Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to cheek Ease and Chill. I
Speaker 1: have some very exciting news to share. So Apple Podcasts
Speaker 1: has this program called Spotlight. Basically, they pick one podcast
Speaker 1: they love and highlight it for an entire month so
Speaker 1: that more people can find it. That's right. Apple's editorial
Speaker 1: team listens to thousands of podcasts and they chose cheek
Speaker 1: Ease and Chill. It's the first I Heart podcast to
Speaker 1: be highlighted, so I'm super excited about this. So if
Speaker 1: it's your first time listening to the show, welcome, and
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. And if you've been with
Speaker 1: me for a while, you know how I feel about you. A.
Speaker 1: Chickens and Chill is my comfort zone. I talk about
Speaker 1: anything and everything. Since I have you here, I wanted
Speaker 1: to remind you of some of my favorite episodes. We
Speaker 1: have one on cheating a betrayal, losing my mom Jenny,
Speaker 1: and a really important one with my fertility doctor on
Speaker 1: freezing my eggs. And of course I've had interviews with
Speaker 1: some special guests, so be sure to check those out too.
Speaker 1: New episodes drop every month to you guys, rate subscribe
Speaker 1: to Chickens and Chill. Don't forget now, let's start the show.
Speaker 1: The one and only Whitney Cookie fame has changed. People
Speaker 1: either come up to you, they know what you've had
Speaker 1: for breakfast, They've seen all my specials, and their friend
Speaker 1: is like, who's that. I was taught like you need
Speaker 1: to have your children early so that you can grow
Speaker 1: up with them. That stuff is wild to me, And
Speaker 1: I think the reason that I actually am chill about
Speaker 1: the kids thing is I froze my ex when I
Speaker 1: was thirty three. Younger guys know that dating younger girls
Speaker 1: is an actual liability. Twenty year old aren't that good
Speaker 1: at sex? Yeah, they're still learning. I know. I wasn't
Speaker 1: that great in my twenties. Hello everyone, Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: I am so excited for today's episode. It's going to
Speaker 1: be a really great one. That's because I have an
Speaker 1: incredible guest with us today. In my opinion, she's one
Speaker 1: of the funniest people on the planet and I can't
Speaker 1: wait to talk to her. So let's get into this.
Speaker 1: This is chickies and chill. I almost feel like this
Speaker 1: person doesn't even need an introduction. She's a comedian, actor, writer, producer, director,
Speaker 1: and podcast host. She also just released her fifth comedy
Speaker 1: special Whitney Cummings Jokes on Netflix. Now you guys, okay,
Speaker 1: our guest is the one and only Whitney Coomings. How
Speaker 1: are you, Whitney. I feel like I just witnessed a
Speaker 1: like a broadcasting math class. I wanted to do it
Speaker 1: really nice for you. Okay, but the things that you guys,
Speaker 1: they're gonna cut out a couple of things that I
Speaker 1: just witnessed. But I just witnessed the most pro badass
Speaker 1: gangster ship. Like that was incredible. And you know what
Speaker 1: else you didn't do that was you know what, keep
Speaker 1: all that in or pull it and put it on something.
Speaker 1: Because I want people to see the way that you
Speaker 1: handled like you said something away that you didn't even
Speaker 1: actually want to and a lot of people and they do,
Speaker 1: they go, oh, I said that wrong, and they go
Speaker 1: sorry you start and they get all. You just were like, no,
Speaker 1: this is what human beings do. And I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: fix it and not waste everybody's time with my perfectionism ship.
Speaker 1: And you just went when you said something, You're like,
Speaker 1: she's here up Take three and one too, and she's
Speaker 1: with us today. That was incredible, Thank you so And
Speaker 1: then you also said something that just made me fall
Speaker 1: in love with you, and I'm gonna steal this, which
Speaker 1: is someone off camera asked you if you wanted something,
Speaker 1: and you can answer you just went surprise me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what when I don't know what the hell
Speaker 1: I want? I'm like, you know that was that was
Speaker 1: actually my assistant to say, what do you want to eat?
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know, surprise me. I was like,
Speaker 1: just make me happy today. I mean, but that's a
Speaker 1: magical way of looking at instead of like, you know,
Speaker 1: I want my sugar snappiece with it. You just surprised me,
Speaker 1: and then the person that works for you gets to
Speaker 1: actually feel valued and that's an incredible thing to do
Speaker 1: for the people that work for you. Thank you. For
Speaker 1: those of you who don't know who Whitney comings is, sorry,
Speaker 1: you're just you need to know, you need to know.
Speaker 1: You need to follow her on Instagram. But really quick,
Speaker 1: don't you think there's a new kind of fame, Like
Speaker 1: fame has changed. There's like people either come up to you,
Speaker 1: they know what you've had for breakfast, You've changed their life.
Speaker 1: They have tears streaming down your face. They've read my book,
Speaker 1: they've seen all my specials and then their friend is like,
Speaker 1: who's that. People either know you so well or they
Speaker 1: have never heard of you. Absolutely, I completely agree with you.
