1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kailie Short and this is too much 2 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 1: to say questions turn it out you. So last week 3 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: we shared one of my favorite episodes, which is called 4 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,480 Speaker 1: Hungry is the New Skinny, and this week I wanted 5 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: to share Panic at the Disco. Also side note, I 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: have so much fun doing he is naming these episodes. Um, 7 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 1: but I listened back to this one when I was 8 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,480 Speaker 1: deciding which episodes I wanted to share with you guys 9 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,200 Speaker 1: why I take this little two week break to focus 10 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: on making my ep and I was just like listening 11 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: to this and I was like, God, this is even 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: more relevant now because I posted on Twitter last week 13 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: that I've been stuck in a vacuum of negativity over 14 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: the past four months and it's led to, you know, 15 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: the removal of a lot of talk toxic people from 16 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: my life, but also the removal of a lot of 17 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: toxic habits and attitudes from myself. So I am not 18 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: trying to blame other people for my problems, but everything 19 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: plays a part in your state of mind. So listening 20 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: back to this episode and seeing how I reacted to 21 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: these situations happened after I recorded it is pretty crazy. 22 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: So I have a little bit more insight. But listening 23 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: back also kind of helped me in a weird way 24 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 1: because I was like listening to advice from myself and yeah, 25 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: I don't know, man, it's like giving advice but not 26 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: taking it. But I'm determined to start like this next 27 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: chapter in my life very positively and just kind of 28 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 1: look for something good and everything. But on the days 29 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: that you can't. This is one of my favorite episodes. 30 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: It's called Panic Attack at the Disco. So this podcast 31 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: is all about oversharing and all about what's going on 32 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: in my week. And honestly, I've been very anxious this week, 33 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: and I feel like it's a good time to talk 34 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: to you about anxiety, the things I've done to cope 35 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: with my own. UM, understanding a little bit about why 36 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: your body does that to you and why your brain 37 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: does that to you, and just sharing my experience. Now, 38 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: everybody's experience with anxiety is completely different. It manifests in 39 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: different ways. Sometimes people get migraines. I personally get like 40 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: my stomach just hurts for like hours at a time, 41 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: But it's different for everybody. So this is just my 42 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: personal experience with it. UM. Hopefully you can see some 43 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: of yourself in this and use some of my tips 44 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: for calming the funk down to help you. So I 45 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: grew up in a house that prioritized religion over mental health. Um, 46 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: and I definitely believe in the power of spirituality and prayer, 47 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: but it's not a replacement for therapy. Like Jesus made 48 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: therapy for a reason, and you know he made doctors 49 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: who can help you with this, like for a reason. 50 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: Medicine exists for a reason, and not everybody needs to 51 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 1: be medicated at all, but you know, for some people 52 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: that's something that they need and really improves their quality 53 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: of life. And completely discounting that and just saying that 54 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: you need to pray it away, that's like not great. 55 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: So when I had my first panic attack, I had 56 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: no idea what was going on. Like I was like, 57 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: do I have asthma? Like why can't I breathe? And 58 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: I was. I was in the car with my mom 59 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: and we were getting in a fight about something on 60 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: the way to school, and I literally just like my 61 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,359 Speaker 1: heart started being really fascinating, just could not breathe and 62 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: I was trying to catch my breath. And I think 63 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 1: that sometimes parents, I think that when a kid reacts 64 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: that way that they're looking for attention or they're being dramatic, 65 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: but I legitimately, like could not breathe, and that's something 66 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: you're supposed to know how to do pretty easily, So 67 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: when you can't breathe, it's really fucking scary. I've found 68 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: that my anxiety is mostly triggered by feeling out of 69 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: control of the things around me. And I'm not like 70 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: a huge control freak. I mean, maybe some people in 71 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: my life would disagree. I don't know. Maybe it's a 72 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: self awareness problem, but I'm okay with like going with 73 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: the flow. But when people are making decisions that impact 74 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: my life recklessly and they're, you know, sucking up my 75 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: life for me, I'm like, honey, I can do that myself, 76 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: like please stop. And just feeling like a choice was 77 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: taken away from you. I think that's what really sets 78 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: me off. And that happened a lot when I was 79 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: a kid, and I have a song off my EP 80 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: Awake where I talk about this recurring dream that I 81 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 1: still have to this day. But I started having it 82 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: when I was about six, and I would be in 83 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: the backseat of a car and somebody would be driving. 