1 00:00:14,076 --> 00:00:14,396 Speaker 1: Pushing. 2 00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:31,116 Speaker 2: I'm khalide Yabron Muhammad. 3 00:00:31,796 --> 00:00:35,156 Speaker 1: I'm Ben Austin. We are two best friends, one black, 4 00:00:35,756 --> 00:00:36,276 Speaker 1: one white. 5 00:00:36,756 --> 00:00:40,316 Speaker 2: I'm a historian and I'm a journalist. And this is 6 00:00:40,356 --> 00:00:42,236 Speaker 2: some of my best friends are. 7 00:00:42,756 --> 00:00:44,516 Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, I'm not you know, some 8 00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:47,596 Speaker 1: of my best friends are. You know. In this show, 9 00:00:47,676 --> 00:00:51,476 Speaker 1: we wrestle with the challenges and the absurdencies of a 10 00:00:51,516 --> 00:00:53,516 Speaker 1: deeply divided and unequal country. 11 00:00:54,156 --> 00:00:57,796 Speaker 2: Today on the show, we are talking with writer Samantha Irbie. 12 00:00:57,796 --> 00:01:01,916 Speaker 2: She's an author, comedian, and TV writer. Her essay collections 13 00:01:02,356 --> 00:01:05,756 Speaker 2: We Are Never Meeting in real life and Wow, No 14 00:01:05,876 --> 00:01:09,756 Speaker 2: Thank You are New York Times bestsellers, and heratest collection 15 00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:13,396 Speaker 2: out this year is called Quietly Hostile and believe me 16 00:01:13,516 --> 00:01:16,196 Speaker 2: when I tell you it is hilarious. 17 00:01:16,636 --> 00:01:16,836 Speaker 3: Yeah. 18 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:20,356 Speaker 1: Man, you should be laughing already. I mean, Samantha RBI's 19 00:01:20,356 --> 00:01:24,556 Speaker 1: writing is so honest. She makes public what most people 20 00:01:24,716 --> 00:01:29,116 Speaker 1: keep private, and man, she's the kind of funny that 21 00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:32,796 Speaker 1: both hurts and feels good at the same time. We 22 00:01:32,956 --> 00:01:36,436 Speaker 1: are so grateful to talk to her about embarrassing moments 23 00:01:36,476 --> 00:01:41,396 Speaker 1: she's had about mental health and parenting, and her work 24 00:01:41,596 --> 00:01:44,676 Speaker 1: on the latest season of The Sex in the City Reboot. 25 00:01:44,996 --> 00:01:46,556 Speaker 2: Yes, let's do it. 26 00:01:47,116 --> 00:02:13,036 Speaker 1: Let's do it. I promise you you're gonna laugh. Okay, all right, 27 00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:16,716 Speaker 1: all right, Samantha Irbie, welcome to some of my best friends. 28 00:02:16,796 --> 00:02:21,476 Speaker 3: Are thank you for having me? What a provocative title 29 00:02:21,596 --> 00:02:23,796 Speaker 3: for a podcast boom? 30 00:02:23,996 --> 00:02:26,716 Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know I came up with it. 31 00:02:26,956 --> 00:02:29,116 Speaker 3: I mean, I know the white person came up with it. 32 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:34,116 Speaker 2: Come on, but that's exactly how white people do. They 33 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:36,236 Speaker 2: just take credit for shit they didn't actually do. 34 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:43,076 Speaker 1: So, yes, we to revisionist history. So sam I got 35 00:02:43,116 --> 00:02:45,236 Speaker 1: a question for you though, because I read in your 36 00:02:45,276 --> 00:02:49,396 Speaker 1: new book that you said you always regret being on podcasts, 37 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:53,196 Speaker 1: and we were like, oh shit, like you know, so 38 00:02:53,396 --> 00:02:55,116 Speaker 1: what do we need to know not to fuck this up? 39 00:02:55,116 --> 00:02:55,356 Speaker 1: For you? 40 00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:59,476 Speaker 3: Well, it's never the host. It's always me. It's always 41 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:07,836 Speaker 3: my inability to present myself as a smart and capable person. 42 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,996 Speaker 3: So you, oh my god, will. 43 00:03:11,676 --> 00:03:13,756 Speaker 1: I have to say that? That that feels a little 44 00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:16,356 Speaker 1: bit like like a breakup line, like it's not you, 45 00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:16,756 Speaker 1: it's me. 46 00:03:19,276 --> 00:03:19,836 Speaker 3: That's true. 47 00:03:20,196 --> 00:03:23,956 Speaker 2: Well, we have incredible editors, so you're gonna sound amazing. 48 00:03:24,076 --> 00:03:25,716 Speaker 2: They make us sound just just one. 49 00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:28,276 Speaker 3: They put a couple more wrinkles in my brain that 50 00:03:28,316 --> 00:03:28,876 Speaker 3: would help. 51 00:03:30,956 --> 00:03:35,836 Speaker 2: So you have recently published another book, Quietly Hostile, a 52 00:03:35,876 --> 00:03:40,876 Speaker 2: book of essays, and man, are you just raw and 53 00:03:41,116 --> 00:03:43,636 Speaker 2: raunchy and riotous and hilarious? 54 00:03:45,676 --> 00:03:49,276 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, cover of the reprint. 55 00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:53,956 Speaker 2: How did you become a humorist? I mean, you know, 56 00:03:54,076 --> 00:03:56,836 Speaker 2: we are really interested, We try our best to be funny. 57 00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,916 Speaker 2: We have moments, but you do it for a living, 58 00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:03,596 Speaker 2: and you you write incredibly, So like, is there a 59 00:04:03,636 --> 00:04:05,756 Speaker 2: moment when you were a kid and you you told 60 00:04:05,756 --> 00:04:08,316 Speaker 2: a joke, like on the playground in grade school and 61 00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:10,836 Speaker 2: you're like, fuck, and not only did I just insult 62 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,676 Speaker 2: that person, but I'm hilarious too, Like, tell us, tell 63 00:04:13,756 --> 00:04:17,076 Speaker 2: us your origin story of becoming a humorous Well, First. 64 00:04:16,876 --> 00:04:21,276 Speaker 3: Of all, humorous sounds very fancy for what I do, 65 00:04:21,516 --> 00:04:27,036 Speaker 3: so thank you for giving me a fancy title. Growing up, 66 00:04:27,236 --> 00:04:31,436 Speaker 3: I definitely did not think, oh, I'm gonna tell jokes 67 00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:35,956 Speaker 3: for a living. Like I grew up poor with mean 68 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,156 Speaker 3: old black people who were like, you have to work, 69 00:04:39,396 --> 00:04:41,196 Speaker 3: Like you have to take care of yourself, you have 70 00:04:41,236 --> 00:04:44,556 Speaker 3: to work. So I think, like my defense mechanism as 71 00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:48,276 Speaker 3: a kid who was like fat and poor and had 72 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:52,076 Speaker 3: messed up teeth and like never had the right fashion 73 00:04:52,356 --> 00:04:56,076 Speaker 3: or whatever. Was to develop a sense of humor, because 74 00:04:56,076 --> 00:05:00,276 Speaker 3: if I laugh first, it takes the sting out of 75 00:05:00,356 --> 00:05:04,036 Speaker 3: when other people do it. And so I think I 76 00:05:04,076 --> 00:05:09,276 Speaker 3: became like pretty self deprecating early, and that's an easy 77 00:05:09,316 --> 00:05:14,076 Speaker 3: way to become beloved, which is really my singular goal 78 00:05:14,276 --> 00:05:18,916 Speaker 3: is to have people like love me. I mean, this 79 00:05:19,116 --> 00:05:21,276 Speaker 3: is like a first date. I'm expecting you both to 80 00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:21,916 Speaker 3: love me at. 81 00:05:21,836 --> 00:05:27,796 Speaker 1: The end, right now, right now. 82 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:32,396 Speaker 3: But when I mean I started writing my blog in 83 00:05:32,436 --> 00:05:35,996 Speaker 3: two thousand and eight, I started writing a blog on MySpace, 84 00:05:36,756 --> 00:05:39,756 Speaker 3: and I knew I was like, you know, you're conversationally funny, 85 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,156 Speaker 3: You're funny at a bar or whatever. I knew I 86 00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:45,396 Speaker 3: had that going for me, and I started this blog 87 00:05:45,516 --> 00:05:48,596 Speaker 3: to convince this dude to have sex with me, to 88 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,036 Speaker 3: prove that I'm a writer. 