1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both Worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to Best of both Worlds. 10 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 1: This is Laura, Sarah and I are celebrating and exciting 11 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 1: Miles Stone for the podcast. Right as we're recording this 12 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: in late January, we just crossed one hundred thousand downloads. Yay. 13 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: Very exciting. And to clarify because my dad actually wrote 14 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: in wondering what that meant. He's a super fan best 15 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,279 Speaker 1: of both worlds. No, he thought that meant per episode. No, 16 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: we're not like there yet, will someday. That's total and 17 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 1: we've recorded this is the twenty sixth episodes, so that 18 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: averages out to more. We're now getting more than three 19 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,759 Speaker 1: thousand per episode. The most recent ones have been four 20 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 1: to five thousand. Yeah, and it's true, like we'll get 21 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: you know, some on the first day and then there's 22 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 1: a bit of a tale, which is great because that 23 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: means people are spreading the word maybe and telling people, hey, 24 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: I heard this great episode and you should hear it too. 25 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,320 Speaker 1: So we really are very grateful to any of you 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: who have shared our podcast in any format via Instagram 27 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: or in real life. And if you have suggestions for 28 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: us or topics you'd like to cover, I already got 29 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: a bunch of great ones on my blog, but keep 30 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: those emails and Instagram shout outs coming because we are open. 31 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: We want to make this as good as it can be. 32 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: Good as it can be. Yeah, we'll be speaking of 33 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: our great community. We're talking about friendship today. So Sarah 34 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: is currently planning what you're planning a trip with six girlfriends? Right, 35 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: how's that happen? We are And actually this is a 36 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: very off requested topic. People want to talk about how 37 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: do you keep you, you know, your social life going. 38 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: And we'll delve into that. But one group that I've 39 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: been very you know, thrilled to maintain close ties with 40 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: are my There are six of us in college that 41 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: lived close by as freshman, and then as sophomores and beyond, 42 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: we all like purposely shared either a house or a 43 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: wing and a dorm. I went to Williams in Massachusetts, 44 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: so shout out there. And almost every year since graduation 45 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: we've gotten together, I would say, especially in the last 46 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: five years or so, there's either been a wedding which 47 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: has brought everyone together, or we've done a girl's trip 48 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 1: in Chicago. We met at the reunion, so that was 49 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,919 Speaker 1: a natural one last year, and this year we're planning 50 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: on a trip to the Pacific Northwest. One quirk to 51 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: this group is that despite the fact that we are 52 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 1: in our I guess you can say late thirties now 53 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:10,080 Speaker 1: and thirty seven your late thirties, I'm sorry to forty yep, 54 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 1: it does. Only two of us have kids as at 55 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: this point, and I'm the only one with kids older 56 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: than the age of like zero, So that's a little 57 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: bit unique, and maybe, as Laura pointed out, that's helped 58 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: us to maintain our regularity because we don't have a 59 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: bunch of school schedules to coordinate and all that. But 60 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: it's been so rewarding to see these ladies every year. 61 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: It always makes me feel so young, but like like 62 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: I go back in time when I'm with them, but 63 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,839 Speaker 1: in like a healthy way, in a regression sort of way, 64 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: and I get so much out of it. So I 65 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: hope we keep this tradition going. Honestly forever. I could 66 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: see us doing it as little old ladies, you know, 67 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: rented out of B and B and Maine or something awesome. 68 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: That is really so great to have that, and I 69 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: would do I would agree with you, that is great 70 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: to have people that you're friends with when you are young, 71 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: but you're no longer as young and stupid, so it's 72 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: like you could relate better you can. You know, nothing 73 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: is as big a deal like you are all just 74 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: more mature people. And yeah, and we now have all 75 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: these different experiences to share, but we still have these 76 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: sort of common memories, so I don't know, we never 77 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: run out of stuff to talk about because there's always 78 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: all the stuff that has common that we don't know 79 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: about each other's lives, especially since actually I'm not that 80 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: great about keeping touch with all of them on a 81 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: very regular basis, So there's so much to share. But 82 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: at the same time, there's those common memories that are 83 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: always fun to rehash, and I don't think we'll ever 84 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: get all. That's interesting that you have a specific group 85 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: of six I mean, like you guys will possy to gather, 86 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: you know, do you find your friendships have that element 87 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,839 Speaker 1: to it, like it's a set group for I think 88 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: that's my only posse I don't have. I mean, I 89 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: have friends here, local friends here. I have friends that 90 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: I left behind in North Carolina. But no, this is 91 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: the only like group that I can think of. Yeah, yeah, 92 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: I you know, it's funny. I've never wound up with 93 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: a specific group. I've had, you know, individual friends, some 94 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 1: of whom kind of know each other, of course, but 95 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 1: it's never been like a this is our four person group, 96 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 1: or this is our six person group, or I mean 97 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: I wasn't in like a sorority or any sports teams 98 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: or anything like that, which I think is how some 99 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: people wind up with a specific group or like their 100 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: study group for their MBA or whatever it is that 101 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 1: you know, there's a set group that you were in 102 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: or not in. And like in U case, you guys 103 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: were all in the same entryway, right, That's how you were. 104 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: We were in neighboring entryways, but close enough yes, yeah, 105 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: I'm curious at what point it became the six. I 106 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: think it became the six honestly after probably our senior year, 107 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: because the six of us purposely chose a house together, 108 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 1: and it just became very clear that we were sort 109 00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: of this unit hanging out. And it's not that other 110 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: