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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, hello Catherine, Hey Chelsea, you know what, why

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Speaker 1: don't we start with dates today? Because I know your

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Speaker 1: Eugene Oregon show had to be rescheduled for March fourth

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Speaker 1: and Portland is on March five now, but what else

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Speaker 1: do you have going on? Okay? So I have some

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Speaker 1: announcements for my stand up. We've rescheduled Vancouver and Calgary

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Speaker 1: dates to August twelfth and thirteen, so they are no

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Speaker 1: longer on April three. Now. The Grammys are on April three,

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Speaker 1: and I have to go to the Grammys this year

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Speaker 1: because I'm nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so I had to reschedule my Vancouver and Calgary dates.

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Speaker 1: That's Canada, and all the other dates existing are staying

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Speaker 1: the same, so we have that to celebrate as well.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, what else, Catherine? You look very vivacious today,

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Speaker 1: I would say, is the word. My hair is doing

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Speaker 1: like a Kelly Kapowski thing, and I'm not mad about it.

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Speaker 1: It's just like different. I don't know who Kelly Kapowski is,

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Speaker 1: but I like the way that that your hair looks.

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Speaker 1: It looks like you were freshly something recently, like something positive. Happened. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was gonna say several positive things happened

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Speaker 1: last night, but that's probably not something you can talk

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Speaker 1: about on the air. I don't see why. I don't

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Speaker 1: see why not. I mean, what's stopping you? Just sex stuff? Really?

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Speaker 1: But okay, well, I'm glad for you and I'm glad

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Speaker 1: for Brad. It seems like the two of you are thriving.

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Speaker 1: We're just we're truly are with your fiscal your fiscal sexuality.

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Speaker 1: That's your area of expertise, fiscal sexuality. That's right, that's right.

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Speaker 1: I'm always reading finance books, or especially books about how

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Speaker 1: finances make people feel like that to me is very interesting.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know I don't have a good handle

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Speaker 1: on that because I don't struggle with finances, and even

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Speaker 1: when I did, I was so broke for so long

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Speaker 1: that I just always knew I would have money, Like

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Speaker 1: I always assumed i'd be successful. I just knew it.

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Speaker 1: I had like a dollar credit card debt when I

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Speaker 1: was a waitress because I would take everyone out all

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Speaker 1: the time before I had money, and I just charge

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Speaker 1: it to credit cards. I was like, I'll get this later.

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Speaker 1: That was actually something that Colleen said she was like

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Speaker 1: even when she had no money, she was she would

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Speaker 1: always treat she was very generous. But my friends, like

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Speaker 1: three of them filed for bankruptcy when we were in

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Speaker 1: her twenties and they just got a clean slate, And

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Speaker 1: I was like, that is such fucking horseship rude. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I never did that. I was like, I'm paying

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Speaker 1: my money back. I'm never gonna steal, Like I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'll steal, but not from not for the that set up, Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you make that kind of debt, you should

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Speaker 1: incur that kind of debt, you should pay it back.

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Speaker 1: So I did, Yeah, but I was never like, oh

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Speaker 1: sud I mean I was like, oh, yeah, thirty thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars in credit card fees. I mean, Bill's no problem

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Speaker 1: with this, and he guess what, it wasn't a problem.

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Speaker 1: So you have to believe. Do you feel like because

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Speaker 1: you just expected success to happen, that was part of

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Speaker 1: what helped it like manifest itself in the universe. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think when you have one singular notion and you're

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Speaker 1: only working towards that notion, like there's nothing that can

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Speaker 1: get in your way. When you're headstrong and you think

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Speaker 1: like this is your destiny and you believe that, then

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Speaker 1: that is what is going to happen. What else is

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Speaker 1: going to happen? You know, you're not putting your efforts

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Speaker 1: towards I certainly wasn't, but it wasn't putting my efforts

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Speaker 1: towards being a good waitress, which was what I was doing.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't like I was like, I gotta make this work,

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Speaker 1: and last I was like, oh okay, Like how do

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Speaker 1: I get the funk out of this job? I've always

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Speaker 1: been inherently lazy, even if I work a lot, my

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Speaker 1: my go to Like yesterday, I had a big thing

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Speaker 1: that was canceled at the last minute, so I had

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Speaker 1: the whole day off. I went over to the house. Yeah, hello,

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Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, I wasn't upset, and I

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Speaker 1: had been dieting for this thing, like I had been

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Speaker 1: really being the shoot. Yeah, and it got canceled. So

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Speaker 1: I ended up going to my girlfriend's house and we

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Speaker 1: smoked a duby at around ten thirty in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Then we went to launch at Javier's in Century City.

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Speaker 1: I had to Margarita's. We came home, I went home,

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Speaker 1: got into bed, took it edible and watched oz Arcs

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Speaker 1: for probably six hours, and yes I was I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay up. I'm gonna stay up, and then

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm not. As soon as it hit

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Speaker 1: nine thirty, I was out. And then Joe came home

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Speaker 1: at ten thirty from his trip and I was out cold,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, what a beautiful day. Like

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Speaker 1: That's how I would like aside from working out, I

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Speaker 1: really just want to be in bed all day long. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My my one mentor, she's always called it a flow day,

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Speaker 1: which kind of sounds like a period thing, but it

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Speaker 1: does not. She just says, like, have a day where

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Speaker 1: you just do the next thing you want to do.

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Speaker 1: You wanted to get a margarita, and then you wanted

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Speaker 1: to lay in bed and watch os Ark, and then

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Speaker 1: you wanted to you know. It's just like, just just

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Speaker 1: have a day where you don't have any plans. You

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Speaker 1: just do the next thing whenever you want to do it.

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Speaker 1: I said to my dermatologist this morning. I was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I told her what I did yesterday.

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Speaker 1: I could just feel the judgment coming from r because

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Speaker 1: she has four children and she's just like, what you

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Speaker 1: sat in bed and watched O Talk all day. It's like, yeah, bitch,

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Speaker 1: that's exactly what I did. Some people could never do that.

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Speaker 1: People people that will never ever lie in bed all day. No,

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Speaker 1: or they can't because they have like nine kids running around,

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Speaker 1: or even like two kids running around. Like, people don't understand.

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Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, yeah, like slept until ten. They're like,

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Speaker 1: what is your life? I'm like, that's kind of that's

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Speaker 1: not crazy if you don't have kids. Yeah, no, I know.

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Speaker 1: I That's the only thing that I'm not good at

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Speaker 1: is I don't sleep in anymore. I wake up early,

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Speaker 1: Like if I sleep till eight, that's late. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm getting worse about that. Like last weekend I was

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Speaker 1: able to sleep late into the morning, but it's been

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Speaker 1: months since I've slept on the weekend past, like even

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Speaker 1: like nine. I think. Yeah, I think that's an age thing.

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Speaker 1: As you get older, you stopped sleeping in. Yeah. Also

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Speaker 1: getting just like excited for coffee in the morning. Do

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Speaker 1: you ever have that? I'm not excited for I'll wake

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Speaker 1: I'll go to sleep, and I'll be like, but in

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Speaker 1: the morning, I could have coffee. I mean, I've been

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Speaker 1: taking these little Kiani boosters. He's caffeine like from my

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Speaker 1: one of my nutrition has sent them to me, and

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Speaker 1: it's like a mine sharpener and it just like wakes

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Speaker 1: you up and makes you alert. So I have that

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Speaker 1: in lieu of coffee a lot, and that really works. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's nice. Yeah, I know, it's like a shot and

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Speaker 1: you just wake up. Because I'm not that into coffee.

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Speaker 1: I just drink it, you know, as like a you know,

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Speaker 1: if I'm strinking it socially, it's like alcohol for me.

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Speaker 1: Just if other people are around, you'll have it. Uh No,

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Speaker 1: it's like what alcohol is for other people. Coffee is

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Speaker 1: to me. So alcohol I could have alone or with

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Speaker 1: a friend. But coffee I usually have if someone's there

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Speaker 1: and they're having coffee. Like Joe loves coffee, so I'll

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Speaker 1: go with him and get a coffee. It's a problem

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Speaker 1: if you're drinking it alone. Well, I tried to have

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Speaker 1: one of his coffees, which is like a triple latte

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Speaker 1: with oat milk, and I'm like, uh, then I had

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Speaker 1: diarrhea for the entire day. I'm like, get away from

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Speaker 1: me with these trips. I don't need a triple fucking

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Speaker 1: I needed to you, Joe, by the way, he's bouncing

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Speaker 1: off the walls and then and he falls asleep. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he has like so boundless energy, it seems so. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure more now that he's been working out with you

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Speaker 1: and Ben Bruno. Yeah, his body is really coming together.

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Speaker 1: His friends probably all think, either're like, oh fun he

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Speaker 1: started dating Chelsea and she fucking whipped his ass into shape.

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Speaker 1: You know that. Everyone's like, oh, she's got him skin.

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Speaker 1: He's in lost twenty pounds. Oh my god. I know. Well,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about our guest for today, shall we. Oh? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: our guests is Funny Okay, so I guess today. She

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Speaker 1: is kind of known as the big sister of TikTok.

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Speaker 1: She has a new podcast it's called It's Me Tanks,

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Speaker 1: which will launch Monday, February one, and I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: welcome her to the show because I have been watching

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Speaker 1: her on TikTok for a long time. So please welcome Tanks. Tanks,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: be here. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you

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Speaker 1: because we have so much in common, because you're kind

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Speaker 1: of like a self annoyed alcohol that I'm sorry, I

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Speaker 1: am an alcoholic. I just realized that it's CDC put

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Speaker 1: out a message about however many drinks is average for

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Speaker 1: a man, like eight to sixteen anything over that. You're

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Speaker 1: an alcoholic as a man, but for a woman it's

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Speaker 1: much less. And I'm like, you know what, this is

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Speaker 1: another sexist because like, fuck you, why are we supposed

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Speaker 1: to drink less than men? We're the ones who have

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Speaker 1: to deal with men, which causes us to drink even more. Exactly,

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Speaker 1: it's it's really the CDC is sexist and unclear. Frankly,

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Speaker 1: I don't trust them as far as I can throw them.

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Speaker 1: They can't count for ships, so who are they to

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Speaker 1: count my cocktails per week? That's a great point, tanks,

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Speaker 1: that's a great point. Anyway, I cut you off. What

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Speaker 1: else do we have in common place? You're like a

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Speaker 1: self anointed big sister of TikTok? Like I didn't. I

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Speaker 1: didn't realize that you are basically giving advice to the

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Speaker 1: masses and giving your opinions and advice to people who

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Speaker 1: are it's solicited and unsolicited, really, because sometimes it is solicited,

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Speaker 1: But I fucking love that and that's how I operate it.

