1 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: Hi, Amber, Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. 2 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,039 Speaker 2: Hey babes, welcome to another episode of an Unlikely Affair. 3 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 2: It's yours truly, la la Kent. 4 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 3: And yours truly Amber Childers. 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 2: Hey boo, Hey, we're doing a voicemail episode today. I 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 2: love these, my favorite They're my favorite too. I just 7 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 2: like having interactions with our audience, our friends, our listeners. Totally. 8 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 3: I agree. It's so fun. 9 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love that the first voicemail is from 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:38,200 Speaker 2: Lauren and it says pronounced like how you say it, 11 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 2: And now that I haven't called myself Lauren in a 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,560 Speaker 2: decade plus, I'm like, I have a hard time saying 13 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 2: it now too. For so many years people would be like, 14 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 2: what's your name, Lauren, Nice to meet you, Lauren, And 15 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck? Why is it so hard 16 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 2: to say? 17 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 4: Like? 18 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 5: Why? 19 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 2: Why such a harsh Shoh? 20 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 3: You have to have a really good ear. 21 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 2: You have to have a good ear. But also it 22 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:06,559 Speaker 2: doesn't come out of the mouth effortlessly Lauren. People say 23 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 2: Laren even yeah, I well, now. 24 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 3: I'm trying to like say it the right way, but 25 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,480 Speaker 3: I said Laren. 26 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 2: See Lauren. 27 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,559 Speaker 1: Laren is very nasily trying to come with the frog. 28 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: Lauren Laren Lauren Lauren is so much easier. Yeah, but 29 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: that's not my name, bitch, so Lala it is. 30 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,760 Speaker 2: Our first voicemail is from Lauren pronounced how I say it. 31 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 2: Let's roll it, oh La and Amber. 32 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 6: I love this new podcast, and I love I'm just 33 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 6: your regular give them law law or I forget I'm 34 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 6: traditionally lawaw. Sorry, and they wanted to mention I'm from Indiana, 35 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 6: Southern Indiana. And also my name is pronounced Lauren. No 36 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 6: one seems to ever understand how to pronounce that here 37 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 6: and never could pronounce that last name either, so both 38 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 6: were always just mispronounced. I was Lauren. I still just 39 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 6: say Warren over the phone, like I don't even think 40 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 6: anyone about my parents and brother call me actually Lauren. 41 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 6: Not even my partner does, which is crazy. Anyways, my 42 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 6: call was about I know you talked about someone had 43 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 6: a question like what was your hardest friendship breakup? And 44 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 6: you brought up Katie. I too, am going through a 45 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 6: friendship breakup and I my friend I've known for twenty 46 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 6: one years. I'm forty one, so half my life in 47 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 6: the past up until recently. I said that was the 48 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 6: person was my best friend. He had a falling out, 49 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,839 Speaker 6: long story she thought I betrayed her. Was the stupidest thing. 50 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 6: In my opinion, I was being stubborn because I was like, nope, 51 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 6: I didn't really do anything. So I decided to acologize 52 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 6: with the lake flowers to her work and basically thought 53 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 6: that that would work. Instead, I got a voice note 54 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 6: saying f off. And through all this stuff in my 55 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 6: face from all the years before of like hanging for 56 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 6: things for me and this and that. Anyways, I just 57 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 6: want any advice that could help me just move past. 58 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 6: I've been having good days and bad and Sundays on 59 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 6: bed rut on the weekend. Why I don't have work? 60 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 2: Oh I know, I know, because you know what it's 61 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 2: like to have a friendship breakup. And no, my friendship 62 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 2: with Katie was not very long. It wasn't very many years. 63 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 2: But because we were thick during like a really hard 64 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 2: time in my life and hers. I think that's what 65 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 2: made it a harder breakup, if that makes sense, mm hmm, 66 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 2: is that you kind of look at what you would 67 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 2: have done without that person during the hardest time of 68 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 2: your life and and it's not that I want. I 69 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 2: was already eastern about this the other day. It's kind 70 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 2: of like drinking right, I can look back and I 71 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 2: have such fond memories of drinking right, Or I'm like, 72 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 2: that was a really fun night. Do I ever want 73 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: to go back to drinking? No, there are friendships. Or 74 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, I have a lot of fond memories. Do 75 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: I need the friendship anymore? No, it's not like I 76 00:03:59,080 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 2: want it back. 77 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 3: Wait was Katie? What season did Katie come on? 78 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 2: She was there from the jump, and then we had 79 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 2: a really tough go my first two seasons, so season 80 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 2: four and five, season six is when we squashed everything 81 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 2: and became good. And then after season eleven was when 82 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 2: things went left and to Lawrence point like, there are 83 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 2: times where you can't control another person, and it does 84 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 2: take two people, I think for the demise of any relationship, 85 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,239 Speaker 2: whether it's an intimate partnership a friendship, like, it always 86 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 2: does take two people. And I just in my sobriety 87 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 2: had felt a lot of guilt for my part. At 88 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 2: the beginning. I was very angry because I'm like, this 89 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 2: is not like, why am I taking the brunt of 90 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 2: all of this? Right? And that's when my sponsor tapped 91 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 2: herself in and was like, you cannot control