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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts, and we have some spectacular stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But real quick, we got a two minute break from

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Speaker 2: our lovely sponsors. Keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 3: My parents disapproved of my sister's relationship and it's tearing

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Speaker 3: the family apart.

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Speaker 2: Keep the family together.

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Speaker 3: Trigger warning homophobia. So my twenty one female sister is

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Speaker 3: not accepted by my twenty nine male parents for being

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Speaker 3: attracted to the same gender. For some context, my little

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Speaker 3: sister is a sapphok. Our family does not support her decisions,

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Speaker 3: but I don't give an f hoh she sleeps with.

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Speaker 3: When she came out, she was distanced from the family,

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Speaker 3: but we started talking again after finding out our father

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Speaker 3: is passing away. By the way, this comes from the

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Speaker 3: throw and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime sub write it. So,

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Speaker 3: after things in the family rocky for a long time,

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Speaker 3: we decided to all get together at my parents' house.

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Speaker 3: My dad said, you wanted to put all the drama

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Speaker 3: and bickering aside, and if we have a problem with

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Speaker 3: each other, we can wait until he passes. Everyone agrees,

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Speaker 3: including my sister, so expect to have a nice family barbecue.

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Speaker 3: My family wanted to meet my sister's girlfriend and insisted

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Speaker 3: that she be brought over. We were all excited to

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Speaker 3: meet her. My sister's girlfriend seemed like a nice girl,

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Speaker 3: but she was very stand offish. She kept to herself

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Speaker 3: and didn't speak much to my parents and me. For

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Speaker 3: the most part, she was glued to my sister. This

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Speaker 3: caused some awkward silence. I started asking about the relationship,

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Speaker 3: how did they meet, how long had they been together?

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Speaker 3: And I even joked around about if she hurt my sister,

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah. My parents started acting stranger by each question.

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Speaker 3: I asked my mom what was wrong. Her response says,

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Speaker 3: this isn't right. I could tell my sister and her

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Speaker 3: girlfriend were uncomfortable. My dad tried to calm my mom down.

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Speaker 3: My sister, probably fed up with being treated like crap

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Speaker 3: for the last few years, spoke up and asked my

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Speaker 3: parents what was the point of inviting them if she

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Speaker 3: wasn't going to be okay with seeing them together. This

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Speaker 3: caused my mother to explode with anger because she felt

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Speaker 3: like my sister was being disrespectful. My mother goes on

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Speaker 3: to say a lot of other things that I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to say because I'll be banned. And my sister

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Speaker 3: started to cry and hyperventilate. Her girlfriends starts to comfort

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Speaker 3: her and tries to get her to calm down, and

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Speaker 3: this causes my mom to tell her that if you're

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Speaker 3: going to be dramatic and act like a child, you

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Speaker 3: need to leave. You're upsetting your father. Before my sister

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Speaker 3: could respond, her girlfriend is grabbing their things and taking

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Speaker 3: my sister to the car. I tried to rationalize this

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Speaker 3: whole situation with my parents. They were no use. They

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Speaker 3: thought she was putting on a show in front of

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Speaker 3: her girlfriend to make them look bad. They proceeded to

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Speaker 3: say that they're allowed to be uncomfortable and feel differently

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Speaker 3: than her, and I explained to them that this is

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Speaker 3: who she loves. No one has to agree with it,

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Speaker 3: but we should still love her. I've tried talking to

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Speaker 3: my sister about the whole situation, and apparently I defend

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Speaker 3: our parents too much. I told her that our parents

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Speaker 3: don't have to agree with her relationship, but they should.

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Speaker 3: She told me, I'm being an a hole for expecting

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Speaker 3: her to pretend to be someone else just because our

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Speaker 3: dad is passing away? Am I the a hole when

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Speaker 3: it says ahole? So some relevant comments, though comment says

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Speaker 3: not the a whole. Have you considered getting lost at

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Speaker 3: sea for about thirty years so you don't have to

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Speaker 3: talk to your family anymore? Seems like the best solution

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Speaker 3: to me. If he responds, I'm sure as my father passes,

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Speaker 3: we will go no contact with my sister again. Everything

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Speaker 3: was okay until she came back around. I support a

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Speaker 3: relationship and wish her the best, but I can't change

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Speaker 3: the way the parents see her. Bishop God, dang you info.

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Speaker 3: Can you tell us all the horrible crap your mom said,

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Speaker 3: because if it's as bigoted and vicious as I think

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Speaker 3: it is, you're definitely the a hole for not defending her.

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Speaker 3: They sit a trap and she walked right into it.

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Speaker 3: Defend your sister, OPI response. I don't think saying what

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Speaker 3: she said would do any justice. It's probably just as

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Speaker 3: vicious as you think. Even more, if I'm being honest,

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Speaker 3: I should have defended my sister instead of trying to

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Speaker 3: keep the peace with our parents. And I see that

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Speaker 3: very clearly now. Strangled in Moonlight says, dude, when you

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Speaker 3: go around nome bigots. You warn l any LGBTQ plus

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Speaker 3: people so they aren't blindsided and cannot attend if they

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Speaker 3: can't handle bigotry and can harden their hearts against the

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Speaker 3: cruelty they air experience. Your parents would have been clowns

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Speaker 3: even if she hadn't been stand offish, because they are bigots.

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Speaker 3: Your sister didn't start drama. She prepared her girlfriend accordingly,

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Speaker 3: just like you'd prepare your dates. If your dad liked

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Speaker 3: to pinch your girlfriend's butts, that's what you do.

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Speaker 2: Who are these dads? Where are they?

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Speaker 3: Is that a Is that a thing?

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Speaker 1: I think it's just like the or I I envisioned

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Speaker 1: just the crazy uncle or something, not the crazy uncle.

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Speaker 2: But you have the skeevy uncle, you know.

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Speaker 3: Opie responds, First of all, my dad wouldn't do that. Second,

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Speaker 3: I understand her telling her girlfriend don't accept her before coming.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure he's known for a while. It's just hard

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Speaker 3: for me to believe that all the drama with the

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Speaker 3: hyperventilating sobbing, was real, especially if she's known for years

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Speaker 3: that our parents feel this way. The situation is so bad,

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Speaker 3: why put yourself through it. I'm starting to agree that

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Speaker 3: maybe it was for attention, because why else would we

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Speaker 3: be so eager to argue with her mom about her

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Speaker 3: spicy related e I don't get it. I'm generally starting

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Speaker 3: to believe that you put on a show for a

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Speaker 3: girlfriend and her girlfriend fell for.

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Speaker 2: It, putting on a show.

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Speaker 1: She's frying because she's upset that her mom is hating,

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Speaker 1: or she probably wants to connect with her.

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Speaker 2: Dad, you know, because he's passing away.

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Speaker 1: And like, I feel like the more I read Yes,

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Speaker 1: the more I feel I am less on the side

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Speaker 1: of Opie.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm less on the side I think maybe.

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Speaker 1: Opie, like thinking back to what he said, was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you don't care who she sleeps with. It's kind of that,

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Speaker 1: it's giving like they can have whatever lifestyle they watchers

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Speaker 1: don't have it anywhere to hear me, Yeah, I'm out

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Speaker 1: of their bag yard. It kind of seems it kind

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Speaker 1: of seems like that, and the fact that he has

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Speaker 1: like seemingly no empathy for what she's yeah, crying for attention.

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Speaker 3: Coca Katie says, your mother said horrible things to your

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Speaker 3: sister and her girlfriend that you can't type them out

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Speaker 3: on effing Reddit, and you think your sister was faking

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Speaker 3: being upset about that, and op He responds, I think

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Speaker 3: the hyperventilating and sobbing was very dramatic. I understand her

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Speaker 3: being upset, for sure, but my dad didn't deserve the drama.

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Speaker 3: The next Sexpot seventy seven says, your sister deserved the insults,

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Speaker 3: and op He responds, not at all. I don't agree

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Speaker 3: with my parents' opinions, but I do think it's uncomfortable

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Speaker 3: to have to sit in silence for two minutes watching

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Speaker 3: your sister cry and her girlfriend, a stranger, whisper sweet

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Speaker 3: nothings to her, all while my mother is still angry

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Speaker 3: and my dad is upset. And m Brooker says, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: you were uncomfortable for two minutes. That makes it all different.

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Speaker 3: Your sister, who has endured a lifetime of abuse from

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Speaker 3: her family, had an emotion breakdown, and the only one

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Speaker 3: who came to her aid was her girlfriend. Not you,

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Speaker 3: of course, because just watching it was so uncomfortable, You're

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Speaker 3: the a hole, and Hopie responds, I understand and emphasize

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Speaker 3: that this has been hard for her. I don't think

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Speaker 3: she deserves to feel bombarded for somebody. I'm very happy

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Speaker 3: for her that she's in what seems to be a

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Speaker 3: healthy relationship with another loving woman. Her girlfriend comforting her

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Speaker 3: wasn't the problem. It was the timing and taking her

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Speaker 3: away from our family only made it worse, and her

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Speaker 3: girlfriend made my father's probably last family event about them

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Speaker 3: and my sister feeling excluded. If you have never lost

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Speaker 3: a parent, you won't understand how frustrating this is. I

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Speaker 3: really hope my sister heals either way and finds a

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Speaker 3: way to manage her panic attacks. How we do an update?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I get like broad doesn't get it.

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Speaker 3: After receiving so much backlash from this post, I realize

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Speaker 3: that I wasn't completely innocent in the situation. Learnings grows,

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Speaker 3: learnings I want growth. I called my sister to apologize

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Speaker 3: to try to talk through things. I told her about

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Speaker 3: the post I made despite wanting to keep this away

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Speaker 3: from my family, and said that a lot of people

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Speaker 3: blame to me how I'm being harmful and hurting her.

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Speaker 3: I wanted her to see that I'm talking to some

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Speaker 3: people who have been in a similar situation to her,

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Speaker 3: and I thought she would see this as a sign

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Speaker 3: that I'm trying for her. I feel like I could

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Speaker 3: go both ways it's like, oh, like, hey, I'm trying.

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Speaker 3: I just dished her dirty laundry out to millions of

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Speaker 3: Internet strangers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we might be on a like a

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Speaker 1: slippery path to growth where it's like, oh, he's probably

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Speaker 1: gonna stumble and slip the fall butt. I think there

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Speaker 1: could be budding potential towards his budding potential. But I

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Speaker 1: think this might well, yeah, it's gonna be rocky, little slippery.

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Speaker 1: She got really upset that I didn't come to her

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Speaker 1: instead of the internet, but I told her I felt

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Speaker 1: like I had no choice. Our parents wouldn't listen to me,

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't listen to me, and the only people who

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Speaker 1: have been are strangers online. I explained that I got

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Speaker 1: a lot of advice on how I can support her

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Speaker 1: from other people part of her community. That's good, that's good.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious to see them feeling the growth.

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Speaker 2: Oh God, pain is growth.

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Speaker 3: Pain is growth. My sister told me I had no

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Speaker 3: right to talk about her business online without consulting her,

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Speaker 3: even if it's anonymous. She wanted to see the post.

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Speaker 3: I assumed that she saw some of my comments I

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Speaker 3: made when I was being defensive, immature and in hindsight,

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Speaker 3: I should have deleted them before greeing to send her posts.

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Speaker 3: She started to cry and told me that we've always

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Speaker 3: made her feel like a burden on her family for

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Speaker 3: things she can't help being sappik, having a panic disorder,

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Speaker 3: and other things that I won't share out of respect

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Speaker 3: for her. If she went on to say some other things,

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Speaker 3: and there's more to this story, what do we think

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Speaker 3: about this bumbling growth?

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Speaker 4: Ah?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think the biggest thing that I saw

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Speaker 1: here that gave me hope was talking to other people

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Speaker 1: in the community. I think that is going to help

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Speaker 1: him understand and actually like see what is to be done.

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Speaker 3: Yet, I apologize for making her uncomfortable and making her

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Speaker 3: feel like a burden. I also told her that I

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Speaker 3: love her and nothing will change that. But before I

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Speaker 3: had the chance to say more, her girlfriend took the

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Speaker 3: phone and told me that I needed to leave my

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Speaker 3: sister alone. She said that I can't contact my sister

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Speaker 3: until she's ready to talk to me. Then she hung up.

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Speaker 3: It was really hard, Braady, to hear my sister cry

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Speaker 3: over something that I had good intentions for. I texted

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Speaker 3: her privately and asked if she wanted me to take

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Speaker 3: the post down, and she told me that he doesn't care.

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Speaker 3: He just wants to be left alone and their relevant

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Speaker 3: comments op and why the post is deleted. Please don't

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Speaker 3: try to explain my sister's feelings to me. She knows

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Speaker 3: about the post. She's seen my comments, and she said

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Speaker 3: she didn't care for state up or not if she's

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Speaker 3: reading it, which is more than likely, that's her choice.

