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Speaker 1: Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before

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Speaker 1: we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that

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Speaker 1: the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those

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Speaker 1: of the hosts and guests and are intended for educational

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Speaker 1: and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is

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Speaker 1: off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can

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Speaker 1: be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

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Speaker 1: celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,

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Speaker 1: providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will

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Speaker 1: be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a

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Speaker 1: reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do

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Speaker 1: enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: Hey, professional Homegirls, ishagirl ebiney here and we are back

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Speaker 2: with an amazing conversation, y'all. My guest today was born

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Speaker 2: with Pfeiffer syndrome, a regie disorder that affects the development

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Speaker 2: of the skull, hands, and feet. So simply put, it

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Speaker 2: happens when a baby's skull bones fuses too early, affecting

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Speaker 2: the shape of the head and face. My guest is

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Speaker 2: here to share her upbringing, including growing up with a

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Speaker 2: mom addicted to drugs, and spending time at foster homes

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Speaker 2: where life wasn't always easy. We'll also dive into her

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Speaker 2: challenging relationships, especially with other black women, and why she

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Speaker 2: didn't want to marry her first husband and child that

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Speaker 2: was a key. There is so much more to her story,

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Speaker 2: and I cannot wait for you all to hear because

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Speaker 2: this conversation sheds light that people with disabilities are just

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Speaker 2: like everyone else. So get ready because my life for

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Speaker 2: Fight for Syndrome starts now. All right, to my guests,

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Speaker 2: thank you so much for being on the show. How

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Speaker 2: are you doing? How you feeling?

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Speaker 3: I'm good, I'm nah.

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Speaker 2: Come on now, you just told me you was tired,

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Speaker 2: because I told you I was tired.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay, keep it all the way real. I

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Speaker 3: am tied. I have had a very long day. I

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Speaker 3: work with children. I am some very interesting creatures.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I am tired too, But I also been doing

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Speaker 2: like a lot of ripping and running because by the

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Speaker 2: time this episode come out, I will be preparing to

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Speaker 2: go out of town again. And so I'm just like

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Speaker 2: I was like, who child, I need a little drinking drink, Okay.

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Speaker 3: Growing up, I said the sign I need an adult beverage.

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Speaker 2: All right, but I want to say I told you

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Speaker 2: this off off the air, but I want to tell

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Speaker 2: you this on the air. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: coming on the show. I definitely want to shed light

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Speaker 2: on your story because I felt like I saw myself

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Speaker 2: and your story, and you know, I think there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of people who may be going through similar things

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Speaker 2: and may think they're the only ones. So I think

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Speaker 2: this is really happy to have you on the show.

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Speaker 3: Well, thank you. I appreciate you invitation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, now can you explain what Fifers syndrome is?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So see a lot of times people get so

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Speaker 3: caught up in the name and dad so bad. In reality,

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Speaker 3: it kind of is bad, but it's not as bad

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Speaker 3: as saints, right. What thank for syndrome is is basically

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Speaker 3: where the bones in your body do not use correctly.

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Speaker 3: So when you're created, when you're skeletal, skeletal muscular system,

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Speaker 3: it's created. It's created where the bones are supposed to

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Speaker 3: used together in a way that creates the joint that

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Speaker 3: creates the muho and so on and so forth. Well,

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Speaker 3: for me, my bones are not used that way. I

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Speaker 3: was born with a lot of whole of my skull

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Speaker 3: where I didn't have bones in my skull, and my

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Speaker 3: brain was exposed because I didn't have a lot of

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Speaker 3: bones to cover the areas that need to be covered.

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Speaker 3: I also was born with my little skull that I

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Speaker 3: had was practically questioned my brain because I did not

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Speaker 3: have any of those stems. They have like little stems

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Speaker 3: that go around your skull and they're supposed to keep

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Speaker 3: the skull off the brain, and it just sit up

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Speaker 3: and keeps it off the brain. I didn't have any

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Speaker 3: of those stems. So when I was born, my brain,

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, my skull was practically questioned my brain. I

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Speaker 3: had my first surgery when I was about two muths old.

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Speaker 3: I want to say, yeah, two months old and I've had.

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Speaker 2: So the guy, I'm sorry. They was able to catch

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Speaker 2: this ear.

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Speaker 3: Yes, But see the thing about it was they didn't

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Speaker 3: really know what it was because fife as synthom was

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Speaker 3: a fairly new syndrome. It's a chromosome chromosome syndrome. It's

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Speaker 3: had something to do with the chromosomes and the jeens

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Speaker 3: and stuff, so it was fairly new. It wasn't discovered

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Speaker 3: until nineteen seventy five. Oh I was born. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: was born in nineteen seventy nine. So, as I said,

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Speaker 3: it was a fairly it was a fairly new syndrome,

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Speaker 3: or you know, you wonders for what happened. At first,

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Speaker 3: everybody was down syndrum, but then as time went on

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Speaker 3: they felt like, okay, so no it's not downcing drum.

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Speaker 3: It's something else. So when they started they didn't even know, really,

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Speaker 3: you know, what it was. But as I was saying,

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Speaker 3: I've had thirty five forty five operations throughout the course

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Speaker 3: of my life to try to correct this problem, and

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Speaker 3: it had various problems to go along with it. Like

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Speaker 3: I've had to have bone grass, I've had to have

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Speaker 3: skin grass. I've had to have bone taken from other

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Speaker 3: parts of my body. I've had to have ribs taken

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Speaker 3: and put it to my head to form a skull

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Speaker 3: because I didn't really have a skull, right yeah. I've

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Speaker 3: had the bridge of my nose done I was born.

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Speaker 3: I've had a bridge to my nose. All of this

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Speaker 3: right here, it was cosmetically done. All of this down

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Speaker 3: here was cosmetically done. The jaw line, right yeah, the

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Speaker 3: jaw eye, the bridge, yeah yeah, all of that was

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Speaker 3: caught cosmetically done.

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Speaker 2: Do they know where, like what causes this syndrome?

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Speaker 3: Well, if they said that it was something in relation

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Speaker 3: to the uh, it was that kingdrome. And they don't

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Speaker 3: quite know exactly what it's called what causes it that

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Speaker 3: they get some something to do with irregular gene. You

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Speaker 3: take what they what they believe, but they're not one

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Speaker 3: hundred percent sore. One out of twenty five people have it.