her. We 92 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 2: have to keep our side of the street clean. How 93 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 2: did you participate in the demise of this friendship? What 94 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 2: did you do? Her feelings are fact to her. You 95 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 2: have to acknowledge that what you did made her feel 96 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: betrayed and all of these other things. And even if 97 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: you say you didn't make her feel that way, she's 98 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: telling she has said that you did. 99 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,239 Speaker 7: Yeah, you can't take away the you make someone feel 100 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 7: regress if you think you made them feel that way 101 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 7: or not. It's like, that is literally how they feel 102 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 7: in that situation, whether you want to however you want 103 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 7: to deconstruct it in your mind, whether it was your 104 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 7: fault or not, or initiated by you or her you 105 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,840 Speaker 7: that's the right thing to do. 106 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I took many, many months of me like 107 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 2: rewriting in my notes, like what I was going to say, 108 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 2: And it really came down to, like, if you send 109 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 2: this to her, if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond 110 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 2: the way you want, how will that make you feel? 111 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 2: And when I would say, well, I'll be fucking pissed off, 112 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 2: She's like, you're not ready to send it my sponsor. 113 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 2: She was like, I need to know that you're going 114 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 2: to hold onto this message until you are doing it 115 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: for the right reasons. You're not looking for forgiveness, You're 116 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: not looking to make amends with this person, meaning she 117 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 2: gives you what you want, because it's self serving. This 118 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 2: has to be a selfless thing where no matter what 119 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 2: the response, even if it's none, youly feeling like. 120 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,719 Speaker 7: You did your part and you have not sent that message. 121 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 2: I sent it, Okay, I sent it a few months ago. 122 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 2: But going back to what Lauren is saying, she sent 123 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 2: the flowers, she took ownership of her part in it, 124 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 2: even though she didn't feel like it was entirely her fault. 125 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 2: Doesn't matter. We can only control ourselves. The response from 126 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,719 Speaker 2: the front good fucking riddance. 127 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's harsh. 128 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: That is so harsh, and like I don't need you 129 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 2: in my life. And you're going to go through like 130 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 2: the morning process, right, like you've had to do that. 131 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,600 Speaker 7: You grieve And I had no idea. I went through 132 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 7: the hardest female friendship and I already had issues with 133 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 7: females before, like just growing up, I was always hanging 134 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,039 Speaker 7: out with the guys, and that this particular adult friendship 135 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 7: crushed me just as hard as. 136 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 3: Like a romantic breakup did. 137 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 7: Like it was awful until I literally had to have 138 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 7: two of my friends shake me and say, you just 139 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 7: have to stop and give her space. And then once 140 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 7: I was able to give her space and then I 141 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 7: did the work through our program with my sponsor, I 142 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 7: was like, Okay, I now I see. And there was 143 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 7: a lot of like rumors that I would hear through 144 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 7: the grapevine of people saying what I did. And I 145 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 7: was like, you know what, whether it's all true, whether 146 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 7: it's not true, how if I made her feel that way, 147 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 7: I did the same thing you did. I had to 148 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 7: look at my part and I came to La, I said, 149 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 7: I asked her if I could sit down with her, 150 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 7: and she opened her home to me, which was like 151 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 7: the first step towards making an amends. And we are 152 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 7: rebuilding our friendship and it's beautiful. And I don't know 153 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 7: if our friendship will ever be the same because not 154 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 7: because of what happened, because that year apart, we both 155 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 7: changed as people, as people in a lot of ways. 156 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 7: So it's it's hard, but it's worth it. But yeah, 157 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 7: that that's a blow and I think like for her, 158 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 7: I think the best advice is to just give her space. 159 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 3: It's so hard. 160 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 7: Because you want to fix, you want to control, you 161 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 7: want to like just put it past you. But sometimes 162 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 7: a good six months to a year, even two years, 163 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 7: and if it's meant to be, the friendship is meant 164 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 7: to be, it will it will confine you. And they 165 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 7: say this all the time, and it's super cliches that 166 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 7: some people are there for a very short chapter of 167 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 7: your life. 168 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 3: And that's really also hard to come. 169 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 7: To terms with, especially when they're your ride or die. 170 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 7: And like you said with Katie, you guys went through 171 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 7: a lot of shit together. 172 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: I remember I used to call you and You're like, 173 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 2: I'm in bed with so and so, and I was like, 174 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 2: this is such it. Now you're in bed with me. 175 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 2: I'm happy about the friendship breakup. 176 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 5: Yeah. 177 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 2: No, I'm just in here swooping in stilling people's man's 178 00:08:55,160 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 2: best friends. No, and it's safe. Ah, I'm a mistress 179 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 2: in many ways, I guess, so, yes, there are it's 180 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 2: a Joe Camber. Oh did you mean that? 181 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 7: No? 182 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 2: Okay, no, no, no, no, okay, next way. 183 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 6: Spell. 