Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an impart radio podcast.
Speaker 2: We're still here, somehow, someway, We're still here.
Speaker 3: The baby's still in my belly for now, for now,
Speaker 3: I mean as Sarah isn't a studio, our beloved Sarah
Speaker 3: Cruise is in the studio for me, or as I
Speaker 3: like to call her, Sarah Gretzky. That's what I have
Speaker 3: you as on my phone.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: But she just felt my contraction because I was trying.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm having a contraction. I'm having a contraction,
Speaker 3: and you felt the difference.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's freaking me out.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be okay.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I've been so stressed the last week.
Speaker 3: But I feel like, why do people get so freaked
Speaker 3: out about because I know a few of the people
Speaker 3: that are so freaked about babies and bellies, like even
Speaker 3: you like to this morning when I put your hand
Speaker 3: on me, I was like, oh my god, feel this
Speaker 3: I feeling.
Speaker 2: It's not as bad as when you see it and
Speaker 2: looks like an alien coming out of it.
Speaker 5: Really was like that is he like this pumping me?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Literally? Yeah. I think it's when you can't relate, like
Speaker 5: when you talk to try and talk to guys about
Speaker 5: like a period, you know, no, Like that's why it
Speaker 5: freaks me out because I can't really like because I don't.
Speaker 5: I didn't pay attention And.
Speaker 3: Do you want to you want to be a mom though?
Speaker 5: Oh obviously yeah, But like I just it's just it
Speaker 5: went from like soft and then it got hard and
Speaker 5: then I'm afraid you're going to pee it out?
Speaker 3: That's right? Remember weird? Oh God, Sarah and I went
Speaker 3: to remember when we went to Vegas that was so
Speaker 3: much fun Heart Radio Festival, and.
Speaker 2: She goes, I was just tak care of her daughter.
Speaker 3: You were on a golf trip. Wow.
Speaker 2: Want to hear it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, with your dad, that's right. So no, you weren't
Speaker 3: home taking care of the kid.
Speaker 2: A very expensive golf trip.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so but Sarah is like just standing out
Speaker 3: the window. I thought she was going to have something
Speaker 3: like really just like special to say I was.
Speaker 5: I was literally, No, you went to the bathroom and
Speaker 5: then you came out, and while you were in there,
Speaker 5: I was just thinking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is what this is a thought that
Speaker 3: came to Sarah's brain. Would you like to say, ut mes,
Speaker 3: do you actually want to resay what you said, or I.
Speaker 5: Mean, I literally stand by it. I was curious if
Speaker 5: you ever felt or if someone has ever pooped out
Speaker 5: their baby.
Speaker 3: What And that's exactly my response back, what why would
Speaker 3: you think you can't poop? First of all, your hole,
Speaker 3: your poop hole is different than your vaginal.
Speaker 5: I understand that. However, it's all just I don't know.
Speaker 5: You're squatting. Things are happening. Don't you like pee yourself
Speaker 5: sometimes and you don't.
Speaker 6: Know, well.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, yeah, that can happen.
Speaker 2: I just didn't know, you know, saying it's all attached,
Speaker 2: So I don't know.
Speaker 3: So like when I'm so like when I'm pushing like
Speaker 3: out my poop, you're afraid that I'm gonna push my
Speaker 3: baby out?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 3: No, Mark, why are you nodding head over there?
Speaker 1: I just see what she's saying. That's all I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think, because I get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're using the same muscles to push out your
Speaker 2: poop and your baby. Well, isn't it like not your
Speaker 2: babies can come through your hiking up?
Speaker 3: She literally just put her leg on.
Speaker 5: I just feel like it's like ready position.
Speaker 3: I mean, he is had down.
Speaker 1: There's news reports of women giving birth and bathroom stalls.
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
Speaker 2: I assume that's what happened.
Speaker 1: They pushed too hard.
Speaker 5: I mean, you're a lot stronger than you think.
Speaker 3: It is true.
Speaker 2: That is true.
Speaker 3: You know what I would love if you pooped out
Speaker 3: your baby. That would be great. I just think that
Speaker 3: would be just a great three sixty karma. I mean
Speaker 3: switching gears.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3: It's obviously been a total devastation here in California with
Speaker 3: the wildfires, and our hearts go out to all the
Speaker 3: family members and the houses and just everything that Northern
Speaker 3: California and here in southern California that you know, people
Speaker 3: have been dealing with the fires. Sarah has an interesting
Speaker 3: story that happened to her regarding the fires.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was crazy. So the night before was actually
Speaker 5: the shooting up Orlin, which is I can't even devastating, but.
Speaker 2: I live there. The shooter lived a block away from No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so ty well, boyfriend, So did you ever know
Speaker 3: did you ever meet.
Speaker 1: Him or never met him and didn't know his mom
Speaker 1: or anything? But I know the house, like when I
Speaker 1: saw the house, like, oh yeah, walk past that house
Speaker 1: walking my dog every single day.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I haven't seen the news around the parents,
Speaker 3: how were they did?
Speaker 1: The main thing with this guy seems to be although
Speaker 1: now high school friends if they're saying he was aggressive
Speaker 1: in high school, but a lot of people as saying
Speaker 1: that he was a marine and when he got back
Speaker 1: he was not the same anymore. And we all know
Speaker 1: that different people react differently to the shovel of trauma.
Speaker 1: And he was infantry like machine gun, hamler like he
Speaker 1: was in it. Yeah, So I don't know how much
Speaker 1: you blame the mom how much? Like I think there's
Speaker 1: a natural instinct to blame him or the mom or
Speaker 1: somebody or society or whatever it is. I don't know
Speaker 1: who to blame in this situation.
Speaker 5: It's just sad.
Speaker 3: It's just so sad all around.
Speaker 5: Said, Yeah, but ties from there and his family lives there.
Speaker 5: So the night before we woke up to I mean,
Speaker 5: I had fifteen miss calls he had and you pan it.
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't now, I know what my mom
Speaker 5: would always say, like, you know, when you get a
Speaker 5: phone call in the middle of the night, she's just
Speaker 5: never and I'm like, who could be what could be
Speaker 5: going on? And it was his mom calling us, you know,
Speaker 5: are you okay? As everyone okay telling us about the shooting.
Speaker 5: And then the next night we wake up again just
Speaker 5: so many phone calls and our dogs are going crazy.
Speaker 5: And then I started freaking out. I'm like, is there
Speaker 5: an earthquake? What's going on? And I go to our
Speaker 5: front door and his whole family is there.
Speaker 3: Wayne Gretzky is standing out the front.
Speaker 5: Yes, his whole family showed up to our apartment, which
Speaker 5: is not very big, and they're like, we had to
Speaker 5: evacuate the fun and it was just like, oh, it's
Speaker 5: just so much, and it's one of those things where
Speaker 5: you never think it could happen, and then all of
Speaker 5: a sudden, like, I'm making coffee. It was three day out.
Speaker 3: Did how does Wayne Gretzky like his coffee?
Speaker 2: He?
Speaker 5: Oh, my god, So.
Speaker 3: You have to make him breakfast? Do know?
Speaker 5: They were actually the best because Ty and I were like, uh,
Speaker 5: make yourselves at home.
Speaker 3: By the way, it wasn't just Wayne, it was it was.
Speaker 5: Wayne and his mom and his two little siblings and
Speaker 5: his uncle and the tennis coach. And so we show
Speaker 5: up in the morning and they all they were like,
Speaker 5: we had to evacuate. We got on the road, we
Speaker 5: got out of there, and so I made them coffee.
Speaker 5: He liked it with half in half, but I accidentally
Speaker 5: put in sweet cream.
Speaker 2: Dare you?
Speaker 5: He literally he goes, this is the best coffee ever.
Speaker 5: And Janet goes, what did you put in it? And
Speaker 5: I go sweet cream and she goes, well, the way
Speaker 5: that's why it was like, he goes, I said half
Speaker 5: in half, and I was like, yeah, I don't know
Speaker 5: if you we have nothing, and I mean, we're never
Speaker 5: we don't have anything, but they were so I mean
Speaker 5: we were like, okay, we went back to sleep, and
Speaker 5: then we woke up and his mom got us flowers
Speaker 5: and like she stalked our fridge, and I was like, really,
Speaker 5: I know, but I'm like, you guys are the one. Like,
Speaker 5: I mean, they didn't sleep at all. They stayed up
Speaker 5: all night watching the news tracking it because they couldn't
Speaker 5: even they couldn't even think. And and then of course
Speaker 5: they're just you know, parents, and their house is fine.
Speaker 5: They're okay, they've been there.
Speaker 2: Were about their neighborhood. We've been that any house in
Speaker 2: that neighborhood.
Speaker 5: No, but it was crazy. His brother was putting up videos.
Speaker 5: So remember the lake. I don't know if you guys
Speaker 5: saw the lake. Did you see So they were getting
Speaker 5: helicopters were going in there getting water.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the big long tubes.
Speaker 5: And it was crazy because his brother was like documenting
Speaker 5: it on Instagram all you know, all day Wow, but
Speaker 5: it was crazy. But it changes so much. But I'm
Speaker 5: pretty sure, Yeah, everything lifted and they're fine to be
Speaker 5: there now.
Speaker 3: I felt like, i mean, even with just the shooting
Speaker 3: and the fires, I felt so helpless, like not being
Speaker 3: able to do something like I wanted to be able to.
Speaker 5: It's the worst we were talking.
Speaker 3: I mean, I know, yeah you came over right there,
Speaker 3: Yeah you were Yeah, you came over that next morning
Speaker 3: and I was like, man, I know, I'm like ten
Speaker 3: months pregnant basically, but I wish I could go help
Speaker 3: put out fires. But you just kind of feel so
Speaker 3: helpless sitting in your cozy little home. Yeah, Christmas separation.
Speaker 5: Guilty.
