WEBVTT - Group Therapy Part 2 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:18.440 I am all In. I Am all in with Scott 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:22.680 Patterson and I Heart Radio podcast Everybody Scott Patterson, I 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:27.280 Am all In Podcast. We are joined by Danielle Tara Amy. 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:30.280 This is part two of our discussions going Well, I'm 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:34.120 feeling good, Kirk, good, isn't she great? Oh? She's like, 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.120 We're gonna get into a little Luke laurelized stuff because 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:41.239 I think we uh, we ignored that a little bit. 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:45.120 We get a little we get at a little bit, 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:48.080 you know, a little sidecard over there. Um, let's let's 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:51.040 hop on the big motorcycle and rev that engine. Here 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.519 we go the uh the Luke and laurel Iz with 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:57.920 with Kim Kirk of Dallas, Texas. Kim, let me ask 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:02.160 you a question. Yes, why don't people get out of 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:10.000 their relationships first? And then if they've met someone? Great questions? 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:14.640 Really interested? Yeah, great questions? Why do they have affairs? 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:18.160 Why do people have affairs? Why do they not disengage 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.960 from their current relationship, whether there it's a committed relationship 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:25.480 or a marriage, and then go and say, and you know, 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:28.479 be upfront and say, I'm I'm leaving. I haven't done 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.720 anything with this other person, but I'm going to and 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:35.759 bye bye and let's split the assets and then they 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:39.000 go off and do that. Why don't people do that? Uh, 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.680 there's a lot of reasons. And I always think about 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:43.520 that every time I watch one of those murder shows. 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:51.919 I'm like, divorce them. There there are a lot of reasons. Sometimes, 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:53.840 you know, if you grew up maybe if you grew 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:58.080 up in in divorce is just unacceptable. Yeah, that's that's 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.280 one I can't. I can't, So I'll just have this 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:05.040 little side action over here, I think. And I also 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:10.720 think a lot of people are scared of what's gonna 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:15.440 happen if I tell this person this is just not 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:19.760 working for it. What they're scared of is a lot 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:21.880 of things. And you know, and again if we look 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.079 at you know, if we go back into like attachment 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:28.320 and we're looking at the parts of them that are scared. 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:32.080 Is it my you know, thirty five year old part, 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.280 or is it a ten year old part that when 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.960 I tried to state how I felt got slammed. You know, 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:42.200 all of these factors are in there. And you know, 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.839 of course we can talk about finances that that could 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:47.919 definitely be an issue. But I've seen people, I've seen 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:52.680 people you know, um, have affairs and knowing they're gonna 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:55.480 get caught so that it can be ended and they 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:58.600 don't have to you know, where you force the partner 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.360 to kind of go, you know, I can be in 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:06.079 this relationship. So true. Yeah, So, so there's a lot 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:09.080 of factors in there. But I think people get really 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:14.600 scared of am I responsible for this other person's feeling? 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:17.359 I don't want to hurt this other person. I don't. Yeah, 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.560 there's there's a million and I think there's just so 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:26.360 many reasons why somebody won't just be Honestum, it really 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.280 is going to and I think your family of origin 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.280 is going to have a big impact on it. You know. 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:32.919 Some I've known people that you know where it's it's 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:38.240 a completely unhealthy relationship, maybe not even safe. But we 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:41.640 don't get divorced. We don't get divorced. And some people 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:43.520 are just gonna accept it. We don't get divorced, and 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.480 I'm just gonna, you know, I'm just gonna have some 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:49.920 fun over here or something. So here's a follow up. 