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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat.

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Speaker 1: I am the host, and if you are unfamiliar with

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Speaker 1: what couch Talks is, it is the special bonus episode

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Speaker 1: of You Need Therapy where I answer questions that you

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Speaker 1: guys send to Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: And quick reminder before we get into the episode that

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Speaker 1: even though this podcast is called You Need Therapy and

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Speaker 1: I am a therapist, this does not serve as a

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Speaker 1: replacement or substitute for any actual mental health services. I

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Speaker 1: also always keep these emails anonymous so you don't have

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Speaker 1: to be worried about exposing your identity or people knowing

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Speaker 1: who send the email in. I will never say your name,

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Speaker 1: so you can feel really safe sending in your question.

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Speaker 1: So today we're going to follow the normal format. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna get it. So I'm going to read the question

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Speaker 1: and then we are going to talk about it. Hi, Kat,

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Speaker 1: your podcast has helped me so much through my journey

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Speaker 1: and becoming a therapist. I am currently an intern and

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Speaker 1: I'm on my own mental health journey. Speaking of my

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Speaker 1: own mental health journey, I have been seeing my therapist

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Speaker 1: who is actually the best every week for almost two years. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: she unexpectedly told me she's leaving the practice in a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks to go work out a college, and

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Speaker 1: I am devastated. Sad is an understatement for how I'm feeling.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I am literally going through the stages

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Speaker 1: of grief. I understand she is just a person and

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Speaker 1: this isn't her fault. I'm wondering if it's normal and

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Speaker 1: okay to be so sad to have to leave her,

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Speaker 1: or if that means I had an unhealthy attachment or

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Speaker 1: reliance on her. Also wondering if you have any advice

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Speaker 1: on how to get over it. I'm tempted to just

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Speaker 1: not go back to therapy, even though I definitely haven't

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Speaker 1: fully healed to avoid this. This happened with my last

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Speaker 1: therapist too, and it's the worst feeling ever. Thanks. This

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Speaker 1: sounds very normal to me, sadness. That feeling is an

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Speaker 1: emotion that lets us know we lost something that is

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Speaker 1: important to us. So having feelings around the end of

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Speaker 1: a really important relationship is very healthy. And you said

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Speaker 1: it feels like you're going through the stages of grief, Well,

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Speaker 1: you probably are. Because you have lost something, right, This

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Speaker 1: is change includes loss, and loss brings us grief, and

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Speaker 1: so you probably are going through those stages, which also

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Speaker 1: means you're gonna have ups and downs, and in that

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Speaker 1: it's really important to remember feelings move and change, and

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Speaker 1: you won't always feel or have this intensity of the

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Speaker 1: emotion around this loss as you have at this very moment.

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Speaker 1: You might always feel that sadness of the loss, but

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Speaker 1: it won't always feel this deviciting to you as it

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Speaker 1: does in this moment, or this even physically painful, as

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Speaker 1: a lot of emotional pain you can feel in your

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Speaker 1: body as well. This also sounds really fresh, and it

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Speaker 1: sounds really new, and so it would be very appropriate

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Speaker 1: to have right now as you're going through this an

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Speaker 1: influx of heightened feelings. And a therapist is a very

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Speaker 1: special relationship, and there are different types of healthy relationships

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Speaker 1: with therapists. If somebody's listening and is like, ohoh, I'm

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Speaker 1: not that attached to my therapist or I don't have

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Speaker 1: that type of connection, it doesn't mean your connection is

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Speaker 1: bad or wrong. We all connect in different ways, and

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Speaker 1: there is no good or bad, right or wrong. There's

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Speaker 1: healthy and there's a lot of different versions of what

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Speaker 1: that can look like. Relationships are different depending on the

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Speaker 1: people involved, and also a therapeutic relationship can feel different

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Speaker 1: based on the stuff that you are going through and

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Speaker 1: working through. And if this therapist has helped you through

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Speaker 1: a really difficult time in your life, or a really

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Speaker 1: monumental time in your life, a very sacred time in

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Speaker 1: your life, then it makes sense that you would feel

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Speaker 1: this type of devastation as that relationship is shifting and changing.

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Speaker 1: I also think it's okay if you want to take

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Speaker 1: a break to just breathe through the feelings of sadness,

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Speaker 1: of the grief of the loss, it would be normal.

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Speaker 1: I think if you jumped back into finding a new

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Speaker 1: therapist right away to judge or compare the next therapist

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Speaker 1: you see, and I would encourage. Rather than finding a

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Speaker 1: replacement therapist, it could be helpful to look for somebody

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Speaker 1: else that you can connect with and kind of frame

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Speaker 1: it that way. Nobody is going to perfectly replace that relationship.

