Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth dutt is Sarah Burnett.
Speaker 3: How you doing good?
Speaker 1: There?
Speaker 2: Are you feeling good? Feeling good in the neighborhood?
Speaker 3: Totally? I mean, look at me over here, apple being up?
Speaker 3: Just apple bean?
Speaker 2: How you applebee?
Speaker 3: What about you?
Speaker 2: I'm good good? Yeah, nice good.
Speaker 3: Gad to hear you got I got a question for
Speaker 3: you while you're just you know, in the playful moods. Sure,
Speaker 3: do you know what's ridiculous?
Speaker 2: Honey?
Speaker 3: I do, Honey, hush, honey.
Speaker 2: You and I have talked a lot about how much
Speaker 2: we like pickles, Yes, and embarrassingly amount, particularly grillos pickles, Yes,
Speaker 2: the preferred Ridiculous crimes preferred pickle.
Speaker 3: Yes, they are in house fair.
Speaker 2: Do you ever drink pickle juice?
Speaker 3: I had a friend who used to, and he turned
Speaker 3: me onto it, and it's definitely Actually I gotta say,
Speaker 3: it does something. It gives you a boost, does it?
Speaker 3: It does something? I'll just put it that way. I
Speaker 3: would recommend doing it for long periods of time. But like,
Speaker 3: say you're injured and you're like a kid and he drinks
Speaker 3: some pickles made me feel better.
Speaker 2: I want to tell you you drink your own pea too.
Speaker 3: No, it's just like a face. It's like a brine.
Speaker 3: So it's like people are in fermented stuff. This is
Speaker 3: like fermented juice drunk. No, No, you just get like
Speaker 3: it's like a wheat grass but but saltier. You know,
Speaker 3: you get this pump.
Speaker 2: Like. Yeah, the only time I use pickle juice is
Speaker 2: when you get to the end of a grillo's tub.
Speaker 2: Then you put chicken thighs in there to brind them,
Speaker 2: and then you you put them in batter and deep frime,
Speaker 2: and that's how you make a good chicken sandwich.
Speaker 3: So you chef stuff up. I'm over here just like
Speaker 3: remembering being ten so, but.
Speaker 2: Every like I'll finish a thing of pickles and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't really need to be eating a fried chicken,
Speaker 2: So like, what get out of here? And then I
Speaker 2: dumb it down the drink. Anyway, that's not the ridiculous part.
Speaker 2: I've dragged this on for far too long. I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna drag it further. So another thing that you and
Speaker 2: I like puff jackets. This is true, you know, like
Speaker 2: north Face, I'm about that Codo Pasi light. So anyway,
Speaker 2: what if what if you could. I don't know what's
Speaker 2: the word, what's the phrase like mash up those two
Speaker 2: things breathe deep. I can't express to you. There are
Speaker 2: like pinnacle moments and communications from rude dudes to headquarters
Speaker 2: about mashups, and it's usually they There was like a
Speaker 2: Skittles one that was off the charts. The volume this
Speaker 2: I think may have surpassed everything really because it's now
Speaker 2: I'm starting to think, like, does the entire marketing world
Speaker 2: listen to this podcast and then be like, you know
Speaker 2: what a really delight Elizabeth and grind Xeran's gears so
Speaker 2: kfc UK not not domestic garbage KFC.
Speaker 3: Are they different? They like broken apart?
Speaker 2: I think yeah they were. They colonized us, so kfs UK.
Speaker 2: They have this product that they have created. Well, first
Speaker 2: they have the pickle Manium menu they've introduced. Okay, it's
Speaker 2: like a seasonal thing, pickleburger, pickle loaded fries, frickles.
Speaker 3: Pickles are apparently the hot flavor right now.
Speaker 2: I guess. And then pickle PEPSI max. So that's like
Speaker 2: for your you and your little friends.
Speaker 3: You put your pickle in too many places.
Speaker 2: Now, that's what they all say. And so anyway, they
Speaker 2: have this whole thing, right they have. If you go
Speaker 2: to their Instagram, which is the hell on earth that
Speaker 2: gives us all this stuff, they you can get something
Speaker 2: called a pickle puffer and you have to like win it.
Speaker 2: You can't just go buy it without knowing.
Speaker 3: You brought in jackets earlier. Originally, if you would have
Speaker 3: said pickle puffer, I would have imagined so many different
Speaker 3: you know, it.
Speaker 2: Would have been. So look, Zaron, I don't work blue.
Speaker 2: So this is what I'm showing you a picture. It'll
Speaker 2: be put up on Instagram. It's a puff jacket. We're
Speaker 2: in the channels instead of down.
Speaker 4: Like.
Speaker 2: It's filled with pickle juice and slices of pickles. And
Speaker 2: then you'll note up here these little vents. That's where
Speaker 2: it's like a little nozzle. You can stick a straw
Speaker 2: in and drink the pickle juice.
Speaker 3: I'm afraid.
Speaker 2: So if you get hurt, as you said, you just
Speaker 2: this cushions the fall.
Speaker 3: I don't know why it worked well.
Speaker 2: And then pickle, but rather down or a down alternative.
Speaker 2: The down alternative is pickles and pickle juice. Okay, so
Speaker 2: it's again not in the store. You have to go
Speaker 2: to KFC UK to their instagram.
Speaker 3: Don't they have like a knife problem over in the UK?
Speaker 2: They do? There are age limits on this kind of.
Speaker 3: Like tempting, like the people who are poking. If you saw.
Speaker 2: Someone I still lived in Glasgow, I would start carrying
Speaker 2: a knife in hopes that I saw someone with this
Speaker 2: and I would slash slash slash drip for carrying does it?
Speaker 2: And the zipper pole is a pickle? I mean, Saron,
Speaker 2: the detail, the attention to detail on this product. So
Speaker 2: before I was saying like about that gross toothpaste, like hey,
Speaker 2: oh see here, like let me show you this picture
Speaker 2: and I'll have them put this one up too. There's
Speaker 2: the it's a permanent straw.
Speaker 5: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: Anyway, if you live in the UK and you happen
Speaker 2: to win this, let's talk. Let's talk, baby, because how
Speaker 2: does it arrive to you? Does it arrive fully loaded
Speaker 2: or do they give you you have to provide somewhere
Speaker 2: because like they're not going to ship it. Maybe they will, Colley,
Speaker 2: someone has to win this.
Speaker 3: So many questions and then you don't have.
Speaker 2: To give it to me, but just tell me about it.
Speaker 2: That's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: I'll give you this I know you will.
Speaker 2: You have to wait.
Speaker 3: Wait, I got something. Yeah to ungrind my gears. Imagine, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: the folks who dare to steal from the Lord's holy agents.
Speaker 3: I'm talking the theft of holy relics again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is ridiculous crime.
Speaker 3: A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons.
Speaker 3: It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred
Speaker 3: percent ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Yes, Elizabeth sar.
Speaker 3: We're both Catholics. Yeah, well, I mean I don't put
Speaker 3: that around Catholic. We're at least nonpracticing Catholics or perhaps
Speaker 3: former Catholics. I don't know what language.
Speaker 2: Non practicing Catholic. Me and the Mother Church.
Speaker 3: We got issues, but we were catholically informed.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we came up in it. It was so
Speaker 2: kind of Catholics.
Speaker 3: They say it informs our worldview, beings, what you know,
Speaker 3: and and also our sense of the calendar. Like for instance,
Speaker 3: I know, we just finished Holy Week, and sure I thought,
Speaker 3: you know, this past Sunday was Easter. I didn't make
Speaker 3: it to church, but I wanted to mark the occasion,
Speaker 3: so I found some Catholic crimes.
Speaker 2: I like it. I still if I lose something. I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, Saint Anthony, let's talk. Oh yeah, let's get this,
Speaker 2: let's get this found.
Speaker 3: We're Saint Christopher metal all the time.
Speaker 2: So you know, I don't know these things.
Speaker 3: I guess I shouldn't say I'm non practicing. That's not
Speaker 3: really fair.
Speaker 2: Collapsed Catholics. There you go, Catholics on time out.
Speaker 3: Now you've done an episode of religious relic thefts.
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 3: It was brilliant, terrible fun.
Speaker 2: It was enjoyable, so good.
Speaker 3: I wanted to go slightly surprise, surprise older. I was like,
Speaker 3: how do I go back a couple of centuries today?
Speaker 3: I haven't died.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a medieval buffet of relic thefts. Yes, they
Speaker 3: were popping it off. It was getting wild, but it's great.
Speaker 2: It's great material.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so a buckle up, butter cup, we're about to
Speaker 3: get ways with monks and nuns who decided to walk
Speaker 3: on the wild side of the faith. At one time,
Speaker 3: relic theft was so common there was actually a term
Speaker 3: for it in Latin. The term is fertum sacra okay,
Speaker 3: basically means holy theft.
Speaker 2: Ye, holy theft.
Speaker 3: Now, as you know, Catholics for us you know, relics
Speaker 3: are believed to offer like a legit connection to the divine.
Speaker 3: Like most relics are there like things, right, there's there's
Speaker 3: like bones of the saints, perhaps a piece of clothing
Speaker 3: that they wore or something they carry personal items exactly,
Speaker 3: especially something that touched their skin. That's really kind of
Speaker 3: important because also according to church beliefs, apparently if a
Speaker 3: saint held an object through their touch, it kind of
Speaker 3: like imbuse something that some of the divine grace passes
Speaker 3: into the object, and a relic could actually do what
Speaker 3: a saint could do, like perform miracles.
Speaker 2: It's like DNA.
Speaker 3: Well it's like yeah, but now it can perform miracles
Speaker 3: the same ones the saint could do. It's like I've
Speaker 3: given it my miracle power, right, which is you know
Speaker 3: that's that's handy.
Speaker 2: So handy.
Speaker 3: Due to this profound spiritual power, relics they become cuted objects.