people didn't, you know, join, or that we didn't have 111 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 1: other additional friends. But I think the structure of having 112 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 1: this little house where we all were together kind of 113 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: sealed the deal. And then when we started to realize, 114 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 1: you know, five years, ten years into things, that hey, 115 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: we were all regularly wanting to get together and we'd 116 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: have email chains and that kind of a thing kind 117 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,600 Speaker 1: of solidified it. We did also have a silly name, 118 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:28,440 Speaker 1: which I am not going to I know it. I 119 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: will never I will never tell. It's funny, you know. 120 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: I think that naming the group does something too to 121 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: also cement it. I think you're right. I think you're right, 122 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: because it makes it clear leg who's in, who's it. 123 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: I bizarre memory, like I don't remember all that much 124 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 1: from my first high school. You know, I went just 125 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: my freshman sophomore year back in Indiana, many many many 126 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: years ago. But I remember that these four senior girls 127 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 1: took out an ad in the back of the yearbook 128 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: my freshman year that was about the four of them. 129 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 1: And they're four. The first initials of their name like 130 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: spelled a word, and so that was the name for 131 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: their group. And they had this with like pictures of 132 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: the four of them doing everything. I was like, oh, 133 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: that's an interesting thing, right, Like I've I you know, 134 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: I'm I guess I'm never been a real group person. 135 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: There's the introversion thing and then the sort of emphasis 136 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: on one on one relationships, but it sounds fun. So hey, 137 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: if anyone in the Philly area who is like initials 138 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: match mine and want to make make a funny an 139 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: introvert group, we will all like not hang out because 140 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: we can't deal with large groups of people, but we'll 141 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: see if it works, which brings us to the intro 142 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: feeds right into it, like this is all the friendship episode. 143 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: We get this question a lot. I mean, this is 144 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: your blog. Readers ask about this all the time too, right, Yes, 145 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: I mean I've heard it said somewhere like you can't 146 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: can only choose family, friends and work pick two out 147 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: of three, which would imply that you if you want 148 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: to have family and work, which clearly as best of 149 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: both worlds. That's our priorities, that we wouldn't have any 150 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: kind of social life. But I have found that not 151 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: to be the case. And I'm not saying that I'm 152 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: some sort of party animal or that I have this 153 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: the party animal at nine pm exactly, or that I 154 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: have like an incredibly active social life, but I think 155 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: I have a rewarding one, and so I and I 156 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: think Laura does too, So we I guess we wanted 157 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: to talk about how we've found the ability to make 158 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: all three things work for us. And I mean we 159 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about different kinds of friends too. There's 160 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,959 Speaker 1: friends that are local, there's friends that are more you know, 161 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: virtual or social media, and then there's more professional and 162 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 1: personal intersections there. Yeah, and I mean they all have 163 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: their place. I think one of the things that's you know, 164 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: really helped me with trying to make all relationships, you know, 165 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: a priority, like that category in my life a priority, 166 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: because otherwise it would be a lot of you know, 167 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: kids in work, is that when I am planning my weeks, 168 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: I will consider that as a category and so try 169 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: to say, well, what are my priorities within the relationship category. 170 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: And sometimes it will be kids stuff. I mean, if 171 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 1: kids have like a parent teacher conference or you know, 172 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get all four of them to the 173 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: doctor for their annual checkups or whatever. But you know, 174 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,439 Speaker 1: it can also be then date night with husband and 175 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: maybe like a friend thing too, or you know, trying 176 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: to meet new people around here or do something with 177 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: you know, my my friends, my kids friends parents, that's 178 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: something more social with them. So that like what you 179 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: just said there the kids friends parents like ding ding 180 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: ding ding ding Like that has been the key to 181 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: my real world friendships and social life as of late. 182 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 1: In fact, I would say like nine times out of 183 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: ten I'm having social time, it's either with someone I 184 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: met through the school or you know, unless I'm talking 185 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: about like that trip or some like big deal like 186 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: get together with with long lost friends. If it's a 187 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: local friend thing, it's a play date with the parents present, 188 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: or it's even social time at a birthday party, or 189 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: it's going out just as adults with people that I've 190 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 1: met through the kids. So I think there's a huge 191 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: area of intersection there that people. You know, if you're 192 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,439 Speaker 1: going to say family or friends. People kind of forget 193 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: that they compliment each other really really well. They certainly can, 194 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: and especially if you do have young kids, that may 195 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: be a big chunk of your social life, which hopefully 196 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: you find people that you like that you can sort 197 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: of nudge your kids to liking the kids of people 198 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: you do like, exercise your authority over play dates to 199 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: nudge those to happen. And I've always thought the kid's 200 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: birthday parties can be kind of fun that way that 201 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: you are getting to socialize with parents. I mean, provided 202 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: that the kids are doing something that they're getting entertained. Absolutely, 203 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: and the more you get to know a specific group, 204 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: the more fun it becomes over time. Like I'm not 205 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: gonna lie, you sort of have to pay your dues 206 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: when they're two years old and you've just gotten to 207 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: know the class and they're sort of strangers. It's not 208 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: that fun. But if you force yourself to do that, 209 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: eventually you get to know them and by I've noticed that, 210 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 1: For example, it's only now that my younger son Cameron 211 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: like that his birthday