Speaker 1: It's like it's I'll go on in the world and
Speaker 1: like I'll go to you know, the airport, and someone
Speaker 1: will be crying like I know everything about you, and
Speaker 1: they'll they'll know more about me than things that I've
Speaker 1: talked about that I forgot about them, like so, how's
Speaker 1: your knee, I'm like what. I'm like, oh, that's right,
Speaker 1: I had any thing. And then the next person, like
Speaker 1: I'll be at Starbucks, I'm like what's your name And
Speaker 1: I'm like Whitney And They're like what Whitney what? And
Speaker 1: I'm like nothing, nothing completely. I I totally get it. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: When did you realize that you were funny? When did
Speaker 1: you realize they you wanted to be a comedian? You know,
Speaker 1: it's interesting because aspiring to be a female comedian was
Speaker 1: never on the table. It's kind of like more unlikely
Speaker 1: than like the president of the United States, the idea
Speaker 1: of you know what I'm gonna there's no proof really
Speaker 1: that anyone wants to hear a woman complain for an
Speaker 1: hour and you have to pay them, and if you
Speaker 1: challenge them or talk back, security removes you. Like there's
Speaker 1: you know, I think most people are like I don't
Speaker 1: want to hear my own wife talk that long, or
Speaker 1: my own girlfriend, or you know. So I saw growing
Speaker 1: up a lot of men that were shushing women, that
Speaker 1: were like, stop whining, stop complaining, that women's feelings were
Speaker 1: a burden. You know, women's feelings were dramatic and hysterical
Speaker 1: and hyper vigilant. We were crazy, we're psychos. And I
Speaker 1: watched that and then, you know, I would watch women
Speaker 1: be kind of shape shift for a man and trying
Speaker 1: to sort of be this perfect step housewife, and then
Speaker 1: when the guy wasn't around, it was hilarious. It was
Speaker 1: just like joke, joke, burn burn, you know, and I
Speaker 1: was like, this is so fun I know, this is funny.
Speaker 1: I think that, you know, guys are so trained to
Speaker 1: believe as soon as a woman has an opinion, or
Speaker 1: as soon as a woman you know, she's you know,
Speaker 1: judging you, she's emasculating you, whatever. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I know the medicine that I got growing up. You know,
Speaker 1: my favorite show growing up is also Roseanne, where it's
Speaker 1: a family that's just roasting each other. That's how That's
Speaker 1: how my family we would just make Thanksgiving Christmas. I mean,
Speaker 1: looking back, it would probably be categorized as like emotional
Speaker 1: abuse today. And also my last name is Coming, so
Speaker 1: I also got bullied so much. I had to learn
Speaker 1: to be able to defend myself. And is it still
Speaker 1: very now that you're like in it? Like, is it
Speaker 1: still very male dominated? You know? It's interesting because I
Speaker 1: don't think it has is a bad thing if something
Speaker 1: is dominated in some way, like no one complains about
Speaker 1: like women dominate the field of nursing, like no one's
Speaker 1: men aren't mad about that. You know. It's like the
Speaker 1: veterinary practice. Federate vets are women. There's some things that
Speaker 1: it's okay. It's just doesn't matter, you know. I think
Speaker 1: that when we get so wrapped up and this is
Speaker 1: male dominated, the men in comedy are more sensitive than
Speaker 1: most of the women I know. So it's like, is
Speaker 1: it male dominated these guys? I've seen most of these
Speaker 1: men cry over a negative comment on Twitter. Now that
Speaker 1: you just said that, I guess it's been embedded, you know,
Speaker 1: And I've seen it in my genre, it is more
Speaker 1: male dominated but now that you said it that way,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, I like that. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: adopt that because I'm like, you know what, You're right,
Speaker 1: we have some masculine qualities which are traditionally masculine. I
Speaker 1: think those labels just have to change. And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it we're all one gender. I have my own
Speaker 1: thoughts about all that. Ship That's what my whole New
Speaker 1: Hours about. But this is like comedians. You've heard their
Speaker 1: podcast and the reason they're all getting so successful and
Speaker 1: going to this other level, Dak Shepherd and Loot and
Speaker 1: all the it's because they're being vulnerable. They're going on
Speaker 1: podcasts or they're going up on stage and they're going
Speaker 1: I feel insecure, I have depression. That's what the women
Speaker 1: are supposed to be doing, talking about their feelings. And
Speaker 1: then I go on stage and I'm just like I'm
Speaker 1: doing the dick jokes and I'm like, i feel like
Speaker 1: I'm the only man doing comedy, you know. So it's
Speaker 1: like it's really hard because comedians have a lot of
Speaker 1: traditionally feminine qualities, and the women that do it have
Speaker 1: some traditionally masculine qualities. So it's kind of like I
Speaker 1: get it give and take in a weird way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I kind of like put. But in terms of you know,
Speaker 1: I think that the domination of the business because now
Speaker 1: the internet on YouTube able to do podcasts, there's less skatekeepers,
Speaker 1: and the gatekeepers used to be male, and now the gatekeepers,
Speaker 1: you know, if anyone it's going to be like the
Speaker 1: YouTube algorithm or whatever. So I think it's it's changing,
Speaker 1: but I don't think it necessarily has to, because comedy
Speaker 1: is a reflection of what's going on in the world,
Speaker 1: and comedy is fashion, and to make a comedian takes
Speaker 1: a really long time. So I believe that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of female comedians right now. They're in the gestation period.