Speaker 3: Everyone's like I wanted to get the miracle and viewing
Speaker 3: like piece of saints bone or whatever. Now, Elizabeth, we
Speaker 3: know what happens we coveted objects, right, Yeah, people steal crime.
Speaker 3: So relic theft, as I said, it became so common
Speaker 3: in the medieval era that it was actually not just
Speaker 3: like oh, we have a name for it. It was
Speaker 3: big business really. Oh yeah, there's like relic traders and
Speaker 3: relic dealers, and they'd be breaking small fortune, like hawking
Speaker 3: these relics right to all the true various true believers. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and just the collectors and not just for like rich
Speaker 3: private citizens. I'm talking. I mean like it was like
Speaker 3: people who wanted protection. A lot of travelers, right, I know.
Speaker 2: They were also I don't know if you're going to
Speaker 2: discuss this, but there were a lot of fake relics.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well there's definitely a lot of fake relics.
Speaker 3: In this case. All these relics are ostensibly real something
Speaker 3: like I'm not they.
Speaker 2: Would get like chicken bones exactly.
Speaker 3: Behold, anyone walking across the land if they hear there's like, oh,
Speaker 3: a little pilgrimage site, they deviate like it's a roadside attraction.
Speaker 2: That's how you draw money to market Exactly.
Speaker 3: It was like an early way to raise some money
Speaker 3: for the monastery, you know, hook up the nuns of
Speaker 3: the convent.
Speaker 2: Equivalent of when you're driving down like a lonesome highway
Speaker 2: and you see a sign that says beef jerkey, and
Speaker 2: we have fifteen kinds of beef jerky. And you're like,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 3: The next time down the road walnuts.
Speaker 2: Walnuts, oh any or driving in California up and down
Speaker 2: the Central Valley, cherries and then all the dust rises
Speaker 2: behind my car.
Speaker 3: Rooster tailor gravel. No, as they said, relative trade theft
Speaker 3: becomes so common. You have all these you traders, You
Speaker 3: have people who are stealing your people who are like
Speaker 3: just going out and like, you know, I'd really like
Speaker 3: because it's become this thing that you know, it's going
Speaker 3: to attract pilgrims. So if a holy relic is bought
Speaker 3: or sold, obviously that means two things. Someone had to
Speaker 3: steal it or you know, create it, and then they
Speaker 3: had to sell it to the relic trader. Right, so
Speaker 3: someone had to go and recover the holy objects. Sometimes
Speaker 3: like oh, we go and went to the Holy Land
Speaker 3: and we found this thing. So you get a lot
Speaker 3: of adventurers coming back with tales of like pro nons
Speaker 3: that are just outstanding. So at this point, like let's
Speaker 3: consider the case of Saint Mark's Boats. Okay, way back
Speaker 3: in the year eight eight to nine eighty nine, right,
Speaker 3: I remember it well, Venetian merchants.
Speaker 2: I was but a young girl.
Speaker 3: You were, what, yeah, just a glimmer in the Iopa scene. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think sixteenth. So there are these two merchants, actually
Speaker 3: Venetian merchants. They had great names, Buano and Rustico. Yeah,
Speaker 3: they decided to ignore the bands.
Speaker 2: They're like, they're like named after supermarket brand name Breads.
Speaker 3: Totally. So, yeah, they decided there's a band at the time,
Speaker 3: Elizabeth against doing business with the various Muslims.
Speaker 2: There was a band. I was like, oh no, the Beatles, like.
Speaker 3: The Italian city states, they pretty much were been banned
Speaker 3: by the part of doing business with the Muslim kingdoms
Speaker 3: on the eastern Mediterranean. So they uh they you know,
Speaker 3: and also North Africa, and uh so these are like,
Speaker 3: the hell with all that, we're Venetian merchants. We don't
Speaker 3: get god damn about all that. We're from the most
Speaker 3: serene republic. We were all different. So they went down
Speaker 3: to Alexandria in Egypt to do a little trading. And
Speaker 3: while they're there buying up you know, cotton and lace
Speaker 3: and silk and spices and whatnot, they hear about the
Speaker 3: bones of Saint Mark and they're like, wait, where where
Speaker 3: is the who's it now? They're like, oh, yeah, he
Speaker 3: wasn't for sale because it wasn't his body for sale.
Speaker 3: He was just sort of laying about right, just falling
Speaker 3: into a state of vispers at that point.
Speaker 2: It was more he was kind of a freshie at
Speaker 2: that point, he really was.
Speaker 3: They were like, wait, he's bouldering.
Speaker 2: Where follows follow the vultures.
Speaker 3: They're like, we gotta go hook up Saint Mark soil.
Speaker 3: Someone points him out. This pair of Venetian traders. They
Speaker 3: go and they decided they take it. They're like rfk.
Speaker 3: They're like, I gotta take this, put it, put it
Speaker 3: in the boat. Right. They saved Saint Mark's bones and
Speaker 3: they bring it back to Italy where they be like
Speaker 3: properly venerated and whatnot. So they they go, we can't
Speaker 3: do this by ourselves. We're just a pair of Venetian traders.
Speaker 3: We're gonna need help. So they get two monks, right,
Speaker 3: they find these two monks Storatius and Theodorus, and they're like, hey,
Speaker 3: teddy storry, come on, and when do you need your help.
Speaker 3: The two, the four of them that go together, they
Speaker 3: pull a holy heist. They steal Saint Mark's bones. Plant
Speaker 3: is super simple. They procure another body because they're like, look,
Speaker 3: if we just take the body, people will know they're
Speaker 3: just like a clean spot on top of the mausoleum.
Speaker 3: Or we gotta like leave a body the more similar.
Speaker 3: So they had to find one in a similar state
Speaker 3: of disrepair. Once they got a body that you know,
Speaker 3: matched up, right, then they go and they take that
Speaker 3: and swap it with Saint Mark's bones and then like
Speaker 3: you know, this is like not easy to do in
Speaker 3: the year age twenty nine. Actually it's probably really easy
Speaker 3: to do to find a body in the year A
Speaker 3: twenty nine. Anyway, once they got the decoy bones secured,
Speaker 3: they break in, they swap out the bones for the
Speaker 3: holy bones of Saint Mark. Then they make their flight
Speaker 3: from Egypt. Right. But first like they're like, they're like
Speaker 3: a bunch of biblical patriarchs, like, how do we get
Speaker 3: the hell to Egypt?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: But at the same time they have they know the answer,
Speaker 3: which is, we got to go down the harbor. We
Speaker 3: got to get back on our boat. But you know,
Speaker 3: harbors were you know, monitored. You had to tell people
Speaker 3: what you were here. You got to show a ship's
Speaker 3: manifest So how are they going to get the boat
Speaker 3: the bones by? Like, what's up with the bag of bones? Bro.
Speaker 3: So at this point, the Egyptian port authority they want
Speaker 3: to inspect the goods and wears getting loaded on, So
Speaker 3: where are they going to hide the bones of Saint Mark? Well,
Speaker 3: the port authorities they get tipped off by this strange
Speaker 3: scent of bones, apparently that's the story that I heard.
Speaker 3: I think it's the smell of decay yea. Anyway, so
Speaker 3: they go what's that smell? Essentially right, and they're like,
Speaker 3: you got to open up all the barrels, the crates,
Speaker 3: and so they start cracking stuff open and they don't
Speaker 3: find anything except for a bunch of pork, like salted
Speaker 3: pork and so forth. And they're like, oh, oh yeah, sorry,
Speaker 3: I don't dig on swine. So they're like, you can
Speaker 3: steal that back up, they don't go digging into the pork.
Speaker 3: And that was the way that they snuck Saint Mark.
Speaker 3: The egypt is underneath a bunch of moldering port.
Speaker 2: Go.
Speaker 3: This is just bad. I'm bad. I'm batch anyway, being
Speaker 3: familiar obviously with these Muslim dietary customs, they were able
Speaker 3: to pull off a successful furtum secra. Right, yeah, no,
Speaker 3: holy heist. They weren't always such a seat of your
Speaker 3: pants swillers. Sometimes they were a little more hands on,
Speaker 3: or is the case maybe teeth on. For example, in
Speaker 3: the late eleven hundreds, there was a bishop named Bishop
Speaker 3: Hugh of Lincoln, and he was kind of jealous of
Speaker 3: the monks down at the Abbey of feet Comp in Normandy. No,
Speaker 3: Bishop Hugh of Lincoln was apparently not worried about his
Speaker 3: eternal damnation. He goes down to the Abbey of fan
Speaker 3: Comp and that's the final resting place of the hand
Speaker 3: of Mary Magdalen. Oh right, As you know, Elizabeth, some
Speaker 3: Catholics believe that Mary Magdalen escaped the Holy Land after
Speaker 3: the crucifixion of Jesus and then she like cut across
Speaker 3: the Mediterranean Sea and she landed in France.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: If you've seen the Dan Brown movies with Tom Hanks.
Speaker 2: So good the haircut, he.
Speaker 3: You know, Allegedly, Mary Magdalen didn't just flee the Holy Land,
Speaker 3: but she left in order to protect the child she had,
Speaker 3: because Jesus's girl or his daughter. They landed the south
Speaker 3: of France and they start the Merivingian line essentially right
Speaker 3: now anyway, whether you believe all that or not, why not?
Speaker 2: You know I've said this before. I believe absolutely anything.
Speaker 3: Now keep it, keep yourself open. I believe things that
Speaker 3: contradict each other.
Speaker 2: I contain multitudes.
Speaker 3: Whether you believe all this story about Jesus having a
Speaker 3: daughter in south of France, why not. Many of the
Speaker 3: French Catholics did, right, So in the Abbey fan Holmp
Speaker 3: they kept the hand of Mary Magdalen.
Speaker 2: Is like, believe this totally.
