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Speaker 1: Kay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

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Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

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Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session of the Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls Podcast. We'll jump right into the episode after a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. Y'all, we have made it a

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Speaker 1: whole another holiday season. Still in a pandemic, you're very

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Speaker 1: likely feeling lots of things, and rightfully so. The holiday season,

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Speaker 1: even when not in a pandemic, can bring up lots

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Speaker 1: of stuff. While this season may bring lots of good

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Speaker 1: things like gathering with loved ones and some days off

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Speaker 1: at work, it can also mean family pressure, anxiety, stress,

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Speaker 1: and overwhelm. If you're finding yourself with the need to

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Speaker 1: just take a step back. I want you to take

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Speaker 1: this opportunity to listen to and honor with your body

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Speaker 1: and spirit, maybe trying to tell you this is the

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Speaker 1: time of the year where all of that good boundary

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Speaker 1: work may really come in handy. In November, I share

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Speaker 1: some thoughts here on the pot casts about the differences

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Speaker 1: between the holiday blues and a major depressive disorder, and

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Speaker 1: a few tips on how to steady yourself for the holidays,

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Speaker 1: and all of that information is just as true today.

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Speaker 1: In case you missed it or need a refresher, here's

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Speaker 1: what I shared. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining

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Speaker 1: me for session thirty three of the Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girl's podcast. We've made it to that time of the

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Speaker 1: year that you've either been looking forward to or dreading

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Speaker 1: for any number of reasons. Next week officially starts the

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Speaker 1: holiday season. Even though some of those stores have had

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Speaker 1: their Christmas decorations up for at least a month now,

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Speaker 1: heading into the holidays often brings up a lot for people,

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Speaker 1: so I wanted to spend some time today talking about

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Speaker 1: the difference between the holiday blues and depression and to

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Speaker 1: offer some tips on steadying yourself for the holiday season.

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Speaker 1: The holiday blues might best be described as increased sadness

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Speaker 1: and anxiety during the holiday season for a variety of

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Speaker 1: different reasons. An article from You See David's Health indicates

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Speaker 1: that some of the reasons we see an increase in

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Speaker 1: sadness and anxiety is related to a couple of factors.

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Speaker 1: The first is time change. We know that we've just

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Speaker 1: set our clocks back an hour, which means we have

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Speaker 1: few hours of daylight, which can have an impact on

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Speaker 1: our mood, resulting in decreased energy, loss of interest and

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Speaker 1: pleasurable activities, and sleep disturbances. A second factor that may

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Speaker 1: contribute to the holiday blues is increased alcohol use. So

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Speaker 1: we know that many times when we gather to celebrate,

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Speaker 1: alcohol is often a part of the equation, and since

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Speaker 1: there tend to be a lot of gatherings for the

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Speaker 1: holiday season, we may be consuming more alcohol than usual

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Speaker 1: and may not really be paying attention to actually how

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Speaker 1: much alcohol we are consuming. It's important to remember that

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Speaker 1: alcohol acts as a depressant on the system, so if

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Speaker 1: you're already feeling a little down, the increased alcohol may

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Speaker 1: actually make your mood more depressed. A third factor that

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Speaker 1: may contribute to the holiday blue is unrealistic expectations about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: The article from You See David's Health states during the holidays,

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Speaker 1: we frequently meet other people that are quite successful and

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Speaker 1: are advancing throughout their careers. This may lead us to

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Speaker 1: place unrealistic expectations on ourselves concerning our own accomplishments or

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Speaker 1: are perceived lack of them. None of us is perfect,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we develop unrealistic expectations over the holidays of

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Speaker 1: what we should accomplish and focus on our failures. Be

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Speaker 1: realistic in what you seek to achieve, both personally and professionally.