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Speaker 1: I'm constantly giving out information, whether people are asking for

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Speaker 1: it or not. Yeah, I just kind of run my mouth.

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Speaker 1: And I do believe in sharing information and passing on

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Speaker 1: what I know, because if I can save a girl

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Speaker 1: three weeks from like agonizing over a fun boy with

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Speaker 1: just like a little mind trick that I've used, then

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Speaker 1: that's a win. Right. I don't know everything, but I

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Speaker 1: might know a little bit more than than some people.

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Speaker 1: And I also love asking for advice, So I think

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Speaker 1: that that it goes both ways. Like I love learning things.

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Speaker 1: I love, you know, hearing like from my friends how

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Speaker 1: did you do that? I love reading memoirs, especially from women,

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Speaker 1: and just learning like you know, how did you pay?

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Speaker 1: How did you do it? And then I pass it on.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, and sometimes it's unsolicited, but I think that

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Speaker 1: I'm always right, so people need to hear. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: exactly how I feel like my opinion is valuable. The

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Speaker 1: more the people I get to, the better for the world, exactly.

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Speaker 1: I also think it's important to recognize when you are

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Speaker 1: to share things with women, you know, because I have

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Speaker 1: so many friends in this industry who are very secretive

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Speaker 1: about the things and the little tricks that they do

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Speaker 1: to lose weight or look younger, or what they're doing

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Speaker 1: in your face or their body. So that's another area

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Speaker 1: where I feel very passionate about doing the opposite, because

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Speaker 1: you should be letting other women in on the secret's,

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Speaker 1: not keeping them and hoarding them for yourself. I totally agree,

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Speaker 1: and I think whatever you do is your business and

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Speaker 1: that's fine, but you can't, like, because I'm now in

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Speaker 1: the public eye, so to speak, I feel a responsibility

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Speaker 1: to say what I've had done, so I'm not, you know,

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Speaker 1: setting unrealistic expectations for girls that are younger than me.

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Speaker 1: I love botox, and I say that, and I say

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Speaker 1: I get it all the time, and I use very

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Speaker 1: expensive skincare. But but I tell you know, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this is what I do. I don't just like drink

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Speaker 1: a lot of water, any poach salmon, like as all

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Speaker 1: the celebrities lied in the nineties that that's all they did.

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Speaker 1: You put alive oil on your face, jail or you're

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Speaker 1: you're lying, like, no, you will also poach salmon. You

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Speaker 1: can only have like for three days in a row

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Speaker 1: before you never forget want. So that's a lie right there.

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Speaker 1: So that's a lie. So it's like, yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: believe in gate keeping. I I think that my whole

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Speaker 1: stick is like if there's a room full of women

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Speaker 1: and someone in there has a problem and someone else

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Speaker 1: in there has the answer, and it's all about sharing

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Speaker 1: the information, and if I can help play a small

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Speaker 1: part that then that's great. But yeah, I I honestly

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Speaker 1: won't shut the funk up about not only just advice,

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Speaker 1: but just like, well, this is what I'm doing this week, er,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm trying here, because it's just like,

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Speaker 1: share the information. That's how we're gonna move. And also, yeah,

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Speaker 1: share the information good and bad. When you have a

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Speaker 1: bad experience with something, share that to help women understand

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Speaker 1: what the options are because I obviously, I mean I

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Speaker 1: do so much ship with facials, with treatments, with I

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Speaker 1: v S, with skin, with lasers, all this ship, and

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Speaker 1: it's like I'm totally willing to share all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And you also have to recognize that it's also very

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Speaker 1: expensive stuff totally not everybody can afford, so you can

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Speaker 1: feel bad about sharing it, but it's it's just the truth,

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Speaker 1: so there's nothing to feel bad about. It's like you

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Speaker 1: just put that out there, like, yes, I understand this treatment.

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Speaker 1: So this is a little steep for most people. But

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm getting done, right. And if you

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Speaker 1: have of you know, X amount of spared dollars to

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Speaker 1: spend on one thing, that I'd prefer to recommend the

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Speaker 1: best one, you know. So it's like I might as

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Speaker 1: well say the truth. If it's a great I cream

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Speaker 1: and you happen to have the extra money to buy it,

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Speaker 1: then get the good one. How old are you? Oh god, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's nice. Well no, no, I was, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of I creams, Yeah, thirty one. What do you got

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Speaker 1: for me? Oh god, I've got lots for you. I mean,

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Speaker 1: first of all, I didn't start drinking water until I

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Speaker 1: was like forty four, so I found I find water

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Speaker 1: to be the most boring, boring thing in the world.

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Speaker 1: Right now, my housekeeper has to doctor this up for me.

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Speaker 1: Every morning. There's like there's cucumber lemon water in my fridge.

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Speaker 1: Then there's plain water, and then there's BlackBerry and strawberry

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Speaker 1: like spa water. So there's array so that I can

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Speaker 1: drink water. But I said to my friend, I go, okay,

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Speaker 1: I have a big photo shoot coming up, and I

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Speaker 1: have to be like it's for this athletic company, and

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Speaker 1: I'm lebra and underwear and doing stuff like not just

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Speaker 1: sitting moving and I was like, I don't know about

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Speaker 1: the moving part and the jiggle, and and my friends like,

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Speaker 1: just don't drink any sparkling water for like four days

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Speaker 1: leading up to the photos shoot. I'm like, fuck you.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no bubbles, Like I'm so addicted to carbonation.

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Speaker 1: The idea of no sparkling water. She's like, it's it's

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Speaker 1: bad for cellult I refuse to believe it. I know

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Speaker 1: it blows you. And it's just like that's the bitch

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Speaker 1: of getting older. It's like you things just show up

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Speaker 1: on your face and your body in a way like

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Speaker 1: they didn't used to. So it's like I always say,

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Speaker 1: after the age of twenty seven, if you eat a

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Speaker 1: big piece of cake the next day, you're gonna look

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Speaker 1: a little ugly. It'll shop. But I liked also what

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Speaker 1: you said about it not being the end of the

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Speaker 1: world when you do gain ten Yeah, it's like, do

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Speaker 1: you remember that era where it was like like when

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Speaker 1: I was like twenty five and I would gain ten

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Speaker 1: pounds and I'd be like, the world is coming to

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Speaker 1: an end. Oh, I wouldn't even allow myself to gain

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Speaker 1: ten pounds because I would weigh myself six to seven

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Speaker 1: times throughout the day and if my number, oh yeah, oh,

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Speaker 1: I used to run, talk about anorexia nervosa or whatever

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Speaker 1: on my condition was. I don't like to diagnose things

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Speaker 1: in the past, only in the present, so I've never

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Speaker 1: really reflected on it. But I used to run like

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Speaker 1: six to eight miles every morning. I'd weigh myself before

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Speaker 1: I ran. Then i'd weigh myself after I ran to

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Speaker 1: see how much water weight I lost. Then I would

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Speaker 1: never replenish with actual water. It was just like diet

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Speaker 1: soda or you know whatever, juice, diet juice and apple

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Speaker 1: like I was just so unhealthy. And then I would

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Speaker 1: weigh myself continually throughout the day to monitor my weight

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Speaker 1: because I thought with every meal it could just go haywire.

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Speaker 1: Like I once went to Africa without a scale, and

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Speaker 1: I came back and I had gained sixteen pounds, and

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Speaker 1: I thought, oh, oh, you can't be trusted on a

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Speaker 1: trip like your fucking lunatic sixteen pounds. Albeit I just

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Speaker 1: had a c L surgery, so I wasn't able to

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Speaker 1: be mobile and I wasn't able to walk around. So

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Speaker 1: after that I became even more ardently committed to traveling

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Speaker 1: with a scale so I can monitor the situation. Now

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Speaker 1: I've become a lot more relaxed about my weight because

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Speaker 1: it doesn't jump and bounce out and down so much.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not as obsessive as I used to be.

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Speaker 1: But I have to say, like I I don't know

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Speaker 1: anybody who was more obsessed with weighing themselves than I was.

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Speaker 1: It's a prison, it is. It's a total prison. I

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Speaker 1: was just talking to my followers about it this week.

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Speaker 1: It is a complete self made prison. And it's so

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Speaker 1: I hate how many messages I get about weight. I

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Speaker 1: hate how many d ms like how did you find

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Speaker 1: the freedom? How do you you know? How do you

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Speaker 1: allow yourself to have this? How? This and that? And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it's kind of something that you have to

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Speaker 1: just get there yourself, Like you have to go through

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Speaker 1: it and find peace yourself. But if I could take

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Speaker 1: away all of those hours and and pain and stepping

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Speaker 1: on the scale for all the young women out there,

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Speaker 1: if I could go back and shake myself when I

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Speaker 1: was twenty five and be like, it doesn't matter nobody notices.

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Speaker 1: That's the that's the crazy things. It's literally only the

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Speaker 1: two things that I really try to always tell them

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Speaker 1: is like number one, Literally nobody notices unless you gain

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Speaker 1: a hundred pounds. Truly, it's just you. Secondly, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of the questions that I get are like related

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Speaker 1: to dating, do you think breaks my heart? I always

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Speaker 1: get do you think I should wait to lose weight

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Speaker 1: to start dating? And I'm like, no, but you should.

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Speaker 1: You should love yourself and know your value before you

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Speaker 1: start dating. It's nothing to do with weight. But it's

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Speaker 1: like if you if your self worth is so tied

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Speaker 1: to your weight, then you need to do some self

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Speaker 1: work before you start asking someone else to love you

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Speaker 1: because you're so much more than your weight. Your weight

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Speaker 1: has literally nothing to do with your worth. I used

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Speaker 1: to if I waited, if I went over one thirty,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed to leave the house. And if I waited,

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Speaker 1: like if I had planned with my girlfriend's to grout

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Speaker 1: on Friday night and I weighed myself and I weighed

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Speaker 1: even one thirty one, I would cancel my plants and

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Speaker 1: stay home. I acted like that for a good part

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Speaker 1: of my twenties. Obsessed obsessed with the way that I

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Speaker 1: looked like, oh this is oh yeah, I mean I

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Speaker 1: can't believe I didn't have to go to like a

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Speaker 1: hospital soon, sooner than I than when I started therapy,

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Speaker 1: because I was obsessed with it. Just crazy what addicted

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Speaker 1: to water pills, anything that would just keep my weight down,

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Speaker 1: just constantly dehydrating myself. So the person who needs the

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Speaker 1: water the most, it's the most scared of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. I spent an hour crying to my

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Speaker 1: therapist a couple of weeks ago about like what my

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Speaker 1: nieces are going through, like just what you were saying, thanks,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why do they have to go through this?

