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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an impart radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: We're still here, somehow, someway, We're still here.

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Speaker 3: The baby's still in my belly for now, for now,

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Speaker 3: I mean as Sarah isn't a studio, our beloved Sarah

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Speaker 3: Cruise is in the studio for me, or as I

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Speaker 3: like to call her, Sarah Gretzky. That's what I have

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Speaker 3: you as on my phone.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 3: But she just felt my contraction because I was trying.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I'm having a contraction. I'm having a contraction,

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Speaker 3: and you felt the difference.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's freaking me out.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna be okay.

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Speaker 5: I don't know. I've been so stressed the last week.

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Speaker 3: But I feel like, why do people get so freaked

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Speaker 3: out about because I know a few of the people

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Speaker 3: that are so freaked about babies and bellies, like even

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Speaker 3: you like to this morning when I put your hand

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Speaker 3: on me, I was like, oh my god, feel this

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Speaker 3: I feeling.

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Speaker 2: It's not as bad as when you see it and

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Speaker 2: looks like an alien coming out of it.

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Speaker 5: Really was like that is he like this pumping me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Literally? Yeah. I think it's when you can't relate, like

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Speaker 5: when you talk to try and talk to guys about

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Speaker 5: like a period, you know, no, Like that's why it

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Speaker 5: freaks me out because I can't really like because I don't.

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Speaker 5: I didn't pay attention And.

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Speaker 3: Do you want to you want to be a mom though?

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Speaker 5: Oh obviously yeah, But like I just it's just it

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Speaker 5: went from like soft and then it got hard and

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Speaker 5: then I'm afraid you're going to pee it out?

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Speaker 3: That's right? Remember weird? Oh God, Sarah and I went

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Speaker 3: to remember when we went to Vegas that was so

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Speaker 3: much fun Heart Radio Festival, and.

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Speaker 2: She goes, I was just tak care of her daughter.

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Speaker 3: You were on a golf trip. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Want to hear it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, with your dad, that's right. So no, you weren't

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Speaker 3: home taking care of the kid.

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Speaker 2: A very expensive golf trip.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. And so but Sarah is like just standing out

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Speaker 3: the window. I thought she was going to have something

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Speaker 3: like really just like special to say I was.

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Speaker 5: I was literally, No, you went to the bathroom and

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Speaker 5: then you came out, and while you were in there,

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Speaker 5: I was just thinking.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is what this is a thought that

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Speaker 3: came to Sarah's brain. Would you like to say, ut mes,

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Speaker 3: do you actually want to resay what you said, or I.

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Speaker 5: Mean, I literally stand by it. I was curious if

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Speaker 5: you ever felt or if someone has ever pooped out

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Speaker 5: their baby.

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Speaker 3: What And that's exactly my response back, what why would

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Speaker 3: you think you can't poop? First of all, your hole,

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Speaker 3: your poop hole is different than your vaginal.

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Speaker 5: I understand that. However, it's all just I don't know.

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Speaker 5: You're squatting. Things are happening. Don't you like pee yourself

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Speaker 5: sometimes and you don't.

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Speaker 6: Know, well.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes, yeah, that can happen.

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Speaker 2: I just didn't know, you know, saying it's all attached,

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Speaker 2: So I don't know.

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Speaker 3: So like when I'm so like when I'm pushing like

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Speaker 3: out my poop, you're afraid that I'm gonna push my

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Speaker 3: baby out?

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Speaker 6: Yes?

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Speaker 3: No, Mark, why are you nodding head over there?

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Speaker 1: I just see what she's saying. That's all I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to think, because I get it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're using the same muscles to push out your

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Speaker 2: poop and your baby. Well, isn't it like not your

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Speaker 2: babies can come through your hiking up?

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Speaker 3: She literally just put her leg on.

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Speaker 5: I just feel like it's like ready position.

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Speaker 3: I mean, he is had down.

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Speaker 1: There's news reports of women giving birth and bathroom stalls.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: I assume that's what happened.

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Speaker 1: They pushed too hard.

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Speaker 5: I mean, you're a lot stronger than you think.

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Speaker 3: It is true.

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Speaker 2: That is true.

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Speaker 3: You know what I would love if you pooped out

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Speaker 3: your baby. That would be great. I just think that

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Speaker 3: would be just a great three sixty karma. I mean

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Speaker 3: switching gears.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 3: It's obviously been a total devastation here in California with

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Speaker 3: the wildfires, and our hearts go out to all the

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Speaker 3: family members and the houses and just everything that Northern

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Speaker 3: California and here in southern California that you know, people

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Speaker 3: have been dealing with the fires. Sarah has an interesting

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Speaker 3: story that happened to her regarding the fires.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was crazy. So the night before was actually

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Speaker 5: the shooting up Orlin, which is I can't even devastating, but.

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Speaker 2: I live there. The shooter lived a block away from No.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so ty well, boyfriend, So did you ever know

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Speaker 3: did you ever meet.

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Speaker 1: Him or never met him and didn't know his mom

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Speaker 1: or anything? But I know the house, like when I

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Speaker 1: saw the house, like, oh yeah, walk past that house

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Speaker 1: walking my dog every single day.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I haven't seen the news around the parents,

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Speaker 3: how were they did?

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Speaker 1: The main thing with this guy seems to be although

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Speaker 1: now high school friends if they're saying he was aggressive

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Speaker 1: in high school, but a lot of people as saying

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Speaker 1: that he was a marine and when he got back

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Speaker 1: he was not the same anymore. And we all know

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Speaker 1: that different people react differently to the shovel of trauma.

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Speaker 1: And he was infantry like machine gun, hamler like he

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Speaker 1: was in it. Yeah, So I don't know how much

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Speaker 1: you blame the mom how much? Like I think there's

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Speaker 1: a natural instinct to blame him or the mom or

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Speaker 1: somebody or society or whatever it is. I don't know

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Speaker 1: who to blame in this situation.

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Speaker 5: It's just sad.

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Speaker 3: It's just so sad all around.

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Speaker 5: Said, Yeah, but ties from there and his family lives there.

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Speaker 5: So the night before we woke up to I mean,

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Speaker 5: I had fifteen miss calls he had and you pan it.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I don't now, I know what my mom

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Speaker 5: would always say, like, you know, when you get a

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Speaker 5: phone call in the middle of the night, she's just

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Speaker 5: never and I'm like, who could be what could be

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Speaker 5: going on? And it was his mom calling us, you know,

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Speaker 5: are you okay? As everyone okay telling us about the shooting.

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Speaker 5: And then the next night we wake up again just

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Speaker 5: so many phone calls and our dogs are going crazy.

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Speaker 5: And then I started freaking out. I'm like, is there

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Speaker 5: an earthquake? What's going on? And I go to our

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Speaker 5: front door and his whole family is there.

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Speaker 3: Wayne Gretzky is standing out the front.

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Speaker 5: Yes, his whole family showed up to our apartment, which

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Speaker 5: is not very big, and they're like, we had to

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Speaker 5: evacuate the fun and it was just like, oh, it's

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Speaker 5: just so much, and it's one of those things where

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Speaker 5: you never think it could happen, and then all of

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Speaker 5: a sudden, like, I'm making coffee. It was three day out.

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Speaker 3: Did how does Wayne Gretzky like his coffee?

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Speaker 2: He?

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Speaker 5: Oh, my god, So.

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Speaker 3: You have to make him breakfast? Do know?

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Speaker 5: They were actually the best because Ty and I were like, uh,

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Speaker 5: make yourselves at home.

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Speaker 3: By the way, it wasn't just Wayne, it was it was.

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Speaker 5: Wayne and his mom and his two little siblings and

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Speaker 5: his uncle and the tennis coach. And so we show

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Speaker 5: up in the morning and they all they were like,

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Speaker 5: we had to evacuate. We got on the road, we

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Speaker 5: got out of there, and so I made them coffee.

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Speaker 5: He liked it with half in half, but I accidentally

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Speaker 5: put in sweet cream.

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Speaker 2: Dare you?

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Speaker 5: He literally he goes, this is the best coffee ever.

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Speaker 5: And Janet goes, what did you put in it? And

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Speaker 5: I go sweet cream and she goes, well, the way

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Speaker 5: that's why it was like, he goes, I said half

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Speaker 5: in half, and I was like, yeah, I don't know

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Speaker 5: if you we have nothing, and I mean, we're never

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Speaker 5: we don't have anything, but they were so I mean

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Speaker 5: we were like, okay, we went back to sleep, and

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Speaker 5: then we woke up and his mom got us flowers

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Speaker 5: and like she stalked our fridge, and I was like, really,

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Speaker 5: I know, but I'm like, you guys are the one. Like,

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Speaker 5: I mean, they didn't sleep at all. They stayed up

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Speaker 5: all night watching the news tracking it because they couldn't

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Speaker 5: even they couldn't even think. And and then of course

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Speaker 5: they're just you know, parents, and their house is fine.

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Speaker 5: They're okay, they've been there.

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Speaker 2: Were about their neighborhood. We've been that any house in

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Speaker 2: that neighborhood.

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Speaker 5: No, but it was crazy. His brother was putting up videos.

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Speaker 5: So remember the lake. I don't know if you guys

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Speaker 5: saw the lake. Did you see So they were getting

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Speaker 5: helicopters were going in there getting water.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the big long tubes.

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Speaker 5: And it was crazy because his brother was like documenting

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Speaker 5: it on Instagram all you know, all day Wow, but

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Speaker 5: it was crazy. But it changes so much. But I'm

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Speaker 5: pretty sure, Yeah, everything lifted and they're fine to be

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Speaker 5: there now.

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Speaker 3: I felt like, i mean, even with just the shooting

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Speaker 3: and the fires, I felt so helpless, like not being

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Speaker 3: able to do something like I wanted to be able to.

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Speaker 5: It's the worst we were talking.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I know, yeah you came over right there,

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Speaker 3: Yeah you were Yeah, you came over that next morning

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Speaker 3: and I was like, man, I know, I'm like ten

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Speaker 3: months pregnant basically, but I wish I could go help

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Speaker 3: put out fires. But you just kind of feel so

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Speaker 3: helpless sitting in your cozy little home. Yeah, Christmas separation.

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Speaker 5: Guilty.

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Speaker 2: You know. It's like it's the similar feeling of like

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Speaker 2: if you go to a third world country, right and

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Speaker 2: do like a charity thing like was ding to, you know, hunters,

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Speaker 2: stuff like that, and then you come back you feel

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Speaker 2: guilty for having what you have when really you just

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Speaker 2: wanted you should just appreciate it more it's like the

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Speaker 2: same thing. It's like we feel bad. You know, we're

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Speaker 2: talking outside here about people who you know, they have

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Speaker 2: homes and they're the only four homes at the entire

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Speaker 2: namehood that you know didn't catch fire. It's like, do

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Speaker 2: you feel bad walking into your house? You know you

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Speaker 2: can only do so much to get back to people.