parties have started to be fun 212 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: because I know those parents more. Whereas we've been in 213 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: a pattern where I've known my older daughters for you know, 214 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: friend groups' parents for longer, so they're more fun. So 215 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: the familiarity definitely helps. No, there's that thing. I mean, 216 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: I think this has been studied and I can't but 217 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: proximity and familiarity and the more times you see people like, 218 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: the closer you believe your relationship is, which is sometimes 219 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: very funny in this sense of like I can have 220 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: an interaction with someone that I didn't think it went 221 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: particularly well, and then you see them, you know, two 222 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,960 Speaker 1: more times at other conferences or whatever. It's like your 223 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 1: old buddies. By the third time, it's like, yeah, I 224 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: had nothing to do whether you actually liked each other 225 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 1: when you first met. It's just that because you've seen 226 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: each other multiple times over what comes to be years, 227 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, we clearly this person must be an 228 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: old friend. So it's one of those funny things of 229 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: human nature. But I mean, it definitely does work with 230 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: that for kids stuff that the more you see these 231 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,199 Speaker 1: parents at the parties, and the more you see these 232 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: parents that drop off, and the more you see these 233 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:27,840 Speaker 1: parents at school events or fundraisers or whatever, they become 234 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: your friends just by virtue of being there. Yes, and 235 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 1: as you get to know them better, you sort of 236 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: figure out who in that group. And this sounds like 237 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: so cold and calculating and it's really not. But who 238 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,800 Speaker 1: would be a good candidate for a closer friend? Yes, 239 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: but no, seriously, Like I remember when we met Annabelle, 240 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: my older ones, you know parents, you know the other parents. 241 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: There were a few that seemed like, ooh, we seem 242 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: to have a lot in common. And I would make 243 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 1: the effort in part because I knew that I'm a 244 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,199 Speaker 1: lot happier if I am doing something social, for example, 245 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: on a weekend where my husband is working then trying 246 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 1: to do everything by myself. So I would preemptively email 247 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: and say, hey, let's do a play date on Saturday. 248 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: And in my mind I might be thinking, Okay, I 249 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: don't know this person super well, but it's kind of 250 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: like a trial to see how this goes. And in 251 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: doing that, yes, it takes a little bit of courage, 252 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,199 Speaker 1: it takes a little bit of effort, but then it 253 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: slides into effortlessness and real fun because some of those 254 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: have been very wildly successful and are now some of 255 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: my really good local friends who we go out and 256 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: adults only dates and who you know, you really have 257 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: that casual, comfortable relationship where you're really sharing things. And 258 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: if I hadn't taken that first step, which again might 259 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: sound like a little bit type A the way I 260 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 1: approach it, I don't think that i'd be where I am. 261 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: And I do have the experience of having moved somewhere 262 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 1: totally different when my kids were very young, so I 263 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 1: guess maybe that encouraged me to be proactive. Like maybe 264 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,680 Speaker 1: if I had lived here for a long time, I 265 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: might have been like, eh, I've got my old friend group, 266 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: but since it wasn't like that, and I think that's 267 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: I mean, we moved to this community in Pennsylvania about Yeah, 268 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 1: you guys were similar similarly moving when our kids were 269 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: pretty little, four and two, and the third one was 270 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: on her way and I was, yeah, it's it's big. 271 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: You're you're more proactively social than I am. I think 272 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: I probably have a harder time with it, But it 273 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: was difficult in some ways because a lot of people 274 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: grew up here. I mean, you meet people whose parents 275 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: live around here and then they went to school here 276 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: and they're still here, and that's wonderful for them. I mean, 277 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: if you have that situation. I'm sure we do have 278 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: listeners who have you know, stayed in the communities that 279 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: they grew up with. And so you've made these great 280 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: friends in elementary school. I mean, you're the people who 281 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: are taking out the ad in the yearbook with your 282 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: you know, four friends' names and you're all still together 283 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: and that is awesome. That is like a recipe for 284 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: human happiness to have the same friends in midlife that 285 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: you have as a kid, like because they know you 286 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 1: for you, like they don't know you for like oh, well, 287 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: you went to this school or you went you know, 288 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: have this job, or you married this awesome or not, 289 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: or your kids are stars. Students are like total scripts, 290 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 1: Like they're with you for a year and that's awesome. 291 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: But it's hard to come into that as another person 292 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 1: because you know, again they have their group of six, 293 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: like you can't get in on that. So how do 294 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 1: you approach it from that? And I think, well, what 295 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: Sarah's talking about of proactively say well, who do I 296 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: have something in common? Who might be willing to you know, 297 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: and you got to try lots of people because some 298 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: just aren't going to work out. I mean, that's the reality. 299 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: It's making friends as absolutely, and when you don't have 300 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: a whole lot of extra time, it can be hard. 301 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: But that's the beauty of the play dates because you 302 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: were going to be hanging out with your kids anyway. 