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Speaker 3: If you would be surprised the number of people of

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Speaker 3: color that have it, really there's another there's a large,

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Speaker 3: large number of people with color that have it. And

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Speaker 3: the thing about it is is that there's a there's

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Speaker 3: three types the type one, Type two, Type three, right,

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Speaker 3: and they all look different. And you can have it

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Speaker 3: and it be so small you won't even know what

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Speaker 3: it is. You won't even you know, you won't even

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Speaker 3: realize that you got it. Like some people you have

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Speaker 3: what's called a cleft lip, and that's where you have

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Speaker 3: like a clet like cut in your lip, a clecked

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Speaker 3: lip back for symptom of pie. For there are some

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Speaker 3: people that have it. What they had was called web

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Speaker 3: fingers and web toes like shot to spring your fingers

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Speaker 3: douted like a web that's the fine. Now, let be clear,

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Speaker 3: and I'm gonna put out here because you got web fingers.

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Speaker 2: The web toes don't mean.

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Speaker 3: Right, I just want to put that out there.

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Speaker 2: Don't be having a nigga saying oh whatever, and they

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Speaker 2: guests said, I got this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, do that because they're like, oh, my.

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Speaker 2: Doctor, because there are a lot of people who have

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Speaker 2: well fingers and well feet.

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Speaker 3: Web toes, right right, right, No, that's not what just

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Speaker 3: got wet? What right?

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Speaker 2: And then what's the third one?

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Speaker 3: Oh, the third one of the type one, Type two,

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Speaker 3: Type three one is the clipp flip flip. Well no,

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Speaker 3: it's not like you can have them in all three,

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Speaker 3: but it's like the severe of them, right, one is

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Speaker 3: not as the type two is not mod at least

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Speaker 3: the theater. And then type three you can actually die.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

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Speaker 3: Prancess Prince Son, you know the rock the thing up front.

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Speaker 3: You know what's son?

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Speaker 2: He died from this three and he died from it

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Speaker 2: and six months old. Yeah, yeah, I was. When I

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Speaker 2: was doing research on this topic, I saw his ex wife.

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Speaker 2: She wrote her memoir and she spoke about him having

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Speaker 2: this rare syndrome and how their son died from it.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So what type do you have?

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Speaker 3: I type three?

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Speaker 2: Really, I think that's so interesting and how this syndrome

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Speaker 2: was it was I'm not founded, but it was discovered

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Speaker 2: and what nineteen seventy four, nineteen seventy five, and then

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Speaker 2: you was born four years later? Do you ever think

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Speaker 2: about that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I do, But I'm a believer that God don't make mistakes. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And things happened for a reason, and we might not

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Speaker 3: always understand the reason, but they happened for a reason, right,

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Speaker 3: so you know, I mean, I believe that that's all

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Speaker 3: a part of God playing whatever that is.

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Speaker 2: Because this doesn't run in your family or do anybody

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Speaker 2: else in your family have this syndrome?

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Speaker 3: They had the symptoms of that. Mmm. It's like my daughter,

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Speaker 3: she had the web and the web fingers. My sister

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Speaker 3: has the the web feet and her feet looked like

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Speaker 3: my feet, so she had symptoms by it too, but

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Speaker 3: nobody else had that. I'm the only one I had.

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Speaker 2: Mm hm. Would you say that there are any misconceptions

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Speaker 2: about people who have fight for syndrome?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, at the time to go through the misconstruction

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Speaker 3: died heard ky Okay? Well, we look were all around here.

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Speaker 3: Can you have stacks? People ask you that, like are

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Speaker 3: you asking me? Do I know how to hacksta? Right?

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Speaker 3: Can I physically had stack? Well, I'm confused, like a

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Speaker 3: lot of questions like you know, does it?

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Speaker 1: But does it?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Well yeah, I'm I'm a woman, so yeah, well

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Speaker 3: you know, being disabled than all you know, do y'all

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Speaker 3: still have stack? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: But the vagina ain't disabled what you talk about?

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I get to it in Okay,

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Speaker 3: I get on the regular. Okay, I knew to be surprised,

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Speaker 3: girl to be surprised. And then they just they kind

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Speaker 3: of looked at you. Now, I grew up in like

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Speaker 3: the late eighties, early nineties, and needless to say, I

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Speaker 3: didn't look like everybody else, you know, That's what that was.

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Speaker 3: It took me a long time comes to grips with that,

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Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, that's what that was. Right.

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Speaker 3: But because I get it looks like everybody else, that

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Speaker 3: made me tougher. That made me have to be tougher,

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Speaker 3: stronger because I had to be able to defend myself. Right,

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Speaker 3: So I mean I just girl up, I got picked on,

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Speaker 3: I got bullieved. I got hm, put put it in

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Speaker 3: the locker aftert I had this one little girl and

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Speaker 3: I called her a little girl because now that I

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Speaker 3: think about it, she was a little girl. I was

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Speaker 3: in the ninth grade. In the ninth grade, she turned

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Speaker 3: around and looked at me and told me that if

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Speaker 3: she had a child that looked like me, she'd throw

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Speaker 3: it in the crash can. What And I think I'm

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Speaker 3: trying to figure out who she was talking to? What? Oh?

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Speaker 3: And then it dawned on me that she was talking

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Speaker 3: to me. Oh wow, okay, so and I'm I'm thinking, okay,

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Speaker 3: so what do I do with this? Right? What do

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Speaker 3: I do with this? How do I how do I process?

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Speaker 3: And I'm not embarrassed today that I allowed it to

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Speaker 3: govern the first twenty years of my life. I'm not

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Speaker 3: I'm not ashamed to say that I allowed that comment

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Speaker 3: to governing. And when I said governing the first twenty

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Speaker 3: years of my life, I allowed that comment to do

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Speaker 3: up in places that it shouldn't have shown up in.

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Speaker 3: I allowed it the better and there that your places

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Speaker 3: that it should not have been. And that was my

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Speaker 3: that was my go to where somebody getting like me,

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Speaker 3: or where somebody didn't want to deal with me. That

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Speaker 3: was my goal to Oh you just thought like because

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Speaker 3: I looked at it, but you just thought like you

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Speaker 3: took them. And I've learned a lot of people just

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Speaker 3: thought I took it out like you do. But how

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Speaker 3: you look what it looked like, what you learned? None

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Speaker 3: to do with that. I just don't want you. So

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Speaker 3: I think I at thirty five, I think I made

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Speaker 3: the the decision just to let it go. Yeah, just

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Speaker 3: to let it go. Just to let it go. It

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Speaker 3: was hard.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when you said that, it showed up an area

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Speaker 2: and other area. What were those areas?

