1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,159 Speaker 1: I want to forbid my son from wearing his favorite 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:04,520 Speaker 1: jacket because it looks gay. 3 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 2: Helping him out, I mean the opposite of what I 4 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 2: just said. 5 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,039 Speaker 3: Damn John like like that's great, wow, trying to stop 6 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 3: his great nous. 7 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,479 Speaker 1: I'm a single dad to my son, Oliver ten male. 8 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: He's with me most of the time and sees his 9 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: mom every other weekend. He's an awesome kid, creative, full 10 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,800 Speaker 1: of energy, and he's got his own sense of style 11 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: that's pretty unique. He loves bright colors, nail polish, and 12 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: clothes that some people might think are more girly. This 13 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 1: comes from dad in Dilemma ten on the Our Sasha 14 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 1: Okay story, Thomas. 15 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 3: He's gonna get bullied because that's hot. That's what the 16 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 3: kids are doing. You're literally gonna get him bullied more 17 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 3: well by not letting him do that. 18 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: If I'm honest, I think Oliver it might be gay, 19 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 1: and I'm totally cool with that. I'm chill. I'm a 20 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: chill dad. I've always made it clear that whoever he 21 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: turns out to be, all support him one because of 22 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: how he dresses an axe. Oliver's had a really tough 23 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: time with the other kids. He got bullied so badly. 24 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,279 Speaker 1: You get do you get him? Do you get him? 25 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: I missed it? Do you get him? Because of how 26 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 1: he dresses an act. Oliver's had a really tough time 27 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: with the other kids. He got bullied so badly at 28 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: his old school that I ended up pulling him out 29 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: and homeschooling him. The school wasn't helpful at all, and 30 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: it was heartbreaking to see him go through that. He 31 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: struggled to make friends and it kissed me to see 32 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: him feel so alone. Now he's starting back at school 33 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,680 Speaker 1: in September and he's really excited about it. But recently 34 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,119 Speaker 1: we're at his cousin's birthday party and Oliver wore his 35 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: favorite jacket, which is bright, pink, sparkly and what he loves. 36 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: Some of the other kids started picking on him, saying 37 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: he looked gay. Good you want other kids to bully? 38 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 1: No good, that's really dam How did I dude on 39 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: one messed up? 40 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 2: One freaking slip. And then I'm just gonna keep falling. 41 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 1: Back into the You're going to keep his lashing back 42 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: the kid for wearing a pink sweater. That's good. That 43 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 1: is good. That's a quote from John. 44 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 2: No that's in correct. Wearing the pink sweater is good. 45 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: Stepped in got the kids to apologize, but it ruined 46 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: the day for Oliver. I'm worried about how things will 47 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: go when he's back at school. I've been thinking about 48 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 1: whether I should talk to Oliver about maybe toning it 49 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: down a bit, especially when he's around new people. Not 50 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: because I want him to change who he is, but 51 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: because I hate seeing him get hurt and feel like 52 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: an outcast. I don't want him to feel like he 53 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: has to hide who he is, but I also don't 54 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: want him to be picked on or excluded because of it. 55 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: But then I feel like a complete a hole for 56 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: even thinking about this. I don't want him to think 57 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: that I'm ashamed of him, or that he has to 58 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: conform to be accepted. I want him to feel free 59 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: to be himself. But I'm also scared of him being 60 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 1: hurt by others who don't get it. So would I 61 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 1: be the a hole if I talk to Oliver about 62 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,920 Speaker 1: maybe being a bit more low key with his style? 63 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: And John, I think you specifically could give really good 64 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 1: advice on this. Yes, because you had a unique sense 65 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: of style growing up. 66 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,280 Speaker 2: I did. I had. 67 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 3: Lighter, but similar situations. You don't you think lighter? I 68 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 3: think extremely odd in a beautiful, amazing way. Yes, but yeah, 69 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 3: I would wear a tie all the time, full suit, 70 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,800 Speaker 3: come out, full suit. 71 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: And yeah, guys, I grew up in Florida. 72 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 3: I didn't grow up in California where everyone can just 73 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 3: do what they want and you know, do all these things. Yeah, 74 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 3: so I was in these scenarios myself, and I I 75 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 3: don't know, for me, it was just kind of like 76 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 3: going through it and it was like a big part 77 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 3: of my personality and my personal identity and like finding 78 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 3: myself and like all those things. Ultimately, So for me 79 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 3: it was actually kind of a good thing of like 80 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 3: I held my ground and pushed through and that was 81 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 3: almost is like you're like defiant, right. Actually, one of 82 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 3: the guys who would like say stuff or just like 83 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 3: it was just like weird. 84 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: What was it the guy that would like say, like 85 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: fry something. 86 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 3: No, No, what would the guy say, I'm trying to 87 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 3: think what you're talking about? No, it was it was 88 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 3: something like where like he was making fun of you 89 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 3: and you thought it was a compliment. 90 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 1: Mmm, I forget it. 91 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 3: There used to be a game when I was a 92 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 3: kid and they called me French five or something and 93 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 3: I tagged him there or not or something. 94 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 2: But that's that's Yeah, that was separate. That was like kindergarten. 95 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 2: But yeah, for me, that's what it was. 96 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 3: And I think with the dad, like I mean, unless 97 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 3: I have to imagine he knows that if he stopped 98 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 3: doing it, that you know, maybe some of the attention 99 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 3: would would deflect, or or that you know, the jacket 100 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 3: is this is the item that they're fixating on. 101 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 2: So it's like, I don't know you. 102 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: I think there's a way to to to give like 103 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: an age appropriate answer. It's like, hey, like you have 104 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: an amazing unique sense of style, and when you are unique, 105 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: people are going to pick on you because you're different 106 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,679 Speaker 1: and and and like special, and a lot of kids 107 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 1: won't understand how good and amazing that can be until 108 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: much later in life. You've learned to like show who 109 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: you are really early, and the consequence of doing that 110 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: is you're probably gonna get bullied. That shouldn't stop you 111 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: from being who you are. And in fact, if you 112 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: can still wear that sweater knowing that you might be 113 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: bullied because of it, that is a show of how 114 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: strong you are and how proud and also like how 115 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: proud I would be for you to represent who you 116 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: are in the face of people making fun of you. 117 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: But just know, like like this like because you're expressing yourself. 