Speaker 2: You know. It's like it's the similar feeling of like
Speaker 2: if you go to a third world country, right and
Speaker 2: do like a charity thing like was ding to, you know, hunters,
Speaker 2: stuff like that, and then you come back you feel
Speaker 2: guilty for having what you have when really you just
Speaker 2: wanted you should just appreciate it more it's like the
Speaker 2: same thing. It's like we feel bad. You know, we're
Speaker 2: talking outside here about people who you know, they have
Speaker 2: homes and they're the only four homes at the entire
Speaker 2: namehood that you know didn't catch fire. It's like, do
Speaker 2: you feel bad walking into your house? You know you
Speaker 2: can only do so much to get back to people.
Speaker 5: I feel like it's just a heavy feeling for everyone.
Speaker 2: It is. It is.
Speaker 3: It's so speaking of underrest, do you remember when we
Speaker 3: took out the water the water capsule in the shower.
Speaker 3: We wanted more water to come out. You're a terrible
Speaker 3: person bringing that up or are you not remembering?
Speaker 2: You for you telling me to do that? This is
Speaker 2: all you're doing.
Speaker 3: It's like there's not enough water, Like there's like.
Speaker 2: Water restrictors, water restrictors in like this hotel that we
Speaker 2: were in, and Jana is like, I need more. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: if you guys want to donate it all and help
Speaker 2: out with people out here suffering from the fires, if
Speaker 2: you text the words red Cross to nine oh nine
Speaker 2: nine nine, that's an automatic ten dollars donation, just you know,
Speaker 2: to help. Every little bit helps. To this point, people
Speaker 2: have lost everything, lots of people. So again, text Red
Speaker 2: Cross to nine oh.
Speaker 3: Nine nine nine what you drink and your ten dollars
Speaker 3: latte from Starbucks? You could have given that to the
Speaker 3: fire people.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yes, make people real guilty for drinking their morning coffee.
Speaker 3: I know, it's what we just talked about.
Speaker 5: Shoot, No, we were so kilt.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Hey Sarah, you still don't have a ring on your finger?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: I don't, Okay, moving on.
Speaker 3: Moving on, all right. So, one of the things that
Speaker 3: Michael and I are now loving in our house is
Speaker 3: our Amazon Fire TV. So it brings all the live
Speaker 3: and streaming content you love to the biggest screen in
Speaker 3: your house, so you can watch everything you love with
Speaker 3: access to Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu and so much more.
Speaker 3: And with our baby on the way, we're trying to
Speaker 3: binge as much as we can right now, so it's great.
Speaker 3: And you can even watch YouTube videos and access websites
Speaker 3: like Reddit and Facebook. On fire TV, there's makeup tatorials Michael,
Speaker 3: if you want to like watch any of those true
Speaker 3: cake icing videos to all the new drama that's all
Speaker 3: the buzz, whatever you're into it is on fire TV.
Speaker 2: Cooking videos if you want to watch some.
Speaker 3: Of those exactly and you can just be like, hey,
Speaker 3: Alexa open YouTube. I mean, I just think that's great
Speaker 3: because you can have everything in your house just working together.
Speaker 3: And if that wasn't enough, you can listen to this
Speaker 3: podcast and music with the iHeartRadio app on fire TV. So, hey,
Speaker 3: head over to www dot Amazon dot com slash windown again,
Speaker 3: that's Amazon dot com slash winddown to order a fireTV
Speaker 3: of your very owned and they make great gifts for
Speaker 3: your friends and family this holiday season.
Speaker 2: Hey, do you want to bring up real quick what
Speaker 2: we talked about. Maybe you say you saved for the podcast.
Speaker 3: Something happened the other day where Okay, we've heard that
Speaker 3: when you have a sibling with a baby to always
Speaker 3: bring the gift for the sibling, the older sibling, I've heard,
Speaker 3: and not to go straight to the baby. So when
Speaker 3: our baby boy comes, you know, people don't go straight
Speaker 3: to the baby. You say hello to Jolie first. And
Speaker 3: some that we should keep presents on hand for Jolie
Speaker 3: because no one's going to bring presents for Joeli. So
Speaker 3: we have a friend that just had a new baby
Speaker 3: and they've got two.
Speaker 2: Girls and this is their third.
Speaker 3: This is their third, and so I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is a perfect opportunity for us to be able
Speaker 3: to bring the presence for their two girls on top
Speaker 3: of their baby, you know, And so go ahead.
Speaker 2: And this is an old work buddy of mine, okay,
Speaker 2: a friendship that I value. And I asked Janna, I said, hey,
Speaker 2: when you go get something, because she was running out
Speaker 2: to this little cute store of our house to get
Speaker 2: something for the infant, I said, hey, can you just
Speaker 2: grab a bag, like there's like a present bag to
Speaker 2: put these other presents in? Because I didn't want to
Speaker 2: show up in like the store bag that we got
Speaker 2: them in, like plastic bag. I didn't want to carry
Speaker 2: a boy themselves. I just wanted a nice bag just
Speaker 2: to carry in. Just that's it. I don't want to
Speaker 2: carry the two presents under our arms. Yeah, and Janet
Speaker 2: didn't get.
Speaker 3: One because what there's no reason?
Speaker 2: Okay, but I didn't add real quick. And I was
Speaker 2: thinking about this yesterday and I actually kind of like,
Speaker 2: I was it bothered you? It really did bother me
Speaker 2: because I was the car it didn't. I wasn't asking,
Speaker 2: like what do you think should we do this? I
Speaker 2: asked her, I said, can you please get this bag? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I would like to put these other presents for the
Speaker 2: girls in this bag, but we.
Speaker 3: Already went out of our way to get a present
Speaker 3: for them. It doesn't make the girls don't care that
Speaker 3: they're wrapped or in presence.
Speaker 2: It's just about that I asked you for that.
Speaker 3: I understand that, but it's just and I get that,
Speaker 3: and I apologize that I didn't because you did ask
Speaker 3: me for what you wanted. But in my and I
Speaker 3: and I didn't do it, and I should have just
Speaker 3: done it. But in my head, I'm like, we went
Speaker 3: out of our way to get them presents for the girls.
Speaker 3: I have the other stuff wrapped really pretty, so you know,
Speaker 3: who cares if the little Barbie doll play sets for
Speaker 3: the two girls aren't wrapped. They're just gonna be happy
Speaker 3: that they got something. But then he was just, you
Speaker 3: know again, He's like, but I.
Speaker 5: Asked for so did you not do it because you
Speaker 5: like didn't feel like it, or you were tired or
Speaker 5: you didn't have time.
Speaker 3: No, I just I really just didn't think that it
Speaker 3: was important.
Speaker 2: Which I wasn't asking for opinion.
Speaker 5: I asked her as to do it.
Speaker 2: Please get this while you're at the store. He didn't
Speaker 2: and so, but I appreciate your apologizing today because when
Speaker 2: we went over it, she didn't apologize.
Speaker 5: Well, I just didn't, you know, because if you would
Speaker 5: have asked him, I'm just in the middle because I'm
Speaker 5: the same like if ty Sarah continue, But would you
Speaker 5: be that mad or no?
Speaker 3: Yes, I would be mad because I asked for what
Speaker 3: I wanted and I didn't. Because there's times when he's
Speaker 3: like let me, I'm like, no, I don't need you
Speaker 3: to carry this like I got it. If I will,
Speaker 3: I'll ask you if I need something.
Speaker 5: Like are you mad that you asked her to do
Speaker 5: something and she didn't? Or are you mad that she
Speaker 5: that it didn't look nice and it wasn't pretty and.
Speaker 2: Round it came down to you. I was mad that
Speaker 2: I just I asked her straight out what I wanted
Speaker 2: and needed and then she used her own opinion about
Speaker 2: it and decided against it, And I was like, I
Speaker 2: didn't ask for your opinion. I asked, did you get
Speaker 2: this a two dollars bag?
Speaker 5: So I'm psycho because I think I would be mad
Speaker 5: that it didn't look pretty and nice and perfect?
Speaker 3: But who cares? We have to bring the present presence
Speaker 3: it was nearly them. It was a nice stretch that
Speaker 3: we've brought the presence that we thought that nobody else
Speaker 3: would bring presence for the toddlers. We were bringing presents
Speaker 3: for the baby. You already went above and beyond. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I'm like, why get the stupid bag with the fluff.
Speaker 3: We don't care what is stupid? A great transition into
Speaker 3: our guests, Hillary, and we have can you help us
Speaker 3: because we clearly need a little issue. We have a
Speaker 3: little issue.
Speaker 2: Here, and give our listeners kind of your background real
Speaker 2: quick so they can understand how awesome you are.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I'm doctor Hillary Goulcher, and I have a private practice
Speaker 4: in Beverly Hills.
Speaker 6: I'm a licensed clinical psychologist.
Speaker 4: And I work a lot with couples, and I work
Speaker 4: a lot with couples in the public eye. And I
Speaker 4: work on other stuff too, trauma and anxiety, depression, eating disorders,
Speaker 4: parenting stuff, all sorts of things. So I have a
Speaker 4: practice in Beverly Hills, and I do a lot of
Speaker 4: media stuff, sort of local media and the news, CNN,
Speaker 4: Fox and commenting on.
Speaker 6: Various psychological issues. From a therapist perspective.
Speaker 3: How could I have done better? Should I have just
Speaker 3: gotten the bag, even though I didn't agree with the
Speaker 3: extra few bucks that we should just spend because we
Speaker 3: already went above and not like because he asked for it,
Speaker 3: should I have just done it?
Speaker 4: You know, I think we have to step back for
Speaker 4: a moment because I think it's more of a good
Speaker 4: will issue. That's kind of what's coming up for me,
Speaker 4: because it like from the outsider, it's kind of such
Speaker 4: a small thing.
Speaker 6: But if there were enough good will.