84 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 1: Usually it was one of my parents and we'd be 85 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 1: driving down a hill and then all of a sudden, 86 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: they would disappear and nobody was driving the car and 87 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: they had just gotten out and left me in the 88 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: backseat while the car is moving and I don't know 89 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,559 Speaker 1: how to drive. I can't get there from the back seat, 90 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: like my seatbelt won't unbuckle, and I'm literally just forced 91 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: to go along for the ride, knowing that it's going 92 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: to crash. And it's so weird how our dreams can 93 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: be so intuitive like that because I was six years old, 94 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: and that's like a really powerful metaphor, But I should 95 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 1: you not. That's exactly like the dream I'd always had, 96 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: And it took me a long time to understand that, 97 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: but now I see. It was me feeling like I 98 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 1: was being put in a in a really shitty and 99 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: dangerous place because other people were making decisions around me 100 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: and then just like kind of being like, oh well whatever, 101 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: and not considering how it affected me. Um, that's definitely 102 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: something I felt with my family. That's something I felt 103 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,480 Speaker 1: in relationships, and it's really something I felt in friendships. 104 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: So I had that one panic attack in high school 105 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: and I would have, you know, a pit in my stomach, 106 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: which is interesting because you know, you know a lot 107 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,280 Speaker 1: of cliches like that, like you know, my heart is racing, 108 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: or I have a pin in my stum it or whatever, 109 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: and that's what they used to call it. But now 110 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 1: we know, after you know, lots of studies and medical 111 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 1: advancements and psychological advancements, like in the study of it, 112 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: we know that that's anxiety and that that's a panic attack. 113 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: And it's so sad because I always think about this, 114 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: like when it comes to mental illness and you know, 115 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: developmental disorders and all of that, we we didn't know, 116 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 1: like people used to think that dyslexic kids were just stupid, 117 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: and they're not at all. It's literally something in their 118 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 1: brain that they they're not seeing the same letters we're seeing. 119 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: And you know, people used to just think that autistic 120 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 1: kids were weird, and they're not. It's like they're on 121 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 1: this spectrum of development and there's just things in their 122 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: brain that operate differently than mine. Um. And you know, 123 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,160 Speaker 1: people used to think that xiety was just a you know, 124 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: if somebody was sick and they couldn't find a reason 125 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: why they were sick, they would call it hysteria and 126 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: specifically with women, but a lot of that's anxiety. And honestly, 127 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: when they were diagnosing women with hysterias when they were 128 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: being completely controlled by their husbands in the sixties, I 129 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 1: don't know, and um they were, I feel probably feeling 130 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: out of control. So maybe I have a lot more 131 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: in common with those women fainting on couches than I 132 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: thought I did. But I find you know, my personal 133 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: experience with it is super physical. Like you can have 134 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: a mental response to anxiety, obviously, like mine is. I 135 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: feel like I got on a hamster wheel and I'm 136 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: just going in circles around the same thing and not 137 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: solving anything, and just thinking about this problem on a 138 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: loop and just getting angrier or getting more stressed out 139 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 1: or getting sadder, and I just can't get off the 140 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: hamster wheel. And I'm not accomplished anything. I'm not moving forward, 141 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere. I'm literally just stuck and I'm 142 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: out of breath, and my arts racing and I'm running 143 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: and I just, you know, I go to a place 144 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: where I assume everybody hates me, and everybody he's like 145 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: against me, and everybody's gonna leave me, and I don't 146 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: normally have those thoughts, So as soon as they pop up, 147 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: I know that like I'm about to go to an 148 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: anxious place because I'm not the kind of person who 149 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: worries that much about what other people think of me. 150 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: Like I've really overcome that, and I kind of walk 151 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: through life blissfully unaware that there's people who dislike me. 152 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: And that's definitely ignorant because there's always gonna be people 153 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: who just like you, and there's probably several people who 154 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: dislike me um as seen in the comments section of 155 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: iTunes on the podcast. So as soon as those thoughts 156 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: pop up, I'm like, oh, buddy, but my physical signs 157 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 1: are so overwhelming, Like that's really what makes it awful 158 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: for me, is I just my stomach hurts so bad 159 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: and I get like physically ill and I can't calm down. 160 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: I literally feel like I just random marathon and all 161 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm doing is laying in bed staring at the ceiling. 