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Speaker 1: Why are they learning all this stuff at the same

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Speaker 1: pace I learned it, Like it's two body positivity is here,

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Speaker 1: yet it hasn't reached the masses. Yeah, And I just

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Speaker 1: I don't know. And we're so extreme as humans because

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Speaker 1: I sometimes worry that there's now this message which is

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Speaker 1: like we're replacing one pressure with an equal but different

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Speaker 1: pressure where it's like just eat whatever you want and

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Speaker 1: you'll be fine, and like now you can't care about

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00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,479
Speaker 1: it at all, and it's like, no, you should just

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Speaker 1: feel like yourself and you should. We're trying to get

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Speaker 1: to a place where it's like you just you don't

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Speaker 1: care about your physical appearance as much, Like that's the goal.

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Speaker 1: Not I don't know. It's it's a scary place for

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Speaker 1: for young people right now, for young women, and it's

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Speaker 1: it saddens me that there's so much of our young

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Speaker 1: life is spent attaching worth to the external things. Speaking

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Speaker 1: of external things, I saw that you went on a

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Speaker 1: date with Diplo through Tinder. I also give it on

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Speaker 1: a date with him, but I wanted it to end

379
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Speaker 1: up that way. When I met Diplow, I film something

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Speaker 1: with him for one of my shows. I think, right, yeah,

381
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Speaker 1: super fucking sexy, super hot and funny. He's so funny

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Speaker 1: and that's a sense of humor. Yeah. For me, I'm like,

383
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Speaker 1: I couldn't give a shit about looks, and I really

384
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Speaker 1: really mean that. Like other girls are like, no, I

385
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Speaker 1: don't care like and then they're dating some like six

386
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Speaker 1: four hottie. I'm like, no, I've dated like, I do

387
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 1: not care about looks at all. I don't care about

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Speaker 1: height at all. But you better be goofy and you

389
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Speaker 1: better have a sense of humor. That's the that's the

390
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,399
Speaker 1: hottest It's the hottest thing. Is it really really is? Anyway,

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Speaker 1: diplow I wanted to funk. I was like, Okay, we

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Speaker 1: were talking and then he was talking He's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't really do drugs, because he was talking about

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Speaker 1: DJ and we were recording some song. He was trying

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Speaker 1: to help me sing, and he's like, I don't really

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Speaker 1: do drugs. And then he, like within thirty seconds, told

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Speaker 1: me a story about the last the previous weekend where

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Speaker 1: he had been in Vegas and done a bunch of molly.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, Diplo, you just said you don't do drugs.

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Speaker 1: He goes, well, I did this weekend, and I was like, Okay,

401
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 1: this conversation is starting to track. Yeah, he's a riot.

402
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 1: He's so fun and um, life is cool. You know.

403
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 1: So what's your story. You're single and I'm single and

404
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: you had a public breakup. I was so awful. Yeah.

405
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 1: I fell in love really, really hard and fast last

406
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:37,239
Speaker 1: year and it was great, and you know, I was

407
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,920
Speaker 1: so google gagas I like to say, I was like,

408
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 1: you know, disgusting. I was like obsessed with him, and yeah,

409
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Speaker 1: he cheated on me with one of my followers the night.

410
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 1: By the way, speaking of like, you know, looking pretty.

411
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Speaker 1: The next day, it was his birthday weekend and all

412
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Speaker 1: of his friends were flying in to town for his birthday,

413
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Speaker 1: and so I was like, you know, I want to

414
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Speaker 1: look pretty for your party, to meet all your friends,

415
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,400
Speaker 1: going to stay home tonight, you go have a good

416
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 1: first night at the club with your friends, and um, yeah,

417
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: that's that's what was happened. But you know what, everything

418
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 1: happens for a reason, and it's I'm I'm like very

419
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:18,159
Speaker 1: silver linings and I already feel like I wish him

420
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Speaker 1: the best, and I hope he gets therapy. He's he

421
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 1: really really needs to go to therapy and needs to

422
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 1: kind of work through some things. But like, sometimes relationships

423
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 1: are to remind you of the capacity of your heart,

424
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 1: as cheesy as that sounds, but it were like I

425
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: hadn't been in love in a couple of years, and

426
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 1: to be in love again and to remember how much

427
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 1: I love being obsessed with someone and caring about them,

428
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: and like having the closeness of a relationship was great.

429
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 1: So and oh my god, was that a good video

430
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: I made? You know, Like I made a choice, Like

431
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: I you know, I found out. My manager had to

432
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 1: tell me, by the way, how did you tell you?

433
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 1: He told me he did it publicly, and it's like,

434
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: if you're going to cheat on someone, maybe don't cheat

435
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,439
Speaker 1: on a girl who every other girl in l A

436
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: follows because it will get back to her in a

437
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: fucking club. So like my army, my my trusted army,

438
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 1: was like, my manager knew that I would never believe

439
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,160
Speaker 1: him if he didn't have screenshots. He got the screenshots.

440
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 1: I went over to his house. He was like, can

441
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 1: you come over. It was a Friday afternoon. I was like,

442
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,640
Speaker 1: I'm tired. Can we can we just do this on Monday?

443
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 1: I got I gotta go out. I have a dinner tonight.

444
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 1: He was like, no, no, no, please come to my house.

445
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: I drive over and he's like, you told me not

446
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,199
Speaker 1: to tell you anything unless I had receipts, and I

447
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 1: have receipts, so bad anyway. So then I was like devastated, crying,

448
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 1: and I I was like, I'm just gonna record myself

449
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: because this is very raw in the moment, and I'm

450
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: going to see, you know what comes out. And then

451
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, so much shame is put on

452
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: women with cheating and like it's so internalized for women

453
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: if a guy cheats, it's like, oh, what was wrong

454
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: with her? Nothing? Nothing, that guy couldn't keep his dick

455
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: in his pants. Like it's very I want to change

456
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 1: this narrative of like, oh, it's something that happened to you,

457
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: like you know, on you because of you know, it's

458
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,679
Speaker 1: something that someone does, right, it's a betrayal of trust.

459
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: And so I was like, look, if this can bring

460
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: any one piece or help them think about it a

461
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: new way. And I said to my followers, like, I'm

462
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 1: not embarrassed that I trusted the person that I love.

463
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: I'm not embarrassed that I fell in love. I'm not

464
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 1: embarrassed that I was like you know, gushing about him

465
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: and like obsessed with him and whatever. I am proud

466
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 1: of that. And I got betrayed and that sucks, but

467
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 1: ship happens, and I'll be okay. And if I can

468
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 1: be an example to anybody going through it or in

469
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 1: the future goes through it, then that can be a

470
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,959
Speaker 1: silver lining from this. So that's what I did. Yeah. Yeah,

471
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: cheating is such a disappointment, so lame, especially at a club.

472
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 1: It's like what's I was like, really like at a club. Well,

473
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: I guess it wouldn't be good anywhere. It's not like

474
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, that's a good place for you

475
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,399
Speaker 1: to cheat at me, like you know, like you'd be

476
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: excited if it was a different content. Yeah it was,

477
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 1: but it was so clear cut. I was honestly like

478
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: in the text, I was like it for you. I

479
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,959
Speaker 1: was like, you made it really easy, buddy. You go.

480
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 1: How long were you dating him? Not that long, like

481
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: only like five months, but it was like said I

482
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,440
Speaker 1: love you in three weeks. And it was the first

483
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 1: guy who I'm not really like, I don't care that

484
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: much about marriage and babies or I thought. And then

485
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,439
Speaker 1: he was the first guy where I was like I

486
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: could see making a life with you. But again, and

487
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: I'm coming off as toxically positive in this, but like

488
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: when looking back, I was like, Okay, well maybe your

489
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: role in my life was to show me that I

490
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: do want that and that's really cool and that's exciting.

491
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: And and again, like I wish him the best and

492
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: I hope he gets a lot of expensive therapy because

493
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: that's why he needs I don't. I feel like a

494
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 1: lot of people just need to be reminded a about

495
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: their capacity, you know, to love. And also like my

496
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: my girlfriend Whistler, like, we found this guy for her

497
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: and they kind of have been hanging out and nothing

498
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: has really happened, and I was like, it doesn't matter

499
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: if anything happens. This is a reminder that you can

500
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: have a mad crush on someone because she's so into him.

501
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: He's gorgeous, he's a great skier, blah blah blah, and

502
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 1: she's all over it. She's like, oh my god, I

503
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 1: love this feeling. I really don't even care if anything

504
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: happens either. It reminds me that I remember this feeling

505
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: and that I can have it again, which I think

506
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 1: half of the reason people come into our lives is

507
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: to remind us of our feelings, and half the people

508
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: that come into our lives aren't there for permanent amounts

509
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 1: of time. So it's like people are coming in and

510
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: out for reasons, and you should just pay attention to

511
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: what those reasons are and use those people instead of

512
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: thinking that they used you. Use everyone you meet for

513
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: an experience and for a different perspective. I totally agree,

514
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: and I always tell the girls that my followers, I'm like,

515
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 1: stop thinking about dating as like a zero sum game.

516
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: Stop thinking about it as a means to an end,

517
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: Like that's where we get into trouble. And that's where

518
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: we get a little funcked in the head, is thinking

519
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: like must date without getting hurt to find number one man,

520
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 1: like meet forever. And it's like, what if we totally

521
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 1: rebranded it, what if it was an era like teenagehood

522
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: or going to college. And it's just supposed to be

523
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: a time where you learn about yourself often you learn

524
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 1: about what you like. And if you reframe it in

525
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: your mind that way, it's a lot more fun. It's

526
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 1: a lot less pressure, and the person who you're supposed

527
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: to be with, and I believe that there's multiple people

528
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: out there for all of us will drop in when

529
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 1: you're ready. But like, stop thinking about it like a

530
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 1: video game. It's just it's not like it's not like

531
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,400
Speaker 1: please just date, have fun. And like you said, look

532
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: at every person like this is a funny experience, right, yeah,

533
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: sometimes less funny than other, but who gives a ship?

534
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: You know, a new experience is all is worthwhile regardless

535
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: and even like you know, like I love that feeling

536
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: about you know, the beginning when you have a crush

537
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 1: I mean, who doesn't love that feeling. That's the best

538
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: feeling out there is to have a crush on someone,

539
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: To be looking at your phone seeing if they're texting you,

540
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: knowing you're going to see them. That is so much fun.