Speaker 4: Between you two, and like, this is my first time
Speaker 4: with you, I know a little bit about your history
Speaker 4: from listening to a couple of the last podcasts, so
Speaker 4: that's a limited but still, but if they're a little
Speaker 4: more good will, this would come easier for you to
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like he would have said, yeah,
Speaker 4: I prefer them this way, and you would have been
Speaker 4: like okay, because like there's enough emotional like money in
Speaker 4: the bank, but it doesn't trigger you, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, And there's enough good will where you're like
Speaker 4: it's not iportant to me, it's important to him, So like.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to choose this time to stay on
Speaker 2: ground to be like this is ridiculous.
Speaker 4: And it seems like there's enough tension between you guys
Speaker 4: in the last period of your life, that there's not
Speaker 4: an immediate good will that you lean into.
Speaker 2: We're depositing in the bank more now.
Speaker 4: But that's a great point, right, That's what it sounds like.
Speaker 4: You guys are on the upswing. Yeah, but I mean,
Speaker 4: like you know, so your question, I mean, sure, probably
Speaker 4: maybe you should have done that since he specifically asked, Hey,
Speaker 4: this might seem small to you, Well, maybe you didn't
Speaker 4: say it like I mean, which might be a good
Speaker 4: way to say it, but like, hey, this might seem
Speaker 4: small to me, but small to you, but it's important
Speaker 4: to me. Can we just figure out a way to
Speaker 4: do this kind of thing.
Speaker 5: You're also like one hundred months pregnant. Like in your defense,
Speaker 5: I don't know, maybe you just go I'm just saying
Speaker 5: like sometimes it's just like.
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, I don't know, I think.
Speaker 4: And that's where the goodwill piece comes in, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, because it can go either way. Like
Speaker 4: if there were enough good will between you two and
Speaker 4: she had been like no, you might have.
Speaker 6: Been like, you know what, Okay.
Speaker 3: It's not like it's not like they it's a birthday
Speaker 3: present for them. It was just an extended awesome offer
Speaker 3: any or a nice gesture that we did anyways, on
Speaker 3: top of it that why did it have to have
Speaker 3: bells and whistles on it? We already went above and beyond.
Speaker 3: We're also bringing food over there to cook for them.
Speaker 3: We're also doing a B and C like why do
Speaker 3: I have to get a stupid bag with stuff on it?
Speaker 5: It's just stupid?
Speaker 3: How dare I's But again, you asked for what you want,
Speaker 3: and if it was something that I wanted, and I
Speaker 3: would have been bummed too. If I asked for twelve
Speaker 3: lemons and you only bring me six lemons, I'm going
Speaker 3: to be upset.
Speaker 4: Well, I feel like for this period of time for
Speaker 4: you guys, as you're in the rebuilding process, like when
Speaker 4: one of you takes the risk to ask for what
Speaker 4: you want, whether it's like about you know, the bag
Speaker 4: and how it's dressed, or whether it's like in the
Speaker 4: bedroom or something. When someone does that, that it's really
Speaker 4: important for this period of time to be hyper sensitive.
Speaker 6: To that, Like like ding he did that, I need.
Speaker 4: To take a minute and like step outside of myself
Speaker 4: and make sure I attempt at least to like adhere
Speaker 4: to his request because he did that, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, I totally get that, and that it's some
Speaker 4: other point down the line, six months, a year or whatever,
Speaker 4: there'll be more goodwill between you guys where it's like,
Speaker 4: you know, we have we have some room to play here, Like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm going to fight back today because I'm one hundred
Speaker 4: months pregnant. I'm just like doing it and you're like,
Speaker 4: you know what, she's one hundred months pregnant, she's grabbing.
Speaker 6: She doesn't really do it right. You just don't have
Speaker 6: like a lot of like rubber band between you two
Speaker 6: right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's true too, just because I get upset
Speaker 3: when I'm like, I've asked you for what you need
Speaker 3: and you didn't. So it's like, once we kind of
Speaker 3: build those up a little bit more, then it won't
Speaker 3: be like you should saying, then we're gonna have some
Speaker 3: like good wiggle room.
Speaker 6: That's right.
Speaker 4: It won't be like this forever where you can never
Speaker 4: have a day where you're like, I just can't be
Speaker 4: the hero in this moment. I just can't step up
Speaker 4: even though it's a small request and where you're like, Okay,
Speaker 4: she's just moody and right, but it's fine, I can
Speaker 4: let it go.
Speaker 2: Which is funny because we have we've acknowledged that we're
Speaker 2: starting to get better at that. Yeah, where we really
Speaker 2: are where we're just kind of like we're not digging
Speaker 2: at if someone's we can feel attention or you know,
Speaker 2: there's something was said, we don't dig at each other
Speaker 2: as much or just kind of let it be. It's like,
Speaker 2: all right, well we'll revisit this later.
Speaker 3: Yeah, switching gears really fast. Sarah, I really want you
Speaker 3: to get your opinion. Yes, you're her, Yeah, what's going
Speaker 3: on with your I.
Speaker 5: Just want a question because I feel like this is
Speaker 5: a big issue. Like you know, we're always you're always
Speaker 5: hearing about people dating people that their parents or their
Speaker 5: friends or their families don't approve of. I'm not in
Speaker 5: that situation, just saying, but I'm just wondering because like
Speaker 5: for Mike and Janet, you know, she went through something.
Speaker 5: I'm sure she told her family what went down. You know,
Speaker 5: my friends, your friend's family, you got people involved emotionally, however,
Speaker 5: you know, whatever, how what is the process when she
Speaker 5: gets when when she makes the decision she and Mike,
Speaker 5: you know, what is the process of her now saying Okay, everyone,
Speaker 5: everything I said, I still feel or I don't feel
Speaker 5: or do you know what I mean? Like, how how
Speaker 5: are people supposed to go.
Speaker 3: From basically hating Mike to not hating me extreme for well,
Speaker 3: so you're so this person has said a bunch of
Speaker 3: bad stuff about the person that she's there with, and
Speaker 3: then now is like, never mind, he's working on himself.
Speaker 3: So y'all need to like him. Is basically the gist
Speaker 3: of this situation.
Speaker 5: Yeah, in that scenario, what I guess. I just want
Speaker 5: to understand in your scenario.
Speaker 2: And just to clarify because I don't Jana, is your situation.
Speaker 3: I don't, which is kind of in the middle of something.
Speaker 2: But you're one of the outsiders who now you're supposed
Speaker 2: to change your opinion of.
Speaker 5: This person, not even change. I just want to understand.
Speaker 3: They want this, they want her. I want to bat
Speaker 3: on board.
Speaker 5: I just want to understand the flip switch and whether,
Speaker 5: I mean I even have talked to Janna, I've heard her,
Speaker 5: you know, just in general, Like, I'm just curious, what
Speaker 5: are we supposed to you know, when you know so much,
Speaker 5: how do you unknow it?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I mean I don't think there is such a thing
Speaker 4: as a flip switch. That would be like an unre
Speaker 4: expectation because the person asking you for that courtesy didn't
Speaker 4: have a flip switch either. They went through a whole process,
Speaker 4: whatever the process was. They went through therapy, they consulted friends,
Speaker 4: they consulted family, they saw a pastor, right, I mean,
Speaker 4: they didn't flip a switch. They over a period of time,
Speaker 4: made a decision. And so I can't imagine that someone
Speaker 4: could also flip a switch, or could flip a switch
Speaker 4: in any scenario really, so to me, I mean, it
Speaker 4: depends which side you're looking on. If it's Jana telling
Speaker 4: her friends. So I've made a decision. I'm continuing my
Speaker 4: life with Mike, you know, to acknowledge, like I know,
Speaker 4: this might be hard, Like you were on this road
Speaker 4: with me and it looked like it was going to
Speaker 4: go a different direction. There are a lot of feelings,
Speaker 4: a lot of things happen, and some of them were amazing,
Speaker 4: some of them were awful, And it might be really
Speaker 4: hard to like turn the emotional car around and come
Speaker 4: on this journey with me. But I'm asking you to
Speaker 4: and I acknowledge that it might be at your own pace,
Speaker 4: it might not be right along with me and I'm
Speaker 4: okay with that kind of thing.
Speaker 5: I guess it's just like what's the borderline between supporting
Speaker 5: and then right because I think this.
Speaker 3: Is yeah, this is a got it.
Speaker 4: Yes, well there is. I mean, if there's something abusive
Speaker 4: going on, either mentally, verbally or physically, that's that's a
Speaker 4: different scenario.
Speaker 6: Like all bets are off.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if the person has done that, then it's
Speaker 3: gonna be hard for the other people to be on
Speaker 3: board with that relationship when you know a B and C.
Speaker 5: I just wonder how, you know, it's so hard, especially
Speaker 5: in this time, like you know, everything's so sensitive and
Speaker 5: everything's so political, and it's just like how do you
Speaker 5: be supportive and how you know without hurting feelings or
Speaker 5: without saying too much or not saying enough. And you know,
Speaker 5: even I didn't know Janna at the time that she
Speaker 5: went through everything they were going through. I mean I
Speaker 5: met her a year and a half ago, but even then,
Speaker 5: it's like, I feel like all you can really do
Speaker 5: is just kind of stand by and listen, But like,
Speaker 5: how much is enough?
Speaker 4: I think you can say out loud to the people
Speaker 4: that you're you're dealing with that like, I need to
Speaker 4: see a history of positive health, the non toxic behavior
Speaker 4: for me to be on board.
Speaker 5: And just look forward.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's not where I am right now.
Speaker 4: I'm going to follow your lead in terms of understanding
Speaker 4: that you're moving forward with this person, and I'll stand
Speaker 4: by and support of you. But I need to see
Speaker 4: a history for me as an individual to be on board.
