Speaker 1: The Nikki Guyser Podcast. Here Nikki, Hello, here I am.
Speaker 1: It's the Niki Layser Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Tuesday.
Speaker 1: I'm still in Los Angeles, California. It's actually Monday, still here.
Speaker 1: We had to do too because I have a busy, busy,
Speaker 1: busy Tuesday and couldn't fit it in um tomorrow, can
Speaker 1: you talk about it? So Tuesday, I'm doing Conan's podcast,
Speaker 1: Uh Conan O'Brian needs a Friend, which is my second
Speaker 1: appearance on the show. I love that show so much.
Speaker 1: I am so excited to be on it again. I've
Speaker 1: you know, I did the show a few years ago
Speaker 1: when it first came out, and now it's turned into
Speaker 1: one of my favorite podcasts and I listened to it
Speaker 1: all the time, and so it's like very intimidating to
Speaker 1: go on this time. For some reason, I really want
Speaker 1: to do a good job. I really want to be funny,
Speaker 1: but I also want to like just laugh a lot
Speaker 1: and be present. So that's my goal is to try to,
Speaker 1: like Yes, So I'll be in studio with Conan tomorrow
Speaker 1: and it's just gonna be so exciting to like be
Speaker 1: sitting down with Conan Agun even though I sat with
Speaker 1: him a lot, He's just still the funniest and I'm
Speaker 1: just become such a fan of the podcast in the
Speaker 1: time since I last saw him or was, you know,
Speaker 1: associated with the show, that it just feels different this time,
Speaker 1: and I really want to be good about like I
Speaker 1: feel sometimes when I'm on his show, I don't, I
Speaker 1: don't have as much like I don't. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be funny so hard that I don't listen to him
Speaker 1: be funny, and I can't be present because I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to keep up on my end, and I think
Speaker 1: this time, I just want to be really in the moment,
Speaker 1: just like laugh a lot, which is what I did
Speaker 1: on Theo's podcast the other day. Like I leaned more
Speaker 1: into not like pushing along conversation and just maybe like
Speaker 1: listening more and just like laughing and having a good
Speaker 1: time and being more like relaxed and present. But it's
Speaker 1: hard because you, for some reason, more so than a host,
Speaker 1: as a guest, I feel more of a pressure to
Speaker 1: keep the conversation going because I guess I don't. I
Speaker 1: just don't want to ever have dead air or make
Speaker 1: the host feel like again it's back to what I
Speaker 1: said yesterday, Everything is my fault. So like if the
Speaker 1: audience is a bad audience, it's like it's probably something
Speaker 1: I'm doing, and I want to take the brunt of
Speaker 1: the I feel like I'm just a control freak. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm going in tomorrow. Just just really have fun,
Speaker 1: because that's the best podcast is when people are just
Speaker 1: having a really good time and you aren't nervous. But
Speaker 1: it's really hard for me to not get nervous sometimes
Speaker 1: when it's stuff like this. Yeah, I mean, I think
Speaker 1: the idea of like dead Air for like we listened
Speaker 1: to you know, you listen to like Sam Harris and
Speaker 1: we've talked about it before and the rhythm, but this
Speaker 1: isn't a comedy podcast. It's comedy fast sure cracking me
Speaker 1: up the other day, Old Sammy Boy. I've been listening
Speaker 1: to him more. He really calms me that voice. Do
Speaker 1: you ever find that just well, I only listened to
Speaker 1: fifty minutes because I don't pay or sent into subscription
Speaker 1: because I'm lazy and I don't realize that I should
Speaker 1: just do that. But no, just all the latest ones,
Speaker 1: I don't know any take that any hot button issue,
Speaker 1: I kind of wait to hear him and then I go, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I kind of agree with that. That's a way too.
Speaker 1: I know. I'm like before, I'm like, can you give
Speaker 1: it a week and a half and then Sam will
Speaker 1: come out and then I can tell you how informed
Speaker 1: I am. Yes, yes, I feel like he gives me
Speaker 1: a place to start from of like this guy is
Speaker 1: going to speak from an I feel like a highly
Speaker 1: empathetic spot and obviously an intellectual place, and then from
Speaker 1: there I can kind form my own opinion. But yes,
Speaker 1: I am like I wait for his opinion as well
Speaker 1: on things. Um, but yeah, I just uh, I just
Speaker 1: don't you know how I feel about this In terms
Speaker 1: of even in stand up comedy, I hate pauses, I
Speaker 1: hate silences. I love a well placed silence for the
Speaker 1: sake of a joke, But I do not like people
Speaker 1: dawdling and taking their time and and acting like they're
Speaker 1: so chill when you're on stage and performing, or you
Speaker 1: have a microphone in front of you, why are you
Speaker 1: acting like you're like about to get a massage. Like
Speaker 1: I understand like being relaxed in what you're doing, but
Speaker 1: this is still a performance, Like there should be some
Speaker 1: heightened um steaks to what you're doing. Like I think
Speaker 1: that a lot of times comfort is performative on stage
Speaker 1: and I can see right through it. And and that's
Speaker 1: and I will admit that I do not if I'm
Speaker 1: comfortable on stages because I'm either depressed or I don't
Speaker 1: care about the audience because I don't care about anything
Speaker 1: and I'm depressed. Like if if I'm like leaning against
Speaker 1: the wall or like leaning on like leaning on the
Speaker 1: piano at the improv or like tracing the wall with
Speaker 1: my hand or like kind of like playing with the
Speaker 1: micros saying like oh so what else that is not
Speaker 1: that is not me like truly being comfortable. That's me
Speaker 1: being depressed and like not caring. Um. And there's a
Speaker 1: difference like I just I hate I hate that, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I just but that's me being also completely neurotic that
Speaker 1: like if there is a pause or if I do
Speaker 1: anything that is not entertaining or not moving the needle
Speaker 1: forward in terms of like, um, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: If if I do anything that's self serving on stage
Speaker 1: as opposed to like trying to make people laugh, trying
Speaker 1: to be entertaining, then I failed everyone. And then they
Speaker 1: can hate me, then they have reason they hate me.
Speaker 1: So I don't take risks in that way. But um,
Speaker 1: that's just how I feel about things. I saw Dana
Speaker 1: Carvey last night. I went to the Improv last night
Speaker 1: with I went to dinner with Spade and then we
Speaker 1: went to the improv afterwards with Carl. Carlisle came to
Speaker 1: dinner and then we went to, uh, the Improv, and
Speaker 1: it was Spade and he was meeting Dana Carvey there too,
Speaker 1: and Dana is co hosting guest hosting Jimmy Kimmel this week.
Speaker 1: So he was like working on bits for the monologue
Speaker 1: and just different things, and he was doing a Joe
Speaker 1: Biden impression that was so fucking funny, and he kept
Speaker 1: saying doing Joe Biden, being like and yeah, we're gonna,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do it, and it's gonna be Pirates of
Speaker 1: the Caravan. He just kept taking Pirates and I don't
Speaker 1: know why I was. I was laughing so fucking hard,
Speaker 1: but um, that was really fun. I saw Taylor Tomlinson
Speaker 1: last night. She was fucking hilarious. Uh, Spade was obviously
Speaker 1: crazy good. Um I didn't go up, which was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't even want to go up. I didn't even
Speaker 1: think to go up. I kept seeing people being like,
Speaker 1: so you're going up, why are you here? And I'm
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I didn't even occur to me, like
Speaker 1: I really have no ego when it comes to like
Speaker 1: I need people to this audience needs to see me
Speaker 1: and know that I'm here. It felt refreshing for the
Speaker 1: first time to be like I don't It didn't even
Speaker 1: occur to me to go up, um, And that was
Speaker 1: like a new step in my career of like not
Speaker 1: needing constant attention and needing people to know like I'm
Speaker 1: funny too. I want to go up and kill, Like
Speaker 1: I just got to watch Taylor kill, I got to
Speaker 1: watch Danna kill, I got to watch Spade kill. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, I'm ready to go to do
Speaker 1: karaoke with Ben Glee, Like I wasn't trying to get
Speaker 1: on stage, and I don't think I've ever not felt
Speaker 1: that way in my life. And it wasn't because I'm
Speaker 1: depressed and I don't want to go on stage. It
Speaker 1: was like I just I don't need to be working tonight.
Speaker 1: I can let these people work and it doesn't take
Speaker 1: away anything from me. Um. It was an interesting feeling
Speaker 1: that I'm only now noting, noting, um noticing. I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a big change. I mean, I wonder
Speaker 1: what caused that, you know, to feel that way, because
Speaker 1: is coming out your specials coming out this well I
Speaker 1: did four set the night before, so maybe it was.
Speaker 1: But it was a hot room, I mean, like and
Speaker 1: I wanted to like I could have gone on stage.
