WEBVTT - Vivek Murthy 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.840 You're listening to Ruthie's Table four in Partnership with Montclair. 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:09.600 Across the garden from where a Surgeon General Viveq Muthee 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.840 and I are sitting, people are having Sunday lunch in 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.960 the River cafe. Walking into the room, you hear the 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.960 rise and fall of conversation and laughter, friends and families 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:24.280 connecting over food. At age thirty seven, Viveague was appointed 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:27.360 as the youngest Surgeon General of the United States by 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:30.920 President Obama and is now serving a second term with 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:35.519 President Biden. During COVID in his gap between terms as 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:41.560 surgeon General, he might have researched illnesses, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:45.920 but instead he chose what he saw as another epidemic 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:51.320 of our time, loneliness. His book Together, The Healing Power 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:56.000 of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, tackles loneliness 0:00:56.080 --> 0:01:00.320 as a condition seriously detrimental to the health of millions 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:03.760 of people. He is a surgeon general who sees love 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:08.000 as a foundation of policy making. How rare to hear 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:11.959 the word love as a solution to a diagnosis. He 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:16.399 says food is an antidote to loneliness, believing loneliness is 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:20.640 like hunger, and like thirst, I am privileged today to 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:24.399 talk with and listen to the Surgeon General and to 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:29.400 hear how as a doctor, a father, a husband, a child, 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:35.160 and now my friend. Food is a connection and food 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:36.199 is love. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:38.360 I mean, it is. 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:42.680 Also why you're here, Snith, are you doing a conference? 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:44.800 So it is a global concern. 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:48.720 Now, and it's actually why I find that this work 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.080 around food to be so powerful, because I think that 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:55.640 people like you, Ruthie, who have been so deeply immersed 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:58.600 in not just the preparation of food, but food is 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:02.720 a cultural force. I think have long recognized that food 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:04.880 has a power to bring us together, to put us 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:06.920 in a place of ease where we can be more 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.640 open and talk to one another, which is I think 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:12.200 people like breaking bread with one another, and conversation happens 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:15.600 differently over food than it does in a conference room. 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:18.919 But I think that food is also, at its best, 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:24.000 you know, a force for love. And I feel that fundamentally, 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.160 the question that's before us in society, not just in 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.400 the US, but all over the world is do we 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:32.960 want to be a society that's driven by fear and 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:37.080 with all that comes with that anger, anxiety, insecurity, or 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.079 do we want to be a society that's fueled by 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:42.080 love and by all that comes with that, compassion and 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:46.040 kindness and generosity and looking out for one another. And 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.600 so that's ultimately what I hope that we can build 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.240 together as a world fueled empowered by love. And I 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:55.640 think that's a world where we can build extraordinary things, 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.000 where we can bring benefits to everyone, where we can 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:01.400 overcome adversity no matter or what comes, and where we 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:05.200 feel a sense of optimism and hope. It worries me 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.120 greatly that as I travel that so many people feel 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:11.840 pessimistic and anxious. But I also think that what gives 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:16.200 us hope during hard trip is our connection to one another. 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:20.000 And so that's what I want us to rebuild. You know, 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:21.960 in our lives. We have it within us. I think 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.320 this is actually our true nature. It's a question of 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.600 giving voice to it and coming together around that kind 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:29.639 of society, and I think we can build it. 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:34.880 We will, Yeah, we will, thank you. So what we 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:38.280 like to do is to read a recipe. And you 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:41.240 chose the recipe of pumpkin soup. Yes, so would you 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:42.520 like to read that recipe? 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:44.480 And you can read it any way you like. 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:50.320 Sure, So this is a recipe for pumpkin soup. And 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:53.560 I chose pumpkin soup in part because I having grown 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:56.240 up in Miami, Florida, where it's very warm, and then 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:59.320 having subsequently moved to very cold weather places, I was 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.880 always craving warmth, and soup was the easiest way for 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.880 me to find them. And I love pumpkins part because 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:10.800 I love Halloween. So pumpkin soup three tablespoons of extra 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:16.160 virgin olive oil, fifty grams of butter, two cloves sliced garlic, 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:23.640 twenty sage leaves, a two kilogram pumpkin, peeled, seated, cut 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:29.440 into large cubes, one potato, peeled and cubed, one red chili, 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:34.599 one liter of chicken stock, two tablespoons of grated parmesan, 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:39.640 and one tablespoon of crim fresh. Heat the olive oil 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:43.640 and butter, Add garlic and sage, and fry for five minutes. 