1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,280
Speaker 1: This is Cowboys Sam, and this is Eh John, And

2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,720
Speaker 1: we've last owed in some amazing stories for y'all the

3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,280
Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcasts. But before that we got a wrangle,

4
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 1: a quick little two minute out break from those bucking sponsors.

5
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,079
Speaker 2: We bucking love so much they paid us the bucks

6
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 2: to help this show stay alive.

7
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,120
Speaker 3: I exposed a cheeter to his girlfriend and my best

8
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,200
Speaker 3: friend got mad at me for it. Secret secrets are

9
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 3: no fun. Secret secrets hurt so much. After high school,

10
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 3: I moved out of state for college. I always kept

11
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,839
Speaker 3: in touch with my best friend Anna. We kept each

12
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,479
Speaker 3: other informed about guys we were seeing in all of

13
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,520
Speaker 3: that stuff. After college, about six months ago, I moved

14
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,479
Speaker 3: back to my home state, but an hour away from

15
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,839
Speaker 3: my hometown. About a month ago, I decided, since I

16
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,240
Speaker 3: was settled finally to start getting back into the dating game.

17
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,120
Speaker 3: So it joined Tinder. By the way, this comes from

18
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,120
Speaker 3: Tinder gone Wrong, and if you want to spend your

19
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,640
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the rs slash Okay Storytime Separate it. Instantly,

20
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,480
Speaker 3: I'm met this really awesome guy named John. It turns

21
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,320
Speaker 3: out that John was up in my part of the

22
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,080
Speaker 3: state for work, but that he actually lives in my hometown.

23
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,280
Speaker 3: I started to realize that he looked familiar and asked

24
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,400
Speaker 3: if we went to elementary school together or if he

25
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,440
Speaker 3: just attended my church as a kid. He said he

26
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,440
Speaker 3: just moved to the state a couple of years ago,

27
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 3: and I chalked it up as him having one of

28
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,319
Speaker 3: those faces. We started chatting and hit it off pretty quickly.

29
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,640
Speaker 3: I told him I wasn't big into social media and

30
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,360
Speaker 3: he said he wasn't either, so he exchanged numbers and

31
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,880
Speaker 3: started texting to communicate. Even though he lived an hour away,

32
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,160
Speaker 3: he commutes to my town a lot for work and

33
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,640
Speaker 3: says neither of us were looking for anything serious. We

34
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,240
Speaker 3: figured this was a pretty awesome setup. After a while,

35
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,520
Speaker 3: our conversations durned a bit splicy, with some Schmexi picks

36
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,320
Speaker 3: being sent from his side and comments about hooking up

37
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,120
Speaker 3: when he came back. We set up a date to

38
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,840
Speaker 3: have lunch and meet when he got back. During this time,

39
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,280
Speaker 3: I had told Anna all about him, and when I

40
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,600
Speaker 3: finally told her we were going to meet up, she

41
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,000
Speaker 3: asked for a picture. I sent her one, not one

42
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,880
Speaker 3: of the schmecksy ones, obviously, and was surprised to find

43
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,480
Speaker 3: out that she had dated him for a short time

44
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,320
Speaker 3: a couple of weeks a few years back. I asked

45
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,320
Speaker 3: if she was okay with me seeing him, and she

46
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,160
Speaker 3: said she didn't care, but that she was positive he

47
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 3: had a girlfriend. Uh uh, that's how you know her him.

48
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 3: She sent me his full name so I could find

49
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,960
Speaker 3: him on Facebook, and sure enough, he was in a relationship.

50
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,839
Speaker 3: I was pitched. I instantly sent him a message confronting him.

51
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,720
Speaker 3: He apologized and profusely said it was a mistake to

52
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,080
Speaker 3: talk me on Tinder. I told him he should be

53
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,360
Speaker 3: apologizing to his girlfriend period, which he begged me not

54
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,800
Speaker 3: to tell. I told him to f off and blocked

55
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,640
Speaker 3: his number. After that, I screenshot all the messages we

56
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,679
Speaker 3: had sent, including him admitting to his guilt, and sent

57
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,240
Speaker 3: his girlfriend a Facebook message Noise. I told her I

58
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,000
Speaker 3: felt awful for having even a small role in his

59
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,640
Speaker 3: potential infidelity, and that I thought she should know. I

60
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,080
Speaker 3: haven't gotten a message back, and I don't think I will,

61
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,400
Speaker 3: but I felt what I did was the right thing

62
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,760
Speaker 3: to do. Fast forward to a couple days ago, when

63
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,919
Speaker 3: I came back home and went out for lunch with Anna.

64
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,960
Speaker 3: She asked me what ended up happening with John, and

65
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,880
Speaker 3: I told her. She instantly got furious and started saying

66
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,760
Speaker 3: stuff like I had no business interfering with another person's

67
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 3: relationship and how could I destroy a relationship I wasn't

68
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,280
Speaker 3: part of. I got really defensive and told her that

69
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 3: he made me part of their relationship when he tried

70
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,880
Speaker 3: to cheat on his girlfriend with me, A very good point.

71
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,720
Speaker 3: She told me, I was disgusting and an awful person

72
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,440
Speaker 3: for what I did. My God, and then I had

73
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,320
Speaker 3: no business messaging John's girlfriend and Peyton left. She hasn't

74
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 3: talked to me since. I feel like I did the

75
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,520
Speaker 3: right thing, but the way Anna reacted and how she

76
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,079
Speaker 3: refuses to talk to me anymore is making me question everything.

77
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 3: Was I right to get involved and message his girlfriend?

78
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,040
Speaker 3: How can I get Anna to talk to me again?

79
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,880
Speaker 3: Anne well In comments Brutus Clyde says, is it possible

80
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,320
Speaker 3: that she knows the girlfriend and she's afraid that she's

81
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 3: going to get dragged into it? Maybe he was in

82
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,000
Speaker 3: the same relationship when he and Anna dated and she's

83
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 3: afraid of being found out. Oh wait, wait, wait, Anna

84
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,160
Speaker 3: dated him. We learned that Anna had dated him in

85
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,200
Speaker 3: the past. Remember, she said, Anna had dated with him

86
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,360
Speaker 3: and then he started seeing that. She said, Oh he's

87
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,000
Speaker 3: I think he's in a relationship right now.

88
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,240
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Okay. That's actually a good point because I

89
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,000
Speaker 4: was like, how does she know?

90
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, so she's probably still cheating with him. Yeah, probably,

91
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,400
Speaker 3: or maybe she knew about his infidelity and didn't say anything,

92
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,599
Speaker 3: and she thinks the girlfriend is going to be pissed

93
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,279
Speaker 3: when she finds out. I don't know, but it's pretty

94
00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,080
Speaker 3: clear there's some backstory here, and I bet it's the

95
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,960
Speaker 3: non romantic relationship between Anna and the girlfriend. Opie says,

96
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,600
Speaker 3: that's a good shout. I never thought she could have

97
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,320
Speaker 3: a relationship with a girlfriend. I remember her vaguely talking

98
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 3: about John and seeing his pictures, which is why he

99
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,120
Speaker 3: looks so familiar, but I don't ever remember hearing more

100
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,279
Speaker 3: about him. I know she's adamantly against cheating, so it'd

101
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,680
Speaker 3: be really surprising if she was hooking up with him

102
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,920
Speaker 3: while he was with his girlfriend. DRHDZ says, you did

103
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,000
Speaker 3: the right thing. Has Anna been involved with a guy

104
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 3: in a relationship before? Could it be that she doesn't

105
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,880
Speaker 3: have the same set of moral values that you do?

106
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,240
Speaker 3: Opie says, no, she hates cheaters. Which is why I

107
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,239
Speaker 3: was surprised by her answers. But she just kept saying

108
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,960
Speaker 3: that it was none of my business. If boyfriend decides

109
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,560
Speaker 3: to cheat, drh Doz says, like you said, he made

110
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,120
Speaker 3: it your business. I still believe you did the right thing.

111
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,960
Speaker 3: No clue about how to get Anna to see your

112
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,599
Speaker 3: point of view, though her reaction is really odd. Maybe

113
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,600
Speaker 3: ask her if she had been in the girlfriend's shoes.

114
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,960
Speaker 3: Wouldn't she want to know her man is cheating on her?

115
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,400
Speaker 3: Opie says. I tried asking her that, and she just

116
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,400
Speaker 3: kept saying that it would beat their business and that

117
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,320
Speaker 3: it's not anyone else's business to meddle in their relationship.

118
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,360
Speaker 3: I'm just so baffled by it because I know she

119
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,480
Speaker 3: hates cheaters. Artful Wench says, So, if Anna ever had

120
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,960
Speaker 3: a boyfriend you discovered was cheating on her, she wouldn't

121
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,240
Speaker 3: want you to tell her. Opie says, That's gonna be

122
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,960
Speaker 3: my question to her, Or even worse, if Anna knew

123
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,240
Speaker 3: my boyfriend was cheating on me, would she not tell me?

124
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,400
Speaker 3: And there is an update. I didn't think I would

125
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,800
Speaker 3: need to update, especially after hearing nothing from John's girlfriend

126
00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:48,039
Speaker 3: after the first couple of days, but here I am.

127
00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,600
Speaker 3: First off, thanks for the comments. I know I did

128
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,240
Speaker 3: the right thing and I was confused by Anna's reaction,

129
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,120
Speaker 3: but the support that poured in helped so much. Thank you. Now,

130
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 3: Anna still wasn't talking to me when my trip home

131
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,719
Speaker 3: came to an end, so I just drove back to

132
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 3: my city and went on about my life. She ended

133
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,240
Speaker 3: up calling me middle of last week and said she

134
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,240
Speaker 3: wanted to talk about what happened. She still believed that

135
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,560
Speaker 3: what I did was fed up and she didn't approve.

136
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,800
Speaker 3: I asked her if she would ever tell me if

137
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 3: she found out a future boyfriend of mine was cheating

138
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,119
Speaker 3: on me, and she said, of course, but that's because

139
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,080
Speaker 3: I know you. I told her I didn't see the

140
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 3: friendship stranger status as an excuse to let a guy

141
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 3: be crappy to his girlfriend. After a while back and

142
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,960
Speaker 3: forth with the same arguments, I told her that we

143
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,240
Speaker 3: can agree to disagree and leave it at that. She

144
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,800
Speaker 3: said okay, and we hung up. After we hung up,

145
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,719
Speaker 3: I decided to check my Facebook and lo and behold,

146
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,960
Speaker 3: there was a message from John's girlfriend in my inbox

147
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,279
Speaker 3: from two days before. I was kind of nervous to

148
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,400
Speaker 3: read it. But it just said, are you in blank

149
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,480
Speaker 3: right now? I replied that I wasn't, and an hour

150
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,320
Speaker 3: later I got another message asking if I could call

151
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 3: her and her number. I was super nervous because I

152
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,920
Speaker 3: had no idea what I was going to be walking into,

153
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,800
Speaker 3: but I figured if it got too bad, I could

154
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 3: hang up and block her number. I called her and

155
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,480
Speaker 3: it was a big, awkward greeting, and then she asked

156
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,240
Speaker 3: me to tell her everything that happened. I obliged and

157
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,640
Speaker 3: told her exactly what happened. I could tell she was

158
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,200
Speaker 3: crying on the other end, which broke my heart, and

159
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,720
Speaker 3: I started apologizing, but she told me not to. She

160
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 3: was grateful that I told her. Apparently John and her

161
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 3: have been together for close to four years, which means

162
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:27,120
Speaker 3: that Anna probably cheated with him unless she unless she

163
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,600
Speaker 3: dated him, you know, four years later, and he cheated

164
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,560
Speaker 3: on her a lot during the first year of being

165
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,840
Speaker 3: together until she found out. He promised he never do

166
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,240
Speaker 3: it again, and she took him back. She said she

167
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,920
Speaker 3: was always really paranoid he would cheat again, but he

168
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,800
Speaker 3: never showed signs or anything out of the ordinary. I

169
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,640
Speaker 3: apologize for being the spotlight on what a buddy was

170
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 3: We kind of got to chatting for a while after that,

171
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,600
Speaker 3: and after a while she switched from depression to anger

172
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,600
Speaker 3: and I let her vent. At the end of it all,

173
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,160
Speaker 3: she said she was finally going to leave him, which

174
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,040
Speaker 3: I agreed with, and then said that if I remember

175
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,440
Speaker 3: back in town, that she'd like to buy me a coffee,

176
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,080
Speaker 3: which I thought was a nice gesture and I might

177
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,160
Speaker 3: take her up on the offer. After the phone call,

178
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,960
Speaker 3: I was really relieved and happy about how things turned out.