Speaker 3: I like that I was, and I was kind of
Speaker 3: telling him, or when I was talking to Sarah about this,
Speaker 3: I was saying, you know, with Michael, not everybody was
Speaker 3: on board the day I said I'm staying with Michael.
Speaker 3: It took months year.
Speaker 2: Ago, especially because there's never one day that you said
Speaker 2: I'm staying.
Speaker 3: With Mike, right But it's it's a it's a price.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, see the process and if he looks
Speaker 3: like he's changing and continuing to grow, then that's your Okay.
Speaker 3: He is trying, he is becoming the man that he
Speaker 3: says he's going to be in this relationship. So but
Speaker 3: for the person to be you know, it's this or
Speaker 3: either support or not support. Is that it's a little
Speaker 3: aggressive with the situation.
Speaker 5: I think that and I think everyone's different to everyone
Speaker 5: has their ways of dealing with whatever they are dealing with.
Speaker 5: I just think that I've seen that in a lot
Speaker 5: of friends and family and people I know where they're
Speaker 5: with people that maybe the others don't. It's hard when
Speaker 5: you care about someone too that you don't maybe approve of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long has it been since things are trying
Speaker 2: to turn to the other direction? Like how long have
Speaker 2: you been expected now to get on board?
Speaker 5: Not long?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but because it's she's just heard a lot of
Speaker 3: bad stuff, right, I was just like, wait, why.
Speaker 5: I just feel like, like even I keep bringing back
Speaker 5: to Jana because that's really the only Like others, I
Speaker 5: just feel like when when it's a whole lot going
Speaker 5: around and there's a lot of people involved, which I'm
Speaker 5: sure there was a ton of people involved with you,
Speaker 5: I just don't know, like when is too much? Like
Speaker 5: do I step in, do I step back? Do I watch?
Speaker 5: Do I say? You know? I just don't know, And
Speaker 5: I think a lot of people don't know when do
Speaker 5: I fully voice my.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'll say this for my friends. I know
Speaker 3: there was a couple times where I'm like, that's it,
Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm leaving, and then I then I you know,
Speaker 3: we worked on it, and then there was another incidents
Speaker 3: that happened where I called them, told them, and then
Speaker 3: I knew that I had to leave because I've now
Speaker 3: just told so much that I would be crazy not
Speaker 3: to leave, and they would I know what they would say.
Speaker 3: And but then when I said I was still staying.
Speaker 3: You know, I know what my girlfriend thought. But they
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, they still love me,
Speaker 3: and they're like, I mean, we disagree with you, but
Speaker 3: we love you and we'll support you.
Speaker 5: Because that's what I think is hard. You don't want
Speaker 5: to make like you if we were friends in that time,
Speaker 5: I would not want to make you feel Okay, I
Speaker 5: just told her this, so now I can't tell her this,
Speaker 5: but now I want to tell I would never want
Speaker 5: to make someone feel like they can't tell me or
Speaker 5: they said too much, or now they're afraid to tell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And then because now Michael's this best version
Speaker 3: he's ever been, so now they're seeing the best version
Speaker 3: of him. So if I didn't stay and give that chance,
Speaker 3: this version, no one would have seen.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think one of the things to keep in mind
Speaker 4: is not to alienate the loved one, you know, what
Speaker 4: I mean, the person that you are concerned about, and
Speaker 4: to your point, Jenna being able to say like, I
Speaker 4: love you no matter what.
Speaker 6: Here are my thoughts. I'm worried about this.
Speaker 4: Yea, I feel happy about that, but I'm standing on
Speaker 4: the sidelines here to support you, so that if this
Speaker 4: person needs to come to you at any time, whether
Speaker 4: it's to tell you the great news that everything's wonderful,
Speaker 4: or whether it's to tell you like I need out
Speaker 4: and I need help, I don't like shut that door
Speaker 4: with judgment. But you haven't smoke screened it either by
Speaker 4: not being authentic and saying like, I'm worried about this
Speaker 4: and I have to say it out loud, but I'm
Speaker 4: in your corner no matter what I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's great too, and that that's kind
Speaker 2: of what Jana's family did in our situation where her
Speaker 2: mother came to me, was basically like, look, if Jana
Speaker 2: loves you, we're going to love you. If she doesn't,
Speaker 2: we're not going to. Like simple as that, her entire family,
Speaker 2: there's such a close family. They feed off of Jana's feelings,
Speaker 2: her emotions, her presence, and that really dictated like how
Speaker 2: their interaction with me was over the last two and
Speaker 2: a half years. So for you to like exactly what
Speaker 2: Hillary just said, still be there in support and just
Speaker 2: read off of whoever your friend or whoever it is,
Speaker 2: just be like, I'm going off of you, but here
Speaker 2: are my feelings. I think Hillary hit it on the
Speaker 2: head because that's what chance family did.
Speaker 3: And I also think too for the person that you
Speaker 3: know you're dealing with and kind of me too, we
Speaker 3: want and need sympathy in those moments. But I think
Speaker 3: sometimes too much said is also bad, yeah, because we're
Speaker 3: putting ourselves in a situation like you would be like,
Speaker 3: why did you involve them? Why did you tell them that?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, looking back, I get yeah, I actually
Speaker 3: probably didn't need to do that, and now I've just
Speaker 3: kind of stirred it more and made it worse.
Speaker 5: But you can own and you could admit that, so
Speaker 5: that's yeah.
Speaker 3: But I think in that moment, I just I wanted people,
Speaker 3: just want to have them like be on your side
Speaker 3: and want people rallied around you because it could be
Speaker 3: you don't know, it could be the hardest time of
Speaker 3: your life, so you want to make sure you've got
Speaker 3: people on your bench.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you know, that's actually a good, nice analogy.
Speaker 2: There have a good question for Hillary, because Hillary, you
Speaker 2: deal with you said, a lot of celebrities and maybe
Speaker 2: in the limelight, maybe more their businesses out there. Do
Speaker 2: you have a different approach when you're dealing with someone
Speaker 2: that is of celebrity or known rather than maybe a
Speaker 2: more you know, private couple dealing with these issues?
Speaker 4: But I think the macro answer is not really, you know,
Speaker 4: because when it gets down to it, folks in the
Speaker 4: public eye or celebrities are the same the same, right
Speaker 4: right as any other person. But I mean they do
Speaker 4: bring to the table different issues like what is it
Speaker 4: like to have your husband and yours business you know
Speaker 4: everyone public eye? That is, that is an issue that
Speaker 4: most people wouldn't have to deal with, So in cases
Speaker 4: like your scenario, that's a whole other added pressure. So yes,
Speaker 4: I mean dealing with that and working through that is certainly.
Speaker 6: Something I take on.
Speaker 4: But kind of like when it gets down to like
Speaker 4: the guts of a couple, it's so similar, right, so
Speaker 4: similar stars, they're.
Speaker 3: Just like a right.
Speaker 2: All right, guys. So with our new baby on the way,
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Speaker 3: Do you have a hard time spelling babe b u
Speaker 3: oh okay oka alon And I guess I'm teaching Jolie
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Speaker 3: we're loving. And it's so great because I really am
Speaker 3: trying to have great household products around our house because
Speaker 3: just with you know, I feel like we've had so
Speaker 3: many guests on here they say it's not just about
Speaker 3: what you put in your body, it's about the products
Speaker 3: that you have around your house.
Speaker 2: And that you put that you're exposed to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that we're exposed to. So you know, I started
Speaker 3: to really go through and I was like, man, I
Speaker 3: don't know if the surface cleaner is good, but we've
Speaker 3: always loved Myer's products. We love Bert's Bees, so anything
Speaker 3: from Babyganic. So let me tell you about Grove Collaborative.
Speaker 3: So it is the perfect place to get all of
Speaker 3: your household products for a clean and healthy home. So,
Speaker 3: like Mike just said, there's Brook Babyganics, there's Myers Cleaning supplies, sunscreen, lotions.
Speaker 3: They make sure that all of their products are free
Speaker 3: from animal testing. And the great thing too, is is
Speaker 3: it's cheaper. So when I shop with Grove dot Co,
Speaker 3: I get auto schedule shipments right to my door and
Speaker 3: I could even text a real person to get product recommendations.
Speaker 3: And it's just really great again because they're natural, chemical
Speaker 3: free products for our house and the baby on the way,
Speaker 3: and honestly, it's just it's nice to not have to
Speaker 3: go to the grocery store.
Speaker 2: It is, and Janna's a big advocate for ordering things
Speaker 2: and having them come to our door, and so the
Speaker 2: fact that these are all things that we have used
Speaker 2: on a daily basis even before we found out about
Speaker 2: this has been fantastic.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: co slash Jana. That's Grove dot Co slash Jana. Hey, Mark,
Speaker 3: we read an email for Hillary.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean this is someone wrote us to Jana,
Speaker 1: and I think Hillary could probably really help out this person.
Speaker 1: Whose name is Jill. She says, I feel so lost
Speaker 1: right now. My name is Joanna I'm almost twenty four
Speaker 1: years old. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me,
Speaker 1: and there's just so much history there. I'm really having
Speaker 1: a difficult time being without him. I feel like I
Speaker 1: lost a part of myself. Is there any way to
Speaker 1: have a podcast how to get over a heartbreak? He's
Speaker 1: my first love, my first boyfriend. I need your advice.
Speaker 1: You're so wonderful, Jana, and your podcasts are inspiring, and
Speaker 1: I think this would really help me. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm sorry your heart it's breaking.
Speaker 4: That's heartbreaking work, Joanna, that's none. I was just thinking
Speaker 4: about breakups the other day and thinking about how the
Speaker 4: really and the realm of grief. You know, this really
Speaker 4: is a grief for her. I mean, it's not just
Speaker 4: a breakup, especially when you're with someone for that long.
Speaker 4: It's like losing a family member. It's a death devastating.
