Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a little exclusive here that
Speaker 1: I've never talked about anywhere else. Yes, my relationship with
Speaker 1: sex started with trauma, and so for me, sex for
Speaker 1: a very long time was a dangerous thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It is taking a very.
Speaker 1: Very long time and a lot of self reflection and
Speaker 1: therapy to understand that sex could be something to be enjoyed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know what we do here destroy shame
Speaker 2: around sex by talking about sex. Now, let me tell
Speaker 2: you something messy. All right, y'all. I did it. I
Speaker 2: fucked in a porta potty. Now listen, listen. If you
Speaker 2: know me, you know that. Uh, I'm really against it.
Speaker 2: Porterbody doing asty? Where's the shit going? And shit stays
Speaker 2: in there and people be trying to fuck You know,
Speaker 2: when people get the nerve to fucking a porter potty
Speaker 2: at the party is usually when the party has been
Speaker 2: going on for quite some time, and so there's a
Speaker 2: lot of things in that porta potty and I'm not
Speaker 2: really trying to get fucked or fuck in there. But
Speaker 2: when I went away, the porta potties are very nice
Speaker 2: in other countries. By the way, I don't know if
Speaker 2: y'all knew this. I think I think y'all. Did I
Speaker 2: think those of you who aren't in America did know this,
Speaker 2: and you've you've impressed this upon me. But I didn't
Speaker 2: believe you. And I finally saw it, and they're lovely,
Speaker 2: pristine cleaning. I don't know if they're cleaning it in
Speaker 2: the middle of the party, but every one I went
Speaker 2: into was just so so fresh, not calling a porter
Speaker 2: potty fresh, but they were fresh. I mean they were
Speaker 2: fresh and so so I you know, I said, well,
Speaker 2: you know, let me have a new experience. I fucked
Speaker 2: in a couple of porta potties and and it was wonderful. Now,
Speaker 2: the the logistics of it, I never was over the toilet,
Speaker 2: do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: There's that space between the closing of the door. There's
Speaker 3: a little bit of space where like the where like
Speaker 3: the little sink is and then the toilet, right, So
Speaker 3: I was never My hands weren't over the toilet.
Speaker 2: They were over the sink, you know, saying. So we
Speaker 2: would do it from the side. It was like if
Speaker 2: you opened the porta potty door, you would see us
Speaker 2: from a profile position, right, you wouldn't see the back
Speaker 2: of us. Just because I still didn't you know one,
Speaker 2: I don't because you got the you got your phone,
Speaker 2: got your things. I don't want nothing to fall into
Speaker 2: as fresh as it is, not trying to fish nothing
Speaker 2: out that ball. You understand what I'm saying. So it
Speaker 2: was always a profile and it was lovely and it
Speaker 2: actually happened to be enough space, you know, because that
Speaker 2: was the other thing, like, yeah, you know, it's like
Speaker 2: you're fucking in a closet. But it was fine. It
Speaker 2: was a good vibe. You could hear them music outside blaring.
Speaker 2: I really quite enjoyed it. I would give it a
Speaker 2: seven out of ten. You know, would I do it again?
Speaker 2: I would, Yeah, I would say yes, yes, I would
Speaker 2: do it again. I want to say know, but I
Speaker 2: also know myself and with enough to killo shots, the
Speaker 2: answer will be yes, enough to killer shots, and that
Speaker 2: that may look at me any kind of way. It's great.
Speaker 2: I was a bit of a hoe, which is to
Speaker 2: be expected in that at the party, there were a
Speaker 2: few gentlemen who caught my eye and and you know
Speaker 2: when they did to the bathroom, bitch, I'm French, now, okay,
Speaker 2: come on all right, by the way, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: Tell me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon K. Goodman.
Speaker 2: Some people call me Bessie mother. You can call me
Speaker 2: porta pussy. Oh my god, this show, this show. But
Speaker 2: that's March. Okay, that's that's March. All right. Let's get
Speaker 2: this show started. Baby. You know what that means. It
Speaker 2: is time for a guest. Now, while they get situated,
Speaker 2: we'll get our messy. Key key started with a whole
Speaker 2: manifest Repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant
Speaker 2: me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
Speaker 2: the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration,
Speaker 2: the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the
Speaker 2: strength to not call my ex that fuck boyfuck girl,
Speaker 2: or fuck they, for it is better to masturbate by
Speaker 2: myself in peace than to let someone play in my
Speaker 2: motherfucking face. Let the community say, holuvia, I am so
Speaker 2: excited to have pop goddess and one of my besties
Speaker 2: on the show, Vincent. Vincent is a multifaceted artist renowned
Speaker 2: for their powerful vocals, captivating performances, and distinctive style. Vincent
Speaker 2: continues to push the boundaries of pop music from their
Speaker 2: twenty twenty EP The Feeling, and their twenty twenty two
Speaker 2: debut album, There will Be Tears, featuring the viral hit Higher,
Speaker 2: which features Alex Newell also get Away with Tiegan and Sarah.
Speaker 2: Vincent has been performing across the globe from television spots
Speaker 2: on The Today Show and Samantha Be to Coachella and
Speaker 2: Sydney Marty gra twenty twenty four will begin their new era,
Speaker 2: which will include new songs featuring Betty Who, Adam Lambert
Speaker 2: and more. Y'all please help me welcome Vincent, Hello, Hello,
Speaker 2: you sing a song now? You don't know not where
Speaker 2: you are yet? Sing a song now? I will send
Speaker 2: okay sing our theme song? Will you just sing? Tell
Speaker 2: me something messy and then we're gonna just make that
Speaker 2: into a thing.
Speaker 1: Now, go ahead, tell me something mercy.
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't get the royalties. Will I'll take you
Speaker 2: out to Photo Ruckers or something that was actually really good.
Speaker 2: You should do that. You should do that. We might,
Speaker 2: we might, but we also might get somebody else to
Speaker 2: do it. Anyway, Thank you so much for having me
Speaker 2: on the pod today. I had a blast, which is great.
Speaker 2: You gotta get out, Hey, baby, Hi, I love you
Speaker 2: so much. Well, I get it. I understand that. I'm
Speaker 2: so glad you're here. I'm happy to be here. I
Speaker 2: haven't seen you. I don't know when this will come out,
Speaker 2: but I'm so I haven't seen you like this since
Speaker 2: we got back from uh from a worldwide excursion.
Speaker 1: Yeah trip, my god, I thought I was dead for
Speaker 1: a week and a half.
Speaker 2: It was rough, it was. We were quite busy. Yeah
Speaker 2: we were. I saw you girl, and I saw you there.
Speaker 2: It is, yeah, all right, anyway, my family listens to this. Okay, Now,
Speaker 2: a few messikiki guidelines. Vincent things get to be unprocessed.