179
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,080
Speaker 3: I went to go text Anna to tell her, but

180
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,320
Speaker 3: then I remembered that John's girlfriends said they were dating

181
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:18,280
Speaker 3: for four years, freaking right, So I texted Anna and

182
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:22,000
Speaker 3: asked her when she dated John. Oh, it was two

183
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:22,520
Speaker 3: years ago.

184
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:23,160
Speaker 5: Dude.

185
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 4: We called it, really called it. There's no way that

186
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,000
Speaker 4: we couldn't have seen that coming. Called it from a

187
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:29,640
Speaker 4: mile away.

188
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, she must have known that he was dating

189
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,200
Speaker 3: another girl, and that's why she was so effing pissed. Yep,

190
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 3: so a lot of you guys right that she was

191
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 3: his mistress for a while. I'm not going to tell

192
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 3: John's girlfriend since she's done with him hopefully and doesn't

193
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,240
Speaker 3: need any more heartache, but I'm definitely going to cut

194
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,360
Speaker 3: Anna out of my life good and when she asks why,

195
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,959
Speaker 3: I'll just tell her that I know about her and

196
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,880
Speaker 3: John On all it turned out okay for pretty much

197
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 3: everyone involved, except for John, which is good because if

198
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,920
Speaker 3: that dude relevant comments, Thriell says, well, before we cutting

199
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,280
Speaker 3: your friend out completely, you could respond to her text

200
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,760
Speaker 3: with just spoke with John's girlfriend? Did you know that

201
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,040
Speaker 3: he was in a relationship while you guys were together?

202
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,520
Speaker 3: How Anna responds to this would be incredibly telling, though,

203
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,720
Speaker 3: if you're able, it would be best to ask this

204
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,640
Speaker 3: in person to see her physical reaction, not give her

205
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,360
Speaker 3: time to bs, and maybe for good measure, let your

206
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,480
Speaker 3: friend know how grateful the girlfriend was and that you

207
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,560
Speaker 3: and her are going to grab coffee when you're next

208
00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,560
Speaker 3: in town. It was really great what you did. I

209
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,199
Speaker 3: hope Anna can eventually see that, and if not, well,

210
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 3: then yeah, cut her out, hope, he says. I said

211
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,080
Speaker 3: this in another comment, but I'm not so much pissed

212
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,320
Speaker 3: at her stance on the subject as I am the

213
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,960
Speaker 3: way she treated me. She said and called me some

214
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,960
Speaker 3: pretty awful things and then ignored my attempts to talk

215
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,800
Speaker 3: to her about it for the better part of a week.

216
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,400
Speaker 3: No apologies for an am she called me or the

217
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,600
Speaker 3: things she said when she did finally talk to me,

218
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,200
Speaker 3: she just started the argument all over again. I've done

219
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,439
Speaker 3: and said some pretty crappy things to hear in the past,

220
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,640
Speaker 3: but I've always apologized for being out of line or

221
00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,520
Speaker 3: taking my anger out on her. But there was no apology,

222
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,679
Speaker 3: and I just felt like what she did isn't one

223
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,319
Speaker 3: best friends are supposed to do. So for now I'm

224
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 3: keeping her at a distance and that is the end

225
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 3: of that story.

226
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,120
Speaker 5: Folks.

227
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think even if she wasn't involved in

228
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,080
Speaker 4: cheating in that way, like, how you handle conflict is

229
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,680
Speaker 4: such an important part of any relationship, even friendship, and

230
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,120
Speaker 4: so the fact that she just responded with being like,

231
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,200
Speaker 4: oh no, you're a terrible person if you do this,

232
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,840
Speaker 4: or even thinking about doing this that alone, I would

233
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,080
Speaker 4: just be like, Okay, bye, I'm just not gonna be

234
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:24,840
Speaker 4: friends with you anymore.

235
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, why would you like if you think that of

236
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,480
Speaker 3: your friend, why are you friends with them? Exactly?

237
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,280
Speaker 4: I'm excluding my best friend on a trip because she

238
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,000
Speaker 4: wants to bring her baby.

239
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,839
Speaker 3: What is this a daycare?

240
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,199
Speaker 4: I twenty two female and my girls go on a

241
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,880
Speaker 4: girl's trip every December, since we all have breaks from UNI.

242
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,840
Speaker 4: We're a group of six girls and I've been doing

243
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:44,880
Speaker 4: this since we were eighteen.

244
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,560
Speaker 3: We weren't able to go last year because of the VID.

245
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,520
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Agitated Health forty six

246
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,640
Speaker 4: ninety two and if you want to submit your own stories,

247
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,000
Speaker 4: go to the r slush Okay story times some credit.

248
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,920
Speaker 4: My best friend, twenty one female, has a fourteen month

249
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,000
Speaker 4: your old son. Since her son was born, we haven't

250
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,439
Speaker 4: had a day loan with her, which I guess is

251
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,920
Speaker 4: understandable because she's a new mom. We tried to include

252
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,520
Speaker 4: her and all the plans that we had since having

253
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,559
Speaker 4: her child, but noticed that she would always ask if

254
00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:09,679
Speaker 4: we could change what the plan was to accommodate her

255
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,200
Speaker 4: baby coming too. This meant that the plan was almost

256
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,000
Speaker 4: always a coffee shop. I genuinely didn't mind changing all

257
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,040
Speaker 4: the plans to be more child friendly and just assumed

258
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,800
Speaker 4: that she couldn't get her man or parents to watch

259
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,480
Speaker 4: her baby for a while. I called her a few

260
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,400
Speaker 4: weeks ago to ask if she wanted to come to

261
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,199
Speaker 4: a club with us, and she asked if we could

262
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,839
Speaker 4: go to a coffee shop and said so she could

263
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,640
Speaker 4: bring her baby. I asked if there was no one

264
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,800
Speaker 4: who could watch her baby. She lives with her husband,

265
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,880
Speaker 4: who works from home, and her in laws, to which

266
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,640
Speaker 4: she replied that she'll feel insane mom guilt if she

267
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,560
Speaker 4: goes to a club and leaves her baby at home.

268
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,560
Speaker 4: I said that I understood, but that I really needed

269
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,320
Speaker 4: a night out, so maybe we could do coffee the

270
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,640
Speaker 4: next day. They loved list and tee huh, you're listening

271
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,840
Speaker 4: to me. She texted me the following day asking why

272
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,080
Speaker 4: I had such a big problem having her child around.

273
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,400
Speaker 4: I was baffled because I'm the one constantly changing plans

274
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,440
Speaker 4: to accommodate her son.

275
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,480
Speaker 3: But I asked her to understand me. For one night,

276
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,600
Speaker 3: I really needed a night out and didn't want to

277
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,560
Speaker 3: be in a coffee shop.

278
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,840
Speaker 4: She sounded agitated by my reasoning, but left it at that. Now,

279
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,160
Speaker 4: the girl's trip is coming in a week. I didn't

280
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,840
Speaker 4: really tell her about the trip because I knew that

281
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,280
Speaker 4: she couldn't come alone, but she heard it from another friend.

282
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 4: She jokingly asked why I didn't invite her, to which

283
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,760
Speaker 4: I laughed off because it felt so awkward. I told

284
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,920
Speaker 4: her that she was welcome to come as always and

285
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 4: I would love to have her there. I thought the

286
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,160
Speaker 4: call was an indication that she would want to come,

287
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,280
Speaker 4: or that she would come alone. She called the next

288
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,880
Speaker 4: day to ask if the resort we were going to

289
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,480
Speaker 4: be staying out was child friendly. I said that it wasn't,

290
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,559
Speaker 4: as we were looking for more of a club atmosphere

291
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,160
Speaker 4: and that's what it was. She then said that she

292
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 4: couldn't make it then if it wasn't going to properly

293
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,840
Speaker 4: accommodate her son in the activities that we do. I said,

294
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,160
Speaker 4: I understand, and that I'm sorry. I got a call

295
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,880
Speaker 4: from her older sister last night calling me all sorts

296
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,400
Speaker 4: of names because I didn't want my best friend's son

297
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,480
Speaker 4: to come on the girl's trip.

298
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,040
Speaker 3: And then I'm being child actually the babies being childish.

299
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,760
Speaker 3: Oh get him, get him.

300
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,160
Speaker 4: I'm genuinely still in such shock and don't know how

301
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,480
Speaker 4: to even type what I'm feeling right now. We haven't

302
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 4: had proper fun together in ages because it's either we're

303
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,120
Speaker 4: too busy caring for my friend's baby or a few

304
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,079
Speaker 4: of us were missing and because of the vid or

305
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,080
Speaker 4: et cetera. But this is the first time that we've

306
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,520
Speaker 4: all been together since we graduated undergrad and started our masters.

307
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,760
Speaker 4: We've been having hectic years and just wanted one care

308
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 4: free holiday. So am I the a hole for wanting

309
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,320
Speaker 4: our annual girl's trip to actually be a girl's trip?

310
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,600
Speaker 4: And I tried to hint once that I wanted my

311
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,600
Speaker 4: birthday a few months ago to just bs, but she

312
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,560
Speaker 4: laughed it off and made a joke about how her

313
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,360
Speaker 4: and her son are attached.

314
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,600
Speaker 3: By the hip and that she couldn't leave him.

315
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,640
Speaker 4: She asked if we could minimize how much booze there

316
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,480
Speaker 4: was going to be so she could bring her son.

317
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,920
Speaker 4: And we do have some comments, but I want to

318
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,440
Speaker 4: hear yours, no a hole or not, And you're not

319
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,320
Speaker 4: the a hole at all.

320
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,720
Speaker 3: I think when you become a parent, you have to

321
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,199
Speaker 3: realize that your life is going to change, like that's

322
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,240
Speaker 3: just unavoidable.

323
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,440
Speaker 4: So a verdict from the comments is not the A hole.

324
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,640
Speaker 4: But let's read some of those comments. One Mike Nation says, info,

325
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,959
Speaker 4: what do the other four women think about not telling

326
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,760
Speaker 4: her of the plan? Ohp He said, we all wanted

327
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,720
Speaker 4: to just be upfront with her about wanting her to

328
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,720
Speaker 4: come alone, but she's a very sensitive person and definitely

329
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 4: wouldn't take it well. That's why we decided to keep

330
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,520
Speaker 4: it on the down low and just bring it up

331
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,600
Speaker 4: randomly this week. No Bracket Society says, I'm going to

332
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 4: go with not the a hole, but be prepared to

333
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,719
Speaker 4: potentially lose that friendship. You're allowed to invite whoever you

334
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,120
Speaker 4: want to the girl's Night, but maybe have a separate,

335
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,240
Speaker 4: more low key get together with the best friend if

336
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,400
Speaker 4: you still want to stay friends. I don't think it's

337
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,520
Speaker 4: fair for her to bring the baby every single time,

338
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,520
Speaker 4: but I also don't think that it's fair to only

339
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,600
Speaker 4: do adult exclusive activity.

340
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:23,440
Speaker 3: Which isn't what oh He's doing.

341
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:28,040
Speaker 4: To be clear, offering both activities, Opie responds, Yeah, for sure,

342
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 4: but I think that that's what the problem is. Ninety

343
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,440
Speaker 4: nine percent of the time when we meet up, we

344
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,480
Speaker 4: go to the park or a cafe so she can

345
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,320
Speaker 4: bring her son. We rarely ever do anything without her

346
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,640
Speaker 4: and her son, which is why we are desperate for

347
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,920
Speaker 4: this girl's trip. We love her and her son, but

348
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,520
Speaker 4: it's been a long time without having actual fun. To

349
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,720
Speaker 4: be honest, Opie has additional info on her friend's husband.