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.640 Since nobody does it that way, they do have the 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:58.840 affair right, Some people do it right. Yeah, some people do. Okay, 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.840 So that's the question do you in your experience, what 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.400 is the percentage of people doing it right versus doing 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.600 it and having the affair? And what is this tendency 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:12.480 for people um to moralize about it, like if you 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.240 do it, this is the way you should do it, 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:19.400 and nobody really does it that way because of all 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:23.680 of the complications and considerations that you have just illuminated, 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:28.240 Why do people feel the need to moralize about it 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:32.240 and preached other people? You know that you did wrong 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:36.320 and you're less of a human being because you did it, 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.800 and because most of the people do with that? That's fascinating? 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.080 Is that? Ting? Is that? So are you asking me 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:47.000 if if someone's having like some kind of marital issue, 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.640 what is it with Like if I was to say, 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.760 you know, how dare you do this? Okay? Yeah, what 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:56.600 is this tendency? Yes in somebody I'm not saying you personally, 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.960 but in people that are outside of the circle or 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.359 outside of the situation just hearing about them that's a 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:08.800 horrible thing to do. Again, you know again there from 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:11.040 in one of the therapies that I work with is 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:14.560 called internal family systems. We literally talk about parts of me, 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:18.400 parts of me doing that Sometimes that's a protective part 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:25.000 of me. You know, that's so bad. That's so bad. 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:27.840 I would never do that. I would never do that. 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.680 So I'm, you know, to ensure my own safety. I'm 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.840 gonna make sure that you know that everybody knows that's 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:39.440 a horrible thing, you know, for my own protection, right right, 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.160 I compared to why we're all like, oh, look at 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:45.160 those vander Pump knows people, and we're all just judging him, 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.479 judging him, judging him. Look at that idiot. I can't 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:49.720 believe he did this, and old blah blah, because it 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:52.280 makes us feel better about ourselves, like, oh, it's not 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:54.320 as big of a trend wreck as those. I wouldn't 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.000 never do that. That's I'm always like, that's the kiss 0:05:57.040 --> 0:05:59.200 of death. I never say I would never do anything. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:01.720 I mean, there's a couple of things I know I'm 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.880 not gonna do. But but but but it's it's a 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.400 dangerous space to be, but it is a protective place 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:08.080 to be. Like you said, Amy, it can make you 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:12.560 feel make you feel better, yeah, make you feel safer. 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:17.159 Only only those kind of people do that. I think 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.200 there's another thing too that Scott and Danielle and I 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.000 were all talking about um, you know during the last 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:25.120 couple of days. It is still also a TV show 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:29.400 in like Danielle and I were talking earlier, like Harry, Right, 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:34.080 Harry cheated on Aiden with Big now Morley, was that 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.880 the right thing to do? No, but I loved it 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:39.480 because I wanted her to be with Big. So I 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:43.760 remember watching it and being kind of thrilled about it 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.480 because I and so I do think, like because there's 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:51.520 a lot of people that are team Dean. Right, Well, 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:54.599 if you're team Dean, then your team this guy who 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.080 just cheated on his wife. Because I would argue this 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.320 and I this might stir up a lot of drama, 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:05.120 but like who's more wrong, Rory or Dean Dean? Rory's 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:08.760 not married. Yeah, I know, yeah, but there you can 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.400 still two things can be true, Like I can still 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.840 love it and like on a watch every set. So yeah, 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.760 just ask you ask yourself and I we Amy and 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.120 I talked about this earlier about how boring would Gilmore 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:24.240 Girls be if everybody happened appropriately all of the time, 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.080 there would be nothing to watch. Yeah, it's yeah, we 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:28.880 have to, like you said, all the time, we have 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:32.600 to have drama or there is nothing Oh okay, look 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.239 at Laura lie together. Did you see that second episode 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:37.360 where they kind of flirted and then they got together. 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:41.360 Now and they're dating, and but just think of all 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:47.080 of the drama and moreover, the comedy that this incident 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:51.280 at the end of season four will set up going forward. Yes, 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:55.400 it is. It is the gold that a dramatist praise for. 