Speaker 2: Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift,
Speaker 2: or change today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And this
Speaker 2: is important. If during the ki ki something feels too
Speaker 2: personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word fool's ball,
Speaker 2: which gives a chance to pause and address accordingly. Sound good, baby,
Speaker 2: love that all right? So baby, we like to start
Speaker 2: with a lou breaker here. Gotta have it, gotta have it.
Speaker 2: So we're gonna play a little round of smash or pass.
Speaker 2: So I'll tell you something and you'll tell me if
Speaker 2: you would smash it or if it's a hard past.
Speaker 2: He sounds good to here, smash your pass having your
Speaker 2: whole spit on smash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like what are you doing back there?
Speaker 1: If not, what are we doing? What are we doing?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: Yes, but also trying to get to know it, I mean,
Speaker 2: talk about it. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I have had good experiences with it and bad experiences
Speaker 1: with it.
Speaker 2: Where what are the bad experiences?
Speaker 1: I've had a guy fully spit on my health and
Speaker 1: it just was like, Oh, you don't like drink water?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean? You know the difference, you know the difference,
Speaker 2: and you know what I mean, and you know you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. Don't talk to me like hey,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And you know you've experienced those girls and you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: get from back there.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: And then there are girls who are like, oh, you've
Speaker 1: you're trained at this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a connoisseur, You're you're a trained girl. I am.
Speaker 2: I am first in the language of but a lingus, Okay,
Speaker 2: I really need but a lingus. Thats okay, It's it's
Speaker 2: getting worse. See, I feel like I'm the unhingerele on
Speaker 2: this show because it is my show. But then you're
Speaker 2: here and you're out unhinging me. It's it's very funny
Speaker 2: because I'm just answering questions. It's crazy as if I
Speaker 2: am hinged. Okay, I love it. Well, I do know
Speaker 2: that you drink your water. So yes, smash a smash
Speaker 2: of past sex in a porter potty. It's a past.
Speaker 2: It's a past.
Speaker 1: I have had a ma and try to do that
Speaker 1: at a festival and I said, honey, there's a dovet
Speaker 1: of shit in here.
Speaker 2: What are we doing? What are we doing?
Speaker 1: But but theties we use, the porta parties we used
Speaker 1: in Madrid were oh sure, stunning.
Speaker 2: Now that is okay, that is fair, That is fair place.
Speaker 2: Because so this is this is a constant debate on
Speaker 2: messy Mondays, which is that people talk about having sex
Speaker 2: and porta potties and I always go, that's disgusting. Let's
Speaker 2: have a little bit of standards. But my understanding is
Speaker 2: that outside of America, the porta potties are kind of
Speaker 2: very not There.
Speaker 1: Were people peeing in the streets into into beautiful porta
Speaker 1: pines with art on them were gorgeous, and they were
Speaker 1: out in the open and I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: This is this is why y'all fucking the porta poties.
Speaker 2: You love yourselves and your people and you treat them well. Yes,
Speaker 2: whereas here I don't know you were performing. But at
Speaker 2: the West, the West Hollywood Pride, where the porta potties
Speaker 2: and the urinals were, by the end of day one,
Speaker 2: the grass it's self was a puddle of shit. Ship.
Speaker 3: Nobody was shitting on the grass, but it was like
Speaker 3: the standing urine because to save time, there are now
Speaker 3: those standing urinal where you just step up to it
Speaker 3: and p but the people were missing it, I guess,
Speaker 3: And so like the grass was filled with pea and
Speaker 3: it was just.
Speaker 2: It's just not we're not doing it right here. I
Speaker 2: don't think we're not doing it right.
Speaker 1: And it showed so much. It smelled beautiful in London
Speaker 1: and there are people peeing.
Speaker 2: Outside and then I realized drinking their water. Well, we're
Speaker 2: not doing well. Yeah all right, so sex, so sex
Speaker 2: and a porter potty is a past past. But if
Speaker 2: we are abroad and those different different girls okay, snash pass,
Speaker 2: wax poured on you, pass, talk about it.
Speaker 1: I'm a girl who believes in all form of pleasure
Speaker 1: if anything reminds me of slave trauma, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, and then we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 2: Because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: If I'm lay that uncomfortable, you've given me a massage,
Speaker 1: there are rose puddles around my head, Luther's in the bag,
Speaker 1: no too much.
Speaker 2: And a hot piece of wax hits the back of
Speaker 2: my neck.
Speaker 1: I need you to know something about me, Babe, Babe,
Speaker 1: something in my head is gonna click, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get a slash of maussage and I'm gonna hit.
Speaker 2: I don't understand why it's why it's being poured on
Speaker 2: the back of your neck. To begin with, why is
Speaker 2: it being poured on me? To begin with? Well, I well, well,
Speaker 2: hopefully okay. First of all, hopefully if you have wax
Speaker 2: being poured on you, there was a conversation beforehand, you
Speaker 2: would hope like, yes, like, don't surprise me with some wax,
Speaker 2: because yeah, I'll fight you, of course, right. Yeah. But
Speaker 2: but if somebody were to say, hey, I would like
Speaker 2: to you know, this is a kinky thing, would you
Speaker 2: You'd still be against. I didn't buy that yky candle
Speaker 2: poured on me. I didn't buy that for that. What
Speaker 2: if the wax turns into like massage oil, it doesn't.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, there are wax, there are, but there are
Speaker 3: some candles that you like and they turn into a
Speaker 3: massage or.
Speaker 2: Anyway massage yourself. Yeah, I don't. Well, for me, it
Speaker 2: is a well, I don't want to say. It's real
Speaker 2: freaky bitch. You can say smash, baby, say smash. That's okay,
Speaker 2: it's a smash. Judge. Okay, thank you, thank you face.
Speaker 2: Well that's the game, babe.
Speaker 1: Crazy to end on that crazy.
Speaker 2: And you win what you always win here at tell
Speaker 2: me something messy, which is my unconditional love. I'd rather have.
Speaker 3: Careful, careful hush, there we go there, all right, babies,
Speaker 3: if you.
Speaker 2: Have any prompts. Don't like this basically, honey, you can
Speaker 2: email us it tell me something messy at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: That that's what I'm trying to say. Vincent, can you
Speaker 2: tell me something.
Speaker 1: Messy, something messy, something messy.
Speaker 2: And I know you a messy bitch, so come on,
Speaker 2: I could tell your.
Speaker 1: Business something messy, will cut and suddenly.
Speaker 2: Something messy.
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess we can go to Madrid. I mean
Speaker 1: you know, we went to a party there. It was
Speaker 1: called we.
Speaker 2: Something went to a party. Oh got it? I was
Speaker 2: alone in Madrid.
Speaker 1: I went to a party and for the first time
Speaker 1: in my life had fun with multiple partners at once
Speaker 1: at the same time at the same time.