Speaker 1: I had bits that I was like, man, that would
Speaker 1: kill Like I was kind of getting inspired watching all
Speaker 1: these greats go up and being like, man, I want
Speaker 1: to jump on this fucking it was just like watching
Speaker 1: a bunch of surfers catch really great waves, like perfect swells. Man,
Speaker 1: like this is And I was just like, no, I'm good,
Speaker 1: just like enjoying it and just like laughing. There was
Speaker 1: my ego wasn't allowed in it didn't pay the cover
Speaker 1: charge to get in the room for some reason. I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh, I'm just here a suspectator and
Speaker 1: I just didn't care. And then I went to karaoke
Speaker 1: and that's when I really got to perform, and that
Speaker 1: was so fun. I'm saying Mr Jones and I saying, um,
Speaker 1: I me and Lizzie Cooperman died the Witches wrapped from
Speaker 1: into the Woods, which is a small part of a
Speaker 1: thirteen minute song. So we had to like find this
Speaker 1: small part, but uh, we couldn't think it. I mean
Speaker 1: it was. It really brought the room down, but it
Speaker 1: was so nice because everyone was like, we don't care
Speaker 1: to try to find it, and they like, let us
Speaker 1: do it. Really fun karaoke is so fucking fun. The
Speaker 1: Witch's Room. So it's it's nothing but greens parsley. Well
Speaker 1: now it was YouTube, okay, so you search it yourself.
Speaker 1: It's one of those yeah, green greens and nothing but greens, parsley, peppers,
Speaker 1: cabbages and celery, asparagus and water crest and fiddle. Letus,
Speaker 1: she said, all right, but it wasn't quite because I
Speaker 1: caught him in the autumn in my garden one night.
Speaker 1: He was robbing me, raping me, rooting through my rootter bag,
Speaker 1: or raiding by rugla, ripping up by rampion, my champion,
Speaker 1: my favorite. And I should have laid a spell on
Speaker 1: him right there, could have turned him into a toad
Speaker 1: or a stone or a chair. But I let him
Speaker 1: have the rampy and I was not step for return.
Speaker 1: In return, however, I said, fair is fair. You should
Speaker 1: let me have the baby that's your wife will bear
Speaker 1: and we'll call it square. So me and Lizzie are
Speaker 1: just like wrapping this like dumb into the woods thing
Speaker 1: where everyone else was doing you know, ballads and everyone
Speaker 1: just had to like put up with. It was kind
Speaker 1: of fun. But everyone was so nice in game and
Speaker 1: no one made us feel bad. It was a great group.
Speaker 1: Craig Robinson was there, you know the office Craig. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like five of us. And then Craig Robinson
Speaker 1: just showed up and was just like singing along, like,
Speaker 1: didn't even grab the mic. At one point he had
Speaker 1: to go back to them problem to do a set.
Speaker 1: We were in Korean town. Uh. He just popped in
Speaker 1: and then laughed like it was. It was so fun.
Speaker 1: It was so random. I hate to say it was random,
Speaker 1: but it really was. Um it was. And yeah, speaking
Speaker 1: of random quick, yeah, sorry, Nick, because you just reminded
Speaker 1: me with Lizzie. So I was just like on YouTube
Speaker 1: the other day and he put out all these bonus
Speaker 1: clips of Welcome Home, Nicki Glazer. Yes, it's speaking of pirates.
Speaker 1: You're there's like a Lizzie with an eye batch, yes,
Speaker 1: and and and a little watch these extra clips. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: So he is doing such a good job of like
Speaker 1: taking all the stuff that they shot that didn't make
Speaker 1: the show and they're putting them up on their YouTube.
Speaker 1: So go check out all these extras from the show.
Speaker 1: And there's one where I go to lunch in l
Speaker 1: A with Lizzie and Esther, and I was so mad
Speaker 1: it didn't make the show because it was such a
Speaker 1: funny lunch. But little Esther Visky and me and Lizzie
Speaker 1: and Lizzie had like an eye infection, so she was
Speaker 1: wearing an ipack. Story. The whole thing was so hilarious.
Speaker 1: It was so Lizzy. I went to lunch with Lizzie yesterday.
Speaker 1: She's so funny. We were laughing so fucking hard about
Speaker 1: so many things. We used to go to lunch every
Speaker 1: single day to the Mustard Seacap Seed Cafe on Hillhurst,
Speaker 1: literally every day. I lived here from two thousand. I
Speaker 1: mean I lived in l A from two thousand and
Speaker 1: six until two nine, and then I lived here again
Speaker 1: from two thousand, I think fifteen to two thousand eighteen,
Speaker 1: and every day from two thousand, I want to say,
Speaker 1: sixteen to eighteen, Lizzie and I would go to Mustard
Speaker 1: Seed Cafe literally every day. And we went there yesterday
Speaker 1: and one of our old bus the guy that used
Speaker 1: to bust our table, is now a waiter, and he
Speaker 1: was so excited to see us, and it was like
Speaker 1: seven years later. I was just like, We're back. It
Speaker 1: was so cute. We had the most fun lunch. We
Speaker 1: were laughing so hard about so many things I can't
Speaker 1: even share on like we just it's it's interesting because
Speaker 1: Lizzie Cooperman is the type of friend and I have
Speaker 1: this friend and everywhere I go where it's like I
Speaker 1: will see them every day of my life. Like if
Speaker 1: I live in l A, Lizzie and I are hanging
Speaker 1: out every day, we are best friends, inseparable. If I'm
Speaker 1: in New York, Anya and I see each other every
Speaker 1: fucking day, inseparable. And then when I'm not in those places,
Speaker 1: like I don't talk to my friends like those friends,
Speaker 1: like I can't. I'm not a good friend on the
Speaker 1: road except with Anya. And I told Lizzie this because Lizzie,
Speaker 1: I think it's a little bit sad or has in
Speaker 1: the past that like I leave because We were best
Speaker 1: friends from two thousand and six two and then I
Speaker 1: moved to New York and we lost touch. We were
Speaker 1: still friends, but like every single day and then I
Speaker 1: don't know, there's something about me out of sight, out
Speaker 1: of mind. It's not like they're out of mind, like
Speaker 1: I don't love them, but like it's hard for me
Speaker 1: to catch up on the phone except the only one
Speaker 1: I've been able to do it with consistently is Anya.
Speaker 1: And the reason I think it is is because she
Speaker 1: makes a real effort to like reach out to me
Speaker 1: and lead me voice memos and and there also is
Speaker 1: and I don't think Lizzie ever makes me feel bad
Speaker 1: or something, but there's like if I don't get back
Speaker 1: to her, there's no hell to pay, you know, there's
Speaker 1: never going to be I haven't talked to you and
Speaker 1: so long where have you been? There's never any consequence
Speaker 1: for not getting back to her. And I think we
Speaker 1: all need to extend that to our friends. Like if
Speaker 1: you are someone who guilts people for not getting back
Speaker 1: to you, you are contributing to them not getting back
Speaker 1: to you. Because when you when you are paralyzed about
Speaker 1: responding to someone or calling someone, part of the reason
Speaker 1: you don't get back to them is because you're feel
Speaker 1: guilty that you have to answer for the fact that
Speaker 1: you didn't get back to them, And so what pushes
Speaker 1: you from getting back to them is not wanting to
Speaker 1: have to deal with that conversation. So then it just
Speaker 1: gets worse. So if you're someone who just forgives your
Speaker 1: friends and has a blank like I have this with
Speaker 1: a lot of friends of like even last night with
Speaker 1: Kyle dunnagain with David Spade, like I invited them to
Speaker 1: karaoke and they were like maybe, and even Carlile was like, oh,
Speaker 1: might go, And none of them ended up going. And
Speaker 1: Carlile at first was like, are you gonna be mad
Speaker 1: at me? And I was like, first of all, you
Speaker 1: don't know me. Then if like you're not, if you're
Speaker 1: still scared, I'm gonna be mad at you for not
Speaker 1: going to this thing that like I kind of don't
Speaker 1: even want to go to, I'm not doing my job
Speaker 1: as your friend to let you know that you're safe
Speaker 1: and that I your Your friendship to me is not
Speaker 1: conditional on whether you go to things with me. Like
Speaker 1: I will never remember Amy Schumer, I'll never forget it,
Speaker 1: and I have extended it to all of my friends.
Speaker 1: Once said to me, Nikki, I will never ever get
Speaker 1: mad at you for bailing on anything ever. You can
Speaker 1: bail at any time on anything ever, ever, ever you can,
Speaker 1: and I will never not be your friend. I will
Speaker 1: never be mad at you. And because Amy understands that
Speaker 1: when someone bails, it's not about her, even if it
Speaker 1: is about her, even if I'm like I don't want
Speaker 1: to hang out with Amy, Let's say it's not her,
Speaker 1: she's just being her. If if if if my issue
Speaker 1: is like I don't want to hang out with Amy
Speaker 1: because she's being a bit to me, or you know,
Speaker 1: whatever the reason would be, it's my fault for not
Speaker 1: confronting that, and it's it's you know, you can't control
Speaker 1: how anyone is. And I'm just giving obviously, just a
Speaker 1: example out of thin air. This isn't about anything specific,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, like, we need to extend that
Speaker 1: to our friends, because I think so many people don't
Speaker 1: realize that you push people away when you're judgmental, when
Speaker 1: you give them shit about not calling, like when just
Speaker 1: clean slated, Like I love my aunt Sally because she'll
Speaker 1: call and she'll write me and go like pick that
Speaker 1: your fucking poun or like please, like She'll just call
Speaker 1: me incessantly, And there is a fear that I have
Speaker 1: of her giving me ship, But anytime I actually end
Speaker 1: up calling her, she never gives me ship about it.