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Speaker 5: I feel like it's just a heavy feeling for everyone.

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Speaker 2: It is. It is.

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Speaker 3: It's so speaking of underrest, do you remember when we

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Speaker 3: took out the water the water capsule in the shower.

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Speaker 3: We wanted more water to come out. You're a terrible

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Speaker 3: person bringing that up or are you not remembering?

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Speaker 2: You for you telling me to do that? This is

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Speaker 2: all you're doing.

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Speaker 3: It's like there's not enough water, Like there's like.

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Speaker 2: Water restrictors, water restrictors in like this hotel that we

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Speaker 2: were in, and Jana is like, I need more. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 2: if you guys want to donate it all and help

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Speaker 2: out with people out here suffering from the fires, if

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Speaker 2: you text the words red Cross to nine oh nine

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Speaker 2: nine nine, that's an automatic ten dollars donation, just you know,

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Speaker 2: to help. Every little bit helps. To this point, people

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Speaker 2: have lost everything, lots of people. So again, text Red

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Speaker 2: Cross to nine oh.

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Speaker 3: Nine nine nine what you drink and your ten dollars

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Speaker 3: latte from Starbucks? You could have given that to the

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Speaker 3: fire people.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yes, make people real guilty for drinking their morning coffee.

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Speaker 3: I know, it's what we just talked about.

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Speaker 5: Shoot, No, we were so kilt.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Hey Sarah, you still don't have a ring on your finger?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 5: I don't, Okay, moving on.

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Speaker 3: Moving on, all right. So, one of the things that

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Speaker 3: Michael and I are now loving in our house is

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Speaker 3: our Amazon Fire TV. So it brings all the live

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Speaker 3: and streaming content you love to the biggest screen in

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Speaker 3: your house, so you can watch everything you love with

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Speaker 3: access to Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu and so much more.

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Speaker 3: And with our baby on the way, we're trying to

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Speaker 3: binge as much as we can right now, so it's great.

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Speaker 3: And you can even watch YouTube videos and access websites

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Speaker 3: like Reddit and Facebook. On fire TV, there's makeup tatorials Michael,

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Speaker 3: if you want to like watch any of those true

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Speaker 3: cake icing videos to all the new drama that's all

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Speaker 3: the buzz, whatever you're into it is on fire TV.

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Speaker 2: Cooking videos if you want to watch some.

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Speaker 3: Of those exactly and you can just be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: Alexa open YouTube. I mean, I just think that's great

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Speaker 3: because you can have everything in your house just working together.

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Speaker 3: And if that wasn't enough, you can listen to this

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Speaker 3: podcast and music with the iHeartRadio app on fire TV. So, hey,

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Speaker 3: head over to www dot Amazon dot com slash windown again,

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Speaker 3: that's Amazon dot com slash winddown to order a fireTV

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Speaker 3: of your very owned and they make great gifts for

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Speaker 3: your friends and family this holiday season.

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Speaker 2: Hey, do you want to bring up real quick what

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Speaker 2: we talked about. Maybe you say you saved for the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Something happened the other day where Okay, we've heard that

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Speaker 3: when you have a sibling with a baby to always

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Speaker 3: bring the gift for the sibling, the older sibling, I've heard,

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Speaker 3: and not to go straight to the baby. So when

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Speaker 3: our baby boy comes, you know, people don't go straight

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Speaker 3: to the baby. You say hello to Jolie first. And

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Speaker 3: some that we should keep presents on hand for Jolie

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Speaker 3: because no one's going to bring presents for Joeli. So

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Speaker 3: we have a friend that just had a new baby

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Speaker 3: and they've got two.

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Speaker 2: Girls and this is their third.

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Speaker 3: This is their third, and so I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is a perfect opportunity for us to be able

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Speaker 3: to bring the presence for their two girls on top

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Speaker 3: of their baby, you know, And so go ahead.

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Speaker 2: And this is an old work buddy of mine, okay,

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Speaker 2: a friendship that I value. And I asked Janna, I said, hey,

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Speaker 2: when you go get something, because she was running out

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Speaker 2: to this little cute store of our house to get

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Speaker 2: something for the infant, I said, hey, can you just

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Speaker 2: grab a bag, like there's like a present bag to

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Speaker 2: put these other presents in? Because I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: show up in like the store bag that we got

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Speaker 2: them in, like plastic bag. I didn't want to carry

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Speaker 2: a boy themselves. I just wanted a nice bag just

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Speaker 2: to carry in. Just that's it. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: carry the two presents under our arms. Yeah, and Janet

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Speaker 2: didn't get.

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Speaker 3: One because what there's no reason?

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Speaker 2: Okay, but I didn't add real quick. And I was

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Speaker 2: thinking about this yesterday and I actually kind of like,

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Speaker 2: I was it bothered you? It really did bother me

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Speaker 2: because I was the car it didn't. I wasn't asking,

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Speaker 2: like what do you think should we do this? I

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Speaker 2: asked her, I said, can you please get this bag? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I would like to put these other presents for the

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Speaker 2: girls in this bag, but we.

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Speaker 3: Already went out of our way to get a present

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Speaker 3: for them. It doesn't make the girls don't care that

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Speaker 3: they're wrapped or in presence.

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Speaker 2: It's just about that I asked you for that.

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Speaker 3: I understand that, but it's just and I get that,

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Speaker 3: and I apologize that I didn't because you did ask

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Speaker 3: me for what you wanted. But in my and I

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Speaker 3: and I didn't do it, and I should have just

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Speaker 3: done it. But in my head, I'm like, we went

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Speaker 3: out of our way to get them presents for the girls.

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Speaker 3: I have the other stuff wrapped really pretty, so you know,

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Speaker 3: who cares if the little Barbie doll play sets for

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Speaker 3: the two girls aren't wrapped. They're just gonna be happy

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Speaker 3: that they got something. But then he was just, you

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Speaker 3: know again, He's like, but I.

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Speaker 5: Asked for so did you not do it because you

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Speaker 5: like didn't feel like it, or you were tired or

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Speaker 5: you didn't have time.

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Speaker 3: No, I just I really just didn't think that it

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Speaker 3: was important.

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Speaker 2: Which I wasn't asking for opinion.

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Speaker 5: I asked her as to do it.

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Speaker 2: Please get this while you're at the store. He didn't

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Speaker 2: and so, but I appreciate your apologizing today because when

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Speaker 2: we went over it, she didn't apologize.

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Speaker 5: Well, I just didn't, you know, because if you would

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Speaker 5: have asked him, I'm just in the middle because I'm

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Speaker 5: the same like if ty Sarah continue, But would you

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Speaker 5: be that mad or no?

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Speaker 3: Yes, I would be mad because I asked for what

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Speaker 3: I wanted and I didn't. Because there's times when he's

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Speaker 3: like let me, I'm like, no, I don't need you

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Speaker 3: to carry this like I got it. If I will,

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Speaker 3: I'll ask you if I need something.

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Speaker 5: Like are you mad that you asked her to do

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Speaker 5: something and she didn't? Or are you mad that she

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Speaker 5: that it didn't look nice and it wasn't pretty and.

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Speaker 2: Round it came down to you. I was mad that

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Speaker 2: I just I asked her straight out what I wanted

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Speaker 2: and needed and then she used her own opinion about

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Speaker 2: it and decided against it, And I was like, I

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Speaker 2: didn't ask for your opinion. I asked, did you get

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Speaker 2: this a two dollars bag?

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Speaker 5: So I'm psycho because I think I would be mad

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Speaker 5: that it didn't look pretty and nice and perfect?

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Speaker 3: But who cares? We have to bring the present presence

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Speaker 3: it was nearly them. It was a nice stretch that

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Speaker 3: we've brought the presence that we thought that nobody else

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Speaker 3: would bring presence for the toddlers. We were bringing presents

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Speaker 3: for the baby. You already went above and beyond. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so I'm like, why get the stupid bag with the fluff.

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Speaker 3: We don't care what is stupid? A great transition into

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Speaker 3: our guests, Hillary, and we have can you help us

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Speaker 3: because we clearly need a little issue. We have a

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Speaker 3: little issue.

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Speaker 2: Here, and give our listeners kind of your background real

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Speaker 2: quick so they can understand how awesome you are.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I'm doctor Hillary Goulcher, and I have a private practice

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Speaker 4: in Beverly Hills.

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Speaker 6: I'm a licensed clinical psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And I work a lot with couples, and I work

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Speaker 4: a lot with couples in the public eye. And I

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Speaker 4: work on other stuff too, trauma and anxiety, depression, eating disorders,

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Speaker 4: parenting stuff, all sorts of things. So I have a

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Speaker 4: practice in Beverly Hills, and I do a lot of

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Speaker 4: media stuff, sort of local media and the news, CNN,

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Speaker 4: Fox and commenting on.

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Speaker 6: Various psychological issues. From a therapist perspective.

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Speaker 3: How could I have done better? Should I have just

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Speaker 3: gotten the bag, even though I didn't agree with the

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Speaker 3: extra few bucks that we should just spend because we

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Speaker 3: already went above and not like because he asked for it,

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Speaker 3: should I have just done it?

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Speaker 4: You know, I think we have to step back for

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Speaker 4: a moment because I think it's more of a good

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Speaker 4: will issue. That's kind of what's coming up for me,

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Speaker 4: because it like from the outsider, it's kind of such

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Speaker 4: a small thing.

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Speaker 6: But if there were enough good will.

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Speaker 4: Between you two, and like, this is my first time

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Speaker 4: with you, I know a little bit about your history

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Speaker 4: from listening to a couple of the last podcasts, so

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Speaker 4: that's a limited but still, but if they're a little

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Speaker 4: more good will, this would come easier for you to

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like he would have said, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I prefer them this way, and you would have been

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Speaker 4: like okay, because like there's enough emotional like money in

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Speaker 4: the bank, but it doesn't trigger you, you know what

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Speaker 4: I mean, And there's enough good will where you're like

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Speaker 4: it's not iportant to me, it's important to him, So like.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to choose this time to stay on

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Speaker 2: ground to be like this is ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: And it seems like there's enough tension between you guys

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Speaker 4: in the last period of your life, that there's not

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Speaker 4: an immediate good will that you lean into.

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Speaker 2: We're depositing in the bank more now.

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Speaker 4: But that's a great point, right, That's what it sounds like.

