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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 2: two minutes.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 1: before we get into this episode. Yeah, we got some

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Speaker 1: ads coming up, so stick around. Stick around. My boyfriend

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Speaker 1: is already married and that's not the only thing he

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Speaker 1: lied about. Sounds like you should break up. I was

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Speaker 1: seeing a guy for a few months and who I

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Speaker 1: met over the summer. I had to go back to

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Speaker 1: university halfway across the world, and I thought that nothing

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Speaker 1: would thus progress out of it. However, he told me

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Speaker 1: that he would fly over to see me. He'd fly

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Speaker 1: over to where I was, and he stayed with me

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Speaker 1: for nearly a month each time. By the way, this

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Speaker 1: comes from user duck Crap, and if you want to

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Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 1: story Time So I Breddit. Those few months where he

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Speaker 1: visited were absolute bliss. He was kind and gentle, and

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Speaker 1: he would do the littlest things that made me feel

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Speaker 1: that he could possibly be the one, or at least

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Speaker 1: be around for a very long time. As naive as

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Speaker 1: that sounds. He would cook for me in the morning,

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Speaker 1: improve my apartment, and took care of me when I

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Speaker 1: was sick or just feeling down. It was like he

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Speaker 1: understood me and he was in tuned to my nees.

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Speaker 1: I had insomnia before, but that went away when he

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Speaker 1: was here. Simply put, when I was with him, it

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Speaker 1: felt like there was nothing to worry about and he

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Speaker 1: would be there for me, even through my personal problems.

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Speaker 1: I get very paranoid sometimes and would question him, but

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Speaker 1: his answer was that I was the only one. If

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Speaker 1: I wasn't, then how would it be possible that he

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Speaker 1: was out of country for so long without good reason.

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Speaker 1: My fears slowly quelled, and I was looking forward to

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Speaker 1: the next time he was going to be here, which

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Speaker 1: was this weekend. I found out he wasn't who I

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Speaker 1: thought he was when I decided to stalk his social

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Speaker 1: media profile history. His page didn't have anything suspicious until

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Speaker 1: I saw a like from someone. Long story short, I

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Speaker 1: found out he was married with a kid. It might

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Speaker 1: be that he's estranged from them, as he's able to

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Speaker 1: post photos of his trip over here, But estranged or not,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. I confronted him, and he was trying

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Speaker 1: to deny it. He claimed it was a sham marriage

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Speaker 1: and the kid wasn't his, that he married her to

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Speaker 1: enable her to stay in country for business purposes. I

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Speaker 1: kept questioning him, and he just kept telling me more

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Speaker 1: details which I could barely stand to hear even if

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Speaker 1: his story was true. He told me that he'd do

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Speaker 1: anything I wanted now, and that we could settle down

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Speaker 1: anywhere I like, and that he was willing to give

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Speaker 1: up everything back home for me. I told him to

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Speaker 1: void the marriage and change the surname of the kid,

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Speaker 1: and that I wanted proof that the kid wasn't his.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I was hysterical and knew that I

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Speaker 1: already couldn't accept him even if what he said was true.

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Speaker 1: I eventually probed further myself and found more stuff that

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Speaker 1: was deeply hurtful and just proved that he was telling

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Speaker 1: me lies. He told me that since it was a

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Speaker 1: sham marriage, that nobody knew. This obviously was not the case,

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Speaker 1: as I found. I texted him with what I saw

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Speaker 1: and told him that we were over, and ignored him.

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Speaker 1: For the last couple of days. He was begging me

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Speaker 1: to let him see me. This weekend and that it

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Speaker 1: wasn't what I thought it was. He sent me photos

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Speaker 1: and told me that he was at the lawyer's office

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Speaker 1: and that he wants to fix everything so he can

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Speaker 1: be with me. I told my mom about this, and

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Speaker 1: she called him up. She told me that he had

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Speaker 1: nothing to say and that he was It is just

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Speaker 1: a few days after I found out all this, and

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Speaker 1: it hurts a lot. I can barely get out of bed.

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Speaker 1: I've been sleeping the past two days and not eating.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the pain from betrayal gets so unbearable. I can't

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Speaker 1: get rid of the thoughts about the whole thing, and

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Speaker 1: I think back a lot of the time we spent

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Speaker 1: together and I feel hopeful that we can work it out,

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Speaker 1: But then I remember what the situation is and that

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Speaker 1: it would be an absolute deal breaker for just about anyone.

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Speaker 1: I cannot believe that the man I was with turn

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Speaker 1: out to be someone totally different from what I knew. Now.

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid that I would not find someone who would

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Speaker 1: be able to make me feel the same way and

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Speaker 1: be so in tune with my needs. And once it

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Speaker 1: was a bonus that he was also tall and attractive

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Speaker 1: to me at least and also well to do and

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Speaker 1: capable of providing me with comfortable standards of living. I

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Speaker 1: fear that he might be the one I keep thinking about,

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Speaker 1: and that I have lost out on a quote good

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Speaker 1: life with him where I didn't have to worry about anything.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I wish I didn't find out so I could

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Speaker 1: be happier for just a little bit longer. We had

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Speaker 1: plans to take a month long holiday this December, and

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Speaker 1: I just cannot believe how he could do all this

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Speaker 1: for me. Yet on the other side, i'd be someone

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Speaker 1: I didn't even know. It all sounds stupid, but when

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Speaker 1: I was with him, it seemed perfect how everything was,

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Speaker 1: and it felt that I was truly the love of

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Speaker 1: his life. And there is an update. I think everything

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Speaker 1: you're feeling is totally reasonable. Also, get a.

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Speaker 3: Country club membership, and where's some low cut and go

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Speaker 3: to a golf club and you can probably find someone else.

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Speaker 3: I can give you this if that's what you're looking for.

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Speaker 1: Still in a state of shock now as to what happened,

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Speaker 1: I might post another update, but for now I'll write

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Speaker 1: out the gist of what has happened. He flew over

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Speaker 1: to me after I found out to explain himself his

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Speaker 1: story on how it was a sham marriage. Read it,

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Speaker 1: you might find me stupid, and I think I really

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Speaker 1: am now, but I was in so much denial we

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Speaker 1: never got around talking about it. Instead, I spent the

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Speaker 1: next two weeks, including my birthday, with him, and it

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Speaker 1: was happiness. We flew back on the same day to

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Speaker 1: our home country, which was two days ago. Upon arriving

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Speaker 1: in Singapore, I immediately got upset again, probably due to

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Speaker 1: the change of environment and onset of reality. I texted

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Speaker 1: a few angry messages, and he begged to see me.

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Speaker 1: I told him the only time I wanted to see

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Speaker 1: him was if he brought me home. Long story short after,

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Speaker 1: he picked me up in the evening and he wasted

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Speaker 1: three hours trying to convince me not to go to

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Speaker 1: his place and if we can do it another day.

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Speaker 1: I ended up at his place at night, so I

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Speaker 1: was face to face with his family. I found out

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Speaker 1: from her, I assumed the wife all the lies he

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Speaker 1: had been feeding to them, while she found out from

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Speaker 1: me the lies he.

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Speaker 2: Had been telling me.

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Speaker 1: I found out the car and the house were bought

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Speaker 1: with her money. She said she was supporting him and

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Speaker 1: had been doing so for the past ten years, starting

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Speaker 1: by paying his debts off when he was declared bankrupt.

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Speaker 1: He did not own the business, like he told me.

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Speaker 1: They belonged to either his friends or her. He effectively

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Speaker 1: didn't do much or anything at all. So he's living

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Speaker 1: the lifestyle that OP wants. Oh my gosh, you see

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Speaker 1: what happens. You see what happens Op. When you have

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Speaker 1: nothing to worry about, you become a monster.

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Speaker 3: I know for a factoid that she has lost interest.

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Speaker 3: She's like, oh, he doesn't have money. I'm well, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I would agree. She's done, she's out of there. She

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Speaker 3: was like, go divorce, Go change your kid's surname to

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Speaker 3: your name. Like we're gonna make this work out a minute.

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Speaker 3: Wait a minute, Wait a minute, we got more.

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute. What if this is all real? Right?

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Speaker 1: What if this is all sham marriage. That's why she's

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Speaker 1: providing for the quote unquote husband because he facilitated her

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Speaker 1: ability to stay in country. So now she pays him

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Speaker 1: essentially an allowance, And like, I doubt it. I doubt

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Speaker 1: it very much. That'd be crazy if that's true. And

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Speaker 1: again he's already lying. She's literally finding out he's lying

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Speaker 1: about the businesses he's lying about all this stuff, but

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Speaker 1: he's like, I actually love you and I want to

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Speaker 1: be with you. And it's like, well, if you're with me,

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Speaker 1: she's gonna keep giving you an allowance.

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Speaker 3: That's a conspiracy theory, right, I heard one. Let's figure

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Speaker 3: it out.

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Speaker 1: He effectively did not do much or anything at all.

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Speaker 1: The sickening part is, even after all this, when we

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Speaker 1: were left alone, I asked him, what if I still

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Speaker 1: wanted him. She told him that if he loved me,

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Speaker 1: she would be happy to divorce, since they did not

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Speaker 1: have any feelings anymore anyway, and that she was more

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Speaker 1: upset over the probable fact he used her money on me.

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Speaker 1: She asked him if he loved me, and he couldn't reply.

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Speaker 1: It was obvious to her that he did, and he

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Speaker 1: said he did. He said if I wanted him, he

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Speaker 1: wanted to be with me too, but he would lose everything.

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Speaker 1: He only had some money, which was parked overseas. He

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Speaker 1: said he couldn't let her know when I asked about

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Speaker 1: it in front of me because he wanted to hide

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Speaker 1: some assets. He had even gone to the lawyers two

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Speaker 1: weeks back because he wanted to leave for me, but

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Speaker 1: he was afraid of losing the quote unquote comfortable life

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Speaker 1: that he had. I was the happy, unknown life he

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Speaker 1: would choose if I wanted him. But so, if you

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Speaker 1: say yes to this, I have things to sell you.

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Speaker 1: I gotta I forget what the saying is. But it's

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Speaker 1: like a timeshare and I want to sell you this pen.

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Speaker 1: It's the last pen on earth and it's five thousand dollars. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you want to buy it. You'll never be able to

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Speaker 1: write with anything else ever again, dude, I mean, you're.

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Speaker 3: Gullible, superglible. And also, if this man leaves you, leaves

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Speaker 3: her for you. If this man leaves her for you,

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Speaker 3: you're not getting any money. This whole lifestyle that you

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Speaker 3: wanted someone to provide for you is stable, live gone.