541
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: And even a relationship, yes, relationships get deeper and stuff,

542
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: but like there's no more enjoyable time, like when with

543
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: me and my boy friend, when we started, like when

544
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 1: I started liking him, I was like, this is so fun. Bet,

545
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 1: You're so in love, Like you are so in love,

546
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god, it is so fun

547
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 1: to watch. It's nice. It's just like when you see

548
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: And by the way, I think I'm an Instagram relationship psychic,

549
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: and that's true. Anybody, all of my friends know you

550
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: guys are so like sympatico and in love. It's insane

551
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 1: and it's so nice to see. And that's the best, right,

552
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: I think everyone you know. I feel like I very

553
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: passionately that if this happened to me, because I was

554
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: very much of the mind like, oh no, I'm single.

555
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm totally down, Like I like being single. I have

556
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: my friends, I have my family, I have a life,

557
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: Like I'm not I go I'm not going to get

558
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: that this life. I got too many other things, Like

559
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: that's how I really thought about it, Like, well, who

560
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 1: am I to get that? On top of everything? So

561
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,719
Speaker 1: for me to get that makes me believe that every

562
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 1: single person is going to get someone, you know what

563
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 1: I mean if they are working towards he becoming the

564
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 1: best version of yourself, which means actually having self awareness

565
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: to go into therapy, understanding the impact you have on others,

566
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 1: and making yourself like be really just like you know,

567
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: on fire, like and you're firing on all cylinders in

568
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 1: every way your career, your personal, your professional, your health,

569
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: all of that, you know, like when you really work

570
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 1: to get yourself healthy, the stuff that is supposed to

571
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: come for you comes for you. One agree you have

572
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: to do the work you I I do believe that.

573
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: I believe you have to show up for yourself and

574
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: advocate for yourself and and be improving yourself so that

575
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: you know, water seeks its own level. I really believe

576
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,239
Speaker 1: that too. Yeah, And what is your situation now? So

577
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: what do you do? Just date people? Like? How do

578
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,400
Speaker 1: you how do you date online? Like do you meet?

579
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: Like if somebody hits you up on TikTok, will you

580
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 1: go out with them? I mean most people meet on Instagram. Now, dating,

581
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: I know, I I took a little bit of a

582
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 1: break over the past couple of months, but I'm getting

583
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: back into it. I went on a date on Sunday.

584
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,719
Speaker 1: It was awful. You know, it's difficult. I'm at this

585
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: weird middle ground where I'm like, I have enough internet

586
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 1: fame that it's like not totally easy for me anymore.

587
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: But I'm not famous enough where I can just ask

588
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: my agent to like set me up with Harry styles Like,

589
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 1: I'm not quite at that point yet, So I'm in

590
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: like l a purgatory, which is, you know, losers want

591
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 1: to date me because I have a blue checkmark, but

592
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 1: really famous people like don't know who I am yet.

593
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 1: So I'm just sort of waiting through that and and

594
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: kind of, like I said, he'll drop in when when

595
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 1: I at least expected. I think when Harry and Olivia

596
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: break up, you'll just wait for that to happen. Now,

597
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I'm getting back out there with dating.

598
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: I don't mind dating. I don't mind I think I

599
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: think it's fun and I believe it's a numbers game

600
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: and you know, he's not just gonna come like knock

601
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,719
Speaker 1: on your door and be like here, I am your

602
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: dream guy. But I'm also just like really in love

603
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: with work right now, which I understand that sentence makes

604
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: everyone want a gag, but I'm just I'm so happy,

605
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: Like I found my passion when I was almost thirty,

606
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: and i just feel like I'm so energized by my

607
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: work right now that I'm just I'm obsessed. So what

608
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: do you do all day? You filled yourself around on

609
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 1: my phone all day long, and that's your job. It's

610
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: my job now. Yeah, I just eat bond bonds and

611
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: and open pr packages and it's a beautiful life that

612
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: I'm creating for myself. And you have a new podcast

613
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: coming out which is also an advice podcast everybody, So

614
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: if you're not getting what you want from this podcast,

615
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: you can move over to It's Me Tinks, which launches

616
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: on February twenty one, which is a Monday. I'm so excited. Yeah,

617
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: So it's a podcast. It's two podcasts a week and

618
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: then one live radio show a week, which is just

619
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to be able to speak to my

620
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: followers directly. And this is it's been my dream for

621
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: so long, and I'm just I'm fucking amped. I'm really

622
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: it's really cool. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, it's cool.

623
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, well, Catherine, I think it's time to

624
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: get going to get I mean, we have to see. Yeah,

625
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 1: what Tinks is really made of. That sounds great. We'll

626
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: take a quick ad break and we'll be right back

627
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: with some emails and calls. Perfect. Okay, Tinks and I

628
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: are from the bathtub, but we just rinsed off and

629
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: we're ready to give some advice. I love that you

630
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: guys have a bathtub here. That's it's not it's a

631
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 1: relational studio, but at least we have that. Have you

632
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: ever taken a bath? To be honest here, I've never

633
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: even taken a bath anywhere, So you're not a bath

634
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: for no. No, I'm not a baby. I'm an adult

635
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: and I like to get in and get the funk out.

636
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: I think you're missing out on soaking in your own filth.

637
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: It's actually I have when I when I ski and

638
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: I really really have wrecked my body, then I will

639
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: get into a bath like for for age reasons, like

640
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: transition my body into a into a more like combatible

641
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: way of being. But no, I love yeah, I know

642
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: some people love him. I'm British steep down, so I

643
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: I really yeah. I love a bath. I I fucking

644
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: love a bath of any time. I don't care people

645
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: are like, oh, it's gross in a hotel. I'm like,

646
00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: everything is dirty, everything shut up. Those same people will

647
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: go in a hot tub at like you know, Hilton

648
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 1: suits or whatever. So those are the people that are

649
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: also ejaculating on the curtains. Okay, so I don't. I mean,

650
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: first of all, it's understood that everything in a hotel

651
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: room is dirty. And discussing that we all know what

652
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: the deal is. So if you're going to submit to that,

653
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: you may submit. You may as well submit. Yeah, at

654
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: least made in your own filth. That's fine. So our

655
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: first question comes from Ali. The subject line is chronically

656
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 1: single and surrounded by couples. She says, Dear Chelsea, my

657
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: last long term relationship was about three years ago now,

658
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 1: and since then, I've been having a hard time dating

659
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. I'm very ready for a committed relationship. However,

660
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: I tend to feel exhausted dealing with failed situation ships

661
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: and constantly putting myself out there. What makes things more

662
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: difficult from my perspective is that nearly all of my

663
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: close friends are in long term, committed relationships. I'm happy

664
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: for them, but it can be difficult to again and

665
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 1: again see people having what I very much want and

666
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: haven't been able to find. I've considered taking a break

667
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 1: from dating, but I have a hard time doing so

668
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: given that it's something I really want and I know

669
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: I'm ready for. What advice do you have for managing

670
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: my feelings around dating and relationships? Warmly? Ali? Hi, Ali,

671
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: this is a very common inquiry we received. You're a

672
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: dear Chelsea Tanks. Do you want to start off and

673
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: give her your thoughts off the top of your head? Sure,

674
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: off the top of my head. I think that you

675
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: need to get new friends. No, I'm just kidding, but

676
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 1: it can help to find some single friends, because I

677
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: get it. Like I don't want to to gaslight you.

678
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: It can be very difficult if all your friends are

679
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: in relationships and you're the only single one. That can

680
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: be tiring and exhausting, especially if, like every weekend, it's

681
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: just you're the fifth wheel, or you're going to their

682
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: kid's birthday party and you're just like this is like

683
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: I'm not here and it feels it feels weird, So

684
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: I totally understand that. Secondly, you can't compare. Comparison is

685
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: the thief of joy. So you're like, I'm happy for

686
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: my friends, but you're still comparing, like ultimately deep down.

687
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: So I'm just giving a little bit of tough love there.

688
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: You can't compare yourself to where you think you should be,

689
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 1: and you can't compare yourself to your friends. You just

690
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: have to focus on where you are in your life.

691
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: And you said you don't want to take a break,

692
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 1: but I honestly think sometimes taking a break from dating

693
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: can be very energizing. Here's what I'll say about that, though,

694
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: Set a time limit, give yourself a month and really

695
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 1: really take a break. Don't think about it, don't go

696
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: in the apps, don't ask to be set up, and

697
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: just really take a full month focus on yourself, work out,

698
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: go on walks, hang with friends, get a new hobby,

699
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: start a new show, whatever, and just take a full

700
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: brain break from it. And when you come back, you're

701
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 1: gonna feel more energized and more clear. Because it can

702
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: it can become like an exhausting rat race. And if

703
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: you're not excited to go on a date that will

704
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: come through. So I think it's okay to take a

705
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: break and just and come back swinging. Yeah. I think

706
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: that's all good advice. I also think that, you know,

707
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: we say this a lot on this podcast, not to

708
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: compare yourself to other people, and I it's easier said

709
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: than done. So a little trick that you can do is,

710
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: you know, you're looking at your friends who are in healthy,

711
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: happy relationships, and you're looking at that as something you

712
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: don't have, But yet that is something you have. It's

713
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: something you have in your life that is giving you

714
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: a model of what you want. You're saying yourself, you

715
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 1: have all these friends that are in these relationships. Instead

716
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: of using that as a reminder of what you don't have,

717
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: that's also a reminder of what you can have that's

718
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: coming because it's already happening to your friends. They're all

719
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: in relationships, so why would you be any different from them.

720
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 1: No one's that special. You know that you get singled

721
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: out of society and you're on end datable like, that's

722
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 1: just not the way it is. So instead of looking

723
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: at that with the negative lens, try and flip that

724
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: into a positive lens, you know, like, oh, here, I

725
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 1: see it. That's definitely how I felt. I saw all

726
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends in these great relationships, and I thought, oh,

727
00:34:58,360 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: I'm never going to have a guy that's not gonna

728
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: you something like that for me, that's not gonna go

729
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: out of his way for me, check in on me

730
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, do all the little

731
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 1: things that I find to be so adorable that men do.

732
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: And guess what, I got one, So look at it,

733
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: like just change that lens and that might be a

734
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: helpful way to do that. And then again, yeah, take

735
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: a break, refresh. That's sometimes all we need is just

736
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: a little me time, you know, spoil yourself. Just get

737
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: into like your own head and really think about what

738
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 1: it is that you're looking for and write that down,

739
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: because you know what. I did this with Sarah Silverman

740
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 1: and my sister once I had to make up artist

741
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: in New York City. I have one named Mia and

742
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 1: she I came to New York and she came in

743
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 1: one day and she's like, oh my god, you're never

744
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: gonna believe I wrote and made that list you told

745
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: me about. And I was like, what what list? And

746
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 1: she's like the list where you listed everything that you

747
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: want and a guy and I was like, I've never

748
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: made that list. I told you to do that. She's

749
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: like yes, And I found him and he checks every box.