Speaker 1: We just start talking and it's not like the whole discussion.
Speaker 1: So if you're one of these people who like to
Speaker 1: guilt people for not getting back to you, you've got
Speaker 1: to drop that because it's pushing people away. It's pushing
Speaker 1: people away. If you're so one who you know, I
Speaker 1: would extend this to any if you ever try to
Speaker 1: make people feel bad about what they're doing, you don't understand.
Speaker 1: I know what you're doing is you're trying to discourage
Speaker 1: that behavior. And you think that making them feel bad
Speaker 1: or letting them know you hurt me and I'm mad
Speaker 1: at you might discourage their behavior. I promise you it
Speaker 1: does the exact opposite and makes them do it again,
Speaker 1: Because when people don't get back to you, or people
Speaker 1: drink too much, or people are late for something, it's
Speaker 1: usually an addictive behavior that they're engaging in that makes
Speaker 1: them feel good in the moment, and we only do
Speaker 1: things that make us feel good in the moment when
Speaker 1: we're having anxiety, And why do you have anxiety when
Speaker 1: you think people are going to be mad at you?
Speaker 1: So what do you search for the thing that makes
Speaker 1: you feel better? Which might be procrastinating, might be you know,
Speaker 1: not getting back to not calling a person, taking a
Speaker 1: nap instead. It might be drinking, it might be smoking weed.
Speaker 1: You're doing things to self soothe because you're feeling scared
Speaker 1: about the guilt you're gonna have for doing those things.
Speaker 1: So people outside of your like everyone needs to lay
Speaker 1: off of people and stop shaming and stop trying to
Speaker 1: make people feel bad, because what you're doing is you're
Speaker 1: making those people do that thing even more. I guarantee it.
Speaker 1: So then how do you confront that? You just say
Speaker 1: what you do makes me okay. When you drink too much,
Speaker 1: it makes me feel really uncomfortable. And I understand that
Speaker 1: it's something you're doing not to hurt me, but it
Speaker 1: does hurt me. So I'm gonna just need you to
Speaker 1: not if you want to drink, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be around it. And you can still drink, I'm just
Speaker 1: not going to be around it. Um you getting not
Speaker 1: not getting back to me? I take it personally for
Speaker 1: some reason. Can we talk about why you don't get
Speaker 1: back to me so I can feel a little more
Speaker 1: safe in the fact that when you don't or you
Speaker 1: need to go work on yourself and not make everything
Speaker 1: about other people and what they're doing to you, And
Speaker 1: you need to go search out a program that realizes
Speaker 1: that no one can make you feel a certain way
Speaker 1: no matter what they're doing. You need to like yourself
Speaker 1: from things that make you feel bad. You can't help
Speaker 1: if they make you feel bad. That's not your fault
Speaker 1: that someone not calling you back makes you feel bad,
Speaker 1: but you trying to make them feel bad about it
Speaker 1: is not ever the solution, ever, ever, Ever, it does
Speaker 1: not work when you make people feel bad about things
Speaker 1: and you try to get them to understand how much
Speaker 1: they fucked up. I promise you it never works and
Speaker 1: it will only lead them to do it more in
Speaker 1: the future, maybe not the near future, but eventually, because
Speaker 1: shame is what makes people do bad things. It's all
Speaker 1: about shame, it's about feeling bad punishing yourself, and so
Speaker 1: it seems counterintuitive, but you've gotta you've gotta forgive people,
Speaker 1: or you've gotta just distance yourself from them. The best
Speaker 1: way to show someone that you're not having their behavior
Speaker 1: is to say, hey, I'm going to take a step
Speaker 1: back because this is upsetting me, not say you're upsetting me.
Speaker 1: Your behavior, for whatever reason, is triggering me and I
Speaker 1: have to take a step back. Don't make it about them.
Speaker 1: You're a bad person and you make me feel so sad.
Speaker 1: You just go like, whatever is going on with you?
Speaker 1: I totally got it. Stuff goes on with me too,
Speaker 1: but for some reason, I can't handle this and I
Speaker 1: need to take a step back. That's the way to
Speaker 1: handle it instead of make trying to make them feel bad,
Speaker 1: because I do that too, where I try to, like
Speaker 1: I want people to feel bad for what they've done,
Speaker 1: shame um. And it just doesn't work, even though I
Speaker 1: constantly go to it in certain circumstances. But it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: I know it doesn't work on me. When people are
Speaker 1: mad at me, man, I fucking hate them. I hate
Speaker 1: you when you're mad at me, I hate not you,
Speaker 1: like anyone who's mad at me, because whatever they're mad
Speaker 1: at me for, I'm I know I'm never trying to
Speaker 1: be a bad person and hurt you. So whatever you're
Speaker 1: mad at me for, it's something I can't help but do.
Speaker 1: And so I'm like, man, this person just like is
Speaker 1: mad at me about something I couldn't help. They're not understanding,
Speaker 1: they don't love me. Then fuck them by and I like,
Speaker 1: and I want to do that behavior even more. And
Speaker 1: there's there's something to like, Okay, you're mad out of me,
Speaker 1: but then you don't trust me enough to talk to
Speaker 1: me about why you're mad at me. You're just you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So then there's another I just
Speaker 1: want to punish me and send me to my room.
Speaker 1: I've never been sent to my room by my parents
Speaker 1: and been like, I'm not going to do that thing again.
Speaker 1: If anything, I just go fuck them. I guess I'll
Speaker 1: try to not get caught next time I do that thing.
Speaker 1: But I'm absolutely like, this is so irrational what they're doing.
Speaker 1: They're punishing me in a way for a thing I
Speaker 1: didn't even mean to do. Even if it's like I
Speaker 1: got caught stealing, I didn't mean to do that. No
Speaker 1: one wants to be a thief. Whatever compelled me to
Speaker 1: do it, something's obviously going on with me that isn't
Speaker 1: just me wanting to steal. But yeah, I tried to
Speaker 1: shame Taylor, but I'm not. I wasn't trying to shame
Speaker 1: Taylor and say you're a bad person. I said, I
Speaker 1: just don't want you to get caught. Can you please
Speaker 1: look at inside yourself and like not do that, like
Speaker 1: figure out why you're doing it and stop doing it.
Speaker 1: You're not a bad person. It's not about shaming anyone.
Speaker 1: It's about I just don't want you to be in
Speaker 1: jail and have to, like, you know, you know, be
Speaker 1: in debt to lawyers because you gotta go to fucking
Speaker 1: work because you stole back and try that. All right,
Speaker 1: let's take a break and come back, and every rose
Speaker 1: is all right, We're back. Um, what do you like better?
Speaker 1: Soliloquy or monologue? Soliloquy? I feel like soliloquy is Shakespearean
Speaker 1: and monologue I mean, I guess there's the same thing.
Speaker 1: There must be a difference. Oh my god, Lizzie and
Speaker 1: I discussed or Lizzie, I will say, discovered a new
Speaker 1: Mandela effect. Do you know the Mandela effect? It's where
Speaker 1: you think something and we talked about that way. Okay,
Speaker 1: so if you don't know, everyone, just google it and
Speaker 1: look it up and then come back to this, but
Speaker 1: I won't waste your time at leaning what it is
Speaker 1: because I suspect you to know. But if you don't know,
Speaker 1: google it and then so, uh, what do you think
Speaker 1: the word fuck? What was the word? Um? What do
Speaker 1: you think the word point it means? Mm hmm poignant?
Speaker 1: You would think it's like, um, now what do you think?
Speaker 1: Not you you with one would think what do you
Speaker 1: think it is? What do I think poignant? Poignant? To me?
Speaker 1: I feel like it is like, um, meaningful, like here's
Speaker 1: the the truth, like poignant, like on topic, like this
Speaker 1: is what this is what it is? Okay, what do
Speaker 1: you think it means? Noah? Maybe like sharp? Yeah that's
Speaker 1: kind of what yeah, like it's resonating more than something else,
Speaker 1: like wow that got through? Yeah yeah, like I think
Speaker 1: like sharp, like very clear. No, this is a Mandela effect.
Speaker 1: Everyone thinks says what point it means? Including myself? Poignant
Speaker 1: the I'm looking it up evoking a keen sense of
Speaker 1: sadness or regret? What what? What that is? What pointed means?