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.680 They can, they can, they can divine this, they can 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.720 write this, they can come up with this. It's just 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:05.240 like the perfect flawed characters and we're gonna forgive them 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:09.200 because they're young, well and per usual. We love the 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:13.040 brilliant I think it's brilliant. It's brilliant trauma. Think you guys, 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:15.760 you guys, everybody was tuning in for this, you know, 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.560 for this episode. I mean obviously for the kiss, but 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.040 the next one they're gonna want to know, Yeah, the 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:25.040 kiss and then what's going on with with Rory. That's 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:26.840 exactly right, and that's what it's gonna bring up. So, like, 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:30.320 you know, when you're like looking at something, let's say 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:34.360 your Instagram, and there's one thousand nice comments and one 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.480 mean one, and you're completely taken sideways by the mean one, 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:41.360 Like you think you look beautiful. You look, you look beautiful, beautiful, 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.760 your outfit sucks and you're fat, and that person is 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:47.199 undone by it, right, So same thing here. It's like, 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:51.480 we there's so many good things in this episode, right, 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:54.280 we haven't even talked to you yet about the kiss, 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:55.959 which I do want to before you have to go, 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:00.160 but we're completely undone by the drama, which is just 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.760 the human nature too. You're like, you can't help but 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:08.040 gravitate towards that. Yeah, well yeah, and then it's yeah, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:11.440 what you're just describing as the negativity bias and uh. 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:15.520 That's another theory that says that back in the earliest 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.439 days of man, it was more important to know what 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:23.839 was gonna kill you versus what you like. So you like, 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:27.599 you said, you can have you can have a you know, 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:32.280 an okay day, and then you know, okay day, and 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:34.200 then someone pulled out in front of you and then 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.079 all of a sudden, what are you telling your you know, 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:38.319 friend or your partner or whatever. You get home this 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:43.439 jerk did this, and all right, go sideways John Gottman 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:45.840 and I don't know if if you guys it's okay. 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.920 It's as psychologist, but he works a lot in the 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.480 marriage and divorce. He's one of the people that can 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:54.680 like spot a divorce and by communication. But John John 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.600 Gottman uses the negativity bias and a lot of his work, 0:09:57.720 --> 0:09:59.280 so he's the one. If you've ever if you've ever 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.880 heard this before, it takes like five positives to undo 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:10.079 one negative a thousand positives exactly because it's sticks h 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.640 negative is like velcro. Positive is kind of a tef line. Yeah, 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.240 that's why, that's why, that's why we have to layer 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.400 on the positives. You know, and you're talking about like 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.679 with kids and stuff, you really want to catch them 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.839 when they're doing the right things. Well, that's probably why 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.560 Rory's so undone because she's just gotten all this criticism 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:32.640 from her mom, so she's going desperately to find the 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:36.160 positive and calling Dean and then she's Lindsay answers, she's 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:44.959 just undone. All right, enough about that trollop, Let's talk 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:49.240 about the Let's talk about Luke. Okay, let's talk about Luke. 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.600 Let's okay, two questions, Kim, are Luke and Laurel are 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.880 well suited? And what took Luke so long? What's this problem? 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:01.760 Or is this another another example of safety. I want 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:06.280 to say this, There there definitely there definitely is some 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.280 aspects that makes them that can make them a really 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:17.959 good couple. And they both come from trauma, and from 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:19.760 what I can tell so far on the show, it's 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:24.160 not resolved. So we are going to expect that there's 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:30.240 going to be some issues between these two. Loralai is 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:32.400 guarded and she has a way of being guarded in 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:35.520 the world, and she doesn't trust a lot of people, 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.440 if you notice even in that you know, I think 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:42.160 we talked on that other time we met, and she 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.599 she loves the people in town, but she's not that 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:49.280 super close to a lot of people, right. It's close 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:52.760 to Suki and she's close to Luke, which is developed. 