Speaker 4: It's devastating. So the idea or expectation that she would
Speaker 4: be sort of okay anytime, really soon is too lofty
Speaker 4: at this point. Like it really is having to grieve
Speaker 4: that loss and grieve the change in friends, in the
Speaker 4: change of what your daily life feels like, and the
Speaker 4: change of what you imagined your future would be like.
Speaker 4: So it's a lot of grief and loss and sadness.
Speaker 4: So I think you have to allow some room for
Speaker 4: that and do a lot of self care around that,
Speaker 4: whatever that.
Speaker 6: Might mean for her.
Speaker 4: What you would do for yourself if you weren't feeling well,
Speaker 4: you know, physically you try to do for yourself when
Speaker 4: you're not feeling well mentally, whether it's like trying to
Speaker 4: exercise or get more sleep, or be with friends or
Speaker 4: loved family or exercise more, that sort of thing. But
Speaker 4: giving her the space to really grieve, and also trying
Speaker 4: to start to put together almost like a mental vision
Speaker 4: board of what her life is going to be like
Speaker 4: moving forward without this person, Like what are the pieces
Speaker 4: of her life that she wants to expand and grow
Speaker 4: that maybe she didn't in the relationship just because of
Speaker 4: sheer time or whatever were the issues in that relationship,
Speaker 4: you know, So starting to have a seed, like a
Speaker 4: kernel of hope start to grow so she can create
Speaker 4: like a new picture of what she's working towards.
Speaker 3: I like that a lot. And I also think obviously
Speaker 3: when you're in the middle of it, it's the worst
Speaker 3: breakups are just awful, But At the same time, though,
Speaker 3: I'm thinking about all my breakups, and I remember, I
Speaker 3: have a diary too that i've I've kept, and sometimes
Speaker 3: I go back and I I you do, Yeah, I
Speaker 3: go back and I just it's like, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: reading how devastated I was from this, you know, from
Speaker 3: the breakups. But then I look, you know, a year later,
Speaker 3: and I'm a different person. I'm happier, I'm with someone new,
Speaker 3: and you know, it's like the doors. It's it's crazy
Speaker 3: what happens when door shut and the windows and it's.
Speaker 5: So cliche, but I totally I you become so much
Speaker 5: stronger and you grow so much like I look at
Speaker 5: my sixteen year old self. Oh, but like it's crazy,
Speaker 5: Like I literally it's funny. I always go back to
Speaker 5: that and I'm like, no, I something changed, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean, Like you just become a different You
Speaker 5: become stronger than you thought because the days, you know,
Speaker 5: you feel like it's the end of the world and
Speaker 5: you don't want to like see the world or you
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I watched Sex in the City for
Speaker 5: two weeks straight. I'll never forget my first breakup. As
Speaker 5: the eighteen the world was ending, my dad was like,
Speaker 5: get out of it, but it's you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the mostially at that age, it's like so young. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we all have a high school sweetheart for sure, but
Speaker 3: even just in our twenties, you know, my twenties, I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm never going to find anyone, and then
Speaker 3: you know, we break up and it's just awful, and
Speaker 3: but you always you just learn and you grow so
Speaker 3: much more about yourself. And I would just embrace that
Speaker 3: time and embrace the growth that you're going to have
Speaker 3: for yourself and and you know who you're it's exciting
Speaker 3: to be like, okay, like then who is my person?
Speaker 4: Well, and one thing I always think about is that
Speaker 4: is that feeling states never stay the same. Like pick
Speaker 4: the worst feeling you've ever ever had in your life,
Speaker 4: and you imagine it would never go away.
Speaker 6: It always shifts and changes, always always owen.
Speaker 5: It's like good one.
Speaker 4: No one has ever been able to give me an
Speaker 4: example where that's not true. It doesn't mean like grief
Speaker 4: might not carry with you, or sadness or hurt or
Speaker 4: whatever it is, but they never stay exactly the same.
Speaker 4: So sort of knowing that and believing that, uh huh, well,
Speaker 4: sort of give some hope for the future. And to
Speaker 4: your point, Jane, I totally agree. There's no a breakup
Speaker 4: in my own personal history. But I can't think of
Speaker 4: that I didn't learn something significant, whether it was like
Speaker 4: a year later or five years later or three months later.
Speaker 4: I'm mary not I have two kids, but all of
Speaker 4: that history and heartbreak that I also hadn't had those moments, like,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't trade one of them.
Speaker 2: Right, And Joanna, if a lot of that too, is
Speaker 2: you know, relating to other people's stories, if maybe she
Speaker 2: has friends that have gone through bad breakups. But if
Speaker 2: this helps this situation, if Jana and I can go
Speaker 2: through the pain that we have both felt from our situation,
Speaker 2: which I mean during the midst of it, did you
Speaker 2: ever think goes and to go away?
Speaker 3: Never?
Speaker 2: Never me either ever ever?
Speaker 3: And so and it's still there from time to time, right,
Speaker 3: which lessons over.
Speaker 2: Time exactly Hillary's point, Like the grief and stuff like
Speaker 2: that doesn't just go away. You learned something from it,
Speaker 2: you become stronger from it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that it does.
Speaker 2: Being in the midst of that, it lessons where not
Speaker 2: in that anymore? If we can go through that, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think Joanna can go through that grief, go through
Speaker 2: that pain and come out on the other side. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, right now it feels like it won't ever
Speaker 2: run the killer, he said.
Speaker 3: I mean your your lobster's out there. Don't worry.
Speaker 2: Okay. So today's show is sponsored by talk Space again,
Speaker 2: the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed
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Speaker 3: Do you know, by the way, sorry not to interrupt you,
Speaker 3: but how many times I have like needed advice in
Speaker 3: that moment, and you know, my therapist there is like,
Speaker 3: well I can see you next Tuesday. Like I don't
Speaker 3: want I need now now.
Speaker 2: Now you're a now kind of person.
Speaker 3: I need it right now. And then I get on
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Speaker 3: but I really need to talk to a therapist.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, or your husband, but better off just text a therapist.
Speaker 2: That means you can prove your mental health even if
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Speaker 2: your Internet thoughts or digging into childhood memories. It's also
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Speaker 3: So I guess I had to say something really fast.
Speaker 3: Kind of gets jealous when my fab fit fun boxes
Speaker 3: come to the door and you do, and he's like, well, oh,
Speaker 3: in a box. So I'll never forget the day that
Speaker 3: our producer Amy texts me and says, can you pick
Speaker 3: out a man crate for Michael? And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: a man.
Speaker 2: Crately, I've been dying to this spot.
Speaker 3: What is this? So I go on man Crates and
Speaker 3: I start looking at all these different crates and there
Speaker 3: are so many different ones, like and you by the way,
Speaker 3: you guys Again, Michael's been dying to do this spot
Speaker 3: because it's truly so authentic to his needs. So anyways,
Speaker 3: so I'm going through. I'm like, Okay, there's a crate
Speaker 3: for whiskey. There's a crate for cooking. There's like a
Speaker 3: make your own knife. There's all like, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, like a horse in the stable right now, just
Speaker 2: ready for Jane to open the gate so I can
Speaker 2: just start talking about it, I know.
Speaker 3: But I'm like, there's all these different things, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know what, Amy, this is kind of overwhelming because
Speaker 3: you know, Mike likes to cook, he likes whiskey, he
Speaker 3: likes knives, he likes these things. But then I saw
Speaker 3: this one crate and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 3: He's probably gonna pick this crate, but I'm just gonna
Speaker 3: let him choose whatever one he wants, and guess which
Speaker 3: one he chose Michael, go for it. You're out of
Speaker 3: the stable, baby.
Speaker 2: So yeah, Janna was overwhelmed, and so going through it,
Speaker 2: I went through. There were I think one hundred and
Speaker 2: fifteen man crates total on the site. When I look,
Speaker 2: there's probably even more now, actually there are even more.
Speaker 2: So there's over one hundred different types of man crates.
Speaker 3: Are they really?
Speaker 2: Yes? We trust me. I look through all of them
Speaker 2: and the ones that I found to get.
Speaker 3: Drumroll please for which one didn't Mike Kid.
Speaker 2: Zombie Annihilates you get, baby, it came, That's right. It
Speaker 2: came with an eleven inch machete, a tomahawk, a six
Speaker 2: inch knife, gorilla glue, duct tape, wait book for Zombie
Speaker 2: Apocalypse Survival Guide the same author of Ward Wars. He
Speaker 2: knows what he's talking about. So I am prepped and ready.
Speaker 3: I was like, why do you? And I knew it
Speaker 3: the second I saw Zombie Nihilation. I was like, I
Speaker 3: bet you he's going to pick that one. And that's
Speaker 3: the one you picked up.
Speaker 2: With a smile on my face, I texted Janna back,
Speaker 2: I said, I want the Zombie Annihilation man create Now.
Speaker 2: It's just stuff that I would never buy. Myself. You know,
Speaker 2: stuff that's fun to have as a man, and so
Speaker 2: especially for this holiday season, there are so many options
Speaker 2: for your father, for your father.
Speaker 3: Now, we got my brother, We got my brother the
Speaker 3: whiskey kit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's so many options for that. For
Speaker 2: that mail in your life that you don't know what
Speaker 2: to get, I'm telling you you will find something. There's
Speaker 2: you can create.
Speaker 3: The greatest thing ever.
Speaker 2: You can create your own knife on there. You can
Speaker 2: open the crate, you can create your own knife.
Speaker 3: You're so excited.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to I mean, I mean anything exotic
Speaker 2: meats where they have ostrich alligator, all that kind of
Speaker 2: jerky grilling, different types of grilling.
Speaker 3: I will say, it's really okay, Michael, Okay, calm down.
Speaker 3: It's really hard to shop for the men in your life.