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Speaker 3: Relationships? It was really predominant in relationships. It was hard

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Speaker 3: for me to facilitate talk these relationships because I always

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Speaker 3: felt like I was I'm not gonna say the outcasts,

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Speaker 3: that always felt like I was different from everyone else, right,

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Speaker 3: And the reality of it is is that I am

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Speaker 3: I am, I'm different, You're different. You know, nobody is

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Speaker 3: the same. But it's about what we do with those

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Speaker 3: differencehips that met us will be odd. And so for

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Speaker 3: a long time, it was really hard for me to

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Speaker 3: facilitate relationships. And I'm gonna take it a stat further

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Speaker 3: because I had a conversation about this on my TikTok

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Speaker 3: one day. It was really hard for me to facility

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Speaker 3: relationship with black women.

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Speaker 2: M you know what's before you continue? That is so

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Speaker 2: funny that you said that, because I had another conversation

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Speaker 2: with a woman and she had a very traumatic upbringing

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Speaker 2: and her mother knew about it, and she pretty much

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Speaker 2: said the same thing, but because of her mother, which

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Speaker 2: we'll get in to the story about her mom, but

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Speaker 2: she had a very difficult relationship with black women as well.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. I think for me, I just I just

256
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Speaker 3: always felt judged. You know. I always felt like it

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Speaker 3: was either they were judging me because I didn't look

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Speaker 3: like everybody else, or they were feeling fired. There was

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Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. There was no there was

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Speaker 3: no little one, There was no had who I want

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Speaker 3: to hang with you whatever. It was more of a oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry with a tragic, tragical thing, hmm, or oh,

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Speaker 3: well I don't want to hang with her. She looks

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Speaker 3: like ABC B E I K. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: So for me, I had never really found with black women.

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Speaker 3: I never really found that middle ground, and even to

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Speaker 3: this day, yeah even to Okay, I'm not gonna say

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Speaker 3: that I don't have African American female friends, because I do,

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Speaker 3: but they're very far few in between. They're very far

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Speaker 3: few in between. Because I'm one of those. I've gotten

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Speaker 3: better about my disability. I got a whole lot better

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Speaker 3: and I'm at a place in my life now where

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Speaker 3: it is what it is. Yeah, like me, don't like me,

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Speaker 3: take me, don't take me. It is what it is.

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Speaker 3: But I'm always gonna keep it real, which I'm always

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Speaker 3: gonna tell you the truth. But if I don't like something,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna let you know I don't like it. So

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Speaker 3: that's that's always been me. But in terms of not

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Speaker 3: just stability or whatnot, if this is, this is what

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Speaker 3: it is, I look how I look.

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Speaker 2: You know, that's very unfortunate that because I couldn't imagine

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Speaker 2: I having my community which consistent which mostly is consistent

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Speaker 2: of black women. So I really do pray that that

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Speaker 2: hope that changes for you, because I think that we

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Speaker 2: all deserve to be around our sisters and to.

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Speaker 4: Be you know, I mean, I don't I don't stray

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Speaker 4: away from it, but I know I've always been one

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Speaker 4: of those people that can pick up really.

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Speaker 3: Well, Like I think everybody can do this. When you're

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Speaker 3: in a group situation and they're not feeling you, you

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Speaker 3: can pick it up. You can pick it up when

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Speaker 3: they're not comfortable. You can pick up the vibe when

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Speaker 3: they're not Oh, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: You can kind of pick you can find energy. Yeah,

295
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Speaker 2: you can definitely feel you can.

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Speaker 3: You can feel it when they're not comfortable with you

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Speaker 3: or when they're like, what is she don't care? You

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Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And people used to tell me

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Speaker 3: I always all in my head. No, it's not in

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00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 3: my head. I could I care. I could really pick

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00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 3: it out, I could really feel it. So I'm one

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Speaker 3: of those people that I'm not going to back to

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Speaker 3: you like me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, have you ever had a conversation with anybody who

305
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 2: you felt like was judging you or being mean to you?

306
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Speaker 2: Any black woman?

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Speaker 3: I mean, the thing about it is that once I

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Speaker 3: had the conversation, the behavior changed. But the behavior changed

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Speaker 3: to oh, I'm so sorry, and it changed to pity. Now,

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Speaker 3: one thing about me, I don't want anybody to pity.

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Speaker 3: I'm far from pity. Okay, far from it. I'd have

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Speaker 3: been through where I'd have been through. I'd a dealt

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Speaker 3: with where I'd adult through. That came out swinging. I

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Speaker 3: don't need.

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Speaker 2: Five right because we're here now.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Okay, listen, I don't need no penny nigga like

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Speaker 5: you keep all over there somebody else.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But do you think a lot of this, Like

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Speaker 2: I do believe that you can feel energy. But do

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Speaker 2: you think that also the relationship you had with your

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Speaker 2: mom could play a role in the two.

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Speaker 3: Interesting because I never thought about that because me and

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Speaker 3: my mother had a real tumumptuous relationship, tumptious. I love

324
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Speaker 3: her to dad, but you have a very tumunctuous relationship.

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Speaker 3: I guess we're thinking about because I've never I've never

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Speaker 3: really like given it any thought. M m. But that

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00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:11,159
Speaker 3: that could be, That could be because we we I

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Speaker 3: went in the Foxy care when I was twelve mm hmm,

329
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Speaker 3: twelve thirteen, one of those, and I spent the first

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Speaker 3: half of my life with her, and yeah, it was fever,

331
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Speaker 3: some trying time. Yeah, it was some trying time, trying time.

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Speaker 2: At what age did you first become a word that

333
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 2: she was addicted to drugs?

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Speaker 3: Eight nine? Oh wow? Eight nine mm. And at eight

335
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 3: of nine, I was young, yeah, very young, at eight

336
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 3: or nine. I yeah, I found out she was addicted

337
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 3: to drugs. And to this day, I don't even remember

338
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 3: how I found that.

339
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,919
Speaker 2: I was like, how did you find out?

340
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 3: Girl loved? Don't have to don't give me the loud,

341
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 3: oh little don't look give me a line. And I

342
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 3: could not tell you. I found out anyway. Around that time,

343
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 3: my sister was born, Okay, And I remember now, prior

344
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 3: to my sister being born, I was going to school

345
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 3: doing all the things that you know most kids too,

346
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,200
Speaker 3: or what have you. And I was going to school

347
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Speaker 3: and I remember trying to hold it all together, that

348
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: makes any sense, because I didn't want anybody to know

349
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 3: that my mother was going drugs. I didn't want anybody

350
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Speaker 3: to know what my home life was like, because I

351
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 3: was always told, if you go to school, like you

352
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: tell them what the home life, it's like, they'll come get.