Speaker 1: So it can't change right away. You can't just go,
Speaker 1: we want more female. They haven't been made yet. They
Speaker 1: haven't been inspired enough to get into this business by
Speaker 1: the people like us, you know, because when Phillis Diller
Speaker 1: made Joan Rivers and then a couple others, and then
Speaker 1: Joan Rivers made you know, Sarah and a couple others.
Speaker 1: So it's gonna keep getting bigger. But I always tell
Speaker 1: female comics they're so eager now to go, like we
Speaker 1: want this to be equal, but it's like, you're you
Speaker 1: don't have the skill yet, and the worst thing you
Speaker 1: can do as a female comedian is gets seen before
Speaker 1: you're ready, and then it's well, female comics suck. We
Speaker 1: knew it. People are like, oh, maybe I feel like
Speaker 1: a bad feminist when I say this, but I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: you are a female, Yes you're funny, but you've only
Speaker 1: me doing this for three years. You don't deserve to
Speaker 1: be on that stage yet. You're so fucking honest, I love.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you. I'd say the same thing to
Speaker 1: you know, but the guys are on stage. He's been
Speaker 1: doing this for thirty years. So you're gonna get on
Speaker 1: stage and you're gonna suck because you're it's not ready yet,
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna sort of re enforce all of
Speaker 1: these stereotypes that are holding you down. Dude, I wish
Speaker 1: that you were my freaking friend when I started my
Speaker 1: career as a singer in I would have saved myself
Speaker 1: so much fucking trouble, because that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1: It's like they already want to say, Okay, girls suck
Speaker 1: at singing by because it's very, very like masculine type
Speaker 1: of music, and so I wasn't ready and I came
Speaker 1: out and they brought out a song and it's just
Speaker 1: like sy I told you guys, exactly what you said.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, that's what the freak happened.
Speaker 1: But you know what, fuck it. It's been how many
Speaker 1: years now, almost like eight, So yeah, it's but it's
Speaker 1: also I've done a lot of things before I was ready.
Speaker 1: I think I wrote a book before I was ready,
Speaker 1: at a TV show before I was ready. Like, I
Speaker 1: know what it's like to like have the talent and
Speaker 1: do the hard work. The key is having faith that
Speaker 1: it is going to happen, and you only know in
Speaker 1: your heart. You have to know in your heart that
Speaker 1: you're gonna put the work in. But I think a
Speaker 1: lot of women right now are confusing the difference between
Speaker 1: empowerment and entitlement. And it's not empowering for you. You
Speaker 1: don't get to go on stage before you're ready. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like being an athlete. You don't get to
Speaker 1: get be in the game yet, you're not a starter yet.
Speaker 1: Being a woman now, in terms of like this being
Speaker 1: a strong feminist or being empowered, it doesn't mean bullying
Speaker 1: and guilting people into giving you something you don't deserve
Speaker 1: just because you're a girl. Yeah, I believe for all
Speaker 1: of us women, because I think we're all wired to
Speaker 1: believe we have such a short window because we're gonna expire,
Speaker 1: we're gonna get old, we're gonna get whatever. That's the
Speaker 1: self limiting belief that keeps us down. So it's like, yes,
Speaker 1: that's a it was put on us. But when you go,
Speaker 1: the best is yet to come. Bitch, Like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get hotter as i get older, I'm gonna get strong,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get back. My life is not over at
Speaker 1: thirty five. I don't get to send out to pasture.
Speaker 1: That's fucking bullshit. Most of the people to buy tickets
Speaker 1: products are women, and women do not mind if you
Speaker 1: have crows feed. They don't mind if you have the
Speaker 1: flabby arm. They don't give a shit. So stop living
Speaker 1: your life according to the male gaze of Oh I'm
Speaker 1: running out of time because I'm gonna be old soon.
Speaker 1: That's their ship. It's all about the talent, the gift
Speaker 1: and what you have to sell and take off that expiration.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have kids, by then, so I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be able to achieve my goal. Moms are actually after
Speaker 1: you give birth, you have more testosterone. Moms are actually
Speaker 1: better at running businesses because they also get better at
Speaker 1: time management. The mom brain is better. All these things
Speaker 1: that we were told are going to hold us back
Speaker 1: are actually part of our superpowers, so let's just lean
Speaker 1: into them. Getting older is a good thing as a woman.
Speaker 1: I got it. I got it, and I'm so happy
Speaker 1: I asked you because I'm learning showing me to see
Speaker 1: things differently as well in my genre. So thank you
Speaker 1: for that. I think we all learned a freaking lesson
Speaker 1: right now. How old are you, Whitney? Just during forty?
Speaker 1: That's right, you did have a birthday? When was it in? Um? September?
Speaker 1: Four September? Yes, double burgo, thank you? Okay, so tell
Speaker 1: us I love that. I honestly, you're just inspiring me
Speaker 1: right now, because sometimes I do get that. It's like
Speaker 1: I have no children, and my god, I'm thirty seven
Speaker 1: and I'm not necessarily ready right now. But it's like
Speaker 1: I was taught, like you need to have your children
Speaker 1: early so you can grow up with them and you know,
Speaker 1: have energy and I'm just like, dude, I'm living. I'm
Speaker 1: chilling right now. But also, the worst thing for a
Speaker 1: kid is to be brought in the world before you're ready.