118 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 1: This is something that might happen, but never stop doing it. 119 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: I mean, dude, no, no, notes. 120 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 3: I couldn't have Sam is speaking as eloquently as I 121 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 3: am speaking terribly in this episode. 122 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 2: I love it. 123 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: I love it. 124 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, that is literally perfect. 125 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think it's I think it's like important 126 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: to say what like you know, like like hey, this 127 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: is like might be what's happening, but say it in 128 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 1: a way that is like not stamping on the ways 129 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: that he is expressing identity. 130 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 3: It's fully it's fully uh yeah, you like still communicate 131 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 3: the message of like yeah, you could continue to get 132 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 3: bullied because of this, but it is fully framed in 133 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 3: the pushing and motivation of him to be who he 134 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 3: is and never apologize for me. 135 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think like that's the tough thing about 136 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: being in middle school, especially in the school system that 137 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: is really like the school system is it's like, I mean, 138 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: it's in antiquity. It's like remnant of the factory system 139 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: of like the eighteen hundreds, where we're trying to produce 140 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: like workers that will be on time and do a 141 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: job and know all the right information, and so it's 142 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: like it doesn't really stack up to what you need 143 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: to be successful in like the modern era, and so like, yes, 144 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: being a cog in the machine back then was really 145 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: valued and important to have any sort of stability, but 146 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: now it's kind of the opposite. And so like to 147 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: let your freak flag fly is I think more beneficial 148 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 1: than it ever has been, and I think that should 149 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:02,799 Speaker 1: be encouraged. 150 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 2: Start a podcast in middle school and then exposed. 151 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: Him dude, honestly, for yeah, for real. 152 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 2: Drop out of school in middle school and just start 153 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 2: all the weird. 154 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: I do in middle school is cool now, Like being 155 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: a YouTuber was weird as yeah, when I was like twelve, 156 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: everyone made fun of me for having a YouTube channel, 157 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: But now it's cool. 158 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 2: But who's laughing now? 159 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: Now? 160 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 2: Oh, where's your amazing community people? Oh? 161 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: No, where don't exist? Yeah, and you suck. But we 162 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: still got more of the story. 163 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 2: Oh let's go. 164 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: We got some updates from OPI, but we got some 165 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: comments from the people, So don't do it. Kids will 166 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: still bully him. And all he will remember is that 167 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: you deterred him from expressing himself. Trust me, the same 168 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: thing occurred in our house. I was trying to keep 169 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: him from being bullied, but my child felt as though 170 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: I didn't accept him and that he needed to pretend 171 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: he was something he wasn't. Lots of later life therapy. 172 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 1: If he's gay, if he's stray, let him be himself 173 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: and tell him as long as he likes his clothes, 174 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: that's all that matters. Sincerely, the mom of an amazing 175 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: queer kid, real world example. And then Opie responds, I 176 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: get that, but at the same time, it's so heartbreaking 177 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 1: seen the same thing happen over and over and over again. Commenter, Jesus, 178 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: where do you live? Most kids don't care about this 179 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: kind of thing these days, Opie says, I live in 180 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: West Midlands of England. I honestly don't think your point 181 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 1: about most kids not caring is at all accurate. I 182 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: see it every day. I think there are I think 183 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: most kids are more accepting, but like. 184 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:33,679 Speaker 3: It's generally more accepting, But I feel like to Ope's point, like, 185 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 3: does that commenter have a kid in school the same 186 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 3: age as Ope? 187 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: Like? 188 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 3: I feel like, you really know if you're like a 189 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 3: parent of those kids who has some insight into not exactly. 190 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, commenter, do not dull his shine because other people 191 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: don't understand him. I understand it maybe coming from a 192 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 1: place or protection, but it needs to be addressed with 193 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,839 Speaker 1: the potential aggressors, not with forcing your son to change 194 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: who he is. I actually agree with that, what ope 195 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: is gonna say here a little bit, but when you 196 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,679 Speaker 1: can't do anything more with potential aggressors. I have done 197 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,680 Speaker 1: and will continue to do everything I can, but sadly 198 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: I can't literally watch his back twenty four to seven, 199 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: and even though I would if I could, anytime he's 200 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 1: made a comment, it breaks his little heart and is 201 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: so devastating to see him go through that again. Again, 202 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: I actually agree with op like, yes, you know, try 203 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: to hold these kids accountable, but I think it's actually 204 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: more important creating or helping your own kid become more 205 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 1: resilient rather than policing other children, because you're not going 206 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: to be able to control every person in this kid's 207 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: environment when they grow up, and so it's more important 208 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 1: to like create like these kids that are anti fragile 209 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: and super secure than trying to create an environment that 210 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: is absent of like assailants. 211 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 3: And yeah, it's like solving that that's a band aid 212 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 3: when you could like have like a long term solution 213 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 3: in place. 214 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, building up a self confidence and. 215 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: Exactly exactly like the building up of the self confidence 216 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 1: I think is way more importance. But we got that updates. 