350
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,400
Speaker 4: Is she in an abusive, her controlling marriage? Just to

351
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,240
Speaker 4: clear things up, we actually know and our friends with

352
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,440
Speaker 4: her husband. He contacted us several times asking us to

353
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,440
Speaker 4: take her out to a spa or something, which he'll

354
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 4: pay for because she doesn't get time away from the baby.

355
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,560
Speaker 4: But she picks a fight with him and says that

356
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,600
Speaker 4: she doesn't want to be away from the baby. She

357
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,080
Speaker 4: doesn't even allow him to take the baby out by himself.

358
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,960
Speaker 3: And that's also a problem that she needs to work on,

359
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,680
Speaker 3: because that's that's your child's father, and he needs to

360
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 3: be able to and be trusted to take care of

361
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:16,560
Speaker 3: this child.

362
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 4: He is older than her and she is a housewife,

363
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,440
Speaker 4: but it was by choice. She keeps saying how lucky

364
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 4: she is that she's married to a man who will

365
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,200
Speaker 4: provide for her and let her be a full time mom.

366
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 4: A lot of people seem to have the same theory

367
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,160
Speaker 4: as you, but I genuinely don't see it as her

368
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 4: being influenced by anyone. She has been judgmental of mothers

369
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 4: taking time away from their kids, even going back to work,

370
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 4: and since we were kids.

371
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 3: Oh oh interesting.

372
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,160
Speaker 4: She has a one dimensional view of what motherhood is

373
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,280
Speaker 4: and I don't think that anyone can change that. Also,

374
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 4: not sure if this is important, but her in laws

375
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,920
Speaker 4: always offered a babysit and tell my friend to go

376
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 4: on a date with her husband or go do things

377
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 4: she likes. But she declines there's no one that she

378
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,280
Speaker 4: feels is good enough to take care of her child.

379
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,080
Speaker 4: Even her own mother hasn't even been alone with her grandchild.

380
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,640
Speaker 4: And I don't think it's about anyone getting into her head. Actually,

381
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 4: her husband and in laws encourage her to take time

382
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,280
Speaker 4: away from the baby, but she thinks that motherhood means

383
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 4: being with your child twenty four to seven.

384
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:07,800
Speaker 3: I mentioned this in the.

385
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,040
Speaker 4: Previous post comments, But she criticizes our other friends and

386
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 4: just any mother who goes anywhere without their baby. She's

387
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,520
Speaker 4: even against taking her child to kindergarten and the early

388
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560
Speaker 4: years of school because she thinks that she won't be

389
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,760
Speaker 4: ready to let them go.

390
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 3: Okay, well she needs to go to therapy.

391
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 5: Yeah.

392
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people are saying postpart of anxiety. Yeah,

393
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,400
Speaker 3: this is unhealthy. This is unhealthy. You are literally saying,

394
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 3: I don't want to put my child into school because

395
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 3: I don't want to let them go.

396
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:34,760
Speaker 5: Yeah.

397
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,680
Speaker 3: That's not fair to the kids. And that's not a

398
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 3: criticism to like homeschooling or anything. It's a criticism to

399
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,880
Speaker 3: this person's thought process. Yeah, so she clearly needs help

400
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 3: for sure. Triplet mom nine six months says OPI, your

401
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 3: friend is being ridiculous. When my triplets were little, my

402
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,920
Speaker 3: husband encouraged me to get away for a girl's weekend trip,

403
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 3: and he stayed home with them when they were around

404
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,480
Speaker 3: thirteen months old. They are grown now, and I've turned

405
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 3: into wonderful adults. Daughter will be heading into med school soon,

406
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,480
Speaker 3: and once son is a firefighter, and the other son

407
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 3: and manages a restaurant. We have a great relationship, and

408
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,959
Speaker 3: an added bonus that they are very close to their

409
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 3: dad because of all the time that he spent with

410
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 3: them growing up. Opie responds, although so wholesome, you and

411
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 3: your husband sound like amazing parents and partners. I wish

412
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,879
Speaker 3: my friend let her husband take up any sort of

413
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 3: responsibility with their son. She doesn't. She sees her son

414
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:18,400
Speaker 3: as hers.

415
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,639
Speaker 4: And not theirs. Not sure how he feels about it.

416
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 4: Probably not great. I would not feel good. Opie on

417
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 4: never cutting her off after three occasions and her friend's

418
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 4: thoughts on clubbing. It's been a lot more than three occasions. Also,

419
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,440
Speaker 4: she doesn't like it when five of us go out

420
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 4: together without her. I can understand how that must make

421
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,840
Speaker 4: her feel, but for her to ask us to not

422
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 4: go clubbing and just to go with her to a

423
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 4: coffee shop instead every time rubs me the wrong way.

424
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,760
Speaker 4: I posted a picture of me on a date at

425
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,359
Speaker 4: a pub on Instagram and she messaged me saying, Hey,

426
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 4: have you had a problem with.

427
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 3: Booze for a tender date? What does that even mean?

428
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:52,719
Speaker 3: She says.

429
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,359
Speaker 4: Opie, when told the only thing that she messed up

430
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 4: was excluding her friend and planning behind her back, says,

431
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,719
Speaker 4: I agree. I felt terrible planning trip it out her,

432
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,080
Speaker 4: But honestly, every time we plan something and try to

433
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 4: tell her that we want it to be just us,

434
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 4: she'll definitely still come for the plan, but will still

435
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 4: come with her son. I just thought including her and

436
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,399
Speaker 4: the planning would definitely make her come, but there was

437
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 4: a zero percent chance that she would come alone, and

438
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 4: I also wouldn't be able to tell her to just

439
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 4: not come if she couldn't come alone. Sounds bad, I know,

440
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,880
Speaker 4: but she also isn't the type to hear us out.

441
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,560
Speaker 4: We'll have to speak to her at one point or another, though,

442
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 4: so I think I'll definitely have a good talk with

443
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 4: her and let everything out this week. Let's hope that

444
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,119
Speaker 4: we can see eye to eye. Thank you for the advice,

445
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 4: and we do have an update. But what you think

446
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,199
Speaker 4: about those comments? They seem pretty accurate.

447
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so, I think. But communication is the

448
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 3: best thing to do right now. I think you need

449
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 3: to tell her how you guys are feeling, how she's

450
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 3: making you guys feel as if you're like lesser than

451
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,280
Speaker 3: or you know, yeah, wrong for having a different view

452
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 3: on parenthood than she does. Exactly. Yeah, and if she

453
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 3: doesn't respond to that positively.

454
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 4: Your answer, yeah exactly, I think Again, it's just the

455
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 4: kind of thing. It's like you need to be okay,

456
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 4: especially at such a age, like with people hanging out

457
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 4: together and not with you, like especially if it has

458
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 4: a valid reason.

459
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 3: If they're just excluding you to exclude you, that what's up.

460
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 4: But if they're excluding you because you don't want to

461
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: do the things that they want to do, then that's

462
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:13,439
Speaker 4: on you, Kyla.

463
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,120
Speaker 3: You know, like that's not it's like not personal. If

464
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 3: I were like inviting my rock climb, I invite literally everyone,

465
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 3: and some of my friends don't want to do that. Yeah,

466
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,160
Speaker 3: but I've invited them exactly and if they were like, oh,

467
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 3: you're always going rock Cramen on Wednesdays, you're excluding me.

468
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, do you want to come? And they're like, no,

469
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 3: you have to do something else, and I was like, no,

470
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 3: that's my rock common days, right, it's not you.

471
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 4: That's excluding So for anyone who read my previous posts

472
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 4: and shared their advice, thank you, And here's an update.

473
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 4: So we went on our girls trip and had the

474
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 4: best week we had since before the bids started. We

475
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 4: all kind of chose to not speak about the issue

476
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,119
Speaker 4: with our friend and just have a good time and

477
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 4: sort out the issue when we got back home. The

478
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 4: day after we got back, I texted my best friend

479
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 4: and asked if we could come over and see her

480
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 4: and her son, and also to deliver the gifts that

481
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 4: we had gotten them. And during the trip, she read

482
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,119
Speaker 4: the message and hasn't replied for three days. I called

483
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,479
Speaker 4: her husband just to ask if she was okay, and

484
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 4: he said that she was and he doesn't know why

485
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 4: she wasn't responding to me.

486
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:09,399
Speaker 3: Anyway.

487
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 4: I decided not to double text, as I didn't want

488
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 4: to nag her, but she texted back after three days

489
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,360
Speaker 4: with an essay like response.

490
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 3: Explaining how disappointed she felt that I thought she would

491
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,360
Speaker 3: give up days of.

492
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 4: Motherhood just to drink and quote be a scay yikes.

493
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 3: Good to know what she thinks of us.

494
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 4: Then she ended the message by saying that she and

495
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 4: her husband are trying for another baby and she doesn't

496
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 4: have the mental capacity to deal with our crap. Okay, bye,

497
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 4: after which she left all the group chats and blocked

498
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 4: us all on every social media platform.

499
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 3: So that's that.

500
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 4: I guess, best friend since year four and this is

501
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,919
Speaker 4: how our friendship has ended. Still baffled to be honest,

502
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 4: but maybe it was for the best, hoping I'll see

503
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,360
Speaker 4: the good in this one day. Thank you so much

504
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,919
Speaker 4: to everyone that responded, and Happy New Year, lovely, And

505
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story.

506
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 3: I called out my cheater friend. She said I ruined

507
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,120
Speaker 3: her social life. Cheater, cheer, pumpkin eater. So I, twenty

508
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 3: four female, have been friends with this girl, twenty four female.

509
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 3: Let's call her Amelia since we were both teenagers. We

510
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 3: became friends in middle school because we found out we

511
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 3: had common interests and I thought she was a really

512
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 3: fun person to be around. Amelia has always been the

513
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 3: star of the show the kind of girl with quirky

514
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 3: interests who relishes in being different. I don't say this

515
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 3: in a negative way at all. Really, I loved her

516
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 3: for how much she didn't seem to care about other

517
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 3: people's opinions. By the way, this comes from Medical Raccoon

518
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 3: seven to ninety seven, and if you want to submit

519
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

520
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 3: severed it. I was also the only one of her

521
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,119
Speaker 3: friends to acknowledge that she had some flaws that made

522
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 3: her behave well irresponsibly towards the Sometimes she would constantly

523
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 3: bail on or be late to meetings because she wanted

524
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 3: to do something else more, and she tended to be

525
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 3: very oblivious to people's feelings. I kind of became the

526
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 3: damage control friend over time. I tell people that she

527
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 3: didn't mean it, that she had issues with planning, all

528
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 3: of which was somewhat true, because Amelia had ADHD. To

529
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 3: be clear, I never saw anything wrong with that. I

530
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 3: would constantly ask our friends for patients to not get

531
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 3: too mad at her and help her get out of problems.

532
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 3: Entering adulthood, I had a really bad breakup with my

533
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 3: ex who had started cheating on me with a friend

534
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 3: of mine, Katrina, and blame me for it because I

535
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 3: was aspec identity and two career focused, neither of which

536
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 3: were things that I had hidden before we started dating.

537
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 3: During this time, I had a few friends who supported me,

538
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 3: but Amelia was mostly absent. When she came back after

539
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 3: I had gotten out of my mental health spiral, she

540
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 3: claimed that she just didn't want to take sides and

541
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 3: invite that energy into her life when she was so

542
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 3: busy with university and her new boyfriend, James twenty five mail.

543
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 3: I was just so happy to have her back that

544
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 3: I didn't say anything about it. We just started hanging

545
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 3: out again, though she went overseas and started ignoring my

546
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 3: messages then. Sorry for the lengthy context, but it's all

547
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:55,120
Speaker 3: pretty necessary for understanding what happened. One month ago, Amelia

548
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 3: broke up with James out of the James sort of

549
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 3: went quiet about it, not bad mouthing her to anyone.