303 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: So if you're doing it while having an awkward conversation, 304 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: perhaps made slightly less awkward by a glass of wine, 305 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: then you know, how bad can it be? Exactly? But 306 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,280 Speaker 1: that same mindset of like combining things you're going to 307 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: do anyway in order to get more social time in 308 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: I think can be helpful. I know a lot of 309 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: the people that I wind up spending time with is 310 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: because we run together. Yeah, So I would throw that 311 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: out there as a way to because you're probably you know, 312 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 1: a lot of listeners to this podcast again are the 313 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: kind who exercise a lot, and they're like, oh, I 314 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 1: exercise four times a week, how can I get myself 315 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: up to five? But you know, think about like, is 316 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: there somebody you could take a class with, or somebody 317 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: you could go for walks with or go on runs 318 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: with or whatever it is that you do, because then 319 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: you probably will see that person more often. I definitely 320 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,640 Speaker 1: think group exercise is less intimidating if you go with 321 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: someone else who's also never done it before. Yeah, because 322 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: you can feel like idiots together. Yeah, and even if 323 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: it's a person you I don't know. I mean sometimes 324 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: people have running partners or whatever that they wouldn't actually 325 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: spend all that much time with outside of the running thing. 326 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 1: You know. I've known people who've told me that about 327 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: their running projects. They're like, well, we're great to spend 328 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: miles together. And then it's a social thing. Probably it's 329 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: not somebody they would, you know, see otherwise, but they 330 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: have that and so that's kind of cool too, you know, 331 00:16:55,080 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: people for different areas of life. Absolutely, So no social 332 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: media stuff because a lot of i mean, hot topic, 333 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 1: how does how do you think about social media with friendship? 334 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: I don't find at this juncture it doesn't really play 335 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: a big role in my friend or social life. Actually, 336 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: there are some local community people that I guess follow 337 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 1: me on Instagram, but because I'm not on Facebook, and 338 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: because a lot of my friends who actually will comment 339 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: on my post on Instagram don't even have active Instagrams 340 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:37,640 Speaker 1: of their own, it's more of a one sided thing. 341 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: So that's not how I've kept things going. So I 342 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: would say my role of social media is that I 343 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: really have stayed out of it from a social perspective 344 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 1: for the most part, and I realized that, you know, 345 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: maybe an unpopular way of doing things. Although I just 346 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: heard Manucho Sammarodi's take on the topic. You know, she's 347 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,880 Speaker 1: the host of the podcast that I Want a podcasts 348 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 1: that I absolutely love called Note to Self on NPR, 349 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: and she actually did the same thing, and she had 350 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,920 Speaker 1: some really kind of profound thoughts about it. She said 351 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: that people were on Facebook because we're afraid of death, 352 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 1: which is what you ever saying. But I think, yeah, 353 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: I think what she meant by that is we're sort 354 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,160 Speaker 1: of afraid of acknowledging that stages in our life may 355 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: be finite, and so we want to believe that we 356 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 1: can keep doing everything all the time, so that you know, 357 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,360 Speaker 1: in your mind, if you think you know what's going 358 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: on with all of your high school classmates, you've never 359 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 1: left high school and you're still doing that. And if 360 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: you think you know what's going on with all the parties, 361 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: then you're you know, you're doing it all and you're 362 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: not missing anything. But the truth is, if you're sitting 363 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 1: on Facebook, you probably are missing on some things that 364 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,120 Speaker 1: are going on while you're sitting on Facebook. At least 365 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,199 Speaker 1: that's the case for me and some of those past 366 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: lives that you have maybe better off in the past. 367 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: And I do feel that way about myself, which again 368 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 1: may sound tradictory, since I still stay in close touch 369 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,360 Speaker 1: with six of my friends from college, but really it's 370 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: only those six. I do attend reunions, but I don't 371 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: really spend a lot of energy worrying about the minutia 372 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: of the other you know, four hundred and ninety four 373 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 1: that were in my class. It was a small school, 374 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: So yeah, I guess my my role of social media 375 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: is pretty minimal. Yeah, I do email, and I do texts. Yeah, 376 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 1: I say. We've heard shout outs from people for the 377 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 1: idea of group text that that can be a fun 378 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: way that some people stay in contact with people, especially 379 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: who aren't aren't right there, like you're not seeing them 380 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 1: necessarily a drop off or whatever. That you know, when 381 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 1: you do something awesome and you want to share it 382 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: with people, like you could post it on Facebook, but 383 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,440 Speaker 1: then you're sharing with like the eight hundred people you 384 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: don't care about. There are six people that you do 385 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: care about that you want to share it with, and 386 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,399 Speaker 1: So if there's these group texts that you know, you'll 387 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: send it out and then you'll get six yay go 388 00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 1: you awesome confetti things back in the next twenty minutes 389 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: and you'll be happy about that. You feel like you 390 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 1: were cheered on even though they weren't right there with 391 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 1: you to experience it. And that's like a virtual tribe. Yeah, 392 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: I mean, they may not be there in person, but 393 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 1: they're you know, that's a real group kind of thing. 394 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,240 Speaker 1: Do you do some of those or do you more 395 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,919 Speaker 1: individually text? Well, the only real group text guy I 396 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: have going is my family, my parents, and oh that 397 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 1: totally counts. Yeah, so sometimes well we'll get you know, 398 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: especially my mom will sent text to the whole group 399 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: or you know, pictures or things like that. So yeah, 400 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: that's definitely a way to stay in tech with it there. 401 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it's probably easier than phone calls 402 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 1: because you're not going to call all six seven people 403 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,919 Speaker 1: and you know, loop them in on what's going on. 404 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,040 Speaker 1: I mean, probably should call your relatives at some point. 405 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: But the phone. I don't like the phone. You don't 406 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: like the phone either, do you? I don't really like 407 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: the phone either, And in fact, my answer to your 408 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: thing doing that in text is I still have friends 409 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,679 Speaker 1: that we have like email groups going. I have a 410 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 1: group of friends that we all have kids right around 411 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: the same age that I actually met through having infertility 412 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: with my first and we like there's five or six 413 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 1: of us that's still email from time to time, and 414 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 1: it's not frequent enough that it's intrusive, but it's enough 415 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: that I feel like I know what's going on with 416 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,159 Speaker 1: them that certainly could be done via text. I mean, 417 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: there's nothing magic about the format, but we just use email. 