Speaker 1: Mom has so much career like that stuff is wild
Speaker 1: to me. And I think the reason that I actually
Speaker 1: am chill about the kids thing is number One, Um,
Speaker 1: I froze my eggs when I was thirty three, and
Speaker 1: it is something I talked at length about in my
Speaker 1: book because I feel like I have to shout this
Speaker 1: from the rooftops. Because number one, when you freeze your eggs,
Speaker 1: it takes this pressure off. You know, in your thirties,
Speaker 1: when you're dating and you can only date someone through
Speaker 1: the lens of will they be a good father? We
Speaker 1: can't help it, but we do that, right, Or that
Speaker 1: you're dating someone at thirty four and you start lowering
Speaker 1: your standards because you feel like you only have a
Speaker 1: couple of years is left, so you start negotiating with yourself, right,
Speaker 1: So the older you get, the lower your bars becomes.
Speaker 1: Like oh, yeah, I mean he does have a chain wallet,
Speaker 1: but what am I gonna do? Start over? But like,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, he does follow thirty porn stars on Instagram,
Speaker 1: but like what am I. I mean, I'm thirty four.
Speaker 1: What am I gonna start from scratch? Like? This is
Speaker 1: the best I can do given the biological limitations I have.
Speaker 1: So number one, it took off those biological limitations. And
Speaker 1: you want to freeze your eggs young because they now
Speaker 1: have the technology that has just been actualized where they
Speaker 1: can freeze the eggs for ten years and they do
Speaker 1: not get freezer burn in the d thawing process. So
Speaker 1: you have your thirty three year old eggs, which is
Speaker 1: the higher quality ones. You can put them into surrogate,
Speaker 1: you can use them whatever. But I cannot tell you
Speaker 1: the difference that made in my life. It is not cheap,
Speaker 1: which is why I tell people like, like, young girls,
Speaker 1: ask your parents for your graduation gift and your birthday
Speaker 1: gifts just like for five hundred bucks a year and
Speaker 1: start putting it in the thing and then you'll have
Speaker 1: ten grand eventually to be able to do this or
Speaker 1: whatever it costs. It's kind of different for everyone. Also,
Speaker 1: the more we talk about it, the goal is to
Speaker 1: get it covered by insurance and your company should be
Speaker 1: paying for this. Every woman should have access to egg freezing.
Speaker 1: Google started doing it, Yahoo, I think, and Facebook have
Speaker 1: done it already. I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: freeze my eggs with Facebook, but um I'll take their money, Like,
Speaker 1: can you just send me the cash, Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I don't want your egg freezing chamber out there.
Speaker 1: Um to. You're taking our data and our genetics, Like
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. So that is huge, huge,
Speaker 1: huge in terms of being able to take that weight off.
Speaker 1: But also I have a very strong like instinct to adopt, like,
Speaker 1: I know that's something that you know for me. I
Speaker 1: like to go, I know what my genetics are, I
Speaker 1: know my DNA genetics. Load the gun environment pulls the trigger.
Speaker 1: But I feel like I would be so paranoid because
Speaker 1: I have so much addiction in my family and mental illness.
Speaker 1: Of this kid having it, and there's eight thousand kids
Speaker 1: in Appalachia that were born into the federal crisis and
Speaker 1: what happens in foster care. Just I think about it
Speaker 1: all the time, Like you know, a sexual abuse with
Speaker 1: physical abuse, they put them on all these drugs. So
Speaker 1: it's not like trying to be a hero, it's just
Speaker 1: that might be the best fit for me personally as
Speaker 1: someone who's kind of scared to have biological kids because
Speaker 1: I know sort of what would be loaded genetically in
Speaker 1: their brain. That's crazy because I've thought about that. That's
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I've held back and I
Speaker 1: have thought about adoption. So now that you're like saying it,
Speaker 1: you're saying so many things that I'm like, oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I haven't said it out loud because I'm like, how
Speaker 1: is that going to sound? But the truth is because
Speaker 1: everyone knows my family. But it's just like, I'm a
Speaker 1: little scared about it. But you can still have a
Speaker 1: biological kid. I mean, you could still one of my
Speaker 1: best friends. But I had a kid biologically at forty two,
Speaker 1: and then another one at forty three. She wasn't even trying.
Speaker 1: A lot of women do need help in that area,
Speaker 1: but we all deserve another ten years or twenties were
Speaker 1: basically unconscious. Our thirties is like, Okay, now I'm getting
Speaker 1: my business started and things are finally cracking for me.
Speaker 1: If I brought a child into this world right now,
Speaker 1: I'd be a bad mother, Like, don't pressure me to
Speaker 1: bring a child into this before I found the father.