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Speaker 1: Don't label the holidays as a time to cure all

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Speaker 1: past problems. The holidays do not prevent sadness or loneliness. So,

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Speaker 1: as I mentioned earlier, there definitely is a difference between

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Speaker 1: the holiday blues and a diagnosis of major depressive disorder,

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Speaker 1: and it's important for us to be aware of the

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Speaker 1: symptoms of depression so that we'll know whether we're actually

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Speaker 1: struggling with holiday blues or something more serious. To meet

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Speaker 1: christ area for a major depressive disorder, a person must

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Speaker 1: experience five or more of the symptoms below for a

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Speaker 1: continuous period of at least two weeks. These symptoms include

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Speaker 1: feelings of sadness, hopelessness, depressed mood, loss of interest or

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Speaker 1: pleasure in activities that used to be enjoyable, change in

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Speaker 1: weight or appetite either increased or decreased. Change in activity,

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Speaker 1: psychomotor agitation being more active than usual or psychomotor retardation

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Speaker 1: being less active than usual. Insomnia, are sleeping too much,

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Speaker 1: feeling tired, are not having any energy, feelings of guilt

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Speaker 1: or worthlessness, difficulties concentrating and paying attention, and thoughts of

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Speaker 1: death or suicide. These symptoms must be present every day

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Speaker 1: or nearly every day, and must cause significant distress our

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Speaker 1: problems in our daily lives or functioning. So if you

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Speaker 1: notice that you've been experiencing some of these symptoms during

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Speaker 1: the holidays and they last well into the new year,

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Speaker 1: or if you've already been experiencing these symptoms, then it

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Speaker 1: may be time to talk with someone about getting some help.

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Speaker 1: Like I mentioned earlier, the holidays often bring up a

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Speaker 1: lot for people. Some stuff is positive and some stuff

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Speaker 1: not so much. A few tips on setting yourself for

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Speaker 1: the holidays after the break, so I wanted to offer

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Speaker 1: you six tips for studying yourself for the holiday season.

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Speaker 1: So the first tip is to be realistic about your budget.

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Speaker 1: I think there's often a tendency to overspend to show

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Speaker 1: the people in our lives just how much we care

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Speaker 1: about them, and I think we need to question whether

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Speaker 1: this is really necessary. And I often wonder if we

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Speaker 1: get into overspending as a guilt reaction and for not

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Speaker 1: spending enough time with the people we love throughout the year.

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Speaker 1: So something for you to think about a couple of

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Speaker 1: ideas about being more realistic and smart with your money.

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Speaker 1: One think of gifts that you can give that don't

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Speaker 1: have an obvious monetary amount. So can you do things

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Speaker 1: like offered to babysit or make a special playlist for

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Speaker 1: the people that you love. To plan ahead for next

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Speaker 1: year by setting aside a little money each month for

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Speaker 1: gifts so that there's not a panic come November and

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Speaker 1: December and you're trying to scramble, but you're out what

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Speaker 1: you're gonna buy for everybody. The second tip is to

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Speaker 1: create new traditions or re examine old ones. This may

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Speaker 1: be particularly relevant gift for some reason, you can't be

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Speaker 1: with your family this year. Can you get a group

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Speaker 1: of friends together to do a friends giving, Can you

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Speaker 1: volunteer at a shelter to feed those in need? I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes we get guilted into celebrating the holidays in

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Speaker 1: the same ways that we always have by family members,

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Speaker 1: But it's really important to think about what feels right

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Speaker 1: to you and how you would like to spend this

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Speaker 1: time of the year. A third tip is to make

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Speaker 1: a game plan for dealing with the loss of a

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Speaker 1: loved one. So dealing with the loss during the holidays

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Speaker 1: can be very difficult to manage, particularly related to all

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Speaker 1: of the different rituals and traditions that are often surrounding

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Speaker 1: the holidays. One really good way to deal with the

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Speaker 1: loss is to reimagine what these traditions might look like.

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Speaker 1: For example, if your grandmother recently passed and she was

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Speaker 1: the one who would typically lead the Thanksgiving prayer on

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving morning, then elect a new person to lead the prayer,

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Speaker 1: perhaps using some of her favorite passages, or redo the

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Speaker 1: prayer sequence altogether. Maybe instead of a prayer, you sing

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Speaker 1: one of her favorite songs instead. One of the most

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Speaker 1: important things is to plan ahead and not get to

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving morning and be panicked about who's going to lead

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Speaker 1: the prayer. You need to have a plan in place.