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Speaker 1: Of course, there's no real way I could ever be

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Speaker 1: with him. But I cry so much because there and

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Speaker 1: then I realized I never cared much about money or

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Speaker 1: the little things he did. Even at that point, I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to have time with him. Maybe I am delusional,

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Speaker 1: but I could be sleeping on the streets and still

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Speaker 1: be happy if he was with me. My parents came

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Speaker 1: over to his place and my dad almost beat him

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Speaker 1: up in front of the security guard and I went home.

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Speaker 1: I have been in bed for an entire day, sleeping

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Speaker 1: it out. I think I'm traumatized after what happened last night,

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Speaker 1: maybe still in shock because I'm still in some denial.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I should do now, what I

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Speaker 1: want out of this, and what I want for myself,

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Speaker 1: what I want him to do so I can have closure.

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Speaker 1: I'm still texting him for no good reason occasionally when

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Speaker 1: I wake up. I just wanted him to make me

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Speaker 1: exist in his world and not just someone who existed

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Speaker 1: for a while. He chose me, and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: choose him. But for what I'm so hurt and in pain.

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Speaker 1: I never thought I would have to experience such a

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Speaker 1: scenario in my life. It was like a movie or

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Speaker 1: a drama sitcom. And by the way, if you want

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Speaker 1: to listen to full episodes with stories that are like

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Speaker 1: movies and drama sitcoms, just go to Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts and search Okay story Time

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Speaker 1: and that will give you access to over two thousand

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Speaker 1: episodes to listen to to your heart's content. So when

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Speaker 1: I was there in the house, she wanted to know everything,

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Speaker 1: I assumed the wife his wife wanted to know everything

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Speaker 1: so that she could know what kind of person he

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Speaker 1: really was. I said a lot of what he did

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Speaker 1: and bought for me as she wanted to know. There's

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Speaker 1: still some more stuff, I remembered. I wanted to message her,

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Speaker 1: telling her everything else. Maybe it's to make myself feel better,

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Speaker 1: or maybe it's because I don't want them to remain

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Speaker 1: together just for the kid, and he would be able

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Speaker 1: to continue living that comfortable life as if I never happened,

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Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story. So I

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Speaker 1: looked it up because I don't think we got the ages.

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Speaker 3: Op is twenty one, Okay, we don't have the age

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Speaker 3: of husband, so I'm not so sure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so twenty one makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 3: Probably like in his first love, probably thirties for sure,

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Speaker 3: you know that first spark of that superpower.

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Speaker 1: He's got a kid, he's there. Yeah, he's so much

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Speaker 1: lyon and do like just deceit. And again the wife,

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Speaker 1: the wife's response is what makes me question more than anything.

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Speaker 1: It's like she's so she fully provides for this guy.

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Speaker 1: He goes and leaves without a job for months at

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Speaker 1: a time, or a month at a time. They go

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Speaker 1: visit this other woman, and his wife doesn't care because

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Speaker 1: they're like they're marriage lost, that they've lost each they

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Speaker 1: have a kid. It just makes no sense.

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Speaker 3: Why not they be not mad that your husband's been

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Speaker 3: cheating on you, and you're just upset that he's usual

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Speaker 3: your money.

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Speaker 1: I don't like this. Get out of this, That's all

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Speaker 1: I have to say.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend ditch my family trip after promising to go

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Speaker 3: for months.

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Speaker 1: Oh but like the boys.

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Speaker 3: My family is kind of a lovably weird in that

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Speaker 3: they plan family trips well ahead of time to ensure

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Speaker 3: a good deal on a rental house. I am talking

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Speaker 3: seven to eight months ahead. We've booked this year's vacation.

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Speaker 3: I let Sam know the date's I told him it

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Speaker 3: would be last week of July. I didn't expect him

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Speaker 3: to remember it forever then, but thought I would give

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Speaker 3: him the idea so we both could keep it in mind.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Molly ring Worms zero

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Speaker 3: zero and if you were to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to our slash Okay story time subreddit. I mentioned

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Speaker 3: it casually, maybe once a month, as a reminder, like, hey, oh,

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Speaker 3: my dad wants to go on this hike, and several

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Speaker 3: times he would say, oh, yeah, what are those dates again?

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Speaker 3: And I would tell them. He even told my parents

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Speaker 3: that he would go for the weekend of the week

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Speaker 3: long trip. They love him and they were so excited.

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Speaker 3: He said that he would be able to come up

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Speaker 3: for the first part of the trip for a weekend.

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Speaker 3: I was completely fine with that. While I love my family,

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Speaker 3: I recognize a significant other may not want to spend

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Speaker 3: a week with someone else's family. I should add I

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Speaker 3: didn't expect him to use any paid time off was

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Speaker 3: toying with using one day, which I was thrilled by.

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Speaker 3: The trip would be paid for by my family, house, food, alcohol,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. It's a three hour drive away and in

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Speaker 3: a place that he loves. I should add that last year,

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Speaker 3: when my family was going to the beach for a week,

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Speaker 3: I mentioned the trip a few times and he got annoyed,

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Speaker 3: so I felt weird about it and stopped asking. I

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Speaker 3: don't mean I was being obnoxious. I probably mentioned it

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Speaker 3: once a month or so because he got annoyed. I

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Speaker 3: stopped mentioning it a month or two before the trip.

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Speaker 3: About two to three weeks before the beach trip, I

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Speaker 3: asked him what his plans were. He said he had

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Speaker 3: spaced and completely forgotten, and that he would be on call.

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Speaker 3: It's non medical, it's people calling out of shifts, so

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Speaker 3: he has to be in town even though it requires

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Speaker 3: no action that week, so he couldn't go. I was

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Speaker 3: so disappointed. I really wanted to spend that time at

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Speaker 3: the beach with him. I was only asking for a weekend.

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Speaker 3: I talked to him about it a couple of times,

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Speaker 3: and I asked if he was nervous to spend time

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Speaker 3: with my family or didn't like something about them. He

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Speaker 3: assured me that that was not the case. We got

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Speaker 3: into a fight, and he's said that he felt like

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Speaker 3: he was a kid that missed an assignment and I.

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Speaker 1: Was a teacher.

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Speaker 3: It was really our first argument. This was almost one

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Speaker 3: year into the relationship. He has hung out with my

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Speaker 3: family maybe once a month or every two months for

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Speaker 3: a couple of hours. We tend to do a meal,

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Speaker 3: talk for a couple of hours, then he go seize

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Speaker 3: his folks and does the same thing. His family doesn't

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Speaker 3: take a yearly week long trip, so I understand if

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Speaker 3: it feels strange to him, but I don't see him

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Speaker 3: as wanting to spend two nights as a big, huge ask.

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Speaker 3: The punter is that earlier this year he complained that

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Speaker 3: I had too many trips. I occasionally do girls' trips

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Speaker 3: with my friends and have tried to plan an occasional

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Speaker 3: trip for him and me that I think he and

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Speaker 3: I would like. He loves camping, so a camping trip

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Speaker 3: with a reasonable amount of distance in a city we

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Speaker 3: both want to see. For example, when he said this,

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Speaker 3: I said, I will make an effort to cut back

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Speaker 3: on trips, but I don't want you to feel like

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Speaker 3: you have to come on all the trips. I want

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Speaker 3: you to feel comfortable. The only trip I care about

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Speaker 3: you coming this year is spending a weekend with me

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Speaker 3: and my family in the mountains. Maybe he forgot I

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Speaker 3: said this, but this really sticks out to me. Essentially,

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Speaker 3: I gave him a ton of notice and said it

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Speaker 3: was really important to me, and he told my parents

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Speaker 3: and my sweet grandma that loves him that he would

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Speaker 3: come for the weekend. Then last week, last than three

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Speaker 3: weeks before the trip, I asked him what a schedule

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Speaker 3: was like for July. He lets me know that unfortunately

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Speaker 3: he's going to be on call that entire week and

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Speaker 3: can't make it. He can, however, make it to other

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Speaker 3: trips going on that month, go to a party at

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Speaker 3: a friend's place, plans that were made several weeks ago.

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Speaker 3: I was so disappointed. He told his work that the

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00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 3: only week he couldn't be on call was the party

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Speaker 3: house weekend. He didn't even attempt to ask me when

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Speaker 3: my family trip was. I asked him why he didn't,

336
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,400
Speaker 3: and he said, well, we did schedule at four pm.

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00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,560
Speaker 3: That's kind of a weird time to text you, it's not.

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Speaker 3: He offered to come up Thursday night, which is the

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00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,240
Speaker 3: last night of the trip, so he would arrive Thursday

340
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,520
Speaker 3: night and we would leave Friday morning after cleaning the

341
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 3: house that morning. That does not sound like fun to me.

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Speaker 3: I said, no worries on coming up for the last night. Honestly,

343
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Speaker 3: I don't even want him to come at this point.

344
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Speaker 3: He didn't offer any other alternative, so I can absolutely

345
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Speaker 3: tell he isn't interested in coming. We were supposed to

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Speaker 3: move in together, but this, plus a bunch of other stuff.

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Speaker 3: I sat him down a couple of days ago and said,

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Speaker 3: I can't move in. There's just too many concerns. He

349
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,520
Speaker 3: was upset but he said he understood. The Other concerns

350
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,400
Speaker 3: on my end include him not being super verbal, him

351
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Speaker 3: not wanting to talk on the phone or text. Much

352
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:19,040
Speaker 3: has gotten slowly, painfully better. This guy's cheating on you.

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Speaker 1: There's something afoot. Isn't cheating or like he just doesn't care.

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Speaker 3: He's gotta be cheating, you know, not really calling you.

355
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,400
Speaker 3: He probably wants you to move in so you can

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Speaker 3: cover half his freaking rent.

357
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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: That's why I'm feeling very hobosmaxual with this guy. Him

359
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,560
Speaker 3: not being incredibly motivated to switch jobs. He's been miserable

360
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,200
Speaker 3: for years, and I have helped him at his resume,

361
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 3: sent links, tried not to say anything, tried being super supportive.

362
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 3: I've tried everything. I know it's up to him. Different

363
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 3: drives is being much lower.

364
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Speaker 1: Different.

365
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,440
Speaker 3: I have ideas of how to go out. I like

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00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,920
Speaker 3: an occasional brewery, and he would prefer to stay at

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00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 3: home and watch Netflix. Different ideas of diet. He doesn't

368
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,880
Speaker 3: really like fruits or veggies and eats out a ton.

369
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 3: Getting a little better, but I eat fairly healthy and

370
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 3: I exercised three to four times a week. Honestly, I

371
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,880
Speaker 3: wonder is he even that into me. Then he will

372
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Speaker 3: come over and be all totally and sweet and excite

373
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Speaker 3: me and be excited to see me. I have never

374
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,200
Speaker 3: experienced something this confusing. Before the verbal stuff and texting

375
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 3: and eating were getting better, so I naively thought he

376
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,560
Speaker 3: would come on this trip this time. He is sweet,

377
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,720
Speaker 3: fine and funny and very affectionate and loving and caring.