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:48.400 Add the pumpkin and potato. Fry for one minute before 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.360 adding chili. Seasoning and season well with salt and pepper. 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:56.520 Poor enough stock to cover the pumpkin and bring to 0:04:56.600 --> 0:05:00.920 a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for twenty minutes 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:05.159 until the pumpkin is tender. Strain half of the stock 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:08.760 from the pumpkin into a bowl and set aside. Pouring 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:12.400 what is left into a food processor pulse until the 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:16.920 mixture is very thick. Return the mixture to the pan 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:21.400 and add strained stock and stir. Serve with parmesan and 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:23.560 a drizzle of olive oil and crumbfresh on top. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:27.040 Is something you could imagine eating and cutting. 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.520 Yes, in fact, I found myself getting hungry even though 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:32.279 I had a whole meal after reading this recipe. 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:33.479 This is wonderful. 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.159 Yeah, So if we begin at the beginning, this is 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:40.520 going to be a long, less conversation about life and 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:44.760 work and loneliness and happiness food. Tell me about your 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:49.600 family were Are they from India? Came to London to England. 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.360 Yeah, my family's originally from India. My mother is from Bangalore, 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:55.600 a city in the south of India, and my father 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.360 is from a small farming village about two hours outside 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:03.520 of Bangalore, and they grew up in fairly modest households. 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:08.320 My mother's family was, you know, middle class. My father, though, 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:12.480 came from a poor farming community and his family did 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.640 not have much at all in the way of resources. 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:17.039 Growing up. After they got married. 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.440 They moved to England and they lived here for seven years, 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.200 in London for some part of that time, and then 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:24.720 in other parts. They lived in Leeds, they lived in 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.279 up North, in Huddersfield, which is actually where I was 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:32.080 born and where my sister was born. They lived in Wales, Scotland, 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:35.080 and then ultimately moved to Canada and then eventually to 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:35.599 the US. 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:39.279 Did they bring the food of India with them? They did. 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.200 They've never They've never left the cuisine they grew up 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:46.720 with behind, and they not only cooked and sought out 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:50.120 that cuisine when they were in England, but even growing up. 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:53.760 The aromas that I remember as a child are of 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.599 the Indian food that my parents looked at home. 0:06:55.680 --> 0:07:00.600 What was it like? Do you remember they? 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:03.400 You know, they had very different styles of cooking. So 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:07.279 my mother was a primary cook, but my father cooked 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.520 often and he brought great joy to cooking. So my 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:14.560 mother her The hallmark of her food were it was 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.760 simple but rich flavors. So she would only cook with 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.520 a few ingredients, but she would somehow make all of 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:24.360 them sing and people from the community would often come 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:25.920 and ask her, how did you make that? How did 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:28.240 I have the list of ingredients, but somehow I can't 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.080 get quite the same flavor out of it. And she 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:33.880 would always say to me that one of her secrets 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:37.960 was that was her intention when she cooked. She said 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.760 she would think of the love that she wanted the 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.000 food to represent, and the love she wanted to give 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.600 to the person who enjoyed the food, and she would 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.119 bring that into her mind and pour it into the food. 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:49.640 One of her ingredients. 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:51.680 Yes, love is one of her ingredients. 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:55.080 And my father was an incredibly creative cook. If my 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:59.960 mother's a hallmark was simplicity, his was complexity. He had 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:04.440 often many ingredients. And if you ask my father, how 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:06.320 did you make that dish because it was so good, 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.920 he'll have a hard time telling you because he doesn't 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.960 quite remember the proportions. And this he doesn't measure. He 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:15.480 just adds based on his instinct. But he so he's 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:19.200 a creative cook, but an equally an equally talented one. 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.360 But did he cook on special occasions or did he 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.240 just cook every day? Did he did he? 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.000 When we were growing up, he would cook on special 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:29.800 occasions because he was he was working office. He was 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:34.800 a doctor, and he initially worked in emergency rooms and 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.160 in hospitals, then eventually set up his own clinic, you know, 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:40.880 in Miami in nineteen eighty five, which he continues to 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:44.280 work in until this day now alongside my sister who's 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:45.640 also a primary. 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:48.960 Doctors in the family more than three three of us, 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:50.840 yet the are just three of us in the nuclear family. 