89 00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:53,396 Speaker 2: It worked, Hey, way to go, oh wait, wait wait, 90 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,436 Speaker 2: So I have to clarify this. 91 00:05:54,476 --> 00:05:56,556 Speaker 1: So it was the quality of. 92 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,676 Speaker 2: The writing that convinced the guy to have sex with you, 93 00:06:00,196 --> 00:06:02,716 Speaker 2: or that what you said in the blog convinced the 94 00:06:02,756 --> 00:06:03,716 Speaker 2: guy to have said. 95 00:06:03,556 --> 00:06:06,156 Speaker 3: Okay, let's be for real. I could poke a hole 96 00:06:06,516 --> 00:06:08,956 Speaker 3: in a box and get a man to have sex 97 00:06:08,956 --> 00:06:15,956 Speaker 3: with it. So I don't know that the writing, but 98 00:06:16,116 --> 00:06:18,876 Speaker 3: it was because he told me like he was into 99 00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:21,916 Speaker 3: girls who were writers, and I was like, oh, I'm 100 00:06:21,956 --> 00:06:24,036 Speaker 3: a writer, but I had nothing to show for it. 101 00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:27,076 Speaker 3: So then I started this little blog and it's like, look, 102 00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:31,956 Speaker 3: I'm funny, right, And then he agreed. 103 00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:38,076 Speaker 2: That may be the nerdiest sex story I've ever heard. 104 00:06:38,156 --> 00:06:41,156 Speaker 3: It was so dumb. I mean, in hindsight, like it 105 00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:46,476 Speaker 3: feels a little like pathetic. But I don't know that 106 00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:50,516 Speaker 3: I would have started blogging for any other reason than 107 00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:55,356 Speaker 3: trying to convince people to date me. So thank you 108 00:06:55,476 --> 00:06:56,356 Speaker 3: to that dude. 109 00:06:56,996 --> 00:06:58,236 Speaker 1: It worked. It worked. 110 00:06:58,476 --> 00:07:01,156 Speaker 2: You've become an incredible writer, and according to what you 111 00:07:01,236 --> 00:07:03,756 Speaker 2: write in your latest book, you've had lots of sex. 112 00:07:03,836 --> 00:07:04,396 Speaker 1: This is a week. 113 00:07:04,436 --> 00:07:08,716 Speaker 3: Yeah, not anymore. I'm done because I'm married to a woman. 114 00:07:09,356 --> 00:07:12,076 Speaker 3: We don't have to do that. We just talk about 115 00:07:12,076 --> 00:07:13,276 Speaker 3: what our cats are doing. 116 00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:17,276 Speaker 1: So, and Sam, I want to ask you, so, Khalil 117 00:07:17,316 --> 00:07:19,636 Speaker 1: and I are both Chicago people. We grew up on 118 00:07:19,676 --> 00:07:22,356 Speaker 1: the South Side of Chicago together, and you're from what 119 00:07:22,356 --> 00:07:27,596 Speaker 1: we call Chicago Land. You're from Evanston, and I wonder like, 120 00:07:27,756 --> 00:07:31,956 Speaker 1: is there something Chicago or Chicago landish about your brand 121 00:07:31,956 --> 00:07:33,236 Speaker 1: of humor. 122 00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:38,196 Speaker 3: Well, oh that's a good question. Yes, I am from Evanston. 123 00:07:38,436 --> 00:07:41,916 Speaker 3: People from Chicago do not allow you to say you're 124 00:07:41,956 --> 00:07:47,196 Speaker 3: from Chicago if you are from Evanston. So I'm from Evanston. 125 00:07:47,756 --> 00:07:53,116 Speaker 3: Chicago has a huge what we call live lit community, 126 00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:57,636 Speaker 3: like a storytelling community. And I think shortly after I 127 00:07:57,796 --> 00:08:01,596 Speaker 3: started writing my little dumb blog, which was just for 128 00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:05,076 Speaker 3: my friends, I had no aspirations to do anything with. 129 00:08:05,076 --> 00:08:08,036 Speaker 1: It, never monitor in the name of the blog. 130 00:08:07,996 --> 00:08:13,636 Speaker 3: Bitch has gotta eat, bit just got to eat. So 131 00:08:13,876 --> 00:08:18,476 Speaker 3: I started like writing to perform in front of like 132 00:08:18,596 --> 00:08:21,716 Speaker 3: crowds and bars. There was a show at the Burlington, 133 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:27,116 Speaker 3: at the Hideout at the Horseshoe, Like, I'm like all 134 00:08:27,156 --> 00:08:33,516 Speaker 3: of those shows, and I definitely was writing to get 135 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:38,396 Speaker 3: to the like to move those audiences. So I definitely 136 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:43,796 Speaker 3: think Chicago shaped like what what I think is funny 137 00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:46,316 Speaker 3: based on how people respond. 138 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:50,196 Speaker 1: To Ye, I like that. I like that. And Sam, 139 00:08:50,516 --> 00:08:53,676 Speaker 1: I mean, you write in this book and you say 140 00:08:53,716 --> 00:08:57,916 Speaker 1: that you are embarrassed all the time. Yeah, and even 141 00:08:58,236 --> 00:09:00,956 Speaker 1: you know you're embarrassed of yourself. Yeah, And and I 142 00:09:01,076 --> 00:09:06,036 Speaker 1: wonder what it means then to reveal the most embarrassing 143 00:09:06,076 --> 00:09:08,516 Speaker 1: things about yourself, Like, what's the power in that? I mean, 144 00:09:08,556 --> 00:09:12,276 Speaker 1: you have old essays about shitting in public, about finding 145 00:09:12,356 --> 00:09:15,676 Speaker 1: not not like not in a toilet. Let me let 146 00:09:15,716 --> 00:09:17,956 Speaker 1: me be clear about the finding public toilet. 147 00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:21,636 Speaker 3: That's how I start saying it from that not in 148 00:09:21,716 --> 00:09:22,396 Speaker 3: a toilet. 149 00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:26,436 Speaker 1: You have an essay about the kind of porn you 150 00:09:26,596 --> 00:09:29,516 Speaker 1: like or don't like. I mean, you are you reveal 151 00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:33,556 Speaker 1: everything that's inside that you feel uncomfortable about. You you 152 00:09:33,636 --> 00:09:36,196 Speaker 1: make public, and so what's the power in that of 153 00:09:36,236 --> 00:09:36,716 Speaker 1: doing that? 154 00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:42,276 Speaker 3: I think for me, it's about like connecting with people 155 00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:45,876 Speaker 3: who feel the same way or who can relate or 156 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:49,956 Speaker 3: identify in some way. Like that is where the strength. 157 00:09:51,836 --> 00:09:55,196 Speaker 3: I don't know that I receive it, but I do 158 00:09:55,356 --> 00:09:59,076 Speaker 3: enjoy like providing it. So like if you are poop 159 00:09:59,156 --> 00:10:02,276 Speaker 3: shy and you read one of my books and then 160 00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:05,796 Speaker 3: the next time you're at a restaurant and you're like, uh, 161 00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:08,796 Speaker 3: I have to poop, you could say to the table 162 00:10:08,836 --> 00:10:12,196 Speaker 3: lit I'm going to be back in twenty two minutes. 