184 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 3: I hope that helped. 185 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 8: Laren Hied this his honor from Bookimore, Maryland. I just 186 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 8: needed some advice from you, guys. I was with my 187 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 8: partner for six years and I had found out that 188 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 8: he was cheating on me in September, and I was 189 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 8: his primary caregiver because he had broken his leg for 190 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 8: two weeks before me finding out, letting him lean on me. 191 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 8: When he was using the bathroom to wipe himself, emptying 192 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 8: his journal, all that stuff, so write or die on 193 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 8: conditional type of love. I walked into a room and 194 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 8: saw him inappropriately mess new girl from work, a coworker. 195 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 8: He's a teacher for another teacher, and I asked him 196 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 8: to his phone and he said no and ran on 197 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 8: his broken leg to release the messages so I wouldn't 198 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 8: see them. I kicked them out that day then and there, 199 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 8: and he moved back home with his parents. I'm twenty nine, 200 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 8: I was. I've been with him so twenty three. He's 201 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 8: thirty four. So he ketch all of his things in 202 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 8: our shared home for four months while still paying rent, 203 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,560 Speaker 8: and he said he didn't have to remove them, which 204 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 8: legally he didn't, but like it just was a mental 205 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 8: fuck living in our shared home for that long with 206 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 8: all the things around. I was engaging in substance abuse, 207 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 8: self harm, like just really reckless behavior with my life, 208 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 8: and I had to spend two weeks in the hospital 209 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 8: after a really bad self harm attempt. And now I 210 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 8: am one hundred and eleven days sober from everything, alcohol, drugs, magotine. 211 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 2: You name it. 212 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 8: And I'm just having a hard time because he has 213 00:10:54,400 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 8: shown no remorse, no attempt to try to get me back, nothing. 214 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,200 Speaker 8: And I know how he feels about me because I 215 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 8: feel the same way about him. It's like a very 216 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 8: deep love. And I just am I going crazy, like 217 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 8: I don't understand, and it's so hard doing the sober now, 218 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 8: breathing sober, I feel everything everything, So I just need 219 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 8: some advice from you guys on how to grieve while 220 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,319 Speaker 8: being sober. 221 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 2: I have all the chills. And can I tell you 222 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 2: when she said I know how he feels about me 223 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 2: because I feel the same way about him, and her 224 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 2: saying she's one hundred and how many days ten eleven 225 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 2: days sober, Yeah, it takes me back to when you 226 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 2: said this is not love, This is an addiction. The 227 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 2: way that you guys are feeling about each other, this 228 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 2: is not what love looks like. 229 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm first. I'm so sorry, geez. 230 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 7: I can't even and I know, like I got was 231 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 7: tearing up hearing that voicemail because I know that pain, 232 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 7: and it's like, how do you trust another person, especially 233 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 7: for you were going. 234 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 3: Above and beyond? 235 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 7: And I would never let someone hold me why they 236 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 7: wiped their ass, like even my grown kids. I'm like, no, 237 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 7: you're I will hold your hair if you're throwing up. 238 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,679 Speaker 7: Other than that, good luck to you. 239 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 2: You have to. 240 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 7: You have to get your I was actually talking to 241 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 7: you about this about re establishing your foundation, like you 242 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,720 Speaker 7: have to fix your foundation of who you are as 243 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 7: a person, because your experiences being sober and being with 244 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,079 Speaker 7: this man are going to be completely different and you're 245 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 7: going to have a psychological change. And whether you're doesn't 246 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 7: matter if you're in a program or you're not in 247 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 7: a program. You're going to operate and move through the 248 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:41,439 Speaker 7: world differently. And you're, you know, maybe three and a 249 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 7: half four months sober. You start feeling really good around 250 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 7: the three month period, and then my experience with sobriety 251 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,199 Speaker 7: around like month five, six seven. 252 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 2: You fall off the pink cloud. 253 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 7: You fall off the pink cloud and you get really 254 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 7: wobbly again. So I think, like my best advice is 255 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 7: that even though you we love this person, you have 256 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 7: to evaluate what that love is. 257 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 3: Was it toxic love? Was it codependent love? And rebuild it. 258 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 7: And I'm not saying that you can't start over, but 259 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 7: you have to start over making sure that you are 260 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 7: a whole person on your own before you start integrating 261 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 7: this person back in your life. And frankly, he needs 262 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,559 Speaker 7: to take fucking responsibility. 263 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:27,079 Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't love that he hasn't apologized, and that's 264 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 2: like people hate that. I always call everyone a narcissist, 265 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 2: but it is an epidemic and they're running rampant around us. 266 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,319 Speaker 2: So it's important that you know the science because they 267 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 2: are fucking everywhere. Yeah, narcissism is alive and well. And 268 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 2: when someone can't take accountability for their actions, like it's 269 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 2: narcissism is a spectrum, right, and not everyone is as 270 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 2: extreme as the next person. But to not be able 271 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 2: to acknowledge the behavior, I mean, there's something really wrong. 