162 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 1: And it's just so weird like that your body does 163 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:09,199 Speaker 1: that to you. But the reason is when you're stressed 164 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: out like that, your body triggers a fight flight or 165 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: freeze response, and so that's what we do when we 166 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: feel like we're in danger of something, Like it's super instinctual, 167 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: it's super primitive. But you either run away from whatever 168 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: is hurting you. You either fight whatever is hurting you, 169 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: or you freeze and you literally have no idea what 170 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: to do and you just stop everything. And I think 171 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: I've done all three of those things as a result 172 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: of anxiety. But it's like, you know, my heart's racing 173 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: and all of that, and and it's because my body 174 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 1: thinks I'm about to go fight for my life, Like 175 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: there's a disconnect between my brain and my nervous system, 176 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: like for sure, But another thing like this is like 177 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: kind of kind of gross. But I feel like I've 178 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: talked to a lot of my friends about this, and 179 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,839 Speaker 1: it's like we don't people don't normally talk about it. 180 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: But okay, look at this through the lens of a gladiator, 181 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: like somebody who is literally about to go fight for 182 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: their life, and you know they will probably get physically 183 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: ill right before they go, because your body knows that 184 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: if you have to go fight for your life, you 185 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: can't like have to pee, you know. Like that's so 186 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: if you're ever nervous and you feel like you have 187 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: to do that because your body is like Okay, let's 188 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: get this out now so they can run faster, and 189 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: they're not thinking about it and like whatever. Um, and 190 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: that's why like sometimes like little kids wet their pants 191 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: when they're scared. Isn't that weird? Isn't that so weird? Um? 192 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 1: Just that you your body can literally have such a 193 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: physical response to something that's in your head. So I 194 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 1: just get sick and I hate it, and I just 195 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: like and it feels like sometimes it happens over something 196 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: that's relatively small, but it really triggers me, and I'm 197 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: just like, why am I throwing up right now? You know, like, 198 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, calm down. But I find that my 199 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: triggers are obviously feeling out of control. But it even 200 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: more specifically than that, being lied to and and knowing 201 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: I'm being lied to, but not having the person tell me, 202 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: like I just want to know. I just want to 203 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: know the truth. I'm so that kind of person who's 204 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: just like, please just shoot it to me straight. I 205 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,960 Speaker 1: would rather know what's going on then feel like I'm 206 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: on the outside of something I need to know and 207 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: something that affects me. Like it's just really it's really 208 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: upsetting and I mean, being lied too sucks and that's 209 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,960 Speaker 1: a big one for me. Definitely being betrayed and having 210 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: a moment where you lose trust for somebody that you 211 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: care about, that one really sucks and that definitely will 212 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: trigger a response. Life changes for sure, like you know, 213 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: getting ready to move, or questioning if you're in the 214 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: right place, or you know, even releasing my album, like 215 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: I got really nervous about that. But even little things 216 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: have set me off. Like Okay, so there was the 217 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: one time this guy I was talking to and I 218 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: don't even think I like him that much. I just 219 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 1: he was smarter than whoever the funk I've been wasting 220 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: my time with that I met on Tinder. This was 221 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: like two years ago, two and a half years ago. 222 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: And also he was Scottish, and I don't know if 223 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 1: there was just like a cultural difference in the way 224 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: he communicated. I can't imagine Scotland's that much different than 225 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,599 Speaker 1: the United States. And he also had an accent, so 226 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,439 Speaker 1: it was very easy to just get caught up in that. 227 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,319 Speaker 1: But he was really a weird, bizarre Texter and I'm 228 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,680 Speaker 1: not the kind of person who wants to talk to 229 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: somebody seven like I'm actually kind of like, leave me 230 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: the funk alone. But I would, you know, text him 231 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: or trying to make plans and he'd just be so 232 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: weird about it. But I do feel like at the 233 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 1: time he was into me, but I wouldn't make it 234 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: the biggest deal on the planet, like in my head, 235 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,320 Speaker 1: like I would seem super chill over texted in person, 236 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: but like before we would make plans or I was 237 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: waiting on him for something, I would just get so 238 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: sick and I just lay in bed and have to 239 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: stare up at the ceiling, and I'm like, why am 240 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: I reacting this intensely to a guy that I really 241 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: don't care about that much and if it doesn't work out, 242 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: like I'm going to be fine. I'm not in love 243 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,680 Speaker 1: with this person. And I was like, Oh, it's because 244 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 1: this is the first person I've gone on like actual 245 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 1: dates with, like several dates with since my breakup, and 246 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: I feel like, if this person is rejecting me, it 247 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: means I'm not worthy of love, which is really not 248 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: his fault at all. That I'm struggling with that. So 249 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: it's really important to try to look back and and 250 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,080 Speaker 1: trace why you're having this response because a lot of 251 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: times it goes all the way back to childhood. Like childhood, 252 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: we learned so many different things. We learn how to read, 253 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: we learned how to ride a bike, but we're also 254 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 1: learning how to love, and we're learning how to tell 255 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: people that we disagree with them, and we're learning how 256 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: to you know, we're learning how to how to do everything. 