217 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 1: So it's been twenty six days since my original post, 218 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: and I thought i'd give an update now that Oliver 219 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: has had his first week back at school. I can 220 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: happily say that so far things are going much better 221 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: than i'd hoped. Oliver and I had a really important 222 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: heart to heart. I sat him down and told him 223 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: how incredibly proud I am of the person he is becoming. 224 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: I'm married. Sure he knew there was absolutely nothing he 225 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: could ever do that would change the way I see 226 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,839 Speaker 1: him or make me love him any less. Honestly, it 227 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: was a bit emotional, and I even got a bit 228 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: choked up. I told him if wearing his favorite jacket, 229 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: the one that's caused some hurt before, made him happy, 230 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,559 Speaker 1: I'd stand behind him one hundred percent. But I also 231 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 1: wanted to make sure he was prepared. I explained that 232 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: while I'll always be there for him. I can't always 233 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: be around to protect him, and he might have to 234 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: stand up for himself if kids make fun of him. 235 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: I made it clear that this doesn't mean he should 236 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,959 Speaker 1: change anything about who he is, but he needs to 237 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 1: be ready to handle it if anyone says anything cruel. 238 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: Oliver understood, and we spent the summer coming up with 239 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: some playful comebacks together. He wanted to take the jacket 240 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: with him to school, so he made it a bit 241 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 1: of a project, imagining the kind of things kids might 242 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: say and crafton witty replies that he could fire back. 243 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: It was actually pretty fun and I think it helped 244 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 1: him be more confident about it. Now back to school, 245 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: his new teacher knows all about his past struggles with bullying, 246 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: and she's been amazing. She's keeping a close eye on 247 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: things and making sure he feels safe and comfortable. It's 248 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: made such a difference already, and Oliver's first week couldn't 249 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: have gone better. He's even made a new friend, a 250 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 1: boy named Sam, and they've really hit it off. They're 251 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: planning to meet up tomorrow at the Wacky Warehouse and 252 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 1: Oliver can't stop talking about it. It's been a long 253 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: time since I've seen him excited about spending time with 254 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,319 Speaker 1: someone his age. I now it's early days, but seeing 255 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: him come home happy and smiling each day has been 256 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: such relief. Thanks to everyone who gave advice and encouragement 257 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: on my original post, I really took a lot of 258 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: it to heart and I think it made a big 259 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 1: difference in how I approach this. And there is an 260 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 1: update September nineth, twenty twenty four, two days later, so 261 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: I just want to hop on give a small update 262 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: about Oliver's playdate over the weekend. Firstly, when Oliver was 263 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: getting ready, he wanted to wear all of his flamboyant clothes. 264 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: He asked me if I thought it was a good idea. 265 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: His friend had seen him in his jacket, but he 266 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 1: was a little worried how he would react to the 267 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: full Oliver. I told him to wear whatever he wanted 268 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: and that if this was his friend and a friend 269 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,079 Speaker 1: worth being friends with, they would accept him for exactly 270 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 1: how he is. This made Oliver smile. He wore his 271 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: full Oliver outfit. When we were walking in, I could 272 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 1: feel Oliver getting a bit nervous. He was bullied so 273 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: much in his last school for how he was, so 274 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 1: I understand why I held his hand tight gave it 275 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: two squeezes. This means I love you, something I learned 276 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 1: to teach him from Reddit already. The friend's dad was 277 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,719 Speaker 1: with him, and he looked at Oliver and gave a 278 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: little curious look. But apart from that, it was fine. 279 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,079 Speaker 1: The boy said he loved Oliver's clothes. They spent about 280 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: four hours playing and we ended up eating together. On 281 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: the way home. I told Oliver how proud I am 282 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: the little man he is. I'm so proud how he 283 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,959 Speaker 1: is so willing to be himself and so brave to 284 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 1: continue to spite any backlash he gets. I love him 285 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 1: so much. Yeah, I think, honestly like a true test 286 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: of how brave someone was, especially like, you know, if 287 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: your identity gets you, it's kind of like that much 288 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,120 Speaker 1: more metal to be yourself exactly the face of that, 289 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 1: and I feel like Oliver is experiencing a little bit 290 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: of that. This is my final update on this account. 291 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll ever show you these posts, Oliver. 292 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 1: Maybe in a few years when you're older, so we 293 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: can have a laugh about how worried I was about you. 294 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: Your dad is so proud of you. I think you 295 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 1: are the most amazing person in the whole world, even 296 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 1: when you drive me absolutely nuts. I'm so lucky to 297 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: get to be your father. I am so lucky you 298 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: are in my life. I love you, and we love you. 299 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: And if you want to join us every weekday at 300 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 1: three pm PST, join our live right here on YouTube. 301 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: But that's where the story ends. 302 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:47,199 Speaker 3: I love this story so cute. While Sam's speech was 303 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 3: actually a lot better, I believe he did still end 304 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 3: up having the same effect. And basically like the way 305 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 3: that the kid was able to like internalize that, build 306 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 3: that into self confidence and then go out into the 307 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 3: world with it, and like, look at the results. Now 308 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 3: he has somebody he's like, Oh, this is a true 309 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 3: friend who is a real friend for me. 310 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 1: Fully, yeah, And I think that's what you really want 311 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: in these situations. You don't want to conform to be 312 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: a certain person and get friends that don't actually see 313 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: who you are. Like we talked about this like a 314 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: couple of months ago on the show, but we were 315 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: talking about this idea of a connection decoy, where like 316 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: a lot of people will put this version of themselves 317 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: that they think people will like and then all these 318 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 1: people and these friends try to connect with this person 319 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: that they're projecting, but it's not actually the real them, 320 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: and so they don't feel that connection. They don't feel 321 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: that friendship because they're putting a decoy out. And so 322 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: if you want people to actually like love you, then 323 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: you have to be yourself, because then you'll never actually 324 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: feel that connection in love. 325 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 2: One hundred percent. 