272 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:02,079 Speaker 2: And also someone who's to run on their broken fucking 273 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 2: leg just to make sure that you don't see their phone, 274 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 2: I have to imagine he's not only talking to that girl, 275 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 2: this is what you have to remember, and it's easier 276 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 2: said than done. You have to take it. And I 277 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 2: saw this fucking my algorithm right now is fucking crushing it. 278 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 2: But I saw this reel and it was like, please 279 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 2: stop telling people to take it one day at a time, 280 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: Like what the fuck else am I going to do? 281 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 2: Skip Tuesday? It's like, I get it taking it one 282 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 2: day at a time. Although it sounds cheesy, you absolutely 283 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 2: have to abide by that, and you have to sometimes 284 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 2: even take it one second at a time. And time 285 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 2: does heal everything. Yes, And we're just impatient by nature, 286 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 2: just human beings are where it's like days feel very long. 287 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 2: Because there were moments during my like breakup not breakup, 288 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 2: I don't know whatever it was with that guy where 289 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 2: I would be sobbing and I'd be like, like we 290 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 2: haven't spoken, and it's like it's better three hours. That's 291 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 2: how it feels like it's been three years. Time fucking 292 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: slows down. You're gonna be tested, especially with sobriety. But 293 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 2: I promise you there's gonna be a day you look 294 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 2: back on this and you're gonna say, thank god I 295 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 2: got sober and didn't drink I dealt with so many 296 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 2: different emotions and even though it was for that specific thing, 297 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 2: the person I am now I'm so proud of and 298 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:30,160 Speaker 2: I can handle anything. Yeah, so there's my little pep talk. Yeah, 299 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 2: I'm wondering. 300 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 6: How much of your. 301 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 2: Sexual history. 302 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 9: Overlaps do you need to or should you disclose prior 303 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 9: to marriage. To give a little backstory, there's a gentleman 304 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 9: involved who We've been on and off for a long 305 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 9: time now, but it seems like it's it's there in 306 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 9: the off times, I have been with other people, and 307 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 9: I've been with people of the same sex and he 308 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 9: is not aware of that. And is that anything that 309 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 9: needs to be disclosed? Is there anything that's any of 310 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 9: his business or is that take it to the grave, 311 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 9: doesn't matter because that was a part time I'm just curious, 312 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 9: is that something that I should bring up and have 313 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 9: a discussion with him about or no? 314 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 2: Oh that is so hard. 315 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 7: You have thoughts go, it's one thing you don't need 316 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 7: to talk about your past sexual partners. As I've gotten 317 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 7: older and dating, I've realized it's like not necessary. 318 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 2: But what if you like, are with this person and 319 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 2: then you go on a break and during your break 320 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 2: you go and experience experience other people. 321 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 3: I don't think it's you don't know. 322 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 7: I agree with you, you don't need to disclose. 323 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 2: However, if the person asks, I think you have to 324 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 2: be honest. Yeah, but you could say in a general way. 325 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 7: You don't have to say, yeah, i've fucked Tommy down 326 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 7: the street. 327 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 2: And Liz as well, his wife. Yeah, yeah, whatever you know, 328 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,680 Speaker 2: because she's been having fun. Like when here's the thing, 329 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 2: unless we are fully committed, I am free to do 330 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 2: whatever I want. 331 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, And when we're on a break, we're not committed. 332 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: We're not committed. Nope. Like Ross and Rachel on Friends, 333 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 2: I agree with Ross. We're on a break, Yeah, I 334 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 2: doesn't forget to be with whoever I want. Yeah, you 335 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 2: can't have. 336 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 3: Your cake and eat it too. 337 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 2: No, I fully agree with you. I think unless he asks, 338 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 2: you don't need to say anything. I'm with you on that, 339 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 2: and keep it very general. Like when we are not together, 340 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 2: I act as if we are not together. 341 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 7: Right, and you don't need to say yes, I would 342 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 7: and had sex with this person, because trust me, any 343 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 7: man is not going to be down. Whether it's it's 344 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 7: a total double standard in my opinion. But like a 345 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 7: man is not going to be down with this woman 346 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 7: going out, especially if this is a long term relationship. 347 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 7: You just need to say, you know what, honey, I 348 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 7: don't really need to discuss this. You know we were 349 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 7: on a break. That means that we were on a break. 350 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:06,880 Speaker 7: End of story. And if he keeps prying, just say 351 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 7: I'm sorry, it's not appropriate to discuss, you know, this 352 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,360 Speaker 7: situation now that we're in a committed and we're trying 353 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,440 Speaker 7: to move forward in our relationship. 354 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 2: Right, Like, I will always honor our relationship when we 355 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 2: are together. Yeah, you know, relationships you think you sit 356 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,919 Speaker 2: there and go relationships are easy, like as long as 357 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 2: you have communication, don't put your dick where it doesn't belong. 358 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 2: They're so complicated. And I realize that every time I 359 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,160 Speaker 2: dip my toe in the water, and I'm like, the 360 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,479 Speaker 2: three month love bubble is all that exists. After three months, 361 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 2: it bursts and real life happens. 