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Speaker 3: I haven't defended my parents since I talked to my sister.

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Speaker 3: I haven't deleted this or the comments because every now

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Speaker 3: and then the one actually gives good advice instead of

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Speaker 3: arguing with me about something they know nothing about. And

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Speaker 3: that is where Brie ends.

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Speaker 1: My cousin's wife tried to dump their son on me

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Speaker 1: at the airport without my permission.

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Speaker 3: Not the kind of dump that you want to take

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Speaker 3: at the airport.

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Speaker 1: It was my very first semester as a college freshman.

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Speaker 1: I officially moved into my college dorm to start this

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Speaker 1: new chapter of my life. I'm an international student, so

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Speaker 1: it was a tough experience. Once reality settled. Thankfully, I

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Speaker 1: had my cousin, whom I hadn't seen in years, and

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Speaker 1: his wife who live in Dallas, helped me get us

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Speaker 1: number betting school supplies. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: just scrolling three seventy five and if you want to

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Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 1: storytime stepreddits Fast forward of Thanksgiving break. I accepted my

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Speaker 1: cousin's offer to go to Dallas for the break since

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Speaker 1: it was better than staying in the dorms. I met

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Speaker 1: his two kids, a son and a daughter. We catch

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Speaker 1: up with each other, seeing how our lives went up

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Speaker 1: to that point. The break ended and I went back

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Speaker 1: to college to study for finals.

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Speaker 2: And then it happened.

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Speaker 1: My cousin's wife asked for a favor via text. The

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Speaker 1: favor take their eight year old son home back to

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Speaker 1: the Caribbean with me because his godmother wanted to see him.

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Speaker 1: I told her that I wasn't able to do that

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Speaker 1: because I didn't know when my exams were finished. I

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Speaker 1: actually did know when I just told her that, so

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Speaker 1: she would leave me alone or do something herself. I

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Speaker 1: already made up my mind with my mom's support, that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't doing that. Fast forward weeks later, I was

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Speaker 1: chilling the airport mining my own business when my good

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Speaker 1: cousin calls me. He asked if I was doing something

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Speaker 1: for his wife. I told him no, and I explained.

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Speaker 1: He thanked me, and I thought that that was the

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Speaker 1: end of it, so kind of like thanked him for

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Speaker 1: not doing anything. I think he like, thanks for not

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Speaker 1: giving me mad like my wife that favor.

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Speaker 2: I guess like, thanks for like letting me know. Maybe

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but no.

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Speaker 1: I saw her with the son holding a suitcase in

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Speaker 1: a carry on as I was walking up to my gate.

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Speaker 2: My cousin was nowhere to be seen.

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Speaker 1: I asked her what she was doing, and she gave

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Speaker 1: me some sob story of how his godmother wanted to

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Speaker 1: see him and told him that he'll be good as

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Speaker 1: he was hugging my leg. I was shocked. I felt

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Speaker 1: my heart race. The groups were being called and I

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Speaker 1: had to make a decision. Note I had just turned

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Speaker 1: eighteen at the times.

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Speaker 2: He's I barely knew this child.

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Speaker 1: I like to have everything in order, in pre planned

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Speaker 1: to avoid confusion, and this would complicate everything. Furthermore, immigration

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Speaker 1: would be on my case. Finally, I don't know who

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Speaker 1: the godmother is or how she looks. I told her no,

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Speaker 1: stating that if she wanted to do this, they could

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Speaker 1: have planned a family trip together and not dump their

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Speaker 1: kid on me. She said she had already bought the

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Speaker 1: ticket and I might as well take him.

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Speaker 2: I told her no again. I didn't even know where

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Speaker 2: he's taken. You like, take my kid to the ball

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Speaker 2: in the crib.

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Speaker 1: It's like, dude, there's a lot of places in the Caribbean,

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Speaker 1: Like what city, what port?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What are we talking about? I told her no again,

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Speaker 1: and I went on my flight. My family was proud

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Speaker 1: of me for standing my ground, as they didn't like

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Speaker 1: her either. Turns out that sometime after or during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: my cousin and his.

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Speaker 2: Wife got divorced.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he says, understandable his now ex wife went behind

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Speaker 1: his back trying to get his son on an international

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Speaker 1: flight when they could have planned a family trip together.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for reading getting into these relevant comments. How much

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Speaker 1: are number one well done for not bowing down under pressure.

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Speaker 2: You absolutely did the right thing.

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Speaker 1: I can't fathom what goes on in the minds of

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Speaker 1: people like this. I mean, how does that even make

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Speaker 1: sense to anyone? Even if you had agreed, I would

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Speaker 1: think that you'd need at least notarized letters giving you

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Speaker 1: permission to take someone else's minor on an.

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Speaker 2: Aircraft, let alone, to a foreign country. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I feel like there's gotta be some permission slips or something.

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Speaker 1: Something, Opie says, thank you, it was my first grown

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Speaker 1: up decision. To be honest, I don't know how people

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Speaker 1: like her function. She's basically putting her son in the

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Speaker 1: hands of a stranger. I met the son during the break. Overall,

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Speaker 1: she probably only cared about herself. This was almost five

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Speaker 1: years ago, so I'm not sure if she had notarized letters.

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Speaker 1: A Commentar number two says, I highly doubt she even

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Speaker 1: botherized with notorized letters.

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Speaker 2: She was trying to pull a dump.

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Speaker 1: And run at your expense, Opie replies, considering that she

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Speaker 1: went behind her husband's back and did it while he

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Speaker 1: was at work, I wouldn't be surprised trying to send

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Speaker 1: her son to his godmother, not even to an actual relative.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's another good point.

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Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, just this is like so many levels

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Speaker 1: of being pawned off.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you know, yeah, do the godmother like no, no, sister, no.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like we're doing a little bit like Grandma kid Away,

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Speaker 3: Merry go round, you know.

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Speaker 2: Ah, goodness.

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Speaker 1: Commentar number three says, flying internationally with a child wire's documentation,

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Speaker 1: especially when not an immediate family, They probably would not

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Speaker 1: have led him board and possibly detained you, causing you

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Speaker 1: to miss your fly. That would have been awful, Although

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Speaker 1: been an interesting story, it's pretty funny.

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Speaker 3: We would have enjoyed it. Yeah, well I not enjoyed it.

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00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:07,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, enjoyed it, yes, Opie said, that's what I'm saying.

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00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,319
Speaker 2: My grandpa works for an airline, so he knows the

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Speaker 2: rules and regulations.

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Speaker 1: For all I know, she probably had some story to

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00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 1: say that we were close cousins to avoid proper documentation

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00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:17,640
Speaker 1: and just to let us on board.

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Speaker 3: Says that is big big Yon, Big one, big Yon.

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Speaker 1: John Compettion number four says, I'm getting this hunch that

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00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,240
Speaker 1: the kid's father knew nothing about her being at the

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Speaker 1: airport and had not been given any permission for his

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Speaker 1: young son to leave the country. This way, I'm not

345
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 1: surprised your cousin and this entitled idiots are divorced now.

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00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,120
Speaker 1: Nopie says, your hunch is correct. I took a morning

347
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Speaker 1: flight back home, so it was around eight or nine

348
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Speaker 1: am when.

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Speaker 2: He called me about his wife.

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Speaker 1: I had a good hour or half hour before she

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Speaker 1: confronted me alone with their son wal at the airport,

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Speaker 1: So my cousin was probably at work when all of

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Speaker 1: this down. And Opie also clarifies on the timeline of

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Speaker 1: when this took place. They got divorced after the incident.

355
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Speaker 1: The story was in twenty eighteen and the divorce was

356
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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty. Twenty twenty one. Competition number five says,

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Speaker 1: you said that your cousin has two kids, a son

358
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Speaker 1: and a daughter. So where was the daughter? Why was

359
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,800
Speaker 1: she only trying to send the sun away? That actually

360
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,800
Speaker 1: is a good question. It's like custody thing. It's like

361
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Speaker 1: why not as her favorite one? I mean honestly, though,

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Speaker 1: I mean this, This mom is insane enough to try

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Speaker 1: to pawn her kid off.

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Speaker 3: There's no plan. Yeah, maybe hopefully not, hopefully not.

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Speaker 1: Either way, it was absolutely not okay to do. And

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that you stood firm. Opie said she was

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Speaker 1: more strict with the daughter, so the daughter was probably

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Speaker 1: home when all of this happened.

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Speaker 2: Also, thank you.

370
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,040
Speaker 1: And then Opie explains how the wife managed to find

371
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,600
Speaker 1: them at the airports. She had a good hour to

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Speaker 1: find the gate for the morning flights. I already went

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Speaker 1: to the security at the regional airports I was in

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Speaker 1: before I arrived at Dallas. I had no idea how

375
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Speaker 1: she got herself through security in Dallas. Oh that's another

376
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,160
Speaker 1: good question. How does she get through security with him

377
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Speaker 1: with the kids?

378
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,560
Speaker 3: Maybe with when you have an miner that's traveling alone,

379
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,440
Speaker 3: you can like get accompany them to company them to usual,

380
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:53,800
Speaker 3: but no.

381
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,200
Speaker 2: Usually my understanding is they usually give you a person.

382
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Speaker 5: I saw a minor go to a gate and he

383
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,120
Speaker 5: was like he was like a big boy, like probably twelve,

384
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 5: and just like he was definitely an O line five seven.

385
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,760
Speaker 5: He was like five to two or something, but he's

386
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 5: just a big boy, like you can't carry him away.

387
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 5: And he just had like a little like lanyard badge

388
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,920
Speaker 5: around him, and he was just sitting there like you know,

389
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,960
Speaker 5: if someone tried to kidnap him, they got they know

390
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 5: where he's from, they got his address and phone number

391
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 5: on there.

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00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 2: All I know was she and her son were in

393
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 2: a nearby sitting area where my gate was. We have

394
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 2: an update.

395
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 3: We have an update.

396
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,880
Speaker 2: The kid made it to the Caribbeans.

397
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Speaker 1: Yeah's door, Like, where's my god, Mama, please help me.

398
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 6: I've been surviving at the jungle for three days, I've

399
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 6: been eating coconuts off the trees and skinning alive the

400
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,320
Speaker 6: wild boars. My mom told me how to do it,

401
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 6: and she raised me in the wilderness.

402
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 2: At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. Worst mom of

403
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 2: the year, Terrell. Come on, Opie says.

404
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 1: I saw my good cousin again around two years ago

405
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 1: for a family event. He brought the sun with him.

406
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 1: My family told me what happened. Okay, so I think

407
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 1: we're getting like the finally I wanted.

408
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 2: Yes.

409
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,480
Speaker 1: So he and his wife obviously got divorced, likely around

410
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 1: the pandemic or slightly before. My cousin got full custody

411
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,360
Speaker 1: over his son and he became a good kid. Now

412
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,680
Speaker 1: he has a new and awesome girlfriend. So what happened

413
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 1: to the ex wife? She moved back to the Caribbean,

414
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,159
Speaker 1: and that's all I could tell. Since I removed her

415
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,399
Speaker 1: from my friend's list and other members of my family

416
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,920
Speaker 1: don't care about her, That's the end of the story. Sorry,

417
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 1: wasn't insane or is engaging as others. Sometimes it's good

418
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 1: to have some normalcy. My cousin's wife tried to put

419
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 1: their young son on a plane. We have what relevant comment,

420
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 1: what happened to the daughter? Yeah, that's actually a great question.

421
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, dude, no one cared. Apparently, Opie said she's

422
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,879
Speaker 1: fine and either went to college or into the workforce,

423
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 1: like I always like, she's fine. She grew up and

424
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,399
Speaker 1: got a legal light. Documented probably eats food.

425
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, she she got a job.

426
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, good hunch.

427
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,960
Speaker 1: Com mug to Number two says, I think she was

428
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: trying to kidnap the kids out of US jurisdiction. Luckily

429
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 1: Opie didn't. Cousin would have had a hard time trying

430
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,520
Speaker 1: to reaptreate the son. I guess the get the son back.

431
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 1: Opie said, I literally met his wife and son that year.

432
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,240
Speaker 1: I have no emotional attachment or legal obligations to the whatsoever.

433
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,640
Speaker 1: He just he just met this freaking kid, dude, and seriously,

434
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 1: who was even his godmother?

435
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 2: Anyways? He kind out to Number.

436
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,560
Speaker 1: Three says, that's probably why she picked you to trick,

437
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 1: since you didn't know what was going on, and always said, yeah,

438
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 1: it's been seven years since then, but even then I

439
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 1: knew she was on some bs. I don't remember the

440
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,919
Speaker 1: conversation clearly, but my mom and I both agreed not

441
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,280
Speaker 1: to help her with his scheme I had finals, so

442
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 1: I ignored her text and calls, hoping that she'd get

443
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 1: the message.