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Speaker 2: You, call them people on you.

354
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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh you never heard that school trying to Jesus right, okay,

355
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,640
Speaker 3: but but after that school house fell on them, white people,

356
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 3: your beddy don't come get you. But anyway, my dad

357
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 3: stayed with us off and on for a while until

358
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Speaker 3: we got avicted the first time. The first time got evicted,

359
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: I was ten, Yeah, I was tent. Now talk about

360
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 3: the funny story. So I'm talking at home school. I'm

361
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 3: on the school bus getting off school bus, me and

362
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 3: my little girl, my little friends were getting knock the

363
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 3: back and were walking up till we walking up to

364
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 3: the bridgeway to my house. Out my visit was a

365
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 3: little bit advantage. Out the corner of my mind, out

366
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 3: the corner of my eye, seem my living room soup

367
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 3: on a curve. Yeah, on the curve, curve on the curve,

368
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 3: the living room soup, the TV on my toys, like

369
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: my whole house on the curve. So I'm aging you

370
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 3: walking down the street coming home. So you and your

371
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 3: little friend and they asking you why you shay out

372
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 3: there on the curve. You, I don't know, out to fool.

373
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Speaker 3: I don't go, you get to do. And so I'm walking,

374
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Speaker 3: I'm like, I see all and you know what. Half

375
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 3: the stuff wasn't even put in a box. It was

376
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 3: just laying on the damp.

377
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 2: So they just threw down ship out. I guess that's

378
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 2: what happened when you evicted. But wow, just to get

379
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,959
Speaker 2: thrown out and where was it all? Then?

380
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 3: No problem somewhere, can high? I know my dad was

381
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 3: out there sitting on the couch of craziness. I'm like,

382
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 3: so what we was gonna do? Nobody had any suggestion,

383
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 3: nobody had any ideas. My dad was an alcoholic. By

384
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 3: the way, you could also.

385
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 2: To say, as a man in the house, like what

386
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 2: was going on with him?

387
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, he would say he had a drink on. No,

388
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 3: let me let me like lie, my dad was not

389
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 3: an alcoholic. My dad was a drunk. The only meetings

390
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 3: he would go, he would be the one thing at

391
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 3: the the crystalre that man has never stepped with a

392
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 3: an AA meeting a day in his life. He told

393
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 3: me and that folk, I'm a drunk. I like to drink,

394
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: That's what I do. I'm gonna die drinking. And got

395
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 3: how he died. He died with a drinking and can't

396
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 3: believe it or not, but nevertheless, yeah, he was on.

397
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: He was he was an alcoholic, so he really didn't

398
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:59,360
Speaker 3: have any real suggestions the ideas what to do. So

399
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 3: m I remember that night, me and my mom went

400
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 3: to a shelter and she slept on the furniture. Something

401
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 3: that sure that nobody stole it. Mm hmm. He slept

402
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 3: outside on the furniture to make sure nobody stole it.

403
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,959
Speaker 3: And then the next day we got up and we

404
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 3: started walking. Hell girl, when I tell you after like

405
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:35,400
Speaker 3: I was in a millionaire marchs. We walked, elwalked, eirwalked

406
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 3: and walk. I thought we walked past capital about full times.

407
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 3: We walked and her, well, it was totally.

408
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 2: We was totally was what type of was on crack?

409
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 3: Yeahs, the crack on that rock, on that rock, that rock, baby,

410
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 3: she was on that rock. You were going to scott

411
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 3: in her gott happened.

412
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: There was also a point, is this the same apartment

413
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 2: that she had the drug dealers move in?

414
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 3: That happened twice. You thought she would have learned the

415
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: first time. Right, the first time that happened, we were

416
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 3: living in the House of the God. To take it

417
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 3: from she moved my father out, moved the drug dealer,

418
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 3: the drug dealer girlfriend, and to the house. So yet

419
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 3: after the drugs when I want them? Mmkay. Then eventually,

420
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 3: after a year or so, we get we get an

421
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 3: apartment and she moved the drug dealer, different drug dealers,

422
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 3: different she moved. I knew selling drug dealers. Mm hmm.

423
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 3: And it's funny because my husband next fun of me,

424
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 3: he was like, oh so you was like, was like

425
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 3: it o Brown, you you were living in the car

426
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 3: the building right of my life. Okay, but it all

427
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 3: honestly got what it felt like like. You would go

428
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 3: in there and you're stepping over people.

429
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 2: Thank god, nobody messed with you and your little sister.

430
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: Well you know what, I think somebody did my little

431
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 3: sister because she went on to have other issues in

432
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 3: that area. So but yeah, yeah, my mother's side of

433
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 3: the family was real deep, deep into the clubs, like

434
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: they were selling that there was using it. They were

435
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 3: real deep into it. So they lived at the top

436
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 3: part of the apartment complex. We lived at the lower

437
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 3: part of the apartment complex. So one night a cousin

438
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 3: of mine was out there on what he do, slinging

439
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 3: a yo, and the police saw him. So of all

440
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 3: the damned places to run to right them by damn house,

441
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 3: direct the by damn house. So he runs from my house,

442
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 3: goes in the bathroom, sticks the gun behind the toilet,

443
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: and then the police follow him from my house and

444
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 3: all I had bad damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn,

445
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 3: bam dam dam Yeah, and if the police want to

446
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 3: come in the house the search to look for him

447
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 3: my mother be who my mother is. He wouldn't let

448
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 3: him in because he was like, you need a search,

449
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 3: want to come up their head? And then I come

450
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: up with my laughing house. But I know, goddamn search

451
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 3: want right, And he was at that whole time and

452
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 3: he was like, we see, we believe. We had belief

453
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 3: that a drug person. We were watching a random too,

454
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 3: this supartments like, I don't care what your believe then, okay,

455
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 3: so but I did not well, she did not know

456
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 3: when nobody knew until they raided the house. Was yeah,

457
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 3: they had they had to watch in the house. They

458
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 3: had to watch her apartment for a good three months.