Speaker 3: So the Bishop Hugh of Lincolne, he shows up right
Speaker 3: and when he asks to see the holy relicant venerated,
Speaker 3: he gets brought to the reliquary and he's shown the
Speaker 3: hand of Mary Magdalene, which he then venerates with a
Speaker 3: respectful kiss, like you would like on the Pope's ring
Speaker 3: or something. Right, Only his kiss wasn't meant to be
Speaker 3: respectful at all, because when his lips touched like the
Speaker 3: decrepit bear skin of the hand of Mary Magdalene, bishop
Speaker 3: parts his lips and he bites off the piece, yes
Speaker 3: a little for the Bishop Elizabeth, and then he pockets it.
Speaker 3: He made a new relic. So when the Bishop was
Speaker 3: confronted about what he'd done because people were like, did
Speaker 3: you just bite Mary Magdalen's hand? He's like, but what
Speaker 3: like secret in his he had an excuse ready. He
Speaker 3: told anyone who questioned his relic theft that there was
Speaker 3: no relic on earth that could be considered more holy
Speaker 3: than the body and blood of Christ, which, if you
Speaker 3: think about it, he let pass his lips each and
Speaker 3: every Sunday. So what's a little Mary Magdalene to go
Speaker 3: past his lips? He's like, you know, if I bite
Speaker 3: off a little digit and that's who can judge me.
Speaker 2: He's like, that's like the third holiest thing that's spent
Speaker 2: in this mouth. Exactly what a freak.
Speaker 3: So I don't mean it's that great grocer crass. But
Speaker 3: relic theft was big business Elizabeth in the medieval period,
Speaker 3: but also really weird. Right to keep those two things
Speaker 3: in mind as we go through more stories, like, for one,
Speaker 3: there was a Pilgrim's bouncing all around Europe, right, and
Speaker 3: they would just pay to visit and pay their respects,
Speaker 3: So you got all this loose money again, so keep
Speaker 3: that in mind as well. So he's like, how is
Speaker 3: this happening? There's a lot of loose money slashing around
Speaker 3: now if you think about it. Also, a single saints
Speaker 3: body can be broken up into many many relics, as
Speaker 3: I pointed out with the bishop biting off a piece, right, yes,
Speaker 3: so is keep that in mind as well. Now, also
Speaker 3: like the true Cross which you mentioned earlier, that Jesus
Speaker 3: was crucified on the early Roman emperor Constantine. He had
Speaker 3: his mother, Saint Helena go traveling around the Holy Land
Speaker 3: identifying holy site. She finds the Church of the Holy Sepulcher,
Speaker 3: she finds the True Cross. That's her like her real
Speaker 3: big get is like, oh I found.
Speaker 2: The cross that almer right there.
Speaker 3: No, we've joked about it before, but the splinters of
Speaker 3: the true Cross or sprinkled.
Speaker 2: All over her. There's so many.
Speaker 3: There's like in every church. There's so many churches that
Speaker 3: have like a little piece of.
Speaker 2: The to just like watch them all like massa to
Speaker 2: themselves back together into the cross.
Speaker 3: Like a supercross, like outside of a Texis auto dealers.
Speaker 3: Like just like the size of those flags.
Speaker 2: At the end the end times they all love it take.
Speaker 3: Like a small forest of crosses.
Speaker 2: Just what if it actually what if they are like
Speaker 2: a jigsaw puzzle and it is appropriate human sized cross
Speaker 2: and everyone's been telling the truth this whole time.
Speaker 3: Once again, I believe both. I believe because I don't
Speaker 3: have to. I believe the an answer exactly. So, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, maybe it was.
Speaker 2: Maybe it wasn't sure, I don't know, I don't wait right, So.
Speaker 3: Uh why this is why belief requires faith, Elizabeth, Exactly. Now,
Speaker 3: now that we got this ball a rolling, let's take
Speaker 3: a quick break, and when we're back, we'll get into
Speaker 3: more outlandish medieval era relic bets. A lot of these
Speaker 3: could be movies. I'm just saying, keep out there, back
Speaker 3: into it too, number back, Elizabeth.
Speaker 2: Are I need to really quickly get I want to
Speaker 2: say to sister collect Carol, I am so sorry, and
Speaker 2: you used to get me in trouble all the time.
Speaker 2: I noticed how I phrased that she used to be
Speaker 2: because of what she said are my quote muttered comments
Speaker 2: from the back of the room. And so we all
Speaker 2: saw this coming, sister Collette. But I don't mean anything
Speaker 2: by this same personal so send that out to everybody
Speaker 2: up there. I don't mean this is just Joshin's.
Speaker 3: And a ditto for me. So you're writing now to
Speaker 3: dive deeper into the century long tradition of blok theft. Yes, good, good,
Speaker 3: So this brings us to our next big holy relic theft. Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: have you ever heard of Saint Foi?
Speaker 2: Saint foy y e f o y.
Speaker 3: I was not familiar with her game.
Speaker 2: No, oh, it's it's she, Yeah, same.
Speaker 3: Foy was a Roman girl who lived in the late
Speaker 3: two hundreds and early three hundreds. She Fory Saint Foi.
Speaker 3: She was born into a noble family in a town
Speaker 3: called ajin age N in France. And at the time,
Speaker 3: the Roman emperor was Diocletian, and he was known for
Speaker 3: like violent repression, the persecution of the early Christians. He
Speaker 3: was one of the last emperors to really be like, no,
Speaker 3: f them Christians, right.
Speaker 2: He was one of the rock and roll bad boys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, feed them to the lions, you know. So,
Speaker 3: Saint Foi she gets caught up in Diocletian's wave of persecution.
Speaker 3: She's arrested for practicing her faith. She refuses to renounce
Speaker 3: her belief in Jesus Christ. When she's brought before the
Speaker 3: Roman prefect of the area, this man named Dacian, she
Speaker 3: gets questioned by him. She gets interrogated. Saint Foix, praise aloud,
Speaker 3: Lord Jesus Christ, you, who always aid your own in
Speaker 3: every circumstance, be present now with your handmaid, and supply
Speaker 3: acceptable words to my mouth which I may give in
Speaker 3: answer before this tyrant. Now, this anger is the Roman prefectation,
Speaker 3: and he demands that you know you reject to church
Speaker 3: right now in front of me. I want to hear
Speaker 3: the words coming out of your mouth right and this
Speaker 3: is like, you know, it's a major no go for
Speaker 3: Saint Foy. She's like, for the name of my Lord
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, and I have been prepared not only to
Speaker 3: be threatened, but to suffer all kinds of torments.
Speaker 2: All the slings in the arrows, right, yes, you know,
Speaker 2: She's like, I'll fring it up.
Speaker 3: So the Roman Prefect's like, okay, bet so he's like,
Speaker 3: I got torments to go. So same boy. She has
Speaker 3: to call upon God's protection because she makes a sign
Speaker 3: of the cross her forehead or mouth or heart, and
Speaker 3: then she's tortured. We won't get any of that because
Speaker 3: I don't know if this counts against our ninety nine
Speaker 3: percent murder free guarantee. But let's just say making a
Speaker 3: saint probably does qualify for all one. So she gets
Speaker 3: martyred in the year three oh three. At the time
Speaker 3: of her death, she's twelve years old. A twelve year
Speaker 3: old girl did all that, stood up to Rome to
Speaker 3: the point of death. Like I'm telling you, rocking hard
Speaker 3: and the same foid seriously. After her martyrdom, her belongings,
Speaker 3: especially those but she had, you know, to touch her skin,
Speaker 3: they get hidden away as whole relics. And in the
Speaker 3: fifth century, this basilica gets constructed because at this point,
Speaker 3: you know, the Roman Catholic Church has been formed and
Speaker 3: they're just building basilicas and anything that's like, oh, especially
Speaker 3: for the early Christian saints. They're like, let's let's make
Speaker 3: a memorial hair you spread the faith, give people somewhere
Speaker 3: to stop on their walks, right, So they make up
Speaker 3: basilica for her. It's constructed to house her relics. She
Speaker 3: becomes the patron of Ojen and her feast day Elizabeth
Speaker 3: October sixth, Okay, is not the end of her story.
Speaker 2: I was just looking up that she's the patron saint
Speaker 2: of pilgrims. Yes, are you going to talk about this?
Speaker 2: The prisoners, soldiers and those suffering from eye diseases.
Speaker 3: Yes, she was good. I'm curing blindness and getting people free.
Speaker 3: Those are her two p I love.
Speaker 2: When they throw in like you know all these people
Speaker 2: plus you know dyspepasias exactly. Oh yeah, this is.
Speaker 3: So. The year is eight nineteen. A monastery is founded
Speaker 3: is constructed in the town of camp in France. The
Speaker 3: monastery is originally like this quiet repose for spiritual reflection,
Speaker 3: just a few brothers hanging out praying all day. But
Speaker 3: what they what they realize over time is that no
Speaker 3: one's coming out to see them. They don't make the
Speaker 3: best wine, they don't make the best soap, right, and
Speaker 3: so what they also clearly lack is some holy relics. Right,
Speaker 3: So the brothers start talking. Time passes. They don't have
Speaker 3: any money, so they're like, how we're gonna get some relics?
Speaker 3: Right that? Can we pray on it? Should we ask
Speaker 3: some people like hey, would you want to bring us
Speaker 3: a relic to be like trade with another monastery? Like
Speaker 3: nobody likes our soap, nobody looks her wi right. So
Speaker 3: the year eight sixty six, some monks they get their
Speaker 3: minds around the idea of like okay's let's expand the
Speaker 3: idea of what is a legitimate way to get a
Speaker 3: holy relic? Right, So we need something to encourage some
Speaker 3: pilgrims to come out here to make a track to
Speaker 3: the monastery.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So they also want to basically put because at this
Speaker 3: point it's it's kind of a way to put your
Speaker 3: your name, like your town on the medieval map. But
Speaker 3: you get involved because it's basically they're making the maps.
Speaker 3: So they're like, yeah, stop here, you don't have anything.
Speaker 3: They're like, oh, if you run into it, good luck.