444
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 2: And then this woman falls up to the gate with

445
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:40,119
Speaker 2: the kid.

446
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 1: I operate on a tight schedule and liked to have

447
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: all my things in order before I do anything. So

448
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 1: I don't know what made her think I was going

449
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 1: to agree with it. He didn't offer me anything to

450
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 1: convince me to even consider it, not even like some

451
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:53,360
Speaker 1: cash or something. Yeah, not even something, yeah, like oh hey,

452
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,920
Speaker 1: here's some like babysit one hundred bucks. Yeah, eighteen year old,

453
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 1: maybe then you have like a fighting chance. Just take

454
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,160
Speaker 1: the kid and deal with it yourself. That was not even.

455
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 3: Money for like, I don't know a cab to the godmother's.

456
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,680
Speaker 2: House or to feed him.

457
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:11,639
Speaker 3: Guys.

458
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, guys.

459
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 1: We literally this, This eight year old is gonna survive

460
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 1: on airplane peanuts and pretzels until we get to the

461
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 1: god by the way, we don't even know the god name,

462
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 1: we don't know her address, we know nothing.

463
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 3: It's just like, hey, that's part of the adventure, exactly, dude,

464
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 3: Find the adventure of a lifetime, Like.

465
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 1: Find some like little house on the on the sandy

466
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,400
Speaker 1: shores of the Caribbean and then pass them off.

467
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 2: I don't know, but that's the end of the story.

468
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 3: What wild top one hundred parents right here? Yeah, yeah,

469
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,879
Speaker 3: facts due facts. Oh my god, my parents called the

470
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: cups on my sister. I don't think I'll ever forgive them.

471
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,880
Speaker 3: My thirty female younger sister twenty four female is neurodivergent,

472
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 3: most likely on the autism spectrum. She's never been diagnosed

473
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 3: because her parents don't believe in that and her adamant

474
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 3: that she is very intelligent. She just needs to work harder.

475
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,439
Speaker 3: They've had this stance her entire life and never allowed

476
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 3: her to be placed in a special ed or got

477
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 3: her any kind of therapeutic support when it became apparent

478
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 3: that she was not developing in the same way as

479
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: most of her peers. By the way, this comes from

480
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 3: a video cortus and if you want to submit your

481
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storyteme cub rate.

482
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 3: So their stance was and is that she just doesn't

483
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 3: apply herself or work hard enough. My sister is very

484
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 3: high functioning, very sweet and gentle, but socially awkward. She

485
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 3: struggles with things like time management, interpreting social situations and

486
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 3: understanding long term consequences of actions. She kind of stopped

487
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 3: maturing socially around twelve, and as a lot of markers

488
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 3: that correspond with autism or aspergers. Our parents were emotionally

489
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,919
Speaker 3: and mentally harmful to both of us growing up, especially

490
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 3: our mother. She would pit us against each other, so

491
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 3: there was always a good child and bad child in

492
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 3: any conflict scenario, and we had to compete the winter favor.

493
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 3: Our parents also knowingly allowed us to be exposed to

494
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 3: a number of spicy, relatedly predatory adult men during our

495
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: child and teen years because they were family members or

496
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 3: friends of the family, then dismissed or ignored any inappropriate

497
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 3: behavior or blamed it on us, even if it happened

498
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 3: right in front of them. When I came out as by,

499
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 3: they forced me to break up with my first and

500
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 3: then second girlfriends by forbidding me from seeing them. I

501
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 3: could go on, but if you get a better picture

502
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 3: of my parents in general, just spend a few minutes

503
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 3: on our slash raised by self absorbed parents. They are

504
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 3: examples of their personality and behavior patterns, and literally every

505
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 3: post here. Despite all this, I've had a good relationship

506
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 3: with my sister since I moved when I went to

507
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,640
Speaker 3: college in the city where i've been living since, which

508
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 3: was about ninety minutes way by car. I've been no

509
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 3: contact with my parents for about six years. Around that time,

510
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 3: when my sister was in her senior year of the

511
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 3: Catholic school which they'd sent her to because she needed

512
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 3: more discipline, they pulled her out of school because they

513
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 3: decided they didn't like the politics of our social studies teacher.

514
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 3: They are very conservative but not religious. Since then, she's

515
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 3: failed the GED twice that I know of, and of

516
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 3: course our parents have refused to get her a tutor.

517
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,439
Speaker 3: They also live in a her rural location with no

518
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 3: public transport options, so she's dependent on our mom to

519
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 3: drive her literally everywhere, including to her part time job.

520
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 3: She has had her learner's permit, but they have refused

521
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,639
Speaker 3: to teach her to drive or get her an instructor,

522
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,160
Speaker 3: then blame her from being dependent on them for transportation

523
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: because of her inability to leave the house and the

524
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: fact that she has bounced around from school to school

525
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 3: throughout her teen years. Her friends are all online. I've

526
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 3: only seen my sister once since going no contact, when

527
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 3: our mom let her hang out with me in a

528
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 3: museum in the city where I live, and that was

529
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 3: about five years ago. She's wanted to visit me since then,

530
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 3: but is held back by a lot of factors, including

531
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 3: the fact that she's reliant on our mom for transportation

532
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 3: and severe anxiety, which I have struggled with too. The

533
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 3: surprise of exactly no one, a couple of weeks ago,

534
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 3: after trying and failing multiple times to get her to

535
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 3: take the bus to the city, I finally got her

536
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 3: a cab to the bus stop and stayed on the

537
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 3: phone with her the whole time so she felt safer.

538
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,400
Speaker 3: I picked her up and she stayed with my partner

539
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 3: and me in our apartment for a few days. We

540
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 3: had a great time and it was nice to bond

541
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 3: with her as an adults. The day before she had

542
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 3: to be back at our part time job, we sent

543
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 3: her home on the bus. I stayed in contact with

544
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 3: her by text until she got to the town where

545
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 3: her parents were supposed to pick her up. She apparently

546
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 3: waited there in a cafe for about two hours before

547
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 3: our mom decided to show up. A couple hours later,

548
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: I got a call from my sister wailing like I've

549
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,199
Speaker 3: never heard her cry before, barely intelligible. I managed to

550
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 3: calm her down enough or to tell me what was

551
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 3: going on. She got home, they had cleaned her room

552
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 3: and thrown all of her clothes into boxes, regardless of

553
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 3: whether they were dirty or clean. She understandably freaked out

554
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 3: and started digging through looking for her work uniform because

555
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 3: she had to go to work in the morning, and

556
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 3: ended up dumping everything out on the floor. Who was

557
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,959
Speaker 3: At that point our mom decided to call the cops.

558
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:43,680
Speaker 4: What?

559
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 2: Oh my god?

560
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 3: Well, my sister told me this part. I kind of

561
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 3: brushed it off because she's threatened stuff like that all

562
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: the time. It's always an empty threat aimed at controlling,

563
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 3: But this time he actually followed through. So the cops

564
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 3: showed up, and my sister called me hysterically crying again.

565
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 3: She said the cops I called an ambulance for her,

566
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 3: and she was afraid they were going to lock her

567
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 3: up or have her put away, and then hung up abruptly.

568
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 3: I immediately called the non emergency police number, explained the

569
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 3: situation and asked them to call with any updates in

570
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: case I lost contact with my sister. They let her

571
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,199
Speaker 3: keep her cell phone in the ambulance and while she

572
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 3: was in the hospital, and when she got there she

573
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 3: called me while she was with the nurse, and the

574
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 3: nurse asked speak with me to explain what was going on. Basically,

575
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 3: they were just holding her for evaluation and taking her vitals.

576
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 3: Her assessment was that my sister wasn't mentally unstable or violent,

577
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 3: she just seemed extremely anxious, scared, and added that she

578
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 3: was very sweet. I held it together during the phone call,

579
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 3: but broke down crying as soon as I hung up.

580
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,360
Speaker 2: I get it. I mean, like insane.

581
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: It's like the medical profession was like, yeah, she's totally fine,

582
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: she's like super anxious and scared.

583
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, because of this insane like like because her parents.

584
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 3: Are like turning against her and literally making her get

585
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 3: arrested by the cops almost She saw a social worker

586
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 3: about an hour later, and the social worker called me

587
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 3: as well. She'd already spoken to her dad before calling me,

588
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 3: and it turns out he lied about basically everything, including

589
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 3: my own mental stability. Apparently I've been in and out

590
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: of psychiatric care for years and years, which was attempt

591
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 3: to call me crazy, I think, which is ironic because

592
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 3: my very last communication with them was via email begging

593
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 3: them to go on medication or family therapy with me,

594
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 3: which I offered to pay for. My father's response was

595
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 3: a ten paragraph email that included the accusation that I

596
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 3: was trying to do psychologize him. Let me know if

597
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 3: anyone knows what the heck that means.

598
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 2: You're just psychologizing me.

599
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 3: Think you mean psychoanalyzing. For the record, I have been

600
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 3: in solo therapy as an adult for the past six years,

601
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 3: and it has been in an immensely useful tool which

602
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 3: has helped me grow as a person as well as

603
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 3: deal with all this. The social worker asked me if

604
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 3: I thought it was safe for her to go home,

605
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: and I hesitated before clarifying that while yes, her parents

606
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 3: are emotionally abusive, they're not physically abusive, and I don't

607
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 3: have a place for her to stay long term, don't

608
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,120
Speaker 3: I'm back home When they released her from the hospital,

609
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 3: the state police I only called me around midnight that night,

610
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 3: and I spoke to the trooper who I've seen. He

611
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 3: seemed one confused as to why they were called when

612
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,959
Speaker 3: it became a parent that it was astic dispute and

613
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 3: not an emotionally disturbed person, and he had been led

614
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 3: to believe. He said my sister seemed very sweet and

615
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,479
Speaker 3: that she was definitely not a threat to anyone, and

616
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 3: two unsure I handle the situation himself, and at which

617
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 3: point he asked my sister if she would like to

618
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,360
Speaker 3: speak to someone to reiterate. My sister does not understand

619
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 3: many conversational nuances or figures of speech, so in her

620
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 3: mind that did not mean going to a hospital. That

621
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 3: meant literally talking to someone. So that's how the ambulance

622
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 3: got called. Things are pretty quiet for a couple of

623
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 3: days until I got another call from my sister scream crying.

624
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 3: Our parents said they were going out of town for something,

625
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 3: but actually went to the police station. My sister saw

626
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 3: this on the family Tracker app they all use, and

627
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 3: freaked the f out. Apparently our parents had been threatening

628
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 3: her every day with having her locked up, meaning institutionalized,

629
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 3: if she doesn't comply with the list of rules they've

630
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: come up with, so she was fully under the belief

631
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 3: that our parents were at the police state report her

632
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 3: for something, and that she was about to go to

633
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 3: jail or a psych hospital. As she was on the

634
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 3: phone with me, who's frantically running through the fifteen hundred

635
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 3: acre state park bordering our parents' property. Also, her phone

636
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 3: was passing away. I advised her to head back home,

637
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 3: and she replied that she was lost. She had gone

638
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 3: off trail. I told her to stay battery and tried

639
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 3: to come back the way she'd gone. We grew up

640
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 3: in the woods, so I wasn't too worried at that point.

641
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 3: This is also not the first time she's run in

642
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 3: the woods in a state of heightened emotion. There's literally

643
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 3: nowhere else to run to from where they lived. Called

644
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 3: back two hours later, still lost. Then her phone died,

645
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 3: but I called the non emergency number again and explained

646
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 3: the whole situation, including the events of the other day.

647
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 3: They said they'd send someone over right away too. More

648
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,239
Speaker 3: hours later, my sister called me back. The troopers had

649
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: shown up at the same time our parents returned, which

650
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 3: led to some confusion, as our parents didn't even know

651
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 3: she was missing. They found her pretty quickly. Apparently she

652
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 3: had not gone far, didn't get any trouble, and apparently

653
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 3: the reason our parents had gone to the police station

654
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 3: is that one of the many authority figures they met

655
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 3: the other day, either a healthcare worker or a cop

656
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 3: informed them that there was the possibility they'd be charged

657
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 3: with filing a false police report. They went down to

658
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 3: the station to clear things up.

659
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 2: I mean, hopefully they get charged with something.

660
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: So basically they had to pay for a very expensive

661
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 3: ambulance ride and then got told they were a holes

662
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 3: for calling the cops the first place. Will they learn anything.

663
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 3: Probably not. Things have not been quiet since, meaning they

664
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 3: yell at my sister their normal amount over extremely pettybs,

665
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 3: but no one has called the cops or ambulance again.