Speaker 2: That's what once. That means. Thank you? How was that
Speaker 2: for you? It was so much fun? Now, let me
Speaker 2: ask you this before that, were you curious about multiple
Speaker 2: partners at once like a group orgy situation or did
Speaker 2: you have like any kind of responses or reactions? We're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't actually ever want to do that, Like, well,
Speaker 2: you know me, I barely want to be touched, so
Speaker 2: but I hope you really do. Almost every time I
Speaker 2: try to get back.
Speaker 1: But it's I told you before we start our trip,
Speaker 1: what I wanted to experience on this trip was sexual freedom,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to let my afroid iity out and
Speaker 1: to kind of find her again. And so that was
Speaker 1: my plan going into it and not thinking that this
Speaker 1: would be the outcome of it, but really unbridling myself
Speaker 1: to the possibility of what that trip could be for
Speaker 1: me in a sexual way was really really freeing. So
Speaker 1: I think during it, I was like, I think at
Speaker 1: one point I started laughing to myself because I was like,
Speaker 1: what's happening here?
Speaker 2: What's happening here? What have you done? Who are you?
Speaker 1: But it was just so it was so intoxicatingly refreshing
Speaker 1: that I was like, Oh, this is what your life
Speaker 1: could be like.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know, not every day, but it is if
Speaker 2: you want you There are some dolls here that every day,
Speaker 2: every single time I don't have the time or the time,
Speaker 2: I just don't. She's got it was so.
Speaker 1: It was just that part of myself I had not
Speaker 1: been able to experience, and as I get older, I'm
Speaker 1: I would rather look back on my life and be like, Wow,
Speaker 1: you probably shouldn't have done that, but you did.
Speaker 2: I want a story.
Speaker 1: Chaer said that on stage yet I think she was
Speaker 1: seventy five, and she's like, don't I wish that I
Speaker 1: would have done some of the crazy things that I
Speaker 1: thought about doing. And I'm like, cool, I want to
Speaker 1: feel that way because me missing out on things has
Speaker 1: become the paramount of my days and that's crazy.
Speaker 2: We can't do that. No. Yes, I actually reposted that
Speaker 2: clip of her where she's like, I wish I did
Speaker 2: more things, and she's like, I was pretty bad. But
Speaker 2: like I wish I would have done was worse? Yeah,
Speaker 2: was worse. Who was gonna judge me?
Speaker 3: Come on?
Speaker 2: Because when you are and well, we can get into
Speaker 2: this later. But like when you are, like I feel
Speaker 2: like when I'm like in my eighties or my nineties
Speaker 2: hopefully one, I'm still fucking if I want to. But
Speaker 2: I will look back over my life and I don't
Speaker 2: want to say I wish I did that, I wish
Speaker 2: i'd done that, or why didn't I try that orgy?
Speaker 2: Or why didn't I try that thing? You know, destiny fulfilled.
Speaker 2: That's what I want, period, What I want destiny fulfilled
Speaker 2: and loving it. You know that was the name of
Speaker 2: the tour, right just even it was sponsored by because
Speaker 2: nothing has ever.
Speaker 1: More than the three of them singing it in the studio,
Speaker 1: Beyonce going I'm loving it.
Speaker 2: Those were good times, miss it. I missed that time
Speaker 2: in music when McDonald sponsored Like, everyone's still looking McDonald,
Speaker 2: come on, clip pop start here. All right, Well, let's
Speaker 2: get into some messy mail. Okay, So it is time
Speaker 2: for messy mail, where I will read out messy patron
Speaker 2: stories and submissions. As always, your submissions remain anonymous. Now
Speaker 2: one of your submissions will be my messy pick for
Speaker 2: a messy key key, which is a more in depth
Speaker 2: convo with my guest. Let's get into it. This one says,
Speaker 2: as a new bodey owner, someone that hasn't done anal since,
Speaker 2: is it good for before and after? Do you have
Speaker 2: a be day? I don't have a day. I know
Speaker 2: that you have a day. I am. I talk about
Speaker 2: it as much as I can. Every toilet in the
Speaker 2: apartment has a day attachment too, especial because you have
Speaker 2: two I do. I do carry I actually do. I
Speaker 2: have multiple bathrooms in my apartment. Of two bathrooms, you're jealous.
Speaker 2: I can feel it. So each of them has a day.
Speaker 2: It's a tissue bedet. If you look up tous, she
Speaker 2: look up toussu be day, so she will give you
Speaker 2: some some foreign but I got them for hemorrhiates. Actually
Speaker 2: that tracks really it falls out of you. Yeah, we're
Speaker 2: in the studio today, girl, get out. Okay. The next
Speaker 2: one says, uh, sucking your guy's dick. He spit on
Speaker 2: my face and I threw up in my mouth, but
Speaker 2: I didn't stop. I don't like spit. Hm hmm. That's real.
Speaker 2: We talked about spit and you don't mind spitting your whole?
Speaker 2: Do you mind spit in your face? In your mouth?
Speaker 2: Here's the thing, talk about it.
Speaker 1: I am a stickler out mouths, mainly because I get
Speaker 1: word about getting sick and things like that. Sure someone
Speaker 1: that I can't you know? And then I'm like too much.
Speaker 1: People have smelly spits. Sometimes we're getting into it, we're
Speaker 1: talking about it. Tell me I can understand it, because
Speaker 1: there are some Here's the thing, it varies, it varies,
Speaker 1: and I can also understand this person's issue. You know,
Speaker 1: if I'm doing something that involves me hitting my gag
Speaker 1: reflex often, and then you do something that I don't
Speaker 1: think is attracted, it immediately makes you want.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, lunch understood. I don't mind it if I
Speaker 2: know your mouth is cleaned. And how do you know
Speaker 2: the mouth is clean because you've issed it first? No, No,
Speaker 2: I've made you brush your teeth. That's real, which I
Speaker 2: will say. I just you know, whoever needs to hear this.
Speaker 2: I think it's important to brush your teeth before.
Speaker 3: Any any anything, but especially a sexual engagement. I think
Speaker 3: that you know, we shower and we brush our teeth.
Speaker 2: Now, listen and scrape your tongue and scrape your tongue
Speaker 2: metal scraper, not plastic one. With the spit of it all.
Speaker 2: I will say, before you spit on somebody, you should
Speaker 2: actually make sure they like that stuff, because yeah, some
Speaker 2: people don't like spit, and that's fair. This person didn't.
Speaker 2: The throwing up in the mouth. Have you ever thrown
Speaker 2: up in your mouth? People tell me that they've sometimes
Speaker 2: thrown up in their mouth when they gag on a penis,
Speaker 2: and I experienced it in London for the first time.
Speaker 2: I could.
Speaker 1: I could say that it was only a little bit,
Speaker 1: but I I have not been on the I have
Speaker 1: been the cause. Oh yeah, I have been the cause,
Speaker 1: but not the receiving end of it. And you have
Speaker 1: to be careful of things like that because I'm a communicator,
Speaker 1: thank you, during sex.