163 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:18,516 Speaker 3: Order your apps, get cocktails. I will be back. I'm like, 164 00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:22,436 Speaker 3: if I can free someone else to do that, then 165 00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:24,236 Speaker 3: it's worth it. 166 00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:27,076 Speaker 1: It's worth I'm gonna My wife needs to read this, 167 00:10:27,156 --> 00:10:30,276 Speaker 1: then she really is, Oh is she poop shy? She's 168 00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:34,676 Speaker 1: a little poop shy in front of you reason And 169 00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:38,476 Speaker 1: what's fun? I read this like Khalil is like not 170 00:10:38,516 --> 00:10:40,996 Speaker 1: only the least poop shy of any person I've ever met, 171 00:10:41,316 --> 00:10:43,556 Speaker 1: Like he's not self conscious in any way, Like I've 172 00:10:43,556 --> 00:10:46,876 Speaker 1: known him since we were children, and he is just 173 00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:49,236 Speaker 1: like so comfortable in his skin in the sense that 174 00:10:49,396 --> 00:10:51,996 Speaker 1: like the subjects that you write about, he wouldn't even 175 00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:53,916 Speaker 1: think to write about them because he's like, oh, these 176 00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:56,156 Speaker 1: are like what these aren't taboo? You just do them. 177 00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,636 Speaker 1: Like like he farted in class when we were in 178 00:10:58,716 --> 00:11:00,676 Speaker 1: high school, when he was giving a speech in front 179 00:11:00,676 --> 00:11:03,356 Speaker 1: of the class. I would still wake up in sweats 180 00:11:03,516 --> 00:11:06,676 Speaker 1: thirty years later remembering that moment, and Khalil was like 181 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,996 Speaker 1: in that moment, was like looked up at the class, 182 00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:10,716 Speaker 1: was like I just farted. 183 00:11:12,196 --> 00:11:14,036 Speaker 2: I didn't know what I didn't know what else to do. 184 00:11:14,116 --> 00:11:16,156 Speaker 2: I was so I was embarrassed by it. I was like, 185 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:20,116 Speaker 2: everybody clearly heard this, so I have to just acknowledge 186 00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:23,436 Speaker 2: it because I was mortifying. Yeah, so I have a 187 00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:26,916 Speaker 2: I have a self deprecating story to tell about pooping because. 188 00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:29,436 Speaker 1: As I was reading your book. As I was reading. 189 00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,796 Speaker 2: As I was reading your book, I could not help 190 00:11:32,836 --> 00:11:36,876 Speaker 2: but think about this moment. So I ran the Schomberg 191 00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:39,996 Speaker 2: Center for Researching by Culture, a Harlem institution. 192 00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:42,076 Speaker 1: Go ahead, Ben, we have a drinking game that each 193 00:11:42,116 --> 00:11:44,876 Speaker 1: time you mentioned Harvard or the Schomberg we everyone did 194 00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:45,556 Speaker 1: get the drink. 195 00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:48,076 Speaker 2: All right, fine, god, okay, all right, so we got 196 00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:48,716 Speaker 2: that out of the way. 197 00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:52,036 Speaker 1: Okay. So so it's like the first. 198 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:55,556 Speaker 2: Two months on the job and we're having a social 199 00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:58,636 Speaker 2: on a Friday afternoon in like late July, and so 200 00:11:59,076 --> 00:12:01,676 Speaker 2: you know, the whole staff is there and it's kind 201 00:12:01,716 --> 00:12:04,396 Speaker 2: of like, let's get to know our new director. So 202 00:12:04,716 --> 00:12:07,156 Speaker 2: I go to the bathroom just before this moment. 203 00:12:07,996 --> 00:12:08,596 Speaker 1: I come out. 204 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:11,796 Speaker 2: I am in like a sharp suit without the without 205 00:12:11,796 --> 00:12:14,596 Speaker 2: the coat, but I have on, you know, slacks, a 206 00:12:14,716 --> 00:12:18,676 Speaker 2: very press shirt and a tie. And I'm milling about 207 00:12:18,796 --> 00:12:21,316 Speaker 2: meeting people like, hey, what are you doing this weekend? 208 00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,756 Speaker 2: I'm trying to get to know these folks who are 209 00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:24,876 Speaker 2: looking at me very suspiciously because they're like, we don't 210 00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:27,276 Speaker 2: really know you. And one woman taps me on the 211 00:12:27,316 --> 00:12:31,116 Speaker 2: shoulder and she says, you have toilet paper coming out 212 00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:38,116 Speaker 2: the back of your pass. So I was like, what 213 00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:42,276 Speaker 2: could be more embarrassing than literally having toilet paper because 214 00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:45,676 Speaker 2: you just took a ship before you came meeting. 215 00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:54,356 Speaker 3: Not to minimize your horror, yeah, exactly, like I see you, 216 00:12:54,436 --> 00:12:57,916 Speaker 3: I respect you, and that ain't that ain't nothing? All right? 217 00:12:57,996 --> 00:12:59,756 Speaker 1: So so so, Sam, So I. 218 00:13:01,276 --> 00:13:03,196 Speaker 2: Have a follow up about one of your series, and 219 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:06,436 Speaker 2: just so this whole story about the guy you were 220 00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:09,076 Speaker 2: dating a couple of fours below you. He has a 221 00:13:09,196 --> 00:13:12,116 Speaker 2: pee fetish, and the way you tell the story like 222 00:13:12,196 --> 00:13:15,556 Speaker 2: it ends in this crazy moment. So just just for 223 00:13:15,636 --> 00:13:18,036 Speaker 2: our listeners, just give the quick version of that story. 224 00:13:18,316 --> 00:13:21,036 Speaker 3: I dated this dude who I met in the laundry room. 225 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:27,076 Speaker 3: Now I'm not very discerning, is I guess what we're 226 00:13:27,076 --> 00:13:29,996 Speaker 3: going to get to the bottom of here. But he 227 00:13:30,196 --> 00:13:34,956 Speaker 3: was so hot, Oh my god, I met him. We 228 00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:38,916 Speaker 3: started hanging out. He was cool, He was so good 229 00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:43,876 Speaker 3: in bed, like beyond, which I think is why when 230 00:13:44,796 --> 00:13:47,876 Speaker 3: he asked if I would be on him, I considered 231 00:13:47,876 --> 00:13:51,956 Speaker 3: it because I was not doing it as a deal breaker, 232 00:13:52,156 --> 00:13:59,956 Speaker 3: then I'm gonna do it. But logistically, I mean, you know, 233 00:14:00,476 --> 00:14:04,636 Speaker 3: a Rogers Park apartment building. He had a tiny I mean, 234 00:14:04,676 --> 00:14:08,236 Speaker 3: we all had a tiny bathtub, and that is the 235 00:14:08,276 --> 00:14:12,476 Speaker 3: best place for or piss play because it goes right 236 00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:18,676 Speaker 3: down the drain. After I practiced and got good at it. 237 00:14:19,556 --> 00:14:24,236 Speaker 3: One time he collected it in his mouth and then 238 00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:29,716 Speaker 3: he spit it back down my throat, which maybe is hot. 239 00:14:31,276 --> 00:14:35,436 Speaker 3: I don't want to yuck anybody's yum, but I thought 240 00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:39,676 Speaker 3: I was going to pass away. Not good for you. 241 00:14:39,716 --> 00:14:42,196 Speaker 3: But if you are got into that, it's not a 242 00:14:42,276 --> 00:14:43,396 Speaker 3: good surprise. 243 00:14:43,796 --> 00:14:44,876 Speaker 1: That is fucking funny. 244 00:14:46,996 --> 00:14:50,276 Speaker 3: I was so mad I had to let break up 245 00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:56,396 Speaker 3: with him. You can't. I can't drink my own piss, 246 00:14:56,796 --> 00:15:02,516 Speaker 3: my own leg recycled baby birded piss Lilla. 