750
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh. And so I was with

751
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman and we did the same thing, and we

752
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: all we both wrote a list, and then Sarah hooked

753
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: up with her boyfriend not like six months before Joe

754
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: and I hooked up. And then Joe and I hooked

755
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: up and I read everything on my list and the

756
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 1: only thing that didn't match on my list was I said,

757
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: please give me somebody with a nice head of hair.

758
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 1: And it was the only shallow it was the only

759
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,240
Speaker 1: physical I just I said, I'll take any color, creed,

760
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,319
Speaker 1: doesn't matter where they're from, whatever I said, but I

761
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: want a nice head of hair. And it was the

762
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 1: only thing that I wrote that. I was like, just

763
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: should you write that? And guess what? I got a

764
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 1: bald motherfucker. So because true focus on the values and

765
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: the qualities, don't be nervous to write anything like that.

766
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,879
Speaker 1: You can write shallow stuff. You can say you want

767
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,399
Speaker 1: them to make a certain amount of money or whatever

768
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 1: you like. You know, but so that you're you're familiar,

769
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: so that when you do somebody does come into your

770
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: life like that you can recognize, Oh wait, this matches

771
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 1: my list. Be specific. It's so funny that you say that,

772
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 1: because when I was in high school, I read this

773
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: book and she literally said that, like, list out every

774
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: single thing you want in a partner. I'm like teen

775
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 1: or whatever, writing down like whatever, bullshot a fifteen year

776
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 1: old wants and a man or a partner. And like, literally,

777
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: my husband checks every single box, every single one, like

778
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: dark hair, light eyes, treats me this way. He's a musician,

779
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,800
Speaker 1: all these things. It's like if I remember she said,

780
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it, Like, well,

781
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,839
Speaker 1: I don't think she probably made that up, but like yeah,

782
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: get real, real specifica. I don't know why you put

783
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: a nice hair, dark hair and got it and I didn't.

784
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: That's the difference there. I literally said to him today,

785
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so glad you still have your hair,

786
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: Like who knows how long it will last, but for now,

787
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,919
Speaker 1: I'm very grateful, very grateful. Well, now, while only date

788
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:43,919
Speaker 1: bald men, moving forward, it's worked well so far. Well.

789
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:49,760
Speaker 1: Our first call today comes from Alexa Alexa so calling

790
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: in now right. I mean, you thought you could just

791
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: talk to her, but she she talks back. Subject line

792
00:37:55,880 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 1: is divorced parents dating each other again. Dear Chelsea. My

793
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: parents decided to end their marriage of forty three years

794
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 1: during the pandemic because they realized they were no longer

795
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 1: happy with one another. After their divorce, I finally saw

796
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 1: happiness and my mom for the first time in a

797
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: long time. A few years back, I caught my dad

798
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: having an affair, but was forced to keep it a

799
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: secret from my mom because my dad told me it

800
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: would ruin our family and there was a lot of

801
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: gaslighting going on when I talked to her in our

802
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,359
Speaker 1: pre interview. Once the divorce had taken place and things

803
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: calmed down, my sister and I told my mom what

804
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: we knew about my dad and it brought us all

805
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: closer than ever before. Fast forward a few months, my

806
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: parents have found their way back into each other's lives

807
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: and it's very uncomfortable, to say the least. My mom

808
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: and sister keep telling me I need to get over

809
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 1: everything my dad has put us through since they've gotten

810
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. With love

811
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: and gratitude, Alexa, and she's here on the phone with

812
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: us as well. Hi, Alexa, this is Tangs Hi. Nice

813
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: to meet you. Nice to meet you. So wow, that's

814
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 1: quite a quite a history with your parents. I hate

815
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: that you had to hide that from your mother per

816
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 1: your father. What a lame thing for him to do, huh,

817
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: super lame like gas lighting and just like making me

818
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: feel as though I was in the wrong for his mistakes.

819
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: And so they that happened before COVID. Then during COVID

820
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: they ended up getting divorced, so they didn't get divorced

821
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: because of that. They did not get divorced because of it. Um,

822
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: I hadn't disclosed that information to my mom. After they

823
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: did get divorced, I like finally saw joy and her

824
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 1: face and like some sort of freedom when they finally

825
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,280
Speaker 1: did end up getting divorced. And then my dad started

826
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: dating someone and it like wrecked my mom to see

827
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 1: him with another woman and happy. So then my sister

828
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: and I were like, effort, We're gonna tell her, like

829
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: she needs to move on and see that he hasn't

830
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 1: always been this prince charming. Um. So he did tell

831
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 1: her and she was very much so like I'm so

832
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: sorry that you have to go through this, Like I

833
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 1: wish that you didn't have to keep it a secret. Um.

834
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,479
Speaker 1: She knew that I was in therapy for for many years,

835
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: and then her and my dad started dating again a

836
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: few months ago, and her and my sister are telling

837
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: me that I should be over it by now that

838
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: I've already done the therapy. What's taking so long? I

839
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: need to move on and forgive and forget. But I've

840
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 1: had a very difficult time doing so. Yeah, I bet,

841
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: I bet I would too. But really, how does your

842
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: mom seem now dating your dad? She seems happy. I mean,

843
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: I know that she still has some trust issues where

844
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,280
Speaker 1: if her friends invite her to go out on the weekends,

845
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: she feels obligated to choose him in fear of him

846
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 1: like getting bored and maybe hanging out with another woman.

847
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: So are they are they exclusively dating? Do you know

848
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: anything about Like have they said, oh, we're just seeing

849
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: each other exclusively or is there an arrangement or because

850
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: I mean I can understand why she has trust issues. Yeah, absolutely,

851
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: so they are seeing each other exclusively from what I've

852
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,879
Speaker 1: been told by my mom. But they both have their

853
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: own place and like they'll kind of do a weekend together,

854
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 1: like where he'll sleep over for the weekend, then Sunday

855
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: back to their normal lives. And what's your sister's story.

856
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,720
Speaker 1: She didn't catch your dad cheating, but she knows because

857
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: of you, right, he knows because of me. And her

858
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 1: and I are extremely close, and I felt like she

859
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: was the only one that I could turn to at

860
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 1: that time, so we were very supportive of one another.

861
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,840
Speaker 1: And her and my mom were very close because my

862
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: mom helps out with her children a lot. So once

863
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: my mom was okay with everything, they kind of were

864
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 1: buddy buddies, saying like, Okay, now it's time for you

865
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: to get over it. And I would like to because

866
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 1: I love my dad and I love my family, but

867
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: I've had a very hard time doing so. And I

868
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,839
Speaker 1: feel as though, like, because of this situation, I've had

869
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 1: a hard time with men in general. I know you

870
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 1: can relate to that definitely. Yeah, absolutely. I find men

871
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: to be completely untrustworthy. You know, they have to like, yeah,

872
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,360
Speaker 1: they have to prove themselves to be trustworthy before I

873
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 1: trust them. It doesn't they're like, oh, just trust until

874
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: they do something untrustworthy. It's like, no, I mistrust men

875
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: now because there's just been too much there's too much

876
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: data to back my theory up, which is not a theory. Okay,

877
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: so well, first and foremost, you know that you can't

878
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 1: control your mother and like or your father or what

879
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: they're gonna do. So you have to become accepting in

880
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: a way of this period of time because you don't

881
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: know where it's gonna go, and you don't know if

882
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 1: he's just going to do something to upset her again

883
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: or if he learned his lesson the last time. You know,

884
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: and and even if he hasn't, this is your mother's

885
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 1: mistake to make again. She hasn't learned her lesson. You

886
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: know her lesson isn't done being taught to her, and

887
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,840
Speaker 1: that you can't enforce that on your mother. All you

888
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: can do is be loving and supporting. You don't have

889
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 1: to go on dates with them. You don't have to

890
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 1: like orchestrate things. You can say, I'm not that interested

891
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: in this dynamic and I don't want to be around

892
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: it unless it becomes more serious, and you guys decide

893
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: to get back together because I've been through a lot

894
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: with your relationship, which is totally reasonable. But you can't

895
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 1: you know, they do have a point. You do have

896
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: to get past it. You can't live someone else's life

897
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 1: for them. It's just impossible. And I would have the

898
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: same feelings you do. I would totally be like, what

899
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 1: the funk are you doing? But you have to treat

900
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 1: your mother like she's your daughter, like you just have

901
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: to support her and love her and just be there

902
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 1: for her and know that whatever is meant to happen

903
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: will happen, and that you worrying about it will affect

904
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: the outcome. Zero. That's the that's the thing. It's just

905
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 1: a waste of your energy and a waste of your

906
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 1: mind share. So every time you catch yourself thinking well,

907
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: what if or what's going to happen, that's just literally

908
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: taking up your precious brain space. So just create a

909
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 1: new neural pathway and say not my monkey, not my circus.

910
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: And that's tough with families because it's like, you know,

911
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: in a way, it's like the close as people to you,

912
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you never understand

913
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: the dynamic of other people's relationships, even when it's your family,

914
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: even when it's your parents, and you have to just say,

915
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 1: you know, it's not it's not my job to worry

916
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: about them or or warn my mom or police them.

917
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: It's just it's just not Yeah, that is really good advice.

918
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 1: I think that what was so hard is seeing how

919
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: broken she was when she did um see that he

920
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: was happy with someone else. And I am so fearful

921
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: of him doing that again to her, and like you said,

922
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: being having to be her mom for that situation, which

923
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 1: of course I will. I think it's just been more

924
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 1: so like a fear of mine, But it definitely is

925
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: something that I would love to move past. Yeah, and

926
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: you can also look at it just because he did

927
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: that and you caught him cheating. Was it multiple times

928
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 1: or was it once? There were a lot of shady

929
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: events and behaviors, but the time that I found the

930
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 1: text messages was just once. Uh huh. So you were

931
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: looking through his stuff. No, I was actually taking an

932
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 1: exam in his office on his computer, and I, like,

933
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 1: you know how on MacBooks, the messages pop up up. Yeah,

934
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 1: in the middle of like an exam that I had

935
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: been preparing for for weeks, like my heart belongs to

936
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: you baby, like heart emojis, and I just got sick

937
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 1: to my stomach. I failed the exam. Oh god, no

938
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 1: wonder as well. That's like a traumatic way to find out,

939
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: and it's it's like encroaching on your life and in

940
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: your you know, business, And I understand why you're so

941
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 1: upset by it. Yeah, you think you're sitting there taking

942
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 1: an exam and you're on it your in two our

943
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 1: lifetime movie, Like how that is really disappointing your father

944
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: is that's embarrassing and you have every right to be

945
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: pissed at him for that event. But listen, he's going

946
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 1: to show his true colors at some point, you know,

947
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 1: and if they're if his colors have changed and he's

948
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,959
Speaker 1: not going to be like that, he'll show that too.