378
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,160
Speaker 3: But I think I have hit my limit. Am I

379
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 3: being unreasonable here about the vacation? Is it ridiculous to

380
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 3: expect as significant other to come on a part of

381
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Speaker 3: a family trip? Two years in update, It's been three

382
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,960
Speaker 3: weeks and a lot has happened.

383
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Speaker 1: Yeah.

384
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Speaker 3: First of all, thank you to everyone that Breddan responded

385
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 3: sat him down day after making that post, and I

386
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:42,960
Speaker 3: broke up with them.

387
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Speaker 1: He was devastated.

388
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,760
Speaker 3: Didn't see it coming at all, even though I had

389
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Speaker 3: said we should wait to live together and we had

390
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 3: a discussion about me being unhappy. I didn't cry. I

391
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,480
Speaker 3: wasn't even that upset. I think that that tells me

392
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 3: that I was getting over the relationship slowly and had

393
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 3: known for a while that it wasn't meant to be.

394
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 3: I mentioned the trip situation as the other different spicy

395
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,400
Speaker 3: sleep drives and some other reasons. He asked if there

396
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 3: was anything he could do or say, and I said no.

397
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 3: I was very nice to him, but very firm that

398
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 3: it was over between us. I left that evening and

399
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 3: we met up a week later to talk. At his request,

400
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 3: he had some friend of relap where I thought it

401
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 3: might be best. He told me he never thought I

402
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,000
Speaker 3: would leave, and never even cross his mind that I

403
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,439
Speaker 3: would ever be frustrated enough to go. He said that

404
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,000
Speaker 3: several times, and he always thought there was always tomorrow

405
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 3: to make things better. It was odd to me. I mean,

406
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,200
Speaker 3: we had like five to six conversations over the two

407
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 3: years with me saying, hey, I'm not feeling loved and

408
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,040
Speaker 3: I'm not feeling fulfilled. Here here is where it gets bizarre.

409
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 3: He told me that the reason he hadn't wanted to

410
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,439
Speaker 3: hang out two nights in a row ever and just

411
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,880
Speaker 3: did his own thing and never wanted to go grocery

412
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,159
Speaker 3: shopping together or do things was that he was preparing

413
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 3: for moving in for a full year by getting in

414
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 3: as much bachelor time as he could. I asked that

415
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,439
Speaker 3: this was a conscious decision, and he said, yes, that

416
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 3: just blows my mind. I asked, so, if he thought

417
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 3: making the relationship weaker made sense for me to move

418
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 3: in with him. He said, well, when you put it

419
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,480
Speaker 3: like that, no our size relationships.

420
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Speaker 1: I'm baffled.

421
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 3: I don't know whether to believe that explanation or not,

422
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 3: but it really doesn't matter. He just affirmed that I

423
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 3: made the right decision, something I have not doubted for

424
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 3: a second. Of course, now he's old chatty cathy and

425
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 3: trying to show me he cares. But I told him

426
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,080
Speaker 3: we need to not talk anymore. There was literally nothing

427
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 3: he can do that could change my mind. I told

428
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,119
Speaker 3: him that an effort after a breakup feels hollow to me,

429
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 3: that I don't want a foundation like that for my relationship,

430
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 3: that actions taken after a breakup are typically just to

431
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 3: reduce pain, they aren't real change. And if he wanted

432
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 3: to hang more with me or initiate spicy sleep with me,

433
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:47,479
Speaker 3: et cetera, he would have, especially after many conversations. Oh

434
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,400
Speaker 3: and the low spicy sleep drive thing. Turns out he's

435
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 3: a regular user to the chornography. He was lying about

436
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 3: that the entire time. I never knew because we didn't

437
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 3: spend enough time together for me to understand.

438
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 1: That's why he's not initiating, and I.

439
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 3: Of course never checked his stuff, so I had no clue.

440
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 3: Usually I'm intuitive, but I trusted him he would turn

441
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 3: me down after I was gone on a seven day trip.

442
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 3: That it wasn't because he had done things a bunch.

443
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,160
Speaker 3: The fact that he was lying about it and chose

444
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,640
Speaker 3: to do it oversee me, that is so disappointing. I

445
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 3: know I can do a lot better. He told me

446
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,239
Speaker 3: he would think about me and want me, but it

447
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,720
Speaker 3: was just easier to do things himself rather than to

448
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 3: call me up A total numerous times. I would love

449
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,119
Speaker 3: spontaneously come over. It's a fifteen minute drive, and he

450
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 3: never once took me up on that. Dude, that is

451
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 3: just a bigger conversation than just this guy. I feel

452
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 3: like that's a whole nother conversation with men in this

453
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 3: kind of thing.

454
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 1: Well, he hit the nail on the head where it's like,

455
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 1: it's easier to do this than to maintain a channel

456
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 1: of communication with another human being and then have them

457
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 1: and have to you know, it is easier to just

458
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: have a one way interaction through a screen. But that's

459
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,000
Speaker 1: bad for you. It's bad for your brain, it's bad

460
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 1: for your relationships.

461
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 3: I'm not going to let it make me feel badly

462
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 3: about myself. Though I know there have been people in

463
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,359
Speaker 3: the past that really enjoy spicy sleep with me and

464
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 3: there will be someone in the future.

465
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 1: I am over it.

466
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 3: Guys, Please don't be over us, because we can have

467
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 3: spicy stories to read just like this one. All you

468
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,120
Speaker 3: gotta do is go to your favorite podcast platform, Apple, Spotify,

469
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 3: wherever you listen to podcasts, search up Okay story Time

470
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 3: for spicy stories just like these. He told me that

471
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 3: it wouldn't be an issue if we got back together.

472
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,359
Speaker 3: That is insulting because either he just wasn't interested in

473
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 3: spicy sleep with me, but suddenly if it means we

474
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,440
Speaker 3: can get back together, or he was just lazy about

475
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,199
Speaker 3: it or something, I don't know which is worse. He

476
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 3: said he feels like he has made the biggest mistake

477
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 3: of his life.

478
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 1: Probably has.

479
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 3: I knew he didn't have a lot of relationship experience,

480
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 3: but dang, twenty nine seems like a tough age to

481
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: learn this particular life lesson to value what you have

482
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,360
Speaker 3: and not take it for granted.

483
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: Ps.

484
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 3: I'm on the family trip now with my family and

485
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 3: having an absolute blast. Not one ounce of me has

486
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 3: missed him or wish she was here. Yeah, of course

487
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 3: after learning that I would not miss this person either.

488
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,680
Speaker 1: Dang that. Oh pe dude, I'm gonna have to give

489
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 1: it to you.

490
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,879
Speaker 3: You gave yourself a medal of valuing yourself and everyone

491
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 3: deserves that.

492
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did it the right way.

493
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 2: I'm struggling to introduce my fiance to my family because

494
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 2: they won't like them.

495
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 1: Sounds like it's time to cut them off.

496
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,479
Speaker 2: I need some help. Slash pointers for introducing my fiance

497
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 2: to my family and giving him some much needed disclaimers

498
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 2: before the introduction. By the way, this comes from Throwaway

499
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 2: seventeen oh three to three, and if you want to

500
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,880
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

501
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 2: storytime Separate it. So a bit of background. My fiance

502
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 2: and I are of different ethnicities and races. I was

503
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 2: born in the US to immigrant parents who raised me

504
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 2: to date and eventually marry a man from the same

505
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,640
Speaker 2: part of the world that we're from. I've always known

506
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,920
Speaker 2: there would be a major issue if I brought anyone

507
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 2: else home, so I generally haven't brought anyone home. I

508
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 2: don't have a good relationship with my parents because of it.

509
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 2: They put me down a lot and make comments set

510
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 2: them ount to not thinking I'm marriage material because I

511
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 2: do things like speak my mind, have a college degree, and.

512
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: Have a job. Yeah, that definitely does not help.

513
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 2: You're not marriage material because you have opinions. No marriage

514
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 2: is for you. My fiance and I have been engaged

515
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 2: since February fourteenth. I haven't told my family yet because

516
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with their crap. My fiance

517
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 2: is pretty upset that they don't know, and we've mutually

518
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: decided to tell them at my cousin's wedding in May.

519
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 2: I am extremely nervous. I know my parents will have

520
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 2: many rude comments and questions, and I have no idea

521
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 2: how to prepare him for any of this. I have

522
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 2: told him that they don't approve of my dating out,

523
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 2: but he doesn't get it. His family is open and loving.

524
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 2: They've always been happy that we're together. I am so

525
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 2: ashamed of the way that I know my family will act.

526
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 2: He's so excited to meet them, in spite of my

527
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 2: attempts to explain how they'll be. He's taking a lot

528
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 2: of time off work to travel to this wedding, thinking

529
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,919
Speaker 2: it will be a great family bonding thing, and I

530
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 2: know it's going to be horrible. I'm literally sick with worry.

531
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 2: What should I do? Thinks? Comment one says, I would

532
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 2: not tell them at your cousin's wedding. What if they

533
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 2: made a scene. I would give them a warning ahead

534
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 2: of time, even if it is over the phone, replies, seriously,

535
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 2: do not do this. This is your cousin's day, and

536
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 2: by hijacking it with your engagement announcement, that's just tacky,

537
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 2: even if it's because you're too chicken to tell your

538
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 2: parents that you are engaged privately. OPI says, Okay, I

539
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: hadn't thought about that. That makes a lot of sense.

540
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 2: We were planning to do introductions not at the ceremony,

541
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 2: but a few days before when everyone arrived for the wedding.

542
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 2: But I see how that would be rude to disrupt

543
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: the wedding vibe with my news.

544
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: Thank you.

545
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 2: Comment two. I think you need to be more blunt

546
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,719
Speaker 2: with your fiance. You need to tell them you're so

547
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: worried because they are discriminatory people and you want him

548
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 2: to try and be mentally prepared for that. It sounds

549
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 2: like you're trying to be too gentle, not to hurt

550
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 2: his feelings, but I don't see how else you can

551
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 2: prepare him for the inevitable. I agree comment three, and

552
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 2: then stab him with the truth Comment three. Have you

553
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 2: told them flatly that when it comes to you dating

554
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 2: outside your race, your family are unreasonable and discriminatory and

555
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 2: they will freak out? I mean, real, real honesty. Personally,

556
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,639
Speaker 2: I'd lay down some ground rules. If they want to

557
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 2: be involved in your life, then they need to treat

558
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 2: your fiance decently. If not, you just won't attend family

559
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: functions since he's now a part of her family, and

560
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 2: you won't see him treated badly. Obie says, yes, I've

561
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 2: told him, but he doesn't fully understand it. What is

562
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 2: it going to take for this man to understand it.

