Speaker 1: Hello, what's up man? How you doing?
Speaker 2: I'm great? How are you? This is crazy.
Speaker 1: We've never spoken before?
Speaker 2: Have we?
Speaker 1: Have we ever talked?
Speaker 2: No, we have not.
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 3: My name is Pete, Pete.
Speaker 1: How am I I'm doing? I'm actually doing really well
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've noticed that like life is, at least for me,
Speaker 1: very cyclical.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: You know, I'll have periods of time in which I'll
Speaker 1: be like really just going insane, but uh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Over the past week, I've been feeling very stable. I've
Speaker 1: made a few changes that have been helpful. I've been
Speaker 1: embracing the life that I'm already living instead of fantasizing
Speaker 1: about some other version of myself that exists. I've been
Speaker 1: not binge, eating fucking Ben and Jerry's every day. I've
Speaker 1: been uh, you know, I've been not going on. Uh,
Speaker 1: I've been watching less porn.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been Yeah. Yeah, things are good right now.
Speaker 1: I've experienced this before, though, and I've made the mistake
Speaker 1: of being like, well, great, Everything's gonna be amazing forever.
Speaker 1: But also, you know, I've been downtrodden before, and I've
Speaker 1: made I've thought I was going to I just thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna die, so I am trying. I think,
Speaker 1: I think, uh, you know the caller I've done whatever
Speaker 1: podcast to Go who said that life is kind of
Speaker 1: like a spiral, and you start in the middle and
Speaker 1: you spiral outwards like that was one of the most
Speaker 1: genius things I've ever heard, because it makes sense because
Speaker 1: I'm repeating. I see myself lifetime repeating cycles. I'm almost
Speaker 1: twenty eight, and I can look back at my life
Speaker 1: and I could see a lot of cycles and like
Speaker 1: read journals from when I was younger, and they repeat.
Speaker 1: But with every repetition of the cycle, I get a
Speaker 1: little bit of progress outward, even though I'm still in
Speaker 1: the cycle. You know what I mean. It's hard to
Speaker 1: learn a lesson once and for all. In anything that
Speaker 1: I do. There's so many lessons I have to learn
Speaker 1: over and fucking over again, Like weed is one of them.
Speaker 1: Like last night, what's you Pete. I've done this, Pete.
Speaker 1: I've done this a hundred times, more than one hundred times, Pete,
Speaker 1: and I never learned. I go, oh, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: I have this thing to edit. This is like a
Speaker 1: low effort task. I know. Let me get stoned before
Speaker 1: I do it, then it'll be easy.
Speaker 2: Literally the story of my life the past two weeks through.
Speaker 1: And then and then I get stoned, and then I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't do anything. And then the next day I go,
Speaker 1: this task seems easy. I bet if I got stoned,
Speaker 1: it would be different this time, Pete, It's never different.
Speaker 1: It's the same every time. No, it's never different.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I don't. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I don't learn my lessons. I don't. I learn them
Speaker 1: a little bit, I think, but I just feel like
Speaker 1: I just feel like I learned my lessons yet through
Speaker 1: through the spiral technique, I'm definitely smarter, like like if
Speaker 1: we're if we're zooming out, if we're going twenty one
Speaker 1: to twenty eight, I'm definitely smarter, more mature, I have
Speaker 1: a better head on my shoulders, learned a lot of lessons,
Speaker 1: But I still I don't I'm not like I thought
Speaker 1: I would have mastered every problem and done everything like
Speaker 1: I thought I would be completely amazing by now with
Speaker 1: like learning those lessons. But I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's I don't know. Do you feel that way?
Speaker 1: Do you do you learn your lessons?
Speaker 2: You know, I tried to. I tried to you, but
Speaker 2: I think I'm in the same boat as you because
Speaker 2: I just I always feel like I can, like I
Speaker 2: feel like it's gonna be like way better. You know,
Speaker 2: if I'm gonna, I'm gonna smoke before I do this,
Speaker 2: and then I just doesn't and then I keep on
Speaker 2: doing it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Pete, Pete, is there a Is there
Speaker 1: something specific you called in to want to talk about today?
Speaker 2: You know it is not really mm hmm. I just
Speaker 2: I never thought that you would pick up. Uh, It's
Speaker 2: like I just thought you were streaming and I thought
Speaker 2: i'd call.
Speaker 1: What's your life like, Pete? What do you do every day?
Speaker 2: What do I do? I'm I'm work as a janitor
Speaker 2: at a high school.
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, yeah, and that's yeah, how long you've been
Speaker 1: doing that?
Speaker 2: I've been doing that for like a year and a half.
Speaker 1: Now are you do you clean it during the day
Speaker 1: when the kids are there, or like at night?
Speaker 2: So it's like right after school, okay, the kids are gone, yeah, all.
Speaker 1: Right, but there are probably there's some kids running around
Speaker 1: doing after school activities like playing school and just random stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeh.
Speaker 1: Do they ever interact with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sometimes, because you know, I I just got out
Speaker 2: of high school last year, and so I know somewhat
Speaker 2: some people there.
Speaker 1: Interesting kinds people talk to me. So you're yes, you probably, yeah,
Speaker 1: you probably know people who go to the school.
Speaker 2: Still I do.
Speaker 1: I do, Okay, it's interesting. And are you like friends
Speaker 1: with any of these people.
Speaker 2: You know? Not really? I just some of them random
Speaker 2: people like friends and my ex girlfriend or like friends
Speaker 2: with my little brother or something. Mm hmm. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't know, not really. I don't think I really have
Speaker 2: that many people I know that are still in high school,
Speaker 2: like as close friends.
Speaker 1: What do you do while you're cleaning the school? Do
Speaker 1: you listen to anything? Do you put on music?
Speaker 2: I listen to your podcast every day. Hell yeah, and
Speaker 2: I listened to music and I also I've also been
Speaker 2: listening to Channel five pretty good.
Speaker 1: So you've been in this for a year. Yes, What
Speaker 1: else is going on in your life?
Speaker 2: I have an internship right now. It's for what I
Speaker 2: want to do. Basically, it's my main career, like setting
Speaker 2: a live sound. It's live audio stuff. Oh, I love
Speaker 2: live sounds, live music. I went to there's a separate
Speaker 2: school in my dates school district that likes for like
Speaker 2: hands on learning. I did a bunch of audioce stuff,
Speaker 2: did a bunch of battles of bands, shit, and I
Speaker 2: came out of it with an internship, which I love
Speaker 2: so much better than the shanitor job, and I get
Speaker 2: paid better. But it's just I work randomly.
Speaker 1: So this is like doing audio for live events and shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, oh that's cool. That's a good gig.
Speaker 2: I love it so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great gig. Do you go to a
Speaker 1: lot of concerts.
Speaker 2: I go to a shit telling concert.
Speaker 1: That's sick. That's really cool. Oh oh yeah, I love
Speaker 1: that for you, that's great. You can travel with that,
Speaker 1: you know. Also, like you know what's cool is like
Speaker 1: I'm always thinking about and I'm not a authority on
Speaker 1: this subject, but I'm I'm like, I think a lot
Speaker 1: about like what the job market is going to be
Speaker 1: moving forward, especially with like AI and just like the
Speaker 1: rapid exponential evolution of our society. And it's funny because
Speaker 1: like live events seem to be still going fucking strong.
Speaker 1: You would think that like Zuckerberg won by now successfully
Speaker 1: getting us to all stay inside of our houses and
Speaker 1: like use his ship infinitely. But people are going out
Speaker 1: to live, people are still going out to concerts. People
Speaker 1: are still like like like goth subculture like shit that
Speaker 1: like was popular in the seventies and eighties is still going.
Speaker 1: Like we're still going. It's cool, you know. I think.
Speaker 1: I think, I think ideally, like in an ideal universe,
Speaker 1: that stuff even like even in the face of whatever
Speaker 1: AI and the expansion of our universe, I could it it. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's it grows in a backlash to like, you know,
Speaker 1: society's desire for us to just stay in our houses
Speaker 1: and do fucking nothing.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: So that's cool.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 1: That's a good industry. Do you play music?
Speaker 2: I do somewhat. I play the guitar and I to
Speaker 2: the bass guitar kind of and me and my friends
Speaker 2: play sometimes do covers, random covers and post them on Instagram.
Speaker 1: But like, oh and that's crazy, you know, No, that's great.
Speaker 1: You guys ever gig.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we we tried to plan this house show once
Speaker 2: but it fell through, and I really want to do
Speaker 2: it because that would just be so fun. I love
Speaker 2: that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well why did it fall through?
Speaker 2: I have I don't even know, so we there's these
Speaker 2: these girls that we were going to do it with,
Speaker 2: and I like made a group chat for it. I
Speaker 2: was like, we should do a show at someone's house
Speaker 2: for sure. And then I kept on texting about it,
Speaker 2: and then people would respond, and then I would ask
Speaker 2: questions and no one would and then everybody just stopped responding.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now you live with your parents.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I live with my parents.
Speaker 1: Where were you going to do the house show?
Speaker 2: My friend's house? So one of my friends that plays
Speaker 2: with us, he was going to give us the house.
Speaker 1: For it, and he just stopped responding.
Speaker 2: Everybody else except for him.
Speaker 1: Wait, why do you need Who are these girls? Why
Speaker 1: do you need them?
Speaker 2: Because it's just like we were. If I don't know, honestly,
Speaker 2: holy shit, you might be onto something.
Speaker 1: I mean, you need the guy who has the house.
Speaker 1: That's the only guy you like really.
Speaker 2: Need, that's true.
Speaker 1: Why don't know, why why did you need these girls
Speaker 1: to respond?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: What do they do?
Speaker 2: They're just they sing and they're really good, and they
Speaker 2: would just I don't know, maybe I don't need them,
Speaker 2: but I mean, yeah, technically yes, but I don't know.
Speaker 2: I guess we wanted more people than just us to
Speaker 2: play be playing music.
Speaker 1: Okay, you can probably find more people that aren't you
Speaker 1: guys to play music.
Speaker 2: That's true. I do have a lot of friends that
Speaker 2: play instruments.
Speaker 1: So yeah, put on the house show. That sounds awesome.
Speaker 2: You know I should. This feels crazy, Brom, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I'm just like nerding out right now. This is kind
Speaker 2: of crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm nerding out.