550
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 3: I asked Amelia, and she told me evasively that it

551
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 3: was just differences and opinion about the future. It felt

552
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,400
Speaker 3: off to me, so I approached a mutual friend, Heather

553
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 3: twenty four female, for more details. She had approached James

554
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 3: after the breakup because she was worried about his mental health.

555
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 3: Be clear, Heather's happily in a relationship. This was just

556
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: her being a sweedie. Heather was a little hesitant, but

557
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 3: eventually she told me over a lunch coffee that she

558
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,160
Speaker 3: didn't think she wanted to hang out with Amelia anymore.

559
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 3: I was startled by this, and the old instinct to

560
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 3: make excuses for my friend came up. But then I

561
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 3: thought about the weird expression she'd made when I asked

562
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 3: her about James. I suppressed that instinct and asked Heather

563
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 3: to explain more. This was when I learned that Amelia

564
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 3: had mentioned to Heather that she had cheated on James,

565
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 3: apparently for over a year overseas while at university. She'd

566
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 3: come back home to her boyfriend told him this, told

567
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 3: him that she simply felt like she was just settling

568
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 3: with him because he was a safe option, but that

569
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 3: he wasn't handsome enough or rich enough for her. There

570
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,239
Speaker 3: was no way, I thought immediately Amelia wouldn't do that.

571
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 3: It had to be a misunderstanding. But Heather wouldn't lie either,

572
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 3: as one might expect. I went to talk to Amelia

573
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 3: after this, when she learned I'd found out. She got defensive,

574
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 3: immediately claiming that she'd just fallen in love. To be cleared,

575
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 3: I didn't take an aggressive stance, just sat at our

576
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 3: dining table, asking her questions gently, stressing that I didn't

577
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,879
Speaker 3: want to judge her based on other people's stories, that

578
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 3: I wanted to hear the events from Mermel honestly, maybe

579
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 3: staying with Heather's version might have been better. She told

580
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,959
Speaker 3: me that she had gotten board of James, who had

581
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 3: always mentioned that he just wanted to live a normal

582
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 3: life with her. She said that she had strung him

583
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 3: along for a year because it felt too cold to

584
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 3: break up over text. She said that I should have

585
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 3: understand that she had ADHD and that she could procrastinate

586
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 3: on things sometimes, that as a fellow NERD a virgin person,

587
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 3: I should empathize with her and not give her a

588
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 3: hard time over it. Me, I'm not giving you our

589
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 3: time and I'm not gonna gossip. I just wanted to

590
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 3: know why, Amelia, you've broken up before. You should understand

591
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 3: when a guy's it's just not right for you.

592
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 4: Me.

593
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 3: We're not here to talk about me right now. And

594
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 3: if you just directly told James that and broken up

595
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 3: with him. I wouldn't have criticized that. I came here

596
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 3: open to hear that you didn't actually cheat on him.

597
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: But I guess I was wrong. This is where I

598
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: got up to leave. Amelia seemed to send something was wrong,

599
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 3: But her next words surprised me. Amelia, So what are

600
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 3: you get to tell Hather and the others. They haven't

601
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 3: been talking to me recently. Me talk to them, Amelia says, yeah,

602
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 3: to get them to stop being mad at me.

603
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 4: Me.

604
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 3: I can't really blame them, Amelia, what does that mean?

605
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: I went quiet here trying to figure out how to

606
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 3: say my next words. I struggle a lot in the moment. However,

607
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 3: then Amelia started going on a trade about James, how

608
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 3: he was stealing all their friends. How once people heard

609
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 3: about this, instead of understanding how hard it had been

610
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 3: for her to break up with them, they all would

611
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: just start ignoring her. I sat there, getting more and

612
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 3: more anxious, until I finally cut her off.

613
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 4: Me.

614
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 3: What you're saying is awful, Amelia. James didn't even say

615
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 3: anything you did. To be honest, I'm not happy with

616
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 3: you for that either. It's not fair to him, and

617
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 3: cheating is something I can't ignore. She looked at me

618
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 3: and then accused me of betraying her, saying that I

619
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 3: was always supposed to be on her side and proving

620
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 3: that she was correct and that people just weren't being

621
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 3: accommodating of her. When I didn't immediately apologize, she said

622
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 3: something awful to me. You got together with someone super

623
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: quickly too after your breakup, and like, the two of

624
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 3: you look so happy together that I thought I deserved

625
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 3: that too. New boyfriend makes me feel that way. But

626
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 3: if you're just gonna get mad at me, then maybe

627
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,959
Speaker 3: this proves that you and Evan twenty five not binary

628
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 3: aren't as solid as you think you are because you're

629
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 3: still hung up over your ex. I'm not proud of

630
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 3: what happened next, but I lost it. I yelled at

631
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 3: her that I had started dating Evan two years after

632
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 3: my breakup, what after recovering from everything before, and that

633
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 3: she hadn't been there, that she'd been taking Instagram photos

634
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 3: with Katrina, the girl my ex cheated with during that time,

635
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 3: that she had no right to question my relationship or

636
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: blame me, that she had done exactly what my ex

637
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 3: had done to me, despite knowing how devastated. I was

638
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 3: that she had blamed everyone in her life but herself

639
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 3: for being a cheater, that she had weaponized my old

640
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 3: breakup to hurt me right now so that I would

641
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 3: excuse her actions. Again, I said I wanted nothing to

642
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 3: do with her anymore. I left after that. I didn't

643
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 3: say anything to anyone, but apparently Amelia called someone to

644
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 3: complain about me, and the whole story got out. Most

645
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 3: people have cut her off, which made her freak out. Yeah,

646
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,640
Speaker 3: that's her fault, she told everyone. She tattled on herself.

647
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,120
Speaker 3: She kept spamming me with messages claiming that I destroyed

648
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 3: her social life, even though she had never done anything

649
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: to me. That it was uncare to be mad at

650
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,959
Speaker 3: her for her actions towards someone else. One of our

651
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,719
Speaker 3: mutual friends texted me, accusing me of siding with a

652
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 3: man over Amelia. I know I shouldn't doubt myself, and

653
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 3: Evan tells me they're relieved that I stood up for

654
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 3: myself instead of letting her use me as a shield.

655
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 3: But I can't help being worried that it might have

656
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 3: been too much. I just want to know people's opinions

657
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 3: on it, if perhaps I'm the a hole for being

658
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 3: too confrontational when it came to how I spoke to her.

659
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 3: So am I the a hole for everyone who was

660
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 3: telling me that I shouldn't have dug into things. I

661
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 3: think you're probably right, But at the same time, I

662
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,639
Speaker 3: wasn't aware that it was something like this. I just

663
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 3: felt something weird going on with my friends, and I

664
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 3: wanted to help out if I could. I think the

665
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 3: reason why I asked about this was because a part

666
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 3: of me is mourning because of suddenly cutting off Amelia,

667
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 3: since she's been a part of my life for so long.

668
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 3: To be clear, no matter what, I'm not going back

669
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 3: to being friends with her again. It just hurts a

670
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 3: lot to cut her off. I guess that might be

671
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 3: why to some people I might sound a bit childish.

672
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 3: I do feel a bit like I'm suddenly being forced

673
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 3: to deal with something a younger version of me maybe

674
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: at fault for or should have spoken up against earlier.

675
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 3: It's a lot of feelings that I really don't know

676
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,160
Speaker 3: how to deal with or have the energy for right now.

677
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 3: Guilt for always shielding her from responsibility and maybe causing

678
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 3: her to become used to being able to do anything.

679
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 3: Anger at the fact that I only wanted the best

680
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 3: for her for so long, but that she was so

681
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 3: quick to pour salt in the same wounds that she

682
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 3: never seemed to care about. I feel like I do

683
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 3: finally recognize that in a way, over time, I ended

684
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 3: up being used by her. But I'm definitely not blameless either.

685
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: The same old, same old.

686
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 4: That makes sense that she's still mourning that that loss

687
00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 4: of friendship, because it is still a loss.

688
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 3: You know, that still sucks, but over time, like you'll

689
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 3: know that you did the right thing.

690
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 4: She wasn't the wrong. That's all that's important. And it

691
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 4: is nice that like the other friends also agree because

692
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 4: I feel like we were just read so many stories where

693
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 4: like op is like this person is totally the wrong

694
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 4: and no one want agrees.

695
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

696
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 4: So I'm glad that she's at least not alone in

697
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 4: this opinion.

698
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, your friend is a cheater and she doesn't

699
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 3: see anything wrong with that, and she announced herself to

700
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 3: the whole world and is bad that the whole world

701
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 3: hates her. But there's a little bit left to this

702
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 3: story either way. Whether you were the people that encouraged

703
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 3: me or told me that I had my own share

704
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 3: of blame, in this situation. Thank you for your good intentions.

705
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 3: So now things haven't really changed that much, just people

706
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 3: asking me questions that I don't really know how to answer.

707
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 3: I can't really say I'm okay now, but I feel

708
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: like at the very least, I've woken up a bit

709
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 3: more and realized that I shouldn't have defended her for

710
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 3: so long. So I'll probably take a bit more time

711
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 3: to myself and then I'll try to move on from

712
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 3: this situation. Once again, Thank you, And that is the

713
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 3: end of that story.

714
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here reading it back

715
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 1: to the stories, but here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

716
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: My fiance claimed I treated her badly. Now my life

717
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 1: is in shambles. Trigger warning there could be physical abusing

718
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: the story. If you want to skip it, go to

719
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: the next one. I suggested to you that I honestly

720
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: don't know what happened. Let's find out. A couple of

721
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: days ago, my girlfriend who I lived with, left our

722
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: apartments while I was at work, claimed to her family

723
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: and mutual friends that I had been physically abusing her

724
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: and blocked me on everything.

725
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 2: I have no idea what's going on.

726
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: By the way, This comes from a random abuse throw

727
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: and if you want to submit your own story, go

728
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay storytime subread. There weren't any

729
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: major problems in our relationship that I could see. We

730
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: just had consensual, spicy sleep last night, the very last

731
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: time I spoke to her before all of this happened.

732
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 1: She was perfectly fine, kissed me goodbye before work, and

733
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 1: everything was normal. Then I got a call from my

734
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: dad toward the end of the day, asking me calmly

735
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: if I had been attacking my girlfriend. I didn't know

736
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 1: what he was talking about, and then she told me.

737
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: I rushed home and she had gotten all of her

738
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: stuff and is saying and is staying either with her

739
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: family or a friend of hers. My Facebook account is

740
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: blowing up and I have no idea what to do.

741
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: None of what is being said is true, and I

742
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: don't know if someone is just playing a cruel joke

743
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: on me. A few people even mentioned that the police

744
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: were called, but I haven't heard anything as of yet.

745
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 1: The last major argument we had was probably in February,

746
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: around Valentine's Day.

747
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 2: We were going through some financial trouble.

748
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: The stress got to us and we were both getting

749
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: upset with each other over petty household things. She was

750
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: my best friend, the person I could rely on to

751
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: be there for me, and the person I would be

752
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: there for always, no matter what. We were definitely planning

753
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: on getting married. It wasn't a matter of if, it

754
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: was a matter of when. Her family had basically accepted

755
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: me into their family. I was close with both her

756
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: mom and her dad. I only called them both once

757
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: each neither of them answered my calls. I called my

758
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: I don't know X just twice, no answer. She's blocked

759
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: me on every social media platform of hers that I

760
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: know of. I asked a couple of friends, but they

761
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: are being distant with me, just one word answers or

762
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: ghosting me.

763
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: What that is happening here?

764
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: We'd been upfront and honest with each other and our

765
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: communication was stellar, and we have an update coming up. Okay,

766
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: this is going to be a weird, freaky update. I'm

767
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: sorry if you guys thought this was going to be

768
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 1: anything interesting. A friend came forward and told me that

769
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: apparently my dumb but fiance decided to play a prank

770
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: on me. She had the bright idea of leaving the

771
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,959
Speaker 1: house for a couple of days to set up a

772
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: surprise birthday part party for me set for this weekend.