Speaker 3: But anyway, so the monks, they attempt to get their
Speaker 3: hands on the relics of Saint Vincent, right or Saint
Speaker 3: Vincent now the Indie Darlings, not that I don't mean
Speaker 3: the Indie Darlings singer songwriter, right, not Saint Vincent, but
Speaker 3: a Saint Vincent right now there's also uh, he's the
Speaker 3: og Saint Vincent of Saragosa.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well now they make like a if they're again they're
Speaker 3: trying to trade wine, brandy, like what else do we make?
Speaker 3: Do we do any woodworking? Nobody wants anything from them,
Speaker 3: so they can't get any relics. When that fails, they
Speaker 3: try to arrange a deal for these relics from the
Speaker 3: other Saint Vincent, Like they go like, woy about Saint
Speaker 3: Vincent too, So they go with a Saint Vincent Pampa Jack. Right,
Speaker 3: They're like, how about he like he's got two names,
Speaker 3: hook it up, right, and and he's the he's in
Speaker 3: the town of Ogin, so like that should.
Speaker 2: Be this is a local boy exactly.
Speaker 3: They're like, come on, monk to monk, hook us up,
Speaker 3: just like break us off like a digit, just like
Speaker 3: maybe like a knuckle right, and that fails. They get nothing, right,
Speaker 3: So the next these the monks of this abbey and kunks,
Speaker 3: they set their sights on some other relics in Ojin
Speaker 3: because like that we've been around, we've been eying relics
Speaker 3: in this you guys are you're rich with them, right,
Speaker 3: So they have like like what about the holy relics?
Speaker 3: The same boy, you know, the twelve year old girl
Speaker 3: who was old boss, And they're like like, they're like, well,
Speaker 3: what are you talking about? I don't know? So they
Speaker 3: they can't. They they're trying to work on a deal, right,
Speaker 3: they don't get turned down, but they really fixate on
Speaker 3: her relics. Right, He's like that would be great because,
Speaker 3: like you can point it out, she's good with soldiers, travelers,
Speaker 3: that she can cure the blind. There's a lot of
Speaker 3: like you know, blindness going around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, head on over.
Speaker 3: And she also would get prisoners free, so people with
Speaker 3: like hope, like oh my son got locked up and
Speaker 3: in the city which I'm praying on it would free them.
Speaker 3: Could put a word in they.
Speaker 2: Should have sold some dirty limericks to raise the money.
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 3: Good move. So at this point, like the monks are like,
Speaker 3: we need to get some of this for ourselves. So
Speaker 3: we can get our hands with some relics the same void.
Speaker 3: We could turn this monastery into a real draw for tourists.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how bad our wine is, it doesn't matter
Speaker 3: how bad our soap is. They'll come just for that.
Speaker 3: So they come up with a plan. Enter a monk
Speaker 3: with crime on his mind. There's this monk named Eronistus, right,
Speaker 3: He's part of the Order of Monks and Conks. And
Speaker 3: he then he's like, okay, I'm gonna go deep cover
Speaker 3: on this. So he transfers to work in Ojen. Right,
Speaker 3: He's like, okay, they I'll break off a bone when
Speaker 3: I get a chance, right, So he's there, he joins
Speaker 3: their monastery. He labors it's just another monk, just brother Eronistus,
Speaker 3: And meanwhile he's working on his secret plan. But he's
Speaker 3: like crazy Elizabeth, He's like the forty seven roner and
Speaker 3: he takes his time, He like waits for it. So
Speaker 3: this guy ends up waiting because he's got like, you know,
Speaker 3: real devotion and patience because he's a monk. He waits
Speaker 3: ten years to put his plan in emotion. Finally, Aeronistas
Speaker 3: spends after a decade, working at this other monastery deep
Speaker 3: cover the whole time. Yeah, he works his way up
Speaker 3: the ladder till finally he's the one in charge of
Speaker 3: the reliquary in the basilica. So now he's like, oh,
Speaker 3: I can just take my pick right more I want.
Speaker 3: But remember everyone's still fixated on same voice. He's like,
Speaker 3: I to get a break off some saint FOI. So
Speaker 3: this loyal brother monk Aeronistus biden his time. His treacherous
Speaker 3: moment comes up right because as the guardian of the relics,
Speaker 3: he's like, this is an act of providence, This is
Speaker 3: proof that God wants me to do this. Sure he
Speaker 3: comes to He's like, it's a sly wing from God.
Speaker 3: God is basically saying, brother, you got this.
Speaker 2: Oh I get it.
Speaker 3: God, You're right, Angel's wings. You will float back to conks.
Speaker 2: Think too, about like how impressed we get with criminals
Speaker 2: who planned for like a month.
Speaker 3: Working as a monk, just back breaking labor. So you know,
Speaker 3: once aeronistas he's named the guardian of the Church of Treasure,
Speaker 3: including Saint Foi's tomb, it seems the right moment to strike, right,
Speaker 3: so strike he does. The date for his holy relic
Speaker 3: theft is he picks the Feast of the Epiphany, because
Speaker 3: remember he's like God's on the sage. Yes, he picks
Speaker 3: January fourteenth, in the year eight sixty six. But rather
Speaker 3: than me tell you about the theft of the skull
Speaker 3: of Saint Foil, Elizabeth, close your eyes.
Speaker 5: I want you to picture it.
Speaker 3: It's a quiet night in the month of January the
Speaker 3: year eight sixty six. When the sun rises, it'll be
Speaker 3: the Feast of the Epiphany, a key holy day on
Speaker 3: the calendar. But for now, it's still the small hours
Speaker 3: of the morning when everyone in the abbey is asleep,
Speaker 3: everyone but you, because you Elizabeth, are the criminally minded
Speaker 3: monk Eronistus. Yes. Dressed in your sackcloth tunic, you creep
Speaker 3: through the stone floored abbey, your open toaed leather sandals.
Speaker 3: Take tentative steps, careful not to make too much noise
Speaker 3: or any sort of rhythmic sound of walking that might
Speaker 3: wake someone.
Speaker 5: You creep along the corridor. You've waited not just days
Speaker 5: or weeks or even months, You've waited years for this
Speaker 5: fateful night to come, and now it's here, the night
Speaker 5: you plan to steal the skull of Saint Foi. After
Speaker 5: making your way from your personal chambers down the stone
Speaker 5: walled and stone floored corridors, you finally arrive at the
Speaker 5: marble Mausoleum, where the saint's skull is kept. You pause
Speaker 5: a moment to make sure no one has followed you.
Speaker 5: Hearing nothing but your own measured breathing, you decide to
Speaker 5: go through with your plan. You've stolen a workman's hammer
Speaker 5: and secret it away for your tonight's break in. You
Speaker 5: pull the workman's hammer from your sackcloth tunic with a
Speaker 5: tight grip. You take your first swing. The hammer strikes
Speaker 5: the marble mausoleum it's louder than you hoped, but you
Speaker 5: have an answer for that. You pull out a length
Speaker 5: of wool and place that folded over against the marble
Speaker 5: to dampen the sound of your hammer strikes, and then
Speaker 5: you strike again. A small crack forms in the marble.
Speaker 5: You strike again, and again the crack grows. A few
Speaker 5: more hammer strikes, and you break through the marble. The
Speaker 5: hole is just large enough to squeeze your hand through.
Speaker 5: You feel around and you find the skull of the
Speaker 5: deer departed saint. You retrieve it and then drop the
Speaker 5: skull into a small sack you're brought with you. You listen
Speaker 5: again to hear if anyone's coming, if anyone's heard your
Speaker 5: hammer strikes once again, You're breathing is all you can hear.
Speaker 5: You walk off, hoping like hell no surprises are waiting
Speaker 5: for you outside. When you reach the walls of the abbey,
Speaker 5: you sneak out and you find no one is waiting.
Speaker 5: You've gotten away with it so far. Now you need
Speaker 5: to escape the town of Ojin and make your way
Speaker 5: back to Konk's. In the dark and quiet of the night,
Speaker 5: you walk off the woods that surround the abbey best
Speaker 5: to avoid the roads even at this hour of night.
Speaker 5: You walk for hours, You cross both hill and dale,
Speaker 5: dark woods, dewy meadows. When the sun rises and the
Speaker 5: bird song begins, you say a little prayer that the
Speaker 5: Lord and Saint Foix will both see you through. You
Speaker 5: decide to chance your luck and use the road to Conks.
Speaker 5: At this hour of the day, it wouldn't be surprising
Speaker 5: to see a monk out walking.
Speaker 3: After an hour or so on the road to Conk,
Speaker 3: you estimate your halfway there, you see a stand of
Speaker 3: trees with a shady spot, perfect for a short rest.
Speaker 3: You rest your feet and weary body for a moment.
Speaker 3: In the shade of the glade of trees. You sip
Speaker 3: water from a pig bladder, and that's when you hear
Speaker 3: a sound that gives you a chill of nerves. It's
Speaker 3: the rhythm of horses galloping towards you from behind. You
Speaker 3: decide not to look up, and instead you keep resting.
Speaker 3: You can hear the horses drawn closer, closer, so finally
Speaker 3: they're right on top of you. And that's when you
Speaker 3: hear the horses slow from a gallop to a trot
Speaker 3: and finally a slow walk. The horse's breathing feels like
Speaker 3: it's right there above you, and you hear a man
Speaker 3: greet you.
Speaker 2: Monk.
Speaker 3: You look up and you spy what can only be
Speaker 3: a search party. The men look like the sort of
Speaker 3: ruffians and scoundrels that the church pays to do their
Speaker 3: rough business. The lead ruffian eyes you suspiciously. He asks
Speaker 3: where you're coming from. You tell them the truth and
Speaker 3: say ajin. The ruffian asks where you're headed again, you
Speaker 3: tell the truth. You reply, kanks, You're thankful that none
Speaker 3: of the ruffians and scoundrels seem to recognize you. Inside
Speaker 3: your chest, your heart pounds against your ribcage. You pray
Speaker 3: the men can't hear it. The lead ruffians, still suspiciously
Speaker 3: eyeing you, ask what business do you have in kok?