Speaker 2: I never thought I never I never thought I'd be
Speaker 2: talking about audio to the get go himself.
Speaker 1: I love the like d a y house show ship.
Speaker 1: I think that's so cool. You should do it.
Speaker 2: I will definitely try.
Speaker 1: Let me know how it goes. Yeah, don't don't delay
Speaker 1: it because the other people in the group chat aren't responding.
Speaker 1: That's one that's one of the tough That's one of
Speaker 1: the tough things about life in general, from like a
Speaker 1: macro perspective, is that, uh, and I've done this in
Speaker 1: my life. You try to set yourself up so that
Speaker 1: you need other people as little as humanly possible mm hmm,
Speaker 1: and then somewhere down the line you realize that at
Speaker 1: some point you do need other people, and it's like
Speaker 1: a ying yang. Yeah you need this guy who has
Speaker 1: the house, but you don't need these two girls so
Speaker 1: you can find other people to sing. Hell, yeah, what
Speaker 1: kind of music do you? S?
Speaker 3: All?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Do you play?
Speaker 2: What kind of music do I play?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: We we just we just do random like covers, like
Speaker 2: just bands we like.
Speaker 1: I don't know, give me like what covers?
Speaker 2: Let me think we did like a few Ritters cover
Speaker 2: cool and a big Thief and like Mazzie Star cool.
Speaker 2: A bunch of random a bunch of random bands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what city is this? What city are you in?
Speaker 2: I am in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Speaker 1: Ooh, there must be so much teen angst at DIY
Speaker 1: shows in Salt Lake City, Utah. Yeah, that's gotta be
Speaker 1: one of the Yeah, that must be. That must be
Speaker 1: like the capital of teen angst, right because yeah, because
Speaker 1: everyone there is Mormon and so uh and nothing produces
Speaker 1: teen angst more than overtly religious parents.
Speaker 2: Oh, tell me about it, Tell me about it.
Speaker 1: I've done a couple of shows in Salt Lake City,
Speaker 1: and every time I just it's always stories from people
Speaker 1: about their insane Mormon parents. I've probably mentioned this before,
Speaker 1: but like the last time I was in Salt Lake City,
Speaker 1: this guy told me a story about how his dad,
Speaker 1: when he was a kid made him like kill a
Speaker 1: hundred rabbits, yes, what and prepare them for like their
Speaker 1: doomsday bunker, because apparently the Mormons are like preparing.
Speaker 2: For Oh dude, I'm looking at I'm looking at my
Speaker 2: bed frame right now. Under it is all of our
Speaker 2: food storage boxes.
Speaker 1: So what are you Mormon?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: My parents are fucking yeah? Okay, everyone, fucking everyone? Do
Speaker 1: you are your parents? Are you are your parents crazy?
Speaker 2: M M So it's just my mom and my stepdad.
Speaker 2: There are are more, but it's they're not really. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 2: my stepdad just got like three massive like generators that
Speaker 2: can power our house for like two days NonStop for
Speaker 2: a birthday present from his mom. So maybe they are
Speaker 2: secretly crazy, but they're not like crazy crazy like I've
Speaker 2: heard worse stories like crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't mean to be derogatory, by the way,
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm not I don't like, I don't
Speaker 1: think that being Mormon automatically makes you crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah I could not care less.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't think any. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: my family's Jewish. They're fucking crazy, but they're not like
Speaker 1: they're not like they would they wouldn't make me murder
Speaker 1: a hundred rabbits kind of crazy, like like they're crazy.
Speaker 1: The crazy this is that everyone's family is like a
Speaker 1: little fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: So you so your parents are cool, your famili's like
Speaker 1: they're not like you don't have like a you don't
Speaker 1: have like a traumatic religious upbringing or anything. No, really, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know that's good. Yeah, it's good. It's good. But
Speaker 1: what I am saying, I'm not saying that being Mormon
Speaker 1: automatically means that you have a traumatic religious upbringing. What
Speaker 1: I am saying is that you are unquestionably surrounded by
Speaker 1: a lot of young people who did have traumatic relationship
Speaker 1: ringings that would love to come to your EMO DIY show,
Speaker 1: and so you should do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my my my old plug for what Weed is
Speaker 2: going on his mission in a couple of weeks, So
Speaker 2: there's a lot of crazy people.
Speaker 1: Do you think he's going to sell weed on the mission?
Speaker 2: You know, I'd be pretty dope. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2: I would love to hear about that if he does.
Speaker 1: Where's he going on the mission?
Speaker 2: I'm trying to remember it's somewhere out of the US, though,
Speaker 2: I think it's like Spain or something. I think it's
Speaker 2: a Spain.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, although, like okay, like when you go on mission, right,
Speaker 1: you go to like a poorer place, and you offer
Speaker 1: food and water and all these things, and also, hey
Speaker 1: here if you want to also while you're eating the food,
Speaker 1: learn about our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Kind of
Speaker 1: a thing, right, I mean yeah, yeah, So I don't
Speaker 1: I feel like marijuana would be a good addition to
Speaker 1: a mission in terms of like what you're providing to people.
Speaker 2: Honestly, Yeah, it could help you out. Mm hmm. You
Speaker 2: could start like a crazy like besh with like someone
Speaker 2: you're about to like baptize or something. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a good way to open someone's mind to the
Speaker 1: to the to God. Do you believe? Are you really?
Speaker 1: Do you believe in God? Did you take after your So?
Speaker 2: No, that's I have this debate a lot with like
Speaker 2: my I mean, I guess it's be some out with
Speaker 2: my friends. I don't really believe. I'd love for there
Speaker 2: to be like a God, but I don't feel like
Speaker 2: there is. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Your boy who's gone on mission, is he believe in God?
Speaker 2: He probably does, I would assume, So.
Speaker 1: Are your do your parents care whether or not you
Speaker 1: believe in God?
Speaker 2: Yeah, my mom for sure, but not my dad.
Speaker 1: M Okay, so your parents are like chill Mormons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so well yeah, so my my parents are divorced.
Speaker 2: So my parents are divorced with my my dad is
Speaker 2: way more show mm hmm, like about like religious stuff
Speaker 2: like that. I guess like he's a more open minded
Speaker 2: person for sure.
Speaker 1: Does he still practice in some sense?
Speaker 2: No, so my dad's not religious. That's yeah, they're not.
Speaker 2: He's not religious anymore.
Speaker 1: So are they remarried or have like boyfriend's girlfriends?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he he has. Ah, my dad has a girlfriend. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And is she is she a Mormon?
Speaker 2: No? She is not. M hmm okay she used to
Speaker 2: be majority other people used to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah. If he got married to a late it's not
Speaker 1: a Mormon. And he was already not really that Mormon.
Speaker 1: It sounds like it's over for him.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've been meaning to have like a conversation about
Speaker 2: that with him, but I definitely should.
Speaker 1: And what about your mom? Is she seeing anyone?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, my mom's remarried Mormon guy.
Speaker 1: Yep, very Mormon guy.
Speaker 2: Pretty morn Yeah good? Oh yeah good?
Speaker 1: Your your family, you we have kind of analogous family
Speaker 1: situations actually in a way. Yeah, yeah, like my uh
Speaker 1: my mom much more into Judaism than my dad. But
Speaker 1: you know it's still my dad's still Jewish. And shit,
Speaker 1: you know they got divorced. Dad married a non Jewish woman.
Speaker 1: Mom married a guy who's much more into Judaism. And
Speaker 1: I look at that, and I'm like, that's good, right,
Speaker 1: you know, that's important stuff religion when it comes to marriage.
Speaker 1: Does your mom? Does your mom seem happy?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, super?
Speaker 1: Your dad seems happy?
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad's pretty happy. I would yeah, i'd say.
Speaker 1: So you have siblings.
Speaker 2: I do have siblings.
Speaker 1: How they doing?
Speaker 2: They're pretty good? I have so I have three like
Speaker 2: brothers blood like blood siblings, which are just three brothers? No,
Speaker 2: I have like, let's see, like five or six step siblings.
Speaker 1: Oh holy shit?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And where do you do you live with your mom
Speaker 1: or your dad?
Speaker 2: I live with my mom.
Speaker 1: And are you like, when did you graduate high school? Well?
Speaker 1: Hold on, it's it's October.
Speaker 2: This year, this year, actually in July in May.
Speaker 1: Oh, shukay, Is you just graduated?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay? And are you like, are you like I need
Speaker 1: to get out of Salt Lake City and leave my
Speaker 1: mom's house right fucking now? Or are you like chilling?
Speaker 2: You know, I really want to That's so I've been
Speaker 2: saving up a bunch of money for like when I
Speaker 2: move out. Nice, And so I'm going to Utah Valley
Speaker 2: University next semester spring semester. Nice, And I've been saving
Speaker 2: up money so I could like find a place out
Speaker 2: there and be able to pay for rent for a
Speaker 2: couple of months and then find a job out there
Speaker 2: in like oorum. And then my car broke and I
Speaker 2: had to use all of my money for savings. I'll
Speaker 2: fix that car.
Speaker 1: Fuck, I'm sorry, man. How much was that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, fourteen hundred bucks. They're like no, it was like
Speaker 2: two grand or something. I don't remember. It was like, correct,
Speaker 2: that's all of my money's gone, which was like about
Speaker 2: to pay for like two months. And then so those
Speaker 2: plans are changed. Now I'm gonna have to live here
Speaker 2: for another like six months extra or something.
Speaker 1: And you're going to Utah Valley for way? Is uta in?
Speaker 1: Is Is that in? This might be a dumb question.
Speaker 1: Is that in Salt Lake City?
Speaker 2: No, that's in. It's like an it's like forty five
Speaker 2: minutes away. Forty five minutes and.
Speaker 1: You're gonna go for audio and yeah that's the okay,
Speaker 1: So it's just like a this is like a non
Speaker 1: traditional university, right Like, so you go, you get your
Speaker 1: own off campus apartment and then you go in and
Speaker 1: you do your audio classes.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah basically, and that that town where it's in
Speaker 2: is like mainly just like a bunch of apartments everywhere.
Speaker 1: Are you good? Are you going to borrow money to
Speaker 1: go there?