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Speaker 4: You guys are on the upswing. Yeah, but I mean,

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Speaker 4: like you know, so your question, I mean, sure, probably

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Speaker 4: maybe you should have done that since he specifically asked, Hey,

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00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,560
Speaker 4: this might seem small to you, Well, maybe you didn't

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00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,880
Speaker 4: say it like I mean, which might be a good

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Speaker 4: way to say it, but like, hey, this might seem

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Speaker 4: small to me, but small to you, but it's important

404
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Speaker 4: to me. Can we just figure out a way to

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Speaker 4: do this kind of thing.

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Speaker 5: You're also like one hundred months pregnant. Like in your defense,

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Speaker 5: I don't know, maybe you just go I'm just saying

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Speaker 5: like sometimes it's just like.

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Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, I don't know, I think.

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Speaker 4: And that's where the goodwill piece comes in, you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean, because it can go either way. Like

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Speaker 4: if there were enough good will between you two and

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Speaker 4: she had been like no, you might have.

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Speaker 6: Been like, you know what, Okay.

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Speaker 3: It's not like it's not like they it's a birthday

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Speaker 3: present for them. It was just an extended awesome offer

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Speaker 3: any or a nice gesture that we did anyways, on

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Speaker 3: top of it that why did it have to have

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Speaker 3: bells and whistles on it? We already went above and beyond.

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Speaker 3: We're also bringing food over there to cook for them.

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Speaker 3: We're also doing a B and C like why do

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Speaker 3: I have to get a stupid bag with stuff on it?

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Speaker 5: It's just stupid?

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Speaker 3: How dare I's But again, you asked for what you want,

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Speaker 3: and if it was something that I wanted, and I

426
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,160
Speaker 3: would have been bummed too. If I asked for twelve

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Speaker 3: lemons and you only bring me six lemons, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to be upset.

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Speaker 4: Well, I feel like for this period of time for

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Speaker 4: you guys, as you're in the rebuilding process, like when

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Speaker 4: one of you takes the risk to ask for what

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Speaker 4: you want, whether it's like about you know, the bag

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Speaker 4: and how it's dressed, or whether it's like in the

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Speaker 4: bedroom or something. When someone does that, that it's really

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Speaker 4: important for this period of time to be hyper sensitive.

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Speaker 6: To that, Like like ding he did that, I need.

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00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,000
Speaker 4: To take a minute and like step outside of myself

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Speaker 4: and make sure I attempt at least to like adhere

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Speaker 4: to his request because he did that, you know what

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Speaker 4: I mean, I totally get that, and that it's some

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Speaker 4: other point down the line, six months, a year or whatever,

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Speaker 4: there'll be more goodwill between you guys where it's like,

443
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 4: you know, we have we have some room to play here, Like, yeah,

444
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 4: I'm going to fight back today because I'm one hundred

445
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 4: months pregnant. I'm just like doing it and you're like,

446
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 4: you know what, she's one hundred months pregnant, she's grabbing.

447
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,679
Speaker 6: She doesn't really do it right. You just don't have

448
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,200
Speaker 6: like a lot of like rubber band between you two

449
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 6: right now.

450
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's true too, just because I get upset

451
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 3: when I'm like, I've asked you for what you need

452
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 3: and you didn't. So it's like, once we kind of

453
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,359
Speaker 3: build those up a little bit more, then it won't

454
00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 3: be like you should saying, then we're gonna have some

455
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,240
Speaker 3: like good wiggle room.

456
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:39,479
Speaker 6: That's right.

457
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,440
Speaker 4: It won't be like this forever where you can never

458
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,399
Speaker 4: have a day where you're like, I just can't be

459
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,639
Speaker 4: the hero in this moment. I just can't step up

460
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 4: even though it's a small request and where you're like, Okay,

461
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 4: she's just moody and right, but it's fine, I can

462
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 4: let it go.

463
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 2: Which is funny because we have we've acknowledged that we're

464
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 2: starting to get better at that. Yeah, where we really

465
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,199
Speaker 2: are where we're just kind of like we're not digging

466
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 2: at if someone's we can feel attention or you know,

467
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,320
Speaker 2: there's something was said, we don't dig at each other

468
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,919
Speaker 2: as much or just kind of let it be. It's like,

469
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 2: all right, well we'll revisit this later.

470
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, switching gears really fast. Sarah, I really want you

471
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 3: to get your opinion. Yes, you're her, Yeah, what's going

472
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 3: on with your I.

473
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 5: Just want a question because I feel like this is

474
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 5: a big issue. Like you know, we're always you're always

475
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 5: hearing about people dating people that their parents or their

476
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 5: friends or their families don't approve of. I'm not in

477
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 5: that situation, just saying, but I'm just wondering because like

478
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 5: for Mike and Janet, you know, she went through something.

479
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 5: I'm sure she told her family what went down. You know,

480
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,240
Speaker 5: my friends, your friend's family, you got people involved emotionally, however,

481
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 5: you know, whatever, how what is the process when she

482
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 5: gets when when she makes the decision she and Mike,

483
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 5: you know, what is the process of her now saying Okay, everyone,

484
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 5: everything I said, I still feel or I don't feel

485
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,880
Speaker 5: or do you know what I mean? Like, how how

486
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 5: are people supposed to go.

487
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 3: From basically hating Mike to not hating me extreme for well,

488
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 3: so you're so this person has said a bunch of

489
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 3: bad stuff about the person that she's there with, and

490
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 3: then now is like, never mind, he's working on himself.

491
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 3: So y'all need to like him. Is basically the gist

492
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 3: of this situation.

493
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, in that scenario, what I guess. I just want

494
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 5: to understand in your scenario.

495
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 2: And just to clarify because I don't Jana, is your situation.

496
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,919
Speaker 3: I don't, which is kind of in the middle of something.

497
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 2: But you're one of the outsiders who now you're supposed

498
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,200
Speaker 2: to change your opinion of.

499
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 5: This person, not even change. I just want to understand.

500
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 3: They want this, they want her. I want to bat

501
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 3: on board.

502
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 5: I just want to understand the flip switch and whether,

503
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 5: I mean I even have talked to Janna, I've heard her,

504
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 5: you know, just in general, Like, I'm just curious, what

505
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 5: are we supposed to you know, when you know so much,

506
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 5: how do you unknow it?

507
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:56,640
Speaker 6: Yeah?

508
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 4: I mean I don't think there is such a thing

509
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 4: as a flip switch. That would be like an unre

510
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 4: expectation because the person asking you for that courtesy didn't

511
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 4: have a flip switch either. They went through a whole process,

512
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 4: whatever the process was. They went through therapy, they consulted friends,

513
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 4: they consulted family, they saw a pastor, right, I mean,

514
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 4: they didn't flip a switch. They over a period of time,

515
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 4: made a decision. And so I can't imagine that someone

516
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,719
Speaker 4: could also flip a switch, or could flip a switch

517
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 4: in any scenario really, so to me, I mean, it

518
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 4: depends which side you're looking on. If it's Jana telling

519
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 4: her friends. So I've made a decision. I'm continuing my

520
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 4: life with Mike, you know, to acknowledge, like I know,

521
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 4: this might be hard, Like you were on this road

522
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,600
Speaker 4: with me and it looked like it was going to

523
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 4: go a different direction. There are a lot of feelings,

524
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 4: a lot of things happen, and some of them were amazing,

525
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 4: some of them were awful, And it might be really

526
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 4: hard to like turn the emotional car around and come

527
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,199
Speaker 4: on this journey with me. But I'm asking you to

528
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 4: and I acknowledge that it might be at your own pace,

529
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 4: it might not be right along with me and I'm

530
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 4: okay with that kind of thing.

531
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 5: I guess it's just like what's the borderline between supporting

532
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 5: and then right because I think this.

533
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 3: Is yeah, this is a got it.

534
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 4: Yes, well there is. I mean, if there's something abusive

535
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 4: going on, either mentally, verbally or physically, that's that's a

536
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 4: different scenario.

537
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 6: Like all bets are off.

538
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if the person has done that, then it's

539
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 3: gonna be hard for the other people to be on

540
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 3: board with that relationship when you know a B and C.

541
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 5: I just wonder how, you know, it's so hard, especially

542
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 5: in this time, like you know, everything's so sensitive and

543
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 5: everything's so political, and it's just like how do you

544
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 5: be supportive and how you know without hurting feelings or

545
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 5: without saying too much or not saying enough. And you know,

546
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 5: even I didn't know Janna at the time that she

547
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,199
Speaker 5: went through everything they were going through. I mean I

548
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 5: met her a year and a half ago, but even then,

549
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,199
Speaker 5: it's like, I feel like all you can really do

550
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 5: is just kind of stand by and listen, But like,

551
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:51,160
Speaker 5: how much is enough?

552
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,640
Speaker 4: I think you can say out loud to the people

553
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 4: that you're you're dealing with that like, I need to

554
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,879
Speaker 4: see a history of positive health, the non toxic behavior

555
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 4: for me to be on board.

556
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 5: And just look forward.

557
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's not where I am right now.

558
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,399
Speaker 4: I'm going to follow your lead in terms of understanding

559
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 4: that you're moving forward with this person, and I'll stand

560
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 4: by and support of you. But I need to see

561
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 4: a history for me as an individual to be on board.

562
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,159
Speaker 3: I like that I was, and I was kind of

563
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: telling him, or when I was talking to Sarah about this,

564
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 3: I was saying, you know, with Michael, not everybody was

565
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 3: on board the day I said I'm staying with Michael.

566
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 3: It took months year.

567
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 2: Ago, especially because there's never one day that you said

568
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: I'm staying.

569
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 3: With Mike, right But it's it's a it's a price.

570
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 3: So I'm like, see the process and if he looks

571
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 3: like he's changing and continuing to grow, then that's your Okay.

572
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 3: He is trying, he is becoming the man that he

573
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 3: says he's going to be in this relationship. So but

574
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 3: for the person to be you know, it's this or

575
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 3: either support or not support. Is that it's a little

576
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 3: aggressive with the situation.

577
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 5: I think that and I think everyone's different to everyone

578
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 5: has their ways of dealing with whatever they are dealing with.

579
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 5: I just think that I've seen that in a lot

580
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 5: of friends and family and people I know where they're

581
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 5: with people that maybe the others don't. It's hard when

582
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 5: you care about someone too that you don't maybe approve of.

583
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long has it been since things are trying

584
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 2: to turn to the other direction? Like how long have

585
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 2: you been expected now to get on board?

586
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 5: Not long?

587
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 2: Okay?

588
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, but because it's she's just heard a lot of

589
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 3: bad stuff, right, I was just like, wait, why.