326 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: Great. 327 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 2: W This has got to end up in whatever parenting 328 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 2: thing that happens. This is great. This is super solid. 329 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love I love that. I love that. I'm 330 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: glad that it ended in a in a way that 331 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: made all of our reaffirm his identity and right. Okay, Dad, Okay, Dad, okay, Daddy? 332 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 3: Good happen, Josephine, Oh the lore continues. 333 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 2: Uh oh, we got too's let's check it out. 334 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 3: Carly Ann, thanks for the five bucks listening while performing 335 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 3: some rug tests for my internship to be a substance 336 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 3: abuse counselor Love you guys. 337 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 2: Carly Ann, you are doing the Lord's work. Shout out 338 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 2: to you. You're freaking awesome. 339 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 3: And Jay Lady Biker, thanks for the ten bucks third 340 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 3: day of my gift to you for my birthday week 341 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 3: today is my actual birthday, sixty three years old. Yo, 342 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 3: that's shit awesome, that's awesome. I love that. Also, I 343 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 3: love how you're giving us gifts for your birthday. 344 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. Really we're going to say gang new member, dude 345 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: freaking on go let's I love this. 346 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 2: I love this. Yeah. 347 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 3: Actually, our more aged like fine wine members. Sound off, 348 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 3: sound off. I want to hear from you, join the hosts. 349 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 3: Last night, Riley told someone I was forty years old. 350 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 4: Okay, actually I said, I said, oh ye, other thirty basically, 351 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 4: and then he's he made up the forty thing, which 352 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 4: I thought was hilarious. I made a new best friend yesterday. 353 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 4: That was the craziest conversation I've ever. 354 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 2: But you presented a very different version of yourself. 355 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 3: You did so, going back to her point for a 356 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 3: last story, Yeah, he was connection. 357 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 4: Yes, No, I enjoyed the conversation. It is crazy. 358 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. 359 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: Coming to my birthday party? 360 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 4: Was that the real me? I think I tapped into this. 361 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 4: There's these people called Aldo and Nathan and they like 362 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 4: go back and forth on Instagram alive and it felt 363 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 4: like that. But he's going to my birthday party. 364 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: Let's freaking good. 365 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 2: I'm excited. I'm very excited some people. 366 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: I mean what, I'm coming to your birthday. 367 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 4: This is the reddest title I get from Sam. 368 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: That's it's true. I'm coming to your birthday. 369 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 4: Thank you. I'm already gonna be working like I'm already 370 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 4: gonna be here though. Are you when you're coming back Sunday? 371 00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: Okay? 372 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 4: All right, he will be here from my birthday. 373 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 1: I told you. 374 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 2: There we go, all right? As two yis are? I 375 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 2: might also is eighty two? 376 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 1: Just fema deliperker. 377 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 4: Where's John is two hundred? Where are you? 378 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 1: Yeah? John is two hundred? Where are you? We're the 379 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: hero we need? 380 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 2: Sam might lift it two hundred true? 381 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: Gene therapy in the Bahamas next. 382 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 2: That's right, it's gonna be interesting. 383 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna live forever. 384 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 2: I also might get some food after this. 385 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,880 Speaker 4: Nope, did you put in the schedules? 386 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, open the schedule? 387 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 2: I didn't. Is that a thing? 388 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 1: The schedule? True? If you can do it and. 389 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 2: It's over all right, Well, let's get into it. 390 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 3: My mom crashed my boyfriend and ie dates after I 391 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 3: explicitly told her not to for three So me, twenty 392 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,160 Speaker 3: five female and my boyfriend thirty mail had a nice 393 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 3: dinner plan for us both after I have been gone 394 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 3: to Greece with my mom on a vacation for eight days. 395 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 3: My mom and I had the best time and had 396 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 3: a lot of fun and deep conversations, and I told 397 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 3: her that I was going to get dinner with my 398 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 3: boyfriend of almost six years today after vacation, to talk 399 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 3: about the vacation and tell him and show him everything. 400 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,479 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Okay Celebration twenty three 401 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,159 Speaker 3: to thirty seven from our slash Okay story time, separate it, 402 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 3: Let's go. My mom then subtly inclined that she would 403 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 3: also love to be there to talk about the vacation 404 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 3: with us, where I politely declined and told her that 405 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 3: after eight days of not seeing my boyfriend, I would 406 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 3: love to have a dinner with him alone to catch 407 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 3: up after everything, because I missed him very much, and 408 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,120 Speaker 3: that I would love to catch up with the four 409 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,959 Speaker 3: of us my dad included next week or so. How 410 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 3: dare you think you can have your own time? Unacceptable. 411 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 3: The vacation then went on and we arrived back two 412 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 3: days ago. Everything was fine until about five hours ago. 413 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 3: I was looking forward to this evening and was preparing 414 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 3: everything to show my boyfriend and it was excited as 415 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 3: we pull up to the restaurant in the car, then 416 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,439 Speaker 3: I see my parents' car is also parked there. What. 417 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 3: I then pointed it out to my boyfriend, who thought 418 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 3: not much of it. And I also thought that was 419 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 3: because we were going to dinner. My mom must have 420 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 3: been jealous and chose to also go to another restaurant 421 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 3: in the neighborhood or in the same diner, but still 422 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 3: respect boundaries and ask for another table. 