Speaker 2: My so to like pay for school? Yeah, so you're
Speaker 2: talking about so my dad's helping me pay for school
Speaker 2: because I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm not doing anything
Speaker 2: crazy because I've already got my internship so it's nothing
Speaker 2: like I really and if I move my way up
Speaker 2: in the internship, I get paid and they do training there.
Speaker 2: So it's like it's I don't need as much as
Speaker 2: like a degree in audio because I'll get paid to
Speaker 2: get trained. And it's a great company.
Speaker 1: So you got good parents, man, you got a good life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I should appreciate it more, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you got a good life. That's cool. That
Speaker 1: seems like both parents seem like nice people.
Speaker 2: They're great people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you got out, You got out pretty good
Speaker 1: because I'm sure you probably I do you you do
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people with I'm literally I'm
Speaker 1: just basing this off of like what I've heard of
Speaker 1: doing this podcast and like also and just like be
Speaker 1: going to uh Utah a few times and like talking
Speaker 1: to people and shit, like, do you know a lot
Speaker 1: of people with like fucking crazy parents?
Speaker 2: Let me think I like very like like very.
Speaker 1: Like fundamentalist kind of people.
Speaker 2: I mean, not like crazy, honestly, No, I honestly can't
Speaker 2: really think of like because honestly, I've like mainly surrounded
Speaker 2: myself with people that like, I mean maybe one of
Speaker 2: my friends but like she moved out because crazy dads.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, Yeah, I can't really think of like specific people. No, honestly,
Speaker 2: it might not be as crazy as people are saying,
Speaker 2: or maybe I just have I'm around different people.
Speaker 1: No, that's the reality of life, is it's not as
Speaker 1: crazy as people.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a rare cases. There's some cases that definitely
Speaker 2: I bet there's some crazy parents.
Speaker 1: Hmmm. Okay, Pete, cool, Okay, it was good. I'm glad
Speaker 1: I got to hear about your life today. So I
Speaker 1: don't know why I enjoyed hearing about your life.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 1: I'm like something about something about the Maybe I'm being
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just because I'm in a good mood right now,
Speaker 1: I'm on stimulants. Well, that makes you feel It makes
Speaker 1: me feel good that you have a good life. I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, great, someone, there's a guy who just graduated
Speaker 1: high school in Utah. He's gonna have a good life
Speaker 1: doing audio engineering stuff that's not gonna get taken away
Speaker 1: by AI. Probably his parents are nice. His dad's gonna
Speaker 1: help me out with school. He's not gonna have to
Speaker 1: go into debt. That's pretty good.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, you're making me like look back and be like, wow,
Speaker 2: I do have a great life.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he's gonna put on this di y show
Speaker 1: with his friends. That's gonna be sick. That's good. Look.
Speaker 1: Whether it's up to you, whether or not you want,
Speaker 1: you want to enjoy your life, but I'm kind of
Speaker 1: enjoying it vicariously through you right now.
Speaker 2: Just feels awesome. This is awesome, This is good.
Speaker 1: Yeah mm hmm. Yeah, you're a janitor, that's but that's hard.
Speaker 1: But it's not forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, uh, this this was this was productive.
Speaker 2: I feel I feel like it was too.
Speaker 1: Do you have anything else you want to say or
Speaker 1: or anything at all before we go?
Speaker 2: Not really, just like I love this is like I
Speaker 2: listened to like I think I've listened to like eighty
Speaker 2: percent of your episode. Fuck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you very much for doing that. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to do that. Yeah, I'm trying to do that
Speaker 1: more with my own life. I'm like, oh shit, I
Speaker 1: host this podcast is pretty cool. So you know, if
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go, but dm me, if you did
Speaker 1: the show, I want to see if you did it. It
Speaker 1: would make me. Yeah, it would be stoked if you like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you do the show, like DM me a picture
Speaker 1: and be like, I fucking did the show. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm not going to promise i'll respond to it,
Speaker 1: but but if I do, I'd be like, all right,
Speaker 1: that's sick. I'll be happy to know.
Speaker 2: That you did it. Okay, yeah, for sure, will.
Speaker 1: Beautiful, awesome, good luck, Pete. I'll see you around the universe.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Have a good day you too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I like that guy, Pete. He's got a good he's
Speaker 1: got a good life.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sometimes on the show we talked to depressed people. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we talk to people. I don't think Pete seemed depressed necessarily.
Speaker 1: He seems he's gonna get was doing well, that's good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes so I think I think it's good. I think
Speaker 1: it's good to be able to you like that's why
Speaker 1: you get to like look at a bunch of different
Speaker 1: lives and go like, yeah, you know that life seems that.
Speaker 1: One of the notes I get on the show a
Speaker 1: lot is people are like, I love listening to this
Speaker 1: because it makes me because people are because it makes
Speaker 1: me feel better about my own life. They're like, oh man,
Speaker 1: people are people's problems horrid. There's something good in that.
Speaker 1: I think it gives you some perspective on your own life.
Speaker 1: But then I don't know it's good to be like,
Speaker 1: oh hey, someone else is a good life. That's good.
Speaker 1: That makes me feel good. It's you know, there's lots
Speaker 1: of crazy shit going on in the world anyway, all right, anyway, whatever,
Speaker 1: who cares cares about anything? What's up?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Just to sign me a name?
Speaker 1: I don't all right, I'm gonna call you. I'll call you, Devon.
Speaker 3: This is weird as fuck, dude, I've been listening to you.
Speaker 3: I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: Fuck don'pe be nervous. We're Uh, this is a I
Speaker 1: think this is a safe space. I hope it is
Speaker 1: yees for Devon? Yeah, where are you right now? What
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 3: I'm chilling in my apartment. I live in Montreal. It's
Speaker 3: kind of weird. I don't know French, so like trying
Speaker 3: to figure my shit out kind of like, Okay, I
Speaker 3: feel like I should learn French, but I'm loki bad
Speaker 3: at fuck at school. So like.
Speaker 1: Do they speak a lot of French in Montreal?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, like Canada isn't French, but like Montreal French.
Speaker 1: But like but like like everyone there also yeah everyone
Speaker 1: there also English?
Speaker 3: Right yeah, but like well nine, but I low key
Speaker 3: like I don't know, like this is the wrong I
Speaker 3: low key like feel like a colonizer, like I low
Speaker 3: you feel bad.
Speaker 1: I mean they're like, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3: Like French people like get pissed like low key when
Speaker 3: you're like you're like I don't really no French, they
Speaker 3: just kind of look at you like fuck you.
Speaker 1: You know, where'd you grow up?
Speaker 3: Uh? New Brunswick.
Speaker 1: In in New Jersey.
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no, New Brunswick, Canada.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm an idiot. How far was that from Montreal?
Speaker 3: Like like seven hours like that?
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, who colonized too with the French because Frances.
Speaker 3: Like no, no, no, no, like power and all that stuff,
Speaker 3: like well, there was like a war that happened. I
Speaker 3: don't really know many too too many details because they
Speaker 3: really teach me that in school because like but like
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's just like a super big stigma.
Speaker 3: It's like if you don't know French, they're like kind
Speaker 3: of pissed. Well they're like they're like you know, like
Speaker 3: they have like like we're not in like France, but
Speaker 3: they still get like the French rudeness type shit. So like,
Speaker 3: m you'll meet someone and then like I met some
Speaker 3: like old dude and he was talking to me and
Speaker 3: I was like I was like I don't really know
Speaker 3: French and he was like he's like, oh, like what
Speaker 3: the fuck? And you like he's like he was like sixty,
Speaker 3: but he's like rolling his eyes at me and shit,
Speaker 3: and he like walked off.
Speaker 2: It was weird, like.
Speaker 3: I feel and like it's low key respectful, like I
Speaker 3: should probably learn French. I'm gonna because they like want
Speaker 3: to keep their language and shit.
Speaker 1: But hmm, yeah, I've never been to Montreal. I want
Speaker 1: to go sometime though.
Speaker 3: It's pretty close. You're in New York, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I think it's like seven or eight hours, like by car.
Speaker 1: Why'd you move there?
Speaker 3: I moved here with my ex and because they liked
Speaker 3: to go to Montreal, so we went to Montreal like
Speaker 3: a few weeks after we met, and then they were like,
Speaker 3: let's move to Montreal. And then we moved to Montreal
Speaker 3: and then we broke up. So now I'm like, what
Speaker 3: the fuck?
Speaker 1: When did you guys break up?
Speaker 3: Officially it was like three months ago, but like we
Speaker 3: stopped talking like.
Speaker 1: Three weeks ago, and you moved specifically to Montreal to
Speaker 1: be with this lady and now she's gone now.
Speaker 3: There and we were in New Brunswick together and they
Speaker 3: liked Montreal, and then our homies moved to Montreal as well,
Speaker 3: like a year before us, and she was like, let's
Speaker 3: move to Montreal. And I was like, I mean, they
Speaker 3: ain't shooting New Runswick, so I was like, all right.
Speaker 3: So now I'm like I just turned twenty. So I'm
Speaker 3: just like here and I'm like, what the like I
Speaker 3: had her and just like that was like my structure,
Speaker 3: you feel me, even though it was like now I'm
Speaker 3: just working my Like I have a job that's like
Speaker 3: a little over a minimum wage. I'm just like working
Speaker 3: that and I'm like, what the fuck do I do now?
Speaker 3: Dog Like.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I got a Yeah we can. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: talk this out.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about New Brunswick, but I I
Speaker 1: personally believe that, especially if you're young and you're trying
Speaker 1: to like, you know, get a fucking life going, you
Speaker 1: should live in like a city city. And I assume
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about New Brunswick, but like Montreal
Speaker 1: is a more of a city.
Speaker 3: City than fifteen thousand. Montreal's like I think like two
Speaker 3: mil something like that population.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and everyone wants different things out of their life.
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like a city guy. But I
Speaker 1: think it's good that you are, like in a big city. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: do you like do you like big cities?
Speaker 3: I mean, like I like like being in the country.
Speaker 3: Like it's just like like I.
Speaker 2: Like to be alone.
Speaker 3: So I'm low key sick by the way, Like if
Speaker 3: I'm sniffling and shit, I'll try not to cougher anything.