418 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: And I do have a few friends that I text 419 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,440 Speaker 1: one on one with, especially those with other young kids, 420 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 1: so you feel like you can sort of write a 421 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,199 Speaker 1: little bit at the time and it's they're not going 422 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: to be insulted if you cut it off. And I'm 423 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: not big on the phone, but I do. I have, 424 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:34,679 Speaker 1: you know, a few special people that I that usually 425 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: call me and I'm so and then once I get 426 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 1: into the conversation, I'm thrilled that I'm having it. But 427 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,719 Speaker 1: I'm so bad about initiative. I will be honest, I 428 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: have that too. I'm bad about calling. I just I 429 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: don't know, I don't want it, and in person is 430 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,479 Speaker 1: so much better and you can feel the back and 431 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,879 Speaker 1: forth and all that. I just say, social media, I 432 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: like that statement from a niche of like, yeah, that 433 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,400 Speaker 1: you don't want to acknowledge it some chapters your life 434 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: for close, and I think it's sort of nice to 435 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,120 Speaker 1: know that you could reach people if you wanted to, 436 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: which is the aspect of social media that is fun. 437 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: But I think if you allow it to sort of 438 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: dominate your your life, it's not a good idea. It's 439 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 1: better for just a quick check in here and there, 440 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: understanding that it's not really a substitute for those kind 441 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: of closer relationships, either in person because you live in 442 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 1: the same place relationships or the you know, consciously nurtured 443 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: relationships that you have from other places. That and those 444 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: ten I guess say those aren't really the ones that 445 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 1: you check in on social media because those are the 446 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 1: people you're texting, and those are the people you're emailing 447 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: and calling like that's yeah, social media is less helpful 448 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: for that. I think then, well, the problem is also 449 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 1: that unless you really called your feed like, you don't 450 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: have as much Yeah, there's not this most control over 451 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 1: what you're seeing, so you're just as likely to see 452 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: stuff from like your high school you know, random second 453 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: period math partner than you are from someone that you 454 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: care about versus text and email obviously selects for who 455 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,440 Speaker 1: is wants to contact you. And Minuja mentioned that she said, 456 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 1: you know, if someone's yes, she's mis gatherings because there's 457 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: been invites via Facebook, but this way she only gets 458 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,919 Speaker 1: invited to things that people actually really know her and 459 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 1: want her at. And I was like, oh, that's very smart. 460 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: Although I would say because you'd mentioned like the whole 461 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: people you knew through infertility communities, there is that like 462 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: if you have something specific in your life that you 463 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: would like to meet people who are also experiencing that. 464 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: So it could be that, I mean a kid with 465 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: special needs, like there may not be as many people 466 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: in your immediate community who are dealing with them that 467 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: you would know, and Facebook groups are so awesome for that. 468 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 1: I just addicting that I can't do it. Yeah, And 469 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: so I would I would say, we don't want to 470 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: like completely say oh social media not great, because yes, 471 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 1: if you have something like that, that may be your 472 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: best way to meet people like that, and then you 473 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:58,080 Speaker 1: can start moving some of those relationships into in person relationships, right, 474 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: Like you can say, oh, you know, I'm going to 475 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 1: be in Nashville because I have a conference, we should 476 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 1: meet up and have coffee, you know, with with somebody 477 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: that you know is from that area that you've met online. 478 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: So that could be a way to sort of nurture 479 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:17,880 Speaker 1: those relationships too. Which so speaking of conferences, well throw 480 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: out the idea that people you know professionally or through 481 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: side husholds can also be your friends. Oh yeah, like real, true, 482 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: real friends. I had to believe it or not. I 483 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: became good friends with another pediatric endocrinologist who also was 484 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 1: married to a surgeon, whose husband had the same name 485 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 1: as my name, and who has three children basically the 486 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 1: same ages and generous as my children. Well, her youngest 487 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 1: was a little older than mine, but like I guess, 488 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: we had a few things. Yeah, and it was wonderful 489 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,439 Speaker 1: to have her here. And you know, I wouldn't have 490 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: gotten to know her if we didn't have that professional, 491 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: you know, commonality. But when we got together, we talked 492 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: half the time about you know, the latest guidelines for 493 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 1: trutman of thyroid cancer and half the time about kindergarten. 494 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 1: So it was amazing. Unfortunately, she moved away, but we're 495 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,880 Speaker 1: still in close touch. Yeah, that is the best where 496 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 1: you can have those conversations that go both places. I 497 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: like that. I mean it's certainly I've gotten to know 498 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: some people through blogging that I've met in person. I mean, 499 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:22,119 Speaker 1: like you, Yeah, a couple other bloggers too, have you know, 500 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: gotten to know locally or gotten to know when I've 501 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: traveled different places. I've met up with people in Seattle 502 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 1: and San Diego and Nashville, you know, and these are 503 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: people that you knew originally necessary through posts they've done 504 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,159 Speaker 1: or comments they left on your blog, and then you 505 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 1: know where they're from, and it's like, well, I wind 506 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,680 Speaker 1: up all over the place speaking if I know somebody there, 507 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, sure, I'd love to meet up with them. 508 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: So that's been That's been pretty cool. And I bet 509 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: you have. I mean I have other like endocrine friends 510 