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Speaker 1: I also think that there can be the temptation to

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Speaker 1: avoid things, giving all together or any of the holidays

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Speaker 1: after a recent laws, and I think it's important that

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Speaker 1: we try not to avoid things because when we avoid them,

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Speaker 1: we never learned that we can actually deal with it. So,

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Speaker 1: of course, it will be painful to go through a

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Speaker 1: holiday season after you've experienced the loss of a loved one,

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Speaker 1: but it is manageable, and so you shouldn't have any

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Speaker 1: expectation that it's going to likely be a joyous occasion,

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Speaker 1: but you likely will be able to live through it

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Speaker 1: and tolerate the pain related to losing a loved one.

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Speaker 1: The fourth tips should come as no surprise to you

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Speaker 1: if you've been listening to the podcast for a while.

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Speaker 1: The fourth one is setting and sticking to your boundaries.

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Speaker 1: So let me know if this sounds familiar to you

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Speaker 1: at all. You're in town for five days for the holidays.

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Speaker 1: In those five days, you have been invited to a

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Speaker 1: holiday brunch sponsored by your college roommate. You've been asked

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Speaker 1: to read during Christmas Eve service, asked to take on

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Speaker 1: Cheryl shopping for the last minute gifts. They've asked you

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Speaker 1: to make that special peach collar that everybody loves. They

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Speaker 1: want you to see your new nephew that's three months old,

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Speaker 1: and you have to help your little cousin get her

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Speaker 1: college applications together. Girl, this is exhausting, and this just

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Speaker 1: describes what might be happening when you get to your hometown.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't even account for all of the holiday work

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Speaker 1: gatherings and community service projects you might have had to

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Speaker 1: tend to before you left home. Sis, you simply cannot

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Speaker 1: do everything, especially during the holidays. It's okay to say no.

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Speaker 1: If you're running around doing all of this, then what

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Speaker 1: time are you spending reflecting and getting yourself ready to

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Speaker 1: head into the Fifth tip, Build some downtime into your

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Speaker 1: schedule just for yourself. Perhaps this means heading back home

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Speaker 1: on a few days earlier to give yourself a buffer

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Speaker 1: before you have to go back to work or school.

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Speaker 1: Or maybe this means you do something completely different this

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Speaker 1: year for your break. This might be the perfect time

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Speaker 1: to take that solo vacation you've been dreaming about, or

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Speaker 1: is to have a staycation right in your own home

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Speaker 1: or your city. This kind of goes back to creating

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Speaker 1: your own new traditions. Just because the holidays have always

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Speaker 1: been done a certain way doesn't mean that they have

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Speaker 1: to be done that same way now. And the six

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Speaker 1: tips allow yourself space to feel whatever you feel. Because

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Speaker 1: there is often this expectation that holidays are a time

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Speaker 1: of celebration and excitement, there's often a feeling of what's

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Speaker 1: wrong with me if we don't feel that way for

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Speaker 1: one reason or another. It's okay to be sad about

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Speaker 1: a recent laws, are, to be so worried about the

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Speaker 1: state of our country that you just don't feel so jolly,

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Speaker 1: or if you just are not feeling it this year,

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Speaker 1: all of that is okay. Give yourself permission to experience

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Speaker 1: your feelings without making any judgments about them. You don't

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Speaker 1: have to explain yourself to anyone. So I'm curious to

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Speaker 1: know what your plans are from maintaining your sanity during

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Speaker 1: the holiday season. Share them with us so that we

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Speaker 1: can all get some ideas. Make sure to use the

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Speaker 1: hashtag on social media t b G in session. Don't

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Speaker 1: forget to text two of your girls right now and

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Speaker 1: tell them to check out the episode as well. If

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Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure

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Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to

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Speaker 1: continue digging into this topic or just be a community

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Speaker 1: with other sisters, come on over and join us in

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Speaker 1: the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet

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Speaker 1: designed just for black women. You can join us at

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Speaker 1: community dot Therapy for Black girls dot com. Thank you

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Speaker 1: all so much for joining me again this week. A

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Speaker 1: little forward to continue in this conversation with you all

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Speaker 1: real soon. Take good care,