Speaker 2: So it's like, this is where we're gonna go. Yes,
Speaker 2: be aware of that. Yes, are you comfortable with that? Yes,
Speaker 2: this is the journey fair. I think it's tough it
Speaker 2: can be to this was how what happened. I was
Speaker 2: on my bed and so like my head is hanging off,
Speaker 2: which is already like that's already professional. They like, you know,
Speaker 2: you're already like that's advanced deep throat and the dick
Speaker 2: was a sizable dick and then he like slid it
Speaker 2: into my uh, which you know, the angle of it
Speaker 2: allowed it to really get in there. But then it
Speaker 2: was just like I felt like a gag and then
Speaker 2: like a little bit of but I swallowed that ship
Speaker 2: back down. And you know why I swallowing down because
Speaker 2: you messy patrons have told me swallowed your throat, And
Speaker 2: I said, well, that's what I do in this moment.
Speaker 1: You just because I think in your head you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to run the moment. It was also
Speaker 1: kind of hot, like it's like it's kind of hot,
Speaker 1: but also like there's a cleanup involved me to come,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: And some some guys are like they like are proud,
Speaker 2: They're proud, they're proud.
Speaker 1: I on the other hand, I'm like, I know that
Speaker 1: you're not happy because now your throat's burning.
Speaker 2: Okay, So okay, that's that's a fair point.
Speaker 3: This wasn't I think it's like is it throw like
Speaker 3: has like but then there's like just like a little
Speaker 3: bit of spits a little.
Speaker 2: Spit of little little acid from the stomach. He had
Speaker 2: no food, like no chunky.
Speaker 1: It's just your body being like, oh yeah, this is
Speaker 1: I'm just gagging and this is it went far enough
Speaker 1: for it to be like let me just like get
Speaker 1: it out so you can breathe.
Speaker 2: Yes, just like you.
Speaker 1: It's your body trying to save your life from the
Speaker 1: horse things that you're doing.
Speaker 2: Is what's happening your body. Your body's like, say you're
Speaker 2: at you get him out of us. We're dying. Yes,
Speaker 2: that hanging off the bed. There's no way proud proud
Speaker 2: of myself. Okay. Uh this one says I eloped with
Speaker 2: my ex who's twenty years older, and none of my
Speaker 2: family knows. So what's the question.
Speaker 1: Maybe you got away with it, you, I guess, I
Speaker 1: guess what's the question there?
Speaker 2: I don't think there is a question. I think it's
Speaker 2: just like a thing, a messy thing they did. You know.
Speaker 2: I'm actually not concerned with the elopean. I'm not even
Speaker 2: concerned with the you know, the age gap, like you know,
Speaker 2: a thirty year old with a fifty year old work, Yeah,
Speaker 2: work if that, like you know, but the the ex
Speaker 2: of at all. I feel like there's a reason you
Speaker 2: didn't tell your family.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like well, I mean of course if
Speaker 1: they're twenty years older than you, I think there's a
Speaker 1: bit of like fear of judgment from the family of
Speaker 1: how old the partner may be. It's eloping always to
Speaker 1: me is like this is for us, I wouldn't do
Speaker 1: this for us, But it also has the opposite side
Speaker 1: where it's like I don't need other people love in this.
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's it's it's it's for you.
Speaker 1: And I think if you feel good with that, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's okay. If you feel as though at some point
Speaker 1: in your life your family's going to be open to
Speaker 1: meeting this person and this partner, that's fine too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't have to you know what I
Speaker 2: would say, because this is probably a good distinction, like
Speaker 2: with family, depends on what your relationship to your family is.
Speaker 2: But if you're not telling like your bestie, do you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like, if they're the people who
Speaker 2: are like really a reflection to you, who will really
Speaker 2: tell you, maybe that's some wild doing. This is crazy
Speaker 2: or like people who can be like your truth barometer
Speaker 2: or or your I think I heard somebody say like
Speaker 2: truth counsel. Yeah, if you're not telling them, like if
Speaker 2: I gotta if I eloped and didn't tell you like
Speaker 2: that is like both done by something you find us.
Speaker 2: You would find us, I know you would, but that
Speaker 2: to me would be a flag. But you know, if
Speaker 2: your family is not really your your your people, then
Speaker 2: you know do you?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, there's no you don't have to explain yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think it's it sounds like you're excited about
Speaker 1: it and you wanted to get it out and that's amazing.
Speaker 2: So congratulations, I guess that's right. Congratulations. You know you
Speaker 2: told someone, and I think that's a beautiful thing. You found.
Speaker 2: Love you with someone, You're happy? Fuck them? Fuck them?
Speaker 2: Wow in every sense, So I love that's great advice.
Speaker 2: Fuck them. This one says, uh, went to my went
Speaker 2: to Miami to grieve a divorce and got spit roasted
Speaker 2: by two Danish guys. Really calms a bitch down. For
Speaker 2: those who don't know. Spit roasting essentially, Uh, there's one
Speaker 2: person in the middle, and then somebody is fucking you
Speaker 2: and your anus or volva, and then and there's also
Speaker 2: the world sex happening somewhat like an Eiffel Tower, like
Speaker 2: a few hower.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think the Eiffel Tower happens if if
Speaker 3: the two people in the end holding hands.
Speaker 2: When they hold hands, it's an Eiffel tower. If they're
Speaker 2: not holding hands, it's a spit roast. Right. Community. Yeah,
Speaker 2: this singularity absolutely community, hands up down. I want to
Speaker 2: say congratulations. I want to say congratulations too. I love
Speaker 2: that for you. What a powerful thing to do.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I'm going I'm finalizing my divorce and then to celebrate,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let I'm gonna just let these two people rail.
Speaker 1: Me and I say the N word on here is
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna let these niggas have And I think
Speaker 1: that's great.
Speaker 2: That's it's great. I think that's wonderful.
Speaker 1: What a wonderful thing to do for yourself, to be
Speaker 1: so done with a part of your life that you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: this was what it was, and I'm out of that now.
Speaker 1: Let me remind my body and my mind that what
Speaker 1: I want I can.
Speaker 2: Have absolutely and step into your freedom and your liberations.
Speaker 2: What a time for her? Hey, they yes? Hopefully my goodness.
Speaker 2: Never you girl gets my show. I'm taking a back
Speaker 2: you ready for the messy thing? Girl? The question is
Speaker 2: what has been and is your relationship to sex. That's
Speaker 2: a big question.