563
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 2: It isn't anything he's personally dealt with before. I'm gonna

564
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 2: go ahead and tell them prior. Everyone here is convinced

565
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 2: me that I need to do that. I don't really

566
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: have a relationship with my parents. I left home at

567
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: eighteen for college and I've supported myself since then. They

568
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 2: don't approve of my lifestyle because I have been focused

569
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 2: on my career and not focused on finding a husband.

570
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 2: I can't stomach much of them.

571
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 3: So a don't two things here. One smart man, how

572
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 3: does saying go? A smart man learns from his own mistakes.

573
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 3: A wise man learns from others. That's one thing. I

574
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 3: don't know if he's willing.

575
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 1: To see that.

576
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 3: And two No, you could tell people so many times

577
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: how things are gonna play out, but they deny it.

578
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 3: They just got to see it happen and learn on themselves.

579
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: That's the thing. Like you can yeah, if he's just

580
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,239
Speaker 2: not willing to believe, you can be like Okay, well

581
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 2: I warned you, I'm not gonna like you.

582
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 3: I think this might work out this way. They just

583
00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 3: got to see it through.

584
00:24:59,440 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

585
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: I want a given up date and thank everyone here.

586
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 2: I actually shared this post with him and it was

587
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 2: a great help. He's actually more aware than I realized.

588
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 2: He was downplaying his reactions somewhat as a way of

589
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 2: putting less pressure and expectation on me. I didn't see

590
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 2: that at all, so I was very worried that he

591
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 2: would be crushed. In reality, he's pretty well braced for

592
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 2: a horrible in law relationship. We had a very productive

593
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,959
Speaker 2: discussion about how we want to handle things in the future.

594
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 2: We didn't make any concrete decisions, but I'm quite tired

595
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 2: of feeling rejected and being treated as a source of

596
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 2: shame by my parents. I'm considering getting some professional help

597
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 2: to better cope and also feel comfortable about moving forward

598
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: in my life without them.

599
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 3: They're the butt of the joke for the whole lives

600
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 3: opi is anytime anything goes wrong, Opie.

601
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, it's like, oh, he's not even there.

602
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen that happen before in families.

603
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 2: I've never considered this before, but my fiance thinks it's

604
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 2: worth a try. I called my cousin last night, and

605
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 2: she wasn't as understanding as I hope she would be.

606
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: She wants me to come alone rather than reimburse her

607
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 2: for the cost of our seats if it becomes clear

608
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 2: that my parents will be a problem. Doesn't want to

609
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 2: have any empty seats. I tried to explain that I

610
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 2: don't want to set a precedent that amounts to tolerating

611
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 2: my parents disrespect of my fiance and our relationship, but

612
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 2: she wasn't supportive. I feel bad for springing this on

613
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: her last minute, so I'm still hoping things go well

614
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 2: enough with my parents so that we can all go

615
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 2: and have a good time. I'm actually looking forward to

616
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 2: it now that I know that my fiance has a

617
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 2: more realistic expectation.

618
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 3: Okay, Cheryl says taking him to a family wedding might

619
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 3: not be the best time to do the introduction inter

620
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: assume when nothing else is going on. I wholeheartedly agree

621
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 3: with this because it, Yeah, she's asking the cousins a

622
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 3: lot of Yeah, okay if I know the cousin and

623
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 3: I know the family and the dynamic.

624
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 2: No, it's just adding a lot of drama to the wedding,

625
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 2: which is frustrating. Like I think it's the bride. You'd

626
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 2: be like, Okay, you're bringing this new person that you

627
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 2: know that all the you know, parents are gonna hate.

628
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 1: Uh.

629
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: And I get that maybe like maybe she even understands

630
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 2: that the parents kind of suck, but she's like it's

631
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 2: about me my day.

632
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, this is wild.

633
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna call my parents tonight. I will post an

634
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 2: update to let everyone know the out and there is

635
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 2: a second update. I wanted to come back and say

636
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,439
Speaker 2: thanks and gave an update. My fiance and I actually

637
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 2: read the post together. He was more prepared for my parents'

638
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: reaction than I realized, but still not entirely. I spoke

639
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 2: to my parents last night and it was horrible, really horrible.

640
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 2: My parents don't know how to use Skype, so I

641
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 2: called them from my cell to see if they would

642
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 2: get on FaceTime with me. I don't have an iPhone,

643
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: I use Android, but my fiance's work phone is an iPhone,

644
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: so I called them back from his phone. Bad idea.

645
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 2: I told them alone while my fiance was prepping dinner.

646
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: Our plan was that he would come into the room

647
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 2: with me if they acted decently, which they didn't. After

648
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,959
Speaker 2: I told them, my mom left the room where she

649
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: was sitting with my dad and went to another room.

650
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 2: He started breaking things, being super dramatic by coming back

651
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 2: into the room occasionally to hurl insults. My dad stayed

652
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 2: on the phone and told me that I'm a pos

653
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,959
Speaker 2: I'm destroying my life in theirs. I'm ungrateful. He finally

654
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 2: asked me to be decent and stay gone before he disconnected.

655
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I mean, like you already you already

656
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 2: have a bad relationship with the parents, But wow, like

657
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 2: just what a horrible horbor reaction.

658
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, breaking things just that is I'm the

659
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 3: most stupid thing I've ever heard. Oh I disagree with someone,

660
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go to my house and break my old things.

661
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 2: That's true. You're breaking your own things. You'ren't even breaking

662
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: their things.

663
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, big brain.

664
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 2: The parents are really yeah.

665
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

666
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Oh, I gotta go buy a new TV.

667
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 3: Thanks Opie for being the worst daughter ever. Yeah, this

668
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 3: is all your fault thinking they have a TV that's

669
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 3: the same size as Michael in the office, Like oh

670
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 3: oh yeah, er oh great, great episode.

671
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: The icing on the cake was when they had my

672
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: older brother call back on my fiance's phone. At first,

673
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: he said that my dad was taking my mom to

674
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 2: the er because I caused her to have a breakdown,

675
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 2: But then it just degenerated into more verbal abuse. It

676
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 2: became pretty clear that he was just calling to be disgusting.

677
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: I tried asking him to please leave us alone and stop,

678
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 2: but he won't stop calling. Now the small I'm getting

679
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 2: pestering texts from his wife's phone number as well. I

680
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: don't know which of them is sending it, but it

681
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 2: turned my phone off and I'll think about what to

682
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 2: do later. My family had a delusion that I was

683
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 2: going to eventually end up with the son of a

684
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: family friend, so that has made the entire situation a

685
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: lot worse. I dated the Sun for a short while

686
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 2: years ago, but ended things when he became violent. And

687
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 2: this is what they want for you.

688
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 3: They want you to be in their standards because that's

689
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 3: the only acceptable way.

690
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: No, they literally don't care about your happiness or your

691
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 2: safety at all. They just care about like the visual Yeah,

692
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 2: you know, they care about the optics of your life.

693
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, be done with them.

694
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. My family never accepted my reasons for not wanting

695
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 2: to be with him as good enough, so anytime there's

696
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 2: a family event and he's there, they'll make intrusive comments

697
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 2: and do things to try to force me to entertain

698
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: him or be.

699
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 3: Alone with them.

700
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 2: Ironically, they asked a lot of questions amounting to the

701
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 2: assumption that I'm either with my fiance because I'm afraid

702
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 2: to leave him or pregnant, as if they would actually

703
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: care if I was being mistreated now and they never

704
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 2: cared before. I can't help but wonder what motivates them.

705
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 2: I still need to call my cousin again and let

706
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 2: her know that we aren't going to the wedding. I

707
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 2: need to find out if we can transfer credit to

708
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 2: another hotel and still try to salvage a vacation. I

709
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: don't want to be in the same hotel as my mother,

710
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,719
Speaker 2: or even in the same city if I can avoid it.

711
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that she will not cool down in

712
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 2: a month and will probably try to physically attack me

713
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 2: if we're in the same venue. By the way, you

714
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 2: should cool down and listen to another full episodes stories

715
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 2: just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or

716
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 2: ieart Radio and search up Okay storytime to listen to

717
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 2: the cool, soothing tones of the summer. But there is

718
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: a little bit left to the story. Do you have

719
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 2: be fine with thought?

720
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 3: I want this to be on the Worst Mothers Ever

721
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 3: compilations that we have.

722
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know, you've got a new family with

723
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: your fiance, and hopefully it seems like his family's pretty cool.

724
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: Yep.

725
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 2: So it's just like focusing on that, and it really

726
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 2: is horrible and sad that you don't have the support

727
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 2: of your family, but you know, just like realizing that

728
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 2: you do have support. I'm also pretty sure that my

729
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 2: cousin is still gonna be annoyed with me even though

730
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 2: I'm re imbursing her for the cost of our attendants

731
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: and sending her a gift. I just don't feel right

732
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 2: leaving my fiance at home when he hasn't done anything wrong.

733
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to condone my parents' behavior, and frankly,

734
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 2: if they can't accept me and the man I love

735
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 2: and trust us both with respect, I really don't care

736
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 2: to have a relationship with them. If they need me,

737
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 2: I'll be there for them, but for the sake of

738
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 2: my own mental health, I can't handle them anymore anyway.

739
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 2: Thanks again for all your comments and kind supportive messages

740
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 2: and comments really quickly to finish the story off. Comment

741
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: one says, send them a short, quick to the point

742
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 2: message from your phone or whatever service you feel like,

743
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 2: and then block them if anyone else contacts you regarding

744
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: them in any rude way. Instant block mom, Dad, I

745
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: will not be contacting you until you decide to act

746
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 2: like adults and treat me in my fiance with respect.

747
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 2: Goodbye or something like that. Op he says, I'm kind

748
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 2: of staying away from all my family right now. I

749
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 2: don't want to give anyone and in to reach me

750
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: because past experience makes me feel like none of them

751
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 2: will have anything nice to say. I probably won't send

752
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 2: them any more messages, at least not right now. I'm

753
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 2: tired of begging them to accept me. Plus, I feel

754
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: like if I say or do something that they construe

755
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 2: is rude, they will just use it as fuel to

756
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 2: turn what family I may still have against me. I

757
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: don't want to block them in the event that something

758
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 2: important happens, but for now, I may just until I

759
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 2: feel like I can handle things a bit better, and

760
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 2: that is the end of that story.

761
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,479
Speaker 3: I feel like if you went to the wedding, they

762
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 3: might try to kidnap you, because if they just break

763
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: things in their house just to be like, hey, I'm

764
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 3: with someone and they go crazy, they might try to

765
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 3: kidnap you and make you marriage someone out.

766
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: So don't go for your safety.

767
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 2: I think they'll just cause drama.

768
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: They might I don't know, man, dude, depending on the

769
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 3: heritage or the culture. Dowries go for a pretty penny

770
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 3: these days, and they might try to sell her off. Okay, yeah,

771
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 3: so that's just that's just that's a wild wild thing,

772
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 3: wild wild ding.