Speaker 3: But I mean, I like the city, but I also
Speaker 3: like the country. But the country kind of makes me
Speaker 3: go crazy because I lived in the country in my
Speaker 3: whole life. Yeah, Like I lived in like a towne
Speaker 3: of like five thousand. Then I moved to the town
Speaker 3: of like fifty thousand, met her there, and then we
Speaker 3: moved to Montreal. So like, I feel I like a
Speaker 3: city more.
Speaker 1: Do you have friends in Montreal?
Speaker 3: I got some homies that like, so I knew like
Speaker 3: multiple people that she went to high school with because
Speaker 3: I'm younger than her. And then they moved to Montreal
Speaker 3: and then like we all just like became homies. So
Speaker 3: I got like two or three homies.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool, And you're just working your un a white
Speaker 1: job is your middle way job? Is Like does it
Speaker 1: have any kind of upward mobility in it?
Speaker 3: I mean, like a little bit like you can get
Speaker 3: some better pay, Like you can get some better position.
Speaker 3: Like it's it's a little bit over minimum wage, Like
Speaker 3: I'm making like eighteen an hour by okay, minimum wage
Speaker 3: in Canada is like way higher. It's like fifteen here.
Speaker 1: These are in Canadian dollars. Yeah, yeah, okay, Yeah that's rough. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So do you have like a all right, so you
Speaker 1: have some homies, but you're sitting around You're like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck do I do?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you what do you mean by that?
Speaker 3: Well, it's like I didn't really need like I can
Speaker 3: just like go around do whatever, like hang out with
Speaker 3: some people. Like she has hell friends, so like if
Speaker 3: I don't get something to do somenight, like they'll be
Speaker 3: some function, I'll just like go to that with her.
Speaker 3: And then like I.
Speaker 1: Had, like wait, so you still talk like.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I had like a bunch of like
Speaker 3: vague friends with her, and I would go out and
Speaker 3: do shit with them. Yeah, and then now that that's over,
Speaker 3: it's weird for me to still talk to them. So
Speaker 3: like we're no contact. I'm no contact with all of
Speaker 3: those people.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So now I have like in my homies here are
Speaker 3: like they got me the job, so they're like my
Speaker 3: boss too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I get you.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be with them all the time,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get you. All right. Yeah, there's a lot,
Speaker 1: there's a lot to talk about. Can I is it?
Speaker 1: Can I ask you. What can I bring up the
Speaker 1: thing that you texted me?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay you told me that you said you
Speaker 1: texted me you said, well, you said a few things.
Speaker 1: One thing is you said, I can't stop buying porn
Speaker 1: of my eggs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, it's fucked.
Speaker 1: So does she have an only fans?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: Did she have it like when you were together?
Speaker 3: Yeah? She had it for like I mean she's been
Speaker 3: doing it for like seven years now, like or maybe
Speaker 3: not that, like since it's been a thing, Like it's
Speaker 3: been a long time. She's like twenty four. She's been
Speaker 3: doing it since she was like eighteen, so she was
Speaker 3: like pretty popular. That's how we moved to Montreal. And yeah,
Speaker 3: she was doing it long before she met me.
Speaker 1: But and then you guys broke up, and now she
Speaker 1: and now you're like addicted to like buying shit from
Speaker 1: her only fans.
Speaker 3: I mean, like, like I'm a young guy, you feel
Speaker 3: me so like.
Speaker 1: It's a shame. I'm just like it's a shame. I
Speaker 1: like we could talk about this very like matter of fact.
Speaker 3: It's like fuck, Like like I'm trying to do my thing,
Speaker 3: but it's like I'm not attracted to anyone else. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like I just need to feel something like I
Speaker 3: were no contact, Like I don't think her voicemail set up,
Speaker 3: so I like bought it. I just got to like
Speaker 3: see us together. It was super fucked no what like
Speaker 3: on that ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, this is s Yeah you're in a yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in like this crazy, potently addictive thing because like
Speaker 1: on like because everyone it's like a common thing, right
Speaker 1: of like you break up with someone and you like
Speaker 1: stalk their social media and yeah, it's so it's funny
Speaker 1: because like that is like a new phenomenon for the
Speaker 1: brain relatively, because you used to be able to just
Speaker 1: go no contact with someone and not see them, but
Speaker 1: now you have access to like everything they're doing with
Speaker 1: their life. And then now you like on top of
Speaker 1: that is this crazy thing where like you know your
Speaker 1: ex is like uh, you know she has an OnlyFans
Speaker 1: and so now you can like you know, like purchase
Speaker 1: some form of like sexual intimacy with her. It's a
Speaker 1: crazy Yeah, it's a it's a crazy uh thing that
Speaker 1: you're like yours going on with the brain right now.
Speaker 3: Like I was like trying to do my thing one
Speaker 3: night because I was like I just had like pent
Speaker 3: up energy, you know what I'm saying, and like it
Speaker 3: just like was not working. So I like I set
Speaker 3: up like a burner email, like it was like a
Speaker 3: twenty minute thing like to put my card and so in.
Speaker 3: It was like a whole thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a rule of thumb. I mean I've
Speaker 1: broken this rule of thumb multiple times, but I have
Speaker 1: I haven't. I have a rule of thumb, which is
Speaker 1: never ever enter your credit card information into a website
Speaker 1: with one hand while your penis is in the other hand. Yes, real,
Speaker 1: Yeah was I've that rule, But there's are rules to
Speaker 1: live by. So yeah, So it sounds like you were
Speaker 1: like palpitably physically attracted to this woman in a way
Speaker 1: that you're not finding yourself attracted to other women.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you guys just broke up.
Speaker 3: I mean, well, like fucking I think it was like
Speaker 3: back in August or some shit, but sorry, we were
Speaker 3: like still talking, like she was I moved in with
Speaker 3: a roommate and then she was like still coming over
Speaker 3: and shait because my roommate was on like a vacation,
Speaker 3: so I was alone and she was like, oh, like
Speaker 3: I'm leading you on. This is fucked up, this is
Speaker 3: fucked up. And it went on and on, and it
Speaker 3: was like it's like I don't really think it's like
Speaker 3: that fucked up, Like I don't like people were like
Speaker 3: Loki telling her, like some people were saying like because
Speaker 3: we get like homies and they were like and she
Speaker 3: like even told me like face to face. She was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I made the wrong decision, but I'm like into deep.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm not following she made the wrong decision
Speaker 1: moving to Monch, like.
Speaker 3: She was like, I feel like I probably shouldn't have
Speaker 3: broken up with you, or like I don't know if
Speaker 3: I should have. She was like I'm in too deep now,
Speaker 3: and like she's very like in her ways, like if
Speaker 3: she's going to do something, she's going to do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like we were just talking how we like Montreal, and
Speaker 3: she was like we'removing okay, but like yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, And so when she decided to break up with you,
Speaker 1: like she's doing it, she's.
Speaker 3: Not yeah yeah yeah. Like I was going to use
Speaker 3: her car and drop shit back off in New Brunswick.
Speaker 3: I had like all my shit in her car at
Speaker 3: her house and I was going to go that morning
Speaker 3: like to do like the six seven hour drive and
Speaker 3: then the night before, like I fall asleep like at
Speaker 3: like six or seven because I worked that morning. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then I wake up at like ten, and everything
Speaker 3: at own was like in the lobby of my building
Speaker 3: for like four hours, like anyone could have just gone
Speaker 3: through my ship. She's like, your ship's in your your lobby.
Speaker 3: We have to go no contact. And that was like
Speaker 3: three four weeks ago, and like since then, I've just
Speaker 3: been like going crazy low key on my own.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure you have.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She sounds like she's uh like a little she sounds
Speaker 1: like she's much better than you are at like emotional
Speaker 1: detachment and moving on and like doing her ship. And
Speaker 1: that's really that's really painful. It's like extremely painful when
Speaker 1: like you you're going through it and she's not, and
Speaker 1: you're like, well then what the fuck? Like I understand,
Speaker 1: like I feel your pain on that, but uh, there's
Speaker 1: a lot there's so and then yeah, now like doing
Speaker 1: this thing where like you like can't get her out
Speaker 1: of your mind like sexually, and that's making it really
Speaker 1: fucking hard to move on or like you know, like
Speaker 1: you're like whatever, like like you know, looking at her
Speaker 1: while you masturbate or like thinking about her while you
Speaker 1: masterbad shit like that, like that makes it harder to
Speaker 1: move on. But good news, what's your name again, Devin?
Speaker 1: I gave you a name. Good news for you, Devin,
Speaker 1: Good news for you. A concept known as neuroplasticity. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to pretend like I'm studied anything, but things
Speaker 1: that uh, you're like potently addicted to her, like that
Speaker 1: become habit. Like the wrong with possibility exists. There exists
Speaker 1: a universe where you're no longer thinking about your ex
Speaker 1: while masturbating or buying photos of her, and shit, yeah
Speaker 1: I hope, yeah there will there. Yeah, don't worry, you'll
Speaker 1: you know, there's hope for you, my friend. So you
Speaker 1: work a minute, you work a job, and you live
Speaker 1: in Montreal, and you sound like and you're twenty, so
Speaker 1: you're like you're still kind of like developing your like existence.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I got a fund, like what I want
Speaker 3: to do, Like I don't know like what I want
Speaker 3: to do in my life. I'm kind of just here, like.
Speaker 1: U huh, because yeah, you want to eventually find someone
Speaker 1: that you are attracted to it's not your ex and
Speaker 1: you you will eventually, but I think the process of
Speaker 1: getting there has to be a very indirect process that
Speaker 1: involves reaching some form of self actualization or some form
Speaker 1: of satisfaction with your own life. And where you are
Speaker 1: right yeah, and where you are right now? Uh is
Speaker 1: is like you can't yeah, you can't do that from
Speaker 1: where you are right now, you know. So you got
Speaker 1: to get out of that ship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why I'm trying to go outside, like like
Speaker 3: to that rave, Like that's low key awkward to go alone.
Speaker 1: Like so stop, okay, so you yeah, you take it, Like, so, yeah,
Speaker 1: you texted me, you texted me the porn thing, but
Speaker 1: you also texted me rave exclamation point in all caps, tonight,
Speaker 1: do I go alone? Okay, let's talk about that. Tell me,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I interrupted you, but I wanted to give
Speaker 1: some context. Tell me what are you? What are you
Speaker 1: gonna say?
Speaker 3: Well, like, fuck, this sounds insane, like I sound super creepy.