362 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 8: I know. 363 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,280 Speaker 7: You said that this morning while we're getting ready, and 364 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 7: I was like, oh jeez, here we go. 365 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's true. Even with my friends who are 366 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 2: out there dating and they're like single moms, and we 367 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 2: have these conversations and I get so jealous because I'm like, oh, 368 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 2: you're in the love bubble. And then after the three 369 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 2: month mark they're like, oh, this happened and we had 370 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 2: to have a really deep conversation. I'm like, yeah, that's 371 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 2: what happens. Yeah it is. It's true. The lust goes away. 372 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna be in three month relationships for the 373 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,159 Speaker 2: rest of my life. That's what I want to live on. 374 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 2: I would never have become so attached. You know who 375 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 2: the fuck you're talking to? Are you crazy? I said that? No, Okay, next, 376 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,920 Speaker 2: we're ready. No one loves a relationship more than you though, 377 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,359 Speaker 2: and the men be in there locking you down? 378 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 3: Ye why? 379 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 2: Oh I can't imagine why. 380 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 7: I really don't know. 381 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 2: You're stunning your fun. You go and do really cool shit. 382 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 2: You make every three point shot when you're at the 383 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 2: gym filming yourself. You fly fish, you hike, you're getting Yeah, 384 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,919 Speaker 2: you're like you got a perky little ass. You're talented. 385 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:47,960 Speaker 2: Shall I go on? 386 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,159 Speaker 7: Yes, actually you should, but we have another voicemail, so 387 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 7: let's not. 388 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 2: Let's get a little turned on. 389 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 5: Hi Ambria, Laala. My name is Sally and I live 390 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 5: in Scotstilarisona. Just give you a little backstory. I'm a 391 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 5: thirty seven year old mother of two. I have a 392 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 5: three and a half year old daughter and a two 393 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 5: year old son, both beautiful little children. My daughter was 394 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 5: recently diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She's being 395 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 5: treated very beautifully at memorials. I'm kettering, but here's what's 396 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 5: going on, and here's the reason I'm calling in. I 397 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,640 Speaker 5: have been struggling deeply with my relationship with my husband 398 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,640 Speaker 5: basically ever since the day I got married, if not prior. 399 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 5: And I'm wondering when and how do you decide it's 400 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 5: time to call it quits because I feel in my 401 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 5: guts things are not right. I resonate and respect you 402 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 5: love that so much. I see your sober journey. I 403 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:08,280 Speaker 5: see how you've held yourself as drawn me as a 404 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 5: mother Amber. I see your strength as well being introduced 405 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 5: on the podcast as such a companion too well at 406 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 5: it just as a part of her family as well. 407 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 5: So anyways, there's so much more to it. My husband 408 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 5: and I have been, you know, going through this with 409 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 5: my daughter, you know, trying to be really good co 410 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,679 Speaker 5: parents along the way through our challenges. But we've just 411 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 5: been NonStop, just really really difficult together in our relationship 412 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 5: since day one, and we found out we were pregnant 413 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,000 Speaker 5: the last day of our honeymoon, and I just don't 414 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 5: know how much longer we can make it through. 415 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,880 Speaker 2: That's like so heartbreaking. 416 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so sad. What are your thoughts? 417 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 2: Well, I feel she's said that like the day they 418 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 2: got married, things kind of shifted. But I feel just 419 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 2: in my family, nothing tests families, and then you throw 420 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 2: intimacy into it, right, you and your partner. It's already 421 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 2: tested when you guys start having children, but then you 422 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 2: add the difficulties of life where a health issue arises 423 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 2: or money issues happen, and it's very it just becomes 424 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 2: suffocating for the relationship. And oftentimes, like mom and dad 425 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 2: turn on each other because who else do you turn on? Right? 426 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 2: Mm hm. I Also, even though I say I never 427 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 2: want to get married, I think marriage is a beautiful 428 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 2: thing and it's worth fighting for. And you have two 429 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 2: kids and obviously your daughter is facing you know, she's 430 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 2: going in and you guys are fighting for her life. 431 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,199 Speaker 2: I think it's something where you have to tap in 432 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 2: a third party and like go and talk to somebody 433 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 2: and really make sure he's willing to lay it all 434 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: out there what he is, you know, his expectations, what 435 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 2: he needs, and also the same for you. I don't 436 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 2: think you just throw in the towel. I think you 437 00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 2: have to explore every option before you say we're done here. 438 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 2: But also with her daughter facing what she's facing, you 439 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 2: can't have her in a toxic home like where the 440 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 2: mom and dad are like at each other's throats. 441 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 7: Are hard though, because the daughter's going to grow up. 442 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 7: I know that when they divorce, and like most kids, 443 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,360 Speaker 7: they blame themselves. Like if I didn't get sick, mom 444 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 7: and dad may have still been together. And I know 445 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 7: she's really young, and I was thinking, you know, they 446 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 7: have two very young kids and and with no issues 447 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,719 Speaker 7: having toddlers in the house, that age that tests a 448 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 7: marriage period. Having kids is freaking hard and it will 449 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 7: test a marriage. 