773
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: I don't know what the f she was thinking, nor

774
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 1: do I even really know the full story yet. She

775
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: is not really the prank playing type, and I guess

776
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: thought this would be hilarious or something. It looks like

777
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: the majority of those friends who were acting distant were

778
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: in on it. After I started being upfront and honest

779
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: with showing people my text with her, as this sub suggested,

780
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: one of them told her that this wasn't cool and

781
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: if she didn't come clean, then he would. Well, she

782
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: didn't come clean and he came forward. I guess that's

783
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,959
Speaker 1: why nobody was answering their texts. Anyways, I texted her

784
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 1: and I told her that I knew, and I asked

785
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: her what the F was she thinkank she started blowing

786
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: my phone up apology. She said her prank just went

787
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: too far and spiraled out of control when it got

788
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: on social media, and that she didn't know how to

789
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: come clean when she realized that it crossed the line.

790
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 3: So she's like, yeah, I realized that that was super

791
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 3: messed up of me, and instead of clearing your name,

792
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 3: I just did.

793
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 1: Nothing or like like clearing the name of the parents,

794
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: like if I'm like my daughter, has I am lighting

795
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 1: on fire?

796
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: Yeah?

797
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 5: Do you know?

798
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 3: I mean like there are so many parents out there

799
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 3: that would literally, like physically harm Yes, one who did that. Yes,

800
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 3: you know, like no joke. He might have like his

801
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 3: life might.

802
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 2: Have been in danger.

803
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 3: Yes, from that accusation.

804
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 2: Yes. Absolutely.

805
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: She also said that she didn't mean to let it

806
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 1: come out that I was abusing her, and that she

807
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 1: wanted to make it seem like she left me, and

808
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 1: that the abuse stuff was a rumor started by some

809
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: other people who weren't in on her joke. I just

810
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: didn't really respond to her. I left and went to

811
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 1: my parents' house before she got home. My family now

812
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: thinks that she's an effing moron, so her relationship with

813
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: them is ruined right before a marriage.

814
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 2: So that's great.

815
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: Our mutual friends are now split in half, with half

816
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: of them thinking she's an idiot and the other half

817
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 1: feeling god knows what about the situation. I'm frankly embarrassed

818
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: and feel stupid for wasting everyone's time and dragging them

819
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 1: into my relationship with my fiance. I don't really know

820
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 1: where to go from here. I don't know if I

821
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 1: should call off the wedding or postponent and try to

822
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 1: work out what the heck went through her mind. I'm

823
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: sorry if this isn't the ending to the story that

824
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 1: you are all hoping for. I'm having drinks and we'll

825
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: be here all night, feeling sorry for myself and answering

826
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 1: comments for as long as I'm awake with this Jamison

827
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: and we have the second updates. So, firstly, thank all

828
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: of you for your input. I read and considered every

829
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: single reply. First, I'll update you, then I'll tie up

830
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 1: some loose ends from the comments in the previous post.

831
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,919
Speaker 1: I want to apologize for the bluntness of this post

832
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: ahead of time, because despite your comments about me being

833
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: calm and level headed, I'm actually quite upset about the

834
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: entire situation, and I feel like me sitting and thinking

835
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: about it is only marinating this anger and making it

836
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: more juicy and flavor for a lot. So update, I

837
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 1: spoke to her in person after I posted my update.

838
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: From her perspective, her original idea was to make it

839
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,959
Speaker 1: look like she got mad or something, grabbed a few

840
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: things and left to her friend's house where she was

841
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: going to have the party.

842
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 2: Thrown.

843
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 1: Her friend has a really nice house that's perfect for

844
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: a twenty to thirty person get together. She was with

845
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 1: her two friends and made an off the cuff re

846
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 1: mark when her friend said, what are you going to

847
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: say when he asks why? And she said, I don't know.

848
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 1: I'll probably tell him that I felt like he got

849
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: too serious when we had spicy.

850
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 2: Sleep or something like that.

851
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 1: Then her other friend who was with her, immediately took

852
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 1: to social media without the other two girls knowing, and

853
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: then when they checked her phones later that day, it

854
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 1: was already a dumpster fire. I said, great, all that

855
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 1: is understandable. Just one question, why did you then block

856
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: me and then refuse to answer my calls? Because that

857
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: seemed pretty effing intentional to me. She said, because she

858
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: didn't want to throw her idiot friend under the bus

859
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 1: and thought it would all go away if she just

860
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: threw the party, and she hadn't realized how far it

861
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: all went so quickly. I thanked her for tailing me,

862
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: and then I called off the wedding entirely.

863
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: She cried.

864
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: I cried, it was a got enag mess. She asked

865
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 1: where we go from here? I told her, I don't know.

866
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,919
Speaker 1: I don't even know if the relationship is over yet,

867
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: but I know that the engagement is over. And then

868
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: if I decide to give it another chance, at the

869
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: bare minimum, we need to build my trust for her

870
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 1: from the ground up, if not the entire relationship.

871
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 3: I also think she needs to go online and publicly

872
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 3: say my friend name them, Yes, made a joke that I,

873
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 3: you know, a bad joke that I had to surprise

874
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 3: my partner and took it to the internet and totally

875
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 3: lied about everything. Literally throw them under the bus. And

876
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 3: then admit that you didn't know what was going on

877
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 3: and you failed to come forward and say that your

878
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 3: partner did nothing wrong. Literally like like, humiliate yourself online.

879
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,720
Speaker 3: Humiliate yourself because you have humiliated your partner.

880
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's like, oh, I didn't want to throw

881
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: my idiot friend under the bus.

882
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 3: U uh more about that.

883
00:36:56,200 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: Actions have consequences absolutely, Like she went on social media

884
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: and said that your partner was abusing you. That is,

885
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: she absolutely deserves to be thrown under the bus. Absolutely

886
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: needs to be called out for and and and you

887
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 1: know what, she made it public there.

888
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 2: Why can't we make it publicish?

889
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: She she gets to say this insane thing on the internet,

890
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,919
Speaker 1: but we don't get the chance to you know, lear

891
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,839
Speaker 1: your partner's name and quy a recognize the situationally.

892
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 3: His part like Op's partner, needs to just just humiliate

893
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 3: herself and then also even then, if she does that,

894
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 3: you don't have to stay with her. Yes, that's just

895
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 3: the bare minimum that she needs to do.

896
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: And now I have to decide if I want that

897
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 1: being if they start the relationship, everything's being built from

898
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 1: the ground up, right, Do I want to spend another

899
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 1: four years being undecided? If I'm being honest with myself,

900
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 1: I imagine it taking another couple of years before I

901
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 1: can trust her again. Do I want to get married

902
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: and start thinking about having children at thirty five thirty six,

903
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: close to forty. I told her that I have a

904
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 1: lot to think about it. I spoke to her dad

905
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 1: last night. We shared a case of adult sodas and

906
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: had a conversation that lasted about five hours.

907
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 2: My ex question Mark.

908
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: Hasn't spoken to anyone and has basically been locked up

909
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 1: in her old bedroom for now.

910
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 2: She's been crying a lot.

911
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: I do believe that she's genuinely remorseful about all this,

912
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: which complicates things. Her dad caught wind of the situation

913
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: on Facebook, but learned what was really going on maybe

914
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: like an hour later. He'd gotten my calls but hadn't

915
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: returned them because he had called his daughter first.

916
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 2: She told him, and he just didn't know what to

917
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 2: say to her.

918
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 1: He told me that she's not truly stupid, but that

919
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: she has a history of sometimes not thinking about things

920
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: before she says them, and the impact of her offen

921
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: remarks can have He said, this is the worst it's

922
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: ever snowballed, But she's had situations in the past where

923
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 1: she says something stupid or insulting and doesn't realize the

924
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 1: impact of what she said until hours later when the.

925
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 2: Other person blows up over it. So that's it. I

926
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 2: still have a lot to think about.

927
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: I know a lot of you guys are telling me

928
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: that I have no balls for not literally tossing her

929
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: into traffic and laughing about it or something weird like that.

930
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: So you have to understand that I still love her,

931
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: and I have loved her for a few years now.

932
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: Right now I'm leaning towards moving on, but you're going

933
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 1: to have to empathize with me here. We're about to

934
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,760
Speaker 1: conclude the story. It has been an insanely wild ride.

935
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,720
Speaker 1: Could you please share your closing thoughts with the good people?

936
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 3: Would love to? Number one, ohp be gentle with yourself.

937
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 3: You are about to marry this person. Of course you

938
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 3: love them, Course you love them. That doesn't mean that

939
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 3: they're right for you, or that they haven't deeply hurt

940
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,240
Speaker 3: you in a way that maybe you can never trust

941
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 3: them again, which you know you need for a good relationship. Ah.

942
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 3: And to she still hasn't apologized publicly. Oh, she still

943
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 3: has not. Also her friend has not apologized to you?

944
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 3: Is she still friends with that person?

945
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 5: Ooh?

946
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 3: Because I would be like I am not being in

947
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 3: a relationship with someone who is friends with a person

948
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 3: who accused me of abusing you? No way, Like did

949
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 3: she get any any kind of you know, ramifications to

950
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 3: what she did?

951
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, one hundred percent.

952
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: I also really love the point that your first point too,

953
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: And I don't think it's said often like people are

954
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: when you're thrust into a scenario like this, You like,

955
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: one hour, we're like in love with this person, about

956
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,280
Speaker 1: to marry them, and then the next hour everything changes,

957
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: And that's such a like emotional whiplash to have to

958
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: like try to understand and like sort everything in your head.

959
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: So it's totally fair to be like, I, I've loved

960
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: this person for years and like we've had all these

961
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 1: great times in relationship, yet she's done this unthinkable thing

962
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: to me and it's just like hard to process all

963
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: that and still still like like appreciating, you know, the times,

964
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,840
Speaker 1: and you know, there's probably Opie's a few years, Like

965
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 1: there's probably a lot of memories and ways that Ope's grown.

966
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: It's like that's still you know, true and good. But

967
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: also this person is freaking crazy.

968
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 2: So there you go. Uh why is thoughts from Sophia Donaldlaison.

969
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 3: John from John Fry look at that, but.

970
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 1: Lazier gentlemen, let's conclude this nightmare. As for my reputation,

971
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: and nobody thinks I'm an abuser, it's firmly out there now.

972
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: Her reputation took a much more significant and lasting hit.

973
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,919
Speaker 1: I haven't lost any friends except for the idiot social

974
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: media girl Horay, whose reputation was also took a severe hit.

975
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 2: Hooray.

976
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: Nobody called the cops. All other posts about it have

977
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 1: been deleted. Everything is good. There's no real need for

978
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: me to get a lawyer and sue anybody my family

979
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 1: agrees with a lot of you. They're two seconds away

980
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 1: from slapping me upside my head for not immediately punting

981
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: her to the curb.

982
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 2: But just give me some time.

983
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,359
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make another update post because I've

984
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: already wasted too much of your time with this BS.

985
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: But maybe I'll just update this post in a few

986
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: days after I've decided what to do. But that might

987
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: be yeah, end dang man.

988
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 3: I mean great that Op's reputation has been you know, uh.

989
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: Cleared, thank god.

990
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 3: But I mean, like, apart from her totally destroying the

991
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 3: trust that you had in her, I don't like I

992
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 3: would be really really embarrassed to be in a relationship

993
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:52,280
Speaker 3: with someone who, like everyone knew, had done this. You know. Yeah,

994
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 3: this wasn't This wasn't an isolated, you know thing that

995
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 3: happened in isolation where only you and her had this

996
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 3: fight that only you know, everyone know, everyone in your

997
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: life knows about.

998
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: It, and she's done something like this on like yeah,

999
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,320
Speaker 1: lighter situations.

1000
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 2: But multiple time.

1001
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 3: Not good.

1002
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here, og host of the show. We're

1003
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 1: gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a

1004
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 1: quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1005
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 3: My girlfriend suddenly excluded me from an event because she

1006
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 3: wanted a girl's night out.

1007
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 5: You're not one of the girls.

1008
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 3: Trigger warning substances. DC group is playing in London in

1009
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 3: June at Gunnersbury Park. My girlfriend Tina is a fan

1010
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes.