Speaker 3: Here you have to deviate from your true but not
Speaker 3: by much. You reply, I am expected at the monastery
Speaker 3: and conque you meet with the abbot about such business.
Speaker 3: The lead ruffian asks, Monk, gives your travels, have you
Speaker 3: seen any thief, perhaps thieves on this same road? A thief?
Speaker 3: You ask, as innocence you can pretend to be no,
Speaker 3: I have not seen many men on this road. Should
Speaker 3: I be worried. The lead ruffian laughs at that thought.
Speaker 3: What could you possibly have to steal a monk? Yes, indeed,
Speaker 3: you reply, without a trace of emotion in your voice,
Speaker 3: just moral certainty. The lead ruffian gives you a once
Speaker 3: over once more, scrutinizing you for any sign you might
Speaker 3: be lying or not saying what you should be saying.
Speaker 3: As he stares into you, searching for any flicker of guilt,
Speaker 3: you give him the well practiced, flat affect of a
Speaker 3: monk whose concerns are not of this earth. When he's
Speaker 3: done giving you the once over, he seems satisfied. Wait
Speaker 3: ride on, the lead ruffian exclaims to his men, and
Speaker 3: with that the search party rides off down the dusty
Speaker 3: dirt road, and their dust cloud falls away. You can
Speaker 3: no longer see them nor hear them. You exhale your nervousness,
Speaker 3: say another little prayer to the Lord and to Saint
Speaker 3: FOI for protecting you on this holy mission. You grab
Speaker 3: the little sack you have secreted underneath you, and you
Speaker 3: once again start on your way to Conk.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: There you go, Elizabeth.
Speaker 2: I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 3: Just pulled off the successful theft of the skull of Saint.
Speaker 2: Foil Did it, guys? I did it?
Speaker 3: Way to go eronistus. Now your favor walk to Conks
Speaker 3: is not without more drama because recall that the holy
Speaker 3: relics of Saint Foid, notably her skull, were known to
Speaker 3: perform miracles. You mentioned them curing blindness. Well, that's exactly
Speaker 3: what happened on the road to Conker. In the town
Speaker 3: of Thijak, the monk Ernists he stops to eat skull
Speaker 3: Saint Foi reportedly heals this blind man, restores his site.
Speaker 3: Boom boom boom. Right, this is just one of the
Speaker 3: many miracles that her skull would go on to perform
Speaker 3: through our sainted body part. And eventually, when this monk
Speaker 3: Aernistas he draws close to Conk's the other monks had
Speaker 3: come rushing out to greet them. Now did you get
Speaker 3: the holy skull of Saint Foi? Then they all travel
Speaker 3: back to the monastery where they set up a new reliquary. Now,
Speaker 3: if you're wondering how a bunch of monks could rationalize
Speaker 3: the theft of this holy relic from another group of monks,
Speaker 3: like yeah, no, no God wants us. This is like
Speaker 3: what's their head been made? Justification? Well, the idea at
Speaker 3: the time was Saint Foi herself gave her holy permission
Speaker 3: for her skull to be stolen and moved to a
Speaker 3: new sanctuary, because you know, like, did she appear before
Speaker 3: the monks and give a vision and her blessing? Did
Speaker 3: she communicate like through a dream? Yeah, great question, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3: The answer is no, no way simpler than that. The
Speaker 3: argument was the saint gives their implied blessing for their
Speaker 3: holy relics to be moved and relocated if you're successful,
Speaker 3: like because the same Foy would obviously not want the
Speaker 3: monks to steal her skull, so she would oppose them,
Speaker 3: and if they get away with its evidence that she
Speaker 3: wants them to be the new guardians in Custodia.
Speaker 2: Interesting you say that mine proved. I'd been thinking that,
Speaker 2: like when he rips her head off and shoves it
Speaker 2: in a bag, Like, how many indignities does this young
Speaker 2: girl have to go through her short life and afterlife?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: And then I'm thinking, well, I guess if you become
Speaker 2: a saint, if you're sanctified, you know that your body
Speaker 2: isn't your own after that? And is it really ever yours?
Speaker 2: Is it? What I mean? It is always yours when
Speaker 2: you're alive, but after death, like what do you care
Speaker 2: you're not there? Yeah, So I just think it's interesting
Speaker 2: that because of their status as a saint, people aren't
Speaker 2: thinking of any kind of proper handling or become a
Speaker 2: thing dignified burials. It's yeah, you're you go beyond that.
Speaker 2: You're an object and you're a tool of the faith
Speaker 2: and of the church, and you know, besides you you
Speaker 2: know what indignity is. Let's just keep it rolling, you
Speaker 2: know how to how to face it?
Speaker 3: May just sat in terms of like like holy keepsakes.
Speaker 3: Conks also that they were famous for a bunch of
Speaker 3: other major holy relics, like, for instance, they were the
Speaker 3: home to the arm of Saint George the dragon slayer.
Speaker 2: Wait, they already had these or they had to go
Speaker 2: get them after editor.
Speaker 3: Right a little bit later around the same time, like
Speaker 3: by eleven hundred a blood. Yeah, the exact arm that
Speaker 3: Saint George used to slay the dragon. That's the one
Speaker 3: the actually there it is, so yeah, anyway, it was
Speaker 3: the skull of same foy that put Conks on the map.
Speaker 3: Have to attract bigger holy relics. Right. They also had
Speaker 3: Charlemagne's A. He had apparently he had a letter. He
Speaker 3: had a golden alphabet created twenty four letters because the
Speaker 3: used to be and the eyes of the jets, so
Speaker 3: he had in Latin. So he had four twenty six.
Speaker 3: They had the A, and all the rest are disappeared.
Speaker 3: No one had No one knows where any of them
Speaker 3: except for that day anyway. So so once the guys
Speaker 3: get there, the monks are there, they're like, what are
Speaker 3: we going to do for the reliquary? For like, how
Speaker 3: do we honor Saint Foix? So they make this one.
Speaker 3: It attracts like it's it's beautiful, right, and they you know,
Speaker 3: it's it's built to make it look like a warrior
Speaker 3: or you know, like a strong pose, if you will.
Speaker 3: So at this point, uh, they start to attract pilgrims
Speaker 3: and they're talking like you know, usually knights on their
Speaker 3: to like to say, like the Crusades and stuff. My
Speaker 3: favorite story of a blessing handed out by Saint Foid
Speaker 3: involves a knight. He came to Conk's. He was seeking
Speaker 3: healing and like relief, but for his herniated scrotum.
Speaker 2: No Elizabeth, he's not covered on her patronage.
Speaker 3: His balls were in a bind. He didn't know what
Speaker 3: who to turn to. So he has this vision of
Speaker 3: Saint Foid. She's like, yo, come to my to my
Speaker 3: memorial and and like, you know, we'll fix that herniated sad.
Speaker 3: So the Night travels to Conk's. Once there, he receives
Speaker 3: a vision of Saint Foi and she instructs the Night
Speaker 3: that he needs to find a blacksmith and once located,
Speaker 3: he needs to ask the blacksmith to heat up a
Speaker 3: hammer and then smash his testicles with the hammer, and
Speaker 3: that would relieve his suffering. Yeah, I'm not making this up,
Speaker 3: I swear to God. Sorry. He has his vigeon. So
Speaker 3: he goes around Conks looking for a blacksmith and he
Speaker 3: gets someone to hit him in the balls with a hammer.
Speaker 3: And if you can believe it, like when he's like,
Speaker 3: you know, he's uh, you know, fully at the idea
Speaker 3: that smashing his balls with a blacksmith hammer will heal
Speaker 3: his pain. He's convinced this will be a miracle. So,
Speaker 3: you know, active faith.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth a different plane with that pain, he can't.
Speaker 3: Doubt a saint, the saints, your balls with a hammer.
Speaker 3: It's gonna cure your pain. He's like, I gotta do it,
Speaker 3: So try to imagine it. You have this medieval knight
Speaker 3: seated on his horse. He's hired a blacksmith. He's heating
Speaker 3: up his hammer theeric you.
Speaker 2: Know it's at white yea yeah.
Speaker 3: And so once his white hot, he's like smashed me
Speaker 3: in in the sack, and just like Saint Fad told
Speaker 3: me to do. The blacksmith's is like, just wear I
Speaker 3: will not to be punished for smacking you. Most tend
Speaker 3: to sack with my hammer, and the Knight's like, no,
Speaker 3: you shall not be punished for doing the work of
Speaker 3: the low. Now strike me in my ailing balls, right,
Speaker 3: So the blacksmith winds up he brings that hammer down, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: But just before the hammer meets balls, the knight faints
Speaker 3: falls off the horse. I'm like, sumps off the back
Speaker 3: of the saddle, right, yeah, falls off the horse, and
Speaker 3: according to the legend, the impact of the fall from
Speaker 3: the horse cured his HARNI hated sack scrolled him. So yeah,
Speaker 3: you go me cicle, Elizabeth. Wow, yeah, but I thought
Speaker 3: you'd enjoy that take.
Speaker 2: It's gonna come to a twelve year old girl and say,
Speaker 2: heal my private part. So he said, so she's like,
Speaker 2: I know how you can do it. Set a hot hammer,
Speaker 2: and then oh darn it. And Mary is looking down
Speaker 2: and like, girl, I told you you stopped telling them
Speaker 2: to times and then stop it. Okay, okay, okay, let's
Speaker 2: take a little break.
Speaker 3: We'll let that last one ping pong around and your
Speaker 3: unsanctified skull, and when we're back, we'll dive into the
Speaker 3: long strange practice of relic that we're back. You ready
Speaker 3: for more medieval madness holy crimes. Yeah, it's like a
Speaker 3: Smurfs episode over here. It's for our next tale. More
Speaker 3: than just nabbing a single holy relic, I want to
Speaker 3: tell you the story of a pair of duns who
Speaker 3: decided to steal the whole damn convent, all the relics inside.