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: that I did training with, or pediatrics friends that it 511 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,360 Speaker 1: makes going to those work conferences so much richer because it's, yeah, 512 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 1: it's half work and it's half total play. You probably 513 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,719 Speaker 1: the same thing with like right, definitely, Like I mean, 514 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: if I'm going thinking of going to a conference, I 515 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 1: will look around to see you know, email a certain 516 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: quantity of people I see if they're going right, because 517 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,399 Speaker 1: if I know they got back, and I know I'm 518 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 1: gonna have a lot more fun. I mean, partly it 519 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,239 Speaker 1: is to be like, well, if they are going on, 520 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: to make sure we meet up instead of like hoping 521 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 1: we'll randomly bump into each other and like the giant 522 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 1: Austin convention Center at south By Southwest, which is not 523 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,440 Speaker 1: going to happen. But you know, if I know they're going, 524 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: then I will make sure that we have dinner or 525 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 1: coffee or something on the schedule so that you get 526 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: more out of that experience. And then hey, you know, 527 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: you see the people like literally like five times in 528 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: six years, and it's like your best buds because you know, yeah, no, 529 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 1: And that's why that whole like pick two family work 530 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 1: friends thing doesn't make I mean really, it's the lines 531 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 1: are so much blurrier than that. But I think just 532 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 1: by a great you know, reminding yourself that it is 533 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: a priority and having the mindset that you do have 534 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,399 Speaker 1: time to have friendships in your life can go a 535 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 1: long way toward helping you make tempy. This stuff doesn't 536 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 1: necessarily happen at a certain time. Although you can like 537 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,199 Speaker 1: I mean, joining say a book club that meets at 538 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: a certain time, or you know, if you have a 539 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 1: group of three girlfriends that you always get together for dinner, 540 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: you know, the first Thursday night of the month, then 541 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: you know it will happen. I'm a big fan of 542 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 1: these like sort of standing events for things like that, 543 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 1: because then no one really has to plan it. You 544 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: know what's going to happen, and your spouse and your 545 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: or your childcare you know you'll have that, or even 546 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 1: like your work might come to expect it like, oh, 547 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 1: she always heads out early on that first Thursday, whereas 548 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,159 Speaker 1: if it's one off events, they're a lot harder to 549 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: plan and they don't necessarily happen. Yeah, I agree, and 550 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, that is such a great thing about 551 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,480 Speaker 1: book club or those other rotating things. I was just 552 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: going to mention book club, by the way, in the beginning, 553 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,880 Speaker 1: when we were talking about finding your local tribe, look 554 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: for a book club, because then, worst case scenario, you 555 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: get to read it's one of those two girls, two 556 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 1: birds with one stones things, because you're going to expand 557 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 1: your horizons that way, and chances are you'll find someone 558 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 1: who had something in common with you because you've joined 559 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,679 Speaker 1: the same book club. So I though you have to 560 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: find the right book club. That's true, that is true. 561 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,360 Speaker 1: This is why I have not found a book club yet. 562 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 1: I think this is man. I wish I could joint 563 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 1: I think you when I'm in would I put you 564 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 1: on around here? That's like a serious reader book club, 565 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,199 Speaker 1: which I'll have to, you know, see if I can, 566 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: you always start one you want to start your own. 567 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,119 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about starting a parenting book club where we 568 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,000 Speaker 1: do like a quarterly Actually, Josh is in on this too. 569 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: We'll do like a quarterly meeting, invite couples and talk 570 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 1: about some interesting book related to parenting. Yeah, okay, so 571 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: other people in the Philly area who are interested in 572 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: the book club send a note like we're gonna get 573 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,720 Speaker 1: a lot. I'm doing this episode solely because I need 574 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: more friends, apparently, so please shoot me. You know, we'll 575 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: do that, all right? Well shall we? Should? We go 576 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 1: to our love of the week. Okay, mine has like 577 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: nothing to do with any of this. It's fine. I'm 578 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 1: gonna shout out my you know, weekly non sponsored shout 579 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 1: out to rent the Runway. So if anyone has ever 580 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 1: tried this, it's where if you have an event, you 581 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: can rent your dress instead of investing in one. And 582 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 1: I went to a black tie wedding last weekend and I, 583 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,760 Speaker 1: you know, rented the Runway and I got a really 584 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 1: nice drapless gown that I then got to send back. 585 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,800 Speaker 1: Didn't have to worry about cleaning, spent a fraction of 586 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: what it actually cost, didn't have to worry about the 587 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,840 Speaker 1: fact that it's not going to fit once I don't 588 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 1: have gigantic you know anymore. And yeah, it was great. 589 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 1: So I highly recommend rent the Runway. I highly recommend 590 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: looking at Sarah's blog because she has a photo of 591 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: her three almost four year old in the tucks and 592 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: it was like the cutest thing ever. Oh my god, 593 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: that was adorable. I did buy that tux, but it 594 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: was much it was true. So my love of the 595 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: week is slowly lengthening days. It is now getting dark 596 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: after five pm, which is so much different from four 597 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 1: thirty pm. Was driving my daughter to gymnastics last night 598 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,960 Speaker 1: and it was light when I was driving her to gymnastics, 599 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 1: which is better than being dark when I'm driving to gymnastics, 600 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: So I enjoyed that aspect of it. So yeah, that's 601 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 1: that's my love of the week is the fact that 602 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:28,959 Speaker 1: winter is slowly stopping. Still we're still deep in it, 603 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: but we're getting there, which brings us to our Q 604 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: and A, which is, yes, winter activities. This is Do 605 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: you want me to read it? I think, because I 606 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,640 Speaker 1: think I like your answer, so I'll read the question. Okay. 607 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 1: And by the way, in addition to our answer, Laura 608 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: wrote a recent great post on this, so I highly 609 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: recommend when I do my Instagram thing. I mean, she 610 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,120 Speaker 1: will have to link to that post because it's a 611 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: great answer as well. But here's the question. I'm one 612 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: hundred percent down with planning to the degree that you advise. 