773
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 2: But but I think they're they're going to cause problems.

774
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: Is the real problem here, and we don't need them

775
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 2: in our lives.

776
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 3: No, we don't, Hey, John oj Host, We're gonna get

777
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 3: back to the stories, but a quick, free minute break

778
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors. My family refuse to believe me.

779
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 3: Now they expect me to fix everything.

780
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 2: Maybe they should have believed you.

781
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 3: Trigger warning alcoholism. My heavy drinker father was pretty high

782
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 3: functioning until he divorced my mom when I was twelve.

783
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 3: He stopped hiding the drinking around me, so I always

784
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 3: saw him swigging whiskey from the bottle in the middle

785
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 3: of the day, before driving, or even while driving. By

786
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Dad says, I'm chicken crab,

787
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, good,

788
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 3: all slish okay stories, I'm supread. So I saw how

789
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: he couldn't stand up straight or put the keys in

790
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 3: the knistion right. I was in the car when he

791
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 3: ran into things. His side of the family never knew

792
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: or accepted that he was a heavy drinker, and after

793
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 3: my parents' divorce, I was really the only person who

794
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 3: was affected by it.

795
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: Daily.

796
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 3: Not only did his side of the family not believe me,

797
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 3: but they would also tell me that I was wrong

798
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 3: or that I needed to be more thankful that my

799
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 3: father had been such an amazing caregiver to me.

800
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 2: Where are they getting their information from him?

801
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:54,239
Speaker 1: Probably him?

802
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was like, I'm an I'm an incredible dab

803
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 2: Oh he just kid like. See he said he was

804
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 2: in incredible.

805
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a sleepy. Family members will deny me. He

806
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 3: rides home saying he wasn't drinking or wasn't so bad even.

807
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: Who when he got three duys.

808
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 3: They didn't believe he drank heavily, and certainly didn't believe

809
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 3: he was a heavy drinker.

810
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.

811
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: Your family is very terrible putting you in these situations.

812
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: These people are allergic to facts. Yeah, I studied abroad

813
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: in university. Wonder why?

814
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 3: And he got really bad. Family members blamed me and

815
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 3: my absence for his increasing in drinking. He misses you

816
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 3: so much, it's been hard for him.

817
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't care.

818
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 3: He finally pissed off some of the family by stealing

819
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 3: money and booze from them, and my favorite relatives, Uncle

820
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 3: Owen and Aunt Brew said they were done with him

821
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 3: and were furious with him for drinking. They held a

822
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 3: meeting and we agreed to communicate about everything my dad did.

823
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 3: We weren't going to hide anything or keep secrets from

824
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 3: him anymore. It was just enabling him. This was an

825
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 3: amazing thing for me, since no one had ever believed

826
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 3: me that he was a bad drinker.

827
00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,479
Speaker 1: I felt this.

828
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 3: Huge bird of hiding his drinking or being told I

829
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 3: didn't understand his drinking lifted off from me.

830
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 2: Oh, finally the truth. That must be like so vindicating

831
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 2: and so yeah, I'm telling you this all the time.

832
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,479
Speaker 2: You got three d wives and you didn't. You didn't

833
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 2: think I was telling the truth. Rude.

834
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 3: He has lost many jobs, then his house. He moved

835
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 3: into a low income apartment where he suddenly got clean.

836
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 3: It was a nice time because I was really about

837
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 3: to move abroad for three years, so I wanted to

838
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 3: really enjoy his sober time visiting before I left. I

839
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 3: suspected him of drinking a few times, but ignored it.

840
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 3: Just before Christmas, I went to surprise him with dinner

841
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 3: and caught him drinking heavily, so heavily he could have

842
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 3: set up straight, and I know he didn't remember me

843
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 3: catching him in the act. I just wanted to enjoy

844
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 3: my last Christmas in the country, so I said nothing.

845
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 3: Since Owen and Brew and I had agreed not to

846
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 3: keep his secrets. I sent them all an email telling

847
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 3: them what had happened. They responded saying they printed my

848
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 3: email out and showed my dad because they didn't believe me.

849
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 1: Who Wow.

850
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 3: My dad was furious, saying I was lying. They agreed

851
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 3: with him and emailed me.

852
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 2: Back your favorite on an Uncle.

853
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 3: Saying I needed to be more compassionate and understanding towards him.

854
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: That's so frustrating. It's so frustrating because he's not hiding

855
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 2: anything at all.

856
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 3: He was working so hard to be sober, but was

857
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 3: discouraged by my lack of faith. They told me that

858
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 3: I misunderstood the situation and they believed he had been drinking.

859
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 3: I couldn't believe they would believe a lying, stealing, heavy

860
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 3: drinker over me. Hurt, I responded to the email and

861
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 3: told him to have off and not to email me

862
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 3: about him anymore. Just a few days before I left

863
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 3: the country for three years. They had really strained my

864
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 3: relationship with my dad, who was calling me frequently saying

865
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 3: I was chicken crap and I needed to call him

866
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 3: back so I could hear his side of the story.

867
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:50,240
Speaker 3: I went abroad with horrible relationships between everyone. My dad

868
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 3: sends me rude letters demanding I understand how hard his

869
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,919
Speaker 3: life is and seeing things from his point of view.

870
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,479
Speaker 3: Others send me emails about how I need to fix

871
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 3: all these relationship problems, or that it's my fault he

872
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 3: drinks so much because I'm not at home and I

873
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 3: can't and I can't keep his drinks away from him.

874
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 2: Lock all of them, Lock all of them. And as

875
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 2: Caz says, my analogy was weird, I've actually been working

876
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: on just like riffing spitballing analogies.

877
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like them.

878
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 2: I likes I don't know if you've noticed them.

879
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 3: I noticed that one whenever you exposed it a lot.

880
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 3: He lost his low income apartment and moved in with

881
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 3: his mom, who then had no choice but to punt

882
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 3: him out because he was drinking heavily, shouting at her

883
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 3: and stealing her pain medications. So he's in a homely shelter.

884
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: Now.

885
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 3: Everyone tells me he's a disaster. He can't stop drinking,

886
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 3: He's having seizures when he tries to stop. He's had

887
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 3: multiple concussions from falling down while drinking, slash seizing. He

888
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 3: stopped caring for himself, so he's skin and bones, his

889
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 3: hair's grown out, and he's had to have all his

890
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 3: teeth pulled out. Oh my gosh, this is terrible.

891
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,919
Speaker 2: And that and that's all of your family who didn't

892
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 2: do anything to stop this.

893
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: Not your responsibility, no goodness.

894
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 2: Gracious, they all ignored it. They all ignored it, and

895
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 2: they blamed it on you, and that's that's their fault.

896
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 3: I'm getting home in a few weeks to all of this.

897
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 3: I haven't seen him in three years, and I'm not

898
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: sure what to do. I don't know if I want

899
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,240
Speaker 3: a relationship with him. The biggest punter is I'm getting

900
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 3: married in a few months and everything is more complicated

901
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 3: with the wedding. People are telling me I need to

902
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 3: patch things up before the wedding. Nope, or else they'll

903
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 3: never be patched up good. I find this hard to believe.

904
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,280
Speaker 3: I don't know if I should invite my own father

905
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 3: to the wedding. Besides how poorly he treats me, He's

906
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 3: very emotional and could make a huge scene. Worst case scenario,

907
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 3: if he tries to get sober, he could have a

908
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,800
Speaker 3: seizure at the wedding. I almost want him to drink

909
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,280
Speaker 3: at the wedding so he doesn't have another huge seizure

910
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 3: like he did at another family event a few years ago.

911
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 3: Since I told my aunt and uncle to f off,

912
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 3: we have communicated for three years. My grandmother from that

913
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 3: side of the family seemed to be on their side

914
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 3: and tell me that I need to apologize to them.

915
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,760
Speaker 3: But I feel like what they did was a betrayal

916
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 3: of trust. So if it's worth fixing, how do I

917
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 3: fix it? How do I handle a homeless, toothless, heavily

918
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,800
Speaker 3: drinker dad at a wedding? How do I fix everything

919
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 3: off with everyone coming one? Is there any reason why

920
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 3: they aren't helping him? Why do they think that you

921
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 3: can only help him? Even back when you were only

922
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,879
Speaker 3: a child, you went to people you thought you could trust,

923
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 3: your uncle and in and they straight up said you

924
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 3: were lying, even though you had all the previously agreed

925
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 3: to not hide what he was doing. This is all

926
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 3: very toxic in general, Opie says. I think they think

927
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 3: they're helping him. They have gave him lots of money,

928
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,399
Speaker 3: and my grandma gave him a place to live off

929
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 3: and on. Because they put so much blame on me

930
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 3: for their drinking, I think they're twisted enough to believe

931
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 3: he'll become sober when I return or something. None of them. No,

932
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 3: I'm leaving again. I'm getting a lot of comments like,

933
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 3: thank goodness you'll be here next Christmas. This Christmas was

934
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,720
Speaker 3: so hard for him since you were gone. It's crazy

935
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 3: toxic and my mom doesn't realize it either. Telling Internet

936
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,760
Speaker 3: strangers about this finally opening up my eyes to how

937
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 3: not okay any of this is. Until recently, this was

938
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 3: my reality and it seemed okay or just a burden

939
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 3: I had to bear, and we got an update.

940
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: Wow, dude.

941
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 2: I mean the fact that your mom is on the

942
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 2: picture and like nothing is changing is just shocking.

943
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: Can you sue? Is there a way to sue? You're

944
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: your whole family.

945
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: You just have to go to no contact.

946
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: But can we get money out of this? No?

947
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 2: I mean you can say, like the they're enabling the

948
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 2: father in somewhere. I don't know.

949
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't want them to go to president. I

950
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 3: just want money out of it.

951
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: Dude. I got I got a honeymoon coming around the corner.

952
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: I got it. I got a wedding, that's true.

953
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 2: I just want dad to I just want him to

954
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 2: be in like I want him to get care like

955
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,800
Speaker 2: this is just sad update.

956
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 3: Thank you so much to everyone who responded. I've never

957
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 3: posted on Reddit before. I was so convinced people to

958
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 3: say I probably didn't know he was drinking when I

959
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 3: was a child, or that I was the blamed for

960
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 3: being out of the country. I've thought about everything everyone

961
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 3: has said, and we'll keep thinking about it for this

962
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 3: for a while. I have a week until I fly

963
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 3: back home, and we'll just keep chewing on all this

964
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 3: information during this time. I've already skyped my mom. We

965
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 3: had a good talk. She never meant to pressure me

966
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 3: to fix everything. She was just trying too hard to

967
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 3: make me happy and try to create a perfect situation

968
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 3: or the wedding. After talking, we both agreed this will

969
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 3: never happen. She is not taking any steps to repair

970
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 3: anything and is not pressuring me to do anything with anyone.