Speaker 1: I got to find the perfect father first, with the
Speaker 1: perfect s firm, don't or whatever it is. But the
Speaker 1: irony is, I think the people that are the most
Speaker 1: trepidaious about having kids are the ones that are the
Speaker 1: most qualified because they're thinking the way you think. That's
Speaker 1: why you will be such a great mother, because you're
Speaker 1: you're waiting and doing it when it's right, not for
Speaker 1: reasons associated with guilt. Yeah, I don't want to feel
Speaker 1: pressured or do things because I feel forced, you know.
Speaker 1: And I've been trying for a while to freeze my eggs,
Speaker 1: but I had like the situation with my ovar ease,
Speaker 1: and I had sister whatnot, so I had to wait.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna start hopefully in October. But by the way,
Speaker 1: thank god you even just went in. Would you have
Speaker 1: found out about the cist thing? Oh? Yeah, that's how
Speaker 1: I found out that I had one in there and
Speaker 1: that if I went through the process, it was just
Speaker 1: going to make my sisters grow bigger and bigger. So
Speaker 1: how many how many cycles did you go through? I
Speaker 1: just did one. I did one of stabbing myself with
Speaker 1: the hormones. But it was actually kind of a thing
Speaker 1: because I had been on birth control pills for so
Speaker 1: long and I have to be on them from my
Speaker 1: ins and stuff. But I had been on birth control
Speaker 1: for so long that by the time I went off it,
Speaker 1: it took a couple of months to bend straight to
Speaker 1: start the cycle so that I could then start the shots.
Speaker 1: It was also very emotional, like I tell people, like
Speaker 1: freezing your eggs not only because you're getting you know,
Speaker 1: shot up with estrogen, and you're more emotional anyway, because
Speaker 1: you're basically getting pregnant. I mean, you get four months
Speaker 1: pregnant essentially, and you're getting pregnant with all these eggs,
Speaker 1: and ideally the younger you are, the more you'll get,
Speaker 1: you know, And you've got eighteen eggs that are super swollen.
Speaker 1: It's there's that of just the biochemical stuff and the
Speaker 1: neurochemical stuff. But I just was angry, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to drive to a doctor forty five minutes
Speaker 1: three times a week just because I'm a woman, Like
Speaker 1: I was promised that women could have everything. It made
Speaker 1: me angry of like we talked about sexism in Hollywood,
Speaker 1: We'll talk about sexism. No one talks about how sexist
Speaker 1: biology is. But I don't know who to be mad
Speaker 1: at God, Like our bodies are the most sexist ship.
Speaker 1: My own body is rotting. It knows my of all
Speaker 1: people should know how well things are going. And now
Speaker 1: you're gonna rock on me, you think, I like, it
Speaker 1: just made me angry. It made me angry that there
Speaker 1: are these biological limitations we have. Is the better you
Speaker 1: get as a woman, the more season the more intelligent,
Speaker 1: the less pregnant we can get. Whereas a fifteen year
Speaker 1: old who knows jack shit about fuck she can get
Speaker 1: pregnant easily. Why does our biology want the dumbest people
Speaker 1: to get pregnant the fastest. Yeah, I'm just like that. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie like i've I've been holding back
Speaker 1: because I'm like, damn, I'm already okay, I'm a cancer,
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm already kind of emotional, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to meditate to like not be so freaking emotional,
Speaker 1: but then I'm gonna be injecting so many hormones in
Speaker 1: my body that I'm like, I feel like I do
Speaker 1: need to take two three weeks off because I don't
Speaker 1: know how irritable I'm gonna be, how emotional I'm gonna be,
Speaker 1: Like all that ship scares the funk out of me.
Speaker 1: To be honest, do like I would like a self
Speaker 1: care staycation of like all the movies and shows you
Speaker 1: need to catch up on and like have your girlfriend
Speaker 1: stopped by, you know, like I wish I had done that.
Speaker 1: I didn't do that. I didn't treat myself with tender,
Speaker 1: loving care when I froze. I was mad at my body,
Speaker 1: and I think that had I had a brain like
Speaker 1: yours and been like, you know what, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: two weeks off and actually, do you know, take care
Speaker 1: of yourself. I didn't think that way. I was like,
Speaker 1: I just have to jam this in between all the
Speaker 1: other things I have going on, and I'm it was
Speaker 1: like a resentful chore. But I was just emotionally not
Speaker 1: in acceptance at the time of like oh, or of
Speaker 1: you know. I made this movie about neuroscience called The
Speaker 1: Female Brain, and it's about sort of the differences between
Speaker 1: male and female brains, and um that healed me from
Speaker 1: my anger towards all of the ways that women are
Speaker 1: labeled as crazy, sensitive, emotional, because actually all of those
Speaker 1: are superpowers that are why the our species proliferated in
Speaker 1: tribal times before street lights before security guards, you know,
Speaker 1: being hyper vigilant. So you say crazy, I say hyper vigilant.
Speaker 1: You mean I just have superhero ing And I can
Speaker 1: feel with my gut that your excess texting you because
Speaker 1: I'm fucking psychic and like you're gonna and they gaslight
Speaker 1: us into going like, well, you're crazy because we're magical.
Speaker 1: We're magical witches, you know. So it's like we're obsessive
Speaker 1: about squeezing zits on your Yeah, that is how we
Speaker 1: used to expunge infection from the body. Grooming serves a
Speaker 1: really important and purpose in human history two thousand years ago.