Speaker 3: I mean such a like my dad, my brother. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't know what to get you. But I mean
Speaker 3: this truly is the place to go. Man, create, Go ahead, Michael,
Speaker 3: why don't.
Speaker 2: You just yes, please let me finish. And every most
Speaker 2: gifts ship in a sealed wooden crate with a crowbar,
Speaker 2: and so you have to the mint. It was a
Speaker 2: gift to me so I had a pride open with
Speaker 2: this crowbar. He found me demand it is legit. I
Speaker 2: didn't feel like a man. That took me a little while,
Speaker 2: but that was part of the fun. That's part of
Speaker 2: the novelty and is such a great time and I
Speaker 2: really enjoyed it. Just remember, with man Crates, you're giving
Speaker 2: more than a gift. You're giving a gift experience that
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Speaker 2: satisfaction guarantee, and I can vouch for that because I
Speaker 2: also have the whiskey Man Create as well, so they're
Speaker 2: two for two for me. I'm on my way to
Speaker 2: over a hunt.
Speaker 3: Okay, Michael'll get to it.
Speaker 2: Listeners. Listeners to this show, buy one gift and you
Speaker 2: will get the second gift for twenty five percent off
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Speaker 3: Can we talk about anxiety?
Speaker 5: For a second.
Speaker 3: Yes, So I have really, really, really bad anxiety. I
Speaker 3: had PTSD when I from an incident when I was
Speaker 3: twenty one. And so Michael and I got into an
Speaker 3: argument last night on the car ride home from our
Speaker 3: friend's house, uh, because we were talking about I brought
Speaker 3: up something to our friends and I said, I'm starting
Speaker 3: to have anxiety. And I brought this up with my
Speaker 3: therapist too, because and she wanted me to share with
Speaker 3: Michael that I'm having anxiety about the sea section that
Speaker 3: I that you know we're going to have. And I
Speaker 3: had a really tough sea section with Jolie. I freak out,
Speaker 3: Who do you want to explain? Since you feel like
Speaker 3: what you said to me last.
Speaker 2: Night basically that was bad. But basically Janet gets it.
Speaker 2: Starts to get anxiety about the birth and being in
Speaker 2: the hospital and the pain, and then so for with
Speaker 2: when we had Jolie, she was like, I need like
Speaker 2: the epidura, I need the epidural, like kind of like
Speaker 2: screaming at the doctors. She gets me screaming at that,
Speaker 2: not screaming, but you're you know, you're anxious, You're wrapped up.
Speaker 2: You're like, hey, I need the epidural. You get the epidural,
Speaker 2: then you start freaking out because you can't feel anything.
Speaker 3: So I don't like to feel like. It was the
Speaker 3: weirdest feeling in the world to me, not to be
Speaker 3: able to feel my legs and from you know, waist down.
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't like it. I don't like
Speaker 3: this feeling. I only just feel like like in my
Speaker 3: heart's starting to race. And I was like, I don't
Speaker 3: want it anymore. I don't want it anymore. And he's like, well,
Speaker 3: you just asked for it, and I'm like, okay, but
Speaker 3: I like, like then his energy gives me more anxiety
Speaker 3: and with the problem with this conversation, and I'll just
Speaker 3: say this is he goes, how can I be helpful
Speaker 3: with your anxiety? And and and this is last night?
Speaker 3: And you got he was, so it's all in your head.
Speaker 2: And eventually, again, just like it was in the hospital
Speaker 2: with Jolie, I don't automatically go there. It's you. You
Speaker 2: don't understand. You get like you cannot be rationed.
Speaker 3: With when I that feeling.
Speaker 2: Though, No, I'm not saying you do. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: you purposely do it. I'm just saying when you are
Speaker 2: in that super anxious space. Yeah, you're getting hot right
Speaker 2: now coming now you cannot be rationed with so.
Speaker 3: But I need you to stay calm, and then maybe
Speaker 3: I can't, right, and that is my job. But he
Speaker 3: doesn't stay calm, and he's like, well, you have to
Speaker 3: prepare yourself. I go, I am preparing myself for the uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: I know it's gonna suck, but I'm still like, I'm
Speaker 3: still gonna have anxiety. It doesn't just go away. He's like, well,
Speaker 3: I don't know, because it's just all in your head.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, I hate that. I hate having
Speaker 3: to like already freak out about anxiety and probably I
Speaker 3: can't get tag something. Someone yelling on top of the mic.
Speaker 3: I was like, and you didn't even I go, and
Speaker 3: you know what, you just made it. Now I don't
Speaker 3: even want to talk to about my anxiety because now
Speaker 3: you just made it worse. And now you're yelling at
Speaker 3: me because well if I can't give you what you want,
Speaker 3: and it's like, you know what, never mind, I'm not
Speaker 3: just fine. I'm not gonna tell you I feel about it.
Speaker 3: And now I don't feel it supported and I'm going
Speaker 3: to have an anxiety attack and I have to work
Speaker 3: through it for myself because you're gonna get heightened. But
Speaker 3: you think he basically thinks I'm crazy. He's like because
Speaker 3: he doesn't know what an anxiety attack feels like. And those
Speaker 3: people make me feel crazy. You do that to tie.
Speaker 5: No, I'm like the mic, but I am the calm one.
Speaker 5: So like Tya's really bad anxiety and when he gets
Speaker 5: that anxiety, he looks to me to be his rock,
Speaker 5: and I'm his rock. But then after six years, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 5: let's we know how to do this. Let's breathe, you
Speaker 5: know what I mean. I'm like, every time I can't
Speaker 5: be there to hold your hand if you have an
Speaker 5: anxiety attack and I'm there, it's an you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. So I'm in the middle because I stay calm,
Speaker 5: but then like I want to go into the bathroom
Speaker 5: and cry, and then I want to come out and
Speaker 5: be like, I'm calm, I'm cool, you know what I mean,
Speaker 5: because I don't want to freak out in front of
Speaker 5: him because I am his rock, and so I kind
Speaker 5: I'm like in the middle because sometimes I want to
Speaker 5: scream at him. Sure, but I know he thinks I
Speaker 5: don't want him to think that I think he's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and what I think, and he makes me feel
Speaker 3: crazy because I do say it, and I already feel
Speaker 3: crazy for feeling my anxiety.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm so happy to talk about We're.
Speaker 3: All just like and I was, so I was. I mean,
Speaker 3: I called you an a hole last night. It's been
Speaker 3: a long time since I've called you a word.
Speaker 2: It has been a long time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you that, but you you
Speaker 3: that was rude. You asked me for what I needed.
Speaker 3: I told you what I needed, and then you were
Speaker 3: then you got heightened, and then you just made my anxiety.
Speaker 2: Can I just explain just so, Hilary, Hillary, this was literally,
Speaker 2: this was literally last night.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Hillary, Yeah, this is very fresh.
Speaker 2: So I just want to say again, last night was
Speaker 2: an example of I was calm at the beginning, and
Speaker 2: that's why I said, what can I do to help
Speaker 2: with your anxiety? And we start talking about it, and
Speaker 2: then you got on topic of if you need something,
Speaker 2: to go ask the doctors for you, and I said, yes,
Speaker 2: I understand that, and I will go ask the doctors
Speaker 2: if you need something, and her guy no, said, if
Speaker 2: you need something, I'll give you this or whatever. His
Speaker 2: tone was not that initially I was. I was like,
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, I can go ask him, but
Speaker 2: let me just prepare you where you might not get
Speaker 2: the outcome you want. You might be asking for something
Speaker 2: they're like, hey, medically, we can't give you this.
Speaker 3: And then I would say okay, and then you're like,
Speaker 3: but that's not what you do, and that's well, okay,
Speaker 3: but but I have then if the doctor says no,
Speaker 3: that's no, there's nothing I can do if you at
Speaker 3: least saying hey, you know what, I went and I
Speaker 3: asked and they said you can't have this right now.
Speaker 3: So then I need you to stay calm with me.
Speaker 3: And he keeps going, but but butt, and then this
Speaker 3: is building my anxiety. And now now I'm getting worried.
Speaker 5: Okay, she's gonna go to a labor and I'm freaking out.
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's get okay, let's get to this quickly.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm actually having a contraction.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I'm coming all.
Speaker 4: Right, So this is a good moment to kind of
Speaker 4: do a little psycho education for Michael for your listeners,
Speaker 4: because anxiety is a real thing, like a real physical condition,
Speaker 4: and we treat it the same way we would think
Speaker 4: about treating like bronchitis or pneumonia or any other physical condition.
Speaker 6: It is.
Speaker 4: It is not just in the head. I mean, obviously
Speaker 4: it has roots in the mind, but it becomes a
Speaker 4: physical condition and it becomes out of the person's control.
Speaker 6: So it's it's not something that Jana can choose.
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean that you're like void of all responsibility
Speaker 4: and you don't do the best you can to be
Speaker 4: graceful and kind and respectful during those moments. But I
Speaker 4: think for you, Michael, being able to conceptualize it like that,
Speaker 4: that it's not something that she can just choose not
Speaker 4: to have might be a good place to start. I
Speaker 4: think when you guys have that kind of conversation, you
Speaker 4: the information that you're coming back at her with is
Speaker 4: not relevant for that conversation because you guys haven't created
Speaker 4: a foundation about how you're going to.
Speaker 6: Deal with this.
Speaker 4: Right, So, even though it might be a reality that
Speaker 4: you guys come up with a plan and you implement
Speaker 4: it and Janet freaks out and doesn't do anything that
Speaker 4: she says she's going to do and does everything you
Speaker 4: say that she's going to do, right, that sort of
Speaker 4: is for the next conversation, but like the first conversation
Speaker 4: to create a safety zone so for her to feel like, Okay,
Speaker 4: at least my anxiety can start feeling con tained or
Speaker 4: at least attended to or validated has to happen first,
Speaker 4: and that like didn't get to happen.