971
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 3: There really isn't anything to repair. It's completely broken. We're

972
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 3: both on the same page now with that. The weddings

973
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 3: in June and I haven't sent out the imitations, but

974
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 3: I'm about to.

975
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 1: I know for sure I will.

976
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 3: Not invite Uncle Owen or Aunt Brew And as for

977
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 3: my dad, it's a really hard decision, but he probably

978
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 3: won't be coming ninety five percent sure. As for everyone

979
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 3: else who has been blaming me for causing his drinking

980
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 3: by being gone, I'll have to really do some soul

981
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: searching and aside what they mean to me. This is

982
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 3: the thing I go from. One Have they been in

983
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 3: your life for the past year? Have you talked to

984
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: him within the past year?

985
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 1: Two?

986
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 3: Will they add any beneficial facts or fun at the wedding?

987
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 3: If it's no to both of them, not invited, Bye,

988
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 3: not worth it.

989
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 2: But I don't invite them.

990
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,720
Speaker 1: You're better off finding someone with some other family.

991
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 2: Weddings are for people who will support you, yep, and

992
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 2: this is not them. I have never once supported you.

993
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: Update two.

994
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 3: In my last update, I talked about how my dad

995
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 3: was on a homeless shelter for stealing pain meds from

996
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 3: my grandmother. Well that didn't last long. He was back

997
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 3: living with her. Almost immediately when I got home from

998
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 3: being abroad, I was completely inundated with stories of how

999
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 3: good slash bad he's doing. Everyone had an agenda to

1000
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 3: either keep me away from him or to try to

1001
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 3: trick me into patching things up with him. My mom

1002
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 3: called my dad and told him not to come see

1003
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 3: me or call or anything. Amazingly, he respected this and

1004
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 3: has never called me or come to where I'm staying.

1005
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 3: He has, however, randomly come over to Grandma's house while

1006
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 3: I was there. She is extremely upset that he and

1007
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 3: I aren't speaking, so we're not sure if she had

1008
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 3: him over to trick me into seeing him, or if

1009
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 3: he came over because he knew I would be there.

1010
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,240
Speaker 3: It was really terrible seeing him and made me feel

1011
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 3: really guilty that we don't have a relationship. Grandma has

1012
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 3: become just awful to visit. She only believes what her

1013
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 3: children say and doesn't care about what I say. My

1014
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 3: dad's been a heavy drinker all my life, and after

1015
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 3: the divorce I had to baby sit him a lot.

1016
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: Well.

1017
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 3: She goes on and on like suring me that he's

1018
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 3: only been a heavy drinker for about four years and

1019
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 3: that he's been a wonderful father to me. Once she

1020
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,760
Speaker 3: brought up a lot of painful things, and I repeated

1021
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,479
Speaker 3: over and over that I wasn't going to talk about

1022
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 3: it until I was basically shouting at her to stop.

1023
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 3: She won't listen to me or respect me. I went

1024
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 3: to a counselor who really couldn't slash, wouldn't give me

1025
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,720
Speaker 3: advice if he should come to the wedding.

1026
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, not even the counselor is helping her.

1027
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:13,280
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

1028
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 3: I ended up talking a lot more about the problems

1029
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 3: I was having with my mom, noticing how manipulative and

1030
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 3: awful my mom has been to me, and helping me

1031
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 3: deal with my role as her caregiver as well. This

1032
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 3: opened a whole new can of worms, and my counselor

1033
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 3: said she can't Slash won't diagnose my mom, but it

1034
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 3: sounds a lot like borderline personality disorder. So that was

1035
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 3: another carecaker deal in my life, her manipulation, mood swings, anger, blame,

1036
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,240
Speaker 3: and me growing up tiptoeing around her all the time.

1037
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 3: It's not relevant to the heavy drinking other than I

1038
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 3: think she tried to keep my dad out of the

1039
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 3: wedding not to protect me, but because she had to

1040
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 3: have me all to herself. So even people in my

1041
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 3: corner air quotes aren't really doing it to be good people.

1042
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 3: Ohen and Bruce sent a pathetic little wedding card a

1043
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 3: couple of days before the wedding. We still didn't invite them,

1044
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 3: even if it was their peace offering. The wedding was

1045
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 3: pretty great and I didn't really feel anyone's absence. It

1046
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 3: was so nice. Grandma had a post wedding brunch, though,

1047
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 3: and Owen got furies at the mention of wedding pictures

1048
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 3: and shouted at some people, So it seems like it

1049
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 3: really bothers them that they weren't invited. The day before

1050
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 3: the wedding, Grandma told me it was unlaving my dad,

1051
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 3: knowing he wasn't coming, we still didn't invite him, but

1052
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean a lot of tears weren't shed at

1053
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 3: how awful I felt and was being made to feel.

1054
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 3: The day before we got back from the honeymoon, my

1055
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 3: dad came over with presents he had wanted to give

1056
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 3: me at the wedding. They're probably drawings. I had to

1057
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 3: open them. It hurts so much that he is still

1058
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 3: a nice person deep down, so it unlives me that

1059
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 3: he's sober sometimes and I miss out on those days.

1060
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,280
Speaker 3: He mentioned to my mom that she can either forgive

1061
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 3: me or not.

1062
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: It's fine.

1063
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 3: It's not like he's apologized, and I'm not sure how

1064
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 3: much of it is forgiveness. His lies are the whole

1065
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 3: reason I don't have a family anymore. Finally, I heard

1066
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 3: from a family member that Owen and Brews's story is

1067
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 3: a lie. They've been telling everyone to get them on

1068
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 3: their side. The truth from the last post is that

1069
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 3: we went to dinner with them six years ago. We

1070
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,800
Speaker 3: promised not to lie or cover for a heavy drinking

1071
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 3: dad anymore. Three years later, everyone thought he was sober,

1072
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 3: and then my husband and I called him. Not knowing

1073
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 3: what to do, we emailed Owen and Broom because we

1074
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 3: had a pact. We made a dinner who printed the

1075
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 3: email out and gave it to my dad, causing a

1076
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 3: massive rift between my dad and me, and then causing

1077
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 3: me to write Owen and brew out of my life

1078
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 3: for good.

1079
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 2: The thing is really quick, like OPI says, Oh, it's

1080
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,280
Speaker 2: my dad's fault that, like, I don't have a family anymore,

1081
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 2: And to an extent, I see, yes, like that's true.

1082
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 2: But also the reason you don't have a family with

1083
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 2: these people anymore is because them, like they didn't support you,

1084
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,879
Speaker 2: they weren't there, they made those choices. That has nothing

1085
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 2: to do with your dad. That's them.

1086
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, Dude, here's twelve year old

1087
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 3: fix your dad's drinking.

1088
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's them problem. That's why you don't have a

1089
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 2: family anymore. Like they did that.

1090
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:54,439
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. There's stories that they had me over

1091
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 3: for dinner. Being the loving and caring aunt and uncle

1092
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 3: they are, they wanted to help me out, so they

1093
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 3: explained heavy drink to me and their story. I got

1094
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 3: crazy upset, telling them they were wrong and didn't know

1095
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 3: what they were talking about, and I didn't want to

1096
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 3: hear it, they said. I stood up, shouting and slamming

1097
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 3: doors and telling them I will never wanted to talk

1098
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 3: to them again, and I left their house screaming. The

1099
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 3: only screaming I did was over the email, telling them

1100
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 3: to go f themselves after they betrayed my trust with

1101
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 3: the email and telling me he wasn't drinking what she

1102
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 3: so obviously was and has been lately. Heck, we had

1103
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: a detox a few days before the wedding.

1104
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 2: Dude, he doesn't have teeth. How How are you so blind?

1105
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 3: This is insanely upsetting. The only reason I've been so

1106
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 3: upset with the whole family is they are invalidating my

1107
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 3: experience and caretaking and heavy drinker my whole life. So

1108
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 3: when my grandma says he's only been a heavy drinker

1109
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 3: for a little while, makes me mad because of my childhood.

1110
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like, that makes me mad because that's not true.

1111
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: Dude.

1112
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 3: You know what also sucks, dude, this is a crap story.

1113
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 3: It's like, ope, he probably doesn't have a childhood.

1114
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 2: No, because I mean, you've been like parentified to your

1115
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:01,880
Speaker 2: own parents.

1116
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: You know, low key, you know, hot take.

1117
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 3: If I was president, anyone that went through this, this

1118
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 3: gets added to your Jaba experience on your resume.

1119
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been a caretaker.

1120
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 3: Since I was twelve. That's like eight years. Whenever you

1121
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 3: apply at eighteen or twenty.

1122
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 2: You should get therapy.

1123
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: Get therapy, and you're hired.

1124
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,399
Speaker 3: When my dad was angry about the email, he said,

1125
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 3: I need to call him and get his side of

1126
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 3: the story, as.

1127
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: If there was another side.

1128
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 3: And now I find out my entire family thinks I

1129
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:29,280
Speaker 3: wrote family members out of my life because I couldn't

1130
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 3: accept the truth about alcoholism. I'm the only one who

1131
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 3: was dealing with the heavy drinking or is aware of it.

1132
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 3: It's been my barden to carry my whole life. They've

1133
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 3: only been dealing with it for four or five years

1134
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 3: so now, but I know that everyone believes. I'm not

1135
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 3: sure where to go from here. A lot of people's

1136
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 3: advice was to just stay away.

1137
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: They're right.

1138
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 3: My husband and I live abroad and only return to

1139
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 3: the US for the wedding and a visit. Good you

1140
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 3: leave in one and a half months, but for now

1141
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 3: we're stuck here. I never want to talk to any

1142
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:57,439
Speaker 3: of my family members again when I leave this time,

1143
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 3: but at the same time, that basically means losing my

1144
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,720
Speaker 3: entire family. Also, if I never talked to them again,

1145
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 3: how do I want to leave things. Meanwhile, Grandma is

1146
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 3: probably passing away, but I hate going to her house

1147
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 3: because we're always scared she'll have my Dad or Owen

1148
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: or Brew over to trick us and as she has

1149
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 3: done probably before. And also every visit involves a lecture

1150
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,839
Speaker 3: and blame because she's on her way out. Really don't

1151
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 3: argue back anymore, but.

1152
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:24,839
Speaker 1: It hurts me a lot.

1153
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 3: I also don't know if I should try to tell

1154
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 3: everyone the truth, but we'll tell you the truth that

1155
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 3: You can see crazy stories just like these on your

1156
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 3: favorite podcast platform. Just search up what sofia Okay, the

1157
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 3: story time and boom. They probably are less traumatic than

1158
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 3: this one, hopefully, but yeah, this is wild, dude.