Speaker 1: It does mean that the whole time, the whole time,
Speaker 1: Daniel wait time out. Yes, yes, the poignant response means
Speaker 1: a sad response. It means it's evoking a keen sense
Speaker 1: of sadness or regret. Mm hmm, wild right. He was
Speaker 1: very really through me. That point was, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I always feel like, yeah, I don't know. Nope, it
Speaker 1: does not mean what we all think it means. And
Speaker 1: it blew our fucking mind for a magnificent Oh that's
Speaker 1: pretty nifty. Oh that's cool. That's a cool little like
Speaker 1: I learned that fact where you learn from one of
Speaker 1: those twitters, like I was thirty five years old when
Speaker 1: I've learned nifty yes, yes, yeah, last for I was,
Speaker 1: I was today years old. People say, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: there's words you know, several has been jumping out a
Speaker 1: lot lately. Well, it's used so much and several times
Speaker 1: it's it's used several thousand times a day. And I
Speaker 1: understand we we've already talked about this extensively. You are
Speaker 1: one of people, see what your mindset was about it,
Speaker 1: But it is so erroneous that no one actual I'm
Speaker 1: you're sad about it, You're evoking sadness. Well you know
Speaker 1: what that means, dude. I mean, I do know what's
Speaker 1: been going on in St. Louis. I mean, you know
Speaker 1: this weekend was fun. Played golf yesterday with another couple.
Speaker 1: That it's funny when you were you with your girlfriend. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with Brenna and um a friend from her, you know,
Speaker 1: her and her friend just Ram rode in a cart
Speaker 1: behind us. Well, me and a new guy got together
Speaker 1: and we both were like going on different dates like
Speaker 1: like like it was fun though, like he was really cool.
Speaker 1: They were kind of like they were like bizarrow us.
Speaker 1: She works with the other girl, so so the guy
Speaker 1: is very there. They look very similar. They have similar personalities.
Speaker 1: And then me and this guy, we could be the saint,
Speaker 1: like we're all within these dinner with different with another couple.
Speaker 1: We gotta see pictures of these people. I want to
Speaker 1: see what bizarro you looks like. So we had fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, there were some white claws in
Speaker 1: the carts and uh, you know, it was just it
Speaker 1: was a silly time and it made me like, because
Speaker 1: I love golf, I love my girlfriend. I want to
Speaker 1: bring them together, but she hates golf. And so this
Speaker 1: was a way I could get my man date. I
Speaker 1: could get you know, I could be in another man's arms.
Speaker 1: It worked out, Yeah, it worked out a lot. We
Speaker 1: had a lot of fun and then I smoked weed
Speaker 1: and I took one hit off this fucking electric pen.
Speaker 1: I was so fucking stone, like stupid stone, just like
Speaker 1: not that I haven't been that stone from especially from
Speaker 1: one hit. It was a big hit. But I did
Speaker 1: the pull with my shirt on, with my shirt on
Speaker 1: when I took it, and no, no, that was I
Speaker 1: had my shirt on before it. So I hit it
Speaker 1: and literally Brenna smoked too, and we were just we
Speaker 1: would just be in the house. It's funny when you're
Speaker 1: both high and you're just we're eating random things. She's
Speaker 1: in the bedroom, I'm on the couch and we're just
Speaker 1: like always say to each other's like, I mean I'm high,
Speaker 1: and then the other friends like I'm high too, and
Speaker 1: then we just use like we're just like just like
Speaker 1: three hours went by of nothing. That's the least favorite
Speaker 1: person to get high with for me is the person
Speaker 1: that keeps saying how high they are. I just can't
Speaker 1: take it. It's like mushrooms with something like when people
Speaker 1: do a new drug. I just like it's I know
Speaker 1: it's not could, but there's something about it that's could
Speaker 1: to me. I'm like constantly saying you're high. When you're high,
Speaker 1: it's just like just be just be weird, which we were, yes,
Speaker 1: but I understand, just like remember it like you forget
Speaker 1: you're high, so every couple of seconds you'll remember it
Speaker 1: you are, and it strikes She was like, and it's
Speaker 1: it's an excuse for whatever weird behavior doing it was
Speaker 1: the first time, man, I'm high. Well it was funny
Speaker 1: because if you're first time, what of you and Brenna
Speaker 1: being high together? Actually, yeah, in our relationship, first time
Speaker 1: we've ever smoked weed together. And we were we were
Speaker 1: stone at a point where everything was funny, like, everything
Speaker 1: was silly like, and uh, they were going to say
Speaker 1: goodbye to the other couple, and I mean Brenna were
Speaker 1: in our bedroom and we couldn't walk out together without
Speaker 1: laughing in the guy's face while saying goodbye. So it
Speaker 1: felt like we were liked. And she stayed on the
Speaker 1: floor in the closet like you guys were all back
Speaker 1: at your apartment and you left them in the living
Speaker 1: room like for a second to just change. And then
Speaker 1: they were leaving and we went in the bedroom for
Speaker 1: a second. If the couple's placed that I was at,
Speaker 1: they went into the bedroom and just left us, I'd go, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is probably our cue to leave to. These two
Speaker 1: are giggling about us in the next room, saying how
Speaker 1: high they are? Yeah, you mean having a killer time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was funny, it was It was a fun day.
Speaker 1: That's so fun. Yeah, it's a silly day, just golf.
Speaker 1: The Worst Person in the World is a movie inside
Speaker 1: from when you look in the mirror. No, have you
Speaker 1: seen the movie The Worst Person in the World on
Speaker 1: a delay too? Because it's just like it hits me
Speaker 1: like five times. I'm sorry, that's such a fun have
Speaker 1: you Obviously you haven't seen it, you guys. It's on Hulu.
Speaker 1: It is. Looking at it right now. It is the
Speaker 1: best movie I have ever. No, you can't give me
Speaker 1: the same joke. I knew you were going to do
Speaker 1: that too. I knew there's gonna be some way that
Speaker 1: you work it back in like it's novel poigne um.
Speaker 1: So wait, so what is it? Good? Dude? It is?
Speaker 1: First of all, the poster for it alone like just
Speaker 1: sucks you in, like pull it up. No, I just
Speaker 1: like look at the poster and tell me you don't
Speaker 1: think this is probably going to be your favorite movie ever. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, I love, I love. I thought that. As
Speaker 1: soon as I saw the poster, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm gonna love this movie so freaking much.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like my poster for good clean filth.
Speaker 1: I love my posters so much for good clean filth.
Speaker 1: Like I've never seen anything I've done that I like more.
Speaker 1: And I hope it gets people. I think that for
Speaker 1: the first time, I have a poster that's going to
Speaker 1: get people to watch the special, like the colors. The name,
Speaker 1: like I realized now, like the name and and all
Speaker 1: that stuff like matters so much, because I thought there's
Speaker 1: no way this movie could live up to the poster,
Speaker 1: because the poster is so good and just looks so
Speaker 1: up my alley, like even calling a thing the worst
Speaker 1: person in the world. It's a Norwegian film, and yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that's what I think. And it says at the top
Speaker 1: one of the quotes of one of the reviews says,
Speaker 1: one of the best romantic films of recent times. I
Speaker 1: couldn't agree more. It was written by a man. There
Speaker 1: are tons of people saying, like, you know, there are
Speaker 1: tons of reviews saying it's not that good. It's like
Speaker 1: such a you know, it's from a man's perspective, She's
Speaker 1: one dimensional. She's zero dimensional. I don't think I have
Speaker 1: ever related to a on screen character more in my life,
Speaker 1: and I'm almost while watching it. I was offended that
Speaker 1: my friends who have seen it did not immediately write
Speaker 1: me during it saying, Nikki, this is you. But I
Speaker 1: also think that every woman who watches it feels this way,
Speaker 1: feels like it is them, and so I don't think
Speaker 1: anyone thought of thinking of me for it because every
Speaker 1: woman is thinking like, this is so me, it's so good.
Speaker 1: It is about a girl. Like if if I saw
Speaker 1: a movie like Man with Small Dick, it smells like shit,
Speaker 1: this movie is so you. Like the movie the title
Speaker 1: of it, they have to like the worst person in
Speaker 1: the world is right for them to say that it's
Speaker 1: I wouldn't take that as first of all, it's so
Speaker 1: because she the title is based off of like one
Speaker 1: of the characters in it thinking the worst person in
Speaker 1: the world because of something they do, and that is
Speaker 1: my Like I think recently, I've been doing a lot
Speaker 1: of work in therapy and like I just think I'm
Speaker 1: constantly when people get mad at me. I was talking
Speaker 1: about it before, like when people get mad at me
Speaker 1: or try to shame me or get upset with me
Speaker 1: and I've disappointed them, Like I just go to right too, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm the worst person in the world. Then fucking leave me,
Speaker 1: don't be friends with me anymore, don't stop working with me.
Speaker 1: Then I don't even want to work with you, Like
Speaker 1: why are you working with someone that you hate so much?
Speaker 1: Clearly because you just confronted me about this thing. Like
Speaker 1: I go right to that. Like anything I do that
Speaker 1: someone gets mad about, I'm like, well then I'm then
Speaker 1: then obviously I'm a sociopath who only likes myself. If
Speaker 1: you're mad at me for this and you think that
Speaker 1: I purposely did this to hurt you, then fucking leave me.