423 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 2: Huh. 424 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,680 Speaker 3: I mean that alone is a red flag alert because 425 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,159 Speaker 3: she's like, oh, like, my mom was probably just jealous, 426 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 3: so she was like trying to like, maybe maybe she's 427 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:09,440 Speaker 3: going the same restaurant, just like. 428 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: You know, your mom sounds like she is a lot well. 429 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 3: We then walked over to check in, where they have 430 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 3: papers with our names on them, and I quickly checked 431 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 3: to see her name was above mine. My heart instantly sank, 432 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 3: as I just wanted a quiet evening with my partner 433 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,399 Speaker 3: talking about the fun we had, so I was a 434 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 3: bit disappointed and also frustrated that my mom did not 435 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 3: respect my boundaries. When the uber led us to the table, 436 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,720 Speaker 3: Oh wait, Obert, when the waiter you. 437 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,399 Speaker 2: Know what no bear is an Ober Ober. 438 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 3: When the waiter led us to our table, I saw 439 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 3: my mom and dad smirking. While walking to the table, 440 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,720 Speaker 3: I blurted out, I don't like this. I don't like 441 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 3: this at all in Dutch, which honestly could have been 442 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 3: more tactful than this, but I also was too high 443 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 3: in emotion. My mom then stood while I was sitting 444 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 3: down and said angrily that if I did not like it, 445 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,199 Speaker 3: she would leave and stormed off, while I said to 446 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 3: her to sit back down so we could talk about it. 447 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: Yes, if okay, but what if the boyfriend isn't going 448 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,440 Speaker 1: to propose and it's in front of the parents. 449 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 3: Then the mom so so the boyfriend told like, hey, parents, 450 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 3: be here right because that's what I'm going to do, 451 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:16,679 Speaker 3: then they would have to figure out some sort of 452 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,680 Speaker 3: plan because the mom would have been like, yo, daughter 453 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 3: just told me not to be there, you know, so 454 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 3: that you guys have your own things, So that that 455 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,160 Speaker 3: was not and then she storms off. 456 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 2: So not good. 457 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, but maybe it's all a ruse. 458 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 3: It it could be a ruse. We have had some good, 459 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 3: some good endings on this episode today. So she then 460 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,439 Speaker 3: stormed off to the car, while my dad stayed seated 461 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 3: and also called after her. He then said to me 462 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 3: that I know how my mom is and that it 463 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 3: will be okay, but that he is going to follow 464 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 3: her now, leaving my mom, leaving my boyfriend and me stunned. 465 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,199 Speaker 3: I understand that my mom wanted to surprise me and 466 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,679 Speaker 3: to talk about the vacation together, but she but she 467 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 3: did not respect my boundaries and went to do this 468 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 3: without communicating with me or my boyfriend that she wanted 469 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 3: to come, but I did hurt her feelings by reacting 470 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,960 Speaker 3: this way. She also does not want to talk about 471 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,360 Speaker 3: me at the moment and ignores my calls and messages. Meanwhile, 472 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 3: my dad said to give her a few days and 473 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 3: then I know how my mom behaves and to try. 474 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 2: To talk it out later. 475 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 3: So am I, Ah, we have an edit coming up, 476 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 3: but uh. 477 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 2: I don't like it. 478 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 3: I like it one bet like she literally she just said, 479 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,879 Speaker 3: you know, oh what is this? I don't like this, 480 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 3: because they had already had a conversation where she said 481 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,919 Speaker 3: politely like hey, please don't come, like I won't have 482 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 3: time together, and she Opie's walks up his table, says 483 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 3: that and then she storms off and doesn't talk to 484 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 3: her for days. 485 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it just it sounds like Mom is 486 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: getting she thinks she's the center of the world right now. 487 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. 488 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,439 Speaker 1: And also it seems a little suffocating. 489 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I mean, I guess they had a good 490 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,959 Speaker 3: eight day vacation in Opie. 491 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 2: I'm sure Opie would have voiced it, but. 492 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, oh, like, we have an eight day 493 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 1: vacation where we're spending all this time together and you 494 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,120 Speaker 1: can't give me like one moment away with my boyfriend. 495 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 3: Yes, it's a very it's a very very not just 496 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 3: reasonable request, but it's like a reasonable boundary, like like 497 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 3: Obi said, like, Hey, I just want to have this 498 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 3: time with my boyfriend. That's going to be a nice 499 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 3: thing for me. 500 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: That I was super reasonable, super reasonable, super reasonable. But 501 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, John, why. 502 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 2: Does my age keep going? What's happening? What's happening? Jonas 503 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,919 Speaker 2: t one says, my mom thinks she's the main character. 504 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,440 Speaker 4: That says John. What says John doesn't. 505 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 2: Have an h so it doesn't count. 506 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,479 Speaker 1: John is two hundred and one. It seems like accounts 507 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: to me. 508 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 3: No Jonas to one Jonas one, have you ever met 509 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 3: have you ever heard of this little group called. 510 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 2: The Jonas Brothers. 511 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 1: Definitely different. 512 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 2: I don't well, it's kidding, do Is that? 513 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 3: The reason that I didn't turn away immediately when seeing 514 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 3: the car slash spotting the name is because I did 515 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 3: not think my mom would really intrude and maybe a 516 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 3: bit naive, but I hoped that we could talk about it. 517 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 3: As I said, my emotions also got the better of 518 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 3: me when I saw that she. 519 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 2: Was there, and that's when I blurted out. 520 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 3: I also have anxiety with situations with conflicts and did 521 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,239 Speaker 3: not want to put the waiters in a position they 522 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 3: had to deal with it the moment that I saw 523 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 3: her name. Plus it all happened pretty fast when you're 524 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 3: in a situation. I also did not just go sit 525 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 3: somewhere else because I'm one hundred percent sure my mom 526 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,640 Speaker 3: would have trampled the whole. 527 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 2: Restaurant to find me. Oh my gosh. 528 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 3: I also did not just leave last moment when we 529 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 3: spotted the car, because I'm one hundred percent sure that 530 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,399 Speaker 3: she would have been even angrier with me that way. Yeah, 531 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 3: I'm sensing a behavior of a pattern of behavior where 532 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 3: it's like, hey, I know that my mom will react 533 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 3: negatively with me, like leaving me before I even go in. 534 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 2: Probably because of past experiences. I mean, what else would 535 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 2: it be based off of? 536 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,719 Speaker 3: And I also wanted my evening not to be ruined, 537 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 3: and that moment calculated, and at that moment calculated that 538 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 3: this would be the best option. But man, A'm bad 539 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 3: of math me too, I feel you. I also want 540 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 3: to state that my mom is not a bad person. 