590
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 5: I just feel like, like even I keep bringing back

591
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 5: to Jana because that's really the only Like others, I

592
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 5: just feel like when when it's a whole lot going

593
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 5: around and there's a lot of people involved, which I'm

594
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 5: sure there was a ton of people involved with you,

595
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 5: I just don't know, like when is too much? Like

596
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 5: do I step in, do I step back? Do I watch?

597
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,439
Speaker 5: Do I say? You know? I just don't know, And

598
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 5: I think a lot of people don't know when do

599
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 5: I fully voice my.

600
00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 3: I mean, I'll say this for my friends. I know

601
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 3: there was a couple times where I'm like, that's it,

602
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm leaving, and then I then I you know,

603
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 3: we worked on it, and then there was another incidents

604
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 3: that happened where I called them, told them, and then

605
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 3: I knew that I had to leave because I've now

606
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 3: just told so much that I would be crazy not

607
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 3: to leave, and they would I know what they would say.

608
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 3: And but then when I said I was still staying.

609
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 3: You know, I know what my girlfriend thought. But they

610
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, they still love me,

611
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 3: and they're like, I mean, we disagree with you, but

612
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 3: we love you and we'll support you.

613
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 5: Because that's what I think is hard. You don't want

614
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 5: to make like you if we were friends in that time,

615
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 5: I would not want to make you feel Okay, I

616
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 5: just told her this, so now I can't tell her this,

617
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 5: but now I want to tell I would never want

618
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 5: to make someone feel like they can't tell me or

619
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 5: they said too much, or now they're afraid to tell.

620
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And then because now Michael's this best version

621
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 3: he's ever been, so now they're seeing the best version

622
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 3: of him. So if I didn't stay and give that chance,

623
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 3: this version, no one would have seen.

624
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 5: Yeah.

625
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 4: I think one of the things to keep in mind

626
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 4: is not to alienate the loved one, you know, what

627
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 4: I mean, the person that you are concerned about, and

628
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,679
Speaker 4: to your point, Jenna being able to say like, I

629
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 4: love you no matter what.

630
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 6: Here are my thoughts. I'm worried about this.

631
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 4: Yea, I feel happy about that, but I'm standing on

632
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 4: the sidelines here to support you, so that if this

633
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 4: person needs to come to you at any time, whether

634
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 4: it's to tell you the great news that everything's wonderful,

635
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 4: or whether it's to tell you like I need out

636
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 4: and I need help, I don't like shut that door

637
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 4: with judgment. But you haven't smoke screened it either by

638
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 4: not being authentic and saying like, I'm worried about this

639
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 4: and I have to say it out loud, but I'm

640
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 4: in your corner no matter what I think.

641
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's great too, and that that's kind

642
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 2: of what Jana's family did in our situation where her

643
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 2: mother came to me, was basically like, look, if Jana

644
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: loves you, we're going to love you. If she doesn't,

645
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: we're not going to. Like simple as that, her entire family,

646
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 2: there's such a close family. They feed off of Jana's feelings,

647
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: her emotions, her presence, and that really dictated like how

648
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 2: their interaction with me was over the last two and

649
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 2: a half years. So for you to like exactly what

650
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: Hillary just said, still be there in support and just

651
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 2: read off of whoever your friend or whoever it is,

652
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 2: just be like, I'm going off of you, but here

653
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 2: are my feelings. I think Hillary hit it on the

654
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 2: head because that's what chance family did.

655
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 3: And I also think too for the person that you

656
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 3: know you're dealing with and kind of me too, we

657
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: want and need sympathy in those moments. But I think

658
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 3: sometimes too much said is also bad, yeah, because we're

659
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 3: putting ourselves in a situation like you would be like,

660
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: why did you involve them? Why did you tell them that?

661
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 3: And I'm like, looking back, I get yeah, I actually

662
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 3: probably didn't need to do that, and now I've just

663
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 3: kind of stirred it more and made it worse.

664
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 5: But you can own and you could admit that, so

665
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 5: that's yeah.

666
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 3: But I think in that moment, I just I wanted people,

667
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 3: just want to have them like be on your side

668
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,719
Speaker 3: and want people rallied around you because it could be

669
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 3: you don't know, it could be the hardest time of

670
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: your life, so you want to make sure you've got

671
00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: people on your bench.

672
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you know, that's actually a good, nice analogy.

673
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: There have a good question for Hillary, because Hillary, you

674
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 2: deal with you said, a lot of celebrities and maybe

675
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 2: in the limelight, maybe more their businesses out there. Do

676
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,479
Speaker 2: you have a different approach when you're dealing with someone

677
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 2: that is of celebrity or known rather than maybe a

678
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 2: more you know, private couple dealing with these issues?

679
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 4: But I think the macro answer is not really, you know,

680
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,199
Speaker 4: because when it gets down to it, folks in the

681
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 4: public eye or celebrities are the same the same, right

682
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 4: right as any other person. But I mean they do

683
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 4: bring to the table different issues like what is it

684
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 4: like to have your husband and yours business you know

685
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 4: everyone public eye? That is, that is an issue that

686
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 4: most people wouldn't have to deal with, So in cases

687
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 4: like your scenario, that's a whole other added pressure. So yes,

688
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 4: I mean dealing with that and working through that is certainly.

689
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 6: Something I take on.

690
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 4: But kind of like when it gets down to like

691
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 4: the guts of a couple, it's so similar, right, so

692
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 4: similar stars, they're.

693
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 3: Just like a right.

694
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 2: All right, guys. So with our new baby on the way,

695
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: we are really trying to stay in bed as much

696
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Speaker 2: as we can. And it's a lot easier to do

697
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Speaker 2: on our Brooklynen sheets, that's for sure. And just to

698
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Speaker 2: let you know, Brooklynen sheets were named the winner of

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700
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Speaker 3: Oh it's a fun factor, Michael.

701
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714
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Speaker 3: Do you have a hard time spelling babe b u

715
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Speaker 3: oh okay oka alon And I guess I'm teaching Jolie

716
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 3: out as well. Well, here's the deal another thing that

717
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Speaker 3: we're loving. And it's so great because I really am

718
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Speaker 3: trying to have great household products around our house because

719
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 3: just with you know, I feel like we've had so

720
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: many guests on here they say it's not just about

721
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 3: what you put in your body, it's about the products

722
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Speaker 3: that you have around your house.

723
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 2: And that you put that you're exposed to.

724
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that we're exposed to. So you know, I started

725
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 3: to really go through and I was like, man, I

726
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 3: don't know if the surface cleaner is good, but we've

727
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 3: always loved Myer's products. We love Bert's Bees, so anything

728
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729
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730
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731
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 3: like Mike just said, there's Brook Babyganics, there's Myers Cleaning supplies, sunscreen, lotions.

732
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Speaker 3: They make sure that all of their products are free

733
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 3: from animal testing. And the great thing too, is is

734
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: it's cheaper. So when I shop with Grove dot Co,

735
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736
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,040
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737
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Speaker 3: And it's just really great again because they're natural, chemical

738
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 3: free products for our house and the baby on the way,

739
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 3: and honestly, it's just it's nice to not have to

740
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 3: go to the grocery store.

741
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 2: It is, and Janna's a big advocate for ordering things

742
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 2: and having them come to our door, and so the

743
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 2: fact that these are all things that we have used

744
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Speaker 2: on a daily basis even before we found out about

745
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 2: this has been fantastic.

746
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 5: Yeah.

747
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 3: So, for a limited time, our listeners who sign up

748
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749
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,160
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750
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Speaker 3: sixty day VIP membership, and a surprise bonus gift which

751
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Speaker 3: I know what it is and it's really cute. If

752
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 3: you place an order of twenty dollars or more, so

753
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 3: check out Grove and our special offer at Grove dot

754
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Speaker 3: co slash Jana. That's Grove dot Co slash Jana. Hey, Mark,

755
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 3: we read an email for Hillary.

756
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean this is someone wrote us to Jana,

757
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 1: and I think Hillary could probably really help out this person.

758
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: Whose name is Jill. She says, I feel so lost

759
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,719
Speaker 1: right now. My name is Joanna I'm almost twenty four

760
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: years old. My boyfriend of four years broke up with me,

761
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: and there's just so much history there. I'm really having

762
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: a difficult time being without him. I feel like I

763
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: lost a part of myself. Is there any way to

764
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: have a podcast how to get over a heartbreak? He's

765
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 1: my first love, my first boyfriend. I need your advice.

766
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: You're so wonderful, Jana, and your podcasts are inspiring, and

767
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: I think this would really help me. Thank you so much.

768
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 3: Well, I'm sorry your heart it's breaking.

769
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 4: That's heartbreaking work, Joanna, that's none. I was just thinking

770
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 4: about breakups the other day and thinking about how the

771
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 4: really and the realm of grief. You know, this really

772
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,239
Speaker 4: is a grief for her. I mean, it's not just

773
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 4: a breakup, especially when you're with someone for that long.

774
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 4: It's like losing a family member. It's a death devastating.

775
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 4: It's devastating. So the idea or expectation that she would

776
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 4: be sort of okay anytime, really soon is too lofty

777
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 4: at this point. Like it really is having to grieve

778
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 4: that loss and grieve the change in friends, in the

779
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 4: change of what your daily life feels like, and the

780
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,959
Speaker 4: change of what you imagined your future would be like.

781
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 4: So it's a lot of grief and loss and sadness.

782
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 4: So I think you have to allow some room for

783
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 4: that and do a lot of self care around that,

784
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 4: whatever that.

785
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 6: Might mean for her.

786
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 4: What you would do for yourself if you weren't feeling well,

787
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 4: you know, physically you try to do for yourself when

788
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 4: you're not feeling well mentally, whether it's like trying to

789
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 4: exercise or get more sleep, or be with friends or

790
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 4: loved family or exercise more, that sort of thing. But

791
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 4: giving her the space to really grieve, and also trying

792
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 4: to start to put together almost like a mental vision

793
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 4: board of what her life is going to be like

794
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 4: moving forward without this person, Like what are the pieces

795
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 4: of her life that she wants to expand and grow

796
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 4: that maybe she didn't in the relationship just because of

797
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 4: sheer time or whatever were the issues in that relationship,

798
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 4: you know, So starting to have a seed, like a

799
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 4: kernel of hope start to grow so she can create

800
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 4: like a new picture of what she's working towards.

801
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 3: I like that a lot. And I also think obviously

802
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 3: when you're in the middle of it, it's the worst

803
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 3: breakups are just awful, But At the same time, though,

804
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 3: I'm thinking about all my breakups, and I remember, I

805
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 3: have a diary too that i've I've kept, and sometimes

806
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: I go back and I I you do, Yeah, I

807
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 3: go back and I just it's like, you know, I'm

808
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,919
Speaker 3: reading how devastated I was from this, you know, from

809
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 3: the breakups. But then I look, you know, a year later,

810
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: and I'm a different person. I'm happier, I'm with someone new,

811
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 3: and you know, it's like the doors. It's it's crazy

812
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 3: what happens when door shut and the windows and it's.