1159
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:41,800
Speaker 1: Ouch.

1160
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, a man gonna cut its head off and finish it.

1161
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 2: Please.

1162
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 3: I thought I was being the bigger person by not

1163
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 3: sharing my side of the story. I have emails that

1164
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 3: were sent and could show them to her, basically providing

1165
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 3: my side of the story. But I don't know if

1166
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 3: I want to do this. She had to go to

1167
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 3: a grave thinking I'm a huge witch that destroyed her family?

1168
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 3: Or should she know how to up? All their kids are?

1169
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 3: So here's my questions? Is it okay too? So I

1170
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 3: she does it get any easier completely riding out family

1171
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 3: members from your life? I know they're bad people, but

1172
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 3: doesn't make it any more of a loss too. He

1173
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 3: didn't come to the wedding, but he was sometimes a

1174
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 3: better person in my life growing up than my mom was.

1175
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 3: Now that I've reached a breaking point with her, his

1176
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 3: loss feels greater. Should I try to see him before

1177
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,839
Speaker 3: I go abroad again. I've been home for four months

1178
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 3: and I haven't seen him, So I'll leave in a

1179
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 3: month and a half.

1180
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 1: Do I tell my family the truth? With emails? I

1181
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: have more or less proof?

1182
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 3: Still, they've proven themselves crazy before, and I'm not sure

1183
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 3: if they'll ever believe me, but maybe it would be

1184
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 3: better to at least put it out there.

1185
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: Put it out there.

1186
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 2: I don't even think that it's going to do anything though. Yeah,

1187
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: Like I think maybe my advice is like, keep your peace, Yeah,

1188
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 2: try and email them anything. They're not going to believe you.

1189
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 1: Oh, they actulutly won't.

1190
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 2: And you know, I think you could see your dad

1191
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,800
Speaker 2: maybe one life that this probably might be the lat Unfortunately,

1192
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 2: it might be the last time that you do see

1193
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 2: him if you're going back abroad, given how severely he's

1194
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 2: you know, gone down ill because of his drinking. So

1195
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 2: I think you could have that moment. Just know that

1196
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 2: it's probably gonna be pretty sad. It's not going to

1197
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 2: be great. There might be like he might you know,

1198
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: be pretty angry. There might be a lot of emotions

1199
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 2: from him that you don't deserve. And just like knowing

1200
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 2: going into it that's it's like, it's not your fault,

1201
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 2: you haven't done anything wrong, but having that one last

1202
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 2: moment to see it agreed to people out of.

1203
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 3: Your life reading guys, that is the internet story.

1204
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1205
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1206
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 2: I stop paying rent to my mother because we're losing

1207
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 2: the house anyway.

1208
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I've been there, done that.

1209
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 2: Hello, everybody who bothers to read this post. From the title,

1210
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 2: you're probably thinking, yeah, you're the ale here, as of

1211
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 2: course you need to pay rent. But hear me out.

1212
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 2: I've been sitting on this for a few months, mostly

1213
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 2: because I noticed how jumbled everything was when I tried

1214
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 2: to write, well, everything was going on. I was pretty

1215
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 2: emotional at the time. By the way, this comes from username,

1216
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:00,160
Speaker 2: and if you want to spit your own story, go

1217
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 2: to our slashowcase storytime Separate.

1218
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: Who is username No underscore Baker thirty five twenty one.

1219
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 2: No no underscore Baker thirty five twenty one. Thank you

1220
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 2: for your story adding something here After typing this up,

1221
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 2: this is kind of long. I'd grab some popcorn and

1222
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 2: your favorite drink before reading further.

1223
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: We're not allowed to eat on the stream.

1224
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 2: We're not a lot easier. We have to keep reading

1225
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 2: for some context. I twenty six female, used to live

1226
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 2: with my mom fifty female. After hitting some to hardships,

1227
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 2: my boyfriend twenty seven male, also live with us, as

1228
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 2: well as my stepdad forty one male. I deceased, brothers

1229
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 2: three kids, three male, six female, and eleven female, and

1230
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 2: my cousin twenty five female with her baby too female

1231
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 2: or the end. My other brother thirty two male, was

1232
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 2: also staying with us temporarily. This was pretty inconvenient, but

1233
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,319
Speaker 2: we made things work. Starting around July or August, I

1234
00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 2: noticed my mom acting weird, not like her usual self.

1235
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 2: I tried really hard to be there for her, but

1236
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 2: she had a tendency to shut down on me. When

1237
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 2: I tried, she would start ignoring me and playing on

1238
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 2: her phone ring our conversations. This became a habit, and

1239
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,279
Speaker 2: eventually I quit reaching out. Like they say, you can

1240
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,760
Speaker 2: lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

1241
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 2: She had to want help, and she acted like she didn't.

1242
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,240
Speaker 2: Eventually she started opening up only because she was cheating

1243
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,919
Speaker 2: on my stepdad and wanted someone to talk to. Don't

1244
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 2: talk to me about it.

1245
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I talked to a therapist about that. Do not

1246
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: for one second wrap me up in that manner.

1247
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 2: I don't want to be involved.

1248
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1249
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 2: I was not the one for that conversation, as I've

1250
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,879
Speaker 2: been in a relationship for nine years and couldn't even

1251
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 2: think about cheating. I explained that it would be better

1252
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 2: for her to talk to my stepdad and be honest

1253
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: with him. She didn't like that and really quit talking

1254
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 2: to me. She started bringing this guy over on weekends

1255
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 2: while my dad was out working with my brother a

1256
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 2: few hours away. IS company paid for hotel, and my

1257
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 2: stepdad would stay with him during the week and come

1258
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,280
Speaker 2: home on weekends. She also quit communicating with me about

1259
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 2: important things. I was simply living there and didn't have

1260
00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:59,280
Speaker 2: much say, but I was never shy about expressing my concerns.

1261
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 2: Now years where things get hard. My mom is extremely

1262
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 2: avoidant and dodge's conflict way too often. I noticed she

1263
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 2: was starting to hit rock bottom, and no matter how

1264
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 2: hard I tried, I couldn't pick her up, and she

1265
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 2: wouldn't talk to anyone about it. She was struggling, and eventually.

1266
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:17,280
Speaker 1: I figured out why.

1267
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 2: For context, our rent was split between us. The total

1268
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 2: rent was twenty one hundred a month. I started by

1269
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 2: paying seven hundred until my cousin moved in, and then

1270
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,280
Speaker 2: I paid five hundred, She paid two hundred, my stepdad

1271
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 2: paid nine hundred, and my mom was only responsible for

1272
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 2: the remaining five hundred. I got paid weekly, so I

1273
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 2: just gave her one hundred and twenty five dollars every week.

1274
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 2: I even offered to pay part of the utilities, but

1275
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 2: my mom insisted everything was fine. Then the constable showed

1276
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,479
Speaker 2: up at our house for the first time.

1277
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: Not the constable.

1278
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:48,920
Speaker 2: I was shocked when he told me we were behind

1279
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:54,240
Speaker 2: on rent by six thousand dollars. H'all are like three

1280
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:55,480
Speaker 2: months behind on rent.

1281
00:53:56,000 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 1: That's twelve months of her not paying her part. Yeah,

1282
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 1: but like, y'all should be knowing if she's paying her

1283
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 1: part or not. I assume, right, I assume that your

1284
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: landlord wouldn't be accepting rent checks that are five hundred

1285
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: dollars short of what.

1286
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 2: We have gotten any So unless he was talking to

1287
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,879
Speaker 2: her the mother this whole time and not to.

1288
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:23,080
Speaker 1: Ope, but even still, that's like, yeah, that's that's three

1289
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: months of rent.

1290
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, how did that? How did that happen?

1291
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 2: I wanted to cry, as she had never mentioned any

1292
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 2: problems at first. She played it off, well, that's weird.

1293
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 2: I just got off the phone with the landlord and

1294
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,760
Speaker 2: he said everything was fine, don't worry. I have everything

1295
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 2: under control. I should have known better. A week went

1296
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 2: by and I paid my share of the rent, trying

1297
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:45,439
Speaker 2: to get back to normal. Then I came home from

1298
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 2: work to fine paperwork tape to the door. This time

1299
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 2: I read the first few lines. It was another eviction

1300
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 2: action notice. I took pictures and left the packet on

1301
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 2: the door for my mom to find. Unfortunately, I no

1302
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 2: longer have the pictures, as I broke that phone and

1303
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 2: can't retrieve it anything from it. At this point, my

1304
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 2: anxiety was through the roof. I tried talking to her,

1305
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,840
Speaker 2: but she just told me to keep paying rent as usual.

1306
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 2: I couldn't help but express my concerns, but she shrugged

1307
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 2: them off. This is where I beat myself up. My

1308
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,239
Speaker 2: gut was screaming at me. I didn't want to be

1309
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 2: in that house anymore, and I even told my boyfriend

1310
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 2: how worried I was. I'm confused why you would continue

1311
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 2: to pay rent when you're getting eviction notices.

1312
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: Right like, that's kind of what you do unless you're

1313
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 1: gonna be able to pay all that right away.

1314
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 2: Time to stop paying rent, yeah, or just like go

1315
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 2: directly to the landlord. I don't understand why.

1316
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 1: You would who's on the least.

1317
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 2: That's also trusting your mother when she clearly is not paying.

1318
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 1: Who is legally liable for this rent money on paper?

1319
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:44,800
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1320
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 1: Who is?

1321
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 3: Well?

1322
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 1: No, I mean, what is this situation where somehow six

1323
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,719
Speaker 1: thousand dollars can just be not accounted for?

1324
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that OPI is not on the lease because

1325
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 2: otherwise the landlord would probably go straight to her for payment.

1326
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm yeah, it's yeah, or for her. You

1327
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: are missing a lot of important info here, for sure.

1328
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 2: This was the first time I considered beholding my paychecks

1329
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 2: to save for an apartment. My boyfriend really wanted to

1330
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 2: trust my mom, though, as he had recently started a

1331
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 2: job and was paying her four fifty. This was news

1332
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 2: to me, but I figured it would be okay if

1333
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 2: he thought so. Boy was I wrong. The constable showed

1334
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 2: up a third time. Not once did my mom have

1335
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 2: to speak with him, which really pissed me off. I

1336
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 2: hate unexpected situations like this. He was very adamant that

1337
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 2: if he had to come back again, we would only

1338
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 2: have ten minutes to grab what we could and leave.

1339
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 2: Now I was scared. I had talked to my mom

1340
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,280
Speaker 2: so many times and she had even said some pretty

1341
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,760
Speaker 2: hurtful things to me. I gave up trying to reason

1342
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 2: with her and reached out to the landlord directly. I

1343
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 2: had never spoken to him before. I just don't understand

1344
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 2: why you had never spoken to him.

1345
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: I feel like we've got some youth in this story.