541 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 3: She has her own issues and insecurities that make her 542 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 3: act like this. That of course, is not an excuse. 543 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:58,200 Speaker 1: I mean she's very insecure, I mean very dude face, 544 00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: and yeah. 545 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 2: This is this is pretty pretty. 546 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 3: Bad bad, but it makes it more understandable, but equally difficult, 547 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 3: as I can empathize with her being hurt in the situation, 548 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 3: and that makes it difficult for me to let it go. 549 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 3: I am in therapy and making my own progress on 550 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 3: this topic. 551 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,240 Speaker 2: As we speak. 552 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 3: We do have an update where Opie's mom finally responds 553 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 3: the radio silence. Oh wow. 554 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: But that response, the mom responds, I wonder if it'll 555 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: be a tempered and very mature response. 556 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 3: It's gonna be so so even keel, so sure, so 557 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 3: empathetic to Opie. 558 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: So mature, like two hundred years of maturity. Oh yeah, 559 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: potentually two hundred to one. You know, as mature as 560 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:41,880 Speaker 1: you are. 561 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 2: Listen, when you look at two hundred. 562 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,880 Speaker 3: You know you don't need to go to the mahas 563 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,120 Speaker 3: and therapy. You don't need it, you know. But yeah, 564 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 3: how should OPI now? So that we're we're like, I think, 565 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 3: like four or five days out with literally no communication 566 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,640 Speaker 3: from mom, what would be your move to address Mama? Here? 567 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 1: My move, I think I would not establish contact until 568 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: she establishes contact. 569 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 2: Just wait for her to get. 570 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: Just just wait. I mean maybe just like at the 571 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,160 Speaker 1: at the very least, be like, hey, when you're ready 572 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,920 Speaker 1: to talk, I'm here, little primer. Yeah you don't you know, 573 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: I don't think you need to make like cause you 574 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: didn't know. You didn't do anything wrong. 575 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,920 Speaker 3: No, really, you said, like Opie very clearly communicated, Hey, 576 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,000 Speaker 3: I would politely, I would like to, you know, have 577 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 3: this dinner with Amphne alone, and then she shows. 578 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,639 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah. I think I think op needs to 579 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: maybe just not need to could say a little something, 580 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: but I think just wait. 581 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 3: I think it would be good just to be like, hey, 582 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 3: I am ready to talk, but you know, when you 583 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,359 Speaker 3: I'll be here when you reach out to me and 584 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 3: then leave it because it's just going to be more 585 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 3: emotionally painful probably every single time she reaches out, and 586 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 3: or you know, maybe she lashes out. So I totally agree. 587 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 3: So let's get into this update. My mom responded to 588 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 3: my text saying she has no need to talk, then 589 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,919 Speaker 3: shut up, then that because I was so unhappy to 590 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 3: see them, she does not know how to react to 591 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 3: my previous texts, which states my feelings. In a short 592 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 3: apology for responding with my blurt out, I responded that 593 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,480 Speaker 3: I will not fight this over WhatsApp and that when 594 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 3: she is ready to talk like an adult, she's more 595 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 3: than welcome to and I think that that would be 596 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 3: no problem because we had quite the bonding on the vacation, 597 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 3: so this will also be no problem. I am just 598 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,199 Speaker 3: waiting now for my mom to make the move and 599 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 3: to let me know when she's. 600 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 2: Ready to talk about it. 601 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,679 Speaker 3: By the way, you can always talk to us, but 602 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 3: only if you join our live streat to the three BMPSD 603 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 3: every single week. 604 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 2: Join can't respond with you. 605 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,880 Speaker 3: I can't take a video that's that's a file that's 606 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 3: done and change it. No it's done. It's over, so 607 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 3: join the live. But before we dive into these final 608 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,520 Speaker 3: relevant comments. Yeah, it seems like Op's basically taken our 609 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 3: advice here and is not which is good? Bond which 610 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 3: is which is good? Yeah, Mom is like something seems 611 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 3: like very wrong. 612 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I wonder why I want to explanation. 613 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. 614 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 3: It's very confusing. But ladies and gentlemen, let's get into 615 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 3: these relevant comments. Lawyer Dad nineteen anyone says, not the 616 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 3: a hole. I think the more fun solution, though, would 617 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 3: be to have called a restaurant as soon as you 618 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 3: notice the car canceled the reservation and gone somewhere else 619 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 3: without saying a peep about it. Not that this justifies it, 620 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,480 Speaker 3: but OPI kind of mentioned before, like oh if I 621 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 3: if I like just sat at another table, for instance, 622 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,679 Speaker 3: that would make my mom even anger and make her 623 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 3: storm around. It was actually kind of good, I think, 624 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 3: And I'm curious on your opinion on this that she 625 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 3: went up and expressed that she didn't like that, you know, 626 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 3: in a way, because then it's like, hey, like it's 627 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 3: kind of the punishment for the crime of I told 628 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 3: you my boundary. You vitolated that boundary and I came 629 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 3: up and I mean all the opie said was like 630 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 3: I don't like this. I don't like this at all, 631 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 3: Like it was said in a more like aggressive quote 632 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 3: unquote manner, but it's like, honestly that message, I feel like, yeah, 633 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,720 Speaker 3: I don't like this, Like why are you doing this 634 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 3: right now? 635 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 2: Yeah? 636 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: I think because Ope made the boundary beforehand. That's why 637 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 1: it's not really not good. If she didn't make the boundary, 638 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 1: then she wouldn't be able to do that. 639 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, like she could pull her aside and maybe 640 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 3: maybe at that moment established a boundary. 641 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 2: But yeah, because she established a boundary, I think that. 642 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,440 Speaker 1: Op is is in the clear? 