247 00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:07,916 Speaker 2: Listen, we are going to take a short break and 248 00:15:08,036 --> 00:15:12,796 Speaker 2: talk to sam Erbie a bit more about how she 249 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:16,476 Speaker 2: lives her life and makes so much fun and enjoy 250 00:15:16,756 --> 00:15:17,196 Speaker 2: out of it. 251 00:15:17,556 --> 00:15:18,316 Speaker 1: We'll be right back. 252 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,796 Speaker 2: Welcome back to some of my best friends are We 253 00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:43,156 Speaker 2: are talking to the author and humorist Samantha Irby, author 254 00:15:43,196 --> 00:15:47,756 Speaker 2: of her latest book Quietly Hostile. So we know from 255 00:15:47,836 --> 00:15:50,796 Speaker 2: your book that you got a COVID dog just like 256 00:15:50,996 --> 00:15:52,036 Speaker 2: tell us about. 257 00:15:51,796 --> 00:16:01,156 Speaker 3: A Abe is a nightmare creature from hell. We Kirsten, 258 00:16:01,396 --> 00:16:03,916 Speaker 3: my wife, didn't want a dog. I mean I didn't really. 259 00:16:03,916 --> 00:16:08,396 Speaker 3: I'm a cat person, Like officially, I didn't really want 260 00:16:08,396 --> 00:16:11,116 Speaker 3: a job either. But it was like the height of 261 00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:14,396 Speaker 3: COVID and we're in this tiny house. It's me, her 262 00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:17,956 Speaker 3: and her two kids, and I think, just for the 263 00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:21,916 Speaker 3: diversion of it, she started looking at dogs on the 264 00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:26,076 Speaker 3: spca's website. She found a dog, a little tiny Chihuahua 265 00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:29,236 Speaker 3: who was a million years old, named Granny, and it 266 00:16:29,316 --> 00:16:33,276 Speaker 3: was like, she hates walking, she only likes cuddling and eating. 267 00:16:33,316 --> 00:16:35,636 Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, that's me as a dog. 268 00:16:36,356 --> 00:16:40,636 Speaker 3: Let's get her. And somebody adopted her before we could. 269 00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:45,236 Speaker 3: And the dog that they had left was Abe, who 270 00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:48,156 Speaker 3: is a At the time, he was a six month 271 00:16:48,196 --> 00:16:56,316 Speaker 3: old Chihuahua mix. He's I mean, he is really the worst. 272 00:16:56,436 --> 00:16:59,996 Speaker 3: He hates me. I mean he tolerates me, but he 273 00:17:00,116 --> 00:17:03,556 Speaker 3: only loves the white people in the house. He's a 274 00:17:03,596 --> 00:17:08,276 Speaker 3: little bit racist, even though he's a POC as well. 275 00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:11,756 Speaker 3: I'm like, come on, Chihuahua yet with the brown yeah, 276 00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:14,956 Speaker 3: with the brown team. This dog is anti black. He 277 00:17:15,476 --> 00:17:19,316 Speaker 3: even though I'm very nice to him, but he just 278 00:17:19,676 --> 00:17:22,836 Speaker 3: he's too dumb to train like he does a lot 279 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,076 Speaker 3: of stuff that I'm like, Man, look at that dumb dog, 280 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,876 Speaker 3: but I hate him, but we'll have him forever because 281 00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:35,996 Speaker 3: he weighs eleven pounds and tiny dogs live like twenty years. 282 00:17:36,076 --> 00:17:42,076 Speaker 3: So I'm hoping that we can grow fond of each other. 283 00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,356 Speaker 1: And Sam, I want to I want to talk more 284 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,796 Speaker 1: about COVID because yeah, I mean, so we're talking about 285 00:17:46,836 --> 00:17:49,436 Speaker 1: COVID dogs, but your book is really a COVID book. Yeah, 286 00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,796 Speaker 1: it's about it's about you know, these stories that you 287 00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:55,876 Speaker 1: tell or are living through the pandemic. And I don't 288 00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:58,436 Speaker 1: think you I think you maybe say this in the book, 289 00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:00,236 Speaker 1: but I know I've heard you in an interview say 290 00:18:00,236 --> 00:18:05,556 Speaker 1: that you were diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, and I mean, there, 291 00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:07,956 Speaker 1: I'm not minimizing this in any way, but there are 292 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,916 Speaker 1: ways that I mean, I know that during COVID I 293 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,396 Speaker 1: became obsessive about all kinds of things, like you know, 294 00:18:12,436 --> 00:18:14,916 Speaker 1: we're going crazy locked up in the house. Is I 295 00:18:14,956 --> 00:18:17,356 Speaker 1: saw a psychiatrist for the first time ever in my 296 00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:22,396 Speaker 1: life during COVID, and so yeah, I just want to 297 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:25,316 Speaker 1: hear more about about that moment for you, and you know, 298 00:18:25,556 --> 00:18:27,436 Speaker 1: I mean even maybe for you Khalil. 299 00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:32,996 Speaker 3: So the the pandemic, I was like, oh, this is great. 300 00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:37,236 Speaker 3: I hate going outside, I hate interacting with people. It's 301 00:18:37,476 --> 00:18:41,356 Speaker 3: my time to shine. And one of the things that 302 00:18:41,436 --> 00:18:43,516 Speaker 3: happened like, I don't think I left the house for 303 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:50,556 Speaker 3: the first year and I'm not exaggerating, and it's hard 304 00:18:50,716 --> 00:18:54,036 Speaker 3: to it's hard to know what you're like when you 305 00:18:54,036 --> 00:18:56,636 Speaker 3: don't have other people to bounce it off of, right, 306 00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:59,876 Speaker 3: when you don't see how what you're doing in relationship 307 00:18:59,916 --> 00:19:03,836 Speaker 3: to other people. And as soon as we were like 308 00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:08,076 Speaker 3: out in the worlds a little more, I noticed that 309 00:19:09,196 --> 00:19:13,356 Speaker 3: my anxiety, my like nervousness, was ratcheted up. I was 310 00:19:13,716 --> 00:19:17,636 Speaker 3: super and I still am hyper vigilant. I was always 311 00:19:17,716 --> 00:19:20,236 Speaker 3: just waiting for someone to hit me or attack me 312 00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:23,756 Speaker 3: or yell at me for doing something wrong, even though 313 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:27,916 Speaker 3: I wasn't doing anything. And I think being in you know, 314 00:19:28,076 --> 00:19:32,236 Speaker 3: being sort of closed off for for like two years, 315 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:38,916 Speaker 3: woke up the OCD beef, yeah, and I was like, 316 00:19:39,236 --> 00:19:44,876 Speaker 3: I don't feel like I understand myself. I'm scared of 317 00:19:44,956 --> 00:19:48,716 Speaker 3: things that are not scary. What am I doing? And 318 00:19:48,756 --> 00:19:52,756 Speaker 3: so I got a psychiatrist and I, you know, everybody 319 00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:58,356 Speaker 3: self diagnosis a little bit I did not expect OCD, 320 00:19:59,196 --> 00:20:01,796 Speaker 3: Like she was asking about all these random things that 321 00:20:01,876 --> 00:20:04,476 Speaker 3: I didn't think were anything, and she was like, you 322 00:20:04,476 --> 00:20:10,196 Speaker 3: have so many OCD patterns and behaviors. I'm sure you're 323 00:20:10,196 --> 00:20:14,756 Speaker 3: really struggling. And I was like, I am. And so 324 00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:19,636 Speaker 3: now I'm on three hundred and fifty milligrams of zoloft 325 00:20:19,876 --> 00:20:26,596 Speaker 3: every day and I am not fixed, but the sort 326 00:20:26,596 --> 00:20:29,636 Speaker 3: of noise in my head has been quieted a little. 327 00:20:30,076 --> 00:20:31,876 Speaker 3: I feel like a little more normal. 328 00:20:32,236 --> 00:20:37,476 Speaker 1: I had a psychiatry psychiatrist experience that didn't really work out, 329 00:20:38,076 --> 00:20:39,676 Speaker 1: and meaning. 