Speaker 3: But okay, we got time, and also, like can we
Speaker 3: start here. Actually, so Vincent and I are both black,
Speaker 3: queer and non binary, and so I think that will
Speaker 3: also influence what that relationship is as well.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a little exclusive here that
Speaker 1: I've never talked about anywhere else. Yes, my relationship with
Speaker 1: sex started with trauma, and so for me, sex for
Speaker 1: a very long time was a dangerous thing. It is
Speaker 1: taken a very very long time and a lot of
Speaker 1: self reflection and therapy to understand that sex could be
Speaker 1: something to be enjoyed and not something to run away from.
Speaker 1: When I was six, I lived in an apartment building with
Speaker 1: my mother and my aunt and my cousin and a
Speaker 1: boy who lived there would always just be sexually aggressive
Speaker 1: and needs similar in age, I believe in like nine
Speaker 1: or ten, and for whatever reason, one night decided to
Speaker 1: take it a step too far and I was hurt
Speaker 1: during it. And so that was my first initiation into
Speaker 1: sex as a thing and not like flirtation or liking
Speaker 1: or that fun thing that happens when you're like I
Speaker 1: have a crush on this person, and I.
Speaker 2: Know that this is what it is it started with violence.
Speaker 1: And so I think up until the time I got
Speaker 1: to college, and I had my first boyfriend in high
Speaker 1: school and we never had sex, but I learned love
Speaker 1: through that person. That was a saving thing for me
Speaker 1: before I got to college, where I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what I've been through and you never once
Speaker 1: made me feel as though I should be ashamed of it.
Speaker 1: So that was a teaching lesson for me. Got to
Speaker 1: college and then realized, oh, you can enjoy your body
Speaker 1: once you've learned to accept that your body is not
Speaker 1: just something to be used, it can be something to
Speaker 1: be cherished and so or celebrate it. And so for me,
Speaker 1: college was a really defining time in my life of
Speaker 1: finding out who I was.
Speaker 2: Boston is not the best place for a black little
Speaker 2: boy at.
Speaker 1: The time, but an amazing place for a college kid
Speaker 1: who is experiencing everything new and alone and freedom for
Speaker 1: the first time. So that was amazing for me. Boston
Speaker 1: taught me that, and then New York and La taught
Speaker 1: me what dealing with men was like, uh huh, and
Speaker 1: then my relationship to dealing with men and dealing with sex.
Speaker 1: I had to figure out the difference between the two
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 2: What is the difference between the two of them.
Speaker 1: Men are temperamental, drag them. Sex is experiential.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's the word, but I think
Speaker 2: it is, yeah, experiential.
Speaker 1: And I'd rather have the experience more than the headache
Speaker 1: of men. And so I and I've been here for
Speaker 1: ten years. I figured out what I enjoy and what
Speaker 1: I like and what I don't like. So my roster
Speaker 1: is small, and it is concise, and it is intentional tee.
Speaker 1: And it had been the way for a while my
Speaker 1: relationship with sex now after our trip, because I think
Speaker 1: I was celibate for maybe a while, like maybe two
Speaker 1: years ago. You and I had a conversation. I was like,
Speaker 1: I haven't had sex for six or seven months, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I just don't I didn't find the joy in it.
Speaker 1: I could have it, but I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: having fun with it. And it didn't mean that I
Speaker 1: needed to be in a relationship with someone. It didn't
Speaker 1: mean that I needed to be deeply into it. I
Speaker 1: just wasn't enjoying it. Yeah, And so I had to
Speaker 1: go find out why I wasn't.
Speaker 2: Enjoying What did you discover?
Speaker 1: I went to a sex therapist here in La, Okay,
Speaker 1: And we just kind of unpacked what it was for
Speaker 1: me that was not turning me on. And I have
Speaker 1: found out from that experience that I am someone who
Speaker 1: I love a game.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love someone who is up for the not the chase,
Speaker 1: but the excitement of the give and take.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And most men here in La at least like
Speaker 2: to take and can't.
Speaker 1: They're not mature enough to understand that sex doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be everything in your life, but it also doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be the most minuscule part of your day.
Speaker 2: It should be something that's like fun. This is fun. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that sex, the game of sex, the fun of sex,
Speaker 2: the pleasure of sex should be at the forefront, not
Speaker 2: just penetration. Yeah, not just like when my dicking. You're
Speaker 2: not We're not just like a notch on your belt.
Speaker 1: There's so much more to it. Yeah, you can have
Speaker 1: sex with me and not touch me.
Speaker 2: Yes, a thousand. But I don't think people understand that
Speaker 2: energetic sex. Oh oh my good looking at me for
Speaker 2: a cross room? Why are you in me? You know
Speaker 2: my soul like this talking.
Speaker 1: About me in front of a group of people and
Speaker 1: lifting me up. Yes, And like making talking about how
Speaker 1: beautiful you think I am in front of a room
Speaker 1: full of people.
Speaker 2: That's sex base sex. Yeah, I will leave.
Speaker 1: This room and kill everyone in the hallway and to
Speaker 1: have sex with you.
Speaker 2: Do you understand? How do you think? So there was
Speaker 2: a therapist there, and there was obviously the the willingness
Speaker 2: to engage with the big questions around your your relationship
Speaker 2: to sex. Was there something that was like a real
Speaker 2: aha moment, Like was there a real whether it's a
Speaker 2: person or a situation where you're like, oh, click, this
Speaker 2: works or this is what I'm after?
Speaker 1: Yeah, meeting you, Yeah, to get emotional meeting you and
Speaker 1: just from Afar, I mean like we talk all the time,
Speaker 1: we talk almost every day, but I started reading the
Speaker 1: blog and listening to the stories and actually taking reading
Speaker 1: the book and taking the time to understand that it's
Speaker 1: there's something to be said. And I know what you
Speaker 1: say this all the time. My Angelo quote where nothing
Speaker 1: that is human can be foreign to me. You have
Speaker 1: it on your body. I know it back and forth.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: Seeing what has happened to someone who channels you in
Speaker 1: such a way helps you free yourself from something. And
Speaker 1: so by going and like just watching from Afar and
Speaker 1: like you being my friend of me, never being like
Speaker 1: I watched.
Speaker 2: But it was for me.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, it's like it's it's such a
Speaker 1: balm to have a visual representation of what getting through
Speaker 1: something looks like, you know what I mean. And just
Speaker 1: even with just looking at your life, I'm like, good,
Speaker 1: that's a thing that you can have, you know, freedom
Speaker 1: of self, you know, freedom of expression, freedom of sexual
Speaker 1: liberties that don't involve you feeling guilty after everything. And
Speaker 1: I think I really needed that because I don't. I'm
Speaker 1: a triple arians. I'm a proud bitch every other day girl. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know when that part of my life was so
Speaker 1: covered in shame that it was like, well, you're not
Speaker 1: going to be able to live fully until you figure
Speaker 1: this out. And I'm glad that I knew and had
Speaker 1: enough whewithalf of myself to be like, hey, this is
Speaker 1: the only thing in your life that's kind of like
Speaker 1: throwing you off, and it's throwing everything else off.