949
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:58,720
Speaker 1: But like you're being fearful again, is not fueling anything

950
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 1: but your own miss givings. Like it's just making your

951
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: situation uncomfortable. And so there's a more laws, A fair

952
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: attitude you can have about the whole thing. Doesn't mean

953
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: that you're gonna be involved in it. It just means like, yeah,

954
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: go for it, you guys, do whatever you're gonna do.

955
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. I love both of you and

956
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: good luck, you know what I mean, And just let

957
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 1: it go. And even if it's like a meditation. You

958
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: have to say to yourself every morning, I'm gonna let

959
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: this go. I'm gonna let this go. Just keep repeating

960
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: that to yourself like a little mantra until you get

961
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 1: over the hump that you're on, and then you will

962
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 1: get to the other side of it, and you'll notice

963
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: that you care a lot less because you're fearful of

964
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,280
Speaker 1: your mom's feelings being hurt and her heart being broken again,

965
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 1: which are completely valid things to be fearful of, but

966
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: they're not serving you or her. Yeah, that's that's definitely

967
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: great advice because I've been in therapy for it for

968
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 1: quite some time and I've done like the activities where

969
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,879
Speaker 1: it's like write a letter to your dad and read

970
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 1: it to your therapist and then I leave and I'm like,

971
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: I'm more angry than I was going into it. I

972
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: like to write a letter exercise, I'm like, I can

973
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,720
Speaker 1: never get through the letter because I'm so fucking piste

974
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: off my heart. Yeah, and then we spell check if

975
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,760
Speaker 1: you type your letter into your phone. I'm like, oh

976
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: my god, are you kidding. I don't understand why spell

977
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:20,399
Speaker 1: check doesn't correct spelling it. Every time I write thank you,

978
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: it changes it to you, owe you it's getting worse.

979
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:31,359
Speaker 1: Why would that be the correction? Terrible Anyway, I think

980
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 1: you'll be fine and you'll find out soon enough what's

981
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 1: going to happen, and then you can you know, react

982
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: to that. Yeah, definitely all right and again then yeah, yeah,

983
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 1: keep us posted though, let us know what happens with

984
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 1: your parents. I absolutely will. Thank you both so much. Yeah,

985
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 1: thank you, by Alexa, have a good day, he too.

986
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: This reminds me though, when my parents were growing up.

987
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 1: I fucking hated my father for a long time. He

988
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 1: was an asshole and I was a bit and I

989
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 1: remember trying to convince my mother to leave him so

990
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: that she and I could go live alone somewhere. And

991
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,280
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, he's probably having multiple affairs.

992
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: And my mom's like what and I said, and I

993
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 1: was like, well, I mean just think about it. He's

994
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: gone all the time, he's always going outside to take

995
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: phone calls. I was like, everything shady with him. I

996
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: didn't know if my father was having affairs. I just

997
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: assumed and I was trying to get to my mother

998
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 1: against him, and my mom was just like I remember

999
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: her going to my sister's going Chelsea says dad is

1000
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 1: having affairs. Do you think that's true. My sister's like,

1001
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: you are such a cunt, Like, why are you trying

1002
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 1: to blow up this family. I'm like, I just want

1003
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,720
Speaker 1: us to get our own place without dad there um,

1004
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 1: but I'm glad that I never had to deal with

1005
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:42,919
Speaker 1: that in the flesh. Parents and protecting your mother from

1006
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 1: her feelings, it's just like an impossible tiresome it's not. Yeah,

1007
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: it's a thankless job. And it's like you gotta at

1008
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 1: some point just cut it and say it's it's not

1009
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 1: my life. It's not. It's like it feels like your

1010
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: family is your entire life. But when you're grown up,

1011
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 1: you're grown up. You gotta let them sort their own

1012
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: ship out. Yeah, even if your dad is an even

1013
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: if your dad is a fun boy la. Our next

1014
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 1: call comes from Nicole. Subject line is fiance's very close friend.

1015
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm in a dilemma. A year ago, my

1016
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: fiance started spending more time at work and texting with

1017
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: his female coworker. He said they were just friends, but

1018
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 1: then he went out with her for dinner and drinks

1019
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 1: and had her over at our apartment while I was

1020
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:35,880
Speaker 1: hundreds of miles away visiting family. Nothing happened, but I

1021
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 1: told him this friendship makes me uncomfortable, especially since they

1022
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 1: came over to our apartment and now he talks about

1023
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,320
Speaker 1: her all the time and they're buying each other gifts.

1024
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 1: I love him, but he refuses to cut off contact.

1025
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying he should. But now he and

1026
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: this female coworker joke that I hate her. I'm so frustrated.

1027
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? What should I do? Is it time

1028
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 1: to walk away? Help? Nicole? Oh? This is a good one, hin, Nicole? Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, good,

1029
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: This is Tanks. Hi. Nice to meet you, So nice

1030
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:12,360
Speaker 1: to meet you. Uh so, Oh my god, that's annoying.

1031
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 1: That sounds like an annoying situation. How close are they?

1032
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 1: I would say they're pretty close. I mean they work together,

1033
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 1: and even just this last Friday, they you know, spent

1034
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: the day going out to eat, going to see like attractions,

1035
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: and really just hanging out and spending the whole day

1036
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: even though I was at home. That sounds like a date. Honestly,

1037
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: spending the whole day together and going out to eat

1038
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 1: and seeing attractions to me, sounds like a date. That's

1039
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 1: I just don't think that that's respectful to you at all.

1040
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 1: What's his excuse, like when you say, why are you

1041
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: so close to her? When you talk about it? Well, like,

1042
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 1: what does he say is it? Does he have any

1043
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 1: language to explain why he's doing this or what's the

1044
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 1: what's the conversation between you and him like about her? Yeah?

1045
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 1: Of course, really it's that they're just got really really

1046
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: close at work, and that she's somebody he can lean on,

1047
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 1: and that she's just a really, really really good friend.

1048
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,959
Speaker 1: But as I said before, I think there's a little

1049
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 1: bit of disrespect that I'm feeling at least. Yeah, I'm

1050
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 1: assuming she's not in a relationship. Do you know she's single?

1051
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 1: And when you've asked him about his feelings for her,

1052
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,959
Speaker 1: have you delved into that, like in a deeper way,

1053
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: like do you feel attracted to her? Yeah? So when

1054
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: they first started hanging out, he actually kind of admitted that,

1055
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 1: you know, he was trying to figure out his feelings

1056
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 1: for her. But then he pretty much was like, no, no,

1057
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,760
Speaker 1: she's just a good friend. She's just a good friend.

1058
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 1: But I think what also hurts me is the language

1059
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 1: she uses sometimes for all of his friends. He's like

1060
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 1: I love them, but when he says I love her,

1061
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 1: it just really hurts me in a way that it's

1062
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 1: really really hard, especially when you love somebody, you know,

1063
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: it's like we're engaged. It's really tough, and I don't

1064
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 1: want to tell them who to hang out with. But

1065
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 1: I also I feel like there's some boundaries that I

1066
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 1: think have been crossed that I are really hard for

1067
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:11,919
Speaker 1: me to get over. How frequently do they hang out?

1068
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously they see each other every day at work,

1069
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 1: but you know they're going out at least once a month.

1070
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 1: They're buying each other gifts. He's bought her massages. So

1071
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: there's just a weird dynamics. Yeah, no, that is weird.

1072
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 1: All of it is weird. And yeah, you your boundaries

1073
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 1: have been crossed, absolutely, And when do you have you

1074
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 1: ever hung out with both of them together? Yeah? He

1075
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: kind of like forced me to be like, Hey, you're

1076
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: gonna meet her, You're gonna love her, and like you're

1077
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 1: gonna want to be best friends with her. But I mean,

1078
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: she's awesome, and I'm all about empowering other women, but

1079
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:47,399
Speaker 1: you know, there's just a line that I feel like

1080
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:50,799
Speaker 1: has been cross that I'm not comfortable with. Yeah, I

1081
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 1: think that's valid, Tanks. I like that you brought up

1082
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: that it's like a lack of respect situation, because at first, blush,

1083
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,479
Speaker 1: I think this is this email, this question can seem

1084
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: like is he cheating or isn't he? But I think

1085
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: there's more nuance going on here. And what do you

1086
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 1: guys think about Like the fact that they're kind of

1087
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 1: joking around about, oh you hate her, blah blah blah.

1088
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 1: To me, that almost makes me feel like there are

1089
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 1: there's less romantic attraction if they're so open about it.

1090
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:23,359
Speaker 1: I don't really know. I just know that that's like

1091
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:27,359
Speaker 1: a really uncomfortable dynamic. And as his fiance, I think

1092
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 1: that he's supposed to be your number one cheerleader, the

1093
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 1: person who makes you feel safe and comfortable at all times.

1094
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:36,879
Speaker 1: And the fact that they're kind of have a joke

1095
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 1: about you is like really kind of nasty to me

1096
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,879
Speaker 1: and kind of just like it's leaving you out right,

1097
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: like it's it's them two against you, whereas he should

1098
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 1: always be you're his number one. You're about to enter

1099
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: into a legal union with this person, so he shouldn't

1100
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 1: really be joking around like, oh yeah, she hates you,

1101
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 1: and also what you said when when she went to

1102
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: your house when you were away and you said nothing happened, Like,

1103
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 1: to me, the fact that you're being forced to have

1104
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: the conversation of did anything happen with your fiance is

1105
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: so utterly disrespectful to you, Like, I just don't think

1106
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 1: that that's a conversation you want to be having with

1107
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 1: someone who you're about to marry. I don't think that's

1108
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,760
Speaker 1: fair to you. And I really think that the line

1109
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 1: has been crossed, Like there's no question this boundary has

1110
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 1: been totally blown. When's the wedding? We actually don't have

1111
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 1: a date yet. You know, we got engaged in December

1112
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 1: and then this whole thing popped up around March, a

1113
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 1: couple of months later, so I really hadn't had the

1114
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: time to really think about that yet. So this is

1115
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 1: kind of put some things on pause for me. And

1116
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'd rather figure out what's going on before

1117
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 1: I get into a commitment. That to me, I feel

1118
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: like it's almost not about it's not like her and

1119
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 1: it's not like is he cheating? But it's like what

1120
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 1: in him is allowing him to do this behavior? Or

1121
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: what you know, what is this a deeper symptom of

1122
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: it's I don't necessarily think he's cheating, but it's like,

1123
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:14,879
Speaker 1: I don't know that's it's something else. It kind of

1124
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: feels like that. And I have always felt like, oh,

1125
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 1: this isn't really a thing that exists. But people talk

1126
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:23,439
Speaker 1: about having like an emotional affair. What do you guys

1127
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 1: think about that? Do you think they're real? Do you

1128
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: think that's what this is? Well? I think that's valid.