330 00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:42,996 Speaker 2: Like I'm not I'm not surprised, No, I am. 331 00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:44,996 Speaker 1: I'm the opposite of Khalil, like I don't like talking 332 00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:49,396 Speaker 1: about myself. I'm like uncomfortable about it. And just what 333 00:20:49,436 --> 00:20:52,356 Speaker 1: you said, Sam of like your psychiatrist being like, oh 334 00:20:52,476 --> 00:20:55,836 Speaker 1: here's what I'm seeing. My psychiatrist would never do that, 335 00:20:56,316 --> 00:20:58,316 Speaker 1: and she would say, oh, that must that must have 336 00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,596 Speaker 1: been really tough. And so then I'd say like, hey, 337 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,116 Speaker 1: this is kind of weird. Can you tell me what, like, 338 00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:05,996 Speaker 1: like what patterns you're seeing or like what you're making 339 00:21:06,036 --> 00:21:10,716 Speaker 1: of this? And she she could. I dreaded these appointments 340 00:21:10,716 --> 00:21:12,276 Speaker 1: because I was like this is just gonna be like 341 00:21:12,556 --> 00:21:13,236 Speaker 1: a drag. 342 00:21:13,676 --> 00:21:18,956 Speaker 3: Yeah. I know. Some people with psychiatrists have the opposite problem, 343 00:21:18,956 --> 00:21:22,596 Speaker 3: where they want the therapy and the doctor is just like, no, 344 00:21:23,196 --> 00:21:26,516 Speaker 3: I'm a brain doctor. I don't care about your feelings. 345 00:21:26,556 --> 00:21:29,836 Speaker 3: Here are some pills. I'm like, no, I'm gonna say 346 00:21:29,876 --> 00:21:31,996 Speaker 3: a bunch of stuff and then at the end you 347 00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:35,036 Speaker 3: unravel it and tell me what's want, Tell. 348 00:21:34,916 --> 00:21:40,636 Speaker 1: Me something, Give me something here. Damn I imagine your 349 00:21:40,796 --> 00:21:42,476 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't even know how this sounds bad. 350 00:21:42,516 --> 00:21:47,076 Speaker 1: Like you're probably really good in psychiatry, like oh, like 351 00:21:47,076 --> 00:21:49,956 Speaker 1: like your book itself is like the writing experience is 352 00:21:49,996 --> 00:21:50,796 Speaker 1: like getting healthy. 353 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:54,996 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, look at the ramblings of this crazy person. I, 354 00:21:55,596 --> 00:22:00,836 Speaker 3: unfortunately for both me and my providers, cannot like not 355 00:22:01,076 --> 00:22:04,156 Speaker 3: do a comedy bit the whole time. 356 00:22:05,036 --> 00:22:05,276 Speaker 2: Like I. 357 00:22:06,996 --> 00:22:09,956 Speaker 3: Started an essay for this book and I didn't finish it. 358 00:22:10,036 --> 00:22:12,036 Speaker 3: So we'll see if it ever sees the light of 359 00:22:12,116 --> 00:22:17,596 Speaker 3: day called a Tight sixty, which is basically about my 360 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:22,396 Speaker 3: hour long comedy route for my various mental health. 361 00:22:24,156 --> 00:22:25,756 Speaker 1: That's hilarious. 362 00:22:26,116 --> 00:22:26,556 Speaker 3: Love that. 363 00:22:27,156 --> 00:22:31,356 Speaker 2: Yeah, so so speaking so speaking of COVID and maybe 364 00:22:31,996 --> 00:22:35,676 Speaker 2: if you'll indulge my crassness here being a little crazy 365 00:22:36,076 --> 00:22:41,916 Speaker 2: in that moment. So let's talk about teenagers because I 366 00:22:42,036 --> 00:22:47,236 Speaker 2: live because you have some really helpful tips about how 367 00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:51,636 Speaker 2: people should live with teenagers. So share with us your 368 00:22:51,716 --> 00:22:55,316 Speaker 2: how to guide to living with and raising teenagers. 369 00:22:55,556 --> 00:22:59,316 Speaker 3: I think, well, I think the most important thing. First 370 00:22:59,356 --> 00:23:01,636 Speaker 3: of all, I have to be honest and say I'm 371 00:23:01,676 --> 00:23:07,396 Speaker 3: doing zero raising. I just sort of live adjacent to 372 00:23:07,556 --> 00:23:12,956 Speaker 3: the children. I tried to keep them from making enormous 373 00:23:12,996 --> 00:23:16,036 Speaker 3: mistake that I that I see coming. 374 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:21,116 Speaker 1: Uh, and I clarify are your wife's children, right? 375 00:23:23,516 --> 00:23:26,316 Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, I live with that fear 376 00:23:26,516 --> 00:23:29,436 Speaker 3: of like, not to get all racial about it, but 377 00:23:30,236 --> 00:23:32,836 Speaker 3: if I ever get into a scrap with these kids, 378 00:23:37,676 --> 00:23:43,516 Speaker 3: right quick wond and blue eyed, if these almosts are like, 379 00:23:44,196 --> 00:23:50,036 Speaker 3: you know, the police immediately, So I don't get into 380 00:23:50,076 --> 00:23:52,916 Speaker 3: it with them because I hate the idea of jail. 381 00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:59,396 Speaker 3: I would never survive. But I think my biggest secret 382 00:23:59,796 --> 00:24:03,996 Speaker 3: is just to act like the coolest person in the 383 00:24:03,996 --> 00:24:08,316 Speaker 3: world who doesn't care about anything. Because if you act 384 00:24:08,436 --> 00:24:13,196 Speaker 3: like you're interested, they they take that power and. 385 00:24:13,276 --> 00:24:14,356 Speaker 1: They'll hate you for it. 386 00:24:14,676 --> 00:24:18,116 Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like, oh, you want to know something about 387 00:24:18,116 --> 00:24:21,116 Speaker 3: my life, Well, here's a tiny little piece that sounds 388 00:24:21,156 --> 00:24:23,196 Speaker 3: like it might be something good. But I'm not going 389 00:24:23,276 --> 00:24:24,116 Speaker 3: to tell you the rest. 390 00:24:24,836 --> 00:24:28,956 Speaker 1: That's more words than I get. So Sam, in your essay, 391 00:24:29,036 --> 00:24:31,996 Speaker 1: you have bits of advice like, do not try to 392 00:24:32,036 --> 00:24:36,036 Speaker 1: engage your bond with them, Yeah, never, never earnestly ask 393 00:24:36,156 --> 00:24:39,636 Speaker 1: for their opinions on anything you like or enjoy. Do 394 00:24:39,756 --> 00:24:42,356 Speaker 1: not give them any books they're going to shoot on them. 395 00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:46,236 Speaker 1: Do not expect thanks, yep, don't talk to their friends. 396 00:24:46,676 --> 00:24:50,196 Speaker 1: And the one like positive you had is do get tattoos. 397 00:24:50,476 --> 00:24:54,036 Speaker 3: Yeah. I have a lot of tattoos. They think they're cool, 398 00:24:54,276 --> 00:24:58,116 Speaker 3: the friends think they're cool. All my tattoos are so dumb, 399 00:24:58,676 --> 00:25:03,756 Speaker 3: so that's that's good. But yeah, I all of the things, 400 00:25:03,916 --> 00:25:06,476 Speaker 3: like all of the things you that would be your 401 00:25:06,556 --> 00:25:09,836 Speaker 3: impulse with a kid, like be sweet to them and 402 00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:14,236 Speaker 3: like ask them about school or ask them about their 403 00:25:14,356 --> 00:25:18,796 Speaker 3: shirt or whatever. They just don't care and they're never 404 00:25:18,876 --> 00:25:21,876 Speaker 3: gonna give you what you want, especially if they can 405 00:25:22,036 --> 00:25:26,716 Speaker 3: like sense that you really want it. So my strategy 406 00:25:27,036 --> 00:25:31,236 Speaker 3: is just to act like they're you know, vaguely interesting 407 00:25:31,276 --> 00:25:36,676 Speaker 3: strangers who I occasionally run into in the kitchen, and 408 00:25:37,156 --> 00:25:39,356 Speaker 3: it works. I have great relationships with them. 409 00:25:40,356 --> 00:25:42,876 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'll say I'll say that the difference when 410 00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:46,116 Speaker 1: you've raised them and they're teenagers, you're just like, damn, 411 00:25:46,676 --> 00:25:49,276 Speaker 1: like I took your ass to that bullshit soccer game 412 00:25:49,316 --> 00:25:51,756 Speaker 1: back when you were seven, and you're not gonna answer 413 00:25:51,796 --> 00:25:54,916 Speaker 1: me right now, like or like you know, like like 414 00:25:54,996 --> 00:25:57,556 Speaker 1: it's all still there, like for real, yes, Like that's 415 00:25:57,556 --> 00:25:59,396 Speaker 1: how you're gonna everything. 