813
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 5: So cliche, but I totally I you become so much

814
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 5: stronger and you grow so much like I look at

815
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 5: my sixteen year old self. Oh, but like it's crazy,

816
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 5: Like I literally it's funny. I always go back to

817
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 5: that and I'm like, no, I something changed, you know

818
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 5: what I mean, Like you just become a different You

819
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 5: become stronger than you thought because the days, you know,

820
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 5: you feel like it's the end of the world and

821
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 5: you don't want to like see the world or you

822
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I watched Sex in the City for

823
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 5: two weeks straight. I'll never forget my first breakup. As

824
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 5: the eighteen the world was ending, my dad was like,

825
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 5: get out of it, but it's you know.

826
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the mostially at that age, it's like so young. Yeah,

827
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 3: we all have a high school sweetheart for sure, but

828
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 3: even just in our twenties, you know, my twenties, I

829
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 3: was like, I'm never going to find anyone, and then

830
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 3: you know, we break up and it's just awful, and

831
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 3: but you always you just learn and you grow so

832
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 3: much more about yourself. And I would just embrace that

833
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 3: time and embrace the growth that you're going to have

834
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 3: for yourself and and you know who you're it's exciting

835
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 3: to be like, okay, like then who is my person?

836
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 4: Well, and one thing I always think about is that

837
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 4: is that feeling states never stay the same. Like pick

838
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 4: the worst feeling you've ever ever had in your life,

839
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,320
Speaker 4: and you imagine it would never go away.

840
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,919
Speaker 6: It always shifts and changes, always always owen.

841
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 5: It's like good one.

842
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 4: No one has ever been able to give me an

843
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 4: example where that's not true. It doesn't mean like grief

844
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 4: might not carry with you, or sadness or hurt or

845
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 4: whatever it is, but they never stay exactly the same.

846
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,399
Speaker 4: So sort of knowing that and believing that, uh huh, well,

847
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 4: sort of give some hope for the future. And to

848
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 4: your point, Jane, I totally agree. There's no a breakup

849
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 4: in my own personal history. But I can't think of

850
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 4: that I didn't learn something significant, whether it was like

851
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,839
Speaker 4: a year later or five years later or three months later.

852
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 4: I'm mary not I have two kids, but all of

853
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 4: that history and heartbreak that I also hadn't had those moments, like,

854
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,760
Speaker 4: I wouldn't trade one of them.

855
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 2: Right, And Joanna, if a lot of that too, is

856
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 2: you know, relating to other people's stories, if maybe she

857
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 2: has friends that have gone through bad breakups. But if

858
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 2: this helps this situation, if Jana and I can go

859
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 2: through the pain that we have both felt from our situation,

860
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 2: which I mean during the midst of it, did you

861
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 2: ever think goes and to go away?

862
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:40,919
Speaker 3: Never?

863
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 2: Never me either ever ever?

864
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 3: And so and it's still there from time to time, right,

865
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 3: which lessons over.

866
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 2: Time exactly Hillary's point, Like the grief and stuff like

867
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 2: that doesn't just go away. You learned something from it,

868
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 2: you become stronger from it.

869
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that it does.

870
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 2: Being in the midst of that, it lessons where not

871
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 2: in that anymore? If we can go through that, Yeah,

872
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 2: I think Joanna can go through that grief, go through

873
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 2: that pain and come out on the other side. Yeah,

874
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 2: I know, right now it feels like it won't ever

875
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 2: run the killer, he said.

876
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: I mean your your lobster's out there. Don't worry.

877
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 2: Okay. So today's show is sponsored by talk Space again,

878
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 2: the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed

879
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 2: therapist from anywhere at any time.

880
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 3: Do you know, by the way, sorry not to interrupt you,

881
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 3: but how many times I have like needed advice in

882
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 3: that moment, and you know, my therapist there is like,

883
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 3: well I can see you next Tuesday. Like I don't

884
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 3: want I need now now.

885
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 2: Now you're a now kind of person.

886
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 3: I need it right now. And then I get on

887
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 3: a blog and then people are telling me all these things,

888
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,720
Speaker 3: but I really need to talk to a therapist.

889
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely, or your husband, but better off just text a therapist.

890
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 2: That means you can prove your mental health even if

891
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 2: you have had trouble making time for it in the past,

892
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 2: like Jana is struggling with right now when a therapist

893
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 2: can't see her. Remember that therapy isn't about just venting

894
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,359
Speaker 2: your Internet thoughts or digging into childhood memories. It's also

895
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 2: about practical everyday strategies for stress management and living a

896
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Speaker 2: happier life. So again, you don't have to have a

897
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Speaker 2: current issue. If you just want to bounce an idea

898
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Speaker 2: off of somebody, go to talk space and.

899
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 3: It's an app. So there's therapists on there that are

900
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Speaker 3: professional therapists. They have their degree and you just download

901
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Speaker 3: the app, make sure you have internet connection and your

902
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Speaker 3: set for great mental health.

903
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Speaker 2: And these therapists are available twenty four to seven and

904
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Speaker 2: the app has over two thousand licensed therapists who are

905
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Speaker 2: experiencing addressing life challenges that we all face on a

906
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Speaker 2: daily basis. To match with a perfect therapist for a

907
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Speaker 2: fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to talkspace

908
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Speaker 2: dot com slash Jana and use the code Jana to

909
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Speaker 2: get forty five dollars off your first month and share

910
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Speaker 2: your support for this show. That's Jana and talkspace dot

911
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Speaker 2: com backslash Jana.

912
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,879
Speaker 3: So I guess I had to say something really fast.

913
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 3: Kind of gets jealous when my fab fit fun boxes

914
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 3: come to the door and you do, and he's like, well, oh,

915
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 3: in a box. So I'll never forget the day that

916
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 3: our producer Amy texts me and says, can you pick

917
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 3: out a man crate for Michael? And I'm like, oh,

918
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 3: a man.

919
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,800
Speaker 2: Crately, I've been dying to this spot.

920
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:26,919
Speaker 3: What is this? So I go on man Crates and

921
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 3: I start looking at all these different crates and there

922
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 3: are so many different ones, like and you by the way,

923
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 3: you guys Again, Michael's been dying to do this spot

924
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 3: because it's truly so authentic to his needs. So anyways,

925
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: so I'm going through. I'm like, Okay, there's a crate

926
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 3: for whiskey. There's a crate for cooking. There's like a

927
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 3: make your own knife. There's all like, I.

928
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 2: Mean, like a horse in the stable right now, just

929
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 2: ready for Jane to open the gate so I can

930
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 2: just start talking about it, I know.

931
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 3: But I'm like, there's all these different things, and I'm like,

932
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 3: you know what, Amy, this is kind of overwhelming because

933
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,879
Speaker 3: you know, Mike likes to cook, he likes whiskey, he

934
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,359
Speaker 3: likes knives, he likes these things. But then I saw

935
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 3: this one crate and I was like, you know what,

936
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:10,760
Speaker 3: He's probably gonna pick this crate, but I'm just gonna

937
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 3: let him choose whatever one he wants, and guess which

938
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 3: one he chose Michael, go for it. You're out of

939
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 3: the stable, baby.

940
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 2: So yeah, Janna was overwhelmed, and so going through it,

941
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 2: I went through. There were I think one hundred and

942
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 2: fifteen man crates total on the site. When I look,

943
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 2: there's probably even more now, actually there are even more.

944
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: So there's over one hundred different types of man crates.

945
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 3: Are they really?

946
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 2: Yes? We trust me. I look through all of them

947
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 2: and the ones that I found to get.

948
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 3: Drumroll please for which one didn't Mike Kid.

949
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 2: Zombie Annihilates you get, baby, it came, That's right. It

950
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 2: came with an eleven inch machete, a tomahawk, a six

951
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 2: inch knife, gorilla glue, duct tape, wait book for Zombie

952
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 2: Apocalypse Survival Guide the same author of Ward Wars. He

953
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 2: knows what he's talking about. So I am prepped and ready.

954
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 3: I was like, why do you? And I knew it

955
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 3: the second I saw Zombie Nihilation. I was like, I

956
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 3: bet you he's going to pick that one. And that's

957
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 3: the one you picked up.

958
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 2: With a smile on my face, I texted Janna back,

959
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 2: I said, I want the Zombie Annihilation man create Now.

960
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 2: It's just stuff that I would never buy. Myself. You know,

961
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 2: stuff that's fun to have as a man, and so

962
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,240
Speaker 2: especially for this holiday season, there are so many options

963
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:29,439
Speaker 2: for your father, for your father.

964
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 3: Now, we got my brother, We got my brother the

965
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 3: whiskey kit.

966
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's so many options for that. For

967
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 2: that mail in your life that you don't know what

968
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 2: to get, I'm telling you you will find something. There's

969
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 2: you can create.

970
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 3: The greatest thing ever.

971
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 2: You can create your own knife on there. You can

972
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 2: open the crate, you can create your own knife.

973
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 3: You're so excited.

974
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to I mean, I mean anything exotic

975
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 2: meats where they have ostrich alligator, all that kind of

976
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 2: jerky grilling, different types of grilling.

977
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 3: I will say, it's really okay, Michael, Okay, calm down.

978
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 3: It's really hard to shop for the men in your life.

979
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 3: I mean such a like my dad, my brother. I'm like,

980
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 3: I don't know what to get you. But I mean

981
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 3: this truly is the place to go. Man, create, Go ahead, Michael,

982
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 3: why don't.

983
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 2: You just yes, please let me finish. And every most

984
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 2: gifts ship in a sealed wooden crate with a crowbar,

985
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 2: and so you have to the mint. It was a

986
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 2: gift to me so I had a pride open with

987
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 2: this crowbar. He found me demand it is legit. I

988
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: didn't feel like a man. That took me a little while,

989
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 2: but that was part of the fun. That's part of

990
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 2: the novelty and is such a great time and I

991
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 2: really enjoyed it. Just remember, with man Crates, you're giving

992
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 2: more than a gift. You're giving a gift experience that

993
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 2: you will all remember and I definitely remember my first

994
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,800
Speaker 2: Man Crate. Every Man Crate comes with one hundred percent

995
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 2: satisfaction guarantee, and I can vouch for that because I

996
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,399
Speaker 2: also have the whiskey Man Create as well, so they're

997
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 2: two for two for me. I'm on my way to

998
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: over a hunt.

999
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 3: Okay, Michael'll get to it.