257 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: And so the root of every problem is almost always 258 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: in childhood because you know, your first time feeling anger 259 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 1: was in so it just impacts you so much, and 260 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: a lot of times we repressed those memories and it's 261 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,199 Speaker 1: really hard to go back and dig in your brain 262 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: and find out what it is. But that's always a 263 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 1: really important thing to do, and that's why therapy is 264 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,679 Speaker 1: always like, okay, so tell me about your dad. You know, 265 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: like you're talking about something completely different and then you're like, 266 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: oh my god, wait, that's like why I'm doing that, 267 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 1: And that's important because you also need to separate, like 268 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: when you're putting too much pressure on somebody or you're 269 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,480 Speaker 1: being too angry with somebody when really it's just that 270 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: you're really triggered and you're I don't want to say 271 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: necessarily projecting, but it's like you're putting those emotions on 272 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: a situation that reminds you of that, but you're actually 273 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: really upset about, you know, your parents or something that 274 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 1: happened in your childhood. And I really believe in the 275 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: power of intuition. I definitely, you know, my my gut 276 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: is is usually right. My panic attack that I had 277 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: last week that was like lasted for like seven days, 278 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: I mean I knew, I knew I was being lied to, 279 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: and I knew that in my gut. I literally figured 280 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: it out. I texted the person and was like, hey, um, 281 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: you're not doing this thing that I think you're doing 282 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: right now right And they're like no, And I was like, okay, 283 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: so if that, if that situation arises, like please don't 284 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: do it. And they were like okay, yeah, yeah at 285 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: door and then they did it twenty minutes later, and 286 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: I knew what was happening, Like literally was laying in bed. 287 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: I couldn't fall asleep till four thirty in the morning, 288 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: and I was just sitting there like super sick. And 289 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: I woke up the next morning with my heart racing 290 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: and like why I was just sleeping, Like what what 291 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: the funk? But I just like knew, and um, I 292 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: had figured everything out, and then I called the person 293 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: and was like, hey, um, so, so what was up 294 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: with last night? And just got completely lied to. And 295 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: this was somebody that was really really important to me, 296 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: and it just set off this panic attack that lasted 297 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: for seven days, and I really needed to focus on 298 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: the facts and and separate. You know, I've been hurt before. 299 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 1: That reminded me of this situation and what I was 300 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: being triggered by and what was actually this person's fault. 301 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: And to be honest, like, yeah, I was definitely triggered, 302 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: but I don't I did not have an unreasonable response 303 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: to this. Also, I would like to say a little disclaimer, 304 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: like this nebulous situation I'm talking about my boyfriend did nothing. 305 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: It had nothing to do with him. Um, he's great. 306 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: Because the person that like, I texted my manager. I 307 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: was like, hey, I'm kind of having a weird day. 308 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to go into it, but like 309 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: something happened and he was like it's not Sam right, 310 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: And I was like no, no, no, no, no, I 311 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: know absolutely not, Like he's amazing. Um, but I just 312 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 1: wanted to clear that up in case anybody was you 313 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: know because I get tweets after I do these episodes, 314 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: and I know that like a lot of my really 315 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: close fans that have followed me for a long time, 316 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: like when you hear me talking about something on this podcast, 317 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: a lot of time, you know that person's name because 318 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: you've just figured it out or whatever. I mean, if 319 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: you go back far enough, you'll find out who my 320 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 1: ex boyfriend was. So, you know, I just want to 321 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: clear that up. But it really really fucking sucked, and 322 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: I just had to really find ways to cope with it, 323 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: and I found those over the years. I've had several 324 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 1: epiphanies over time that have led to, you know, me 325 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: figuring it out. And so I'm going to read to 326 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: you a