Speaker 1: Then don't be friends anymore. Let's like like get out
Speaker 1: of my life. And I feel like that that really
Speaker 1: resonate with me. But more than anything, this movie is
Speaker 1: about a girl who like who cannot, who doesn't know
Speaker 1: what she wants in life, and at one there's I'm
Speaker 1: not giving anything away, but she's like deciding on her
Speaker 1: like boyfriend really wants to have kids and she's like,
Speaker 1: so do I, but like not now, And he's like okay,
Speaker 1: so what needs to happen you're thirty? Like, what do
Speaker 1: you want to do? What do you want to get?
Speaker 1: What do you want to do before you have kids?
Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't know? And that man that
Speaker 1: was one of the reviews says like why doesn't she know? Why?
Speaker 1: That that's how little this man understands women is that
Speaker 1: he couldn't even find an answer for what she doesn't.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't relate to anything more. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't want kids yet. I might want them someday, I don't.
Speaker 1: I just am not ready for them yet. Why, Nikki,
Speaker 1: what do you want to do? What haven't you done
Speaker 1: yet that kids are holding you back from? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I want certain things and why
Speaker 1: I don't? Sometimes I change my mind within five minutes
Speaker 1: and I don't know why. And this girl constantly changes
Speaker 1: her mind. One second she's totally into this one thing,
Speaker 1: the next second she's into another thing. Then she changes
Speaker 1: this career like she and I think there's something wrong
Speaker 1: with me, Like I am so I change my mind
Speaker 1: so quickly, but it's not because I'm like lying when
Speaker 1: I say one thing and then the next day I
Speaker 1: changed my mind the day before. I really did mean
Speaker 1: that thing. I've just changed my mind, and I think
Speaker 1: that some people can't understand people like me that do that,
Speaker 1: and I just I'm not consistent, and I'm not choosing
Speaker 1: to not be consistent because I'm like, yeah, I want
Speaker 1: to just lie to everyone. I really do feel one
Speaker 1: way one day and not one way the next day.
Speaker 1: Hourly it changes for me. An hour ago, I was
Speaker 1: like so depressed. Right now not depressed, and have a
Speaker 1: much better outlook on life, having much different opinions about things.
Speaker 1: I don't understand why people can be how do people
Speaker 1: stay so consistent? And I get I get people get
Speaker 1: mad at me all the time because I change my
Speaker 1: mind about things. I change my opinion about things. You know,
Speaker 1: I could read an article today that makes me think
Speaker 1: this movie is totally terrible and it will open my
Speaker 1: eyes to a thing I didn't see before. It's not
Speaker 1: like I it's not like I was lying when I
Speaker 1: liked it. I just didn't see the truth. And then
Speaker 1: something like people I think are not I'm up saying like,
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem with changing my mind. It's
Speaker 1: a little bit of the people pleaser in me that
Speaker 1: maybe I just like kind of glom onto other people's ideas,
Speaker 1: but I'm not doing it for some like nefarious purpose
Speaker 1: of like I want this person to like me. It's like,
Speaker 1: I just feel like sometimes people are so stuck in
Speaker 1: their ways that they don't even I. I I like the
Speaker 1: fact that I can change my mind about things. I
Speaker 1: think that's a positive quality, but I feel like I
Speaker 1: get punished for it more often than not. Of like,
Speaker 1: I want to write a book. Okay, I started writing
Speaker 1: a book, and I fucking hate this process. I don't
Speaker 1: want to write a fucking book anymore. But you said
Speaker 1: you wanted to. Yeah, but I changed my mind. I
Speaker 1: don't know what so I have to not write a
Speaker 1: book just because I said once before I wanted to
Speaker 1: write a book. I you know, even becoming a stand
Speaker 1: up comedian I show shows this career when I was
Speaker 1: eighteen years old. That is a pretty much a child.
Speaker 1: If I decide now that I don't want to do
Speaker 1: it anymore, even though I'm great at it, that that
Speaker 1: should be allowed. That shouldn't be like what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Like you're crazy? Like people should be able to change
Speaker 1: their mind, even about romantic relationships, personal relationships, the way
Speaker 1: they like to dress, the way they like to sing.
Speaker 1: Like me and Aria didn't get into it the other day,
Speaker 1: But the thing we really connected with about the other
Speaker 1: day is that she's struggling Aria, who's transgendered of female,
Speaker 1: transgendered woman. She is struggling that when she first learned
Speaker 1: to sing, she's a choired director. She was she was
Speaker 1: identified as a gay man, and so her voice was
Speaker 1: like a lower register and that was her voice and
Speaker 1: she perfected it because she like sang for years and
Speaker 1: years with that voice. But she now that she is
Speaker 1: a woman, she is like, I don't really I don't
Speaker 1: want to sing like that anymore. I want to sing
Speaker 1: in a higher register. But she feels my life just
Speaker 1: went up. She feels like a fraud. She feels like
Speaker 1: when people hear her put on this new voice that
Speaker 1: she is, that everyone's gonna I was like, what's your
Speaker 1: biggest fear? I was like, is your biggest fear that
Speaker 1: someone you work with is going to talk about you
Speaker 1: on the way home and be like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: A choire bright to was good, but Aria's like trying
Speaker 1: this new voice and it's just like so sad and desperate. Like,
Speaker 1: that's my biggest fear is that too? Like saying in
Speaker 1: the way like that might sound a little bit affected,
Speaker 1: like we're also scared of I'm scared of like even
Speaker 1: you know, like you getting a mustache, You're like, that's
Speaker 1: like you trying, you know, like you try. You're trying
Speaker 1: a new look, You're trying to look cool in a
Speaker 1: new way. And there's something inherently embarrassing about that. Why
Speaker 1: why do we all get embarrassed when we're trying to
Speaker 1: be something different than what comes naturally. Let's say, well,
Speaker 1: I guess part of it is that I'll I I
Speaker 1: I judge things, so it's like if I'm judging it,
Speaker 1: then someone else must be judging it too, and could
Speaker 1: be huh. It starts with one thing. When you judge others,
Speaker 1: it's always gonna come from you and not them. Of course,
Speaker 1: you project what other people are going to say about you.
Speaker 1: And the only reason you would ever think other people
Speaker 1: are could say that about you because yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Even if I think about someone else,
Speaker 1: it never really affects my way of how I or
Speaker 1: at least I try not to of how I see
Speaker 1: them or how I like if I I think they're
Speaker 1: a try hard or they're trying to do something different,
Speaker 1: like yeah, I could call it out. It does affect
Speaker 1: the way you see them. I know it does. We
Speaker 1: we talked so much about people who are trying to
Speaker 1: be and like it makes us like kind of hate
Speaker 1: them a little bit. It doesn't. I think, Yes, I
Speaker 1: think it's a I think it's a I know, but
Speaker 1: I think I can. I My point is if it's
Speaker 1: hopefully I can differentiate someone that just has a mustache
Speaker 1: for just reasons of like, oh, they're just enjoying his look.
Speaker 1: It's kind of silly as opposed to someone being like
Speaker 1: I think I'm saying no, Like, if I'm being hard
Speaker 1: on myself about something, is it deserving of being hard
Speaker 1: on myself for like, you know that I'm trying trying
Speaker 1: to How do I put this? I understand even when
Speaker 1: I mean, I've even said it when people are trying
Speaker 1: to because it's just like you can still just be
Speaker 1: like they're just sad, like they're just trying to get love,
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing wrong with them. There's what's wrong is
Speaker 1: ascribing like they're a bad person or like they're so
Speaker 1: lame or there's something wrong with them for doing that. Really,
Speaker 1: they're just trying their best. And that's how I feel
Speaker 1: about other people when like, but usually I get jealous
Speaker 1: of anyone who, like I make fun of HALLI these
Speaker 1: voice and I make fun of you know, anyone who
Speaker 1: tries like a new look, I'll make fun of them
Speaker 1: because to me, it convinces me. Then I'm I'm reinforcing
Speaker 1: why I don't try new things, because I'm really actually
Speaker 1: just jealous that they're able to try something that's kind
Speaker 1: of scary to me, to like try an affected voice
Speaker 1: or like lean into Like last night, I was having
Speaker 1: to perform karaoke in front of a bunch of people
Speaker 1: I didn't know, and everyone just like stands and like
Speaker 1: sits and watches you out of respect. And a lot
Speaker 1: of these people are like, you know, these girls that
Speaker 1: are like professionally trained have like amazing American idol voices,
Speaker 1: And I was I got there and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, And I was like, you know what, Like
Speaker 1: all I have to do is just have fun as
Speaker 1: long as I'm just doing what I want to do
Speaker 1: and I'm not doing it for anyone else, Like I'm
Speaker 1: just so if I want to make my voice sound
Speaker 1: a certain way. It doesn't have to be about like.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to I'm my biggest fears that people
Speaker 1: think that I'm trying to get attention or that I'm
Speaker 1: trying to look cool, when really a lot of times
Speaker 1: it might look like I'm trying to look cool. Like
Speaker 1: I was talking to these guys last Ben Gleeb and
Speaker 1: Jeffrey Baldinger. He this comic. Jeffrey drove us back home
Speaker 1: and each to our that he drove us back to
Speaker 1: my hotel and we were talking about like, uh, like
Speaker 1: I was talking about how like I would like to
Speaker 1: do porn someday, but I can't because I just don't
Speaker 1: want to be sexualized. I don't want to do meet
Speaker 1: and greets and have like men being like you like
Speaker 1: getting boners, it like really makes me feel unsafe. But
Speaker 1: I would like to do porn because I like the
Speaker 1: idea of I don't know, being an entertaining I like
Speaker 1: the idea of like, I wouldn't mind guys getting turned
Speaker 1: on by me in the privacy of their own bedrooms,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to like see it. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be confronted with it. So if I ever
Speaker 1: did porn. I would want to do it like with
Speaker 1: a mask on so no one would know it was me.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I would like to also
Speaker 1: make millions of dollars from doing it, because no one
Speaker 1: has ever done porn that at the height of their career.