1000
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 2: Listeners. Listeners to this show, buy one gift and you

1001
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 2: will get the second gift for twenty five percent off

1002
00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: when you go to Mancrates dot com slash Wine w

1003
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 2: H I N E. This offer is only for the holidays. Again,

1004
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 2: by one gift and get the second twenty five percent

1005
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,800
Speaker 2: off at Mancrates dot com slash Wine Mancrates dot com

1006
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 2: slash Wine again w H I N E. Go get one.

1007
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 3: Can we talk about anxiety?

1008
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 5: For a second.

1009
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 3: Yes, So I have really, really, really bad anxiety. I

1010
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 3: had PTSD when I from an incident when I was

1011
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 3: twenty one. And so Michael and I got into an

1012
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 3: argument last night on the car ride home from our

1013
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 3: friend's house, uh, because we were talking about I brought

1014
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 3: up something to our friends and I said, I'm starting

1015
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 3: to have anxiety. And I brought this up with my

1016
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 3: therapist too, because and she wanted me to share with

1017
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 3: Michael that I'm having anxiety about the sea section that

1018
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 3: I that you know we're going to have. And I

1019
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 3: had a really tough sea section with Jolie. I freak out,

1020
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 3: Who do you want to explain? Since you feel like

1021
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 3: what you said to me last.

1022
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 2: Night basically that was bad. But basically Janet gets it.

1023
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 2: Starts to get anxiety about the birth and being in

1024
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 2: the hospital and the pain, and then so for with

1025
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:14,840
Speaker 2: when we had Jolie, she was like, I need like

1026
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 2: the epidura, I need the epidural, like kind of like

1027
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: screaming at the doctors. She gets me screaming at that,

1028
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 2: not screaming, but you're you know, you're anxious, You're wrapped up.

1029
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 2: You're like, hey, I need the epidural. You get the epidural,

1030
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,280
Speaker 2: then you start freaking out because you can't feel anything.

1031
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 3: So I don't like to feel like. It was the

1032
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 3: weirdest feeling in the world to me, not to be

1033
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 3: able to feel my legs and from you know, waist down.

1034
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't like it. I don't like

1035
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 3: this feeling. I only just feel like like in my

1036
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 3: heart's starting to race. And I was like, I don't

1037
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,879
Speaker 3: want it anymore. I don't want it anymore. And he's like, well,

1038
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 3: you just asked for it, and I'm like, okay, but

1039
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 3: I like, like then his energy gives me more anxiety

1040
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 3: and with the problem with this conversation, and I'll just

1041
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 3: say this is he goes, how can I be helpful

1042
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 3: with your anxiety? And and and this is last night?

1043
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 3: And you got he was, so it's all in your head.

1044
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 2: And eventually, again, just like it was in the hospital

1045
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 2: with Jolie, I don't automatically go there. It's you. You

1046
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 2: don't understand. You get like you cannot be rationed.

1047
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,280
Speaker 3: With when I that feeling.

1048
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: Though, No, I'm not saying you do. I'm not saying

1049
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 2: you purposely do it. I'm just saying when you are

1050
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 2: in that super anxious space. Yeah, you're getting hot right

1051
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 2: now coming now you cannot be rationed with so.

1052
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 3: But I need you to stay calm, and then maybe

1053
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 3: I can't, right, and that is my job. But he

1054
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 3: doesn't stay calm, and he's like, well, you have to

1055
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: prepare yourself. I go, I am preparing myself for the uncomfortable.

1056
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 3: I know it's gonna suck, but I'm still like, I'm

1057
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 3: still gonna have anxiety. It doesn't just go away. He's like, well,

1058
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 3: I don't know, because it's just all in your head.

1059
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, I hate that. I hate having

1060
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 3: to like already freak out about anxiety and probably I

1061
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 3: can't get tag something. Someone yelling on top of the mic.

1062
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 3: I was like, and you didn't even I go, and

1063
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 3: you know what, you just made it. Now I don't

1064
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 3: even want to talk to about my anxiety because now

1065
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 3: you just made it worse. And now you're yelling at

1066
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,280
Speaker 3: me because well if I can't give you what you want,

1067
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 3: and it's like, you know what, never mind, I'm not

1068
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 3: just fine. I'm not gonna tell you I feel about it.

1069
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 3: And now I don't feel it supported and I'm going

1070
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 3: to have an anxiety attack and I have to work

1071
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 3: through it for myself because you're gonna get heightened. But

1072
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 3: you think he basically thinks I'm crazy. He's like because

1073
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 3: he doesn't know what an anxiety attack feels like. And those

1074
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 3: people make me feel crazy. You do that to tie.

1075
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 5: No, I'm like the mic, but I am the calm one.

1076
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 5: So like Tya's really bad anxiety and when he gets

1077
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 5: that anxiety, he looks to me to be his rock,

1078
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 5: and I'm his rock. But then after six years, I'm like, Okay,

1079
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 5: let's we know how to do this. Let's breathe, you

1080
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 5: know what I mean. I'm like, every time I can't

1081
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 5: be there to hold your hand if you have an

1082
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 5: anxiety attack and I'm there, it's an you know what

1083
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,240
Speaker 5: I mean. So I'm in the middle because I stay calm,

1084
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 5: but then like I want to go into the bathroom

1085
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:38,319
Speaker 5: and cry, and then I want to come out and

1086
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 5: be like, I'm calm, I'm cool, you know what I mean,

1087
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 5: because I don't want to freak out in front of

1088
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 5: him because I am his rock, and so I kind

1089
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 5: I'm like in the middle because sometimes I want to

1090
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 5: scream at him. Sure, but I know he thinks I

1091
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 5: don't want him to think that I think he's crazy.

1092
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and what I think, and he makes me feel

1093
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 3: crazy because I do say it, and I already feel

1094
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 3: crazy for feeling my anxiety.

1095
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm so happy to talk about We're.

1096
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 3: All just like and I was, so I was. I mean,

1097
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 3: I called you an a hole last night. It's been

1098
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 3: a long time since I've called you a word.

1099
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 2: It has been a long time.

1100
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry for calling you that, but you you

1101
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,359
Speaker 3: that was rude. You asked me for what I needed.

1102
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 3: I told you what I needed, and then you were

1103
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 3: then you got heightened, and then you just made my anxiety.

1104
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 2: Can I just explain just so, Hilary, Hillary, this was literally,

1105
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: this was literally last night.

1106
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Hillary, Yeah, this is very fresh.

1107
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 2: So I just want to say again, last night was

1108
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 2: an example of I was calm at the beginning, and

1109
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 2: that's why I said, what can I do to help

1110
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 2: with your anxiety? And we start talking about it, and

1111
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 2: then you got on topic of if you need something,

1112
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,399
Speaker 2: to go ask the doctors for you, and I said, yes,

1113
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,280
Speaker 2: I understand that, and I will go ask the doctors

1114
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 2: if you need something, and her guy no, said, if

1115
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 2: you need something, I'll give you this or whatever. His

1116
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 2: tone was not that initially I was. I was like,

1117
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, I can go ask him, but

1118
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: let me just prepare you where you might not get

1119
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 2: the outcome you want. You might be asking for something

1120
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 2: they're like, hey, medically, we can't give you this.

1121
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 3: And then I would say okay, and then you're like,

1122
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 3: but that's not what you do, and that's well, okay,

1123
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 3: but but I have then if the doctor says no,

1124
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 3: that's no, there's nothing I can do if you at

1125
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 3: least saying hey, you know what, I went and I

1126
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 3: asked and they said you can't have this right now.

1127
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 3: So then I need you to stay calm with me.

1128
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 3: And he keeps going, but but butt, and then this

1129
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 3: is building my anxiety. And now now I'm getting worried.

1130
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,919
Speaker 5: Okay, she's gonna go to a labor and I'm freaking out.

1131
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, let's get okay, let's get to this quickly.

1132
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm actually having a contraction.

1133
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I'm coming all.

1134
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 4: Right, So this is a good moment to kind of

1135
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 4: do a little psycho education for Michael for your listeners,

1136
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 4: because anxiety is a real thing, like a real physical condition,

1137
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 4: and we treat it the same way we would think

1138
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 4: about treating like bronchitis or pneumonia or any other physical condition.

1139
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:52,879
Speaker 6: It is.

1140
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 4: It is not just in the head. I mean, obviously

1141
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 4: it has roots in the mind, but it becomes a

1142
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 4: physical condition and it becomes out of the person's control.

1143
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 6: So it's it's not something that Jana can choose.

1144
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean that you're like void of all responsibility

1145
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 4: and you don't do the best you can to be

1146
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 4: graceful and kind and respectful during those moments. But I

1147
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 4: think for you, Michael, being able to conceptualize it like that,

1148
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 4: that it's not something that she can just choose not

1149
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 4: to have might be a good place to start. I

1150
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 4: think when you guys have that kind of conversation, you

1151
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 4: the information that you're coming back at her with is

1152
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 4: not relevant for that conversation because you guys haven't created

1153
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,360
Speaker 4: a foundation about how you're going to.

1154
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 6: Deal with this.

1155
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 4: Right, So, even though it might be a reality that

1156
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 4: you guys come up with a plan and you implement

1157
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 4: it and Janet freaks out and doesn't do anything that

1158
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 4: she says she's going to do and does everything you

1159
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 4: say that she's going to do, right, that sort of

1160
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 4: is for the next conversation, but like the first conversation

1161
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 4: to create a safety zone so for her to feel like, Okay,

1162
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 4: at least my anxiety can start feeling con tained or

1163
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 4: at least attended to or validated has to happen first,

1164
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 4: and that like didn't get to happen.

1165
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 6: And once that happens, then you can have the next.

1166
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 4: Conversation, which is like, okay, so if we have this

1167
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 4: safety plan and you go outside of it or start

1168
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 4: coming at me or start you know, doing what you

1169
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 4: did last time or whatever.

1170
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 6: What are we going to do?

1171
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 4: But the first conversation kind of has to be more like,

1172
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 4: tell me all about what you're afraid of and what

1173
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 4: I can do for you, and your job is just

1174
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:32,280
Speaker 4: go okay, okay, okay for that first conversation, because that

1175
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 4: that anxiety. That anxiety is I just had a baby

1176
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 4: seven months ago and I had are you serious.

1177
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 3: You look amazing?

1178
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 4: Whoa okay, but whoa, thank you, thank you. But I

1179
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 4: had a plan C section and I had that ex

1180
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 4: same experience, and it is really unnerving to feel like

1181
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:54,240
Speaker 4: you're paralyzed from half your body down. It's it's really unnerving.

1182
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 4: So I think most women feel that way anyway. And

1183
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 4: then if you have a history of anxiety and it's

1184
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 4: tied to an incident that created PTSD.

1185
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 3: For you feeling trapped, Yes.