Speaker 6: And once that happens, then you can have the next.
Speaker 4: Conversation, which is like, okay, so if we have this
Speaker 4: safety plan and you go outside of it or start
Speaker 4: coming at me or start you know, doing what you
Speaker 4: did last time or whatever.
Speaker 6: What are we going to do?
Speaker 4: But the first conversation kind of has to be more like,
Speaker 4: tell me all about what you're afraid of and what
Speaker 4: I can do for you, and your job is just
Speaker 4: go okay, okay, okay for that first conversation, because that
Speaker 4: that anxiety. That anxiety is I just had a baby
Speaker 4: seven months ago and I had are you serious.
Speaker 3: You look amazing?
Speaker 4: Whoa okay, but whoa, thank you, thank you. But I
Speaker 4: had a plan C section and I had that ex
Speaker 4: same experience, and it is really unnerving to feel like
Speaker 4: you're paralyzed from half your body down. It's it's really unnerving.
Speaker 4: So I think most women feel that way anyway. And
Speaker 4: then if you have a history of anxiety and it's
Speaker 4: tied to an incident that created PTSD.
Speaker 3: For you feeling trapped, Yes.
Speaker 4: That runs really deep. So you're right your fear that
Speaker 4: it might be uh, she might be impulsive or not
Speaker 4: behave as you guys plan is probably a reality because
Speaker 4: you have this history and who knows how it's going
Speaker 4: to go. But being able to feel like you're united
Speaker 4: on like the idea of how it's going to go,
Speaker 4: and then coming up with contingency plans after, I think
Speaker 4: is is a place to start.
Speaker 6: And I'm noticing your well to you might slightly be
Speaker 6: rolling his.
Speaker 3: Eyes at me, and I kind of wanted to thank
Speaker 3: you for bringing that because I was gonna say, why
Speaker 3: are you calling bs to this? Because I still think
Speaker 3: that it's something that I that I can control.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right here and here, let me just say.
Speaker 3: This, So thank you for calling him out because I
Speaker 3: was going to.
Speaker 2: Do saying it's not a choice, you can't control it. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's what being said. What about you have no idea
Speaker 2: what anxiety feels. Listening for a second, I'm not I'm
Speaker 2: not doubting you I'm not. I'm just saying for let's
Speaker 2: use the example of addiction. Let's use addictions. Okay, people
Speaker 2: are addicted to something, but it still comes down to
Speaker 2: a physical choice to what decisions you make, regardless of
Speaker 2: addiction being a mental disorder or not.
Speaker 3: Why are you getting so mean?
Speaker 5: I have a way of maybe coming in because I
Speaker 5: do have a question kind of like what Mike saying,
Speaker 5: what is the line between Obviously Jana has anxiety, and
Speaker 5: like I know that tie, my tie has anxiety, but
Speaker 5: what is there a line between anxiety and then not
Speaker 5: that he's mental, but then okay, not only so you
Speaker 5: have anxiety, And now you're getting in your own head
Speaker 5: because like he doesn't like to fly. Okay, so we're flying,
Speaker 5: and now all he's talking about is his anxiety and
Speaker 5: that he gets anxiety. You know I having Okay, well,
Speaker 5: let's not talk. I know you have anxiety, so you
Speaker 5: know what I mean, what's the medium between? Okay, let's
Speaker 5: accept that you have anxiety. But now, because I'm very
Speaker 5: like weird when it comes to those things, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 5: let's listen to a podcast. Let's close our eyes, like
Speaker 5: I try to be like, Okay, let's not say the
Speaker 5: A word and let's see what how you know what
Speaker 5: I mean, because I'm mental in my own right, so
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm all in my mind. So sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 5: is there a borderline tour?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 5: Okay, maybe you were making it worse right now?
Speaker 4: Of course, I mean, it doesn't mean that you don't
Speaker 4: get to protect yourself as the partner of someone with anxiety.
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean you just have to give yourself over
Speaker 4: to the whim of that person. And to your point,
Speaker 4: you know, talking about addiction. If someone's addicted to drugs
Speaker 4: and their behavior is completely destructive, it's not like we
Speaker 4: just stand back and go. But they have a disease,
Speaker 4: that's okay, right. I mean, we make decisions to draw
Speaker 4: boundaries and may even have to separate our lives from them,
Speaker 4: be out of contact with them until they get healthy.
Speaker 4: I'm certainly not suggesting we just follow the whim of
Speaker 4: someone that's struggling, whether it's with anxiety or addiction. But
Speaker 4: I mean we do get to protect ourselves. You can
Speaker 4: certainly suggest to him let's think about not saying it.
Speaker 4: How about music? How about a podcast? And if it's
Speaker 4: not resonating with him, then you can say, you know,
Speaker 4: I love you and I'm here for you, but I
Speaker 4: need a break from this energy.
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna I just want to try and fix it.
Speaker 5: I mean, even if if she you know, and I'm
Speaker 5: sure Mike feels it's hard watching someone and not because
Speaker 5: you're right, it's not like they have a call for
Speaker 5: There's nothing I can and I'm control freak, and so
Speaker 5: when I can't, it gives. It's like it gives me.
Speaker 2: That's what it is. It's if I try. And that's
Speaker 2: the thing. I am empathetic towards Jennie feeling this way,
Speaker 2: and that's what it is. I don't want to see
Speaker 2: her like that. But it's when I try to help,
Speaker 2: but yet she won't. I feel like she won't take
Speaker 2: what I have to say. She has to hear it
Speaker 2: from a doctor. She has like if I'm like, hey, honey,
Speaker 2: you're gonna be okay, well you don't know that, go
Speaker 2: get a doctor. Like I'm like, I'm telling you you're
Speaker 2: gonna be fine. Like why don't I'm your husband?
Speaker 3: Why what I need in that moment.
Speaker 2: Before I just listen to me?
Speaker 3: At the same time, because what if, why can't you
Speaker 3: I'm like, actually really getting upset.
Speaker 2: But why doesn't my Why doesn't my voice matter in
Speaker 2: those moments? Why?
Speaker 3: Like? Why will you just not support what I need?
Speaker 2: So you need a doctor to tell you that you're okay?
Speaker 3: Sure in that moment? Maybe that's what I need?
Speaker 6: What's feeling so upsetting for you? Right now?
Speaker 3: I feel close or feel big?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I just feel like stuck, Like I feel
Speaker 3: like you won't like you don't you make me feel
Speaker 3: like I'm fucking crazy for having anxiety.
Speaker 5: I don't want to feel this way, Mike.
Speaker 4: I'm curious what if it is true that for her
Speaker 4: she sometimes does need an outside party like a doctor
Speaker 4: or something to tell her it's going to be okay.
Speaker 6: Like, what if that's true? What does that bring up
Speaker 6: for you?
Speaker 2: It it brings up because it'll be on something super elementary,
Speaker 2: and it's like, I'm likes it makes it makes me
Speaker 2: feel like like what I have to say doesn't matter
Speaker 2: and that it doesn't carry anyway, Like what do you?
Speaker 2: And like honestly, it's like, I'm your husband. Do you
Speaker 2: think I would possibly put you in a situation that
Speaker 2: is harmful for you? No? I wouldn't. I'm your husband,
Speaker 2: I want to see you okay, and so I'm going
Speaker 2: to make sure and all that I can control that
Speaker 2: you're okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes you feel somehow ineffective or not relevant
Speaker 4: or something in those moments. Yeah, so I mean kind
Speaker 4: of from an outsider's perspective, it's.
Speaker 6: Not being in the emotion of it. You can see
Speaker 6: both sides.
Speaker 4: I mean, it makes sense right that for Jana that
Speaker 4: it's so important to be able in those moments where
Speaker 4: she feels completely panicked and like almost traumatized, to be
Speaker 4: able to get what she needs, even if what she
Speaker 4: needs is something that you don't totally understand or doesn't
Speaker 4: resonate with you, and somehow not being able being able
Speaker 4: not to take it personally, you.
Speaker 6: Know, but it really makes sense to me why that
Speaker 6: comes up for you. You're her husband.
Speaker 4: You want to protect her and you want her to
Speaker 4: feel your love and like your focus on her. That
Speaker 4: like I got you, and that sense that the I
Speaker 4: got you isn't enough makes you feel but it's impotent
Speaker 4: or something.
Speaker 5: It seems like your main anxiety right now, right you
Speaker 5: know what I mean? Like usually it's not.
Speaker 3: Like I mean, like I'll have Anxietyttecks I can work
Speaker 3: through any now he's there for you know what I mean?
Speaker 5: Like there are.
Speaker 3: Times when like I'll it's I just want to know
Speaker 3: that they can land the plane.
Speaker 5: No, you know what I mean? Like just like if
Speaker 5: it's one big thing, does it take one thing for
Speaker 5: him to do? And then it's like, Okay, we're good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's because it's not every time just him either
Speaker 3: asking or but but saying no to to my fear
Speaker 3: or to my my my safety net of at least asking,
Speaker 3: he's just saying no to it right off the bat,
Speaker 3: and that gives me no. Well, exactly when you were
Speaker 3: like you're fine, I'm your husband, like, you're you're not
Speaker 3: gonna die, And I'm like, but can you just I'm
Speaker 3: asking you to feel safe, and I'm asking you to
Speaker 3: do something to make me feel safe.
Speaker 2: Can I ask a question? This is a question. What
Speaker 2: about you hearing from me, your husband? What about you
Speaker 2: hearing from me, Hey we're not the plane's not going
Speaker 2: to crash, We're gonna be okay, Hey we're not going
Speaker 2: to get sick. Hey there's not going to be an earthquake.
Speaker 2: What like, what about hearing something from me isn't.
Speaker 3: Enough for you I'm not saying it's not enough, but
Speaker 3: but what is it?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Why don't you take what I say like I'm just curious.