0:11:54.160 --> 0:12:02.160 Luke it's guarded his world. It's like you said before, Scott, 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.360 you said, it's pretty structured, and there's there's it's opening 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:07.880 up a little bit if you're noticed, like he's taking 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:11.679 care of Kirk, It's sisters in town and and and 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.439 you know, Jess has probably opened up some things for 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:20.439 him as well. But but there's still I see Luke 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.120 as being very protected too. He kind of steps forward 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.679 a little bit and he's quick to move back if 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:30.800 it didn't feel safe, So they both have that the 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.839 difficulty in that relationship is it again, if we're not 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:38.600 aware of our experience, we can keep kind of bumping 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:41.520 into the same thing. We can we can re injure, 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:44.160 we can have a lot of re injuries, we can 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:48.360 injure each other protecting ourselves or what the poets referred 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:55.319 to as the repellent atoms of love, right something right? Um? Yeah, 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:59.160 it is interesting and and it does mask a or 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.719 ten to mask a very powerful attraction they have for 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:07.160 one another, and which is palpable, which is undeniable, which 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:11.520 neither of them can turn away from for very long. Um, 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:18.800 would you say that Luke is because he's now you know, 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:26.400 prepared himself, sought some therapy through tapes in a book. Okay, 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:35.439 do you think that he has any chance whatsoever to 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:39.719 survive that experience if it goes And I know you've 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:41.800 probably seen the rest of the seasons and you see 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:43.760 what happens. But I mean, in the real world, if 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:45.839 you take a real world couple that's a lot like this, 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:48.760 and you don't know the outcome, you know, is Luke 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.760 ever going to be accepted or fit into a Gilmore 0:13:52.760 --> 0:14:00.319 dynasty at Gilmore family Laura Gilmore, Rory Gilmore. Yes, because 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:05.800 remember you know she grew up to sixteen and this 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:11.400 wealth and privilege, and she spent the next sixteen plus, 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:14.439 however old. She is now in Stars Hollow and that 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:17.800 is her home and that is where she's comfortable. So 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:22.880 and I think in that environment he can fit in 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:31.480 with with those gilmoresh what are you thinking? The only 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.440 think he's in huge trouble when he walks into that mansion. 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:39.560 I just think that's the place he's That water's too 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:44.080 deep for him. Yeah, it's it's a very And and 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.320 again why I think he's safe at Laureliz's house is 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:52.480 because she's tried really hard not to be like that, 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:56.120 and she's really comfortable in there. But she also she 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:59.640 can she can do the uh the other Gilmore's pretty well, 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:01.800 but she doesn't want to live there. She doesn't. That's 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:03.520 why I think they have a shot. And they do 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:07.920 like each other. And again traumas aside, they do like 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.640 each other. They do have really good chemistry. There's stress there, 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:17.760 there's streuss there, there's a connection there even in friendship. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:20.880 So there's there's a lot of things that I think 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.080 could be working in their favor. How do you think 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:31.080 they're similar? I see Laurelay is extremely tough. She's tough. Yeah, 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:34.720 she's tough as nails like Lucas. But they also they 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:37.240 show up very differently. They're tough as nails, but also 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:40.800 underneath that is really a lot as soft. Do you 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.920 guys see that a lot of Laura liking when you 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:48.120 see her hurt, it's big, it's big. And Luke I 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.080 think Lucas soft. Yeah, Luke works really hard not to 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:54.440 be hurt too. Yeah. You can see it, um with 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.440 how he is with his sister, you know, for all 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.480 the stuff. Yeah, absolutely with Yes, now he had to 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.000 be kind of tough with Jess and then when he 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:08.000 realized but now yeah, but I think he took him 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:12.280 in because he saw yeah. Yeah. Do you think do 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:16.840 you think the way that and in general, when there's 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:20.320 a sibling or a sister, a brother who is trying 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.560 to take care of a sister who has obviously obvious 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.600 