450 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 2: And I think. 451 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,679 Speaker 7: I think the best advice, because I feel so not 452 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 7: even qualified, is like just take a beat. 453 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 3: You have to take a beat. 454 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 7: And like even if it's sleeping in different bedrooms, you know, 455 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,919 Speaker 7: for a while, and just having that space and to 456 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 7: like really reflect on, like before you make any big 457 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 7: life decisions. Because I feel like what they need to 458 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 7: focus on right now is their children is and if 459 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 7: there's like infidelity going on, if it's just simply that 460 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:40,119 Speaker 7: they've fallen out of love. Love is an action, and 461 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,440 Speaker 7: right now it's not about either one of them, it's 462 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 7: about their daughter and frankly their son because their son 463 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 7: or yeah, their son also is going to get affected 464 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:50,880 Speaker 7: by seeing their sibling going. 465 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 3: Through this as well. 466 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:57,439 Speaker 7: I think you have to realize that they need to 467 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 7: focus on the friendship. If they could find a way 468 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 7: just friends to get through this difficult point, even if 469 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,640 Speaker 7: they're not being intimate with each other, or they find 470 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 7: a way to connect in some way. But I would 471 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 7: definitely talk to a therapist. 472 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,879 Speaker 2: I think a therapist is the first move. Yeah, and 473 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 2: someone who like can who specializes in trauma, because it's 474 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 2: obviously very traumatic when you take your daughter into a 475 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,359 Speaker 2: doctor's appointment and they tell you she has cancer. 476 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 7: And I'm sure the hospital that they're at in Arizona 477 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 7: has resources there to help families go throughs because I'm 478 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 7: sure the statistics of I mean, I know the statistics 479 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 7: of parents marriages where there's. 480 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 3: You know, a child who's neurodivergent, right, whether. 481 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 2: It's like something life altering yeah, where your your lifestyle changes. 482 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 7: Yes, the divorce rate is extremely high. I'm sure it's 483 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 7: it's just as challenging as if you know there's this 484 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:56,879 Speaker 7: big life, you know, change, So I would talk to 485 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 7: the I would talk to the hospital for sure. 486 00:25:59,400 --> 00:25:59,959 Speaker 3: That's my end. 487 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, Because the thing that's different about this is when 488 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 2: you add like even when I talk to Brittany, I 489 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 2: have to always remember to acknowledge, like when I'm when 490 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:16,159 Speaker 2: she's telling me things, and then I share just to 491 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,040 Speaker 2: get women to relate, you know, like when you know 492 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 2: that you share something you I always have to acknowledge, 493 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 2: like she has a son who was diagnosed with autism. 494 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,640 Speaker 2: It's just a different level. Sally has a daughter who 495 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 2: was diagnosed with cancer. So it just the stakes become 496 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 2: so much higher. You and I didn't have to deal 497 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,679 Speaker 2: with that, Like I just took my seven healthy seven 498 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,880 Speaker 2: month olds and I didn't have the extra layer there. 499 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 2: So when you say I don't feel qualified, I certainly 500 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 2: don't either. 501 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 7: But I think one thing that I would also say 502 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 7: is try to remember go back to the beginning of 503 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 7: the relationship when you guys married, like why did you marry? 504 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 3: What is it about this person that. 505 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 7: I love you that fall in love because life just 506 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 7: punches you in the fucking face sometimes and you have 507 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 7: to like take an aerial view of like, Okay, this man, 508 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 7: this is who he was, it was when I when 509 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 7: I first fell in love. 510 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 3: This is our first date. 511 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 7: Like you have to find those reasons and like do 512 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,399 Speaker 7: something that you don't want to do. 513 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,400 Speaker 3: If you know your your husband. 514 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,640 Speaker 7: Loves I don't know, a foot rub right in bed 515 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,359 Speaker 7: and you you're like, you're disgusting, Give him the foot 516 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 7: rub and see what happens, Like do contrary actions and see. 517 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 2: This sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Well, I 518 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,320 Speaker 2: mean because we don't know what he's done. Gets your 519 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:40,760 Speaker 2: fucking feet out of my face? Joking me, that's why 520 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 2: you have a boyfriend. So you have a money boyfriend. 521 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,399 Speaker 2: That's why I'm a man. The other night, asked me, 522 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 2: He's like, if I stay over, you're gonna cook me 523 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 2: breakfast in the morning. I go, are you out of 524 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,399 Speaker 2: your fucking mind? Oh that's rude. 525 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 7: That would be a next for me. Like the expectation 526 00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 7: of you. 527 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 2: Cooking you got me fucked up. 528 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 7: Do you like McDonald's number one or two breakfast menu? 529 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 2: I can order you something. Yeah, postmates? 530 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 8: All right? 531 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:14,160 Speaker 4: Next, Hi, Lala and Amber. My name is Stephanie. I'm 532 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 4: a first time caller, longtime listener. I love both of 533 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 4: you ladies so much. You're so beautiful and empowering two 534 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:26,560 Speaker 4: women everywhere. I am married with two kids, and I 535 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:32,680 Speaker 4: have never been able to make myself orgasm while masturbating, 536 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 4: so I don't masturbate. Do you have any tips or 537 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:42,520 Speaker 4: tricks for suggestions that you recommend? I would love to 538 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 4: hear from you. Thanks. 