459
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 3: They had to watch in the traffic. They're watching the

460
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 3: people to come up coming and going, the type of

461
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 3: people that was coming and going. Because the thing about it,

462
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 3: she had known drug people, known drug dealers, known drug

463
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 3: users coming in and out her house on the regular

464
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 3: mm hmm. So because she had this going on on

465
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 3: the regular day, they started watching her house. And I

466
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 3: think it was one day it was a Saturday, they

467
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 3: raided the house and if you've ever been a raid before.

468
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 3: That is the scariest scariest boy, boy, child, I thought twelve,

469
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 3: that is the scariest scariest thing that a child that

470
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:14,479
Speaker 3: ever had to go through is ready. I mean, they

471
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 3: called bust them through the doors.

472
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 2: That's scary for a grown up ship. I don't think

473
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 2: age medicines.

474
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 3: You know, you're right. I'd be like, well, my hands up,

475
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 3: my half falling in the damn bed, right, I don't

476
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 3: want no problems. Yeah, no, I don't need none of

477
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 3: these problems. I called my guys. I pulled her up

478
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 3: into the bed with me. That get up of this bed,

479
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 3: going up under the bed, and I remember they went searching.

480
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 3: They was looking for the gun, and it was looking

481
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 3: for the grugs. Now the gun. Now this top front

482
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 3: smart because the gun was in the same place you

483
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: left it, right behind the toilet. They go looked behind

484
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 3: the toilet, They go right there behind the toilet, mm hmm.

485
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 3: And then they just they tore up the house. And

486
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 3: so about a week later they they evicted her from

487
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 3: that apartment because I suspecially of drugs and ill little

488
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 3: activity mm hmm.

489
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: And then we went to falk the camp and how

490
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 2: many folks and homes were you in.

491
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 3: That six?

492
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 2: Really?

493
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 3: Really wow?

494
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: I thought that you went into like two or three.

495
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 2: And out of out of those three, there was like

496
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 2: a really bad incident where like, I don't know, some

497
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 2: she won't let you eat off the place or something.

498
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, yeah, that was the third one.

499
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: Okay, that's where I got the two or three from.

500
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah that was the third one, and yeah she

501
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 3: was a bitch. Excuse me, lord, but she she would

502
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 3: not let me eat off the pepper plate, pipper fork,

503
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 3: plastic cups and all of that because she was afraid

504
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 3: that they would catch whatever I had. Mm hmm. I

505
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 3: wasn't allowed to I wasn't allowed to sit in the

506
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 3: living room. I had to sit in the back room

507
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: nobody could see me. Because it was ashamed of me.

508
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 3: I had to. And then one incident, they went to

509
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 3: the mall and they left me and my sister in

510
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 3: the car for a good five six hours because they

511
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 3: didn't want to be seen in the doors. Huh but

512
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 3: mm hmmm, m And they could have took my sister.

513
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 3: I didn't. I understood why fit, but I the fact

514
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 3: that they liked her, it is probably what hurt me

515
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 3: the most. M. But yeah, that.

516
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 2: When you were a child, did you realize why she

517
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: was doing this or did it take years later for

518
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 2: you to look bit.

519
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I argue, I mean I've always known that, you know,

520
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: people feel that her people felt a certain way about

521
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 3: my disability and the thing about it would foster care

522
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 3: and that that system is so broken.

523
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: Man, I swear if I had a penny for every

524
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 2: time somebody say that, I'll be rich.

525
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 3: It is so broken, especially for people of color and

526
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,479
Speaker 3: children with disabilities. It is so broken. And I'm gonna

527
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 3: tell you why. Because they have it where if a

528
00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 3: child comes into the system and had to a documented disability,

529
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:08,399
Speaker 3: then whoever does foster care for them can get more money.

530
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: They get more than what they would for the average child.

531
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 3: So you have these families out here that's taking an

532
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 3: these falster children that have the disability just to recoup

533
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 3: the money. M yep, just to recoup the money.

534
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 2: That is heartbreaking.

535
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 3: It is, it is, and they're not And then it's

536
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 3: not like they take the money and use the money

537
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 3: on the child. They use the money. No, they use

538
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 3: the money for themselves. They use the money to pay

539
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 3: their boys, They use the money to pay a bill,

540
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 3: they don't use the money on the child, and then

541
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 3: they send the child to school. Looking crazy.

542
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: Being that you was placed almost seven times, did you

543
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 2: have at least one good experience?

544
00:35:53,200 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: Yes? I did, and oddly enough, oddly enough, I was

545
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 3: sent to I was sent to a restpre care. Now

546
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 3: what restprare care is. It's like, okay, let's say you're

547
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 3: at a foster home package right, and this particular foster

548
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 3: home or foster family or what happened. They're going out

549
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 3: of town, they're going on vacation, and they don't want

550
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 3: to take you, but still well in their right and

551
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 3: not take you. Yeah, that's what I say. You but

552
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 3: they wouldtine tool called a respire care. And what restpare

553
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: care is another foster home that would keep you while

554
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 3: they were on vacation. So I did. I went to

555
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:49,919
Speaker 3: this respire care home and there was stepping girls there

556
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 3: and out of the southern me my sister and one

557
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 3: other girl would owned the black o there mm hmm.

558
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 3: The rest of them a wife, so boss. The parents

559
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 3: were two elderly white people, and they welcomed us in

560
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 3: there into their home like it was nothing. M And

561
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 3: I remember the day I left, I cried because I

562
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 3: didn't really. I mean, I think there was a part

563
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 3: of me that was fresture for that longing for that

564
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 3: that family, that that building of family, and I felt

565
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 3: it there and I had to leave because there wasn't

566
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,839
Speaker 3: a permanent situation. Wow.

567
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 2: So how did your experiences in foster care influence your

568
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 2: views on family and relationships.

569
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 3: That's a good question. My experience in bost the care

570
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 3: was very, very in the beginning, it was very taunting

571
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 3: because I had to it was a lot I had

572
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 3: to process. I had to process while a lot of

573
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 3: the stuff that's happened in your why it was going on,

574
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 3: why it was happening this way right? And so once

575
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 3: I processed it, I had to say, Okay, this is

576
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 3: what I don't want to do. This is how I

577
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 3: don't want to live, this is how I don't want

578
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 3: to be treated, This is how I don't want you

579
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying people to treat me. So it

580
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 3: showed me what I didn't want. It showed me what

581
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 3: I didn't want in a relationship. It showed me what

582
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 3: I didn't want in a marriage. It showed me what

583
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 3: I didn't want how I didn't want to treat my children.

584
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 3: So that's what I've learned what I didn't want. I

585
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 3: learned all the things I didn't want.