666
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 3: My sister wants to come visit again, but I'm fully

667
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 3: convinced that everything that went down was a punishment for

668
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 3: her visiting me without their help or permission. I don't

669
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 3: want to repeat that experience. I've struggled over the past

670
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 3: few years with not being in a position to help

671
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 3: my sister more. I can provide emotional support whenever needed,

672
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 3: and let her know that she always has a place

673
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 3: to crash with me if she wants to, or if

674
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 3: things at home get bad enough for her to leave.

675
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 3: Punting her out or me out is a threat. Our

676
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 3: mom has had a habit of constantly throwing around the

677
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 3: most minor transgression and has yet to fall through on.

678
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 3: I told my sister, if that ever happens, she can

679
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 3: stay with me and I will help her with finding

680
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 3: a job and an apartment however else I can. Currently

681
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 3: I can't financially support her even if moving in with

682
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 3: me was an option, which it is not. My partner

683
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 3: and I live in a one bedroom with a weird

684
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 3: layout where even if we turned the living room into

685
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 3: a bedroom, it would give neither her nor as much privacy.

686
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: But it's not a long term solution, and frankly, I

687
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 3: have never wanted the responsibility of being a surrogate parent

688
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 3: my sister. I'm willing to support her in a normal

689
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 3: sister way and also help her getting external support. Problem is,

690
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 3: I don't know where to start, what to do. I

691
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 3: know the first step is to get her a proper diagnosis.

692
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 3: The social worker I spoke to recommended a couple of

693
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 3: teaching hospitals near me that I have autits and programs.

694
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 3: I would be willing to bring her, but the issue

695
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 3: is getting her here and back without incident. There's another

696
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 3: relevant update. She's also traumatized from her experience being taken

697
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 3: to a hospital, and as fraid if she gets evaluated

698
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: or diagnosed, they will slap her with equal crazy stamp

699
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 3: and institutionalize her lay approach bringing her to see a

700
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 3: qualified professional has to be very delicate. I also know

701
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 3: from there I should contact social services and see if

702
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 3: she qualifies for disability, which could help her with housing

703
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 3: as well. I'm just new to navigating all of this,

704
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 3: especially the social services system, so any advice, resource insights,

705
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 3: or personal comments would be welcome. Responses from op Common

706
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 3: to two, I think the first step needs to be

707
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 3: getting out of your parents' house. It's clear that she

708
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: cannot stay there for much longer. You should reach out

709
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 3: to domestic violence shelters in the area to see if

710
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 3: they would be willing to help. Since this is a

711
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 3: domestic situation, keep in touch with a social worker.

712
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: Two.

713
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 3: Getting a diagnosis will be helpful forgetting her on disability

714
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 3: but thin but getting her out is more important. She

715
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 3: seems to be functioning well enough to have a part

716
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: time job. Does she understand that she's no divergent in

717
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 3: some way and know that she has to get help

718
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 3: in order to leave. I think she needs a whole

719
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 3: lot of reassurance that she's capable of leaving. And Opie responds,

720
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 3: thank you, Yes, she is aware that she's different, but

721
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 3: gets upset if I mentioned specific terms like autistic comment

722
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 3: three reading your post is heartbreaking as hell. Your parents

723
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 3: have it drilled into her head. The hospitals are bad

724
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 3: and being labeled equals psych ward. You really need to

725
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: talk to her about the hospitals the social worker talked

726
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 3: about and ensure she shouldn't be alone because she has you.

727
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 3: Your relationship with her will never be in the normal

728
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 3: kind until she's away from the people and she's getting help.

729
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 3: And OPI responds, Yep, you nailed it. I have brought

730
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: it up to her as tactfully, as gently as possible

731
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 3: the last time we talked. The phrasing I used was

732
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 3: talk to with a therapist rather than get an evaluation,

733
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 3: and she seemed cautiously okay with that. The issue is

734
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 3: finding a way to get her to the office, but

735
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 3: it seems like the first step is to get her

736
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 3: into her own place, or at least out of there,

737
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 3: and that is where this story ends.

738
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Jean here.

739
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

740
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: three minute break with aswer more sponsors.

741
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 4: My husband refuses to change diapers because it's gross. Also,

742
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 4: there's a trigger warning here for miscarriage, so if you

743
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 4: don't want to hear anything about that, do not listen

744
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 4: to this story.

745
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: Here we go.

746
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 4: My husband twenty three male, and I twenty two female,

747
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 4: have a beautiful eight week old daughter. He seems somewhat

748
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 4: excited to be a dad throughout my pregnancy, but I

749
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 4: feel like maybe he wasn't as excited as I thought

750
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 4: or hoped.

751
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 2: By the way.

752
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 4: This comes from user Crochet nineteen and if you want

753
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

754
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 4: Okay storytime subburden. So we had a miscarriage in November

755
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty three, and he seemed more excited during

756
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 4: that pregnancy than he did this time.

757
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 2: Throughout the pregnancy, he.

758
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 4: Would say he's excited, but that he doesn't want to

759
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 4: change diapers because it's gross. I had to talk with

760
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 4: him about how I understand why it can be intimidating

761
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 4: because he's a man and she's a baby girl, and

762
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 4: she has different parts than he does, and it can

763
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 4: feel intimidating to clean those parts correctly because he's never

764
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 4: changed a diaper before. I reassured him that I would

765
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 4: be here to help and show him what to do.

766
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 4: He even practiced putting a diaper on a stuffed teddy

767
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 4: bear before I had the baby. I thought he would

768
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 4: get over it after I had the baby, but he

769
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 4: did not. He refuses to even be in the room

770
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,479
Speaker 4: while I change her. Every time I bring it up

771
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 4: and ask, so, when do you want to start changing

772
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 4: her diaper? He just says, we're doing this again. I

773
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: do not regret having my baby. I have always wanted

774
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 4: a baby and was definitely ready, but I feel like

775
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 4: he was not. Am I overreacting? How can I talk

776
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 4: with him about this? Edit?

777
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: I asked him what so gross about changing diapers?

778
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 4: And he said everything, the different parts, and then kind

779
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 4: of trailed off, like there was more to that sentence

780
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 4: than what was said.

781
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 2: He said that she's never away from me, so why

782
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 2: should he have to do it?

783
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 4: He said, why would I take her from you to

784
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 4: change her and then bring her back when you could

785
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:41,959
Speaker 4: just do it?

786
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 2: And I said, because you're her dad?

787
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, what if something happened to me or what if

788
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 4: I had to leave her with you for an hour

789
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 4: or two?

790
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 2: Do you get dan and diaper? I guess that's crazy,

791
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 2: She's weird.

792
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 6: That's wild to me. I feel like everyone should change

793
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 6: a diaper before they have a kid.

794
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 4: He says at that point, he would look it up

795
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 4: on YouTube and wouldn't leave her sitting in a soil diaper.

796
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 4: Relevant comment number one not overreacting. I think you need

797
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 4: to keep pushing him. I'd start by digging into what

798
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 4: he thinks is gross about it. Touch into poop to

799
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 4: smell the female parts. Talk about what would he do

800
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 4: if you were incapacitated and the options were to change

801
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 4: the diaper himself or have her physically harmed with a rash?

802
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 4: What would he do when you get sick and need

803
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 4: more rest? If he's willing to try, will he stay

804
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 4: in the room while you do it as a first step?

805
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 4: What then do it with you watching as another baby step?

806
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,479
Speaker 4: Or does he refuse to be in the room at all?

807
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 4: If he won't try, I think I would insist on therapy.

808
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 4: You can't just opt out of parts of parenting that

809
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 4: are essential to a baby's health. Ope, he replies, I

810
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 4: have mentioned the incapacitated part, and he acts like, oh, that'll.

811
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 2: Never happen, But you never know what would happen.

812
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 6: You should just you know how like people will take

813
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 6: videos of them pretending to pass out in front of

814
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 6: their dogs. Yeah, so like see what their dogs will do?

815
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:04,359
Speaker 2: Do it?

816
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 6: Oh good, great.

817
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 2: Heaven pass out mid diaper change?

818
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then be like timed.

819
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 4: And he's just gonna leave. He's just gonna walk out

820
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 4: of the door. It's like I'm gonna go get groceries.

821
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 4: I don't know what else to do, Like, I don't

822
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 4: know she'll come to I gotta wash the car. I'll

823
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 4: keep pushing him and try to get him to at

824
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 4: least stay in the room and then move forward from there.

825
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 4: Comment to I think he underestimated what it means to

826
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 4: be a dad. This is just the beginning of him

827
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 4: getting out of his responsibilities. You'll see this more and

828
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 4: more as time goes on. The best way is to

829
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 4: make him do it. Leave the house for a couple hours.

830
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 4: He'll be forced to change her. Opie says. My only

831
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 4: concern with forcing him to do it is that he

832
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 4: won't do it well or correctly, and she'll end up

833
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 4: with a rash or Uti. Has Opie's husband held the

834
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 4: baby recently? Opie says, he holds her for me sometimes

835
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 4: so I can get a few things done, or so

836
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 4: I can eat a meal in peace.

837
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 2: But up until recently.

838
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 4: He didn't hold her because he wanted to, only because

839
00:35:58,680 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 4: I asked him to.

840
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 6: Send him to some classes, like take him to some

841
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 6: of those like Daddy daughter daddy child classes where they

842
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 6: teach you all this stuff.

843
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 2: Take them to the place where they knock a little

844
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 2: sense into you. They go change your daughter's diaper.

845
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 4: Pow, and they hit you with the little red squeaky

846
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 4: hammer like bink, and then you're like, I like being

847
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 4: a dad now. I fussed at him about why he

848
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 4: doesn't hold her and asked if he even loved her.

849
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 4: He said, of course he does, and then started making

850
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 4: more of an effort to hold her. I exclusively breastfeed,

851
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 4: so nobody will be able to feed her except me, unfortunately,

852
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 4: because she won't take a bottle.

853
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 2: Ope.

854
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 4: He explains the background on her marriage and kids. We

855
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 4: got married in February twenty twenty two and started talking

856
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 4: about kids in December of twenty twenty two.

857
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 2: I'm a stay at home.

858
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 4: Mom and he works twelve plus hour shifts, so he

859
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 4: feels like I should take care of the baby and

860
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 4: the house, like laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, and he does

861
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 4: all the maintenance, like if something on our vehicles needs

862
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 4: fixing or needs an oil change, or if the sink

863
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 4: has a leak or something. Other than him doing maintenance

864
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 4: and outside chores like cut the grass, he is useless.

865
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,280
Speaker 4: If I ask him to help with the inside chores

866
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 4: like cleaning the bathroom, he'll do it, but only after

867
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 4: he complains first.

868
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 2: It's Opie's father in law in the picture.

869
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 4: Did he teach Opie's husband the life lessons when it

870
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 4: comes to raising children? Opie says his dad is not

871
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 4: in his life. He has never met his father, and

872
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 4: I think that's part of the problem. He has no father,

873
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 4: therefore no role model for what a dad should be.

874
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 4: And there is an update before we get into it. Yeah,

875
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 4: it seems like they've got like the stereotypical, like quote

876
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 4: unquote classic arrangement where it's like she's doing all the

877
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 4: chores at home and he's working and fixing all the

878
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 4: anything that needs fixing nineteen fifties.

879
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 2: How do we feel about the dynamic?

880
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 6: The thing is that if she was a housewife and

881
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 6: he was off the jaw, you know, doing a job,

882
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 6: but knew how to take care of his child, and

883
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 6: that arrangement worked for them, totally fine. But The thing is,

884
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 6: you are not a babysitter for your I mean honestly,

885
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 6: you're really not a babysitter for your child because you'd

886
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 6: be terrible as a babysitter. You don't even know how

887
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,800
Speaker 6: to change a child's diaper. It's like you can't even

888
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 6: like you know what, when when mothers are like, oh yeah,

889
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 6: he baby sits like the kids, it's like you wouldn't

890
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 6: even do that because you don't know how to take

891
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 6: care of your child.

892
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's this striking level of incompetence when it comes

893
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 4: to being able to just take care of the kid.

894
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 2: It sounds like, which is, you can't do that.

895
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 4: Even if you guys agree, it's like, well, we'll be

896
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 4: the stay at home mom and you'll do the chores

897
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 4: and I'll work. Yeah, do you still have to be

898
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 4: able to take care of your child?

899
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 2: Exactly?

900
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 4: It's not like, oh, I don't do the dishes. It's like, no,

901
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 4: you have to know how to change your kids diaper,

902
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 4: you know what.

903
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 6: It's like. It's like okay, storytime the cold and our

904
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,800
Speaker 6: hosts where we're being trained to be producers because if

905
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 6: Keon can't be here, we got to step up. If

906
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 6: we didn't know how to do it, then we'd you know,

907
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 6: be useless.

908
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 2: Well, we have an update.