Speaker 3: For my anxiety. Sometimes I just need to know that
Speaker 3: I don't know how to how to explain it.
Speaker 4: I think I think what's hard to accept from my
Speaker 4: standpoint is that the anxiety is bigger than you in
Speaker 4: those moments, that it really isn't about you, That it's
Speaker 4: not about your effectiveness as a husband, it's not about
Speaker 4: her love for you or her trust in you. That
Speaker 4: it really is about something that's overtaken her and she
Speaker 4: needs a set of things to help contain her, and
Speaker 4: one of them is you, and one of them is
Speaker 4: you being her advocate.
Speaker 3: It sounds and yeah, and if it can't happen, then
Speaker 3: I need you just to be calm and reassuring and
Speaker 3: again knowing not making me feel crazy on top of it,
Speaker 3: because that's the worst part. And because people that don't
Speaker 3: have anxiety don't understand that they feel like they're going
Speaker 3: to die and their heart's going to explode and they're
Speaker 3: going to pass out. And I mean, there's so many
Speaker 3: times I've had I get so heightened that I that
Speaker 3: I'll pass out because I get so. But I mean
Speaker 3: I've been able to like work through it and you know,
Speaker 3: do all the things that I've learned from therapy and
Speaker 3: the counting and going outside or all all like so
Speaker 3: many different things. But sometimes I can't control it, and
Speaker 3: I just need that. I need you not to get
Speaker 3: upset and make it ten times worse because then I
Speaker 3: don't feel supported, and then I feel more heightened. And
Speaker 3: that's how I felt in the car last night, and
Speaker 3: I felt trapped in the car. I literally wanted to
Speaker 3: get out of the car on the expressway because I
Speaker 3: felt so trapped that you just weren't being supportive at all.
Speaker 3: And then I'm like, I don't even now I'm terrified
Speaker 3: at the sea section. I'm terrified of it. Now I'm
Speaker 3: terrified of being a baby or being crazy or and
Speaker 3: that just makes my anxiety a million times worse.
Speaker 4: So I would say this, since we're like on a timeline,
Speaker 4: baby coming like any moment. I maybe normally wouldn't say
Speaker 4: this because I just met you, Mike, but I'm just
Speaker 4: going for the intervention.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I would say this.
Speaker 4: I would say for you in this moment, since it's
Speaker 4: so big, your baby's coming and you have.
Speaker 3: This when I know the experience I had with Jolie
Speaker 3: and how I did freak out, So I don't want
Speaker 3: that to happen again. But it's it is a trauma
Speaker 3: kind of that's in my head that happened.
Speaker 4: I would say like for you, and I say this
Speaker 4: to couples all the time, to eat different parties of
Speaker 4: the couple depending on the situation, Like it, you kind
Speaker 4: of have to be the hero in this moment, you know,
Speaker 4: in the hospital with her and sort of setting aside
Speaker 4: the part that's your I don't want to call it agenda,
Speaker 4: but that's about you, you know that sense of like, wait,
Speaker 4: she's rejecting me or somehow not being useful.
Speaker 6: To her, because that's not what it's about at all.
Speaker 6: It doesn't sound like Janet.
Speaker 4: It just sounds like there's a specific set of things
Speaker 4: that you need to feel contained and being able to say, like,
Speaker 4: you know what, I'm just going to give this to her.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm just going to give this her and
Speaker 4: it's not going to be about me in this moment,
Speaker 4: and I'm going to kind of lean into the belief
Speaker 4: that like this woman loves me, like she chose me,
Speaker 4: she's here, after all, you guys have been through like
Speaker 4: she's here, like here in the biggest way, she's having
Speaker 4: your baby boy, right, you know, and just being able
Speaker 4: to show up for her in that moment and I
Speaker 4: and that kind of stuff is much easier when there's
Speaker 4: that goodwill and a lot of emotional money in the bank.
Speaker 4: You know, it's like, all right, I got this. I
Speaker 4: could put my like like a personal agenda aside. And
Speaker 4: you guys are like, you know, a little wovely in
Speaker 4: that front, but like it would be a good time
Speaker 4: to practice because it would be so lovely if this
Speaker 4: could be a.
Speaker 6: Different experience in that regard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just think it's hard for people that don't
Speaker 3: have anxiety to understand. And that's where I think it's frustrating. Yeah,
Speaker 3: when you know, when we were when you thought said, oh, Mike,
Speaker 3: are you rolling your eyes? And I'm like, he's going like,
Speaker 3: I wasn't roll my eyes, well, but we could tell
Speaker 3: that you were. I was just not having thoughts, right,
Speaker 3: But your thoughts are that anxiety is a mind thing
Speaker 3: and it's we're crazy, is basically how you make it seem.
Speaker 2: That's not at all. I'm asking questions yes, it doesn't
Speaker 2: make sense to me because I don't suffer from anxiety
Speaker 2: or lack of control in that realm. So I'm curious
Speaker 2: because for like serious like in my logical brain, it
Speaker 2: makes sense like I'm your husband. If I say it's
Speaker 2: going to be okay, it's probably gooda. It's not a
Speaker 2: medical question, like you know, if it's something seriously medical,
Speaker 2: obviously i'd ask a professional. But something is.
Speaker 3: You know, when people that suffer from anxiety, sometimes that's
Speaker 3: just not enough for us. It's we need that extra
Speaker 3: security and safety because we don't believe that, and then
Speaker 3: our minds just get worse.
Speaker 2: How do you know that when it stops? Like how
Speaker 2: do you like the doctor is enough? Or do you
Speaker 2: need something else above that? Do you need something else
Speaker 2: above that? Do you need a report that says that
Speaker 2: this happens?
Speaker 3: Or if I need a doctor? And that's all, that's
Speaker 3: what I need to tell me, just like you know whatever,
Speaker 3: if I need all.
Speaker 2: In all, First, I want to say I'm sorry that
Speaker 2: you got worked up and emotional. I'm sorry that I
Speaker 2: wasn't as understanding as you needed me to be in
Speaker 2: the moment last night and today, and I greatly appreciate
Speaker 2: Hillary being here today because I think she put it
Speaker 2: well where for right now, since we're like days away,
Speaker 2: I will go into it putting my agenda of feelings
Speaker 2: aside about this and it's something we can pick up
Speaker 2: way after the baby's here, just so I can better
Speaker 2: understand and better help and that maybe possibly you can
Speaker 2: understand my mindset as well. But for the time being,
Speaker 2: in the immediate future, I will work very hard to
Speaker 2: remain patient and know you're still concerned now but dedicated
Speaker 2: to whatever you need in the hospital, that this experience
Speaker 2: is a lot better and.
Speaker 3: Other anxiety moving forward. Okay, Okay, I can't I'm Hillary.
Speaker 3: Where can my listeners find you.
Speaker 6: At doctor Hillarygoulture dot com.
Speaker 3: Thank you for being here because.
Speaker 2: It's obviously amazing. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3: I really appreciate it. Okay, So next year we're going
Speaker 3: to be traveling a lot, b a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's new.
Speaker 3: With our house being built in Nashville and then obviously
Speaker 3: recording the podcast here and everything else we got going
Speaker 3: on a lot of back and forth.
Speaker 2: And a lot of carry on luggage I know, which
Speaker 2: I never used to carry on until I met Jane.
Speaker 2: She taught me how to pack.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because he would put like he would put this,
Speaker 3: He would put his shoes in the suitcase and be like,
Speaker 3: my bag is so full. I'm like, that's because you
Speaker 3: just put them right in the middle of your bag.
Speaker 3: Like he doesn't know how to pack, but no I do.
Speaker 3: Luckily he knows how. And I gotta tell you, A
Speaker 3: Way Luggage is really great because I have a really
Speaker 3: hard time finding a place to charge my phone in
Speaker 3: the UH. In the airport, I'm constantly walking around trying
Speaker 3: to find an empty plug, and especially in some of
Speaker 3: those smaller airports, it's it's a challenge. So what's great
Speaker 3: about a Way Luggage is that they have a TSA
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Speaker 3: can charge your phone with the suitcase.
Speaker 2: This is huge with having the kids and having their
Speaker 2: devices as well, to say, keep everyone charged and happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they have a removable washable laundry bag, which.
Speaker 2: Is my favorite part is how time right, Well, we're
Speaker 2: somewhere we have to designate like one of our bags.
Speaker 2: The one compartment is like the dirty.
Speaker 3: Clothes, and it's always your bag, it's always my bag.
Speaker 3: But it's just so great because you can remove it
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Speaker 3: that was heavy off, That was that was tough. I
Speaker 3: can't believe. I like ball, I feel so Oh, I
Speaker 3: just I couldn't help it because I had I was
Speaker 3: getting anxiety or just the your emotions around anxiety. Just
Speaker 3: it was all in my chest and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 3: here comes, it's coming.
Speaker 5: It's just gonna it's a big time right now. It's hard, and.
Speaker 3: It's just again, it's so hard. And I do empathize
Speaker 3: with all three of you because you all deal with
Speaker 3: someone that have anxiety.
Speaker 5: Crazy. No, that's what's so crazy, is like, so if
Speaker 5: you think about it, you're right every single person in
Speaker 5: this room is dealing with so like, it's so out there.
Speaker 5: Everyone's dealing with someone.
Speaker 3: Who Yeah, but it's just I mean, so I do
Speaker 3: empathize with you guys, but it's just I will say
Speaker 3: from the person again that has anxiety, you don't want
Speaker 3: to feel this way. It's it's it's not fun. But
Speaker 3: if you guys can just please try to remain as
Speaker 3: calm as possible, that would be hot fome homework on it,
Speaker 3: that would just be so great. A huge thank you
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Speaker 3: Thanks guys, Thank you. We will be talking to you
Speaker 3: guys next from the hospital room.
Speaker 5: I like you windown later