Speaker 1: No one's just like gone and been like I'm not
Speaker 1: a porn star, but I'm just gonna be one when
Speaker 1: when you know, it's usually happens when there's like a downfall, right,
Speaker 1: So like, I can make millions of dollars doing one
Speaker 1: porn if I put a paywall over it for like
Speaker 1: twenty bucks, the way Louis c k does for a
Speaker 1: special If I shot one porn, I could make literally
Speaker 1: millions of dollars in one night and retire. I really could,
Speaker 1: like I I know that I could. I would be
Speaker 1: completely giving up my entire career to do that, because
Speaker 1: no one works with you. After you've done porn. You
Speaker 1: can't go back. They won't let you back in um.
Speaker 1: But I was talking about this and and Ben was like, well,
Speaker 1: then I don't have to. I don't know judgment, but
Speaker 1: why do you dress like you dress very sexy on stage?
Speaker 1: Like I look at your pictures and like you you
Speaker 1: really lean into like you look very titillating on pictures
Speaker 1: on stage, and I'm like, that's not me trying to
Speaker 1: be sexy. That actually just happens to be the way
Speaker 1: I want to dress. I like I have, I have,
Speaker 1: I like pictures of women. I like style that makes
Speaker 1: you look sexy. It's not because I like it because
Speaker 1: men I want to make men horny. I just that's
Speaker 1: the way I want to dress. It just so happens
Speaker 1: to be the same style of dress that men would
Speaker 1: like to see from me as well. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean I'm doing it for them. I really am doing
Speaker 1: it for me. So you can do something that is
Speaker 1: making you look cooler but is truly just for you
Speaker 1: and is not really about wanting to look cool to
Speaker 1: someone else. But oftentimes it can be a little bit
Speaker 1: of both. So you can want to have a mustache
Speaker 1: because you want people to think you look cool, but
Speaker 1: you can also do it because you want to have
Speaker 1: a fucking mustache. And I can wear a skirt because
Speaker 1: I want people to go, wow, she's got nice legs,
Speaker 1: but I also just think it looks good because I
Speaker 1: do have nice legs. I can't both be true and
Speaker 1: does that make me a bad person If I want
Speaker 1: to make people get people to like me in some
Speaker 1: way that is um a little bit shallow. I don't know, No,
Speaker 1: I just think like getting someone getting a male fan
Speaker 1: to like you without wanting to fuck you while looking good.
Speaker 1: It's just such a blended thing to like try to
Speaker 1: get a result without getting the other thing, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Yeah, I don't want male comic fans
Speaker 1: to be horning for me. I really, that is not
Speaker 1: part of it. I'd really truly dressed on stage the
Speaker 1: way I want to because I like the way to
Speaker 1: relive addresses. I like the way Taylor Swift dresses. I
Speaker 1: want to be a pop star. It's for me. The
Speaker 1: fact that they're horning for it is just that's not
Speaker 1: under my control and I don't care, and I don't
Speaker 1: actually care if they're just and eventually, yeah, they might
Speaker 1: be horny the first four minutes I'm on stage, but
Speaker 1: after a while they have to maybe get over it
Speaker 1: and start listening, and I feel like they do, so
Speaker 1: I just I'm not ever going to not wear what
Speaker 1: I want to wear because I'm scared about turning on
Speaker 1: a guy that is not in my interest. It is
Speaker 1: what they did in my middle school. They said we
Speaker 1: couldn't wear tanked outs because we were distracting the boys.
Speaker 1: It was our fault. The boys were suffering, their grades
Speaker 1: were suffering, and we have to change the way we dress.
Speaker 1: Go fuck yourself, you get over it. You adapt to
Speaker 1: seeing our arms. You little premature like you fucking little
Speaker 1: prepubescent boys like that was one Oh yeah it's your
Speaker 1: we do that show. That was essentially yeah, I want
Speaker 1: to make money. What I'm saying, Yeah, I really could
Speaker 1: make millions of dollars. What do you guys think I
Speaker 1: could make if I put a pay wall of twenty
Speaker 1: tw dollars to download something that, yes, people will torrent
Speaker 1: it and share it online, but to get like the
Speaker 1: real version twenty bucks if I didn't only fans and
Speaker 1: there's just one video. If what's her name, Bella Thorne
Speaker 1: made like fifty two million dollars, how much could I
Speaker 1: make for one gang bang video? Because it's really unprecedented.
Speaker 1: Tell me one other person who has never done porn
Speaker 1: and who has achieved a level of success that I
Speaker 1: have achieved without doing porn, without really doing anything sexual,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden goes into porn one time.
Speaker 1: It's unprecedented that happens when your career has like hit
Speaker 1: a slump. What Pama, Tommy, that was against her will?
Speaker 1: That was not a leak is a different thing a leak.
Speaker 1: Pretend that was not that was a leak as well.
Speaker 1: She did not want a leaks. Yeah, no, I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to think. I'm trying to think of a leak
Speaker 1: you can make if you've tenants elite. No, I'm not,
Speaker 1: but I'm not a liar, so I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about I put out a porn and advertise
Speaker 1: it as I have a porn. I'm doing one time
Speaker 1: only and I'm never going back to it. But would
Speaker 1: be really funny, you know, be really funny if you
Speaker 1: get it. Tell us what's gonna be funny after we
Speaker 1: get back from break? Tell us what's gonna be funny? Okay,
Speaker 1: say that's awesome, Alright, we're back. What's really funny? Uh farts?
Speaker 1: You're right they are. There's a great part moment and
Speaker 1: the best the worst person in the world. You guys
Speaker 1: got to see it. Please please please, I'll watch it tonight.
Speaker 1: I really Hulu's for the subscription. Oh and also f
Speaker 1: Boy Island Uh, It's premiers tomorrow Wednesday tonight at midnight.
Speaker 1: F Boy Island HBO Max. Your last special you put out,
Speaker 1: you just do it, you self promote it, you self
Speaker 1: do it, and you put out a porn too, And
Speaker 1: that's the you compete against yourself if you make more
Speaker 1: money and standing up or in the porn more. I'm
Speaker 1: not kid you. I if I put out a point,
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding you. I could make I think three million.
Speaker 1: I would say ten million dollars overnight. I really do
Speaker 1: think that. I I think more like and that that's
Speaker 1: just like the first week, I would make ten million.
Speaker 1: I think that no one. Maybe I'd waited another year
Speaker 1: till I get a little bit more famous and I
Speaker 1: give little less ships. But I love porn. I watch
Speaker 1: enough of it that I think that I could do
Speaker 1: a really good video. My only problem is I don't
Speaker 1: want people being sexual with me in person. I'm really
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with that, and so I don't think I could
Speaker 1: ever do it. I know, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: spend all my money on that, Like, what's the point
Speaker 1: of doing it? Then then there goes my ten grand
Speaker 1: or what is the number where you would do it? Like?
Speaker 1: What is the number? Like? So these a pro I
Speaker 1: don't think there is a number. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: a number because I I really don't think there is one,
Speaker 1: because I think my life would be because million union. Honestly, no,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm talking a billion dollars you could. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could do it. But this is something
Speaker 1: you want to do, so you just want to do
Speaker 1: it in a vacuum. I get what you're saying. I
Speaker 1: want to do it, but I cannot do it because
Speaker 1: it would I would never be able to go on
Speaker 1: the Tonight Show again. I would never be able to
Speaker 1: work in Dayton, Ohio again because I had done porn.
Speaker 1: I would my family would never look at me the
Speaker 1: same way again. My boyfriend's family would never look like.