909
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,839
Speaker 4: So I read all four hundred and sixteen comments on

910
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 4: the previous post. You read all those you all collectively

911
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 4: agreed that I was not overreacting, and that my husband

912
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 4: is a crappy father and husband, that I married a loser,

913
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:03,800
Speaker 4: and that I should leave if he doesn't change his ways.

914
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: Pause, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's see where we go, see

915
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: if we can fix it first.

916
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 4: So, after he got home from work last night, the

917
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 4: baby needed to be changed.

918
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 2: I asked him to.

919
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 4: Come into the other room and simply observe while I

920
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 4: changed the diaper.

921
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 2: And he agreed, masterclass, this is master class.

922
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 6: Welcome to diaper master class. Today we're going to be

923
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 6: changing the baby's diaper.

924
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 4: I said he could observe a few diaper changes, and

925
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 4: then when it was just a plane pea diaper, I'd

926
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 4: let him know that it was his turn. Once again,

927
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 4: he argued about not wanting to change diaper.

928
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,319
Speaker 2: Suck it up, Buttercup.

929
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 4: I told him he will eventually have to suck it

930
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 4: up because he's a parent now, and if he didn't

931
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 4: want to be a parent, he shouldn't have agreed to

932
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 4: become one. He said he didn't want to be a

933
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 4: dad as bad as I wanted him to be, and

934
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 4: that he only got me pregnant because I wanted to

935
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 4: be a mom so bad. That's an inside thought, buddy.

936
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 4: I reminded him he was the one who got the

937
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 4: conversation about kids started several years ago, when he said

938
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 4: he wouldn't mind having a kid.

939
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: He said, yeah, I wouldn't mind dota dot them.

940
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 6: I wouldn't mind them. I wouldn't take care of them,

941
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 6: is what I meant.

942
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 4: I then cut him off and said, but you only

943
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 4: want the fun parts and not any of the gross,

944
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 4: non fun parts. I told him, I'm on the verge

945
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 4: of being burnt out and I feel like a married,

946
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 4: single mom. He said I was bashing him, and I

947
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 4: said I wasn't bashing, simply pointing out the obvious. Then

948
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 4: I left the room because the baby was crying to

949
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 4: be fed. He joined me in the other room a

950
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 4: few minutes later to apologize and restated that he just

951
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 4: doesn't want to change diapers. I asked him what is

952
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 4: the issue with him changing diapers, and he said he

953
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,760
Speaker 4: feels like a man shouldn't change little girls diapers.

954
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, what that's your daughter.

955
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: He then goes on.

956
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 4: He says he is afraid people will see him as

957
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 4: a PDF file. I said, nobody will see him as

958
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 4: that because that is his child. It would be different

959
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 4: if he fall'n teared to change a little girl that

960
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 4: wasn't his child. I told him that he should start

961
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 4: sooner rather than later, because the diapers won't get any easier,

962
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 4: they will only become nastier. In the end, he agreed

963
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 4: to observe a few diaper changes to learn what to do,

964
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 4: and then start with pe diapers and maybe eventually change

965
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 4: poopy diapers. He seems to have a serious issue with

966
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 4: the poop part. But I told him we could get

967
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 4: some rubber gloves and some masks and put peppermint oil

968
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 4: on the masks and we won't have to smell it.

969
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 2: One of you recommended the peppermint oil on the mask.

970
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 2: Good idea.

971
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 4: By the way, I will be asking him to join

972
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 4: me for every diaper change between the time he gets

973
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: home from work and the time we go to bed.

974
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 4: Since I am a stay at home mom and he works,

975
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,359
Speaker 4: I won't ask him to get up during the night

976
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 4: unless he just wants to. I know some or most

977
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 4: if you will probably not like that, but for now,

978
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 4: that is what we will do until he gets comfortable

979
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 4: with daytime diaper changes. In a few days, on a

980
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 4: night where he doesn't have to work for the next day,

981
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 4: I will ask him to get up and join us

982
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 4: for the midnight diaper changes. I hope he will change

983
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 4: and become a more active parent in our baby's life.

984
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,240
Speaker 4: To all of you who said I should leave because

985
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 4: being a single mom is better than being a married

986
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 4: single mom, I would rather be a married single mom

987
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 4: who doesn't have to leave my baby with a stranger

988
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 4: and go to work. I will keep pushing him and

989
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 4: working on him to make him a more active parent.

990
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 2: Wow.

991
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 6: Man, I saw a comment earlier that was asking if

992
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 6: he had ever had a dog, and I think that

993
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 6: is actually kind of a or any sort of pet,

994
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,839
Speaker 6: And that is kind of a good question to ask,

995
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 6: because has he ever had to pick up poop?

996
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 4: I used to like almost cry when I had to

997
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 4: pick up my dog's poop, And when I was a kid,

998
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 4: like I'd put it off and then it's like I'd

999
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,800
Speaker 4: have to pick up like week's worth of it in

1000
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 4: the backyard, and it was so gross to me. I'd

1001
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 4: be like really and then be like, I was just

1002
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,720
Speaker 4: psyching myself out. But yeah, I was also like nine, yeah,

1003
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 4: this is a grown man, so you don't really get

1004
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 4: the same level of a pass for that anymore.

1005
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 6: And also the thing is like, diapers are pretty easy.

1006
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 6: You just throw it out.

1007
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 2: There's a little bit storry left here, let's get in

1008
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 2: on it.

1009
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 4: I know we are too young to be having children,

1010
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 4: but I felt like I was more than ready.

1011
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what are ages? Husband's twenty three? Eight

1012
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,360
Speaker 2: oh twenty two.

1013
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 4: Old enough to like not be like, oh my god,

1014
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 4: I can't change the underwear diaper because it's so weird

1015
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 4: and smelly.

1016
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 6: But I'm saying he's behaving like a twenty three year

1017
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 6: old who became apparent way too soon.

1018
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 4: My older sister is special needs to the highest degree

1019
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 4: and has to wear diapers, so all my life I've

1020
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 4: been changing diapers.

1021
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 2: Oh so you're like a pro, Oh.

1022
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 6: He is, Like You've come to the right master class.

1023
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 4: I've helped several family members with their babies from newborn

1024
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,240
Speaker 4: to age two to three, so I have helped raise

1025
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 4: several babies, like six babies so I know being a

1026
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 4: mom was all I've ever wanted. I was just waiting

1027
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 4: for him to be ready, and I thought he was,

1028
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 4: but I guess not. Thank you for reading this update

1029
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 4: and the original post. I appreciate all advice and help.

1030
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,760
Speaker 4: I apologize for my crap show of a life.

1031
00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:58,240
Speaker 3: Lol.

1032
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 4: We have some commenters right because he seems like a

1033
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 4: better option than a stranger. FYI, working moms don't drop

1034
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 4: their kids off with rent.

1035
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 2: Guys, stop advocating their children. He can't change poop PuO diaper,

1036
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 2: and he works all day. Just he's a child. He's

1037
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 2: gonna get better.

1038
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 6: I don't think the answer here is divorced, because it

1039
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 6: I mean like it is. She's right, she would have

1040
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 6: to go work, like obviously this isn't a great marriage

1041
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 6: right now, but I think they would probably be harder

1042
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 6: for her if she got a divorce.

1043
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 4: I hope for your sake he gets better, but I

1044
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 4: hope for your daughter's sake you can find the strength

1045
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,720
Speaker 4: to do what you need to do if he doesn't.

1046
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 4: Ope downvoted probably because they're like, I won't divorce my

1047
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 4: husband immediately. Well, I don't know anyone who works at

1048
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 4: a daycare, so in my opinion, it would be a stranger.

1049
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 4: One of the local day care facilities where I'd live

1050
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,800
Speaker 4: just had several people get arrested for giving infant spendadryl

1051
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 4: to make them sleep during nap time.

1052
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 2: But yep, that's cool.

1053
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 4: I don't have any family members I trust that can

1054
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 4: watch her.

1055
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 2: Everyone I trust works.

1056
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 4: Plus, she's exclusively breastfed and refuses bottles, so until further notice,

1057
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 4: I can't leave her with anyone, even her dad, because

1058
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 4: they will have no way of feeding her. If you

1059
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 4: are breastfeeding only, says another commenter, hand him the baby

1060
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,760
Speaker 4: after she eats. He needs to know how to burper

1061
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 4: as well. If you do any bottles, let him feed her.

1062
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 4: Babies can be gross, but taking care of them is

1063
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 4: how we bond. With the very good point, he doesn't

1064
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 4: know how much he would regret missing out on that,

1065
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 4: Like when you leave them alone together and all she

1066
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 4: does is cry for mom for three hours straight. Opie

1067
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 4: says he does better at burping her than I do. Actually,

1068
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,760
Speaker 4: I always joke that it's because his hands are bigger

1069
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 4: than mine and cover more surface area on her little back.

1070
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:35,280
Speaker 4: I usually hand her off to him to burper, unless

1071
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 4: it's the middle of the night and he's asleep. Is

1072
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 4: it possible that Opie's husband may have some kind of disorder?

1073
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,360
Speaker 2: Opie says, yes, he does have OCD.

1074
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 6: That is a relevant point.

1075
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 4: How did we get that at the very end of

1076
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 4: the story, we're learning that he literally has OCD.

1077
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,919
Speaker 6: Why didn't we know that it's still a necessary thing

1078
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 6: that he needs to do if he's gotta be a parent?

1079
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 6: But is so relevant?

1080
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 4: Commenter three, I'm just saying it would be very hard

1081
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 4: for me to still respect my husband if I had

1082
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 4: to babystep him through something as simple as changing diapers.

1083
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 4: You're acting like his mom. I'm sorry, this is a

1084
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 4: comment in reply to the fact that he has OCD.

1085
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 4: He's just like I'm just saying. I'm just saying, as

1086
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 4: he had to deal with anything difficult. Ever, what is

1087
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 4: his plan if anything happens to him? Does he even

1088
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 4: have life insurance? Do you even know what if i'd

1089
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 4: better blah blah blah blah blah. Oh, he says, we

1090
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 4: have an accidental death and dismemberment policy on him because

1091
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 4: he drives a motorcycle. My mom has had a life

1092
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 4: insurance policy on me for years, so we're both covered

1093
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 4: as far as that goes, we've not discussed it much

1094
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 4: because he is convinced nothing will happen. I will discuss

1095
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 4: it with him more and get back to you on that.

1096
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 4: That's the end of the story. The thing is, y'all

1097
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 4: need counseling for new parents.

1098
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:40,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, hey, it's Sam.

1099
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

1100
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1101
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 2: My husband is starting to resent our daughter. It's straining

1102
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 2: our marriage. Yeah, I bet.

1103
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 6: For some context, my husband and I, forty two female,

1104
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 6: have been together for nearly sixteen years and married for ten.

1105
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 6: We met while he was passing by the city I

1106
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 6: lived in at the time for work related reasons, and

1107
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 6: after keeping in touch of the phone for a long

1108
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 6: while and multiple hints and signs from my end, he

1109
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 6: confessed his love for me and we've been together since.

1110
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 6: He moved in with me after three years and settled

1111
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 6: in well. My family loves him, and he managed to

1112
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,760
Speaker 6: land a good job as a high school history teacher

1113
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 6: for school nearby by the way. This comes from practical

1114
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 6: leg five two seventy five and if you want to

1115
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 6: spit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

1116
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 6: storytime separate our entire relationship. He has been very loving

1117
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 6: and nurturing, always taking my feelings into consideration and going

1118
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 6: far out of his way to keep the both of

1119
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 6: us happy. He is incredibly sweet and a huge sweetheart,

1120
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 6: and even after being with him for sixteen years, my

1121
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 6: love for him hasn't faltered at all. With that being said,

1122
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 6: it's a big reason why his recent behavior has completely

1123
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 6: blindsided me and I have no idea what I'm supposed

1124
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 6: to do. We had our first child, who i'll call

1125
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 6: d for now, almost five years ago. We're to collar Diana.

1126
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,759
Speaker 6: My pregnancy was incredibly smooth and easy going, and all

1127
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 6: throughout my husband was even more gentle and loving towards me.

1128
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 6: It made me feel incredibly lucky to be starting a

1129
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 6: family with him. There were some complications with the birth,

1130
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 6: but overall it was a very wonderful experience, and the

1131
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,760
Speaker 6: both of us were overjoyed to finally have our daughter.

1132
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 6: For the first month or so, my husband was stubbornly

1133
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,400
Speaker 6: persistent that I let him do all the heavy lifting

1134
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 6: and to only focus solely on myself and Diana. During

1135
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,240
Speaker 6: this time, he took up nearly all the house chores

1136
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,399
Speaker 6: with my parents and sister, stopping by often to help

1137
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 6: out with Diana and the other chores, and made sure

1138
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 6: to spend time with Diana whenever I needed a break.