1129
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,240
Speaker 1: I mean, people do have emotional affairs. But I also

1130
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 1: think like if he was he admittedly admittingly was struggling

1131
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:37,399
Speaker 1: with his feelings for her when he met her, that

1132
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: in and of itself should be the beginning, middle, and

1133
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 1: the end of that. Like, okay, so when when he

1134
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: discovered that he wasn't attracted her or that he didn't

1135
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:47,960
Speaker 1: have those feelings for her, then why continue to escalate

1136
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 1: the relationship? You know? Like that all is very fuzzy

1137
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 1: and there's just too many things there that point to

1138
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,279
Speaker 1: him a disrespecting you because I would never do that.

1139
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 1: I would never hang out with somebody that my boyfriend

1140
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 1: didn't know on the regular, especially when he asked me

1141
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 1: not to. I would never like disrespect him like that.

1142
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 1: So and I'm pretty of my own mind, but I

1143
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 1: understand that completely, and you have every reason to go

1144
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: like listen, I were engaged. So you and I need

1145
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,080
Speaker 1: to have to sit down and I need to have

1146
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 1: a really clear understanding of what's going on with you

1147
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 1: and this relationship with her, because clearly you are drawn

1148
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,239
Speaker 1: to her and getting her things from her that you're

1149
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,399
Speaker 1: not getting from me, and in turn, you're disrespecting me.

1150
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: So you can see it my way or not, but

1151
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 1: this is how I feel, and my feelings are valid,

1152
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:41,759
Speaker 1: and until I understand like why this relationship is even necessary,

1153
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if it causes me this much discomfort. It's

1154
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 1: something that you need to consider not having in your life.

1155
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:49,080
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's not

1156
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 1: about empowering other women. It's about not dis empowering yourself.

1157
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,799
Speaker 1: M Yeah, agreed. I can't thank you guys enough. This

1158
00:56:57,880 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 1: has really been eye opening for me, and I'm just

1159
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:02,919
Speaker 1: to get some perspective from someone else who's out there.

1160
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 1: And when you talk to him, like you know, just

1161
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be heated. Obviously it may get

1162
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: that way, but just be like, listen, out of respect

1163
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,440
Speaker 1: for our relationship. I need to understand why you are not.

1164
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 1: You told me you had feelings for this girl that

1165
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: you were trying to figure out. If you had feelings

1166
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 1: for this girl, then you don't, but you continue to

1167
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 1: hang out with her and you talk about her and

1168
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 1: now you love her. You have to understand that's not

1169
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 1: comfortable for me. So unless you can really map this

1170
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:28,520
Speaker 1: out for me, like I need you know, we need

1171
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 1: to think about our future. You want to be engaged.

1172
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 1: This is our engagement. Yeah. Yeah, and if you can't

1173
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: get it figured out just the two of you without

1174
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,959
Speaker 1: it like turning into a blow up or him feeling like,

1175
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 1: well I'm not allowed or any of those things, like

1176
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: go have a couple of sessions with a therapist, like

1177
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:48,200
Speaker 1: just go talk to somebody. M Yeah, we're looking into that,

1178
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 1: so we'll see if that it comes to it. Yeah,

1179
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 1: that's always a good avenue to explore anyway. Yeah, it's

1180
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 1: good to have a third party to just kind of

1181
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,680
Speaker 1: help you work through things for sure, and keep in

1182
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 1: touch Nicole, let us know how it works out. Okay.

1183
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: I will thank you guys so much for your help today.

1184
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no problem, thanks to call. Yeah, that's not right.

1185
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: That sounds off, That's okay. Our next question comes from

1186
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 1: jess She says, I'm Jessica. I'm a thirty three year

1187
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 1: old woman who's raising an incredible four year old daughter.

1188
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 1: I made the challenging decision to divorce her father at

1189
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 1: the beginning of this year. The marriage included a few

1190
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 1: types of non physical abuse, and my decision to leave

1191
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: was strongly influenced by the love I have for my daughter.

1192
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 1: I want her to see me as an example of

1193
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 1: a woman who does not wait for permission to find

1194
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 1: wholeness and personal fulfillment, but instead steps up and makes

1195
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 1: it happen in her own life. I work full time

1196
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 1: as a nurse. Post divorce, I've spent some time in

1197
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 1: therapy and really focused on introspection. I'm reaching a space

1198
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 1: where I want to consider dating, and I'm working through

1199
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,400
Speaker 1: how I want that to look in my life. I

1200
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 1: have not dated or attempted to date in the time

1201
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 1: post divorce. I've gained weight and feel a bit uncomfortable

1202
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 1: in my own skin. I'm working on eating healthy and

1203
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: balancing space for exercise. There are times when I feel

1204
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't date until my body looks and feels

1205
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:12,560
Speaker 1: the way I think it should. There's a bit of

1206
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 1: unworthiness and lack of self esteem mixed in. My question

1207
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 1: for you is this, how do I overcome my feeling

1208
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 1: of unworthiness to date while at a larger size? Thanks

1209
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 1: Chelsea Jess. Well, we were just discussing this. Literally, I

1210
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: was like, I have to pull this email up. Yeah. Yeah,

1211
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,840
Speaker 1: clearly we've said this before and I'm sure we'll say

1212
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 1: it again, But like, I get it. I understand. I

1213
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 1: just told stories about how obsessive I was with my weight.

1214
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm in a different place right now and now mentally

1215
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 1: about weight, and I understand that what you think you

1216
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: see a the world doesn't see. Yes, you probably gained weight, Okay,

1217
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 1: I mean you can measure that on a scale, but

1218
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 1: that doesn't preclude you from your value and from your

1219
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 1: There are a million things to fall in love with

1220
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 1: in a person you know, and anyone who's focused solely

1221
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 1: on the weight a you don't want to be with anyway.

1222
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 1: So that's there you go. If somebody said, oh, if

1223
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 1: you gained twenty pounds, I wouldn't be with you, then

1224
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 1: you would never go on a date with them to

1225
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 1: begin with. So don't worry about it. And one of

1226
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:17,959
Speaker 1: my friends is dating this guy and he's really really

1227
01:00:17,960 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: good looking, and she doesn't think she's good looking enough

1228
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,920
Speaker 1: for him. And she's like, well, he's friends with this

1229
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: girl and this girl, and this girl's like a supermodel,

1230
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: and this girl's like a supermodel. Like I said to

1231
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 1: my friend, I'm like, there are a million things to

1232
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 1: fall in love with about you. I fell in love

1233
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 1: with you all my my whole family is in love

1234
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: with you. My friends are in love with you, Like

1235
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 1: I fell in love with you, and it wasn't about

1236
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 1: your looks. Like I didn't fall in love with you

1237
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 1: because of your looks. So remember that, like, we don't

1238
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,800
Speaker 1: all represent the same things and the same values, Like

1239
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 1: looks is not a value even that is like a

1240
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: fleeting thing that you know people work hard to present like.

1241
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 1: This is a great time for you to be dating

1242
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 1: and meet someone when you don't feel like you're at

1243
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 1: your best. This is a great experiment and opportunity for

1244
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 1: you to push through those feelings and present yourself and

1245
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: find somebody who really loves you for who you are

1246
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: instead of what you think you know provides value to you,

1247
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 1: right and myself being a fuller figured woman I've always

1248
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 1: been fuller figured, I've always been curvy, I've always had

1249
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 1: huge boobs, and like, let me just say, not every

1250
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 1: guy is looking for a skinny girl. They're just not.

1251
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 1: Not every guy is going to be like, oh my god,

1252
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 1: you gained ten pounds. This is unacceptable, like tink set earlier,

1253
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 1: like you are the only person who's noticing that everybody

1254
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 1: else is noticing. When I'm pmss ng, I just posted

1255
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 1: something about this recently. When I'm pmss ng, I feel

1256
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 1: my grossest, you know, because you just feel bloated. You're

1257
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 1: like you have gas, You're like period farts. It's disgusting,

1258
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: and you're just like, and my boobs are getting so big.

1259
01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 1: I just look like one big hitted monster right before

1260
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 1: I get my period. And Joe loves it. He's like,

1261
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:53,720
Speaker 1: this is the hottest you ever are this time during

1262
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 1: the month. He's like, I just love when your stomach

1263
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 1: sticks out a little and you're bloated. I'm like, fuck you,

1264
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 1: I hate you know, I hate that feeling, But like

1265
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:04,360
Speaker 1: he loves that, Like, how great is that You're gonna

1266
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 1: find somebody who loves you for who you are? Yeah,

1267
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 1: and no one has ever fallen in love based on

1268
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: looks alone, like at all, that's that's the thing, Like,

1269
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 1: no one is ever going to be like, oh I

1270
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 1: fell in love with her because she's perfectly perfect looking,

1271
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 1: Like that's not real. And and like Chelsea said, if

1272
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 1: someone is only dating for your looks, you would never

1273
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 1: want to be with them anyway, Like there is so

1274
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 1: much more to you than your than your looks. Like

1275
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 1: I I always say to my followers, my body is

1276
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 1: the least interesting thing about me, and I like it

1277
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 1: that way. I really couldn't care. Like you are a

1278
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 1: meat covered skeleton on a rock that is hurtling through space.

1279
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 1: Never forget that, like it truly, it's the It's the

1280
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 1: last thing that you should worry about, and honestly, don't

1281
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 1: worry about. Oh are they going to think this about me?

1282
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 1: Are they going to think that about me? What about?

