I got like less than three years because I'll be 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.960 forty three in a few months. But I think it's possible. 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:16.040 I think that I don't want to have like ten million. 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:21.320 I'm good with like a cool million liquid, two million 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:28.800 networth something around here. That's the goal at least, Where. 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:31.760 Is Jayleen gonna live when she's got a million liquid 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.040 and another million in. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:37.320 Assets on a farm? 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:39.840 Jaylen. For whatever reason, that is not what I expect 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.480 you to to say. Where will this farm be? 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:48.440 Maybe Georgia, North Carolina? 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:51.920 What mm hmm. 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:57.640 So Jalen works her butt off and by forty by 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.280 forty five, she's got a million dollars liqu with a 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.360 million dollars in assets. You're telling me that you would 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.920 move to the country and buy a farm. 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:08.640 Yes, absolutely. 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.400 Why does that sound so attractive to you? What is 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:16.320 it about that that that's appealing? 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:26.560 The idea of simplifying life and not necessarily making not 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.520 to say that people that live on farms have a 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:32.160 simple life, and the sense that is not challenging but 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:37.840 simple in the sense that it's quieter, it's slower, it's 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:44.280 an ability to be closer to nature. That is what 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.280 I want. I don't like city life. I haven't liked 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:51.280 it for a very long time. I don't I don't 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:55.920 like pollution, a lot of people, a lot of cars. 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.920 I don't like any of that stuff. I much rather 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:02.800 look outside and see trees versus people. 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:08.840 My gosh, I don't know why, but that is not 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:10.000 what I thought you would say. 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:12.880 What do you think I want? Like a condo? 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:13.559 Well? 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:15.480 Yeah, I mean you know. I know that you grew 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:17.319 up in New Jersey, you live in New Jersey. So 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.800 I thought you'd say, like the upper west side of 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:21.280 manhatt you know what I mean. I thought you'd say 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.920 something Park Avenue, you know, something like that. 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:26.800 No, I want the complete opposite of that. 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:31.800 And when you say farm, I naturally start thinking animals. 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:33.479 Do you want animals on your land? 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:39.959 Yes, I don't want not a lot of animals, like 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.160 I'm not trying to raise cows or anything like that, 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:48.160 but chickens maybe something like some among those lines. 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:54.400 M And do you want a relationship in that future? 0:13:56.360 --> 0:14:01.679 Yes? Absolutely, And I. 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:04.040 Guess by the time you forty five, the boys will 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:07.880 still be young. How pleased would you be to be 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:10.199 raising your boys on a farm versus in the city. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:15.400 I would love that. I would absolutely love that. I 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:19.840 would love for them to go in their backyard and 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:24.680 grab vegetables for dinner, or you know, to be outside 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:30.320 with me when I'm toiling dirt and taking care of animals, like, 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:33.120 I would love that. I think kids need that, they 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:37.520 need to be close to nature. Yeah, I would love that. 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:38.760 I think that would be beautiful. 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:43.360 How much of your hard work that you're doing is 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:49.960 to like manifest that in your future. One day. 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:56.680 I would say it's a significant part, but that is 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.760 something that I absolutely want, but it's us. The farm 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.000 part is something that I really want. But I also 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:07.080 really want to set my children up so that they 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:15.520 are financially stable. I know people talk about generational wealth 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.320 all the time and it's like the cats phrase, but like, 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:22.760 I truly believe in it, and I want them to 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.200 be able to pursue their dreams without wondering about how 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:31.160 they're going to pay back student loans or I got 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.080 to get this job so that I can afford to 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.720 pay my bills. I hate that, like I hate that 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.840 that's the situation for so many people. I want them 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.760 to be able to pursue, you know, whatever it is 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:44.160 that they want to do. I want them to be 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:47.000 able to do it without you know, the restrictions of 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:51.160 money kind of limiting them. I don't want them to 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:53.720 take jobs because they have bills to pay. I want 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:55.560 them to take the job that is going to let 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.920 them be amazing and to do what they want, you know, 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:03.000 whatever their heart is. I so that is the bigger goal. 