613 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 1: But our other big issue at the moment is that, 614 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 1: for the life of me, I just cannot figure out 615 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 1: any activities that are both kid friendly and also at 616 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: least mildly interesting for the adults. By this point in 617 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 1: our parenting journey, I am already so sick of the Zoo, 618 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: Children's Museum, Crayola, et cetera. I used to enjoy them, 619 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: but winter's here up north are so very long and 620 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 1: cold that we've done all the indoor stuff a million 621 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: times already. I do like kid birthday parties and chatting 622 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 1: with the other parents, but they don't happen very often. 623 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 1: It is so much easier in nice weather when we 624 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: can hang out in the backyard, et cetera, that we 625 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: all actually enjoy. Money is tight right now, and we've 626 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 1: already done all the board game movie nights and baking 627 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: projects I can stand. I feel like frustrated that I 628 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 1: can't think of anything, but I'm completely at a loss. 629 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: Is the answer to just suck it up With regard 630 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,520 Speaker 1: to the indoor play spaces I am so tired of already. 631 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 1: I would love some more ideas if anyone has any. Yeah, 632 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: winter is tough from that perspective. I mean, you live 633 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: in a cold area. A lot of the stuff that 634 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: you would do in spring, summer, fall is just you can't. 635 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:03,760 Speaker 1: I mean the outdoor stuff, the playgrounds. You know, you 636 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,240 Speaker 1: don't mind that as much, and you can't do it. 637 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,200 Speaker 1: And so what this reader is saying is you wind 638 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: up in the same like any community has like two 639 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: indoor play gems or something, and you wind up there 640 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 1: again and again and again, and you hate them, and 641 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: you know, you feel like you're spending your life looking 642 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: at your phone every two minutes to see if possibly 643 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 1: more than two minutes has passed, and then you know 644 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: that like trying to keep children from throwing themselves off 645 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 1: the bouncy house or whatever it is that they're doing, 646 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 1: and that can really add to the like winter unhappiness, 647 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,720 Speaker 1: I think. So the way I kind of think about 648 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: this it goes with our weekend planning in general, is 649 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: that you're not trying to fill twelve hours a day 650 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: because that's just horrible to even think about. Like you're 651 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 1: trying to fill there's like four weekend slots, basically Saturday morning, 652 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 1: Saturday late afternoon, Sunday morning, Sunday late afternoon, because if 653 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: you've got little kids, probably your best off thinking, Okay, 654 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: I'm going to come home early afternoon for either nap 655 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 1: or just some downtime like screen time, reading time, whatever 656 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,760 Speaker 1: it is, like give everyone some quiet time, and then 657 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: do a post nap event as well. And then by 658 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: the end of the second you know the post nap event, 659 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: you've like gotten through to dinner and like, hey, the 660 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: day is over, so yay, break open the wine. So 661 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: then you're trying to think, well, how can I put 662 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:22,440 Speaker 1: those four slots? And if you are like a member 663 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 1: of an organized religion, Like already one of those slots 664 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,400 Speaker 1: wherever that happens to be is probably filled because you've 665 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,760 Speaker 1: got activities related to your synagogue or church or you know, 666 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. So then it's it's you know three 667 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: or four if you if you are not into religion, 668 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: and so you just try to like make a long 669 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: list of like anything in your area that can be 670 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 1: done in the cold or bad weather. I mean, so 671 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: if you think broadly, I mean, it could be stuff 672 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,720 Speaker 1: like maybe there are indoor exhibits at the zoo that 673 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,480 Speaker 1: you could go do, Like some of the houses are heated, 674 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 1: so that could fill a morning. Or maybe your art 675 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: museum has a kid's room so you can like quickly 676 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 1: look at art for like twenty minutes before your kidnelts 677 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: down and then wind up in the craft room. But 678 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,120 Speaker 1: that makes it mildly fun for you. Maybe we have 679 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,640 Speaker 1: like a couple of botanical gardens here have greenhouses, so 680 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 1: we've gone to those because it's warm in there, like 681 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 1: the library, if there's science museums, even if it takes 682 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 1: like an hour to drive somewhere, like I would make 683 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 1: a radius of like an hour around your house because 684 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,360 Speaker 1: even if it does take time, like it's the weekend, 685 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: you're basically trying to fill this time. So who cares 686 00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,640 Speaker 1: if it takes forty five minutes to drive there, because 687 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 1: then that's an hour and a half that your kids 688 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,279 Speaker 1: are strapped into their seats and not going anywhere. So 689 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: we've done that, Like the YMCA, we are big fans 690 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,279 Speaker 1: of that. The indoor pool because they had ours, has 691 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:43,320 Speaker 1: like water slides, which is just amazing. But that would 692 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,400 Speaker 1: consume like the whole late afternoon. I mean, by the 693 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: time you get there, get in your suits, get in 694 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:48,879 Speaker 1: the pool for an hour, get out of your seats, 695 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,919 Speaker 1: and drive home, it's like two and a half hours past. 696 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 1: You know, it's funny, I'm gonna interject because sometimes I 697 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,239 Speaker 1: have to resist the urge to hurry with that kind 698 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 1: of thing, like getting ready and getting there. But if 699 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:03,080 Speaker 1: you still up back and you realize we're just really 700 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: trying to fild this time up because like I don't 701 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 1: even have to, then it actually doesn't matter how long 702 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 1: your kids take to get into their bathing suits, because whatever, 703 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: if they swim for a little bit less time, you're 704 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 1: still you're running down the clock. And I hate to 705 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,719 Speaker 1: think of parenting that way, but sometimes it is a reality. 