addiction problems, and what that does to a family, and 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:29.880 what that does to the heart of a brother who 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:35.240 is not necessarily given up all hope but just has 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:39.800 accepted it. You're talking about accepted it as how she 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:44.960 is now, and then how that's affected Luke, well, how 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:50.120 it's affected his relationships with other people, and how it's like, 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.960 you know, at one time they were close and now 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:57.480 they're not and it's because she's you know, chasing the 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:02.320 white dragon or yeah again, yeah Luke, if we don't, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.360 or how addiction affects families, Yeah, how addiction can destroy afamily, 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.440 whether it's alcohol or whether it's drugs, and and so 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:14.040 that element is introduced into the Gilmore Show, and it's 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.200 not really discussed for right now, but it's like it's 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:18.720 part of it. Part it's part of what makes Luke 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:22.400 Luke so my therapist brain when I you know, when 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:26.399 we we have to assume with his sister Liz, uh, 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:29.800 she got pregnant early too because she's the younger sister. 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.879 Rory and Jess are about the same age too, So 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:36.200 we have to I have to look and say, well, 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:39.280 you know, when Luke's mom died early and dad, his dad, 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:42.120 you know, did did his best job that he could, 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:46.680 but it you know, it affected them. Um, addiction. When 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:51.879 we see addiction, addiction is trying to feel better. You know, 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.040 I'm trying. I've got a wound here and I'm trying 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.879 to feel better, and of course the addiction kind of 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.160 takes over. But I but if if his sister has addiction, 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:07.840 then I'm almost looking at Luke like Luke's this is 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:12.639 an okay word rigidity And like you said, there there's 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:16.560 a lot of need of control there and he gets 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:23.159 he gets um uncomfortable when change is presented, do you 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:28.080 think su Yeah, that's that's the very definition of somebody 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:33.960 who is that you know has such has has a 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.960 self imposed really short leach to their own structured days, 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:44.680 whereas there's no flexibility there really safety yeah, yeah, a 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.600 lot of safety. And how would you know? And if 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.600 we're looking at Luke, how would he know? He lost 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:51.840 his mom? I don't. I don't know what they I 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:54.399 don't know exactly. They give the right age, but he 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.440 lost his mom when he was young. We know that much. 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:01.320 Dad had grief. You know, Dad probably did the best 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.880 he could, but Dad lost his wife. Though Luke has 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.680 his own trauma history and he keeps his head down, 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:11.520 he does what he's supposed to do. He saves his money. 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:14.600 He has a very stable life, which I think is 0:19:14.600 --> 0:19:18.159 attractive to Laura la As well, but so there's a 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:20.960 lot of things that could make them a really good couple, 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.560 a lot that they like each other one but they 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:27.400 but they're but there's those trauma pieces there that are 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:31.119 going to bump into each other and they're going to 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:34.919 respond in a way that's going to be protective. Whatever 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:38.080 that looks like. Whatever that looks like. I think, Scott, 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:40.480 you said, Luke, what did you say? He like runs away? 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:45.520 Is that his protection? He said, for you and Laura 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:48.920 La Yeah, and Laura Lai makes some other choices when 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:52.840 she's protecting herself, and they they they are they're protective, 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:56.360 but they're not exactly going to be helpful to the relationship, 0:19:56.720 --> 0:19:59.440 right right, And I think he'd prefer to run away 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:02.440 and suffering silence because that's what he's used to. That's 0:20:02.480 --> 0:20:07.640 safety for him too. And yeah, that's why that part 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:11.920 where Luke was consoling Laura Lee on that episode, you know, 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:14.920 the sinking one, it was interesting that he was a 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:18.040 safe person for her and that he was able to 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:21.280 be kind of be that for her, Like there's enough 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:23.720 trust in that relationship that you know, I don't know 0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:25.520 he would have done like if it would have been bad, 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:29.040 bad or miss Patty, would you have been able to 0:20:29.160 --> 0:20:32.359 kind of, you know, console