WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: Navigating Intimacy as an SA Survivor

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voice mailbox for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business.

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<v Speaker 1>What arever the cases I want to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're

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<v Speaker 1>suffering from an issue or hardship, you should seek help

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<v Speaker 1>from a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and

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<v Speaker 1>leave your question at the sound of the beat.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi Cheekies, I am from Florida. I'm actually Brazilian. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not Mexican, but I love your music. I love your

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<v Speaker 2>mom's music. She was actually the first person that I

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<v Speaker 2>ever heard in the skin music world. I actually married

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<v Speaker 2>him Mexican as well, so he's the one that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of put me on. But my question to you is

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<v Speaker 2>how can I embrace my feminine side. I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just this big, tough girl that will woman because

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<v Speaker 2>I was raised with my brother, you know, he taught

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<v Speaker 2>me how to be tough. My dad taught me how

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<v Speaker 2>to be tough, and I just feel like I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>so tough for I just want to be soft, Like

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<v Speaker 2>I want to be that girly. I want to be

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<v Speaker 2>more feminine. I want to be you know, very cute,

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<v Speaker 2>very all this stuff and very aesthetic in a way.

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't want to be this person that's all

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<v Speaker 2>big and bad, you know, like I'm just I just

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<v Speaker 2>want to be more feminine. And you know, I love

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<v Speaker 2>getting my nails done, my hair is done. I just

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<v Speaker 2>feel like there's there's more that I just don't know

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<v Speaker 2>how to lock in. And I mean, I have no

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<v Speaker 2>problem being Jinoona as fun, but you know, like I

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<v Speaker 2>just want to be more feminine too, you know, like

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<v Speaker 2>I drive big trucks, I do all this stuff. I

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<v Speaker 2>work in construction. I don't want that to overpower me

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<v Speaker 2>and overpower my feminine So how can I change? Girl?

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<v Speaker 1>You are a badass, Melissa, first of all. And I

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<v Speaker 1>really want to go to Brazil. Have you been to Brazil?

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<v Speaker 1>I want to go to Brazil anyways, But I'm glad

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<v Speaker 1>that you, you know, love the mexicanos. Okay, I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's pretty bad ass that you drive a truck and

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<v Speaker 1>that you work in construction girl, Like, whoa. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think there's anything wrong with a woman being I guess

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<v Speaker 1>tomboyish for the lack of a better word. I think

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<v Speaker 1>that that's attractive. You know. Yes, I understand that you

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<v Speaker 1>want to be more feminine. I get that. I had

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<v Speaker 1>to learn because I would always step into like my

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<v Speaker 1>masculine energy. And if you want to be in a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with a man, you have to learn to be

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<v Speaker 1>a little more cutesy, you know, and de mirror with

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<v Speaker 1>how you speak and certain things. So I've had to

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<v Speaker 1>learn myself. I love the fact that you get your

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<v Speaker 1>nils down, you love to get your hair done, all

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<v Speaker 1>that good stuff. Do you wear dresses? Maybe we're high heels.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you ever taken an etiquette class? I think an

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<v Speaker 1>etiquet class would be cool. I want to take one, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>I think etiquet classes will definitely help with kind of

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<v Speaker 1>being more in touch with that feminine side. But I

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<v Speaker 1>think if you work around dudes all the time and everything, like,

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be a little hard. But again, there's nothing

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<v Speaker 1>wrong with that. I think that's actually, like I said,

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<v Speaker 1>really sexy. But try etiquette classes. Another thing would be music,

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<v Speaker 1>like very sexy music that's gonna make you like feel

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<v Speaker 1>like in touch with your like feminine side. Meditation too.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys know, I'm a huge advocate for meditation and therapy,

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<v Speaker 1>but medication could definitely help you, like if you are

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<v Speaker 1>focusing on the feminine energy for it to be downloaded.

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<v Speaker 1>It'll take some time because I think you are who

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<v Speaker 1>you are and you shouldn't want to change that completely.

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<v Speaker 1>But you can step into your feminine a little bit,

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<v Speaker 1>for sure, But I don't know I'm going to look

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<v Speaker 1>into that, but hopefully my advice helped a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>or helps a little bit keep us updated. I'd love

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<v Speaker 1>to hear from you again, Melissa, but I think you

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<v Speaker 1>sound like a pretty bad ass girl, so don't try

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<v Speaker 1>to change too much. Okay. Next question comes from Chantell.

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<v Speaker 3>Hey, Cheeky's a Chantal. You've answered a few of my

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<v Speaker 3>questions in the past, but I have a new question

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<v Speaker 3>for you. So, I was going through TikTok and I

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<v Speaker 3>saw that scene where your mom had her taco truck.