Speaker 3: We'll take them all, Okay, the whole damn building.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Now, imagine France in the days of the Maravingian dynasty.
Speaker 3: I mentioned them earlier, So we're talking late sixth century,
Speaker 3: so circa five eighty eight, five eighty nine, and we're
Speaker 3: in Gaul which would later be called France. Because we're
Speaker 3: before the Frankish Empire's really taken over the area, Like
Speaker 3: there's no Charlotte's time. Then it's eight hundred, right. So
Speaker 3: our story takes place at the Convent of Saint Croix
Speaker 3: in the city of Poitiers, and our heroines are two princesses.
Speaker 3: There was Princess Clotilde. She was a Frankish royalty like
Speaker 3: the early progenitors of the family before they'd really made
Speaker 3: their name, right, but they were they were doing it.
Speaker 3: I mean they were like aristocratic, but they weren't nothing coming.
Speaker 2: They weren't like more people were talking about.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they weren't like you should name the country after us.
Speaker 3: It wasn't that level yet, right. So she was the illegiti,
Speaker 3: a child of King Sharabey of the Maravingian dynasty, so
Speaker 3: legit king. But he didn't have a child with a
Speaker 3: queen or like some kind of like second wife. No,
Speaker 3: it was his side piece, a wool carter's daughter, okay, right,
Speaker 3: so who he fancied, you know, he liked her, it
Speaker 3: wasn't you know. So her mother was lowborn though, so
Speaker 3: Clotild had no claims on the royal life, right. But
Speaker 3: she gets raised at first in the castle so she
Speaker 3: learned some lessons. But then soon enough, once she starts
Speaker 3: to become like a threat, she sent away to live
Speaker 3: in a convent. Right now, the bishop and the chronicler
Speaker 3: of this early Middle aged period that we rely a
Speaker 3: lot for this story is Gregory of Tours right now.
Speaker 3: He knew Clotild personally, and he described her as having
Speaker 3: like heirs. He's like, oh, she she kind of yeah,
Speaker 3: she thinks she's cute. So he's like, you know, basically
Speaker 3: she has the additive of a princess, but none of
Speaker 3: the wealth or privilege. Let's help with her. Why she
Speaker 3: acted so crazy? He directly said that she was quote
Speaker 3: swollen up with boastfulness. I don't know why I made
Speaker 3: a British. But then there was her cousin, Princess Besina.
Speaker 3: That she was the daughter of King Chilperic and his
Speaker 3: wife all du Vieira right ord Vera. Now, starting at
Speaker 3: an early age, she loses her claim to royal life. First,
Speaker 3: her ancestral lands are stolen from her at age seven.
Speaker 3: Her new stepmother, this woman named fred Leagund. She she's
Speaker 3: like the third wife of the king, and she's like,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm bumping up the list, so she gets
Speaker 3: the first and second like sent to the distant places.
Speaker 3: So she because Marravinking kings could have multiple wives, Okay,
Speaker 3: so right, it's like totally legit, totally cool, totally like,
Speaker 3: so she wants to be number one wife. So she's like,
Speaker 3: you know, I hear there's like a plague going on
Speaker 3: in this other town. So she's like, like, how's Arles, right,
Speaker 3: So she sends her to this town that's having a plague.
Speaker 3: The king doesn't apparently know this, right, but the plague
Speaker 3: is just rampaging this town. So she hoped that would
Speaker 3: wipe her out. That doesn't do it, right, So then
Speaker 3: she like, I was like, okay, She's like, now like
Speaker 3: a Disney villain, right, She's like, okay, let me hire
Speaker 3: some mercenary soldiers. So she like hires emotion and she
Speaker 3: sends them to go kill Princess Sina and her mother
Speaker 3: and her siblings. And let's just say I'll skip to
Speaker 3: the chase. Things got hell of medieval Elizabeth in not
Speaker 3: the Disney way, right, like ugly, bloody, it was bad.
Speaker 3: We'll leave it at that because I want to keep
Speaker 3: this from being another official situation. My point is Elizabeth
Speaker 3: Princess Messina. She survives the assassination attempt, not everyone does, wow,
Speaker 3: but she now loses her claim on her essessterral lens
Speaker 3: officially right, because she cannot actually claim them. So she's
Speaker 3: sent to live in the convent in Saint Carale with
Speaker 3: her cousin, Princess Clotilde, and they both find their way
Speaker 3: there too, broken, shamed, you know, ostracized princesses. Now, I
Speaker 3: don't know what you know about life and a convent
Speaker 3: in the year five eighty nine, but it was not plush,
Speaker 3: I imagine. In fact, I go so far as to
Speaker 3: say it was bleak. It smelled like wet wool, and
Speaker 3: you know you're wearing handmade clothing and probably muddy leather shoes.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah. And by the way, everything smells like pigs
Speaker 3: and chicken, so there's that as well. Smells you. We
Speaker 3: ask former Princess Bessina and her cousin, Princess Clotilde, and
Speaker 3: they would tell you life in a convent in gaul
Speaker 3: in the year five eighty nine was punctuated by and
Speaker 3: I quote, starvation, nakedness, and above all beatings. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, of course, when there's a hierarchy, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3: So it basically in a convent, in the power structure,
Speaker 3: it can be just as hierarchical as anywhere else. Right,
Speaker 3: So once you get power consolidated at the top, like
Speaker 3: a mother superior in this case an abbess, that person
Speaker 3: can act like a tyrant, which she did. So Saint
Speaker 3: Croix is run by this abbess, lubou Vira, and she's
Speaker 3: she's like a total tire, right, So according to these
Speaker 3: two princesses, she's also a little bit weird. And she
Speaker 3: was allegedly inviting what they called strange men into the
Speaker 3: cloistered convent to hook up with some of the nuns
Speaker 3: and the hopes that they would get the nuns pregnant,
Speaker 3: and so she kept these also she kept this other
Speaker 3: man chained up in the basement of the convent. That's
Speaker 3: what they were telling.
Speaker 2: By the way, it's getting weird what chained updowns, Right,
Speaker 2: So the in.
Speaker 3: These folks in Gauls in the five hundreds, they were
Speaker 3: like really getting super medieval with it, like we got
Speaker 3: to do like chained up in our basis. Yeah, like
Speaker 3: like you know how we're gonna make the the image.
Speaker 3: You're the ones doing the thing where you're gonna reference
Speaker 3: we're going to talk about in turies, Yes, exactly. So
Speaker 3: this abbess, as I said, Tyrant, So these two princesses
Speaker 3: have become kind of the anti heroes, right, They're like,
Speaker 3: I don't endure this abuse, man, I'm not gonna take this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So and as I said in Gaulish France, it's just
Speaker 3: a lot of abuse. And in the days of the
Speaker 3: Maravnkian dynasty, social abuse like this and mistreatment they were
Speaker 3: interpreted as a form of violence, just the same as
Speaker 3: if you've been slapped. Sure, so they respond in kind.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So after being mistreated for long enough, Princess Bessine and
Speaker 3: Princess Cotel they start a rebellion at the convent. They're like,
Speaker 3: let's take arms, right, so it's a legit ups rising.
Speaker 3: They get like forty nuns to back them. This is
Speaker 3: a big convent, Like you know, that's enough that it's
Speaker 3: like not it's a little a little bit less than
Speaker 3: like say half the population or third population, but.
Speaker 2: You can overthrow it pretty easily, exactly.
Speaker 3: But it's a big that's a lot of nuns. Anyway,
Speaker 3: in the year five eighty nine, they reject the authority
Speaker 3: of Abbess Lubuvira and uh they formally announced their reprising
Speaker 3: the rebellion. Clotilde Chip claims that she's gonna go tell
Speaker 3: her father about it. I'm going to go talk to
Speaker 3: the king, she says. I'm going to my royal kin
Speaker 3: so they will know of our indignity. For here we
Speaker 3: are based. I am tweeted, not as a daughter of
Speaker 3: a king, but as this spawn of filthy slave girls.
Speaker 3: She's like only throwing a little classism in.
Speaker 2: My critique, treating them like this is fine, but.
Speaker 3: How dare you fancy go? Isn't that right? Ladies? Right?
Speaker 3: So Princess Bessieena and her army of nuns, they roll
Speaker 3: forty deep. They march off to Tours, and they go
Speaker 3: to speak to her father and his bishop, specifically the
Speaker 3: main man, Gregory of Tours. That's why he writes all
Speaker 3: about this, sure, and he like they were all confident
Speaker 3: when they roll in talking about this mad abbess. And
Speaker 3: she's got like a man in chains in the basement,
Speaker 3: and she's like, you know, and they're like, what are you? Like?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about? How bad are things? So
Speaker 3: they brought basically medieval receipts amongst the army of nuns,
Speaker 3: Elizabeth number forty deep. Yeah, some of them are young
Speaker 3: nuns who are pregnant. They're like, how do you explain that, Bishop,
Speaker 3: So well, basically, Abbess Mubivera, she was, as I said,
Speaker 3: inviting the strange men to impregnate them. And they're like,
Speaker 3: here is my evidence she.
Speaker 2: Choose to get workers or something.
Speaker 3: I do not know. Basically, they kind of claimed that
Speaker 3: she was like a medieval Jeffrey Epstein, you know, like
Speaker 3: it was it was done towards okay. So unsurprisingly, Gregory
Speaker 3: of Tours is like unmoved. He's like, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: an old bishop. I've heard it before. I don't really
Speaker 3: want to get involved. Princess Bessin and Princess Clotilde, you're both,
Speaker 3: you know, shamed and ostracized women. So you click spoiled
Speaker 3: brats and uh, you know, you believe you're still princesses
Speaker 3: and clearly you're not, so get out of and so yeah,
Speaker 3: he disabuses them of the notion that they're going to
Speaker 3: do He's gonna do anything about their revolt at the convent. Meanwhile,
Speaker 3: this relative and aristocratic woman in the count of King gutrum.
Speaker 3: She hears they're poleas right before the bishop about having
Speaker 3: the abbess expelled. Ye, And so she promises these princesses.