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:12.160 If I can get a farm and do that hashtag winning, I. 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:15.440 Think that that's true. I'm surprised that it's a farm. 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:18.880 But if you can have all those things, I imagine 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:23.840 you would be feeling like you're winning. Right for sure? 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.440 What kind of relationship do you want and forgetting who 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:31.280 it might be, whether it's you know whatever, like some 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:33.640 specific person or not, Like, tell me the kind of 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:38.560 relationship you want to live in right on this ridiculous 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:39.360 farm of yours. 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:45.760 Yes, I want him to be someone that I respect 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:52.360 and that respects me, and someone where we encourage each 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:57.720 other and feed into each other on a daily basis. 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:02.080 Like I want some one that I show love to 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:08.240 be willingly and fully without ever questioning how much love 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.240 are they going to show me back? Like I want 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.800 to just be able to pour out to someone that 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.520 I have no apprehensions about doing that because I know 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:19.359 they're going to pour into me and return, So my 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:22.120 cup is never going to be empty because no matter 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:25.600 how much I give this person, they're given back. And 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:28.640 it's you know, it's that love of reciprocity is there. 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:33.320 I would like it to be just a really loving, 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:41.320 encouraging relationship where I see the God in him, and 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.800 he sees the God in me, and we nourish that, 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.679 and we don't, you know, kind of fall victim to 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.240 some of the day to day things because we truly 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:55.960 see value in one another. And somebody that I can 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.200 work hand in hand with on this farm, so he 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.280 gonna have to be alone, rugged gonna have to like 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:08.760 dirt a little bit. Yeah, So I think those are 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:09.800 the foundation. 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:14.480 And you said like they would pour into me. What's 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:19.480 your favorite way for a romantic partner to pour into you? Like, 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.880 what does a romantic partner need to do to make 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.800 you feel really loved and really valued? 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:33.640 Mhm. I think verbal is part of it. The communication 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:42.560 is definitely key, but not just I guess, not just 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:45.359 the verbal piece, but I do really really enjoy that, 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:54.119 but also someone who plans things. I guess that's someone 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.840 like who really takes the time to show me that 0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:00.679 he loves me, not just tell me that he loves me, 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:05.280 but like, Okay, I love you, And because I love you, 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:11.720 I wrote a note in your and left like A 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:13.920 left a loving note in your purse. You know what 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:15.600 I'm saying, Like, I took the time out of my 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:19.480 day to do something specifically that is showing you that 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:24.800 I care. I didn't come home and watch dishes because 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:26.800 that feels like the thing you want me to do. 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.440 But I actually said, you know what, neither one of 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:31.320 us are going to watch dishes because I'm bringing dinner. 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:33.640 I'm going to go to your favorite restaurant and pick 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:35.359 up your food and bring it home because I know 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:37.800 you've been home doing X, Y and Z all day. 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:40.920 Just someone who actually likes take the time to plan 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:46.480 things for me. I think that's a really beautiful thing. 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.960 Thank you for listening. When we return, we will gain 0:19:52.080 --> 0:20:05.359 more insight from the other family members. You know, I 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:10.920 find David to be really incredible as well. I think 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:14.199 the first thing I want to say about David, and 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:18.720 this is also true for Jay, but David made it 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:24.639 out of an incredibly difficult environment to make it out of. 