Speaker 3: So like just like through mutuals, like I I had
Speaker 3: heard of a person before in the past that she knew,
Speaker 3: but I didn't like put any thought to it, any
Speaker 3: any thought into it. And then anyway, just like someone
Speaker 3: you hear through passing, like, oh, I was talking to
Speaker 3: this person. I was like, I need to just get
Speaker 3: outside of my house and like go to a store.
Speaker 3: So I was like I was like fucking like four
Speaker 3: or five blocks away from my house, and I saw
Speaker 3: this chick like staring at me, and I was like,
Speaker 3: damn this, she's like that as fuck. And then like
Speaker 3: we passed each other and it was super awkward. And
Speaker 3: then I went to a store. She went to a store.
Speaker 3: Then I passed her again and like we both like
Speaker 3: kind of locked up, like we wanted to say something
Speaker 3: to each other, and I was like, I swear like
Speaker 3: I recognize her from somewhere. And then like I went
Speaker 3: home and I was just like going through my Instagram
Speaker 3: and dead out, like I found her account because like
Speaker 3: through her story she had posted like I didn't think
Speaker 3: it was her, but I saw like her wearing the
Speaker 3: same outfit. It's like, well, this already is like insane,
Speaker 3: Like what are the chances I would know?
Speaker 1: You know, how did you find this girl's Instagram account?
Speaker 1: Was that even knowing I know?
Speaker 4: It was crazy?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, how did you find it without even knowing?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, go ahead.
Speaker 3: We have like five or six different mutuals. So I
Speaker 3: was just like I went home and I was just
Speaker 3: on Instagram, just going through like random profiles and stories,
Speaker 3: and I saw this chick who was wearing like a
Speaker 3: super identifial identifiable hootie that the chick that I saw
Speaker 3: that day was wearing. And then I was just like
Speaker 3: going through random stories and I saw this rave. So
Speaker 3: I was like, I guess I'll just buy a ticket
Speaker 3: try to go outside. Like like the the account that
Speaker 3: posted the rave, like five or six people that like
Speaker 3: I vaguely know like follow it. So I was like,
Speaker 3: maybe I should just go to.
Speaker 1: This Are you are you going to this rave to
Speaker 1: try to meet this lady?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No, Well I'm curious, how does how does how does
Speaker 1: how does the rave connect to this lady? Because it
Speaker 1: sounds like you brought it up this lady for a reason.
Speaker 3: Well, because she initially how did it posted? I had it?
Speaker 3: She had it posted on her story like a month ago,
Speaker 3: like leading up to it.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, you found out about it. Yeah, let's how
Speaker 1: you found out about it.
Speaker 3: It was just like super weird, Like I randomly saw
Speaker 3: this chick and I was like, I feel like I've
Speaker 3: seen you in like like in my head, I was like,
Speaker 3: I feel like I've seen her been added or like
Speaker 3: mentioned in post before. So I went onto my Instagram
Speaker 3: and it was like it was her, which already sounds
Speaker 3: creepy and random as fuck, but it was just like
Speaker 3: a random, like chance thing.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: Okay, but way, I just saw this brave. Should I
Speaker 3: go to this ship? But like now I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 3: I shouldn't go alone to that? That's kind of weird.
Speaker 1: No, I well, I have I have I have multiple
Speaker 1: I have multiple thoughts about this. Uh No, I well
Speaker 1: I definitely I definitely think you should go alone to
Speaker 1: the rave. Yeah, yeah, of course, Yeah, why do you
Speaker 1: think you shouldn't?
Speaker 3: That's not weird, Like no, it's not weird, like standing
Speaker 3: like standing there alone?
Speaker 1: Uh you can you can talk to people. It's a rave.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Because here's because well, because well there's a here's a
Speaker 1: bunch of things. I'm gonna tell you a bunch of things,
Speaker 1: the like like the whole the whole like sex brain
Speaker 1: combined with the internet thing and like the what like
Speaker 1: the the ways it's throwing you around. I've been there,
Speaker 1: A lot of people have been there, and I and
Speaker 1: I've been like been there, like through multiple cycles in
Speaker 1: my life, and the cycles in my life that i've
Speaker 1: my brain has been there, Uh, I were not particularly productive.
Speaker 1: And the cycles of my life where my brain was
Speaker 1: not there are those cycles where I was actually creating
Speaker 1: a version of my life and a version of myself
Speaker 1: where I didn't even have to be there. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Do you get what I'm saying?
Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of kind of okay.
Speaker 1: Okay, And and so what you sound like you kind
Speaker 1: of need is like a bit of a win in
Speaker 1: terms of No, I'm not saying you got to go
Speaker 1: to this rave and get laid or whatever, but I
Speaker 1: do think it would be helpful for you to bare
Speaker 1: minimum have a little reminder to your sometimes if that's
Speaker 1: what you need, is like a little reminder to yourself
Speaker 1: that you exist and you have social competence. And you're
Speaker 1: not gonna get that reminder by staying in your house,
Speaker 1: and you're not gonna get that reminder by looking somebody
Speaker 1: up on Instagram, and you're not gonna get that reminder
Speaker 1: by buying photos of your X on Instagram. You're really
Speaker 1: only going to get that reminder by like challenging yourself
Speaker 1: to do something kind of uncomfortable and then doing it,
Speaker 1: and then you just prove to yourself, Oh hey, I
Speaker 1: actually if I forgot I knew how to bro, you
Speaker 1: can spend have done this, dude. You can spend dude.
Speaker 1: You can spend two weeks in your house fucking gooning
Speaker 1: and then uh here and then go outside and be
Speaker 1: and then talk to someone and be like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: I forgot that. I'm like an actual human being and
Speaker 1: I know how to talk to people. I know it exists.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been like drawing, like in random parks, just
Speaker 3: like to like just like be outside, like not in
Speaker 3: my room.
Speaker 1: So this rave to me, I please, like don't go
Speaker 1: to the rave being like I'm gonna meet this girl,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get laid, but but like go into it.
Speaker 3: I'm not weird like that, Like I.
Speaker 1: Don't think you are. I don't think you are, but
Speaker 1: I just like just go into it, being like, here's
Speaker 1: an opportunity for me to remind myself that I know
Speaker 1: how to connect with other people, and I know how
Speaker 1: to connect with the world around me at large, and
Speaker 1: I don't have to like be in my room alone
Speaker 1: doing whatever thing I'm ashamed of myself for doing you know, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: does that make sense?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So you know go and but and if you go,
Speaker 1: and if you try to if you go, when you
Speaker 1: try to talk to people and you get like ejected
Speaker 1: or feels weird, and you have a little impulse within
Speaker 1: you that's telling you like, why am I alone? I'm weird?
Speaker 1: This is weird. I'm like, I'm like I.
Speaker 3: Just kind of like to see people that I know,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like, Okay, people that were
Speaker 3: friends with my ex like follow the account that's been
Speaker 3: posting about it, so okay, and they've been like liking
Speaker 3: the post, and it's like, oh, like I really don't
Speaker 3: want to see these people.
Speaker 1: Okay, then you don't have to go to that rate.
Speaker 1: But like like you have some instinct within you that
Speaker 1: wants to like be out, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: Do that follow go wherever that instinct tells you to go.
Speaker 1: And again, if you're out and you're talking to people
Speaker 1: and you like feel a little rebuffed, and you have
Speaker 1: this thing and your brain that's telling you, like, I
Speaker 1: feel weird being here alone. I don't. I feel like
Speaker 1: like I feel deeply uncomfortable, like like try as hard
Speaker 1: as you possibly can to push past that because only
Speaker 1: I just I really believe and it's I'm telling you
Speaker 1: it's it's so much easier said than done. But on
Speaker 1: the other side of that, I really believe that on
Speaker 1: the other side of that is some win for you,
Speaker 1: some evening for you, something happening for you that you
Speaker 1: just you go home being like, Okay, I remember, like
Speaker 1: who I am when I'm not like addicted to ah,
Speaker 1: whatever the things I'm addicted to are, or like, I
Speaker 1: just remember that I have some kind that I have
Speaker 1: the ability to exist as a normal human being. Is
Speaker 1: am I is anything I'm saying resonating with you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm just listening to you. You're you're you're
Speaker 3: making sense.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, So you know, don't put any pressure on it,
Speaker 1: but yeah, you're something within you wants to go out
Speaker 1: and be amongst society. So I I know, whether or
Speaker 1: not you go to this rave or you go to
Speaker 1: a fucking pinball tournament doesn't matter to me, but uh,
Speaker 1: I think it's good to follow that instinct.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I just need to like talk to
Speaker 3: people because like when I like saw that random chick,
Speaker 3: like I think I just need like attention from a
Speaker 3: woman right now, because like I saw her and I
Speaker 3: was like, I was like, this girl's like like like
Speaker 3: a like like dead ass, like a ten and she
Speaker 3: like glanced at me and fixed her hair and that
Speaker 3: that was like euphoric. Like I was like thinking about
Speaker 3: that for days.
Speaker 1: You know, dude, it's so god. I want to I
Speaker 1: wish I could. I wish I could cut up in
Speaker 1: your brain and rewire it. Dude. It's so contradictory or whatnot.
Speaker 2: But like.
Speaker 1: It's so it's so contradictory, but you gotta at like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean, but you gotta somehow get
Speaker 1: yourself to a place where you don't feel like you
Speaker 1: need that, because I know it's so cliche, but it
Speaker 1: is true that once you get to the point where
Speaker 1: you don't need that, you start to you start to
Speaker 1: just like feel healthy because like, yeah, of court, like right, yeah,
Speaker 1: because if you're like, you know, gooning and you're like
Speaker 1: freaking out and you're like anxious and you're depressed, then yeah,
Speaker 1: of course something in your brain is gonna be like
Speaker 1: all I fucking need to exist right now is the
Speaker 1: attention of a of a woman, And it's so paradoxical
Speaker 1: because it's operating from that place that that like like
Speaker 1: fucks you in a way, you know. So yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I'm telling you this because I've like
Speaker 1: been like in the cycles of it before. But like, uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to rewire yourself to a point where you're
Speaker 1: just like a happy and content with your life, and
Speaker 1: then you can build so much of a foundation upon
Speaker 1: that that will ultimately and invertently can get can uh
Speaker 1: you know, allow allow you to be in positions where
Speaker 1: you will naturally find yourself with the attention of of
Speaker 1: a of a of a of a lady.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I kind of just got to figure my
Speaker 3: shit out because I was like content with my ex
Speaker 3: but I wasn't really doing anything, Like I was just
Speaker 3: like working my job, hanging out with friends, like doing whatever.
