WEBVTT - People notice less than you think

0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:06.680
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:20.560
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is that people spend a lot less time

0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:24.239
<v Speaker 1>thinking about you and whatever weird things you might have done,

0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:28.640
<v Speaker 1>then you probably imagine. So you may as well assume

0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:33.000
<v Speaker 1>a moderately positive vibe from others until that's proven wrong.

0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:37.800
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip, like some others this week, comes from Tara

0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Schuster's book By Yourself, The Lilies and Other Rituals to

0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.680
<v Speaker 1>Fix Your Life from someone who's been there. Actually the

0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.680
<v Speaker 1>title is a little different, but this podcast has a

0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.519
<v Speaker 1>clean rating, so that's what it will be for our

0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.600
<v Speaker 1>purposes anyway. She writes about how to become what she

0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:59.800
<v Speaker 1>calls a ninja of self love, taking care of ourselves

0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:03.040
<v Speaker 1>so we can do great things. One of her chapter

0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:09.959
<v Speaker 1>titles is nobody cares at all in regard to everything. Now,

0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:14.600
<v Speaker 1>that might sound negative, but I promise it isn't. Here's

0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:19.200
<v Speaker 1>the premise. Many of us are convinced that other people

0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:24.440
<v Speaker 1>are constantly judging us. Tara rights, I used to suffer

0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:29.120
<v Speaker 1>from a deep seated paranoia that people in general didn't

0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:35.000
<v Speaker 1>like me. She would endlessly obsess over external feedback, playing

0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:39.960
<v Speaker 1>back the most mundane conversations in my head, torturing myself

0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:43.319
<v Speaker 1>over all the ways I felt I had screwed up.

0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:48.160
<v Speaker 1>She notes that it took decades of running myself ragged

0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.960
<v Speaker 1>trying to gain acceptance from others for me to learn

0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:55.360
<v Speaker 1>a fundamental truth I would now like to share with you.

0:01:56.760 --> 0:02:02.559
<v Speaker 1>No one cares. No one is watching you. No one

0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:06.639
<v Speaker 1>is telling the total of your decisions, judging you from afar.

0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.520
<v Speaker 1>They are not doing this because they are too worried

0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:16.760
<v Speaker 1>about themselves. They are making all kinds of judgments about

0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:22.880
<v Speaker 1>their own lives and worries want proof. Well, what are

0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:27.720
<v Speaker 1>you thinking about, Tara asks? Are you thinking about all

0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.880
<v Speaker 1>of your friends right now going through a list and

0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:34.280
<v Speaker 1>picking apart their every move? Are you mad at your

0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.720
<v Speaker 1>buddy who had to cancel dinner plans last week? Or

0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.240
<v Speaker 1>are you thinking about what you need to order on Amazon?

0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:44.240
<v Speaker 1>The truth is that we are all wrapped up in

0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.840
<v Speaker 1>our own little worlds. We have so many logistics and

0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:50.000
<v Speaker 1>issues to figure out on our own that we just

0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:54.200
<v Speaker 1>can't spare the brain space to spend hours laughing about

0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:58.040
<v Speaker 1>that moment when your colleague repeated herself while giving a presentation.

0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:03.280
<v Speaker 1>You forgot comply about it. Now. There are some upsides

0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:07.640
<v Speaker 1>to realizing that no one is really thinking about you. First,

0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:12.280
<v Speaker 1>you can stop obsessing about whatever weird or awkward thing

0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:16.920
<v Speaker 1>you did, and second, you can decide that since people

0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:21.360
<v Speaker 1>aren't really thinking about you, any interaction starts from a

0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:27.680
<v Speaker 1>baseline positive instead of a baseline negative. Why not people

0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.400
<v Speaker 1>are cool and worthy of your time and courtesy until

0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:34.160
<v Speaker 1>proven otherwise, and you can tell yourself that they feel

0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:38.120
<v Speaker 1>the same way about you. As Tara writes, there is

0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:43.080
<v Speaker 1>something so alluring about someone who isn't trying to prove anything,

0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:48.560
<v Speaker 1>and it takes so much less energy than being paranoid.

0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:55.840
<v Speaker 1>So why not try paranoia instead of paranoia? Why not

0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:59.640
<v Speaker 1>assume the best? No one really cares and no one

0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:04.640
<v Speaker 1>has really judging you. They're just living their lives, so

0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:10.800
<v Speaker 1>you can live yours without worrying about it. In the meantime,

0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:17.080
<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:27.640
<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:30.640
<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:34.480
<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:40.080
<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b the number four.

0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:44.120
<v Speaker 1>Then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:48.040
<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media dot

0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.040
<v Speaker 1>com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.

0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.640
<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For

0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.800
<v Speaker 1>more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart

0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:09.240
<v Speaker 1>Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:14.840
<v Speaker 1>favorite shows. Yea