Speaker 2: That is first of all, one thank you that my
Speaker 2: hope is that living and speaking, that people are able
Speaker 2: to want to be curious about their lives. So and
Speaker 2: that coming from my best friend is obviously even more meaningful.
Speaker 2: I believe that you know the things that we don't
Speaker 2: navigate around our sexuality. And it doesn't mean that you
Speaker 2: like again, you can be I say, you could be
Speaker 2: a sexual and be a hope right Like, it's it's
Speaker 2: just the willingness to engage with what do I want?
Speaker 2: And our inability to do that, or our fear of
Speaker 2: doing that is actually running so many other things. Because
Speaker 2: sex really to me, is about your the by that
Speaker 2: you're living in. There is you know, like you can
Speaker 2: have the nastiest one night stand in a port a
Speaker 2: potty somewhere and never see that man or that whirl
Speaker 2: or that them again, But there is still something to
Speaker 2: me spiritual about you carry it. Yes, it's your body.
Speaker 2: It's you're using your body, You're connecting your body again
Speaker 2: with you're with one person, a group, by yourself.
Speaker 3: It's all about how are you sitting in this this
Speaker 3: this vessel of yours And if you don't know what
Speaker 3: brings that vessel pleasure, what brings that vessel joy, what
Speaker 3: the boundaries of that vessel is, it shows up in
Speaker 3: other areas of your life. And to me, I always say,
Speaker 3: if you know how to advocate for yourself. When you
Speaker 3: are your most vulnerable, which is naked in a bedroom
Speaker 3: with somebody else, then you can step up into that boardroom.
Speaker 2: And command it whatever you needs to. Absolutely, absolutely, it's
Speaker 2: so it is such an it's it's an I think
Speaker 2: sex gets this wrap of just being you know, I
Speaker 2: don't want to say optional, frivolous or like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's in after school activity. Yeah, it's like you know,
Speaker 2: it's like it's it's not needed, but it actually like
Speaker 2: the conversations are actually necessary because it's how you find
Speaker 2: your power, It's what empowers you.
Speaker 1: Of course, no, I think a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: know their bodies. Oh, when you don't know your body,
Speaker 1: it throws your entire equilibrium off.
Speaker 2: I didn't know my body until I started my whole journey,
Speaker 2: which my whole journey didn't begin until probably twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: maybe like percolating slightly before that, but like really didn't
Speaker 2: fully begin to like be intentional about it until twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: So like in my thirties is when I really started
Speaker 2: having asking questions. But before that, sex was so transactional.
Speaker 2: For sure. It was about not about pleasure, but it
Speaker 2: was about feeling wanted feeling desired. It was about, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm horny, I need to like get this off and
Speaker 2: then go back to work. But it wasn't about the experience.
Speaker 2: I was temperamental.
Speaker 3: It was more about the temperary all yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 3: not not not realizing that there's so much more. And
Speaker 3: I think for me poking that bear and like asking
Speaker 3: those questions, I discovered that there was nothing wrong with
Speaker 3: the fact that I actually did need more that that
Speaker 3: it was okay. If I didn't want to be the
Speaker 3: bottom or the top who just came and went that.
Speaker 3: If I wanted more connection, that was okay. And if
Speaker 3: I wanted my roster to be smaller or bigger, like
Speaker 3: that was okay. I think that sometimes when you enter
Speaker 3: into sexuality because nobody also like it's not our fault,
Speaker 3: like no one know. If you're lucky, you might have
Speaker 3: a parent or parents who sit you down and really
Speaker 3: talk you through it.
Speaker 1: But most of us don't, most of us, not in
Speaker 1: the way that is helpful, not in a.
Speaker 2: Helpful way, not beyond like, hey, the dick goes in here,
Speaker 2: put a condom on, like you know, get tested, like
Speaker 2: beyond me. I feel this way after this here's how
Speaker 2: you manage that suffe. Yeah, like there's no there's no
Speaker 2: like emotional conversation about it. And that's that's the whole thing, right,
Speaker 2: Like everything we talked about sex is like the surface,
Speaker 2: it's the beach, but like there's a whole ocean to
Speaker 2: be discovered and explored, and it's scary, like the ocean. Y'a, No,
Speaker 2: I hate the fucking shit's scary to me. I mean,
Speaker 2: I love it, keep it clean, but like I'm not
Speaker 2: trying to visit the monsters down there. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to visit Ursula and Ariel and them. But
Speaker 2: but you know, it's like, but it is scary, but
Speaker 2: like it's worth exploring because the majesty of your body,
Speaker 2: the majesty of what sex can can be in one's
Speaker 2: life is important. Yeah, it's important. I feel like for me,
Speaker 2: my relationship to sex also had to involve my identity,
Speaker 2: Like I had to start, which is also why I
Speaker 2: think it's important to look at because I had to
Speaker 2: understand this male body, what that looks like, what that means,
Speaker 2: how people perceive it, how I perceive it, Like what
Speaker 2: what unspoken fears or what unspoken beliefs are running this
Speaker 2: body or moving this body, my relationship to being non binary,
Speaker 2: and so then needing to learn to embrace my femininity
Speaker 2: because so much of my early sex was about being masculine,
Speaker 2: you know, like being masculine enough to get.
Speaker 3: The guy to fuck you, which is like nuts. And
Speaker 3: then also under also understanding what people want from a
Speaker 3: black male body, whether whatever race they are, which is
Speaker 3: usually masculinity. Like I think that anybody in a black
Speaker 3: male body knows that, like, masculinity is so valued and
Speaker 3: coveted and expected.
Speaker 2: So boring.
Speaker 3: It's so boring, honey, There's so many more colors to
Speaker 3: paint with. But if you are not naturally and there's
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with masculinity, but if you're not naturally that then.
Speaker 2: It starts to be trying to play that role, trying
Speaker 2: to put something on, and it then ruins it. It
Speaker 2: ruins it because then you're not showing up as yourself,
Speaker 2: and then I'm then then I'm just having an out
Speaker 2: of body experience. I'm able to actually connect, I'm not
Speaker 2: how to do this. Yeah, came here to have sex, yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: came here to have an experience. And I think over
Speaker 2: the years, one being able to talk about it more
Speaker 2: and have these types of conversations have made it safer
Speaker 2: to explore, you know, and safer to as I explore,
Speaker 2: to be like, not every not every experience will be perfect. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's okay, but I can learn from it.
Speaker 1: There's data, of course, there's never nothing's ever going to
Speaker 1: be like one hundred percent the time of your life. Yes,
Speaker 1: until it is, Until it is, you know, like every
Speaker 1: hookup is not going to be that. And don't get
Speaker 1: me wrong, masculinity is lovely in the places where it
Speaker 1: needs to be sure, But for me, I think leading
Speaker 1: with like I'm masculine, I need you to be masculine.