Speaker 1: That could mean the difference between life or death. That's
Speaker 1: why we get serotonin from squeezing zips and pulling hairs
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So when I was in the
Speaker 1: space of freezing my eggs, I was just so mad
Speaker 1: at my body. And then you're like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: I can make a person like I can feel if
Speaker 1: who someone's texting, Like, we have all these incredible superpowers,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know what, the freezing eggs thing,
Speaker 1: we can take about put them in. I am literally
Speaker 1: a magician. I'm a I am Harry Potter at this
Speaker 1: point you know. So it helped me change in the
Speaker 1: way I looked at the things that I felt like
Speaker 1: we're holding me back as a woman. You know, I
Speaker 1: swear everything we've talked about he has helped me so
Speaker 1: freaking much. So this is like, now I'm gonna look
Speaker 1: at it that way. I'm gonna just meditate my way
Speaker 1: through it. And it's also like when I have a
Speaker 1: criticism of myself in stopping and just I like to
Speaker 1: think all of our thoughts because most of our inner
Speaker 1: monologue is not ours. Most of it is the messages
Speaker 1: we got growing up, or the survival instincts and coping
Speaker 1: mechanisms that we developed, and the stories and the narratives
Speaker 1: that we need to believe in order to rationalize whatever
Speaker 1: was going on in our family of origin, like in
Speaker 1: our household growing up. So the idea of like, you know,
Speaker 1: mom won't pay attention to me, while I must be
Speaker 1: ugly and I'm not lovable and I'm I have to
Speaker 1: be perfect, but whereas she's just busy. But but children
Speaker 1: don't know the difference, and to self soothed, they have
Speaker 1: to make a narrative to make it their fault, because
Speaker 1: it's they have to keep their parents on a pedestal.
Speaker 1: Otherwise you'll go crazy, like you can't the thing that's
Speaker 1: responsible for your survival of that young of an age
Speaker 1: if you think they're flawed in anyway, it's just too
Speaker 1: annihilating to the psyche and you're in too much danger
Speaker 1: all the time, So you have to blame yourself. And
Speaker 1: so those self limiting beliefs or whatever. Ancestral trauma, ancestral programming.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't talk about enough of, like
Speaker 1: how we get epogenetic like imprinting in utero the same
Speaker 1: way that a crack baby is addicted to crack, because
Speaker 1: those were the chemicals that were in the body when
Speaker 1: the baby's ingestation. The neurochemicals also do the same thing, adrenaline, cortisol.
Speaker 1: So if you are in utero and a mom who
Speaker 1: was stressed out in a bad marriage, you know, which
Speaker 1: all of our moms had stressed Let's even if they
Speaker 1: didn't they did, that was just that generation. So I
Speaker 1: was an accident. So I was the second, you know,
Speaker 1: And so she was stressed out and dealing with the
Speaker 1: first baby and dealing with this one that's coming, you know.
Speaker 1: So I was born addicted to adrenaline and cortisol, and
Speaker 1: I would subconsciously gravitate towards it all the time. I
Speaker 1: was the person that was dating drug addicts and guys
Speaker 1: that were married, but didn't tell me to just chaos
Speaker 1: and then just a little lesson I've learned in life.
Speaker 1: Anyone who says they hate drama loves drama. So I
Speaker 1: was the person that was like, but I just hate drama,
Speaker 1: but I hate drama, but I'm the one driving to
Speaker 1: his how suck. I was so subconscious, it was so
Speaker 1: like I needed that neurochemical balance because that's familiar, you know.
Speaker 1: It was that that was my equilibrium, you know. So
Speaker 1: I think also learning what your threshold is for adrenaline
Speaker 1: courts all based on your ancestral trauma and your family
Speaker 1: of origin, because basically we tend to Harvill Hendricks wrote
Speaker 1: this amazing book, Um Psychiatrist about how we're attracted to
Speaker 1: people that have the negative qualities of our primary caretaker.
Speaker 1: So essentially, I know, as you move through the world
Speaker 1: and you're like, but usually if you're magnetically attracted to
Speaker 1: someone like that, that is, you know, our society is
Speaker 1: basically alcomized that into like butterflies, and love at first sight.
Speaker 1: That is fear. That is your body telling, that is
Speaker 1: your gut telling you this person's trouble, and it's activating
Speaker 1: the basically fight or flight response in your brain. Yes,
Speaker 1: because it's like this guy is a drug all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, because he's creating this drama and mystery and
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's thinking, and I have to
Speaker 1: be perfect for him, and all my coping mechanisms are
Speaker 1: gonna shine because you have to part with our coping mechanisms.
Speaker 1: There's also a lot of loss there. You know. We
Speaker 1: call him Christmas Trees, the people that when you walk
Speaker 1: in a room and you're just like, like I used
Speaker 1: to the most divorced guy with the most personality disorders,
Speaker 1: like smoking inside in the corner. I'm like like, that's
Speaker 1: just like my drug. You know, it's not about him.