them in that way or 0:20:32.400 --> 0:20:34.280 would you have been like kind of like, okay, can 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:38.680 someone can get them? Maybe that has a lot to 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:42.960 do with attention and the attraction that is palpable between 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:47.080 these two characters because they are both so utterly damaged 0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:51.200 and very you know, incredibly strong. They've built up this 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:54.159 armor over years, and they're both perceive each other to 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:57.320 be very strong, which is why they are repelling each 0:20:57.320 --> 0:20:59.560 other at the same time they're attracting each other because 0:20:59.560 --> 0:21:03.600 of the but are fear of, you know, making the 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:08.639 wrong move and the chess match of the traumatized, armored, 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:12.719 uh self protective people who just aren't you know, who 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:15.000 are very risk averse when it comes to this kind 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:18.200 of thing, especially Luke, and how how scary it must 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:25.960 be to to care about somebody that much, and the 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:30.680 inherent loss that is built into every relationship when these 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:35.240 two have tried very hard to never experience that again 0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:38.800 it's a normal natural feeling, but they really really are 0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:41.600 protected from that, so it's almost not work right. It's 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:45.520 just you know, that's why we'll we'll see the sabotage 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.760 because the wounds are not healed. They can be healed, 0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:51.680 but they're not healed. But but in order for them 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:53.480 to be healed, there's gonna have to be some trust 0:21:53.520 --> 0:21:55.879 to let someone get into that space. And there's you know, 0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:59.600 there's not trust right now. Yeah, traumatic magic, I mean, 0:21:59.760 --> 0:22:03.399 why a set up? Want to set up? I mean, 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.200 it's just sparks flying the minute she walks down the 0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:08.720 street towards the diner, right, it's just like you know 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:12.560 she's going there, and it's like the table fall I'll 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:15.880 never get I love that. I love that seeing so much? 0:22:16.160 --> 0:22:24.520 Do I love so hard? But wait before you go, Kim, 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:28.800 what do we think about Richard and Emily? And they're 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:40.280 sort of mess right now? Transitions? Yeah, well the good point, Scott, 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:45.600 there's Peneling Lot Emily right now, Emily, right now, there's 0:22:45.640 --> 0:22:51.040 Peneling Lot. There's like you said, Digger, there is with 0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:54.920 Digger came a whole new way of doing business. So 0:22:55.160 --> 0:23:00.600 she's not needed anymore. And then it's like it's like 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:04.119 she proceeds Richard moving on from her yea, not starting 0:23:04.160 --> 0:23:08.919 a new business. Yeah, so she's not feeling very safe 0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:13.200 right now, and Richard is not you know, he's you know, 0:23:13.400 --> 0:23:15.399 seems to kind of be enjoying us, and then Richard 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:19.680 has the fallout of Pinel and Lot, and then he has, 0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:23.639 you know, all these new interests. His mom died. I mean, 0:23:23.840 --> 0:23:25.840 I mean, I'm sure there's some other things in there too, 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:31.320 but these are not the most stable times. Char There's 0:23:31.320 --> 0:23:34.359 actually there's actually a moment coming in season five and 0:23:34.440 --> 0:23:38.800 I won't reveal I won't reveal it, but there's a 0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:41.119 moment coming in season five that I think is one 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:44.320 of the most powerful moments in the entire series that 0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:48.280 literally I use on the regular basis when giving advice 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:52.720 to friends. When it comes, I'll tell everybody, yeah, because 0:23:52.800 --> 0:23:57.840 it resonated so majorly. So I do think, you know, 0:23:58.000 --> 0:24:01.120 there's there's some many people love season four the most, 0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:03.159 but I think there's some really good things in season 0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:08.760 five coming that Aretty good. Yeah, that's like. But it's 0:24:08.840 --> 0:24:11.040 interesting because we're, you know, when you when we talk 0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:14.359 about all these transitions, though, we're you know, interdependent, so 0:24:14.520 --> 0:24:18.000 we feel we feel when other people are not regulated, 0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:21.440 and even if it's not spoken right now, there there 0:24:21.560 --> 0:24:25.879 is a level of instability throughout the Gilmour world, right 0:24:27.080 --> 0:24:29.359 and Rory's feeling it. And I think that has a 0:24:29.440 --> 0:24:32.000 lot to do with with her decision making right now, 0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:35.080 although she's kind of hinted it, and even the kiss 0:24:35.160 --> 0:24:38.360 between Luke and lor Light is so big, but it's 0:24:38.400 --> 0:24:45.280 also so scary. What now, m Yeah, and even for 0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:47.720 the viewer, you're probably like, please don't look this be 0:24:48.080 --> 0:24:52.280 Maddie and Hoosy from Moonlighting. Remember when Maddy what was 0:24:52.320 --> 0:24:56.840 Bruce Willis's character? It's like that was like, David, Yeah, 0:24:56.840 --> 0:25:00.800 I think so you want it to be Austin Rachel 0:25:01.160 --> 0:25:04.680 not you know, you want it to be to work 0:25:04.760 --> 0:25:08.639 out and interesting too. Sometimes I've seen shows where they 0:25:08.680 --> 0:25:14.720 finally get together and you're like boring. I kind of 0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:18.439