586
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 2: And what is your relationship like with your mom?

587
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:47,320
Speaker 3: Now, when do you say that my mom will be

588
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 3: seventy years old Saturday, I think, oh, wow, yeah, she'll

589
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 3: be seventy years old Saturday. My mother is quite the character,

590
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 3: to say the beast. She's one of those people that

591
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 3: she could be the sweetest person in the world, but

592
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 3: then you flip that switch, she could be the most conning,

593
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 3: cunning person in the world. I have seen this woman

594
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 3: con the best of the best. I have seen this

595
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 3: in the right game everybody. I still talk to her.

596
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 3: I still, you know, conversate with her and going check

597
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 3: on her, set how she's going. I can't say that

598
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 3: we have a mother mother daughter of relationship. I can't

599
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 3: say that we've been through a lot together. But she's

600
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,320
Speaker 3: always calling my mother, I'm always calling love. We're always

601
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 3: gonna have that that that piece of time that we

602
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 3: went through so much together, going from sheelter to skelter,

603
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 3: going from the hospital to hospital, being me being in

604
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 3: the hospital being stick and her being there with me,

605
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 3: and then when she had her drug that she didn't

606
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 3: put out, and walking the street and just all of that.

607
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 3: We have all of that together, but it hasn't. I

608
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 3: will say this. I remember when I first got back

609
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 3: in contact with her. Okay, when I got adopted, I

610
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 3: had lost contact.

611
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 2: With How long was that?

612
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 3: Like?

613
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:42,439
Speaker 2: What was the time frame?

614
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 3: Well, I want to say ten years? Oh wow, yeah,

615
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 3: ten years. So when I got in contact with her again,

616
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 3: I was married when I got in contact with her

617
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 3: the first time, I was married and I had my daughter,

618
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 3: and I had so many like why why weren't we

619
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 3: good enough for you to stop the drug? Why was

620
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 3: it you just get it together long enough to get

621
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 3: us and then just stop you the drug. I had

622
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: so many questions, and I was so angry and hurt

623
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 3: and bitter, and I ain't gonna lie. My goal at

624
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 3: that point in time was to hurt her. Was she

625
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 3: hurt me? Right? And we were getting to come up.

626
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 3: We would get into some arguments and I would come

627
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 3: for the judglar. I wanted her to feel what I

628
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 3: felt on those I just want her to crawl into

629
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 3: bed to hold me. She was nowhere to be found.

630
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 3: I just want her to feel like of what I

631
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 3: was feeling right. And then one day I remember praying

632
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 3: and God said to me, it's clear as I'm talking

633
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 3: to you, you can't go nowhere with our forgiveness in

634
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 3: your heart.

635
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a fact.

636
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 3: I was like, well, you like, you can't go nowhere

637
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 3: with an forgiveness in your heart. He said, well, y, well,

638
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: let me tell it like that. You can't go. Well,

639
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 3: I'm trying to take you in the heart.

640
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

641
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: You gotta let Yeah. I was like, but did you not?

642
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 3: But did you see? And God was like, I saw.

643
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,959
Speaker 3: I thought you know that I saw, But I thought

644
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 3: mm hmm.

645
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 6: And I was like, she was like, look, you were

646
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,239
Speaker 6: either gonna love the way she is or liver where

647
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 6: she is. And if you can't forgive her, then you

648
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 6: need to live her right where she at right. But

649
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 6: if you will to love her, then you want to

650
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 6: love her folks and all.

651
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I had to make up in my mind.

652
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 3: Yet I was wanna forgive her and I was want

653
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 3: to love her who what she was. And it was

654
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 3: when I said that was the hardest thing I had

655
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 3: to do. It was the hardest thing I ever had

656
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 3: to do, but I had to do it. I had

657
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 3: to do it for myself. And when I tell people

658
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 3: my story, they're like, I don't see how you could

659
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 3: possibly do that. I don't see how you could do that.

660
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, but I had to because Number One, I

661
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 3: ain't nobody judged jury or executioner. I can't who am

662
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 3: I to judge somebody. I wouldn't want nobody judges me

663
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: for the mistakes I made, So therefore I can't judge

664
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 3: her for the mistakes she made. But then I remember

665
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 3: we had a conversation one she was telling me. She

666
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 3: was like, look, I didn't have to be that. I

667
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 3: didn't have anybody to tell me how to do this.

668
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,800
Speaker 3: She said, my mother died, my grandmother died. I was

669
00:43:55,880 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 3: the oldest in the family. I didn't have anybody to

670
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 3: show me what I was supposed to do as a parent.

671
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 3: Not making no excuses, that's the college was. She was like,

672
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 3: so I had to pull up my boot straps and

673
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 3: do it how I thought I was supposed to do it.

674
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 3: She was like, and then you were born, and you

675
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 3: had all these medical problems and all of this stuff

676
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 3: going on share and I was doing it by myself.

677
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 3: How was she able to do?

678
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 2: For everything?

679
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 3: Well I had medica sister, I had, yeah, And she

680
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 3: was like, I was doing it by myself taking you

681
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,800
Speaker 3: to the hospital. She was like, yeah, yeah, it was

682
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 3: a lot, and I was doing it by myself. Nobody

683
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 3: was going to those hospitals with me. Nobody was going

684
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 3: to medical appointment with me. I was doing it all

685
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:51,399
Speaker 3: FID and myself. And I'm not saying this to make

686
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 3: an excuse as to why I you strugg She was like,

687
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 3: but she gotta understand what I was dealing with at

688
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 3: the time. So when she gave me some background on

689
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 3: her background, it helped me to understand her better. It

690
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 3: helped me to understand the situation better. And I tell

691
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 3: people now all the time, people can only give you

692
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 3: what they got.

693
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 2: Listen, you got meet people where they at sometimes.

694
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 3: Right, and if they don't got it, they got it

695
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 3: ask them. You cannot ask somebody to make a paint

696
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 3: out their Gelly count when all they got is Gelly Yep.

697
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:31,919
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

698
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 3: So right, So you have to meet people where they

699
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 3: are and what she had, Yeah, she had gone better

700
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 3: as she probably should have. Fat the ante to day

701
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 3: she was broken. What she had.

702
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 2: How was your self esteem in the way others perceive

703
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 2: you affected you because you spoke about earlier how it

704
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 2: really man fester in your relationships. So what did that

705
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 2: look like, especially the relationship with yourself.

