Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is that people spend a lot less time
Speaker 1: thinking about you and whatever weird things you might have done,
Speaker 1: then you probably imagine. So you may as well assume
Speaker 1: a moderately positive vibe from others until that's proven wrong.
Speaker 1: Today's tip, like some others this week, comes from Tara
Speaker 1: Schuster's book By Yourself, The Lilies and Other Rituals to
Speaker 1: Fix Your Life from someone who's been there. Actually the
Speaker 1: title is a little different, but this podcast has a
Speaker 1: clean rating, so that's what it will be for our
Speaker 1: purposes anyway. She writes about how to become what she
Speaker 1: calls a ninja of self love, taking care of ourselves
Speaker 1: so we can do great things. One of her chapter
Speaker 1: titles is nobody cares at all in regard to everything. Now,
Speaker 1: that might sound negative, but I promise it isn't. Here's
Speaker 1: the premise. Many of us are convinced that other people
Speaker 1: are constantly judging us. Tara rights, I used to suffer
Speaker 1: from a deep seated paranoia that people in general didn't
Speaker 1: like me. She would endlessly obsess over external feedback, playing
Speaker 1: back the most mundane conversations in my head, torturing myself
Speaker 1: over all the ways I felt I had screwed up.
Speaker 1: She notes that it took decades of running myself ragged
Speaker 1: trying to gain acceptance from others for me to learn
Speaker 1: a fundamental truth I would now like to share with you.
Speaker 1: No one cares. No one is watching you. No one
Speaker 1: is telling the total of your decisions, judging you from afar.
Speaker 1: They are not doing this because they are too worried
Speaker 1: about themselves. They are making all kinds of judgments about
Speaker 1: their own lives and worries want proof. Well, what are
Speaker 1: you thinking about, Tara asks? Are you thinking about all
Speaker 1: of your friends right now going through a list and
Speaker 1: picking apart their every move? Are you mad at your
Speaker 1: buddy who had to cancel dinner plans last week? Or
Speaker 1: are you thinking about what you need to order on Amazon?
Speaker 1: The truth is that we are all wrapped up in
Speaker 1: our own little worlds. We have so many logistics and
Speaker 1: issues to figure out on our own that we just
Speaker 1: can't spare the brain space to spend hours laughing about
Speaker 1: that moment when your colleague repeated herself while giving a presentation.
Speaker 1: You forgot comply about it. Now. There are some upsides
Speaker 1: to realizing that no one is really thinking about you. First,
Speaker 1: you can stop obsessing about whatever weird or awkward thing
Speaker 1: you did, and second, you can decide that since people
Speaker 1: aren't really thinking about you, any interaction starts from a
Speaker 1: baseline positive instead of a baseline negative. Why not people
Speaker 1: are cool and worthy of your time and courtesy until
Speaker 1: proven otherwise, and you can tell yourself that they feel
Speaker 1: the same way about you. As Tara writes, there is
Speaker 1: something so alluring about someone who isn't trying to prove anything,
Speaker 1: and it takes so much less energy than being paranoid.
Speaker 1: So why not try paranoia instead of paranoia? Why not
Speaker 1: assume the best? No one really cares and no one
Speaker 1: has really judging you. They're just living their lives, so
Speaker 1: you can live yours without worrying about it. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b the number four.
Speaker 1: Then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media dot
Speaker 1: com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For
Speaker 1: more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite shows. Yea