Speaker 3: She's like, work, we're distant family, but I like your game, right,
Speaker 3: So she's like, I'll promise, I will have I will
Speaker 3: have your father send a royal commission to the convent
Speaker 3: and investigate your claims. Right, So that and like the
Speaker 3: will if they find what you claim, will remove the
Speaker 3: abbess under the king's power.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So the two princesses the army of duns. They agree,
Speaker 3: they go marching back to the convent. But now when
Speaker 3: they arrive, like you know, at the convent, they're not
Speaker 3: welcome there. They've run a riot or rebellion. So they've
Speaker 3: got to go down the road to another church and
Speaker 3: they take over that church and like, this is where
Speaker 3: we're going to hang out and wait for the royal
Speaker 3: commission to get here. Yeah, And they wait and they wait, right,
Speaker 3: and so meanwhile the abbess is like, I see you back.
Speaker 3: How did it go in tours? And so the two
Speaker 3: princesses are like, now it's cool, we saw a family,
Speaker 3: you know, so what's up with you? You know, you're
Speaker 3: still acting like a tyrant, and the abbess is like,
Speaker 3: you know, the school, you and your little army and
Speaker 3: your little church you you cannot come back around here,
Speaker 3: so beats it right, and or I will have you
Speaker 3: beat in. And the princesses are like, non, no, no, no, we
Speaker 3: ain't stepping inside your convent, and we're gonna stay in
Speaker 3: our church right where we are, so keep you, keep
Speaker 3: our names out your mouth. And now the two princesses
Speaker 3: they set up shop right. So they got this church
Speaker 3: of Saint Hilary, and they have their rebel army of nuns.
Speaker 3: But since this is like, you know, five eighty nine
Speaker 3: forty nuns ain't gonna cut it as an army, so
Speaker 3: they go being royal, they hire mercenaries or like, you
Speaker 3: have to do what dad would do, so we'll hire
Speaker 3: some men. So they bring in some men, and as
Speaker 3: Gregory Tours summed it up, they basically hired a bunch
Speaker 3: of outlaws and cutthroats and professional soldiers, or as he
Speaker 3: called them, murderers, sorcerers, adulterers run the way, slaves, and
Speaker 3: men guilty of all of the crimes.
Speaker 2: The sorcerers are the ones that I love.
Speaker 3: The flat totally got stars fall. So what happens once
Speaker 3: the commission arrives at the convent, Well, nothing, because the
Speaker 3: commission doesn't arrive. And then finally they send back word
Speaker 3: and the commission doesn't come and the like. But then
Speaker 3: after a long wait where looks like no royal commissions
Speaker 3: ever going to show up, one shows up. It's just
Speaker 3: the local bishops. They're like, they send us word to
Speaker 3: come out here and check. So four bishops who were
Speaker 3: like knowing that they're all implicated, they're all, you know,
Speaker 3: like connected, some deacons, some local clerics, they roll up.
Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, we're the commission. Church sold us to
Speaker 3: handle it. So the two princesses are like this, no,
Speaker 3: this is this is BS. So when they go to
Speaker 3: arrive to talk sense to them, the princesses they're not
Speaker 3: here in Elizabeth. So also the bishops are like, well,
Speaker 3: if you're gonna act up at eye, Gregory of Tours
Speaker 3: told us to excommunicate you. So you're excommunicated, and they're like,
Speaker 3: what thank you?
Speaker 2: At this point, I don't want to be.
Speaker 3: Do you see these stank ass men we got here
Speaker 3: in this church? And they go like yeah, well you
Speaker 3: should see what they do professionally boys, and then they
Speaker 3: have them beat up the deacons, the bishops, the local clerics,
Speaker 3: and then they don't kill them, they don't worry about that,
Speaker 3: but they basically toss them out of the church like,
Speaker 3: you know, like a country bar. Now at this point,
Speaker 3: realizing they're on their own and their war now against
Speaker 3: the Abbess, Princess Clotild orders are rb to go and
Speaker 3: seize the lands of the convent. She's like, go take
Speaker 3: their serfs and tell them their farm belongs to dust.
Speaker 3: They get straight mafia with it, right, her army of
Speaker 3: bad men only too happy to do this because remember
Speaker 3: they're all cut in wizards.
Speaker 2: They're going to get paid until she this is how
Speaker 2: they something exactly.
Speaker 3: So they go, they pillage and they steal, and they
Speaker 3: they loot right, and the convent surfs they fight back
Speaker 3: because this is how they eat and this.
Speaker 2: Is their stop right.
Speaker 3: So then winter comes, everything cools down for a while.
Speaker 3: Both sides retreat to their respective convents, their farms and churches. Meantime,
Speaker 3: King Guntram hears about this. He's like, ah, I gotta
Speaker 3: go deal. So he's like he sends out a royal edict, right,
Speaker 3: and he says like in his royal dude is basically
Speaker 3: knock it off and keep my name out your mouth,
Speaker 3: and that's it. This is like, no, no, it's not
Speaker 3: what he means. He's just saying that publicly, so he
Speaker 3: looks responsible. What he if you really read this, what
Speaker 3: he's saying is keep fighting, because he didn't say sick,
Speaker 3: you know, totally stop. He's like he said knock it up.
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, you're not reading it right.
Speaker 2: I don't know how I do what that normally means.
Speaker 3: In the court, it means something different. So winter passes,
Speaker 3: springtime arrives. The years now five ninety. At easter, the
Speaker 3: two princesses are like, oh, juiced up. They and the
Speaker 3: rebel army of nuns and mercenary bad men. They decide,
Speaker 3: let's settle for real, and they go and they attack
Speaker 3: the convent and they're gonna take the abbess and drag
Speaker 3: her out. Meanwhile, though, Elizabeth, because it has just gone
Speaker 3: through winter, she's laid up. She's got a wicked case
Speaker 3: of gout right. She's like, my ankles are killing me.
Speaker 3: I'm not walking down these goddamn cold steps. She's hiding
Speaker 3: out in the deep recesses of the convent. So this
Speaker 3: is lucky for her because the two princes they order
Speaker 3: their attack on the convent. Army of bad Man's attack.
Speaker 3: They show up at night. Their tasks with grabbing the
Speaker 3: abbess Lubivera right, and they abscond with her. But it's
Speaker 3: not like they have a picture of her right. And
Speaker 3: also it's like, you know, it's dark, there's candle light everywhere,
Speaker 3: it's kind of hard to see stuff. They're moving fast,
Speaker 3: so they grab the wrong woman. They grab a different woman.
Speaker 3: They're like, she looked like she was.
Speaker 2: In charge and she looks important.
Speaker 3: They take her back, right, and they're like, oh, that's
Speaker 3: not her, that's take her back to the convent. So
Speaker 3: they go because it turns out that's Gregory of Tours,
Speaker 3: his niece, and they're like, that's gonna be exting take
Speaker 3: her back. Meanwhile, one mercenary did, like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: on his own, like it's some kind of like Kevin
Speaker 3: Costner like bid like I'm gonna go this way down.
Speaker 3: So he's on his own going down the tower steps,
Speaker 3: he finds the abbess suffering with gout and she's like,
Speaker 3: you know, he's about to go full on medieval with her,
Speaker 3: he's got to sword out. You know, he's gonna go chop,
Speaker 3: chop chop, But he chickens out because she's clutching the
Speaker 3: True or piece of the True Cross. Oh right, It's like,
Speaker 3: I can't kill someone and one is an abbess and
Speaker 3: two was holding the True Cross like my soul's going
Speaker 3: right to hell. So he balks, he SLINKs off and
Speaker 3: this saves her from like bloody death. Meanwhile, as I said,
Speaker 3: the guys who grabbed the wrong one, they're like cot
Speaker 3: tail and a scene are like, are you are you
Speaker 3: kidding me? Do we have to go with you on
Speaker 3: the raid? He's like, point her out? Do I have
Speaker 3: to draw you a picture? Take her back? So they
Speaker 3: take the Bishop of Tours Tours like Denise back right,
Speaker 3: and so at that point when they're back, the mercenaries
Speaker 3: are like, oh, let's just keep going till we find her,
Speaker 3: So they search the entire combat that I don't want
Speaker 3: to get yelled at again. So they managed to grab
Speaker 3: the right abbess this time. They take her back to
Speaker 3: the Church of Saying Hillary, the stronghold for the two princesses.
Speaker 3: Then they locked the abbess in Princess bessin is like
Speaker 3: personal chambers. You stay here because it's not like they
Speaker 3: have like a prison. It's a church. So they and
Speaker 3: then they have the men go back because now that
Speaker 3: they have the abbess, the other nuns are all scared.
Speaker 3: Some have run for the hills. They they go back.
Speaker 3: The bad men steal all of the holy relics and
Speaker 3: everything they can carry. They loot the place like vikings,
Speaker 3: and they steal a piece of the True Cross. That
Speaker 3: piece of the True Cross they get that too, and
Speaker 3: you know, basically they get medieval with it. Like I said,
Speaker 3: Now the second bishop and local bishop here's about this.
Speaker 3: He's like, they got the true Cross. Oh man, are
Speaker 3: you for real? So Bishop metroveis from Poitier where the
Speaker 3: convent is. He orders local villagers and serfs to go
Speaker 3: storm the church. He's like, get your pick axes, get
Speaker 3: you to go out there. You gotta hate fork use
Speaker 3: that right. So, uh, they go down to church with
Speaker 3: Saint Hilary to free the true Cross. Because he also
Speaker 3: says if they get the first they're like they're professional soldiers.
Speaker 3: Some of them are murderers sorcerers in there. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So he's wearing so much crush velvet scares the children.