1139
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 6: Once we both started going to work again, he called

1140
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 6: my parents during his lunch break to make sure everything

1141
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 6: was going okay. During Diana's later infancy and her early

1142
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 6: baby years, he laid back a little bit more and

1143
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 6: stopped checking in as much, but by no means did

1144
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 6: he give her less attention. However, over time I noticed

1145
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 6: that he was gradually spending less and less time with

1146
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 6: Diana and seemed to be focusing on his work more.

1147
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,919
Speaker 6: I love Diana with all of my heart, and I'm

1148
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 6: so incredibly grateful and happy she's in our lives. But

1149
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 6: I would be lying if I said she was an

1150
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:20,879
Speaker 6: easy baby. She's incredibly stubborn and lively for age. So

1151
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 6: when me and my husband aren't scrambling to make sure

1152
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:25,839
Speaker 6: she doesn't get herself hurt or do something she isn't

1153
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 6: supposed to, we're busy calming her down from a tantrum,

1154
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 6: and it can be a little taxing. More So, I

1155
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 6: begun to notice how much it seems to be wearing

1156
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 6: down my husband Nowadays, he's less motivated or energetic than

1157
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 6: he used to be. He's still sweet to me, but

1158
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 6: he's beginning to pull away from me and Diana, and

1159
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 6: our life in the bedroom is completely gone at this point.

1160
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 6: Despite this, the most upsetting thing I've noticed recently is

1161
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 6: how distant he's become with Diana. The other day, she

1162
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 6: was excitedly trying to tell him during breakfast about the

1163
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 6: show she's been watching, and he just just put a

1164
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 6: cereal in fridge and walked away. How old is Diana

1165
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 6: right now?

1166
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 2: Do we know the daughter four?

1167
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 6: She's four right now?

1168
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 2: Okay.

1169
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 6: The look on Diana's face after she asked me why

1170
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,919
Speaker 6: he was ignoring her completely shattered my heart.

1171
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 2: Dang, but that's like so normal.

1172
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 4: Let's be honest, Like there are times, well I'm really

1173
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 4: only basing this off of the one parent I really know,

1174
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 4: but it's like there's just times where it's like there's

1175
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 4: no more space in your brain.

1176
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 5: Oh.

1177
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely. It's not even because he's like I don't like

1178
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 2: my daughter anymore.

1179
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 4: It's just like I literally didn't even hear that because

1180
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 4: it just is being processed as noise.

1181
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 6: I think it might be. I mean, Toky'sa's parent burnout.

1182
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 6: I think absolutely. It seems like that is a problem here,

1183
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 6: But it is a problem that does need to be

1184
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 6: addressed because she's she's not gonna go away.

1185
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it's you know, you can't just go full stoneface.

1186
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,280
Speaker 2: Do you gotta be like, oh cool? That's all they need.

1187
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 2: They just need a oh cool buddy.

1188
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,919
Speaker 6: Another problem we've been having recently is how little he's

1189
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 6: doing to help with Diana. Every morning, I wake up

1190
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 6: early to get her dressed and fed for the day

1191
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 6: before driving her to school and then picking her up

1192
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 6: later that day. I take her to every doctor appointment,

1193
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 6: every dentist visit, every plate eate, and every event at

1194
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 6: her school. It feels like the only time my husband

1195
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:19,360
Speaker 6: is around Diana is after she gets home from school

1196
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 6: and makes everyone foot. This has caused many arguments between

1197
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 6: the two of us where I'm asking him why he

1198
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 6: doesn't put any effort into his relationship with Diana, and

1199
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 6: he gets defensive but never really gives me an answer.

1200
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 6: What compelled me to post here was an argument we

1201
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 6: have earlier this week, right as I was ready to

1202
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 6: walk at the door to get Diana to the babysitter

1203
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 6: since no one would be home to take care of her.

1204
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 6: I honestly can't remember how it started, but I know

1205
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 6: it started as something small that escalated quickly. Many hurtful

1206
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 6: words were exchanged, and I'll be the first to admit

1207
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 6: that many of the things I told him.

1208
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:52,760
Speaker 2: Were out of line.

1209
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 6: He started going on a rant about how much he

1210
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 6: did for our family and how hard this was on him,

1211
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 6: to which I interrupted him and asked how it was

1212
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 6: so hard for him when I was the one doing

1213
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 6: everything related to Diana. He just snapped at me that

1214
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 6: if it weren't for her, things wouldn't be this hard.

1215
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 6: That both of us went quiet after he said that,

1216
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 6: and I probably would have torn him a new one

1217
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,760
Speaker 6: if it weren't for the fact I was so shocked

1218
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 6: and he suddenly decided he needed to go on a

1219
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 6: walk to clear his head. This all feels like a

1220
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 6: complete shock to me, as I've been under the impression

1221
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 6: that my husband was happy and just going through a

1222
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,680
Speaker 6: rough time. Yet after the comment, I haven't stopped rethinking

1223
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 6: every aspect of a relationship with After Diana, I feel

1224
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 6: a heartbroken and numb. I have no idea where to

1225
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:37,879
Speaker 6: go from here. My husband and I have hardly been

1226
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,839
Speaker 6: talking to each other since the fight, and honestly, I

1227
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:43,720
Speaker 6: have no idea what I'd even say at this point.

1228
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 6: It's starting to drain me. And although I love him

1229
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 6: very much, if he doesn't start getting his act together,

1230
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 6: I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it much longer.

1231
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 6: What can I do about this? I can't imagine my

1232
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 6: future with ad him, and I don't want to divorce him.

1233
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 6: But I'm tired and stressed out and trying not to

1234
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 6: cry myself to sleep tonight thinking about it. And there

1235
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 6: is an update, Dakota. Do you have any thoughts about

1236
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 6: this story?

1237
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got it straight in

1238
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: my head now. After you talked, I was like, oh,

1239
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 2: that's right.

1240
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 4: This is a story where he was a really good

1241
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 4: dad for a long time and now he's like checked out.

1242
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on at work.

1243
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 4: I'm sure most people be like, he's cheating, he's got

1244
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,800
Speaker 4: a new secretary, he's starting a new family.

1245
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,919
Speaker 2: That's why you didn't care about yours anymore. I think

1246
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 2: he's just really really burnt out.

1247
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 6: Raising a child, especially a difficult child, you know, is hard.

1248
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 6: It is draining, It's mentally so exhausting. I mean, they're like,

1249
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 6: I have babysat a child who like was so energetic

1250
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,319
Speaker 6: that I had to just run around with her for

1251
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:46,879
Speaker 6: five hours straight and I'd be like, let's watch TV

1252
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 6: and she'd be like no, and it's exhausting. And I

1253
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 6: only had to do that for five hours. You know,

1254
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 6: being a parent is a full time job, and when

1255
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 6: you have a child who is hard to raise, you

1256
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,439
Speaker 6: need some sort of break. You need someone to talk

1257
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 6: to to come clean about too. And maybe that's a therapist,

1258
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 6: maybe that's a friend. Maybe you know, you can see

1259
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 6: if your parents can come and like maybe sit their

1260
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 6: daughter for a couple of days while he gets a break.

1261
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 6: You know, it's just about making sure that you guys

1262
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 6: aren't gonna, you know, hate this child and you get

1263
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 6: the breaks that you need so that you can be

1264
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:23,400
Speaker 6: a good parent. But he definitely needs therapy in general.

1265
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys probably could both use couples counseling.

1266
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean you're also getting the brunt of this

1267
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 6: because he's checking out, so now you're picking up the slack.

1268
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:33,959
Speaker 6: It's hard.

1269
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:34,880
Speaker 2: But there's an update.

1270
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 6: A lot has happened since I last posted, and in

1271
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,360
Speaker 6: all honesty, I don't know where to begin, though, I

1272
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 6: guess I should start by saying that my husband and

1273
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 6: I are going to go to couples counseling, and I'm

1274
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 6: very optimistic about things going back to the way they

1275
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,399
Speaker 6: were before everything started to boil over.

1276
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 2: I want to take a.

1277
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 6: Moment to thank everyone who commented and helped me understand

1278
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 6: what he and I are going through and how to

1279
00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 6: navigate it. Someone even recommended an episode from a podcast

1280
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 6: that helped me a lot. I didn't expect this to

1281
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 6: get so much attention, but either way, I'm very grateful

1282
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:09,480
Speaker 6: for everyone who left helpful and insightful advice for me.

1283
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 6: That being said, this update is going to be very long,

1284
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 6: so buckle up. When I originally posted the argument that

1285
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,720
Speaker 6: sparked me posting, it happened almost a whole week before.

1286
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 6: Now it's been a little over a week since we

1287
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 6: had that argument. The day after I posted, I decided

1288
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,800
Speaker 6: to look into therapy and counseling for me and my husband,

1289
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 6: as well as play therapists for Diana, since some people

1290
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 6: suggested her being so dysfunctional wasn't normal and that she

1291
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:37,360
Speaker 6: might be going through something either related or unrelated to

1292
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,879
Speaker 6: the behavior of my husband and me. I spent all

1293
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 6: day making a list of what I needed and wanted

1294
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 6: to bring up during the talk I planned to have

1295
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 6: later that day. I was kind of obsessing over what

1296
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 6: I wanted to say and how to say it, as

1297
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 6: many of you suggested, being gentle with my wording and

1298
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 6: encouraging honesty and transparency. Diana was sick, so she didn't

1299
00:55:57,600 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 6: go to school, and I alternated between focusing on preparing

1300
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 6: for the talk and making sure she was okay and

1301
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 6: taken care of while my husband was at work. I

1302
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 6: was in the middle of getting some medicine for my

1303
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 6: daughter around twelve thirty pm when my husband called me.

1304
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 6: I answered, and he asked me how my day was

1305
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 6: going and if there was anything I needed him to

1306
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,560
Speaker 6: do after he got off work or when he got

1307
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 6: back home. I was a little surprised by him calling,

1308
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 6: since he hasn't called me on his lunch break for

1309
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 6: a check in in a long while, and I could

1310
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 6: have been crazy, but it sounded like he had just

1311
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 6: been crying because his voice was a little raspy and quiet.

1312
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 6: He and I talked for his entire lunch break. I

1313
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 6: didn't bring up anything, since I just wanted to have

1314
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 6: a conversation with him and save the actual talk for

1315
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 6: when we were in person, until he eventually had to

1316
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 6: go and hung up. I'll be honest, it made me

1317
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 6: really worried. Although he used to do this all the

1318
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 6: time before, Diana, like I said, he hasn't done it

1319
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 6: in a while, and I started overthinking about why he

1320
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 6: would have called me. I think Diana realized I was

1321
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,800
Speaker 6: troubled because of her father, because when I came back,

1322
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 6: she asked me who I was talking to. I told

1323
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:06,880
Speaker 6: her who, and she asked me, in a very quiet

1324
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 6: and sad voice, if I was sad because Papa was

1325
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 6: ignoring me as well.

1326
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,359
Speaker 4: Dang, They're gonna stop making these kids so smart and

1327
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 4: emotionally intelligent and stuff. They gotta just be like, you

1328
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 4: wanna watch Peppa Pig, Yeah you won't watch Peppa Pig. Yeah,

1329
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 4: I'd be like, you can watch Peppa Pig, Sweety. Just

1330
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,479
Speaker 4: don't understand that me and your dad are not good.

1331
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 2: Please.

1332
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 6: Now, I'm a very resilient woman, especially when it comes

1333
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 6: to putting on a brave face for my daughter, But

1334
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 6: after she said that, I felt so distraught and guilty

1335
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,439
Speaker 6: about how aware she was of the situation and how

1336
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 6: she was thinking of her relationship with her father that

1337
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 6: I started crying, which in turn made her cry as well.

1338
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 6: While we were hugging, I made sure to reassure that

1339
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 6: her father will always love her and he's.

1340
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 2: Just having a bad time. I'm sorry.

1341
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 4: I know this is really sad kind of but my

1342
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 4: gut instinct is to do something funny, like saying like,

1343
00:57:57,840 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 4: this baby's manipulating you.

1344
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 2: This baby made you cry. Male manipulate a baby.

1345
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 4: This baby's pitting you and your husband against each other.

1346
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 6: She told me she didn't want him to be having

1347
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 6: a bad time. I took the chance to ask her

1348
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 6: if she was having a bad time, and she admitted

1349
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 6: to me that she was sad because she thought Papa

1350
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 6: didn't love her and she wanted him to be happy again.

1351
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 4: Stop stop, Maybe he should hear that, you know, go

1352
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 4: manipulate papa. Yeah, stop me. You're manipulating the wrong parent, Diana.

1353
00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:31,919
Speaker 4: Go manipulate your father. Ooh boy, this is up to you.

1354
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 4: It's your responsibility as the five year old child to

1355
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 4: fix your father.

1356
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 6: I woke up later that day, and by that time

1357
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 6: the sun had already set. Diana was still sleeping, and

1358
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 6: I could hear my husband watching something in our room.