706
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 3: My faught. The thing has got a whole lot better

707
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 3: m than it was when I was younger. It was

708
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 3: hard when I was a younker because I would always

709
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 3: think that one day I would wake up and everybody

710
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:21,439
Speaker 3: else and one day somebody told me, flash, you're never

711
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 3: going like you're You're always going to wake up of

712
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 3: like you what that means? They were like, what you

713
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 3: look like? What you look like? And back when I

714
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 3: was when I was coming up, I was coming up

715
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 3: during an era of Brandy and Mony time. You know, yeah,

716
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 3: me too. Everybody wanted to look like them h and

717
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 3: I right along with them. They don't look like them too.

718
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 3: I had somebody told me that. It was like, I

719
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 3: hate to be the bar of brand of bad news,

720
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:55,439
Speaker 3: but kna worked up look like a lea. You're never

721
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 3: gonna back up looking like Brandy. You're never gonna wake

722
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 3: up look like Minica. Ye're always called a couple of

723
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 3: I'm like, well that sucks, it does, but I hear

724
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 3: what you're saying. I was like, fuck, but okay, but

725
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,720
Speaker 3: I've learned to, Like I said, I've learned to embrace

726
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 3: this is me and be really really crazy. This is

727
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 3: like the second time I'm doing interviews with no glasses on, y,

728
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:30,800
Speaker 3: because you would never kept the girl. You would never

729
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 3: catch me without my glasses on.

730
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 2: So why do you take your glasses off?

731
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:39,720
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going blind? Mm hmmm. So by going blind,

732
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,439
Speaker 3: there's no glasses at work. Mm hmm. Yeah.

733
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 2: So are you going blind because of the syndrome.

734
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 3: The syndrome. They always told me that I had the

735
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:54,760
Speaker 3: potential to go blind. I had the potential to go blind,

736
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 3: and I had the potential to go gay. Mm hmmmm.

737
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,279
Speaker 2: So are there any potential risk as you.

738
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 3: Get no the blindness and assess that's enough. I think

739
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 3: those two are enough. Outside of those two, no, there

740
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: aren't not. There aren't no other ones. Like I said,

741
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 3: because I had Type three, I always had that potential

742
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:24,399
Speaker 3: to have a blood clock on the brain and could

743
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: rup share my brain. I always have to become a

744
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,839
Speaker 3: woman's head and if I hit my head the wrong way,

745
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 3: I could die. Mm hm. So you know that got

746
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 3: got potential is always there.

747
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: Now, were there any complications with your pregnancy or were

748
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 2: you were you nervous or anything.

749
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 3: No, I wasn't nerved. I was bit at the house,

750
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 3: but I wasn't I I have pretty clamps yet m hm.

751
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 3: And I would look on a very small framed person.

752
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 3: I couldn't it hurt to carry the baby? That was

753
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 3: a very small frame person. And it was just like

754
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 3: a lot of week yeah, a lot of a lot

755
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 3: of week. I think I weighed one hundred and sixty.

756
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,280
Speaker 3: Oh wow, yeah, one hundred.

757
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 2: That's fun for you because I've seen pictures of you

758
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: and you are a small frame.

759
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 3: I weighed a hundred three pounds hm hm. And I

760
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 3: was just like, but see, A lot of that was

761
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 3: I was being greedy, right, I probably looked to the joint.

762
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: It was so funny. I would go every day. It

763
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,959
Speaker 3: was so bad. They knew who I was. I would

764
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 3: call it was the same thing chicken wing their French

765
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 3: fries every day. Get they ca yeah, yeah, they yeah.

766
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 3: And they came to the door and it was like,

767
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 3: no baby, nobody yet, no baby, yes, I know, baby yet,

768
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 3: no baby yet yet. Now.

769
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:06,320
Speaker 2: One of the things I liked about your story is

770
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 2: you talked about marriage. So what were your thoughts and

771
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 2: feelings leading up to your marriage, and did you have

772
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 2: any doubts or reservations at the time, Oh, I.

773
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 3: Want to get married? You to get married? Why not

774
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 3: screaming going on? And d really you you wanted just

775
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:30,320
Speaker 3: like destravagant what they want, none of that.

776
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 2: You wanted more simple.

777
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 3: You know, I didn't want to get married. I'm trying

778
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 3: to tell you. I did not want to get So

779
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 3: why did you get married? Well, you're the how old

780
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 3: people are? You're pregnant. I'm not as well now and

781
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 3: then nobody's baby daddy, right, And yeah, I'm like, I

782
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 3: don't care. I don't want to marry you.

783
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, I don't really, but yeah, but the thing

784
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 7: about it was, I wish I was a lot stronger

785
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 7: during that time because I would have really put my

786
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 7: foot down and that no, it wouldn't have done it,

787
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 7: but I allow outside.

788
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 3: Forced us to talk me into it. And yeah, I mean,

789
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 3: and the person I ended up marrying, and he's not

790
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 3: a bad person, not a bad person at all, it's

791
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 3: just we didn't. We didn't. I didn't love him the

792
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 3: way I should have loved him.

793
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 2: So I that you realize you didn't love him always

794
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 2: do that, even to this.

795
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 3: Day, even to that girl.

796
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 2: Up, No, I'm not knowing this with you, I'm loud

797
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:47,919
Speaker 2: and I'm not because you're still don't read. You're still

798
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 2: married right the person though, Oh so this is your

799
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 2: second marriage.

800
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 3: Uh huh h.

801
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 2: And it's the thing I the audaces that asked you

802
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 2: do that thing work?

803
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 3: Look, I go back to get my husband to tell

804
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 3: you what the work? Maybe tell but the first one

805
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 3: I didn't wait.

806
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 2: So how long did i'll married for the first one?

807
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 3: Fifteen years? Wow?

808
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 2: So did you ever tell him or like, what was

809
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 2: the realization that you knew this was when this was

810
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 2: the one?

811
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:32,320
Speaker 3: Oh, I think my daughter was about five when it

812
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 3: really hit home. Yeah, the same. It's not gonna work

813
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 3: because in the beginning, I mean I liked him. I

814
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 3: thought it was a nice guy, but I was not

815
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 3: in love with him. So I said, okay, I said, well,

816
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:52,839
Speaker 3: as time goes one, you know, it'll grow, it'll grow.

817
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:55,879
Speaker 3: And it never grew. In fifteen years, it never grew, girl,

818
00:52:56,040 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 3: and direction grew the opposer, do it. Yes, we we

819
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 3: were just two people that you should not have gotten

820
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 3: married like, and to this day we don't have any

821
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 3: ill will towards each other. You know, we don't have

822
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:20,360
Speaker 3: I mean, we don't have no bad blood or nothing.