couple of journal entries of times that I 327 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 1: had an epiphany that really helped me. So in December, 328 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,360 Speaker 1: so two years ago, I was I had been seeing 329 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: this guy and things were going so well, and I 330 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 1: really we were friends for a really long time before 331 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,719 Speaker 1: anything happened, and so it made things a lot harder 332 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 1: when he ended things because it was a friendship ending too. 333 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: And this was actually my first time like being in 334 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,360 Speaker 1: anything close to a relationship since my breakup. So this 335 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: was like right after Scottish guy, and I was just 336 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 1: like putting my entire self worth on what this man 337 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,760 Speaker 1: thought of me. And this man can't even figure out 338 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: what the funk he wants from life, so how how 339 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: does his opinion matter? I mean, he lied to me 340 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: about having a car, So that's how bad it was. 341 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: I was literally putting my entire self worth on someone 342 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,440 Speaker 1: like that. I mean, bless his heart, but seriously. And 343 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:32,640 Speaker 1: I had this book of fan letters that amazing fan 344 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: named Ali Lamarca put together for me, and she had 345 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,119 Speaker 1: a bunch of fans like write down things, and she 346 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: put them all in one place. And I was literally 347 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: just like crying and just doing so terribly. And I 348 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 1: remember that book and I was like, I just need 349 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: to remember that, like there's people out there who like me. Um. 350 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 1: There was someone who said in the book, I wish 351 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,679 Speaker 1: I could remember who was. I could probably go find it, 352 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 1: but whoever did this, thank you so much. And one 353 00:18:58,119 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: of the girls round in the book and said, don't 354 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,479 Speaker 1: let anyone take you for granted. And I was like, 355 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,679 Speaker 1: oh my god, that's literally what I'm letting someone do. 356 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: Like I'm giving this man all of my energy, all 357 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 1: of my time, I would have dropped anything and just 358 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: ran if he told me to like jump how high, 359 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 1: like one of those situations, and he just didn't appreciate it. 360 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 1: And I don't hold that against him. I mean it 361 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 1: literally just wasn't right. But at the time I was 362 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: like this, it really clicked for me. I was like, 363 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: this person is taking me for granted. So in the 364 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: in the journal entry, I said, that really hit me. 365 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: I let Blank do that and obviously many others. He 366 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,159 Speaker 1: should be lighting up the way I do when he 367 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,680 Speaker 1: texts me. He should realize that we had something really great. 368 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: He shouldn't be afraid that people would know about this. 369 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: He should want to show it off. I've made so 370 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,680 Speaker 1: many excuses for him, but the truth is he's not 371 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: into me enough to change. He's insecure, closed off, indecisive, 372 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: and honestly a little passionless. He's got it all in him. 373 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 1: But it's not my job to teach him those things. 374 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,880 Speaker 1: I already had someone learned those lessons on me. There's 375 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: someone out there who won't take me for granted. I've 376 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: worked really hard to build this life for myself and 377 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,439 Speaker 1: learn who I am. I know that I'm kind and driven, 378 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,360 Speaker 1: I know this. I'm not going to let a man 379 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: make me question that. And you know, sometimes you just 380 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:14,679 Speaker 1: need to write it out and like tell yourself that 381 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: you're worth it. And that was that was a really 382 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: big epiphany for me. So thank you so much Ali 383 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 1: for putting that together. I thank you so much. You 384 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 1: ever said that if you you're listening, please tweat me 385 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: so I can actually thank you. Thank you. But that 386 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: was a big That was a big one for me, 387 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 1: and so I learned how to deal with anxiety in 388 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: different ways just because I had to. And the summer 389 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 1: of nineteen I was going through something really rough, and 390 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: up until then, anxiety was just like an emotional response 391 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: for me to something that happened. But this like took 392 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: over my life. Like, um, this situation was like probably 393 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: one of the worst things that happened to me. And 394 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: I've never really talked about it, um, like not even 395 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 1: my friends now, But UM, I use your imagination. I'm 396 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: sure you guys will know what I'm talking about. I 397 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: just don't feel ready to like say it out loud. 398 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: But something really really bad happened, and um, I had 399 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: someone make a choice for me that I did not want. 400 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,439 Speaker 1: So that was a really tough time, and my body 401 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: had such a physical response to that. Like I mean 402 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,479 Speaker 1: I was throwing up for weeks, and not in an 403 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 1: eating disorder way like in it. I was literally sick. 404 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 1: And I would just have these um weird flashbacks and 405 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 1: just tens up, and I'd be driving and I'd black 406 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: out for like five seconds to ten