Speaker 3: Like I feel like if I just end up in
Speaker 3: another a relationship, I'll just like go back to that,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, exactly, no, dude, yeah, yeah exactly. That's why
Speaker 1: you that's why you get Yeah, it's why you gotta
Speaker 1: find something for yourself right now that will just allow
Speaker 1: you to be like okay with breathing. You're still there?
Speaker 3: Yeap?
Speaker 1: Was this helpful?
Speaker 3: This was very helpful. You've done a lot different on
Speaker 3: the fun.
Speaker 1: I guess I wouldn't know because I've never talked well,
Speaker 1: I talked to myself a lot, but I've never on
Speaker 1: the phone. All right, Well, Devin, good luck, Devon. I
Speaker 1: believe in you. Thanks h I'll see you around the universe.
Speaker 1: Good luck. Yeah, that was Devn. That was Devin. I
Speaker 1: gotta go to Montreal at some point. Montreal seems like
Speaker 1: a fun, cool place to exist. Should I go to Montreal?
Speaker 1: Should I eat a donut in Montreal out of Tim Horton's?
Speaker 1: That sounds fun?
Speaker 3: Hello? Hello, what's up?
Speaker 4: Is this a get go?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What's your name?
Speaker 4: My name's James, Dude.
Speaker 2: Good to talk to you.
Speaker 1: Good to talk to you too, James. What's going on
Speaker 1: with you today?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 2: Fuck?
Speaker 4: Man, I mean nothing too specific today. I'm seeing the
Speaker 4: Chainsaw Man movie later.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty happed about that.
Speaker 1: What's the Chainsaw Man movie?
Speaker 4: So there's this anime that came out like I don't
Speaker 4: even know how long ago. Now, it might be like
Speaker 4: four years ago. I think it came out in like
Speaker 4: twenty twenty Uh, it's based on a manga, as most
Speaker 4: anime is, and as the the movies coming out or
Speaker 4: came out yesterday I think, and some of me and
Speaker 4: my girlfriend are gonna go see it tonight.
Speaker 1: Cool, very good. Uh wait, is that the one with
Speaker 1: the dog?
Speaker 4: Yeah, dude, he's got like a an orange like chainsaw
Speaker 4: dog thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's got like the like the equals three face
Speaker 2: almost you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Does the does he does the chainsaw Man? Okay, so
Speaker 1: I've seen that dog before, the chainsaw Dog. I always
Speaker 1: thought that the dog is the main character. But there's
Speaker 1: a man and he does he use the dog as
Speaker 1: a chainsaw?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: So all right, So spoilers for Chainsaw Man for sure,
Speaker 4: for you know, anyone listening. But so he initially he's
Speaker 4: in debt to the mob and he uses the dog
Speaker 4: as a chainsaw to kill these devils to sell to
Speaker 4: the mob for money. But then he ends up getting
Speaker 4: like the dude, the man gets dismembered and the dog
Speaker 4: like fuses with his heart and he becomes like this
Speaker 4: like crazy like chainsaw head, like chainsaw arms, chainsaw everything
Speaker 4: pretty much man, chainsaw Man.
Speaker 2: It's you know, m hmm.
Speaker 1: Interesting have you ever seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what, I actually just saw that for
Speaker 4: the first time. I was pretty shocked because I'm into
Speaker 4: like slasher movies and shit, but i'd never seen that one,
Speaker 4: and obviously it's pretty influential for the whole genre. So
Speaker 4: I don't know why I never got around to it,
Speaker 4: but it had a pretty like on the nose anti
Speaker 4: violence sentiment, at least to me.
Speaker 1: You know, wait, you're telling me that the Texas chains
Speaker 1: I've never I don't think I've ever actually seen it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just know about it. It's a pop
Speaker 1: culture thing. You're telling me that the movie itself has
Speaker 1: an anti violence sentiment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so, okay, here's what I'm gonna say. I don't
Speaker 4: know that it's necessarily like completely on the nose anti violence,
Speaker 4: even though I just said that, because obviously it's a
Speaker 4: slasher movie. But the whole thing is like framed around
Speaker 4: this idea where like the movie opens and they talk
Speaker 4: about like how fucked up it is that uh, like
Speaker 4: cattle used to get killed with sledgehammers, like they'd hit
Speaker 4: him in the head and then they'd like be like
Speaker 4: seizing up or whatever, Like how inhumane that was, and
Speaker 4: then they talk about how like, you know, it's still
Speaker 4: inhumane to do it with the bolt gun, but not
Speaker 4: everyone agrees, and they show like the you know, like
Speaker 4: they show the cows and whatever, so I think the
Speaker 4: point of it.
Speaker 2: And then when people.
Speaker 4: Get killed, there's only you know, there's only one dude
Speaker 4: that actually gets killed with the chainsaw on that movie.
Speaker 4: The rest of them get hit in the head with hammers.
Speaker 1: Do they show the guy getting like how graphic is.
Speaker 4: The well, that's the thing. Also, the first one from
Speaker 4: like the I don't know if it was from the
Speaker 4: early seventies of the sixties or even the late seventies,
Speaker 4: I guess I don't really know when it came out,
Speaker 4: but they it literally like the one dude that actually
Speaker 4: gets killed with a chainsaw, you only see it from behind.
Speaker 4: The most graphic that movie gets dude is probably the
Speaker 4: first kill of the whole thing. The dude gets he
Speaker 4: gets bonked on the head and starts like season up.
Speaker 4: It's pretty fucked up. But other than that, like, yeah,
Speaker 4: there's like a chick that comes out of a freezer
Speaker 4: and that wouldn't be pleasant, but it's not like particularly graphic,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 1: I guess the Texas Hammer massacre doesn't have the same
Speaker 1: ring to it, but that is the movie. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: call that in production.
Speaker 5: That's hysterical.
Speaker 4: Holy shit, can you imagine? I don't think it would
Speaker 4: have become the phenomenon that it was, but I'll say
Speaker 4: the you know, there's like it's actually kind of hysterical
Speaker 4: that there's like probably fifteen minutes of chainsaw chase in
Speaker 4: that movie. That's literally just like a woman running through
Speaker 4: the woods and dudes streaming and running after with a
Speaker 4: chainsaw and they do that for like fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: Well, James, let me ask you, is there anything in
Speaker 1: particular that you called in to want to talk about
Speaker 1: today or is just shooting the shit dude?
Speaker 4: I gotta be honest, like, I'm it's just crazy that
Speaker 4: you picked up you know what I mean. I do
Speaker 4: want to say, I'm right now, I'm in grad school.
Speaker 4: I'm getting a doctorate in clinical and school psychology, and
Speaker 4: I don't know, like I I found out about you
Speaker 4: an undergrad man and listening to a lot of the
Speaker 4: calls that you do, it's it's it's been really inspiring
Speaker 4: to hear how people open up, even in environments that
Speaker 4: you know, aren't necessarily like closed and how you'd think
Speaker 4: of therapy.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: And I think, just like.
Speaker 4: With everything that I've been learning, I think the questions
Speaker 4: that you ask or are really insightful.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks, man, I appreciate that. Hmmm. Well, okay, what's
Speaker 1: what how's your journey in clinical psychology going.
Speaker 4: It's going pretty good so far. I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: obviously I'm I'm really interested in everything that I end
Speaker 4: up learning. But the at some point, like you know,
Speaker 4: once you hit the terminal.
Speaker 2: Degree level, they're like, well, read these.
Speaker 4: Like literally like three hundred pages a week, and it's
Speaker 4: kind of the ryest shit you've ever read in your life.
Speaker 4: And a lot of it, at least for this because
Speaker 4: I just entered my first semester, a lot of it
Speaker 4: right now is just like dry ass like New York
Speaker 4: State like legislative shit that you need to know to
Speaker 4: make sure that you don't get sued.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, that sounds important to not you know,
Speaker 1: do it in a way that you know, to do
Speaker 1: it in a way that's not illegal.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, one hundred percent, because I mean, if you
Speaker 4: do it in a way that's illegal, because uh, you're
Speaker 4: you end up practicing under the light the licenses of
Speaker 4: some of your professors in this program, you know, they're
Speaker 4: on the hook, so it's not just you. And on
Speaker 4: top of that, like if you're not doing it the
Speaker 4: way that you're supposed to, you could be fucking up
Speaker 4: a client, you know. So it's definitely a big deal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Hm hmmm. Uh what do you think of
Speaker 1: the psychological ramifications of getting hit really hard in the
Speaker 1: head with a hammer?
Speaker 5: I would say, uh, if you end up dead, there's
Speaker 5: not much psychological ramifications because you just be dead at
Speaker 5: that point.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't psychological ramification dead deadness?
Speaker 4: Now you're getting philosophical, man, you know, because like if
Speaker 4: there's nothing to am, like if you can't think, are
Speaker 4: you am?
Speaker 2: You know? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true. Yeah, Life's for the living.
Speaker 4: Life is for the living, dude, life is for the living.
Speaker 2: Are you.
Speaker 4: I got to actually ask you, man, because you know,
Speaker 4: I've definitely listened to to a bunch of the podcast,
Speaker 4: but I'm wondering did you look into like any like
Speaker 4: like how to be an effective therapist or anything before
Speaker 4: you started?
Speaker 1: It's not that, like, you know, absolutely not, absolutely not. No, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I don'm not even I'm not even I'm
Speaker 1: not really trying to even be a therapist or like
Speaker 1: anything like that. I'm just, uh, I'm just talking.
Speaker 4: About your Yeah, well that's good. Did you look into Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't, like I don't know, like sometimes I
Speaker 1: just like be talking to somebody in like my actual life.
Speaker 1: There's a big pet peeve of mine. I'll be like
Speaker 1: talking to someone in my actual life and then they
Speaker 1: look at me and they're like, are you doing your
Speaker 1: therapy gecko thing on me right now? And I'm like no,
Speaker 1: I'm just it's just it's just I have a natural
Speaker 1: curiosity for certain things that I guess end up steering
Speaker 1: themselves towards, uh something therapy. E. But it's not like
Speaker 1: an intentional practice of therapy. I mean, I'm just really trying.