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, I told you when we started
Speaker 1: this that that wasn't what you were going to get.
Speaker 1: I want you to know that when I arrived, that's
Speaker 1: not what's going to be there. Please be expectant of
Speaker 1: that so that you're not disappointed. Yeah, because what I'm
Speaker 1: asking for is what I desire. You should ask for
Speaker 1: the same.
Speaker 2: Are you comfy with people saying masks from mask?
Speaker 1: You can say what the fuck you need to say, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm the kind of girl ask for what you want. Sure,
Speaker 1: I can only give you what I got. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to show up to your place like big and
Speaker 1: beef and brawn. That's not what I look like. That's
Speaker 1: not the energy that I give. There are times throughout
Speaker 1: my days where I'm like, Oh, she could definitely go
Speaker 1: and play basketball right now, or she can go and
Speaker 1: get her fucking hair down and get her nails.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I live in both of those daily.
Speaker 1: I switch back and forth every minute on the minute
Speaker 1: moved through it does this dick still pipe down T
Speaker 1: But that's like that's the thing, but you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, I don't want to have to play
Speaker 1: the parent trap to get.
Speaker 2: You to be okay with what I'm giving you. This
Speaker 2: is what it is HI. And that, to me, though,
Speaker 2: is the where because I think anyone, not everyone, but
Speaker 2: some people listening, it's like how do I get to that?
Speaker 2: And what you are doing is you've taken ownership back
Speaker 2: because sometimes I think we try to be compatible with
Speaker 2: people and then when we're not, we confuse it with
Speaker 2: our worth and suddenly we're not worthy. And it's like
Speaker 2: your compatibility and your worthiness or two different things. If
Speaker 2: I'm not able to provide the masculinity or whatever it
Speaker 2: is for this person. It doesn't mean that something's wrong
Speaker 2: with me and now I need to go back and
Speaker 2: change myself. It's like, own who you are, what you want,
Speaker 2: let them own what they want. And if we meet
Speaker 2: in the middle, beautiful. If we don't, I'm still enough.
Speaker 2: You're enough.
Speaker 1: And it's also you're I think, getting to this point
Speaker 1: in my life, you will lose out on some things
Speaker 1: that you want. Sure, getting people that don't want to
Speaker 1: experience that, and that's fine, you don't have to be
Speaker 1: It's you're just gonna lose out on some people who
Speaker 1: don't get to enjoy who you are.
Speaker 2: And that's how I look at it.
Speaker 1: Yes, it sucks, is there are definitely some guys I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: would have loved to have that experience.
Speaker 2: But then it's also like, then you leave the States,
Speaker 2: you leave the Saints, Teddy, go on a trip. But also,
Speaker 2: no matter what, you make space for somebody who will
Speaker 2: see you. Think. I think that, you know, I think
Speaker 2: we we we show people how to treat us, We
Speaker 2: show the universe how to treat us. And so if
Speaker 2: my gripping onto this person who doesn't want me, that's
Speaker 2: me saying, well, no one else will want me and
Speaker 2: there's no no one else out there, when in reality,
Speaker 2: if I let that go, I actually give myself space
Speaker 2: to find my match, to find my matches things that
Speaker 2: are in alignment. But that's a that's a difficult, it's
Speaker 2: difficult spend most of our time worrying about that.
Speaker 1: The moment you stop being in your head about it,
Speaker 1: because it chows on you, you walk around with it
Speaker 1: on you, you're like, well, I don't know.
Speaker 2: If I should move this way? Yes, yes, space.
Speaker 1: The day that I walked into a room full of
Speaker 1: attractive people and was like, this is.
Speaker 2: What it is, miss people are like, oh, that's connect okay,
Speaker 2: period period. Because and think about what for y'all listening,
Speaker 2: think about when you find somebody attractive. I feel like
Speaker 2: what we find the most attractive is the person who
Speaker 2: looks free, right, Like, yes, there's like beauty politics, but
Speaker 2: that it's like when the when a person walks into
Speaker 2: a room and they don't actually want anything in here,
Speaker 2: they're just thereselves. They're there to experience their day.
Speaker 3: Yes, and they're having fun, or they're on the dance floor,
Speaker 3: they're just or they're they're just being themselves.
Speaker 2: That to me is so fucking attract them. Now, they're
Speaker 2: not going to attract every single person. But it's like
Speaker 2: be say, be like, save yourself time and be yourself
Speaker 2: because if you're not being yourself, you're gonna attract a
Speaker 2: whole bunch of shit that doesn't the line because you're
Speaker 2: worried about the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: You're worried about what people are worrying about, and no
Speaker 1: one's worrying about you.
Speaker 2: Baby.
Speaker 1: They worry about They think about themselves themselves and how
Speaker 1: they're standing and how they're looking.
Speaker 2: Don't waste your day doing that. Yeah, you just be
Speaker 2: your baby. You be your beautiful ass self and getting
Speaker 2: eye baby.
Speaker 3: Drink your water, make sure your piss smells good, brush
Speaker 3: your teeth, scrape your to you know, you know, worry
Speaker 3: about you, yourself, worry about you, don't worry about these
Speaker 3: other motherfuckers worry about makes a difference.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you you glow different. You really glow different when
Speaker 2: you start to pour into when you start to ask
Speaker 2: yourself what pleases me instead of people pleasing self? Please
Speaker 2: like what pleases makes me? Think? What makes me happy?
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean that you're going to be you know, uh,
Speaker 2: disregard other people's knee When they're your partner. But in
Speaker 2: terms of the like the courting or the flirting, it's
Speaker 2: like what pleases me? What am I? What am I
Speaker 2: attracted to? What brings me joy? I feel like we
Speaker 2: ask ourselves more of that instead of and I think
Speaker 2: this also is for women in queer folks, instead of
Speaker 2: like conforming ourselves to like what the man needs? What
Speaker 2: that male gaze? Yeah, g z, it's like, fuck that,
Speaker 2: why would I why what? I? Oh, that's tea.
Speaker 1: Don't like put don't do this thing that you put on.
Speaker 1: You put people put on masks before they get on dates.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I get it. You want to put
Speaker 1: your best forward. That makes sense. Show up as yourself.
Speaker 1: Show up, Bessie, show up a little bit unraveled, but
Speaker 1: show up because there's nothing worse than going on a
Speaker 1: day with someone and you being there fully and then
Speaker 1: them meeting you forty percent, because then you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've given I actually am excited for this, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're here, so I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm meeting you.
Speaker 2: I want to meet you, show and like show up hope, hopeful, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And also, don't talk about your fucking ex's sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: d three, that's a date three.
Speaker 2: Date four moment yea date one date one. I want
Speaker 2: to get to know you and how you like me.