1186
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 4: That runs really deep. So you're right your fear that

1187
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 4: it might be uh, she might be impulsive or not

1188
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 4: behave as you guys plan is probably a reality because

1189
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 4: you have this history and who knows how it's going

1190
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 4: to go. But being able to feel like you're united

1191
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 4: on like the idea of how it's going to go,

1192
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 4: and then coming up with contingency plans after, I think

1193
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:27,879
Speaker 4: is is a place to start.

1194
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 6: And I'm noticing your well to you might slightly be

1195
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:31,719
Speaker 6: rolling his.

1196
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 3: Eyes at me, and I kind of wanted to thank

1197
00:51:34,719 --> 00:51:36,839
Speaker 3: you for bringing that because I was gonna say, why

1198
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 3: are you calling bs to this? Because I still think

1199
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 3: that it's something that I that I can control.

1200
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 2: Okay, all right here and here, let me just say.

1201
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 3: This, So thank you for calling him out because I

1202
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 3: was going to.

1203
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 2: Do saying it's not a choice, you can't control it. Okay,

1204
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 2: that's what being said. What about you have no idea

1205
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: what anxiety feels. Listening for a second, I'm not I'm

1206
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 2: not doubting you I'm not. I'm just saying for let's

1207
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:05,240
Speaker 2: use the example of addiction. Let's use addictions. Okay, people

1208
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 2: are addicted to something, but it still comes down to

1209
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 2: a physical choice to what decisions you make, regardless of

1210
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 2: addiction being a mental disorder or not.

1211
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 3: Why are you getting so mean?

1212
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 5: I have a way of maybe coming in because I

1213
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:23,720
Speaker 5: do have a question kind of like what Mike saying,

1214
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 5: what is the line between Obviously Jana has anxiety, and

1215
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 5: like I know that tie, my tie has anxiety, but

1216
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 5: what is there a line between anxiety and then not

1217
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 5: that he's mental, but then okay, not only so you

1218
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 5: have anxiety, And now you're getting in your own head

1219
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 5: because like he doesn't like to fly. Okay, so we're flying,

1220
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 5: and now all he's talking about is his anxiety and

1221
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 5: that he gets anxiety. You know I having Okay, well,

1222
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 5: let's not talk. I know you have anxiety, so you

1223
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 5: know what I mean, what's the medium between? Okay, let's

1224
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 5: accept that you have anxiety. But now, because I'm very

1225
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 5: like weird when it comes to those things, I'm like, okay,

1226
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 5: let's listen to a podcast. Let's close our eyes, like

1227
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 5: I try to be like, Okay, let's not say the

1228
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 5: A word and let's see what how you know what

1229
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 5: I mean, because I'm mental in my own right, so

1230
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm all in my mind. So sometimes I'm like,

1231
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:14,879
Speaker 5: is there a borderline tour?

1232
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 2: Like?

1233
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 5: Okay, maybe you were making it worse right now?

1234
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,359
Speaker 4: Of course, I mean, it doesn't mean that you don't

1235
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 4: get to protect yourself as the partner of someone with anxiety.

1236
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean you just have to give yourself over

1237
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,839
Speaker 4: to the whim of that person. And to your point,

1238
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 4: you know, talking about addiction. If someone's addicted to drugs

1239
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:33,920
Speaker 4: and their behavior is completely destructive, it's not like we

1240
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 4: just stand back and go. But they have a disease,

1241
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 4: that's okay, right. I mean, we make decisions to draw

1242
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 4: boundaries and may even have to separate our lives from them,

1243
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,720
Speaker 4: be out of contact with them until they get healthy.

1244
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 4: I'm certainly not suggesting we just follow the whim of

1245
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,400
Speaker 4: someone that's struggling, whether it's with anxiety or addiction. But

1246
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 4: I mean we do get to protect ourselves. You can

1247
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 4: certainly suggest to him let's think about not saying it.

1248
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 4: How about music? How about a podcast? And if it's

1249
00:53:57,040 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 4: not resonating with him, then you can say, you know,

1250
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 4: I love you and I'm here for you, but I

1251
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:03,800
Speaker 4: need a break from this energy.

1252
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna I just want to try and fix it.

1253
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,799
Speaker 5: I mean, even if if she you know, and I'm

1254
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 5: sure Mike feels it's hard watching someone and not because

1255
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 5: you're right, it's not like they have a call for

1256
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 5: There's nothing I can and I'm control freak, and so

1257
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 5: when I can't, it gives. It's like it gives me.

1258
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 2: That's what it is. It's if I try. And that's

1259
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 2: the thing. I am empathetic towards Jennie feeling this way,

1260
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 2: and that's what it is. I don't want to see

1261
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 2: her like that. But it's when I try to help,

1262
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 2: but yet she won't. I feel like she won't take

1263
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 2: what I have to say. She has to hear it

1264
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: from a doctor. She has like if I'm like, hey, honey,

1265
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 2: you're gonna be okay, well you don't know that, go

1266
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 2: get a doctor. Like I'm like, I'm telling you you're

1267
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,240
Speaker 2: gonna be fine. Like why don't I'm your husband?

1268
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 3: Why what I need in that moment.

1269
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 2: Before I just listen to me?

1270
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:48,800
Speaker 3: At the same time, because what if, why can't you

1271
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, actually really getting upset.

1272
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 2: But why doesn't my Why doesn't my voice matter in

1273
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,439
Speaker 2: those moments? Why?

1274
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 3: Like? Why will you just not support what I need?

1275
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 2: So you need a doctor to tell you that you're okay?

1276
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 3: Sure in that moment? Maybe that's what I need?

1277
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 6: What's feeling so upsetting for you? Right now?

1278
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:08,319
Speaker 3: I feel close or feel big?

1279
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:08,840
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1280
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I just feel like stuck, Like I feel

1281
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 3: like you won't like you don't you make me feel

1282
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,320
Speaker 3: like I'm fucking crazy for having anxiety.

1283
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 5: I don't want to feel this way, Mike.

1284
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 4: I'm curious what if it is true that for her

1285
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:26,720
Speaker 4: she sometimes does need an outside party like a doctor

1286
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,439
Speaker 4: or something to tell her it's going to be okay.

1287
00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 6: Like, what if that's true? What does that bring up

1288
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:30,319
Speaker 6: for you?

1289
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 2: It it brings up because it'll be on something super elementary,

1290
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 2: and it's like, I'm likes it makes it makes me

1291
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 2: feel like like what I have to say doesn't matter

1292
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 2: and that it doesn't carry anyway, Like what do you?

1293
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 2: And like honestly, it's like, I'm your husband. Do you

1294
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 2: think I would possibly put you in a situation that

1295
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,800
Speaker 2: is harmful for you? No? I wouldn't. I'm your husband,

1296
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 2: I want to see you okay, and so I'm going

1297
00:55:57,680 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 2: to make sure and all that I can control that

1298
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 2: you're okay.

1299
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes you feel somehow ineffective or not relevant

1300
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 4: or something in those moments. Yeah, so I mean kind

1301
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 4: of from an outsider's perspective, it's.

1302
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 6: Not being in the emotion of it. You can see

1303
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 6: both sides.

1304
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,279
Speaker 4: I mean, it makes sense right that for Jana that

1305
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 4: it's so important to be able in those moments where

1306
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 4: she feels completely panicked and like almost traumatized, to be

1307
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 4: able to get what she needs, even if what she

1308
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 4: needs is something that you don't totally understand or doesn't

1309
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 4: resonate with you, and somehow not being able being able

1310
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 4: not to take it personally, you.

1311
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 6: Know, but it really makes sense to me why that

1312
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 6: comes up for you. You're her husband.

1313
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:34,320
Speaker 4: You want to protect her and you want her to

1314
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 4: feel your love and like your focus on her. That

1315
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,040
Speaker 4: like I got you, and that sense that the I

1316
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 4: got you isn't enough makes you feel but it's impotent

1317
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 4: or something.

1318
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 5: It seems like your main anxiety right now, right you

1319
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 5: know what I mean? Like usually it's not.

1320
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 3: Like I mean, like I'll have Anxietyttecks I can work

1321
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 3: through any now he's there for you know what I mean?

1322
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 5: Like there are.

1323
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 3: Times when like I'll it's I just want to know

1324
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:57,720
Speaker 3: that they can land the plane.

1325
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 5: No, you know what I mean? Like just like if

1326
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,800
Speaker 5: it's one big thing, does it take one thing for

1327
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 5: him to do? And then it's like, Okay, we're good.

1328
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's because it's not every time just him either

1329
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 3: asking or but but saying no to to my fear

1330
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 3: or to my my my safety net of at least asking,

1331
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 3: he's just saying no to it right off the bat,

1332
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 3: and that gives me no. Well, exactly when you were

1333
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 3: like you're fine, I'm your husband, like, you're you're not

1334
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,919
Speaker 3: gonna die, And I'm like, but can you just I'm

1335
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 3: asking you to feel safe, and I'm asking you to

1336
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 3: do something to make me feel safe.

1337
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 2: Can I ask a question? This is a question. What

1338
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 2: about you hearing from me, your husband? What about you

1339
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 2: hearing from me, Hey we're not the plane's not going

1340
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 2: to crash, We're gonna be okay, Hey we're not going

1341
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 2: to get sick. Hey there's not going to be an earthquake.

1342
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:45,920
Speaker 2: What like, what about hearing something from me isn't.

1343
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:47,920
Speaker 3: Enough for you I'm not saying it's not enough, but

1344
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 3: but what is it?

1345
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 4: Like?

1346
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 2: Why don't you take what I say like I'm just curious.

1347
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 3: For my anxiety. Sometimes I just need to know that

1348
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 3: I don't know how to how to explain it.

1349
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 4: I think I think what's hard to accept from my

1350
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 4: standpoint is that the anxiety is bigger than you in

1351
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 4: those moments, that it really isn't about you, That it's

1352
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 4: not about your effectiveness as a husband, it's not about

1353
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 4: her love for you or her trust in you. That

1354
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,440
Speaker 4: it really is about something that's overtaken her and she

1355
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 4: needs a set of things to help contain her, and

1356
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 4: one of them is you, and one of them is

1357
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 4: you being her advocate.