Speaker 1: I'm just really like chatting with people, you know. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, uh, it's it's just an interesting way to
Speaker 1: like connect with people and kind of share little slices
Speaker 1: of everyone's life and uh put put them on paper
Speaker 1: plates and hand them ount to whoever the fuck is listening,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, dude, I think you'd be surprised at
Speaker 4: like how close you get to to really like effective therapy,
Speaker 4: especially for like first sessions and shit. Like what we're
Speaker 4: learning right now, or at least what I'm learning in
Speaker 4: one of my classes is about the first stage, which
Speaker 4: is like exploration, you know, and pretty much you know
Speaker 4: there there's more specifics than this, but on like a
Speaker 4: base level, one of the main things is just having
Speaker 4: like openness and honesty and curiosity about what everybody brings
Speaker 4: to the table and what people want to talk about.
Speaker 4: And I think that, I mean, you really, you really
Speaker 4: have that in droves. It's it's pretty impressive.
Speaker 1: Thanks man. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: naturally curious about things, except when I get burnt out.
Speaker 1: Like in my I always feel like I have like
Speaker 1: like five different versions of myself and I don't know
Speaker 1: if any I don't believe in any of them to
Speaker 1: be like the true one. There's definitely one. There's definitely
Speaker 1: versions of myself that I'm more proud of than others,
Speaker 1: that I like more than others. But I think that
Speaker 1: they all come together to make you know me, And
Speaker 1: I think I have versions of myself that are very
Speaker 1: curious and like to engage and be with people, and
Speaker 1: you know it is optimistic and whatnot. And I think
Speaker 1: when when I'm channeling that, you know, I can be
Speaker 1: yeah effective at some shit like that. But then I
Speaker 1: also asked that versions of myself that just would fucking
Speaker 1: don't want to fucking talk to anyone or do anything
Speaker 1: and you know, burnt out. It depends who shows up
Speaker 1: that day, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I get that too. And you know, I
Speaker 4: don't know if it's necessarily a cliche, but it's kind
Speaker 4: of like a bumper sticker but the whole like we
Speaker 4: contain multitudes type of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that.
Speaker 4: That definitely applies. You said when you said you you
Speaker 4: have five, do you like know specific Like is that
Speaker 4: specific or are you just like picking a number?
Speaker 1: No, I was throwing a number out there. It's probably
Speaker 1: specifically five.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 4: I was wondering if you had like a like a
Speaker 4: specific like, man, there's like five moods that could be.
Speaker 1: In I could run. That would be an interesting practice
Speaker 1: to try to like identify them and write them down. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that would be an interesting practice to like see if
Speaker 1: I can identify them and write them down. That would
Speaker 1: also feel wreaky, That would feel claustrophobic, because then I'd
Speaker 1: be looking at it and being like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: the cage that I live in. Yeah, yeah, I can't be.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't be outside of these five versions
Speaker 1: of myself that I've clearly defined. That's that would I
Speaker 1: think that would give me. That would make me feel crazy.
Speaker 1: If I'm gonna I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: to do it and see if I see what I got.
Speaker 4: Yeah, put out a newsletter with the five stages.
Speaker 1: A geck, what do you have? How many versions of yourself?
Speaker 1: Do you have?
Speaker 3: A good question?
Speaker 4: Man, I don't really know. I feel like I've got
Speaker 4: like a at least two for sure, because I think
Speaker 4: that too to the time. Yeah, at least at least,
Speaker 4: because there's probably more. I just haven't thought about it
Speaker 4: that much. Like this is a pretty interesting thought experiment.
Speaker 4: But when I think about it, I think I'm pretty
Speaker 4: consistent with like, you know, I just kind of a
Speaker 4: lot of the time I'm spending time in my apartment
Speaker 4: just kind of either reading for school, playing guitar, and
Speaker 4: then the other mode would just be like you know,
Speaker 4: pretty much anything outside where you kind of put it on,
Speaker 4: you know, what I mean, sure, and like you're either
Speaker 4: like doing work with other people or trying to get
Speaker 4: something done efficiently a lot of the time.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 4: I mean the reason I say it's pretty consistent though,
Speaker 4: is just like you know, getting stoned out of your
Speaker 4: brain and like fucking playing music or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you only have two. That's very your
Speaker 1: sound you sound. I think if you only have two,
Speaker 1: you're a very healthy guy. You think so, I think so, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you're a very healthy guy or like you
Speaker 1: prefer like, uh, it sounds like you prefer like a
Speaker 1: simpler existence. I don't know if that's is that accurate.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's offensive to say. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's offensive. I think I'm just trying to be
Speaker 1: like matter of fact about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. I mean it wouldn't be offensive
Speaker 4: to me personally. I could definitely see what you're saying where.
Speaker 2: Like some people might.
Speaker 4: But I don't know that, Like, I don't know how
Speaker 4: much more there really needs to be, you know, other
Speaker 4: than just like doing whatever it is that is making
Speaker 4: you happy in that moment. And obviously I guess it
Speaker 4: might get confused if like what makes you happy, is
Speaker 4: like now adaptive or whatever like like that or what
Speaker 4: if you confuse like happy for comfortable. You know what
Speaker 4: I mean, because you've got to be uncomfortable sometimes to
Speaker 4: like grow and whatever.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I know what you man, I know your man.
Speaker 1: Hm hmm. I was going to say something and I forgot.
Speaker 1: I've probably said this on here before. But I used
Speaker 1: to think that I used to want to not have
Speaker 1: different versions of myself. I used to think that it
Speaker 1: was the ultimate. I used to think it was a
Speaker 1: strong virtue, and maybe part of me still does. But
Speaker 1: I used to think it was a very strong virtue
Speaker 1: if you could have as if you could be the
Speaker 1: same person as consistently as possible across all situations. I
Speaker 1: used to think that was a virtue, and in some
Speaker 1: ways I still do. Like I think that if you can,
Speaker 1: like if you're like a confident guy, but only like
Speaker 1: in certain situations, and then you get placed in like
Speaker 1: a very foreign environment and you like can maintain who
Speaker 1: you are and maintain your confidence in that foreign environment,
Speaker 1: I find that very impressive. Like I've seen people do that.
Speaker 1: I've seen people where like I've hung out with them
Speaker 1: and they're a certain way when I'm talking to them,
Speaker 1: and then like we're in some situation or some shit
Speaker 1: where like if I was in this situation, I would definitely,
Speaker 1: not even intentionally, I would just like maybe be more
Speaker 1: quiet or something like that. And I've seen someone be
Speaker 1: in a situation like that and they're the fucking same
Speaker 1: version of themselves. I find that to be very virtuous.
Speaker 1: Some people are just fucking built like that. Nowadays, I'm
Speaker 1: like I do nowadays, I do think that that's virtuous,
Speaker 1: But I also don't think it's necessarily realistic. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's realistic to be the same I don't think
Speaker 1: it's realistic to be the same version of you when
Speaker 1: you're working and when you're with your friends and when
Speaker 1: you're talking to your grandma, and when you're sad, and
Speaker 1: when you're happy, and when you're angry and when you're whatever.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think it's realistic. I think you
Speaker 1: have to have some you have to have some level
Speaker 1: of like keeping yourself. You have to have some baseline
Speaker 1: level to which you're subscribing. But that's that feels very
Speaker 1: inhuman to me. I feel like it's more human to
Speaker 1: be the to have five different version of observe yourself
Speaker 1: than it is to like stay consistent. I still I
Speaker 1: still think it's a virtue to stay consistent. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think of a specific example because I don't being
Speaker 1: very vague, but like, uh, I don't know, like if
Speaker 1: you're you know, if you're like at a party or something, and.
Speaker 4: Like your party self versus like your school self versus
Speaker 4: your job self.
Speaker 1: Kind Yeah, sure, whatever, Yeah, something like that. I do
Speaker 1: still think it's I don't. I think it's a virtue
Speaker 1: in some degree. I'll not allow outside stimulus to let
Speaker 1: you change who you are, but sometimes it's inside stimulus
Speaker 1: that's changing who you are. Sometimes, like your fucking just
Speaker 1: whatever emotion is overtaking you is causing you to be
Speaker 1: someone different.
Speaker 4: Yeah, totally. I mean what I think about when when
Speaker 4: you're saying this man is the movie Shrek. You know,
Speaker 4: we're like, we're like onion, But that movie was about ogres,
Speaker 4: So I don't know if that necessarily applies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to you, but yeah, when Shrek is like,
Speaker 1: people are like onions. They have layers. Although the the
Speaker 1: the onion analogy implies the onion analogy I don't like
Speaker 1: because it implies a hierarchy, and I don't believe that
Speaker 1: the different versions have a hierarchy. Maybe they maybe they
Speaker 1: When I think of versions of myself, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like when I think of versions of myself, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like some of these a lot better than others.
Speaker 1: But so maybe they have maybe they have a hierarchy
Speaker 1: in terms of quality, but not in terms.
Speaker 4: Of truth, like being true to your like in terms
Speaker 4: of like who you actually are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't think that. I don't think that
Speaker 1: the different layers of yourself have a hierarchy in terms
Speaker 1: of like truth, Like I think who you are when
Speaker 1: you're fucking pissed off or when you're happy, or when
Speaker 1: you're around this person in that person, I think they
Speaker 1: all are true because you're being that in that moment
Speaker 1: that you're existing, Like they're part of your the narrative
Speaker 1: of who you are, and they you can adapt and
Speaker 1: change it evolve. But like, uh, I don't know they're
Speaker 1: all true, but they definitely have a hierarchy in terms
Speaker 1: of like, yeah, I've been like if I've been like
Speaker 1: an asshole to some one when I was like pissed off,
Speaker 1: or if I've been really nice or kind or selfish
Speaker 1: or loving to somebody when I was feeling in that moment,
Speaker 1: like both of those are true, Like I think they
Speaker 1: sit on equal footing of truth, but they definitely sit
Speaker 1: on opposite footings in terms of like which of those
Speaker 1: I think is better to embody? You know, But it's
Speaker 1: definitely better to be the version of myself that is,
Speaker 1: you know, kind than like pissed off. But I don't
Speaker 1: know if you'd either one of them is the the
Speaker 1: true one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I get what you mean, man, And I think
Speaker 4: it's important to just like remember that, you know, like
Speaker 4: whenever you're wherever you are in the present, you're always
Speaker 4: kind of like just making decisions that become you, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So like you can.