416 00:25:59,636 --> 00:26:05,796 Speaker 3: So personally, you guys, keep the part of you that 417 00:26:05,956 --> 00:26:10,356 Speaker 3: wants to just walk around the house pointing out the 418 00:26:10,476 --> 00:26:14,276 Speaker 3: price of everything you've paid for in order to get 419 00:26:14,276 --> 00:26:17,956 Speaker 3: the kids to like shut up in respect. 420 00:26:19,276 --> 00:26:22,276 Speaker 1: So my kids, my kids sometimes listening to this show, 421 00:26:22,276 --> 00:26:24,876 Speaker 1: but even a lot of times they don't. But there 422 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,636 Speaker 1: were many times when they would turn their back and 423 00:26:26,636 --> 00:26:30,836 Speaker 1: I would give them the double middle finger and it 424 00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:33,236 Speaker 1: was great. I would feel a lot better after it, 425 00:26:33,596 --> 00:26:37,196 Speaker 1: just like you know, they wouldn't know, and that was 426 00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:38,556 Speaker 1: like I recommend that to people. 427 00:26:38,716 --> 00:26:39,356 Speaker 3: That's smart. 428 00:26:40,556 --> 00:26:43,996 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I will just admit I have thrown my 429 00:26:44,356 --> 00:26:47,036 Speaker 2: youngest daughter's cell phone against the wall at least once. 430 00:26:47,316 --> 00:26:49,876 Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not proud of it, but it needed 431 00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:50,316 Speaker 2: to happen. 432 00:26:50,396 --> 00:26:53,716 Speaker 3: See that, and I would be which is why it's 433 00:26:53,796 --> 00:26:57,596 Speaker 3: good that I'm not because I wouldn't be able to 434 00:26:57,636 --> 00:26:59,836 Speaker 3: turn that off. I would just be like, oh, you 435 00:26:59,876 --> 00:27:02,436 Speaker 3: don't want to do your homework, Well here go you're 436 00:27:02,556 --> 00:27:05,076 Speaker 3: Jordan's I'm setting them on fire in the front, you 437 00:27:05,076 --> 00:27:07,396 Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like I wouldn't be able to stop. 438 00:27:08,556 --> 00:27:11,636 Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, Sam, we are going to take one more 439 00:27:11,676 --> 00:27:14,276 Speaker 1: break and we are excited to come back and talk 440 00:27:14,316 --> 00:27:19,396 Speaker 1: to you about Sex and the City. We'll be right back. 441 00:27:39,996 --> 00:27:42,156 Speaker 2: Welcome back to some of my best friends. Are We 442 00:27:42,196 --> 00:27:47,196 Speaker 2: are talking to Sam as In Samantha Irbi and you. 443 00:27:47,596 --> 00:27:51,356 Speaker 2: Sam are one of the writers on the reboot of 444 00:27:51,516 --> 00:27:54,956 Speaker 2: Sex in the City, one of the most popular HBO 445 00:27:55,116 --> 00:27:59,596 Speaker 2: series but also one of the whitest shows white women 446 00:27:59,676 --> 00:28:04,316 Speaker 2: and their sex lives in the history the history of 447 00:28:04,356 --> 00:28:09,436 Speaker 2: serialized television. And so you are part of a reboot 448 00:28:09,476 --> 00:28:12,276 Speaker 2: and just like that that I think now is in 449 00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:15,876 Speaker 2: its second season. We want to talk about like your 450 00:28:16,036 --> 00:28:18,996 Speaker 2: role as a writer in the writer's room. We want 451 00:28:19,036 --> 00:28:22,476 Speaker 2: to hear like how the characters came together. I'll admit 452 00:28:23,036 --> 00:28:26,436 Speaker 2: my wife and I watched the original. We also watched 453 00:28:26,436 --> 00:28:27,076 Speaker 2: the reboot. 454 00:28:27,196 --> 00:28:29,916 Speaker 3: And I hope your wife wasn't one of the many 455 00:28:29,956 --> 00:28:36,316 Speaker 3: people emailing death threats to me. It's okay if she. 456 00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:39,276 Speaker 1: Did, but people were people were emailing you death threats. 457 00:28:39,356 --> 00:28:41,036 Speaker 1: Yeah about I. 458 00:28:40,996 --> 00:28:45,356 Speaker 3: Mean I was like about the like stiletto heel show, 459 00:28:45,796 --> 00:28:49,476 Speaker 3: like are you kidding me? The Funky spunk show, Get 460 00:28:49,556 --> 00:28:55,836 Speaker 3: out of here? Okay. So when when The Room started, 461 00:28:56,156 --> 00:28:59,996 Speaker 3: Michael Patrick King, who is the showrunner and executive producer, 462 00:29:00,796 --> 00:29:07,956 Speaker 3: had already created the characters like the the new pocs. 463 00:29:10,756 --> 00:29:12,436 Speaker 1: So I just want to clarify for people who are 464 00:29:12,436 --> 00:29:15,756 Speaker 1: listening who don't know the show, like me, like, all 465 00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:18,596 Speaker 1: there are three There used to be four white women, 466 00:29:18,916 --> 00:29:21,036 Speaker 1: and then three came back for the reboot. And in 467 00:29:21,116 --> 00:29:23,916 Speaker 1: the reboot, yes, they all got a best friend who 468 00:29:23,996 --> 00:29:25,276 Speaker 1: happened to be a person of color. 469 00:29:26,156 --> 00:29:30,476 Speaker 3: Yes. I just want to say, though, yeah, please in 470 00:29:30,556 --> 00:29:35,876 Speaker 3: the emotional support Black Lady of it All, It's like. 471 00:29:35,876 --> 00:29:38,276 Speaker 1: The version of this story. 472 00:29:37,836 --> 00:29:45,956 Speaker 3: Is there's no other way really to introduce, Like, what 473 00:29:46,196 --> 00:29:51,956 Speaker 3: is the better way to introduce these new characters into 474 00:29:51,996 --> 00:29:55,556 Speaker 3: the show. You have to in order to expand your 475 00:29:55,596 --> 00:29:58,396 Speaker 3: friend group. It's not like we all meet one person 476 00:29:58,476 --> 00:30:01,596 Speaker 3: and we're like, she's in. It's like, no, I'm at 477 00:30:01,596 --> 00:30:04,796 Speaker 3: this girl, she's cool. I'm bringing her to drinks and 478 00:30:04,956 --> 00:30:08,236 Speaker 3: y'all will love her and then they're exchanging numbers over 479 00:30:08,316 --> 00:30:11,836 Speaker 3: drinks and then we're all friends. So I think that 480 00:30:12,036 --> 00:30:16,076 Speaker 3: is more the vibe, that's the fun we're going for, 481 00:30:16,436 --> 00:30:22,516 Speaker 3: rather than like, you know, everyone's emotional mule or whatever. 482 00:30:24,596 --> 00:30:27,116 Speaker 2: I mean, that's fair, But there is this there is 483 00:30:27,196 --> 00:30:31,716 Speaker 2: this way in which it felt as a viewer like, oh, 484 00:30:32,116 --> 00:30:36,076 Speaker 2: this is this post George Floyd moment when this very 485 00:30:36,116 --> 00:30:39,916 Speaker 2: white woman show now has to acknowledge that there are 486 00:30:39,956 --> 00:30:42,476 Speaker 2: no women of color, and now they have them. And 487 00:30:42,556 --> 00:30:44,996 Speaker 2: so that's the beauty of writers, like you can actually 488 00:30:45,036 --> 00:30:45,956 Speaker 2: make these things work. 489 00:30:46,356 --> 00:30:50,916 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, So Michael sort of had, like, you know, 490 00:30:51,436 --> 00:30:55,996 Speaker 3: an outline of who these women were, and then we 491 00:30:55,996 --> 00:30:58,636 Speaker 3: we get to get in there and fill in like 492 00:30:58,756 --> 00:31:02,036 Speaker 3: little details. Let me say, I'm okay a detail I 493 00:31:02,156 --> 00:31:06,036 Speaker 3: added for Naya. I wanted Naya to be the kind 494 00:31:06,076 --> 00:31:09,796 Speaker 3: of person who had only seen one dick in her 495 00:31:09,796 --> 00:31:15,516 Speaker 3: life because she married her like college sweetheart, because that 496 00:31:15,676 --> 00:31:18,676 Speaker 3: is a thing that I think, like, as a culture, 497 00:31:18,796 --> 00:31:22,236 Speaker 3: we haven't really explored much, the like I married my 498 00:31:22,356 --> 00:31:26,156 Speaker 3: best friend at twenty two and now I'm forty two. 499 00:31:26,396 --> 00:31:29,796 Speaker 3: We're divorced, and I don't know how to date, So 500 00:31:29,876 --> 00:31:33,076 Speaker 3: we got into that, like that's a detail, Like we 501 00:31:33,196 --> 00:31:36,716 Speaker 3: added those kinds of things to the characters to make 502 00:31:36,796 --> 00:31:41,236 Speaker 3: them feel more like real people. And you'll get to 503 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:45,836 Speaker 3: see in the second season like more of their sex lives, 504 00:31:45,916 --> 00:31:48,876 Speaker 3: which is I know there was not enough sex and 505 00:31:48,996 --> 00:31:52,556 Speaker 3: season one for a lot of people, but you're getting. 