643 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 2: Is in the clear? In the clear? Okay celebration twenty 644 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 2: four to thirty seven op response. That was my initial 645 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 2: reaction to. 646 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,960 Speaker 3: But I still had the hopes that it was not true, 647 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,199 Speaker 3: as I just didn't see my mom behaving like this 648 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:27,359 Speaker 3: because we really connected on our vacation. Yeah, maybe it 649 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 3: was a case of like, I mean, it's also one 650 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 3: could are you easier to connect, Like the vacation is 651 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 3: a quote unquote perfect environment. You know, you're like no responsibility, responsibilities, 652 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 3: you're you're hanging out, you're just having fun doing whatever. 653 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 3: So but now that like real life has returned and 654 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 3: it's not just the two of you too, Like there's 655 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 3: other people in the dynamic, like she has to tender 656 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 3: her boyfriend and yeah there's a dad, and like I 657 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 3: don't know everyone else. So yeah, I think ultimately this 658 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 3: en died, I think as best as it could. Like op, 659 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 3: did I think all the right things? She set the boundary, 660 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,320 Speaker 3: let her know when she disrupted that, and then told 661 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:01,800 Speaker 3: her like, hey, I'm ready to talk when you are. 662 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 3: The communication was more maybe aggress a little more aggressive 663 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 3: and petty than it needed to be. But ultimately the 664 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 3: core message I think was still communicated in every situation. 665 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 1: Agreed, which is ultimately, But is there more to that story? 666 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 2: There's literally absolutely nothing left. 667 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: That's it. That's it over. We got another one? Or 668 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: is that the last one? We have one more story, 669 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: a whole more story that quickly dunk? 670 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 2: Wait? 671 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: Are you you're gonna go get food? 672 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 2: I am? But what do you talk to me? 673 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 1: I want to dunk my head in the ice bath 674 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: because I am so tired. 675 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, go go for that dunk kick you want me 676 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 5: to just entertain them. I can talk with the people. 677 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,240 Speaker 1: It'll be like literally less than two minutes. 678 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 2: I'll talk with the people. We could talk chat what's 679 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 2: going on. 680 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 3: Oh, by the way, the reason Dono's first get those 681 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 3: covered is that just that one. 682 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 2: My mind went a wall. 683 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 3: Two thousand and six says thanks for the five bucks. Yo, 684 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 3: I'll be fifty in January. Shout out to the elders, 685 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:54,960 Speaker 3: the elders. 686 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:55,720 Speaker 2: Can we can? 687 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 3: We can that be the faction of our elderty. I 688 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 3: feel like that's like a fun, fun name, Oh, the elders. Yeah, 689 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 3: we can do the elder elders. 690 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're cool with it? 691 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 3: Let me know and chat if you're cool with being 692 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 3: called the elder cool because I think it's a pretty 693 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 3: cool name. 694 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 4: I bet you do. 695 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 2: Yep, but shout out again. My mind went a wall. 696 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 3: Kimberily Fine says they connected because mom had op isolated, 697 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,320 Speaker 3: and she literally set the stage for a positive outcome 698 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,760 Speaker 3: that disappeared the moment that the control disappeared. Yeah, the 699 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 3: mom is like, if I don't have it my way, 700 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 3: it's the highway. 701 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 2: And that is basically what happened here. Every from the 702 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 2: Swamp says, I almost stood in the walk walk in 703 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 2: cooler at work today because I was so tired. Yeah, 704 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 2: we just did get Have you used the icepath yet? 705 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 2: Heck no, I have not had the chance yet. I 706 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 2: wanted to this morning, but I was running late. 707 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 4: I'm not gonna ever use it. I don't like cold. 708 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I like the steamer steamers. See, here's my thing. 709 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 3: So you get into the cold water. But then your 710 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,719 Speaker 3: body adjusts and it norms it numbs in a warming 711 00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 3: type way. 712 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 4: My body should never not it should not do that. 713 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 2: But one could argue your body shouldn't sweat profusely. 714 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 4: I'd rather sweat profusely than freeze myself. 715 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 3: And you know, everyone has their everyone has their their 716 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,440 Speaker 3: their preference. The cup of tea, Amy thinks for a 717 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 3: five buck tip. When you do make it to forty, 718 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,040 Speaker 3: you won't care anymore. People in their twenties have more 719 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 3: of a complex about age than people in their forties. 720 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 4: John doesn't care. 721 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 2: I think so. 722 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 3: But also but then also at the same time, I 723 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 3: hear people like in their forties being like, ah, like 724 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 3: I'm now. 725 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 2: I'm really old, and you're you're I don't know. 726 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 3: I still see it for sure, But I also think 727 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 3: that generally, yes, like that like as people age, like, 728 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 3: there's there's much less, it's much less of a of 729 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,520 Speaker 3: a thing, maybe until you're like freaking you know, like 730 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 3: a real dinosaur, gotcha a real real like it's close 731 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 3: to death's door basically, you know, how old do you 732 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 3: want to live? 733 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 2: To Riley talk to me? 734 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 4: I don't know, probably like eighty seven. 735 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 2: Eighty seven. It's a very specific number. 736 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:58,280 Speaker 4: What about you? 737 00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think same. It could be cool. 738 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,120 Speaker 4: It's a very specific number. 739 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 3: Didn't say his specific number. I think it could be 740 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 3: cool to possibly do like a cool like one fifty. 741 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 4: I would there's no way, you know, I. 742 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 3: Think I might the thing that Sam's doing, the gene therapy, 743 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 3: I think I would do that in like twenty or 744 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 3: thirty years. Maybe after like twenty or thirty years of 745 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,600 Speaker 3: like I want to I want to see some people 746 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 3: who are like seventy now like make it to like 747 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,400 Speaker 3: what would that be? One hundred, one hundred and ten, 748 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,960 Speaker 3: and then people who are like, you know, twenty thirty 749 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 3: forty now how that like affects them later? 750 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 5: But I'd definitely be open to it. Nope, not at all. Yeah, 751 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 5: I don't want to see be on the serve after 752 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 5: one hundred. My time has expired. 753 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like one hundred, one hundred is done. 754 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 4: I don't even know what this place is going to 755 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 4: be like by. 756 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 2: Then, exactly. Oh, you know. 757 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:48,880 Speaker 4: The AI and people and relationships. People are gonna get 758 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 4: married robots. 