539 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 7: This might be the best question yet because I think 540 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 7: we both have been on opposite side of the point. Okay, 541 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 7: explain you dirty little dog. 542 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 2: You I'm not that dirty of a dog. I think 543 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 2: the right vibrator is key. Also, getting out of your 544 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 2: head is key, and just relaxing. 545 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 6: Right. 546 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,680 Speaker 2: You've got two kids. I know what that is like 547 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 2: to be terrified that one of them is going to 548 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 2: waddle in and see mommy experiencing heaven. Oh my gosh, 549 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 2: I'm so charged right now, like thinking, I'm like, where's 550 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 2: my rose with you? I think you and your clit 551 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 2: need to become really really good friends, Like you need 552 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 2: to like before you just like deep dive into the vibrators. 553 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 2: I won't scar you with talking about dildo's right now, 554 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 2: that's for us. Elevated bitches. Really give me the fat 555 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 2: daddy garth and length, maybe a little hook on the end, 556 00:29:54,840 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 2: a little vibrator. Oh my god. I I think get 557 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 2: in the bath, and I think close the door, lock it. 558 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 2: Get yourself like really good lube. I like ones that 559 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 2: are like water bassed. Those are my favorite. And just 560 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 2: like touch, become familiar with it first, right touch, become familiar. 561 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 2: The rose focuses on suction and vibration of just the clip, 562 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 2: and it's awesome. You will definitely. I don't pull away 563 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 2: when you start feeling like, oh this is too much. 564 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 2: You must leave it there otherwise otherwise you're gonna have 565 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 2: to have your husband do it and have him tie 566 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 2: your arms and your legs up so that you can't move. 567 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:48,400 Speaker 3: Have you done that? 568 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 2: And where? I've done a lot of fun stuff, but 569 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 2: sometimes I keep it very vanilla. Yeah, just depends on 570 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 2: my mood. 571 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 7: I can do handcuffs though, because that would make me 572 00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 7: super claustrophobic. 573 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't like metal around my wrists, like just 574 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 2: like a something soft. It's a diamond, yeah, unless it 575 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 2: as diamonds I also think that when you tense up, 576 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 2: it makes it harder, like you have to the mind 577 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 2: in the vagina have to be so in sync. 578 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 7: Wait, you know it's so crazy you say that because 579 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 7: I literally so. 580 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 3: I went through. 581 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 7: By the way, Stephanie, I've been in your position. So 582 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 7: I'm going to give you my number a week of 583 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,480 Speaker 7: talk because I have a few suggestions myself. 584 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 3: I went through this. 585 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,880 Speaker 7: I actually didn't have my first one. Tell I had 586 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 7: won when I was twenty. 587 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,800 Speaker 2: Six an orgasm, yes, okay, and then nothing before, nothing before. 588 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 2: When did you become sexually active. 589 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:48,680 Speaker 3: Geez. 590 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,120 Speaker 2: In my teenage years? Well, obviously I would hope that 591 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 2: you were not twelve. 592 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,479 Speaker 7: Actually the night that I conceived London, that was your 593 00:31:58,520 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 7: first time. 594 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 2: Now can you imagine what sixteen? Seventeen? 595 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 7: Yes, okay, yes, yeah, sixteen. It's so much deeper than 596 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 7: just for me than finding a vibrator. It's really is 597 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 7: knowing who you are and loving yourself first. It starts there, 598 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 7: and I didn't realize that at the time. I'm like, 599 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 7: why can't I just stick something down there like I would? 600 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 7: Hear my girlfriends talk about it, I'm like, God, why 601 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 7: is it so easy for them? It's because I didn't 602 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 7: have that connection. 603 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,959 Speaker 3: To self and you have to have that. 604 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,280 Speaker 7: Like, this is going to sound so corny, and you're 605 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 7: probably gonna laugh at me, but I'm gonna tell you 606 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 7: anyways because hopefully it will help her. Someone suggested that 607 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 7: I go into the mirror and I just look at 608 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 7: myself in the eyes Amber. 609 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 2: Okay, I was gonna say, look at your China. We're 610 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 2: not instinct right now. Okay, look at yourself and me. 611 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 2: But I was going to say, look at yourself in 612 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 2: the eye, the holy. 613 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 7: The eye, the one eye, now your third eye, the 614 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 7: other eye. No, if you look at yourself in the eye, 615 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 7: I'm like trying to do something really stard you. 616 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 8: You're on your. 617 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 2: Level today, going crazy. By the way, I'm freshly fucked 618 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 2: today and feeling amazing about it. 619 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 3: I know, as you should. 620 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 7: But just connect with yourself whatever way that is. If 621 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 7: you're looking at yourself in the eye and then you're 622 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 7: telling yourself that you love you. Like for me, that 623 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,960 Speaker 7: was the biggest breakthrough. And when I was able to 624 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 7: reconnect with myself and I was able to do this 625 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 7: in sobriety, then I was able to achieve an orgasm. Okay, 626 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 7: and that took time. It didn't the toys came later. 627 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:47,680 Speaker 7: The toys were like the cherry on top. 628 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 2: So then what would you do before? Just rub? 629 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 7: I would rub and I and I would say. I 630 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,600 Speaker 7: wouldn't put an expectation like, oh, you have to finish. 