1011
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 3: She also facetimed her sister Yesmen to confirm she was

1012
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 3: attending Yes Me and is bringing her boyfriend Jim, and

1013
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 3: Tina's friend Avon is also coming. Esmen asked Tina to

1014
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 3: buy tickets.

1015
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 5: By the way, this.

1016
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 3: Comes from connection far two four five six, and if

1017
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1018
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime Separate it. So during the call,

1019
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 3: Tina joked by buying four tickets, but not confirmed who

1020
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,720
Speaker 3: they were for. She said, oh, he and I are going,

1021
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: Avon is going. I'm not sure who the fourth ticket

1022
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 3: is for. Over the next few days, Tina repeatedly asked

1023
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 3: me if I was sure I wanted to go, each

1024
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 3: time I confirmed that I did, as I enjoy their music.

1025
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 3: Even if I'm not as big of a fan as

1026
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,280
Speaker 3: Tina or her friends. I've been intrigued by the hype

1027
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 3: and events like this are something Tina and I typically

1028
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,760
Speaker 3: do together. Today, however, her tone shifted. Tina said yasmine

1029
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 3: and had shown her a new set she thought I

1030
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 3: might not like. I reassured her I did like their

1031
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 3: music and asked if she was trying to get me

1032
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 3: to say I didn't want to go. To my surprise,

1033
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 3: Tina admitted she'd been thinking it over and decided she'd

1034
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 3: like to make it a girl's night with Avon, as

1035
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 3: they rarely get the chance to do things like this together.

1036
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 3: I asked if he has me and Jim were still going,

1037
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 3: which Tina confirmed, but said I'm not going with them.

1038
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 3: I don't think i'll see much of them. I felt rejected.

1039
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 3: Instead of an open and loving conversation, it felt like

1040
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 3: she drip fed me hints to manipulate me into not going.

1041
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 3: She could have said I like this to be a

1042
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 3: girl's night, would you mind inviting a friend? Instead? It

1043
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: felt calculated and that she didn't want me there. What

1044
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 3: makes it harder is picturing Tina, ivonn Yasmin and Jim

1045
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 3: having fun without me, and not only not missing me,

1046
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 3: but actively having arranged for me not to be there.

1047
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 3: I actually did what Tina suggested earlier and listened to

1048
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 3: their latest set to make sure I would like it,

1049
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 3: only to be hurt more when I was temporarily made

1050
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 3: to be even more excited for the event, only then

1051
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 3: to realize I had to find someone who actually wanted

1052
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 3: to go with me. I also sort of don't want

1053
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 3: to go on my own or with anyone else, because

1054
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 3: I feel like I'll be in my head about whether

1055
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 3: Tina is having more fun without me, and it'll ruin

1056
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 3: the experience. Tina has since apologized for the way she

1057
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 3: handled it and admitted that she should have just been

1058
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 3: honest and direct. But something still isn't sitting right with

1059
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 3: me about essentially being excluded from this event. She did

1060
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: say in passing that perhaps I should invite two other

1061
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 3: friends a couple. Interestingly enough, she assumed they would come

1062
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 3: as an item even though we seemingly do not, and

1063
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 3: go with them. But her not want to to spend

1064
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 3: this time with me is hurting. We do have other

1065
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 3: plans lined up, a trip in December, another event in

1066
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 3: June twenty twenty five, so this isn't a pattern of exclusion. Still,

1067
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 3: I can't shake the hurt, especially since I'm used to

1068
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 3: us doing things like this together. Would I be the

1069
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: a hole for not accepting this apology and making a

1070
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 3: bigger deal out of this? And there are some relevant comments.

1071
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 3: Dakota would say.

1072
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 5: You, well, the way you put that, I mean, no,

1073
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 5: I don't think you're an AO over being like her

1074
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 5: and upset about this, but like you're like, should I

1075
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 5: just make this an even bigger deal? It's like, I

1076
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 5: don't know if that's the right frame of mind I

1077
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 5: have to approach this from.

1078
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 3: I don't think the goal should be let's make it

1079
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 3: a big deal. I think you have to figure out

1080
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 3: what you want from her. And maybe that's a genuine apology.

1081
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 3: Maybe it's like I don't feel like you really understand

1082
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 3: why this hurt me so much, and approaching it from

1083
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 3: like what do I want her to say and then

1084
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 3: communicating that rather than being like I'm gonna make a

1085
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 3: huge fit, I'm gonna throw a fit and stuff.

1086
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 2: Right, Well, you have a right to be upset.

1087
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 5: Absolutely, Yeah, it's just a weird one because it's like,

1088
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 5: why aren't we just hitting more tickets? Like if you're

1089
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 5: like I wanted to be a girl's thing, it's like,

1090
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 5: all right, I can go do my own thing, or

1091
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:08,919
Speaker 5: I could have invited my own friends.

1092
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 2: So it's like, why do I.

1093
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 5: Want me here? I don't really want me.

1094
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: I think you have to have a conversation with your

1095
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 3: partner and say like, hey, one, this is how I

1096
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 3: feel about the situation really hurt. Two, why did you

1097
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 3: not feel comfortable coming to me to tell me this

1098
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,280
Speaker 3: rather than you know, hurting my feelings more by trying

1099
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 3: to be all weird about it. But there are some

1100
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 3: element coffins. Let's see what they say. Parmatika asks, have

1101
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 3: you asked her about why she did it this way?

1102
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 3: Did she answer you? Or would this be the first

1103
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 3: time you addressed how deeply this manipulation hurt you? Ope

1104
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 3: says yes, I asked, she said, because she was fearful

1105
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,360
Speaker 3: of causing upset, so I hoped I would just decide

1106
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,439
Speaker 3: not to go. I asked if there was more to it,

1107
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 3: because it wasn't look I fancy doing this with the Vaughn,

1108
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 3: So would you mind inviting one of her friends? It wasn't.

1109
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 3: Look I feel really bad. I know. I said I'd

1110
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 3: do this with you, but I'd like to make it

1111
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 3: just me and a Vaughan. It was a calculated attempt

1112
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 3: to make sure I didn't attend, or so it felt.

1113
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 3: She assures me that it's not the case, and that

1114
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,239
Speaker 3: it's no deeper than her just wanting to go with

1115
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 3: a Vaughn now rather than a larger group. In conspicuous

1116
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 3: Echo says, not the a hole. What's done is done,

1117
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 3: but you may want to reevaluate your relationship and see

1118
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 3: if there's more signs where you're often dismissed or overlooked.

1119
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,479
Speaker 3: To me, it feels intentional, almost on a gatekeeping level,

1120
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 3: where the four tickets were always meant to be for them,

1121
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 3: with you the interloper, conveniently bailing at the last minute,

1122
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 3: but your girlfriend still able to go. Opie says, the

1123
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 3: four ticket thing is being taken slightly out of context.

1124
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 3: The four tickets weren't intended for the five people in

1125
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 3: the story, or at least that's now how I interpreted it.

1126
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 3: I took it that Yasmine and Jim would likely get

1127
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 3: their own tickets, Tina was sorting mine, Avon's and her own,

1128
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 3: and there'd be a spare for someone else. Yas me

1129
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 3: and I think was hoping Tina would buy hers for

1130
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 3: financial reasons, and maybe the fourth ticket would have ultimately

1131
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 3: gone to her or Jim would have bought her one.

1132
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 3: But I don't think there's any chance Tina is buying

1133
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 3: Jim's ticket. I included it in the story to demonstrate

1134
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 3: how it had gone from the more the merrier mentality

1135
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 3: to I'd rather you didn't count conversation. Nevertheless, there are

1136
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,760
Speaker 3: a few other signs of me being overlooked or perhaps

1137
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 3: not getting as warm of a reception to certain things

1138
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: that her friends would typically enjoy. I've raised this with

1139
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 3: her because I'm concerned that she's starting to resent me,

1140
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: but she's assured me that it's not the case that

1141
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 3: I'm reading into things that she's very committed to and

1142
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 3: in love with me. She's been quite self aware and

1143
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 3: said there have been instances where in hindsight, hindsight, she

1144
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 3: is self sabotaged because the relationship is getting more serious

1145
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 3: and she has been hurt in the past, and there

1146
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,479
Speaker 3: is an update. After a bit of reflection time, Tina

1147
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:37,280
Speaker 3: offered a sincere apology and said, in hindsight, she handled

1148
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,799
Speaker 3: it very poorly. She said I was more important in

1149
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 3: her life than any gig, and rather than risk causing

1150
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 3: any more upset she wasn't going to go. I was

1151
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 3: grateful for the reassurance. I did think that closer to

1152
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 3: the time, we could likely pick up some resale tickets

1153
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,399
Speaker 3: cheap if we changed her mind, But for the most part,

1154
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 3: in my current headspace, I figured going to the event

1155
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 3: would just be a painful reminder of a time I

1156
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 3: wasn't wanted, so I would likely rather skip it and

1157
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 3: try to forget it altogether. The ticket date came and went,

1158
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 3: and I wondered if Tina had bought tickets. I stopped

1159
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 3: myself from asking her, though, and decided to trust her

1160
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 3: word from the night prior that she wasn't going to go.

1161
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 3: We patched things back up and got pretty much back

1162
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:16,319
Speaker 3: on track. You can probably guess what happens next. A

1163
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 3: little later, I asked how Avonn took the conversation around tickets,

1164
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 3: and she was a little evasive, saying we've already had

1165
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 3: this conversation. She said, I handled it really badly. I

1166
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 3: asked her outright if she'd bought tickets, and she hesitated

1167
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 3: before confirming she'd bought three, one for her, one for

1168
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 3: a Vaughn, one for me. Her view is that we

1169
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,280
Speaker 3: have these very hard to come buy tickets for the future.

1170
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 3: Now should we decide to go? And if I'm not comfortable,

1171
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 3: she would simply sell them. My view is she had

1172
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 3: two options. Risk not getting tickets but no risk to

1173
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,919
Speaker 3: upsetting me. Two zero risk on tickets but small chance

1174
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 3: of upsetting me. She chose option two and risked upsetting me,

1175
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 3: breaking her promise from the night previous. I feel like

1176
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 3: she's putting this event ahead of me. She assures me

1177
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,919
Speaker 3: that's not the case, and that buying the ticket, including

1178
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 3: was a loving gesture. I'd have every right to be

1179
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 3: pissed off if the evidence showed her buying two tickets,

1180
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 3: but because it was three, I should accept this came

1181
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 3: from a place of love. I asked why if it

1182
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 3: was so loving, she didn't tell me at.

1183
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 5: The time, right exactly, Yeah, So why are you telling

1184
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 5: me that tickets for me only after I found out

1185
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 5: you had bought the tickets?

1186
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 3: She said, because we had been arguing. I asked why

1187
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 3: I make them a commitment one day before to not

1188
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 3: buy tickets, only to then do it. She said she

1189
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 3: reflected and changed her mind because we might all want

1190
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 3: to go. Doing a lot of reflection, I did some reflection.

1191
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 3: She's doing reflection, but it's it's all circular.

1192
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 5: She's just looking at herself in a mirror, saying, Ah,

1193
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 5: I like it. Mmm, yes, I think I'll do what

1194
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:43,720
Speaker 5: I want. Yes.

1195
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:48,759
Speaker 3: Relevant comments zealous ideal pound one one eight. So you

1196
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: were more important to her than any gig and she

1197
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 3: wasn't going to buy tickets except that it turned out

1198
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,360
Speaker 3: that you weren't. I don't think this is just a

1199
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 3: problem with her expressing herself poorly. I think she is

1200
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 3: expressing her priorities pretty clearly. I'm really sorry. Ohp also

1201
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 3: cross posted Yeah see worthiness Big eighty eighty three says

1202
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 3: there is a lot of manipulation and trust break in

1203
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 3: and breaking happening. There's a lot of manipulation and trust

1204
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 3: breaking happening here. The question is is this the only thing? Honestly,

1205
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 3: if you want this to work, it sounds like you

1206
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 3: both need a ton of work on what is going on.

1207
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 3: Are you sure that the third ticket was for you?

1208
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 5: That's exactly Are you sure?