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.840 So we say my mother has is essentially close to 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:58.319 a doctor herself because she she actually ran the medical 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.480 practice that my father worked and she managed the whole operation, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.040 and because there was a small shop, it was just 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:06.000 the two of them seeing patients. So a lot of 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:07.720 times the patients would come and talk to her about 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:10.120 what they were going through, and over time she came 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.880 to sort of recognize various symptoms and be able to 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.760 make diagnoses on the side. So it was very interesting. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:17.520 But yeah, and. 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:20.400 When you went to Miami, did you live within a 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:22.760 very Indian community or was it? 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.400 When we first got there, we didn't know many people 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:29.640 who were Indian. The Indian community was still small, and 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.200 over time is more as a Indian community grew, that 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:36.360 became an important part of our experience. But initially it 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:38.360 wasn't the case. And I think that's part of the 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:41.520 reason why. I You know, I felt quite different as 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.760 a young person growing up. I didn't know a lot 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:46.840 of people in those early years who ate the food 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.720 that we ate, or had the customs that we had, 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.520 or had names that sounded like ours, and I often 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:55.280 felt like an outsider. And it's interesting. It's funny to 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.559 know how these early experiences stick with you. And I 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.640 still remember that feeling of what it felt like to 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:01.640 be an outsider and do not feel like you belong. 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.040 And it's why I have found that in years since, 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.120 I'm really sensitive to when other people feel like they're 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.400 outsiders because I felt that and it doesn't feel good. 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:14.160 So did your sister experience that as well? 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:15.480 She did? Yeah, she did? 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:19.200 Your parents and your parents? Did your grandparents come with 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:20.000 you at all? 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:20.440 Did they? 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.280 I wish they had? They did not. 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.480 They stayed in India, and I missed them a lot 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:31.800 because when we were young, during holidays, during Christmas and Thanksgiving, 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:34.680 people would go away and spend time with extended family. 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:36.439 They would come back with these wonderful. 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:39.440 Stories about their grandparents and about how Grandma gave them this, 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:42.120 their Grandpa took them here, And I often wish that 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.600 our grandparents were closer, but they came to visit a 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.840 few times when we were younger, and I really treasured 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:51.920 those times. Did they cook, yes, well, my grandmother would cook, 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:55.720 my mother's mother and my father's mother had unfortunately passed 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.040 away when he was young, when he was ten, but 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.440 his father would actually cook his well because he had 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.360 been used to cooking for himself. And they all had 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:06.520 their own styles, but the one thing that was common 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:09.000 among all of them is there was a lot of 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:12.079 joy when they were in the kitchen. They were cooking 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.160 from a place of happiness. They knew they were going 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:15.960 to be bringing happiness to people with the food. It 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.319 wasn't functional, it wasn't ah. 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:20.240 Got to be on the table if you get the 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:20.959 food out. 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:22.679 That's right, it was. There's some real joy. 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.880 Do you think that is specific to Indian cooking, that 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.880 is more of a group activity or good question. 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.440 I think other cuisines, other cultures have that as well. 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:36.280 But I do worry that in modern living that we've 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.839 gotten away from a lot of that, and that food 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:44.160 preparation has become more functional than nurturing and therapeutic, and 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:48.680 that old community style of sitting together and both making 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:52.040 the food and consuming the food that I think there's 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:55.000 I think some of that got lost, perhaps just as 0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:58.200 life structures change and in the interests of efficiency, or 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:00.520 we can just get food delivered, or we can pop 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.200 something in the microwave, and it does feel like it 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.040 saves time. But I think perhaps what may not have 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.680 been as as deeply appreciated was how much was lost 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:12.720 in terms of the community that's built. The relaxation also 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:16.559 that comes when you're working with your hands and creating 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.200 something beautiful in the form of food that others will enjoy. 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.600 People often say to me, how can you cook for 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.800 one hundred and fifty people and in the restaurant when 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:27.840 it's hard to give a dinner party at home for 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.079 twelve people, I go, I can't do a dinner party 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.840 for twelve people at home. It's so much easier doing 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:37.240 it in a restaurant because you're collaborating, you know, you 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:40.040 have you're cooking. It is that thing of cooking with 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:44.560 other people, sharing a conversation, tasting each other's food, talking 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.960 about what you're going to do, and that community. 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:49.720 Of working in a restaurant is so nice. 