1346
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 2: For six.

1347
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: I feel like we have some people who have stayed

1348
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: pretty close to home. Maybe yes, this might be their

1349
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: only situation they're aware of or fromailiar with.

1350
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 2: I agree.

1351
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 1: I think there's a little bit of tay you gotta

1352
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 1: look out for at some point. But it's really hard

1353
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 1: to say when you've probably been conditioned to look out

1354
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 1: for the family first, yeah, forever and then, but like

1355
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 1: at some point you do have to like cover yourself,

1356
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 1: watch out for yourself.

1357
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 2: I just think save that money for you in general,

1358
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 2: regardless of if it is a family member or a

1359
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:24,439
Speaker 2: close friend. If you get a visit from someone who says, hey,

1360
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 2: six thousand dollars hasn't been paid and your and I

1361
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 2: mean no p's has a job, is getting money, yeah,

1362
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: just just check in. You can be like, hey, mom,

1363
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 2: did you check in? And if she goes, oh, it's fine,

1364
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:37,920
Speaker 2: it's fun. Like just double check. I have never spoken

1365
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:40,800
Speaker 2: to him before, so I was in for a huge surprise.

1366
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: I sent him a lengthy text explaining that I was

1367
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 2: concerned my mom wasn't telling me the truth and asked

1368
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 2: what was going on. Later that day, he called me

1369
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 2: and dropped a bombshell. We were no longer on a

1370
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 2: yearly lease. We had been staying there on a month

1371
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 2: to month basis. He had been trying to work with

1372
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 2: my mom in payments, but at some point everything got derailed.

1373
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 2: It was like pulling teeth to get a hold of

1374
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 2: her or receive any form of payment. Then he told

1375
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 2: me he hadn't seen a single dime for all of

1376
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 2: November twenty twenty four. I was heartbroken.

1377
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: Ooh, wait, what's she spending that money on?

1378
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 2: I had been paying my mom all that money for

1379
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 2: what my money, my boyfriend's money, everyone's money was being

1380
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 2: sent to her and no one knew where it was going.

1381
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 2: She was clearly using it to set herself up elsewhere.

1382
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 2: I had noticed that when the constable was showing up,

1383
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 2: she was never home. Even my brother complained about how

1384
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 2: she avoided him and would only come home for five

1385
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 2: to ten minutes before leaving. She had also started taking

1386
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 2: some of her things. Little by little, she's moving out,

1387
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 2: She's stealing your money, and she's moving out. It all

1388
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 2: made sense, and it hurt so bad. She had lied

1389
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 2: so much and basically thrown us to the wolves. At

1390
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 2: this point, I stopped sending her money, and though I

1391
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,040
Speaker 2: wish I had done it sooner, if my brother had

1392
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 2: gotten an airbnb, my boyfriend and I would have to

1393
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 2: sleep in our car with our two cats and tortoise.

1394
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 2: I'd drive a Prius, so that would have been Thankfully,

1395
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 2: I learned how blessed I am to have certain people

1396
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 2: in my life. My boyfriend and I had saved up

1397
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 2: everything we could and managed to get a place. Shout

1398
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 2: out to my two regular customers who've heard about my

1399
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,800
Speaker 2: situation and gave me one hundred dollars each. They were

1400
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 2: the only reason we were able to move in on time.

1401
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 2: It's closer to my job and has given me a

1402
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,880
Speaker 2: sense of peace. I am still dealing with the fact

1403
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:24,440
Speaker 2: that my mom forged my signature on the lease. Soon

1404
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 2: soon What is going on? Can we sue her?

1405
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 1: Where did this come from?

1406
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 2: I know I never signed anything and the only time

1407
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 2: I saw the lease was when my mom showed me

1408
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 2: that the house was on HOA property. Because of this,

1409
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 2: I am now being hit with half her debt. Her

1410
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 2: debt grew due to court and constable fees, bringing the

1411
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 2: total to over sixteen thousand dollars. Thankfully, after explaining my

1412
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 2: side to the landlord, I only have to pay two

1413
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 2: thousand dollars.

1414
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: You should have to pay nothing.

1415
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 2: I mean, I think you should go to court and say, hey,

1416
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 2: my signature was forged.

1417
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a victim of fraud. The landlord's like okay,

1418
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 1: he's like okay, making them a fraud.

1419
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,080
Speaker 2: I guess we can swing a little bit less, just.

1420
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,720
Speaker 1: A little two thousand, and then we'll call it a day.

1421
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 2: It still sucks, but it's better than eight thousand. So

1422
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 2: I agreed. A defense lawyer helped me create an agreement

1423
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,800
Speaker 2: stating that once I paid my portion, the landlord couldn't

1424
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 2: report anything to a credit bureau. Oh yay, my credit

1425
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 2: is saved and I won't have an eviction in my name.

1426
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 2: The landlord even wants to help me go after my

1427
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 2: mom for damages. I've thought about it, but I'm currently

1428
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 2: at a load to no contact point with her. What

1429
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 2: she did was awful, but I can't bring myself to

1430
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 2: go after her. Legally, she will get what's coming to her.

1431
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 2: I just don't have to be part of it. I'm

1432
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 2: still frustrated, but honestly, I don't know if I would

1433
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 2: have left at all if this hadn't happened. I was

1434
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 2: already hitting a point where I hated that house, but

1435
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 2: the rent was cheap when split, and I don't think

1436
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 2: I could make it on my own. I will probably

1437
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 2: sit on the fact that I'm not an a hole

1438
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 2: in this situation. I was lied to, stolen from, and

1439
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 2: left homeless due to her failure to communicate. Sometimes I

1440
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:58,360
Speaker 2: think I could have tried harder to help her, or

1441
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 2: I beat myself up for not listening to but I

1442
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 2: am blessed to still have my mom, and I forgive her.

1443
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a very angel baby move right there.

1444
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 2: However, forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, and that's been a

1445
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 2: hard pill to swallow. Not talking to her as difficult,

1446
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:17,479
Speaker 2: but when she expected an apology from me, it made

1447
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 2: it easier to not feel bad about it. That's crazy,

1448
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 2: like insane to be like, you have to apologize to

1449
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 2: me when you literally I stole all your money and

1450
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 2: I used it to pay for a new place.

1451
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need an apology for only letting me defraud

1452
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 1: you for sixteen thousand dollars.

1453
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 2: She should let me defraud you for more if you

1454
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 2: really loved.

1455
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 1: Me, Yeah, if you're even your mother. Yeah, yeah, that.

1456
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 2: Was way more than I expected. And I may have

1457
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 2: missed a few notes, but that's okay. It's late and

1458
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 2: I get to go to court tomorrow for a whole

1459
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:51,640
Speaker 2: other reason thanks to anyone reading. But you guys can

1460
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 2: listen to us read more stories just like this. Just

1461
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 2: go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search a

1462
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:01,280
Speaker 2: pokey storytime. But there is a witt bit's left to

1463
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 2: this story, way obey of so a little bit left

1464
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 2: to this story to be final thoughts.

1465
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:08,480
Speaker 1: Uh, I would say legally like try to not pay

1466
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:10,920
Speaker 1: the two thousand, although it sounds like you were gonna

1467
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 1: be on the hook for that, and I'm sure that

1468
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 1: you can manage that with like a payment plan or something. Yeah,

1469
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 1: your mom being like I need an apology makes it

1470
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 1: way easier to stop caring about it.

1471
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I'm sorry, I won't be talking to

1472
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 2: you anymore.

1473
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sorry. You live in like a weird, delusional land

1474
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 1: where the person who was defrauded needs to apologize to

1475
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 1: the person who defrauded them.

1476
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 3: Weird.

1477
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 1: Weird, Yeah, but.

1478
01:02:35,720 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 2: But there's a little bit more, just some extra stuff

1479
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 2: to clarify. Yes, I live with my mom. No, not

1480
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 2: for twenty six years. This was about three to four years.

1481
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 2: I lived with my boyfriend and his family, but they

1482
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,920
Speaker 2: are on a whole other level. Crap so desperate times

1483
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,520
Speaker 2: called for desperate measures, and then I moved in with

1484
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 2: my mom for support. I paid her rent. Since living

1485
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:56,360
Speaker 2: with her, we lived in two different houses during the

1486
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:58,440
Speaker 2: three to four years we stayed with her. My passed

1487
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 2: away brother's kid ended up getting sent back to their

1488
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:02,240
Speaker 2: mom before crap hit the fan.

1489
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 1: They're doing great, thank goodness.

1490
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 2: My cousin got a place near my mom. I have

1491
01:03:06,520 --> 01:03:08,880
Speaker 2: no idea where that is, but it is nearby. My

1492
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 2: brother moved to New Mexico to be with his dad.

1493
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 2: We have different dads. Never have we considered each other

1494
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 2: half siblings though my stepdad I don't know if he

1495
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 2: knows she cheated. I wanted to tell him, but I

1496
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 2: couldn't bring myself to get in the middle of her crap.

1497
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 2: I have no idea where he is. He left due

1498
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:27,800
Speaker 2: to substances and ended up in the hospital. He's fine,

1499
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:33,600
Speaker 2: got out and disappeared, and everyone's just getting out of there.

1500
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 2: Skanatling uh. Someone yelled, scattered and they all they all

1501
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 2: common one. Did she give you receipts when you paid rent?

1502
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:45,080
Speaker 2: I'd go after her, since you're still in the hook

1503
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 2: two thousand dollars, She's probably confident that you won't do anything.

1504
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 2: Obie says she never gave me anything to show I

1505
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:52,520
Speaker 2: paid her, but I do have bank statements for the

1506
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:54,960
Speaker 2: months she never paid. The lawyer mentioned that's all I

1507
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 2: needed to prove I was paying, or I could easily

1508
01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 2: do something about it. But I think she already is

1509
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 2: going through a lot. I mean, she put you through

1510
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:04,120
Speaker 2: a lot. Ope, he's too kind.

1511
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 1: Such a little angel baby.

1512
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 2: Plus the landlord will be hitting her for over fourteen

1513
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 2: thousand dollars and I'm only dealing with two thousand. I

1514
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:15,480
Speaker 2: believe in karma and it will come back around even

1515
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 2: if I'm not involved. I also think what's holding me

1516
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 2: back is I want to be nothing like her, and

1517
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 2: I know she's the type of person who hurts others

1518
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 2: at their lowest. At this point, I'm doing better than

1519
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:29,160
Speaker 2: she is despite the situation. She's alone, has outrageous fines

1520
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:31,280
Speaker 2: and fees to pay, and I learned she's living in

1521
01:04:31,320 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 2: a crappy extended stay motel. If I do anything, I'll

1522
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:37,120
Speaker 2: be no better than her. At this point, she can

1523
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 2: keep her confidence. For all I care, I have so

1524
01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 2: much more