706 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,879 Speaker 1: I have definitely been there. Yeah, and you know, if 707 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 1: it's we sort of watch the weather too, because not 708 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: all cold is the same. Like if if the weekend 709 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: weather is north of about twenty five degrees fahrenheit. We 710 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 1: have oard international listeners who are like, huh, so, if 711 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: it's north about twenty five degrees and it's like sunny 712 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: and go outside, just put on your coat, your boots, 713 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,719 Speaker 1: your hat, and you can play outside for a long 714 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 1: time at that level. But even if it's colder, you 715 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,359 Speaker 1: can go outside for like thirty to sixty minutes, and 716 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,440 Speaker 1: you know, maybe get a walk in somewhere if it's like, 717 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 1: you know, we've got six feet of snow, but somewhere 718 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: as shoveled, right, Like maybe it's a local university has 719 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 1: paths shoveled. Our commercial shopping district, like you can go there, 720 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,880 Speaker 1: so you know, and yeah, don't rush because you are 721 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 1: trying to fill the time, and you had some great 722 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,719 Speaker 1: I mean, you don't have snow, but like you've got 723 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 1: rainy weekend. Yeah, it's funny because this is actually our 724 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,440 Speaker 1: time to get outside and do everything, and our summers 725 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,279 Speaker 1: tend to be you know, there will be days where 726 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: it's just like pouring rain and thunderstorms the entire time. 727 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: So that's sort of our version of this, or even 728 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: like hurricanes, you know. And I made a little bit 729 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,720 Speaker 1: of a list. Well, first I want to mention your idea, 730 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,080 Speaker 1: which I am totally going to steal, which is the 731 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:37,160 Speaker 1: dollar store. That's brilliant. Give each kid three dollars. Okay, 732 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,799 Speaker 1: if you have four kids, that's only going to set 733 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 1: you back twelve dollars. So and then that could take 734 00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 1: up I mean with my kids, that could probably take 735 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:48,680 Speaker 1: up the entire day. I probably couldn't stand it, but yeah, 736 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: what a good cheap activity. And then you know, the 737 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,000 Speaker 1: totals will break anyway by the end of the day, 738 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,319 Speaker 1: so then you just dump them and you don't have 739 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: the clutter. Yeah, and you've spent twelve doll I mean, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. 740 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,759 Speaker 1: So and then I had come up with, well, my 741 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,479 Speaker 1: number one is seriously band together, because when you have 742 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 1: a friend and their kids, all of a sudden, it 743 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: adds a new dimension to the toys that your kids 744 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,280 Speaker 1: are totally tired of, and it's so much less boring 745 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: for you. And if you can combine it with dinner 746 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: and kind of you know, make it a playful and 747 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: fun atmosphere, then you know you've won. Basically. So play 748 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:26,439 Speaker 1: dates are my my my favorite. But also I've done 749 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 1: the put a bunch of activities in a box and 750 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 1: have kids pick, because somehow that just makes it more fun. 751 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,920 Speaker 1: I also mentioned the library because a lot of times 752 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:38,160 Speaker 1: there are free events and activities mandatory reading in quiet times. 753 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,320 Speaker 1: We haven't really done much of that yet, mostly because 754 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:45,720 Speaker 1: nobody can readoutely, not reading hard yet, but I greatly 755 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,400 Speaker 1: look forward to the days where that will be pleasurable 756 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: for everyone. As we talked about increasing screen times, sometimes 757 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,840 Speaker 1: you know, I tend to be a lot more limiting 758 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,359 Speaker 1: than Laura does. In general. I think about this, but 759 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 1: when it's just a nasty day, you might just want 760 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,759 Speaker 1: to give yourself the present and you can do different 761 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,839 Speaker 1: things in the sense of like movies are screen time 762 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 1: if you think about it, like you take the kids 763 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,120 Speaker 1: to a movie and like, honestly you could like put 764 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,920 Speaker 1: your own headphones on not have to listen. Yeah, you 765 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 1: could listen. I've heard of somebody saying I think I 766 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,839 Speaker 1: heard it on some podcasts of course, where they said, 767 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 1: they listen to podcasts during the kids can heavy, so 768 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:22,680 Speaker 1: you're just sitting in the back like hanning them the 769 00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,799 Speaker 1: popcorn like you know they can they can watch some 770 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,680 Speaker 1: in this you know teenage mutant whatever it is that 771 00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 1: they're watching. So so that can that can also you know, 772 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,680 Speaker 1: pass the time and I'll throw out the rainy day toy, 773 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,360 Speaker 1: which is something my kids have learned about. So you know, 774 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,279 Speaker 1: when you have their birthday party and they get a 775 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,359 Speaker 1: whole pile of presents, which is another topic for another day, 776 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,359 Speaker 1: you could corral maybe ten of them and they may 777 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,399 Speaker 1: not even notice, or if they notice, you could just say, 778 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,279 Speaker 1: this is what we do, and then you put them 779 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,399 Speaker 1: aside as rainy day toys that they can get one 780 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,399 Speaker 1: out if the weather is you know, a certain amount 781 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 1: of you know, give them criteria and then you have 782 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: this docpile that can pay off and dividends later. We 783 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,879 Speaker 1: even wrap them if you felt like it, rewrap them 784 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 1: and then open them again. Fill all kind of time. 785 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,800 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. 786 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,319 Speaker 1: We've been talking at friendship and uh then winter and 787 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 1: rainy day activities. So please you know, we say we're 788 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,880 Speaker 1: celebrating one hundred thousand downloads. We'd love more ideas for topics. 789 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,279 Speaker 1: We'd love ideas for guests. We of course are interested 790 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:32,600 Speaker 1: in diverse backgrounds, diverse jobs, working situations, family situations, so 791 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 1: please feel free to suggest people to Sarah or to 792 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:37,720 Speaker 1: me on our through our blogs, or you can email 793 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: me el vandercam at yahoo dot com and we look 794 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 1: forward to talking with everyone next week. Tune in then 795 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 1: for a best of both worlds. Thanks for listening. You 796 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,480 Speaker 1: can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or 797 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 1: at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, and you can 798 00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,359 Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 799 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,680 Speaker 1: been the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us 800 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:07,080 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.