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:52.400 You know. I do, of course cook for twelve people 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.640 at home, but it can be very solitary just being 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:57.480 in the kitchen by yourself. 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.880 It can be yeah, And that's where I think doing 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.200 it together, whether it's as family as friends, really makes 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.640 a difference. Some of my best memories growing up or 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.760 actually of all of us, my sister and I along 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.000 with my both my parents actually cooking together. So when 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:16.480 we would have guests over, that was it was stressful 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:18.240 at times because we're going to get everything ready for 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:21.520 the guests in time, et cetera. And but the fun 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.120 part was that we made things together. So one of 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.760 my jobs was to make the list of items that 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.040 we were going to cook that. 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.439 Day for shops going to shop or shop. 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.080 But actually for cooking also like the dishes that we 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.760 were going to make. And then I would be, you know, 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:37.840 a sous cheft for my mom and then she would 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.240 help put things together. I would chop, I would you know, 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:43.000 mix things together. I would watch things on the stove 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:47.520 and roast vegetables or other ingredients and and when they 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:49.120 were done, it was my job to check it off 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:51.640 in the list. And I had to ultimately make sure 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.680 that everything was checked off before the guests came. 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:58.040 So preparation for sure life maybe even to. 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:00.080 This day when I go home if we're going to 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.040 have people over, and my mother still still turn to 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:03.800 me and say, make the list, make the list. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:04.760 So I make the list. 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.680 It's interesting what you said also about your grandparents, because 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:12.080 people that we've talked to on the podcast, very often, 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:16.640 if especially they've come from another country, from Ghana to London, 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:21.800 or from China to London, from wherever they've traveled, they 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.880 very often talk about their grandparents almost more than their parents, 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:30.080 because sometimes the mother adapts, you know, the mother adapts 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.920 her cooking. The child only sometimes wants to eat the 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.760 food of the culture he's moved to, but the grandmother 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.880 clings to more to what you know, or the grandfather, 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:45.080 i should say, from their country. Did your mother adapt 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.280 or did she only cook Indian food? Did she ever 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:51.560 make you hamburgers or meatballs in spaghetti. 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:53.040 Or was all the food of your home the food 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:53.520 of India? 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:57.520 Yeah, you know, my mother still to this day primarily 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.680 cooks Indian food, like and almost exclusively, I would say, 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:03.400 so that is what we ate growing up. My father, 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.800 on the other hand, has he still makes a lot 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:09.320 of traditionally Indian food, but he does a lot of 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:12.800 creative fusion food. So he has an Indian version of 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:13.880 spaghetti that he. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:15.600 Makes, and of other pastas well. 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:17.960 I don't know what he calls doesn't actually have a name, 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.000 but when you eat it, you taste all of these 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:24.960 flavorful Indian spices. And then he does other interesting things too, 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:28.120 like he'll take jackfruit, which is I'm not sure if 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:30.480 you've had it or not, but it's a fruit that 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.280 grows in the tropics. When it's ripe, it's yellow and 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:36.600 rubbery and very sweet. But in its raw form it 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.120 can actually be used for savory dishes and it's quite tender. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.360 It can actually mimic a steak. So he'll chop up, 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:45.320 you know, raw jackfruit, and then he'll drop it into 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:47.920 the pasta, and so it almost tastes like you're eating 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.720 meat in the pasta, but it's all vegetables. So he'll 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:52.560 do all of these crazy creative things. 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:57.200 Yeah, both of them sound like great cooks. 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:57.880 They are. 0:15:58.080 --> 0:15:59.480 How did they work all day. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:03.280 And then come home and did you sit with your 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.240 sister every night around the table and your parents after 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:07.360 a long day at school. 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:08.160 We did. 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:11.040 And the reason we did that was actually because my 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:13.640 parents were insistent and that we always have dinner together 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.400 every night. Sometimes my sister and I as kids growing up, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.320 we'd get annoyed, you know, we'd say, well, you know, 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:19.720 our friends get to like sit in front of the 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.720 TV during dinnertime, why can we do that? Or you know, 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.120 why don't you guys have dinner. We're busy doing something, 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.360 you know, we're reading this book. Well, we'll have dinner later. 