Speaker 3: So the guy's like, Okay, look, they may have the bishops,
Speaker 3: like you know, they may have a mercenary army, but
Speaker 3: we have our faith. And if you don't go down there,
Speaker 3: I'm not baptizing anyone. I'm not offering no blessings. Don't
Speaker 3: come to me for nothing. So he withholds this. He
Speaker 3: doesn't like imbue it to them. He's like, I'm cutting
Speaker 3: you off it. So they're like, oh, he's liked, go
Speaker 3: free the abbess. So then they get the True Cross
Speaker 3: and so they go down. Now, Princess Clytilde, she had
Speaker 3: spent some time in the court. She knew the language
Speaker 3: of power, she knew what to expect, she knew that
Speaker 3: a new rating party was coming. So she orders her
Speaker 3: men kill the abbess if anyone breaks into our church.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, And.
Speaker 3: They're like, really, like that's can the young guy do it?
Speaker 3: So apparently this like it wasn't the one outlaw bad
Speaker 3: man who's afraid of killing the abbess true Cross or
Speaker 3: no True Cross, because this royal Ondoi shows up and
Speaker 3: the guys just let him in, like just take her,
Speaker 3: and then then she leaves with her. Then they're like
Speaker 3: I don't. I can't be helped.
Speaker 2: I mean, she's a terrible person, but you don't want
Speaker 2: that kind of trouble with the man upstairs.
Speaker 3: Right, don't put that on my soul, like poly walnuts.
Speaker 3: And it's just like I'm dragging salty. So finally the
Speaker 3: princess held uncle King Gutram. He intervenes again. He sends
Speaker 3: his dude, Count Maco to this convent rebellion that's going
Speaker 3: back in front now turning into a civil war. Different
Speaker 3: towns and things are basically, as they said, getting medieval.
Speaker 3: So he's like, all right, I need you to get
Speaker 3: full of medieval. And so Count Macho comes down and
Speaker 3: things get bloody, so we'll just skip past that part.
Speaker 3: Tell anyway, the hired mercenaries they flee. Those who can
Speaker 3: and still have legs they flee, and they head for
Speaker 3: the forest. Other head for the coast. They flee. And
Speaker 3: then the two princesses they get put on trial because
Speaker 3: you know, they stole the whole convent, they started a rebellion,
Speaker 3: they stole the true Cross. It's like a whole deal.
Speaker 3: So the abbess she testifies against them. She denies, like
Speaker 3: what strange men impregnating done. Who says this, these are lies?
Speaker 3: Man in my basement, changed up, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Because everything's gone, there's no evidence anymore, and no one's
Speaker 3: are going against her because she won. So and she's like,
Speaker 3: oh and the bishops and the and the deacons and
Speaker 3: the people listen. They're like, okay, that innocent. So she's
Speaker 3: innocent of the charges. They do it basically a double
Speaker 3: trial because at the same point the princesses are guilty.
Speaker 3: So they were like, okay, you're innocent, you're guilty. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and they uh. At this point to the revolts over,
Speaker 3: the local bishop formerly excommunicates the two princesses yet again,
Speaker 3: and they're not impressed by this.
Speaker 2: If you've been excommunicated once and you do it again,
Speaker 2: does that bring you back into the church, Like, I
Speaker 2: think you've got to.
Speaker 3: Be recommunicated, And then, you know, I think it's a
Speaker 3: back seat. Jesus slips around like you just you just
Speaker 3: made a big three to six and my man, So
Speaker 3: once they played the uno reverse card in the excommunication, right,
Speaker 3: they then have now been excommunicated let's say seven times,
Speaker 3: So now they're back to excommunicating because they got they
Speaker 3: got ex communicated multiple times during the revolt. They just
Speaker 3: kept trying there like it's not taking so luckily for
Speaker 3: their eternal souls. That Princess Clotilde's father, King Charrabee, he
Speaker 3: steps back in the picture. He's like, look, I will
Speaker 3: personally unexcommunicate you officially, so he has his bishop unexcommunicate him,
Speaker 3: and then once the princess has got restored to grace,
Speaker 3: he's like, look, can y'all chill the f out so
Speaker 3: I can like concentrate on, like, you know, controlling France
Speaker 3: or will soon be France. Princess Messina, she was like, okay, fine.
Speaker 3: She goes back to the convent at Saint Croix and
Speaker 3: she doesn't really have a better option because remember she's
Speaker 3: totally cut off from the royal line. Now, Princess Clotilde
Speaker 3: had a little bit easier. She was like illegitimate, but
Speaker 3: she's like family looks like you know, she basically had
Speaker 3: like a great aunt. This is the dowager so Queen Brunhilda,
Speaker 3: which is King Sharabe's mother, so I guess it's her grandmother.
Speaker 3: She's like, okay, I'll give you some lands on my own.
Speaker 3: So she stokes her out with like a Roman, like
Speaker 3: a crumbling Roman villa, and like lands like a bunch
Speaker 3: of serfs of her own. And so she just spends
Speaker 3: her days doing like court dramatics and court intrigue from
Speaker 3: her crumbling Roman villa. So she wins in one way,
Speaker 3: and that's all I got. So that's as close they
Speaker 3: get to a happy ending.
Speaker 2: Huh. I like it. I'll take it. There you go,
Speaker 2: I'll take it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely ridiculous relic thefts to the point you see the
Speaker 3: whole damn convent. What's all ridiculous? Takeaway here, Elizabeth.
Speaker 2: I think it's interesting when you're talking about like the
Speaker 2: historical context around all these I'm wondering if the back
Speaker 2: and forth with a lot of the relic stuff is
Speaker 2: just cover for other political intrigue and and uh, you know,
Speaker 2: these are periods of time with which I'm not wholly familiar.
Speaker 3: There's also a lot of like showing you're in God's favor, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's really powerful politics. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Point, But if you have other reasons, ulterior motives to
Speaker 2: make a move on someone, whether it's a another monastery
Speaker 2: or something, and then you do it under the cover
Speaker 2: of these these relics, you know, I think that we have.
Speaker 2: It's always it's always I was gonna say it's always
Speaker 2: dangerous when but I think it's just unavoidable that, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, religion and faith get tied in with politics geopolitics. Wow,
Speaker 2: I think it's just who we are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2: So, you know, I think that it's I would not
Speaker 2: be surprised if people were using their their faith as
Speaker 2: a cover for others.
Speaker 3: It was very political. I mean, Gregorators is very much
Speaker 3: involved in politics. And because my ridiculous take away, thank
Speaker 3: you for asking. With the fall of Rome, they're left
Speaker 3: with like the roads, the villas, and the you know,
Speaker 3: the various wells and canals, and you know, the ability
Speaker 3: to like kind of like inhabit the architecture. And yet
Speaker 3: they don't inhabit the political architectures. They don't have it
Speaker 3: all worked out, so it becomes down to like who's
Speaker 3: got power. Well, the church becomes this consolidating place and
Speaker 3: you know, and they're also able to do labor, like
Speaker 3: they have like you know, a mill, so that's where
Speaker 3: you take your wheat to be turned into flour or whatnot.
Speaker 3: You get the idea that it's like they become the
Speaker 3: center of industry there. Once you merge organized power force
Speaker 3: and send industry, I'm just like, oh, of course. But
Speaker 3: then without the Roman decadence, this is what they do
Speaker 3: is they just steal each other's body parts, and they're like,
Speaker 3: this is Holy God's telling us to do this. So
Speaker 3: it's because just as reckless as the Romans, but just
Speaker 3: in a totally different way. It's like, oh, I got it,
Speaker 3: I got your kneebone, Bro, everyone's bone.
Speaker 2: Everyone's got a way to be reckless.
Speaker 3: Right, So there you go. Now you the move for talkback.
Speaker 2: I am truscy D.
Speaker 3: Can you throw one on the wax? Oh? Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Did you just see that?
Speaker 2: I let get okay, this is my second try.
Speaker 3: Uh. Lady host Elizabeth and Zaron, I.
Speaker 2: Love you guys.
Speaker 3: Your banter is so great. Elizabeth, you are a punk
Speaker 3: rock fan.
Speaker 2: I love that you mentioned Balancing Souls, one of the
Speaker 2: best albums ever.
Speaker 3: I love you guys.
Speaker 2: By It's over, we love you.
Speaker 3: That was great. It's like he was like in a
Speaker 3: room with it escaping oxygen. He's like, yeah, I gotta
Speaker 3: use bro, I have to get out this message.
Speaker 2: I'm glad that we were the last gasp on that one.
Speaker 3: I love it, so thank you for that. As always,
Speaker 3: you can find us online Ridiculous Crime on social media
Speaker 3: and now we have the account Ridiculous Crime Pod YouTube.
Speaker 3: Go check that out. That's pod pod with the Ridiculous
Speaker 3: Crime at up front. We have our website Ridiculous Crime
Speaker 3: dot com and uh we have if you can go there,
Speaker 3: take a survey, tell us about yourself. We'd like to
Speaker 3: check you out here about you, or you can just
Speaker 3: check out the Museum of Gifts. Very enjoyable. As always,
Speaker 3: please go to the talkbacks the iHeart app. Download it,
Speaker 3: leave a talkback and we'd love to hear your voice here.
Speaker 3: Maybe you'd like to do it, so do it. Go
Speaker 3: download and do it to talk back. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3: We will catch you next. Crime I Think It Was
Speaker 3: Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Sarah Pier, produced
Speaker 3: and edited by our resident sainto Providence Dave Couston, and
Speaker 3: starring analyst Rucker Is Judith. Research is by the educated
Speaker 3: historians of our Abbi Marissa Browne and Jubari Davis. Our
Speaker 3: theme song is by our resident house band, The Syncopated Saints,
Speaker 3: Thomas Lee and Travis Dutton. The host wardrobe provided by Bobby,
Speaker 3: five hundred guests, hair makeup by Sparkleshott and mister Andre.
Speaker 3: Executive producers are the proud owners of John the Baptist,
Speaker 3: Good Here, Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown.
Speaker 1: Ridicous Crime, Say It one More Time Ridiquious Crime. Ridiculous
Speaker 1: Crime is a production of iHeartRadio. Four more podcasts from
Speaker 1: my heart Radio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.