Speaker 2: I think you're cute, and where we can go from
Speaker 2: this period. I think that's really important. Okay, thank you, baby,
Speaker 2: you were here, happy to be here.
Speaker 1: So I'm so happy to have you have a guest
Speaker 1: on my podcast. I'm so excited about this and where
Speaker 1: this is going to go.
Speaker 2: Okay, have a good day. Thank y'all so much. All right,
Speaker 2: well you already know that we're hose here, but hose
Speaker 2: with heart, so before you get out of here, let
Speaker 2: me speak to yours. I think really today, what I'm
Speaker 2: reflecting on is Vincent mentioned one of my favorite quotes
Speaker 2: that I learned from my Angelou. But it's the philosopher
Speaker 2: Terrence and you, I'm sure you've heard me say it
Speaker 2: on here or it's in my book. But Vincent had said,
Speaker 2: nothing human can be foreign to me. But the quote
Speaker 2: is I am a human being, therefore nothing human can
Speaker 2: be alien to me as the exact quote. And I
Speaker 2: love it so much because it is such a reminder
Speaker 2: that we are all connected to each other and that
Speaker 2: whatever you experience, though I may not know it fully,
Speaker 2: I can understand some bit of it because we all
Speaker 2: are human and we want the same things, to love
Speaker 2: and to be loved, to be seen, to belong. All
Speaker 2: of us want that, and so that quote just reminds
Speaker 2: me that, as doctor Angelo always so beautifully put, you know,
Speaker 2: you can understand the hero and the brute. You can
Speaker 2: understand those who are the most good, and you can
Speaker 2: understand those who are the most corrupt or bad or
Speaker 2: whatever you want to whatever you want to call it,
Speaker 2: that we are all human, and we all possess the
Speaker 2: ability to do good and do not so good. And
Speaker 2: so every day you make a choice, You make a
Speaker 2: choice to show up as your best self, and I
Speaker 2: think you also, for me at least, make a choice
Speaker 2: to understand that sometimes when people do things to us,
Speaker 2: and context is everything, but sometimes when people react, let's
Speaker 2: call it, I can see the things that they're not saying,
Speaker 2: the wounds that they're not tending, to the baggage that
Speaker 2: they're carrying that they don't even realize they're carrying, and
Speaker 2: it allows me to not take everything personally, to remember
Speaker 2: that this is another human doing the best they fucking can,
Speaker 2: and that the importance of which is why we're even
Speaker 2: doing this show the importance of talking about sex and
Speaker 2: specifically one's own relationship to it, but even more so
Speaker 2: not counting yourself out. I think that we get so
Speaker 2: hung up about other people's perception of us, whether it
Speaker 2: be our attractiveness or our personalities or you know, our
Speaker 2: fucking height or or whatever it is. And I think
Speaker 2: that if we can and this is difficult because we
Speaker 2: are in an age where you know, if you open
Speaker 2: your phone, you're like just inundated with other people's lives
Speaker 2: and what they're up to, and it can really have
Speaker 2: you compare by default. But as often as we can,
Speaker 2: if we can focus a little bit more on ourselves.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean that in a selfish way or
Speaker 2: in the in the you know, bad selfish, but in
Speaker 2: a very good selfish way of like, you deserve attention,
Speaker 2: You deserve to give yourself attention, You deserve to be
Speaker 2: I always say, life is hard, Life is gonna throw
Speaker 2: a lot of shit at you, and so can you
Speaker 2: be a soft landing spot? Can you be a respite
Speaker 2: for yourself? And that also that of course involves sex
Speaker 2: and dating and your sexuality. Sometimes we're the ones who
Speaker 2: are not. Sometimes let me speak to myself. I can
Speaker 2: be my hardest critic. You know, I'll see a pimple
Speaker 2: on me before anybody else will see it, you know,
Speaker 2: like I'll pull things apart about myself or or talk
Speaker 2: badly about myself. And sometimes it's, you know, trying to
Speaker 2: preempt what other people, what I think other people will
Speaker 2: be saying. And as Vincent was saying, like anybody worrying
Speaker 2: about you, you worry about you. And when you do,
Speaker 2: do it with love, with tenderness, with softness, Empower yourself,
Speaker 2: careful about what you're seeing, saying to yourself, what are
Speaker 2: your thoughts. If you notice that those thoughts are bad
Speaker 2: or negative, or that you're being a bully to yourself,
Speaker 2: choose something different. Pivot you know, and sooner or later
Speaker 2: that pattern will shift. You will rewire yourself, and hopefully
Speaker 2: your default won't be to bully yourself or to think
Speaker 2: less of yourself, but to actually, genuinely, fully, with every
Speaker 2: fiber of your being, to love yourself. You deserve that love.
Speaker 2: You deserve love period, but you deserve it from yourself. First,
Speaker 2: I love you. And finally, since recording this episode, Vincent
Speaker 2: and I recorded this when we got back from Madrid,
Speaker 2: so sometimes in like August, but in that time, Vincent's beautiful, wonderful, incredible, generous,
Speaker 2: sweet loving mother passed away and so this so it
Speaker 2: is dedicated to her. Some of you know from the
Speaker 2: last merch drop, the specifically I Love You hoodies and
Speaker 2: Tea's portion of those proceeds were donated to pan CAN,
Speaker 2: which is an organization dedicated to supporting families and people
Speaker 2: with and wrestling with pancreatic cancer. We will put the
Speaker 2: link in the show notes, So if you would like
Speaker 2: to donate directly to pan CAN, you can, And to
Speaker 2: miss Valerie, we love you always. All right, I gotta
Speaker 2: get out of here, but you can find Vincent on
Speaker 2: Instagram at Vincent b I n C I n T.
Speaker 2: A no E in there, honey. You know they don't
Speaker 2: got no e in there, Okay, So at Vincent v
Speaker 2: I n C I N T. You can find me
Speaker 2: on Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can
Speaker 2: find our podcast at tell Me Something Messy, and you
Speaker 2: can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When
Speaker 2: you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts recommendations on sex and
Speaker 2: self and so much more. Also, I want to hear
Speaker 2: from you, so send your topic ideas, your messy stories,
Speaker 2: your submissions, your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. You can also call us at
Speaker 2: six six nine sixty nine Messy That is sixty six
Speaker 2: nine six ninety six three seven seven nine, Rate review
Speaker 2: and share this podcast with all your HOE and aspiring
Speaker 2: HOE friends. Really really helps the show out, all right,
Speaker 2: Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick
Speaker 2: before you make it spit, make sure they eat the
Speaker 2: kitty before they beat the kitty, before fuckation or succation communication.
Speaker 2: And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
Speaker 2: are so deeply loved. I love you, Bie. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If
Speaker 2: you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone
Speaker 2: else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was
Speaker 2: executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly.
Speaker 2: Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
Speaker 2: from iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app
Speaker 2: or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.