506 00:31:52,196 --> 00:31:55,116 Speaker 1: It all right. Well, Sam, First of all, congratulations on 507 00:31:55,156 --> 00:31:56,836 Speaker 1: writing this show and being part of it. I mean 508 00:31:57,116 --> 00:32:00,236 Speaker 1: people talk shit about all kinds of things, but you know, 509 00:32:00,636 --> 00:32:04,156 Speaker 1: creating things and telling stories, and especially for people who 510 00:32:04,236 --> 00:32:05,756 Speaker 1: do try to do it for a living like you 511 00:32:05,796 --> 00:32:09,116 Speaker 1: and me, it's like, let's celebrate it all. Don't get 512 00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:12,076 Speaker 1: to tell you have you have like a full time 513 00:32:12,196 --> 00:32:13,556 Speaker 1: job as a professor. 514 00:32:13,996 --> 00:32:21,156 Speaker 2: But Sam, I still tell stories the stud you're the straight. 515 00:32:22,436 --> 00:32:26,036 Speaker 3: Yeah. Can I say something that I don't know is 516 00:32:26,156 --> 00:32:29,476 Speaker 3: maybe controversial. 517 00:32:29,236 --> 00:32:31,076 Speaker 1: But I think we hope. 518 00:32:31,156 --> 00:32:34,756 Speaker 3: So I think there are a lot It was so 519 00:32:34,916 --> 00:32:41,516 Speaker 3: funny to me, the like backlash against Miranda, specifically her 520 00:32:41,676 --> 00:32:45,796 Speaker 3: sort of like learning about racism of it all. I 521 00:32:45,836 --> 00:32:51,716 Speaker 3: feel like it mirrored the journeys of a lot of liberal, 522 00:32:52,436 --> 00:32:56,796 Speaker 3: middle aged white women, right. I mean, black people are 523 00:32:56,836 --> 00:33:01,036 Speaker 3: not reading almost said Ero Mex Candy but you know, 524 00:33:01,436 --> 00:33:05,276 Speaker 3: like I'm not reading that anti racist book because I'm black, right, 525 00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:06,716 Speaker 3: I'm example, I don't have to read it. 526 00:33:06,756 --> 00:33:10,116 Speaker 2: And you don't have a Black Lives Matter sign. 527 00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:14,556 Speaker 3: We have nothing. We don't have a day flag either. 528 00:33:14,756 --> 00:33:18,156 Speaker 3: But it's like, you know, it was so weird to 529 00:33:18,196 --> 00:33:20,116 Speaker 3: me that these women who were walking around with like 530 00:33:20,196 --> 00:33:23,756 Speaker 3: Robin DiAngelo's book and this and that and wearing pink 531 00:33:23,796 --> 00:33:28,076 Speaker 3: pussy hats, and like I watched the documentary about these 532 00:33:28,116 --> 00:33:31,316 Speaker 3: white women who paid to go to a dinner where 533 00:33:31,316 --> 00:33:34,036 Speaker 3: they could be told that they were racist, which I 534 00:33:34,076 --> 00:33:38,396 Speaker 3: think is crazy, But like, are we pretending that that 535 00:33:38,636 --> 00:33:42,156 Speaker 3: didn't happen over the past two years, that there weren't 536 00:33:42,636 --> 00:33:47,236 Speaker 3: tons of like upper middle class white women like trying 537 00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:51,196 Speaker 3: to meet somebody named Shaneida so they could be friends, 538 00:33:51,236 --> 00:33:53,676 Speaker 3: so they could like prove that they cared. It was 539 00:33:53,716 --> 00:33:56,596 Speaker 3: so weird to me that people were like that's unrealistic 540 00:33:56,836 --> 00:34:03,876 Speaker 3: when we just watched it happen. Yeah, yeah, and like, 541 00:34:04,036 --> 00:34:07,676 Speaker 3: hats off to them. I think it's so brave to 542 00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,916 Speaker 3: try to learn a new thing or do a new 543 00:34:09,956 --> 00:34:13,956 Speaker 3: thing in your life, particularly when you're over forty years old. 544 00:34:14,156 --> 00:34:18,396 Speaker 3: I don't do anything new, but yeah, I was like, 545 00:34:18,836 --> 00:34:21,596 Speaker 3: this is the exact type of person. We're kind of 546 00:34:21,596 --> 00:34:24,596 Speaker 3: poking fun a little, kind of celebrating her a little. 547 00:34:24,876 --> 00:34:28,876 Speaker 3: But a lot of y'all were running around wearing safety 548 00:34:28,916 --> 00:34:34,716 Speaker 3: pins remember that shit. It's like, come on, she is. 549 00:34:34,636 --> 00:34:38,876 Speaker 2: You No, I think you're you're calling it out. So 550 00:34:39,356 --> 00:34:43,036 Speaker 2: this podcast has explored in so many different ways the 551 00:34:43,076 --> 00:34:48,276 Speaker 2: ways that white people, but also straight people, all sorts 552 00:34:48,316 --> 00:34:53,796 Speaker 2: of people trivialize like the realities of structural racism or 553 00:34:53,836 --> 00:34:56,916 Speaker 2: other forms of oppression and bigotry. So we have a 554 00:34:56,996 --> 00:35:00,876 Speaker 2: question for you. So, do you have some of my 555 00:35:00,956 --> 00:35:05,396 Speaker 2: best friends are story that someone said to you along 556 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:08,396 Speaker 2: the way that they're not X Y or Z because 557 00:35:08,436 --> 00:35:09,876 Speaker 2: they are friends with X Y or Z. 558 00:35:10,596 --> 00:35:18,996 Speaker 3: Honestly, I don't know that I have one. Like I 559 00:35:19,036 --> 00:35:24,036 Speaker 3: grew up in a progressive place, and all my like 560 00:35:24,076 --> 00:35:29,196 Speaker 3: white friends are progressive people, and my white wife is 561 00:35:29,316 --> 00:35:35,516 Speaker 3: progressive and her white children. You know, the kind of 562 00:35:35,516 --> 00:35:38,596 Speaker 3: people who would already have black friends, you know what 563 00:35:38,676 --> 00:35:41,356 Speaker 3: I mean, like just sort of forward thinking. 564 00:35:41,796 --> 00:35:43,596 Speaker 2: Kind of like kind of like Ben, I get it, 565 00:35:43,636 --> 00:35:47,436 Speaker 2: I get it, like that, like friends who might who 566 00:35:47,556 --> 00:35:50,756 Speaker 2: also might actually be you know, kind of black, depending 567 00:35:50,796 --> 00:35:51,396 Speaker 2: on the moment. 568 00:35:51,996 --> 00:35:56,516 Speaker 3: Ben has a black wife because he talks. 569 00:35:56,516 --> 00:35:58,316 Speaker 1: There you go, ding ding ding ding. 570 00:36:00,516 --> 00:36:04,236 Speaker 2: Yes, I've been waiting for this moment for two years. 571 00:36:04,556 --> 00:36:05,716 Speaker 3: Yes, your life is black. 572 00:36:05,836 --> 00:36:08,756 Speaker 2: Right, The answer is yes, But you said something else 573 00:36:08,796 --> 00:36:11,756 Speaker 2: that's kind of fuddy. So they're they're on Twitter. During 574 00:36:11,756 --> 00:36:16,076 Speaker 2: our first season, one of our our listeners tweeted at us. 575 00:36:16,076 --> 00:36:20,116 Speaker 2: It said, how is it that the white guy who 576 00:36:20,156 --> 00:36:22,796 Speaker 2: seems to have very little credentials, who sounds like a 577 00:36:22,836 --> 00:36:25,196 Speaker 2: black guy gets to have a show when the black 578 00:36:25,236 --> 00:36:30,716 Speaker 2: guy is a Harvard professor, super super educated, and like 579 00:36:30,836 --> 00:36:34,316 Speaker 2: she was basically saying, it's another double America. 580 00:36:34,636 --> 00:36:37,356 Speaker 1: Sweetie and Sam, Sam, we both have to drink now. 581 00:36:37,396 --> 00:36:42,196 Speaker 1: He just said Harvard whoa Hey Sam, So I have 582 00:36:42,276 --> 00:36:43,956 Speaker 1: a I have a last question for you, and it's 583 00:36:43,996 --> 00:36:47,556 Speaker 1: about It's really about your work. I mean, you're you're 584 00:36:47,876 --> 00:36:52,436 Speaker 1: very right, very specifically about your own identity, and your 585 00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:56,796 Speaker 1: work is beloved by all. It's really universal in a 586 00:36:56,836 --> 00:37:00,476 Speaker 1: lot of ways. And why do you think your writing 587 00:37:00,596 --> 00:37:03,076 Speaker 1: resonates with so many different kinds of people? 