1359
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 6: I got up and after making sure Diana was properly

1360
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 6: tucked in, I headed into our room. Once my husband

1361
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 6: noticed me, he paused the show he was watching and

1362
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 6: asked me how I slept. I told him I slept fine,

1363
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 6: and asked how his day was, and he said fine

1364
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 6: as well. I decided to join him in bed, and

1365
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 6: he offered me a pillow for my back before unpausing

1366
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 6: the TV.

1367
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 2: It was awkward.

1368
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 6: It was clear there was something he wanted to tell

1369
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 6: me and I needed to talk to him, but neither

1370
00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 6: of us knew how to start the conversation.

1371
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 2: All Right, are we doing over under? Is he cheating?

1372
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 2: Is he cheating? I think he's cheating. I hope not.

1373
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 4: That's why he's been at work. He's focusing on his

1374
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 4: work more because he's cheating.

1375
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 2: Please don't. He's got a new lady.

1376
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 6: That's what it sounds like, and I really hope not.

1377
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 6: It was clear there was something he wanted to tell

1378
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 6: me and I needed to talk to him, but neither

1379
00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 6: of us knew how to start the conversation. Eventually, at

1380
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 6: some point, he laid his head down on my lap

1381
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 6: and I started stroking his hair. He had his arm

1382
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:42,160
Speaker 6: under my legs, and we both sat in silence for

1383
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 6: a while as we watched TV. Eventually, I decided that

1384
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:48,440
Speaker 6: we needed to talk and that I wasn't gonna delay

1385
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 6: it any longer. I paused the TV and asked him

1386
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 6: if we could talk. He seemed really hesitant, in kind

1387
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,120
Speaker 6: of tense, but he said sure. I took a deep

1388
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 6: breath and tried to remember everything I'd written down on

1389
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 6: list earlier. I started off by saying how I'd noticed

1390
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 6: him withdrawing and being distant for a few years now,

1391
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 6: and after our argument a few years, few.

1392
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:12,520
Speaker 2: Years you didn't address that earlier, girl, clear consistent communication?

1393
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,800
Speaker 6: Early, Yes, all right, early communication. The thing is, if

1394
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 6: you notice that your partner's withdrawing, what's up?

1395
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:19,920
Speaker 4: Hey?

1396
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 6: Is this something at work? Is this something that we

1397
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 6: can do to fix this? A week ago I was

1398
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 6: starting to get really worried. I didn't try to sugarcoat it.

1399
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 6: I wasn't being hostile or accusatory, but I made sure

1400
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:32,640
Speaker 6: to be very clear that Diana and I were starting

1401
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 6: to be affected by his behavior.

1402
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 4: Sorry, I left English major accusatory anyway, and under no

1403
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 4: circumstances could this go on.

1404
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 6: I was cheering up a little bit, and at some

1405
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 6: point he flipped around in my lap and was hugging

1406
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 6: my stomach. As I kept talking, I went on a

1407
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 6: bit of a rant about how tired I was, how

1408
01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:52,760
Speaker 6: I felt like he wasn't doing enough to help, and

1409
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 6: how I was worried about him. I did bring up

1410
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 6: a few of your points and mention how the way

1411
01:00:57,240 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 6: he was acting towards Diana was negligent and that he

1412
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:02,320
Speaker 6: was setting her up for a whole life of pain

1413
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 6: if he didn't stop. I didn't feel good about saying it,

1414
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 6: but I needed him to understand the gravity of the situation.

1415
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 6: At this point, I could tell he started crying because

1416
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:15,920
Speaker 6: his breathing began to hiccup, and I could feel my

1417
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 6: shirt starting to get wet where his face was.

1418
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 2: And that's when I started to get the itck.

1419
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 6: Not to mention he was trembling as he held me tighter.

1420
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 6: My husband is and has always been a very emotional man,

1421
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 6: though typically he doesn't cry a lot, and seeing him

1422
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 6: cry so silently while shaking so hard was making me

1423
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 6: really nervous and worried. I practically begged him to talk

1424
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 6: to me. You just kept clinging on to me for

1425
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 6: a long moment, and I thought he wasn't going to

1426
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:43,080
Speaker 6: answer me, before he told me, with a very choked

1427
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:46,720
Speaker 6: up voice, how sorry he was. He sat up and

1428
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 6: explained how he never wanted to hurt me or Diana,

1429
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 6: but everything's been so hard on him recently that he

1430
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 6: had no idea what to do about it and just

1431
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 6: started clambing up. I asked him to elaborate, but he

1432
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,920
Speaker 6: just got really choked up and see to be struggling

1433
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 6: to get his words up. I was worried he was

1434
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 6: going to shut down and pull away, and in the moment,

1435
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 6: I admitted I had posted on here to get some

1436
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 6: advice and that I thought he should look through some

1437
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 6: of your comments to understand a little better. He agreed,

1438
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,439
Speaker 6: and I gave him my phone. I rubbed his back

1439
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,160
Speaker 6: as he read through the thread. After reading for a while,

1440
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 6: he gave me back my phone, and even though he

1441
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,080
Speaker 6: tried to keep himself together, it was clear he was

1442
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,439
Speaker 6: barely holding it together. I told him that I wasn't

1443
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 6: going to interrupt him, and that I wanted him to

1444
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 6: be honest with me about what was going on. After

1445
01:02:30,600 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 6: I said that, he completely broke down. He talked for

1446
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,680
Speaker 6: a very long time, and he was all over the place,

1447
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 6: So I'm going to try my best to explain everything

1448
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:43,919
Speaker 6: he said in chronological order here to avoid confusion. As

1449
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 6: I mentioned in the original post, my husband and I

1450
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 6: met a while back while he was visiting my city

1451
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 6: before he eventually moved in with me while we were dating.

1452
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 6: Something that's relevant now that I hadn't mentioned previously is

1453
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 6: that my husband is from a different country and migrated

1454
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 6: to the US about two years before we met. He

1455
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:03,160
Speaker 6: told me how back at home, his dad wasn't really there,

1456
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 6: and he could count on one hand the number of

1457
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:08,480
Speaker 6: conversations the two of them had that lasted more than

1458
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:11,320
Speaker 6: ten minutes. His mother was always very stressed out and

1459
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:14,080
Speaker 6: didn't seem to like him or his siblings very much,

1460
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 6: and the fact that he's always been very sensitive and

1461
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,959
Speaker 6: was never into what other kids his age liked meant

1462
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 6: he had a very poor relationship with most of his brothers.

1463
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 6: The only person in his family who's still alive and

1464
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 6: he talks to is his younger sister, though due to

1465
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,640
Speaker 6: reasons he asks me to keep private, the relationship is

1466
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 6: very strained. Me and my husband are different in many ways.

1467
01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,320
Speaker 6: I'm more outgoing outdoorsy and confident, while he tends to

1468
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 6: be more quiet, nerdy, and some aspects a little insecure.

1469
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 6: Because of this, our social circles hardly interlap, and as

1470
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 6: a commoner has made me realize recently, I regretfully knew

1471
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:51,720
Speaker 6: close to nothing about my husband's group of friends or

1472
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 6: who he hangs out with besides me. Well, as it

1473
01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:57,680
Speaker 6: turns out, he doesn't. He told me how at the

1474
01:03:57,680 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 6: beginning he met two guys at a bar who became

1475
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:02,480
Speaker 6: friend ends with. He told me briefly of them early

1476
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 6: on in our relationship, but he didn't talk about them

1477
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,479
Speaker 6: a whole lot, and I admit I never bothered to ask.

1478
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 6: He told me how they were always planning ideas in

1479
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 6: his mind, that I was holding him down, and that

1480
01:04:12,560 --> 01:04:15,000
Speaker 6: dating an older woman when he was still so young

1481
01:04:15,080 --> 01:04:17,800
Speaker 6: and should have been experimenting, was something he was going

1482
01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 6: to regret in the future when he was old and

1483
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 6: no one wanted him anymore. He defended me and told

1484
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 6: them to stop talking about me like that. He admitted

1485
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:27,160
Speaker 6: he kept hanging out with them because they were his

1486
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:30,120
Speaker 6: only friends, and when they weren't bad mouthing me, they

1487
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,560
Speaker 6: were really fun. Well after he got a job and

1488
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:35,560
Speaker 6: got married, they stopped talking to him so much, and

1489
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 6: when they did finally talk and meet up again, they

1490
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:40,680
Speaker 6: showed up with a female friend of theirs and told

1491
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:43,400
Speaker 6: him to have fun one last time before he tied

1492
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 6: himself down.

1493
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 2: Gross. Those guys are gross?

1494
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:49,160
Speaker 4: Who are these These are like the two people they

1495
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 4: have like monster tattoos on their arms.

1496
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:53,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're like the like the joke, where have

1497
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 2: you seen that video? It's like they're doing like mirror

1498
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 2: selfie videos and they're like.

1499
01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:00,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wouldn't want to mess with me either, and

1500
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 4: they're like showing off their monster tattoos.

1501
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 2: It's funny.

1502
01:05:03,120 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 6: He got into a huge fight with them that almost

1503
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 6: got physical had it not been for the girls stepping

1504
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:10,520
Speaker 6: in to break them up, and my husband came home

1505
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 6: in a horrible mood.

1506
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:13,320
Speaker 2: I remember that day a little though.

1507
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:16,040
Speaker 6: When I'd ask him why he was so mad, he

1508
01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 6: just said he'd got into an argument with someone at

1509
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 6: the grocery store and that's why he was so upset.

1510
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 6: Even at the time, I didn't believe him, but I

1511
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:26,160
Speaker 6: didn't press him further since he was practically hiding himself

1512
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,959
Speaker 6: away in our bed and clearly didn't want to talk.

1513
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 6: He told me. How since then, he's been having an

1514
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 6: impossible time trying to make new friends. And even though

1515
01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 6: he's gotten used to how distant people are in America

1516
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:42,280
Speaker 6: compared to his home country, he still feels incredibly lonely

1517
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 6: and isolated. And for nearly sixteen years he's been trying

1518
01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 6: to make up all the social interaction. He's been craving

1519
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 6: through his one work friend or ignoring it and putting

1520
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:53,439
Speaker 6: all his attention and time into me, so he felt

1521
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:56,880
Speaker 6: less lonely. This is why we talk, This is why

1522
01:05:56,880 --> 01:06:01,640
Speaker 6: we have conversations like this way earlier, because yeah, he's lonely,

1523
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 6: he's tired. You know, he's burnt out because he's putting

1524
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,560
Speaker 6: all his attention into you and your kid and he

1525
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:08,400
Speaker 6: has no outlet.

1526
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, noticing this for years is crazy. Yeah, notice a

1527
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 4: couple of weeks.

1528
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 2: Ah.

1529
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:19,040
Speaker 6: And also you know, even like another factor in this

1530
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 6: is the fact that he's not from this country. Probably

1531
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 6: like his family might live in a different country. He

1532
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:27,440
Speaker 6: doesn't have the same support system. There's totally different like

1533
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 6: cultural dynamics going on here with I mean even said

1534
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 6: like socially, so, yeah, it's gonna be really hard. When

1535
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 6: Diana was born, he put every last drop of effort

1536
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:40,439
Speaker 6: into me in her, hardly stopping to relax since any

1537
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:42,600
Speaker 6: time he did, he was just reminded of the giant

1538
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 6: hole in his life. Through sobs, he admitted there had

1539
01:06:45,560 --> 01:06:48,360
Speaker 6: been many times he'd been tempted to drink or hurt

1540
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 6: himself just to forget about it, but never went through

1541
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 6: because he wanted to stay strong for his family and

1542
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:56,320
Speaker 6: knew there was a history of heavy drinking and his

1543
01:06:56,360 --> 01:06:59,000
Speaker 6: family and couldn't bear the thought of losing himself to it.

1544
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 6: He explained how after putting so much focus onto his life,

1545
01:07:01,960 --> 01:07:06,360
Speaker 6: he completely crashed and just felt tired and lost all

1546
01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 6: the time, and with how much Diana started to act

1547
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,320
Speaker 6: out and how taxing it was to take care of her,

1548
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:13,920
Speaker 6: he started thinking back to what his old friends had

1549
01:07:13,920 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 6: told him and wondered if this was what they'd been

1550
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:21,920
Speaker 6: talking about. He was practically stumbling over himself, apologizing to

1551
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:24,760
Speaker 6: me for letting them get into his head and letting

1552
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 6: himself blame and resent Diana and I for everything wrong

1553
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:29,560
Speaker 6: in his life. At this point, he was having a

1554
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:32,160
Speaker 6: hard time breathing and was hugging me so tightly I

1555
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:35,040
Speaker 6: thought my spine would snap. It was so painful seeing

1556
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:38,720
Speaker 6: him trying to keep his sobs quiet to avoid waking

1557
01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:42,040
Speaker 6: up Diana, despite the fact he was clearly spiraling that

1558
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:44,840
Speaker 6: I had to interrupt him. I know, I said I wouldn't,

1559
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 6: but this is different, so he could calm down, because

1560
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:49,760
Speaker 6: at that point he was going down a rabbit hole

1561
01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 6: of guilt and regret and just apologizing over and over again.