1209
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 3: Or was it for a friend she was going to

1210
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 3: invite in your place, but since you cornered her, she

1211
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 3: had to come up with something. She didn't tell you

1212
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 3: when she bought them and only admitted when she was caught.

1213
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 3: It would be hard for me to believe her at

1214
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 3: this point. I guess if she is, she would have

1215
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 3: had plans the day of the concert, but promised it

1216
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 3: was unrelated. If you really want to see what she feels,

1217
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 3: tell her you're not interested in going at this point,

1218
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 3: why doesn't she just invite a friend instead? See how

1219
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 3: easy she lets that happen and jumps on it, Opie says,

1220
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 3: I know for a fact she wouldn't have hidden going

1221
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: from me, and we lived together and have I in

1222
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 3: my et cetera. Don't believe for a second she'd lie

1223
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,400
Speaker 3: by actually going, even after this, and there is a

1224
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 3: second update, any second thoughts.

1225
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:08,439
Speaker 5: At this point, I think I'd be like, just go, Yeah,

1226
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 5: I don't even care, Go go without me. Yeah, if

1227
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 5: that if you bought that third ticket for me, I

1228
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,840
Speaker 5: don't know, go give it to another one of your girlfriends.

1229
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 5: I don't want to go to this thing with you. Yeah,

1230
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 5: and yeah, I don't know. At this point, I'm not

1231
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 5: gonna I'm not gonna put any more emotional energy into this.

1232
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 5: It's so draining, right, and it's like, if this really

1233
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 5: is a you know, if there's nothing else fishy going

1234
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 5: on here, and she's just like self sabotaging by making

1235
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 5: this like kind of I don't even know what the

1236
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 5: right word is, more than annoying, just like I don't know,

1237
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 5: she's making this all suspicious, she's moving suspiciously. Agreed, and uh, yeah,

1238
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 5: you can go ahead and just do it now. I'm

1239
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 5: gonna go hang out with Terry. Yeah, like, go hang out.

1240
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 3: With someone else, have fun. Don't do this. But there

1241
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 3: is a second update, folks. Okay, for context, we're both

1242
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 3: mid thirties. We've been dating around just under a year.

1243
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 3: From the get go. I knew she took substances. I'm

1244
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 3: not a stranger to them myself. We had a conversation

1245
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,920
Speaker 3: very early on and she confirmed that she quite enjoys

1246
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 3: them on certain nights out. I said that I had

1247
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 3: enjoyed them more in the past, but still took part

1248
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 3: very infrequently. In the past couple of months, we've been

1249
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 3: to things together where we've taken a bit of MDMA

1250
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: together and generally had a good time. Recently, our relationship

1251
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 3: has been pretty off in different cities at the moment,

1252
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,240
Speaker 3: and we argue a lot, mostly just silly communication things,

1253
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 3: but still we're susceptible to falling out a bit. Nothing

1254
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 3: has been particularly monumental to be relationship ending stuff, and

1255
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 3: for the most part, our fallouts were caused by us

1256
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 3: both wanting the same thing the relationship, but communicating our

1257
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 3: needs poorly. We had a night out together recently and

1258
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 3: she took a bit of it. I had a suspicion

1259
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,359
Speaker 3: when she got back from the toilet and asked her,

1260
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 3: and she confirmed. I said that I was a little

1261
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 3: disappointed because we had an agreement to tell each other

1262
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:48,959
Speaker 3: these things before we did them, not after she apologized

1263
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 3: the night was good, I decided not to partake that

1264
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 3: night at the hotel. We had a bit of a

1265
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 3: blowout about it, in a relationship trust et cetera. She

1266
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 3: expressed that she should be trusted to do these things

1267
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:00,120
Speaker 3: and that she knew that if she took it on

1268
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 3: a night out that I would likely be really hurt

1269
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 3: by it. I said that the trust element was more

1270
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 3: important than it, but did say I didn't like it,

1271
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 3: found it icky thinking of her doing it and knowing

1272
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 3: a lot of people who effed up relationships by doing it.

1273
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 3: She's done it five times this year and assures me

1274
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 3: she only does so in very small amounts. On the

1275
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 3: journey back, we've been texting about our relationship. I communicated

1276
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 3: that I needed to see that she can stick to

1277
00:54:21,719 --> 00:54:23,360
Speaker 3: her word. Is that I need to see that she

1278
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 3: remembers the things that she told me that she'll do

1279
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 3: and follow through to that. That trust and keeping our

1280
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 3: word is the most important thing to me in a relationship.

1281
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 3: This was off the back of the thing the night before,

1282
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 3: off my experience with my ex, and off the back

1283
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 3: of a few other conversations recently. She was very concerned

1284
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,280
Speaker 3: that the relationship wasn't in as great of a place

1285
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 3: as it has been and feels we perhaps both have

1286
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 3: been self sabotaging it as it's starting to get more serious.

1287
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 3: Really lumping you in there.

1288
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:53,760
Speaker 5: I think she's just perceiving you having issues as having

1289
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 5: self sabotaging tendency.

1290
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:58,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like the fact that you're against me doing

1291
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 3: substances when I told you I wouldn't do them, or

1292
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 3: that I would tell you before I did them, is

1293
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 3: self sabotaging. Like you both agreed to that, you both agreed.

1294
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is just at this point, this is a

1295
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 5: story of like what line, what lines are you going

1296
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 5: to allow to be crossed.

1297
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so far all of them. We spoke on

1298
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 3: the phone when I got off the train and she

1299
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 3: told me that plans to see a friend for her

1300
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 3: birthday had come to fruition. She previously thought the friend

1301
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 3: would be too unwell. Our conversation around the relationship was

1302
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 3: cut short. I still wanted to offer more reassurance. She

1303
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 3: said that if her friend, a notorious substance user, had

1304
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 3: a bag, that she wouldn't partake. I was grateful. Then

1305
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 3: I got off to a start, and she texted to

1306
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 3: say her friend did have a bag and that admittedly

1307
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 3: she was a little tempted, but she wouldn't because she

1308
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 3: knows how important it is to me. Over the course

1309
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 3: of the next two hours, she repeatedly said she might

1310
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 3: do it if it was okay for me. I said,

1311
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,319
Speaker 3: I'm not making that decision for her, that she knew

1312
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,800
Speaker 3: the pros and cons either way, she knew the likelihood

1313
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 3: of it causing hers. Reminded her of all that she'd

1314
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 3: said the night previous, and reminded her that just hours

1315
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 3: ago she told me I was more important. She decided

1316
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 3: to do it, old me before doing so, told me

1317
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 3: after doing so, and committed to keeping me updated throughout

1318
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,800
Speaker 3: the night. Admittedly, I went to a really bad place.

1319
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 3: It reminded me of my cheating X and now I

1320
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:16,520
Speaker 3: would be drip fed information or have things changed suddenly.

1321
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 3: On nights out, my head went to a place where

1322
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 3: if she was prepared to prioritize substances over safeguarding our relationship,

1323
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,360
Speaker 3: what else was she prepared to do? Anyway, I couldn't

1324
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 3: sleep all night until I knew she was home safe.

1325
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 3: Her night out bars ended around one am, but she

1326
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 3: went back to the friend's house until seven am. I

1327
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:37,840
Speaker 3: was beside myself with completely irrational thoughts after the trust

1328
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 3: was broken, like has she taken a guy back there?

1329
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:42,600
Speaker 3: Could they invite guys around later? What if they ordered

1330
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 3: more and the dealer did something horrible to them? What

1331
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 3: if one of them suffered a heart attack or health complications?

1332
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 5: Okay, what if a meteor came down and hit them

1333
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 5: in the head? Like what if?

1334
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:52,439
Speaker 2: What if?

1335
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:53,720
Speaker 5: It's a wonderful question.

1336
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 3: Well yeah, I mean, but obviously op is kind of spiraling, right,

1337
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 3: But also you know, having a partner or like a friend,

1338
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: very close person in your life who is going down

1339
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 3: this very slippery slope, this very dangerous path. It is scary,

1340
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 3: and you don't know what's going on. I don't know

1341
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 3: where they are. I'm not proud to say I was

1342
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 3: really quite needy in terms of texting her. It genuinely

1343
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,839
Speaker 3: was all innocent enough, just the two of them sat

1344
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 3: chatting and dancing and apparently being quite positive about me

1345
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 3: our relationship. I sent her a message in the morning

1346
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 3: explaining how upset I was that she acknowledged how important

1347
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 3: not doing it was to me, then decided to do

1348
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 3: it anywhere, predicting my pain then doing the thing that

1349
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 3: would inflict it. I said, I wasn't expecting her to

1350
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 3: give up substances for life, but just hoping she'd been

1351
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 3: a little bit more sensitive to the relationship dynamic at

1352
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 3: the moment and make a decision for us rather than her.

1353
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 3: She called me like fifteen times when she woke up

1354
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 3: I was still asleep, not having gone to sleep until

1355
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: seven am. Texted me saying how sorry she was, and

1356
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 3: when we finally spoke on the phone, said that she

1357
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 3: was consumed with regret. She asked me if I could

1358
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 3: forgive her, and I said I could, but that I

1359
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 3: couldn't go back to that headspace ever. Again, and if

1360
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 3: ever there was a specific proms made by her with

1361
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 3: a connection to me or the relationship, I want to

1362
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 3: X because you're more important that she broke, I would

1363
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 3: likely be gone. She texted me, saying she had made

1364
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 3: the decision never to do substances again.

1365
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 5: Come dude, what do you want? What do you need

1366
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,680
Speaker 5: to hear? Like? I feel like this is got this

1367
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 5: The op's love language is like all words and reassurance

1368
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 5: and all this stuff, and it's no actual fall through,

1369
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 5: but it's you know, if you're dating the you know,

1370
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 5: spicy flower party girl, you're gonna have to maybe be

1371
00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 5: cool with that kind of activity going on in her life.

1372
00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 3: I also think it's totally fine for you not to

1373
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 3: be okay with that, right, But at that point if

1374
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 3: she never if she says, yeah, I won't do it,

1375
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,480
Speaker 3: and then she does it and she keeps you know,

1376
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 3: there's a pattern of that happening, Right, Maybe this relationship

1377
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 3: isn't built to last exactly.

1378
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 5: Just be not okay with it, Like just pick that's

1379
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 5: if you're not okay with it, and don't be and

1380
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 5: figured out from there. But it feels like you're just

1381
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 5: trying to make her like you're trying to compress her

1382
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 5: into like the version of her that you're you're idealizing,

1383
00:58:58,080 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 5: and it's like you're it's just a waste.

1384
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:01,959
Speaker 3: You can totally have a conversation with her and say like, hey,

1385
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 3: I'm worried about your substance use. This seems like a

1386
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 3: really unhealthy path you're down. But you can't force her

1387
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,720
Speaker 3: to do anything. That is a choice that all addicts

1388
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 3: have to make on their own and for themselves. And

1389
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 3: you can, you know, be there and be supportive and

1390
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 3: help her and offer advice and you know everything, but

1391
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 3: she's an adult.

1392
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 5: I didn't hear no lies.

1393
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 3: I had said to her the night before not to

1394
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 3: make this promise, as it will feel hollow, and she

1395
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 3: said similar before when she's hung over, which never comes

1396
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 3: to fruition. Don't get my hopes up and say you'll

1397
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 3: never do it again. I asked that she not commit

1398
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 3: to that in the state and instead give it some

1399
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,080
Speaker 3: real consideration before saying she was going to do something

1400
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:43,520
Speaker 3: rather than risking breaking another promise, whereas her tech said,

1401
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,920
Speaker 3: I'll never touch this stuff again, and you're more important

1402
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 3: than substances, the most important. She's since adjusted this to

1403
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 3: clarify that it is only Spicy Flower that she's swearing off,

1404
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 3: not other substances, MD, for instance, because you've never had

1405
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 3: a problem with that and now she's just going to

1406
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,080
Speaker 3: find work rounds anyway. In the days following, she is

1407
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 3: not necessarily withdrawn her apology, but she thinks that I

1408
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 3: overreacted a little and seems concerned that I will now

1409
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 3: have an issue with her going on nights out. She

1410
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 3: has said that she's worried about me finding an opportunity

1411
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:15,320
Speaker 3: to end things if she breaks the tiniest little promise

1412
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:18,439
Speaker 3: in the future. She asked what the repercussions would be if,

1413
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 3: for instance, having sworn off Spicy Flower, now, we decided

1414
01:00:22,120 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 3: in a year or so's time, when the trust has

1415
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 3: been rebuilt, to reintroduce it into our lives. I gave

1416
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,720
Speaker 3: up all substances when I was in my past relationship

1417
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 3: of circa ten years, and I think she's worried I'm

1418
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 3: going to expect her to do the same in this one.