759 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 2: That's true, that's true, it's coming. Are you ready for it? 760 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 4: No? What are you? 761 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,600 Speaker 2: What are you voting for? 762 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 4: I don't want to talk my kid out of like 763 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 4: marrying a robot. 764 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 2: Dude. 765 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's like, yo, my my kid fell in 766 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 3: love with the with the Tesla. 767 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 2: Tesla was talking to him. 768 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 3: It's just it's just her. It's just her, like it's 769 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 3: the movie her type situation. Oh man, yeah, oh my gosh. 770 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,960 Speaker 3: Miss Jaybird said, my dad is seventy and I watched 771 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 3: him jump and climb a fence to talk to a neighbor. Dude, 772 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,680 Speaker 3: shout out to your freaking dad. W dad, that's that's 773 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 3: big w dad vibes. But I feel like low ki 774 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,160 Speaker 3: like sixties right now. I feel like people are in 775 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 3: a are youthful. I mean, anyone can get them in 776 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 3: themselves in a good useful state. But I feel like 777 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 3: sixties right now is like pretty look pretty young. You 778 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 3: have the technology how is how is that good? 779 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 2: Nice? What did you? Did you do the full thirty seconds? 780 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 2: It was quick? 781 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,560 Speaker 1: Two thirty seconds? Nice? Wow? 782 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 2: Nicely done? 783 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: Dude? 784 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 3: All right now that Sam is crazy as like a 785 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 3: rabbit animal. I'm gonna leave you guys for a second. 786 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,800 Speaker 1: D better than coffee, honestly, Yeah, just dunk in your 787 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 1: head in the ice bath. 788 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 2: I'll do the same. 789 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,400 Speaker 1: Is that like forty three right now? It was at 790 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:57,560 Speaker 1: forty this morning? Wow? 791 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 3: That's but me, I think fifty that's close to I 792 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 3: think right now as of as I currently stand and breathe, 793 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,280 Speaker 3: fifty for me is probably like the perfect temperature. 794 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 2: But I could, I'm sure I could. I can get it. 795 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,359 Speaker 1: You could get with the three do you jump in? 796 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,239 Speaker 2: I'm going I'm going to at least like no. 797 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: No, full body, full body three audits? Yeah, yeah, does me? 798 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,200 Speaker 3: Burkwast thanks for the twenty seven sek am I the 799 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 3: a hole for not letting my son Mary and Tosla. 800 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 3: We were talking about living to one hundred and fifty 801 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:24,399 Speaker 3: via gene therapy and then. 802 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,239 Speaker 1: Oh did you tell them that about the Bahamas thing? 803 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 3: Ah? 804 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,400 Speaker 2: I was, I was alluding to it. But maybe you 805 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 2: can tell the old people. 806 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:30,399 Speaker 4: So you know John. 807 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: One of my friends is uh Is. He's been I've 808 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,839 Speaker 1: known him for like five years. I interviewed him on 809 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:42,640 Speaker 1: my other podcast called Binding Founders's the og one and 810 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 1: basically he's trying to make people immortal and he's doing 811 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: an experimental gene therapy injecting people and doing human trials 812 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,280 Speaker 1: off the coast of Honduras in this place called prosper 813 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:56,720 Speaker 1: And I am going to He always opening up another 814 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: clinic and the Bahamas, so I'm going to go and 815 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 1: maybe injected over there. Wow, And apparently it's just like 816 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,600 Speaker 1: it slows your rate of aging by a lot. Jelly 817 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 1: Bess says, Okay, I see I have seen that interview, Yeah, 818 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,920 Speaker 1: you have? Have you seen that one? No way is 819 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: Sophia coming up? 820 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 4: I don't know. Do I need to ask her? 821 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 1: I mean maybe? 822 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,239 Speaker 4: Yeah, why not? 823 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 1: There's a little triny Weeb says, there's an anime called 824 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,480 Speaker 1: My Wife has No Emotion about a man who married 825 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,879 Speaker 1: a cooking robot. That's interesting. What are they injecting. It's 826 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 1: called a full of stat in gene therapy. Basically, it's 827 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 1: like Radi says, Sam is really bothered by that balding thing. 828 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: My mom doesn't believe it because none of my one 829 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,040 Speaker 1: of my uncles or aunts or grandparents have gone bald. 830 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's a full of stat in gene therapy. 831 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: I mean I think it's higher cholesterol potentially, but not 832 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:53,399 Speaker 1: really by much. Sounds good. Sophia is coming shortly. Oh 833 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,919 Speaker 1: there she has come. Sit down, Sophia, come over here. 834 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 1: Come well, I think you're you're sitting down. You're sitting 835 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,759 Speaker 1: down on here? No, why not? 836 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 4: Because Riley's not here? 837 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,560 Speaker 1: Well, O'Riley will be here shortly. I guess you could 838 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,920 Speaker 1: stay there until Riley's here. Okay, So wait, Sophia on 839 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,759 Speaker 1: the on the text, am I how am I doing? 840 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,400 Speaker 1: Give me? Give me an indicator? 841 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 3: I don't know. 842 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 4: It just depends on whether or not she takes back. 843 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see, we'll see. 844 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:19,720 Speaker 4: You got this. 845 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,759 Speaker 1: What I'm sure I read this? Next one? 846 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:26,400 Speaker 4: Yes? 847 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let's get into this last story of 848 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 1: the episode. So John is two hundred and one. The 849 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 1: side effects are there's there's not really any major side effects, 850 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 1: but but it also like what it like increases muscle mass? 851 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,720 Speaker 4: What what are the side effects to what. 852 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: The full stat in gene therapy? The Lakes Pilly. Do 853 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:47,800 Speaker 1: you think if they're messing with DNA that want to 854 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: fix cancer, not like make people immortal like you, Let 855 00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,520 Speaker 1: me be a model and have cancer until I'm one 856 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty. Come over here the way. Do you 857 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,320 Speaker 1: have stuff to do? Okay? Yeah, I guess Riley and 858 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 1: I will knock it out. Yeah yeh no, No, go 859 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,800 Speaker 1: to your thing. You're you're crushing it. You're crushing it. 860 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,280 Speaker 4: Just kiss it the microphone. 861 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: I did kiss the microphone. B D S M. What Yes, 862 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:13,439 Speaker 1: all the right news and all the right places. All right, ready, yes, 863 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: all right? 864 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 4: Are you ready