823
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 3: We were just two people that should not have gotten married. Now,

824
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 3: I will say we both had some infidelity on our part,

825
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 3: but that was because we shouldn't have gotten married. You

826
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:40,399
Speaker 3: were cheating on him for twelve years? No? Never, Yeah,

827
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:44,240
Speaker 3: I ain't had the girl all of my damn house.

828
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 3: Yes girl, yes, yes, no. Look so God works in

829
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 3: mysterious ways because I didn't find out until I thought

830
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 3: we were already divorced that I was remarried. When I

831
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 3: found out, so the girl had am boxed me and

832
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 3: told me who was told me she had been all

833
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 3: over the house. You know, baby, girl, you gotta see

834
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 3: this is the thing that wasn't the first one I

835
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 3: had that during the course of the time that we

836
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 3: were married that would ambox me and tell me, did

837
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 3: you get your husband out in my ambox? Your husband

838
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 3: has listened to me for.

839
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 2: Yet he was trying to pay for sex, yes girl, yes, girl.

840
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like, and you know I would go to

841
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 3: him and I would tell him. I was like, you

842
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 3: know what, you're not very good at it. Yeah, you're not,

843
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 3: I said, because if you I said, because if you

844
00:54:55,560 --> 00:55:00,919
Speaker 3: are cheap, the key is not to let the other

845
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 3: person know good cheating.

846
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, don't be sloppy, nigga, like have some respect.

847
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 3: Yeah he oh man, he would, I mean he he

848
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,440
Speaker 3: would keep with people in the in the era where

849
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 3: we live. He started, he would yeah yeah yeah yeah.

850
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 2: So how how long have you been married to this husband?

851
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 2: The current husband? The wow and you in love?

852
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:31,240
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's my baby.

853
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 2: Look she's smiling, baby, she blushing. That's daddy right there.

854
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:43,800
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, oh.

855
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 2: Man, this has been amazing. I really enjoy speaking with you.

856
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 2: We just have a few more questions and then we'll

857
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 2: be it because I know you are ready to get

858
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 2: back to your husband.

859
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:52,319
Speaker 3: Child. Yeah.

860
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 2: Now, what role, if any, did faith play in your

861
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 2: healing and growth?

862
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:06,320
Speaker 3: Our faith was Faith was my role in shilling and growth.

863
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 3: If I didn't have it, baby, I wouldn't be able

864
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 3: to sit here and talk to you today, and I

865
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 3: didn't have that strong faith in God. I've always had

866
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:22,879
Speaker 3: a connection to God unlike any other I remember seeing five,

867
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 3: six seven years old sitting behind the moment couch talking

868
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 3: to God the same way I'm sitting here talking to you.

869
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 3: Just talking. I'd be in the bathtub talking to God

870
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,919
Speaker 3: and I remember going through some moments in my life

871
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 3: where I'm like and they said, you're not support a

872
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 3: question God, but hell I question. I want to know. Oh.

873
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 3: I was going through a surgery. I think I was

874
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 3: about eleven years old, and I remember crying out to God, like, God,

875
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,759
Speaker 3: I can't do this no more. Nobody can't take this

876
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 3: no more. I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore.

877
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:05,879
Speaker 3: And he was like, hold on, I got you, hm hmm.

878
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 3: And it's to have that. That's all I had through

879
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 3: all my years in foster care. That's all. It's his

880
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 3: promise that he got me m And that's what to

881
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 3: this day, no matter what's going on around me, no

882
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 3: matter what's happening in my life, that is what I

883
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 3: hold one to. She got me. Yeah.

884
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:35,840
Speaker 2: Facts, And with everything that you've been through in your life,

885
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:38,439
Speaker 2: how has this shape your outlook on life?

886
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 3: I mean I have a rather positive And it's crazy

887
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,320
Speaker 3: because people that got there is positive that I am.

888
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 3: But I have a very positive outlook for life. Things happen,

889
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 3: they are with their eye. You have to deal with

890
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 3: it and you keep it pushing. Yeah, I mean they happened. Yeah,

891
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 3: I mean that's what it is, is what it is.

892
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 2: If you can go back and speak to your younger self,

893
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 2: what advice would you give her.

894
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 3: Keep your head up the stronger than you think you are. Yeah.

895
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And last, but not least, what advice would you

896
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 2: give to others who are dealing with similar challenges.

897
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:27,959
Speaker 3: They'll pass, You'll get through it. It may not feel

898
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 3: like it right now. You might feel like you do

899
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 3: your life right now. You might feel like all hell

900
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 3: and breaking down around you, might feel like every door

901
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 3: is closed, it slamming in your face. And it might be,

902
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 3: but doesn't mean that can be like that tomorrow. That's

903
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 3: how it is right now. But if you get on

904
00:58:49,280 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 3: the other side of right down, you don't know what

905
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 3: what's waiting for you, Okay, you don't. You don't. You

906
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 3: don't know what's waiting for you on the other side

907
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 3: of right now. You don't know what's waiting for you

908
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:04,800
Speaker 3: on the other side of today. So yeah, and we're

909
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 3: so accustomed to living in I right now. Yeah, we

910
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 3: all think about it could be better in the future.

911
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a fact. But I really enjoyed our conversation.

912
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 2: I think this was amazing. Yeah, come on that, I

913
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 2: don't even sound convincing.

914
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 3: Enthusiasm.

915
00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: But no to the listeners, if you have any questions,

916
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 2: comments of concerns, please make sure to email me and

917
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 2: hello at the PSHG podcast dot com. Like I always say,

918
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 2: it's important for us to share our storylines because you

919
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 2: never know how it can be someone else's lifeline. And

920
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 2: to my guests, think you think you, thank you. It

921
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 2: was a great key.

922
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:48,439
Speaker 3: Key.

923
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 2: You know, maybe you can teach me a couple of

924
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 2: things I can get my first husband baby.

925
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 4: One that I love.

926
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 2: But but I appreciate you and I definitely look forward to,

927
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 2: you know, keeping in contact with you. Yeah, yeah, yes,

928
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 2: And until next time, everyone Later.

929
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 3: Ie.

930
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 2: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black

931
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 2: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

932
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you listen to

933
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:32,919
Speaker 2: your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,

934
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 2: and you can connect with me on social media at

935
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 2: the PHG podcast