seconds, and that's 407 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,440 Speaker 1: terrifying and I couldn't do anything to control it. And 408 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,440 Speaker 1: I have this anxiety medication that I take as needed, 409 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 1: and it's it's this thing called Beta Blocker. And this 410 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,679 Speaker 1: is not me like telling you to go do that 411 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,639 Speaker 1: at all, Like this is just what I found that 412 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 1: works for me. So um. But it just slows your 413 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,719 Speaker 1: heart rate a little bit. And it's like something that 414 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,120 Speaker 1: they give public speakers have states, right, Like it's it's 415 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: something that's really it's just it's not like a big 416 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: anti anxiety thing with a lot of you know, side 417 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,360 Speaker 1: effects that I take every day. It's something I take 418 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,439 Speaker 1: as needed, like when I'm like really freaking out. But 419 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I took more in 420 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: that month than I had taken in like the two 421 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: years I'd had the prescription for it. And it was 422 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,199 Speaker 1: just It gave me so much more empathy because I 423 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: saw how bad anxiety can be, and I saw, you know, 424 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: how debilitating it was and how much it affected me 425 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 1: and how I could not pull myself out of bed, 426 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 1: and it was just the weirdest feeling. And so now 427 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: like when somebody's like, oh, I have an anxiety disorder 428 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 1: or I really struggle with that, or I take anti 429 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 1: anxiety medication, I'm like, oh my god, Like I know 430 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: how terrible can be. And I definitely feel like there 431 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: were people around me in my life, specifically in high school, 432 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: who were struggling with that, and I just was like, oh, 433 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,679 Speaker 1: you're not going to work, you're lazy, but really, like 434 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: they could not move and they were sick. So it's 435 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: it's pretty it's really bad. And so I hope that 436 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 1: if you have somebody in your life like that and 437 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 1: you haven't fully experienced anxiety, you're patient with them. And 438 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: I know it's hard if you haven't felt it yourself, 439 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: but and I honestly I hope you never do. I 440 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,360 Speaker 1: hope you never have to go through something like that. 441 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 1: But it just felt like, um, it felt like I 442 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: was shivering, like just like that kind of like cringe thing. 443 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: But I was just like tensed up like that, Like 444 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:33,400 Speaker 1: it was like a perpetual cringe. So weird, and um, 445 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: I think that, you know, like that's what I'm saying about. 446 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,640 Speaker 1: When you're not in control of your own life and 447 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 1: the person who took that away from you, they get 448 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 1: to just go do their fucking thing and you're stuck 449 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 1: there with the consequences, and like they might just go 450 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: to the gym the next morning and you're like throwing 451 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: up and you know, ignoring every single phone call an 452 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 1: email for a week and alf and h. This happened 453 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,320 Speaker 1: on my birth day in so that was a that 454 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 1: was not fun. That was very not fun. And thankfully 455 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,680 Speaker 1: I was already in therapy and I'd already really been 456 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: working on a lot of stuff. So I handled that 457 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: trauma better than I've handled anything. I think, Like I 458 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: didn't go back to any of my bad habits. I 459 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 1: wasn't going out partying, I wasn't drinking. I literally was 460 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: like doing yoga and journaling, and then I was able 461 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 1: to throw myself into releasing the album. And I, you know, 462 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,880 Speaker 1: does anybody ever fully heal from their trauma? Probably not, 463 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: but I definitely did a lot of work to get 464 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: myself out of there. But my advice for dealing with 465 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: anxiety and calming yourself the funk down is it's all 466 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,439 Speaker 1: sounds so simple, you know, like like just breathe. Like 467 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: that sounds like the stupidest advice, but it's cliche for 468 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 1: a reason, Like people say these things a lot for 469 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: a reason people say be yourself or reason it's because 470 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 1: it's good advice. You just have to figure out how 471 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,159 Speaker 1: to practice that in your own life and see what 472 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: being yourself look looks like, and see what just breathing 473 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 1: looks like for you. So yoga has been really great 474 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 1: for me having had an eating disorder. Yoga is really 475 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 1: healthy for me because it's not like going to the 476 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,719 Speaker 1: gym and you know, worrying about my body. It's just 477 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,880 Speaker 1: literally something that centers me mentally. It's something I can 478 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: go to for an hour and put my phone in 479 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,560 Speaker 1: the other room and just check out and not think 480 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,439 Speaker 1: about anything else. And that's really an awesome thing. Now, 481 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,720 Speaker 1: yogas for everybody, but I really like that, and that's 482 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: been really great for me. And I prefer the kind 483 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 1: of like I don't like hot yoga because I just 484 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 1: like it's just if I'm having a bandic attack. I 485 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: don't want something that's like physically difficult. I just want to, like, 486 