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<v Speaker 3>First of all, that was so iconic. I think seeing

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<v Speaker 3>you and your cousin and I think Johnny in the

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<v Speaker 3>back almost falling while she was driving is just absolutely

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<v Speaker 3>hilarious and awesome. However, just hearing how all the fans

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<v Speaker 3>were talking about how good the tacos were and how

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<v Speaker 3>she like shut the people up in the radio saying

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<v Speaker 3>that no, this isn't ever real taco because she had

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<v Speaker 3>lettuce in them made me crave it. So my question is,

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<v Speaker 3>would you and your siblings ever consider making a taco

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<v Speaker 3>truck and your mom honor you know, seeing that you

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<v Speaker 3>guys are her kids, you guys probably have the same

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<v Speaker 3>saasle that she did. So I'm just curious because I'm

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<v Speaker 3>a foodie. Anyways, girl, love you keep doing you, sending

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<v Speaker 3>love your way.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi. Oh you're still cute, Chantell. It's funny because when

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<v Speaker 1>I read your name, I thought, I know that I've

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<v Speaker 1>said this name a couple of times. So thank you

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<v Speaker 1>so much for being a fan of Dear Cheeky's. We

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate you very much. Round them applause for Chantelle. Guys

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<v Speaker 1>please who It's like ten of us in here right now,

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<v Speaker 1>So thank you Chantelle. And talking about tacos. Oh my gosh, dude,

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of people don't know this. My mom was

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<v Speaker 1>a pretty good cook. She didn't cook often, but when

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<v Speaker 1>she did, it was delicious. And I have the recipe

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<v Speaker 1>to that salsa because the salsa on top of the

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<v Speaker 1>tacos is what made the taco because yes, they were very,

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<v Speaker 1>very different. It's like meat, lettuce, granma, a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of guesso, and then the salsa. Delicious. I've never thought

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<v Speaker 1>about opening up that truck again, but it's not a

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<v Speaker 1>bad idea. Maybe we should call it like a Jenny

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<v Speaker 1>Taco or something like that, like if we I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>I have to talk to my siblings. But I definitely

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<v Speaker 1>I like the idea. I like the idea. I will

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<v Speaker 1>definitely think about it. Said definitely three times, but definitely.

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<v Speaker 1>I I like the question, so let me think. But

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<v Speaker 1>they are really good. Those talkers were really good. I

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<v Speaker 1>missed my mom's cooking. And the lintwer two was kind

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<v Speaker 1>of like like grilled a little bit like not grilled,

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<v Speaker 1>but like anyways, they're really good. So yeah, maybe I'll

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<v Speaker 1>talk to my cousin. Maybe she'll do it. We'll see. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you Chantelle again for your question. We love you

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<v Speaker 1>all right, So third question comes from Kate. Let's see

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<v Speaker 1>what Kate has to say.

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<v Speaker 4>Hi, Tiki's I'm just gonna say my name's Kate to

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<v Speaker 4>keep it kind of anonymous. First and foremost, I wanted

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<v Speaker 4>to say that I love you and I love what

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<v Speaker 4>you're doing, because I think it's hella inspirational to give

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<v Speaker 4>people the opportunity to get advice from you. My first

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<v Speaker 4>question kind of relates to your book Bed Alone. I

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<v Speaker 4>went through a similar situation as you did as a

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<v Speaker 4>child from ages eight to sixteen, at the hands of

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<v Speaker 4>my older brother's best friend, and nobody knew about it

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<v Speaker 4>until I was forced to tell my mom when I

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<v Speaker 4>was sixteen and struggling at school. I'm twenty three now

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<v Speaker 4>and I still struggle a lot. But since it's super

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<v Speaker 4>taboo in our culture to talk about things like that,

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<v Speaker 4>me and my mom only talked about it that one

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<v Speaker 4>time and that was it. So now that I'm twenty three,

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<v Speaker 4>I'm being pressured to be in relationships and stuff. My

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<v Speaker 4>mom was always asking me, like why is your relationships failing?

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<v Speaker 4>Why does it never last?

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<v Speaker 3>And stuff?

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<v Speaker 4>But I feel like when I get to the point

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<v Speaker 4>of intimacy, I get scared, and you mentioned that in

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<v Speaker 4>your book, so I was wondering how you got over that.

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<v Speaker 4>Like even the word sex makes me uncomfortable. I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like every man I'm ever talking to, that's all they want,

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<v Speaker 4>even though half the time it's probably not. But I'm

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<v Speaker 4>always self sabotaging. And I just wanted to know how

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<v Speaker 4>you got over that and your point of view from

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<v Speaker 4>now from when you wrote the book, because I know

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<v Speaker 4>you say how you got over it in the book,

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<v Speaker 4>but I just wanted to know, like what you're thinking now,

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<v Speaker 4>what's kind of like your view of it and stuff.

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<v Speaker 4>But I don't know, I just feel really pressured and

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<v Speaker 4>just wondering what you're thinking. But anyways, thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 4>I love you.

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<v Speaker 3>Bye.