Speaker 1: There's a stigma attached to it which should not be
Speaker 1: attached to it because everyone fucking watches porn and it's
Speaker 1: like this huge thing in our society that no one
Speaker 1: talks about doing even though everyone watches it, and not
Speaker 1: everyone but most people. Um, but I wouldn't do it
Speaker 1: because we just and I think that in with the
Speaker 1: way things are going with Roe v Wade. I honestly
Speaker 1: think that you could be uh persecuted, prosecuted and persecuted
Speaker 1: or doing in the next cup years with the legislation
Speaker 1: is going to like punish women for being worse. And
Speaker 1: so I think that I I would risk jail time
Speaker 1: in a in a world where if China takes over
Speaker 1: or something, I don't know, like I do think that
Speaker 1: there would be consequences not just social but actually like
Speaker 1: legal to me doing porn. And that's I think the
Speaker 1: world with only fans nowadays, Like that's I think, well,
Speaker 1: if you took out the Roverse Wade thing, obviously that
Speaker 1: just happened, but before that, I feel like people are
Speaker 1: way more open sexually. And I think, I honestly think
Speaker 1: if you put out a porn I'm not just sucking
Speaker 1: around you would you could still do? I think of
Speaker 1: what you're already doing. I really think you co. It
Speaker 1: would make me so sad to be barred from fift
Speaker 1: of the things that I want to do, Like it
Speaker 1: makes me so mad that that girl that was on
Speaker 1: brit Chrystis Tour couldn't work at that one Dayton club
Speaker 1: or Dayton Theater, and and that really that happened. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that. What's that story? Oh, yeah, she we were.
Speaker 1: She told me that on Bert Chryser's tour, they did
Speaker 1: Dayton and she is a DJ. Now she's retired from porn.
Speaker 1: But because she's done porn in the past and they
Speaker 1: googled her, they refused to let her perform, like the
Speaker 1: theater the theater. That theater refused to let her perform,
Speaker 1: which who knows is that? Yeah, you you want to
Speaker 1: do porn obviously, but like the reason why you can't
Speaker 1: do it is because of it's the things that you
Speaker 1: can't control, Like you can't control how your family responds
Speaker 1: to it. You can't control how people will respond to it,
Speaker 1: how the industry, like the entertainment industry responds to it.
Speaker 1: But it's not the point itself that No, No, I
Speaker 1: love it. I respect porn stars, I love them. I
Speaker 1: just everyone had my mentality about porn stars. I would
Speaker 1: do it in the second because I do not sexualize them.
Speaker 1: I'm not like they're bad people. They're worse than us.
Speaker 1: They're sad, they have daddy issues, they're drug addicts. Yes,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of that in porn, but there's a
Speaker 1: lot of that and actor as and actresses too. But
Speaker 1: I even saying that I would do porn my parents.
Speaker 1: I said that on my reality show and my parents
Speaker 1: were like, you need to tell E to take that out.
Speaker 1: We don't even want you saying that you would do porn.
Speaker 1: That's too embarrassing and that can come back to haunt you.
Speaker 1: Like seriously, this this is stigmatizing. Even saying I want
Speaker 1: to do porn and that I would like to do
Speaker 1: it is is kind of a risk. And I'm not joking.
Speaker 1: It is like there's a part of me that's like
Speaker 1: do I Yeah, we just change it the corn. I
Speaker 1: just want to corn. I want corn. I just want
Speaker 1: corn corn. I want to be in the bad corn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it depends on what you want from your career. I
Speaker 1: just really feel that, like you're you're a comic that's
Speaker 1: a dirty comic. You do a lot of things on
Speaker 1: your own without the industry, Like you couldn't put on
Speaker 1: you could you could sell out an audience on your own.
Speaker 1: You I just I think you would maybe lose out
Speaker 1: on maybe doing like an NBC show, maybe be but
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, here's a liberated woman does porn
Speaker 1: on top of her career. I honestly think you might
Speaker 1: get rewarded more than you even think I would lose.
Speaker 1: I would get blacklisted from there. There there is no
Speaker 1: You don't think Conan would have you on his podcast
Speaker 1: if he did a porn if you're still being a comic,
Speaker 1: not if it's one thing. If you're like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: a porn star now, funk everything else, Conan Wood, Conan Wood,
Speaker 1: Bill Maher would um. I don't think I could guest
Speaker 1: host Jimmy Kimmel. I don't think that I could be
Speaker 1: on The Talk. I don't think I could be on
Speaker 1: the View. I don't think I could be on the
Speaker 1: Today Show. I don't think And I also it's it's
Speaker 1: not so. I don't think i'll I could be auditioned
Speaker 1: for movies. I don't think I could be on an
Speaker 1: ABC sitcom and an NBC sitcom. I don't think that.
Speaker 1: And I also think that everyone would think I was
Speaker 1: doing it because I want to be sexy, and so
Speaker 1: everyone would be kind of like judgmental and think I'm like,
Speaker 1: uh like, and and I would get slut shamed by
Speaker 1: the entire world. I feel like, what fun you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm not. That's why myer porn stars
Speaker 1: they don't give a funk what people think because they
Speaker 1: are subject to But a lot of them don't have
Speaker 1: an option. You have an option. It's almost even a
Speaker 1: bigger funk you that you actually have a career and
Speaker 1: that you have an option to be a stand up comedian.
Speaker 1: A lot of them, a lot of porn stars can't
Speaker 1: go out and still get people saying, Nikki, you're a
Speaker 1: comedian stuff trying to be hot on stage when I
Speaker 1: wear like short skirts. Can you imagine what they'd say
Speaker 1: if I tried to do porn. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's why it's an even bigger that's my point. But
Speaker 1: I'm not strong enough to handle that. No, I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I couldn't. Yeah, I mean I could barely have a
Speaker 1: mustache for a week. Yeah, I couldn't handle it. And
Speaker 1: I also my biggest thing is like I would not
Speaker 1: want men. I wouldn't want to see men who had
Speaker 1: liked But here's the thing. Men already are like that
Speaker 1: with you know, like like men have imaginations like men.
Speaker 1: But the level of disgust that people that that how
Speaker 1: they talk treat women who have they've seen fuck on
Speaker 1: camera is different than hearing a woman talk about sucking.
Speaker 1: Like I get a lot of it because I am
Speaker 1: pornographic in my material, but I don't think we even
Speaker 1: understand how much women in porn get that thrown at them.
Speaker 1: I saw porn last night that I can't I really
Speaker 1: think that porn is ruined for me. Now. I'm not
Speaker 1: even joking you. I saw something that was so oh
Speaker 1: my god. So the porn end okay, and I never
Speaker 1: watched the end. I never watched, like, but for some reason,
Speaker 1: they like show the clean up. She's like washing off
Speaker 1: her makeup. She's just got a bunch of come on
Speaker 1: her face. She's wiping it off, and the guys are
Speaker 1: all like, you did so great, and the cameraman's like,
Speaker 1: how was that for you? And she's like it was good,
Speaker 1: it was good. I'm good. And she's just like wiping
Speaker 1: off her face and kind of like wanting to get
Speaker 1: out of there, and the guys are all like, we
Speaker 1: fucking killed that, Like she was amazing, and they just
Speaker 1: like are like talking like they're kind of just like
Speaker 1: all trying to be comics. Essentially, they're trying to be
Speaker 1: funny and just like you know, off the cuff and
Speaker 1: the one of the guys goes, man, I was, I
Speaker 1: was surprised. I didn't know that was going to be
Speaker 1: a d P. And she goes, I didn't either. It
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to be, and I cannot believe they aired it.
Speaker 1: She goes she's wiping off a fraish. She goes, it
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to be. I didn't know it was either,
Speaker 1: and that just solidified it for me. I know for
Speaker 1: a fact in porn that these girls they sign up
Speaker 1: for something and then things start to happen during the
Speaker 1: filming that they did not sign up for that wasn't
Speaker 1: part of their contract. But they just want to be amenable.
Speaker 1: They don't want to be the girl that stops down
Speaker 1: production and everyone has to stop and they have to
Speaker 1: call in an HR person and it was just the
Speaker 1: saddest thing. I bookedmarked it because I really want an investigation.
Speaker 1: I feel like this girl could sue for what she
Speaker 1: went through because she goes, it wasn't part of the
Speaker 1: shoot and all of a sudden she is being double
Speaker 1: penetrated when she didn't think that was gonna happen. Dude,
Speaker 1: I'll send it because like, why would they keep it
Speaker 1: in because they're stupid, Because they're stupid, and because she
Speaker 1: ultimately says it was fun, you know, that doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: you know, but but people could use that against and say, well,
Speaker 1: then you said you had fun. That doesn't mean anything,
Speaker 1: Like I don't care. Like if if I'm if I'm
Speaker 1: booked to work a gig and apposed to do twenty
Speaker 1: minutes and I end up doing an hour because they're like,
Speaker 1: will you please do an hour? And I do the
Speaker 1: hour just to be nice. That doesn't mean that I
Speaker 1: like And even if I have fun that hour of comedy,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that I shouldn't be paid for that
Speaker 1: extra work. And she even jokes I should get paid more,
Speaker 1: and they just laugh it off. So I honestly want
Speaker 1: to like report this video. I'm so fucking mad about it.