Speaker 1: It's not about him. So for a lot of women,
Speaker 1: they're like this guy so toxic that I'm still whether
Speaker 1: he drives me nuts. It's like what are you getting
Speaker 1: out of this? Why are you staying? And it's important
Speaker 1: to know this person either gives me the hit of
Speaker 1: adrenaline I want, in which case I go, why don't
Speaker 1: you just go to fucking six flags every couple of days.
Speaker 1: I don't know, there's other ways to get that adrenaline
Speaker 1: fix or is your addiction fixing other people? Is your
Speaker 1: addiction rescuing people? You know? Codependence, the three m s, mothering, micromanaging,
Speaker 1: and martyring. That is me. We all are wired to
Speaker 1: recreate a childhood circumstances and find those familiar dynamics, you know.
Speaker 1: But most of our thoughts are total science fiction. Like
Speaker 1: I don't look at my thoughts anymore as facts. I
Speaker 1: used to. This person thinks I'm a piece of ship. Whoa,
Speaker 1: it's not true, And I fancy myself someone who is
Speaker 1: a truth teller and is very honest, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: believe that fucking garbage. So it's just a thought. It's
Speaker 1: just an old thing, though I must oh. I developed
Speaker 1: that when I was a kid, and oh yeah, that
Speaker 1: worked that. Those thoughts worked really well when I was five, six,
Speaker 1: seven years old. Now I just am carrying around in
Speaker 1: my arsenal a bunch of tools that are obsolete, a
Speaker 1: bunch of weapons to fight a war that's been over
Speaker 1: for thirty years, you know, and now they're working. So
Speaker 1: but I like to anthromorphize them with a in a
Speaker 1: kind way and be like, oh, there's that inner bully
Speaker 1: who's actually trying to help me. When people say inner bully,
Speaker 1: I don't think that it's a perfect way to say it,
Speaker 1: because I would say like inner helper, like that's your
Speaker 1: inner helper, that's your inner champion, because it's your psyche
Speaker 1: is trying to make you feel safe and get out
Speaker 1: of a dangerous situation. Or it's just not our, it's
Speaker 1: not ours. Yeah, I look at my thoughts like a
Speaker 1: Star Wars movie, like that's crazy. I actually think she
Speaker 1: doesn't like me. Is that weird? Oh gosh, I actually
Speaker 1: think that person on the internet that just called me
Speaker 1: a busted whore, like I just like agreed with him,
Speaker 1: you know, or whatever, and then go, oh, that's not
Speaker 1: mine and that's not true. Most of our thoughts are
Speaker 1: projections from little survival protectors. That was like, is this
Speaker 1: gonna happen again? Because this happened when we're five, and
Speaker 1: we're not gonna let this happen again. So here's the
Speaker 1: thought to keep you safe, and you're like, no, I
Speaker 1: don't need that anymore. So I like to kindly say
Speaker 1: to my own thoughts like thank you. You can sit
Speaker 1: on the bench. I see what's happening. So you also
Speaker 1: have to be kind to your own inner bully, because
Speaker 1: our brain isn't signed to hurt us. It's only designed
Speaker 1: to help us. So if anything in your brain isn't
Speaker 1: on your side, it's a perception issue. You live in
Speaker 1: l a Whitney, yes, ma'am. Oh nice, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I live in chats Worth. We need to hang. I
Speaker 1: need to sit down with you. I want to go
Speaker 1: to lunch. I like have learned so much, like you've
Speaker 1: inspired me, and I got I felt like through Instagram,
Speaker 1: like I feel like, okay, I know you, but that's
Speaker 1: just I don't know. I want to read your book.
Speaker 1: I want to like I'm like, dude, I can learn
Speaker 1: so much from you, Like you're blowing my fucking mind
Speaker 1: right now, and like, wait a second, it feels nice
Speaker 1: to sit with someone like I'm learning something. These are
Speaker 1: the type of friendships and relationships I want, so thank
Speaker 1: you for that. I'm like, dude, she's speaking straight to
Speaker 1: me right now. You know, addiction can even be a superpower.
Speaker 1: I identify as an addict, and I come from a
Speaker 1: lot of addiction, but if you can use that super
Speaker 1: machine of addiction, which is basically our brains don't hold
Speaker 1: dopamine the same way in our dopamine receptors. It's just
Speaker 1: like a brain disease that I think can actually be
Speaker 1: an advantage if you So I got lucky, uh and
Speaker 1: was able to turn my addictive personality for good. I
Speaker 1: use it with work, and I use it with rescuing animals,
Speaker 1: and I use it with the Operation Smile, which is,
Speaker 1: you know, we go to third wal countries and U
Speaker 1: help kids that were born with cleft palates and cleft lips,
Speaker 1: and you know, so it's like I get lucky. I
Speaker 1: got lucky. Yes, during the pandemic, I went a little
Speaker 1: crazy with the edibles and I was like, oh that
Speaker 1: I know where that can go. Like that's that's a
Speaker 1: that's a no for me, because but I made my
Speaker 1: addiction to work more important, you know, so now it
Speaker 1: would be the other edibles are just getting in my
Speaker 1: way of making great work. So that's got to go.
Speaker 1: So there's also a way to change what you're addicted to.