1419
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 3: My partner asked me to and I oblige because I

1420
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:41,240
Speaker 3: saw that the relationship had potential and narcotics have zero

1421
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 3: net gains, so it was an easy choice, which is

1422
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 3: a great lesson for uop, because you have done it.

1423
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 3: You have had a partner ask what you're asking of

1424
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 3: your partner, but in that situation you said yeah and

1425
01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 3: then followed through your partner. Right now you've asked her.

1426
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 3: She's not falling through. So the relationship is good.

1427
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 5: Dot right, It's just you need to go. Lin Pancakes

1428
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 5: in the chat says just break up. It's like, yeah,

1429
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 5: you just need to go, babe. Clearly you can't stop

1430
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 5: lying to me about this stuff. And because I can't

1431
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 5: tolerate you lying to me about stuff, I'm.

1432
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:12,960
Speaker 3: Going I've said it feels like it and going out

1433
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 3: are more important to her than I am. She said

1434
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 3: that she doesn't want to relinquish her autonomy and that

1435
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 3: she feels I'm being controlling and she'd been paying more

1436
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 3: attention now Loyle she has as a partner, basically saying,

1437
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 3: you're acting like I cheated and telling me with her

1438
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 3: friend's assistance and proof in terms of screenshots between her

1439
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 3: and her friend, how she essentially refuses to interact with

1440
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 3: men on nights out. Essentially, look, I slipped up, but

1441
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 3: it isn't an indicator that I'm gonna cheat. I can't

1442
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:38,640
Speaker 3: get my head past that. Moment in the night where

1443
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 3: she must have thought this is gonna hurt him. Slash

1444
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 3: have implications, but I'm gonna do it anyway and face

1445
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 3: the consequences tomorrow. I don't know if my past is

1446
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 3: making this way worse than it needs to be, or

1447
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 3: if this broken promise really is a big deal? Am

1448
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 3: I overreacting? And there are some relevant comments? Linto says, Hey, dude,

1449
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 3: I've seen your other posts. There is an issue in

1450
01:01:58,640 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 3: your relationship, and it's not just her actions. She doesn't

1451
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 3: respect you. Every time you have posted has been around

1452
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 3: her trickle truth in you and lying. At what point

1453
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 3: do you value yourself and walk away? At what point

1454
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 3: is her mistreating you enough? This goes beyond misunderstandings. She

1455
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 3: has repeatedly consistently disrespected your boundaries and lied to you.

1456
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 3: You even say yourself that she says she'll quit but

1457
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 3: doesn't mean it yet still lies and says she will anyway.

1458
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 3: You're a boiling frog, Bud jump out of the pot.

1459
01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 3: Magnovus says, I think there's a fundamental issue that she

1460
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,520
Speaker 3: isn't addressing. The basic fact is that you can't trust

1461
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:35,200
Speaker 3: her word and she doesn't seem to care about that

1462
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:38,320
Speaker 3: she's willing to immediately start to row back on her

1463
01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:41,480
Speaker 3: promises when she realizes she doesn't want to keep them,

1464
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,640
Speaker 3: and there is a third update. Do you have any thoughts?

1465
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 4: Uh?

1466
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's been some commenters, and I think that I'm

1467
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 5: not sure who said this one, but it feels like

1468
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 5: he's in addiction recovery, yeah, or that he has recovered

1469
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 5: from it or bandaged it or you know, conquered it

1470
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 5: and she has not. It's just two people in fundamentally

1471
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:03,720
Speaker 5: like opposing positions.

1472
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 3: I think also, he has a totally different experience with

1473
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 3: substances than she does.

1474
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, he just made it sound like like straight logic.

1475
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 5: He's like, oh, yeah, of course I could stop doing it.

1476
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:14,080
Speaker 5: It has no benefit.

1477
01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 3: I don't think he was ever like addicted. I think

1478
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:18,960
Speaker 3: he enjoyed it, But from what I'm reading, it feels

1479
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 3: like he literally was like yeah, and so he stopped

1480
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:22,120
Speaker 3: and it was that easy. God.

1481
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 5: I hope he doesn't really think that that's I think

1482
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 5: a universal experience, because that's got you gotta understand that

1483
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:28,840
Speaker 5: that's not the case he does.

1484
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 3: I think that's where the miscommunication in this relationship is happening,

1485
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,959
Speaker 3: because I think that he thinks that she can just quit,

1486
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 3: and I think she doesn't understand that she's addicted.

1487
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:39,720
Speaker 5: And then it all just becomes a character in a

1488
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 5: moral issues.

1489
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 3: And it's like why she's keep doing it. It's like

1490
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 3: she's literally addicted and doesn't realize it, and he doesn't

1491
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:47,520
Speaker 3: realize it.

1492
01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:49,840
Speaker 5: So they're in this like whole yeah again, the Queen

1493
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 5: of England is on the phone with her and she's

1494
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 5: still not ye and she's dead. That's the ghost of

1495
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 5: the Queen of England. Like the ghost of the Queen

1496
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 5: calls you.

1497
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 3: And you still don't listen. But now like addiction, M

1498
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 3: is lying.

1499
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:06,200
Speaker 5: Yes, I had a problem in a very early relationship

1500
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 5: because I was I was, I was ripping darts. So

1501
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say that in a way that I hope

1502
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,880
Speaker 5: any youths don't understand.

1503
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 3: I don't understand it.

1504
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 5: I was, I was, I was in Marlborough Country and

1505
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:22,160
Speaker 5: I was quitting the in a relationship and I told

1506
01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 5: my partner. I was like, yeah, I won't and then

1507
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 5: I did you guess what creative big fight? So yeah,

1508
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 5: just like I don't know both sides like just don't

1509
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 5: lie about it, and also like understand that it's not

1510
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 5: really about you in that moment.

1511
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 3: No, but that does not mean that you do not

1512
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 3: have a right to be upset or.

1513
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 5: Do neigate your feelings. But it's like not it'll just

1514
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 5: make you feel less bad because you're feeling like, oh,

1515
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 5: this person I care about it doesn't care about me

1516
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 5: at all. It's not true, so you know.

1517
01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,680
Speaker 3: But anyway, there is a third meat.

1518
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:54,600
Speaker 5: We're talking about flower with a you spicy flat nose clams.

1519
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,160
Speaker 5: Talking about nose clams fresh off the truck.

1520
01:04:57,320 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 3: My post history gives a little background on a relationship.

1521
01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:02,560
Speaker 3: Some of the posts have been in here. We had

1522
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 3: some issues toward the end of last year. They got

1523
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 3: worse before they got better, and we nearly called it

1524
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:10,000
Speaker 3: quits at the end of January. But then they did

1525
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 3: get better. We've had some really lovely time since. A

1526
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 3: lot of the issues me feeling like I was in

1527
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:17,600
Speaker 3: a priority in her life went away or at least permuted.

1528
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:21,200
Speaker 3: A lot stayed. We argued on average every nine days.

1529
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 3: The thing I find toughest is that most of the

1530
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 3: arguments are rooted in insecurity. On the deepest level, She's

1531
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:29,560
Speaker 3: just scared that I'll leave and would seemingly rather either

1532
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:32,200
Speaker 3: control that herself, or at least perpetually test me to

1533
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 3: see if I'm safe. Perhaps it's easier to live with

1534
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 3: having blown the thing up yourself than facing what it

1535
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 3: feels like to have someone decide you weren't enough. I

1536
01:05:39,760 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 3: just wish I could have made her feel safe enough.

1537
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 3: I know she couldn't help it. That's the toughest part.

1538
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,600
Speaker 3: She just wanted to be nice, to be good, to

1539
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 3: feel safe. I really wish it could have worked for

1540
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:51,400
Speaker 3: clarity I left her. The final disagreement was she sent

1541
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,800
Speaker 3: me a spicy photo and then got very upset when

1542
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 3: I said i'd reciprocate the following day. Apparently I should

1543
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 3: have instantly replied with one. I just wasn't feeling too great,

1544
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:01,880
Speaker 3: and she sent it on once view, so I could

1545
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 3: barely get in the mood before I thought best to

1546
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 3: reply and tell her how SCHMESI she looked. I get

1547
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,560
Speaker 3: it's not great sort of forcing someone into that, but

1548
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 3: for me, more than anything, it was just another argument

1549
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,320
Speaker 3: that didn't need to happen, the straw that broke the

1550
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 3: camel's back kind of thing. She later said her actions

1551
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:20,560
Speaker 3: make her feel disgusted. She begged for another chance. I

1552
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:23,280
Speaker 3: stayed strong but then she asked if we could talk

1553
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:26,560
Speaker 3: hours later, and when I agreed, she said she'd given

1554
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,439
Speaker 3: it some thought and we should break up. I guess

1555
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 3: that helps her process it. It's been amicable since her

1556
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 3: being level headed and sorting out logistics makes me miss

1557
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,960
Speaker 3: the version of her that isn't volatile and wonder what

1558
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 3: could have been. There is a little bit left to

1559
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:42,360
Speaker 3: this story. Do you own any final thoughts?

1560
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 5: Dakota, good job you broke up. It's probably for the best.

1561
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 3: I think, so.

1562
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, just you know, it was amicable.

1563
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 3: You guys realize you're not You guys are not right

1564
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 3: for each other.

1565
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:54,800
Speaker 5: Find find a little type AQT for you. Yeah, okay,

1566
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:57,880
Speaker 5: find someone who can also logic their way out of addiction,

1567
01:06:58,040 --> 01:06:58,920
Speaker 5: which is insane.

1568
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:03,000
Speaker 3: Also, I mean it does doesn't seem like substance use

1569
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:05,160
Speaker 3: was a deal breaker for Ope, but I think that

1570
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:07,800
Speaker 3: you should kind of while you're out of a relationship,

1571
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:10,400
Speaker 3: you should kind of like think about it and think

1572
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 3: about what if. Maybe maybe all substances are deal breakers.

1573
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 5: I was more just he needed to be priority one absolutely.

1574
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,120
Speaker 3: And it was like it seems like he is pretty

1575
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,160
Speaker 3: anti that specific substance, which is fair. That can be

1576
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 3: like a thing and the future you can be like, wow,

1577
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:28,440
Speaker 3: you know I had a past relationship with someone like

1578
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:30,800
Speaker 3: kept putting the substance ahead of me. I don't really

1579
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,120
Speaker 3: want that in the next one, and that's okay. But

1580
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:35,080
Speaker 3: there's a little bit left to the story the sky.

1581
01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:37,760
Speaker 3: It's tough. I'm not even sure what I want from

1582
01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:40,480
Speaker 3: this post. I guess I wanted to update those who helped,

1583
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 3: but I needed it previously, so there was some conclusion

1584
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 3: to the story, and also kind of wondering am I

1585
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 3: overreacting to the breakup or was I overreacting in breaking

1586
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:51,200
Speaker 3: up with her. I'm sure people will jump on the

1587
01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 3: pass stories in the photo thing and say I'm better

1588
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 3: off without, but I really could see the good nerd.

1589
01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 3: It's a shame. Anyway, it helps to talk about it

1590
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 3: and rell the comments to finish this story off membership decent.

1591
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:04,680
Speaker 3: I used to be this girl. I had a lot

1592
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 3: of defense mechanisms like this and responded the same way.

1593
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:09,920
Speaker 3: You could become the sum of your problems, or you

1594
01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:12,440
Speaker 3: can be better than your problems. And that is the

1595
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:13,800
Speaker 3: end of that story. Folks,