1358
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 3: It sounds and yeah, and if it can't happen, then

1359
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:24,320
Speaker 3: I need you just to be calm and reassuring and

1360
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 3: again knowing not making me feel crazy on top of it,

1361
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 3: because that's the worst part. And because people that don't

1362
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 3: have anxiety don't understand that they feel like they're going

1363
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 3: to die and their heart's going to explode and they're

1364
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 3: going to pass out. And I mean, there's so many

1365
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 3: times I've had I get so heightened that I that

1366
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 3: I'll pass out because I get so. But I mean

1367
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 3: I've been able to like work through it and you know,

1368
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 3: do all the things that I've learned from therapy and

1369
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 3: the counting and going outside or all all like so

1370
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 3: many different things. But sometimes I can't control it, and

1371
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 3: I just need that. I need you not to get

1372
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 3: upset and make it ten times worse because then I

1373
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 3: don't feel supported, and then I feel more heightened. And

1374
00:58:58,120 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 3: that's how I felt in the car last night, and

1375
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 3: I felt trapped in the car. I literally wanted to

1376
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 3: get out of the car on the expressway because I

1377
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 3: felt so trapped that you just weren't being supportive at all.

1378
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 3: And then I'm like, I don't even now I'm terrified

1379
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 3: at the sea section. I'm terrified of it. Now I'm

1380
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 3: terrified of being a baby or being crazy or and

1381
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:19,600
Speaker 3: that just makes my anxiety a million times worse.

1382
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 4: So I would say this, since we're like on a timeline,

1383
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 4: baby coming like any moment. I maybe normally wouldn't say

1384
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 4: this because I just met you, Mike, but I'm just

1385
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 4: going for the intervention.

1386
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I would say this.

1387
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 4: I would say for you in this moment, since it's

1388
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 4: so big, your baby's coming and you have.

1389
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 3: This when I know the experience I had with Jolie

1390
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 3: and how I did freak out, So I don't want

1391
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 3: that to happen again. But it's it is a trauma

1392
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 3: kind of that's in my head that happened.

1393
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 4: I would say like for you, and I say this

1394
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 4: to couples all the time, to eat different parties of

1395
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 4: the couple depending on the situation, Like it, you kind

1396
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 4: of have to be the hero in this moment, you know,

1397
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 4: in the hospital with her and sort of setting aside

1398
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 4: the part that's your I don't want to call it agenda,

1399
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 4: but that's about you, you know that sense of like, wait,

1400
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 4: she's rejecting me or somehow not being useful.

1401
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,160
Speaker 6: To her, because that's not what it's about at all.

1402
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 6: It doesn't sound like Janet.

1403
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 4: It just sounds like there's a specific set of things

1404
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 4: that you need to feel contained and being able to say, like,

1405
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,959
Speaker 4: you know what, I'm just going to give this to her.

1406
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 4: You know, I'm just going to give this her and

1407
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:19,919
Speaker 4: it's not going to be about me in this moment,

1408
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 4: and I'm going to kind of lean into the belief

1409
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 4: that like this woman loves me, like she chose me,

1410
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,760
Speaker 4: she's here, after all, you guys have been through like

1411
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 4: she's here, like here in the biggest way, she's having

1412
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 4: your baby boy, right, you know, and just being able

1413
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 4: to show up for her in that moment and I

1414
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 4: and that kind of stuff is much easier when there's

1415
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 4: that goodwill and a lot of emotional money in the bank.

1416
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 4: You know, it's like, all right, I got this. I

1417
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 4: could put my like like a personal agenda aside. And

1418
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 4: you guys are like, you know, a little wovely in

1419
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 4: that front, but like it would be a good time

1420
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 4: to practice because it would be so lovely if this

1421
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 4: could be a.

1422
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 6: Different experience in that regard.

1423
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just think it's hard for people that don't

1424
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 3: have anxiety to understand. And that's where I think it's frustrating. Yeah,

1425
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 3: when you know, when we were when you thought said, oh, Mike,

1426
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 3: are you rolling your eyes? And I'm like, he's going like,

1427
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 3: I wasn't roll my eyes, well, but we could tell

1428
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,160
Speaker 3: that you were. I was just not having thoughts, right,

1429
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 3: But your thoughts are that anxiety is a mind thing

1430
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 3: and it's we're crazy, is basically how you make it seem.

1431
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 2: That's not at all. I'm asking questions yes, it doesn't

1432
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 2: make sense to me because I don't suffer from anxiety

1433
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 2: or lack of control in that realm. So I'm curious

1434
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 2: because for like serious like in my logical brain, it

1435
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 2: makes sense like I'm your husband. If I say it's

1436
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 2: going to be okay, it's probably gooda. It's not a

1437
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 2: medical question, like you know, if it's something seriously medical,

1438
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 2: obviously i'd ask a professional. But something is.

1439
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:50,720
Speaker 3: You know, when people that suffer from anxiety, sometimes that's

1440
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 3: just not enough for us. It's we need that extra

1441
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,600
Speaker 3: security and safety because we don't believe that, and then

1442
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 3: our minds just get worse.

1443
01:01:58,120 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 2: How do you know that when it stops? Like how

1444
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 2: do you like the doctor is enough? Or do you

1445
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 2: need something else above that? Do you need something else

1446
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:05,800
Speaker 2: above that? Do you need a report that says that

1447
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:06,440
Speaker 2: this happens?

1448
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 3: Or if I need a doctor? And that's all, that's

1449
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 3: what I need to tell me, just like you know whatever,

1450
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 3: if I need all.

1451
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 2: In all, First, I want to say I'm sorry that

1452
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 2: you got worked up and emotional. I'm sorry that I

1453
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 2: wasn't as understanding as you needed me to be in

1454
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:27,200
Speaker 2: the moment last night and today, and I greatly appreciate

1455
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 2: Hillary being here today because I think she put it

1456
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 2: well where for right now, since we're like days away,

1457
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,320
Speaker 2: I will go into it putting my agenda of feelings

1458
01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 2: aside about this and it's something we can pick up

1459
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 2: way after the baby's here, just so I can better

1460
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:50,400
Speaker 2: understand and better help and that maybe possibly you can

1461
01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:53,040
Speaker 2: understand my mindset as well. But for the time being,

1462
01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:56,920
Speaker 2: in the immediate future, I will work very hard to

1463
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 2: remain patient and know you're still concerned now but dedicated

1464
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 2: to whatever you need in the hospital, that this experience

1465
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 2: is a lot better and.

1466
01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 3: Other anxiety moving forward. Okay, Okay, I can't I'm Hillary.

1467
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,240
Speaker 3: Where can my listeners find you.

1468
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,280
Speaker 6: At doctor Hillarygoulture dot com.

1469
01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 3: Thank you for being here because.

1470
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 2: It's obviously amazing. Thank you, thank you.

1471
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 3: I really appreciate it. Okay, So next year we're going

1472
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 3: to be traveling a lot, b a lot.

1473
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's new.

1474
01:03:35,960 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 3: With our house being built in Nashville and then obviously

1475
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 3: recording the podcast here and everything else we got going

1476
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,040
Speaker 3: on a lot of back and forth.

1477
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 2: And a lot of carry on luggage I know, which

1478
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:50,120
Speaker 2: I never used to carry on until I met Jane.

1479
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:51,240
Speaker 2: She taught me how to pack.

1480
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, because he would put like he would put this,

1481
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 3: He would put his shoes in the suitcase and be like,

1482
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,480
Speaker 3: my bag is so full. I'm like, that's because you

1483
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 3: just put them right in the middle of your bag.

1484
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 3: Like he doesn't know how to pack, but no I do.

1485
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:06,800
Speaker 3: Luckily he knows how. And I gotta tell you, A

1486
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 3: Way Luggage is really great because I have a really

1487
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 3: hard time finding a place to charge my phone in

1488
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:17,520
Speaker 3: the UH. In the airport, I'm constantly walking around trying

1489
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 3: to find an empty plug, and especially in some of

1490
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 3: those smaller airports, it's it's a challenge. So what's great

1491
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 3: about a Way Luggage is that they have a TSA

1492
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:29,280
Speaker 3: compliant ejectable battery built into your carry on, so you

1493
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 3: can charge your phone with the suitcase.

1494
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:33,439
Speaker 2: This is huge with having the kids and having their

1495
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 2: devices as well, to say, keep everyone charged and happy.

1496
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they have a removable washable laundry bag, which.

1497
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:42,920
Speaker 2: Is my favorite part is how time right, Well, we're

1498
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:45,600
Speaker 2: somewhere we have to designate like one of our bags.

1499
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:47,880
Speaker 2: The one compartment is like the dirty.

1500
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:49,919
Speaker 3: Clothes, and it's always your bag, it's always my bag.

1501
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 3: But it's just so great because you can remove it

1502
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,120
Speaker 3: and then you just throw it right in the washer.

1503
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:56,600
Speaker 3: It's so great. And again it's the perfect gift for

1504
01:04:56,640 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 3: everyone on your list for any destination, get loved ones

1505
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 3: the perfect size away luggage in any color. Because the

1506
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 3: holiday season, everyone wants to get away. So for twenty

1507
01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:08,920
Speaker 3: dollars off a suitcase, visit away travel dot com, slash

1508
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 3: Jana and use promo code Jana during checkout. Again, that's

1509
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,919
Speaker 3: twenty dollars off your first suitcase. Visit away travel dot com,

1510
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 3: slash Jana and use promo code Jana during checkout. Oh,

1511
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 3: that was heavy off, That was that was tough. I

1512
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:32,280
Speaker 3: can't believe. I like ball, I feel so Oh, I

1513
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 3: just I couldn't help it because I had I was

1514
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 3: getting anxiety or just the your emotions around anxiety. Just

1515
01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:40,600
Speaker 3: it was all in my chest and I was just like, oh,

1516
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 3: here comes, it's coming.

1517
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 5: It's just gonna it's a big time right now. It's hard, and.

1518
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:48,600
Speaker 3: It's just again, it's so hard. And I do empathize

1519
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:51,040
Speaker 3: with all three of you because you all deal with

1520
01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:52,200
Speaker 3: someone that have anxiety.

1521
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:57,920
Speaker 5: Crazy. No, that's what's so crazy, is like, so if

1522
01:05:57,920 --> 01:05:59,520
Speaker 5: you think about it, you're right every single person in

1523
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 5: this room is dealing with so like, it's so out there.

1524
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 5: Everyone's dealing with someone.

1525
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:07,240
Speaker 3: Who Yeah, but it's just I mean, so I do

1526
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:10,240
Speaker 3: empathize with you guys, but it's just I will say

1527
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 3: from the person again that has anxiety, you don't want

1528
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:15,680
Speaker 3: to feel this way. It's it's it's not fun. But

1529
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 3: if you guys can just please try to remain as

1530
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,760
Speaker 3: calm as possible, that would be hot fome homework on it,

1531
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,880
Speaker 3: that would just be so great. A huge thank you

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01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:26,520
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Speaker 3: Thanks guys, Thank you. We will be talking to you

1556
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:35,520
Speaker 3: guys next from the hospital room.

1557
01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:36,840
Speaker 5: I like you windown later