631 00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 7: It was just about connecting. So if it was just 632 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:02,719 Speaker 7: touching myself at first and feeling like, oh, my body 633 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:07,479 Speaker 7: is beautiful, like this is like I love me, like 634 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 7: I like me, Yeah, I like the woman I am 635 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 7: because I feel like again for me, there was a 636 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 7: lot of shame, discuss the choices that I've made, the 637 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 7: mistakes that I've made. 638 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 3: In my life. 639 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,080 Speaker 7: It's like, you have to fall in love with yourself 640 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,839 Speaker 7: and then you could do that, and then that's when 641 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 7: you could bring like even another partner in. You have 642 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 7: to It's like a very cliche thing to say, I know, 643 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 7: but it's like that was the first step. Is like 644 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 7: taking myself on a date. Like Okay, Amber, tonight, you're 645 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 7: gonna go sit at a bar, you're gonna have a dinner, 646 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,520 Speaker 7: you're gonna you know, if a glass of wine helps 647 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 7: her get there, then great, if not, she doesn't need it, 648 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,719 Speaker 7: and then go home, run yourself a bath and have 649 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 7: no expectations the second you think like, oh my god, 650 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 7: I have to achieve this because if not, I'm broken, 651 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 7: because I feel broken that I can't do what say 652 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,239 Speaker 7: other women can do, or I just need a dick 653 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,919 Speaker 7: in order to have an orgasm life. 654 00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,240 Speaker 2: Sometimes the dick throws me off. 655 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,560 Speaker 7: Yeah, like I women don't have an orgasm. 656 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,440 Speaker 2: I have to be very when you bring in a 657 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 2: dude like I and there's no telling I could be 658 00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 2: completely connected with you in a conversation. Then we end 659 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,880 Speaker 2: up sleeping together and I immediately retreat and feel like 660 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 2: I'm having an out of body experience where I'm like, tonight, 661 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,720 Speaker 2: it's just not going to happen for me. But because 662 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 2: like what you said, like not feeling the shame and 663 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 2: all of those things. But I also feel like when 664 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 2: you're a mom, like your mind is just elsewhere. And 665 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,680 Speaker 2: that's why I say your mind and your vagina have 666 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,440 Speaker 2: to be so in sync and connected. It's the only 667 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,839 Speaker 2: way that I can get off. And then you bring 668 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 2: an actual man in, I gotta be in sync with 669 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 2: you too. Yeah, I have to feel like I can. 670 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,360 Speaker 2: I have to literally feel like if you were across 671 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 2: the room, I could spread my legs for you and 672 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:53,480 Speaker 2: feel totally fine with you having just like vaginal shot 673 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,560 Speaker 2: if I feel like I kind of want to hide 674 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 2: not happening to me the energy. That's why I think 675 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,839 Speaker 2: she needs a look in the mirror, touch herself. Yeah, 676 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 2: as well, react, reconnect with it. 677 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 7: That is it down there, you know, because after you 678 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 7: have kids too. That's the other thing. If it's you 679 00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:12,359 Speaker 7: realize that you're not you're not eighteen, you're not twenty five. 680 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 7: Things feel looked differently and you just aren't. You're just 681 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 7: emotionally not connected to probably. 682 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,600 Speaker 2: Like a birthing canal at that point, like you don't 683 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 2: even think about it, I mean anything, I really. 684 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,960 Speaker 7: I remember Lennon was saying, like I don't like going 685 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 7: to the obgui in and my mom said to her 686 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 7: London like, after you have kids, you just spread your 687 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,520 Speaker 7: legs and you're just like, okay, there you go, do 688 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 7: whatever you need to do. Yeah, and that's what it becomes. 689 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:38,120 Speaker 7: But in a sacred, beautiful flower, yes, yeah. 690 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:38,799 Speaker 3: All right, that's it. That's all I have. 691 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 2: I love my vibrators. I mean I love a good 692 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 2: vibrator too, and sometimes I get off by thinking of 693 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,560 Speaker 2: myself fucking somebody like, that's the image in my head. 694 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,320 Speaker 2: That's hot. Yeah, but that's what you were talking about 695 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,719 Speaker 2: looking at and being like, I love me. This is 696 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 2: you can make love to yourself. 697 00:36:58,880 --> 00:36:59,120 Speaker 8: Yeah? 698 00:36:59,239 --> 00:36:59,720 Speaker 3: Is that weird? 699 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 2: Of the best, yeah, kind of the best. I can 700 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 2: time it. I can be like, all right, we got 701 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:05,800 Speaker 2: to get this shit done in three minutes. 702 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 7: I got Oh, I got this. 703 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:08,000 Speaker 5: Oh. 704 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,400 Speaker 7: The pressure of that can come on real fast. 705 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,640 Speaker 2: Also, I didn't even tell you this. When you are 706 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,719 Speaker 2: using a vibrator, I cannot get off unless I do 707 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 2: my kegel exercises at the same time, like pretend like 708 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,400 Speaker 2: there's a dick in there and like squeeze, squeeze while vibrating. 709 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 2: And yeah, that's another thing that you could try. All Right, 710 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,000 Speaker 2: there we go. 711 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,839 Speaker 7: Stuff. We got work to do in the bedroom. 712 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 2: All right, feeling a little hot and bothered. Thank you 713 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,920 Speaker 2: guys for listening to the voicemail episode of An Unlikely Affair. 714 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 2: A reminder that our podcast airs every Thursday at nine pm. 715 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,719 Speaker 2: Love you guys, Love you Amber. We'll catch you next week. 716 00:37:49,880 --> 00:38:02,280 Speaker 7: Love you Bye guys.