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,679 Speaker 1: you know, do the kind of more mental stuff that 487 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,159 Speaker 1: comes with yoga. But I really and it's also but 488 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: it is cool to know, like my body can do 489 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:08,199 Speaker 1: more than just like I don't my body can do 490 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,119 Speaker 1: more than just look good, Like I don't need to 491 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 1: fucking worry about that. Like if I don't feel like 492 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,640 Speaker 1: I look good, but I can do a headstand, that's 493 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: really cool. You know. It's just nice to know that 494 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: that can happen. So it's just really good in many 495 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 1: different ways. So I love yoga. Journaling is great. Like 496 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: when I get angry and upset, I know that I 497 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 1: have the power to say something that could really hurt somebody, 498 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,880 Speaker 1: and even if they hurt me, that's not the right move. 499 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: Fighting fire with fire has never put out a fire. 500 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: And I typically withdraw when I'm angry and kind of 501 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: pull back and go either into myself or into my room, 502 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 1: or you know, kind of isolate myself for a few 503 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 1: days or a few hours. And that's frustrated people in 504 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 1: the past. And I talked about that with my ex boyfriend, 505 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,800 Speaker 1: Like how I was upset that he had cheated on me, 506 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: you know, and then wanted me to rush into making 507 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,639 Speaker 1: a decision because journaling is so great because you can 508 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: write down everything you think. You don't have to filter it. 509 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 1: You can say something really fucking mean if you want, 510 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,479 Speaker 1: like you really can, and then you figure out what 511 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,239 Speaker 1: it is that you actually mean and you actually need 512 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: to say to the person that would actually help the situation. 513 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 1: I told my little sister Chloe, who is my sister's 514 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: daughter who my dad adopted after she passed away, so 515 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 1: she's like my sister niece. I told her when I 516 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 1: gave her a journal, I was like, I know you're 517 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,399 Speaker 1: eleven years old, but like, if you literally just need 518 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: to write an entire page that says fun to get 519 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: it out because you're angry at the world, which you 520 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: have every right to be. And I'm like you can 521 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 1: do that, and she was like, oh really. I was like, yeah, dude, 522 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: like literally write anything you want, and uh you that's 523 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 1: great advice for adults too, Like you don't have to 524 00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: you don't have to filter the thoughts that go on 525 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,680 Speaker 1: your journal, and that's why they're private. That's why you 526 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: should never read anybody's journal, but it turning my phone 527 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: off is also like the best thing. Like all text 528 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: the people that I know would be trying to reach 529 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: out to me and be like, hey, I'm turning my 530 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: phone off for self care reasons. Um, if you need 531 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: something like send me an email or I don't know, 532 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: like text my roommate or whatever, but like sometimes you 533 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: just have to do that. And it's so crazy that 534 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: we're reachable at all times now and people expect you 535 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 1: to respond to a text within five minutes. But like 536 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,159 Speaker 1: just remember, like that was never a thing until like 537 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 1: literally less than ten years ago, Like it was not 538 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,359 Speaker 1: expected that you were that accessible. So if you need 539 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: to turn off your phone for three hours to make 540 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: sure that you don't explode, that's fine, Like that is 541 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: completely fine. You really like you'll be okay, they'll be okay. 542 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: Just do what you gotta do. I really like going 543 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: outside and going for a walk and just sounds so cheesy, 544 00:28:54,520 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: but looking up at the sky is really howful for 545 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: me because it's just it's always so pretty, even when 546 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: it's like rainy and cloudy, Like this guy is always 547 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 1: really gorgeous no matter what, and it always blows my mind. 548 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:12,880 Speaker 1: That we are on a rock hurtling through space at 549 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 1: a very very fast rate, and we're all just trying 550 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: to figure out why we're here, you know, And it 551 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: sort of brings me to an existential place in a 552 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 1: good way where I'm like, Okay, like my problems are 553 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 1: really small, and I'm here in this world too. Put 554 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: love in it and two find love and to make 555 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: things better. That's why everybody's here, and it's our our 556 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: job to do that. So having that little moment of 557 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 1: perspective where you just go outside, walk outside in your 558 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:45,920 Speaker 1: front yard and just like look up at the sky 559 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 1: like that can really be centering. Also, reading is great, 560 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: Like I have a hard time with TV because like 561 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: when I'm having an episode or panic attack or whatever 562 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: you wanna call it, because I'm still thinking about other things, 563 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: Like I can't just fully immerse myself. But if you're 564 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,520 Speaker 1: thinking about something else while you're reading, you you're not 565 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,960 Speaker 1: getting anything. So you'll