1283
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 1: Do you like them? Why don't? Why don't you go

1284
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:56,960
Speaker 1: into it thinking what am I looking for? I want

1285
01:02:56,960 --> 01:03:00,160
Speaker 1: someone who's kind, I want someone who's works really are

1286
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 1: Like that should be your lens going into dating, not like,

1287
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 1: oh my god, I gained a couple of pounds, like

1288
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 1: that's just shift your mindset and focus on the attributes

1289
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 1: that you want to find in a person and then

1290
01:03:11,560 --> 01:03:13,479
Speaker 1: and then that will come back to you. I really

1291
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 1: do believe that we uh, we receive the energy that

1292
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:19,880
Speaker 1: we give out. Yeah, and it's easy to create new habits,

1293
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 1: new neural pathways, new habits. It's so much easier than

1294
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 1: people think. You just have to take that step, start

1295
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:29,520
Speaker 1: doing it. And it might not click right away, you know,

1296
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:32,280
Speaker 1: reframing things. It might not click, but it will click

1297
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 1: if you are consistent and you practice it, it will

1298
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 1: come together. Yeah. Yeah. And also, never ever put any

1299
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,440
Speaker 1: part of your life on hold to be at a

1300
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 1: st or for anything. You can never say oh, i'll

1301
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: do this when or I'll be happy when Like that's

1302
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 1: not that's a moving target, and you cannot You can't

1303
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 1: put your life on hold. I completely agree with that.

1304
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 1: That's not how it works. Yeah. Yeah, Well let's head

1305
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 1: to a quick break and we'll come back with more

1306
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:07,000
Speaker 1: tinks than Okay, right, and we're back from break? Are

1307
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 1: we back from break? Okay, we're back. Tanks were back.

1308
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 1: We're back. Sorry, Tanks was underneath the table again. She

1309
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:15,440
Speaker 1: keeps going under there. I don't know what you think

1310
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:23,280
Speaker 1: is under there. It's just got racy a lot of

1311
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: sexual innuenda is flying around tanks. Did you have a

1312
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 1: question or a piece of advice you'd like to ask

1313
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:35,160
Speaker 1: Chelsea for? Oh, I hope you do. I do. We've

1314
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 1: we've touched on it a little bit, but I want

1315
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,200
Speaker 1: your advice on My followers love to know about my

1316
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:43,560
Speaker 1: personal life and my dating life, and I love to

1317
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 1: talk about it. I do. But how have you found

1318
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 1: the right balance over the years of telling telling about

1319
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:52,880
Speaker 1: your dating life and your personal life? And what are

1320
01:04:52,920 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 1: your tips for that? And and is it evolving or

1321
01:04:56,200 --> 01:04:58,280
Speaker 1: do you have any hard lines where you're like, I'm

1322
01:04:58,320 --> 01:04:59,800
Speaker 1: not going to share this or I'm going to share

1323
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 1: this after the fact. Yeah, I think do you feel

1324
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:06,160
Speaker 1: like you overshared your last relationship? Is that where this

1325
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 1: is coming from a little bit, But it's more so

1326
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:11,880
Speaker 1: that it's just it's actually to be dick on the table.

1327
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 1: It's making dating a little bit difficult because I don't

1328
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,160
Speaker 1: if I'd say it in real time, it feels like

1329
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm kind of Truman showing myself. But my followers like

1330
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:22,560
Speaker 1: to know. So now I've swung back all the way

1331
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 1: where I'm not telling them anything about my dating life.

1332
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 1: But I want to find a middle ground. So and

1333
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:29,600
Speaker 1: I also just like with the guys I date, I

1334
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 1: don't want I certainly don't want them to date me

1335
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 1: because they think I'm going to talk about them. But

1336
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 1: it's hard to find something, you know what I mean,

1337
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 1: it's just not want to date me because they know

1338
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to exactly whatever. And so that's kind of

1339
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:43,360
Speaker 1: why I swung. And I was like, no, I'm not

1340
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:45,200
Speaker 1: gonna say anything because I don't want to turn any

1341
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 1: guys off and whatever, and I need to keep something

1342
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 1: for myself. But at the end of the day, my

1343
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,960
Speaker 1: followers are my best friends in my life and I

1344
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:55,000
Speaker 1: love them, and I talk about dating and I want

1345
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 1: to report from the field. So it's like it's really

1346
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 1: hard to find that balance, especially living in l A.

1347
01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 1: I think my advice on that would be to always

1348
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 1: you can always still share with your followers. Giving people

1349
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 1: a little bit of information that you are dating, that

1350
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,760
Speaker 1: you went on a date, that you like someone, without

1351
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 1: giving away who that person is until it's in a

1352
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:17,480
Speaker 1: really solid place is probably just the only advice I

1353
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,160
Speaker 1: would have to say about that, because that way you

1354
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:24,200
Speaker 1: are sharing, like oh, and then there's an anticipatory nuance

1355
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 1: to everything with your followers because they know, like, okay,

1356
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,160
Speaker 1: you're like I am dating there is somebody, and as

1357
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 1: soon as it's something worth mentioning, and as soon as

1358
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:36,040
Speaker 1: we're like together as a couple, then I will share

1359
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:38,200
Speaker 1: it with you guys, because you're gonna want to share

1360
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:39,880
Speaker 1: that when you are in love with somebody. There's no

1361
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:43,240
Speaker 1: way you're not gonna And so you the only part

1362
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 1: you want to keep private, or people's identities until you've

1363
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,640
Speaker 1: sussed them out and until you decided you're in a

1364
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,800
Speaker 1: serious relationship with somebody. So I think it's good to

1365
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:53,160
Speaker 1: share that stuff when it's real and when you're feeling

1366
01:06:53,160 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 1: it and you had that experience for a reason, you know,

1367
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:59,479
Speaker 1: like you're not going to do that again necessarily, even

1368
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:02,520
Speaker 1: though you're followers loved it because it's completely relatable. You

1369
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:04,840
Speaker 1: did it a guy who ended up poking up. You know,

1370
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 1: if that could happen to you, that could happen to

1371
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:10,560
Speaker 1: anybody what they're thinking. So I think it's important to

1372
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 1: be honest with everybody. You know, you don't have to lie,

1373
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:16,160
Speaker 1: but you don't have to divulge other people's identities and

1374
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,560
Speaker 1: give away all of the details always. That's what I

1375
01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 1: would say that's that. I think, yeah, yeah, I like that.

1376
01:07:22,520 --> 01:07:25,560
Speaker 1: That's good, right, Katherine. Do you have any advice that

1377
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 1: you need an answer to? Yes, I actually do so

1378
01:07:30,720 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 1: a friend of mine we both have dogs. Our dogs

1379
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:36,120
Speaker 1: are the same age, and we kind of go back

1380
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:38,680
Speaker 1: and forth like babysitting each other's dogs, like even if

1381
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:40,959
Speaker 1: it's for a couple of days or even a week,

1382
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:44,680
Speaker 1: like we know our dogs are safe in each other's hands.

1383
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:47,560
Speaker 1: Her dog is a lot more work than our dog.

1384
01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:50,280
Speaker 1: Her dog has to wear diapers that have to be

1385
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:54,240
Speaker 1: hand washed, and like barks all the time, starting at

1386
01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:56,800
Speaker 1: six in the morning. And he's very sweet and we

1387
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 1: love him, but he's a pain in the ass. So

1388
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:03,000
Speaker 1: said friend has recently had a baby, and baby's about

1389
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 1: three or four months old, and I really want to

1390
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 1: be there for her and help her out and like

1391
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 1: take some things off her plate as she's dealing with

1392
01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 1: new motherhood. But her husband has started going on like

1393
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:20,840
Speaker 1: week long trips for work every month, and they want

1394
01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 1: us to take the dog for like basically a week

1395
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:25,519
Speaker 1: every month just so she doesn't have like something else

1396
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:28,599
Speaker 1: to deal with. She does have a nanny that comes

1397
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:31,760
Speaker 1: and helps during the day, so there's that but I'm

1398
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 1: struggling with like do I say yes every time even

1399
01:08:36,360 --> 01:08:39,600
Speaker 1: though it's like he's a drain when he's there. But

1400
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,439
Speaker 1: I also, like my nice Midwestern heart like wants to

1401
01:08:42,439 --> 01:08:46,519
Speaker 1: be there for my friend, and you don't say yes

1402
01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:49,719
Speaker 1: every time, you know, like like once in a blue moon,

1403
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:52,439
Speaker 1: blue moon, I don't know, But no, you're beer the

1404
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 1: way too generous, Like you are a good friend and

1405
01:08:56,160 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 1: you have been a good friend, and you are showing

1406
01:08:58,200 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 1: up for her, and the fact that you're even having

1407
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 1: these common station with yourself is like shows how much

1408
01:09:02,400 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 1: you care. But you can't. You didn't have the fucking baby.

1409
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and you your husband isn't going on mountain

1410
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 1: trip week long whatever fucking hike in excursions like you

1411
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,000
Speaker 1: need to know, like once in a while he's taking

1412
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:22,760
Speaker 1: in the attractions taking I need someone to take me action.

1413
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:27,920
Speaker 1: I haven't seen attractions in months. Oh my god, me neither.

1414
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:32,000
Speaker 1: I haven't seen attractions anywhere. Yeah, you that's bullshit. First

1415
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,640
Speaker 1: of all, she needs to sort that out with Also

1416
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:38,719
Speaker 1: the diaper thing like that means take it to a trainer,

1417
01:09:39,000 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 1: figure it out, Like if she can staple his asshole shut,

1418
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:46,320
Speaker 1: and then you could babysit for her fucking dog a diaper,

1419
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:50,519
Speaker 1: like it's too time, too far, and you need to

1420
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:52,800
Speaker 1: see your way out. You just gotta go. Listen. I

1421
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 1: want to be there for you and all you know,

1422
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:56,559
Speaker 1: I do want to help you, but it's become a

1423
01:09:56,600 --> 01:09:58,840
Speaker 1: little bit much like a couple of days with your

1424
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:02,040
Speaker 1: dog is one thing. Oh we isn't. I can't be there.

1425
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 1: You guys have to figure this out between the two

1426
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,840
Speaker 1: of you, not me, you know. Okay, thank you guys.

1427
01:10:07,960 --> 01:10:12,880
Speaker 1: That's honest. Asked again, how had him? How confused we

1428
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:15,639
Speaker 1: get when we're in our own situation? I know it's

1429
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:19,600
Speaker 1: so true, and that you said you're like, oh and

1430
01:10:19,680 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 1: two wonderful women yell know at you when you know

1431
01:10:24,560 --> 01:10:27,760
Speaker 1: that's funny? Well, Tanks were can everyone to find you?

1432
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:33,880
Speaker 1: I'm at Tanks on TikTok at, It's me Tanks on Instagram,

1433
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:37,240
Speaker 1: and listen to my new podcast, It's Me Tanks. Thanks,

1434
01:10:37,240 --> 01:10:41,840
Speaker 1: thank you, that was so much fun. Thanks And if

1435
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 1: you like to get advice from Chelsea and one of

1436
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:48,519
Speaker 1: her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail

1437
01:10:48,600 --> 01:10:50,600
Speaker 1: dot com.