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:32.200 They literally make movies about how difficult the environment David 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:37.400 started his life in, and he somehow ended up in 0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:43.919 one of the top universities in our country playing football 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:47.000 at such a high level that he eventually was able 0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:54.120 to do it professionally. David is an incredibly strong person, 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:59.479 and an incredibly focused person, and an incredibly confident person. 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:06.480 But I think the transition out of sports into civilian life, 0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:10.560 if you will has been difficult for David and robbed 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:14.639 him of some of his confidence and some of his motivation. 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.399 I think David wants more than anything else to be 0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:23.159 the confident version of himself and to get back to 0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:27.639 that strength that he had. I also think one of 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:30.600 the most amazing things about David is he's an incredibly 0:21:30.680 --> 0:21:35.280 sensitive man and the relationships in his life really matter. 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:39.600 Relationships with his sister, who has since passed on, his 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:43.240 mother who has passed on. Being a good father is 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:45.600 important to David, and also being a good partner, and 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:47.359 I think he wrestles with how do I get that 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:52.520 confidence back and make those people in those relationships in 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:56.720 his life proud of him? And like anything else, it's 0:21:56.720 --> 0:22:01.160 a difficult journey. When we fall into patterns, we get 0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:04.879 further and further away from the person that we want 0:22:04.920 --> 0:22:06.520 to be of the person that we used to be, 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:10.080 and in order to re establish new patterns, it takes 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:12.879 time and it's difficult. You know, David was committed to 0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:16.640 the process early on, and I appreciate that about David, 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:19.159 and I think it highlights kind of who he is 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:21.879 and how focused he can be when he has the 0:22:21.960 --> 0:22:23.240 right mindset. 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:28.879 Attitude, any emotions. I'm not letting that get in the 0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:34.920 way of anything, you know. I mean, I still got kids. 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:36.679 I still got to be on my son though, but 0:22:37.240 --> 0:22:40.520 you know, just trying to you know, filter in the 0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:44.720 energy a little bit different than previous times and stuff. 0:22:44.760 --> 0:22:49.359 I'm not letting people upset me or things as being said, 0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:53.919 upset me or change my mood. So, you know, just 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:55.960 by doing my things that I need to do on 0:22:56.040 --> 0:22:58.600 my checklist, it's just you know, it's keeping me going. 0:22:59.000 --> 0:23:01.639 Everybody got their own little thing, but it's keeping me going. 0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:04.679 And the routine. Stop in the morning, listen to my 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:11.199 affirmation say, listen to some uh something that's my motivational stuff, 0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:14.840 positive things, and then once that's done, I put on 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:17.359 my music to get the energy, go to the park. 0:23:18.160 --> 0:23:20.600 So like, I just gotta, like I'm a creature habit, 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:22.800 so I just gotta keep my routine and my things 0:23:22.800 --> 0:23:25.400 that's gonna make me positive and make me a better person. 0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:28.479 Like it's not gonna be it's not perfect, but I 0:23:28.520 --> 0:23:31.040 take the you know, like I like, like they're saying 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:36.680 football inches go to yards, yards go to first downs, 0:23:36.720 --> 0:23:39.800 first downs, and then touchdowns, So I take it just 0:23:39.880 --> 0:23:42.560 like that. The whole field inches by You know. 0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:46.679 What's interesting is I've always thought that football is an 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:53.320 amazing metaphor for life, Like if you focus on touchdowns, 0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:56.480 it becomes way harder to get touchdowns. But football is 0:23:56.480 --> 0:24:00.560 actually a game of inches, and if you focus on 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:04.639 like all incremental steps, it becomes much easier to to 0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:15.560 accomplish the bigger goal. Yes, absolutely, Okay, absolutely, game suggest 0:24:15.680 --> 0:24:19.200 the name of the game, right, I think that's absolutely true. 0:24:19.240 --> 0:24:21.000 I also think that's the name of the game of 0:24:21.040 --> 0:24:26.960 life is focus on like the small incremental steps, Like 0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:30.840 if you focus on the moments, then it's easier to 0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:32.639 have a good day and a good week, and a 0:24:32.680 --> 0:24:35.280 good month and so on. If you focus on trying 0:24:35.320 --> 0:24:37.159 to have a good you know, a good month or 0:24:37.200 --> 0:24:39.480 a good year, it becomes way too difficult. Yes. 0:24:40.840 --> 0:24:42.600 Absolutely, What is your. 0:24:42.520 --> 0:24:45.760 Internal voice saying? And do you have to change it? 0:24:46.000 --> 0:24:48.040 If it is not in line with who you want 0:24:48.080 --> 0:24:51.600 to be? You have to train your internal voice. You've 0:24:51.600 --> 0:24:54.639 got to like, I'm not going to listen to my 0:24:54.880 --> 0:24:57.399 internal voice that's not moving me closer to the way 0:24:57.440 --> 0:24:58.840 I want to be, and I am going to listen 0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:04.080 to the internal voice that is like me personally I've 0:25:04.359 --> 0:25:07.359