correct yourself really quickly. You'll be like, 566 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 1: oh wait, I was I didn't get any of that 567 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 1: paragraph because I was thinking about, you know, if he's 568 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: going to text me back or not. And so reading 569 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: is really great, like just being away from a screen, 570 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: not to mention how much we look at them every day. 571 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: Like I'm not being preachy, I'm on my phone. I 572 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 1: realized that. But when ship gets bad, that's the first 573 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 1: thing I need to I need to get rid of. 574 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: And just like lighting a candle and finding those little 575 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: things that make you happy, Like I really like my 576 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: Yankee candle pink sands, like that ship smells so good 577 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: and when I light it and I just like sit 578 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 1: there and breathe for a second, it just feels really good. 579 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 1: And it's super simple and it's super easy and it 580 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: costs fourteen dollars, So I mean, like that's a really 581 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 1: easy fix. Love that. But just you know, little things, 582 00:30:55,560 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 1: and I think it's having anxiety and having to find 583 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 1: your way through that will really put things in perspective 584 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,640 Speaker 1: and teach you that the little things are the big things. 585 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 1: Because I can be having the worst day of my 586 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: life and if I just sit there with my cat 587 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 1: and light a candle and read a book, like it 588 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 1: can really it can really help you. Know, those are 589 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: things I love and they make me happy, and even 590 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: in the darkest time, they'll cheer you up, even if 591 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: it's only a little bit. So find those things, write 592 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 1: them down. I have a note that I wrote stuck 593 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: on my walls, so if I'm ever anxious, I can 594 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 1: like look at that list and be like, Okay, which 595 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: of these things do I want to do? Do I 596 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: want to take a bath with a bath bomb that 597 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 1: has CBD all in it, you know? Or do I 598 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,480 Speaker 1: want to read a book? Or do I want a journal? 599 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 1: Or do I want to you know, play guitar and 600 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: learn a new song? Do I want to do any 601 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: of those things? And I just pick one and go 602 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: with it. And sometimes when you're super anxious, like nothing 603 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: sounds good, like nothing sounds fun, and that's that's really real, 604 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: and you're just like everything's pointless. Why am I doing 605 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,000 Speaker 1: this about? But just like try just pick one, just 606 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: like literally close your eyes, point to one and do 607 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: that and just see what happens. Like you owe it 608 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 1: to yourself to just try. And if it doesn't fix 609 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 1: it and you're still anxious, like that's fine. Your body's 610 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: feeling something, you're feeling something, you're going through something, But 611 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,560 Speaker 1: sitting in it and not trying even just a little bit, 612 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,959 Speaker 1: that doesn't help anybody. That doesn't help you move forward. 613 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of anxiety is about feeling trapped. 614 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 1: And so if you're literally just sitting there, you're you're 615 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: going to feel trapped because you're not moving forward or 616 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,800 Speaker 1: doing anything else. And in that book that I just 617 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,880 Speaker 1: finished called you Should talk to Someone, It's so good, 618 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 1: there's a metaphor that her therapist tells her about. He 619 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 1: brings up this cartoon that he saw one time where 620 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: there's this guy behind these prison bars and he's holding 621 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: onto them and he's looking out and he wants to 622 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 1: get out of there, and then it zooms out in 623 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: the next one and it's just a wall, like he 624 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 1: could just walk around the wall. But he's more afraid 625 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,960 Speaker 1: of moving forward than he is of being trapped, and 626 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: that is not a real thing. Like moving forward is 627 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 1: always going to be good for you. Sometimes you have 628 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: to leave things behind. Sometimes you have to leave bad 629 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 1: people behind or leave you know, bad habits behind. But 630 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: most of our like there's that line in the Taylor 631 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 1: Swift song of Folklore where it's like all of my 632 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 1: cages were mental. I got wasted, like all my potential. 633 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: And I love that line so much because it's true. 634 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: A lot of our cages are mental, and a lot 635 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: of them are made up, so learn when to recognize 636 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 1: when you're imprisoning yourself. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. 637 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,680 Speaker 1: I hope maybe it helped. I know that anxiety is 638 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: at an all time high for many people, and I 639 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 1: hope you're taking care of yourself. I hope you try 640 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 1: at least one thing to sear you up next time 641 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: you're feeling like that. Anna, thank you guys so much 642 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 1: for listening. My name is Kaylee Shore. This is too 643 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,640 Speaker 1: much to say. We got new episodes every Wednesday and 644 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,280 Speaker 1: can't wait to see you next week. Don't go ask 645 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: your question soon I'll go to now turn it out 646 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,839 Speaker 1: to you