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Speaker 1: It was unique, it was special in its own way,

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Speaker 1: and that doesn't mean that other good relationships aren't out there.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't mean that your next therapist is going to be

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Speaker 1: better or worse it's just going to be different, and

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Speaker 1: different is still good. And like I said, I think

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Speaker 1: would be okay for you to take a break if

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Speaker 1: you don't want to rush into that, because then you're

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Speaker 1: going to just be comparing everybody unless you are in

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Speaker 1: a crisis mode and you really need that support right now.

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Speaker 1: Then you kind of might want to just ask your

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Speaker 1: current therapist, which I'm sure she's giving you some recommendations

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Speaker 1: or referrals, and you might not love the person right away.

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Speaker 1: It might feel different, and you might have some more

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Speaker 1: feelings of sadness or loneliness or fear that you're never

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Speaker 1: going to find that connection again in the beginning. But

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Speaker 1: I would encourage you to give that therapist a couple

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Speaker 1: sessions before you write them off, because you might be

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Speaker 1: on a higher level of comparing than you would normally be.

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Speaker 1: I think finding a therapist often is like dating, and

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Speaker 1: when that relationship ends, it's the same way. You might

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Speaker 1: need to take some space and time to allow yourself

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Speaker 1: to fully fill the breakup, and then eventually, maybe a

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Speaker 1: little before you feel ready, you push yourself to get

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Speaker 1: out there again. And then eventually also you are surprised

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Speaker 1: that other good things exist, so rather than try to

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Speaker 1: change your feelings or talk yourself into thinking you're being

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Speaker 1: crazy or you're too attached, I would encourage you to

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Speaker 1: allow yourself to be really sad, allow yourself to be

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Speaker 1: the amount of s that you are, to acknowledge how

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Speaker 1: important that relationship really was to you. It takes a

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Speaker 1: lot of energy, and it takes a lot of time

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Speaker 1: to build a strong relationship with a therapist, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you've had a lot of sacred conversations with this person,

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Speaker 1: and the transition can feel alarming, overwhelming. You may feel

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Speaker 1: a little powerless in the way that it's changing. This

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Speaker 1: is all normal, and this is very human. I would

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Speaker 1: encourage you to share these things with your therapist, share

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Speaker 1: your sadness. You don't have to put on a strong,

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Speaker 1: brave face for her. She can hold space for your feelings.

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Speaker 1: That's literally your therapist's job. And oftentimes in our lives,

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Speaker 1: things end too soon for our liking. Happens all the time.

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Speaker 1: Is much as I wish that wasn't the case, and

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Speaker 1: this experience can be a time that allows you to

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Speaker 1: lean into that and prepare yourself for something else in

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Speaker 1: your future. Allow yourself to lean into the feelings and

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Speaker 1: process them and talk about them. And so when something

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Speaker 1: else happens that feels really big like this, you know

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Speaker 1: that you're able to You're strong enough to handle it,

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Speaker 1: and your feelings aren't going to kill you, and you're

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Speaker 1: allowed to process them and talk about them. This just

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Speaker 1: could be a really good opportunity for you to practice that,

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Speaker 1: knowing that you have a safe person right now to

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Speaker 1: be in that with you. Sadness is really painful, and

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Speaker 1: at the same time, how wonderful is it to be

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Speaker 1: able to connect as much as you are able to

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Speaker 1: connect a lot of times when people are going through

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Speaker 1: a type of grief, I was going to say dating again,

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Speaker 1: but it's any type of grief, and it doesn't make

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Speaker 1: the pain less painful. But I like to remind people

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Speaker 1: that the reason that we are able to feel this

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Speaker 1: deeply is because we're able to feel those yummy emotions

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Speaker 1: that deeply as well. And this is a testament to

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Speaker 1: how much that relationship meant to you and how much

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Speaker 1: you were able to connect with somebody, And that means

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Speaker 1: you are going to be able to do it again.

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Speaker 1: And you might not be at this point ready to

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Speaker 1: dive into that and think about that and explore that

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Speaker 1: you might want to stay in this space where you're

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Speaker 1: allowing yourself to be sad about what you're losing first,

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Speaker 1: and in that sadness, you can also celebrate what you

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Speaker 1: had with this person because it is special. So no,

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Speaker 1: this does not mean that you were in an unhealthy

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Speaker 1: relationship with your therapist. It might just mean that you

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Speaker 1: were in a special relationship with your therapist and you

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Speaker 1: had a relationship with your therapist and that is something

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Speaker 1: to celebrate. So I hope this was helpful. I know

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Speaker 1: this sucks right now and you won't always feel this way,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's helpful to hear sometimes. If you

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Speaker 1: guys have any other questions, feedback, comments, anything, you can

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Speaker 1: send that to me Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast

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Speaker 1: dot com. You can follow me at kat van Buren

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Speaker 1: and at You Need Therapy Podcast on Instagram and I

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Speaker 1: will be back with you guys on Monday for a

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Speaker 1: new episode of You Need Therapy. Until then, I hope

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Speaker 1: you have the day you need to have By