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.200 But they were always insistent that we have to eat together, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.000 so much so that when I was in high school, 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.920 Ruthie and when we you know, sometimes we had a 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:36.640 lot of homework and I was in the middle of 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:38.320 like writing an essay and I didn't want to stop 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.720 exactly when dinner time was, and they would just they 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:44.360 would just wait for us. And I still feel guilty, 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:46.560 and so I'm embarrassed to say this, but like I 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.840 still remember many nights in high school where I was 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:50.840 like stressed about an exam and I was late studying 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:52.800 and I don't feel could quite break and they would 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:54.880 stay up and just wait until and we would eat 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:56.840 at nine or nine thirty or ten o'clock at night, 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:58.720 but they would just wait because they wanted to have 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:01.560 dinner together. Still can't believe I made them wait that long, 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.280 so I probably didn't mind. 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.320 I think I can imagine waiting for my children to finish. 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.600 I think, you know, they probably it was your sister 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:10.440 as well, would. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.240 You, yeah, study, Yeah, And we were in the same 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.679 grade growing up, so we thankfully had a lot of 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.640 the same assignments and everything. 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:19.480 So, but yeah, did. 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.280 You go to friends homes for dinner? Did you go 0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:23.040 to other people's houses for dinner? 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:26.359 We did, Yes, we went to other people's homes, and 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.479 and that was always a real source of joy because 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.320 it was it was always a family affair, and it 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:35.880 was always always very informal. So it wasn't that there 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:37.840 was a big long table and everyone would sit together 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:41.800 around that table. Usually there was food that was made. 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.679 People would often bring food, almost public style. All the 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:46.520 dishes would be laid out on a table and everyone 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.840 would just noisily, messily grabl plate, you know, put food 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:52.000 on it, and then go to various parts of the 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.879 house in small groups and this and that. And as 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:57.200 kids we were, you know, we would just all hang 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.239 out in a room together and eat and play and 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.480 it was fun. I really enjoyed it. It was community, 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:04.880 it was food, It was entertainment. 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.280 Very evocative, very beautiful description of this life at home. 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.000 Did that it was at a big break then when 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.400 you went off to university, when you went to Harvard, 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.719 was a shock to the system that suddenly you were 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:17.440 away from that. 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:19.920 It was a shock. 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:25.600 It was actually extremely hard for me, and I struggled 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:29.440 a lot, especially during my first semester away. I felt 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:35.000 really lonely. I felt just really disconnected, and being a shy, 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:39.520 introverted kid, I had a hard time just making friends 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:40.960 off the bat, you know. It took me a while 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:45.000 to get to know people, and so that was it 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:48.480 was very hard. I remember coming home at the for 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:51.320 the first time after enrolling in college during Christmas break, 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:54.879 and I had my suitcase. 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:55.000 In my hand. 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:58.960 The door opened, I stepped in, I put my bags down, 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:01.840 looked up at the ceiling of the house in which 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:03.639 I had grown up, took a deep breath, and I 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.560 said to my father, I feel like I've just been 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:11.480 released from prison. And I had almost forgotten that I 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:13.719 had said that until a few years ago. He reminded me, 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:17.280 and if I brought back this flood of emotions of 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:20.280 what it had felt like to be just separated from 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:24.359 this love that had nurtured me for so long. And 0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:26.280 things got a bit better after that, as I was 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:30.520 able to make friends and build a community. But some 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.000 years after, when I was in my residency training in 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.520 my first year, when I was working you know, abobbly 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:39.720 eighty ninety hundred hours a week, but seeing and working 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:41.400 with patients who were going through some of the most 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:45.480 difficult moments of their life, including people who are my age, 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.120 you know at that time, young people in their twenties 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:51.280 who were dealing with metasatic cancer and only had a 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:54.280 few months to live. I started reflecting then and thought 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:58.199 to myself, I never want to lose my connection to 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:02.119 my family. I want to make sure that every moment 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:04.479 that I have that I'm spending it with family and friends, 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.280 you know, whether that's vacation time, weekend time. I was like, 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:09.040 I want to make that a priority. So after that, 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:12.159 I started going home much more often to see my 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:14.760 parents and to spend time with them, even if it 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:17.000 was just for a weekend. You know, it was worth 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:19.399