Speaker 1: Final thought, let's do some Reddit dumps, shall we? Andrew
Speaker 1: your mouth sounds? This is your real dum. I forgot
Speaker 1: my gatorad. Okay, So this is a red it um
Speaker 1: subreddit called shitty life pro tips, because there's a subreddit
Speaker 1: called life pro tips that's just like actually helpful things,
Speaker 1: and this one is just like bad life advice that
Speaker 1: seems like it would be good. And this one really
Speaker 1: made me laugh. It said, shitty life pro tip if
Speaker 1: you're going out into the desert, make sure to take
Speaker 1: sand paper with you. If you get lost, the sand
Speaker 1: paper will function as a map and you can find
Speaker 1: your way. That's funny, like the sand paper a tiny
Speaker 1: map of the sand. Okay, this is from thanks, I
Speaker 1: hate it. T H I H t H T I
Speaker 1: H I thanks, I hate it. It's just things that
Speaker 1: are like make you go. And this says this is
Speaker 1: a tweet from a guy named Ui Bullocks. When I
Speaker 1: was a kid, I thought the long vampire fangs were
Speaker 1: hollow and had holes in the end and they drank
Speaker 1: blood through them like straws. And then every single comment
Speaker 1: in this reddit is so did I Everyone thought that? Right, usho,
Speaker 1: no sharp teeth. I I did think that. I did think.
Speaker 1: I don't think they bite it and then drink it,
Speaker 1: you know, right, and like, but that's what they do.
Speaker 1: They bite it, then they go and they suck it.
Speaker 1: But I always just thought it was straws because they
Speaker 1: kind of come down like straws, right yeah, and injecting
Speaker 1: it right into your gums seems more desirable than drinking
Speaker 1: blood for some reason, like it just seems easier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like but the fact that teeth or straws is really disgusting.
Speaker 1: But I think that's like what snake venom comes out
Speaker 1: up there, almost like I could eat. Okay. This is
Speaker 1: from a subreddit me I r L and it's from
Speaker 1: It's a tweet from Bobby Condon and says, whenever I
Speaker 1: see an iPad at a cash register, I know that
Speaker 1: I'm about to tip for something I never had to
Speaker 1: tip for before. Yeah, it's so hard to tip on
Speaker 1: those things. I always, I always, just I always do.
Speaker 1: I think recent one time I didn't recently because I
Speaker 1: was just like funk this, But generally I just do it.
Speaker 1: It's so dramatic when they take the iPad and niggly
Speaker 1: spinning around they sp It's like a whole performance and
Speaker 1: then you can't go no tip and then go and
Speaker 1: then bring it back to Yeah, they're almost like those
Speaker 1: guys with those spinning signs out on the sidewalk, what
Speaker 1: are you not going to honk? Last night Spade was
Speaker 1: talking about he was buying something and it was like
Speaker 1: four nine two and they were like, do you want
Speaker 1: to round up for Ukraine and he goes, no, he
Speaker 1: do a bit about because he goes, why where does
Speaker 1: it really go? Like what are we talking about? And
Speaker 1: Spade is so generous when it comes to charity stuff.
Speaker 1: He's done and he's not public about it, but he uh,
Speaker 1: but I will be on his behalf. But he was
Speaker 1: like and he's like everyone in line is like David
Speaker 1: Spade doesn't round up for Ukraine And it was just
Speaker 1: like this, it was such a funny bit. But he goes,
Speaker 1: what does it go to? And it really is attacks
Speaker 1: right off for those places, like, yes, I'm sure it
Speaker 1: does go to Ukraine, but really, no companies are ever
Speaker 1: doing anything actually good. No corporations are ever doing anything
Speaker 1: that doesn't serve their bottom line. Don't ever think they are.
Speaker 1: If they're ever doing anything for charity, it is either
Speaker 1: for marketing purposes or for attacks right off. They don't
Speaker 1: actually care about anything. Major corporation. It's funny when they
Speaker 1: ask and it's like to two oh eight and they
Speaker 1: want you to round up. It's like, you want me
Speaker 1: to round up. That's not a round up, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like that's a very high Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a big round that's funnier that it's eight cents actually
Speaker 1: that he decided not to Yeah, that's even funnier. Is
Speaker 1: like noights won't round up for Ukraine. It's just so
Speaker 1: funny too. Then make that a thing. So uh, this
Speaker 1: is from ask credit. Is your just questions that people
Speaker 1: pose with interesting answers? What's something you're acent that most
Speaker 1: people are lying about? And someone said crop yields. This
Speaker 1: is the number one up voted thing nine crop yields.
Speaker 1: It's expected that this is a farmer that's writing this.
Speaker 1: It's expected that every farmer you talked to will lie
Speaker 1: about how well their crops did. When you meet an
Speaker 1: honest one who tells you they're actual yields, it's a
Speaker 1: really awkward conversation because you're taken back by the fact
Speaker 1: that you don't have to apply the bullshit factor to
Speaker 1: figure out what his yields really were. Um, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know that. That's pretty interesting. Um uh. Someone said the
Speaker 1: dentists asking how often do you floss me avoiding one contact?
Speaker 1: I think it was a week ago. Um. How much
Speaker 1: their side hustle nests them, nets them, people lie about
Speaker 1: them out of money they make on their slide hustle. Um,
Speaker 1: someone said they lie about any plans for the weekend. Um,
Speaker 1: people's really answer, I'm going to get baked, jerk off,
Speaker 1: then sit in the shower and think about what sort
Speaker 1: of person I am, what fucked me up, and what
Speaker 1: I can do about it going forward. And instead you say, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, probably just relax is the same thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: um said as a prior prior U S. Service member,
Speaker 1: I believe I've met every single Navy seal that's ever existed,
Speaker 1: and then an extra five hundred or so plus everyone
Speaker 1: that thought about going into the military. Um. So once
Speaker 1: it's steroid abuse in the fitness industry. Um, what's something
Speaker 1: you think everyone lies about? Hm? How many I think guys?
Speaker 1: How many sexual sexual partners? Both? Really? I think people
Speaker 1: lie about their height. Men lie about their height. Obviously
Speaker 1: they always round up on two. Um. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of something I chronically lie about, and I would
Speaker 1: say it's maybe the amount of sleep I got. Like
Speaker 1: I always think I air on the side of maybe
Speaker 1: a half hour. I give I take off a half
Speaker 1: hour to make it sound worse, but I don't even
Speaker 1: I at least try to not lie about that. I
Speaker 1: lie about how long I'm going to go through the
Speaker 1: golfing range? Just a little lie, but you know how
Speaker 1: long it is, and you know that you're lying, or
Speaker 1: you just think that you actually won't go that much,
Speaker 1: because that's a different thing. It's not like it's like
Speaker 1: usually the difference between a half hour. So it's like
Speaker 1: if I was going to go for an hour, I
Speaker 1: don't know. An hour sounds less than an hour in
Speaker 1: five minutes, you know what I mean? Yes, I'll be
Speaker 1: gone an hour actually because I'm gonna get another buck
Speaker 1: get You know what I think? I lie about two
Speaker 1: seconds when I say it'll be two seconds. It's literally
Speaker 1: never been two seconds. It takes me two seconds to
Speaker 1: say it will be two seconds. So that is a
Speaker 1: chronic lie. Well, guy coming in two seconds, it's never
Speaker 1: it's sucking at least six seconds that people to pick
Speaker 1: their nose. People lie about that. Someone said you must
Speaker 1: pick their nose? How the fund do you get it out?
Speaker 1: You blow your nose into a tissue every time? Who
Speaker 1: are you, Brenna? Call me picking my nose for the
Speaker 1: first really? Yeah? And it was, yeah, it's tough. I
Speaker 1: don't know why how did she did? She never looked
Speaker 1: at you. Every time I look at you, you're digging
Speaker 1: at something in your face, no offense. I didn't even
Speaker 1: know picking your nose. I I pick it all the time.
Speaker 1: I am almost You don't really get in there, Oh
Speaker 1: yes I do. Yeah, if you haven't seen me pick
Speaker 1: my nose, you ain't paying attention because I pick my
Speaker 1: nose all the time, like there's always something up there.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know. You did the thumb a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah you do. It's wrong with that. Why aren't we
Speaker 1: so ashamed of what? And boogers really are just like dust.
Speaker 1: It's not anything that I mean, it's it's not too
Speaker 1: but it's like it's not that gross. But I mean
Speaker 1: I was digging. I guess how far you dig? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know why that matters. I don't know why
Speaker 1: any of it matters. Yeah, no, it shouldn't. But she
Speaker 1: was in the showers. It was like one of those
Speaker 1: where you've lost your you've lost your whole train of thought,
Speaker 1: like you've just become an animal right right where. Oh man,
Speaker 1: you're just like there's no one inside anymore. You're actually
Speaker 1: trying to dig that person out. There ain't anyone in there,
Speaker 1: all right, guys, thank you for loving the show. We
Speaker 1: gotta go. We will be back tomorrow Wednesday. I hope
Speaker 1: you have such a good Tuesday. And uh please don't
Speaker 1: be care and Jiacky Mason, the fact that you're in St.
Speaker 1: Louis and it's on a delay makes it almost seem
Speaker 1: like we've done that at the same time. But I
Speaker 1: definitely know that not to be true.