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<v Speaker 1>Kate. Thank you first of all for your question, and

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<v Speaker 1>I understand do you change in your name? I totally

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<v Speaker 1>get that. I respect it. You sound like a very

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<v Speaker 1>very smart young lady. First of all, you're very young,

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<v Speaker 1>so be patient with yourself, be compassionate with yourself. This

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<v Speaker 1>is not something that is going to heal or maybe

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<v Speaker 1>ever go away. I'm still dealing with it, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I just saw my dad for the first time and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how many years, seventeen years, and I

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<v Speaker 1>thought I was over it, so it takes some time. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>you're very young. Don't let anybody pressure you. I think

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<v Speaker 1>you need to talk to your mom and tell her. Please, Mom,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're still so young. Your twenties are when you're

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to just really figure out who you are, what

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<v Speaker 1>you want to do in life. There is absolutely no rush,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think you need to tell your mom. Can

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<v Speaker 1>you just in other words, lay off a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>in a nice way, respectful way, of course, But I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not ready to date. I don't want a date. Do

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<v Speaker 1>you remember? Maybe you shoul tell her mom? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>remember what happened to me? I know you don't really

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<v Speaker 1>like to talk about it, but that's something I'm still

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<v Speaker 1>dealing with. So I would really appreciate if you would

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<v Speaker 1>just have patience and give me the time that I need.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you've already started therapy, but therapy

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<v Speaker 1>is something that definitely helped me. And what you say

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<v Speaker 1>about guys just wanting sex, that's for a long time

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<v Speaker 1>what I thought I and that's why I went as

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<v Speaker 1>far as like saying if girls was something that I

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to do, and I tried that for a year

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<v Speaker 1>and then I realized that I like guys. I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's just also finding the right person. It took me

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<v Speaker 1>so long to find the right person to make me

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<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable and step into my sexuality. And you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it just it takes time. You have to hear be

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<v Speaker 1>patient with yourself as well, and earlier I said to

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<v Speaker 1>be compassionate, like this is a process. This is not

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<v Speaker 1>something you could be like, oh, I'm over it. It's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna take some time, so don't rush anything and wait

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<v Speaker 1>until you will find that person that's going to make

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<v Speaker 1>you feel comfortable. And it took me so many years.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I had to kiss a lot of froggies

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<v Speaker 1>to finally get my prints. So you know, just take

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<v Speaker 1>your time and go to therapy. Do therapy. Therapy help

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<v Speaker 1>me a lot life coaching. Therapy and life coaching are

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<v Speaker 1>very different, so try therapy then life coaching, and that

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<v Speaker 1>will definitely help you. And I know that SA affects

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<v Speaker 1>all of us in different ways, so we can't compare

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves to someone else's process, and you know, vice versa.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just the first step is being self aware. And

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<v Speaker 1>you sound very, very in tune with your feelings. You

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<v Speaker 1>sound like a very smart young lady, so be proud

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<v Speaker 1>of that you're aware of what's happening. I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>just you vocalizing to your mom and to anyone else

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<v Speaker 1>that is pressuring you, because you shouldn't feel pressure to

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<v Speaker 1>be in a relationship. Again, you're very young, so I

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<v Speaker 1>think just putting that to the side and vocalizing it

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<v Speaker 1>and letting people know where you are is going to

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<v Speaker 1>give you power and that room and that space, that

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<v Speaker 1>soul space to step into your own and to heal

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<v Speaker 1>this because you can and you will.

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<v Speaker 3>You will.

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<v Speaker 1>I promise you. This will make you a stronger person

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<v Speaker 1>and it will help you help other people. I think

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<v Speaker 1>when you start looking at it from the outside in

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<v Speaker 1>and saying, Okay, how can I with this experience when

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<v Speaker 1>I went through something that was so traumatic and hurt

0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.800
<v Speaker 1>me very much, how can I help others? That just

0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.800
<v Speaker 1>changes things And that's what helped me as well, just

0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:53.400
<v Speaker 1>survive that from survivor to thriver, you know. So with

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.480
<v Speaker 1>all those things that I said, I hope that I

0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:58.000
<v Speaker 1>was able to help you and just know that I'm

0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.720
<v Speaker 1>with you. I understand what you're going through and not alone.

0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Tell your mama. I think that's going to help you

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, because we really care about what our parents say,

0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.080
<v Speaker 1>and I think that that's probably what's really causing you

0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:12.440
<v Speaker 1>and it's affecting you, So have the conversation with your

0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.120
<v Speaker 1>mom bim and keep us updated. Please thank you everyone

0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.960
<v Speaker 1>for listening to Dear Cheeky's and for watching. We appreciate

0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.360
<v Speaker 1>you very much and we will catch you on the

0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:23.880
<v Speaker 1>next episode of Dear Cheeky's. If you have any questions

0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.520
<v Speaker 1>of your own and you'd like to, you know, have

0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.559
<v Speaker 1>me answer them, go ahead and go on speakpipe dot com.

0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:33.400
<v Speaker 1>Slash chiekis in Chill podcast. That is speakpipe dot com.

0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:37.520
<v Speaker 1>Slashiggis in Chill podcast. I love you guys, Peace and

0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:42.360
<v Speaker 1>love peace, Peace and love what peace. This is a

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<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura podcast Network. Follow us

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<v Speaker 1>on Instagram at Mike Withura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's

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