Speaker 4: Be any of those and thinking back on this is
Speaker 4: just a way of like underunderstanding how you'd prefer to
Speaker 4: act in the future, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's you know what you know, it
Speaker 1: makes it feel existential. Sometimes I don't feel existential in
Speaker 1: this moment. I feel pretty grounded, but it's I've gotten
Speaker 1: into a crazy existential loop before just thinking about like
Speaker 1: how I can never take a break from being myself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's true. Man, because whoever you're you are at
Speaker 4: that moment is just you.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: You know, you can stay inside and play video games
Speaker 1: and like ignore the world as long as you possibly can,
Speaker 1: but like, uh, you can never really take a break
Speaker 1: from being yourself. That doesn't freak me out. In this moment,
Speaker 1: I feel okay, But there's been times where that streaked
Speaker 1: me out.
Speaker 4: You know what kind of freaks me out? Dog, And
Speaker 4: I don't want to like, you know, take you to
Speaker 4: an existential place, but.
Speaker 1: No, I'm here for I'm here for it in this moment.
Speaker 4: Let's do it, all right, sweet dude. Well, I get
Speaker 4: kind of fucking freaked out when I smoke a shit ton.
Speaker 2: Of weed about like just like.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't know if this is necessarily the way,
Speaker 4: because I don't know that I've ever articulated this tvah man.
Speaker 4: But like I think about almost like developing, like past
Speaker 4: versions of myself have like died almost and I wonder, like,
Speaker 4: am I like really the same consciousness you know what
Speaker 4: I mean? Like almost ship a theseus style, because like
Speaker 4: we're constantly like shedding our skin and whatever and like
Speaker 4: becoming like physically literally new people, and like you know,
Speaker 4: developing new physical characteristics and everything. But on top of that,
Speaker 4: like psychologically we're constantly like changing and having new experiences
Speaker 4: that make us respond in different ways in the future
Speaker 4: based off of like what our con sexualization of the
Speaker 4: world and like how we fit into it and how
Speaker 4: that changes over time. And I and I like wonder
Speaker 4: about like whether like memories I have of myself, if
Speaker 4: like that self still exists or if like I'm a
Speaker 4: totally new dude, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I think the self. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: self still exists. I mean it's you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you think so, you.
Speaker 1: Know, unless if you're like unless if you're counting every
Speaker 1: single second of your life to be a different version
Speaker 1: of you, which you can. That's what I'm saying, is
Speaker 1: that is that Alan there's that Alan Watts thing of
Speaker 1: like you're under no obligation to be who you were
Speaker 1: five minutes ago. Yeah, but it's hard. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's I'm I'm I'm saying that as a bit
Speaker 1: of an idealist. Yeah, yeah, that it's like I in
Speaker 1: my idealist version of the universe, Yeah, you're you're under
Speaker 1: no obligation to be who you are or uh five
Speaker 1: minutes ago, But yeah, do those versions of yourself still exist?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean you're still alive, You're still here. But also
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, I mean, what's going on now? Right
Speaker 1: like for example, like for example, like when you think
Speaker 1: of these past versions, like things like do you do
Speaker 1: that press version of you still exist? Like it's manifested
Speaker 1: in the things that you're doing every day, right like
Speaker 1: because yea, So imagine when you think of like a
Speaker 1: memory you had with a friend, like and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: do I still exist?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: Do you still talk to that friend? Do you have
Speaker 1: a relationship with them? You know, Like I mean, are
Speaker 1: you're still alive? You're still breathing, You're not fucking dead?
Speaker 1: You still you still am, you have the you're not
Speaker 1: you still have the thoughts. You haven't been hit in
Speaker 1: the head with a hammer or chainsaw, so yeah, you
Speaker 1: are still yourself? Yeah, sure, you still exist?
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 1: Who cares?
Speaker 4: That's a pretty clean solution of that conundrum. Man, Like,
Speaker 4: if you don't get hit in the head with a
Speaker 4: like a cattle sledgehammer and you're not seasoned out, you're
Speaker 4: you're still like you're still there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're kind of you until you die, I think,
Speaker 1: but you can manage you can't You're kind of you
Speaker 1: until you die. You can manage you if you think
Speaker 1: of yourself as like a disease, uh, which I sometimes
Speaker 1: think of Sometimes I think of my my ego and
Speaker 1: my identity as a fucking disease. And I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, there's no cure for cancer yet. There's no
Speaker 1: cure for the cancer of being myself yet. But uh
Speaker 1: with you know, with with certain chemotherapy, it can be
Speaker 1: managed and a good life can still be lived, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well hey man, that's the that's the key,
Speaker 4: you know, just trying to live as good a life
Speaker 4: as you can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
Speaker 4: Hopefully everyone can, you know, James, Yeah.
Speaker 1: This was good. I needed a I needed a psycholog
Speaker 1: I needed a psychological I needed an existential conversation today.
Speaker 4: Anytime I need some existential thoughts, man, I throw on
Speaker 4: the therapy.
Speaker 3: Get Goo podcasts good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes I don't know it's weird. I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep prolonging this conversation just im thinking about it now.
Speaker 2: But uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I feel really good this week. I feel
Speaker 1: really good right now because I'm on stimulants or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I'm like this, I go in like these fucking
Speaker 1: cycles man, of like, yeah, sometimes it feels good and
Speaker 1: I feel idealist and I feel whatever, and then I
Speaker 1: kind of return to, you know, a more depressive state.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I feel like that's just the disease of
Speaker 1: my existence, and I've held out hope that things can
Speaker 1: I uh, yeah, no, I think every time, every time
Speaker 1: I return to the surface and catch my breath, I
Speaker 1: learned a new thing.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like I was talking to the guy. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'll use these two calls in the same
Speaker 1: episode or whatever, but I was talking to the guy,
Speaker 1: uh who was a janitor about how his life is good.
Speaker 1: And I've been doing that with myself. But I'm just
Speaker 1: like realizing that, like, you know, my life is good
Speaker 1: whether or not I you know, exist in some weird
Speaker 1: existential state. Anyway. Anyway, anyway, I'm ready to I'm ready
Speaker 1: to end this. It was good talking to you, James.
Speaker 1: You're good, You're You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm excited for whatever you do in your psychology universe.
Speaker 4: Thanks brother, I appreciate it. And you know, I mean
Speaker 4: I think it's clear from my previous rhetoric, but I
Speaker 4: think you're a pretty cool, cool guy too.
Speaker 1: Man, Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, try to.
Speaker 2: Try to have.
Speaker 4: Empathy for other people and really try to understand why
Speaker 4: people make the decisions they do.
Speaker 2: And I think that.
Speaker 4: You'll be a lot more understanding for it and maybe
Speaker 4: have less less spite in the world, you know, And
Speaker 4: I think that's only good. And then on top of that,
Speaker 4: not to milk this, but read more hurt Vonnegut.
Speaker 2: My final thought rock and Roll.
Speaker 1: I've never I don't really I don't really read books,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I guess read. I thought I thought there
Speaker 1: was gonna be a butt to that, but I realized
Speaker 1: the truth is that there's no. But I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: Well, a good place to start, dog, if you're interested,
Speaker 4: either Slaughterhouse five, Cat's Cradle, or Sirens the Titan all
Speaker 4: really really good books.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, that's good to know. Yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2: Give it a whirl if you want.
Speaker 1: Thank you, James, you have a good rest of your
Speaker 1: entire life.
Speaker 4: Man, he's too Dog, I'll talk to you later.
Speaker 1: Lady James. Right, yeah, I'm not a book guy. Uh,
Speaker 1: And I don't feel I used to feel I used
Speaker 1: to like. I don't know, I don't subscribe to like
Speaker 1: I think I don't subscribe to reading as a virtue.
Speaker 1: I think it's just one of several I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not here. I'm not shitting on this guy's books.
Speaker 1: I'm just I don't know. I'm just vamping right now.
Speaker 1: But I don't think. I don't as I get old.
Speaker 1: As I get older, I'm like, I don't think. I
Speaker 1: have a few strongly held beliefs. One is that, at
Speaker 1: least domestically, all food is the same. So when someone
Speaker 1: is like, oh, the the Mexican food in San Antonio,
Speaker 1: Texas is so good, I'm like, all right, but there's
Speaker 1: a you know, ah, in Maryland, in like a small
Speaker 1: town in Timonium, there's a really good Mexican restaurant where
Speaker 1: you can get a burrito, and your experience of eating
Speaker 1: that burrita will be pretty identical to the one that
Speaker 1: you got in San Antonio. In Denver, there's probably a
Speaker 1: good Mexican place in San Francisco's there's probably, like you
Speaker 1: know this, all food is the same domestically, that's one
Speaker 1: of my strongly held beliefs. My other strongly held belief
Speaker 1: as I don't think reading is inherently virtuous. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I'm going on this rant. I just needed
Speaker 1: more things to say. Yeah, go read, Go read the
Speaker 1: books that this guy's staying to read. Yeah, if you're
Speaker 1: not a fucking idiot like me, go read the books
Speaker 1: that this kind gentleman is saying to read. My friend
Speaker 1: let me slaughter House five once. I didn't read it.
Speaker 1: I have too much ADHD to like sit and read
Speaker 1: a book, so I talked to I was just like,
Speaker 1: even when I was like yeah, even when I was
Speaker 1: in h like high school and shit, I just always
Speaker 1: did the spark notes. I read Animal Farm cover to cover.
Speaker 1: That was the one book. But like, I'm not fucking
Speaker 1: reading Watership Down cover to cutter cover. You know, I
Speaker 1: got Call of Duty to play. I got Yeah, I
Speaker 1: had too many ADHD for that ship. But yeah, go
Speaker 1: read a book. Maybe go read a book. Okay. My
Speaker 1: rant about this is over. Was on the line taking
Speaker 1: your phone calls every night. Everything get goes to on
Speaker 1: his eye.
Speaker 2: He's teaching you to hout of your life, but he's
Speaker 2: not really an expert,