588 00:37:03,756 --> 00:37:06,436 Speaker 3: Oh? Man, I have not thought this answer out, so 589 00:37:06,556 --> 00:37:12,276 Speaker 3: prepare for it to be embarrassing. I think maybe because 590 00:37:13,476 --> 00:37:22,836 Speaker 3: I write about universally irritating things I don't like. I 591 00:37:22,876 --> 00:37:27,996 Speaker 3: don't have a lot of takes that are particularly hot, right, 592 00:37:28,196 --> 00:37:31,556 Speaker 3: like not about anything that matters, right, like no one 593 00:37:31,676 --> 00:37:35,596 Speaker 3: cares about like the soup at Red Lobster, you know, 594 00:37:35,716 --> 00:37:38,676 Speaker 3: or like whatever would bother me enough to write about it. 595 00:37:39,916 --> 00:37:44,476 Speaker 3: I think it's just like I am honest but always 596 00:37:44,716 --> 00:37:48,116 Speaker 3: working for a laugh. I mean, I'm always like just 597 00:37:48,236 --> 00:37:51,796 Speaker 3: trying to get you to chuckle. And I think people 598 00:37:52,676 --> 00:37:58,516 Speaker 3: appreciate that. And like I'm not preachy or you know, 599 00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:01,356 Speaker 3: I'm not an intellectual, so they don't have to have 600 00:38:01,436 --> 00:38:07,236 Speaker 3: a dictionary handy. I think it just like goes down easy, 601 00:38:07,476 --> 00:38:12,156 Speaker 3: and it's I write into such a conversational way that 602 00:38:12,236 --> 00:38:17,476 Speaker 3: I think people enjoy, like sort of having that silent 603 00:38:17,676 --> 00:38:19,676 Speaker 3: back and forth with me. 604 00:38:19,916 --> 00:38:22,796 Speaker 1: Yeah, my theory on it too. In addition to all 605 00:38:22,836 --> 00:38:25,436 Speaker 1: the things you said, you know, you write about not 606 00:38:25,596 --> 00:38:28,396 Speaker 1: feeling good in your body, You write about these private 607 00:38:28,436 --> 00:38:32,836 Speaker 1: things like everyone except for Khalil obviously feels bad in 608 00:38:32,876 --> 00:38:35,996 Speaker 1: their bodies sometimes or wants to like hide things, and 609 00:38:36,276 --> 00:38:39,196 Speaker 1: yours might sometimes be more extreme, but it like it 610 00:38:39,276 --> 00:38:41,636 Speaker 1: taps into what we're all we're all feeling. 611 00:38:41,756 --> 00:38:45,556 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And like I think I think when I 612 00:38:45,636 --> 00:38:48,116 Speaker 3: was a kid, I was going through so many terrible things. 613 00:38:48,116 --> 00:38:53,516 Speaker 3: I had such a horrible childhood, and you feel so alone. 614 00:38:53,796 --> 00:38:57,476 Speaker 3: And I think one of my goals is has always 615 00:38:57,596 --> 00:39:00,516 Speaker 3: been to just be like, listen, if you're going through 616 00:39:00,516 --> 00:39:04,316 Speaker 3: this kind of stuff, so am I so don't feel alone. 617 00:39:04,876 --> 00:39:07,236 Speaker 3: And maybe you can't laugh about it, but I can. 618 00:39:07,676 --> 00:39:10,596 Speaker 3: I'll make it funny, and I'll like do that for 619 00:39:11,356 --> 00:39:15,556 Speaker 3: both of us. So truly, I just am trying, like 620 00:39:15,676 --> 00:39:19,916 Speaker 3: we're all swimming in the same see a vomit, and 621 00:39:19,956 --> 00:39:22,196 Speaker 3: I'm just trying to like look over and be like, hey, 622 00:39:22,236 --> 00:39:25,556 Speaker 3: this sucks, and have somebody else be like, yeah, it 623 00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:29,996 Speaker 3: does the way you said that. 624 00:39:30,636 --> 00:39:34,116 Speaker 1: The title to your next book dedicated to you too. 625 00:39:34,716 --> 00:39:37,836 Speaker 2: Well, Sam, we we have had so much fun. We've 626 00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:40,876 Speaker 2: gotten to know you in ways that we never thought possible, 627 00:39:41,036 --> 00:39:44,676 Speaker 2: but both by reading your book and also talking to 628 00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:45,236 Speaker 2: you here. 629 00:39:45,276 --> 00:39:47,596 Speaker 3: Welcome and I'm sorry. 630 00:39:47,436 --> 00:39:49,996 Speaker 2: Some of my best friends are. I just want to say, 631 00:39:50,076 --> 00:39:53,356 Speaker 2: I think it's your honesty and your authenticity that is 632 00:39:53,396 --> 00:39:56,156 Speaker 2: so infectious. Thanks so much for being on our show. 633 00:39:57,396 --> 00:40:00,996 Speaker 3: So nice. You guys are the best, the most fun 634 00:40:01,036 --> 00:40:02,756 Speaker 3: I've ever had recording. 635 00:40:02,356 --> 00:40:06,316 Speaker 1: A pot All right, Yes, we get a croud. 636 00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:14,916 Speaker 3: Of clocking Bens Nubie and Queen this. 637 00:40:16,316 --> 00:40:20,356 Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, you're wonderful, Sam, thank you, thanks, thanks. 638 00:40:20,156 --> 00:40:22,476 Speaker 3: So much, thank you for having me. 639 00:40:35,276 --> 00:40:41,196 Speaker 1: Wow. Man, Yeah I am. I am thinking about comedy by. 640 00:40:41,076 --> 00:40:42,276 Speaker 2: The way, after I go to the bathroom. 641 00:40:42,316 --> 00:40:44,716 Speaker 1: But anyway, Oh, so you're trying to be like you're 642 00:40:44,756 --> 00:40:47,436 Speaker 1: like the new Samantha Irbie. I love it. I love it. 643 00:40:47,516 --> 00:40:50,916 Speaker 1: You got it, you got it. The essay collection comes 644 00:40:50,916 --> 00:40:55,876 Speaker 1: out soon. Yeah, that's what I want to say. It 645 00:40:55,956 --> 00:40:58,996 Speaker 1: just like comedy is therapy. I just wanted to say, 646 00:40:59,156 --> 00:41:01,876 Speaker 1: like in her life, she talked about how it how 647 00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:06,036 Speaker 1: it sort of protected her and healed her, and just 648 00:41:06,116 --> 00:41:08,996 Speaker 1: how good I feel right now. Uh, you know in 649 00:41:09,196 --> 00:41:14,076 Speaker 1: Dorphin's kicking in it works. H I fucking love Samantha Irby. 650 00:41:14,156 --> 00:41:14,756 Speaker 1: Thank you too. 651 00:41:15,076 --> 00:41:17,396 Speaker 2: And you know what, I just have one callback to 652 00:41:18,036 --> 00:41:21,396 Speaker 2: our final episode last season, The Good, the Bad, the Funny, 653 00:41:21,756 --> 00:41:24,556 Speaker 2: And our biggest critique on that show, which was about 654 00:41:24,636 --> 00:41:28,076 Speaker 2: Dave Chappelle, was that he didn't know the value of 655 00:41:28,116 --> 00:41:31,076 Speaker 2: self deprecating humor. And so there's a moment in this 656 00:41:31,116 --> 00:41:34,236 Speaker 2: conversation when Sam is like, look, you know, talking about 657 00:41:34,316 --> 00:41:37,836 Speaker 2: myself not only helped me protect myself, but it also 658 00:41:37,956 --> 00:41:41,356 Speaker 2: made me really fucking funny, and that is the genius 659 00:41:41,356 --> 00:41:43,756 Speaker 2: of comedy. She was awesome. 660 00:41:44,396 --> 00:41:57,436 Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, Love you man, Love you too. 661 00:41:58,876 --> 00:42:01,236 Speaker 2: Some of My Best Friends Are is a production of 662 00:42:01,316 --> 00:42:05,196 Speaker 2: Pushkin Industries. The show is written and hosted by me Khalil, 663 00:42:05,276 --> 00:42:07,876 Speaker 2: Jabron Muhammad and my best friend Ben Austen. 664 00:42:08,076 --> 00:42:11,996 Speaker 1: It's produced by Lucy Sullivan. Our associate producer is Rachel Yang. 665 00:42:12,516 --> 00:42:15,796 Speaker 1: It's edited by Sarah Nix with help from Keyshel Williams. 666 00:42:16,156 --> 00:42:19,956 Speaker 1: Our engineer is Amanda ka Wang, and our managing producer 667 00:42:20,116 --> 00:42:22,236 Speaker 1: is Constanza Guyardo. 668 00:42:22,396 --> 00:42:26,756 Speaker 2: At Pushkin thanks to Leitol Molatt, Julia Barton, Heather Fain, 669 00:42:27,196 --> 00:42:32,236 Speaker 2: Carly Migliori, John schnarz Retta Cone, and Jacob Weisberg. 670 00:42:32,476 --> 00:42:36,196 Speaker 1: Our theme song, Little Lily, is by fellow chicagoan the 671 00:42:36,316 --> 00:42:40,236 Speaker 1: brilliant Avery R. Young, from his album Tubman. You definitely 672 00:42:40,236 --> 00:42:43,276 Speaker 1: want to check out his music at his website Averyaryong 673 00:42:43,356 --> 00:42:43,996 Speaker 1: dot com. 674 00:42:44,076 --> 00:42:47,676 Speaker 2: You can find Pushkin on all social platforms at Pushkin pods, 675 00:42:48,036 --> 00:42:50,636 Speaker 2: and you can sign up for our newsletter at pushkin 676 00:42:50,676 --> 00:42:54,556 Speaker 2: dot fm. To find more Pushkin podcasts, listen on the 677 00:42:54,596 --> 00:42:57,996 Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you. 678 00:42:58,036 --> 00:43:00,596 Speaker 1: Like to listen. And if you like our show, please 679 00:43:00,636 --> 00:43:03,436 Speaker 1: give us a five star rating and a review and listen. 680 00:43:03,476 --> 00:43:04,836 Speaker 1: Even if you don't like it, give it a five 681 00:43:04,876 --> 00:43:07,796 Speaker 1: star rating and a review, and please tell all of 682 00:43:07,836 --> 00:43:15,956 Speaker 1: your best friends about it. Thank you, Interesting 683 00:43:20,076 --> 00:43:20,116 Speaker 4: S