Speaker 1: I like to call healthy addictions, you know, instead of
Speaker 1: being addicted to whatever it is, whether it's you know,
Speaker 1: drugs or a person or sex or porn or gambling
Speaker 1: or whatever. Like what if you just got addicted to
Speaker 1: promoting yourself on Instagram, starting that podcast that you show,
Speaker 1: you know, writing that book, Like there's a way to
Speaker 1: do it and to be able to just sort of
Speaker 1: change what your brain is addicted to is I think.
Speaker 1: And all the things that you know ostensibly are supposed
Speaker 1: to be shortcomings I see as positives. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you have O. C. D. It's like, no, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: not sending in the book until it is perfect. I've
Speaker 1: done twelve drafts, Like this is a good thing for me.
Speaker 1: I don't want to dull that part of myself. It's
Speaker 1: a superpower. I don't want to dull it. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: I can talk to you all freaking day. I've learned
Speaker 1: so much and I feel like there's so much we
Speaker 1: have to talk about, Like we have we're both dating
Speaker 1: younger men. I have a lot of questions. So how
Speaker 1: old he is? Um seven years younger. So I'm thirty seven.
Speaker 1: He just turned thirty. So it's it's been fun with
Speaker 1: it live and great sex. It's awesome. So yeah, it's
Speaker 1: also younger guys they grew up with Beyonce like in Oprah,
Speaker 1: Like they love women, they respect women, and they also know.
Speaker 1: I think inherently the dating younger girls is an actual
Speaker 1: liability because they tweet if you have bad sex, they'll
Speaker 1: cancel you. If you didn't eat them out perfectly, you're
Speaker 1: a rapist. Um. But uh, it's really exciting. I also
Speaker 1: think it's like the smart ones also know that, like
Speaker 1: twenty year olds aren't that good at sex. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: still learning. They're still learning. I know, I wasn't that
Speaker 1: great in my twenties. No, like we got there. But
Speaker 1: like these guys that are dating, like I'm dating this
Speaker 1: hot twenty year old, I'm like cool, Like so you
Speaker 1: have to jerk yourself off, like I don't know how
Speaker 1: this works, Like you have to give someone a tutorial
Speaker 1: on how to give a hand job, like what is
Speaker 1: that your kink teaching? Like, so, I freaking love you, dude.
Speaker 1: I honestly think you're a total vibe. If you guys
Speaker 1: have not watched Whitney Cummings jokes, you guys have to
Speaker 1: watch it on Netflix. Already said in the beginning, but
Speaker 1: like you have to go watch it and all, so
Speaker 1: you need to follow her on Instagram. Can you share
Speaker 1: your socials with me, Whitney please, yes, Just Whitney Cummings.
Speaker 1: Whitney Cummings on Instagram, Twitter whenny Commings dot com is
Speaker 1: my website. I'm about to do a big project on
Speaker 1: Only Fans. That is the roasts member with the Comedy
Speaker 1: Central roasts, and we used to do these like Savage
Speaker 1: Friars Club roasts, and everyone's too scared to do roast
Speaker 1: now because of this like mirage of like PC culture
Speaker 1: killed comedy. That's not true. It's like two thousand people
Speaker 1: on Twitter um that aren't even buying tickets. So it's
Speaker 1: a better time than ever to do comedy, edgy comedy, whatever.
Speaker 1: But Only Fans is the best place to do it
Speaker 1: because it's like instead of dirty videos, instead of dirty
Speaker 1: photos and dirty jokes. I love it. So I'll have
Speaker 1: an Only Fans page soon and that is where only
Speaker 1: Fans is. That's where you make the more than honey.
Speaker 1: It's by the way, it's also way less pornographic than
Speaker 1: Twitter or Instagram. At this point. It's like teachers in
Speaker 1: bikinis and they're making an extra two under grand a
Speaker 1: year on top of their thirty grand salary and it's
Speaker 1: like awesome. You know what. I think I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: an only fans and just talk about ship that I
Speaker 1: can't really, you know, say on social media. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna it'll be massive. I mean bad baby makes twenty
Speaker 1: million dollars a month, CARDI b I mean freaking you guys,
Speaker 1: you know what. We got to talk about that too.
Speaker 1: And Whitney, I am so happy that you were on.
Speaker 1: Like I said, I think I said like ten times.
Speaker 1: I've learned so much already. I want your cell phone number.
Speaker 1: We need to kick it. And you guys know that
Speaker 1: I always have a quote for you at the end
Speaker 1: of every episode of Chickens and Chill. The quote for
Speaker 1: today is I found I was more confident when I
Speaker 1: stopped trying to be someone else's definition of beautiful and
Speaker 1: started being my own. You guys, that's the quote. That's
Speaker 1: all I have for you today, Whitney again, sending you
Speaker 1: a big old hug and I'll see you soon. We
Speaker 1: lived down the street from each other. Yes, yes, we're
Speaker 1: hanging whether you like it or it. Thank you, guys,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. Do you need advice on love, relationships, health,
Speaker 1: emas I'm so excited to share with you that my
Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop
Speaker 1: each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave
Speaker 1: me a voice message. All you have to do is
Speaker 1: go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeks and Chill
Speaker 1: podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to hear
Speaker 1: from you. This is a production of I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeks That's c
Speaker 1: h i q u i s. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: my heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.