1562
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:57,000
Speaker 6: There's a lot more he told me about the state

1563
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:59,320
Speaker 6: of his mental health at the moment, but just thinking

1564
01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:01,840
Speaker 6: about it makes me tear up, and I know I shouldn't,

1565
01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:04,440
Speaker 6: but I've been beating myself up for not noticing so

1566
01:08:04,560 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 6: much sooner how he felt. I can't help but think

1567
01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:10,600
Speaker 6: how horrible of a wife and partner I've been to

1568
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:13,640
Speaker 6: not notice He's been drowning the whole time, and I

1569
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,160
Speaker 6: didn't even think to ask him about his life or

1570
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:19,240
Speaker 6: friends or anything. It was the longest talk we've had

1571
01:08:19,360 --> 01:08:22,880
Speaker 6: in the entirety of our relationship, and by the end

1572
01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 6: of it we were both crying and holding each other.

1573
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 6: I made sure he knew how much Diana and I

1574
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:30,960
Speaker 6: loved him and appreciated everything he's done for us, and

1575
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 6: I told him how I'd be by a side every

1576
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:35,600
Speaker 6: step of the way and I would make sure he

1577
01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:38,240
Speaker 6: got the help he needed. It was the first time

1578
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 6: we'd snuggled so closely like we did that night in

1579
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:44,240
Speaker 6: a while, and miraculously, he didn't toss or turn at

1580
01:08:44,280 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 6: all that night. I stayed up as long as I could,

1581
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,000
Speaker 6: kissing his face and rubbing his back and making sure

1582
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:52,800
Speaker 6: he felt loved, even long after he fell asleep. The

1583
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:54,920
Speaker 6: next day, I asked him if he could call out

1584
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:56,719
Speaker 6: of work for the day so we could just focus

1585
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:59,760
Speaker 6: on each other and made sure that everything we wanted

1586
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:02,840
Speaker 6: to say was said, and he agreed. We spent the

1587
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:05,760
Speaker 6: day bowling, eating at the local cafe, going to an

1588
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 6: ice cream shop, and then going home to make dinner

1589
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:11,759
Speaker 6: together and have another talk about next steps. We've agreed

1590
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 6: to start marriage counseling and also get him into individual

1591
01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:17,439
Speaker 6: therapy to see what's going on and to make sure

1592
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 6: he can recover from all the bad feelings and thoughts

1593
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,439
Speaker 6: he's been having. Many people in the original post theorized

1594
01:09:23,479 --> 01:09:26,600
Speaker 6: he might be depressed, and after everything he's told me,

1595
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:30,400
Speaker 6: I'm almost one hundred percent sure that's the problem. We

1596
01:09:30,439 --> 01:09:33,120
Speaker 6: both picked Diana up from school and asked if she

1597
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:34,600
Speaker 6: wanted to go play at the park and she was

1598
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 6: very happy to I let my husband take the lead

1599
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:39,080
Speaker 6: and watched as the two played on the playground and

1600
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:41,800
Speaker 6: chased each other in the grass. I hadn't seen him

1601
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:45,160
Speaker 6: that happy and energized in a very long time, and

1602
01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:47,559
Speaker 6: it made my heart swell. On the car right home,

1603
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:49,280
Speaker 6: he sat in the back seat with her and I

1604
01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:52,360
Speaker 6: played I Spy out the car window until Diana told

1605
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:55,679
Speaker 6: me very excitedly, she was so happy Papa loved her again.

1606
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:57,679
Speaker 2: So wait, I'm sorry. Did we not get in front

1607
01:09:57,720 --> 01:09:58,240
Speaker 2: of that at all?

1608
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:00,880
Speaker 4: Like it sounds like she was still thinking the whole time,

1609
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:01,960
Speaker 4: like her dad didn't love her.

1610
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 6: The dad should have been like, hey, daddy's been going

1611
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:08,439
Speaker 6: through something really hard for a while, and you did

1612
01:10:08,439 --> 01:10:10,920
Speaker 6: nothing wrong, Like it was not about you at all.

1613
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:13,720
Speaker 6: That should have been the conversation we had immediately. I

1614
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:17,120
Speaker 6: could practically hear my husband's heart shatter from the driver's seat,

1615
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:19,719
Speaker 6: and he was quiet for a very long time before

1616
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 6: he just hugged her and didn't say a word. The

1617
01:10:22,120 --> 01:10:24,559
Speaker 6: rest of the car ride home. Diana had a very

1618
01:10:24,600 --> 01:10:27,840
Speaker 6: guilty expression on her face seeing my husband get so sad,

1619
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,960
Speaker 6: And I think my husband noticed because when we got home.

1620
01:10:31,439 --> 01:10:34,280
Speaker 6: He quickly excused himself to the bedroom for a second

1621
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:37,240
Speaker 6: before coming back out, almost as happy as he had

1622
01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,840
Speaker 6: been at the park and trying to make Diana feel better.

1623
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 6: The rest of the day went smoothly, and as I

1624
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:44,360
Speaker 6: was getting ready in the bathroom to go out to bed,

1625
01:10:44,439 --> 01:10:48,400
Speaker 6: I heard my husband in the next room telling Diana

1626
01:10:48,479 --> 01:10:51,400
Speaker 6: how much he loved her and how he never hated

1627
01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 6: her and never wanted her to think so. I could

1628
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:57,080
Speaker 6: hear them reading a bedtime story while I waited in bed,

1629
01:10:57,640 --> 01:10:59,960
Speaker 6: and eventually my husband came into her room and got

1630
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:02,080
Speaker 6: into bed with me. We talked a little bit more,

1631
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:04,200
Speaker 6: and I told him how proud I was of him

1632
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:08,559
Speaker 6: for how far he's come and how he's managed to survive,

1633
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:12,080
Speaker 6: before kissing him and getting him to cuddle me again,

1634
01:11:12,280 --> 01:11:15,120
Speaker 6: which took no convincing from my end. As I'm writing this,

1635
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:17,960
Speaker 6: I'm lying in bed and he's fallen asleep on my

1636
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:21,360
Speaker 6: chest while snoring very loudly. I don't think I'm going

1637
01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:23,320
Speaker 6: to be able to get any sleep myself today.

1638
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:23,799
Speaker 2: Lol.

1639
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,040
Speaker 6: We made plans to go on a weekend get away

1640
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:28,400
Speaker 6: this week. Diana's going to stay with her cousins for

1641
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:31,120
Speaker 6: the time being, which he's very excited about since they

1642
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 6: have a pool and she loves to swim. I am

1643
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:36,599
Speaker 6: forever grateful to everyone who decided to leave a comment

1644
01:11:37,080 --> 01:11:39,439
Speaker 6: and who helped me out through this, as I can

1645
01:11:39,479 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 6: only see our love growing stronger after this. My only

1646
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:45,639
Speaker 6: regret is not having caught up years before this all happened.

1647
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:48,040
Speaker 6: But there's nothing I can do about the past, and

1648
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:51,280
Speaker 6: I'm going to just focus on repairing and rebuilding our marriage.

1649
01:11:51,360 --> 01:11:53,599
Speaker 6: My husband told me to tell you all. He says,

1650
01:11:53,640 --> 01:11:56,879
Speaker 6: thank you for all the concern and for also slapping

1651
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:59,760
Speaker 6: some sense into him about his behavior. Annie made a

1652
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:02,400
Speaker 6: joke about just taking our problems to Reddit every time

1653
01:12:02,479 --> 01:12:05,120
Speaker 6: instead of paying so much for counseling sessions. There is

1654
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:06,040
Speaker 6: a little bit left.

1655
01:12:05,840 --> 01:12:06,360
Speaker 2: To the story.

1656
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:07,759
Speaker 6: Do you have any final thoughts?

1657
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:10,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is step in the right direction. This is

1658
01:12:10,720 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 4: why we speak to one another. How did the wife

1659
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:16,599
Speaker 4: not know we had no friends for years?

1660
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:17,240
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1661
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:19,680
Speaker 2: It's like, why did we not know anything about our

1662
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:20,599
Speaker 2: partner's life.

1663
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:25,000
Speaker 6: We need both of you desperately need therapy, individual and counseling,

1664
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:27,479
Speaker 6: because we got to be curious about our partners.

1665
01:12:27,640 --> 01:12:29,000
Speaker 2: If you're not noticing.

1666
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:31,120
Speaker 6: Your partner hanging out with anyone.

1667
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,160
Speaker 2: That's something we should address. Well, it's just that line

1668
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:35,519
Speaker 2: of I've noticed you've been pulling away for years.

1669
01:12:35,720 --> 01:12:40,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, for years. That's like maybe a couple weeks you've

1670
01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 6: been noticing it, or like Max month think I've been

1671
01:12:43,800 --> 01:12:44,839
Speaker 6: noticing years.

1672
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:47,439
Speaker 2: No, you gotta get ahead of that. Yeah.

1673
01:12:47,680 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 6: Like, if you're going to be in a marriage and

1674
01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:52,320
Speaker 6: you're going to be co parenting together, you need to

1675
01:12:52,360 --> 01:12:55,960
Speaker 6: be able to talk to each other and share your emotion.

1676
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:58,879
Speaker 6: You cannot afford to keep those to yourself.

1677
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:03,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also if if your kid goes daddy hates me, now, huh.

1678
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:04,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, you go, Daddy, go talk to her.

1679
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:08,679
Speaker 4: You gotta go immediately be like, No, daddy doesn't hate you.

1680
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:12,559
Speaker 4: Sometimes adults just have jobs they don't like him.

1681
01:13:12,680 --> 01:13:15,160
Speaker 2: Daddy doesn't hate you. He might hate something else. You

1682
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:16,920
Speaker 2: don't hate you. Daddy does not hate you.

1683
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:21,160
Speaker 4: And even if Daddy does the hypothetically hate Diana, in

1684
01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:23,679
Speaker 4: that moment, you gotta tell Diana he doesn't.

1685
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:26,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, lie, you gotta go whoa whoa woh. No one

1686
01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:28,600
Speaker 2: hates you, Diana, Diana.

1687
01:13:28,439 --> 01:13:31,880
Speaker 6: No one could ever hate you. But there's a little

1688
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:33,960
Speaker 6: bit left to this story. This is gonna be the

1689
01:13:34,040 --> 01:13:36,880
Speaker 6: only update unless our house blows up or something. Thank

1690
01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:38,640
Speaker 6: you to everyone who took the time out of the

1691
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 6: day to read and listen. If you're going through something similar,

1692
01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:46,280
Speaker 6: I heavily advise you sit down with your significant other

1693
01:13:46,479 --> 01:13:49,439
Speaker 6: and get down to the root of the problem. Trust me,

1694
01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:52,280
Speaker 6: it'll do wonders for your relationship at it. I forgot

1695
01:13:52,320 --> 01:13:54,200
Speaker 6: to add this in, but he explained. The reason he

1696
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:57,120
Speaker 6: walked away when Diana was having a conversation with him

1697
01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:59,880
Speaker 6: was because he'd been really overwhelmed that day and felt

1698
01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:02,400
Speaker 6: he was going to pass out, and in all honesty,

1699
01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:05,000
Speaker 6: she was starting to get on his nerves. He apologized

1700
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:07,240
Speaker 6: to her about it and promised to never do it again.

1701
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:10,439
Speaker 6: Diana was very sweet and understanding with them, and I'm

1702
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:11,680
Speaker 6: very proud of both of them.

1703
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:16,160
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that. Let's freaking go yay, this is good.

1704
01:14:16,560 --> 01:14:18,880
Speaker 6: I mean everyone out there, if you're in a relationship,

1705
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:22,200
Speaker 6: talk about your feelings. If you notice a change in

1706
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:25,840
Speaker 6: how the relationship was, like if it was great and

1707
01:14:25,960 --> 01:14:28,840
Speaker 6: then there's a big change in your partner's personality, address it,

1708
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:31,880
Speaker 6: say like, hey, what's going on, especially if you have

1709
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:35,160
Speaker 6: kids and your partner's you know, kind of not talking

1710
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:39,000
Speaker 6: to your children, That is true. Be curious about your partner.

1711
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:41,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, we got to check in anytime. If you're in

1712
01:14:41,360 --> 01:14:44,559
Speaker 4: a relationship with someone for like years, they're going to change.

1713
01:14:44,920 --> 01:14:46,920
Speaker 6: But that is the end of that story.